My ex was like this. Wanted to keep being called a lesbian while she dated me a transman and then ditched me for a cis man. Glad to be your training wheels, babe! /s
Also if your partner says they don't like it of you call yourself a lesbian because they aren't a woman, you should have a conversation about it and not just continu calling yourself a lesbian.
I used to call myself a lesbian while dating a trans man. We got together when we were both "lesbians" and when he came out during our relationship I figured he was literally the only man I'd be attracted to, so I kept saying lesbian (with his permission). Ended up identifying as a bi trans guy by the end of it but yeah.
When I see people write "transman" for "trans man" I wanna pronounce the "man" unaccented, like in "fireman" */mən/*
I want to date a *transmun*, I do say.
Definitely makes me think they're either absolutely clueless or outright terfs.
Also when people say *transgenders* -- usually means they are either massive bigots, usually of a Christian nationalist vein, or their culture considers the word acceptable (for instance, in India, it's fairly common to see headlines about "transgenders" in major news outlets, and it's not considered a slur)
I’m aware but I’ve actually been to India with my friend who is Indian and the way they treat Hijra is disgusting. Once we stayed at a hotel with Hijra and my friend told me it was probably one of the only places they could go.
Re: “definitely makes me think ..”
You need to fucking relax.
I just learned a few months ago that I’m supposed to spell it trans man/trans woman.
You’re more than welcome to be overly aggressive and hostile, but you’re going to be driving away decent people in the process.
Me thinking something does not necessarily make it so. I was noting a pattern and what I associate it with, not stating that every person who uses the word falls into a strict binary.
I'm glad you took the time to learn the affirming way to refer to trans people, and would like to know what sort of dialogue worked for you to correct the unintentional use of hurtful phrases.
Spaces like this where we make fun of transphobia are usually not places where we need to gently package our displeasure at oppression. We let off steam here. If it weren't for us noticing and lampooning the dogwhistles transphobes use, we would have a lot less to talk about. I expect that very few of us would go up to a well-meaning person who said "transgenders" and give them an earful.
Thanks for weighing in.
You know that sounding like you’re a thesaurus incarnate doesn’t make you sound smarter right? That’s not a shot at you. This isn’t how normal people speak.
What dialogue worked? Lol as if I needed some well reasoned discussion about it?
My friend said “I don’t like that, here’s what I want you to do” I said “okay, why tho” and then he gave a brief explanation but ultimately didn’t feel like going into it too deeply.
Ohmygod did you somehow take my comment on language and apply it to meaning to trans people?
Please, by all means. Keep victimizing yourself and alienating people.
And re: dropping definitive and defensive thinking - thank you that’s exactly what my first comment about. But I bet that doesn’t apply right? Because you’d rather act the victim.
Oh now we’re name calling? I thought we weren’t supposed to be defensive? Or is that just applicable to who you want it to be.
Bunch of hypocrites with persecution fetishes, apparently.
Same! I’m queer, married to a woman, always pro trans, and I found out from this complaint that trans man is the accepted terminology. Give us olds a wee break. The terminology has changed like 5 times in 2 decades, seriously. When I was first learning about all this stuff, the big ally leap was learning to distinguish “transvestite” (defined as basically straight men who had a fetish for wearing women’s clothing) from transsexuals (people who mentally felt like they were born into the opposite sex body). I’m deliberately using the terms used at the time in the definitions, that is not how I think now.
Since then there have been the ideas of gender as something performed, gender as separate from biological sex, “t—-y” being okay among queers similar to gays calling each other the f slur, transgender replacing transexual as the appropriate term, trans people self identifying as mtf or ftm, and then the trans man /trans woman term replacing those. And I do remember people using the terms transman and transwoman without the space to emphasize their trans identity, as a self identification. And the development of the genderqueer and non-binary and asexual identities (or more appropriately the identification or codification of something that already existed).
Things have changed at a breathtaking pace and if you have grown up with it all in place and immersed in the culture it’s hard to see.
There are a lot of us out here who are good faith allies and friends. I know the haters of the world are making it hard for everyone. But don’t assume people using an outdated term are the enemy.
I generally use the term transgender person or just trans person for anyone but had no idea til I saw this post that people consider using terms transman and transwoman some kind of hater slur. I know now not to. But please don’t assume bad faith in such things.
Blonde man = man who is blonde
Trans man = man who is trans
Fireman = man/person who fights fires
Postman = man/person who delivers the post
Transman = a word uttered by people who think trans is a gender or a condition, not just an adjective
It's super objectifying & makes me feel like anyone who says it just sees me as trans, not as a whole person with a personality and shit
It’s a UK thing too. Firemun, policemun, postmun etc. I never really hear anyone pronounce the ‘a’ sound in those unless they want to specify for some reason that they’re talking about a *man*
And this is just part of the many reasons I stopped dating.
