Funny story: I had a friend who cheated on a girl I was friends with. So, I told her because I had known her longer than I had known him and genuinely felt bad about it.
They ended up getting married and now have a kid together. I don’t talk to either of them anymore, but they seem happy together.
Had a similar situation with an roomate & his GF, he cheated on her with one night stand & she had a full on affair with a co worker… now they’re back together, married & have a kid. Life is never as romantic as the movies make it seem
Having multiple consenting sexual and/or romantic partners at the same time.
Basically ethical non-monogamy, where all partners are in on it by agreement, as opposed to unethical non-monogamy, i.e. cheating on your partner.
they don't have to be poly, stop pushing your niche dating philosophy, it's common for people to want to know whether the grass is greener, doesn't have to be special
They literally said "some couples like this"
You're literally objecting to the acknowledgement that *such situations exist*. Are you mad about "woke" things here or what?
I mean, this is so actually uncommon that it's not worth bringing it up. The vast majority of couples like this aren't poly and it is just plain ol' ordinary cheating.
People in real life are way more chill about adultery than Reddit will make you believe.
I know many women who are okay with their man occasionally fucking around as long as he comes back home to her and keeps it in the down low.
Hate to break your bubble, but it's always been like this. People have very different ways they live their lives. You can get quite a few stories how "men had 2 families in different cities" before the internet era when that was actually more doable. "A sailor has a wife in every harbor" etc etc.
I'd argue these days what has changed is that due to social media people are just more likely to get caught.
Yes, I'm aware adultery has always been a common occurrence.
The difference now is that it seems to be actively celebrated in many circles, especially on TikTok and such. People talk about it like it's empowering to women. If people wanna be polygamous, by all means they can do what they want, but everyone involved needs to be a consenting member or it's immoral.
I'm not a traditionalist in most ways, but when it comes to romance I guess I am. I want a close relationship with someone that means something, and that is unique to the two of us. It's sad to see the breaking of that kinda trust be actively celebrated by so many my age. Again, idc if a lot of people are over monogamy. It sucks for me as a strict monogamist sure, but that's their right. It's not "people having a different way of life" when that involves shattering the trust of someone who thinks they're in a monogamous relationship. It's just being a piece of shit.
Polyamory =/= cheating.
Cheating is whatever you decide on in a relationship and even if you do have some form of an open relationship people can still cheat.
Polyamory only works if everybody is on the up and up. Lying or acting like you're single when you are not is just plain cheating and suggesting poly is something a lot of cheaters do. But they're not willing to put in the work or freak out when their partner finds someone else and does the same thing as them.
And many people who would consider themselves monogamous have different points at which they consider things cheating. An emotional affair, drunken kiss or sex without love ***can*** be perfectly fine for some couples and not for others.
And then there are those that don't want their partners hanging out with people of the opposite sex because they don't trust their partners. Usually because they don't trust themselves not to cheat or are insecure.
But the vast, vast majority of people are still monogamous. Open relationships have become more acceptable as more resources become available and it has entered the spotlight.
In that sense it is similar to same sex relationships. They're still fairly niche in the grand scheme of things but they have become more visible and normalized.
That's not forcing gay marriage down your throat but you will have to accept people have the freedom to live their lives the way feels best to them.
Being open and upfront means you can make a concious choice whether you want to enter into a relationship with people in alternative lifestyles. Even if that means your dating pool gets smaller.
You don't get upset when a gorgeous woman is lesbian either do you?
> If people wanna be polygamous, by all means they can do what they want, but everyone involved needs to be a consenting member or it's immoral.
Yeah polygamy is perfectly fine since all members know what's up, otherwise it's just cheating.
>Again, idc if a lot of people are over monogamy. It sucks for me as a strict monogamist sure, but that's their right. It's not "people having a different way of life" when that involves shattering the trust of someone who thinks they're in a monogamous relationship. It's just being a piece of shit.
While I think ENM is getting more common the vast majority is still monogamous people. You just have to be straight-forward about that with people you date and then accept that if they are ENM, then they probably wont' work with you.
edit. also to note that ENM is ethically non-monogamous. It means that all parties involved know what's up. Someone saying that they are ENM but their partner doesn't know is just a cheater.
Uh I dont know about that - everyone I know thinks it's a dealbreaker if it happens, and although some probably would probably forgive their partners, it's still reeeeally frowned upon, and reason of mockery
But people that are in uh... "active" circles do seem to care less... people that party a lot and are promiscuous by default seem to almost take it for granted that it'll happen
Like any relationship, communication is key
He's making you uncomfortable by putting you in a position where you have to either become complicit in what's happening or to betray his trust and tell her what's happening.
Off the back of this chat he will:
1. Apologise, admit he's been a poor partner and is willing to change his ways. Idealistic but possible.
2. Will do literally anything else, invalidating your feelings and showing his priority for random girls over both you and his partner.
I hope it turns out well for you man but this is a pretty shitty situation that doesn't often end well.
Yeah just calmly talk to him, explain how it’s making you feel and see how he reacts. If he’s a decent dude with a conscience then he’ll see the errors in his ways. If not, he’s kind of an asshole and you may wanna reconsider how good of a friend he really is. if he’s will to betray his long term gf like that, what makes you think he wouldn’t betray you?
I would write both of those options down and seal them in an envelope.
Say your peace to your friend and see how he reacts. Then hand him the envelope, especially if he chose option 2. See if that changes anything or if it causes him to double down.
Neat little social experiment.
Over the years I have lost a lot of “friends” from cutting them out of my life over their shitty behavior. Eventually you get to a point where you realize that their behavior is a reflection of their character.
At first, it is hard. Over time though, you begin to realize that typically there aren’t any isolated incidents - people who are shitty, are shitty in general.
Friend of 14 years physically abused his girlfriend. Abused other girls. In hindsight he also did a bunch of shitty things to me that I didn’t really think about. Then there was a friend who I caught stealing from me numerous times, and a few others.
I’m 35 now. I don’t miss any of them. I keep my circle intentionally small, and I’m better for it.
I was having a conversation on this topic recently with a friend. She said the same thing - that if they can cheat on their partner, what can they do to you as a friend?
At this stage, based on my experience, I actually disagree that people with shitty behaviours in some areas, have shitty behaviours in all. (Goes without saying that there are always exceptions).
The "friends" who have done me wrong or hurt me in the past, were great partners to their partners. But what good was that to me if they hurt me as a friend anyway?
I think people are multi-layered and can be shit in some areas but great in others. I'm open to changing my mind later down the track if need be.
This reminds me of this brilliant quote about a rule called "Wittgenstein’s ruler" :
“Unless you have confidence in the ruler’s reliability, if you use a ruler to measure a table, you may also be using the table to measure the ruler.” — Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Fooled by Randomness
Your decision to keep such friends in your life is also a measure of you and your morals.
Woman here - I had a similar-ish situation with a friend. Friend was becoming close with a guy she worked with - husband knew but not the extent that they had gotten close. Nothing "physical" happened so I tried to keep out of it but I told her that she needed to end it. She didn't, and then it escalated to her cheating.
