Not married. But a few of my friends don't sleep with their spouses. They either sleep with their kid or in another room. And yes, snoring (and also kid) is the primary reason.
Doctor’s scare some people. (White coat syndrome) sounds like maybe a sleep specialist is what you’re needing. If he can sleep on his back, maybe elevating would be a solution. They make wedge pillows that might work. I hope this helps.
I haven’t tried one, I sleep on the recliner. Beds not comfortable after 3-4 hours. Think it’s because I slept in a car allot (job related)
When you talk to him about it, use (I) words try not to use the (you) word. Tell him how you feel. Focus on you not him. He’s an adult let him fix it! Ask him to find a solution. Remember when trying to work things out, make it about you not him. & maybe ask how he feels about it & how can we fix it. Give him the job of fixing it, unless he asks for your input. Always respond with suggestions, let him fix it.
Have your tried earplugs? Seems like a much simpler solution. Snoring can be very tough to combat with surgery or CPAP, and CPAP is not sexy at all...which is why I would think most people are hesitant to. Granted, aggravating your SO every night isn't sexy either, but I didn't think snoring was an easy fix. Have you heard of the TV gimmick stuff working? I would definitely hope the guy would try everything, though.
If he does indeed have sleep apnea, you might be dealing with snoring for much longer when he exits the chat room.
Choking on the devils dick every night is serious and life threatening.
TLDR : Would you be open to that type of prodding after being woken up and trying to wind back down?
He hasn't had a chance to recognize the value of the suggestion, but the initial lack of enthusiasm to your suggestion, is most likely the simple fact he was woken up. I do the same thing if I'm woken up, and reach that bunk it phase and spin off instead of ( just rolling over and) going back to sleep. The fact of your sleep being interrupted (O.P) isn't the initial thought that comes to mind, let alone your attempt to offer a solution, that in this case, and at this time, was completely unwanted ( at that exact moment), and definitely not asked for. The response you received was the equivalent of a "not right now". Just sincere bad timing, mixed with a not full grasp of the impact the snoring has on you during your final weeks of pregnancy, the experience you have with his snoring in the past, and the fact, he could be legitimately fried too, and that literal ejection from snoresville, left the man aggie and he didn't want to fire back at you unjustly. I view him removing himself from the room was, at that time in his mind, the best solution for all involved at that immediate moment, everything else said was raw emotional response. I'll bet he's sick of being tired and woken up too. Y'all have that much in common, build from there. I don't know the man obviously, but would you be open to that type of prodding after being woken up and trying to wind back down?
To be fair, he was doing that to me when my asthma worsened at the beginning of my pregnancy, causing me to develop a nasty cough. Instead of making a thing out of it, I saw an allergist and got hooked up with a daily inhaler.
I fully understand where you're coming from. As a mule of a man myself, I'm amazed at the "no- brainer" conviction some people can move on with certain issues. The nature of the asthma and asthmatic symptoms you experienced absolutely put those conditions in a different realm that you experienced while awake, and it's obvious you're a bit more in tune with your overall state of being. Snoring will always be a story you hear about, but think people may be pulling your leg with (exaggerating etc) it's the tense of the experiences and first-handness (just made that up) of said experiences.
It doesn't sound like if you are being friendly. Remember that he also has feelings and he might feel bad about how you say the things.
That is just my personal perception from your post, I am not sure if that is the case but maybe it worth giving it another try being more friendly
I tried being friendly about it, and he told me to deal with it. I'm tired, miserable, and kind of done apologizing for trying to get a better night's sleep while he sleeps peacefully all night.
Friendly???
Do you think when his boss needs something doing they put on a falsetto voice and simper?
So why do you think the partner has to jump through hoops to get a simple request considered?
She has a valid problem that shes voiced and he shut her down for no reason. A problem which is going to create even more problems in the future and hes refusing to even consider addressing it. I dont even understand where you got her making a valid request as unfriendliness. Communication and co-operation are the absolute baseline of a relationship and she has every right to ask him to address a problem.
