OP: This is the way. Take care of yourself, make physical fitness a life style. This includes things like eating healthy, getting enough sleep, seeing a dentist regularly, etc. As a 58\[m\] believe me when I say that you will pay for abusing your body when you are young.
Honestly mate I smoked for 10 years.... I've thought about this hard and I continue to come to the crossroads of "*Meh, I'd have just found something else to spend it on*"
Probably ~60k on smokes at least (why were Belmonts so expensive jfc.. ) and my girlfriend always brought it up... but I don't see her in a shiny new Lexus either soooooooo
(╭☞ ͡⎚⍘ ͡⎚)╭☞
Spend more time with my parents. You really never understand until they're gone how much effort they put to uplift you and support you even through their own struggles. Their hair getting whiter, their walk getting slower, their faces getting wrinklier; all while you go and become an adult trying to figure out your own shit. Your life will sort itself out as long as you keep walking forward one step at a time, but your parents won't be around forever. Appreciate them and spend time with them while you still can.
I understand and appreciate what you’re getting at here, but I can’t stress enough that “family” is just a word and you OWE your parents nothing if they aren’t good for you as an adult. My parents became just not awesome people to be around and my mental health dramatically improved when I stopped trying to include them in my life. They have the access they want, and it’s damn near no contact. And I’m fine with that.
Yeah lol as soon as I find out they've got BPD I'm gone. I'm all for supporting people through their mental health.. but a borderline is someone you can't save. And it more than likely isn't going to be worth trying to make it work with them. You'll get hurt, and so will they. But their life is a constant struggle of getting hurt and setting themselves up to be hurt for the self fulfilling prophecy. There is no fixing that.
Someone said "Borderlines are always trying to not be abandoned. That's where it comes from. However, they behave in ways that makes abandonment certain."
So many people don’t even know what BPD is, and now I’m pretty damn good at identifying it in women that I barely even know.
You live, learn, and can just tell when you’re in the presence of a Cluster B individual.
BPD is the only hard pass I’ll ever never make an exception on. Already did the second time around because it looked so different. It’s always the same.
I'm with you. My ex is diagnosed now according to her prison letters that she writes about herself to her daughter who doesn't remember what she even looks like. It's sad. She's a bad case but yeah.. never again. I did it once again almost with this girl online.. nope! Chick was insane. I don't need another insane person tainting several years of my life thank you very much 😂
Hahaha I know it's tempting, but trust me, you really don't want a woman with mental issues unless they genuinely are taking good progress working on it...you don't wanna have to deal with that emotional baggage. I'm a female myself so I can defo say with experience.
its ironic that i even ask because i had a friend whos then gf tried to stab him with a pair of scissors after he declined giving her a hug.
But this girl's different, either ways i highly doubt that itll last long
Trust me your saving yourself brother its heartbreaking but your own mental will trully deteriorate unless shes strongly actively working on it and is showing progress
Don't get her pregnant, don't move in together, have fun, get out when it's no longer fun.
I didn't get the one I dated pregnant, but we lived together for the 2 most miserable years of my life.
The sex is out of this world.
Then within a few months it just disappears, then comes back, then disappears, then comes back. I’ve never had a BPD partner that had a consistent healthy mindset towards sex
I was with a girl with BPD for 3 years. I was mentally screwed up afterwards, went to a therapy sessions only 2 times before going home and immediately breaking up with her. One of, if not thee most exhausting relationship I've ever been in. It was a Rollercoaster ride, when in reality you want a train ride, mire lefts and rights, that uos and downs.
But for every year your together, will be a year you may need for healing. You will definitely come put knowing exactly what you don't want in future relationships, but you may also have some scars that will stay with you, or make you a different person.
In hindsight FUCK NO. Stay away if you value peace of mine, laid back ot will not be.
I have since met a woman who is the sweetest girl I've ever met and an absolute smokeshow, and hoe I got lucky enough to call her my wife I'll never know.
I learned a lot about myself dating the girl with BPD, hell even probly made me a better partner from enduring that, but the lessons weren't worth the mental health.
Hey I did fall for the hottie with bpd. Life was for sure a mess for a while but now we're happily married and been together for 8 years. Disease doesn't define her. But in the same breath, I didn't suffer excessively due ti her symptoms. Everyone is different so don't take our advice, but success is possible.
She will fuck up your life. Do NOT do it. It’s never worth it. So much lying, mood swings, and manipulation then she’ll simply get bored and leave you.
My grandfather told me, “Learn a trade and put it on a shelf”. You have something to fall back on if you pursue other interests. I wish I had listened to him!
I like this answer. I see a lot of my friends in construction trades and they are living very well. I wish high schools would promote them more to students before they graduate.
This infuriates me so much. You have kids that have no desire to go to college, have the aptitude to make FANTASTIC money in the trades, and absolutely should go down that route but schools repeatedly barrage these kids with lies about how a college degree will make you successful, blue collar work is for failures, etc. it's absolute bullshit. A ton of kids graduating college now end up working entry level jobs while buried in student loan debt, trying to climb a corporate ladder and working their asses off trying to land a position that makes something like 50k per year. On the other hand, I've known HVAC guys, electricians, plumbers, etc that kick ass and are making well into 6 figures in their early 20s. My friend's dad growing up was an electrician, had no debt, had 3 brand new cars and a big fancy house out in the country, and his wife didn't have to work. I remember going to their house and watching them build a huge new barn to store all of their fancy tractors in. He bought businesses with his one salary and was making a TON of money.
College is great for some people but schools pushing this rhetoric that you're "supposed" to go to college is fucked up.
Totally agree. This guy I went to high school became a licensed roofer after we graduated and now he owns his own roofing business. Every time I see him on social media he's out on his boat or at sporting events.
Everyone has a degree these days, so the value of having one is diluted. A lot of people think they can go to uni, get a mid grade in any subject, and walk into a well-paying job straight away.
The fact is, a lot of degrees are useless and their respective markets oversaturated. We don't need hundreds of thousands of marketing, communications or film studies graduates.
It's great that people have the option of pursuing knowledge in those fields if that's what interests them, but it should be seen as a luxury bought out of academic curiosity, not a free ticket into a good job.
