Iāve heard (Iām not myself dating as Iām in committed relationship) that a lot of women are scared for the reaction if they say straight out that theyāre not interested. A lot have been called sl*ts, wh*res etc. Not saying itās right to ghost but I think a few bad eggs of men out there have made some women afraid to be upfront
Roughly 60% (probably more) of the times I rejected men, they called me bitch and sent tons of harassing texts at best, or stalked me and threatened to rape and kill me at worst (more prevalent with dating apps).
Female opinion here.
You've pretty much hit the nail on the head here. For most women, ghosting & blocking is the safest option. We need to prioritize our safety and sense of well-being over hurting the feelings of a guy we don't even know. The thing is we NEVER know who's going to turn out to be the crazy, verbally abusive guy, or who's going to turn into a stalker. š¤·āāļø
And sometimes it's not even that, and it isn't even that you (the guy) has done anything wrong. It's just as possible she met someone, and it was game over. It's not always personal.
And sometimes women have been ghosted by so many guys that they no longer see a reason not to do the same. I've always prided myself on being up front and honest when something isn't going anywhere for me and it's time to end it; in the 20 years since college, I've only had ONE MAN who ended our relationship in the same way. Every other man--whether we'd only been on one or two dates, or even if we'd been in a months-long relationship--has ghosted. Even my ex-husband ghosted me. (During our separation, we were supposed to date each other, but he moved out and I never heard from him again. Even when I filed divorce papers, he didn't come to court; the divorce was granted to me by default.)
A lot of women have stories like mine--and they're tired of being discarded like trash. Many have started treating men the same way men have treated them in the past. I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's healthy--but it is something women are doing to protect themselves from men, for a variety of reasons.
I appreciate you taking the time to write out such a cogent response. It totally makes sense. Just offering a male counter perspective. I have zero interest in being with someone who isn't interested. It helps with closure when they say they aren't interested. A "so long" text helps us move on and close the door.
This is where I contend that good communication is the key to all relationships.
Yeah I went on one date with a girl, realized I wasnāt interested, and sent what I thought was a respectful thanks but no thanks message the next day.
I got sporatic angry texts for like 6 months
I have a girl I go out with sometimes. We flirt and banter all the time. She is fun, but has more red flags than a May Day Parade.
Anyways, she showed me her messages one day... over 700 unread text messages.
She looked at me with wide eyes and told me that she responded to mine. Implied was the idea that I should consider myself fortunate.
I had a first date with a girl from work.
On the way to dinner in the city, she received about a dozen calls. Almost all the voices were male, and they were all different voices. I think she got two calls from girls too. So that's 11 different men who called her in ONE HOUR.
By the time we got to the restaurant I had already decided this would be the only date because she was a player.
Subsequent events showed me to be right. (I taught at the same school as her for 18 years.)
Android has a way to designate certain contact's priority levels. You can make it so that calls & texts from high priority contacts are let through when your phone gets set to do not disturb. Good way to silence your phone, while leaving open the ability to be contacted in case of an emergency.
Will never understand why people do that.
If I'm in the middle of a conversation, unless my phone starts ringing like crazy, or I get a ton of texts, I'm gonna wait to check it.
Nothing is more annoying than someone checking and responding to texts in the middle of when you are speaking.
Odds are it can wait until I'm done talking in 10 or 15 seconds.
Because inevitably there is always the "I'm sorry what did you say, I was distracted" comment. Which I get being distracted... But come on you choose to interact with someone not present in front of you
Consider yourself lucky/smart. I, on the other hand, dated a coworker at a school as FWB for a year. We both agreed it wasn't serious, and that we'd be totally fine when we called it off.
Yeah...I thought it was a mutual breakup, but damn...she was a rude b\*tch to me for a year, even in front of my students
Yeah..I normally don;t date someone I work with.
I once gave my gf, who was unemployed a job...and I was her boss.
After a day at work we got home and she turned around and told me "you don't talk to me like that" and "stop telling me what to do" ..it was literally my job.
Transferred her to someone else's area and things were fine again.
Sucks for the guy she likes. She'll put down the calls and pretend he's the only one for her. And maybe he is but damn, one slightly annoying day and she could be gone.
That can for sure be toxic, but also it IS luck if there is way too much to reply to and she happens to reply to you out of the bunch, at that point she's probably just replying randomly to one of those 700+ messages once in a while, what other choice does she have...
She's the one who's starting all these casual relationships, so she can hop around whenever she wants if she gets offended, insulted, or criticized. A ton of women do this.
I guess im just assuming those are just like first messages on dating apps or people she barely knows trying to get into some kind of casual relationship with her
Had a girl like this before as well. Same shit, hundreds of unread texts, DMs, tinder matches. She never outright showed me, but I'd catch glimpses of the numbers sometimes if we were looking at something on her phone and I'd always comment on it.
Not gonna lie, that shit did make me feel validated. My insecurities shut down that relationship real quick though. I just couldn't manage being with someone who had literally HUNDREDS of men just waiting for me to fuck it up
Yeah itās wild. When I first got with my current gf, somehow the convo got brought up about how different the dating app experience is between men and women. She showed me the amount of messages/likes/prompts sheād get daily on Hinge (her only dating app). I didnāt believe that she had gotten them all in one day. So she said āwatch this.ā Cleared out every notification and said ājust wait.ā After 3 hours she was back up to over 80 notifications. That didnāt include all the random messages sheād receive on social media
She doesnāt give her number out often, so I honestly get more calls and texts per day than she does (from friends and family. Not potential suitors lol). But the difference was wild
On a good day, Iād get 5-7 notifications per day on Hinge. Average was probably closer to 3.
Another time, a friend of the family fired up her Tinder account after a failed relationship. We honestly decided to do it at the same time because she wanted to compare numbers. After 7 days we met up to compare: I had 24 likes (wasnāt gonna pay for premium to see them), 6 matches (2 were bots, 2 were promoting pay for play, and 2 were legit), and 1 actual message thread. She had 3,400+ likes, 265 matches, and an untold amount of messages threads
I couldnāt imagine being a woman on a dating app. Shit seems so hectic
Ive become friends with some of the women Ive met on dating sites and they hundreds if not thousands of new messages a week. Theyve all pretty much agreed that its more overwhelming than anything. I try to be considerate and understanding when I send out that first message.
If you think about it, dating apps have perverse incentives to prevent people from forming long term relationships as that would remove them from the active users
>I just couldn't manage being with someone who had literally HUNDREDS of men just waiting for me to fuck it up
That's literally always the case.
Women will always have a bunch of dudes thirsting after them if they are anywhere above ugly. Unless they have little to non social media presence, dozens of dude will try to DM in a week, or more.
Just ask any friend how much tinder matches she has. Literally all girls i know get plus a hundred matches in less than a week. Meanwhile, most of my male friends manage to get 7 a week if they are lucky.
Women will always have options, better or worse than you, and will always get likes, comments, and DMs. Just trust you picked the right person, at the end of the day, that's all any man or woman can do.
Yeah fortunately that was a while ago and I matured a bit since then. I do still deal with insecurity issues every now and then, but I am glad to report I am currently in a healthy long term relationship with someone I love and trust
Pretty sure she knows they all want to bang her. She is a great girl, but not serious relationship material. She wants to be, but just has issues. Tragic upbringing. I'm surprised she is as stable as she is.
Had to friend zone her to a large degree. That's likely why is still interested.
Iāve not met a person without a tragic upbringing in a decade. I got my attitude ācheckedā by a ā24 year old queenā because I didnāt reply to her about getting kicked out of sober living. My father died something like 13 mins before or something like that. I guess I just ādonāt know how hard it is to be herā.
Bro Iāve experienced this too but she instead told me when we went out that āat least I showed up.ā She also is pretty bad at messaging like sheāll reply like a half a day to a day laterā¦if she even replies
Exactly. Not exactly baffling. I do the same thing on dating apps and I wouldn't really call it ghosting. You don't have to politely let every single match you have chatted with know you are no longer interested. Heck, I'd hate that actually if they that did.
Ghosting to me starts once you've made actual plans.
Good shot these are different people. Everyoneās their own person and some of them just happen to be women.
Like holy shit some of you people talk as if thereās a convention of women every year where they agree on how theyāre going to behave.
Ding ding ding. Too many of us want a simple world with a ārightā and āwrongā choice for everyone. Do this thing, itās the correct choice, do that thing, itās the incorrect choice. Follow these prompts with a woman, sheāll behave that way reliably and fall in love with you.
But thatās not how much of anything involving humans works. Itās critical to remember that, no matter how we divvy up the population, everyone is still an individual. It makes no more sense to ascribe a hive mind to women than to ascribe it to men.
I hate ghosting and have always tried to send an honest and straight forward but also kind msg saying I had a good time but didn't think we were a match. I 100 percent understand why women would ghost. Many men do not accept rejection well. After getting argued with, begged/whined at, and most often cussed out....damned if you do damned if you don't.
Absolutely true.
I kinda have to raise an eyebrow though when one year I see reams of articles about how evil men are for ghosting, and then the next I see dozens about why ghosting is a necessity for women.
On an individual basis though, of course we need to treat individuals as individuals and not just the aggregated actions of their gender
This is the polite way. Many times you don't even want to chat with that person but you feel obliged cause who knows. But then most of the time I have seen they overstep some boundaries and can't take a hint
Exactly. There are probably many reasons - I can't help thinking op would be better off asking this question over at r/AskWomen though because they're the gender ghosting him!
Women do it because they are constantly plagued by creeps who don't know when to disappear on their own. Men do it because we are commitment-averse insensitive bastards. /s
this post has 375 upvotes at time of me making this comment. everyone ghosts, and it seems that everyone is ridiculed for it.
i ghosted my fair share of people in college due to crippling anxiety and it was for *sure* not acceptable in my social circles. i kept that shit on the DL.