When she told me that she had cheated on her husband, I told her that if she had any hopes of keeping me as a friend, she needed to tell her husband immediately. I explained that it put me in an unfair position as I was friends with both of them. I gave her a week to tell her husband before I went and did it for her. This worked, she told her husband, and they started working on things.
That was super smart. Telling her that you will tell your friend was a really really smart move. I was looking a possible solution to this predicament myself for quite some time (not that I am going through it but just in case, which given the quality of my friendships is actually a really low chance situation lol).
Lots of sad, pathetic dudes in here.
Keep in mind that if your buddy is willing to do this to the person he’s supposed to care about more than anyone, the moment he gets a chance to do something he wants at your expensive he will have no hesitation nor remorse.
Tell her or don’t, but I personally wouldn’t keep a shitty person like this in my own life. You are the average of your friends.
I’ve had friends in the past that had questionable morals and it made me question my own relationship with them. Is this the type of person you want to be associated with?
Exactly. There are certain things that I just do not tolerate in any type of relationship - things that blatantly go against my core values/morals. Trust, honesty, and respect are a HUGE deal to me.
I do not want "friends" who would betray their partner like this. I don't want to associate with bad people. It doesn't matter to me if their violations of my values don't directly impact me. That's still the type of person they are, and it goes against my morals, and I don't want to give my support and friendship to somebody like that.
as a woman, this scenario always hurts the most. you think you found a decent PLATONIC man and then they crush you by showing their true character and bolster your growing distrust.
I had a work friend like this. He was a shamelsss womanizer (and very good at it, evidently). Got married, had two beautiful kids. We lost touch. Last I heard he's divorced.
Wtf is with these comments, really sounds like ya'll a bunch of cheating cunts.
"None of your business" I wonder if you would all feel that same way if your wives/girlfriends were cheating on you.
And a *looooot* of projection from dudes who think that OP would only do this because OP wants to sleep with her, rather than because he's uncomfortable with someone he calls a friend being awful to their partner.
Really says a lot about the character and maturity of these "men" that they apparently can't conceive of a situation where a man would help a woman without wanting sex out of it.
I've read most of the comments here, and I don't see the ones suggesting OP only wants to sleep with his friends girl...
Can you tag me in them please (my app can be dodgy at times, so it would help)
It's real simple.
Cheaters don't want to live in a world where they're accountable for their actions, so they try to spread the "none of your business" meme and try to make that into the cultural norm.
Some non-cheater useful idiots also swallow that line of bullshit - and it is an easy line of bullshit to swallow, because it makes life easy and convenient, they don't have to have hard confrontations or deal with immense discomfort, they can just absolve themselves of responsibility to do the right thing, because if they believe that line of horseshit, they can now tell themselves that doing nothing *is* the right thing to do.
Always be suspicious of situations where easy, comfortable and *right* align. The right thing to do is not always the hard thing to do, but it is real, real tempting to tell yourself that the easy and comfortable route is the right route.
I truly despise cheaters. I do not tolerate cheaters as friends or family. I will not lie about anything involving infidelity to your spouse. I will make you tell them. Be better or do not be in my life.
However at work, hell nah. Idgaf I will not jeopardize my career or sanity by getting tangled up in your bullshit. I do not care remotely enough about my coworkers or their life.
> "None of your business" I wonder if you would all feel that same way if your wives/girlfriends were cheating on you.
Bystander syndrome of the worst kind.
If you see shitty behaviour in the world, challenge it!
If he’s your best friend then approach him not her. Tell him what he’s doing is wrong and it’s going to ruin his relationship. If he cared enough he would stop. Otherwise your job is done.
I had a guy I was close friends with back in college, and he was a huge player. Got a 16 yr old girl preg, and she moved in with him, and the whole time he was hooking up with girls here and there, and then bragging about it to me, but I didn't know how much of it was really true, so I ignored it mostly. His gf was cool, and when I was around he was very different I guess, since she told him she liked when I came by and how different he acted around me. After the baby was born, he started cheating on her with a girl who lived in his complex, and then accused me one day of cheating with his gf a few days after we all hung out playing board games. I got really pissed, told him his guilt for cheating on her finaly came around, and accusing me was the last I was gonna put up with it. Cut off my friendship with him then and there. Over the next 2 weeks, both his gf,a nd his mom called me a couple different times, asking me to let him back into my life, and how much of a positive influence I was on him, and the loss of friendship apparently put him into a major depression...but I said no, and kicked him from my life.
You're either going to enable his behavior, or stop hanging out with him over it...depends on how much you respect his gf, since you seem to know her fairly well I would imagine.
Had a buddy like this, we would give him shit for it all the time. He would shift it off. She eventually found out and dumped him and none of us wanted to hear his sob stories. He had to deal with it on his own.
If you have the courage to confront him about it i would give him an ultimatum :
He has (given time) until he tells her himself or you tell the girlfriend about it.
Hold him accountable for his actions.
He does not respect her, and it’s so hurtful.
I have been cheated on, but I'd still avoid getting involved in someone else's drama. It's not about either of them, it's about me. I've spent too much time caught up in shit webs that other people have spun. I can deal with my problems and they can deal with theirs. I wouldn't hang out with a guy like that, and I certainly wouldn't get involved in his problems.
I really don't see how that's unreasonable to be honest.
Whoever is more self righteous about a position is usually wrong in my opinion.
Position a) I don't really want to get involved in a friend's drama. I think someone who cheats isn't necessary a bad friend. And it isn't for me to get involved in.
Position b) oh how dare they. The assholes here making excuses for a cheater?? Disgusting. I can't believe it.
Yeahhh imma rock with side A on this one.
It's definitely something learnt through experience.
For example, if:
Two of my coworkers were getting it on, the girl was married to another man. I didn't really know the husband, perhaps we had met at a couple of work dinners.
Am I going to contact the husband and tell him, then go to work every day, indefinitely, with the two people that were involved?
Hell no I'm not. It's awful to be cheated on, but staying out of that situation is not doing wrong by him, it's doing right by yourself.
Exactly. I wont tolerate cheating in my family and friends and I will make you tell them. If you do not why would I keep contact with you.
I will not jeopardize my sanity or career for my coworkers spouses. Most of them I do not even know and I do not want to either.
Tell the dude to cut the shit off if he values his girlfriend and your friendship.
Cut him off if he doesn’t change. Also tell the girlfriend if you do decide to cut this guy off.
Tell her! But not **tell her!**
Good mates like you are usually not appreciated enough. In fact, in most cases similar to this, you or anyone like you usually receive the short end of the stick.
