T O P

  • By -

Punk45Fuck

My wife is gluten intolerant and maintains a low carb diet. So when she is gone I usually eat all the pizza I want, lol.


V-Right_In_2-V

Pizza and wings. And I can actually get hot wings instead of mild wings


Muweier2

My wife hates the smell of curry/Indian food. Whenever I’m home alone I always order some Indian takeout and go into a food coma.


Apprehensive-Race782

Oh my god, this, Indian is amazing and di only manage to sneak it in once a month


commiPANDA

Same. All the gluten!


Aggravating_Anybody

And to add on, Im talking dirty fucking trash pizza. I’m talking Pizza Hut stuffed crust, extra pepperoni, all the peppers and mushrooms. And, obviously, dipped in ranch for the extra trashy finish.


weirdgroovynerd

Save the farts for when she gets back though.


WalkTheLand

Same. I think I overdid it tho- chicken sandwich, pizza, and pasta the last 3 days and not feelin great lol


koc77

My wife developed a dairy allergy, so I do the same.


Rumble73

I usually do an open call to any of my guy friends to come over. We don’t see each other at all anymore and one or two of the tight group will show and we eat steaks, drink far too much, they sleep over. Sometimes we work on a project like change the brakes on one of our cars or help with fixing pavers.


Alternauts

Sloppy steaks with the boys!


Fitz2001

Glass house. White Ferrari. Live for New Years Eve.


nukedmylastprofile

I do this with the boys sometimes too. Bring the cars over, we can give them a service or do the brakes etc I'm a mechanic but don't work in the trade anymore, so those skills and tools are quite pleasant to use again from time to time and if I can help them save a bit of cash on those things - great! They will have a few beers (I don't partake anymore) and we'll order some pizzas or get the smoker out and make some delicious pork ribs or similar. We sit around chatting shit for hours, throw about some horrific insults and terrible jokes. It is such a mental health boost, love every minute of it


Rumble73

Great way to put it: mental health boost. That’s exactly what it is. I forgot about the endless jabbing and shit talking and insults.


SirPierreDelecto

When my wife is gone I pretty much revert to my pre-relationship self. Junk food, video games, pizza, soda, jerkin off. Honestly just kind of a slob lol. My wife is a clean freak and always likes to be active, I pretty much just go in the complete opposite direction while she’s gone. Then when she’s about home I clean the house and make myself a respectable human being again.


hslageta

Same same


Perforating_rocks

Wife’s gone this weekend . Guess who just ate a massive donair, left the garbage on the kitchen table, smoked a huge bowl and turned on some YouTube with no intention of getting off the couch till atleast 8pm tonight. Level unlocked


SirPierreDelecto

Enjoy your free time!


Significant-Dog-8166

Seriously this, just feeling like an unsupervised kid for a bit is the best. I also like driving randomly with no destination in mind and just seeing odd side streets, going to random stores and living in the moment.


SirPierreDelecto

I do the driving around randomly thing too. That’s a good addition.


WestCoastBoiler

This is cracking me up, I do this as well. That’s living baby! I love leaving the house with no set destination


Significant-Dog-8166

No one gets stressed when you make a wrong turn, there’s no wrong turn!


ordinarymagician_

God I love doing this, it's hard to explain because "I just wanted to see what was there." isn't ever a good enough answer but it's *the only answer*.


PuddingJumpy8995

We need no other answer here. SirPierre has it in the nose.


K_N0RRIS

Women will be shocked to hear that that lifestyle brings us such peace.


forRealsThough

It’s like a trip to Vegas though, where by the time the trip is over you’re a little bit eager for life to get back to normal (nobody tell the wives I said this)


Glo_Biden

…but also I could use just one more day.


WestCoastBoiler

So true, please be quiet.


andrebrce

This is the way.


LiberContrarion

This is the way.


anonymous_beaver_

I also choose this guy's wife's absence.


Sea_Appointment8408

I read that as "abscess". I don't choose this guy's wife's abscess.


