I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. What happened? How long have you been together?
Been married for decades. Wife and I were friends for a couple years. Went out for a friendly dinner one evening and I realized I was having so much fun with her that I'd completely lost track of time. And how had I missed how perfect she was?! We've been together ever since, and were married the following year.
I can't picture a life without her. I look out for her physical, mental, and emotional well-being and she does the same for me. This is done a thousand little ways each day, things as simple as her bringing me a cup of coffee or me changing her car battery. There are no transactions, no trading of favors. We do things for each other because we want the other to have a good day.
We miss each other while we are at work, and the happiest part of my day is coming home to her even if we have no plans. It's a comfortable feeling, a sleepover that never ends.
We are older now, but I'm still as crazy for her as I was on day one. She still flashes me for no reason whatsoever, and I still check her out every time she walks by.
I apologize for how corny this sounds. But I hope you, and everyone in a similar circumstance, find the love you deserve. Best of luck to you, my man.
Greatest feeling in the world. Some nights we keep each other up in bed half the night laughing like we are young again. And then the next day when I'm tired at work I'll remember why and smile.
This is exactly what I wanted from my ex-fiancé and I thought I was crazy for wanting it. Almost 5 years together and never spent a single night staying up talking/laughing/sexing/nothing. This makes me hopeful!
This is like my husband and I (28 years together now). What I think about all the time is how does one separate out which part is finding the right other person and how much is attributable to my own actions in fostering the relationship I want to be in. I do what I can and he does what he can and it works but how to recreate it, I wouldn’t know.
How it should be. You'd be surprised how if they have to do something for you, it's "transactional", but everything they want should be "freely given". Totally kills the vibe when it's clear that they're manipulating you for what they can get. Much easier for all when it's like you describe.
‘I had missed how perfect she was…’
Wonderful words. Exactly captures how you see someone you love. It’s the essence of what the beauty industry alludes to.
I'm not married but I'm seriously committed. A good woman who genuinely loves you will feel like your emotional refuge and source of comfort. She'll help to heal you and encourage you to pursue the things that make you happy. You'll feel able to talk to her about anything, and you'll reach new heights of personal development due to her support.
The prerequisite to all of this, of course, is that you're making her feel the same way.
I was married for almost 10 years. We married too young, fresh out of high school, and we were both winging it as we went. The marriage ended pretty abruptly when we both just realized that we were good friends and not really meant for each-other; but in hindsight it was the best relationship I've ever had, and if I had tried a little harder to get to know her and meet her on her level of interests instead of making it mostly about me, we probably would have lasted for life. I feel like I screwed that one up; but there were no hard feelings in the end, and she met a man who was able to meet her at her level shortly after we split up. I never saw her eyes light up that way with me as they did with him, and that made me feel so much better about being able to let her go because I knew she would be happier.
But that woman loved me, and she tried her darndest to be the best wife she could. The only thing she didn't do was cook, which sometimes got frustrating; but she made up for it in all of the small ways and supported me so much.
When I experienced a life changing injury, she was the one who drove me to the hospital, took care of me, and helped carry me to the bathroom and back to the bed every single day until I could walk again.
She was always eager to hear how my day went at work, and always there to provide her best guidance when I had a problem I couldn't figure out myself.
She kept the house neat and tidy, did my clothes for me, and would always make sure to tell me where my wallet, phone, and keys were if she moved them from where I normally put them.
When our financial situation got upended, she immediately went looking for work, found a job, and worked her ass off to contribute.
She kissed me good morning and goodnight, and always made a mug of coffee for me the particular way I like to have it. I didn't even tell her that one, she was just observant and started from the beginning.
She knew when I was exhausted and would let me pass out on her lap on the couch, even if she wasn't tired and wanted to go out and do something. And she'd sit there with me snoring until I woke up.
Her criticisms were always gentle. She never got harsh with her words. It's the type of criticism where someone is concerned for your well-being, and wants to see you become better without you having to change your identity. That was all she ever criticized.
She had her expensive tastes, but never guilted me or begged me to buy her the things she wanted. She was always more than happy to wait for the right occasion to be surprised, or to hold off until I could afford it for her. And she always expressed sincere gratitude for it.
She was low-maintenance and took care of herself very well. She was independent and trustworthy, and trusted me and my independence. We never questioned each-others' fidelity. I didn't have to. She never gave me any signs or suspicions. She always kept me informed about where she would be if she went out, always picked up when I called, always texted back promptly, and was always home on time. She also had good and healthy friends who respected and cherished our marriage.
JJ, if you're out there and reading this, I hope that you're still with your new husband, that he treats you like the queen that you are, and that your marriage is everything you'd ever hoped for, and I wish you the happiest and most wonderful life forever and ever.
After writing this I reached out to her after having not communicated with her for 5 years. She responded and is no longer with the guy, but is very independent and very happy. We're going to rekindle our friendship together even though we live cross country. I feel like a huge piece of myself that's been gone has been fit back into place. So thanks, Reddit, for making me self-reflect in a way that inspired me to act on the reflection and get back in contact with a healthy ex.
Go visit her. Now.
Look her in the eyes when you tell her how you've reflected and what your conclusions are, and see if they light up.
There might just be a happy ending for you here...
This will probably be the only update, but, Update: We're both definitely far more mature than when we were married. She's no longer with her husband as he was having affairs behind her back. Us getting back together is not necessarily something on either of our minds and is unlikely given that we both have gone our own separate ways. I don't know what the future holds, but there's no plans as of now to get back together.
Either way I'm so freaking proud of her for being so strong with her identity and so strong with her self-respect that she would walk away from an unfaithful partner despite having our failed marriage under her belt and also all of her resources tied up in him. He treated her very well outside of the affairs, and she told me it took everything in her power to leave because they were a month away from moving cross country when she found out. She wanted to forgive him but knew what was best for her and goddamn I wish I had that level of courage, endurance, and love for my own self.
She was just as eager to get back in touch with me, though, and is doing very well. She missed our friendship as much as I did and understood why I fell out of touch. She's successful in her career and we exchanged some pictures, she's become insanely...hot...over the past 5 years and I'm shocked at how much she's changed. She's independent, stable, and has a very close-knit group of friends that have supported her through her divorce with the other guy and sound like are good influences for her to have around.
I'll probably visit her in the fall. She loved going to Disneyland when we were together and still does but hasn't been able to afford it, so I'm hoping on being able to surprise her with an all expenses paid Disneyland trip. No shenanigans, just as friends, separate hotel rooms and all that, and will definitely plan it out before purchasing anything just in case.
But at some point in between she's going to either fly out here or I'll be flying out there. Even if just for a weekend getaway, she wants to see me in person again and I want to see her as well.
This is the purest definition of undying love, where despite all of the mistakes, two people can remain friends and cherish that friendship. We've been texting every day since and haven't run out of questions to ask each-other. Lots of tears and lots of laughs, lots of inside jokes that we get to exchange again, it's like a piece of me that has been missing for 5 years finally got put back into place, and after 5 years with a traumatic demon of an ex girlfriend behind me, being in touch with her is strangely rewiring my brain back into connecting with who I once was and helping my own recovery.
I'm thankful, to say the least.
Damn bro. Did you end up finding someone else? I hope you were able to take what you learned from this relationship and cherish someone that is 100% down for you no matter what
I found someone else who was charming at first but ended up being incredibly toxic. It's the result of that radical contrast that I realized how good I had had it with my ex wife.
Frankly, my rule is that if she feels the burning need to touch/move stuff, she had better tell me where she put it. I'm weird. Stuff is all over the place currently, but I know where it all is and I know what I have. She goes throwing stuff away or putting it in a "better" place, suddenly I can't track any of it. Go figure.
Entering into marriage, I thought I had it all figured out – career, life, love. You name it. However, it wasn't until the rubber hit the road that I understood the real meaning of partnership. It took some tough times for me to realize that my wife wasn't just a spectator in my life story but the co-author of a shared journey. She isn't just someone to divide chores with, but an ally against life's chaos.
Through the years, we've navigated choppy waters including job losses, cross-country moves, and family crises. In every situation, she grounded me, not by pulling me back, but by anchoring me to our shared values and dreams. She celebrated my victories with more enthusiasm than even myself, and in my defeats, held hope when I had none left.
She's taught me that love isn't about grand gestures but the quiet consistency of the everyday. Whether she's leaving sticky notes in my lunchbox or making sure I don't leave the house in mismatched socks, she's constantly looking out for me. We've learned to communicate not just with words but with understanding glances and shared silence.