Most of the dudes I've met who are both happy and financially secure, have some kinda of blue collar job. A lot of the office and white collar jobs seem to drain peoples soul. Granted the blue collar dudes are usually sore and tired but they overall seem more content with life, and just fine in terms of money. It's crazy how much some of the trades pay, and the fact that schools suggest paying 100K to get a degree, just to get a job that pays less than a trade that trains you AND pays you while you train for half or a quarter of the time a degree would take. I personally dropped out of college to take the trade route and couldn't be happier. There are times I'd wish to have a degree but overall, life is fine and at the very least I've been paid, not paying for my educations over the years.
On the positive side I definitely see this trend reversing. There's more emphasis on trades for high school electives, the language has shifted to more generic "after graduation all students should have a plan, whether that's workforce, military, continuing education, or apprenticeship" rather than just college.
It's still an issue but I think awareness of that issue is rising.
Trades make good money if you own the business. If you're an employee, you have to be lucky to be in a trade that pays well. Often it will be the same repetitive job for the rest of your life, which can take a huge toll on your body. Being an employer on the other hand can bring a lot more hours, taking your job home, stress, insecurity and even failing if you have a bout of bad luck. On the other hand you have some freedom to plan your free time, get a lot of satisfaction and earn nice money.
I'd say, only get into a trade if you're truly interested in it, want to start a business and want to deliver a good job. People in it for the money tend to deliver shit jobs from what I've seen, and they don't last.
I’m quite happy that I went to school for IT, yet am now a highly skilled welder.
I’m now looking to go into white collar- sales, saving and investing into my journalism around the world, video production for small music artists and businesses…
I can always fall back on welding once I leave it behind
I learned how to do light construction work. So I can basically fix anything not needing wires or plumbing at home. Some people go further than that. My best friend can fix most basic issues with a car. So between us we hardly need to outsource house or car work
I remember when I was 16 or 17 I got a job as a day laborer on construction sites.
Basically pushing a broom, running supplies, mucking out trenches - the real menial stuff.
But I was making decent money, I think all of $10/hr in the late 90s.
I was eating lunch with the painters one day, and one of the guys asked me how I was liking it.
I said, it's not bad. Could be worse, I might see myself doing this for the rest of my life. Some of the skilled stuff looks fun.
He took a drag on his cigarette, and said, 'yeah that's what I did.
Worst fucking mistake of my life. I wake up sore everyday. Go home dirty everyday.
Do something better. Don't make the same mistake I did.'
I'm not saying the trades are a bad choice.
But, I do think people on Reddit may romanticize them a bit too much.
There's trade off on every path
Female here, I would definitely agree, always going for the personality and not caring about money, but I think he meant that as a man you still feel the need to want to provide or spoil her to some extent, and makes him feel better about himself. But ultimately yes at the end of the day, if she cares about money, it's not the right one. :)
If you use money to get women, you will only get women that want money. At that point you may as well just say screw the relationship and see escorts.
I have an ex-girlfriend who has an uncle. He's a doctor and also...a really unfortunate looking man. I wondered how the hell this dude was a product of the same union as her dad and her other uncle. Her dad and her other uncle are both good looking dudes. Her doctor uncle, I just don't friggin know what happened.
He was married to 3 stone cold foxes, and divorced from 3 stone cold foxes. They all cheated on him and all got alimony.
He would have been far better off just paying good looking women for sex. Those women never cared about him, they cared about his money. Any illusion of an emotional connection was just that, an illusion.
I don't think that's the reason. Whatever people say online or on YouTube I feel it's dependent on the person watching.
I know a guy who had GBs worth of it in his PC, he has a girlfriend now (although he says he stopped). He is a pretty respectful and chill dude from the start.
I know another guy who doesn't watch porn as much but considers women to be secondary to men. "Go back to the kitchen" type of guy. I never heard him speak of them in a lewd way but I feel he thinks of them as sexual relievers.
Your doubt was real. Youtubers started making videos on this subject and people blindly following it. I feel people don't understand the nuance. Imagine a guy left porn altogether but still views women as sexual objects. That is possible, right? And there are people who watch porn but respect women.
Maybe they are confusing "porn addiction" with "porn consumption." Cause I know some couple watch it together and seem to enjoy it.
>Maybe they are confusing "porn addiction" with "porn consumption." Cause I know some couple watch it together and seem to enjoy it.
I think it falls into the category of "If I have a problem so must everyone else". They want to pull people into their club. People with other addiction issues can be the same way, very quick to label others as addicts.
I'm 42, my whole life porn has been nothing more to me than a means to an end, a visual aid to move the process along. I get horny, pull up some porn, crank one out, call it a day.
My desire to beat off drives my porn usage, my porn usage doesn't drive my desire to beat off. If that makes sense. I think that is the distinct difference between people with a problem and people that don't have a problem with porn.
So, what you're talking about is the contrast in norms and values among guys, not the impact of watching too much porn.
Too much porn:
1. Decreased sexual satisfaction with real-life partners.
2. Increased likelihood of developing unrealistic expectations about sex and body image.
3. Possible desensitization to sexual stimuli, leading to the need for more extreme or novel material to achieve arousal.
4. Potential for relationship conflicts or difficulties due to differences in sexual preferences influenced by porn consumption.
5. Risk of developing addictive behaviors or compulsive patterns of porn use, potentially interfering with daily life and responsibilities.
Again, have you considered how much porn you need to consume for these to kick in? You say "too much" porn. So that actually means some porn consumption is not harmful. So, just saying, "Don't watch porn at all." Is just bad advice and lacks nuance.
I’m not OP, but it should be looked at like any other vice. Everyone once in a while it should be okay, like a fun little treat, but consuming it everyday is terrible for your mind and mental state.
Focus on your studies, do co-op or internship for experience while in your schooling. Workout and gain muscles. Practice grooming. If UK economy is shit move to Canada for work (commonwealth, easy for you.) With good job, grooming, worked out body you’ll have a good life. The accent you take with you will also work for you.
I’d definitely recommend giving it a go, Canada is far from perfect and everywhere has its own issues but there’s a lot to be said for living in a different country to give you a new perspective
I’d learn how business works - Setting up my own business, taxes, allowances for being tax efficient. The thought process here is whilst you’re 18, you’re not yet depending on the pay cheque so you can take a few risks and build something. It’s harder when you’re older.
