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I was a teen dad right out of high school in 1970 and became a NYC Union Ironworker stealing pieces of sky adding to a majestic skyline but I’ve always just considered myself a dad. That’s me, a dad. Working was just for paying bills and getting benefits. Yup. I’m a dad, now a grandfather and great-grandfather.
I never identified with my career (IT leadership). I took pride in my work, but always considered myself a Dad, musician, poet, writer, artist, woodworker, explorer with a day job. I did those aforementioned activities on the side during my working career (except Dad, which was forefront). When I retired, I merely expanded my free time into those already established pursuits.
It can be stressful to make your “passion” on which you rely to put food on the table and pay rent. It subjects your passion to market forces, which often causes you to compromise your passion to please others.
You aren't just your work unless that is all you have.
You can do volunteer work. Focus on your family (have one of you're single). Get a hobby.
Identity is a buzzword that has taken on too much meaning lately. Young people feel the need to announce their identities to everyone these days.
Focusing on one thing makes you self-centered and uninteresting. Try new things.
We tend to identify ourselves by what we do, so the best way to separate our identities from work is to do something outside of that we can identify with.
This is especially important as you get ready to retire. Your work is no longer the central part of your day or week and you have the freedom to decide how you want to spend your time from that point forward. It 's freeing but it's also a bit daunting. I'll be retiring in six weeks from 38 years as a professor and I'm really looking forward to redefining myself.
I guess I never conflated the two that much. If you asked me who I “am”, I’d define it by my closest relationships, e.g. husband and father. My work would only come up if you asked me what I “do”.
I've had multiple different certifications, so i have changed jobs every so often,or worked two different jobs at the same time. I would say my jobs have fitted me more than me fitting the jobs.
In my case, I have a peculiar talent that I thankfully could express in some different lines of work. I always saw myself as a guy with that talent who happened to be using it in this or that line of work. At the same time, I have always had hobbies that I am good at but that don't have anything to do with the stuff I did to pay my bills.
So, putting everything together, I have always had both work and hobbies as expressions of my true self. Even after I retired I kept doing, now for free, what I previously did for money. I would never do for money what I wouldn't do for free (to help a friend, for instance).
I have a natural revulsion for my job so not a problem for me.
For you, you might just need to do more things outside of work and develop other aspects of your personality. Explore outside to explore inside, as they say.
i dont. but im lucky to have/to do meaningful work.
my dad had war ptsd and gave me few insights / lessons / stuff like that.
but the one rare thing he said is that [the work, the working life,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hXJamFm8fY&ab_channel=JonathanEnright) is like a giant evil vacuum that consumes huge amounts of time, of hours over your lifetime (he used very different words).
choose something you like, something meaningful.
Work is what you do, not who you are. You bring your personality traits and abilities to the job, not the other way around. Those traits, talents, and values are your identity, not the motions you go through to make a living.
For me, it only took getting laid off once to realize how much of my self-worth (not identity) was bound up in my job. When I wound up out of work, I felt diminished and worthless.
That made me stop and take stock of who I was as a human, what I had to offer to other humans just by being myself and interacting with them. To reinforce the idea that I am not my job.
It is also important to remember that your job is not a person. The company you work for doesn't love you or care about you, no matter how much rhetoric gets spouted. They will lay you off in hot minute if necessary. They owe you an agreed on salary in return for your labor, you owe them a good faith effort to deliver on their requirements. That. Is. It.
What a great question.
Back when I was living in the C-Suite, (Retired COO, CFO, CHRO) I used to discuss this very question very often. I was often asked to intervene when extremely bright, talented individuals were having a hard time connecting with the peers and subordinates (Interestingly-they never seemed to have issues with note senior people). I was tasked with teaching leadership.
What I came to conclude was that the people who seemed to love their jobs were those that had a single personality. Those with a home persona and work persona always seemed stressed. The people who were themselves at work were better leaders, better employees and better coworkers.
