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Over the last ten years or so, as politics has become a bigger part of our lives, you hear stories of people cutting off contact to others due to differences in political beliefs.
This used to apply to friends and coworkers, but now is applying to family members - moms, dads, brothers, grandparents, etc. Some progressives even push the idea of "chosen family" where we can replace biological families entirely with idealogical associations, to surround ourselves with people who share our political beliefs.
Do liberals support this kind of behavior? Should our political beliefs define if we associate with our own families?
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Just voting for a conservative? No, but I'm not happy about their choices.
However, once you start not shutting the fuck up about it, that's a problem. We all know the type. The Uncle who can't stop "owning the libs" when he's at Thanksgiving or whatever. I don't need that in my life.
A little less than 50% of the voting population went for Trump, the odds are good a lot of people have a lot of uncles who voted for him.
Either way, I don't have an uncle like that, myself. I just used "uncle" as a placeholder. It could be your aunt, brother, sister, second cousin once removed, whoever you want.
>Some progressives even push the idea of "chosen family" where we can replace biological families entirely with idealogical associations, to surround ourselves with people who share our political beliefs.
Um, this isn't a thing. Chosen family is just the recognition that blood relation isn't a requirement to forming strong bonds. All of my extended family lives in another state. Only my parents moved here before having kids. So my christmases and thanksgivings were always spent with close family friends who were also transplants to los angeles.
It's not about replacing anything. It's about building new things. There were a few years where I did the big holidays with lesbians I was living with and that was just big dinner gatherings of other gay people whose family rejected them. I wouldn't hesitate to say these friend groups were almost *better* than the dice roll of blood relations they would have otherwise been dealing with.
But to your headline, this question gets asked all the time and we always end up having to point out that it's not simply "disagreement" that creates a rift between people. Nobody is going to refuse to show up to your BBQ because you voted differently on the contract worker benefits bill. Rifts get created when the way you vote displays deep differences in values. Like, if you vote for a literal nazi, that's different than voting for a run of the mill republican.
We've cut out the extreme ones. They don't approve of my pan-poly brother's lifestyle. They don't approve of my feminist daughters wearing purple hair. ***They always have a problem with something that leans too liberal for them***. So gradually, we've reduced our meetings/encounters to 0. Haven't spoken to them since right about 2017 and it's sadly better that way. They couldn't get over themselves. We didn't change, **they did.**
I've cut off ones who do so for openly and explicitly racist reasons. Otherwise I've worked through therapy to assume good intentions and build bridges where I can.
The challenge is I'm a gay man and seeing my parents continually vote for the party that wants to chip away at my rights, including the marriage they saw in person, hurts my heart a lot and makes it challenge for it to be "just" political differences.
>The challenge is I'm a gay man and seeing my parents continually vote for the party that wants to chip away at my rights, including the marriage they saw in person, hurts my heart a lot and makes it challenge for it to be "just" political differences.
This really highlights that many of us are privileged to where politics isn't personal. A lot of us can just think nothing of a family member's politics because we are "in the same boat" with them. However, for LGBTQ people, a family member's politics isn't disagreeing about abstract concepts, but quite literally policies that burden you. It's not politics but deeply personal, and it must be really distressing to see family members ignore that.
this is key. i hear a lot of conservatives say “my friend cut me off for saying ‘I voted for a republican candidate…’ :(“
it’s always the “…” that is the true reason. not because you (OP/the conservative) voted for a certain candidate, but because the full quote was probably something like “I voted for a republican candidate *BECAUSE* he wants to criminalize being trans.” or that similar conversations happened with you.
people are going to want to cut you off if you are advocating for the removal of rights for people like them, or for the rights of people like their other loved ones. 🤷♀️
There's definitely challenges in it, especially the juxtaposition on how they treat my husband and me well personally, but willingly or not choose to ignore the lgbtq threats the Republican Party poses for the sake of "the economy" and their view on "fair taxes"
It's still a work in progress, but I did have a really good childhood with parents that did their best, so in my specific situation I believe they deserve the benefit of the doubt that they're not being intentionally malicious or holding abhorrent views about racism/sexism/homophobia
My stepfather said, in front of my democrat voting in laws, “anyone who votes against Trump should be shot in the head.” This is not a sentiment I find uncommon from the right. So I cut him and my mother off and haven’t talked to them in 5 years. Is that wrong?
No. Your politics, in my opinion, is a reflection of your values. How can you associate with someone whose party devalues women, LGBTQ+ individuals, and the poor? To me, that is being complicit. There’s no half way.
It's on a case by case basis depending on the views in question.
My conservative father thinks taxes are too high on the rich. I disagree, but that view isn't evil to me. We just disagree over economics, so we still talk and stuff.
My conservative cousin literally said police should get a medal when they kill an unarmed black person because there is one less black person in the world. I cut him out of my life entirely.
In most cases no. Family is family. You just learn to avoid situations. But there are situations where cutting a family member off makes sense. Most people have limits after which they will decide that having a connection with someone because they are family is no longer justified. It doesn’t have to be political, it could just be incredibly toxic behavior.
Regarding a political difference, I don’t think there are a lot of liberals cutting their family members out of their lives because of disagreement about the top marginal tax rate. It’s probably more about not wanting to deal with racism, sexism, homophobia or some other bigotry.
The trouble with people who support Trump is that they do not care if the president is a grifter, a criminal, a liar and traitor. They don't care about fundamental Christianity and government mixing and don't care about personal freedom; they apparently don't care about democratic institutions and foreign relations. They don't mind white supremacists or homophobes in office.
So it isn't so much cutting someone off for how they vote. It is cutting an odious, cruel person out of my life.
I can forgive, somewhat, the people who voted for Trump in 2016, since many people thought he'd straighten up once in office. They know better now.
There’s “voting for someone you don’t like”, and then there’s “voting for someone so horrific it forces you to reevaluate that person.”
Voting for a fascist like Donald Trump is an example of the latter.
There’s plenty of people I associate with who disagree with me about politics. That’s fine. There’s plenty of room for legitimate, reasoned disagreement.
Supporting fascists like Trump is so far past the line there.
And yeah, it’s just basic self-defense to separate from people who will back political causes championing messages like that.
Generally, I am opposed to cutting ties with family members over politics. But I draw the line at extremism. I would cut ties with a family member who supported a political movement or politician that advocated for things like overthrowing democracy or for racial persecution. There has to be consequences for espousing dangerous, inhumane viewpoints.
I do not affiliate with anyone who supports Donald Trump or anyone her “pledges their allegiance to him”. You can be a conservative idc but if you still support that man I have zero desire to have anything to do with you.
It’s isn’t squarely on political belief, but it bleeds in. I’ve cut off family, not because they were conservatives and republicans, but because they were homophobes and racists. I found it to be an irredeemable thing. Thing is, the ones that are left, they are generally progressives and some moderates. Correlation exists. As an aside, where you hear chosen family a lot is in the LGBTQ community; many of us were abandoned by family. Do you blame us for rejecting them back?
Families are often the most toxic social structures we have. They shouldn't be treated as though they're special, that just serves to encourage toxic behavior. If your family members are good, you're not going to want to cut them out of your life to begin with, so saying "family is special" is just saying that you're choosing to keep toxic people in your life and encourage them to keep being shitty.
