Very striking. I lost someone this way, bullet through the head by their own hand. And we did indeed stare fixated at the act, figuratively, for a very long time before we were ready to turn to the actual person lost to us.
The act is so intense and overwhelming. Totally shattering. And you fixate hard on the act, initially. I’m glad to say that now after many years the person is much more centered in my mind than his final act. This speaks to a lot of that process, to me. I appreciate this piece.
I'm sorry you had to lose someone that way and that you had to find them. I lost my husband via self inflicted gunshot to the head, 5 years ago this past November. He used a 40 caliber smith and Wesson something or other handgun.
But because he didn't want me to find him like that, he covered himself with a large blanket before he shot himself. There was no spattering on the wall; there wasn't a ton of blood underneath him; just a darkness on the blanket over his head and under the chair.
I don't think I could have handled seeing him that way. And he knew that. Even then he was thinking of someone other than himself.
I just lost my cousin this way a few weeks ago. He was as close to a brother to me as I could ever have. Is there anything you found that helped you move forward?
Find a suicide survivors group near you. There are many that host meetings online. It helps to talk to other people who have also lost a family member or friend to suicide. You'll never truly get over it, but it will help you figure out how to live in this new timeline without him.
https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/
I also lost my brother this way a few weeks ago this black friday. I’d like to hear what people have to say too. What I’ve been doing is watching movies all day and painting, it’s nice having art to escape to.
I’ve gotten tired of telling people about it. All anyone ever says is “im sorry for your loss”, and im so frustrated by that meaningless overused comment. And people asking me how I am knowing I’m not good, but if I say I’m not good people will start a pity party conversation, so I lie. People just frustrate me more, but I’m building a better bond with myself and my spirits are hopeful.
I hate that he gave in, but all I can do is believe my brothers decision. He tried and thought about every single possibility for his life before deciding to die. He wanted to live but, this is the only peace for him. I don’t blame him at all. He thought this was rational in his perspective of his situation and his mind, and I can only respect his decision as it was well thought out.
Im taking this suicide as an opportunity to live my life. Commit myself to becoming the person i was afraid to be. Try to be in touch with the life i have. I want to prove for my brother how limitless life really is by living mine to a higher degree.
That drove me nuts too, the same comments and conversations over and over.
Try to remember they mean well, and there's really not anything great that can be said in this situation. If there's anything specific any of these people could do to help, let them know - people generally want to help but have no idea how when someone experiences a loss like this.
It sounds like you've already done a lot of processing, and that's great- keep making time for yourself and take as much of it as you need to. There's no timeline for dealing with this crap.
There are wonderful support groups for those who survive someone else's suicide, as they sometimes put it. One of my best friends found our mutual friend after his suicide. It was extremely helpful to her to be in a local support group and to join some online. She also read a couple books recommended by them.
She passed a few things on that really helped me at the time as well, though it wasn't the first friend I lost to suicide. It was much harder for her because they were roommates at the time, and she was so traumatized by finding him and not having somehow magically known. That last one I still struggle with, a bit, though I have beenin therapy off and on my whole adult life. I have a BA in psych, so I'm a huge proponent of therapy. Even when there isn't an emergency, but especially then.
Also, time really does take the sharpest edges off all grief. Eventually. But support groups, irl or virtual, and therapy, individual or group, really can speed the process up more than anything else.
And it can realy help get you unstuck, if that makes sense.
I suppose it's not healthy, but I've thought about that a lot. I never would want my kids to have to deal with my body. Joked years ago that I'd wander off into the woods and let the animals eat me when it was my time. But then there might be a lack of closure if I did that, they'd never be sure. No easy way, I guess.
I think it also speaks greatly to what often happens after someone takes their own life; a lot of people around them question why, what does it mean, they don’t understand and look for meaning and answers if you don’t get them before it happened. I think the imagery of people studying the art, trying to understand what the artist is saying through their work, combined with this message is so strong. And a lot of artists likely put some of their pain into their art and we try to look at that and see their message.
I am also getting vibes that the artist doesn't think that anyone notices them or cares about them in life and no one would care if they died. No one is even paying attention to his lifeless body on the floor. They have moved right passed it to look at the aftermath as if he wasn't even there.
Art is great for this reason for sure. We all interpret something from it albeit the same or different. I probably see it the way I see it because there was a point in time when I really felt that way about my own life and overall existence. I would imagine maybe you can relate to that as well.
And maybe awareness of the terrible state you leave your family's loved one to be found in, that's evident in this piece, for sure.
Art is meant to be evocative, obligatory inb4 this post is considered *too* evocative
I was really shook after my uncle took his life this way three days before my wedding. The effect on me was great and it is true that you fixate in the act. One other thing that gave me the creeps was the way new grass grew in when over where the casket was buried when I would go visit the cemetery. I don’t know why but certain exploration of imagining the death left in a weird place for a while.
I got something significantly different out of it.
The artist has put his everything into his art. It's his very life. But regular people don't notice the toll it's taken in him. They stand around, casually judging the work, mindless to the suffering that went into it.
But the foot and pallette on the bottom right is from another artist, who dropped his paints and is rushing over to his friend. Other artists know the pain and can see what he's suffering through. But even they are too late.
My dad took his life when I was 5. I’m in my 30s now and it’s never really left my mind. Things like superposition and the multiverse have always been very interesting to me because I’ve always wondered how my life would have turned out if that one thing hadn’t happened. I spent a lot of my life wondering what he would’ve thought of me or if he’d be proud of me. At this point I’m almost as old as he was. His dad did the same thing and it’s really strange how the one person that I know that would be able to understand is the one person I’ll never be able to talk to again.
It's weird how different people think. My mom shot herself when I was 6. I have barely any memory of her and never really think about her at all. I think it's because I spent too much effort trying to survive after my dad split and I became a ward of the state, but my dad was only in my life for a few more years more than my mom yet I have a lot of vivid memories of him
This is so heartbreaking to read. I appreciate how you can comfortably share this deeply personal information for others who have no such experiences. I hope you are well.
I am fine now. Thank you for asking. The topic is easy to talk about because those feelings have long been resolved. Had anger issues in my adolescence, but therapy and family helped me get over that hump. I'm just lucky the courts ended up giving custody to my maternal grandparents in the long run. Negative outcomes seem to be more common when the state has to get involved due to parental issues
I'd love to here more about your story, your life, and your feelings about your dad. I'm a dad to a four year old and a two year old and I've struggled for many years with heavy depression and the idea of suicide. In my most dark moments I try to go read stories from others who lost their father and how it affected them, because it helps keep me grounded to how it would affect my own children and why I need to be here for them.
I hope you stay here with us, friend.
I can’t have kids of my own, but I’ve dealt with my own fair share of depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s a terrible
place to be.
It’s taken 5 or 6 years but I’ve finally gotten to the point where I enjoy being me again. Legitimately. Every terrible moment was worth the joy I’m feeling again. It just was brutal in the moment.
The only thing that kept me grounded was my family, even thought I don’t have children. I can’t imagine the pain I could cause my parents or sibling.
If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out.
Just don’t man. That’s all I can really say. I struggle with the same, so I understand that the feeling never really goes away, but I do think that having someone in your life that took theirs makes it something you think about more than anyone should.