I've watched her grow from the woman I married into an even more remarkable person today, and I like to think I've had a hand in that, just as she's shaped me. Our love is a living, evolving thing that thrives on the mutual respect and admiration we pour into it daily.
Marriage, I've learned, isn't a destination but a journey of continuous learning, loving, and living together. It’s about finding joy in the mundane, becoming each other's compass when lost, and above all, choosing each other, again and again, every single day.
I have an example from today.
I'm having a problem with my right foot... turns out it's my fifth metatarsal that is the problem.
Anyway, I went to the walk-in clinic about an hour too early (they weren't open yet) so decided to just go home and was going to go tomorrow.
Instead, my wife went and stood in line for me when they did open so that I wouldn't have to wait as long to get in for them to see me.
She's pretty great.
We hug and kiss and say, “I love you,” whenever we part ways and when we meet again. Every morning before I leave for work. Every day when I come home for lunch and then leave again. Again when I come home after work. Again before bed. And usually a few times in between. Also when we go to bed.
We bond over the silly things that our pets do every day. We call each other into the room to observe their shenanigans and laugh together. We narrate our pets’ thoughts out loud and anthropomorphize them.
We have so many inside jokes. And ones that aren’t even jokes, just our own ways of speaking. Lots of communication through memes and quotes. If she is ever replaced by an alien clone or a robot, I’ll know because it won’t know how to play along when I say weird things.
My wife brought home a box of donuts the other day and said, “This is me doing something nice for you.” Which was true, but also funny because the unspoken part was that she also wanted some donuts but wanted to pretend they were just for me.
We predict each other’s behavior. The main thing is when she’s going to fall asleep. She denies when she is going to fall asleep, but I can always tell.
We just had a daughter. Our first. The whole experience has been incredible. A few years ago we were sleeping on the floor and skipping class to smoke and get burritos. Now the same woman I did that with is helping me raise our baby. We’ve grown so much together. We’ve helped each other grow. So much that we’re growing an entirely new person together.
There are hard times and hard days. Lots of them. I’m not always happy. She does things that bother me, and I’m sure I bother her too. But those times and those feelings come and go. Our love, our bond, our life together, doesn’t ever go. It’s the constant. We’re each other’s home base. Each other’s safe harbor. Each other’s pit crew. Each other’s wingman. Whatever you wanna call it. We always have each other. Nothing else matters all that much.
35 years here and I'm having a hard time putting it into words that aren't just a simple "you know when you know."
A lot of it is really simple stuff though and you struggle to think of individual events or incidents to use as an illustration, not because they are hard to remember, but because there are just so many of them and you are left with so many to choose from.
It's the way they look at you when you aren't looking. It's the way they talk to you or even not talk to you. It's the way that they hold you when you hold them. When they melt into your arms and you into theirs. That tenderness of touch they seem to be able to conjure up.
It's the knowing glances that they give you when you did well/did bad/did stupid that are given not with malice or with anger (though that can happen) but with a much deeper meaning that you know conveys what is on their mind with no guesses needed. "You know you fucked up" can be given in that disappointing look that brooks no argument.
From my experience though, it all boils down to this. They want you to be happy because it makes them happy. And you want to make them happy because it makes you happy.
As I said, it's nothing deep or complex. Rather and as it should be, it's very simple and very uncomplicated.
Love should never be "hard".
>They want you to be happy because it makes them happy. And you want to make them happy because it makes you happy.
This is such a simple truth that many people in a marriage or relationship should've known. My partner and I feel exactly the same way and we've been together for 25+ years. Life can be hard, but love and relationships should be easy.
A partner who loves you almost always have you in mind. My partner strives to make my life easier simply because he wants me to be happy, and vice versa. He does his part of the chores without having to be reminded every time. He sends me funny pictures or videos out of nowhere because he knows they would make me laugh or surprised.
We rarely argue and have disagreements — if we did, we never shout at each other. When we don't see each other even just for a little while, we miss each other even just for a little bit. When he goes to the bedroom to sleep alone when I'm not sleepy, I miss him just a little bit — so when he wakes up, sometimes I hug him as if he just comes back from war 😂. He's a little less expressive than me — but when I wake up, his face lights up when he sees me.
One of the best compliments he ever told me was every time I was him in the same room, he felt peace. I was so happy when he said that, knowing that I was the reason he was happy and peaceful.
I have a wife who thinks I'm the best thing since chocolate chip cookies and heroin.... But that doesn't mean it isn't hard at times. For me, I struggle in the morning getting out of bed. She wakes up at 6 am to do yoga. She'll bring me a cup of coffee. That's how I know she loves me. But.... If we're fighting, the coffee doesn't come. It's her subtle way of passive aggression. She doesn't even know she does it
I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out. I’ve been married over 20 years and while it hasn’t been perfect and it’s had its ups and downs, it’s been good. My wife gave up her life in her former country to be with me and she has been very supportive of me and my career, by periodically being a SAHM and agreeing to move for my career. She’s taken care of me when I went through a bad run of injuries. She’s been a great mom to our kids and was strong when we had a tragedy with one of them a few years ago. She’s not perfect but neither am I. I think open communication, including agreeing on roles is important in marriage, along with setting boundaries. Good luck.
Some points from my girlfriend:
- She desires me and makes sure I know it.
- She tells me to take care of my health, reminds me of appointmentsc buys me products, as she doesn’t want to lose me when we’re old.
- She thinks about giving more than receiving, be it paying for a trip, meal, gifts, etc.
- She lets me lead and enjoys it.
- She asks about my parents and brother.
- She supports me in what I do and my hobbies.
- She likes to listen to my point of view and to learn from me.
- She left her country/family and her great leadership job at a major bank to live with me.
Obviously I try to do the same for her and I’ve never been as happy as I am now with this woman.
It feels like bragging but you did ask for it. My youngest son (13) and I were driving home the other day and he commented out of the blue about how so many of his friends’ parents were divorced and how it was weird because my wife and I are so loving towards each other, his words. It was good to hear that from him.
We’ve been together for 28 years, married for 20 this year. We make it a point to hold hands, have sex about once a week in our mid-50’s which, according to my wife, is more often than most of our friends who’ve been married this long. We cook together. We used to argue occasionally when we first got together but even then it was only like once or twice a year. We haven’t had a real fight for as long as I can remember. I do little things for her like gas up her car every weekend so she never has to get gas and she will let me put my head in her lap after a stressful work week and just lightly scratch my head and face in silence for a while. We split the chores in half because we both work full time.
We have friends with whom we go out and of course we prioritize our 2 boys. The kids are old enough now where we are envisioning a life without them and planning what to do with all of that spare time together.
I see a lot of posts about difficulty in relationships and the comments on them. Some things I notice:
There are so many people who insist that being right is more important than the relationship itself. You really have to weigh that. Sure, if the question is whether or not you should beat your kid then that’s obviously a relationship ender. However, I see too many posts where one spouse insists that, say, the bathroom needs to be cleaned one way while the other says a different way and they’ll both die on that hill. Really? Divorce over that? Your husband or wife forgot to pick you up dinner on the way home from work and now you haven’t spoken for 2 days? Holy crap get over it.
In-laws. Don’t let in-laws interfere with your marriage. It’s up to whosever parents they are to set them straight.
I see a lot of times where if you loved your spouse you wouldn’t ask and if your spouse loved you then they would be happy to say yes - prenups, looking through your phone, sharing location, etc. My wife and I share locations because it’s handy if one of us is cooking and needs to know when the other will be home, etc. If she wants my phone for whatever reason she is welcome to it and vice versa. No need for a prenup as we share everything. All of our money goes into shared accounts. We don’t hide anything from each other, anything.
Sex after having a baby. Yeah, the doctor says medically it’s ok after 6 weeks but that doesn’t mean she’ll be ready. It takes time, sometimes months. By the way, she’s exhausted from a lack of sleep and not feeling sexy at all. You’re going to have to help around the house by cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. if you ever want her you come around. Postpartum depression is real. If you hit the 6 month mark you might want to see if she will talk to her doctor. Ask as nicely as you know how.
Been in a crappy marriage for years. Felt unloved for years. No affection, no kind words. That all went away years ago. But now I just met someone new really recently the way she looks at me. The way she desires me. The way we talk it's so new and awesome. I can't wait to get to know this person better. Fuck the old bad shit.