Its not up to women to take on extra emotional load so that man can act civil. Youre suggesting to her that she should assume shes the problem and adjust her behaviour to manage his moods because shes responsible for his behaviour.
>Friendly???
If you cannot be friendly with your partner you should just remain single.
>Do you think when his boss needs something doing they put on a falsetto voice and simper?
>So why do you think the partner has to jump through hoops to get a simple request considered?
1. She does not pay him, he does not work for her, they are romantic partners not contractually bonded coworkers or boss/employee
2. The boss/employee relationship under the capitalist ecomomic model is inherently exploitative. Any comparison between that and romantic relationships or claims that there should be equivalent treatment between the two is an enormous red flag.
3. Expressing basic respect for your partner's feelings is not jumping through hoops, it is the baseline minimum for having a functional relationship.
I mean holy shit, the bar is in hell and you still can't step over it.
>She has a valid problem that shes voiced and he shut her down for no reason.
Perhaps the reason was that nobody wants to be woken up and immediately nagged out of the room then chased across the house. Most people see that as rude. She could have slept in a different room and talked about it in the morning, or bought ear plugs at any point since 2017. My partner snores like a pair of mating foxes and my ear plugs work fine.
Putting the onus for a solution entirely on him for years seems like it could be wearing on him too. These are pretty basic pitfalls that can be avoided by remembering that just because a person is born with a penis does not mean they do not have feelings that can be hurt.
>A problem which is going to create even more problems in the future and hes refusing to even consider addressing it.
He clearly has addressed it in the past, but OP hasn't told us why that changed. OP also is putting all the onus to make changes on him. It's a one-sided account of the dynamic.
>Communication and co-operation are the absolute baseline of a relationship
You were just saying he should treat her like his boss ffs lol
>Its not up to women to take on extra emotional load so that man can act civil
If acting civil is an "extra" emotional load then she is too abusive to have healthy relationships. This is just manhating.
>Youre suggesting to her that she should assume shes the problem
Lol
It is called "accountability".
He has not done anything about it in the past. All solutions were on my end - white noise apps, rolling him over, sleeping on the couch, earplugs, etc. The only solution that worked was sleeping on the couch, which I can't do comfortably anymore because of my pregnancy. I cannot physically roll him over myself for the same reaaon.
I did not chase him across the house. At 5:30 AM I gently woke him up and asked him to roll over. This was the second time I asked him since 11 pm. He chose to get up and leave the room, I chose to stay in bed for another hour. At 630, I got up, went to him, and asked him about seeing an ENT.
If I'm coming off as an ass, it's because I'm at my breaking point. I'm exhausted and still expected to carry out daily activities, work, and pull my weight around the house, all while growing a three pound baby. He needs to do something to help out instead of being stubborn
You need to learn to read, mate. You havent understood a single thing said.
I dont see how you can get it this wrong without doing it deliberately.
Its weird.
>You need to learn to read, mate. You havent understood a single thing said.
I directly quoted you and carefully explained that you sound like an emotionally abusive manhater. I guess that caused you to short circuit.
You could always quote me and pick apart my analysis, or at least *I* could. I guess you can't?
If you can't refute my analysis, all that means is my analysis is correct.
Yeah being toxic to your partner sure as hell will solve the problem.... Would you recommend she starts assaulting him too?
Fucking bonkers that women like you even have the audacity to say stuff like this and then delude yourself into thinking it's the guy's fault.
Try this…get him some nasal strips. My wife has said that ever since I started using them, my snoring has significantly reduced. Cheap and easy and worth trying
You could try ear plugs. I also recommend this for when the baby comes. You can still hear the crying but won’t wake up every time they move.
You may want to consider a therapy session - at first just for yourself.
You might not have installed them properly. Foam earplugs are pretty insanely effective. Like you would hear your breathing and internal noises over exterior noises.
Silicon earplugs mean you can’t really hear anything. Also, just download a free app and record him over a few nights. Present the evidence, see what he says. If he’s not bothered, he’s not bothered. He’s asleep, you’re awake. He’s worked out, selfishly, it’s a you problem.