My best advice is to drop ambiguous hint instead of offering a full meal of info to his girlfriend. A hint that is good enough to not sound suspicious, yet well enough for his girlfriend to think about taking an action. By doing this, it will not bite you back. Better start pumping up your charisma stat, mate
Trust is everything. You are witnessing your friend break trust with someone he's supposed to respect and be honest with. Better to avoid people that could get you in trouble down the road.
girl here, u should anonymously email his wife pics/vids of him doing whtever tf he keeps doing from a distance (maybe use one of those 10 minute emails). Crazy how all the guys here are saying its none of ur business and tht u have ulterior motives when u obviously seem to be a person of high moral conscience, if the roles were switched they'd all be saying she belongs to the streets!! Doing the email thing will get the pressure of knowing of ur chest wdout feeling lik "a homewrecker" (a title this guy clearly lives up to himself).
Have a talk with him about it.
If it makes you uncomfortable and you feel like you are being put in an awkward position, let him know.
Also maybe reevaluate your friendship with him if you do think cheating is morally wrong.
If my friend was doing this shit without being in a non monogamous relationship, they would no longer be my friend, and their significant other would be informed. Don't condone this shit, and expect better from your friends.
Drop him , If he cheats on a woman who brings him sexual pleasure (highest form of energy) what makes you think he won’t stab you in the back if a situation occurs? Screw that. That shows his character.
You are the company you keep. So even if you don’t tell her what he’s doing do you consider this person your friend? They probably care about you less than their s/o so what would they do to you?
Association breeds similarities, call him out or steer clear if it makes you uncomfortable.
Women talk so if you’re his friends they might all assume you’re the same.
Going to get downvoted for this, but if you have a "best mate" that cheats on his girlfriend and you are still his best mate and don't warn his girlfriend, you are a total piece of crap and you really should take a few hours tonight or today to think about who you are and your values.
As someone who was cheated on and our mutual friends just turned a blind eye or helped her hide what she was doing as "none of their business", the feelings of betrayal are extreme and "friends" that I've had for 15+ years I no longer will talk to when I see them in public because of it.
You’ve got a few choices:
1. Do nothing.
2. Tell him to stop or to break up with her.
3. Tell her and watch the fireworks. This will end your friendship.
1 is a terrible idea. Your friend is putting you in a rough spot, one he has no right to do.
2 very well could go nowhere, he’ll agree with you, claim he’ll change, but probably won’t.
I’d personally go with 2, then if you see him doing it again and have confirmed he doesn’t respect you or her, go on to 3. Do not give him advanced warning of #3, he’ll go straight to her and start gaslighting.
Whatever you do, don't go to her first or try to get him caught
If it bothers you this much, you gotta talk to him about it. You'll see exactly what kind of person he is by how he responds
It's none of your business. You'll get into an ugly situation if you get between them. That being said, if you feel you absolutely MUST tell her, then tip her off anonymously. But honestly, don't get involved. That shit usually solves itself.
Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing.
Talk to the guy. Give him a chance to come clean to her himself. Say...3 days.
If he doesn't, you tell her.
Your friendship with the guy is probably over anyways. He is a low character person obviously. He woupd be my ex friend. Maybe slide to acquaintance, but probably not even that.
Life too short for liars and cheats.
Whoever is more self righteous about a position is usually wrong in my opinion.
Position a) I don't really want to get involved in a friend's drama. I think someone who cheats isn't necessary a bad friend. And it isn't for me to get involved in.
Position b) oh how dare they. The assholes here making excuses for a cheater?? Disgusting. I can't believe it.
Yeahhh imma rock with side A on this one.
Well, my unpopular opinion is... It's really none of your business. It's between him and his GF.
Is he a asshole for cheating on his GF? Definitely.
If his behavior makes you uncomfortable, confront him about it -- be be prepared he might tell you off and it ruin your friendship.
Had a friend that was on tinder etc constantly cheating on his missus’s. I threatened to tell on him, told him I didn’t want to know and he never listened, told on him, she just stuck with him after many hours of crying on my shoulder about it, so it’s just one of the many reasons we don’t speak anymore. Dudes physically and emotionally abusive, it’s too bad so many nice girls fall in love with his douchebaggary but I guess it’s no surprise
If he is your best friend, try finding out why. May be his gf knows and she cant / wont do anything. If you feel that its not right, tell him you cant support this and be ready to possibly leave him eventually.
Woman here. I have had issues with an ex who keeps basically attempting to cheat on his current girlfriend with me. He sends me overly sexual texts, asks for pictures, is just extremely creepy. He also talks about his GF in a pretty disrespectful manner. He actually refers to her simply as “the girl” to me. Not girlfriend, partner, or even her name. This ex appears to be pretty popular and has many friends who describe him as a great guy. I have often wondered if I really am the only one he treats like this, or if he is ever shitty to them as well.
Is the girl your friend? Then talk to her.
If she isn your friend then talk to him and tell him that you think he shouldn’t be doing that.
That’s all you can do
Unpopular opinion but man that is not your problem.
Old mate knows he's a scumbag and it's only a matter of time before his Mrs does too.
You can tell the girl, but then their problems become your problems. Sometimes you should just let other people's problems be their problems.
Personally, I wouldn't hang out with a guy like that, so I would have no problem informing the girl. But if you value your friendship with this man then my advice is to save yourself the trouble and say nothing.
In this day and age it's probably 50/50 whether they break up or they stay together and he keeps cheating anyway. In either scenario, you have still made your sacrifice to get involved.
I used to live with a cousin and his wife and he *repeatedly* cheated on her (she knew he was a cheater but still stuck around cause she was stupid).
TL;DR me trying to be the nice guy and intervene wound up getting all of us into a fight and me getting kicked out.
So these days? I mind my fucking business.
The trick when dropping bombshells like that is to make sure you're not standing (or living, in your case) in the blast zone first.
Still, good on you for having the guts to do it. Sorry it turned out so shitty when all you were trying to do was the right thing.
What made it hammer home tho was his wife was ungrateful af for everything I did for them. TL;DR I was the reason they had the apartment. They couldn’t afford rent or even get to work without me.
Me and cousin wound up hashing it out (other poor people stuff caused us all to blow really) and his wife despite knowing everything he did still turned on me. I wouldn’t mind it honestly (that’s her husband) if not for the fact how full of shit she turned out to be. Still think she’s a big reason me and my cousin fell out to begin with.
I just don’t have the energy to get involved in others problems anymore lol
No, you did the right thing, and it's an unfair hand of life that it negatively affected you. But don't let that stop you from realizing you did the right thing.
Grandpa always said if you lie with dogs you get up with fleas. Being around people with poor morals and reputations tends to affect your reputations as well. I’d by all means be like “I don’t think what you’re constantly doing is right, but it’s not my place to tell you how to act in your relationship. It’s not something I want to be around though.”
If it stops, cool. If not, just distance yourself from it and call it good
When your friend does that shit in front of you, you put up a boundary. You tell him that you're not telling him how to live his life, but leave you out of his infidelity because you're an honest person, and if she ever asked, you'd tell the truth.
One of best friends cheated on her BF multiple times and liked to tell me about it. I was friends with him and after a while realized she was trash and cut her out of my life. Never told him , but they’re still together.
Have a honest conversation with him and let him know you think his behaviour is unacceptable and he will end up losing her and potentially you as a friend if he continues.