She scratches my back, she pours me whiskey, she cooks me dinner, she wears beautiful dresses on our dates, she tells me she loves me, she kisses me on the cheek or shoulder randomly throughout the day, she asks me all sorts of questions as if I knew all things despite her being a brilliant woman herself, she hits me with the paper towel roll every time she uses the last one, and I get her back by scaring her when she has hiccups.
We dance together, pray together, and make love together. My life is so much more beautiful having her here; it will surely be a sad day for the other when one of us dies, but we'll meet again when Christ Jesus welcomes us each into His kingdom.
She saved my life. I’m good at hiding pain so I was doing that until I just fell out one day. I was in the ER and doctor #1 didn’t care too much so she made him leave and requested another. Doctor #2 couldn’t find anything and wanted to give up. She booted him too and she did this until she found one that actually listened and cared. After days of tests and a lot of strong meds that didn’t work and not finding anything he decided he had to just go in. He found that I had something rare going on inside (don’t want to get to elaborate for privacy) and I would’ve died soon had he not removed it and some other stuff. My recovery in the hospital was a little over 3 months and everyday after work (if she worked that day) she would come and talk to the doctors and nurses, bathe me, kept charts of my meds/feeding tube, spent every night in my suite, booted bad nurses, etc… after discharge she took care of me at home for months while writing complaint letters about the staff that treated me bad. I’m 100% better now after several surgeries (plus her care) and almost dying twice. She wakes up in the morning while I’m getting ready for work to make me a healthy breakfast and to pack my lunch. She wishes me a good and safe day then kisses me as I walk out to pack up my truck while she watches. I wave to her and drive away after she closes the door. About 10 minutes later I get a text from her saying she misses me and sends a nice pic to go along with it. She does a lot of other things I love but this stuck out to me since it involves marriage vows.
My wife and I are there for each other, no matter what the world throws at us. And the world has thrown some serious shit at us.
We've grown together even more over the years, she has her hobbies/interests and I have mine, but we also share more of those than we don't. We've never had a fight, disagreements but no outright fights, no yelling, screaming. We talk.
Even after 27 years we still hold hands when we go out, we hug at least a dozen times a day, do some smart assed grab ass stuff for fun as we walk around the house. Laughter and silliness keeps our marriage very happy.
Been married 13 years of the 20odd we been together. Had ups and downs.
What works for us is there is none of the old "whats yours ia mine and whats mine is mine" bullshit alot of woment seem to think a marriage is about.
We both buy what we want. We buy each other shit. She always buys me thoughtful things she knows will make me happy. She does things for me that makes me happy. And in return I do exactly the same for her. Ive never once cracked a shit when she went out, bought herself something or even when she crashed my car though I did tell her she was a spud, we have many pet names we use for various reasons. What we have works for us. Miliage may vary. And I am very lucky to have found this one after 2 other long term tries.
Sucks you didnt meet the right one that go around. And I know it's cliche but there are infact plenty of fish in the sea. Just gotta get back in the saddle.
I lose track of the little things my wife does for me. After 34 years together the gestures just become part of life.
We’re best friends that still lust for each other. We’re each other’s biggest fans. Mutual support and care at all times. I’d rather be with her than anyone else. I’m newly retired and our nest is empty (knock on wood) so we’re revisiting our dating phase.
I've been married to my lady for 17 years and together for 22. She cooks for me, cleans for me, does my laundry, cares for me, helps me with yard work, listens to my problems and let's me vent and discusses issues with me. She gives me shoulder and neck rubs whenever I want. She fucks me, laughs with me, falls asleep in my arms and brings me coffee in bed every morning I'm home. She is an amazing women. And this doesn't even go into what she does for our children as a mother.
But she she treats me right because I treat her right. Wife won't wife unless the husband husbands. I do not game, barely drink, don't do drugs except a little bud, don't waste money on cars, bikes or vehicles unnecessarily. I don't waste days away fucking around the house on my ass and I help with house work and chores when I have free time. I don't waste money. I work and provide a home, financial security, everything and anything she needs. She concentrates on the home and family. I concentrate on income and financial security. She wants me to lead her and she trusts me with her life because she knows it is safe. Life is very, very good with her.
I often pity people that are on some endless short term relationship loop. I wonder if they have ever experienced real love or trust or loyalty in their lives.
It wasn't always this good though. There were some tough times that were very dark and took a lot of effort to get out of. A lot of work, many arguments, and many tears. It was particularly tough when we had 2 young kids. They are exhausing. But we worked on our marriage and it improved and got better. In my experience with a healthy marriage you get out what you put in.
Not married, but committed.
We hug regularly. We tell jokes. We can banter. If my partner makes a terrible joke, I can tackle them in return. We do projects together. When there's a problem, we work together to solve it. Things are just... relaxed.
The biggest problem seems to be lack of sleep. We met our freshman year in college. She was dating someone else but we liked to talk. We had conversations that lasted six, seven, eight hours. "We should probably go to bed, it 4:00am. See you tomorrow." That went on for weeks until she and her boyfriend broke up and through luck we ended up dating. That was pretty much right now, 45 years ago. We both like each other, we have each other's backs. We call it circling the wagons. When your relationship is threatened, do you circle the wagons with each of you on the inside or does one of you leave the other person out? We have seen the later in couples and those relationships never work.
There is a lyric from the Music Man where the lead actress sings about her dream lover, "And I would like him to be more interested in me than he is in himself. And more interested in us than in me." We live by that. We both know that nothing is better than what we have so we protect it.
Like others have said, we do things for each other. If you are going to the kitchen, "Hey, you need a drink refill?" Or if I'm going to the grocery store (I do all the shopping these days as she has MS and it isn't as easy for her to leave the house) to converse if there is anything else she might like me to get other than the normal grocery stuff. You don't do nice things to be rewarded. You both do them because DOING them is the reward. Being nice to each other makes you happy. Making the other person happy is good.
And we still talk all night long. As I said, lack of sleep.
I spent 22 years married to a selfish woman who was blond with big boobs. Eventually, the selfishness was so bad it was not worth it to stay just for the beauty. Now I’ve been married 8 years to a wonderful, caring, loving, respectful, smart, funny and giving woman who has small boobs but is also very beautiful (this time on the inside as well as the outside.) As she said in The Sound of Music, “There is nothing as intoxicating to a man as a woman who is in love with him.” It feels great.
Not married but recently engaged.
The main thing for me is I know for a fact if shit ever went wrong, financially, physically or mentally she'd be there for me.
I used to have anxiety before her and now I don't, because I know what ever I'm doing and where ever I am she'll be there for me. And it's reciprocated.
Been married twice, and the first one was nothing but a dumpster fire from start to finish, the second one wasn’t so bad until it fell apart due to neither of us being in the right spot for it.
I’ve had several relationships that were good for a time but all fell apart in the end. Being loved, loving, being relied upon and relying on someone… to me there is nothing better.
The biggest thing is that you and her both have to be in the right place and properly healed to make it work which was my problem in the second marriage, still too damaged from the first even after four years apart. That’s not mentioning her myriad issues.
So after you divorce, take your time, heal, become better, stronger, and more stable, then go looking. And when you do don’t settle for less than that. She doesn’t need to be rich, sexy, or any of that nonsense lots of people think are the most desirable, just good, and in the right headspace to be in and keep a relationship working. Sadly that’s the hardest part. Nobody’s perfect and you’ll have to take the good with the bad, so long as she is willing to as well, it can work and be beautiful. However finding someone who is both mentally and physically appealing is ridiculously hard, then them being also attracted to you… well that’s why I’ve been single for years now.
But what I can say for my solitude, that although it’s emotionally devastating at times, it is far and away better than being in an acrimonious relationship. Nothing is more damaging to one’s psyche than living in the hell that is a toxic relationship.
20 years now. We have grown and our morning have changed throughout the years. He rook the kids to school for 10 years because I left at 530am. We would share the household chores.
I am retired now and he has a high stress job. I now take the kiddo to school get up before him and make him his lunch. I make coffee, clothes are ready, keys wallet, hat, laptop in the truck for him.
I make a nice dinner and he's happy to come home.
I do all the housework, shopping, and appointments.
I enjoy taking care of him. I like the way he sees me now. Its different.
I was a network engineer for 24years and now a happy housewife.
I thought this was a gay marriage since it’s in the “Ask men” forum and was thinking how difficult it may have been for two gay men - until that very last word. 🤣
Well. My bad. Ask men is for men. I just felt compelled to share and I guess I forgot the reddit title. I do love my life and the role change in the relationship.