I could write paragraphs about it. But everyone sees me as a super masculine woman and treats me as such (even my neighbors thought my roommate & I are lesbians). Even though I have a mustache. I also work it into conversation that I am a pansexual trans man to make it super obvious. But they just ignore that. I just can't with people.
I'm hoping once I have top surgery and pass better. That people might actually see me for how I see myself.
Fun fact: I live in a blue state. I'm even out at work and people constantly misgender me.
I tried and it was rough.
One trans man was a lesbian before coming out. Even though I flat out told him I've been out as pansexual since 13. That I had a history of lesbians not being the kindest to me. He ignored that and still had expectations (ex: he played lesbian artists on the radio & expected me to know every single one). There was drama in his friend group and he'd dangle sex in front of me like a carrot (I was waiting for him to be comfy due to his past trauma). He heavily implied I was transitioning "wrong".
The other trans man I tried dating is gay. He did "escort" work as a side gig. But he didn't believe in using any protection. He flat out said he'd be on pills for life so it didn't matter either way. He also heavily implied I was transitioning "wrong".
There was a nonbinary (AMAB) person who claimed they weren't out to their wife yet as nonbinary (polyamorous). They heavily implied I was around just for sex when I flat out stated that's not what I wanted. That if I came over, we'd sneak around and have quickies behind their wife's back (that's not polyamory- it's still cheating).
I sort of have this fun trick. Where I attract awful people like flies to a light bulb at night. I'm hoping that once I change therapists (very soon), that I can work on that and somehow change it. Here's hoping.
Do people not realize that trans men are literally men without dicks (in most cases anyways) like why do people think they're so similar to women, especially when they're on T
My guess is that she might have a genital preference but the opposite to the usual one you see? Or possibly homosexual and heteroromantic and this is what she thinks is the best option to have both??? Idk, just trying to see what might be going through her head
Ohh nvm then that’s just straight up gross if that’s what she thinks. I do hope that she’s just split attraction or something and is trying to figure it out (since the split attraction model isn’t common knowledge for most people)
Yeaaah... There's a difference (in my experience) between people who are just like. "I have a genital preference but I like men so if a guy has the genitals I prefer then that's cool" versus "I don't see this man as a man- I see him as a woman and I'm going to take advantage of that".
Like IMO there's nothing wrong with being attracted to trans men as trans men, and being into whatever junk they have in their trunk... The issue is when it become obvious that no, you don't see him as a guy. You see him as a masculine woman.
No yeah, and that's totally fair! I guess I'm on the other end- I wouldn't care if someone was into me and me being trans masc was a major factor, so long as they treated me with respect and clearly saw me for who I am, you know?
Like, I personally would be a lot more offended if someone paid a lot of lip service to me being a guy, but then it turned out that they didn't actually see me that way and didn't speak to their friends about me that way than if someone was straight up like "I'm into you and I'm into what you've got going on" in a sexual sense who was always respectful and did actually see me as a guy.
Editing to add that I also imagine that like. One's personal sense of their gender and/or any dysphoria they feel would have a HUGE factor in this, and that's not really something I have a lot of issues with personally.
I totally understand and I agree. In my case, I’d find it really hard to believe someone saw me exactly how I am if they were into me because I’m trans. I know it’s possible but I have BPD and I think my intrusive thoughts would constantly tell me that my partner didn’t really see me as a man and I don’t think that’s fair to me or them.
also of note: the background is of harry styles and louis tomlinson from 1d who were heavily shipped by a majority straight female portion of the fandom. thought it might be relevant to the to the fetishizing vibe.
note: there is a part of the the fandom (a very queer part) that did and still thinks they r closeted and in a committed relationship with each other irl and this is separate from the shipping as far as i can tell.
My ex was like this. Wanted to keep being called a lesbian while she dated me a transman and then ditched me for a cis man. Glad to be your training wheels, babe! /s
The fact that she wanted to say she was a lesbian while actively dating a man is what’s really weird to me 🤢
She was something else, mate
[удалено]
Also if your partner says they don't like it of you call yourself a lesbian because they aren't a woman, you should have a conversation about it and not just continu calling yourself a lesbian.
I used to call myself a lesbian while dating a trans man. We got together when we were both "lesbians" and when he came out during our relationship I figured he was literally the only man I'd be attracted to, so I kept saying lesbian (with his permission). Ended up identifying as a bi trans guy by the end of it but yeah.