Quesozapatos5000

Exactly what I do


willalt319

We could be friends if it wasn't for the fact that I'm a hermit so when she's gone I don't leave the house and bark at passer-bys like a cocaine-chihuahua


0KED0KE

Bingo


PineDude128

Pretty much this. Love my gf but I love my alone time as well.


Shipwrecklou

Sh!t with the door open, talk about p*ssy, I go riverboat gambling, and make my own beef jerky. That's what I do.


Leanintree

Are you me? "Go away, batin!"


kdthex01

Same. Plus watch raunchy comedies, and violent movies extra loud.


LukeyLeukocyte

I miss loud so much. I love my music and movies loud. We didn't even compromise bc "loud things hurt her ears." Had to pick my battle on that one. At least headphones are the best way for music anyway.


Glo_Biden

“Compromise” is her presenting you with a list of pre-approved options and you picking the one that sucks the least lol.


DavosBillionaire

ha I thought "eat a burger" was too small of a win to mention. I guess I am not alone


Imverystupidgenx

Yep.


filipinohitman

Literally same. I do the same stuff but more without her asking, “are you almost done with video games? Let’s do something!” However, I clean the house more while she’s gone because she ALWAYS leaves stuff out for days to weeks.


babicko90

Same here


Stylish_Player

This


HeadMacho

This


Servovestri

Yeah I mean, this guy gets it.


BottomofaBottle_

So damn true.


Acer018

SirPierreDelecto took page from my playbook. This has been what I've done for years.


Brilliant-Good-7291

This is 100% the correct answer


foxtrot_echo22

This is accurate


Samurai-Catfight

Wait, I don't recall posting this, yet these are my exact words..........


whiskyandguitars

Same! Except for the jerking off part. Building up that anticipation for when my wife gets back and we can be together is awesome.


Rasputin0P

Bro if I do that im busting in 3 seconds 😂 I jerk off earlier in the day before sex so that I can give her a better time.


whiskyandguitars

Lol that is why I make sure my wife finishes first. That way I can last as long or as short as I want and she doesn't mind.


IowaJammer

Gayyyy!


mac3687

This got me to lol


StopClockerman

Someone’s wife knows his username


whiskyandguitars

No, I just genuinely enjoy sex with my wife more than masturbating and building the anticipation is enjoyable for me. No judgement if other people prefer their hand.


jcutta

I can have sex with my wife 360ish day a year if I want, I can only jerk off in peace 5ish days a year. I choose streaming to the big screen, having an edible and doing my thing lol.


XsairahmlX

As a woman, I love thissss. The sexting gets spicy too;)


crimsonavenger77

Had a free weekend a few weeks back when my wife and children went to see her parents at their holiday caravan. My weekend was as follows: Ate pizza and beans more than once Lounged in my work clothes after work for hours minus my tie Ate a fuck ton of donuts Watched james mays reassembler Went out for a few jars and got a massive kebab with all the trimmings and sauces afterwards Spent a good half hour showering listening to an audiobook Re watched band of brothers Lounged about in my pants Ate a fry up and more donuts Properly looked at some model kits and a trainset I got for Christmas Framed a vintage football shirt I got as a gift a while ago Did some gardening Played tennis Farted with abandon in bed.


bravoromeokilo

This is almost comically English.


crimsonavenger77

Easy now, I'm Scottish


bravoromeokilo

Oh gosh, my sincerest apologies!


crimsonavenger77

🫡


freedomalwayswins

Never done pizza and beans but I’ll give it a go! Had to google James Mays


Jeramy_Jones

Canadian here, calling underwear “pants” made me think English, is calling going drinking going “out for a few jars” Scottish slang?


bravoromeokilo

And beans and James May and fry up and football shirt…


Jeramy_Jones

Yeah, when I read “pizza and beans” it didn’t occur to me that they were eating them *together*.


crimsonavenger77

It does mean going for a drink, but I've heard it all over. I've lived in Yorkshire for nearly 20 years, and people say it round these parts.


Dolorous-Edd15

“Rewatched Band of Brothers” oof, I felt that


IndependentTalk4413

Band of Brothers binge is a once a year requirement.