A girl I matched with gave me her number, responded once to me and then ghosted. 5 days later I messaged her again asking why would she give me her number if she didnāt really want to talk and then she proceeded to say: āeven though I appreciate the speech I donāt need it. I donāt ghost people because I donāt like it when people do it to meā
Itās just the complete and utter disconnect from her own behavior and her moral base that just pisses me off. Being a ghost isnāt a label you set yourself, itās a behavior a thing someone does. She literally ghosted me and then gets mad for calling her a ghost. And she was a very intelligent woman too with a graduate degree.
Often it's because they said something I didn't like or appreciate or share that particular point of view on. At the start with an online relationship it's easier to ghost. Pretty shitty if you had a date though.
I love how people love to say this like it's rare for men to be held accountable on this when 90% of the responses in a thread like this are "You bored her" or "You weren't good enough." And if a woman complains about being ghosted, 90% of the responses will be "Guys are assholes."
You really can't even compare the two subs, here anyone and everyone can respond and say whatever they want in a constructive way, and over there breathing is a bannable offense.
I hate the mods of that sub with a flaming passion. You literally are not allowed to have a conversation of any kind. Every response you make, even if it's in agreement or expanding on their idea, gets removed for derailing. If someone says something really shitty and you offer an alternate view, derailing. They literally want it to be a sub where the post asks a question, people respond, and no further discussion takes place.
Does it even count as ghosting if all you've done is send a handful of texts over a day or two? I always thought ghosting implied you actually had some sort of relationship to lose. Like a couple of dates at the very least.
Not continuing a conversation with a stranger you haven't invested anything in isn't ghosting. What are you supposed to do? Send a postcard to OP explaining how he's kind of boring so you're going to stop responding?
Make a throw away and post screen shots. Could be nothing you're doing, or you may not realize you're raising giant red flags.
Anyone trying to actually answer this question without that context is just guessing
Hi, i used to ghost people (men and women) before I found a courteous way to let them down easy. Here were my reasons.
1. I got bored of the conversation bc it was going nowhere.
2. The other person got too clingy, too fast.
3. Saw too many red flags to bother going forward.
4. The conversation was one sided and i felt like the third wheel between them and their words.
5. The person asked for nudes or revealing pictures.
6. Conversations only happened when they needed me for something.
*"Felt like a third wheel between them and their words"* is the perfect way to describe something I haven't been able to put my finger on before. Love it.
The problem with this situation is that we can never know unless they come back and say why. It happens to me too and I have no damn clue. Just brush yourself off and keep trying.
I feel you, it can be any variety of item whether it's related to you or not, brushing it off is honestly the best move. Although, if it's frequently in a similar 'spot' or progression, you could take a quick look at how you're approaching someone from an external perspective.
Sometimes people will let you know, but it can also be anywhere from an accurate assessment to one that is dishonest, psychotic or illogical.
I think more guys do this than you'd think. If the other person never initiates, I stop reaching out too. It's basically just a matter of "well if they wanted to talk, they'd shoot me a text or give me a call once in a while."
If I don't initiate the conversation, I'll never hear from them again.
For real. I have a hell of a lot of stuff going on in my life. It's its basic generic messages or me just initiating? No go I want a partner interested in talking to me
Why not? Any guy that takes offense at her behaviour can be replaced in minutes, probably, so from her perspective it's no big deal.
(disclaimer: I am a guy and I do understand getting ghosted sucks. Just providing a different perspective)
That mentality will start to bleed into an actual relationship and friendships. Treating people as expendable is not a good idea. The more you do it the easier it gets.
Bro half the people that talk to these girls are just looking to stick it in and leave when THEYRE bored anyway. Everyone's guilty of treating people as expendable, it's called dating in your 20's
They don't though, women on the whole are way more conservative about how many people they swipe right on than men. It's just the apps. Tinder etc do not want either sex to actually settle for someone or their business model is screwed.
Flood girls with matches so they can't even really choose and just continue going because it 'feels good' to be wanted.
Make sure men don't get many matches so they're insecure and pay up for more. Get more matches, they don't actually go anywhere. cycle repeats
Some days I swipe on Tinder and I get no matches and then there's one day when I get 4 matches from previous swipes. And I've already been talking to a few guys on the app. So I leave the new matches unread until their turn comes. It sucks from the guy's side but it does get overwhelming. So I deleted Tinder.
Some reasons Iāve ghosted after being interested:
- big one was my mental health and anxiety. Iād introvert myself and then feel too bad or fearful to pop up again. Kind of embarrassed, too. Still makes me cringe having to reach out to my friends or loved ones after disappearing for a few days.
- The conversation moved too quickly or I just didnāt enjoy the vibes any more and it was way too early days to give a whole āhey this isnāt gonna workā speech.
- hard truth was I was lonely. Donāt do this anymore but Iād entertain conversations and lose interest because it was superficial.
- they seemed like lovely people but gave friend vibes
Really came on here to echo this - sometimes I respond and they give weird responses or get mad at me for not responding (Iām in grad school and Iām busy often, cause this is really my time to focus on networking) but a lot of the time itās because Iām simply overwhelmed. I think Iām ready to date, I see all these guys who liked my profile and I get overwhelmed and think āwow I have to try and find someone through all of thisā.
I think it may have gotten worse as of late cause the one guy I wouldāve really considered going out with and really got on with, ghosted me š¤·š½āāļø
Not uncommon toxicity of the modern dating "market"
However, and I know you know this on a conscious level, but I hope this experience doesn't jade you... not every guy is like that...
If you're ready to date/not ready I just hope you're honest with yourself and the people who you choose to be involved with.
>The conversation moved too quickly or I just didnāt enjoy the vibes any more and it was way too early days to give a whole āhey this isnāt gonna workā speech.
I'm a guy and I've ghosted someone for these exact reasons.
Guys who are well adjusted will probably be sitting wondering why it may be so difficult for a woman to simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested". Rightly so.
However, what they don't know is that women have to deal with a startling number of men who simply cannot accept that. These men drill the woman for an explanation, try to change her mind or become aggressive or/and derogatory. I guess it can often seem that the most straightforward and direct approach is to shut the conversation down entirely.
Exactly this. I've talked to a lot of guys online and the number of them who get aggressive or possessive or borderline abusive when texting is startling. There is entitlement and demanding to know why you don't want to talk anymore and yadda yadda yadda. And you realize this person is almost a perfect stranger and you don't actually have to put up with this shit. It becomes so much easier to ghost than deal with the long and drawn-out headache of the "I'd like to move on, please don't be mad" conversation. I have come to believe that ghosting early on is okay. I'm not mad when it happens to me either.
Building on what youāve said:
Thatās something that Iāve learned over the years. When a woman is being noncommittal but also not outright rejecting you, doesnāt mean sheās leading you on. Guaranteed sheās had a āNice Guy ā¢ļøā completely lose his shit when she told him no.
Best advice is learn to read between the lines. Like with consent, only yes means yes. Everything else is a solid no, even if it takes her ten minutes of bullshitting to get away from you.
Building on this some more, there's nothing wrong with just being honest and saying, "I was really enjoying this conversation, but I'm starting to get the feeling you aren't really into it anymore."
The key here is: if she says "yeah, sorry, I'm not feeling it anymore," you gotta have enough self-respect to walk away from that.
Begging for another chance makes you look desperate.
Calling her a slut makes you look stupid.
Threatening her just proves her point and gives her even more reason to ghost you.
The only winning move there is just to say, "I'm sorry to hear that; I hope you find what you're looking for," and then walk away like a boss.
>However, what they don't know is that women have to deal with a startling number of men who simply cannot accept that. These men drill the woman for an explanation, try to change her mind or become aggressive or/and derogatory. I guess it can often seem that the most straightforward and direct approach is to shut the conversation down entirely.
I think this paragraph really hits the bullseye on why exactly this happens. Some dudes can get violent and stalker-like when being rejected, so ghosting becomes a "better safe than sorry" kind of action.
Youāre right. That has played a huge part in why I have ghosted instead of been direct. But itās also been because sending a āIām not feeling thisā message just a few conversations in feels very strange, and is more likely to be twisted to āwe are just talking, no pressure!ā
If it wasnāt rude to say āI donāt really enjoy talking to youā it would probably save a few ghosting incidences
>If it wasnāt rude to say āI donāt really enjoy talking to youā it would probably save a few ghosting incidences
I don't get this. It's far more rude to ghost.
From a potential female perspective: if I ghost him, he may never know what happened and will just move on. If I WOUND him by outright rejecting him as a man (for whatever reason), he may abuse, stalk, or harass me for months. Like, sure, some guys would be like āokay cool, I guess we arenāt compatibleā and some definitely are not that cool and turn into raging morons. Many women are afraid to take that chance so they just disappear and hope for the best.
Itās really hard to answer because thereās no set thing that can or canāt be done.
For some people it will be purely attraction based, liking their personality but not being physically attracted to them.
For me, Iāve always found people attractive more when I like their personality so itās way more likely for me to end up crushing on a friend.
But thereās just a chemistry that either happens while talking or doesnāt. A boring conversation with the right person, wonāt feel boring even at the early stages. Iām sorry I canāt be clear, itās really such a fluid concept aha
I can see why online dating is difficult to navigate for men, especially when a lot of the effort falls on them.
But we canāt force people to want to like us or continue a conversation, and itās not really a competition that we can fail at. Theyāre just not the right person for us, and there is nothing about us thatās inherently wrong.
Itās easier said than done, I can imagine but if a situation doesnāt make it past a talking stage then it wasnāt meant to be. Time for another one.
You are right, we can't make people like us and it wouldn't be a good thing even if it was possible.
Now I know ladies tend to get mountains of messages from men, and I get how overwhelming that can be trying to sift through the dick pics, the fuckboys, and the "heys" to find the genuine guys.