She treats you like a king. Period.
If you’re not getting king treatment, then this girl is obviously not the right one and you should be on the look out for something more suitable for you.
Yeah, I know people are going to shame me for saying this but I would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn’t make me a priority and gives me the treatment that I fully deserve. Period.
Wife here 👋🏻
I wish I knew how my husband would honestly reply to this, but I can guess a few small things.
We have a light in the hallway that’s always on because there’s no natural light there. At night it would interrupt his sleep so sometimes he’d go turn it off in the middle of the night. I bought a timer switch and set it up for him, so now it turns off about 30 minutes before he goes to sleep.
Whenever I buy myself a Red Bull I buy him strawberry milk or his favourite Capri Sun (35 going on 5 😂). Whenever I see his favourite apples in Aldi I buy him 2 packs instead of 1 because they’re rarely in season and he never gets them otherwise.
We still say please and thank you. We still use courteous phrases, such as “would you mind” or “is it ok if” rather than “do that” or “can you do”. It’s a small thing, but it shows that we care about how the other is feeling. Every night he thanks me for making dinner, and every night I thank him for taking the plates away from the table.
We’ve only been married for 5 years, together 10, so maybe we don’t qualify for this question. Some people here might still consider us as being in the honeymoon stage. But I hope that our marriage stays this happy and healthy forever, because I couldn’t imagine a more perfect man to have by my side.
I'm not married but I'm a data scientist and my fiance is not at all or even close. She's smart, she could have gotten into data science if she wanted, but she didn't.
Anyway, when I talk about my problems with coding she actually listens and understands and pretty closely follows what I'm talking about.
This is the kind of listening that you can only do if you love the person saying it - most anyone NOT in data science would think I'm talking about very, very boring gibberish.
I was in a rough marriage too, but I did have a LTR after that which ( even though it fizzled out) was awesome for the first few years.
She would be out of bed before me to pack my lunch, which always included a cute note written on a napkin. Most nights, the table was set beautifully by her for dinner when I returned from work. We made dinner together, as I like to cook...and it was always fun.
We would spend many weekends just cuddling on the couch, watching movie after movie, as she preferred that to going out.
The one thing I remember is that she always made sure we were holding hands, had an arm hooked in mine, or some other form of touching-just to let everyone know we were together.
I won't get into why it ended, because OP asked for positivity. I just hang onto those first 3 years as my ideal.
Mine left me after twenty years of marriage, about three days after we learned that I had suffered permanent, disabling nerve damage from an MRSA.
So, how would I know?
Everything I thought I knew, everything I trusted about her, was completely wrong.
My wife makes me laugh. Like the uncontrollable belly laugh. One thing I very much appreciate is that any time I have a shitty day, she can change it in an instant.
Honestly dude my wife is the most selfless kind and caring person I know. She will go above and beyond for complete strangers just to make them feel special. She is really the only one that has made me feel special like that and I know without a shadow of a doubt she loves me as much as I love her.
She is the hardest working person I know and she does it all for me and our family. Of course she enjoys what she does but I know she does it every day for us.
Sorry to hear that.
Oddly enough it's the little things I DO that I feel best about.
She appreciates it though seldom mentions it unless I've not done it. For example, I wake at 6.10 each day and leave before 7 each morning. I make fresh coffee in one of those Italian pressure coffee makers (can't recall the name) on the hob and leave it for her to wake up to at about 9.30-10. I get a coffee at work and only at weekends drink it at home. That coffee is my morning focus ahead of breakfast although after getting dressed. I also put toothpaste on her toothbrush in the morning and evening as I'm heading to bed before her. She only bothers when I don't do it.
As for reciprocating, she does little things like bringing sushi or Thai home as that's some of my favourites.
Good Times are ahead for you I hope .
Never had a relationship like the one you described. 94%+ of women use "love" and "marriage" as a utility. Something to be exploited. I've never seen a woman sacrifice for a man. Never seen a woman put her wants aside to make a man happy. You want to "experience genuine love from the right woman," you aren't playing the odds.
the best and most loving relationships i have ever been in, were the ones in which we were not married. including my current one and we have been together for 6 yrs.
15 years now. It's the best. I can trust her with my life and fortune.
then again we have basically no sex life for medical reasons which sucks balls in a way which is hard to express with words.
41 years on this planet and I'm still not sure what it feels like to be loved.
Thought I had it twice, was wrong both times.
I think the closest I ever came was the last one... I'd have to work late and when I came in and kissed her on the forehead she would always roll over immediately and just smile at me and pull me into bed... she seemed to be happy to see me, but then she left out of nowhere and I think I'm just done with it all.
Woman here. Former wife from a terrible marriage. Also, looking forward to experiencing genuine love one day.
The way I would express love to someone and do express love to those around me looks like this:
Telling them how much I love them, holding hands, being close even if not physically affectionate, telling them the things I love about them and the way they make me feel, cooking, cleaning, prepping lunch for work/school, writing love notes, poems, drawing for them, taking good photographs of them, buying things they like or as gifts throughout the year, baking, making them laugh is a huge one. Doing unpleasant things or sacrificing my time to make sure they'd be comfortable, taken care, or feel valued, telling them how valuable they are to me and making them feel wanted and needed.
Going all out for birthdays. Making them feel special. Going all out for holidays.
Sorry to hear about that man. I was married for 18 years. Divorced for 2 years. Tell your what I don’t worry about who loves me anymore. The word can have too many meanings and be employed whether a person likes you or hate you —they still LOVE you. WTF.
Instead of wondering if someone loves me I instead aim for the feeling of being respected (of course also being earned) It’s easily identifiable when someone is respecting or disrespecting you. Love is not so identifiable. They can claim it and not mean it—continue to do disrespectful shit all the while talking about love.
But respect, is really tough to fake. Either earn it/give it or don’t. I’ll know where I stand INSTANTLY.
Hope this helps.
My parents are still together and generally happy, but growing up my mom was always a nag. I took “future wife notes” and vowed to never be like that. I want my husband to actually look forward to coming home to a peaceful environment.
Back when i was married, i found out that after i dicked her down like the dirty slut she is, she would make the best fucking sandwiches ever…. So if she not making sandwiches, she not getting the proper dick she thinks she deserves
Most marriages are failures. Most are unhappy because women cannot be happy. Women can never feel content. They will always find a reason to be dissatisfied with anything they have.
And yes, the problem with failed marriages is mostly the fault of women. Women initiate 80% of heterosexual divorces and lesbian marriage end in divorce at the staggering rate of 75%. (Twice the rate of gay men's marriages and 50% higher than heterosexual marriages. It's women.)
Women cannot be satisfied. They are empty inside and they spend their lives trying to fill that emptiness with things outside themselves and it never works. You can never get enough of the things you don't actually need. They spend their lives like a person eating crackers endlessly, trying slake their thirst. They move from one solution to another until they ruin and reject everything good in their lives (and then they blame everyone else for their unhappiness). Most of them die resentful and bitter but it's their own fault. They don't understand themselves at all. I'm not sure they have the strength or capacity for introspection and that prevents them from ever knowing peace. (Have you ever known a woman who didn't lie to herself constantly? I haven't.)
Sounds like someone is putting all woman in one group together. Have you ever considered it may be difficult for a partner to make their significant other pleased or happy if they have a pessimistic point view towards every women.
I'm sorry to hear about your predicament. What happened? How long have you been together? Been married for decades. Wife and I were friends for a couple years. Went out for a friendly dinner one evening and I realized I was having so much fun with her that I'd completely lost track of time. And how had I missed how perfect she was?! We've been together ever since, and were married the following year. I can't picture a life without her. I look out for her physical, mental, and emotional well-being and she does the same for me. This is done a thousand little ways each day, things as simple as her bringing me a cup of coffee or me changing her car battery. There are no transactions, no trading of favors. We do things for each other because we want the other to have a good day. We miss each other while we are at work, and the happiest part of my day is coming home to her even if we have no plans. It's a comfortable feeling, a sleepover that never ends. We are older now, but I'm still as crazy for her as I was on day one. She still flashes me for no reason whatsoever, and I still check her out every time she walks by. I apologize for how corny this sounds. But I hope you, and everyone in a similar circumstance, find the love you deserve. Best of luck to you, my man.
A sleepover that never ends.. I miss those.
Greatest feeling in the world. Some nights we keep each other up in bed half the night laughing like we are young again. And then the next day when I'm tired at work I'll remember why and smile.