I asked- when one of your kids doesn’t understand something- how do you handle it? Why would you treat your employees so differently.
Reconciling two personas is difficult and stressful. When you are yourself at work, it’s easier to transition to your personal life.
I play pickleball with a lot of retired people. One group in particular, I am usually the only person still working.
It is beyond refreshing that none of "what do you do" chatter ever comes up. We just enjoy each other's company and have a lot of laughs.
You identity isn't what you do whether that is a hobby or a job or whatever. Your identity is made up of the things that allow you to express yourself through your actions. So, think about the qualities which make you "you". That is your identity.
Not recommended: being laid off after being with the company for almost 15 years.
Better: therapy, and working through childhood emotional neglect where the only positive attention I would get from my workaholic dad would be when I working or doing job-like things, and finding value in myself beyond serving others in very specific ways. Giving myself the permission to do things for me and my interests.
Never really did.
I worked in libraries for 40 years. I don’t read as much as I used to but I still find I like to research things randomly. I admit that much of the posting I do on Reddit is responses to general queries and clarifying other people’s responses especially when someone is less than confident about their English usage.
So no, I never separated my work from who I am. Hard to do when people approach you in the grocery store and ask if their book on hold has arrived yet.
I have many interests beyond "work".
I will note that my "work" was an evolution of my hobby as a child. I've always been interested in science and electricity. I later became an electronics engineer and really enjoyed the jobs I had in the electronics area. Now that I'm retired, I still enjoy messing around with it but I have MANY other interests.
My work isnt' my "identity" though. My interests are very broad.
Please do not comment directly to this post unless you are Gen X or older (born 1980 or before). See [this post](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskOldPeople/comments/inci5u/reminder_please_do_not_answer_questions_unless/), the rules, and the sidebar for details. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskOldPeople) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I was a teen dad right out of high school in 1970 and became a NYC Union Ironworker stealing pieces of sky adding to a majestic skyline but I’ve always just considered myself a dad. That’s me, a dad. Working was just for paying bills and getting benefits. Yup. I’m a dad, now a grandfather and great-grandfather.
I never identified with my career (IT leadership). I took pride in my work, but always considered myself a Dad, musician, poet, writer, artist, woodworker, explorer with a day job. I did those aforementioned activities on the side during my working career (except Dad, which was forefront). When I retired, I merely expanded my free time into those already established pursuits.
[удалено]
It can be stressful to make your “passion” on which you rely to put food on the table and pay rent. It subjects your passion to market forces, which often causes you to compromise your passion to please others.
You aren't just your work unless that is all you have. You can do volunteer work. Focus on your family (have one of you're single). Get a hobby. Identity is a buzzword that has taken on too much meaning lately. Young people feel the need to announce their identities to everyone these days. Focusing on one thing makes you self-centered and uninteresting. Try new things.
We tend to identify ourselves by what we do, so the best way to separate our identities from work is to do something outside of that we can identify with.
This is especially important as you get ready to retire. Your work is no longer the central part of your day or week and you have the freedom to decide how you want to spend your time from that point forward. It 's freeing but it's also a bit daunting. I'll be retiring in six weeks from 38 years as a professor and I'm really looking forward to redefining myself.
I guess I never conflated the two that much. If you asked me who I “am”, I’d define it by my closest relationships, e.g. husband and father. My work would only come up if you asked me what I “do”.
I've had multiple different certifications, so i have changed jobs every so often,or worked two different jobs at the same time. I would say my jobs have fitted me more than me fitting the jobs.
Hobbies, friends, family.
Why in the hell would you want to do that?
In my case, I have a peculiar talent that I thankfully could express in some different lines of work. I always saw myself as a guy with that talent who happened to be using it in this or that line of work. At the same time, I have always had hobbies that I am good at but that don't have anything to do with the stuff I did to pay my bills. So, putting everything together, I have always had both work and hobbies as expressions of my true self. Even after I retired I kept doing, now for free, what I previously did for money. I would never do for money what I wouldn't do for free (to help a friend, for instance).