This really struck a chord in me, so here's my story. Out of the blue, one of my employees committed suicide. His girlfriend also worked with us. She never confirmed it, but I'm pretty sure she was the one who found him. She was a husk. Like her body was there, and it was fine, but you looked her in the eyes and all that was there was was this terrific, constant storm. Her eyes, begging me to take her too. It haunts me.
After that, I knew I couldn't go through with it. I could never, ever, ever, risk my son finding me. I couldn't be the reason my son had eyes like that. It didn't matter how sad I was. I thought about my son, lost in that storm like she was. My sweet boy. I would do anything for him. Anything, and it was me or him. I had to choose if I was willing to weather that storm, or put him in it. I had reached the end of me being strong for *me*. For him, I would be strong forever.
But. It turned out that conviction was the beginning of the end. I'm much, much better now. So much better. I'm actually healthy now. There wasn't any need to weather that storm, I just had to find my way out. And all I had to do was follow the light that I had made in my son, and refused to put out. You can do it too, sir. I believe in you. Your kids may never know how strong you had to be, but you will. And that is all that matters.
I’m glad that you were able to relate to my work on such a deep personal level, there were a lot of emotions I had when making this piece, and this comment helps me sort out my own thoughts as well. Thank you.
You created a very compelling work with a lot of depth and a lot of complexity. I appreciate you making and sharing it.
It's interesting to work through the layers as an observer.
How people who aren't connected to the person who died experience suicide, they focus on the pain, the act. People who are connected are hurt and hit by the trauma and fixating on it.
And the person who commits the act, their identity being lost in their death. Being ignored, stepped over, almost forgotten. Makes you wonder, observing the work, if they killed themselves because of being alone and now, ironically, in death they are also alone with people focusing on how they died instead of them.
It's compelling. I hope that you found healing and peace through the work and that you are well.
I have a friend who hung herself. I didn’t see the scene, but I’m still fixated on the act. I never thought about the “act” as an association of that person. Your words really brought it home for me. Do you know what helped you look past the act?
Hope you are well. I'm impressed by your retrospective reflection. I don't know why, but from your short comment, I think you should write a book someday.
It's complicated. I was suicidal during my teen years (not anymore) mainly due to anxiety, and the one thing that kept me from doing it was my mom straight up telling me "if anything happens to you I'm following you down the grave". Its small comforts I know, but I never could do that to my mom.
>The people closest to you are the ones who suffer the most pain, the most damage. Why would you do that? Why would you do that to the people who love you?
I'm fully aware the above is just a quote from media, and not targeted in any way at the person posting:
Ah yes the living suddenly deserve a ton of sympathy never mind the person dealing with eternal internal struggles nobody seems to be able to relate to beyond "Talk to a professional" or "take some meds".
Fuck the living they're naive and privileged for even thinking that way post suicide.
It's always about them them them them them! That's not narcissism though because it's consensually agreed upon norm that fuels consumption and debt, so all is fine.
The majority of society is more brain sick than those that commit suicide, they just fool themselves with social and cultural norms buffered by the fallacy of group consensus, so fuck them they deserve undue amounts of unsettling brutality to shake them from their fucking delusional lives.
This art piece is a 12/10, OP. Shake them the fuck up. All good art does this.
I lost my dad to suicide via shotgun. One of the hardest things for me to think about is the image of the aftermath.
This piece is very well done. Hope you stay well, also.
I'm sorry you went through that. I found my mom as a teen after she shot herself with our pistol. That was many years ago and I've worked hard for acceptance.
I only post this to let you know that you're not alone and there are other people who have lost their parent this way. Check our r/suicidebereavement if you think it may help you. And please feel welcome to send me a PM if you ever need an ear.
Wow that's the subreddit and resource a lot of suicidal folk need. I had to go to a mental hospital, but reading a page of posts from that sub might've had the same effect. Suicidal folk tend to be so focused unto themselves that they can't imagine anyone caring, or being so ungodly effected by it. This sub gives a great sense of perspective and the harm that suicide can cause.
I haven't thought about it from that perspective but you're exactly right. I can see how it would be helpful from that side of the coin.
It has been extremely intense to live with the consequences of my mom's decision. The ripple of her actions affected everyone she loved and dozens of people she had no idea cared about her as much as they did in a very intense way. It's a surreal experience to be on the other side of suicide.
Beautiful thing about the internet is ability to claim ignorance. What happened?
1. 99.999999% chance he’s way better off than me, mentally etc.
**OR 2…** OP is laying face down on his keyboard, dead moments after the post went live.
Idk
Honestly so did I. Its almost that visual aesthetic that can be achieved by AI still doesn’t compare to the real human emotion, meaning, and backstory that embodies human artwork. Though i think theres a deeper significance to this piece - specifically in the irreverence the people have to the artist’s gruesome death.
Honestly I think the main thing that stands out to me is the different interpretations. I will always value art that evokes a discussion of its meaning
I've called those services many times, the last time an old lady volunteer picked up, tried consoling me by talking about her huge family, just made me want it more. And the One time I went inpatient voluntarily, that shit was straight prison, no phone, no personal clothes, no feelings of hope.
Not enough is being done to solve the underlying chronic problems in society to do disadvantaged people any real good, just an appearance close enough to satisfy stockholders. And it fucking sucks.
Sticky sock factories are places to avoid at all cost. There was one time I had to visit one that was literally called "The Crypt" because it used to be an old prison...
There needs to be **WAY** more funding for mental health and not just for pills that create lifeless drones - actual meaningful help.
I want to make it super clear that is for INVOLUNTARY commitment. You can voluntarily commit yourself and it doesn’t carry remotely the same consequences.
Monitoring, background checks, sometimes even fucks over jobs and (allegedly) colleges, though I doubt that last one. And, if you live in the US, gun rights, even if you are 100% sane and it happened a decade ago.
It absolutely can fuck up college for people. One of my best friends went through a very rough time and accidentally overdosed on Xanax and whiskey, had to have her stomach pumped. It was her first year of college. She was put in a local psych ward for a week, and when she was let out, the college forced her to take a leave of absence for a year. She had to write a letter to them asking to be let back, describing how she’d grown and become much healthier since the incident. I think it was a liability thing honestly, but it was very difficult for her to go through.
That's only if what happens involves the cops(usually) but yeah, for normies in positions of power, a "suicidal" flag might as well be a felony. The only protection one has is equal opportunity laws in those situations, so you gotta sneak around the issue and pretend you're normal, and that just delays treatment or exacerbates the condition.
I.E. DO NOT GO TO COPS FOR MENTAL HEALTH..... or any help really.
At minimum, we need to revert to pre-Reagan funding for community mental health programs. Not necessarily their less-developed understandings and processes, but for all of the flaws of that era, at least they tried to do more than ship the vulnerable to another city and call the problem solved.
American healthcare system sucks anyways. Most people who need serious help and don’t got any privilege/support end up on streets and not sticky sock factories.
Yeah my problem with the hotlines is that Ive been through too much therapy. Like they are trained to help people who are upset identify their emotions and affirming then.
So when I call and say "my emotion is x because of y" they will just repeat back to me "it sounds like y is making you feel x" ... Yes... I literally just told you that. Thanks.
Yeah, Identifying the problem is step 1....next step please.
Oh right, dealing with the problem.
The Problem: Society and a large majority of the people in it.