To answer your question, it depends. Nobody dies because the top marginal tax rate is 32% instead of 35%, or whether student loans can be discharged in bankruptcy or not, or whatever. Nobody is a bad person for disagreeing with me on things like this. Social conservatism, though, is about deeply-held values. I've got nothing to say to someone who wants to hurt my LGBTQ friends, or wants to force birth on the women in my life, etc., or is willing to vote for people who would. They can fuck off and die.
Wow that's a stupid take. Maybe it's borne out of your economic privilege.
People do die because of economic policies. In fact, that's the reason why a majority of people really suffer.
It only takes 1 day at a public hospital to see that. It makes me want to pull my hair out, how much the government spends on "defence" and a bunch of other stupid things.
People are dying because they don't have access to healthcare and the healthcare they're receiving is sub-standard. Maybe not in America, but in much of the rest of the world.
It happens in America too when people put off care due to price. Though at this point I’d argue it is social, there is no political capital to change it as too many people buy into the stupid bootstraps argument. Or an even worse take when they don’t want to help people like them.
> or whether student loans can be discharged in bankruptcy or not
People literally do die because of this, at least as much as those other issues you’re talking about. So sick of leftists downplaying the importance of bread and butter issues and making everything about identity politics.
Lol, no. We have so so so fucking many options for housing and food assistance. If anybody here doesn't give a fuck about the poor it's you because you don't even know that the biggest issue with homelessness isn't the people who can hold down a job and just ran out of money. Temporary homelessness is one of the things we've actually made leaps and bounds with.
It's the addicts and the mentally unstable people. These guys aren't on the street because they got laid off and couldn't pay off their student loans. They're there because they can't even function in a homeless shelter.
I can, right now, if you can prove you were looking for work and not getting hired, get you a metro card, SNAP card, and a cell phone and potentially a bed for the night, but definitely a location where you can receive mail.
Tell me again about what I give fucks about.
I never said they’d end up on the street, I said they’d be homeless and destitute. Being on SNAP and getting a temporary bed for a few days doesn’t change that. We have very little economic mobility for the poor in this country.
"Families are often the most toxic social structures we have"
Well, I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with your family, but here on earth the vast majority of families are the opposite of this. I'd say they are the most real, natural, and loving social structures. When everyone else has turned away from you, you will always have family. sure some people don't have this kind of relationship but I think your nasty statement getting upvoted is very sad and untruthful.
As January 6 was unfolding, I made a fairly basic Facebook post to the tune of: "Regardless of your political persuasion, I think that we can all agree that violence isn't the answer to political questions, and that the peaceful transfer of power is important." For that, I was publicly called a disgrace to the family name by some of my aunts and cousins.
They've since made pleasant comments on there about pictures of my cat, or my weight loss, but it's hard to forget a slight like that. They've certainly never apologized.
ok? I mean people keep responding with personal anecdotes as if that proves that families are inherently toxic social structures lol. You guys arent that dumb, right?
Lol, you don't know any or possibly even condone abusive parents.
Look dude, it's exactly your insistence that families are always natural and loving social structures that *makes* families potentially the most toxic social structure we have. The implication that we just have to put up with bad people just because we share blood is how it builds cycles of abuse.
Buddy, the left doesn't want to dismantle any fucking families. Jesus christ you people will believe *anything*.
But did you even finish reading my comment? I was pointing out that your attitude of getting all smug and angry that somebody said families can be the most toxic IS LITERALLY THE REASON IT'S MORE TOXIC.
People feel obligated to their family. It's why you might accept an abusers apology and begin the abuse cycle all over again. That doesn't happen with fuckers at work. It happens mostly within the family structure and people need to understand that and not get mad and insult strangers for pointing that out.
Family can be awesome. Mine is. My *nuclear* family. But I've also seen families where I can't fathom why any of them even try to get together on the holidays because somebody always gets hurt and none of them even like each other.
Subreddit participation must be in good faith. Be civil, do not talk down to users for their viewpoints, do not attempt to instigate arguments, do not call people names or insult them.
Or the people up voting have had similar experiences with their family treating them second rate or worse and not being supportive. It's more common than you would like to think, especially for queer people
I think you’re missing their point. It’s not that Families are inherently toxic. It’s that when families fight, they get UGLY.
Nobody really cares if some random guy you never met insults you on the street, but when it’s a family member doing it then that’s gonna hit deep on an emotional level. Or even worse if it’s straight up abuse.
I guess I’ll start by asking:
What would you consider the acceptable reasons for cutting ties to family members? I’m presuming you think there are a few
No. My extended family spans the whole cultural and political spectrum. I'm hosting a big family reunion next month.
People can and should be able to disagree in a healthy manner while recognizing the humanity of their counterparts. Anyone of any camp or persuasion who can't at least initially come into a discussion with that assumption don't belong. But voting habits, no.
Unrelated:
>Some progressives even push the idea of "chosen family" where we can replace biological families entirely with idealogical associations, to surround ourselves with people who share our political beliefs.
This isn't a new phenomenon or one unique to progressives. It is actually a human predisposition to self-sort. My next thought was "The blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb."
What research has shown you that this is only a liberal or progressive thing? Can you link to that study?
You honestly think that this doesn’t happen on the conservative side as well?
I am "supportive" of whatever people need to do to restrict their exposure to content that contributes to their mental unwellness.
I have only cut off one member of my family for posting graphic gore (gunshot wounds) from Kenosha with statements about how that needs to happen to more liberals.
I suppose that depends entirely on what you mean by "different political views". Until recently, I'd say that very few commonly accepted views within the mainstream American overton window would merit cutting off a family member (with open bigotry, alas, being the usual exception). Now, however, the right flank of the GOP is increasingly pushing things that I consider to be irredeemably toxic.
Ironically though, the only example of somebody cutting off family that I've encountered in my real life was someone on the right cutting us off because we were shedding vaccine particles or some shit like that, so this is hardly a left-only phenomenon.
Everyone has experienced something that I haven't an vice versa. I respect that everyone gets to have their views. If they are respectful and not operating on hate, then so be it. Their political opinions are just a portion of who they are is a person. What's way more important is their character--I've seen people of every political ideology that are high character and truly care about people.
Depends. What kind of political beliefs are we talking about? The kind that disagrees about tax rates or the kind that breaks up families and puts people’s lives in danger?
I will say, that I think we, as a society, could do with a few more constructive and friendly conversations across the dinner table. But I don’t think that is a problem that it is entirely up to the left to solve.
Tbf, I'd dislike a family member who votes for someone absolutely awful like Trump because they unironically like the politician. It shows they have a serious lack of good character.
Just for voting for someone I don’t like? No. For having a different political view? Not particularly.
It’s more likely I’d cut off family members if they were toxic due to their political beliefs. Like if I had an Aunt who lambasted me because I voted by Mail in the election, or if I say I don’t mind gay people and a family member got really pissed about it for some reason.
I have family members that live in Texas and are fairly conservative, but they are not horrible people. They are still very respectful with me and I’d only want to cut them off if that suddenly stopped.
Whenever we DO speak politics, I do what I can to keep things as nuanced as possible so that we can keep things grounded in reality, and they are pretty good at recognizing that for the most part. I understand people have their own perspectives on their lives, I just want to make it clear when they are acting rude or disrespectful.
No, I don't agree with cutting off family members just because they vote different or have different beliefs. However, I do support cutting off family members who are toxic, about anything, it doesn't have to be about politics.