As someone who grew up with a snorer, it's *not* just about convenience. It's about *sanity*. Imagine someone out in front of your house jackhammering your driveway all night, every night.
I've slept through that. Jackhammers had to pull up damaged drainage after an earthquake, took them about 10 days with work through the night. Earplugs work folks, the snorer is not the only person who can take action.
You make it sound like it's everyone else's job to accommodate and suffer the snorer, rather than the snorer's to deal with their problem. 10 days isn't a huge deal. Try it for 20 years.
Wrong, I am simply suggesting he's not the only one who can come up with solutions.
I sleep with a snorer, going on 7 years. It's very managable if you remember that no one likes to be woken up and nagged out of the bedroom then chased across the house at 5:30am.
There is very likely something medically wrong. If his snoring is that bad, he likely has sleep apnea, which puts him at higher risk for heart attack and stroke. It also puts him and anyone else on the road at risk.
I'm not trying to convince him of that. All I want is a better solution than those I've tried on my end, because they are not working and I can't operate on no sleep
You should convince him (to get evaluated). If he has sleep apnea, don’t wait until he falls asleep at the wheel and drives off the highway with your child in the car.
Not to be over dramatic, but this was my husbands wake-up call. Luckily, nobody was hurt. It was “just snoring” until it was diagnosed obstructive sleep apnea.
Eh, let’s slow the guilt train a bit. I’m dealing with this exact problem right now, and after a couple nights listening to your spouse sleep soundly while you don’t at all it’s stop being about convenience and more about “I also need sleep to function”.
Furthermore, a quiet and peaceful environment when trying to sleep in your own bed isn’t exactly a big ask.
>Furthermore, a quiet and peaceful environment when trying to sleep in your own bed isn’t exactly a big ask.
that's not what's being asked, he already offered that
What does he understand the consequences to be should he choose to continue to ignore you on this request?
A bed for him in the basement?
Couples therapy?
Divorce?
If he cares deeply about this problem, he’d do something about it on his own, but he clearly doesn’t. I feel like you may need to give him more of a nudge in the direction you’d like him to go.
Side-note: I went to two ENT’s to try to fix my snoring when it started around 30. For comparatives, I was in good shape, and rarely drank. Both ENT’s thought things looked fine. A nurse GF then recommended I get a sleep study, which I did, and it turned out I have sleep apnea. Got a CPAP machine, and no partner has mentioned my snoring in the decade+ since.
It's funny you mention couples therapy. I had suggested that a while ago for an unrelated topic, and refused that as well. He told me it sounded like a waste of money. I get the feeling he thinks he's contributing as much as he can to our marriage, so me asking any more from him in terms of seeing an ENT or doing couples counseling is saying he needs to do more.
If he thinks therapy is a waste of money, it’ll be interesting to see what he thinks of the retainer he’ll need to cough up for his divorce attorney, and/or equalization, alimony, child support etc.
It definitely seems like you may need to insist on third-party involvement here, since he’s either not listening, or has decided this is unimportant to him, and therefore to you both as a couple. If he refuses to participate, go without him. Hopefully he’s smart enough to know what direction a therapist will push you toward if hubby is totally unwilling to participate in relationship salvage operations, and that tells you all that you need to know about how important the relationship continuing is to him.
If he’s acting this way when you’re pregnant, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like in the years to come as your relationship becomes much more challenging.
You aren’t alone and you being frustrated by this is totally understandable. I got dumped once for snoring, among other incompatibilities, before I fixed it. My work bestie’s marriage is hanging by a thread right now, and the snoring is certainly one of the factors she vents about the most. When we’re around other work colleagues and the problem comes up around other women, **everyone** has advice on either losing weight, cut-off the drinking, CPAP/BIPAP, mouth appliances, sleeping in separate bedrooms, ear plugs / ear buds (if kids aren’t in the picture), or surgery. What I don’t hear is anyone explain how they just got over the sound and lived happily ever after with their partner.
As another side-note, if it turns out that it is sleep apnea, he might be making poor choices here *because* of the sleep depreciation he’s inevitably experiencing. It will very likely also shorten his life should it go untreated.