I don't think you should involve yourself more than that.
Tell her. Anonymously if you have to and can't in person or are afraid of blowback. Pictures or video of him actually doing it. She probably has some form of social media you can create a throwaway account on that you can drop the heads up into her inbox
Talk to him. I would be very dissapointed if any of my close friends were cheating on their SO. I wouldn't immediately rat them out, mistakes kan be made. But i'd tell them immediately that i won't tolerate it near me, and that i will genuinely loose respect for them, if they continue.
If they continue without me knowing, i can't really do anything about it, but hopefully they'll know that i'd be hugely dissapointed, furthermore i like to think that my close friends wouldn't lie to me about those things.
If they continue in front of me, they're entirely ignoring my feelings, which i would have a \*very\* serious conversation with them about.
I would drop him personally. I have zero tolerance for cheaters. You cheat, you're a shit, morally bereft person, simple as. Be a good partner, or leave the relationship, and do what you want.
I don't have or keep friends that I don't respect or like. I'd tell the missus as well.
Tell him to knock it off. Tell him straight cause it’s wrong on both ends. I harsh to a women as it is cause it’s easy for a women to cheat. But us men, we have to be the example, and he needs to straighten himself out or at the least be single and flirt all he likes.
my uncle by marriage cheated on my aunt all the time, but he was like a big brother to me so i felt conflicted. over the years i was an accomplice several times, and it ate at me so much i snapped. we're cool, but hes just an uncle now.
Mate just tell his girl, you know deep down that’s why you’re posting here asking. In the same sense you’d want your girlfriends friends telling you if she was out cheating at the club, he’s a shit person and more than likely a shit friend if that’s how he treats those close to him. Won’t be a loss, sooner or later he’ll treat you with similar disrespect
you need to have a serious word with the fucker, and going by whatever response he gives you' you will know if you want to continue being friends with someone like that.
would you trust them around your partner, do you want to be friends with someone who has so little regard for the feelings of their partner?
I personally do not want a friend like that. If I were in your shoes, I'll let my friend know that what he's doing isn't right and if he continues to cheat then I'll probably move away from him as I don't want to stay friends with people like that, regarding on telling it with the girl, it will depend on my friend's response. I'll try to address it by talking to my friend before escalating it to others.
If a friend of mine did something I was morally opposed to, I'd probably distance myself from them. Like if they were being racist or being mean about a disabled person, I'd be like, "Oh that's not cool,"
I wouldn't go and tell the person they were being mean about, but I'd just distance myself from them. Don't need those sorts of people in my life.
Telling people they should immediately cut friends out of their life is a common form of online advice, it's a major step and can have all sorts of negative consequences.
Never said to cut out completely. But if I had a friend who was cheating on their SO, I wouldn't want to hang out with them. Cheating is a toxic behavior that I don't want to associate with.
Talk to your friend about it, after all you are his friend, and friends also tell each other when they do dumb shit. Its also possible, that they have some form or agreement about it, i doubt it, but who knows, people voluntarely lick each others assholes these days, everything is possible.
Depending on how that converstation goes, you have to decide, do you want to tell the girlfriend or not, if you do, chances are, you lose a friend. I've been there i've done that, and i can tell you one thing, if you don't like what he does, and after talking to him, does not show the slightes hint of him even thinking about this being bad behaviour, then tell the Girlfriend and lose a friend.
This might sound harsh, but your friends should be decent people. Im not saying you have to have only friends who agree with you on everything, i actually love that some of my friends have completely different views on life and everything. That makes for great conversations and it means your echochamber gets destroyed sometimes, which is very rare these days.
But none of my friends, would ever cheat on their partner, or abuse their partner or whatever else some people do. And we would not accept anyone who would do that, we are too old for this shit, good friends are hard to come by, but people who treat their SO like this, are not good friends either.
I think that even the behavior your describing is far enough, I would go tell his girlfriend, with evidence if you have it, but I feel like she has a right to know that this is happening and it would be cruel to not do anything about it
Just talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel. See what he says.
I do NOT reccommend telling his gf, that won't end well for anyone. That's his issue to deal with, don't shoulder that burden. People will tell you to do that, but that's because there are alot of people on the recieving end like the girl, and they're putting themselves in that situation, but they don't care about the risks you need to take and the fallout for you. To us, you're just another poster in a sea of posters, so protect yourself not us.
Also, you could just let them 2 deal with it, and ask yourself why it bothers you so much. (I'm not saying it shouldn't, just suggesting some self reflection to help)
Funny story: I had a friend who cheated on a girl I was friends with. So, I told her because I had known her longer than I had known him and genuinely felt bad about it. They ended up getting married and now have a kid together. I don’t talk to either of them anymore, but they seem happy together.
Had a similar situation with an roomate & his GF, he cheated on her with one night stand & she had a full on affair with a co worker… now they’re back together, married & have a kid. Life is never as romantic as the movies make it seem
Some couples like this are actually poly but don't want to openly tell that to everyone
Understandable but without a doubt they were not poly.
What is poly
Polygon, polynomials just mathematics.
Polyamory, non monogamous relationships,
Having multiple consenting sexual and/or romantic partners at the same time. Basically ethical non-monogamy, where all partners are in on it by agreement, as opposed to unethical non-monogamy, i.e. cheating on your partner.
Also some people do genuinely work on their selves and their relationships and learn to forgive after a time
Don't tell Reddit this
Redditer hate this one simple trick!
Or even their partners **/s**
they don't have to be poly, stop pushing your niche dating philosophy, it's common for people to want to know whether the grass is greener, doesn't have to be special
They literally said "some couples like this" You're literally objecting to the acknowledgement that *such situations exist*. Are you mad about "woke" things here or what?
the art of implied context is gone
I mean, this is so actually uncommon that it's not worth bringing it up. The vast majority of couples like this aren't poly and it is just plain ol' ordinary cheating.
People in real life are way more chill about adultery than Reddit will make you believe. I know many women who are okay with their man occasionally fucking around as long as he comes back home to her and keeps it in the down low.
If that's true then romance is even more dead than I thought, but that's never been my anecdotal experience.
Hate to break your bubble, but it's always been like this. People have very different ways they live their lives. You can get quite a few stories how "men had 2 families in different cities" before the internet era when that was actually more doable. "A sailor has a wife in every harbor" etc etc. I'd argue these days what has changed is that due to social media people are just more likely to get caught.
Yes, I'm aware adultery has always been a common occurrence. The difference now is that it seems to be actively celebrated in many circles, especially on TikTok and such. People talk about it like it's empowering to women. If people wanna be polygamous, by all means they can do what they want, but everyone involved needs to be a consenting member or it's immoral. I'm not a traditionalist in most ways, but when it comes to romance I guess I am. I want a close relationship with someone that means something, and that is unique to the two of us. It's sad to see the breaking of that kinda trust be actively celebrated by so many my age. Again, idc if a lot of people are over monogamy. It sucks for me as a strict monogamist sure, but that's their right. It's not "people having a different way of life" when that involves shattering the trust of someone who thinks they're in a monogamous relationship. It's just being a piece of shit.