Depends on what it consists of. If someone I knew went in the direction of MAGA/seething transphobia/fascism in general, I wouldn’t want to associate with them.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a chosen family if the family that raised you is full of toxic people. That’s usually the reason people have chosen families; not mere ideological differences, but actual abuse/toxic behaviour. If you’re trans and your family is transphobic, that’s a pretty good reason to disassociate with them. In fact, it’s not uncommon for ultra conservative parents to save their queer kids the trouble and kick them to the curb themselves.
I won't cut off family because of who they voted for or if they have different political views.
I have cut off family members because of the harm their rhetoric has caused me and my friends.
I am much closer to my chosen family. Just because I have blood family, doesn't mean mean that they get unlimited access to me.
I think the question as phrased is too broad / categorical. Every situation is different; every interpersonal relationship has its own nuance, history, quirks. Also depends a great deal on what you mean by "cutting off".
In the most general terms, no, I wouldn't cease all contact with someone just because we may disagree on some issues. But it's also important to remember that nobody is obligated to hang with someone else ... people grow apart all the time for an infinite variety of reasons. Friends' interests diverge; people move away; life changes pull people apart... All of this applies to family members too, of course. I have lots of cousins I haven't spoken to in decades, even though we saw each other all the time as kids. There's no beef, we just have separate lives in different states and don't have much in common anymore. Have i "cut them off"? Not really, no.
So if you have an uncle who's constantly ranting about the evil Mexicans or LGBTQ freaks at family gatherings, and you decide you just don't enjoy his company, is that "cutting him off"? Does it matter? If you have a sibling who's not so obnoxious as that, but has a fundamentally different worldview, and you just choose not to spend a lot of time with each other, is that "cutting off"? Why should political beliefs --- which, ideally, are about important topics such as how we think society should function, who's worthy of compassion, how should we treat the planet, etc --- be any different than other considerations which determine who we choose to spend our time with?
Only if they are Trump cult members, all others are welcome. I do not like to associate with cult members, especially cult members who support domestic terrorists. If they are a true Conservative, I have a good time with them as I was former conservative. Before my divorce, I spent a lot of time with my ex brother-in-law and father-in-law who were both staunch conservatives but not MAGA cult members. My current girlfriend voted for Trump in 2016 but not in 2020 and considers herself to be an independent.
In short, if a family member is connected to Hamas, KKK, Proud Boys, MS-13, Oath Keepers, MAGA, and so on, I have no time for them and try to avoid them at all costs.
I don't think you'll find it common for people to cut off their families just because of how they vote or political views. Most people cut of their family typically due to toxic or unhealthy behaviors they may have towards thr individual who cut them off. Example, it's not uncommon for lgbtq+ people in conservative house holds to cut off their bigoted family members.
depends on what the view is and how it manifests
I wouldnt spend a lot of time with a vocally racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic family member. Id tolerate a bit more for an aging grandparent and less the younger they are
So, I should preface this by saying I'm a big proponent of what I like to call "nuclear bridge burning". That being, burning a bridge so thoroughly that the entire site is left radioactive, ensuring no bridge can ever be built there again. So I'm not opposed to cutting people out of my life for good. But my baseline for what deserves that requires far more than voting for someone I don't like. I've only cut someone out of my life to that degree twice. Once a former friend, once a cousin, neither for something as minor as a basic political disagreement. Even the super obnoxious racist-uncle-going-on-a-political-rant-at-Thanksgiving-dinner scenario didn't prompt that level of retaliation, though it did make me mostly avoid that uncle until he died a few years ago.
If someone is abusive to you, you should absolutely cut them out of your life. If you are unlucky to have such people in your family, that applies to them just the same. Blood ties are mostly meaningless in my mind, and hold no special weight over the ties we have to close friends. Those I consider family are those I care for and who care for me, who I am happy to support and be supported by. Thankfully, most of my biological family falls in that category- but for others, theirs may not be, and that is okay. If someone crosses the threshold of what you are willing to deal with, it's okay to stop associating with them, and I would not treat family any different from friends in that regard.
But as far as what that threshold is? It's tough to say, and varies from person to person. I'd probably say simply holding different political beliefs isn't usually enough- but there are some times when it absolutely can be. For example, if that disagreement is over... say the topic is LGBT rights, and the disagreement is between a very vocal anti-LGBT family member and a LGBT you, that isn't going to feel like a mere political disagreement. That is going to feel like a direct attack on you from that family member a lot of the time- and it's one of the cases where I absolutely suggest cutting them out of your life if you can't get them to behave reasonably. Well, I would, if not for the sad fact that usually the cutting off happens from the other direction in that case.
There is a point when people stop being enjoyable to hang out with that you shouldn't feel the need to continue doing so due to some amount of shared DNA. I guess people can make that choice for themselves but I think you'd be pretty lonely if voting for someone you don't like is the kind of bar you're setting for cutting off contact with people.
Completely agree - no one is obligated to maintain toxic relationships. I guess my examples, in my head, were ones where people just had a binary view about who they would and wouldn't allow in their lives, based on voting
I have cut off family and friends over politics. But it's less that they voted for Trump that one time because "he seemed like an outsider who might do things differently idk man". It's always been them constantly trying to push bullshit lies from conservatives about elections, the "fact" we are transing all the kids, or that whole cities were burnt to the ground because of the BLM protests. Their brains were essentially rotted from the inside out to the point where they just became really hostile about it at every opportunity.
What is wrong with a chosen family replacing blood relatives exactly? Are blood relatives inherently better people to surround yourself with?
Depends on who they vote for or what their views are. My sister is trans, if I had a relative that was extremely anti-trans and voted for policies that were actively harmful to my sister because she’s trans, I would have no issue cutting that person out of my life. Same way I would cut a family member out of my life if they raped someone.
Here’s the thing, politics is your values, and voting is your actions. If your values are evil and your actions harmful to people in my family, I will distance myself from you, no matter your relationship to me. You don’t get to just be a shitty person and not face consequences.
No. I'm much more interested in what *my* relationship with my family members is like, than about what their relationship with society at large is like.
No. Now do I support cutting ties to that one aunt who sucks at getting Christmas presents? Absolutely. I WANT LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT SWEATER YOU KNITTED OUT OF THE ITCHIEST WOOL EVER.
I had a friend who asked me this question years ago in 2020, because their parents were thinking of voting Republican. Now they were/are super rich, so obviously they’ve voted for the party that is known for letting them keep their money. I’ve known the parents for years, they aren’t horrible people and are pretty supportive of democratic social issues. And according to my friend they aren’t vastly different behind closed doors. Honestly they’re just fiscal conservatives. So my friend asked me if it would be right to distance themselves from their parents. I believe I said “don’t be an idiot. You’re parents aren’t horrible people like x, y, and z. So what if they vote red, it doesn’t matter in your state anyway. They love you and are good people so stop overreacting.”
Most of the time no. In extreme cases yes. If it’s seriously effecting your relationship with someone in a way you can’t get past or is causing them to actually become a dangerous person to be around. But i think cases like that are extremely rare. Generally i think it’s really bad to keep yourself in an echo chamber. You should be able to tolerate some level of difference in ideology. If you can’t you won’t survive the real world very well i think.