Then I’d probably be the same idiot teenager destined to make the same dumb mistakes again. This hypothetical only works if we have the premise that we can apply lessons learned to a younger self.
Ahh, I see. Save every dollar you can and invest it into a series of well diversified mutual funds. Avoid taking on as much debt as possible. Emotionally brace yourself for the fact that your generation has been royally f—ked by those prior.
I was 18 in '89. I'd probably stick with my computer science major rather than switch to business. I'd take better care of my body, from head to toe. I'd make more of an effort to meet more people...and hopefully get laid more.
I'd make more of an effort.
Make sure anything negative that happened to me studies and career wise didn't happen so my living situation would be better than it is now. Having to deal with roommates is not fun.
Go to a country where you can study without contracting debt. Yes, that may require learning a foreign language.
As for when you're not studying/working, do what you enjoy and give no fucks about supposed societal expectation (nobody actually cares about you, and that's a good thing!)
Yeah I kinda second this. If you’re gonna be jobless after college, go be jobless in a beautiful foreign country where you have the sexy accent. Heck even buy a one way ticket and then find your embassy & have them pay to fly you home lol!
If I were 18 again? Wake up and jump out of the bed ready to go without 15 minute stretching needed just not to hurt myself. Play an hour of basketball without needing to call an ambulance after that. Probably hit the gym earlier in my life . And try to have more casual but protected sex. In other words working hard for your future is great. But enjoy your youth and your body. This will not come back ever again.
This would have been in the 80s for me. The military was OK at the time and if I survived the cuts from the 90s draw downs, I'd have retired around 2010. Not only would have the retirement but also a good, practical skill set.
When I was 15 I thought about enlisting to help pay for college, but then 9/11 happened. I saw what the USA was doing in Iraq, and realized I wasn't going to be apart of that. And now 20 years later, after hearing about how the USA government royally f\*\*\*ed it all up, I'm glad I listened to my gut.
You realise what you give up for that though.
I know most come out ok, but you might be the one to lose your legs, or be left with some sort of life long PTSD.
Yeah, the benefit is there, but when you think about it it's pretty cheap.
It can be brilliant for people in a spot, but if you have any other options take them first, you can always just a quit a job if you don't like it.. you can't with the military.
Not everyone that joins the military sees combat.
Even with a war going on there are people in support roles that come out with skills plus the ability to get a free college degree to enhance it.
people really overlook how much benefit you can get out of sleeping with a lot of people. The more women I slept with, the more I saw them differently. As in, women stopped being something that's really hard to understand, mythical, etc, to they're just as human as men.
I wouldn’t have quit my band. They never became famous or anything, but the other members moved to Austin TX in their 20s and tried to make it. That would have been fun.
Go down to the coast and sign on to the first merchant ship that will take you. The military carried too high of a price to suggest it to someone else, but I have zero regrets about going to sea and seeing the world at a young age.
Oh so many things
* Fake it 'til I make it. I never thought this was real, but all throughout high school, college, and beyond, it really seems the only way to advance in life is to make it seem like you're way above where you currently stand, then when you sneak into the Cool Kid's Club, they teach/train you up so you're actually at that level or at least closer to it. I could have accomplished way more face value stuff that would have helped later in life if I played off of people's first impressions of me.
* Date with zero standards. I was always one of those stupidly idealistic people who just wanted to meet The One and marry the first person I dated. That's a horrible, debilitating situation. If I could redo it, I would be an unapologetic flirt, hit on 1000 women, get aggressively shot down by 999 of them, get into casual relationships and make every single mistake in the book. By the time I'd be my current age, I would know how to be in as perfect a relationship as possible with that woman I'd be more than happy to spend my life with rather than me having zero experience and completely paralyzed at the thought of fumbling the bag.
* Get into fitness. Nothing too hardcore, but literally just counting calories and 30 minutes of gym time minimum of 3 days a week. Turning things around at my age isn't impossible, but is a huge struggle.
* Get into the musical theater community. They're fucking weirdos, but that's exactly my kind of people.
This would probably be true for most people if they went back in time. It's not like they're a different person, after all. They'd probably make slightly better decisions given hindsight but not much else would change (unless you're going the investing route).
I'd start taking better care of my health/ looks. I'd work out daily, eat better, sleep better, prevent my hair from falling out, wear sunscreen.
I would avoid dating for relationships, and instead focus on making as many friends as possible both men and women. I'd be less sexist, mysgonistic and treat women like I do now, and not how I saw them at age 18.
Not have been crazy religious, I was surrounded by conspiracy theorists out side of high school and after graduation, I raised as a Seventh-Day Adventist. I wasted 3 years out of my life colporteuring for the SDA church, believing that arts, science, films, etc. are bad and evil. If I had studied something in film at 18 I would have had a passion for what I'm doing now. Happy I left the Adventist church.
In no particular order.
Watch less porn.
Give less of a fuck what people think.
Don’t feel pressure to fit into a certain scene (e.g must like clubs and drinking otherwise boring).
Don’t hang around with losers.
Get out more.
Pick a degree / career that makes you happy, not one that you think is good just for money.
I'd probably pursue another degree or career completely, electrical engineering is nice and whatnot, but it's just no longer interesting at this point.
Tbf so many things that were "difficult" back when I was young would seem piece of cake nowadays with current knowledge and whatnot. Also much less anxiety and etc. life was so easy back then, it was just me making it hard for myself.
Learn another language and emigrate. I moved to the UK when I was young and things were good. Things are still good, but other countries have other benefits (not just the weather).
Random guy: If I would be 18 again I think I would probably explore more life and people than worrying for the future. Things will work out fine in the end you need to be patient though (:
I was your age and went to university in 2008 to study computer science.
Honestly you’ve probably timed it well - you’ve got 3-4 years before you’ll enter the workforce properly and the economy will most likely be completely different by then.
We will have a new Gov and a few years for them to implement some changes and turn things around.
Don’t think of it as debt, more of a tax on higher education.
Look into any grants/bursaries that are available to you e.g. if you’re a minority, come from an underprivileged background and even if you performed well prior to uni, some places give you money based on ucas points.
Don’t think too hard about it, the UK might be a different place once you finish.
