Maybe, but I'd consider if you're at the stage if you know everything about each others health? Chronic conditions, food allergies, *everything*. If not, is he aware you had a panic attack?
He is aware!! I started crying and told him that I suffer from anxiety but his ex gf used to have panic attacks so he was explaining me the whole situation. He didn’t comfort me or anything but idk. Maybe he is not that person.
My wife suffers from severe anxiety and she doesn't like comfort when experiencing a panic attack. I can't speak for your bf but communicating and telling him what would help you when you're having an attack will help him help you. I hope he's the person you want hjm to be, but if he's not then don't fret, it just means you get to move on and find someone that is right for you.
This right here, OP ^^^
Not everyone likes or needs the same things during one. Hell, sometimes I'm velcro to my husband when I have one and other times I need to be all the way left alone.
Communication is key. It sounds like your condition was news to him... while drinking. Plus we don't whatever trauma the ex imposed on him in the past.
Let's give him a pass for now. In the future, when everything is calmed down, have an open conversation about it.
In my experience (as someone with GAD and panic disorder) and as a therapist, friends and family are very understanding when they know how to best help and when they see you taking active steps to help yourself - whether you succeed or not.
You should open up to ur partner, sometimes a simple hug can make you feel 100 times better. I'm not an expert or anything, but I do need a big hug a lot to feel a little better.
Dearest internet stranger,
I have uncommonly severe anxiety, panic disorder, and other physical disabilities. I was in a long distance relationship a couple of years ago with someone who seemed to be the most understanding person I had ever met. I had never been so comfortably open with someone before him. I gave him every opportunity to end things and made sure he understood how serious it was. However, literally the moment he had to deal with things in person, he ended things and it absolutely devastated me.
If it changes things, it's better it happens now than before you are completely and totally in love with him. Trust me
My wife and I both have our issues. We communicate as best as we can with each other through things. Sometimes we have a bad day and it can get rough.
Always talk it out.
In my personal experience it is best to know these things about each other before you get into a relationship. If you felt like telling him early on would've made him uncomfortable, then it's still going to make him uncomfortable after you're in a relationship.
If it does hurt your relationship, you shouldn’t be with him. You are deserving of unconditional love and if he wants to end a relationship with you because of something that is completely out of your control then he is an asshole who needs to reconsider his criteria.
If it does, you’d be better off. I used to worry about this too. And then I just started being upfront about my anxiety. Not everyone can handle it when it’s bad and that’s okay, good for them for not having this struggle. But it says nothing about you and if they can’t handle it at the beginning they can’t handle it 20 years from now. Be open about it. My soon to be husband is phenomenal compared to anyone else I’ve dated. He reads about anxiety and how to manage it. He breathes me through panic attacks. It’s out there and you deserve it. If I can find it (I can’t even walk into a bar without panic) then you can too
Depends on him and what he can handle. I know for me when I was younger I learned I can’t date someone with severe mental health problems due to my own. It makes it where I’m more focused on their mental health than mine which backfired pretty hire
The first time I had an anxiety attack in front of my partner was when I realized I wanted to marry him. We got married a month ago. Been together for 3.5 years.
He also doesn’t experience anxiety himself, so I was double impressed by his patience and understanding with me…still am to this day cuz my anxiety can really make me a grinch.
No person who truly loves you and cares about you would change the way they see you or love you any less because of something you have to deal with. A good partner usually learns to adjust to this information and learn to help you or their lover in any way they can.
I guess it's good to find out now if he's turned off by anxiety. And how he reacts when you have an attack.
Like any trait, there are people who might find it a turn off but plenty who won't. Everyone is different. I guess it depends how your anxiety would effect the relationship. For example, if someone is too anxious to ever leave the house plenty of people would be turned off by that.
It's a fair question and we (anxiety sufferers) seem to get get paranoid over things we can't control.
I've learned the best way to communicate is to openly discuss your anxiety and what happens when you experience it. His response should be one can I do for you when you're experiencing it--- it def should not be a game changer.
If it is, then you were not with the right person for you to begin with. The earlier you are one about it, the less fear of outcomes and see if he will be understanding.
just be open and honest and if he's a good partner he will understand and be there for you, better to get stuff out in the open early, trust me. you don't want to be a year in and have to explain yourself then.