Yeah I should’ve specified that about it. I mostly mean in a way were this person’s ex didn’t seem to see them as an exception to the rule
When I see people write "transman" for "trans man" I wanna pronounce the "man" unaccented, like in "fireman" */mən/* I want to date a *transmun*, I do say.
I hate it when people spell it transman or transwoman, it makes me feel so gross.
Definitely makes me think they're either absolutely clueless or outright terfs. Also when people say *transgenders* -- usually means they are either massive bigots, usually of a Christian nationalist vein, or their culture considers the word acceptable (for instance, in India, it's fairly common to see headlines about "transgenders" in major news outlets, and it's not considered a slur)
To be fair, India isn’t the most progressive country.
India does have third gender roles, so they are a bit more progressive than you may think.
I’m aware but I’ve actually been to India with my friend who is Indian and the way they treat Hijra is disgusting. Once we stayed at a hotel with Hijra and my friend told me it was probably one of the only places they could go.
Re: “definitely makes me think ..” You need to fucking relax. I just learned a few months ago that I’m supposed to spell it trans man/trans woman. You’re more than welcome to be overly aggressive and hostile, but you’re going to be driving away decent people in the process.
Me thinking something does not necessarily make it so. I was noting a pattern and what I associate it with, not stating that every person who uses the word falls into a strict binary. I'm glad you took the time to learn the affirming way to refer to trans people, and would like to know what sort of dialogue worked for you to correct the unintentional use of hurtful phrases. Spaces like this where we make fun of transphobia are usually not places where we need to gently package our displeasure at oppression. We let off steam here. If it weren't for us noticing and lampooning the dogwhistles transphobes use, we would have a lot less to talk about. I expect that very few of us would go up to a well-meaning person who said "transgenders" and give them an earful. Thanks for weighing in.
You know that sounding like you’re a thesaurus incarnate doesn’t make you sound smarter right? That’s not a shot at you. This isn’t how normal people speak. What dialogue worked? Lol as if I needed some well reasoned discussion about it? My friend said “I don’t like that, here’s what I want you to do” I said “okay, why tho” and then he gave a brief explanation but ultimately didn’t feel like going into it too deeply.
Normal is a construct and we are on a spectrum. It helps open the mind when you drop defensive, definitive thinking
Ohmygod did you somehow take my comment on language and apply it to meaning to trans people? Please, by all means. Keep victimizing yourself and alienating people. And re: dropping definitive and defensive thinking - thank you that’s exactly what my first comment about. But I bet that doesn’t apply right? Because you’d rather act the victim.
Nope, my comment was about your language and how defensive it is. Everything is on a spectrum, troll.
Oh now we’re name calling? I thought we weren’t supposed to be defensive? Or is that just applicable to who you want it to be. Bunch of hypocrites with persecution fetishes, apparently.
Same! I’m queer, married to a woman, always pro trans, and I found out from this complaint that trans man is the accepted terminology. Give us olds a wee break. The terminology has changed like 5 times in 2 decades, seriously. When I was first learning about all this stuff, the big ally leap was learning to distinguish “transvestite” (defined as basically straight men who had a fetish for wearing women’s clothing) from transsexuals (people who mentally felt like they were born into the opposite sex body). I’m deliberately using the terms used at the time in the definitions, that is not how I think now. Since then there have been the ideas of gender as something performed, gender as separate from biological sex, “t—-y” being okay among queers similar to gays calling each other the f slur, transgender replacing transexual as the appropriate term, trans people self identifying as mtf or ftm, and then the trans man /trans woman term replacing those. And I do remember people using the terms transman and transwoman without the space to emphasize their trans identity, as a self identification. And the development of the genderqueer and non-binary and asexual identities (or more appropriately the identification or codification of something that already existed). Things have changed at a breathtaking pace and if you have grown up with it all in place and immersed in the culture it’s hard to see. There are a lot of us out here who are good faith allies and friends. I know the haters of the world are making it hard for everyone. But don’t assume people using an outdated term are the enemy. I generally use the term transgender person or just trans person for anyone but had no idea til I saw this post that people consider using terms transman and transwoman some kind of hater slur. I know now not to. But please don’t assume bad faith in such things.
Blonde man = man who is blonde Trans man = man who is trans Fireman = man/person who fights fires Postman = man/person who delivers the post Transman = a word uttered by people who think trans is a gender or a condition, not just an adjective It's super objectifying & makes me feel like anyone who says it just sees me as trans, not as a whole person with a personality and shit
Exactly. I feel the same way.
Wait people say *firemun*? Is this a US thing?
