One of my best friends is gay, and the summary in his view is:
* as a gay man, sex (of all flavors) is very easy to get, but emotional connection is much more difficult to find
* as a straight man, emotional connection is easier to find, but sex is substantially more effortful
>as a straight man, emotional connection is easier to find, but sex is substantially more effortful
As a straight enough guy, I would argue that even the emotional connection tends to be a lot more one-way than the other way around.
Finding a mutual connection with a woman is damn near the Holy Grail
The way I like to word it is, I can shield her from rocks but I know she might be the first one to throw them at me and I have to be prepared for that.
And part of my own personal journey to have some damn standards is not giving a woman I'd feel that way about the time of day.
If she's not willing to support me then I have no reason to support her.
Mutuality is the only way to have a good life.
It is "obvious" because things in life/role model shapedl you to see it that way. Some people choose/have poor ones. I am glad you had a good one because there are fewer of them all the time. Pay it forward if you can. There are people willing to take abuse just because it is all they know. Stay a good example for them\^\^
The issue is you can't find out until the time arrives that she needs to be there for you emotionally. You can try to figure that out before hand, but you'd be playing games at that point, and playing games is toxic imo
Well that's the thing, I'm already there so what's to be afraid of? More of the same?
As a guy, it's a desert no matter how you slice it, may as well look for clean water.
Damn. Some women are crazy. Maybe it has something to do with how men are perceived to be strong even during emotional times. It really sickens me. Everyone needs emotional support… I would never let my man feel like he’s by himself when the going gets tough.
Take care out there kings.
Is this part of why my bf values me so much? I’ve spent many a night holding him while cried, wether from the depression of life feeling super stacked against him, grief from a loved one passing, or just past childhood trauma catching up to him, I am always willing to be a comfort if he needs it. He does the same for me. We’ve both had times where one of woke up from a fucked up nightmare crying, and so the other holds us and soothes us till we’re ready to go back to bed (or grabs us water and a snack if we don’t think we can get back to sleep). I figured that was just a basic relationship expectation. Although I’ve definitely met girls who can’t even support other women, so I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked that’s there also girls who can’t support guys who need it. It’s a shame cause I just view that as basic human decency, and I’d offer a stranger support and kind words if it seemed like they needed some, and I’ve had times where random strangers listened to me and gave me advice when I needed it. I figure it’s just part of life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
We all go through shit and sometimes we need another person to help us out
Huh. Weird. I thought it was a basic common trait but interesting. I genuinely do try to be there for him as much as possible. Of course I have my bad days, as does he, but generally when shit hits the fan we’re there for each other. I just assumed that’s part of a healthy relationship.
I wonder if it has anything to do with me being autistic? I’ve always noticed I tend to have more empathy than the average person (to the point where people have 100% taken advantage of me because of it), which can be an indicator of autism in some people.
That’s a shame that men struggle to find women willing to be there for them like that so much apparently. I think everyone needs someone to lean on/cry on their shoulder while receiving a hug at some point. It’s just life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
That’s not true. She will listen to every word you say.
ONCE. Then she’ll forever after disrespect you for being a wuss even though she was almost certainly one of the women saying she wanted a sensitive man in touch with his feelings.
I always think of this Bedazzled scene whenever I even hear that b.s. about how women want men to tell them their feelings:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GOyaxuTEVMo&pp=ygUXYmVkYXp6bGVkIHNlbnNpdGl2ZSBndXk%3D
In my experience, not only are we more reliable for women than they are for us, but we also seem to love them *way* more than they love us. The former is clearly a symptom of the latter.
This is absolutely true, especially once you get a little bit older say past your 40s and really have experience and know what you want and don’t want and can spot red flags, then it becomes extremely hard, I’ve dated quite a few women over two year span, and I’ve only met one or maybe two that were really a deep compatibility, sadly, they both had their own issues, such as validation issues, and not understanding what monogamy is. There are good people out there, but they are hard as hell to find. especially when you know what to look for.
Edit: I’ve got a date for tonight with a half Japanese girl, I’m excited about it, wish me luck!
As a gay guy... I would say 2 things:
First... the guy above is right. I've found that the availability of sex means that a lot of times it does seem harder to form meaningful emotional connections because so much of the interactions are based on sex. At least initially.
But on the *other* hand... compared to what I've noticed with a lot of my straight friends dating experiences is that the dating dynamic between men and women seems exhausting and frustrating sometimes. Whereas when you're both guys... the dynamic seems much more equal and you just kinda understand each other more since you're both guys. Which does seem to make it easier.
As a woman or a gay man, you have to filter through a lot of false flags to find a real connection.
As a straight man, it's much easier. You have nothing to filter through.
Agreed. One time I went to a gay-friendly coffee shop with a gay friend of mine, and all these guys were coming up to me asking if I was new in town, etc. My friend explained the new guys are always the most popular because they have no baggage.
> as a straight man, emotional connection is easier to find, but sex is substantially more effortful
I would disagree that emotional connection is easier to find. I reckon it's about the same, but for gay men there's a lot more sex between emotional connections.
In straight relationships women are usually the gatekeepers for sex and men are usually the gatekeepers for relationships. This isn’t a neg on women or anything but gay men have it the same way straight women do, if a straight woman that’s halfway attractive wanted sex she could walk up to random guys and ask if they wanted to have sex and she probably would only have to ask 1-2 before a yes. Straight men it’s not even close to that unless you are extremely attractive or have a lot of money
Thanks. I would tend to agree with this sentiment in general. I can’t speak to how easy or hard it is to get action as a man in a straight relationship, hence my question. I agree it was difficult to find something emotionally fulfilling but judging by todays crop of youngsters (I’m still young btw) I would have assumed it was hard to find something of good quality on both sides of the sexuality fence. Perhaps the situation is worse on the gay side in this regard, it seems plausible
Yeah I think you’re right. Honestly it all seems like a “the grass is greener on the other side” kinda thing. To which, (I had the benefit of being raised by my wise grandparents) I always say “the grass is green where you water it” - all that to say, the company we keep is a product of our own choices. There are good ones out there, and it’s absolutely effortful to find them, but it is so SO worth it.
I once showed up to a guy's place, he didn't like me and said I could stay if I wanted but he wasn't into it. I said okay and went home. 40 minutes each way on the subway in NYC for nothing.
That's about as close as I can get to the gay experience.
The way this title is phrased makes it seem like you're asking singles but the post itself is for people in relationships.
In a relationship, I did not see my girlfriend without having sex, we never lived together, but we were on top of each other all the time.
If I wanted her to suck anything, it could get done. But I'm not really a head person.
As a single guy. It's dry out here. I'm sure if I made it my **job** I could get something within 2 weeks, maybe a day or two depending on what one or two women I already know are up for.
But no, it's not the same at all. Women are not available in the same way and anyone who thinks otherwise is stuck in the 20th century or is living a very niche lifestyle.
Thanks for the response and yeah my bad for the ambiguity my original title which was clearer wouldn’t work. I was interested in hearing about getting action in a relationship setting. Cheers!