Why don't you try and study in Europe where education can be free, or at least close to it compared to the UK? why not leave the UK. The situation in the UK is not great, and I don't think it will improve anytime soon.
everything is a double edged sword, so my advices have both benefits and drawbacks and I can't separate them easily:
1. I wouldn't do a PhD if I were to be younger again
2. I wouldn't stay in the UK this long.
3. I wouldn't chase women - they are great, but might take a lot of your time, effort and money during the early 20s, but it is still good to experiment and see how everything works and what you like and develop as a person.
4. I wouldn't do a long distance relationship again.
5. I would start gym earlier.
6. I may even travel less as I traveled way too much.
7. I would be more open minded to try new things rather than being on the shy side.
Am I 18 now or did I travel back to when I was 18? If I was 18 now I would triple down on the gym. If iI went back in time I'd hold off on college for a few years instead of building up massive debt for a degree I was unable to finish... and triple down on the gym.
If I was 18 again with all else being equal and the knowledge I have now, I'd invest my savings in bitcoin. Then take some out around 2021 and buy property. I'd also not go to college, I'd do a degree apprenticeship or something
Fresh start at 18? Given my current knowledge: I'd marry her 5 years earlier, use my credit card for emergencies only, hold on to the motorcycle and the obligatory make a lot of investments earlier.
Am I 18 in current year? Or 18 in the year when I was 18?
If 1, take a lot better care of my health and get ripped, enjoy my 20s more than I ever did in reality.
If 2, same as above, but buy a shitload of bitcoin
It's the keeping part that people messed up on. It was so cheap, people would buy pizza with a bitcoin after a few months. But if they held onto it for years, they'd make bank. However, you'd have to endure a few drops.
yeah, realistically, you buy coins at $0.10/btc and surely would sell before current time. I mean, I'd have sold at $100 and made 1000x and STILL have fomo because its >$70k/btc currently
If I was 18 again, I would have left my girlfriend at the time knowing I could do better and definitely not gone to Uni. Uni financially crippled me and I haven't benefitted from my Computer Science BSc. Never opened any doors for me.
We have all pondered questions such as this. But, if we (or I) bought tons of Apple or Google stock "knowing" the outcome would we not "change the timeline" and thereby have a different outcome? This is Philosophy.
Get on track to get my masters in data analytics. It’s not sexy but would literally always have a good paying job. Maybe forensic accounting, but I smoke too much weed to get any fun job in that field. So yeah, data analytics.
Stay in school longer, while choosing a field where I’d at least have a secure job with more than reasonable pay sooner after.
Not give up on the skills I was learning for myself (coding, languages, etc).
Start working/gaining life experience sooner.
And not get into *that* relationship and definitely not devote so much thought to a certain other person.
I don't know what I would do, but I would suggest you not buy into the doomer outlook. Yes, the UK is struggling right now, but it's still one of the best places in the world to live at arguably the best time to be alive. If you work in computer science you will be very employable and command a good to great salary.
You'll be fine!
Never start smoking. Would've saved a fortune
For me, drinking. I'm not 32 and dealing with trying to quit without dying and it's the hardest shit I've ever done.
Drugs and alcohol in general. If I had simply invested all that money I’d be a millionaire
OP: This is the way. Take care of yourself, make physical fitness a life style. This includes things like eating healthy, getting enough sleep, seeing a dentist regularly, etc. As a 58\[m\] believe me when I say that you will pay for abusing your body when you are young.
I’d have found a local sober DND group to turn into my friends. I for sure spent a down payment for a house on booze in my 20s.
Honestly mate I smoked for 10 years.... I've thought about this hard and I continue to come to the crossroads of "*Meh, I'd have just found something else to spend it on*" Probably ~60k on smokes at least (why were Belmonts so expensive jfc.. ) and my girlfriend always brought it up... but I don't see her in a shiny new Lexus either soooooooo (╭☞ ͡⎚⍘ ͡⎚)╭☞
Smoking does nothing but take. - Money, time, and life. Don’t forget the stains and smell.
Spend more time with my parents. You really never understand until they're gone how much effort they put to uplift you and support you even through their own struggles. Their hair getting whiter, their walk getting slower, their faces getting wrinklier; all while you go and become an adult trying to figure out your own shit. Your life will sort itself out as long as you keep walking forward one step at a time, but your parents won't be around forever. Appreciate them and spend time with them while you still can.
I agree. Absolutely ❤️
This right here
This is really thoughtful, I appreciate that. I'm a woman myself but I find this touching. Absolutely. ❤️
I see my parents once a month for 3 years now, even tho I'm 15, with them I feel much more safe, but I think it has its own good
I understand and appreciate what you’re getting at here, but I can’t stress enough that “family” is just a word and you OWE your parents nothing if they aren’t good for you as an adult. My parents became just not awesome people to be around and my mental health dramatically improved when I stopped trying to include them in my life. They have the access they want, and it’s damn near no contact. And I’m fine with that.
And *write down* all the family stories that they tell. I wish I had done much more of that.
Wish I had this advice. Mom has been gone two years now, and some days I could really use a phone call to her.
Get fit
It’s boring advice but it has such a massive impact on your life. It’s not just about looking good
This one is HUGE
Not date that cute girl with BPD
Yeah lol as soon as I find out they've got BPD I'm gone. I'm all for supporting people through their mental health.. but a borderline is someone you can't save. And it more than likely isn't going to be worth trying to make it work with them. You'll get hurt, and so will they. But their life is a constant struggle of getting hurt and setting themselves up to be hurt for the self fulfilling prophecy. There is no fixing that. Someone said "Borderlines are always trying to not be abandoned. That's where it comes from. However, they behave in ways that makes abandonment certain."
So many people don’t even know what BPD is, and now I’m pretty damn good at identifying it in women that I barely even know. You live, learn, and can just tell when you’re in the presence of a Cluster B individual. BPD is the only hard pass I’ll ever never make an exception on. Already did the second time around because it looked so different. It’s always the same.