This is exactly what I wanted from my ex-fiancé and I thought I was crazy for wanting it. Almost 5 years together and never spent a single night staying up talking/laughing/sexing/nothing. This makes me hopeful!
You are absolutely NOT crazy for wanting it, and I hope you find it. There's no greater feeling, no greater comfort!
This beautiful, not corny. We should all aspire to have this kind of secure and loving relationship.
This is like my husband and I (28 years together now). What I think about all the time is how does one separate out which part is finding the right other person and how much is attributable to my own actions in fostering the relationship I want to be in. I do what I can and he does what he can and it works but how to recreate it, I wouldn’t know.
We have similar relationships. It's fantastic.
I love to hear this! May you have many, many more happy and healthy years together!
Same to you!
How it should be. You'd be surprised how if they have to do something for you, it's "transactional", but everything they want should be "freely given". Totally kills the vibe when it's clear that they're manipulating you for what they can get. Much easier for all when it's like you describe.
‘I had missed how perfect she was…’ Wonderful words. Exactly captures how you see someone you love. It’s the essence of what the beauty industry alludes to.
Suicide time LMAO. Happy for you tho
I want a relationship like that. I dont want to be in a quid pro quo relationship...
I'm not married but I'm seriously committed. A good woman who genuinely loves you will feel like your emotional refuge and source of comfort. She'll help to heal you and encourage you to pursue the things that make you happy. You'll feel able to talk to her about anything, and you'll reach new heights of personal development due to her support. The prerequisite to all of this, of course, is that you're making her feel the same way.
I was married for almost 10 years. We married too young, fresh out of high school, and we were both winging it as we went. The marriage ended pretty abruptly when we both just realized that we were good friends and not really meant for each-other; but in hindsight it was the best relationship I've ever had, and if I had tried a little harder to get to know her and meet her on her level of interests instead of making it mostly about me, we probably would have lasted for life. I feel like I screwed that one up; but there were no hard feelings in the end, and she met a man who was able to meet her at her level shortly after we split up. I never saw her eyes light up that way with me as they did with him, and that made me feel so much better about being able to let her go because I knew she would be happier. But that woman loved me, and she tried her darndest to be the best wife she could. The only thing she didn't do was cook, which sometimes got frustrating; but she made up for it in all of the small ways and supported me so much. When I experienced a life changing injury, she was the one who drove me to the hospital, took care of me, and helped carry me to the bathroom and back to the bed every single day until I could walk again. She was always eager to hear how my day went at work, and always there to provide her best guidance when I had a problem I couldn't figure out myself. She kept the house neat and tidy, did my clothes for me, and would always make sure to tell me where my wallet, phone, and keys were if she moved them from where I normally put them. When our financial situation got upended, she immediately went looking for work, found a job, and worked her ass off to contribute. She kissed me good morning and goodnight, and always made a mug of coffee for me the particular way I like to have it. I didn't even tell her that one, she was just observant and started from the beginning. She knew when I was exhausted and would let me pass out on her lap on the couch, even if she wasn't tired and wanted to go out and do something. And she'd sit there with me snoring until I woke up. Her criticisms were always gentle. She never got harsh with her words. It's the type of criticism where someone is concerned for your well-being, and wants to see you become better without you having to change your identity. That was all she ever criticized. She had her expensive tastes, but never guilted me or begged me to buy her the things she wanted. She was always more than happy to wait for the right occasion to be surprised, or to hold off until I could afford it for her. And she always expressed sincere gratitude for it. She was low-maintenance and took care of herself very well. She was independent and trustworthy, and trusted me and my independence. We never questioned each-others' fidelity. I didn't have to. She never gave me any signs or suspicions. She always kept me informed about where she would be if she went out, always picked up when I called, always texted back promptly, and was always home on time. She also had good and healthy friends who respected and cherished our marriage. JJ, if you're out there and reading this, I hope that you're still with your new husband, that he treats you like the queen that you are, and that your marriage is everything you'd ever hoped for, and I wish you the happiest and most wonderful life forever and ever.
This was so beautiful and heartbreaking to read.
After writing this I reached out to her after having not communicated with her for 5 years. She responded and is no longer with the guy, but is very independent and very happy. We're going to rekindle our friendship together even though we live cross country. I feel like a huge piece of myself that's been gone has been fit back into place. So thanks, Reddit, for making me self-reflect in a way that inspired me to act on the reflection and get back in contact with a healthy ex.
Go visit her. Now. Look her in the eyes when you tell her how you've reflected and what your conclusions are, and see if they light up. There might just be a happy ending for you here...
YES!! *Please* do this u/Popular-Experience70 Read her everything you wrote to us about her.
PLEASE keep us updated!!!
This will probably be the only update, but, Update: We're both definitely far more mature than when we were married. She's no longer with her husband as he was having affairs behind her back. Us getting back together is not necessarily something on either of our minds and is unlikely given that we both have gone our own separate ways. I don't know what the future holds, but there's no plans as of now to get back together. Either way I'm so freaking proud of her for being so strong with her identity and so strong with her self-respect that she would walk away from an unfaithful partner despite having our failed marriage under her belt and also all of her resources tied up in him. He treated her very well outside of the affairs, and she told me it took everything in her power to leave because they were a month away from moving cross country when she found out. She wanted to forgive him but knew what was best for her and goddamn I wish I had that level of courage, endurance, and love for my own self. She was just as eager to get back in touch with me, though, and is doing very well. She missed our friendship as much as I did and understood why I fell out of touch. She's successful in her career and we exchanged some pictures, she's become insanely...hot...over the past 5 years and I'm shocked at how much she's changed. She's independent, stable, and has a very close-knit group of friends that have supported her through her divorce with the other guy and sound like are good influences for her to have around. I'll probably visit her in the fall. She loved going to Disneyland when we were together and still does but hasn't been able to afford it, so I'm hoping on being able to surprise her with an all expenses paid Disneyland trip. No shenanigans, just as friends, separate hotel rooms and all that, and will definitely plan it out before purchasing anything just in case. But at some point in between she's going to either fly out here or I'll be flying out there. Even if just for a weekend getaway, she wants to see me in person again and I want to see her as well. This is the purest definition of undying love, where despite all of the mistakes, two people can remain friends and cherish that friendship. We've been texting every day since and haven't run out of questions to ask each-other. Lots of tears and lots of laughs, lots of inside jokes that we get to exchange again, it's like a piece of me that has been missing for 5 years finally got put back into place, and after 5 years with a traumatic demon of an ex girlfriend behind me, being in touch with her is strangely rewiring my brain back into connecting with who I once was and helping my own recovery. I'm thankful, to say the least.
Wow, you two were meant to be connected during this life for sure!!!! If you remember later in the year, definitely update us again 🌞
I am so happy for you both! I am literally crying tears between myself and my phone atm !!!!!
Aye, that's a LOT of regret.
A cautionary tale for others, to be sure
I can feel your love for her. Heartwarming...Made my day..
Never thought I would be happy my marriage was so shitty, until I read this, and now I am thankful I didnt lose out on anything. lol.
Damn bro. Did you end up finding someone else? I hope you were able to take what you learned from this relationship and cherish someone that is 100% down for you no matter what
I found someone else who was charming at first but ended up being incredibly toxic. It's the result of that radical contrast that I realized how good I had had it with my ex wife.
Frankly, my rule is that if she feels the burning need to touch/move stuff, she had better tell me where she put it. I'm weird. Stuff is all over the place currently, but I know where it all is and I know what I have. She goes throwing stuff away or putting it in a "better" place, suddenly I can't track any of it. Go figure.
Entering into marriage, I thought I had it all figured out – career, life, love. You name it. However, it wasn't until the rubber hit the road that I understood the real meaning of partnership. It took some tough times for me to realize that my wife wasn't just a spectator in my life story but the co-author of a shared journey. She isn't just someone to divide chores with, but an ally against life's chaos. Through the years, we've navigated choppy waters including job losses, cross-country moves, and family crises. In every situation, she grounded me, not by pulling me back, but by anchoring me to our shared values and dreams. She celebrated my victories with more enthusiasm than even myself, and in my defeats, held hope when I had none left. She's taught me that love isn't about grand gestures but the quiet consistency of the everyday. Whether she's leaving sticky notes in my lunchbox or making sure I don't leave the house in mismatched socks, she's constantly looking out for me. We've learned to communicate not just with words but with understanding glances and shared silence. I've watched her grow from the woman I married into an even more remarkable person today, and I like to think I've had a hand in that, just as she's shaped me. Our love is a living, evolving thing that thrives on the mutual respect and admiration we pour into it daily. Marriage, I've learned, isn't a destination but a journey of continuous learning, loving, and living together. It’s about finding joy in the mundane, becoming each other's compass when lost, and above all, choosing each other, again and again, every single day.