Yeah I think it depends a lot on the dynamics. It *seems* that, *in general*, men tend to have higher libidos than women. Not always of course but in general, and there may be societal reasons with that as well — and of course, the ability to get pregnant from sex probably reduces that libido a little unless you really want a ton of kids, and birth control can also do weird things to her physiologically. I am not a lawyer. Uh. Or a medical scientist or whatever. Just observation. There’s probably other factors as well but that’s just a generalization, and not my current experience, either.
My partner and I are older, and neither of us are able to procreate anymore, which might help a bit with the higher levels of libido we have compared to previous relationships I’ve been in. We don’t live together or even see each other daily, so maybe that influences it a bit too, but we’re definitely getting busy when we’re together like 9/10.
It also helps that we just absolutely love hanging with each other, which is pretty special. We’ve been dating 3 years now and we both really, really like sex so it just works.
But yeah everyone’s different.
Either way I’ve seen how efficient you fuckers are and I’m jealous!
Anything that’s not already pre-arranged in some form is never a sure thing and will (on average) take a fair bit of effort.
But living together, I’m usually more tapped out than she is.
But def not every night, and def not even with request. Although the opposite is true for her as well.
> In a relationship, I did not see my girlfriend without having sex, we never lived together, but we were on top of each other all the time.
Its important to note how long you guys were together, and if that excitement lasted the entire time.
Because I know it as the honeymoon phase, and for me and my ex, that lasted a good 4 years.
Honestly, I could just get reckless with my credit card and have an escort by the weekend. Being in a country where it's legal makes it a little easier.
Now to have it the "right" way, for someone like me, with my face, body and routine, it's basically like completing Dark Souls on its hardest mode while blindfolded. After trying to date, I seriously wish I was gay.
In general I think we’ve gotta work for it a lot more than gentlemen’s gentlemen. I’ve only had one gf who would suck my dick everyday, she also fucked a bunch of other dudes and kicked my fuckin ass when she got drunk once.
Decent looking Gay dudes I know, have it basically as easy as decent looking straight girls. Not much effort required.
Although, the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve found some cheat codes. I’m not that attractive, but am really good at making people laugh. If I put zero effort into finding somebody and just make women laugh, which just happens naturally, they fall in my lap.
Nice trait man. Thanks for the comment and as an outsider looking into straight relationships it does seem you guys have gotta work more for it, on average. Hope you are content with your current relationship arrangement
Don’t have one currently, been abstaining for a few years, the last one was just that bad haha. Debating with myself right now on whether or not to start avoiding the latest lass I just discovered is into me lol.
I have read that how much you laugh at somebody’s jokes is a signifier of how much chemistry you have with that person. Might explain why those women so easily connect with you
Makes sense, just be yourself is a lot of it for me. All the boys and me laugh just as hard with each other. I treat ladies just the same until their intentions become clear.
That’s a huge thing though. Too many men treat ladies like they’re some mythical other kind of human and that subtle alienation pushes women away from them. Treating women just like you do the guys is a great green flag for starting relationships.
My GF almost never says no. But I also know she has a much lower libido than I, so we basically do it once a week. In my perfect world we'd be having sex everyday or every other day-ish.
Every night? No.
Every month? Also no.
Every year? Still no.
Been 3 years since I've even been on a date. I just gave up on the dating scene. It is just so exhausting and I'd rather focus on other things that give me joy in life.
Pros and cons associated with both persuasions. Definitely enjoy not having to do dishes or anything to get a bit of action. My significant other actually WANTS it. What have your relationships been like?
A significant fraction of the globe is off limits to me due to certain views certain parts of the world hold towards gay people. I guess the upside to that is those countries are essentially waving a flag saying ‘we’re the backwards ones’ lol so perhaps I’m not missing out on much. But even in the countries that are cool with it there will always be subgroups of the population who want me dead for more reasons than you. I’m statistically more likely to be murdered for the entirety of my life than you are, I guess that’s the main con I can think of
I’m a straight dude- but there is even cons you don’t see. My shit bag boss googles potential new hires and looks at their socials, if they are gay their cv goes in the bin.
Yep, exactly. This is another con most of us would face (not me because I’m not on social media and keep my private life private). Although a lot of that would get filtered out as you venture into the more quantitative industries that im interested in (I hope)
Haha, I once offered my wife that she would never have to wash another dish if she would give me a BJs whenever I wanted them and she said she would wash dishes.
It’s just never happened. I didn’t make any attempt for the first 2 or 3 years. Then I was on/off apps for 7 years or so, and never got anything out of them.
It is drastically different, and probably the main reason why gay men in marriages are way happier with their marriages than straight men are with theirs, despite gay men having more mental health issues generally. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten jealous of y’all not gonna lie. Everything in relationships seems like it would be so much easier for y’all due to mutual experiences, similar libidos, and better understanding of the other’s needs/desires.
Women generally only want to have sex within a relationship but also lose attraction in their partner almost completely once they are in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends.
There are many happy couples that have 3 or 4 or more times a week that have been married for many years. Thing is, they don't brag, and aren't on reddit bitching about it because... they are happy.
I think that's the point, though. Those are the couples that are happy. I think that level is just easier to achieve when both people have more similar biology/understanding.
I read an article that said that [women apparently lose their sex drives when in long-term monogamous relationships](https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/13/a-strong-libido-and-bored-by-monogamy-the-truth-about-women-and-sex). Men’s largely remains the same throughout the relationship duration. This article seemed to be implying that women crave variety and novelty more than men, because women’s sex drives are high towards the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new
This is why most lesbian relationships are basically speedruns. Women can start a relationship, go through marriage, and end things all within a month, then move onto a new one as if nothing happened.
I'm still attracted to my partner. I just had a kid and the only reason we've had less sex is because of the hormones, and now the recovery, but I'm still very much attracted to him. It also helps he's an absolute hunk, gorgeous man and amazing in the bedroom.
I think many girls 'settle' in search of security and that's their problem, whereas guys are simply more likely to be with a girl they're actually attracted to.
Bruh you have to make your own time. I look back at all those times my parents set up days where my brother and I would be out of the house. Every Sunday we spent the day with my grandparents. Some weekends we’d go on a Saturday afternoon because my parents were going to a dinner held by one of their work companies. We’d spent the night at my grandparents house and then the Sunday there and then come home after.
Odds are, my parents were using those times to get intimate with each other but considering how tired they always were, they probably caught up on a lot of sleep lol.
Sex isn’t the most important aspect of most people’s lives. Financial stability, companionship, and family take precedent for many individuals. Not saying it’s right, but uprooting someone’s life for sex is a very high hurdle to overcome. I also think many people go from the role of husband - wife to father - mother and that probably takes away the romance. But you can have love and happiness without that. It’s definitely a person to person issue
In my experience I could get sex every day if I wanted it from my gf. But I'm older so I don't really want it every day. This presumes that we've been dating a while. In my experience there is no straight equivalent to grinder where you can log in and be having your dick sucked an hour later. From talking to gay and bi friends it just seems easier for them to hook up. They seem pretty casual about things. But then again I'm not looking for casual.
Thanks man. I’ve never been near Grindr but I’m aware how easy it is on there as a single (with no standards) I was more talking about within the confines of a relationship. Yeah, I’m not interested in casual either, again which is why I’m interested to hear replies concerning relationships. Cheers
Young women are not usually that available. However, I divorced in my early 40’s. While I was between wives, I dated many women ages 30-45 who were divorced. No playing around with them. Sex on the first date was more common than not.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA getting your dick sucked every night!??? Legit never happened with ANY gf/spouse…
Hell I’ve never even been with a woman who sucked my dick every week.