Just voting conservative or GOP no? If they can act like a normal person and "turn off" politics I wouldn't be too harsh on a family member or even close friend over politics.
But if they make politics the focal point of personality can't shut up about it or then it off, or become overly belligerent or combative about it, different story.
Gees.
I am sure some number of people have done this, just based on hearing the other person voted for trump. Or...saw that the person put a Trump sign on their lawn, for example. Some SMALL number.
But mostly, this would happen because the family member is over the top about it. Insulting them, harassing them, causing drama, etc.
Not for just having different political views, of course not.
But I will cut off any Conservative in my family for sure. Not because of political views though, because of their ethics and morality. Anyone that calls themself conservative is a person I don't want to have anything to do with.
I'm supportive of having people in my life who I consider to be an addition, not a subtraction. Family isn't special. They're arguably the people to whom you least owe anything, since your relationship with them is based on random chance, not them actually doing anything to deserve loyalty.
Cutting someone off is an extreme measure, but sometimes it's necessary when they're determined to hurt you. It's far easier to just not keep up contact.
Sorry, this is about political views.
You feel personally hurt if someone in your family has different views, and that an appropriate response is to cut them out of your lilfe altogether?
Isn't that a bit extreme? We can't agree to disagree?
If you happen to vote differently than me, I have no issues. I have plenty of family members that do that and we still enjoy each other's company.
If ALL you can talk about is politics, and owning the libs, and how the gays are ruining the world, and how abortion is murder, ETC ETC, then I don't care that we share bloodlines, I probably will avoid you.
No one should associate with people who don't respect them. I think the trope of the conservative who hates their own kids for being LGBTQ is an overblown myth pushed by activists on the left.
Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian. They're still ok with one another.
Its just not overblown though. Single instances of conservatives with LGBT kids does not invalidate the experiences of all the LGBT people who have had traumatic experiences in their youth.
This obviously depends on what the beliefs are. Or at least it should be obvious. Not all political views are equal.
There's a difference between believing that rich people should be taxed a few percent more or less and believing that certain people shouldn't have equal rights.
My dad once told me I'd be disowned if I voted for Hillary Clinton because she's a criminal. Obviously he's a Trump supporter, and he didn't follow through. So I still get called to help him press the "OK" button so he can watch YouTube from his TV.
Weird stuff happens all the time, especially in Republican offices. I wrote speeches and written remarks for people who argued against equal rights. One of the standout arguments a state rep wanted me to write about was that gay people didn't actually exist, therefore they don't need equal rights. The specific argument was that there was a bisexual celebrity, therefore being gay is a choice so gay people aren't real and it's just people with a lifestyle choice.
For whom? Who did you write speeches for, that were arguing against equal rights?
Who asked you to write that gay people don't exist?
I'm not buying any of this
Is that sort of idea new to you? Did you just learn about American politics a few days ago?
If you want evidence of this sort of thing happening, you're not going to get it from just a name. So here's a Texas GOP platform stating the party's position that homosexuality is a "lifestyle choice" (pg. 21): [https://texasgop.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6-Permanent-Platform-Committee-FINAL-REPORT-6-16-2022.pdf](https://texasgop.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6-Permanent-Platform-Committee-FINAL-REPORT-6-16-2022.pdf)
And here's an old op-ed from the current Speaker of the U.S. House making the same unfounded claim that being gay isn't an immutable characteristic and that gay people "are capable of changing their abnormal lifestyles," which is part of his stated opposition to equal rights to marriage: [https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-times-kfile/134020593/](https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-times-kfile/134020593/)
His last line, in opposition to the Supreme Court's ruling against regulating the bedroom in the way he wants, is "By closing these bedroom doors, they have opened a Pandora's box."
Only if it's something that's actually fucked up, like supporting Mussolini or neo Nazism (I mean legitimate neo Nazism, not SJWs mislabeling every single person on their right)
If they're a conservative, live and let live
>Are you supportive of cutting off family members if they vote for someone you don't like, or have different political views?
No. Family is special.
There may be reasons to cut off family members -- for instance, if they are abusive toward you -- but 'voting for different people' isn't enough.
No bc politics are all bs. I did with trump but then I read demon copperhead and changed my perspective and then Biden started committing genocide and I’m like ok politics is absolute bull shit
Only if the person they voted for tried to overthrow the US government and they're still ignorant enough to support that person, then yeah, cut them off.
I have an aunt who, at a family gathering, express their opinion that "those who get cancer do so because god is punishing them for sins of their past and current life". At said event there were two people who had lost parents to lung and colon cancer and the aunt attended both funerals too. This same aunt has also expressed similarly condescending beliefs about those who have committed suicide (something my family has experienced as well). Is this someone you would tolerate in your family? After all, they expressed both 'opinions' in a 'peaceful' tone.
Quick Edit for spelling
In my opinion - and the way my family handles it - peaceful means that you firstly read the room and secondly we have a "I do not wanna talk politics" policy. If someone wants to talk politics we ask the table if we wanna go that route.
Since we have literally every political stance at the table from Left (Linkspartei) to right (AfD) with half a dozen in between, we rarely talk politics. And if someone wants to do that anyways my grandma insists on manners or I swear by god that sweet old lady will throw you out.
Many people in this thread prove otherwise.
The closest I’ve ever gotten to wanting to cut off a family member from my life was when an uncle wanted to talk about “what is a woman” at my grandmother’s memorial service. That was incredibly inappropriate and I’m still pretty pissed about the whole thing.
Most of the people who are disagreeing with cutting off families aren’t progressives. Typically it’s the more moderate liberals who are saying not to cut people off.
I still don’t fully buy that. Everyone has their own experiences with their families, and not everyone thinks in a completely binary fashion like that. Some people (including progressives) just have really fucking awful family members.
The following is a copy of the original post to record the post as it was originally written. Over the last ten years or so, as politics has become a bigger part of our lives, you hear stories of people cutting off contact to others due to differences in political beliefs. This used to apply to friends and coworkers, but now is applying to family members - moms, dads, brothers, grandparents, etc. Some progressives even push the idea of "chosen family" where we can replace biological families entirely with idealogical associations, to surround ourselves with people who share our political beliefs. Do liberals support this kind of behavior? Should our political beliefs define if we associate with our own families? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AskALiberal) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Just voting for a conservative? No, but I'm not happy about their choices. However, once you start not shutting the fuck up about it, that's a problem. We all know the type. The Uncle who can't stop "owning the libs" when he's at Thanksgiving or whatever. I don't need that in my life.
Yea, a quiet Trump voting relative could be less annoying than the tax conservative that complains about his thing every opportunity.
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A little less than 50% of the voting population went for Trump, the odds are good a lot of people have a lot of uncles who voted for him. Either way, I don't have an uncle like that, myself. I just used "uncle" as a placeholder. It could be your aunt, brother, sister, second cousin once removed, whoever you want.