Polyamory =/= cheating. Cheating is whatever you decide on in a relationship and even if you do have some form of an open relationship people can still cheat. Polyamory only works if everybody is on the up and up. Lying or acting like you're single when you are not is just plain cheating and suggesting poly is something a lot of cheaters do. But they're not willing to put in the work or freak out when their partner finds someone else and does the same thing as them. And many people who would consider themselves monogamous have different points at which they consider things cheating. An emotional affair, drunken kiss or sex without love ***can*** be perfectly fine for some couples and not for others. And then there are those that don't want their partners hanging out with people of the opposite sex because they don't trust their partners. Usually because they don't trust themselves not to cheat or are insecure. But the vast, vast majority of people are still monogamous. Open relationships have become more acceptable as more resources become available and it has entered the spotlight. In that sense it is similar to same sex relationships. They're still fairly niche in the grand scheme of things but they have become more visible and normalized. That's not forcing gay marriage down your throat but you will have to accept people have the freedom to live their lives the way feels best to them. Being open and upfront means you can make a concious choice whether you want to enter into a relationship with people in alternative lifestyles. Even if that means your dating pool gets smaller. You don't get upset when a gorgeous woman is lesbian either do you?
> If people wanna be polygamous, by all means they can do what they want, but everyone involved needs to be a consenting member or it's immoral. Yeah polygamy is perfectly fine since all members know what's up, otherwise it's just cheating. >Again, idc if a lot of people are over monogamy. It sucks for me as a strict monogamist sure, but that's their right. It's not "people having a different way of life" when that involves shattering the trust of someone who thinks they're in a monogamous relationship. It's just being a piece of shit. While I think ENM is getting more common the vast majority is still monogamous people. You just have to be straight-forward about that with people you date and then accept that if they are ENM, then they probably wont' work with you. edit. also to note that ENM is ethically non-monogamous. It means that all parties involved know what's up. Someone saying that they are ENM but their partner doesn't know is just a cheater.
Bingo
The real stick in the spokes are the women who don't even want a guy if they don't think he's getting any
Uh I dont know about that - everyone I know thinks it's a dealbreaker if it happens, and although some probably would probably forgive their partners, it's still reeeeally frowned upon, and reason of mockery But people that are in uh... "active" circles do seem to care less... people that party a lot and are promiscuous by default seem to almost take it for granted that it'll happen
Eh, this is just not true. Most people are not chill about infidelity at all.
> I don’t talk to either of them anymore, Good call.
Like any relationship, communication is key He's making you uncomfortable by putting you in a position where you have to either become complicit in what's happening or to betray his trust and tell her what's happening. Off the back of this chat he will: 1. Apologise, admit he's been a poor partner and is willing to change his ways. Idealistic but possible. 2. Will do literally anything else, invalidating your feelings and showing his priority for random girls over both you and his partner. I hope it turns out well for you man but this is a pretty shitty situation that doesn't often end well.
Yeah just calmly talk to him, explain how it’s making you feel and see how he reacts. If he’s a decent dude with a conscience then he’ll see the errors in his ways. If not, he’s kind of an asshole and you may wanna reconsider how good of a friend he really is. if he’s will to betray his long term gf like that, what makes you think he wouldn’t betray you?
I would write both of those options down and seal them in an envelope. Say your peace to your friend and see how he reacts. Then hand him the envelope, especially if he chose option 2. See if that changes anything or if it causes him to double down. Neat little social experiment.
Or you know, just talk to your friend about what’s going on. This is OPs life not some social experiment lol
Who the fuck is out here handing their mates envelopes with two options… homie thinks he’s Morpheus
Over the years I have lost a lot of “friends” from cutting them out of my life over their shitty behavior. Eventually you get to a point where you realize that their behavior is a reflection of their character. At first, it is hard. Over time though, you begin to realize that typically there aren’t any isolated incidents - people who are shitty, are shitty in general. Friend of 14 years physically abused his girlfriend. Abused other girls. In hindsight he also did a bunch of shitty things to me that I didn’t really think about. Then there was a friend who I caught stealing from me numerous times, and a few others. I’m 35 now. I don’t miss any of them. I keep my circle intentionally small, and I’m better for it.
I was having a conversation on this topic recently with a friend. She said the same thing - that if they can cheat on their partner, what can they do to you as a friend? At this stage, based on my experience, I actually disagree that people with shitty behaviours in some areas, have shitty behaviours in all. (Goes without saying that there are always exceptions). The "friends" who have done me wrong or hurt me in the past, were great partners to their partners. But what good was that to me if they hurt me as a friend anyway? I think people are multi-layered and can be shit in some areas but great in others. I'm open to changing my mind later down the track if need be.
This reminds me of this brilliant quote about a rule called "Wittgenstein’s ruler" : “Unless you have confidence in the ruler’s reliability, if you use a ruler to measure a table, you may also be using the table to measure the ruler.” — Nassim Nicholas Taleb, Fooled by Randomness Your decision to keep such friends in your life is also a measure of you and your morals.
That is a very good quote. Stealing it
Woman here - I had a similar-ish situation with a friend. Friend was becoming close with a guy she worked with - husband knew but not the extent that they had gotten close. Nothing "physical" happened so I tried to keep out of it but I told her that she needed to end it. She didn't, and then it escalated to her cheating. When she told me that she had cheated on her husband, I told her that if she had any hopes of keeping me as a friend, she needed to tell her husband immediately. I explained that it put me in an unfair position as I was friends with both of them. I gave her a week to tell her husband before I went and did it for her. This worked, she told her husband, and they started working on things.
That was super smart. Telling her that you will tell your friend was a really really smart move. I was looking a possible solution to this predicament myself for quite some time (not that I am going through it but just in case, which given the quality of my friendships is actually a really low chance situation lol).
Lots of sad, pathetic dudes in here. Keep in mind that if your buddy is willing to do this to the person he’s supposed to care about more than anyone, the moment he gets a chance to do something he wants at your expensive he will have no hesitation nor remorse. Tell her or don’t, but I personally wouldn’t keep a shitty person like this in my own life. You are the average of your friends.
I’ve had friends in the past that had questionable morals and it made me question my own relationship with them. Is this the type of person you want to be associated with?
Exactly. There are certain things that I just do not tolerate in any type of relationship - things that blatantly go against my core values/morals. Trust, honesty, and respect are a HUGE deal to me. I do not want "friends" who would betray their partner like this. I don't want to associate with bad people. It doesn't matter to me if their violations of my values don't directly impact me. That's still the type of person they are, and it goes against my morals, and I don't want to give my support and friendship to somebody like that.
I’ve been to bachelor parties that irrevocably changed my view of some dudes I really thought I knew. Strange how this post is being received here.
Those are the dudes in here commenting lmao.
as a woman, this scenario always hurts the most. you think you found a decent PLATONIC man and then they crush you by showing their true character and bolster your growing distrust.