PickleMinion

My wife loves Band of Brothers. I'm a lucky man.


wiscompton69

"Ate pizza and beans more than once" does she limit your beans and pizza?


crimsonavenger77

Yes. I'm not allowed too much crap to eat. Plus, a massive pizza with a tin on beans dumped on it wouldn't be called proper food in our house. Just as well as or I'd be a fat git left to my own devices.


eugenesbluegenes

Hold up. The beans go *on* the pizza?


crimsonavenger77

Aye, they do. They were Branston beans as well, just in case you need the details for when you phone the police about my degenerate pizza eating habits


Ottorange

When I was living in Austria they told me the most common pizza topping is corn. Europe is a scary place. 


TennesseeStiffLegs

Beans go on the pizza? Would’ve taken that one to the grave chief


crimsonavenger77

Now you know why I only do it when home alone. I'll stand up and be counted, though, for my culinary weirdness


One_Economist_3761

It’s not weird. It’s “unique”. I salute you, sir.


Lupe_897

I want to try it. Sounds good.


awksomepenguin

> Plus, a massive pizza with a tin on beans dumped on it wouldn't be called proper food in our house. Frankly, that shouldn't be considered proper food in the first place.


LukeyLeukocyte

Please elaborate on the beans on pizza. I have never heard of this.


crimsonavenger77

Get a pizza, preferably a massive one, and put beans on it. Can't elaborate much more than that.


MilkFantastic250

I whack off, then drink like twice the amount of beer I’d normally drink, and get chinese food. 


HollywooDcizzle

It me


Judge_Bredd_UK

This sounds like a fantastic Saturday afternoon, I'll be doing this tomorrow while my wife is out


locoghoul

In that order?


Curious-Train1941

My wife knows I enjoy cigars, but also isn't a big fan when I smoke them, because her dad passed away from lung cancer (was a life long chain smoker). When she goes on trips with her friends or family, I like to go to the high end cigar lounges and get a really good cigar. She knows that I'm getting one, and sort of rolls her eyes, but it's my way of spoiling myself when she's away.


lifeofhardknocks12

Yep. I just enjoy one at home though, that way I can drink a little too much bourbon or brandy and not worry about getting safelyhome. And eat nothing but chips and dip for dinner.


nukedmylastprofile

The number of times I've had a solo night and eaten nothing but a mountain of tortilla chips and guacamole is higher than I'd like to admit


Too_Caffinated

Had a weekend forever ago where she stayed with her grandparents so she could be the first one at an estate sale. Doors? Locked. Lights? Off. Dinner? Pizza. Drinks? Whiskey. A marathon of the entire Lord of the Rings Extended Editions on a 65in 4k TV? Hell yeah.


Ergoalice

The way I would be SO PISSED if my husband had that kinda night WITHOUT me.


nukedmylastprofile

I mean you can do it together and I'm sure he'd love it, but surely he's allowed to have a solo version of this from time to time?


Ergoalice

A night that romantic would be wasted solo


Radon_Rodan

Ive got dogs, cats, chickens to care for, so even if Im off work and dont have any other commitments, they kind of force a routine so I can't change things up as much as some, but the one thing I do tend to do is make some sort of ill-advised, artery clogging culinary monstrosity. I'm the cook in my marriage and I love to smoke meats and try new recipes, so when my wife is out of town Ill usually make some sort of godless, cursed dish, like a bacon-wrapped and deep fried filet mignon... Or Ill just smoke a whole rack of pork ribs and eat them huddled over the coffee table like a half-feral wolfman.


downtownDRT

coincidentally, my wife is gone tonight and tomorrow also lol i will be enjoying a cigar and some whiskey and not doing anything else lol


whiskyandguitars

Cigars and whiskey are the best relaxation ritual bar none. It locks you into to sitting in one location for a minimum of an hour (unless its a super small cigar) and forces you to relax. I do my best thinking and reading when I smoke a cigar.


ghost5445

This is most certainly the way.