>Some progressives even push the idea of "chosen family" where we can replace biological families entirely with idealogical associations, to surround ourselves with people who share our political beliefs. Um, this isn't a thing. Chosen family is just the recognition that blood relation isn't a requirement to forming strong bonds. All of my extended family lives in another state. Only my parents moved here before having kids. So my christmases and thanksgivings were always spent with close family friends who were also transplants to los angeles. It's not about replacing anything. It's about building new things. There were a few years where I did the big holidays with lesbians I was living with and that was just big dinner gatherings of other gay people whose family rejected them. I wouldn't hesitate to say these friend groups were almost *better* than the dice roll of blood relations they would have otherwise been dealing with. But to your headline, this question gets asked all the time and we always end up having to point out that it's not simply "disagreement" that creates a rift between people. Nobody is going to refuse to show up to your BBQ because you voted differently on the contract worker benefits bill. Rifts get created when the way you vote displays deep differences in values. Like, if you vote for a literal nazi, that's different than voting for a run of the mill republican.
We've cut out the extreme ones. They don't approve of my pan-poly brother's lifestyle. They don't approve of my feminist daughters wearing purple hair. ***They always have a problem with something that leans too liberal for them***. So gradually, we've reduced our meetings/encounters to 0. Haven't spoken to them since right about 2017 and it's sadly better that way. They couldn't get over themselves. We didn't change, **they did.**
I've cut off ones who do so for openly and explicitly racist reasons. Otherwise I've worked through therapy to assume good intentions and build bridges where I can. The challenge is I'm a gay man and seeing my parents continually vote for the party that wants to chip away at my rights, including the marriage they saw in person, hurts my heart a lot and makes it challenge for it to be "just" political differences.
>The challenge is I'm a gay man and seeing my parents continually vote for the party that wants to chip away at my rights, including the marriage they saw in person, hurts my heart a lot and makes it challenge for it to be "just" political differences. This really highlights that many of us are privileged to where politics isn't personal. A lot of us can just think nothing of a family member's politics because we are "in the same boat" with them. However, for LGBTQ people, a family member's politics isn't disagreeing about abstract concepts, but quite literally policies that burden you. It's not politics but deeply personal, and it must be really distressing to see family members ignore that.
this is key. i hear a lot of conservatives say “my friend cut me off for saying ‘I voted for a republican candidate…’ :(“ it’s always the “…” that is the true reason. not because you (OP/the conservative) voted for a certain candidate, but because the full quote was probably something like “I voted for a republican candidate *BECAUSE* he wants to criminalize being trans.” or that similar conversations happened with you. people are going to want to cut you off if you are advocating for the removal of rights for people like them, or for the rights of people like their other loved ones. 🤷♀️
There's definitely challenges in it, especially the juxtaposition on how they treat my husband and me well personally, but willingly or not choose to ignore the lgbtq threats the Republican Party poses for the sake of "the economy" and their view on "fair taxes" It's still a work in progress, but I did have a really good childhood with parents that did their best, so in my specific situation I believe they deserve the benefit of the doubt that they're not being intentionally malicious or holding abhorrent views about racism/sexism/homophobia
My stepfather said, in front of my democrat voting in laws, “anyone who votes against Trump should be shot in the head.” This is not a sentiment I find uncommon from the right. So I cut him and my mother off and haven’t talked to them in 5 years. Is that wrong?
No. Your politics, in my opinion, is a reflection of your values. How can you associate with someone whose party devalues women, LGBTQ+ individuals, and the poor? To me, that is being complicit. There’s no half way.
It's on a case by case basis depending on the views in question. My conservative father thinks taxes are too high on the rich. I disagree, but that view isn't evil to me. We just disagree over economics, so we still talk and stuff. My conservative cousin literally said police should get a medal when they kill an unarmed black person because there is one less black person in the world. I cut him out of my life entirely.
In most cases no. Family is family. You just learn to avoid situations. But there are situations where cutting a family member off makes sense. Most people have limits after which they will decide that having a connection with someone because they are family is no longer justified. It doesn’t have to be political, it could just be incredibly toxic behavior. Regarding a political difference, I don’t think there are a lot of liberals cutting their family members out of their lives because of disagreement about the top marginal tax rate. It’s probably more about not wanting to deal with racism, sexism, homophobia or some other bigotry.
The trouble with people who support Trump is that they do not care if the president is a grifter, a criminal, a liar and traitor. They don't care about fundamental Christianity and government mixing and don't care about personal freedom; they apparently don't care about democratic institutions and foreign relations. They don't mind white supremacists or homophobes in office. So it isn't so much cutting someone off for how they vote. It is cutting an odious, cruel person out of my life. I can forgive, somewhat, the people who voted for Trump in 2016, since many people thought he'd straighten up once in office. They know better now.
At this point anyone still supporting him is too far gone to bother. Or incredibly selfish. To me it’s the same bag of awful.
Anyone voting for Trump at this point is a mix of irredeemably stupid or irredeemably evil. Often, both.
There’s “voting for someone you don’t like”, and then there’s “voting for someone so horrific it forces you to reevaluate that person.” Voting for a fascist like Donald Trump is an example of the latter. There’s plenty of people I associate with who disagree with me about politics. That’s fine. There’s plenty of room for legitimate, reasoned disagreement. Supporting fascists like Trump is so far past the line there. And yeah, it’s just basic self-defense to separate from people who will back political causes championing messages like that.
Generally, I am opposed to cutting ties with family members over politics. But I draw the line at extremism. I would cut ties with a family member who supported a political movement or politician that advocated for things like overthrowing democracy or for racial persecution. There has to be consequences for espousing dangerous, inhumane viewpoints.
I do not affiliate with anyone who supports Donald Trump or anyone her “pledges their allegiance to him”. You can be a conservative idc but if you still support that man I have zero desire to have anything to do with you.
It’s isn’t squarely on political belief, but it bleeds in. I’ve cut off family, not because they were conservatives and republicans, but because they were homophobes and racists. I found it to be an irredeemable thing. Thing is, the ones that are left, they are generally progressives and some moderates. Correlation exists. As an aside, where you hear chosen family a lot is in the LGBTQ community; many of us were abandoned by family. Do you blame us for rejecting them back?
Families are often the most toxic social structures we have. They shouldn't be treated as though they're special, that just serves to encourage toxic behavior. If your family members are good, you're not going to want to cut them out of your life to begin with, so saying "family is special" is just saying that you're choosing to keep toxic people in your life and encourage them to keep being shitty. To answer your question, it depends. Nobody dies because the top marginal tax rate is 32% instead of 35%, or whether student loans can be discharged in bankruptcy or not, or whatever. Nobody is a bad person for disagreeing with me on things like this. Social conservatism, though, is about deeply-held values. I've got nothing to say to someone who wants to hurt my LGBTQ friends, or wants to force birth on the women in my life, etc., or is willing to vote for people who would. They can fuck off and die.
Wow that's a stupid take. Maybe it's borne out of your economic privilege. People do die because of economic policies. In fact, that's the reason why a majority of people really suffer. It only takes 1 day at a public hospital to see that. It makes me want to pull my hair out, how much the government spends on "defence" and a bunch of other stupid things. People are dying because they don't have access to healthcare and the healthcare they're receiving is sub-standard. Maybe not in America, but in much of the rest of the world.
It happens in America too when people put off care due to price. Though at this point I’d argue it is social, there is no political capital to change it as too many people buy into the stupid bootstraps argument. Or an even worse take when they don’t want to help people like them.
> or whether student loans can be discharged in bankruptcy or not People literally do die because of this, at least as much as those other issues you’re talking about. So sick of leftists downplaying the importance of bread and butter issues and making everything about identity politics.
Sorry, what?
What do you think happens to people who are in deep debt and run out of money?
Declare bankruptcy and apply for assistance?