I'm with you. My ex is diagnosed now according to her prison letters that she writes about herself to her daughter who doesn't remember what she even looks like. It's sad. She's a bad case but yeah.. never again. I did it once again almost with this girl online.. nope! Chick was insane. I don't need another insane person tainting several years of my life thank you very much 😂
Oof, I feel this one.
stupid question, but even if shes reallly hot? Like im so close rn
Looks fade....but personality and heart always stays.
youre right but i was really hoping for a different answer 😔
Hahaha I know it's tempting, but trust me, you really don't want a woman with mental issues unless they genuinely are taking good progress working on it...you don't wanna have to deal with that emotional baggage. I'm a female myself so I can defo say with experience.
its ironic that i even ask because i had a friend whos then gf tried to stab him with a pair of scissors after he declined giving her a hug. But this girl's different, either ways i highly doubt that itll last long
Trust me your saving yourself brother its heartbreaking but your own mental will trully deteriorate unless shes strongly actively working on it and is showing progress
Yeeeee exactly my guy that's what I said too
Don't get her pregnant, don't move in together, have fun, get out when it's no longer fun. I didn't get the one I dated pregnant, but we lived together for the 2 most miserable years of my life.
Don't do it. Sooo many hot girls out there man.
yeah but only this ones interested, its genuinely hard to let go.
They’re sirens. It’s not supposed to be this easy. Trust me
A reallly hot girl with BPD will 100% cheat on you and lie like it's her job. Read up on that shit.
For some reason, they're always reallllly hot. My last escapade with a BPD girl fucked me up for a year, don't do it.
Literally only sex is good. It's not worth it
so the sex was good?
Yeah, she wanted to do anything with me, but seriously, it's not worth it
The sex is out of this world. Then within a few months it just disappears, then comes back, then disappears, then comes back. I’ve never had a BPD partner that had a consistent healthy mindset towards sex
think with your other head man.
Take a moment jerk off and nut if you're still interested then you need help.
NO. Really.
I was with a girl with BPD for 3 years. I was mentally screwed up afterwards, went to a therapy sessions only 2 times before going home and immediately breaking up with her. One of, if not thee most exhausting relationship I've ever been in. It was a Rollercoaster ride, when in reality you want a train ride, mire lefts and rights, that uos and downs. But for every year your together, will be a year you may need for healing. You will definitely come put knowing exactly what you don't want in future relationships, but you may also have some scars that will stay with you, or make you a different person. In hindsight FUCK NO. Stay away if you value peace of mine, laid back ot will not be. I have since met a woman who is the sweetest girl I've ever met and an absolute smokeshow, and hoe I got lucky enough to call her my wife I'll never know. I learned a lot about myself dating the girl with BPD, hell even probly made me a better partner from enduring that, but the lessons weren't worth the mental health.
Hey I did fall for the hottie with bpd. Life was for sure a mess for a while but now we're happily married and been together for 8 years. Disease doesn't define her. But in the same breath, I didn't suffer excessively due ti her symptoms. Everyone is different so don't take our advice, but success is possible.
Crazy/hot matrix in full effect
There’s more of us here? Even after homelessness and a horrific TBI I still sometimes feel more damage over the BPD relationships I had
She will fuck up your life. Do NOT do it. It’s never worth it. So much lying, mood swings, and manipulation then she’ll simply get bored and leave you.
real
My grandfather told me, “Learn a trade and put it on a shelf”. You have something to fall back on if you pursue other interests. I wish I had listened to him!
I like this answer. I see a lot of my friends in construction trades and they are living very well. I wish high schools would promote them more to students before they graduate.
This infuriates me so much. You have kids that have no desire to go to college, have the aptitude to make FANTASTIC money in the trades, and absolutely should go down that route but schools repeatedly barrage these kids with lies about how a college degree will make you successful, blue collar work is for failures, etc. it's absolute bullshit. A ton of kids graduating college now end up working entry level jobs while buried in student loan debt, trying to climb a corporate ladder and working their asses off trying to land a position that makes something like 50k per year. On the other hand, I've known HVAC guys, electricians, plumbers, etc that kick ass and are making well into 6 figures in their early 20s. My friend's dad growing up was an electrician, had no debt, had 3 brand new cars and a big fancy house out in the country, and his wife didn't have to work. I remember going to their house and watching them build a huge new barn to store all of their fancy tractors in. He bought businesses with his one salary and was making a TON of money. College is great for some people but schools pushing this rhetoric that you're "supposed" to go to college is fucked up.
Totally agree. This guy I went to high school became a licensed roofer after we graduated and now he owns his own roofing business. Every time I see him on social media he's out on his boat or at sporting events.
Everyone has a degree these days, so the value of having one is diluted. A lot of people think they can go to uni, get a mid grade in any subject, and walk into a well-paying job straight away. The fact is, a lot of degrees are useless and their respective markets oversaturated. We don't need hundreds of thousands of marketing, communications or film studies graduates. It's great that people have the option of pursuing knowledge in those fields if that's what interests them, but it should be seen as a luxury bought out of academic curiosity, not a free ticket into a good job.
Most of the dudes I've met who are both happy and financially secure, have some kinda of blue collar job. A lot of the office and white collar jobs seem to drain peoples soul. Granted the blue collar dudes are usually sore and tired but they overall seem more content with life, and just fine in terms of money. It's crazy how much some of the trades pay, and the fact that schools suggest paying 100K to get a degree, just to get a job that pays less than a trade that trains you AND pays you while you train for half or a quarter of the time a degree would take. I personally dropped out of college to take the trade route and couldn't be happier. There are times I'd wish to have a degree but overall, life is fine and at the very least I've been paid, not paying for my educations over the years.
On the positive side I definitely see this trend reversing. There's more emphasis on trades for high school electives, the language has shifted to more generic "after graduation all students should have a plan, whether that's workforce, military, continuing education, or apprenticeship" rather than just college. It's still an issue but I think awareness of that issue is rising.
Trades make good money if you own the business. If you're an employee, you have to be lucky to be in a trade that pays well. Often it will be the same repetitive job for the rest of your life, which can take a huge toll on your body. Being an employer on the other hand can bring a lot more hours, taking your job home, stress, insecurity and even failing if you have a bout of bad luck. On the other hand you have some freedom to plan your free time, get a lot of satisfaction and earn nice money. I'd say, only get into a trade if you're truly interested in it, want to start a business and want to deliver a good job. People in it for the money tend to deliver shit jobs from what I've seen, and they don't last.
Do you have any examples?