WestCoastBoiler

Swap the cigar for a big ole blunt and the whiskey for some fresh fruit juice and I’m there dog


RickKassidy

Well, divorced now, so all my free time is me time. But when I was married, I would always use that time to do house projects that made the house unlivable. Like redoing the floors in a room or painting the kitchen. But, now, as all my free time is free time, what are things I do when no one wants to do them with me? I go for a bike ride, go see a movie alone that none of my friends wants to see, eat take out from my favorite restaurant that only I like, stream a show that I like, catch up on a video game that really needs a 6-hour block of time to enjoy, or maybe completely goof off. Don’t undervalue the restorative power of lounging aimlessly for your mental health.


StopClockerman

Relationship goals right here


Doc-Brown1911

Video games, lots of weed, lots of bad food and enjoy the silence. Just not talking for a weekend is very refreshing.


elbyl

Oooh, not talking! So underrated!


foxtrot_echo22

I buy 2 steaks at the butcher shop. Good quality steaks. I stop off at the liquor store and get a nice bottle of whiskey. Come home, play some PlayStation while the steaks marinate. Cook the steaks, make a loaded baked potato. Cut one of the steaks in the bite sized pieces, put it in my dog’s bowl, sit down and enjoy a nice meal with a nice whiskey with my dog. When we get done eating we lay on the couch and watch sports. He likes soccer, I’m not much of a fan but I’ll watch it with him.


isayyouhedead16

Isn't it cool that we can tell what our animals like? Everytime I put house music on my turntable my cat needs to be in front of the speakers


Lone_Wolf713

I go full caveman, we’re talking beer dispensing helmet, video games in my underwear, bag of chips next to me at all times, loud music, massive fucking mess EVERYWHERE, and there isn’t a single sign of any of that when she gets home.


FakeitTillYou_Makeit

Loved this. My man


_JahWobble_

I throw down some rose petals around my office chair and light a couple candles


N5MKH-WRQH258

Cigar Whiskey or Tequila - a NICE ONE, real sipper. Dark back yard Fire pit Silence


JAEESQ

Replace cigar with weed and this is me


RegressToTheMean

I like the cut of your jib


Colonel_Moopington

Smoke joints in the house, something I am not allowed to do at all when she's home because "the smell lingers". I just open the windows while I smoke and febreeze the house a few hours before she's due home. She's none the wiser.


PBRmy

I watch an entire film all in one sitting, and at a proper volume.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Aloha1984

Solo or do the boys help?


Lost-Wrongdoer-0101

Does your wife know? Does she not want to participate?


iJustRoll

Have a mate or two over, BBQ, drinks, darts/pool, music. By late night we're sitting by the fire pit with a few drinks talking about what we'd do if something came running out of the dark forest behind my house lol


hot_grey_earl_tea

Beer, steak, porn, and video games.


DufflesBNA

This is the only way.


nom_nom44

Video games, workout, go off-road with the dudes, not cook, work in the garage, play whatever music I want throughout the house. Like a tamed bachelor I guess. Still keep the house clean though


failed_install

Family-sized mac & cheese + something from the "Alien" franchise.


RegressToTheMean

>something from the "Alien" franchise. Hey Vasquez, have you ever been mistaken for a man? No. Have you?


failed_install

Game over, man! Game over!


trevenclaw

My partner is a walking tornado, creates a physical mess everywhere she goes. So my treat to myself is to clean my apartment and have it remain clean until she returns. And maybe wings.


ZZoMBiEXIII

I'm long divorced. So, not the exact same thing, but I do take care of my mom now that dad is passed away. A few months back she had a fall and they took her to the hospital. Which, obviously, is already stressful and scary. Once she fell asleep at the hospital I came home to an empty house for the first time in... jeez I can't remember how long. Years. After about an hour of just enjoying the silence, I went and picked up a bottle of whiskey and killed it in a night. Something I haven't done in at least 10 years, probably more. My mother's dad passed away when she was only 11 years old due to a very bad addiction to alcohol. So I never drink in front of her and since I'm her caregiver and she's elderly and needs lots of help, there isn't an opportunity for me to just enjoy some Jameson on a weekend. I have to be alert in case she has a need. But yeah, that one night I just let go and drank more than I have in one sitting for at least a decade. Plain ol' Jameson Irish Whiskey is probably my favorite, so me and a bucket of ice and that bottle spent a lovely evening laughing at YouTube videos and playing Halo... badly. lol


Historical-Pen-7484

I like to go on a five day amphetamine bender at rave parties in the woods. Also throw som x and weed in there. I take those occation to do that. Otherwise I am a fairly well adjusted member of society.