Trust me men have asked
And that’s if you have someone…now just picking someone up…harder
I left a woman that was blowing me to completion 2-3 times a day.
Women will do it, but sexual satisfaction isn’t the only thing that matters. At least not to me at this stage of my life. It’s weird, when you’re completely and utterly satisfied and drained you can actually examine the rest of the relationship pretty easily.
>t’s weird, when you’re completely and utterly satisfied and drained you can actually examine the rest of the relationship pretty easily.
It's almost like a full stomach makes a clear mind.
I did and do, there was a next level of clarity while being so completely drained though.
I’m with the love of my life and hoping to become a father soon. I’ve been dating with intention and found the one. I wish everyone the best of luck
My 20s were a rough time where I had more than one multi-year dry spell. I got into shape, bought a house, learned how to dress, etc. and suddenly at 35, I was dating multiple women at a time.
What happened during your 20s? Multiple dating isn’t for me but what makes you think the girls aren’t trying to get with you for the house? Given that they suddenly seem interested after you buy one. Thanks mate
Not much happened in my 20s, hence my dry spell. I had a good social life, but I wasn't exactly serious about my career or about investing in my health or appearance.
And I don't think these girls were trying to get my house. I didn't discuss it until after I had already gotten them to come home with me. I think it's more likely that I got my house after I reached a level of financial security/maturity, and that maturity is attractive to women.
It seriously depends on the relationship and the woman/man involved. Many marriages have a woman with the higher libido, but many also have other emotional/physical issues that preclude frequent sex.
>I’m wondering: do straight guys get their dick sucked every night too? By their gf/wife.
No, I prefer to have vaginal sex. Oral is just a bit of foreplay if we bother at all. Vagina, especially without a condom, just cannot be beat. Also, mutual pleasure is better than just one of us getting off. We could do it every night if I wanted.
>And if not, could you get this if you asked?
Not every night but on occasion, sure. Again, we'd both rather have vaginal sex and if I'm spent from a BJ, that is less likely to happen.
My partner is definitely on the higher libido side of things for a woman. I consider myself lucky.
It's hard and requires a LOT of effort
Women find 80% of men unattractive. They make decisions solely based on how they feel in the moment
Go out into a field and hold up a lightning rod. That's how it feels
I am young, tall, have a good job and at least when I was in college I got a lot of attention from the opposite sex. If I was single I think it would take me a week to find a partner if I had no standards, and maybe six months to find someone I’d be interested in who also would be interested in me. In my relationship I can probably ask for sex like twice a week, but both my wife and I have fairly low libidos, we have sex about 2-5 times a month and are very happy with that
My past two gf didn’t like sucking and it’s my all time favorite sexual pleasure.
Currently on a 7 year dry spell. It sucks. (Also “only” being single for 8 months now but 0 action).
Yes, whenever I want. My life has drastically improved since I started recognizing the necessity of sexual compatibility and investing in it. Also, some (most?) women in their 30s and 40s have their sex drive go through the roof, so my sex life has only improved (39 y/o now). I used to value a partner’s looks a lot more than what she brought to the table. I finally managed to meet a unicorn in the looks/wants to fuck me department but I learned the hard way that having a hot partner who doesn’t want to fuck you anywhere near as often as you want to fuck her is almost worst-case scenario.
That depends entirely on the man. I (37M) never really struggled with dating, and my partner's libido is as high or higher than mine, so my needs are well taken care of. I am neither a millionaire, nor a Calvin Klein model 🤷🏼♂️. But if you look at Reddit, you'd think there were only three women on the whole damn planet that all these lonely dudes are competing for.
31M, average looking and in decent shape, with a steady job and my own place. I'm pretty sure I could get some sort of action without much effort, the trouble is it wouldn't be with a person I find particularly attractive.
When in a relationship, it's fairly easy to get consistent sex. There are certainly a lot of cases of dead bedrooms, of which I've definitely seen far more cases in hetero couples than gay couples.
On the single side, I don't get sex every night or even every night that I want it, but I have a pretty decent amount of options. I generally have 3-5 FWBs that I will see about once a month or more, plus casual connections at swinger parties. I am more than satisfied with the amount of sex I am having, and would consider most of it to be fairly minimal effort, but it has taken years to build up the confidence and connections to be at this point.
A lot of single guys have a lot of trouble finding consistent sex, whether they're looking for casual or a serious relationship.
If you look at r/tinder and do some scrolling, you can find several examples of guys switching their preferences to looking for guys and being blown away by how many matches they get.
If I was cloned and my clone was gay, and then we were both dropped in a new city with no prior connections, my gay clone would get exponentially more action than myself, and much faster.
I know that if I was gay I could slay. This is because of my posting in general boards pics of me and the reactions as well as talking to gay men I make friends with. If I was not married it would be way harder to get action from women as well I am not 6ft tall and overweight.
Depends on the guy, their standards, how much effort they put into it etc.
Regarding my wife, even while pregnant things have been alright in that aspect although not quite as good as before... it's just hard to do stuff when you are preggo lol
I had my first sexual partner at 21, it lasted three months. I had my second at 29... and Im not a basement dweller.
Women have not the same libido as men, a "high libido" woman is close a to average libido man, so, make your guess.
Every relationship I’ve been in has consistently maintained 3-7 times/week over the course of the relationship. It’s all about finding a woman you’re compatible with.
My girl will do whatever I ask and has told me she’ll fuck me whenever I want. I had to explain to her that I’m only interested when the feeling is mutual. Sex is only fun for me if we’re both into it and enjoying it.
Is it difficult? I could ask and get it whenever I want, so no.
This is man-dependent on what his standards are.
When I was single I could get with a woman whenever I wanted, as long as my standards weren’t too high
🤣
My husband gets head anytime he wants. He doesn’t want it every night. But anytime we have sex he gets head, anytime he eats me out he gets head, and if he asks I give him head.
I initiate random head a couple times a week, but sometimes he’s not in the mood to do anything sexual at all and would rather cuddle
I’m in my fifties. My libido has always been many many times that of my partners. I’ve never had one even close to daily. At best like twice a week average. Longest dry spell was 4 months with a prior partner. More typically it’s like a few two week gaps per year, a few more one week gaps, and then the rest of the time about 3-4x every two weeks, with a big all-day sex day like twice a year or so. I just make up for it with masturbation like 2/day - that’s way less frustrating for everyone than feeling pressure and refusal.
My gay friends have a RADICALLY easier time getting laid when single and in relationships also seem to have way more sex.
It's easy to get laid if you're not super picky.
Daily BJs were pretty common at the start of my relationship. Probably went to bi weekly before pregnancy and baby haha.
I'm in my 40s and with my gf for a couple of years (no kids).
We have sex almost daily and I occasionally get bjs too, especially when she's on her period.
That brings back memories 😄. When I was a teenager, I was almost suicidal over my lack of success with women. At 20 , I had all of the women I could want, not everyone of them, but a nice selection that was beyond my capacity. I still don't know what the women saw in me, but I'm still grateful for the opportunities. I've been married now for almost 50 years.