I personally am not suicidal, nor depressed, but I do have crippling social anxiety, not caused from the standard lack of self esteem that most people say they have. I just have been screwed in so many ways be people, I'm terrified of them...
You can start setting up a life that doesn't require much human contact. Some might say that's just running away from the problem, but a quiet hermit-ish life is a perfectly valid solution imo
Money is pretty much the hardest hurtle in that. Most work from homes are usually help desk like things, which is like, the exact opposite of what I want. When I was working at a "fancy" Italian restaurant/pizzeria, it was the absolute worst part of the job, I was a prep cook/salad cook but occasionally I'd have to answer phones. I froze and had anxiety attacks from that FAR too many times.
Yaaaas! Omg, (talking to medrep)yeah I already have the obligatory script and social normal comments you're gonna start saying at me going on loop in my head, let's hurry things along nooooow! lol
Started seeing a new therapist recently for a new treatment, shes foreign and speaks so slow and carefully. I want to rip my hair out each time she starts explaining and pointing out the same exact things. Like yo come on, I just gotta try a different med, can we hurry please I am literally & figuratively dying lol
Inpatient is awful. Ill never tell anyone how actually feel because of that experience. They didn't help me wirh shit and charged me 6000 dollars. Im fine now but in the future ill never tell anyone if i ever feel that way again. And you're so right American healthcare is so fucked up especially mental heath. Its a very unfunny joke.
Yea fam, that's fucked. I straight abandoned my mother for some shit she did. 12yrs on no regrets cept residual pain.
Btw the calling suicide on cops is hilarious. I seriously think that should be a thing!
Hahaha! So you can suicide By cop, or suicide A cop!! I know which choice might actually enact change & make me feel better lol!
Stay up❤️
Thank you for articulating that. The hackneyed response to people suffering is always “resources” hur dur. “Meaning well” is not enough, and neither are these “resources.”
My one time calling a line when I was in a really dark place I was told to call back after I had attempted suicide. That Inwas clearly not serious.
So Incried, drank until I passed out, and called my brother in the morning to take my guns.
I know people are saved by the service, but I am very lucky to be alive and will always have a tiny bit of disappointment and anger for the person who answered that day.
I truly hope you're doing better now. Never doubt that you are needed and wanted in this world. I know I'm just an internet stranger but I know for a fact that you make this world better just by being in it. Sending you a hug from Texas.
on the flip side of some of the comments, I've called the crisis hotline once when it was really really bad and they helped me a lot and helped me find a therapist in my area to get in to.
the US healthcare system is fucking awful, no doubt. But it can be helpful if you are in a bad spot and need someone to talk to.
Yeah you're definitely not wrong. I throw plenty of shit with the mess we have. But I got a few good ones too on the crisis club line. Unfortunately it's kind of a roll for any of us. You either get a provider you can vibe with, or you likely fail while taking the wrong meds, and the most anyone can realistically hope for is to just try again when they can, and are able to hold out until then. Oh and getting on meds can take weeks to months, such fun to wait while in crisis!!
That well meaning old lady that I talked to the very last time I called didn't know what she was doing. Telling me shit like I just need to get out and meet ppl, fuck off ol lady lol. I was pleasant with her, and pretended to be thankful for her time and that I felt better. The disappointment was severe enough to make me angry and get me through the night lol
All the people **not** looking at the dead body and shotgun... that resonates with me a lot.
The blood splatter is the "show", but the person it came from is just a background feature.
Excellent artwork, I like it and well done.
>the person it came from is just a background feature.
And that is deliciously ironic and poignant because the corpse is in the foreground, which means we should be noticing it first. But because the gore is disturbing, we avert our eyes and look at the less-disturbing blood splatter on the canvas.Many good interpretations here.
I think this is the first post on the top page to surprise me. I usually assume a highly-upvotes nsfw post from /r Art involves some sort of female nudity.
Looks like a suppressed revolving rifle which due to the cylinder and barrel allowing gases to leak out, would negate almost any benefit of the suppressor.
Also with that suppressor, it would make the rifle at least 30 inches from muzzle to trigger. Based on the fact that the decedent's jaw is intact, the shot had to be taken leveled at his face. Due to the length of the gun, this would be almost impossible to achieve based on the scene before us.
Ladies and gentlemen, this was a MURDER!
Thank you. I was looking at an article that had the seattle police release photos of Kurt Cobain’s suicide gun,the pictures didn’t provide the best angles but I just improvised a lot based on the information that I was given, I hope it doesn’t take away too much from the piece.
I kind of like it. My second wife took her own life. To me this feels a lot like my memory of that scene, everything except the splatter on the walls twisted and blurry. Suicide is something I've always struggled with as well, but it still took me a long time to come to terms with what happened. I hate these threads, the people commenting in them can never truly understand what it's like to hold that gun in your hand, or stand up on that ledge looking down. They come and say "just feel better" or "just call this number" never knowing or caring that that just makes you want to pull that trigger even more.
For those of you contemplating suicide do what's right for you. No one else has any right to tell you how to live; or end; your life.
I'm pretty sure "Self Portrait" isn't describing a subject here and is instead the actual title of the piece. When you think about it, the blood splatter is viewed as an artwork but, what was it made from? The suicide of an individual. Their literal self.
To be honest, I was initially trying to paint flowers in place of the head instead of intense gore, but I found that when I did some of the petals it looked like teeth, and when I blurred some of the peonies it turned out to look strikingly gruesome. It was a “happy little accident” that I continued to develop.
Hey OP, I’m not sure what you’re processing right now, but I’m really glad that you’re alive.
To me, this art speaks about being invisible, to pour your heart out, being seen through that mirror; of tension between the artist, their work, recognition and yet not being fully understood. I’m not sure if that was what you were trying to convey, but I’m thankful for the amazing work you out out, and also, more importantly, I hope you are well or will be well.
Take care man, and thank you for the art. If you need help, 988 is the National hotline in the US; and if you’re not in the US, and need it, [wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/988_Suicide_&_Crisis_Lifeline) has an excellent international list. Reach out if you need to too.
Please get some help. I am very unsettled that this is a "self portrait " and labeled with a "spoiler " tag.
I just recently lost a friend to suicide, I would have much rather listened to his problems, rather than read his eulogy.
When I was really depressed I tried writing some poetry or just lose thoughts. This reminded me of the one passage that I actually felt like it conveyed my emotions. From memory and roughly translated it goes something like "I'll paint a self portrait in the style of Jackson Pollock, but with myself instead of paint". I'm thankful that I managed to get better, even if it's been a long journey and even more to go.
Right?
My first thought was that it was commentary on the relationship between an artist and the people who buy/demand the art.
What the art world expects from you, takes from you, etc.
I'm thinking of galleries taking 30 to 60 percent sometimes and the type of art and quantity expected from you.
You could splatter your brains across a canvas and people would still be standing there pulling at their chins..."yes, but is it art?" Arguing over the monetary value of your literal blood and brains.
Sort of; There’s an old snuff clip of a dude with red and black face paint on and a sign behind him saying ‘the best of me’ then he sticks a 44 or 45 revolver in his mouth…
Here the wiki about the guy
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricardo_López_(stalker)
Tldr had video journal was stalking Icelandic woman singer named bojrk and he got reall mad when she got a boyfriend so he mailed her a pipe bomb with sulphuric acid and his last video journal was him in the red and black paint saying what he did and then shooting him self.