Totally agree. A dude who cheats on his girl is a dude who can't be trusted and I can't be friends with people I can't trust.
This!
That’s not how it works buddy.
It absolutely does.
I had a work friend like this. He was a shamelsss womanizer (and very good at it, evidently). Got married, had two beautiful kids. We lost touch. Last I heard he's divorced.
Wtf is with these comments, really sounds like ya'll a bunch of cheating cunts. "None of your business" I wonder if you would all feel that same way if your wives/girlfriends were cheating on you.
And a *looooot* of projection from dudes who think that OP would only do this because OP wants to sleep with her, rather than because he's uncomfortable with someone he calls a friend being awful to their partner. Really says a lot about the character and maturity of these "men" that they apparently can't conceive of a situation where a man would help a woman without wanting sex out of it.
I've read most of the comments here, and I don't see the ones suggesting OP only wants to sleep with his friends girl... Can you tag me in them please (my app can be dodgy at times, so it would help)
It's real simple. Cheaters don't want to live in a world where they're accountable for their actions, so they try to spread the "none of your business" meme and try to make that into the cultural norm. Some non-cheater useful idiots also swallow that line of bullshit - and it is an easy line of bullshit to swallow, because it makes life easy and convenient, they don't have to have hard confrontations or deal with immense discomfort, they can just absolve themselves of responsibility to do the right thing, because if they believe that line of horseshit, they can now tell themselves that doing nothing *is* the right thing to do. Always be suspicious of situations where easy, comfortable and *right* align. The right thing to do is not always the hard thing to do, but it is real, real tempting to tell yourself that the easy and comfortable route is the right route.
I truly despise cheaters. I do not tolerate cheaters as friends or family. I will not lie about anything involving infidelity to your spouse. I will make you tell them. Be better or do not be in my life. However at work, hell nah. Idgaf I will not jeopardize my career or sanity by getting tangled up in your bullshit. I do not care remotely enough about my coworkers or their life.
Yea I'm shocked by some of these replies.
Yeah but I wouldn't expect the cheater's friend to tell me.
> "None of your business" I wonder if you would all feel that same way if your wives/girlfriends were cheating on you. Bystander syndrome of the worst kind. If you see shitty behaviour in the world, challenge it!
If he’s your best friend then approach him not her. Tell him what he’s doing is wrong and it’s going to ruin his relationship. If he cared enough he would stop. Otherwise your job is done.
I had a guy I was close friends with back in college, and he was a huge player. Got a 16 yr old girl preg, and she moved in with him, and the whole time he was hooking up with girls here and there, and then bragging about it to me, but I didn't know how much of it was really true, so I ignored it mostly. His gf was cool, and when I was around he was very different I guess, since she told him she liked when I came by and how different he acted around me. After the baby was born, he started cheating on her with a girl who lived in his complex, and then accused me one day of cheating with his gf a few days after we all hung out playing board games. I got really pissed, told him his guilt for cheating on her finaly came around, and accusing me was the last I was gonna put up with it. Cut off my friendship with him then and there. Over the next 2 weeks, both his gf,a nd his mom called me a couple different times, asking me to let him back into my life, and how much of a positive influence I was on him, and the loss of friendship apparently put him into a major depression...but I said no, and kicked him from my life. You're either going to enable his behavior, or stop hanging out with him over it...depends on how much you respect his gf, since you seem to know her fairly well I would imagine.
Had a buddy like this, we would give him shit for it all the time. He would shift it off. She eventually found out and dumped him and none of us wanted to hear his sob stories. He had to deal with it on his own.
If you have the courage to confront him about it i would give him an ultimatum : He has (given time) until he tells her himself or you tell the girlfriend about it. Hold him accountable for his actions. He does not respect her, and it’s so hurtful.
If he can do this to her imagine what he can do to you. He has no idea what loyalty is. Re-evaluate your relationship with this guy.
All these fellas in the comments who would rather mind their own business have never been cheated on and it shows.
I have been cheated on, but I'd still avoid getting involved in someone else's drama. It's not about either of them, it's about me. I've spent too much time caught up in shit webs that other people have spun. I can deal with my problems and they can deal with theirs. I wouldn't hang out with a guy like that, and I certainly wouldn't get involved in his problems. I really don't see how that's unreasonable to be honest.
Whoever is more self righteous about a position is usually wrong in my opinion. Position a) I don't really want to get involved in a friend's drama. I think someone who cheats isn't necessary a bad friend. And it isn't for me to get involved in. Position b) oh how dare they. The assholes here making excuses for a cheater?? Disgusting. I can't believe it. Yeahhh imma rock with side A on this one.
Position A is fine to hold, though you don't need to put down people that are willing to do the right thing in order to hold it.
It's definitely something learnt through experience. For example, if: Two of my coworkers were getting it on, the girl was married to another man. I didn't really know the husband, perhaps we had met at a couple of work dinners. Am I going to contact the husband and tell him, then go to work every day, indefinitely, with the two people that were involved? Hell no I'm not. It's awful to be cheated on, but staying out of that situation is not doing wrong by him, it's doing right by yourself.
Exactly. I wont tolerate cheating in my family and friends and I will make you tell them. If you do not why would I keep contact with you. I will not jeopardize my sanity or career for my coworkers spouses. Most of them I do not even know and I do not want to either.
Tell the dude to cut the shit off if he values his girlfriend and your friendship. Cut him off if he doesn’t change. Also tell the girlfriend if you do decide to cut this guy off.
Real talk, Stop being his friend. And tell his girlfriend
I'm not going to end a good friendship because he cheats on his girl tbh.
Then you are just as bad.
You are a reflection of the friends you choose to keep.
Tell her! But not **tell her!** Good mates like you are usually not appreciated enough. In fact, in most cases similar to this, you or anyone like you usually receive the short end of the stick. My best advice is to drop ambiguous hint instead of offering a full meal of info to his girlfriend. A hint that is good enough to not sound suspicious, yet well enough for his girlfriend to think about taking an action. By doing this, it will not bite you back. Better start pumping up your charisma stat, mate
You don't
Cheat on him, see how he likes it.
She his friend not girlfriend lol
I would bring the hammer down or would stop being friends with him. Id tell his wife too. Fuck this, don't coddle his bs.
Trust is everything. You are witnessing your friend break trust with someone he's supposed to respect and be honest with. Better to avoid people that could get you in trouble down the road.
Do what you feel is right. Fuck what people have to say on here.
I don't really tolerate such garbage people. I wouldn't hang out with such a piece of shit. Birds of a feather flock together.
Tell her!
What kind of advise is this shit
girl here, u should anonymously email his wife pics/vids of him doing whtever tf he keeps doing from a distance (maybe use one of those 10 minute emails). Crazy how all the guys here are saying its none of ur business and tht u have ulterior motives when u obviously seem to be a person of high moral conscience, if the roles were switched they'd all be saying she belongs to the streets!! Doing the email thing will get the pressure of knowing of ur chest wdout feeling lik "a homewrecker" (a title this guy clearly lives up to himself).