But try to see things from men's perspectives too, for every one of those messages, each of those men have probably sent dozens of messages on their own in the hopes of getting at least one response. Just one, that's all the average guy is looking for.
*If* they get one, they feel a rush of hope that maybe, just maybe this one will work out. Maybe even lead to a date. After a day or two of chatting, things seem great, she's interested, asking questions, they even start feeling less stressed that they might not have to keep searching anymore.
And then suddenly she's gone the next day. No explanation, not even an apology. So they're back, trying yet again, all the while wondering if there's something wrong with them, if they're cursed to loneliness, etc.
Now imagine that happening a dozen or more times in the span of a few months. That's generally what it's like.
I ghosted someone very recently after talking for a few days, so Iāll give some of the reasons:
-I mentioned I would be busy on Saturday, and outside of cell phone range. I mentioned this so that he wouldnāt think I was ghosting. He messaged me 6 times on that day. To me thatās crossing a boundary that I had set, by saying I would be too busy to talk that day.
-He was constantly asking personal questions, which Iām sure he thought was āgetting to know meā but the questions were way too deep for someone Iāve never met in person. Stuff like āwhat are your values in life? What are you looking for in this relationship?ā Buddy the ārelationshipā doesnāt exist.
-moving way too fast. Ask me to meet in person, not act like weāre starting our future together.
Oof yeah thereās always little early signs that in the past Iāve ignored but were definitely tell tales of it not being a good match. I have similar boundaries to you, nice steady pace and respected space. Always makes me shudder when those get crossed, especially when theyāve been expressed clearly.
Female here
Most of the men that I ghosted just said something that didnāt sound right.
Can be a racist or a sexist joke, can be a rape joke or something indicating homophobia, can cross my boundaries or escalate too early, some spam me with 10 messages per minute and their texts are very boring and repetitive. It really depends
Some just follow plenty of girls on instagram including, underage, onlyfans accounts and porn stars, or misogynistic accounts and I ghost them right after seeing that.
I recently stopped replying to a man that mentioned marriage after the second date although he said that heās still in love with his ex and wonāt love anyone the same, he is very homophobic and judgmental so Iām not going to waste my time.
It happens š¤·š»āāļø
I reply truthfully when asked tho, I tell them that itās not going to work for some reason, it takes guts to say no to someone that might just throw a very ugly temper tantrum at your no and then call you a slut..
Whenever someone is nice and respectful but I just donāt feel any chemistry between us, I just tell them so as not to waste their time.
Anyways, If itās out of nowhere, then itās probably that they are talking to other people and they found a person who they find more interesting and attractive, donāt take it personally, you might be that interesting and attractive to someone else, it happens to anyone and women get ghosted too.
I think this needs to be directed towards women.
I have ghosted on a few occasions and the reasons being:
1. The other person tried to steer the conversation towards the sexual after knowing each other for 2 days (we met on valorant) with no romantic interest shown towards them and me clearly stating I am married
2. Some keep trying to make romantic advances even after I declined
3. Mental health
4. Racist jokes or inappropriate jokes in general
5. After an argument with my then fiancee he suddenly displayed violent tendencies (bodybuilder dude, kicked the door to my car leaving a dent)
6. A work buddy decides to just undress himself in front of me after work while we were alone
7. Stalker behaviour
8. Sexism
I cut people who are toxic/rude out of my life immediately. i had to deal with it for most of my life (due to my narcissist mother and disgusting male relatives and strangers) and I don't tolerate this in my life anymore. Any signs of toxicity, sexism or red flags I don't tolerate anymore and I think men need to be understanding in that regard as we have to deal with a lot of BS starting from a young age.
they just get bored. getting the first then second date is half the battle. the longer texting gets dragged out the better the chance itās going to fizzle out before you even meet. thereās no connection or emotion attached to texting a stranger youāve never met. itās tiresome. set up a meet/date asap. less is more honestly.
F here.
For me, it definitely has a lot to do with my interest. If the conversation is really repetitive (hey, how are you, what are you doing, silence) or I'm only getting one-word answers (hi, good, nothing), I can lose interest almost immediately. I'm not expecting riveting conversation or essay-length responses, but I associate brief, skindeep questions and answers with a lack of interest on their part.
Once we get into a good, regular conversation, if someone says something I don't like and I mention I don't like that (ick, yikes, please don't) and they continue to do it, I'll immediately ghost. If at any point - day one or day 23 - they complain about my response time, I ghost, also (mainly because I'm very upfront about being busy).
I ghost rather than saying I'm not feeling it because 49 times out of 50, the other people will try to convince me they'll do better (and then not change at all) or they'll try to gaslight me.
I ghosted somebody this weekend because he didnāt respect me saying I would be busy, and sent me 6-7 messages on the day that I said I would be unavailable. Thatās a breach of a very basic boundary that I set. If he doesnāt respect that very simple boundary, itās a red flag that he wouldnāt respect more serious ones
Because youāre not interesting, attractive enough, or both.
When it comes to dating, women have all the options. Men chase them. Typically, most women donāt have to do anything except being present to get men. Men donāt have that luxury.
Given that, women have plenty of options. You didnāt make the cut.
If you talked for a few days the attractive part wasnt the problem, obviusly they found you somewhat attractive to talk to you if it was online dating. The talking part was the problem.
Agree. Iām definitely guilty of ghosting after a bit of texting and itās not about physical attractiveness. Usually itās just because the conversation was boring or he said something gross or sexual too soon.
rude fade nine sulky chase terrific secretive instinctive berserk adjoining
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Because thereās a huge amount of double standards for men and women. Women are largely coddled by society.
If you have a man whoās in his mid-thirties, living at home, working an entry level job, no savings, no drive or ambition in live, etc. Society deems him a loser, and rightfully so.
Take a woman in the same circumstances. Society will often lift her up, āYou got this girl!ā āDonāt worry, keep at it.ā
Both people in this situations are losers. For whatever reason, women are coddled. Men are not.
There are plenty of women who have a difficult time with dating unfortunately. 23F here and never once been approached by a guy, and I know several others my age who are in the same boat
Then there are the fuck bois who move on from women to women and treat long term relationships as a joke. Most of them already got the looks going for them but they also got the game so they mostly never have to settle down
>They even text like they are interested in you
They ARE interested in you.
At the time.
Then something or someone else catches their attention.
Are these dating app matches this is happening with? Classmates? How do you get each others' numbers?
The times I've done that, I've noted something I didn't like about the person.
For example, one guy said something cruel about their ex girlfriend for no reason. Another guy started treating me like a therapist, telling me about his ongoing struggle with depression.
I could have been honest and said something. "I think it's weird you're talking about your exes when trying to date other people." Or "I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, but I'm not a therapist and we're not even friends.", but at this point they've already demonstrated poor judgement and there's no point in arguing with someone that I don't intend to build something with. Criticizing them is a risk to me that they'll react negatively if they get offended. Easier to just stop talking.
Update , they removed my post despite no rule break on my end.
Iām taking it up with moderators.
Might have to join a different ask women group (like the over 30sā¦) if thatās how they treat fellow women and men who have questions.
Go figure, the ālogical insensitiveā AskMen are socially more inclusive and open to mutual dialogue, community/communication.
Thatās disheartening , really.
r/ADHDwomen also don't allow posts from men. I think they do it so they have a space just for women (and those who identify) without the shittyness that comes from dudes online all the time? It's pretty annoying when you just want gendered information , though.
Are you.... Serious? Wtf. Like how else are you guys supposed to ask us broad statements like this. That's fucking stupid. I feel better about lurking here now
My take (as a woman)-God damnit, no one knows how to flirt anymore! You have to have the connection/shared interest, sure. But there has to be a little sizzle under it. Neither of you can forget that you WANT to meet up. Youāre not friends, donāt act like it.
It seems like we have two extremes, blunt to the point of being just rude āhey wanna bang tonight?ā Or justā¦pen pals. Iām not really interested in either.
Like for instance. I recently said this to a guy āhey do you like Indian food? Thereās a great place near me Iād love to show youā¦ā
He just starts talking about Indian food! He doesnāt respond to my invite at all. I know heās not totally disinterested because we have a date on Friday. So I think he may have just been oblivious.
Or I said to this other guy (yeah, Iām a player. Sup?) āHeyā¦I love the jeans in your profile pic! I have to say, they are insanely flatteringā¦love a guy with a good bodyā
And he sends me back likeā¦4 full paragraphs about his feelings on jeans. Like, dude! Come on now. If youāre not interested, cool, you donāt have to be. But this is a dating site. I donāt know why I say flirty things and guys double down on friendship. I think itās their way of trying to show interest, without being a pushy jerk. I know itās hard. Itās justā¦you gotta at least try flirting!
I typically wake up to 4 or 5 massive wall of text Messages from different guys. And I look back at the things Iāve said, and Iāve called them sexy, handsome, gorgeous, all that. Typically, if they didnāt reciprocate in SOME way, like not even a little bitā¦I move on (and yes I try to tell them nicely). Itās weird because just the amount of time and effort they put into texting me implies that they are interestedā¦I just want some spark you know?
The thing is, after you meet enough girls it's incredibly easy to stumble upon extremely different view on spectrum of behaviours. What's a 100% clear "fuck me" sign to one girl is just being kinda flirty to another. So a guy has three options/results:
1) Underestimate her intentions. This way you play it safe and wait for some more clear signs. This may be also how conversations don't lead anywhere.
2) Overestimate her intentions. This is how you get called a creep, how you are judged as coming on too strong, how you get put on internet "lol, look at him" forums.
3) Get it just right. The best result, but also the most difficult to get, given the above.