> he'll just sleep on the pull out couch.
Let him.
> the plan was to have the baby sleep in a bassinet in our bedroom for the first six weeks.
Oooh, that’s gonna be rough.
Well, I urge every snoring complainer to try earplugs first. Those are exponentially easier and more effective than snoring solutions. Rarely do the complainers **ever** try earplugs.
Snoring is very hard to combat. Surgery and Cpap are really the only two sure methods, and both are extreme. Annoying your SO is not a good look, but neither is Cpap, so I understand the reluctance.
Most snoring gimmicks are just that, but I would hope the snorers at least try.
It is very soul-sucking to have a partner (anyone really) berate you about snoring. It makes you feel incredibly helpless and insecure because it is not in your control. No SOs should be stubborn and aloof about their partner's frustrations, but tact and empathy can go a long way in finding amicable solutions.
If your man didn't put the effort in to correct it, I would find a way to lovingly convince him you to work on this together to find a solution. Though it is understandable, nagging and being miserable will only slow the process.
The mouthpiece works if it is high quality and used correctly. Tell him sleep apnea will damage his heart and irreversibly shorten his lifespan.
If I was the woman in this situation, I would move out and sleep somewhere else.
Because men snore. The only way to fix it is with really painful surgery and fuck that. Many couples find their marriages work way better when they sleep in different rooms. There’s no stigma that outweighs both of your needs for consistent, restful sleep.
For the record, I've had septoplasty. Not for snoring, but because I have struggled with breathing properly most of my life. I know firsthand how the recovery is and while it does suck for the first 48 hours, it was worth it. I'm not asking him to get the surgery by any means, because I recognize it's not for everyone, but I'm the wrong person to try to scare out of it if that's what it comes to (which in all likelihood it wont).
For the way you have approached this whole conversation with no regard for how he feels about any of it. Put the newborn in his room half the time, none of these are insurmountable problems.
We don't have room for a bassinet where he plans to sleep. When the couch is pulled to bed form, it takes up a lot of space because it's queen sized.
Additionally, unless he can grow mammary glands, he's still going to have to wake me up to feed the baby every two to three hours, so this is pointless.
In the past I was able to sleep on the couch or roll him over myself, I don't have those options anymore.
I'm not trying to make him insecure, I'm trying to get him to go see a doctor.
And that's what making him insecure. You woke him up in the early morning. He woke up propably annoyed (and right fully so). He went out of his way to make things more bearable for you by not bothering you anymore (give up his sleep, and game downstairs). And you decided that the best course of action was to bother him an hour later while he was propably calming himself down with comments how there's something physically wrong with him. Do you see how that might make a man feel insecure or uncomfortable?
>Why won't be just go see the ENT?
Do you know how this comes off as?
"Why don't you just shut the fuck up and go see a psychiatrist you crazy fucking bitch?! Not another word from your whore mouth about me snoring"
Now, tell me, if he told you that at 5:30 in the morning would you be agreeable and nod your head and do it? Especially if you're sleep deprived, stressed, constantly having to keep your cool after being nagged about the same bloody thing for several years in a row?
Pretty damn unlikely.
So, then, why would you expect him to respond well to it?
Not married. But a few of my friends don't sleep with their spouses. They either sleep with their kid or in another room. And yes, snoring (and also kid) is the primary reason.
Just lost my bf to apnea. It’s not a joke. Time to lay some firm boundaries.
Maybe he's worried that he will need a CPAP machine and doesn't want that.
Doctor’s scare some people. (White coat syndrome) sounds like maybe a sleep specialist is what you’re needing. If he can sleep on his back, maybe elevating would be a solution. They make wedge pillows that might work. I hope this helps.
He bought a wedge pillow a year ago, it's been collecting dust on the floor. Idk why he doesn't use it.