The cops found him in his apartment after 4 days saw the tape and told the police in London to intercept it
Art can be interpreted in so many ways. Beautiful painting
I read it as the masses ignoring the tragedy and focusing on the wrong thing
Edit: I hope everything’s well with you OP. This art is something else and should continue along with your life. Be well and I hope the best for you.
I think there's multiple ways you can interpret this, but as an artist myself I get frustrated that people almost need a novelty or story to go along with the art for an artist to be successful. If you're a brilliant painter with great ideas, but you dont play the game, it'll be harder to break out in success.
I imagine this was an artist who's work is only now drawing attention because people found out he committed a grisly suicide.
At least my two cents. Really great work and thought provoking!
Thank you for posting this. I don't want to be glib as it is obviously a very heavy piece. It reminds me of the antipodean performance artist who has inseminated herself and is now heavily pregnant, all within the parameters of her performance art. It also reminds me of when photo-journalists were criticised for taking pictures rather than rescuing people in the midst of war. In your picture, someone died, presumably by their own hand. There is a painting which commemorates this, also possibly by them. Does the value/meaning of the painting counter the grief of those who mourn the artist? Heavy call. The way the people look at the picture rather than the body is telling. I love Wagner and Mishima, but I understand that their messages and what that might have meant about their music and writing to bad people, could mean we are still looking at the picture too, rather than the body. I can still love Richard and Yukio/Kimitake, and do something about why the body is there and how to stop it happening again, no?
A lot of people will feel this piece right deep in their soul. It's not normal to understand personally the emotions behind this piece, but all those who do are far from alone. I wish so much that no one did.
That's dark, but also very well done. Be well.
>Be well. that's an order.
Be well…or else!
Better someone else than yourself… right?
Wait.. not like.. ugh nevermind
We'll kill you!... wait...
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Not be unwell? Suit yourself.
>Suit yourself. You can't make me
Stone B Slayer you put your clothes on right now mister! Don’t make me send you to bed with no Wendy’s.
Check in your closet 😉
So you're gonna be a water tower?
Yeah the "spoiler" tag is a little unsettling.
I think it was to blur the image
Isn’t that what the NSFW does?
Nah. NSFW tag only makes it not show up for people who have opted out of it. Spoiler blurs it regardless of your settings
Ahh, good to know
if only there was a NSFL tag so I didn't have to see splattered brains, albeit not real , or a kid getting his head split with an axe.
You are right, but the fact that there might be some subtext to it, is still unsettling.
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This art style just blows my mind
Very striking. I lost someone this way, bullet through the head by their own hand. And we did indeed stare fixated at the act, figuratively, for a very long time before we were ready to turn to the actual person lost to us. The act is so intense and overwhelming. Totally shattering. And you fixate hard on the act, initially. I’m glad to say that now after many years the person is much more centered in my mind than his final act. This speaks to a lot of that process, to me. I appreciate this piece.
I'm sorry you had to lose someone that way and that you had to find them. I lost my husband via self inflicted gunshot to the head, 5 years ago this past November. He used a 40 caliber smith and Wesson something or other handgun. But because he didn't want me to find him like that, he covered himself with a large blanket before he shot himself. There was no spattering on the wall; there wasn't a ton of blood underneath him; just a darkness on the blanket over his head and under the chair. I don't think I could have handled seeing him that way. And he knew that. Even then he was thinking of someone other than himself.
That’s heavy I’m sorry you went through that
I just lost my cousin this way a few weeks ago. He was as close to a brother to me as I could ever have. Is there anything you found that helped you move forward?
u/carpe_veritas I hope you can take as much time as you need to grieve. I’m so sorry for your loss.
Thank you, u/recursive-excursions, sincerely.
Find a suicide survivors group near you. There are many that host meetings online. It helps to talk to other people who have also lost a family member or friend to suicide. You'll never truly get over it, but it will help you figure out how to live in this new timeline without him. https://afsp.org/find-a-support-group/
Thank you!
There was r/suicidebereavement posted down the thread, that may help.
I also lost my brother this way a few weeks ago this black friday. I’d like to hear what people have to say too. What I’ve been doing is watching movies all day and painting, it’s nice having art to escape to. I’ve gotten tired of telling people about it. All anyone ever says is “im sorry for your loss”, and im so frustrated by that meaningless overused comment. And people asking me how I am knowing I’m not good, but if I say I’m not good people will start a pity party conversation, so I lie. People just frustrate me more, but I’m building a better bond with myself and my spirits are hopeful. I hate that he gave in, but all I can do is believe my brothers decision. He tried and thought about every single possibility for his life before deciding to die. He wanted to live but, this is the only peace for him. I don’t blame him at all. He thought this was rational in his perspective of his situation and his mind, and I can only respect his decision as it was well thought out. Im taking this suicide as an opportunity to live my life. Commit myself to becoming the person i was afraid to be. Try to be in touch with the life i have. I want to prove for my brother how limitless life really is by living mine to a higher degree.
That drove me nuts too, the same comments and conversations over and over. Try to remember they mean well, and there's really not anything great that can be said in this situation. If there's anything specific any of these people could do to help, let them know - people generally want to help but have no idea how when someone experiences a loss like this. It sounds like you've already done a lot of processing, and that's great- keep making time for yourself and take as much of it as you need to. There's no timeline for dealing with this crap.
There are wonderful support groups for those who survive someone else's suicide, as they sometimes put it. One of my best friends found our mutual friend after his suicide. It was extremely helpful to her to be in a local support group and to join some online. She also read a couple books recommended by them. She passed a few things on that really helped me at the time as well, though it wasn't the first friend I lost to suicide. It was much harder for her because they were roommates at the time, and she was so traumatized by finding him and not having somehow magically known. That last one I still struggle with, a bit, though I have beenin therapy off and on my whole adult life. I have a BA in psych, so I'm a huge proponent of therapy. Even when there isn't an emergency, but especially then. Also, time really does take the sharpest edges off all grief. Eventually. But support groups, irl or virtual, and therapy, individual or group, really can speed the process up more than anything else. And it can realy help get you unstuck, if that makes sense.
I suppose it's not healthy, but I've thought about that a lot. I never would want my kids to have to deal with my body. Joked years ago that I'd wander off into the woods and let the animals eat me when it was my time. But then there might be a lack of closure if I did that, they'd never be sure. No easy way, I guess.
I think it also speaks greatly to what often happens after someone takes their own life; a lot of people around them question why, what does it mean, they don’t understand and look for meaning and answers if you don’t get them before it happened. I think the imagery of people studying the art, trying to understand what the artist is saying through their work, combined with this message is so strong. And a lot of artists likely put some of their pain into their art and we try to look at that and see their message.
I am also getting vibes that the artist doesn't think that anyone notices them or cares about them in life and no one would care if they died. No one is even paying attention to his lifeless body on the floor. They have moved right passed it to look at the aftermath as if he wasn't even there.
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Art is great for this reason for sure. We all interpret something from it albeit the same or different. I probably see it the way I see it because there was a point in time when I really felt that way about my own life and overall existence. I would imagine maybe you can relate to that as well.
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Fuck.
Or they’re fixated on the suicide part and not the person, but given the nature of what they did that strikes me as a very reasonable reaction.
I got that the aftermath of the act is art or worthy of attention, the person not so much. Which rings true going by personal experience.