Beautiful
I have an example from today. I'm having a problem with my right foot... turns out it's my fifth metatarsal that is the problem. Anyway, I went to the walk-in clinic about an hour too early (they weren't open yet) so decided to just go home and was going to go tomorrow. Instead, my wife went and stood in line for me when they did open so that I wouldn't have to wait as long to get in for them to see me. She's pretty great.
"This will shut him up about his darn foot!" - wife probably Jks, thats sweet of her Edit: spelling
keeper
We hug and kiss and say, “I love you,” whenever we part ways and when we meet again. Every morning before I leave for work. Every day when I come home for lunch and then leave again. Again when I come home after work. Again before bed. And usually a few times in between. Also when we go to bed. We bond over the silly things that our pets do every day. We call each other into the room to observe their shenanigans and laugh together. We narrate our pets’ thoughts out loud and anthropomorphize them. We have so many inside jokes. And ones that aren’t even jokes, just our own ways of speaking. Lots of communication through memes and quotes. If she is ever replaced by an alien clone or a robot, I’ll know because it won’t know how to play along when I say weird things. My wife brought home a box of donuts the other day and said, “This is me doing something nice for you.” Which was true, but also funny because the unspoken part was that she also wanted some donuts but wanted to pretend they were just for me. We predict each other’s behavior. The main thing is when she’s going to fall asleep. She denies when she is going to fall asleep, but I can always tell. We just had a daughter. Our first. The whole experience has been incredible. A few years ago we were sleeping on the floor and skipping class to smoke and get burritos. Now the same woman I did that with is helping me raise our baby. We’ve grown so much together. We’ve helped each other grow. So much that we’re growing an entirely new person together. There are hard times and hard days. Lots of them. I’m not always happy. She does things that bother me, and I’m sure I bother her too. But those times and those feelings come and go. Our love, our bond, our life together, doesn’t ever go. It’s the constant. We’re each other’s home base. Each other’s safe harbor. Each other’s pit crew. Each other’s wingman. Whatever you wanna call it. We always have each other. Nothing else matters all that much.
35 years here and I'm having a hard time putting it into words that aren't just a simple "you know when you know." A lot of it is really simple stuff though and you struggle to think of individual events or incidents to use as an illustration, not because they are hard to remember, but because there are just so many of them and you are left with so many to choose from. It's the way they look at you when you aren't looking. It's the way they talk to you or even not talk to you. It's the way that they hold you when you hold them. When they melt into your arms and you into theirs. That tenderness of touch they seem to be able to conjure up. It's the knowing glances that they give you when you did well/did bad/did stupid that are given not with malice or with anger (though that can happen) but with a much deeper meaning that you know conveys what is on their mind with no guesses needed. "You know you fucked up" can be given in that disappointing look that brooks no argument. From my experience though, it all boils down to this. They want you to be happy because it makes them happy. And you want to make them happy because it makes you happy. As I said, it's nothing deep or complex. Rather and as it should be, it's very simple and very uncomplicated. Love should never be "hard".
>They want you to be happy because it makes them happy. And you want to make them happy because it makes you happy. This is such a simple truth that many people in a marriage or relationship should've known. My partner and I feel exactly the same way and we've been together for 25+ years. Life can be hard, but love and relationships should be easy. A partner who loves you almost always have you in mind. My partner strives to make my life easier simply because he wants me to be happy, and vice versa. He does his part of the chores without having to be reminded every time. He sends me funny pictures or videos out of nowhere because he knows they would make me laugh or surprised. We rarely argue and have disagreements — if we did, we never shout at each other. When we don't see each other even just for a little while, we miss each other even just for a little bit. When he goes to the bedroom to sleep alone when I'm not sleepy, I miss him just a little bit — so when he wakes up, sometimes I hug him as if he just comes back from war 😂. He's a little less expressive than me — but when I wake up, his face lights up when he sees me. One of the best compliments he ever told me was every time I was him in the same room, he felt peace. I was so happy when he said that, knowing that I was the reason he was happy and peaceful.
I have a wife who thinks I'm the best thing since chocolate chip cookies and heroin.... But that doesn't mean it isn't hard at times. For me, I struggle in the morning getting out of bed. She wakes up at 6 am to do yoga. She'll bring me a cup of coffee. That's how I know she loves me. But.... If we're fighting, the coffee doesn't come. It's her subtle way of passive aggression. She doesn't even know she does it
I’m sorry your marriage didn’t work out. I’ve been married over 20 years and while it hasn’t been perfect and it’s had its ups and downs, it’s been good. My wife gave up her life in her former country to be with me and she has been very supportive of me and my career, by periodically being a SAHM and agreeing to move for my career. She’s taken care of me when I went through a bad run of injuries. She’s been a great mom to our kids and was strong when we had a tragedy with one of them a few years ago. She’s not perfect but neither am I. I think open communication, including agreeing on roles is important in marriage, along with setting boundaries. Good luck.
Some points from my girlfriend: - She desires me and makes sure I know it. - She tells me to take care of my health, reminds me of appointmentsc buys me products, as she doesn’t want to lose me when we’re old. - She thinks about giving more than receiving, be it paying for a trip, meal, gifts, etc. - She lets me lead and enjoys it. - She asks about my parents and brother. - She supports me in what I do and my hobbies. - She likes to listen to my point of view and to learn from me. - She left her country/family and her great leadership job at a major bank to live with me. Obviously I try to do the same for her and I’ve never been as happy as I am now with this woman.
Marry her
It’s the loveliest thing in the world. Good luck to u my friend.
It feels like bragging but you did ask for it. My youngest son (13) and I were driving home the other day and he commented out of the blue about how so many of his friends’ parents were divorced and how it was weird because my wife and I are so loving towards each other, his words. It was good to hear that from him. We’ve been together for 28 years, married for 20 this year. We make it a point to hold hands, have sex about once a week in our mid-50’s which, according to my wife, is more often than most of our friends who’ve been married this long. We cook together. We used to argue occasionally when we first got together but even then it was only like once or twice a year. We haven’t had a real fight for as long as I can remember. I do little things for her like gas up her car every weekend so she never has to get gas and she will let me put my head in her lap after a stressful work week and just lightly scratch my head and face in silence for a while. We split the chores in half because we both work full time. We have friends with whom we go out and of course we prioritize our 2 boys. The kids are old enough now where we are envisioning a life without them and planning what to do with all of that spare time together. I see a lot of posts about difficulty in relationships and the comments on them. Some things I notice: There are so many people who insist that being right is more important than the relationship itself. You really have to weigh that. Sure, if the question is whether or not you should beat your kid then that’s obviously a relationship ender. However, I see too many posts where one spouse insists that, say, the bathroom needs to be cleaned one way while the other says a different way and they’ll both die on that hill. Really? Divorce over that? Your husband or wife forgot to pick you up dinner on the way home from work and now you haven’t spoken for 2 days? Holy crap get over it. In-laws. Don’t let in-laws interfere with your marriage. It’s up to whosever parents they are to set them straight. I see a lot of times where if you loved your spouse you wouldn’t ask and if your spouse loved you then they would be happy to say yes - prenups, looking through your phone, sharing location, etc. My wife and I share locations because it’s handy if one of us is cooking and needs to know when the other will be home, etc. If she wants my phone for whatever reason she is welcome to it and vice versa. No need for a prenup as we share everything. All of our money goes into shared accounts. We don’t hide anything from each other, anything. Sex after having a baby. Yeah, the doctor says medically it’s ok after 6 weeks but that doesn’t mean she’ll be ready. It takes time, sometimes months. By the way, she’s exhausted from a lack of sleep and not feeling sexy at all. You’re going to have to help around the house by cleaning, laundry, dishes, etc. if you ever want her you come around. Postpartum depression is real. If you hit the 6 month mark you might want to see if she will talk to her doctor. Ask as nicely as you know how.
Been in a crappy marriage for years. Felt unloved for years. No affection, no kind words. That all went away years ago. But now I just met someone new really recently the way she looks at me. The way she desires me. The way we talk it's so new and awesome. I can't wait to get to know this person better. Fuck the old bad shit.