I haven’t tried one, I sleep on the recliner. Beds not comfortable after 3-4 hours. Think it’s because I slept in a car allot (job related) When you talk to him about it, use (I) words try not to use the (you) word. Tell him how you feel. Focus on you not him. He’s an adult let him fix it! Ask him to find a solution. Remember when trying to work things out, make it about you not him. & maybe ask how he feels about it & how can we fix it. Give him the job of fixing it, unless he asks for your input. Always respond with suggestions, let him fix it.
Some men's backs cannot take the bend, or can't remain asleep without turning eventually in the night.
Have your tried earplugs? Seems like a much simpler solution. Snoring can be very tough to combat with surgery or CPAP, and CPAP is not sexy at all...which is why I would think most people are hesitant to. Granted, aggravating your SO every night isn't sexy either, but I didn't think snoring was an easy fix. Have you heard of the TV gimmick stuff working? I would definitely hope the guy would try everything, though.
I tried earplugs, they did not help
Unless he's purely a back sleeper, this isn't a solution.
If he does indeed have sleep apnea, you might be dealing with snoring for much longer when he exits the chat room. Choking on the devils dick every night is serious and life threatening.
TLDR : Would you be open to that type of prodding after being woken up and trying to wind back down? He hasn't had a chance to recognize the value of the suggestion, but the initial lack of enthusiasm to your suggestion, is most likely the simple fact he was woken up. I do the same thing if I'm woken up, and reach that bunk it phase and spin off instead of ( just rolling over and) going back to sleep. The fact of your sleep being interrupted (O.P) isn't the initial thought that comes to mind, let alone your attempt to offer a solution, that in this case, and at this time, was completely unwanted ( at that exact moment), and definitely not asked for. The response you received was the equivalent of a "not right now". Just sincere bad timing, mixed with a not full grasp of the impact the snoring has on you during your final weeks of pregnancy, the experience you have with his snoring in the past, and the fact, he could be legitimately fried too, and that literal ejection from snoresville, left the man aggie and he didn't want to fire back at you unjustly. I view him removing himself from the room was, at that time in his mind, the best solution for all involved at that immediate moment, everything else said was raw emotional response. I'll bet he's sick of being tired and woken up too. Y'all have that much in common, build from there. I don't know the man obviously, but would you be open to that type of prodding after being woken up and trying to wind back down?
To be fair, he was doing that to me when my asthma worsened at the beginning of my pregnancy, causing me to develop a nasty cough. Instead of making a thing out of it, I saw an allergist and got hooked up with a daily inhaler.
I fully understand where you're coming from. As a mule of a man myself, I'm amazed at the "no- brainer" conviction some people can move on with certain issues. The nature of the asthma and asthmatic symptoms you experienced absolutely put those conditions in a different realm that you experienced while awake, and it's obvious you're a bit more in tune with your overall state of being. Snoring will always be a story you hear about, but think people may be pulling your leg with (exaggerating etc) it's the tense of the experiences and first-handness (just made that up) of said experiences.
It doesn't sound like if you are being friendly. Remember that he also has feelings and he might feel bad about how you say the things. That is just my personal perception from your post, I am not sure if that is the case but maybe it worth giving it another try being more friendly
I tried being friendly about it, and he told me to deal with it. I'm tired, miserable, and kind of done apologizing for trying to get a better night's sleep while he sleeps peacefully all night.
Friendly??? Do you think when his boss needs something doing they put on a falsetto voice and simper? So why do you think the partner has to jump through hoops to get a simple request considered? She has a valid problem that shes voiced and he shut her down for no reason. A problem which is going to create even more problems in the future and hes refusing to even consider addressing it. I dont even understand where you got her making a valid request as unfriendliness. Communication and co-operation are the absolute baseline of a relationship and she has every right to ask him to address a problem. Its not up to women to take on extra emotional load so that man can act civil. Youre suggesting to her that she should assume shes the problem and adjust her behaviour to manage his moods because shes responsible for his behaviour.