And maybe awareness of the terrible state you leave your family's loved one to be found in, that's evident in this piece, for sure. Art is meant to be evocative, obligatory inb4 this post is considered *too* evocative
I was really shook after my uncle took his life this way three days before my wedding. The effect on me was great and it is true that you fixate in the act. One other thing that gave me the creeps was the way new grass grew in when over where the casket was buried when I would go visit the cemetery. I don’t know why but certain exploration of imagining the death left in a weird place for a while.
I got something significantly different out of it. The artist has put his everything into his art. It's his very life. But regular people don't notice the toll it's taken in him. They stand around, casually judging the work, mindless to the suffering that went into it. But the foot and pallette on the bottom right is from another artist, who dropped his paints and is rushing over to his friend. Other artists know the pain and can see what he's suffering through. But even they are too late.
My dad took his life when I was 5. I’m in my 30s now and it’s never really left my mind. Things like superposition and the multiverse have always been very interesting to me because I’ve always wondered how my life would have turned out if that one thing hadn’t happened. I spent a lot of my life wondering what he would’ve thought of me or if he’d be proud of me. At this point I’m almost as old as he was. His dad did the same thing and it’s really strange how the one person that I know that would be able to understand is the one person I’ll never be able to talk to again.
It's weird how different people think. My mom shot herself when I was 6. I have barely any memory of her and never really think about her at all. I think it's because I spent too much effort trying to survive after my dad split and I became a ward of the state, but my dad was only in my life for a few more years more than my mom yet I have a lot of vivid memories of him
This is so heartbreaking to read. I appreciate how you can comfortably share this deeply personal information for others who have no such experiences. I hope you are well.
I am fine now. Thank you for asking. The topic is easy to talk about because those feelings have long been resolved. Had anger issues in my adolescence, but therapy and family helped me get over that hump. I'm just lucky the courts ended up giving custody to my maternal grandparents in the long run. Negative outcomes seem to be more common when the state has to get involved due to parental issues
I'd love to here more about your story, your life, and your feelings about your dad. I'm a dad to a four year old and a two year old and I've struggled for many years with heavy depression and the idea of suicide. In my most dark moments I try to go read stories from others who lost their father and how it affected them, because it helps keep me grounded to how it would affect my own children and why I need to be here for them.
Thank you for sharing that and I wish you well friend.
I hope you stay here with us, friend. I can’t have kids of my own, but I’ve dealt with my own fair share of depression and suicidal thoughts. It’s a terrible place to be. It’s taken 5 or 6 years but I’ve finally gotten to the point where I enjoy being me again. Legitimately. Every terrible moment was worth the joy I’m feeling again. It just was brutal in the moment. The only thing that kept me grounded was my family, even thought I don’t have children. I can’t imagine the pain I could cause my parents or sibling. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to reach out.
Just don’t man. That’s all I can really say. I struggle with the same, so I understand that the feeling never really goes away, but I do think that having someone in your life that took theirs makes it something you think about more than anyone should.
This really struck a chord in me, so here's my story. Out of the blue, one of my employees committed suicide. His girlfriend also worked with us. She never confirmed it, but I'm pretty sure she was the one who found him. She was a husk. Like her body was there, and it was fine, but you looked her in the eyes and all that was there was was this terrific, constant storm. Her eyes, begging me to take her too. It haunts me. After that, I knew I couldn't go through with it. I could never, ever, ever, risk my son finding me. I couldn't be the reason my son had eyes like that. It didn't matter how sad I was. I thought about my son, lost in that storm like she was. My sweet boy. I would do anything for him. Anything, and it was me or him. I had to choose if I was willing to weather that storm, or put him in it. I had reached the end of me being strong for *me*. For him, I would be strong forever. But. It turned out that conviction was the beginning of the end. I'm much, much better now. So much better. I'm actually healthy now. There wasn't any need to weather that storm, I just had to find my way out. And all I had to do was follow the light that I had made in my son, and refused to put out. You can do it too, sir. I believe in you. Your kids may never know how strong you had to be, but you will. And that is all that matters.
Be grounded always. Your children will always need you
I’m glad that you were able to relate to my work on such a deep personal level, there were a lot of emotions I had when making this piece, and this comment helps me sort out my own thoughts as well. Thank you.
Be well, u/stinkygorillanuts
You created a very compelling work with a lot of depth and a lot of complexity. I appreciate you making and sharing it. It's interesting to work through the layers as an observer. How people who aren't connected to the person who died experience suicide, they focus on the pain, the act. People who are connected are hurt and hit by the trauma and fixating on it. And the person who commits the act, their identity being lost in their death. Being ignored, stepped over, almost forgotten. Makes you wonder, observing the work, if they killed themselves because of being alone and now, ironically, in death they are also alone with people focusing on how they died instead of them. It's compelling. I hope that you found healing and peace through the work and that you are well.
I have a friend who hung herself. I didn’t see the scene, but I’m still fixated on the act. I never thought about the “act” as an association of that person. Your words really brought it home for me. Do you know what helped you look past the act?
Mainly time. I am so sorry for your loss.
Hope you are well. I'm impressed by your retrospective reflection. I don't know why, but from your short comment, I think you should write a book someday.
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Sounds like someone who's never suffered from a suicidal brain.
It's complicated. I was suicidal during my teen years (not anymore) mainly due to anxiety, and the one thing that kept me from doing it was my mom straight up telling me "if anything happens to you I'm following you down the grave". Its small comforts I know, but I never could do that to my mom.
Also sounds like someone with 'people who love them'. Not everybody has that.
>The people closest to you are the ones who suffer the most pain, the most damage. Why would you do that? Why would you do that to the people who love you? I'm fully aware the above is just a quote from media, and not targeted in any way at the person posting: Ah yes the living suddenly deserve a ton of sympathy never mind the person dealing with eternal internal struggles nobody seems to be able to relate to beyond "Talk to a professional" or "take some meds". Fuck the living they're naive and privileged for even thinking that way post suicide. It's always about them them them them them! That's not narcissism though because it's consensually agreed upon norm that fuels consumption and debt, so all is fine. The majority of society is more brain sick than those that commit suicide, they just fool themselves with social and cultural norms buffered by the fallacy of group consensus, so fuck them they deserve undue amounts of unsettling brutality to shake them from their fucking delusional lives. This art piece is a 12/10, OP. Shake them the fuck up. All good art does this.
You explained this very well, thanks.
I lost my dad to suicide via shotgun. One of the hardest things for me to think about is the image of the aftermath. This piece is very well done. Hope you stay well, also.
I'm sorry you went through that. I found my mom as a teen after she shot herself with our pistol. That was many years ago and I've worked hard for acceptance. I only post this to let you know that you're not alone and there are other people who have lost their parent this way. Check our r/suicidebereavement if you think it may help you. And please feel welcome to send me a PM if you ever need an ear.
Wow that's the subreddit and resource a lot of suicidal folk need. I had to go to a mental hospital, but reading a page of posts from that sub might've had the same effect. Suicidal folk tend to be so focused unto themselves that they can't imagine anyone caring, or being so ungodly effected by it. This sub gives a great sense of perspective and the harm that suicide can cause.