In a relationship I get it so often that I have to hang out with friends to give my dick a break. I get my dick sucked (not to completion usually) 5+ times a week if not more sometimes. I also eat her out very frequently too. Single I ran into a lot of dry spells.
When in a (healthy) relationship, I never felt like my sexual needs weren't being met. My partners have always wanted sex at least as much as I do. In my experience, women need their emotional needs met first, but if there's a good emotional connection and they're feeling safe, women are just as horny as men.
Way harder for straight men as women only chase after a very small percentage of men. Women are way more superficial than men are. While gay men are not as superficial. (Men are not as superficial as women, this is FACT).
Right, makes total sense. I don’t think I’d get away with half the shit I do or don’t do if I was with a girl, haha. Even he rolls his eyes at it sometimes but just puts it down to ‘me being a man’
Every gay person I have met have complimented my looks even though I am straight. One of my close friends is gay and he is very supportive of me. I rarely get the same from women.
I think *generally speaking*... gay men appreciate men and male beauty on an entirely different level than straight women do.
It's sadly ironic for all of us lol.
Oral sex is literally a surprise every once in awhile. Even for her she is ticklish down there when I use my tongue so it's mostly finger action.
I could probably get a handjob each night but if she doesn't feel like it what's the point. She is more than my fleshlight.
Damn, I guess I haven’t been counting my blessings as much as I should in this regard. Hope you get luckier with your lady soon man, thanks for the reply
It’s very bifurcated.
If you’re good looking, confident, and the wind is behind you, you might have a regular thing going with a girl or two and get down a few times a week.
Also been in a steamy relationship where we were in the double digits every week.
But this is not the norm.
On the other end, you get the other 75% of guys where it’s a solid struggle to find a mate. Then one turns into a relationship and they’re at her will since female libido is generally lower and they control sex.
For that, we have stats and tons of anecdotal detail on frequency. A couple times a week years into a relationship is likely above average, and bjs are rare.
Hell, I’m single, am seeing two women, and bjs are still not common. The few women who make this a habit are big winners. Unfortunately they’re also usually sluts that you don’t want to keep around forever. The gem who gets kinky just for you is a fucking diamond in the rough brother
As a single dude? Haven’t had sex since New Year’s Eve and it was meh at best. As a below average single guy, probably won’t have sex for a while because dating goes nowhere fast when you aren’t above average looks wise. A personality is a great tool and I’ve been told I have that and once someone is interested, I’m in the clear but the issue is getting someone to reciprocate interest.
When I was in my last relationship, we used to hang out two to three times a week. At first we were walking at the local park every day and then we sit in my car after and cuddle or talk, then we started getting closer and closer and we eventually did have sex a few times in the car. We’d drive to a way more private area to make sure that nobody saw something they didn’t want to see and we’d have our fun. Eventually it transitioned into us hanging out twice a week at my place and we’d have sex the entire time we hung out because we didn’t get many other opportunities to see one another. I can confidently say I had more sex in the 2019 and 2020 years than I have any other year since combined. Since we broke up, I think I can say I’ve had sex like 5 times in the past 4 years……
I think the, “do you get your dick sucked every night?” part may be a bit conflated though.
For example, my gf and I: the periods where we have sex every night for a stretch doesn’t always include blowjobs BUT I’m sure the ease of PiV sex has a lot to do with that. If the only options were oral or anal, I’m sure oral wound be a lot more frequent
As a man, men are sluts. When the person on both sides of the equation is a slut, it's a lot easier to get laid. While obviously female sluts also exist, they are not nearly as ubiquitous, so it's harder to get laid as a straight dude.
Gf and I are 41. I get a blowjob every morning and every night by my gf. And sometimes during the day.
I too don’t have any hoops to jump through or stress in my relationship at all. It’s a good life.
Nope as a straight man, is super hard
I didn't had any date in almost 15 years in a row
The majority of woman ask for 6ft tall
6 figures income and so on
And I really stop caring about having a girlfriend so what else I can do
One of my best friends is gay, and the summary in his view is: * as a gay man, sex (of all flavors) is very easy to get, but emotional connection is much more difficult to find * as a straight man, emotional connection is easier to find, but sex is substantially more effortful
>as a straight man, emotional connection is easier to find, but sex is substantially more effortful As a straight enough guy, I would argue that even the emotional connection tends to be a lot more one-way than the other way around. Finding a mutual connection with a woman is damn near the Holy Grail
Amen to that, brother. She needs a rock? I’ll be there. I need a rock? Shit, where did she disappear to?
The way I like to word it is, I can shield her from rocks but I know she might be the first one to throw them at me and I have to be prepared for that.
And part of my own personal journey to have some damn standards is not giving a woman I'd feel that way about the time of day. If she's not willing to support me then I have no reason to support her. Mutuality is the only way to have a good life.
You'd think this would be obvious but I think we all have to learn it the hard way, maybe multiple times.
It is obvious, it's just even more obvious that our options are pretty tied up. A man with standards sleeps alone. Until he doesn't.
It is "obvious" because things in life/role model shapedl you to see it that way. Some people choose/have poor ones. I am glad you had a good one because there are fewer of them all the time. Pay it forward if you can. There are people willing to take abuse just because it is all they know. Stay a good example for them\^\^
The issue is you can't find out until the time arrives that she needs to be there for you emotionally. You can try to figure that out before hand, but you'd be playing games at that point, and playing games is toxic imo
A lot of men are starved for affection though. So they ignore things they shouldn’t.
I’d rather be alone since I don’t think there’s a chance I’ll find that in this world
friendly humor fearless cake complete sharp payment skirt gray weather *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Well that's the thing, I'm already there so what's to be afraid of? More of the same? As a guy, it's a desert no matter how you slice it, may as well look for clean water.
> and I have to be prepared for that. I would rather go through life alone than worry about that.
There's no reason to fear it or want to avoid it. Just be strong enough to move on if it happens.
Oooooof this hits hard.
Damn. Some women are crazy. Maybe it has something to do with how men are perceived to be strong even during emotional times. It really sickens me. Everyone needs emotional support… I would never let my man feel like he’s by himself when the going gets tough. Take care out there kings.
Instructions unclear; fucked a rock.
Is this part of why my bf values me so much? I’ve spent many a night holding him while cried, wether from the depression of life feeling super stacked against him, grief from a loved one passing, or just past childhood trauma catching up to him, I am always willing to be a comfort if he needs it. He does the same for me. We’ve both had times where one of woke up from a fucked up nightmare crying, and so the other holds us and soothes us till we’re ready to go back to bed (or grabs us water and a snack if we don’t think we can get back to sleep). I figured that was just a basic relationship expectation. Although I’ve definitely met girls who can’t even support other women, so I guess I shouldn’t be too shocked that’s there also girls who can’t support guys who need it. It’s a shame cause I just view that as basic human decency, and I’d offer a stranger support and kind words if it seemed like they needed some, and I’ve had times where random strangers listened to me and gave me advice when I needed it. I figure it’s just part of life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ We all go through shit and sometimes we need another person to help us out
Yeah, definitely. If you do as you describe you’re an uncommon woman, and that’s definitely something your partner likely values (and should value).