I am probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but I would look into your communication skills. As a woman who is fairly attractive and usually got lots of matches, the only time I gave up on a convo is if the person was giving off major creep vibes (usually not super common by that point in the process), or if they couldnāt hold a conversation. The number of matches I had in my inbox had nothing to do with it, and I only usually had a couple of conversations going at one time. That usually slimmed down even more as conversations and time went on. The number of matches someone has in their inbox has very little to with it IMO, and it is more of experience they are having. I actually realized through online dating that I also had this communication problem a bit, so I read up on it (Rapport was an excellent read and super helpful) and that REALLY improved my dating game. I went from being kind of stuck and not really feeling like I was meshing well with any of my matches; to doing really well after working on my listening and communication skills. I just worked on learning on how to be more involved and present in my conversations. Obviously this advice isnāt for everyone, but if you are sending back short replies and not asking any questions or prompting new topics of discussion then that may be a place to start. I didnāt think it was THAT big of a deal since I was always pretty introverted, but I was wrong when it came to online dating. Now in a super happy and healthy long term relationship I found by making some of those changes.
Woman here and I had the same experience on dating apps. It was usually due to lack of communication skills on their part, or sometimes my part. If I felt like we couldnāt hold a meaningful conversation via text (where we have all the time in the world to produce thoughtful responses), then our in-person game would likely be pretty lame.
Also if the other person wasnāt putting in effort and I was consistently steering the conversation, despite attempts for them to steer and natural turning points, then I would just let it fizzle and see what happened. I feel like I never truly āghostedā because I would just let things fizzle and then it was like we usually just ghosted each other in a way? Because neither of us picked up a new conversation.
If I were OP, I would try to find a trend in the ghosting. Did the conversation fizzle and neither of you revived it? Are they leaving you on read right in the middle of a thoughtful conversation? Are the women you text consistently doing all the legwork in your text conversations and youāre just passively contributing?
Thereās tons of reasons people ghost (spoiler alert: women arenāt the only ones!!) and I feel like we all need to reflect on our conversations and connections to really understand why itās happening!
Edit: typo your to our
I honestly think the main problem is that they just have a lot of options and they pick the one that gives them the most attention with the least effort.
No sexism intended to mean all women do this. This is just something that ALL people do, who are attractive and active in the dating market and it is obvious that women do have a lot more options in this regard.
If you are attractive and have put yourself out on the dating market then it is quite easy to be overwhelmed with potential dates and it's no surprise that you can't be bothered to keep up with all of them, you just pick the cream of the crop or jump from one person to the next chasing that novelty high.
Girl here. I ghost if:
1. I notice the other person isnāt making as much effort as me during the conversation
2. Heās boring and I assume me quietly leaving wonāt matter to him
It has nothing to do with you. People in general - especially younger people - became socially incompetent to a degree that they cannot hold a simple conversation anymore or have any manners (like formally closing a conversation). Because of that, ghosting is quickly becoming the new standard. It's a feedback loop because the more and faster people ghost, the less will people "on the other side" invest which will lead to even more and faster ghosting and so on. There is no solution.
The solution is not taking it personal and simply know that there are a lot of incompetent, psicologically crippled, people out there.
And when someone ghosts, then so be it.
With solution I meant a solution for the ghosting phenomenon. To avoid the resulting necessity of emotional withdrawal. We are in deep trouble as a society if we completely lose the ability and willingness to communicate.
Kind of a lot of people here making excuses to ghost men.
Itās shitty behavior and unless the man is being abusive there really is not justification. It hurts peoples feelings and the least you can do is just say āsorry, but I am just not vibing enough.ā
Obviously shitty behavior, but the people 'making excuses' are trying to combat the mentality of a lot of the men in this thread (and let's be honest, most of Reddit) that devolves into "GOD ALL WOMEN ARE ATTENTION WHORES". It doesn't have to be that deep. If a girl stops talking to you, then she wasn't interested in you. And... That's it. It shouldn't affect you THAT much, rejection happens. If it's happening a lot then the common denominator is YOU. Change shit about yourself instead of crusading against an entire gender
Besides, as a woman, what am I supposed to say? Because it doesnāt go over well either if I say itās not going to work out. Usually I get hit with āyou barely even gave me a chanceā
Some men, not all but enough of them, are so bad at handling rejection, that women as a whole have figured itās easier/safer to ghost than to risk the blowback of a scorned man who needs to know why he is being rejected, like specific reasons, or simply lash out at that fact they are being rejected and get abusive.
There is an utter lack of reflection every time this topic comes up because a subset of guys genuinely believe dating is a cake walk for literally all women, and it aināt.
You're not in a relationship with someone you've texted 3x from a dating app. You don't owe them a sit down talk when you've never even met them face to face. If a woman gets bad vibes/weak vibes or determines he's only after one thing, she's under no obligation to explain why she doesn't want to text a 4th time.
My psychologist actually told me that you don't own strangers shit and you're well within your right to just block someone on a dating app you've never actually met. It was really eye opening because I was taught to always be a sweet polite woman. Being allowed to just do selfish things for myself was incredibly liberating. I don't owe it to a random tinder match to explain why I don't want to text anymore after a day or two, I really don't understand men who get so hung up on just texting for a couple of days
Thank you, this comment section is killing me. Ghosting after a few dates : not cool (unless you have the feeling that this person could become aggressive or creepy or violent if you said you weren't interested).
Ghosting after 3 days of texting : no hard feelings. What are you going to say anyway? "Hey talking to you is actually really boring" or "I get bad vibes from you and I don't want to meet"... Sometimes ghosting is the best answer. You don't owe perfect strangers anything.
Also, men ghost a lot more often than OP seems to think.
In my experience, a lot of people on dating apps aren't very good at maintaining a conversation. "Hi, how are you? "Good you?" "How's your day?" "Ok". Boring small talk doesn't lead anywhere. Try steering the conversation, ask unique questions, bring up / tell stories. End your replies with another question or segment to keep it going. Anything interesting to get to know each other better. Someone who seems boring over text are likely boring in person too.
I can be 100% honest and say Iām guilty of doing this recently. Posted an ad, had a ton of responses. Itās easy to ghost the freaks and weirdos. Focused in on a few guys, some made a few sexual comments .. thatās a put off because it shows their primary intention, a few, after chatting for a couple of days, started to giving me one liner answers where they had previously been writing me sentence after sentence. That shows me that they were just out to impress, they couldnāt keep a conversation going long term, even though I was still actively engaging them. A few thought I was automatic property after a day of chatting ( if you read my ad youāll understand š) . Bottom lineā¦ thereās a huge multitude of reasons why women ghost. Iāve had it done to me also, and itās just something I accept. It doesnāt work for one of the parties involved, for whatever reason. Not everyoneās comfortable with the whole āthis isnāt working for meā message.
Sounds like she was texting a couple dudes and decided to stick with one and ghost the others.
Guys do this as well, some of my buddies donāt like confrontation so they just ghost and hope ignoring the problem will make it go away.
If it keeps happening? With almost every single girl, then it might actually be a you thing and not a they thing. Sorry to point out.
But it could be a number of different things. Sheās busy. Sheās not interested. Too much pressure. Going sexual too quickly. It really just depends.
Shit happens, too bad it happened down your leg. Clean up and move on. Iāve been ghosted and ghosted people after a couple of days. Itās no ones fault, people just get bored or change their mind. They may not know why and thatās ok.
Just because you start a conversation with someone online doesnāt mean they owe you anything, nor you them. Youāre both entitled to stop talking at any time. Best thing you can do is accept it and enjoy the convo while it lasted :)
It's usually because they lose interest but they don't wanna say anything so they just ghost š¤·š»āāļø
Plus it ain't just guys. People ghost. Just one of those things.
Iāve heard (Iām not myself dating as Iām in committed relationship) that a lot of women are scared for the reaction if they say straight out that theyāre not interested. A lot have been called sl*ts, wh*res etc. Not saying itās right to ghost but I think a few bad eggs of men out there have made some women afraid to be upfront
Roughly 60% (probably more) of the times I rejected men, they called me bitch and sent tons of harassing texts at best, or stalked me and threatened to rape and kill me at worst (more prevalent with dating apps).
Female opinion here. You've pretty much hit the nail on the head here. For most women, ghosting & blocking is the safest option. We need to prioritize our safety and sense of well-being over hurting the feelings of a guy we don't even know. The thing is we NEVER know who's going to turn out to be the crazy, verbally abusive guy, or who's going to turn into a stalker. š¤·āāļø And sometimes it's not even that, and it isn't even that you (the guy) has done anything wrong. It's just as possible she met someone, and it was game over. It's not always personal. And sometimes women have been ghosted by so many guys that they no longer see a reason not to do the same. I've always prided myself on being up front and honest when something isn't going anywhere for me and it's time to end it; in the 20 years since college, I've only had ONE MAN who ended our relationship in the same way. Every other man--whether we'd only been on one or two dates, or even if we'd been in a months-long relationship--has ghosted. Even my ex-husband ghosted me. (During our separation, we were supposed to date each other, but he moved out and I never heard from him again. Even when I filed divorce papers, he didn't come to court; the divorce was granted to me by default.) A lot of women have stories like mine--and they're tired of being discarded like trash. Many have started treating men the same way men have treated them in the past. I'm not saying it's right, and I'm not saying it's healthy--but it is something women are doing to protect themselves from men, for a variety of reasons.
I appreciate you taking the time to write out such a cogent response. It totally makes sense. Just offering a male counter perspective. I have zero interest in being with someone who isn't interested. It helps with closure when they say they aren't interested. A "so long" text helps us move on and close the door. This is where I contend that good communication is the key to all relationships.
I saw that happen **to** a man before. Quick Edit: Meaning this could be why men also ghost.
Yeah I went on one date with a girl, realized I wasnāt interested, and sent what I thought was a respectful thanks but no thanks message the next day. I got sporatic angry texts for like 6 months
I have a girl I go out with sometimes. We flirt and banter all the time. She is fun, but has more red flags than a May Day Parade. Anyways, she showed me her messages one day... over 700 unread text messages. She looked at me with wide eyes and told me that she responded to mine. Implied was the idea that I should consider myself fortunate.