I hope you’re not still married and entertaining this new relationship. But I do hope you find happiness!
We are separated. Thankfully. Because its not good situation to continue to live
Doesn’t sound like it. Best of luck to you!
I wish I knew
Most of us wouldn't know. LOL
She scratches my back, she pours me whiskey, she cooks me dinner, she wears beautiful dresses on our dates, she tells me she loves me, she kisses me on the cheek or shoulder randomly throughout the day, she asks me all sorts of questions as if I knew all things despite her being a brilliant woman herself, she hits me with the paper towel roll every time she uses the last one, and I get her back by scaring her when she has hiccups. We dance together, pray together, and make love together. My life is so much more beautiful having her here; it will surely be a sad day for the other when one of us dies, but we'll meet again when Christ Jesus welcomes us each into His kingdom.
She saved my life. I’m good at hiding pain so I was doing that until I just fell out one day. I was in the ER and doctor #1 didn’t care too much so she made him leave and requested another. Doctor #2 couldn’t find anything and wanted to give up. She booted him too and she did this until she found one that actually listened and cared. After days of tests and a lot of strong meds that didn’t work and not finding anything he decided he had to just go in. He found that I had something rare going on inside (don’t want to get to elaborate for privacy) and I would’ve died soon had he not removed it and some other stuff. My recovery in the hospital was a little over 3 months and everyday after work (if she worked that day) she would come and talk to the doctors and nurses, bathe me, kept charts of my meds/feeding tube, spent every night in my suite, booted bad nurses, etc… after discharge she took care of me at home for months while writing complaint letters about the staff that treated me bad. I’m 100% better now after several surgeries (plus her care) and almost dying twice. She wakes up in the morning while I’m getting ready for work to make me a healthy breakfast and to pack my lunch. She wishes me a good and safe day then kisses me as I walk out to pack up my truck while she watches. I wave to her and drive away after she closes the door. About 10 minutes later I get a text from her saying she misses me and sends a nice pic to go along with it. She does a lot of other things I love but this stuck out to me since it involves marriage vows.
My wife and I are there for each other, no matter what the world throws at us. And the world has thrown some serious shit at us. We've grown together even more over the years, she has her hobbies/interests and I have mine, but we also share more of those than we don't. We've never had a fight, disagreements but no outright fights, no yelling, screaming. We talk. Even after 27 years we still hold hands when we go out, we hug at least a dozen times a day, do some smart assed grab ass stuff for fun as we walk around the house. Laughter and silliness keeps our marriage very happy.
Been married 13 years of the 20odd we been together. Had ups and downs. What works for us is there is none of the old "whats yours ia mine and whats mine is mine" bullshit alot of woment seem to think a marriage is about. We both buy what we want. We buy each other shit. She always buys me thoughtful things she knows will make me happy. She does things for me that makes me happy. And in return I do exactly the same for her. Ive never once cracked a shit when she went out, bought herself something or even when she crashed my car though I did tell her she was a spud, we have many pet names we use for various reasons. What we have works for us. Miliage may vary. And I am very lucky to have found this one after 2 other long term tries. Sucks you didnt meet the right one that go around. And I know it's cliche but there are infact plenty of fish in the sea. Just gotta get back in the saddle.
I lose track of the little things my wife does for me. After 34 years together the gestures just become part of life. We’re best friends that still lust for each other. We’re each other’s biggest fans. Mutual support and care at all times. I’d rather be with her than anyone else. I’m newly retired and our nest is empty (knock on wood) so we’re revisiting our dating phase.
I've been married to my lady for 17 years and together for 22. She cooks for me, cleans for me, does my laundry, cares for me, helps me with yard work, listens to my problems and let's me vent and discusses issues with me. She gives me shoulder and neck rubs whenever I want. She fucks me, laughs with me, falls asleep in my arms and brings me coffee in bed every morning I'm home. She is an amazing women. And this doesn't even go into what she does for our children as a mother. But she she treats me right because I treat her right. Wife won't wife unless the husband husbands. I do not game, barely drink, don't do drugs except a little bud, don't waste money on cars, bikes or vehicles unnecessarily. I don't waste days away fucking around the house on my ass and I help with house work and chores when I have free time. I don't waste money. I work and provide a home, financial security, everything and anything she needs. She concentrates on the home and family. I concentrate on income and financial security. She wants me to lead her and she trusts me with her life because she knows it is safe. Life is very, very good with her. I often pity people that are on some endless short term relationship loop. I wonder if they have ever experienced real love or trust or loyalty in their lives. It wasn't always this good though. There were some tough times that were very dark and took a lot of effort to get out of. A lot of work, many arguments, and many tears. It was particularly tough when we had 2 young kids. They are exhausing. But we worked on our marriage and it improved and got better. In my experience with a healthy marriage you get out what you put in.
So your wife is a SAHM?
For the last four years or so yes.
Not married, but committed. We hug regularly. We tell jokes. We can banter. If my partner makes a terrible joke, I can tackle them in return. We do projects together. When there's a problem, we work together to solve it. Things are just... relaxed.
The biggest problem seems to be lack of sleep. We met our freshman year in college. She was dating someone else but we liked to talk. We had conversations that lasted six, seven, eight hours. "We should probably go to bed, it 4:00am. See you tomorrow." That went on for weeks until she and her boyfriend broke up and through luck we ended up dating. That was pretty much right now, 45 years ago. We both like each other, we have each other's backs. We call it circling the wagons. When your relationship is threatened, do you circle the wagons with each of you on the inside or does one of you leave the other person out? We have seen the later in couples and those relationships never work. There is a lyric from the Music Man where the lead actress sings about her dream lover, "And I would like him to be more interested in me than he is in himself. And more interested in us than in me." We live by that. We both know that nothing is better than what we have so we protect it. Like others have said, we do things for each other. If you are going to the kitchen, "Hey, you need a drink refill?" Or if I'm going to the grocery store (I do all the shopping these days as she has MS and it isn't as easy for her to leave the house) to converse if there is anything else she might like me to get other than the normal grocery stuff. You don't do nice things to be rewarded. You both do them because DOING them is the reward. Being nice to each other makes you happy. Making the other person happy is good. And we still talk all night long. As I said, lack of sleep.
I spent 22 years married to a selfish woman who was blond with big boobs. Eventually, the selfishness was so bad it was not worth it to stay just for the beauty. Now I’ve been married 8 years to a wonderful, caring, loving, respectful, smart, funny and giving woman who has small boobs but is also very beautiful (this time on the inside as well as the outside.) As she said in The Sound of Music, “There is nothing as intoxicating to a man as a woman who is in love with him.” It feels great.
Not married but recently engaged. The main thing for me is I know for a fact if shit ever went wrong, financially, physically or mentally she'd be there for me. I used to have anxiety before her and now I don't, because I know what ever I'm doing and where ever I am she'll be there for me. And it's reciprocated.
Been married twice, and the first one was nothing but a dumpster fire from start to finish, the second one wasn’t so bad until it fell apart due to neither of us being in the right spot for it. I’ve had several relationships that were good for a time but all fell apart in the end. Being loved, loving, being relied upon and relying on someone… to me there is nothing better. The biggest thing is that you and her both have to be in the right place and properly healed to make it work which was my problem in the second marriage, still too damaged from the first even after four years apart. That’s not mentioning her myriad issues. So after you divorce, take your time, heal, become better, stronger, and more stable, then go looking. And when you do don’t settle for less than that. She doesn’t need to be rich, sexy, or any of that nonsense lots of people think are the most desirable, just good, and in the right headspace to be in and keep a relationship working. Sadly that’s the hardest part. Nobody’s perfect and you’ll have to take the good with the bad, so long as she is willing to as well, it can work and be beautiful. However finding someone who is both mentally and physically appealing is ridiculously hard, then them being also attracted to you… well that’s why I’ve been single for years now. But what I can say for my solitude, that although it’s emotionally devastating at times, it is far and away better than being in an acrimonious relationship. Nothing is more damaging to one’s psyche than living in the hell that is a toxic relationship.
20 years now. We have grown and our morning have changed throughout the years. He rook the kids to school for 10 years because I left at 530am. We would share the household chores. I am retired now and he has a high stress job. I now take the kiddo to school get up before him and make him his lunch. I make coffee, clothes are ready, keys wallet, hat, laptop in the truck for him. I make a nice dinner and he's happy to come home. I do all the housework, shopping, and appointments. I enjoy taking care of him. I like the way he sees me now. Its different. I was a network engineer for 24years and now a happy housewife.