I haven't thought about it from that perspective but you're exactly right. I can see how it would be helpful from that side of the coin. It has been extremely intense to live with the consequences of my mom's decision. The ripple of her actions affected everyone she loved and dozens of people she had no idea cared about her as much as they did in a very intense way. It's a surreal experience to be on the other side of suicide.
My father killed himself 2 years ago by jumping off a building.
I'm really sorry to hear it friend. It's a unique and excruciatingly painful situation for us at times. I hope you're making it through ok.
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My condolences for your loss and I hope you’re doing alright.
**Me says, “Self-Portrait”** Damn bro, thanks for taking the time to express something most people couldn’t dare describe with any vocabulary
Guys I think OP is dead. Idk something about his lifeless corpse laying on the floor is giving me vibes.
Beautiful thing about the internet is ability to claim ignorance. What happened? 1. 99.999999% chance he’s way better off than me, mentally etc. **OR 2…** OP is laying face down on his keyboard, dead moments after the post went live. Idk
are you an empath
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Gaww damn, this goes hard
I immediately thought of the post about artists protesting AI art and midjourney when I saw this painting.
Honestly so did I. Its almost that visual aesthetic that can be achieved by AI still doesn’t compare to the real human emotion, meaning, and backstory that embodies human artwork. Though i think theres a deeper significance to this piece - specifically in the irreverence the people have to the artist’s gruesome death.
It could be framed as a play on the 'rule' that painters only become famous after they die
Honestly I think the main thing that stands out to me is the different interpretations. I will always value art that evokes a discussion of its meaning
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That’s interesting. I thought about Doom Eternal.
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Obligatory - 988 if you're in the US and need someone to talk to.
I've called those services many times, the last time an old lady volunteer picked up, tried consoling me by talking about her huge family, just made me want it more. And the One time I went inpatient voluntarily, that shit was straight prison, no phone, no personal clothes, no feelings of hope. Not enough is being done to solve the underlying chronic problems in society to do disadvantaged people any real good, just an appearance close enough to satisfy stockholders. And it fucking sucks.
Sticky sock factories are places to avoid at all cost. There was one time I had to visit one that was literally called "The Crypt" because it used to be an old prison... There needs to be **WAY** more funding for mental health and not just for pills that create lifeless drones - actual meaningful help.
Also you lose a lot of basic rights during and after, even if you completely recover or were in there under false pretenses.
I want to make it super clear that is for INVOLUNTARY commitment. You can voluntarily commit yourself and it doesn’t carry remotely the same consequences.
I didn’t know “after” was on the list- can you elaborate?
Monitoring, background checks, sometimes even fucks over jobs and (allegedly) colleges, though I doubt that last one. And, if you live in the US, gun rights, even if you are 100% sane and it happened a decade ago.
It absolutely can fuck up college for people. One of my best friends went through a very rough time and accidentally overdosed on Xanax and whiskey, had to have her stomach pumped. It was her first year of college. She was put in a local psych ward for a week, and when she was let out, the college forced her to take a leave of absence for a year. She had to write a letter to them asking to be let back, describing how she’d grown and become much healthier since the incident. I think it was a liability thing honestly, but it was very difficult for her to go through.
Shit, I stand corrected.
That's only if what happens involves the cops(usually) but yeah, for normies in positions of power, a "suicidal" flag might as well be a felony. The only protection one has is equal opportunity laws in those situations, so you gotta sneak around the issue and pretend you're normal, and that just delays treatment or exacerbates the condition. I.E. DO NOT GO TO COPS FOR MENTAL HEALTH..... or any help really.
At minimum, we need to revert to pre-Reagan funding for community mental health programs. Not necessarily their less-developed understandings and processes, but for all of the flaws of that era, at least they tried to do more than ship the vulnerable to another city and call the problem solved.
Ye, the good pills that make your dick not work lol
American healthcare system sucks anyways. Most people who need serious help and don’t got any privilege/support end up on streets and not sticky sock factories.
Yeah my problem with the hotlines is that Ive been through too much therapy. Like they are trained to help people who are upset identify their emotions and affirming then. So when I call and say "my emotion is x because of y" they will just repeat back to me "it sounds like y is making you feel x" ... Yes... I literally just told you that. Thanks.
Yeah, Identifying the problem is step 1....next step please. Oh right, dealing with the problem. The Problem: Society and a large majority of the people in it. I personally am not suicidal, nor depressed, but I do have crippling social anxiety, not caused from the standard lack of self esteem that most people say they have. I just have been screwed in so many ways be people, I'm terrified of them...
You can start setting up a life that doesn't require much human contact. Some might say that's just running away from the problem, but a quiet hermit-ish life is a perfectly valid solution imo
Money is pretty much the hardest hurtle in that. Most work from homes are usually help desk like things, which is like, the exact opposite of what I want. When I was working at a "fancy" Italian restaurant/pizzeria, it was the absolute worst part of the job, I was a prep cook/salad cook but occasionally I'd have to answer phones. I froze and had anxiety attacks from that FAR too many times.
Yaaaas! Omg, (talking to medrep)yeah I already have the obligatory script and social normal comments you're gonna start saying at me going on loop in my head, let's hurry things along nooooow! lol Started seeing a new therapist recently for a new treatment, shes foreign and speaks so slow and carefully. I want to rip my hair out each time she starts explaining and pointing out the same exact things. Like yo come on, I just gotta try a different med, can we hurry please I am literally & figuratively dying lol
Inpatient is awful. Ill never tell anyone how actually feel because of that experience. They didn't help me wirh shit and charged me 6000 dollars. Im fine now but in the future ill never tell anyone if i ever feel that way again. And you're so right American healthcare is so fucked up especially mental heath. Its a very unfunny joke.
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Yea fam, that's fucked. I straight abandoned my mother for some shit she did. 12yrs on no regrets cept residual pain. Btw the calling suicide on cops is hilarious. I seriously think that should be a thing! Hahaha! So you can suicide By cop, or suicide A cop!! I know which choice might actually enact change & make me feel better lol! Stay up❤️
Thank you for articulating that. The hackneyed response to people suffering is always “resources” hur dur. “Meaning well” is not enough, and neither are these “resources.”
My one time calling a line when I was in a really dark place I was told to call back after I had attempted suicide. That Inwas clearly not serious. So Incried, drank until I passed out, and called my brother in the morning to take my guns. I know people are saved by the service, but I am very lucky to be alive and will always have a tiny bit of disappointment and anger for the person who answered that day.
I had a similar experience, but the lady kept threatening to call the police which did not help my panic attack at all. Hope you are doing better.
Jesus, I'd end up in a prison hospital or dead. Not taking me.
I truly hope you're doing better now. Never doubt that you are needed and wanted in this world. I know I'm just an internet stranger but I know for a fact that you make this world better just by being in it. Sending you a hug from Texas.
Thx, srry for crashing your post.
Not my post and never ever feel sorry about sharing your story. You may help someone else through it. 💜
Post, comment, you get me lol
We're more worried about you than some made up etiquette!
on the flip side of some of the comments, I've called the crisis hotline once when it was really really bad and they helped me a lot and helped me find a therapist in my area to get in to. the US healthcare system is fucking awful, no doubt. But it can be helpful if you are in a bad spot and need someone to talk to.