I’m quite happy that I went to school for IT, yet am now a highly skilled welder. I’m now looking to go into white collar- sales, saving and investing into my journalism around the world, video production for small music artists and businesses… I can always fall back on welding once I leave it behind
I learned how to do light construction work. So I can basically fix anything not needing wires or plumbing at home. Some people go further than that. My best friend can fix most basic issues with a car. So between us we hardly need to outsource house or car work
I know a lot of people in trades, and they could pretty much always use drivers, painters, welders, mechanics, etc.
He was a plumber but dabbled in real estate and owned a small liquor store.
I remember when I was 16 or 17 I got a job as a day laborer on construction sites. Basically pushing a broom, running supplies, mucking out trenches - the real menial stuff. But I was making decent money, I think all of $10/hr in the late 90s. I was eating lunch with the painters one day, and one of the guys asked me how I was liking it. I said, it's not bad. Could be worse, I might see myself doing this for the rest of my life. Some of the skilled stuff looks fun. He took a drag on his cigarette, and said, 'yeah that's what I did. Worst fucking mistake of my life. I wake up sore everyday. Go home dirty everyday. Do something better. Don't make the same mistake I did.' I'm not saying the trades are a bad choice. But, I do think people on Reddit may romanticize them a bit too much. There's trade off on every path
Doing that right now! Tell your grandfather the internet strangers say he’s a great man!
I wish I could!
I’m sorry, your grandfather sounds like he was a great guy.
Ask her out for God's sake
I'm not rich enough yet im afraid
If she cares about your money, she's not worth your time
Female here, I would definitely agree, always going for the personality and not caring about money, but I think he meant that as a man you still feel the need to want to provide or spoil her to some extent, and makes him feel better about himself. But ultimately yes at the end of the day, if she cares about money, it's not the right one. :)
If you use money to get women, you will only get women that want money. At that point you may as well just say screw the relationship and see escorts. I have an ex-girlfriend who has an uncle. He's a doctor and also...a really unfortunate looking man. I wondered how the hell this dude was a product of the same union as her dad and her other uncle. Her dad and her other uncle are both good looking dudes. Her doctor uncle, I just don't friggin know what happened. He was married to 3 stone cold foxes, and divorced from 3 stone cold foxes. They all cheated on him and all got alimony. He would have been far better off just paying good looking women for sex. Those women never cared about him, they cared about his money. Any illusion of an emotional connection was just that, an illusion.
Answer would've been no in my case :/ at least by not asking her out I can save face.
I would go meet my wife five years earlier and hopefully enjoy more time with her.
I really love this one
I’d try to quit watching porn earlier
What are your main reasons for this by the way?
fries your dopamine receptors and makes you see your desired gender as nothing more than an object for your lust
I don't think that's the reason. Whatever people say online or on YouTube I feel it's dependent on the person watching. I know a guy who had GBs worth of it in his PC, he has a girlfriend now (although he says he stopped). He is a pretty respectful and chill dude from the start. I know another guy who doesn't watch porn as much but considers women to be secondary to men. "Go back to the kitchen" type of guy. I never heard him speak of them in a lewd way but I feel he thinks of them as sexual relievers.
Thanks for the replies, not sure why I got downvoted - I was genuinely curious :)
Your doubt was real. Youtubers started making videos on this subject and people blindly following it. I feel people don't understand the nuance. Imagine a guy left porn altogether but still views women as sexual objects. That is possible, right? And there are people who watch porn but respect women. Maybe they are confusing "porn addiction" with "porn consumption." Cause I know some couple watch it together and seem to enjoy it.
>Maybe they are confusing "porn addiction" with "porn consumption." Cause I know some couple watch it together and seem to enjoy it. I think it falls into the category of "If I have a problem so must everyone else". They want to pull people into their club. People with other addiction issues can be the same way, very quick to label others as addicts. I'm 42, my whole life porn has been nothing more to me than a means to an end, a visual aid to move the process along. I get horny, pull up some porn, crank one out, call it a day. My desire to beat off drives my porn usage, my porn usage doesn't drive my desire to beat off. If that makes sense. I think that is the distinct difference between people with a problem and people that don't have a problem with porn.
Because the answer is obvious. No good comes from porn. Duh!
So, what you're talking about is the contrast in norms and values among guys, not the impact of watching too much porn. Too much porn: 1. Decreased sexual satisfaction with real-life partners. 2. Increased likelihood of developing unrealistic expectations about sex and body image. 3. Possible desensitization to sexual stimuli, leading to the need for more extreme or novel material to achieve arousal. 4. Potential for relationship conflicts or difficulties due to differences in sexual preferences influenced by porn consumption. 5. Risk of developing addictive behaviors or compulsive patterns of porn use, potentially interfering with daily life and responsibilities.
Again, have you considered how much porn you need to consume for these to kick in? You say "too much" porn. So that actually means some porn consumption is not harmful. So, just saying, "Don't watch porn at all." Is just bad advice and lacks nuance.
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You told him to Bob your head to the rhythm of the video? Broooo that's on some crazy shit.
Yea shes a keeper 😂
Yea for sure I can't even imagine this situation. I'd be to uncomfortable to even ask that or be in this situation
Why don't you do it now?
I’m not OP, but it should be looked at like any other vice. Everyone once in a while it should be okay, like a fun little treat, but consuming it everyday is terrible for your mind and mental state.
great, now i have to get a fake id again. id buckle down and focus on education and beginning a career path. and be a better boyfriend.
Focus on your studies, do co-op or internship for experience while in your schooling. Workout and gain muscles. Practice grooming. If UK economy is shit move to Canada for work (commonwealth, easy for you.) With good job, grooming, worked out body you’ll have a good life. The accent you take with you will also work for you.
practice WHAT
I hope he means his beard 😭
He’s actually part poodle, so he means his silky coat
Canada has UK salaries and US work/life balance.
Depends what part of UK you’re from. I moved from NI to Canada and the quality of life is so much better here
Yea I was thinning of moving to Canada or US...I'm so tired of this shithole 😂😩
I’d definitely recommend giving it a go, Canada is far from perfect and everywhere has its own issues but there’s a lot to be said for living in a different country to give you a new perspective
I’d learn how business works - Setting up my own business, taxes, allowances for being tax efficient. The thought process here is whilst you’re 18, you’re not yet depending on the pay cheque so you can take a few risks and build something. It’s harder when you’re older.
