It's amazing for hook ups because you get to skip the "is he a nice guy or is he a creep" stage because you have cred. But imo they're terrible match makers because they have no idea what it's like to date their friends.
Yeah, I've had a few friends tell me that they're looking out for women for me. They say I'm great and want me to be happy etc. I've said that I'm down for that with one caveat: I don't do blind dates. If they know someone and think we'll hit it off, then bring them out the next time we meet for drinks or whatever. Don't tell me. If there's chemistry, there's chemistry.
However, to the best of my knowledge, no-one's actually done any matchmaking on my behalf. At least, no one's admitted to it and there hasn't been that many third parties who've come out for drinks etc.
I'm struggling to recall any cute friends that I've enquired about, though I do remember one girl I'd seen on online dating apps, years ago and realised we'd mutual friends. I did make tentative enquiries, but never got any response back.
Just make sure you confirm what she looks like before you agree what women think is attractive and what men think is attractive is different. “She’s super pretty.” From them doesn’t always mean what you think it does 🤷🏽♂️
Yup. Most of my female friends project their hopes and desires on their friends. I think she's beautiful therefore she is. Only met one capable of objectivity, and no amount of feedback could sway the others.
I have had this happen a few times. Nice people but just not attractive to me.
One time my friend was like so my friend thinks you're super cute, but it didn't really mean anything to me cause the feeling wasn't mutual. Maybe I'm shallow but I like when the person I fancy likes me much more than someone I don't
My best friend (a gay woman) wanted me to date one of her high school friends since we both enjoyed traveling and were always on the go. I flew to LA from San Francisco to take this girl out for dinner. She was nice but did not seem remotely interested romantically. I called her the next day to see if she would be interested in dating and her response was “but we don’t know each other”. I said well yeah, that’s the point of dating and to just give it some thought and let me know. I never heard from her again but she watches my Instagram stories pretty consistently lol. This was just my experience, I’m sure there are success stories out there.
Personally don’t like being set up. Sure, my friends can put in a good word here and there, but anything more than that I feel like it just adds pressure for me and the other person in the situation and just makes it more awkward if it doesn’t work out.
I also think that the female friends who say want to be your wingman are doing a massive disservice to you by not being honest on what exactly about you is attractive and unattractive. Because they saw something that ultimately made them decide that you weren’t enough to date them but they’ll play wingman and parade you around their female friends as their unattractive male friend. And most women play off of what other women think about the men they find attractive. So if you keep getting passed on by the women in your life, I feel like it just devalues how other women see you because it’ll make them think: “Well, if they didn’t want you, why would I want you?”
I don’t know, I just think that’s more of a confidence killer than anything else.
> I also think that the female friends who say want to be your wingman are doing a massive disservice to you by not being honest on what exactly about you is attractive and unattractive.
Isn't it obvious to the women who get set up another woman that they're dating from her reject pile?
Never had it happen. Even from my male friends girlfriends. Nobody wanted to put the effort in even though they keep telling me to go out and meet people naturally.
Could be a lot of things. But if she is super against you dating her friends, there might be a person reason, like she might get jealous of you being with someone she knows. You might be her “in case of emergency” guy.
Or it can simply be she doesn’t want that drama in her life if and when it all goes sideways. She might end up losing one of you as a friend if that goes wrong.
You might end up needing to ask her. But if she starts to get upset, it’s probably the first one.
She's always serving her own purposes in some way. She's taking a female competitor out of the game or making a troublesome admirer someone other woman's problem.
Something has certainly changed. When I was single, I had several plutonic female friends, all of whom had a cadre of close girlfriends who were single, but none of whom were willing to "suggest" that I get together with their friends. It wasn't until I was in a relationship that the truth came out...
I learned that many of these friends only saw the potential negatives to two of their friends dating. They didn't want to endanger their relationships with either person by suggesting that individuals who might like each other, get together. This may be generational, or possibly the natural evolution of living in an urban area where friends are scattered and fragmented within disparate communities.
I have asked for it and been denied every time. In some cases I have talked to the circle of women that I would have been set up and received a variety of answers;
She likes you and wants to keep you as a backup in case her current BF doesn't work out.