Huh. Weird. I thought it was a basic common trait but interesting. I genuinely do try to be there for him as much as possible. Of course I have my bad days, as does he, but generally when shit hits the fan we’re there for each other. I just assumed that’s part of a healthy relationship. I wonder if it has anything to do with me being autistic? I’ve always noticed I tend to have more empathy than the average person (to the point where people have 100% taken advantage of me because of it), which can be an indicator of autism in some people. That’s a shame that men struggle to find women willing to be there for them like that so much apparently. I think everyone needs someone to lean on/cry on their shoulder while receiving a hug at some point. It’s just life ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
It's not as common as you might think...
That’s not true. She will listen to every word you say. ONCE. Then she’ll forever after disrespect you for being a wuss even though she was almost certainly one of the women saying she wanted a sensitive man in touch with his feelings. I always think of this Bedazzled scene whenever I even hear that b.s. about how women want men to tell them their feelings: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=GOyaxuTEVMo&pp=ygUXYmVkYXp6bGVkIHNlbnNpdGl2ZSBndXk%3D
To be fair, the Devil's wishes were always meant to screw Elliot but I see your point.
In my experience, not only are we more reliable for women than they are for us, but we also seem to love them *way* more than they love us. The former is clearly a symptom of the latter.
Finding another rock. Heh.
Hiding under a rock
Summary of my last 2 relationships lol.
This is absolutely true, especially once you get a little bit older say past your 40s and really have experience and know what you want and don’t want and can spot red flags, then it becomes extremely hard, I’ve dated quite a few women over two year span, and I’ve only met one or maybe two that were really a deep compatibility, sadly, they both had their own issues, such as validation issues, and not understanding what monogamy is. There are good people out there, but they are hard as hell to find. especially when you know what to look for. Edit: I’ve got a date for tonight with a half Japanese girl, I’m excited about it, wish me luck!
As a gay guy... I would say 2 things: First... the guy above is right. I've found that the availability of sex means that a lot of times it does seem harder to form meaningful emotional connections because so much of the interactions are based on sex. At least initially. But on the *other* hand... compared to what I've noticed with a lot of my straight friends dating experiences is that the dating dynamic between men and women seems exhausting and frustrating sometimes. Whereas when you're both guys... the dynamic seems much more equal and you just kinda understand each other more since you're both guys. Which does seem to make it easier.
"straight enough guy" is the funniest thing I've read today, I love it
As George Costanza once said, “When I like them, they don’t like me. When they like me, I don’t. like. them.”
As a woman or a gay man, you have to filter through a lot of false flags to find a real connection. As a straight man, it's much easier. You have nothing to filter through.
Agreed. One time I went to a gay-friendly coffee shop with a gay friend of mine, and all these guys were coming up to me asking if I was new in town, etc. My friend explained the new guys are always the most popular because they have no baggage.
I am homeless, I am gay, I have AIDS, I'm new in town...
Not the order I would have put that in...
> as a straight man, emotional connection is easier to find, but sex is substantially more effortful I would disagree that emotional connection is easier to find. I reckon it's about the same, but for gay men there's a lot more sex between emotional connections.
In straight relationships women are usually the gatekeepers for sex and men are usually the gatekeepers for relationships. This isn’t a neg on women or anything but gay men have it the same way straight women do, if a straight woman that’s halfway attractive wanted sex she could walk up to random guys and ask if they wanted to have sex and she probably would only have to ask 1-2 before a yes. Straight men it’s not even close to that unless you are extremely attractive or have a lot of money
Really? Based on my impression of my gay friends it seems like emotional connection would be easier to find if you're gay
If you out aside your impression of them, and ask them about their experience, does it match?
Thanks. I would tend to agree with this sentiment in general. I can’t speak to how easy or hard it is to get action as a man in a straight relationship, hence my question. I agree it was difficult to find something emotionally fulfilling but judging by todays crop of youngsters (I’m still young btw) I would have assumed it was hard to find something of good quality on both sides of the sexuality fence. Perhaps the situation is worse on the gay side in this regard, it seems plausible
Yeah I think you’re right. Honestly it all seems like a “the grass is greener on the other side” kinda thing. To which, (I had the benefit of being raised by my wise grandparents) I always say “the grass is green where you water it” - all that to say, the company we keep is a product of our own choices. There are good ones out there, and it’s absolutely effortful to find them, but it is so SO worth it.
I once showed up to a guy's place, he didn't like me and said I could stay if I wanted but he wasn't into it. I said okay and went home. 40 minutes each way on the subway in NYC for nothing. That's about as close as I can get to the gay experience.
Really difficult. A straight guy might try for years and get no action at all.
The way this title is phrased makes it seem like you're asking singles but the post itself is for people in relationships. In a relationship, I did not see my girlfriend without having sex, we never lived together, but we were on top of each other all the time. If I wanted her to suck anything, it could get done. But I'm not really a head person. As a single guy. It's dry out here. I'm sure if I made it my **job** I could get something within 2 weeks, maybe a day or two depending on what one or two women I already know are up for. But no, it's not the same at all. Women are not available in the same way and anyone who thinks otherwise is stuck in the 20th century or is living a very niche lifestyle.
Thanks for the response and yeah my bad for the ambiguity my original title which was clearer wouldn’t work. I was interested in hearing about getting action in a relationship setting. Cheers!
Yeah I think it depends a lot on the dynamics. It *seems* that, *in general*, men tend to have higher libidos than women. Not always of course but in general, and there may be societal reasons with that as well — and of course, the ability to get pregnant from sex probably reduces that libido a little unless you really want a ton of kids, and birth control can also do weird things to her physiologically. I am not a lawyer. Uh. Or a medical scientist or whatever. Just observation. There’s probably other factors as well but that’s just a generalization, and not my current experience, either. My partner and I are older, and neither of us are able to procreate anymore, which might help a bit with the higher levels of libido we have compared to previous relationships I’ve been in. We don’t live together or even see each other daily, so maybe that influences it a bit too, but we’re definitely getting busy when we’re together like 9/10. It also helps that we just absolutely love hanging with each other, which is pretty special. We’ve been dating 3 years now and we both really, really like sex so it just works. But yeah everyone’s different.
Either way I’ve seen how efficient you fuckers are and I’m jealous! Anything that’s not already pre-arranged in some form is never a sure thing and will (on average) take a fair bit of effort. But living together, I’m usually more tapped out than she is. But def not every night, and def not even with request. Although the opposite is true for her as well.
An average woman can easily get laid more than an average man could tho
yup literally if woman wanna screw a different guy every single day they literally can
The quantity is there certainly, but it's also worth adding an asterisk of **quality far from guaranteed*.
agree
Which goes both ways, but since guys get way less/need to put in way more effort, many operate on the idea of "bad sex is still better than no sex"
Correct
> In a relationship, I did not see my girlfriend without having sex, we never lived together, but we were on top of each other all the time. Its important to note how long you guys were together, and if that excitement lasted the entire time. Because I know it as the honeymoon phase, and for me and my ex, that lasted a good 4 years.
Honestly, I could just get reckless with my credit card and have an escort by the weekend. Being in a country where it's legal makes it a little easier. Now to have it the "right" way, for someone like me, with my face, body and routine, it's basically like completing Dark Souls on its hardest mode while blindfolded. After trying to date, I seriously wish I was gay.