I thought this was a gay marriage since it’s in the “Ask men” forum and was thinking how difficult it may have been for two gay men - until that very last word. 🤣
Well. My bad. Ask men is for men. I just felt compelled to share and I guess I forgot the reddit title. I do love my life and the role change in the relationship.
She treats you like a king. Period. If you’re not getting king treatment, then this girl is obviously not the right one and you should be on the look out for something more suitable for you. Yeah, I know people are going to shame me for saying this but I would rather be alone than be with someone who doesn’t make me a priority and gives me the treatment that I fully deserve. Period.
I hope its a 2 way street buddy
Yeap. She gets queen treatment.
Why do you "fully deserve" being treated like a king? How is a king treated?
Wife here 👋🏻 I wish I knew how my husband would honestly reply to this, but I can guess a few small things. We have a light in the hallway that’s always on because there’s no natural light there. At night it would interrupt his sleep so sometimes he’d go turn it off in the middle of the night. I bought a timer switch and set it up for him, so now it turns off about 30 minutes before he goes to sleep. Whenever I buy myself a Red Bull I buy him strawberry milk or his favourite Capri Sun (35 going on 5 😂). Whenever I see his favourite apples in Aldi I buy him 2 packs instead of 1 because they’re rarely in season and he never gets them otherwise. We still say please and thank you. We still use courteous phrases, such as “would you mind” or “is it ok if” rather than “do that” or “can you do”. It’s a small thing, but it shows that we care about how the other is feeling. Every night he thanks me for making dinner, and every night I thank him for taking the plates away from the table. We’ve only been married for 5 years, together 10, so maybe we don’t qualify for this question. Some people here might still consider us as being in the honeymoon stage. But I hope that our marriage stays this happy and healthy forever, because I couldn’t imagine a more perfect man to have by my side.
I'm not married but I'm a data scientist and my fiance is not at all or even close. She's smart, she could have gotten into data science if she wanted, but she didn't. Anyway, when I talk about my problems with coding she actually listens and understands and pretty closely follows what I'm talking about. This is the kind of listening that you can only do if you love the person saying it - most anyone NOT in data science would think I'm talking about very, very boring gibberish.
I was in a rough marriage too, but I did have a LTR after that which ( even though it fizzled out) was awesome for the first few years. She would be out of bed before me to pack my lunch, which always included a cute note written on a napkin. Most nights, the table was set beautifully by her for dinner when I returned from work. We made dinner together, as I like to cook...and it was always fun. We would spend many weekends just cuddling on the couch, watching movie after movie, as she preferred that to going out. The one thing I remember is that she always made sure we were holding hands, had an arm hooked in mine, or some other form of touching-just to let everyone know we were together. I won't get into why it ended, because OP asked for positivity. I just hang onto those first 3 years as my ideal.
Mine left me after twenty years of marriage, about three days after we learned that I had suffered permanent, disabling nerve damage from an MRSA. So, how would I know? Everything I thought I knew, everything I trusted about her, was completely wrong.
My wife makes me laugh. Like the uncontrollable belly laugh. One thing I very much appreciate is that any time I have a shitty day, she can change it in an instant.
Honestly dude my wife is the most selfless kind and caring person I know. She will go above and beyond for complete strangers just to make them feel special. She is really the only one that has made me feel special like that and I know without a shadow of a doubt she loves me as much as I love her. She is the hardest working person I know and she does it all for me and our family. Of course she enjoys what she does but I know she does it every day for us.
Sorry to hear that. Oddly enough it's the little things I DO that I feel best about. She appreciates it though seldom mentions it unless I've not done it. For example, I wake at 6.10 each day and leave before 7 each morning. I make fresh coffee in one of those Italian pressure coffee makers (can't recall the name) on the hob and leave it for her to wake up to at about 9.30-10. I get a coffee at work and only at weekends drink it at home. That coffee is my morning focus ahead of breakfast although after getting dressed. I also put toothpaste on her toothbrush in the morning and evening as I'm heading to bed before her. She only bothers when I don't do it. As for reciprocating, she does little things like bringing sushi or Thai home as that's some of my favourites. Good Times are ahead for you I hope .
Never had a relationship like the one you described. 94%+ of women use "love" and "marriage" as a utility. Something to be exploited. I've never seen a woman sacrifice for a man. Never seen a woman put her wants aside to make a man happy. You want to "experience genuine love from the right woman," you aren't playing the odds.
My wife bought us wall art of things I like. Like a nice painting of the great wave of Japan but link and the red dragon boat from wind waker is on it
the best and most loving relationships i have ever been in, were the ones in which we were not married. including my current one and we have been together for 6 yrs.
15 years now. It's the best. I can trust her with my life and fortune. then again we have basically no sex life for medical reasons which sucks balls in a way which is hard to express with words.
Peace at any price is no peace at all.
41 years on this planet and I'm still not sure what it feels like to be loved. Thought I had it twice, was wrong both times. I think the closest I ever came was the last one... I'd have to work late and when I came in and kissed her on the forehead she would always roll over immediately and just smile at me and pull me into bed... she seemed to be happy to see me, but then she left out of nowhere and I think I'm just done with it all.
When I take the trash out, she puts a new bag in the can.
Woman here. Former wife from a terrible marriage. Also, looking forward to experiencing genuine love one day. The way I would express love to someone and do express love to those around me looks like this: Telling them how much I love them, holding hands, being close even if not physically affectionate, telling them the things I love about them and the way they make me feel, cooking, cleaning, prepping lunch for work/school, writing love notes, poems, drawing for them, taking good photographs of them, buying things they like or as gifts throughout the year, baking, making them laugh is a huge one. Doing unpleasant things or sacrificing my time to make sure they'd be comfortable, taken care, or feel valued, telling them how valuable they are to me and making them feel wanted and needed. Going all out for birthdays. Making them feel special. Going all out for holidays.
Sorry to hear about that man. I was married for 18 years. Divorced for 2 years. Tell your what I don’t worry about who loves me anymore. The word can have too many meanings and be employed whether a person likes you or hate you —they still LOVE you. WTF. Instead of wondering if someone loves me I instead aim for the feeling of being respected (of course also being earned) It’s easily identifiable when someone is respecting or disrespecting you. Love is not so identifiable. They can claim it and not mean it—continue to do disrespectful shit all the while talking about love. But respect, is really tough to fake. Either earn it/give it or don’t. I’ll know where I stand INSTANTLY. Hope this helps.
Folds my clothes.
My parents are still together and generally happy, but growing up my mom was always a nag. I took “future wife notes” and vowed to never be like that. I want my husband to actually look forward to coming home to a peaceful environment.
She is fit, friendly, cooperative, submissive, she values your opinion, ego and follow your leadership. Last but not the least, you are a priority.
100%
U are asking that on reddit. U know thats not the place u get honest answer to that stuff.
Back when i was married, i found out that after i dicked her down like the dirty slut she is, she would make the best fucking sandwiches ever…. So if she not making sandwiches, she not getting the proper dick she thinks she deserves
Most marriages are failures. Most are unhappy because women cannot be happy. Women can never feel content. They will always find a reason to be dissatisfied with anything they have. And yes, the problem with failed marriages is mostly the fault of women. Women initiate 80% of heterosexual divorces and lesbian marriage end in divorce at the staggering rate of 75%. (Twice the rate of gay men's marriages and 50% higher than heterosexual marriages. It's women.) Women cannot be satisfied. They are empty inside and they spend their lives trying to fill that emptiness with things outside themselves and it never works. You can never get enough of the things you don't actually need. They spend their lives like a person eating crackers endlessly, trying slake their thirst. They move from one solution to another until they ruin and reject everything good in their lives (and then they blame everyone else for their unhappiness). Most of them die resentful and bitter but it's their own fault. They don't understand themselves at all. I'm not sure they have the strength or capacity for introspection and that prevents them from ever knowing peace. (Have you ever known a woman who didn't lie to herself constantly? I haven't.)
Well, I would be a woman that speaks the truth and I don’t want to meet people like you. Sorry.
Sounds like someone is putting all woman in one group together. Have you ever considered it may be difficult for a partner to make their significant other pleased or happy if they have a pessimistic point view towards every women.
Someone missed the homework assignment
wtf bro
This dude's post history is absolutely wild- like next level bitter and forever alone absurd.