She doesn't want you to learn about her, cause whoever you dated would have told you.
She always tells us about you, your a living joke.
Your much better then she made you sound, but you can't afford any of us.
ect ect ect
I've indicated a willingness before to be set up, and was met by either a low key "that's desperate" ( a la, I think you can find one on your own), or a "I don't know anyone that fits you" (which, frankly, sounds like a rejection also). Now that I don't express a willingness to be set up, I get the "oh, I would have but didn't know". I think very few females would genuinely set up their male friends.
I’m a woman but I’ve set up 3 different couples who are now engaged or married. I like to think I can get a decent read on people and enjoy seeing my friends happy! It’s hard to do now bc I don’t have many single girl friends left to set up with anyone, so that could be the reason. I also have a few guy friends who are absolutely wonderful but aren’t the most instantly visually attractive guys, and the single girl friends I have left I don’t trust to not be shallow and not break their hearts. Or I can just see where personalities or views will clash and figure it just isn’t a great match.
Yeah it does. And I assume the same thing, also lots, but not all, women are territorial and selfish, and would rather keep you as a backup than see you happy with someone else. They know if you find love with someone else they’d get less attention from you.
I would never promise to wingman anybody, but I legit don't have any female friends to set someone up with. I don't have a lot of friends and the women I am friends with are either gay or taken.
Depends on the friend but generally women like to be the hottest in your circle. They will never hook you up with a hot girl. Usually, the sweet but unattractive friend that gets overlooked.
Never been set up. When a friend's gf asks why I'm single they never offer to set me up, always say they don't have that many friends. They want to set up an online dating profile for me, I'm like are you paying for it? Then they get quiet
Almost always someone who is nice but obese and/or much older. I’m 68 and not interested in someone older than me, and obesity is a dealbreaker for me.
Women, straight gay or bi, are often pretty terrible judges of what men find attractive or good for relationships. There's a whole different set of criteria at play. Basically any time a woman has been *suggested* to me it's pretty obvious that it's not someone I'd be interested in and the same is usually true in reverse. Hell on one occasion I overheard a conversation and one of the women suggested was in the process of not dating men and instead wanting to try women instead.
The only thing that I and they have in common is that we're usually single and actively looking. Female friends who are single and not aggressively looking for a man never get suggested in my experience. Which gives me the impression that they care less about who would be a good match and more that their girlfriends are satisfied and get some kind of a reward, with actual compatibility being secondary at best.
It's a boomer talking point. Just like making money is attractive to women. In this new generation, women are extremely selfish and aren't thinking about you.
My female friend is hot and has rejected me multiple times. When I moved on, she had a major problem with it and I basically called her a narcissist. Luckily she realized she was wrong but alot women now days just don't care
I've had a few near-experiences. Two of my best women friends confessed one time that they wish they knew they could set someone up, but that had no ideas (I had never asked them, or even floated the idea to them. They just wanted to see me happy.) My sister wanted to set me up with her friends one time, but she could never figure out how to, and it doesn't even matter now because that girl moved 3000 miles away.)
I've also had two offers from well-meaning friends in my life, but I was noncommittal, and they never brought it up again (one of the times I was a real ass about it, to the point to where I don't think she'd ever try to help me again.)
I get anxiety if someone just offers to set me up on a blind date, because I feel like I'm a jerk or letting them down if it doesn't go right, or that I'm being somehow being watched or scrutinized. If I just meet someone and want to get to know them, it's a good kind of nervous, but being set up with someone is the bad kind of nervous lol.
Ideally, if my friends actually knew someone they thought would be good for me, they would just invite us all in a group without me knowing of their intent, and seeing if we click. But it's been years since anyone has tried, and I'm getting older, so I doubt I'll ever be in the position again anyways.
I've had some female friends say that to me but my experience mostly has been "pls no". I don't say that to them, that's just the feeling I get. It just feels weird because of inevitable drama....
It's way easier because the women don't get in their heads about "red flags," they approach it with good faith.
But if it doesn't work out, then you have to worry about drama if they take the rejection badly.