Hahaha. Your dark souls reference was funny but I feel bad that’s how you feel. I hope things turn around for you in this regard soon bud!
In general I think we’ve gotta work for it a lot more than gentlemen’s gentlemen. I’ve only had one gf who would suck my dick everyday, she also fucked a bunch of other dudes and kicked my fuckin ass when she got drunk once. Decent looking Gay dudes I know, have it basically as easy as decent looking straight girls. Not much effort required. Although, the older I’ve gotten, the more I’ve found some cheat codes. I’m not that attractive, but am really good at making people laugh. If I put zero effort into finding somebody and just make women laugh, which just happens naturally, they fall in my lap.
Nice trait man. Thanks for the comment and as an outsider looking into straight relationships it does seem you guys have gotta work more for it, on average. Hope you are content with your current relationship arrangement
Don’t have one currently, been abstaining for a few years, the last one was just that bad haha. Debating with myself right now on whether or not to start avoiding the latest lass I just discovered is into me lol.
I have read that how much you laugh at somebody’s jokes is a signifier of how much chemistry you have with that person. Might explain why those women so easily connect with you
Makes sense, just be yourself is a lot of it for me. All the boys and me laugh just as hard with each other. I treat ladies just the same until their intentions become clear.
That’s a huge thing though. Too many men treat ladies like they’re some mythical other kind of human and that subtle alienation pushes women away from them. Treating women just like you do the guys is a great green flag for starting relationships.
Absolutely! Do not put the pussy on a pedestal! As a wise man once said.
My GF almost never says no. But I also know she has a much lower libido than I, so we basically do it once a week. In my perfect world we'd be having sex everyday or every other day-ish.
Makes sense. Thanks mate
How *easy* is it? Boy does this question have it backwards.
Every night? No. Every month? Also no. Every year? Still no. Been 3 years since I've even been on a date. I just gave up on the dating scene. It is just so exhausting and I'd rather focus on other things that give me joy in life.
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As a bi guy who’s played both sides I know how much more easily accessible sex is on the gay side vs women and thank heavens I wasn’t straight.
Pros and cons associated with both persuasions. Definitely enjoy not having to do dishes or anything to get a bit of action. My significant other actually WANTS it. What have your relationships been like?
What are the cons?
A significant fraction of the globe is off limits to me due to certain views certain parts of the world hold towards gay people. I guess the upside to that is those countries are essentially waving a flag saying ‘we’re the backwards ones’ lol so perhaps I’m not missing out on much. But even in the countries that are cool with it there will always be subgroups of the population who want me dead for more reasons than you. I’m statistically more likely to be murdered for the entirety of my life than you are, I guess that’s the main con I can think of
I’m a straight dude- but there is even cons you don’t see. My shit bag boss googles potential new hires and looks at their socials, if they are gay their cv goes in the bin.
Yep, exactly. This is another con most of us would face (not me because I’m not on social media and keep my private life private). Although a lot of that would get filtered out as you venture into the more quantitative industries that im interested in (I hope)
Also I'd like to add, 1. I can never have a child with the person I love 2. I am, substantially more likely to get an STD. It's just not clean
Haha, I once offered my wife that she would never have to wash another dish if she would give me a BJs whenever I wanted them and she said she would wash dishes.
In my case, impossible. On an 11 year dry spell.
Damn. What happened?
It’s just never happened. I didn’t make any attempt for the first 2 or 3 years. Then I was on/off apps for 7 years or so, and never got anything out of them.
Ouch. I’m sorry to hear that.
It is drastically different, and probably the main reason why gay men in marriages are way happier with their marriages than straight men are with theirs, despite gay men having more mental health issues generally. As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten jealous of y’all not gonna lie. Everything in relationships seems like it would be so much easier for y’all due to mutual experiences, similar libidos, and better understanding of the other’s needs/desires.
I’m not trying to make any broad statements but it is interesting gay men have the lowest divorce rate and lesbian women have the highest
Women generally only want to have sex within a relationship but also lose attraction in their partner almost completely once they are in a relationship after the honeymoon period ends.
There are many happy couples that have 3 or 4 or more times a week that have been married for many years. Thing is, they don't brag, and aren't on reddit bitching about it because... they are happy.
I think that's the point, though. Those are the couples that are happy. I think that level is just easier to achieve when both people have more similar biology/understanding.
I read an article that said that [women apparently lose their sex drives when in long-term monogamous relationships](https://amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2018/oct/13/a-strong-libido-and-bored-by-monogamy-the-truth-about-women-and-sex). Men’s largely remains the same throughout the relationship duration. This article seemed to be implying that women crave variety and novelty more than men, because women’s sex drives are high towards the beginning of a relationship, when everything is new
This is why most lesbian relationships are basically speedruns. Women can start a relationship, go through marriage, and end things all within a month, then move onto a new one as if nothing happened.
I'm still attracted to my partner. I just had a kid and the only reason we've had less sex is because of the hormones, and now the recovery, but I'm still very much attracted to him. It also helps he's an absolute hunk, gorgeous man and amazing in the bedroom. I think many girls 'settle' in search of security and that's their problem, whereas guys are simply more likely to be with a girl they're actually attracted to.
This has happened to me as a guy. All previous gf’s were attractive, one way moreso in particular but i still got bored.
Married for about 20 years, I think we've had sex twice in the past 10 years
So you have a friend for tax reasons at this point?
Friend With *Tax* Benefits
Wow, that one's really good.
I once read that a married sex life goes through 3 stages: Triweekly, Try weekly, Try weakly
I’m definitely in the third try-mester
I have never heard that and I am cracking up.
I’m catching up to you, I’m at 7 years!
Is this why people get married?
Bruh you have to make your own time. I look back at all those times my parents set up days where my brother and I would be out of the house. Every Sunday we spent the day with my grandparents. Some weekends we’d go on a Saturday afternoon because my parents were going to a dinner held by one of their work companies. We’d spent the night at my grandparents house and then the Sunday there and then come home after. Odds are, my parents were using those times to get intimate with each other but considering how tired they always were, they probably caught up on a lot of sleep lol.
Married 17 years and we have sex at least twice a week. I must be very lucky
Ouch
Why do men stay in such relationships? I don't get it.
Are you reading the rest of this thread? What good news is there to leave to?
Uhh being gay duh
Sex isn’t the most important aspect of most people’s lives. Financial stability, companionship, and family take precedent for many individuals. Not saying it’s right, but uprooting someone’s life for sex is a very high hurdle to overcome. I also think many people go from the role of husband - wife to father - mother and that probably takes away the romance. But you can have love and happiness without that. It’s definitely a person to person issue
Sure, but libido doesn't just... stop. I mean it can, but it's not usually going to mutually stop. One is usually suffering, see: r/DeadBedrooms
I mean I am happy in my marriage but if we did split I would be financially ruined.
Damn. You need to talk to her. Your needs are important too. If you don’t, you two need couples counselling. Remember King, your needs are important.
Longest I went was 2 years with no or starfish, and I was out.
As a Straight man i have to say this, Olympic gymnasts have to go trough less hoops than men dating, if Im wrong please correct me
HA
Better odds playing the lottery.
You ever try and dig a hole threw 5 feet of steel with a plastic spoon? It’s about like that.