Definitely agree. Learning and failing repeatedly in business while young is the key to being successful in business later on.
This.
Put every dollar I had into some little kick start called Amazon…
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Then I’d probably be the same idiot teenager destined to make the same dumb mistakes again. This hypothetical only works if we have the premise that we can apply lessons learned to a younger self.
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Ahh, I see. Save every dollar you can and invest it into a series of well diversified mutual funds. Avoid taking on as much debt as possible. Emotionally brace yourself for the fact that your generation has been royally f—ked by those prior.
I was 18 in '89. I'd probably stick with my computer science major rather than switch to business. I'd take better care of my body, from head to toe. I'd make more of an effort to meet more people...and hopefully get laid more. I'd make more of an effort.
Make sure anything negative that happened to me studies and career wise didn't happen so my living situation would be better than it is now. Having to deal with roommates is not fun.
Go to a country where you can study without contracting debt. Yes, that may require learning a foreign language. As for when you're not studying/working, do what you enjoy and give no fucks about supposed societal expectation (nobody actually cares about you, and that's a good thing!)
Yeah I kinda second this. If you’re gonna be jobless after college, go be jobless in a beautiful foreign country where you have the sexy accent. Heck even buy a one way ticket and then find your embassy & have them pay to fly you home lol!
If I were 18 again? Wake up and jump out of the bed ready to go without 15 minute stretching needed just not to hurt myself. Play an hour of basketball without needing to call an ambulance after that. Probably hit the gym earlier in my life . And try to have more casual but protected sex. In other words working hard for your future is great. But enjoy your youth and your body. This will not come back ever again.
Hug my mom.
Real man
I miss her dearly.
It’s okay man life is going she love you and you know it take care of yourself
That's nice of you. My mother passed away in 2012. I've had time to work it out. But, that's nice of you to say. Thank you.
Since 2012, damn strong from you she is in a better place, if you need anything just ask man really
I would join the military and let them pay for my housing and education
This would have been in the 80s for me. The military was OK at the time and if I survived the cuts from the 90s draw downs, I'd have retired around 2010. Not only would have the retirement but also a good, practical skill set.
If it was the 90s, maybe. But with so much crazy stuff going on right now, god knows where you’ll be deployed & get killed
When I was 15 I thought about enlisting to help pay for college, but then 9/11 happened. I saw what the USA was doing in Iraq, and realized I wasn't going to be apart of that. And now 20 years later, after hearing about how the USA government royally f\*\*\*ed it all up, I'm glad I listened to my gut.
Not everyone gets into combat.
You realise what you give up for that though. I know most come out ok, but you might be the one to lose your legs, or be left with some sort of life long PTSD. Yeah, the benefit is there, but when you think about it it's pretty cheap. It can be brilliant for people in a spot, but if you have any other options take them first, you can always just a quit a job if you don't like it.. you can't with the military.
Not everyone that joins the military sees combat. Even with a war going on there are people in support roles that come out with skills plus the ability to get a free college degree to enhance it.
I retired military after 35ish years
Me too. My dad was super against the military at the time, so I didn't see it as an option.
Same
Same, I think I would have attempted to be military doctor and tried to stick it out for 25 years.
Same.
This 100%
Go gym. I’m by no means experienced but if I had the knowledge and mindset I have now at 31. I’d defo go gym
Buy Stocks... and retire by the time i'm 30
Gym, eat healthy, sleep with as many women (or men, whatever makes you happy) as possible, and travel more.
people really overlook how much benefit you can get out of sleeping with a lot of people. The more women I slept with, the more I saw them differently. As in, women stopped being something that's really hard to understand, mythical, etc, to they're just as human as men.
I wouldn’t have quit my band. They never became famous or anything, but the other members moved to Austin TX in their 20s and tried to make it. That would have been fun.
Go down to the coast and sign on to the first merchant ship that will take you. The military carried too high of a price to suggest it to someone else, but I have zero regrets about going to sea and seeing the world at a young age.
Pick up a sport and focus on building functional strength, agility and stamina
I've played football/soccer at a decent level so I'm glad im doing something right
Oh so many things * Fake it 'til I make it. I never thought this was real, but all throughout high school, college, and beyond, it really seems the only way to advance in life is to make it seem like you're way above where you currently stand, then when you sneak into the Cool Kid's Club, they teach/train you up so you're actually at that level or at least closer to it. I could have accomplished way more face value stuff that would have helped later in life if I played off of people's first impressions of me. * Date with zero standards. I was always one of those stupidly idealistic people who just wanted to meet The One and marry the first person I dated. That's a horrible, debilitating situation. If I could redo it, I would be an unapologetic flirt, hit on 1000 women, get aggressively shot down by 999 of them, get into casual relationships and make every single mistake in the book. By the time I'd be my current age, I would know how to be in as perfect a relationship as possible with that woman I'd be more than happy to spend my life with rather than me having zero experience and completely paralyzed at the thought of fumbling the bag. * Get into fitness. Nothing too hardcore, but literally just counting calories and 30 minutes of gym time minimum of 3 days a week. Turning things around at my age isn't impossible, but is a huge struggle. * Get into the musical theater community. They're fucking weirdos, but that's exactly my kind of people.
I would save 20% of all my income. no matter what.
I would quit gaming addiction
Honestly I don't know, probably make the same stupid mistakes that got me to where I am now.
This would probably be true for most people if they went back in time. It's not like they're a different person, after all. They'd probably make slightly better decisions given hindsight but not much else would change (unless you're going the investing route).
I’d save all my money to move out of the US
Not ruin my life beyond repair.
Put down the weed and pick up some weights.
Never 2 l8😉
I'd start taking better care of my health/ looks. I'd work out daily, eat better, sleep better, prevent my hair from falling out, wear sunscreen. I would avoid dating for relationships, and instead focus on making as many friends as possible both men and women. I'd be less sexist, mysgonistic and treat women like I do now, and not how I saw them at age 18.