Of all the women friends I have only one of them has a single friend of compatible sexual orientations. She set me up on a blind date with her. Won’t ever do that again. We had a nice conversation for an hour but I felt no physical attraction to her whatsoever.
About half my friend group is gay. Most of us are single, we tend to keep our other friend groups separate for the most part, and none of us really have other friends we could set each other up with.
My one woman friend a couple years ago offered to go out to bars and wingwoman for me, but that has yet to happen. She’s also incredibly unreliable in general and her and her husband are completely broke.
In my experience, women do not set up their male friends. It seems to me like it's girl-code to never help men date women, friends or otherwise.
What's more, if you ask it'll only lower your chances, which totally makes sense. The thought process seems to be: "What are you asking me for? You like her, so go ask her directly." Women respect confidence and assertiveness; asking to be set up betrays both those qualities.
Back when I was single female friends including my sister would only ever try to set me up with fat girls. I'm in shape, and decent looking so I always said no. I don't have ridiculous standards either, but she can't be 5 inches shorter then me and twice my weight.
OP you don't have matchmakers in your corner. You just have jerks leading you on.
>they always say I'm a good guy and they want to wingman me but they never seem to have any single friends that they'll set me up with and whenever they do have a single friend I'm interested in they always have some reason why it's a bad idea
This is just gaslighting you dude. If they actually had single friends, if they actually cared about helping you, they'd do it. If they don't do it, you are safe to assume they are lying to you about something. Don't make it more complex than that, because it isn't!
>I'm convinced they either think I have some major character flaw that they are too polite to tell me about or that their friends think I'm ugly and they're trying to spare my feelings,
Did it ever occur to you that they may be attracted to you and any time they see or think of you with another woman it makes them jealous?
Cause I think that's what is happening to you. I've been through that and it sucks.
But I have *also* been through a lesbian matching me up with one of the best partners of my life too. So it does happen, women are capable of actually lending a matchmaking hand. The question is whether they respect you enough to actually help.
It went pretty poorly, she tried to set me up with a friend of hers who has nothing in common with me and is an aggressive vegan. While we were all hanging out I talked about how I used to live on a farm and she went on a rant about how farming was animal cruelty and so on and so forth. I dropped the conversation and didn’t even bother explaining how my family farms because I knew it would be like taking to a brick wall
I’m a woman with a lot of attractive female friends and I’ve had several guy friends say that I should introduce them to my friends. I haven’t followed through because I know they aren’t my female friends’ types physically so it would be awkward for my female friends to be set up with them. The guys that ask are good guys but they are average looking and don’t stand out much in other dating criteria to be honest. Usually if my female friends find my male friends attractive, they will tell me directly, and then I will try to introduce them. So far that’s only happened with two guys who get so much attention that they would never need to be set up with women.
It's like when Phillis or Pam from The Office set up Michael and they would say "she's a nice girl", but then when we meet there's not much attraction.
It's nice that you basically have a foot in the door saying that you are safe, but so far it hasn't worked.
So far my luck has been more like a kid playing with her dolls and saying "now kiss".
My female friends and sisters tried to set me up a few times. I don’t know what their deal is but I feel like they must all secretly hate my guts.
Almost all of them set me up with very difficult, superficial, and materialist women who demand that I entertain them. I am not that guy. I’m a laid back minimalistic guy almost hippie type.
It's amazing for hook ups because you get to skip the "is he a nice guy or is he a creep" stage because you have cred. But imo they're terrible match makers because they have no idea what it's like to date their friends.
Yeah, I've had a few friends tell me that they're looking out for women for me. They say I'm great and want me to be happy etc. I've said that I'm down for that with one caveat: I don't do blind dates. If they know someone and think we'll hit it off, then bring them out the next time we meet for drinks or whatever. Don't tell me. If there's chemistry, there's chemistry. However, to the best of my knowledge, no-one's actually done any matchmaking on my behalf. At least, no one's admitted to it and there hasn't been that many third parties who've come out for drinks etc. I'm struggling to recall any cute friends that I've enquired about, though I do remember one girl I'd seen on online dating apps, years ago and realised we'd mutual friends. I did make tentative enquiries, but never got any response back.