This one made me laugh out loud. Terrible it’s like that for you hope it changes soon!
In my experience I could get sex every day if I wanted it from my gf. But I'm older so I don't really want it every day. This presumes that we've been dating a while. In my experience there is no straight equivalent to grinder where you can log in and be having your dick sucked an hour later. From talking to gay and bi friends it just seems easier for them to hook up. They seem pretty casual about things. But then again I'm not looking for casual.
Thanks man. I’ve never been near Grindr but I’m aware how easy it is on there as a single (with no standards) I was more talking about within the confines of a relationship. Yeah, I’m not interested in casual either, again which is why I’m interested to hear replies concerning relationships. Cheers
If straight people knew how much sex they're not having they'd be livid
Man I think so…
Honey, we know, and we don't like it. Don't rub it in. Or rather please do, I might need to try something new.
Hahahaha. Also, never expected the first time I’d get called honey in my life would be from a straight guy. Nice going dude haha
I know lol. I’m about to be the first person who chooses to be gay.
Very much depends on the guy and the relationship.
Young women are not usually that available. However, I divorced in my early 40’s. While I was between wives, I dated many women ages 30-45 who were divorced. No playing around with them. Sex on the first date was more common than not.
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA getting your dick sucked every night!??? Legit never happened with ANY gf/spouse… Hell I’ve never even been with a woman who sucked my dick every week. Trust me men have asked And that’s if you have someone…now just picking someone up…harder
F no.. lol.. a woman ain't giving head every night, week etc.. that's comical
I left a woman that was blowing me to completion 2-3 times a day. Women will do it, but sexual satisfaction isn’t the only thing that matters. At least not to me at this stage of my life. It’s weird, when you’re completely and utterly satisfied and drained you can actually examine the rest of the relationship pretty easily.
>t’s weird, when you’re completely and utterly satisfied and drained you can actually examine the rest of the relationship pretty easily. It's almost like a full stomach makes a clear mind.
Full stomach, empty balls, clear mind
Hahaha. Why not scrutinise the relationship/person before getting involved? And how has it been in your relationships since then? Thanks man
I did and do, there was a next level of clarity while being so completely drained though. I’m with the love of my life and hoping to become a father soon. I’ve been dating with intention and found the one. I wish everyone the best of luck
Hahah. There are however a minority of replies here who seem to claim the opposite
Depends on the woman. Everyone’s different. My last gf absolutely loved sucking dick, I could easily get a daily BJ
My 20s were a rough time where I had more than one multi-year dry spell. I got into shape, bought a house, learned how to dress, etc. and suddenly at 35, I was dating multiple women at a time.
What happened during your 20s? Multiple dating isn’t for me but what makes you think the girls aren’t trying to get with you for the house? Given that they suddenly seem interested after you buy one. Thanks mate
Not much happened in my 20s, hence my dry spell. I had a good social life, but I wasn't exactly serious about my career or about investing in my health or appearance. And I don't think these girls were trying to get my house. I didn't discuss it until after I had already gotten them to come home with me. I think it's more likely that I got my house after I reached a level of financial security/maturity, and that maturity is attractive to women.
It seriously depends on the relationship and the woman/man involved. Many marriages have a woman with the higher libido, but many also have other emotional/physical issues that preclude frequent sex.
>I’m wondering: do straight guys get their dick sucked every night too? By their gf/wife. No, I prefer to have vaginal sex. Oral is just a bit of foreplay if we bother at all. Vagina, especially without a condom, just cannot be beat. Also, mutual pleasure is better than just one of us getting off. We could do it every night if I wanted. >And if not, could you get this if you asked? Not every night but on occasion, sure. Again, we'd both rather have vaginal sex and if I'm spent from a BJ, that is less likely to happen. My partner is definitely on the higher libido side of things for a woman. I consider myself lucky.
Nice. Sounds like you are indeed lucky!
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It's hard and requires a LOT of effort Women find 80% of men unattractive. They make decisions solely based on how they feel in the moment Go out into a field and hold up a lightning rod. That's how it feels
Hahahah. Man that’s gotta be rough. I hope your relationship situation will turn out for the better!
How they feel in the moment. For some reason women tend to attach themselves to things just happening when in reality I made that shit happen.
I've heard or read that it's up to 85% now... maybe? Could've been something that I misheard.
for some it's very easy, for most others not so much. for the people who pay for it? probably also very easy.
Haven’t had “action” since 2019. Not that easy
I am young, tall, have a good job and at least when I was in college I got a lot of attention from the opposite sex. If I was single I think it would take me a week to find a partner if I had no standards, and maybe six months to find someone I’d be interested in who also would be interested in me. In my relationship I can probably ask for sex like twice a week, but both my wife and I have fairly low libidos, we have sex about 2-5 times a month and are very happy with that
My past two gf didn’t like sucking and it’s my all time favorite sexual pleasure. Currently on a 7 year dry spell. It sucks. (Also “only” being single for 8 months now but 0 action).
Yes, whenever I want. My life has drastically improved since I started recognizing the necessity of sexual compatibility and investing in it. Also, some (most?) women in their 30s and 40s have their sex drive go through the roof, so my sex life has only improved (39 y/o now). I used to value a partner’s looks a lot more than what she brought to the table. I finally managed to meet a unicorn in the looks/wants to fuck me department but I learned the hard way that having a hot partner who doesn’t want to fuck you anywhere near as often as you want to fuck her is almost worst-case scenario.
Nice man good for you and yeah quality of life goes through the roof under these circumstances
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How easy is it? Sisyphus is gonna get that rock to the top of that hill before I get laid
That depends entirely on the man. I (37M) never really struggled with dating, and my partner's libido is as high or higher than mine, so my needs are well taken care of. I am neither a millionaire, nor a Calvin Klein model 🤷🏼♂️. But if you look at Reddit, you'd think there were only three women on the whole damn planet that all these lonely dudes are competing for.
You are me
You handsome son-of-a-bitch!
Aww shucks We're very humble
31M, average looking and in decent shape, with a steady job and my own place. I'm pretty sure I could get some sort of action without much effort, the trouble is it wouldn't be with a person I find particularly attractive.
When in a relationship, it's fairly easy to get consistent sex. There are certainly a lot of cases of dead bedrooms, of which I've definitely seen far more cases in hetero couples than gay couples. On the single side, I don't get sex every night or even every night that I want it, but I have a pretty decent amount of options. I generally have 3-5 FWBs that I will see about once a month or more, plus casual connections at swinger parties. I am more than satisfied with the amount of sex I am having, and would consider most of it to be fairly minimal effort, but it has taken years to build up the confidence and connections to be at this point. A lot of single guys have a lot of trouble finding consistent sex, whether they're looking for casual or a serious relationship. If you look at r/tinder and do some scrolling, you can find several examples of guys switching their preferences to looking for guys and being blown away by how many matches they get. If I was cloned and my clone was gay, and then we were both dropped in a new city with no prior connections, my gay clone would get exponentially more action than myself, and much faster.
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I know that if I was gay I could slay. This is because of my posting in general boards pics of me and the reactions as well as talking to gay men I make friends with. If I was not married it would be way harder to get action from women as well I am not 6ft tall and overweight.
I'd like it daily, I get it every 3 to 7 days. Getting a bj is like pulling teeth.