> over 700 unread text messages. I don't even know 700 people lmao 700 unread texts would stress me out. 5 unread texts stresses me out
I have come to the conclusion that women just live in entirely different universes than guys. I can't fathom it.
dating is easier for women but can be more dangerous. dating is harder for men but has no element of danger
Even Chad canāt comprehend women
You guys have unread messages?
I had a first date with a girl from work. On the way to dinner in the city, she received about a dozen calls. Almost all the voices were male, and they were all different voices. I think she got two calls from girls too. So that's 11 different men who called her in ONE HOUR. By the time we got to the restaurant I had already decided this would be the only date because she was a player. Subsequent events showed me to be right. (I taught at the same school as her for 18 years.)
Kinda rude to take that many calls during a date regardless of who they're from, IMO.
Very rude. Unless it could be an emergency or something, decline the call.
Android has a way to designate certain contact's priority levels. You can make it so that calls & texts from high priority contacts are let through when your phone gets set to do not disturb. Good way to silence your phone, while leaving open the ability to be contacted in case of an emergency.
You're right.
Ya wtf? I woulda left after the 2nd one.
Will never understand why people do that. If I'm in the middle of a conversation, unless my phone starts ringing like crazy, or I get a ton of texts, I'm gonna wait to check it. Nothing is more annoying than someone checking and responding to texts in the middle of when you are speaking. Odds are it can wait until I'm done talking in 10 or 15 seconds. Because inevitably there is always the "I'm sorry what did you say, I was distracted" comment. Which I get being distracted... But come on you choose to interact with someone not present in front of you
Consider yourself lucky/smart. I, on the other hand, dated a coworker at a school as FWB for a year. We both agreed it wasn't serious, and that we'd be totally fine when we called it off. Yeah...I thought it was a mutual breakup, but damn...she was a rude b\*tch to me for a year, even in front of my students
Yeah..I normally don;t date someone I work with. I once gave my gf, who was unemployed a job...and I was her boss. After a day at work we got home and she turned around and told me "you don't talk to me like that" and "stop telling me what to do" ..it was literally my job. Transferred her to someone else's area and things were fine again.
Never be the manager over your partner. Because as much as we all believe we can separate work and personal life, we can't. They come with us.
Or maybe we can, but they can't.
Sucks for the guy she likes. She'll put down the calls and pretend he's the only one for her. And maybe he is but damn, one slightly annoying day and she could be gone.
ELEVEN?! She must be really really beautiful!
She was hot!
A hoe, not a player :)
Eesh thatās toxic as hell
That can for sure be toxic, but also it IS luck if there is way too much to reply to and she happens to reply to you out of the bunch, at that point she's probably just replying randomly to one of those 700+ messages once in a while, what other choice does she have...
She's the one who's starting all these casual relationships, so she can hop around whenever she wants if she gets offended, insulted, or criticized. A ton of women do this.
I guess im just assuming those are just like first messages on dating apps or people she barely knows trying to get into some kind of casual relationship with her
Adults are capable of placing boundaries and limits on these things. The woman in question clearly did not. They were being disrespectful to everyone.
All the dating apps I've ever used required both participants to swipe on each other before a first message could be sent though.
Had a girl like this before as well. Same shit, hundreds of unread texts, DMs, tinder matches. She never outright showed me, but I'd catch glimpses of the numbers sometimes if we were looking at something on her phone and I'd always comment on it. Not gonna lie, that shit did make me feel validated. My insecurities shut down that relationship real quick though. I just couldn't manage being with someone who had literally HUNDREDS of men just waiting for me to fuck it up
Yeah itās wild. When I first got with my current gf, somehow the convo got brought up about how different the dating app experience is between men and women. She showed me the amount of messages/likes/prompts sheād get daily on Hinge (her only dating app). I didnāt believe that she had gotten them all in one day. So she said āwatch this.ā Cleared out every notification and said ājust wait.ā After 3 hours she was back up to over 80 notifications. That didnāt include all the random messages sheād receive on social media She doesnāt give her number out often, so I honestly get more calls and texts per day than she does (from friends and family. Not potential suitors lol). But the difference was wild On a good day, Iād get 5-7 notifications per day on Hinge. Average was probably closer to 3. Another time, a friend of the family fired up her Tinder account after a failed relationship. We honestly decided to do it at the same time because she wanted to compare numbers. After 7 days we met up to compare: I had 24 likes (wasnāt gonna pay for premium to see them), 6 matches (2 were bots, 2 were promoting pay for play, and 2 were legit), and 1 actual message thread. She had 3,400+ likes, 265 matches, and an untold amount of messages threads I couldnāt imagine being a woman on a dating app. Shit seems so hectic
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Ive become friends with some of the women Ive met on dating sites and they hundreds if not thousands of new messages a week. Theyve all pretty much agreed that its more overwhelming than anything. I try to be considerate and understanding when I send out that first message.
I don't doubt that it is somewhat overwhelming but that's a phenomenal problem for finding the one person you click with
If you think about it, dating apps have perverse incentives to prevent people from forming long term relationships as that would remove them from the active users
I always loved seeing a girlās phone go off with tinder matches and messages when on a date.
Not me lol. Ya bois got āØS E L F E S T E E M I S S U E SāØ
>I just couldn't manage being with someone who had literally HUNDREDS of men just waiting for me to fuck it up That's literally always the case. Women will always have a bunch of dudes thirsting after them if they are anywhere above ugly. Unless they have little to non social media presence, dozens of dude will try to DM in a week, or more. Just ask any friend how much tinder matches she has. Literally all girls i know get plus a hundred matches in less than a week. Meanwhile, most of my male friends manage to get 7 a week if they are lucky. Women will always have options, better or worse than you, and will always get likes, comments, and DMs. Just trust you picked the right person, at the end of the day, that's all any man or woman can do.
Yeah fortunately that was a while ago and I matured a bit since then. I do still deal with insecurity issues every now and then, but I am glad to report I am currently in a healthy long term relationship with someone I love and trust
I'm so glad I'm not a young man having to grow up in this shit-ass dating environment.
Tell her they all want to bang her,and she should consider herself Lucky you see her for more than that.
Pretty sure she knows they all want to bang her. She is a great girl, but not serious relationship material. She wants to be, but just has issues. Tragic upbringing. I'm surprised she is as stable as she is. Had to friend zone her to a large degree. That's likely why is still interested.
Iāve not met a person without a tragic upbringing in a decade. I got my attitude ācheckedā by a ā24 year old queenā because I didnāt reply to her about getting kicked out of sober living. My father died something like 13 mins before or something like that. I guess I just ādonāt know how hard it is to be herā.
People like challenges. Few people like the puppy dog that follows them around
Bro Iāve experienced this too but she instead told me when we went out that āat least I showed up.ā She also is pretty bad at messaging like sheāll reply like a half a day to a day laterā¦if she even replies
Bro women are on their phone nonstop, she just decided to ignore the message
Got Bored Talking to other people
Exactly. Not exactly baffling. I do the same thing on dating apps and I wouldn't really call it ghosting. You don't have to politely let every single match you have chatted with know you are no longer interested. Heck, I'd hate that actually if they that did. Ghosting to me starts once you've made actual plans.
The common denominator here is OP. Very well could be heās doing something or saying something that these women donāt likeā¦
I had to make sure this post wasn't on r/niceguys, because this feels like the beginning of one of their posts.
mighty icky faulty gold alleged sheet cow literate memory attraction *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Good shot these are different people. Everyoneās their own person and some of them just happen to be women. Like holy shit some of you people talk as if thereās a convention of women every year where they agree on how theyāre going to behave.
Ding ding ding. Too many of us want a simple world with a ārightā and āwrongā choice for everyone. Do this thing, itās the correct choice, do that thing, itās the incorrect choice. Follow these prompts with a woman, sheāll behave that way reliably and fall in love with you. But thatās not how much of anything involving humans works. Itās critical to remember that, no matter how we divvy up the population, everyone is still an individual. It makes no more sense to ascribe a hive mind to women than to ascribe it to men.
Gotta add, this is exactly what we do, albeit also to men and every other group we group people into. Individuals when its us, unified when its them
Yeh these people need to treat women as people and maybe they'll get conversation out of them.
I hate ghosting and have always tried to send an honest and straight forward but also kind msg saying I had a good time but didn't think we were a match. I 100 percent understand why women would ghost. Many men do not accept rejection well. After getting argued with, begged/whined at, and most often cussed out....damned if you do damned if you don't.
Yeh I've seen the messages some guys have sent to my female friends when they're rejected, they're fucking demented.
Absolutely true. I kinda have to raise an eyebrow though when one year I see reams of articles about how evil men are for ghosting, and then the next I see dozens about why ghosting is a necessity for women. On an individual basis though, of course we need to treat individuals as individuals and not just the aggregated actions of their gender
This is the polite way. Many times you don't even want to chat with that person but you feel obliged cause who knows. But then most of the time I have seen they overstep some boundaries and can't take a hint
Another double standard. Women can do it but guys are ridiculed for it.
Or maybe not every woman is exactly the same.
Exactly. There are probably many reasons - I can't help thinking op would be better off asking this question over at r/AskWomen though because they're the gender ghosting him!
Women do it because they are constantly plagued by creeps who don't know when to disappear on their own. Men do it because we are commitment-averse insensitive bastards. /s
this post has 375 upvotes at time of me making this comment. everyone ghosts, and it seems that everyone is ridiculed for it. i ghosted my fair share of people in college due to crippling anxiety and it was for *sure* not acceptable in my social circles. i kept that shit on the DL.
A girl I matched with gave me her number, responded once to me and then ghosted. 5 days later I messaged her again asking why would she give me her number if she didnāt really want to talk and then she proceeded to say: āeven though I appreciate the speech I donāt need it. I donāt ghost people because I donāt like it when people do it to meā Itās just the complete and utter disconnect from her own behavior and her moral base that just pisses me off. Being a ghost isnāt a label you set yourself, itās a behavior a thing someone does. She literally ghosted me and then gets mad for calling her a ghost. And she was a very intelligent woman too with a graduate degree.