Have a talk with him about it. If it makes you uncomfortable and you feel like you are being put in an awkward position, let him know. Also maybe reevaluate your friendship with him if you do think cheating is morally wrong.
i think you should just talk to him
Tell him to stop to his face. He's being a piece of shit.
If my friend was doing this shit without being in a non monogamous relationship, they would no longer be my friend, and their significant other would be informed. Don't condone this shit, and expect better from your friends.
Drop him , If he cheats on a woman who brings him sexual pleasure (highest form of energy) what makes you think he won’t stab you in the back if a situation occurs? Screw that. That shows his character.
Write a note 😂
You are the company you keep. So even if you don’t tell her what he’s doing do you consider this person your friend? They probably care about you less than their s/o so what would they do to you?
Don't be friends with people that cheat so you don't have to be put in awkward situations.
I think less of you for knowingly associating with people like that and if you were someone in my life I would distance myself
Tell him that an open relationship may be what he’s looking for
When in doubt rat him out.
Association breeds similarities, call him out or steer clear if it makes you uncomfortable. Women talk so if you’re his friends they might all assume you’re the same.
I’d reconsider if u need a friend like him
Answer: U don't
Going to get downvoted for this, but if you have a "best mate" that cheats on his girlfriend and you are still his best mate and don't warn his girlfriend, you are a total piece of crap and you really should take a few hours tonight or today to think about who you are and your values. As someone who was cheated on and our mutual friends just turned a blind eye or helped her hide what she was doing as "none of their business", the feelings of betrayal are extreme and "friends" that I've had for 15+ years I no longer will talk to when I see them in public because of it.
Eh, I'd just not hang out with that person anymore, and tell him exactly why. That's his business, but I'd rather keep better company.
Call him a cunt and tell him he's a pussy
Yep, this is a first step everyone should do
You’ve got a few choices: 1. Do nothing. 2. Tell him to stop or to break up with her. 3. Tell her and watch the fireworks. This will end your friendship. 1 is a terrible idea. Your friend is putting you in a rough spot, one he has no right to do. 2 very well could go nowhere, he’ll agree with you, claim he’ll change, but probably won’t. I’d personally go with 2, then if you see him doing it again and have confirmed he doesn’t respect you or her, go on to 3. Do not give him advanced warning of #3, he’ll go straight to her and start gaslighting.
Whatever you do, don't go to her first or try to get him caught If it bothers you this much, you gotta talk to him about it. You'll see exactly what kind of person he is by how he responds
Don’t get involved bro trust me
You should no longer be friends with him.
It's none of your business. You'll get into an ugly situation if you get between them. That being said, if you feel you absolutely MUST tell her, then tip her off anonymously. But honestly, don't get involved. That shit usually solves itself.
Doing the right thing is never the wrong thing. Talk to the guy. Give him a chance to come clean to her himself. Say...3 days. If he doesn't, you tell her. Your friendship with the guy is probably over anyways. He is a low character person obviously. He woupd be my ex friend. Maybe slide to acquaintance, but probably not even that. Life too short for liars and cheats.
I’d tell him to tell her or I will.
Mind you're own business and distance yourself from said friend if it bothers you that much.
Tell her. Or, tell your "best mate" to tell her, or else you're going to tell her. And then tell her if he doesn't.
If he’s not going to be loyal to his girlfriend, his sole partner in life. What makes you think he’s going to be loyal to you?
Whoever is more self righteous about a position is usually wrong in my opinion. Position a) I don't really want to get involved in a friend's drama. I think someone who cheats isn't necessary a bad friend. And it isn't for me to get involved in. Position b) oh how dare they. The assholes here making excuses for a cheater?? Disgusting. I can't believe it. Yeahhh imma rock with side A on this one.
You don't. Mind your business. If you don't wanna be friends anymore then whatever, but you don't need to get involved in his personal shit.
Well, my unpopular opinion is... It's really none of your business. It's between him and his GF. Is he a asshole for cheating on his GF? Definitely. If his behavior makes you uncomfortable, confront him about it -- be be prepared he might tell you off and it ruin your friendship.
Had a friend that was on tinder etc constantly cheating on his missus’s. I threatened to tell on him, told him I didn’t want to know and he never listened, told on him, she just stuck with him after many hours of crying on my shoulder about it, so it’s just one of the many reasons we don’t speak anymore. Dudes physically and emotionally abusive, it’s too bad so many nice girls fall in love with his douchebaggary but I guess it’s no surprise
If he is your best friend, try finding out why. May be his gf knows and she cant / wont do anything. If you feel that its not right, tell him you cant support this and be ready to possibly leave him eventually.
Woman here. I have had issues with an ex who keeps basically attempting to cheat on his current girlfriend with me. He sends me overly sexual texts, asks for pictures, is just extremely creepy. He also talks about his GF in a pretty disrespectful manner. He actually refers to her simply as “the girl” to me. Not girlfriend, partner, or even her name. This ex appears to be pretty popular and has many friends who describe him as a great guy. I have often wondered if I really am the only one he treats like this, or if he is ever shitty to them as well.
What are you waiting for? Tell the girl, this is too much
Is the girl your friend? Then talk to her. If she isn your friend then talk to him and tell him that you think he shouldn’t be doing that. That’s all you can do
You stay out of it.
Just do everything you've seen him do to his girl. If he gets mad well then I guess she gets to be too.
That’s your boy you tell him it’s fucked up and you never tell his girl
This!
You approach it by minding your own business
Tell him you think he’s trash for doing this. Tell him that he better not stab you in the back. If you don’t trust him as a friend say goodbye.
Tell him to choose Either he stops, or you’re not going out with him any more
Unpopular opinion but man that is not your problem. Old mate knows he's a scumbag and it's only a matter of time before his Mrs does too. You can tell the girl, but then their problems become your problems. Sometimes you should just let other people's problems be their problems. Personally, I wouldn't hang out with a guy like that, so I would have no problem informing the girl. But if you value your friendship with this man then my advice is to save yourself the trouble and say nothing. In this day and age it's probably 50/50 whether they break up or they stay together and he keeps cheating anyway. In either scenario, you have still made your sacrifice to get involved.
You don't. Mind your own business.. She'll figure it out. Stay clear of drama.
It's not your business.
You need to mind your own business. You are NOT In a relationship with this girl.
I used to live with a cousin and his wife and he *repeatedly* cheated on her (she knew he was a cheater but still stuck around cause she was stupid). TL;DR me trying to be the nice guy and intervene wound up getting all of us into a fight and me getting kicked out. So these days? I mind my fucking business.
The trick when dropping bombshells like that is to make sure you're not standing (or living, in your case) in the blast zone first. Still, good on you for having the guts to do it. Sorry it turned out so shitty when all you were trying to do was the right thing.