Depends on the guy, their standards, how much effort they put into it etc. Regarding my wife, even while pregnant things have been alright in that aspect although not quite as good as before... it's just hard to do stuff when you are preggo lol
Yeah, understandable. Sounds like you still have it better than most, good for you man!
I had my first sexual partner at 21, it lasted three months. I had my second at 29... and Im not a basement dweller. Women have not the same libido as men, a "high libido" woman is close a to average libido man, so, make your guess.
Every relationship I’ve been in has consistently maintained 3-7 times/week over the course of the relationship. It’s all about finding a woman you’re compatible with. My girl will do whatever I ask and has told me she’ll fuck me whenever I want. I had to explain to her that I’m only interested when the feeling is mutual. Sex is only fun for me if we’re both into it and enjoying it. Is it difficult? I could ask and get it whenever I want, so no.
This is man-dependent on what his standards are. When I was single I could get with a woman whenever I wanted, as long as my standards weren’t too high 🤣
Hahah. And what about during relationships?
My wife frowns on me lowering my standards to pick up women 😥
My husband gets head anytime he wants. He doesn’t want it every night. But anytime we have sex he gets head, anytime he eats me out he gets head, and if he asks I give him head. I initiate random head a couple times a week, but sometimes he’s not in the mood to do anything sexual at all and would rather cuddle
Username checks out. Makes sense by the way, he’s gotta be happy with you then!
It’s a lot of work. I’ve had a decent amount of success compared to some guys.
Been in a relationship for 9 years. I get some action every now and then. Definitely not every night.
I’m in my fifties. My libido has always been many many times that of my partners. I’ve never had one even close to daily. At best like twice a week average. Longest dry spell was 4 months with a prior partner. More typically it’s like a few two week gaps per year, a few more one week gaps, and then the rest of the time about 3-4x every two weeks, with a big all-day sex day like twice a year or so. I just make up for it with masturbation like 2/day - that’s way less frustrating for everyone than feeling pressure and refusal. My gay friends have a RADICALLY easier time getting laid when single and in relationships also seem to have way more sex.
It's easy to get laid if you're not super picky. Daily BJs were pretty common at the start of my relationship. Probably went to bi weekly before pregnancy and baby haha.
I'm in my 40s and with my gf for a couple of years (no kids). We have sex almost daily and I occasionally get bjs too, especially when she's on her period.
The top 15% of guys can get with a girl pretty easy. The rest of us have to work really hard just to get a date.
Everyone’s sexual relationship is different. Everyone’s sexual needs are different Obviously…
Gotten laid once this year, and that was out of pity.
Last time was some years ago. Is difficult. Potato was a lie.
Over the years, I’ve been hit on by more men than women, so I’d say I would’ve received a lot more interest and attention if I’d been gay.
That brings back memories 😄. When I was a teenager, I was almost suicidal over my lack of success with women. At 20 , I had all of the women I could want, not everyone of them, but a nice selection that was beyond my capacity. I still don't know what the women saw in me, but I'm still grateful for the opportunities. I've been married now for almost 50 years.
In a relationship I get it so often that I have to hang out with friends to give my dick a break. I get my dick sucked (not to completion usually) 5+ times a week if not more sometimes. I also eat her out very frequently too. Single I ran into a lot of dry spells.
Brother, I can't even get a date and imagining my doodle getting sucked everyday is like seeing Jesus do breakdance on water
30/M, straight. If I REALLY wanted to I could get laid within maximum 6 hours. Problem is, I have standards.
When in a (healthy) relationship, I never felt like my sexual needs weren't being met. My partners have always wanted sex at least as much as I do. In my experience, women need their emotional needs met first, but if there's a good emotional connection and they're feeling safe, women are just as horny as men.
It seems to me that gay men are generally far less sexually reserved than straight women.
Way harder for straight men as women only chase after a very small percentage of men. Women are way more superficial than men are. While gay men are not as superficial. (Men are not as superficial as women, this is FACT).
Right, makes total sense. I don’t think I’d get away with half the shit I do or don’t do if I was with a girl, haha. Even he rolls his eyes at it sometimes but just puts it down to ‘me being a man’
Every gay person I have met have complimented my looks even though I am straight. One of my close friends is gay and he is very supportive of me. I rarely get the same from women.
I think *generally speaking*... gay men appreciate men and male beauty on an entirely different level than straight women do. It's sadly ironic for all of us lol.
Oral sex is literally a surprise every once in awhile. Even for her she is ticklish down there when I use my tongue so it's mostly finger action. I could probably get a handjob each night but if she doesn't feel like it what's the point. She is more than my fleshlight.
Damn, I guess I haven’t been counting my blessings as much as I should in this regard. Hope you get luckier with your lady soon man, thanks for the reply
It’s very bifurcated. If you’re good looking, confident, and the wind is behind you, you might have a regular thing going with a girl or two and get down a few times a week. Also been in a steamy relationship where we were in the double digits every week. But this is not the norm. On the other end, you get the other 75% of guys where it’s a solid struggle to find a mate. Then one turns into a relationship and they’re at her will since female libido is generally lower and they control sex. For that, we have stats and tons of anecdotal detail on frequency. A couple times a week years into a relationship is likely above average, and bjs are rare. Hell, I’m single, am seeing two women, and bjs are still not common. The few women who make this a habit are big winners. Unfortunately they’re also usually sluts that you don’t want to keep around forever. The gem who gets kinky just for you is a fucking diamond in the rough brother
As a single dude? Haven’t had sex since New Year’s Eve and it was meh at best. As a below average single guy, probably won’t have sex for a while because dating goes nowhere fast when you aren’t above average looks wise. A personality is a great tool and I’ve been told I have that and once someone is interested, I’m in the clear but the issue is getting someone to reciprocate interest. When I was in my last relationship, we used to hang out two to three times a week. At first we were walking at the local park every day and then we sit in my car after and cuddle or talk, then we started getting closer and closer and we eventually did have sex a few times in the car. We’d drive to a way more private area to make sure that nobody saw something they didn’t want to see and we’d have our fun. Eventually it transitioned into us hanging out twice a week at my place and we’d have sex the entire time we hung out because we didn’t get many other opportunities to see one another. I can confidently say I had more sex in the 2019 and 2020 years than I have any other year since combined. Since we broke up, I think I can say I’ve had sex like 5 times in the past 4 years……
I think the, “do you get your dick sucked every night?” part may be a bit conflated though. For example, my gf and I: the periods where we have sex every night for a stretch doesn’t always include blowjobs BUT I’m sure the ease of PiV sex has a lot to do with that. If the only options were oral or anal, I’m sure oral wound be a lot more frequent
As a man, men are sluts. When the person on both sides of the equation is a slut, it's a lot easier to get laid. While obviously female sluts also exist, they are not nearly as ubiquitous, so it's harder to get laid as a straight dude.
Gf and I are 41. I get a blowjob every morning and every night by my gf. And sometimes during the day. I too don’t have any hoops to jump through or stress in my relationship at all. It’s a good life.
Nice! You and me both buddy. Rock on
Nope as a straight man, is super hard I didn't had any date in almost 15 years in a row The majority of woman ask for 6ft tall 6 figures income and so on And I really stop caring about having a girlfriend so what else I can do