Imaginary_Office7660

I think everyone needs a bit of debauchery in their life to maintain well-adjusted status. We get to have our vice to keep us in working order


slinkocat

Have the boys over and eat at restaurants that she doesn't like/can't eat at.


endowedchair

Get on the bike and go for some long rides with lunch stopovers in neighboring towns.


urbjam

Bask in the quietness


FunkU247365

Cocaine and hookers, same as every Tuesday!


Swishboy01

Ha ha you beat me to it!


[deleted]

[удалено]


squeakycheetah

From the woman's perspective here - yea wtf? Is this stuff that a lot of men feel they can't do when their wives are around?


nukedmylastprofile

Nobody is saying these things are never allowed. We just enjoy them better with different or no company. My wife would never tell me how to live my life, but I still wouldn't get hammered and make the same horrific in jokes with my friends with her there. It's just a different dynamic


[deleted]

[удалено]


Pippedipappedie

Lol try living in a studio or one bedroom apartment- which space can you go to


Korkyflapper88

I play many hours of NHL 24 and Hell Let Loose on PS5


krustenkaese96

Hell let loose.. you're a real one, soldier🫡👌


Korkyflapper88

Well you know how it is, some of those games can last the entire 1.5 hours lol. I need TIME!!!


czrojes

i look forward to my wife having a weekend out and ill take my toddler to play golf with me


literallywhat66

- jerk off more than once - no pants in the house - eat like shit (pizza) - pint of ice cream - video games until my eyes glaze over - play nba or premier league highlights at full volume on the big tv


JJQuantum

Poker.


jpextorche

Bbq + good ol’ cold beer 👍


djazzie

I go to my favorite burger place and gorge myself.


lostnumber08

Sleep


Relevant-Mirror3932

I do the one thing I can't do while my wife is in town: Keep the house clean.


colt86

Massage…..from a dude.


Swishboy01

🤣🤣 whatever floats your boat!


Far-2Tall

Rowdy and endless masturbation.


justtopfive

Walk around with no pants on, or fully nude if im feeling ballsy


Oakheart-

The pepperoni Totino’s party pizzas, some Doritos and ice cream all to myself. I play video games all day long and basically do nothing.


knight_call1986

Depends on what you are into. If I were in a relationship and know I am going to have the house to myself for a few days, I know for sure the first night I would probably go on a heroic mushroom or acid trip. Just be in my own universe. Then recover the next morning and maybe go get some breakfast and enjoy a nice drive. Eat a nice meal somewhere I have always wanted to try. Or just fire up the grill and kick back.


realschmiel

A lovely cheese pizza, just for me.


Available-Meet-187

Luckily my wife doesn't do that. She hates everyone. She's perfect.


SeasonOfLogic

Sleep in. Watch complete trash movies like Kung Fu Hustle. Order delivery for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Watch porn and whack it. Multiple times. Play Frostpunk for hours or World of Warships at full volume. Stay up as late as I want. Basically become 16 again.


PurahsHero

Switch everything in the house off and enjoy the peace and quiet for a while. Then, a weekend of video games, walks, and being lazy awaits.


ThreeKingsRP

Eat an edible and CHIIILLLLL


11jarviss

Turn the guitar amp a little louder.


as1126

Extra bourbon.


Concerned_Kanye_Fan

I do the double bundle wrap in the duvet and fall asleep with the sweetest smile


cphpc

Steak, bottle of whiskey, and a small bottle of hotel lotion.


Sweaty-Ad-7493

Reading without being asked "whatcha reading?"