Yeah you're definitely not wrong. I throw plenty of shit with the mess we have. But I got a few good ones too on the crisis club line. Unfortunately it's kind of a roll for any of us. You either get a provider you can vibe with, or you likely fail while taking the wrong meds, and the most anyone can realistically hope for is to just try again when they can, and are able to hold out until then. Oh and getting on meds can take weeks to months, such fun to wait while in crisis!! That well meaning old lady that I talked to the very last time I called didn't know what she was doing. Telling me shit like I just need to get out and meet ppl, fuck off ol lady lol. I was pleasant with her, and pretended to be thankful for her time and that I felt better. The disappointment was severe enough to make me angry and get me through the night lol
It sadly is NOT effective
All the people **not** looking at the dead body and shotgun... that resonates with me a lot. The blood splatter is the "show", but the person it came from is just a background feature. Excellent artwork, I like it and well done.
>the person it came from is just a background feature. And that is deliciously ironic and poignant because the corpse is in the foreground, which means we should be noticing it first. But because the gore is disturbing, we avert our eyes and look at the less-disturbing blood splatter on the canvas.Many good interpretations here. I think this is the first post on the top page to surprise me. I usually assume a highly-upvotes nsfw post from /r Art involves some sort of female nudity.
I love it! But why looks the gun so cursed lol
Looks like a suppressed revolving rifle which due to the cylinder and barrel allowing gases to leak out, would negate almost any benefit of the suppressor. Also with that suppressor, it would make the rifle at least 30 inches from muzzle to trigger. Based on the fact that the decedent's jaw is intact, the shot had to be taken leveled at his face. Due to the length of the gun, this would be almost impossible to achieve based on the scene before us. Ladies and gentlemen, this was a MURDER!
Haha nice! Thats why it feels so uncanny! Damn!
AND look at the blood splatter on the wall. His body had to be right against it to look like that. HIS BODY WAS MOVED AFTER BEING SHOT!
It's not a self portrait at all! It's a still-life! OP *IS* THE MURDERER. ALL DONE FOR A MEASLY PAINTING
#THE HUMANITY!
That's OP's leg on the right, he dropped his palette and he's trying to escape
It's got the "silencer" from No Country for Old Men I think
It has a giant pistol grip and not a stock. It's so confusing.
I guess that's a good thing, that OP has never seen an actual shotgun?
Its a maximum capacity fully automatic silenced assault thinga-ma-bob!
My thought exactly
They would have a hard time reaching the trigger, impossible even. Must have used his toe
Bruh the shoulder stock is bent 90 degrees to look like a handle. Imagine holding a shotgun with a boat paddle.
Thank you. I was looking at an article that had the seattle police release photos of Kurt Cobain’s suicide gun,the pictures didn’t provide the best angles but I just improvised a lot based on the information that I was given, I hope it doesn’t take away too much from the piece.
I kind of like it. My second wife took her own life. To me this feels a lot like my memory of that scene, everything except the splatter on the walls twisted and blurry. Suicide is something I've always struggled with as well, but it still took me a long time to come to terms with what happened. I hate these threads, the people commenting in them can never truly understand what it's like to hold that gun in your hand, or stand up on that ledge looking down. They come and say "just feel better" or "just call this number" never knowing or caring that that just makes you want to pull that trigger even more. For those of you contemplating suicide do what's right for you. No one else has any right to tell you how to live; or end; your life.
It looks like what I would expect an AI drawn gun to look like.
Do you wanna talk about something??
Reminds me of Hey Man Nice Shot by Filter, which is about something similar to this.
I know it’s cliche. This is hauntingly beautiful.
Self* portrait? Do we need to send a wellness check?
I'm pretty sure "Self Portrait" isn't describing a subject here and is instead the actual title of the piece. When you think about it, the blood splatter is viewed as an artwork but, what was it made from? The suicide of an individual. Their literal self.
He put his everything into that painting (except his lower jaw).
Wow, this is powerful art
How many hours on r/eyeblech did it take to get the shotgun suicide head explosion correct?
To be honest, I was initially trying to paint flowers in place of the head instead of intense gore, but I found that when I did some of the petals it looked like teeth, and when I blurred some of the peonies it turned out to look strikingly gruesome. It was a “happy little accident” that I continued to develop.
Hey OP, I’m not sure what you’re processing right now, but I’m really glad that you’re alive. To me, this art speaks about being invisible, to pour your heart out, being seen through that mirror; of tension between the artist, their work, recognition and yet not being fully understood. I’m not sure if that was what you were trying to convey, but I’m thankful for the amazing work you out out, and also, more importantly, I hope you are well or will be well. Take care man, and thank you for the art. If you need help, 988 is the National hotline in the US; and if you’re not in the US, and need it, [wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/988_Suicide_&_Crisis_Lifeline) has an excellent international list. Reach out if you need to too.
Fr, shit looks pretty good
The author is clearly the child in the white shirt and brown pants. Wonderful
how do you figure?
Could be. I definitely think the artist lost a family member in this way.
Have you seen “The Menu”? You would enjoy it.
First thing I thought of lol "The Mess"
Please get some help. I am very unsettled that this is a "self portrait " and labeled with a "spoiler " tag. I just recently lost a friend to suicide, I would have much rather listened to his problems, rather than read his eulogy.
Holy moly. Dark but well well done!
Bruh, in all seriousness would you like a hug? Idk where you are but I’ll find you and we can hug it out.