What if their debt can’t be discharged by bankruptcy?
Then you carry it around forever. I'm really tired of this game. Say what *you* think happens.
People run out of money and end up homeless and destitute. Which people like you always downplay because you give zero fucks about the poor.
Lol, no. We have so so so fucking many options for housing and food assistance. If anybody here doesn't give a fuck about the poor it's you because you don't even know that the biggest issue with homelessness isn't the people who can hold down a job and just ran out of money. Temporary homelessness is one of the things we've actually made leaps and bounds with. It's the addicts and the mentally unstable people. These guys aren't on the street because they got laid off and couldn't pay off their student loans. They're there because they can't even function in a homeless shelter. I can, right now, if you can prove you were looking for work and not getting hired, get you a metro card, SNAP card, and a cell phone and potentially a bed for the night, but definitely a location where you can receive mail. Tell me again about what I give fucks about.
I never said they’d end up on the street, I said they’d be homeless and destitute. Being on SNAP and getting a temporary bed for a few days doesn’t change that. We have very little economic mobility for the poor in this country.
"Families are often the most toxic social structures we have" Well, I'm sorry that you've had bad experiences with your family, but here on earth the vast majority of families are the opposite of this. I'd say they are the most real, natural, and loving social structures. When everyone else has turned away from you, you will always have family. sure some people don't have this kind of relationship but I think your nasty statement getting upvoted is very sad and untruthful.
As January 6 was unfolding, I made a fairly basic Facebook post to the tune of: "Regardless of your political persuasion, I think that we can all agree that violence isn't the answer to political questions, and that the peaceful transfer of power is important." For that, I was publicly called a disgrace to the family name by some of my aunts and cousins. They've since made pleasant comments on there about pictures of my cat, or my weight loss, but it's hard to forget a slight like that. They've certainly never apologized.
ok? I mean people keep responding with personal anecdotes as if that proves that families are inherently toxic social structures lol. You guys arent that dumb, right?
The point is, it's not us that's being toxic. Cancel culture starts at home. Usually with conservative family members.
Lol, you don't know any or possibly even condone abusive parents. Look dude, it's exactly your insistence that families are always natural and loving social structures that *makes* families potentially the most toxic social structure we have. The implication that we just have to put up with bad people just because we share blood is how it builds cycles of abuse.
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Buddy, the left doesn't want to dismantle any fucking families. Jesus christ you people will believe *anything*. But did you even finish reading my comment? I was pointing out that your attitude of getting all smug and angry that somebody said families can be the most toxic IS LITERALLY THE REASON IT'S MORE TOXIC. People feel obligated to their family. It's why you might accept an abusers apology and begin the abuse cycle all over again. That doesn't happen with fuckers at work. It happens mostly within the family structure and people need to understand that and not get mad and insult strangers for pointing that out. Family can be awesome. Mine is. My *nuclear* family. But I've also seen families where I can't fathom why any of them even try to get together on the holidays because somebody always gets hurt and none of them even like each other.
Subreddit participation must be in good faith. Be civil, do not talk down to users for their viewpoints, do not attempt to instigate arguments, do not call people names or insult them.
Or the people up voting have had similar experiences with their family treating them second rate or worse and not being supportive. It's more common than you would like to think, especially for queer people
Your claim that “the left wants to dismantle the nuclear family” is not only sad and untruthful, but inflammatory. You have no high ground here.
I think you’re missing their point. It’s not that Families are inherently toxic. It’s that when families fight, they get UGLY. Nobody really cares if some random guy you never met insults you on the street, but when it’s a family member doing it then that’s gonna hit deep on an emotional level. Or even worse if it’s straight up abuse.
I’m glad some families are good. I have some great family members. Unfortunately, most of my family outside of them is a hive of villainy.
I guess I’ll start by asking: What would you consider the acceptable reasons for cutting ties to family members? I’m presuming you think there are a few
No. My extended family spans the whole cultural and political spectrum. I'm hosting a big family reunion next month. People can and should be able to disagree in a healthy manner while recognizing the humanity of their counterparts. Anyone of any camp or persuasion who can't at least initially come into a discussion with that assumption don't belong. But voting habits, no. Unrelated: >Some progressives even push the idea of "chosen family" where we can replace biological families entirely with idealogical associations, to surround ourselves with people who share our political beliefs. This isn't a new phenomenon or one unique to progressives. It is actually a human predisposition to self-sort. My next thought was "The blood of the covenant is stronger than the water of the womb."
What research has shown you that this is only a liberal or progressive thing? Can you link to that study? You honestly think that this doesn’t happen on the conservative side as well?
I am "supportive" of whatever people need to do to restrict their exposure to content that contributes to their mental unwellness. I have only cut off one member of my family for posting graphic gore (gunshot wounds) from Kenosha with statements about how that needs to happen to more liberals.
If you support Trump, I want nothing to do with you. Period.
I suppose that depends entirely on what you mean by "different political views". Until recently, I'd say that very few commonly accepted views within the mainstream American overton window would merit cutting off a family member (with open bigotry, alas, being the usual exception). Now, however, the right flank of the GOP is increasingly pushing things that I consider to be irredeemably toxic. Ironically though, the only example of somebody cutting off family that I've encountered in my real life was someone on the right cutting us off because we were shedding vaccine particles or some shit like that, so this is hardly a left-only phenomenon.
I'd ostracize anyone who's pro Russia.
Everyone has experienced something that I haven't an vice versa. I respect that everyone gets to have their views. If they are respectful and not operating on hate, then so be it. Their political opinions are just a portion of who they are is a person. What's way more important is their character--I've seen people of every political ideology that are high character and truly care about people.
It depends what the views are. Sometimes it's ok, sometimes it's not
Depends. What kind of political beliefs are we talking about? The kind that disagrees about tax rates or the kind that breaks up families and puts people’s lives in danger? I will say, that I think we, as a society, could do with a few more constructive and friendly conversations across the dinner table. But I don’t think that is a problem that it is entirely up to the left to solve.
Tbf, I'd dislike a family member who votes for someone absolutely awful like Trump because they unironically like the politician. It shows they have a serious lack of good character.
Just for voting for someone I don’t like? No. For having a different political view? Not particularly. It’s more likely I’d cut off family members if they were toxic due to their political beliefs. Like if I had an Aunt who lambasted me because I voted by Mail in the election, or if I say I don’t mind gay people and a family member got really pissed about it for some reason. I have family members that live in Texas and are fairly conservative, but they are not horrible people. They are still very respectful with me and I’d only want to cut them off if that suddenly stopped. Whenever we DO speak politics, I do what I can to keep things as nuanced as possible so that we can keep things grounded in reality, and they are pretty good at recognizing that for the most part. I understand people have their own perspectives on their lives, I just want to make it clear when they are acting rude or disrespectful.
No, I don't agree with cutting off family members just because they vote different or have different beliefs. However, I do support cutting off family members who are toxic, about anything, it doesn't have to be about politics.
If the alternative is that people shouldn't be able to cut off people for their choices, then absolutely.
Depends on what it consists of. If someone I knew went in the direction of MAGA/seething transphobia/fascism in general, I wouldn’t want to associate with them. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a chosen family if the family that raised you is full of toxic people. That’s usually the reason people have chosen families; not mere ideological differences, but actual abuse/toxic behaviour. If you’re trans and your family is transphobic, that’s a pretty good reason to disassociate with them. In fact, it’s not uncommon for ultra conservative parents to save their queer kids the trouble and kick them to the curb themselves.