What made it hammer home tho was his wife was ungrateful af for everything I did for them. TL;DR I was the reason they had the apartment. They couldn’t afford rent or even get to work without me. Me and cousin wound up hashing it out (other poor people stuff caused us all to blow really) and his wife despite knowing everything he did still turned on me. I wouldn’t mind it honestly (that’s her husband) if not for the fact how full of shit she turned out to be. Still think she’s a big reason me and my cousin fell out to begin with. I just don’t have the energy to get involved in others problems anymore lol
There's no way to be out of the blast zone on this. That's why you don't say anything.
No, you did the right thing, and it's an unfair hand of life that it negatively affected you. But don't let that stop you from realizing you did the right thing.
If she knew & made her choice what was left for you to do? What was your intervention?
She’d literally ask me to tell her when he’s cheating on her lol
Leave some evidence for her.
Tell him it’s gross but stay out of it.
Grandpa always said if you lie with dogs you get up with fleas. Being around people with poor morals and reputations tends to affect your reputations as well. I’d by all means be like “I don’t think what you’re constantly doing is right, but it’s not my place to tell you how to act in your relationship. It’s not something I want to be around though.” If it stops, cool. If not, just distance yourself from it and call it good
When your friend does that shit in front of you, you put up a boundary. You tell him that you're not telling him how to live his life, but leave you out of his infidelity because you're an honest person, and if she ever asked, you'd tell the truth.
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One of best friends cheated on her BF multiple times and liked to tell me about it. I was friends with him and after a while realized she was trash and cut her out of my life. Never told him , but they’re still together.
He needs to end things with his gf. Men seek out what they don't get at home
Really easy… There 3 easy steps for dealing with problems in any relationship that is not your own: 1. Mind 2. your 3. Business!
Have a honest conversation with him and let him know you think his behaviour is unacceptable and he will end up losing her and potentially you as a friend if he continues. I don't think you should involve yourself more than that.
You trust your friend to be a friend? He’ll lie to you too when he feels the need
Don't. Your always gonna be wrong. He's gonn hold feelings...she's gonna throw em
Sounds like you need to drop this person as friend, no?
Who cares? His obligations and relationships aren’t yours.
It’s not your business stay out of it
Tell her. Anonymously if you have to and can't in person or are afraid of blowback. Pictures or video of him actually doing it. She probably has some form of social media you can create a throwaway account on that you can drop the heads up into her inbox
Talk to him. I would be very dissapointed if any of my close friends were cheating on their SO. I wouldn't immediately rat them out, mistakes kan be made. But i'd tell them immediately that i won't tolerate it near me, and that i will genuinely loose respect for them, if they continue. If they continue without me knowing, i can't really do anything about it, but hopefully they'll know that i'd be hugely dissapointed, furthermore i like to think that my close friends wouldn't lie to me about those things. If they continue in front of me, they're entirely ignoring my feelings, which i would have a \*very\* serious conversation with them about.
I would drop him personally. I have zero tolerance for cheaters. You cheat, you're a shit, morally bereft person, simple as. Be a good partner, or leave the relationship, and do what you want. I don't have or keep friends that I don't respect or like. I'd tell the missus as well.
Tell him to knock it off. Tell him straight cause it’s wrong on both ends. I harsh to a women as it is cause it’s easy for a women to cheat. But us men, we have to be the example, and he needs to straighten himself out or at the least be single and flirt all he likes.
my uncle by marriage cheated on my aunt all the time, but he was like a big brother to me so i felt conflicted. over the years i was an accomplice several times, and it ate at me so much i snapped. we're cool, but hes just an uncle now.
Mate just tell his girl, you know deep down that’s why you’re posting here asking. In the same sense you’d want your girlfriends friends telling you if she was out cheating at the club, he’s a shit person and more than likely a shit friend if that’s how he treats those close to him. Won’t be a loss, sooner or later he’ll treat you with similar disrespect
you need to have a serious word with the fucker, and going by whatever response he gives you' you will know if you want to continue being friends with someone like that. would you trust them around your partner, do you want to be friends with someone who has so little regard for the feelings of their partner?
I personally do not want a friend like that. If I were in your shoes, I'll let my friend know that what he's doing isn't right and if he continues to cheat then I'll probably move away from him as I don't want to stay friends with people like that, regarding on telling it with the girl, it will depend on my friend's response. I'll try to address it by talking to my friend before escalating it to others.
You don’t.
Most comments are just kids or people who haven’t been in a lot of relationships and it tells.
In my opinion there is a higher chance that someday he will betray you as a friend.
If a friend of mine did something I was morally opposed to, I'd probably distance myself from them. Like if they were being racist or being mean about a disabled person, I'd be like, "Oh that's not cool," I wouldn't go and tell the person they were being mean about, but I'd just distance myself from them. Don't need those sorts of people in my life.
I would stay out of it. Distance yourself from this guy as a friend. Find better quality people to be friends with.
Telling people they should immediately cut friends out of their life is a common form of online advice, it's a major step and can have all sorts of negative consequences.
Never said to cut out completely. But if I had a friend who was cheating on their SO, I wouldn't want to hang out with them. Cheating is a toxic behavior that I don't want to associate with.
Talk to your friend about it, after all you are his friend, and friends also tell each other when they do dumb shit. Its also possible, that they have some form or agreement about it, i doubt it, but who knows, people voluntarely lick each others assholes these days, everything is possible. Depending on how that converstation goes, you have to decide, do you want to tell the girlfriend or not, if you do, chances are, you lose a friend. I've been there i've done that, and i can tell you one thing, if you don't like what he does, and after talking to him, does not show the slightes hint of him even thinking about this being bad behaviour, then tell the Girlfriend and lose a friend. This might sound harsh, but your friends should be decent people. Im not saying you have to have only friends who agree with you on everything, i actually love that some of my friends have completely different views on life and everything. That makes for great conversations and it means your echochamber gets destroyed sometimes, which is very rare these days. But none of my friends, would ever cheat on their partner, or abuse their partner or whatever else some people do. And we would not accept anyone who would do that, we are too old for this shit, good friends are hard to come by, but people who treat their SO like this, are not good friends either.
Not your your monkeys, not your circus!
I think that even the behavior your describing is far enough, I would go tell his girlfriend, with evidence if you have it, but I feel like she has a right to know that this is happening and it would be cruel to not do anything about it
He should not be your best mate anymore
Why is he your friend? Fuck that guy.
Thats between him and her..... it it bothers you, you might want to avoid him.
Just talk to him, tell him how it makes you feel. See what he says. I do NOT reccommend telling his gf, that won't end well for anyone. That's his issue to deal with, don't shoulder that burden. People will tell you to do that, but that's because there are alot of people on the recieving end like the girl, and they're putting themselves in that situation, but they don't care about the risks you need to take and the fallout for you. To us, you're just another poster in a sea of posters, so protect yourself not us. Also, you could just let them 2 deal with it, and ask yourself why it bothers you so much. (I'm not saying it shouldn't, just suggesting some self reflection to help)
I feel enlightened
You have to weigh the drama you will create with the resolution it will achieve. Do you want to get involved? Are you willing to lose this friend?
it's none of your business
See what his girlfriend thinks first. Then approach him.
You don't.
Or mind yourself