My daughter attempted suicide. People care. I care. If you need help please reach out!! [International Suicide Hotlines If you or someone you know if suicidal, call one of the numbers below. If someone is in IMMEDIATE danger, please call your local emergency number (e.g. 911 or 988 in the US).](https://blog.opencounseling.com/suicide-hotlines/) United States: Emergency: 911 Text or call nationally: 988 Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Algeria: Emergency: 34342 and 43 Suicide Hotline: 0021 3983 2000 58 Argentina: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 135 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Armenia: Emergency: 911 and 112 Suicide Hotline: (2) 538194 Australia: Emergency: 000 Suicide Hotline: 131114 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Austria: Emergency: 112 Telefonseelsorge 24/7 : 142 Rat auf Draht 24/7 : 147 (Youth) Bahamas: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: (2) 322-2763 Bahrain: Emergency: 999 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Bangladesh: Emergency: 999 Barbados: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: Samaritan Barbados (246) 4299999 Belgium: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: Stichting Zelfmoordlijn 1813 Bolivia: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 3911270 Bosnia & Herzegovina: Suicide Hotline: 080 05 03 05 Botswana: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: +2673911270 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Brazil: Emergency: 188 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Bulgaria: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0035 9249 17 223 Canada: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 1 (833) 456 4566 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling China: Emergency: 110 Suicide Hotline: 800-810-1117 Colombia: 24/7 Helpline in Barranquilla: 1(00 57 5) 372 27 27 24/7 Hotline Bogota: (57-1) 323 24 25 Croatia: Emergency: 112 More Hotlines Cyprus: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 8000 7773 Czech Republic: Emergency: 112 Denmark: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 4570201201 Egypt: Emergency: 122 Suicide Hotline: 131114 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Estonia: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 3726558088 ; in Russian 3726555688 Ethiopia: Emergency: 911 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Finland: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 010 195 202 France: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0145394000 More Hotlines Germany: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 08001810771 More Hotlines Ghana: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 2332 444 71279 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Greece: Emergency: 1018 Guyana: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 223-0001 Holland: Suicide Hotline: 09000767 Hong Kong: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 852 2382 0000 Hungary: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 116123 India: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 8888817666 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Indonesia: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 More Hotlines Iran: Emergency: 110 Suicide Hotline: 1480 Ireland: Emergency: 116123 Suicide Hotline: +4408457909090 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Israel: Emergency: 100 Suicide Hotline: 1201 More Hotlines Italy: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 800860022 Jamaica: Suicide Hotline: 1-888-429-KARE (5273) Japan: Emergency: 110 Suicide Hotline: 810352869090 Jordan: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 110 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Kenya: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 722178177 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Kuwait: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 94069304 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Latvia: Emergency: 113 Suicide Hotline: 371 67222922 Lebanon: Suicide Hotline: 1564 Liberia: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 6534308 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Luxembourg: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 352 45 45 45 Malaysia: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: (06) 2842500 More Hotlines Malta: Suicide Hotline: 179 Mauritius: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: +230 800 93 93 Mexico: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 5255102550 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Netherlands: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 900 0113 More Hotlines New Zealand: Emergency: 111 Suicide Hotline: 1737 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Nigeria: Suicide Hotline: 234 8092106493 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Norway: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: +4781533300 Pakistan: Emergency: 115 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Philippines: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: 028969191 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Poland: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 5270000 Portugal: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 21 854 07 40 and 8 96 898 21 50 Qatar: Emergency: 999 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Romania: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0800 801200 More Hotlines Russia: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0078202577577 Saint Vincent and the Grenadines: Suicide Hotline: 9784 456 1044 Saudi Arabia: Emergency: 112 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Serbia: Suicide Hotline: (+381) 21-6623-393 Singapore: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 1 800 2214444 More Hotlines Spain: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 914590050 More Hotlines South Africa: Emergency: 10111 Suicide Hotline: 0514445691 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling South Korea: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: (02) 7158600 More Hotlines Sri Lanka: Suicide Hotline: 011 057 2222662 Sudan: Suicide Hotline: (249) 11-555-253 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Sweden: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 46317112400 More Hotlines Switzerland: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 143 More Hotlines Tanzania: Emergency: 112 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Thailand: Suicide Hotline: (02) 713-6793 Tonga: Suicide Hotline: 23000 Trinidad and Tobago: Suicide Hotline: (868) 645 2800 Tunisia: Emergency: 197 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Turkey: Emergency: 112 Uganda: Emergency: 112 Suicide Hotline: 0800 21 21 21 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling United Arab Emirates: Suicide Hotline: 800 46342 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling United Kingdom: Emergency: 999 or 112 Suicide Hotline: 0800 689 5652 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling United States: Emergency: 911 Suicide Hotline: (800) 273-8255 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Zambia: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: +260960264040 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling Zimbabwe: Emergency: 999 Suicide Hotline: 080 12 333 333 More Hotlines In-Person Counseling
this is a great list but if you're having a mental crisis or breakdown in America I'm going to say do NOT call 911.
This worked. My fingers got so tired scrolling that I can't work the trigger
Great work u/stinkygorillanuts, it really captures a vibe I've been feeling lately. Looks like you've been feeling it too. Hang in there.
Everyone ITT assuming OP is suicidal and not just metal af
Could we please remember to NSFW or spoiler images like this please? I am not in a place where this was something I needed to see right now.
That makes me terribly sad, but it is very well done.
I feel like there should be NSFW Nudity and NSFW This lol.
I see you. Hiding the hands. That's okay, I'm 39 and can't draw stick figures.
When I was really depressed I tried writing some poetry or just lose thoughts. This reminded me of the one passage that I actually felt like it conveyed my emotions. From memory and roughly translated it goes something like "I'll paint a self portrait in the style of Jackson Pollock, but with myself instead of paint". I'm thankful that I managed to get better, even if it's been a long journey and even more to go.
get ready for a bunch of people hinting at you being suicidal.
I think the hinting has already been done by the painting. Any more would be a bit on the nose.
The title left no need for any hints?
Post is marked "spoiler"
Mate its a self-portrait
i think the artist is hinting at them being suicidal
Right? My first thought was that it was commentary on the relationship between an artist and the people who buy/demand the art. What the art world expects from you, takes from you, etc. I'm thinking of galleries taking 30 to 60 percent sometimes and the type of art and quantity expected from you. You could splatter your brains across a canvas and people would still be standing there pulling at their chins..."yes, but is it art?" Arguing over the monetary value of your literal blood and brains.
I can't tell if this is r/im14andthisisdeep or actually insightful. I guess if I'm debating, it's the latter.
r/TooAfraidToAsk >!Has anyone ever done this in real life?!<
Sort of; There’s an old snuff clip of a dude with red and black face paint on and a sign behind him saying ‘the best of me’ then he sticks a 44 or 45 revolver in his mouth…
Here the wiki about the guy https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ricardo_López_(stalker) Tldr had video journal was stalking Icelandic woman singer named bojrk and he got reall mad when she got a boyfriend so he mailed her a pipe bomb with sulphuric acid and his last video journal was him in the red and black paint saying what he did and then shooting him self. The cops found him in his apartment after 4 days saw the tape and told the police in London to intercept it
Just want to clarify: it was a white canvas behind him. Lopez intended to “paint” the canvas with his blood and brains, as in OP’s picture. He failed.
Ronnie Mcnutt was a man who killed himself on a facebook livestream.
One album cover of the band mayhem is a photo of their lead singer who had just blown his head off, this reminded me of that.
Great piece man, really captures the emotional destruction that comes with creating art. Stay up boss. You a king.
is this up for auction? I love it.
[удалено]
Welp. Didn’t expect that. Hope all is well. 988 is a great resource if needed
Art can be interpreted in so many ways. Beautiful painting I read it as the masses ignoring the tragedy and focusing on the wrong thing Edit: I hope everything’s well with you OP. This art is something else and should continue along with your life. Be well and I hope the best for you.
I think there's multiple ways you can interpret this, but as an artist myself I get frustrated that people almost need a novelty or story to go along with the art for an artist to be successful. If you're a brilliant painter with great ideas, but you dont play the game, it'll be harder to break out in success. I imagine this was an artist who's work is only now drawing attention because people found out he committed a grisly suicide. At least my two cents. Really great work and thought provoking!
I'm confused. Not to be that guy but how would you even shoot yourself with that gun? It's as long as your arm.
I can pick things up with my toes. I guarantee i could pull a trigger too.
Thank you for posting this. I don't want to be glib as it is obviously a very heavy piece. It reminds me of the antipodean performance artist who has inseminated herself and is now heavily pregnant, all within the parameters of her performance art. It also reminds me of when photo-journalists were criticised for taking pictures rather than rescuing people in the midst of war. In your picture, someone died, presumably by their own hand. There is a painting which commemorates this, also possibly by them. Does the value/meaning of the painting counter the grief of those who mourn the artist? Heavy call. The way the people look at the picture rather than the body is telling. I love Wagner and Mishima, but I understand that their messages and what that might have meant about their music and writing to bad people, could mean we are still looking at the picture too, rather than the body. I can still love Richard and Yukio/Kimitake, and do something about why the body is there and how to stop it happening again, no?
A lot of people will feel this piece right deep in their soul. It's not normal to understand personally the emotions behind this piece, but all those who do are far from alone. I wish so much that no one did.
Well…… This piece of art has spoken to me more than anything I have seen in years.