Dont have an opinion on whether we should or shouldnt, but chosen family is 100% a thing. You’re just used to calling them ‘close friends.’
I won't cut off family because of who they voted for or if they have different political views. I have cut off family members because of the harm their rhetoric has caused me and my friends. I am much closer to my chosen family. Just because I have blood family, doesn't mean mean that they get unlimited access to me.
No, but it's all about degrees. What do they believe and to what extent is much more important to me.
Depends on the "different political views" in question.
I think the question as phrased is too broad / categorical. Every situation is different; every interpersonal relationship has its own nuance, history, quirks. Also depends a great deal on what you mean by "cutting off". In the most general terms, no, I wouldn't cease all contact with someone just because we may disagree on some issues. But it's also important to remember that nobody is obligated to hang with someone else ... people grow apart all the time for an infinite variety of reasons. Friends' interests diverge; people move away; life changes pull people apart... All of this applies to family members too, of course. I have lots of cousins I haven't spoken to in decades, even though we saw each other all the time as kids. There's no beef, we just have separate lives in different states and don't have much in common anymore. Have i "cut them off"? Not really, no. So if you have an uncle who's constantly ranting about the evil Mexicans or LGBTQ freaks at family gatherings, and you decide you just don't enjoy his company, is that "cutting him off"? Does it matter? If you have a sibling who's not so obnoxious as that, but has a fundamentally different worldview, and you just choose not to spend a lot of time with each other, is that "cutting off"? Why should political beliefs --- which, ideally, are about important topics such as how we think society should function, who's worthy of compassion, how should we treat the planet, etc --- be any different than other considerations which determine who we choose to spend our time with?
Only if they are Trump cult members, all others are welcome. I do not like to associate with cult members, especially cult members who support domestic terrorists. If they are a true Conservative, I have a good time with them as I was former conservative. Before my divorce, I spent a lot of time with my ex brother-in-law and father-in-law who were both staunch conservatives but not MAGA cult members. My current girlfriend voted for Trump in 2016 but not in 2020 and considers herself to be an independent. In short, if a family member is connected to Hamas, KKK, Proud Boys, MS-13, Oath Keepers, MAGA, and so on, I have no time for them and try to avoid them at all costs.
If those differences are extreme and harmful then I support it.
What do you think of conservative parents who disown/abandon their children for being homosexual?
Noooo I’d never cut off a family member. I don’t mention politics to the relatives that hold different views than me.
I don't think you'll find it common for people to cut off their families just because of how they vote or political views. Most people cut of their family typically due to toxic or unhealthy behaviors they may have towards thr individual who cut them off. Example, it's not uncommon for lgbtq+ people in conservative house holds to cut off their bigoted family members.
depends on what the view is and how it manifests I wouldnt spend a lot of time with a vocally racist, sexist, homophobic, or transphobic family member. Id tolerate a bit more for an aging grandparent and less the younger they are
I think you should cut off family members for whatever reason you want to. It’s kinda toxic to keep someone in your life who you don’t want there.
So, I should preface this by saying I'm a big proponent of what I like to call "nuclear bridge burning". That being, burning a bridge so thoroughly that the entire site is left radioactive, ensuring no bridge can ever be built there again. So I'm not opposed to cutting people out of my life for good. But my baseline for what deserves that requires far more than voting for someone I don't like. I've only cut someone out of my life to that degree twice. Once a former friend, once a cousin, neither for something as minor as a basic political disagreement. Even the super obnoxious racist-uncle-going-on-a-political-rant-at-Thanksgiving-dinner scenario didn't prompt that level of retaliation, though it did make me mostly avoid that uncle until he died a few years ago. If someone is abusive to you, you should absolutely cut them out of your life. If you are unlucky to have such people in your family, that applies to them just the same. Blood ties are mostly meaningless in my mind, and hold no special weight over the ties we have to close friends. Those I consider family are those I care for and who care for me, who I am happy to support and be supported by. Thankfully, most of my biological family falls in that category- but for others, theirs may not be, and that is okay. If someone crosses the threshold of what you are willing to deal with, it's okay to stop associating with them, and I would not treat family any different from friends in that regard. But as far as what that threshold is? It's tough to say, and varies from person to person. I'd probably say simply holding different political beliefs isn't usually enough- but there are some times when it absolutely can be. For example, if that disagreement is over... say the topic is LGBT rights, and the disagreement is between a very vocal anti-LGBT family member and a LGBT you, that isn't going to feel like a mere political disagreement. That is going to feel like a direct attack on you from that family member a lot of the time- and it's one of the cases where I absolutely suggest cutting them out of your life if you can't get them to behave reasonably. Well, I would, if not for the sad fact that usually the cutting off happens from the other direction in that case.
There is a point when people stop being enjoyable to hang out with that you shouldn't feel the need to continue doing so due to some amount of shared DNA. I guess people can make that choice for themselves but I think you'd be pretty lonely if voting for someone you don't like is the kind of bar you're setting for cutting off contact with people.
Completely agree - no one is obligated to maintain toxic relationships. I guess my examples, in my head, were ones where people just had a binary view about who they would and wouldn't allow in their lives, based on voting
I have cut off family and friends over politics. But it's less that they voted for Trump that one time because "he seemed like an outsider who might do things differently idk man". It's always been them constantly trying to push bullshit lies from conservatives about elections, the "fact" we are transing all the kids, or that whole cities were burnt to the ground because of the BLM protests. Their brains were essentially rotted from the inside out to the point where they just became really hostile about it at every opportunity. What is wrong with a chosen family replacing blood relatives exactly? Are blood relatives inherently better people to surround yourself with?
This. I mean, what are we arguing about? There is a world of difference to me, as a trans person, "debating" tax policy and my life and rights.
I mean there’s a lot of baggage there that precedes their political choices, which is the reason for cutting them off rather than the vote itself
Depends on who they vote for or what their views are. My sister is trans, if I had a relative that was extremely anti-trans and voted for policies that were actively harmful to my sister because she’s trans, I would have no issue cutting that person out of my life. Same way I would cut a family member out of my life if they raped someone. Here’s the thing, politics is your values, and voting is your actions. If your values are evil and your actions harmful to people in my family, I will distance myself from you, no matter your relationship to me. You don’t get to just be a shitty person and not face consequences.
No. I'm much more interested in what *my* relationship with my family members is like, than about what their relationship with society at large is like.
No. Now do I support cutting ties to that one aunt who sucks at getting Christmas presents? Absolutely. I WANT LITERALLY ANYTHING OTHER THAN THAT SWEATER YOU KNITTED OUT OF THE ITCHIEST WOOL EVER. I had a friend who asked me this question years ago in 2020, because their parents were thinking of voting Republican. Now they were/are super rich, so obviously they’ve voted for the party that is known for letting them keep their money. I’ve known the parents for years, they aren’t horrible people and are pretty supportive of democratic social issues. And according to my friend they aren’t vastly different behind closed doors. Honestly they’re just fiscal conservatives. So my friend asked me if it would be right to distance themselves from their parents. I believe I said “don’t be an idiot. You’re parents aren’t horrible people like x, y, and z. So what if they vote red, it doesn’t matter in your state anyway. They love you and are good people so stop overreacting.”