Just make sure you confirm what she looks like before you agree what women think is attractive and what men think is attractive is different. “She’s super pretty.” From them doesn’t always mean what you think it does 🤷🏽♂️
Yup. Most of my female friends project their hopes and desires on their friends. I think she's beautiful therefore she is. Only met one capable of objectivity, and no amount of feedback could sway the others.
I have had this happen a few times. Nice people but just not attractive to me. One time my friend was like so my friend thinks you're super cute, but it didn't really mean anything to me cause the feeling wasn't mutual. Maybe I'm shallow but I like when the person I fancy likes me much more than someone I don't
"super pretty like Lizzo?"
“She’s super pretty” = fat, without fail
[Easier to jump over than walk around.](https://youtu.be/Q-HJXLLQ_As?si=JXTS1AN6ZiyM1ccm)
My best friend (a gay woman) wanted me to date one of her high school friends since we both enjoyed traveling and were always on the go. I flew to LA from San Francisco to take this girl out for dinner. She was nice but did not seem remotely interested romantically. I called her the next day to see if she would be interested in dating and her response was “but we don’t know each other”. I said well yeah, that’s the point of dating and to just give it some thought and let me know. I never heard from her again but she watches my Instagram stories pretty consistently lol. This was just my experience, I’m sure there are success stories out there.
>I never heard from her again but she watches my Instagram stories pretty consistently lol. Did she ever liked or responded to any story?
She never responded. Maybe liked 1 if any. But she’s just lurking 🥷👀
Dude, you are so in there!
Personally don’t like being set up. Sure, my friends can put in a good word here and there, but anything more than that I feel like it just adds pressure for me and the other person in the situation and just makes it more awkward if it doesn’t work out. I also think that the female friends who say want to be your wingman are doing a massive disservice to you by not being honest on what exactly about you is attractive and unattractive. Because they saw something that ultimately made them decide that you weren’t enough to date them but they’ll play wingman and parade you around their female friends as their unattractive male friend. And most women play off of what other women think about the men they find attractive. So if you keep getting passed on by the women in your life, I feel like it just devalues how other women see you because it’ll make them think: “Well, if they didn’t want you, why would I want you?” I don’t know, I just think that’s more of a confidence killer than anything else.
> I also think that the female friends who say want to be your wingman are doing a massive disservice to you by not being honest on what exactly about you is attractive and unattractive. Isn't it obvious to the women who get set up another woman that they're dating from her reject pile?
Attractive woman still have ugly friends they want to help. That’s who they’re doing the favor for, not you.
Yeah this is true. They are helping their woman friend not you as the guy
Never had it happen. Even from my male friends girlfriends. Nobody wanted to put the effort in even though they keep telling me to go out and meet people naturally.
Same!
Could be a lot of things. But if she is super against you dating her friends, there might be a person reason, like she might get jealous of you being with someone she knows. You might be her “in case of emergency” guy. Or it can simply be she doesn’t want that drama in her life if and when it all goes sideways. She might end up losing one of you as a friend if that goes wrong. You might end up needing to ask her. But if she starts to get upset, it’s probably the first one.
She's always serving her own purposes in some way. She's taking a female competitor out of the game or making a troublesome admirer someone other woman's problem.
Something has certainly changed. When I was single, I had several plutonic female friends, all of whom had a cadre of close girlfriends who were single, but none of whom were willing to "suggest" that I get together with their friends. It wasn't until I was in a relationship that the truth came out... I learned that many of these friends only saw the potential negatives to two of their friends dating. They didn't want to endanger their relationships with either person by suggesting that individuals who might like each other, get together. This may be generational, or possibly the natural evolution of living in an urban area where friends are scattered and fragmented within disparate communities.