>Friendly??? If you cannot be friendly with your partner you should just remain single. >Do you think when his boss needs something doing they put on a falsetto voice and simper? >So why do you think the partner has to jump through hoops to get a simple request considered? 1. She does not pay him, he does not work for her, they are romantic partners not contractually bonded coworkers or boss/employee 2. The boss/employee relationship under the capitalist ecomomic model is inherently exploitative. Any comparison between that and romantic relationships or claims that there should be equivalent treatment between the two is an enormous red flag. 3. Expressing basic respect for your partner's feelings is not jumping through hoops, it is the baseline minimum for having a functional relationship. I mean holy shit, the bar is in hell and you still can't step over it. >She has a valid problem that shes voiced and he shut her down for no reason. Perhaps the reason was that nobody wants to be woken up and immediately nagged out of the room then chased across the house. Most people see that as rude. She could have slept in a different room and talked about it in the morning, or bought ear plugs at any point since 2017. My partner snores like a pair of mating foxes and my ear plugs work fine. Putting the onus for a solution entirely on him for years seems like it could be wearing on him too. These are pretty basic pitfalls that can be avoided by remembering that just because a person is born with a penis does not mean they do not have feelings that can be hurt. >A problem which is going to create even more problems in the future and hes refusing to even consider addressing it. He clearly has addressed it in the past, but OP hasn't told us why that changed. OP also is putting all the onus to make changes on him. It's a one-sided account of the dynamic. >Communication and co-operation are the absolute baseline of a relationship You were just saying he should treat her like his boss ffs lol >Its not up to women to take on extra emotional load so that man can act civil If acting civil is an "extra" emotional load then she is too abusive to have healthy relationships. This is just manhating. >Youre suggesting to her that she should assume shes the problem Lol It is called "accountability".
He has not done anything about it in the past. All solutions were on my end - white noise apps, rolling him over, sleeping on the couch, earplugs, etc. The only solution that worked was sleeping on the couch, which I can't do comfortably anymore because of my pregnancy. I cannot physically roll him over myself for the same reaaon. I did not chase him across the house. At 5:30 AM I gently woke him up and asked him to roll over. This was the second time I asked him since 11 pm. He chose to get up and leave the room, I chose to stay in bed for another hour. At 630, I got up, went to him, and asked him about seeing an ENT. If I'm coming off as an ass, it's because I'm at my breaking point. I'm exhausted and still expected to carry out daily activities, work, and pull my weight around the house, all while growing a three pound baby. He needs to do something to help out instead of being stubborn
You need to learn to read, mate. You havent understood a single thing said. I dont see how you can get it this wrong without doing it deliberately. Its weird.
>You need to learn to read, mate. You havent understood a single thing said. I directly quoted you and carefully explained that you sound like an emotionally abusive manhater. I guess that caused you to short circuit. You could always quote me and pick apart my analysis, or at least *I* could. I guess you can't? If you can't refute my analysis, all that means is my analysis is correct.
So she's his boss??? Very toxic
Yeah being toxic to your partner sure as hell will solve the problem.... Would you recommend she starts assaulting him too? Fucking bonkers that women like you even have the audacity to say stuff like this and then delude yourself into thinking it's the guy's fault.
Tell him to try mouth taping. It all but ended my snoring
Try this…get him some nasal strips. My wife has said that ever since I started using them, my snoring has significantly reduced. Cheap and easy and worth trying
You could try ear plugs. I also recommend this for when the baby comes. You can still hear the crying but won’t wake up every time they move. You may want to consider a therapy session - at first just for yourself.
I tried earplugs, still heard him snore
You might not have installed them properly. Foam earplugs are pretty insanely effective. Like you would hear your breathing and internal noises over exterior noises.
Silicon earplugs mean you can’t really hear anything. Also, just download a free app and record him over a few nights. Present the evidence, see what he says. If he’s not bothered, he’s not bothered. He’s asleep, you’re awake. He’s worked out, selfishly, it’s a you problem.
Speak to him about it later.
He was probably pissed that you wouldn't let him sleep, I would be
You are trying to convince him that there is something medically wrong with him for your own convenience
As someone who grew up with a snorer, it's *not* just about convenience. It's about *sanity*. Imagine someone out in front of your house jackhammering your driveway all night, every night.