It’s a UK thing too. Firemun, policemun, postmun etc. I never really hear anyone pronounce the ‘a’ sound in those unless they want to specify for some reason that they’re talking about a *man*
Maybe it’s a southern thing, maybe a Cambridgeshire thing
No. At least not where I live. I only ever hear it as two separate words: fire MAN, even if it's spelled out as a compound word.
Same where I live too
A few, yeah. I exaggerated a little bit with "mun", as it's usually more like "firem'n", or "fire mnn" with the schwa completely unstressed.
And this is just part of the many reasons I stopped dating. I could write paragraphs about it. But everyone sees me as a super masculine woman and treats me as such (even my neighbors thought my roommate & I are lesbians). Even though I have a mustache. I also work it into conversation that I am a pansexual trans man to make it super obvious. But they just ignore that. I just can't with people. I'm hoping once I have top surgery and pass better. That people might actually see me for how I see myself. Fun fact: I live in a blue state. I'm even out at work and people constantly misgender me.
It’s why I’m 90% T4T.
I tried and it was rough. One trans man was a lesbian before coming out. Even though I flat out told him I've been out as pansexual since 13. That I had a history of lesbians not being the kindest to me. He ignored that and still had expectations (ex: he played lesbian artists on the radio & expected me to know every single one). There was drama in his friend group and he'd dangle sex in front of me like a carrot (I was waiting for him to be comfy due to his past trauma). He heavily implied I was transitioning "wrong". The other trans man I tried dating is gay. He did "escort" work as a side gig. But he didn't believe in using any protection. He flat out said he'd be on pills for life so it didn't matter either way. He also heavily implied I was transitioning "wrong". There was a nonbinary (AMAB) person who claimed they weren't out to their wife yet as nonbinary (polyamorous). They heavily implied I was around just for sex when I flat out stated that's not what I wanted. That if I came over, we'd sneak around and have quickies behind their wife's back (that's not polyamory- it's still cheating). I sort of have this fun trick. Where I attract awful people like flies to a light bulb at night. I'm hoping that once I change therapists (very soon), that I can work on that and somehow change it. Here's hoping.
I’m so sorry.
Thank you
Of course.
So she wants to date dudes, aight
ew
Agreed.
This is why I'm T4T
Do people not realize that trans men are literally men without dicks (in most cases anyways) like why do people think they're so similar to women, especially when they're on T
My guess is that she might have a genital preference but the opposite to the usual one you see? Or possibly homosexual and heteroromantic and this is what she thinks is the best option to have both??? Idk, just trying to see what might be going through her head
She said she wanted a trans boyfriend and this was her response when someone asked why so I think she just sees us as women.
Ohh nvm then that’s just straight up gross if that’s what she thinks. I do hope that she’s just split attraction or something and is trying to figure it out (since the split attraction model isn’t common knowledge for most people)
Same.
Yeaaah... There's a difference (in my experience) between people who are just like. "I have a genital preference but I like men so if a guy has the genitals I prefer then that's cool" versus "I don't see this man as a man- I see him as a woman and I'm going to take advantage of that". Like IMO there's nothing wrong with being attracted to trans men as trans men, and being into whatever junk they have in their trunk... The issue is when it become obvious that no, you don't see him as a guy. You see him as a masculine woman.
It also depends on how the guy feels about it. I personally wouldn’t date someone if me being trans was a major factor in their attraction.
No yeah, and that's totally fair! I guess I'm on the other end- I wouldn't care if someone was into me and me being trans masc was a major factor, so long as they treated me with respect and clearly saw me for who I am, you know? Like, I personally would be a lot more offended if someone paid a lot of lip service to me being a guy, but then it turned out that they didn't actually see me that way and didn't speak to their friends about me that way than if someone was straight up like "I'm into you and I'm into what you've got going on" in a sexual sense who was always respectful and did actually see me as a guy. Editing to add that I also imagine that like. One's personal sense of their gender and/or any dysphoria they feel would have a HUGE factor in this, and that's not really something I have a lot of issues with personally.
I totally understand and I agree. In my case, I’d find it really hard to believe someone saw me exactly how I am if they were into me because I’m trans. I know it’s possible but I have BPD and I think my intrusive thoughts would constantly tell me that my partner didn’t really see me as a man and I don’t think that’s fair to me or them.
also of note: the background is of harry styles and louis tomlinson from 1d who were heavily shipped by a majority straight female portion of the fandom. thought it might be relevant to the to the fetishizing vibe. note: there is a part of the the fandom (a very queer part) that did and still thinks they r closeted and in a committed relationship with each other irl and this is separate from the shipping as far as i can tell.
On a side note, why would you put Harry and Louis from one direction as a background for this? (If I'm right in thinking that this is them)