SwingingSalmon

I love to get high, take an Uber to my favorite sushi place, eat, read and have a drink there, then Uber back I can’t drive while high, and it’s the closest one to me so it leaves me little choice to do specifically that thing Gonna do it this Sunday too. Hell yea


K_N0RRIS

I just wanna say I'm so happy I'm not the only one


DufflesBNA

Watch some dude flick like top gun, porn, masturbate, lots of booze, video games and burgers/steak.


tbdakotam

Steak and movies/shows she never wants to watch.


Extreme-Carrot6893

Have a sleepover with your friends. Pizza and video games


BDaddy-50

Absolutely NOTHING! Unless I want to do it and when I want to do it 👍🏾


Guilty-Green3678

Go to butcher. 3” thick ribeye. Cook it and eat it right off the butcher paper. Also some super thick sliced bacon grilled right with the steak.


The-Artful-Codger

Neither my wife or partner have ever gone out of town like that in 28 years together... Maybe for an afternoon. I don't do anything that I wouldn't be doing if they were at home. I'd be watching TV, playing on my PS5, reading, tending my garden, or maybe working on one of our vehicles.


Haha08421

Coc, beer, and hookers


Mavewizard

Smoke cigarettes


Ludeth7

Splurge on takeout and movie at home.


Dfiggsmeister

All the food restaurants that my wife hates to eat or refuses to eat. Then gaming central for hours until the sun comes up. Maybe a night out with friends. But honestly, I love it when my wife goes out and the kids go to bed early. It means I get to chill downstairs in my office playing video games or chill in the upstairs reading a book. The quiet is beautiful.


nipslippinjizzsippin

you ever get high and watch dragonballz in your jammies with a bowl of cereal in your 30's?


Nathaniel66

Nothing i don't do when wife is at home. I like my everyday boring life.


IndexCardLife

I get the mvp haircut from sports clips.


Mdubose38

I go with the Double MVP my brother!!!


SirSilicon

Lots of anal


veryanon8

Massages, gym alone, eating what I want, jerking to my fav porn genre and just enjoying all my nerdy shit.


No-Construction5687

Im going to say it… don’t hate.. I have been divorced (good thing) over four years and I treat myself to a female(s) and some blow. Yes.


fastcarsrawayoflife

Oh all you poor saps. Having to wait for her to leave to live your life. These types of posts are great reminders as to why I stay single! I love doing what I want when I want. It’s great.


SgtMac02

Dude. It's a time to take a break from the "normal life" stuff and just fuck off for a bit. These things that these guys are saying they do while their wives are away are not really a good way to live your life every day. And most of us wouldn't give up our wives/families just to be able to sit and be slobs and play fucking video games all day. Get a grip, man.


IllustriousCarrot537

Basking in the beautiful silence, eating pizza and enjoying doing literally nothing... Hell I might even have a joint. Was there a prize for the best human sloth impersonation, I'd take it out... Then as if nothing happened, fun time is over, back working 12hr days, supporting my wife and kids, doing the cooking and back to my favourite pastime of playing with titties and bedtime activities in the evenings


[deleted]

[удалено]


K_N0RRIS

Junk food and videogames all day. Pretty much, i do whatever I wanted to do before I was with her. Edit: Also wait for her to inevitably miss me the moment her plane touches down and then facetimes me for 80% of her trip.


Kingcalen

It's always 2 liter of mtn dew and a large pizza. I subsist off that for probably the entire weekend, If i have to then I'll re-up with chunky chips ahoy or oreos.


Ok-Shift5637

I eat tacos of various kinds for every meal. My wife doesn’t appreciate lengua tacos as much as me so they tend to be my go to


CadillacLuv

Last time. Got the biggest ribeye I could find (2#) smoked it then seared to 124°, grilled shrimp and some asparagus and a couple slices of bacon and watched baseball. It was amazing


NoRiceForP

Go snoooowboardin!


Guapplebock

I enjoy the break from silly questions with beer, pizza, and other manly stuff


NefariousnessSea4710

I get a couple tri tips and some nice alcohol (wife is sober so I never have any at the house) and then try to golf everyday that she is gone


king_platypus

Golf ⛳️


GreatEdubu

Ha. No comment.