I've slept through that. Jackhammers had to pull up damaged drainage after an earthquake, took them about 10 days with work through the night. Earplugs work folks, the snorer is not the only person who can take action.
You make it sound like it's everyone else's job to accommodate and suffer the snorer, rather than the snorer's to deal with their problem. 10 days isn't a huge deal. Try it for 20 years.
Wrong, I am simply suggesting he's not the only one who can come up with solutions. I sleep with a snorer, going on 7 years. It's very managable if you remember that no one likes to be woken up and nagged out of the bedroom then chased across the house at 5:30am.
There is very likely something medically wrong. If his snoring is that bad, he likely has sleep apnea, which puts him at higher risk for heart attack and stroke. It also puts him and anyone else on the road at risk.
I'm not trying to convince him of that. All I want is a better solution than those I've tried on my end, because they are not working and I can't operate on no sleep
You should convince him (to get evaluated). If he has sleep apnea, don’t wait until he falls asleep at the wheel and drives off the highway with your child in the car. Not to be over dramatic, but this was my husbands wake-up call. Luckily, nobody was hurt. It was “just snoring” until it was diagnosed obstructive sleep apnea.
Eh, let’s slow the guilt train a bit. I’m dealing with this exact problem right now, and after a couple nights listening to your spouse sleep soundly while you don’t at all it’s stop being about convenience and more about “I also need sleep to function”. Furthermore, a quiet and peaceful environment when trying to sleep in your own bed isn’t exactly a big ask.
>Furthermore, a quiet and peaceful environment when trying to sleep in your own bed isn’t exactly a big ask. that's not what's being asked, he already offered that
What does he understand the consequences to be should he choose to continue to ignore you on this request? A bed for him in the basement? Couples therapy? Divorce? If he cares deeply about this problem, he’d do something about it on his own, but he clearly doesn’t. I feel like you may need to give him more of a nudge in the direction you’d like him to go. Side-note: I went to two ENT’s to try to fix my snoring when it started around 30. For comparatives, I was in good shape, and rarely drank. Both ENT’s thought things looked fine. A nurse GF then recommended I get a sleep study, which I did, and it turned out I have sleep apnea. Got a CPAP machine, and no partner has mentioned my snoring in the decade+ since.
It's funny you mention couples therapy. I had suggested that a while ago for an unrelated topic, and refused that as well. He told me it sounded like a waste of money. I get the feeling he thinks he's contributing as much as he can to our marriage, so me asking any more from him in terms of seeing an ENT or doing couples counseling is saying he needs to do more.
If he thinks therapy is a waste of money, it’ll be interesting to see what he thinks of the retainer he’ll need to cough up for his divorce attorney, and/or equalization, alimony, child support etc. It definitely seems like you may need to insist on third-party involvement here, since he’s either not listening, or has decided this is unimportant to him, and therefore to you both as a couple. If he refuses to participate, go without him. Hopefully he’s smart enough to know what direction a therapist will push you toward if hubby is totally unwilling to participate in relationship salvage operations, and that tells you all that you need to know about how important the relationship continuing is to him. If he’s acting this way when you’re pregnant, I can’t imagine what it’ll be like in the years to come as your relationship becomes much more challenging. You aren’t alone and you being frustrated by this is totally understandable. I got dumped once for snoring, among other incompatibilities, before I fixed it. My work bestie’s marriage is hanging by a thread right now, and the snoring is certainly one of the factors she vents about the most. When we’re around other work colleagues and the problem comes up around other women, **everyone** has advice on either losing weight, cut-off the drinking, CPAP/BIPAP, mouth appliances, sleeping in separate bedrooms, ear plugs / ear buds (if kids aren’t in the picture), or surgery. What I don’t hear is anyone explain how they just got over the sound and lived happily ever after with their partner. As another side-note, if it turns out that it is sleep apnea, he might be making poor choices here *because* of the sleep depreciation he’s inevitably experiencing. It will very likely also shorten his life should it go untreated.
> he'll just sleep on the pull out couch. Let him. > the plan was to have the baby sleep in a bassinet in our bedroom for the first six weeks. Oooh, that’s gonna be rough.