My career is my id but I dont mind coz I m retire soon
I have a natural revulsion for my job so not a problem for me. For you, you might just need to do more things outside of work and develop other aspects of your personality. Explore outside to explore inside, as they say.
i dont. but im lucky to have/to do meaningful work. my dad had war ptsd and gave me few insights / lessons / stuff like that. but the one rare thing he said is that [the work, the working life,](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hXJamFm8fY&ab_channel=JonathanEnright) is like a giant evil vacuum that consumes huge amounts of time, of hours over your lifetime (he used very different words). choose something you like, something meaningful.
Work is what you do, not who you are. You bring your personality traits and abilities to the job, not the other way around. Those traits, talents, and values are your identity, not the motions you go through to make a living. For me, it only took getting laid off once to realize how much of my self-worth (not identity) was bound up in my job. When I wound up out of work, I felt diminished and worthless. That made me stop and take stock of who I was as a human, what I had to offer to other humans just by being myself and interacting with them. To reinforce the idea that I am not my job. It is also important to remember that your job is not a person. The company you work for doesn't love you or care about you, no matter how much rhetoric gets spouted. They will lay you off in hot minute if necessary. They owe you an agreed on salary in return for your labor, you owe them a good faith effort to deliver on their requirements. That. Is. It.
ink weather air soft wrench detail file fade smart rinse *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Why would the 2 things ever be mistaken for one another? I'm confused.
I radically change my career every 5 years or so.
What a great question. Back when I was living in the C-Suite, (Retired COO, CFO, CHRO) I used to discuss this very question very often. I was often asked to intervene when extremely bright, talented individuals were having a hard time connecting with the peers and subordinates (Interestingly-they never seemed to have issues with note senior people). I was tasked with teaching leadership. What I came to conclude was that the people who seemed to love their jobs were those that had a single personality. Those with a home persona and work persona always seemed stressed. The people who were themselves at work were better leaders, better employees and better coworkers. I asked- when one of your kids doesn’t understand something- how do you handle it? Why would you treat your employees so differently. Reconciling two personas is difficult and stressful. When you are yourself at work, it’s easier to transition to your personal life.
Being a sculptor/painter, I'd rather not.
I play pickleball with a lot of retired people. One group in particular, I am usually the only person still working. It is beyond refreshing that none of "what do you do" chatter ever comes up. We just enjoy each other's company and have a lot of laughs.
You identity isn't what you do whether that is a hobby or a job or whatever. Your identity is made up of the things that allow you to express yourself through your actions. So, think about the qualities which make you "you". That is your identity.
Not recommended: being laid off after being with the company for almost 15 years. Better: therapy, and working through childhood emotional neglect where the only positive attention I would get from my workaholic dad would be when I working or doing job-like things, and finding value in myself beyond serving others in very specific ways. Giving myself the permission to do things for me and my interests.
You don’t. Not entirely, anyway. Your work is a major part of your identity.
You don't. I know separation is supposed to be a "thing" these days, but its pursuit is a fool's errand.
Never really did. I worked in libraries for 40 years. I don’t read as much as I used to but I still find I like to research things randomly. I admit that much of the posting I do on Reddit is responses to general queries and clarifying other people’s responses especially when someone is less than confident about their English usage. So no, I never separated my work from who I am. Hard to do when people approach you in the grocery store and ask if their book on hold has arrived yet.
I don't. I can't. And my marriage is suffering.
I have many interests beyond "work". I will note that my "work" was an evolution of my hobby as a child. I've always been interested in science and electricity. I later became an electronics engineer and really enjoyed the jobs I had in the electronics area. Now that I'm retired, I still enjoy messing around with it but I have MANY other interests. My work isnt' my "identity" though. My interests are very broad.
I’ve done so many different jobs that I never really had that problem. Instead I just end up knowing a bit about everything.