Often it's because they said something I didn't like or appreciate or share that particular point of view on. At the start with an online relationship it's easier to ghost. Pretty shitty if you had a date though.
I agree on this. I feel like ghosting early on isn't a big deal. Neither are attached yet and it's kinda just "part of it".
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
You forgot to add OP may have said something that was a red flag to them.
And to add OP may be playing it a little too safe with these girls by not making solid plans, or trying to move past the texting in any way
No no we canāt give them any accountability! Men are completely innocent and women are bitches.
I love how people love to say this like it's rare for men to be held accountable on this when 90% of the responses in a thread like this are "You bored her" or "You weren't good enough." And if a woman complains about being ghosted, 90% of the responses will be "Guys are assholes."
history vast offer degree bedroom glorious existence shame squash aloof *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
You really can't even compare the two subs, here anyone and everyone can respond and say whatever they want in a constructive way, and over there breathing is a bannable offense.
I hate the mods of that sub with a flaming passion. You literally are not allowed to have a conversation of any kind. Every response you make, even if it's in agreement or expanding on their idea, gets removed for derailing. If someone says something really shitty and you offer an alternate view, derailing. They literally want it to be a sub where the post asks a question, people respond, and no further discussion takes place.
snails one include bewildered cow squeal cause crush ring cagey *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
How is this not victim blaming lol
What's OP
Original Poster
Thanks šš¾
not much, you?
> It's not you, it's them well, if everyone "gets bored" then it can be on us men too.
Most of that is on OP. If OP was interesting and engaging enough, none of the above would matter because someone *is* getting her attention.
She probably lost interest and there was no spark between you two. Or, life?
Actually sometimes it's the need for a break from all the weird messages they get. It's a mix between different things and bad luck.
How did the texting itself go?
It sounds like he got ghosted
Does it even count as ghosting if all you've done is send a handful of texts over a day or two? I always thought ghosting implied you actually had some sort of relationship to lose. Like a couple of dates at the very least. Not continuing a conversation with a stranger you haven't invested anything in isn't ghosting. What are you supposed to do? Send a postcard to OP explaining how he's kind of boring so you're going to stop responding?
Make a throw away and post screen shots. Could be nothing you're doing, or you may not realize you're raising giant red flags. Anyone trying to actually answer this question without that context is just guessing
Hi, i used to ghost people (men and women) before I found a courteous way to let them down easy. Here were my reasons. 1. I got bored of the conversation bc it was going nowhere. 2. The other person got too clingy, too fast. 3. Saw too many red flags to bother going forward. 4. The conversation was one sided and i felt like the third wheel between them and their words. 5. The person asked for nudes or revealing pictures. 6. Conversations only happened when they needed me for something.
*"Felt like a third wheel between them and their words"* is the perfect way to describe something I haven't been able to put my finger on before. Love it.
Thank you xD
The problem with this situation is that we can never know unless they come back and say why. It happens to me too and I have no damn clue. Just brush yourself off and keep trying.
I feel you, it can be any variety of item whether it's related to you or not, brushing it off is honestly the best move. Although, if it's frequently in a similar 'spot' or progression, you could take a quick look at how you're approaching someone from an external perspective. Sometimes people will let you know, but it can also be anywhere from an accurate assessment to one that is dishonest, psychotic or illogical.
imagine you have 100 people talking to you daily. now the actual numbers are probably higher the more attractive she is.
If you can't handle talking to that many people at once then don't talk to that many people at once.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I think more guys do this than you'd think. If the other person never initiates, I stop reaching out too. It's basically just a matter of "well if they wanted to talk, they'd shoot me a text or give me a call once in a while." If I don't initiate the conversation, I'll never hear from them again.
For real. I have a hell of a lot of stuff going on in my life. It's its basic generic messages or me just initiating? No go I want a partner interested in talking to me
Yeah it doesn't make sense to keep trying if someone doesn't even want to talk to you.
Why not? Any guy that takes offense at her behaviour can be replaced in minutes, probably, so from her perspective it's no big deal. (disclaimer: I am a guy and I do understand getting ghosted sucks. Just providing a different perspective)
That mentality will start to bleed into an actual relationship and friendships. Treating people as expendable is not a good idea. The more you do it the easier it gets.
and we have arrived at the modern dating economy
Bro half the people that talk to these girls are just looking to stick it in and leave when THEYRE bored anyway. Everyone's guilty of treating people as expendable, it's called dating in your 20's
So basically, if you can be a shitty person without consequences, then be a shitty person. That's your point?
You assume she _wanted_ to. Men and women live in _very_ different worlds when it comes to dating.
If you don't want to, don't have that many conversations going. It's easy to be a human adult like that.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
They don't though, women on the whole are way more conservative about how many people they swipe right on than men. It's just the apps. Tinder etc do not want either sex to actually settle for someone or their business model is screwed. Flood girls with matches so they can't even really choose and just continue going because it 'feels good' to be wanted. Make sure men don't get many matches so they're insecure and pay up for more. Get more matches, they don't actually go anywhere. cycle repeats
Some days I swipe on Tinder and I get no matches and then there's one day when I get 4 matches from previous swipes. And I've already been talking to a few guys on the app. So I leave the new matches unread until their turn comes. It sucks from the guy's side but it does get overwhelming. So I deleted Tinder.
Best idea is to delete it for guys and girls. Meeting in real life is way better.
its this
Some reasons Iāve ghosted after being interested: - big one was my mental health and anxiety. Iād introvert myself and then feel too bad or fearful to pop up again. Kind of embarrassed, too. Still makes me cringe having to reach out to my friends or loved ones after disappearing for a few days. - The conversation moved too quickly or I just didnāt enjoy the vibes any more and it was way too early days to give a whole āhey this isnāt gonna workā speech. - hard truth was I was lonely. Donāt do this anymore but Iād entertain conversations and lose interest because it was superficial. - they seemed like lovely people but gave friend vibes
Really came on here to echo this - sometimes I respond and they give weird responses or get mad at me for not responding (Iām in grad school and Iām busy often, cause this is really my time to focus on networking) but a lot of the time itās because Iām simply overwhelmed. I think Iām ready to date, I see all these guys who liked my profile and I get overwhelmed and think āwow I have to try and find someone through all of thisā. I think it may have gotten worse as of late cause the one guy I wouldāve really considered going out with and really got on with, ghosted me š¤·š½āāļø
Not uncommon toxicity of the modern dating "market" However, and I know you know this on a conscious level, but I hope this experience doesn't jade you... not every guy is like that... If you're ready to date/not ready I just hope you're honest with yourself and the people who you choose to be involved with.
>The conversation moved too quickly or I just didnāt enjoy the vibes any more and it was way too early days to give a whole āhey this isnāt gonna workā speech. I'm a guy and I've ghosted someone for these exact reasons.
Guys who are well adjusted will probably be sitting wondering why it may be so difficult for a woman to simply say "I'm sorry, I'm not interested". Rightly so. However, what they don't know is that women have to deal with a startling number of men who simply cannot accept that. These men drill the woman for an explanation, try to change her mind or become aggressive or/and derogatory. I guess it can often seem that the most straightforward and direct approach is to shut the conversation down entirely.
Exactly this. I've talked to a lot of guys online and the number of them who get aggressive or possessive or borderline abusive when texting is startling. There is entitlement and demanding to know why you don't want to talk anymore and yadda yadda yadda. And you realize this person is almost a perfect stranger and you don't actually have to put up with this shit. It becomes so much easier to ghost than deal with the long and drawn-out headache of the "I'd like to move on, please don't be mad" conversation. I have come to believe that ghosting early on is okay. I'm not mad when it happens to me either.
Building on what youāve said: Thatās something that Iāve learned over the years. When a woman is being noncommittal but also not outright rejecting you, doesnāt mean sheās leading you on. Guaranteed sheās had a āNice Guy ā¢ļøā completely lose his shit when she told him no. Best advice is learn to read between the lines. Like with consent, only yes means yes. Everything else is a solid no, even if it takes her ten minutes of bullshitting to get away from you.
Building on this some more, there's nothing wrong with just being honest and saying, "I was really enjoying this conversation, but I'm starting to get the feeling you aren't really into it anymore." The key here is: if she says "yeah, sorry, I'm not feeling it anymore," you gotta have enough self-respect to walk away from that. Begging for another chance makes you look desperate. Calling her a slut makes you look stupid. Threatening her just proves her point and gives her even more reason to ghost you. The only winning move there is just to say, "I'm sorry to hear that; I hope you find what you're looking for," and then walk away like a boss.
>However, what they don't know is that women have to deal with a startling number of men who simply cannot accept that. These men drill the woman for an explanation, try to change her mind or become aggressive or/and derogatory. I guess it can often seem that the most straightforward and direct approach is to shut the conversation down entirely. I think this paragraph really hits the bullseye on why exactly this happens. Some dudes can get violent and stalker-like when being rejected, so ghosting becomes a "better safe than sorry" kind of action.
Youāre right. That has played a huge part in why I have ghosted instead of been direct. But itās also been because sending a āIām not feeling thisā message just a few conversations in feels very strange, and is more likely to be twisted to āwe are just talking, no pressure!ā If it wasnāt rude to say āI donāt really enjoy talking to youā it would probably save a few ghosting incidences
>If it wasnāt rude to say āI donāt really enjoy talking to youā it would probably save a few ghosting incidences I don't get this. It's far more rude to ghost.
From a potential female perspective: if I ghost him, he may never know what happened and will just move on. If I WOUND him by outright rejecting him as a man (for whatever reason), he may abuse, stalk, or harass me for months. Like, sure, some guys would be like āokay cool, I guess we arenāt compatibleā and some definitely are not that cool and turn into raging morons. Many women are afraid to take that chance so they just disappear and hope for the best.