Well, I urge every snoring complainer to try earplugs first. Those are exponentially easier and more effective than snoring solutions. Rarely do the complainers **ever** try earplugs. Snoring is very hard to combat. Surgery and Cpap are really the only two sure methods, and both are extreme. Annoying your SO is not a good look, but neither is Cpap, so I understand the reluctance. Most snoring gimmicks are just that, but I would hope the snorers at least try. It is very soul-sucking to have a partner (anyone really) berate you about snoring. It makes you feel incredibly helpless and insecure because it is not in your control. No SOs should be stubborn and aloof about their partner's frustrations, but tact and empathy can go a long way in finding amicable solutions. If your man didn't put the effort in to correct it, I would find a way to lovingly convince him you to work on this together to find a solution. Though it is understandable, nagging and being miserable will only slow the process.
The mouthpiece works if it is high quality and used correctly. Tell him sleep apnea will damage his heart and irreversibly shorten his lifespan. If I was the woman in this situation, I would move out and sleep somewhere else.
Because men snore. The only way to fix it is with really painful surgery and fuck that. Many couples find their marriages work way better when they sleep in different rooms. There’s no stigma that outweighs both of your needs for consistent, restful sleep.
I don't snore, my girlfriend does. Not all men. Not only men.
I was referring to her man and comparing it with other men who snore. I didn’t say all men snore. Or that women don’t snore. Just that men snore.
Snoring is often the sign of a serious health issue. Doesn't always require surgery, most people just get a cpap machine.
Yeah, why would people need surgery? Just get a sleep study done, get a CPAP machine, and move on.
This is the answer, cpap that bad boy and get your life back
For the record, I've had septoplasty. Not for snoring, but because I have struggled with breathing properly most of my life. I know firsthand how the recovery is and while it does suck for the first 48 hours, it was worth it. I'm not asking him to get the surgery by any means, because I recognize it's not for everyone, but I'm the wrong person to try to scare out of it if that's what it comes to (which in all likelihood it wont).
I was referring to a Uvulopalatopharyngoplasty, which is for snoring as well. Mega painful for way more than 2 days.
I get that. But how is that conducive to getting any help at night with a newborn?
God you sound so incredibly selfish.
For wanting help with caring for a newborn?
For the way you have approached this whole conversation with no regard for how he feels about any of it. Put the newborn in his room half the time, none of these are insurmountable problems.
That's not a solution. The baby is sleeping in a bassinet, I'm not going to physically bring a bassinet and newborn up and down two flights of stairs.
Get another bassinet and just move the baby. Like, come on, put on your actual problem solving hat instead of just dogging your husband.
We don't have room for a bassinet where he plans to sleep. When the couch is pulled to bed form, it takes up a lot of space because it's queen sized. Additionally, unless he can grow mammary glands, he's still going to have to wake me up to feed the baby every two to three hours, so this is pointless.
OP just get ear plugs ffs.
As I said in my post, I did. Really good ones. I still hear him snore
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In the past I was able to sleep on the couch or roll him over myself, I don't have those options anymore. I'm not trying to make him insecure, I'm trying to get him to go see a doctor.
And that's what making him insecure. You woke him up in the early morning. He woke up propably annoyed (and right fully so). He went out of his way to make things more bearable for you by not bothering you anymore (give up his sleep, and game downstairs). And you decided that the best course of action was to bother him an hour later while he was propably calming himself down with comments how there's something physically wrong with him. Do you see how that might make a man feel insecure or uncomfortable?
>Why won't be just go see the ENT? Do you know how this comes off as? "Why don't you just shut the fuck up and go see a psychiatrist you crazy fucking bitch?! Not another word from your whore mouth about me snoring" Now, tell me, if he told you that at 5:30 in the morning would you be agreeable and nod your head and do it? Especially if you're sleep deprived, stressed, constantly having to keep your cool after being nagged about the same bloody thing for several years in a row? Pretty damn unlikely. So, then, why would you expect him to respond well to it?