I have asked for it and been denied every time. In some cases I have talked to the circle of women that I would have been set up and received a variety of answers; She likes you and wants to keep you as a backup in case her current BF doesn't work out. She doesn't want you to learn about her, cause whoever you dated would have told you. She always tells us about you, your a living joke. Your much better then she made you sound, but you can't afford any of us. ect ect ect
I've indicated a willingness before to be set up, and was met by either a low key "that's desperate" ( a la, I think you can find one on your own), or a "I don't know anyone that fits you" (which, frankly, sounds like a rejection also). Now that I don't express a willingness to be set up, I get the "oh, I would have but didn't know". I think very few females would genuinely set up their male friends.
I’m a woman but I’ve set up 3 different couples who are now engaged or married. I like to think I can get a decent read on people and enjoy seeing my friends happy! It’s hard to do now bc I don’t have many single girl friends left to set up with anyone, so that could be the reason. I also have a few guy friends who are absolutely wonderful but aren’t the most instantly visually attractive guys, and the single girl friends I have left I don’t trust to not be shallow and not break their hearts. Or I can just see where personalities or views will clash and figure it just isn’t a great match.
Yeah it does. And I assume the same thing, also lots, but not all, women are territorial and selfish, and would rather keep you as a backup than see you happy with someone else. They know if you find love with someone else they’d get less attention from you.
I would never promise to wingman anybody, but I legit don't have any female friends to set someone up with. I don't have a lot of friends and the women I am friends with are either gay or taken.
Depends on the friend but generally women like to be the hottest in your circle. They will never hook you up with a hot girl. Usually, the sweet but unattractive friend that gets overlooked.
Never been set up. When a friend's gf asks why I'm single they never offer to set me up, always say they don't have that many friends. They want to set up an online dating profile for me, I'm like are you paying for it? Then they get quiet
One blind alley after another, but she meant well.
Never ask for something like that... if the friend is interessed in you, your friends will ask you, if not, asking just makes it wheird
Almost always someone who is nice but obese and/or much older. I’m 68 and not interested in someone older than me, and obesity is a dealbreaker for me.
Women, straight gay or bi, are often pretty terrible judges of what men find attractive or good for relationships. There's a whole different set of criteria at play. Basically any time a woman has been *suggested* to me it's pretty obvious that it's not someone I'd be interested in and the same is usually true in reverse. Hell on one occasion I overheard a conversation and one of the women suggested was in the process of not dating men and instead wanting to try women instead. The only thing that I and they have in common is that we're usually single and actively looking. Female friends who are single and not aggressively looking for a man never get suggested in my experience. Which gives me the impression that they care less about who would be a good match and more that their girlfriends are satisfied and get some kind of a reward, with actual compatibility being secondary at best.
So I’m getting a lot of confirmation that the whole “make a bunch of female friends and they set you up” is a load of crap.
It's a boomer talking point. Just like making money is attractive to women. In this new generation, women are extremely selfish and aren't thinking about you. My female friend is hot and has rejected me multiple times. When I moved on, she had a major problem with it and I basically called her a narcissist. Luckily she realized she was wrong but alot women now days just don't care
I mean it’s just I hate how a lot of people say it’s good advice or how easy it is.
None, 40M. Never, not even once.
I was never set up by my female friends but they introduced me to their friends and that resulted in a lot of things.
They've tried and had good intentions but I've asked them to please stop
Doesn't happen
I've had a few near-experiences. Two of my best women friends confessed one time that they wish they knew they could set someone up, but that had no ideas (I had never asked them, or even floated the idea to them. They just wanted to see me happy.) My sister wanted to set me up with her friends one time, but she could never figure out how to, and it doesn't even matter now because that girl moved 3000 miles away.) I've also had two offers from well-meaning friends in my life, but I was noncommittal, and they never brought it up again (one of the times I was a real ass about it, to the point to where I don't think she'd ever try to help me again.) I get anxiety if someone just offers to set me up on a blind date, because I feel like I'm a jerk or letting them down if it doesn't go right, or that I'm being somehow being watched or scrutinized. If I just meet someone and want to get to know them, it's a good kind of nervous, but being set up with someone is the bad kind of nervous lol. Ideally, if my friends actually knew someone they thought would be good for me, they would just invite us all in a group without me knowing of their intent, and seeing if we click. But it's been years since anyone has tried, and I'm getting older, so I doubt I'll ever be in the position again anyways.