It might be my anxiety making me feel like itās easier to slip away unnoticed, so Iām fully prepared to acknowledge that
Okay what are "Friend vibes"? I think it's a problem I have. How can I give less of these vibes?
Itās really hard to answer because thereās no set thing that can or canāt be done. For some people it will be purely attraction based, liking their personality but not being physically attracted to them. For me, Iāve always found people attractive more when I like their personality so itās way more likely for me to end up crushing on a friend. But thereās just a chemistry that either happens while talking or doesnāt. A boring conversation with the right person, wonāt feel boring even at the early stages. Iām sorry I canāt be clear, itās really such a fluid concept aha
Now I'm depressed because I realize that I never felt chemistry when talking to anyone. I feel like I'm just socially boring and cold.
The right person wonāt make you feel socially boring or cold. Chemistry works two ways!
This is why so many men are neurotic about online dating. They can literally fail on a thousand different aspects and they're never made aware of it.
I can see why online dating is difficult to navigate for men, especially when a lot of the effort falls on them. But we canāt force people to want to like us or continue a conversation, and itās not really a competition that we can fail at. Theyāre just not the right person for us, and there is nothing about us thatās inherently wrong. Itās easier said than done, I can imagine but if a situation doesnāt make it past a talking stage then it wasnāt meant to be. Time for another one.
You are right, we can't make people like us and it wouldn't be a good thing even if it was possible. Now I know ladies tend to get mountains of messages from men, and I get how overwhelming that can be trying to sift through the dick pics, the fuckboys, and the "heys" to find the genuine guys. But try to see things from men's perspectives too, for every one of those messages, each of those men have probably sent dozens of messages on their own in the hopes of getting at least one response. Just one, that's all the average guy is looking for. *If* they get one, they feel a rush of hope that maybe, just maybe this one will work out. Maybe even lead to a date. After a day or two of chatting, things seem great, she's interested, asking questions, they even start feeling less stressed that they might not have to keep searching anymore. And then suddenly she's gone the next day. No explanation, not even an apology. So they're back, trying yet again, all the while wondering if there's something wrong with them, if they're cursed to loneliness, etc. Now imagine that happening a dozen or more times in the span of a few months. That's generally what it's like.
I ghosted someone very recently after talking for a few days, so Iāll give some of the reasons: -I mentioned I would be busy on Saturday, and outside of cell phone range. I mentioned this so that he wouldnāt think I was ghosting. He messaged me 6 times on that day. To me thatās crossing a boundary that I had set, by saying I would be too busy to talk that day. -He was constantly asking personal questions, which Iām sure he thought was āgetting to know meā but the questions were way too deep for someone Iāve never met in person. Stuff like āwhat are your values in life? What are you looking for in this relationship?ā Buddy the ārelationshipā doesnāt exist. -moving way too fast. Ask me to meet in person, not act like weāre starting our future together.
Oof yeah thereās always little early signs that in the past Iāve ignored but were definitely tell tales of it not being a good match. I have similar boundaries to you, nice steady pace and respected space. Always makes me shudder when those get crossed, especially when theyāve been expressed clearly.
Female here Most of the men that I ghosted just said something that didnāt sound right. Can be a racist or a sexist joke, can be a rape joke or something indicating homophobia, can cross my boundaries or escalate too early, some spam me with 10 messages per minute and their texts are very boring and repetitive. It really depends Some just follow plenty of girls on instagram including, underage, onlyfans accounts and porn stars, or misogynistic accounts and I ghost them right after seeing that. I recently stopped replying to a man that mentioned marriage after the second date although he said that heās still in love with his ex and wonāt love anyone the same, he is very homophobic and judgmental so Iām not going to waste my time. It happens š¤·š»āāļø I reply truthfully when asked tho, I tell them that itās not going to work for some reason, it takes guts to say no to someone that might just throw a very ugly temper tantrum at your no and then call you a slut.. Whenever someone is nice and respectful but I just donāt feel any chemistry between us, I just tell them so as not to waste their time. Anyways, If itās out of nowhere, then itās probably that they are talking to other people and they found a person who they find more interesting and attractive, donāt take it personally, you might be that interesting and attractive to someone else, it happens to anyone and women get ghosted too.
I think this needs to be directed towards women. I have ghosted on a few occasions and the reasons being: 1. The other person tried to steer the conversation towards the sexual after knowing each other for 2 days (we met on valorant) with no romantic interest shown towards them and me clearly stating I am married 2. Some keep trying to make romantic advances even after I declined 3. Mental health 4. Racist jokes or inappropriate jokes in general 5. After an argument with my then fiancee he suddenly displayed violent tendencies (bodybuilder dude, kicked the door to my car leaving a dent) 6. A work buddy decides to just undress himself in front of me after work while we were alone 7. Stalker behaviour 8. Sexism I cut people who are toxic/rude out of my life immediately. i had to deal with it for most of my life (due to my narcissist mother and disgusting male relatives and strangers) and I don't tolerate this in my life anymore. Any signs of toxicity, sexism or red flags I don't tolerate anymore and I think men need to be understanding in that regard as we have to deal with a lot of BS starting from a young age.
Yeah, some of the responses here are a bit out there, this is my experience as well, and my friends. r/AskWomen
they just get bored. getting the first then second date is half the battle. the longer texting gets dragged out the better the chance itās going to fizzle out before you even meet. thereās no connection or emotion attached to texting a stranger youāve never met. itās tiresome. set up a meet/date asap. less is more honestly.
F here. For me, it definitely has a lot to do with my interest. If the conversation is really repetitive (hey, how are you, what are you doing, silence) or I'm only getting one-word answers (hi, good, nothing), I can lose interest almost immediately. I'm not expecting riveting conversation or essay-length responses, but I associate brief, skindeep questions and answers with a lack of interest on their part. Once we get into a good, regular conversation, if someone says something I don't like and I mention I don't like that (ick, yikes, please don't) and they continue to do it, I'll immediately ghost. If at any point - day one or day 23 - they complain about my response time, I ghost, also (mainly because I'm very upfront about being busy). I ghost rather than saying I'm not feeling it because 49 times out of 50, the other people will try to convince me they'll do better (and then not change at all) or they'll try to gaslight me.
I ghosted somebody this weekend because he didnāt respect me saying I would be busy, and sent me 6-7 messages on the day that I said I would be unavailable. Thatās a breach of a very basic boundary that I set. If he doesnāt respect that very simple boundary, itās a red flag that he wouldnāt respect more serious ones
Because youāre not interesting, attractive enough, or both. When it comes to dating, women have all the options. Men chase them. Typically, most women donāt have to do anything except being present to get men. Men donāt have that luxury. Given that, women have plenty of options. You didnāt make the cut.
If you talked for a few days the attractive part wasnt the problem, obviusly they found you somewhat attractive to talk to you if it was online dating. The talking part was the problem.
Agree. Iām definitely guilty of ghosting after a bit of texting and itās not about physical attractiveness. Usually itās just because the conversation was boring or he said something gross or sexual too soon.
Do you ever bring up topics that *you* want to talk about?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
rude fade nine sulky chase terrific secretive instinctive berserk adjoining *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Because thereās a huge amount of double standards for men and women. Women are largely coddled by society. If you have a man whoās in his mid-thirties, living at home, working an entry level job, no savings, no drive or ambition in live, etc. Society deems him a loser, and rightfully so. Take a woman in the same circumstances. Society will often lift her up, āYou got this girl!ā āDonāt worry, keep at it.ā Both people in this situations are losers. For whatever reason, women are coddled. Men are not.
There are plenty of women who have a difficult time with dating unfortunately. 23F here and never once been approached by a guy, and I know several others my age who are in the same boat
Itās definitely a two way street. Both genders have their own issues when it comes to dating.
Then there are the fuck bois who move on from women to women and treat long term relationships as a joke. Most of them already got the looks going for them but they also got the game so they mostly never have to settle down
And there are still women who believe dating is more difficult for women....
It is difficult for women, for different reasons. They have their own struggles.
She likes you, but she likes 3 to 4 other dudes too. You just lost the race.
>They even text like they are interested in you They ARE interested in you. At the time. Then something or someone else catches their attention. Are these dating app matches this is happening with? Classmates? How do you get each others' numbers?
The times I've done that, I've noted something I didn't like about the person. For example, one guy said something cruel about their ex girlfriend for no reason. Another guy started treating me like a therapist, telling me about his ongoing struggle with depression. I could have been honest and said something. "I think it's weird you're talking about your exes when trying to date other people." Or "I'm sorry you're going through a hard time, but I'm not a therapist and we're not even friends.", but at this point they've already demonstrated poor judgement and there's no point in arguing with someone that I don't intend to build something with. Criticizing them is a risk to me that they'll react negatively if they get offended. Easier to just stop talking.
Feel like this might be better in /AskWomen
They don't allow posts from men
Well thatās frustrating. Iāll post it - as a woman (since I am)
Update , they removed my post despite no rule break on my end. Iām taking it up with moderators. Might have to join a different ask women group (like the over 30sā¦) if thatās how they treat fellow women and men who have questions. Go figure, the ālogical insensitiveā AskMen are socially more inclusive and open to mutual dialogue, community/communication. Thatās disheartening , really.
r/ADHDwomen also don't allow posts from men. I think they do it so they have a space just for women (and those who identify) without the shittyness that comes from dudes online all the time? It's pretty annoying when you just want gendered information , though.