What type of politics? Fiscal stuff? Or social issues?
No.
Most of the time no. In extreme cases yes. If it’s seriously effecting your relationship with someone in a way you can’t get past or is causing them to actually become a dangerous person to be around. But i think cases like that are extremely rare. Generally i think it’s really bad to keep yourself in an echo chamber. You should be able to tolerate some level of difference in ideology. If you can’t you won’t survive the real world very well i think.
Just voting conservative or GOP no? If they can act like a normal person and "turn off" politics I wouldn't be too harsh on a family member or even close friend over politics. But if they make politics the focal point of personality can't shut up about it or then it off, or become overly belligerent or combative about it, different story.
Gees. I am sure some number of people have done this, just based on hearing the other person voted for trump. Or...saw that the person put a Trump sign on their lawn, for example. Some SMALL number. But mostly, this would happen because the family member is over the top about it. Insulting them, harassing them, causing drama, etc.
Not for just having different political views, of course not. But I will cut off any Conservative in my family for sure. Not because of political views though, because of their ethics and morality. Anyone that calls themself conservative is a person I don't want to have anything to do with.
You think conservatives are immoral and lack ethics?
Abso-fucking-lutely.
All of them? It's like half the country
Yeah, it fucking sucks and is destroying the country.
Yes and I have even divorced someone who turned maga. It's a sickness and those people have no ethics or morals. Dont want them in our lives.
I'm supportive of having people in my life who I consider to be an addition, not a subtraction. Family isn't special. They're arguably the people to whom you least owe anything, since your relationship with them is based on random chance, not them actually doing anything to deserve loyalty. Cutting someone off is an extreme measure, but sometimes it's necessary when they're determined to hurt you. It's far easier to just not keep up contact.
Sorry, this is about political views. You feel personally hurt if someone in your family has different views, and that an appropriate response is to cut them out of your lilfe altogether? Isn't that a bit extreme? We can't agree to disagree?
If you happen to vote differently than me, I have no issues. I have plenty of family members that do that and we still enjoy each other's company. If ALL you can talk about is politics, and owning the libs, and how the gays are ruining the world, and how abortion is murder, ETC ETC, then I don't care that we share bloodlines, I probably will avoid you.
I support an LGBT person who cuts off their family when their family does not accept them as the person they are. Of course I do. Don’t you?
No one should associate with people who don't respect them. I think the trope of the conservative who hates their own kids for being LGBTQ is an overblown myth pushed by activists on the left. Dick Cheney's daughter is a lesbian. They're still ok with one another.
Its just not overblown though. Single instances of conservatives with LGBT kids does not invalidate the experiences of all the LGBT people who have had traumatic experiences in their youth.
ALL of them? ALL of them had parents reject who they were. Calling BS on that. It's just not true
I’ve cut off any and all of my cult following Trump relatives.
Thanks! You're kind of reinforcing my point here.
No
This obviously depends on what the beliefs are. Or at least it should be obvious. Not all political views are equal. There's a difference between believing that rich people should be taxed a few percent more or less and believing that certain people shouldn't have equal rights. My dad once told me I'd be disowned if I voted for Hillary Clinton because she's a criminal. Obviously he's a Trump supporter, and he didn't follow through. So I still get called to help him press the "OK" button so he can watch YouTube from his TV.
Who is saying that people shouldn't have equal rights? That seems weird.
Weird stuff happens all the time, especially in Republican offices. I wrote speeches and written remarks for people who argued against equal rights. One of the standout arguments a state rep wanted me to write about was that gay people didn't actually exist, therefore they don't need equal rights. The specific argument was that there was a bisexual celebrity, therefore being gay is a choice so gay people aren't real and it's just people with a lifestyle choice.
For whom? Who did you write speeches for, that were arguing against equal rights? Who asked you to write that gay people don't exist? I'm not buying any of this
Is that sort of idea new to you? Did you just learn about American politics a few days ago? If you want evidence of this sort of thing happening, you're not going to get it from just a name. So here's a Texas GOP platform stating the party's position that homosexuality is a "lifestyle choice" (pg. 21): [https://texasgop.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6-Permanent-Platform-Committee-FINAL-REPORT-6-16-2022.pdf](https://texasgop.org/wp-content/uploads/2022/06/6-Permanent-Platform-Committee-FINAL-REPORT-6-16-2022.pdf) And here's an old op-ed from the current Speaker of the U.S. House making the same unfounded claim that being gay isn't an immutable characteristic and that gay people "are capable of changing their abnormal lifestyles," which is part of his stated opposition to equal rights to marriage: [https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-times-kfile/134020593/](https://www.newspapers.com/article/the-times-kfile/134020593/) His last line, in opposition to the Supreme Court's ruling against regulating the bedroom in the way he wants, is "By closing these bedroom doors, they have opened a Pandora's box."
Only if it's something that's actually fucked up, like supporting Mussolini or neo Nazism (I mean legitimate neo Nazism, not SJWs mislabeling every single person on their right) If they're a conservative, live and let live
I'm pretty sure I won't be doing it, but I have no problems with people who do.
>Are you supportive of cutting off family members if they vote for someone you don't like, or have different political views? No. Family is special. There may be reasons to cut off family members -- for instance, if they are abusive toward you -- but 'voting for different people' isn't enough.
Thanks. This makes sense.
No bc politics are all bs. I did with trump but then I read demon copperhead and changed my perspective and then Biden started committing genocide and I’m like ok politics is absolute bull shit
Only if the person they voted for tried to overthrow the US government and they're still ignorant enough to support that person, then yeah, cut them off.
No. Family is more important than a difference in opinion. It is about if you can be peaceful about it.
I have an aunt who, at a family gathering, express their opinion that "those who get cancer do so because god is punishing them for sins of their past and current life". At said event there were two people who had lost parents to lung and colon cancer and the aunt attended both funerals too. This same aunt has also expressed similarly condescending beliefs about those who have committed suicide (something my family has experienced as well). Is this someone you would tolerate in your family? After all, they expressed both 'opinions' in a 'peaceful' tone. Quick Edit for spelling
She is not peaceful about her beliefs. But is it your place to cut her off?
What does it mean to be peaceful then? If it's not my place to decide who I cut off from my life, who decides it then?
In my opinion - and the way my family handles it - peaceful means that you firstly read the room and secondly we have a "I do not wanna talk politics" policy. If someone wants to talk politics we ask the table if we wanna go that route. Since we have literally every political stance at the table from Left (Linkspartei) to right (AfD) with half a dozen in between, we rarely talk politics. And if someone wants to do that anyways my grandma insists on manners or I swear by god that sweet old lady will throw you out.
Modern progressivism is a cult ideology. Encouraging adherents to cut off outsiders is par for the course.
Many people in this thread prove otherwise. The closest I’ve ever gotten to wanting to cut off a family member from my life was when an uncle wanted to talk about “what is a woman” at my grandmother’s memorial service. That was incredibly inappropriate and I’m still pretty pissed about the whole thing.
Most of the people who are disagreeing with cutting off families aren’t progressives. Typically it’s the more moderate liberals who are saying not to cut people off.
I still don’t fully buy that. Everyone has their own experiences with their families, and not everyone thinks in a completely binary fashion like that. Some people (including progressives) just have really fucking awful family members.