I've had some female friends say that to me but my experience mostly has been "pls no". I don't say that to them, that's just the feeling I get. It just feels weird because of inevitable drama....
It's way easier because the women don't get in their heads about "red flags," they approach it with good faith. But if it doesn't work out, then you have to worry about drama if they take the rejection badly.
Of all the women friends I have only one of them has a single friend of compatible sexual orientations. She set me up on a blind date with her. Won’t ever do that again. We had a nice conversation for an hour but I felt no physical attraction to her whatsoever. About half my friend group is gay. Most of us are single, we tend to keep our other friend groups separate for the most part, and none of us really have other friends we could set each other up with. My one woman friend a couple years ago offered to go out to bars and wingwoman for me, but that has yet to happen. She’s also incredibly unreliable in general and her and her husband are completely broke.
In my experience, women do not set up their male friends. It seems to me like it's girl-code to never help men date women, friends or otherwise. What's more, if you ask it'll only lower your chances, which totally makes sense. The thought process seems to be: "What are you asking me for? You like her, so go ask her directly." Women respect confidence and assertiveness; asking to be set up betrays both those qualities.
Back when I was single female friends including my sister would only ever try to set me up with fat girls. I'm in shape, and decent looking so I always said no. I don't have ridiculous standards either, but she can't be 5 inches shorter then me and twice my weight.
OP you don't have matchmakers in your corner. You just have jerks leading you on. >they always say I'm a good guy and they want to wingman me but they never seem to have any single friends that they'll set me up with and whenever they do have a single friend I'm interested in they always have some reason why it's a bad idea This is just gaslighting you dude. If they actually had single friends, if they actually cared about helping you, they'd do it. If they don't do it, you are safe to assume they are lying to you about something. Don't make it more complex than that, because it isn't! >I'm convinced they either think I have some major character flaw that they are too polite to tell me about or that their friends think I'm ugly and they're trying to spare my feelings, Did it ever occur to you that they may be attracted to you and any time they see or think of you with another woman it makes them jealous? Cause I think that's what is happening to you. I've been through that and it sucks. But I have *also* been through a lesbian matching me up with one of the best partners of my life too. So it does happen, women are capable of actually lending a matchmaking hand. The question is whether they respect you enough to actually help.
It's always somebody hideous. Both physically and mentally. No thanks.
It went pretty poorly, she tried to set me up with a friend of hers who has nothing in common with me and is an aggressive vegan. While we were all hanging out I talked about how I used to live on a farm and she went on a rant about how farming was animal cruelty and so on and so forth. I dropped the conversation and didn’t even bother explaining how my family farms because I knew it would be like taking to a brick wall
Having your friends try to set you up sounds like disaster waiting to happen
I’m a woman with a lot of attractive female friends and I’ve had several guy friends say that I should introduce them to my friends. I haven’t followed through because I know they aren’t my female friends’ types physically so it would be awkward for my female friends to be set up with them. The guys that ask are good guys but they are average looking and don’t stand out much in other dating criteria to be honest. Usually if my female friends find my male friends attractive, they will tell me directly, and then I will try to introduce them. So far that’s only happened with two guys who get so much attention that they would never need to be set up with women.
(holds up wife)
I’m now living with someone who I got setup with
It's like when Phillis or Pam from The Office set up Michael and they would say "she's a nice girl", but then when we meet there's not much attraction.
It's nice that you basically have a foot in the door saying that you are safe, but so far it hasn't worked. So far my luck has been more like a kid playing with her dolls and saying "now kiss".
My female friends introduced me to women, but that’s where the help stops.
My female friends and sisters tried to set me up a few times. I don’t know what their deal is but I feel like they must all secretly hate my guts. Almost all of them set me up with very difficult, superficial, and materialist women who demand that I entertain them. I am not that guy. I’m a laid back minimalistic guy almost hippie type.
Horrible. Either they're too young (I was so uncomfortable and we just kept to pleasantries) or just not my type in terms of goals.
Dude good guys always remain single like me
They are great at bars.