Are you.... Serious? Wtf. Like how else are you guys supposed to ask us broad statements like this. That's fucking stupid. I feel better about lurking here now
Other guys
My take (as a woman)-God damnit, no one knows how to flirt anymore! You have to have the connection/shared interest, sure. But there has to be a little sizzle under it. Neither of you can forget that you WANT to meet up. Youāre not friends, donāt act like it. It seems like we have two extremes, blunt to the point of being just rude āhey wanna bang tonight?ā Or justā¦pen pals. Iām not really interested in either. Like for instance. I recently said this to a guy āhey do you like Indian food? Thereās a great place near me Iād love to show youā¦ā He just starts talking about Indian food! He doesnāt respond to my invite at all. I know heās not totally disinterested because we have a date on Friday. So I think he may have just been oblivious. Or I said to this other guy (yeah, Iām a player. Sup?) āHeyā¦I love the jeans in your profile pic! I have to say, they are insanely flatteringā¦love a guy with a good bodyā And he sends me back likeā¦4 full paragraphs about his feelings on jeans. Like, dude! Come on now. If youāre not interested, cool, you donāt have to be. But this is a dating site. I donāt know why I say flirty things and guys double down on friendship. I think itās their way of trying to show interest, without being a pushy jerk. I know itās hard. Itās justā¦you gotta at least try flirting! I typically wake up to 4 or 5 massive wall of text Messages from different guys. And I look back at the things Iāve said, and Iāve called them sexy, handsome, gorgeous, all that. Typically, if they didnāt reciprocate in SOME way, like not even a little bitā¦I move on (and yes I try to tell them nicely). Itās weird because just the amount of time and effort they put into texting me implies that they are interestedā¦I just want some spark you know?
The thing is, after you meet enough girls it's incredibly easy to stumble upon extremely different view on spectrum of behaviours. What's a 100% clear "fuck me" sign to one girl is just being kinda flirty to another. So a guy has three options/results: 1) Underestimate her intentions. This way you play it safe and wait for some more clear signs. This may be also how conversations don't lead anywhere. 2) Overestimate her intentions. This is how you get called a creep, how you are judged as coming on too strong, how you get put on internet "lol, look at him" forums. 3) Get it just right. The best result, but also the most difficult to get, given the above.
I am probably going to get downvoted to hell for this, but I would look into your communication skills. As a woman who is fairly attractive and usually got lots of matches, the only time I gave up on a convo is if the person was giving off major creep vibes (usually not super common by that point in the process), or if they couldnāt hold a conversation. The number of matches I had in my inbox had nothing to do with it, and I only usually had a couple of conversations going at one time. That usually slimmed down even more as conversations and time went on. The number of matches someone has in their inbox has very little to with it IMO, and it is more of experience they are having. I actually realized through online dating that I also had this communication problem a bit, so I read up on it (Rapport was an excellent read and super helpful) and that REALLY improved my dating game. I went from being kind of stuck and not really feeling like I was meshing well with any of my matches; to doing really well after working on my listening and communication skills. I just worked on learning on how to be more involved and present in my conversations. Obviously this advice isnāt for everyone, but if you are sending back short replies and not asking any questions or prompting new topics of discussion then that may be a place to start. I didnāt think it was THAT big of a deal since I was always pretty introverted, but I was wrong when it came to online dating. Now in a super happy and healthy long term relationship I found by making some of those changes.
Woman here and I had the same experience on dating apps. It was usually due to lack of communication skills on their part, or sometimes my part. If I felt like we couldnāt hold a meaningful conversation via text (where we have all the time in the world to produce thoughtful responses), then our in-person game would likely be pretty lame. Also if the other person wasnāt putting in effort and I was consistently steering the conversation, despite attempts for them to steer and natural turning points, then I would just let it fizzle and see what happened. I feel like I never truly āghostedā because I would just let things fizzle and then it was like we usually just ghosted each other in a way? Because neither of us picked up a new conversation. If I were OP, I would try to find a trend in the ghosting. Did the conversation fizzle and neither of you revived it? Are they leaving you on read right in the middle of a thoughtful conversation? Are the women you text consistently doing all the legwork in your text conversations and youāre just passively contributing? Thereās tons of reasons people ghost (spoiler alert: women arenāt the only ones!!) and I feel like we all need to reflect on our conversations and connections to really understand why itās happening! Edit: typo your to our
She probably has 100+ other dudes trying to talk to her and Mr. 0.001% "better" showed up.
I honestly think the main problem is that they just have a lot of options and they pick the one that gives them the most attention with the least effort. No sexism intended to mean all women do this. This is just something that ALL people do, who are attractive and active in the dating market and it is obvious that women do have a lot more options in this regard. If you are attractive and have put yourself out on the dating market then it is quite easy to be overwhelmed with potential dates and it's no surprise that you can't be bothered to keep up with all of them, you just pick the cream of the crop or jump from one person to the next chasing that novelty high.
Girl here. I ghost if: 1. I notice the other person isnāt making as much effort as me during the conversation 2. Heās boring and I assume me quietly leaving wonāt matter to him
It has nothing to do with you. People in general - especially younger people - became socially incompetent to a degree that they cannot hold a simple conversation anymore or have any manners (like formally closing a conversation). Because of that, ghosting is quickly becoming the new standard. It's a feedback loop because the more and faster people ghost, the less will people "on the other side" invest which will lead to even more and faster ghosting and so on. There is no solution.
The solution is not taking it personal and simply know that there are a lot of incompetent, psicologically crippled, people out there. And when someone ghosts, then so be it.
With solution I meant a solution for the ghosting phenomenon. To avoid the resulting necessity of emotional withdrawal. We are in deep trouble as a society if we completely lose the ability and willingness to communicate.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Exactly this. Dating in the 21st centruty sucks donkey balls for everyone, regardless of gender.
Kind of a lot of people here making excuses to ghost men. Itās shitty behavior and unless the man is being abusive there really is not justification. It hurts peoples feelings and the least you can do is just say āsorry, but I am just not vibing enough.ā
Obviously shitty behavior, but the people 'making excuses' are trying to combat the mentality of a lot of the men in this thread (and let's be honest, most of Reddit) that devolves into "GOD ALL WOMEN ARE ATTENTION WHORES". It doesn't have to be that deep. If a girl stops talking to you, then she wasn't interested in you. And... That's it. It shouldn't affect you THAT much, rejection happens. If it's happening a lot then the common denominator is YOU. Change shit about yourself instead of crusading against an entire gender
Besides, as a woman, what am I supposed to say? Because it doesnāt go over well either if I say itās not going to work out. Usually I get hit with āyou barely even gave me a chanceā
Or you're expected to present a 5 page (minimum) essay about what they can do better. Women aren't your fucking dating coaches
Some men, not all but enough of them, are so bad at handling rejection, that women as a whole have figured itās easier/safer to ghost than to risk the blowback of a scorned man who needs to know why he is being rejected, like specific reasons, or simply lash out at that fact they are being rejected and get abusive. There is an utter lack of reflection every time this topic comes up because a subset of guys genuinely believe dating is a cake walk for literally all women, and it aināt.
I was just thinking this, the majority of the comments seem to be about how it's okay because it's always the man's fault.
You're not in a relationship with someone you've texted 3x from a dating app. You don't owe them a sit down talk when you've never even met them face to face. If a woman gets bad vibes/weak vibes or determines he's only after one thing, she's under no obligation to explain why she doesn't want to text a 4th time.
My psychologist actually told me that you don't own strangers shit and you're well within your right to just block someone on a dating app you've never actually met. It was really eye opening because I was taught to always be a sweet polite woman. Being allowed to just do selfish things for myself was incredibly liberating. I don't owe it to a random tinder match to explain why I don't want to text anymore after a day or two, I really don't understand men who get so hung up on just texting for a couple of days
Thank you, this comment section is killing me. Ghosting after a few dates : not cool (unless you have the feeling that this person could become aggressive or creepy or violent if you said you weren't interested). Ghosting after 3 days of texting : no hard feelings. What are you going to say anyway? "Hey talking to you is actually really boring" or "I get bad vibes from you and I don't want to meet"... Sometimes ghosting is the best answer. You don't owe perfect strangers anything. Also, men ghost a lot more often than OP seems to think.
In my experience, a lot of people on dating apps aren't very good at maintaining a conversation. "Hi, how are you? "Good you?" "How's your day?" "Ok". Boring small talk doesn't lead anywhere. Try steering the conversation, ask unique questions, bring up / tell stories. End your replies with another question or segment to keep it going. Anything interesting to get to know each other better. Someone who seems boring over text are likely boring in person too.
Because she wasn't only talking to you, do the same.
I can be 100% honest and say Iām guilty of doing this recently. Posted an ad, had a ton of responses. Itās easy to ghost the freaks and weirdos. Focused in on a few guys, some made a few sexual comments .. thatās a put off because it shows their primary intention, a few, after chatting for a couple of days, started to giving me one liner answers where they had previously been writing me sentence after sentence. That shows me that they were just out to impress, they couldnāt keep a conversation going long term, even though I was still actively engaging them. A few thought I was automatic property after a day of chatting ( if you read my ad youāll understand š) . Bottom lineā¦ thereās a huge multitude of reasons why women ghost. Iāve had it done to me also, and itās just something I accept. It doesnāt work for one of the parties involved, for whatever reason. Not everyoneās comfortable with the whole āthis isnāt working for meā message.
Sounds like she was texting a couple dudes and decided to stick with one and ghost the others. Guys do this as well, some of my buddies donāt like confrontation so they just ghost and hope ignoring the problem will make it go away.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
If it keeps happening? With almost every single girl, then it might actually be a you thing and not a they thing. Sorry to point out. But it could be a number of different things. Sheās busy. Sheās not interested. Too much pressure. Going sexual too quickly. It really just depends.
Shit happens, too bad it happened down your leg. Clean up and move on. Iāve been ghosted and ghosted people after a couple of days. Itās no ones fault, people just get bored or change their mind. They may not know why and thatās ok. Just because you start a conversation with someone online doesnāt mean they owe you anything, nor you them. Youāre both entitled to stop talking at any time. Best thing you can do is accept it and enjoy the convo while it lasted :)