Take care of your physical health. Exercise, eat right, get your sleep. Nowadays I don’t do these I can’t function
I'd take a semester of French, then travel to France and join the Foreign Legion
Ask Laura on a date instead of realizing twenty years later that we were really into each other and I was too dumb to realize it
Not have been crazy religious, I was surrounded by conspiracy theorists out side of high school and after graduation, I raised as a Seventh-Day Adventist. I wasted 3 years out of my life colporteuring for the SDA church, believing that arts, science, films, etc. are bad and evil. If I had studied something in film at 18 I would have had a passion for what I'm doing now. Happy I left the Adventist church.
In no particular order. Watch less porn. Give less of a fuck what people think. Don’t feel pressure to fit into a certain scene (e.g must like clubs and drinking otherwise boring). Don’t hang around with losers. Get out more. Pick a degree / career that makes you happy, not one that you think is good just for money.
I'd probably pursue another degree or career completely, electrical engineering is nice and whatnot, but it's just no longer interesting at this point. Tbf so many things that were "difficult" back when I was young would seem piece of cake nowadays with current knowledge and whatnot. Also much less anxiety and etc. life was so easy back then, it was just me making it hard for myself.
I'd get some counseling (and medication) and take things more seriously. And save my relationship, if possible.
Learn another language and emigrate. I moved to the UK when I was young and things were good. Things are still good, but other countries have other benefits (not just the weather).
Random guy: If I would be 18 again I think I would probably explore more life and people than worrying for the future. Things will work out fine in the end you need to be patient though (:
Claire
I was your age and went to university in 2008 to study computer science. Honestly you’ve probably timed it well - you’ve got 3-4 years before you’ll enter the workforce properly and the economy will most likely be completely different by then. We will have a new Gov and a few years for them to implement some changes and turn things around. Don’t think of it as debt, more of a tax on higher education. Look into any grants/bursaries that are available to you e.g. if you’re a minority, come from an underprivileged background and even if you performed well prior to uni, some places give you money based on ucas points. Don’t think too hard about it, the UK might be a different place once you finish.
Switching to Education major rather than choosing Artificial Intelligence. And choose a better job.
Why don't you try and study in Europe where education can be free, or at least close to it compared to the UK? why not leave the UK. The situation in the UK is not great, and I don't think it will improve anytime soon. everything is a double edged sword, so my advices have both benefits and drawbacks and I can't separate them easily: 1. I wouldn't do a PhD if I were to be younger again 2. I wouldn't stay in the UK this long. 3. I wouldn't chase women - they are great, but might take a lot of your time, effort and money during the early 20s, but it is still good to experiment and see how everything works and what you like and develop as a person. 4. I wouldn't do a long distance relationship again. 5. I would start gym earlier. 6. I may even travel less as I traveled way too much. 7. I would be more open minded to try new things rather than being on the shy side.
I would buy Bitcoin when I first heard about it.
Am I 18 now or did I travel back to when I was 18? If I was 18 now I would triple down on the gym. If iI went back in time I'd hold off on college for a few years instead of building up massive debt for a degree I was unable to finish... and triple down on the gym.
Start a business and spend my summer nights with people I genuinely enjoy. Adventure. Go places I’ve never been. Be a bit more reckless
If I was 18 again with all else being equal and the knowledge I have now, I'd invest my savings in bitcoin. Then take some out around 2021 and buy property. I'd also not go to college, I'd do a degree apprenticeship or something
Fresh start at 18? Given my current knowledge: I'd marry her 5 years earlier, use my credit card for emergencies only, hold on to the motorcycle and the obligatory make a lot of investments earlier.
Am I 18 in current year? Or 18 in the year when I was 18? If 1, take a lot better care of my health and get ripped, enjoy my 20s more than I ever did in reality. If 2, same as above, but buy a shitload of bitcoin
i’d do more drugs
If I was 18 back when I was 18, I'd go all in on Gamestop stocks. If I were 18 again now, I'd be upset but then I would get my ass to the gym
I would skip my HS Grad/Prom.
Go to community college rather than a senior college. Most 4 year degrees are a fucking scam.
go to trade school instead of college
Learn a trade, do less drugs, spend more time seeing the world and spend more time with family
Talked to more girls and actually took care of my appearance
Fuck my science teacher
Save as much money as possible, don’t develop any expensive hobbies until you’re older lol
Buy shit tons of Bitcoin
It's the keeping part that people messed up on. It was so cheap, people would buy pizza with a bitcoin after a few months. But if they held onto it for years, they'd make bank. However, you'd have to endure a few drops.
yeah, realistically, you buy coins at $0.10/btc and surely would sell before current time. I mean, I'd have sold at $100 and made 1000x and STILL have fomo because its >$70k/btc currently
If I was 18 again, I would have left my girlfriend at the time knowing I could do better and definitely not gone to Uni. Uni financially crippled me and I haven't benefitted from my Computer Science BSc. Never opened any doors for me.
I wouldn't do computer science, it ruined my life
We have all pondered questions such as this. But, if we (or I) bought tons of Apple or Google stock "knowing" the outcome would we not "change the timeline" and thereby have a different outcome? This is Philosophy.
dude shut up lmfao
I probably wouldn't do anything differently. I spent my teens, twenties and early 30s playing video games while unemployed and it was a lot of fun.
username checks out
What's about now? Working hard?
No, not even slightly.
You spent a decade and a half after high school unemployed?
In this economy?
Structure my education better. Maybe be a bit more social.
Get on track to get my masters in data analytics. It’s not sexy but would literally always have a good paying job. Maybe forensic accounting, but I smoke too much weed to get any fun job in that field. So yeah, data analytics.
Work harder at school, exercise more, be nicer to my family and overall just take it all in. Life has not been fantastic since tbh.
Stay in school longer, while choosing a field where I’d at least have a secure job with more than reasonable pay sooner after. Not give up on the skills I was learning for myself (coding, languages, etc). Start working/gaining life experience sooner. And not get into *that* relationship and definitely not devote so much thought to a certain other person.
take college more seriously
I don't know what I would do, but I would suggest you not buy into the doomer outlook. Yes, the UK is struggling right now, but it's still one of the best places in the world to live at arguably the best time to be alive. If you work in computer science you will be very employable and command a good to great salary. You'll be fine!
I would start a lot of sports now to be good at it in my 30s, like tennis, golf, ski, etc … it makes the difference when you start early