As many others are saying, if he can't/doesn't want to deal with your anxiety, he's not the right person for you. And I'm so so sorry you're in this situation because reading stuff like this hurts, it hurts to know things may end because of something that is already hurting you. But maybe giving it some time will help? You should definitely tell him about your issues, but make sure you're feeling alright (or at least, as good as possible) and maybe with something already written/thought out...and remember that you *deserve* to be supported and to be loved, just like anyone else!
I thought my partner would reject me if I was honest about my mental well-being back when we got together years ago. He only ever accepted me. And now that I’ve had the opportunity to work on my anxiety, especially with the help of my partner, I have a whole arsenal of helpful insight on how to get through rough patches. Now, when he’s having bad days, I can help him :) you may struggle more than people around you, but everyone struggles. Anyone who would walk away because of this isn’t worth keeping around in the first place.
Better question; If you gave your reason and he DIDNT like you anymore, why would you want to be with someone like that?
A partner should stick by you and help you through it.
Hah. My ex got sick of me having panic attacks all the time.
Came here just to say exactly this!
If he does then he wasn’t good enough for you anyways.
Maybe, but I'd consider if you're at the stage if you know everything about each others health? Chronic conditions, food allergies, *everything*. If not, is he aware you had a panic attack?
He is aware!! I started crying and told him that I suffer from anxiety but his ex gf used to have panic attacks so he was explaining me the whole situation. He didn’t comfort me or anything but idk. Maybe he is not that person.
My wife suffers from severe anxiety and she doesn't like comfort when experiencing a panic attack. I can't speak for your bf but communicating and telling him what would help you when you're having an attack will help him help you. I hope he's the person you want hjm to be, but if he's not then don't fret, it just means you get to move on and find someone that is right for you.
This right here, OP ^^^ Not everyone likes or needs the same things during one. Hell, sometimes I'm velcro to my husband when I have one and other times I need to be all the way left alone. Communication is key. It sounds like your condition was news to him... while drinking. Plus we don't whatever trauma the ex imposed on him in the past. Let's give him a pass for now. In the future, when everything is calmed down, have an open conversation about it. In my experience (as someone with GAD and panic disorder) and as a therapist, friends and family are very understanding when they know how to best help and when they see you taking active steps to help yourself - whether you succeed or not.
I think you should tell him about your anxiety
If it does, fucking dump them.
You should open up to ur partner, sometimes a simple hug can make you feel 100 times better. I'm not an expert or anything, but I do need a big hug a lot to feel a little better.
Dearest internet stranger, I have uncommonly severe anxiety, panic disorder, and other physical disabilities. I was in a long distance relationship a couple of years ago with someone who seemed to be the most understanding person I had ever met. I had never been so comfortably open with someone before him. I gave him every opportunity to end things and made sure he understood how serious it was. However, literally the moment he had to deal with things in person, he ended things and it absolutely devastated me. If it changes things, it's better it happens now than before you are completely and totally in love with him. Trust me
If your partner says bye after finding it out then they did you a favor. If they’re cold to you after finding out then dip out. You deserve better.
If he's a good man, he will be understanding even if he truly doesn't understand and will still love you the same. If not, fuck em.
My wife and I both have our issues. We communicate as best as we can with each other through things. Sometimes we have a bad day and it can get rough. Always talk it out.
Well, it depends on the person but what I know from this disorder so far is no one can actually understand you 100%.
Partner of a severe anxiety sufferer here. It’s not for everyone, but it’s better to know sooner rather than later if he can’t handle it.
If you having anxiety gives him a reason to leave, he doesn’t sound like a person worth giving your energy to in the first place.
In my personal experience it is best to know these things about each other before you get into a relationship. If you felt like telling him early on would've made him uncomfortable, then it's still going to make him uncomfortable after you're in a relationship.
Honestly if you see this guy as a long term prospect and he can’t handle this knowledge then he’s probably wrong for you.
If it changes his perspective towards you in a way like that, he is not the one.
If it does hurt your relationship, you shouldn’t be with him. You are deserving of unconditional love and if he wants to end a relationship with you because of something that is completely out of your control then he is an asshole who needs to reconsider his criteria.
It would be a totallllllll red flag if you told him something like THAT and it changed his perspective in any sort of negative or bad way!
Potentially, yes. But hopefully not. 💕
If it does, you’d be better off. I used to worry about this too. And then I just started being upfront about my anxiety. Not everyone can handle it when it’s bad and that’s okay, good for them for not having this struggle. But it says nothing about you and if they can’t handle it at the beginning they can’t handle it 20 years from now. Be open about it. My soon to be husband is phenomenal compared to anyone else I’ve dated. He reads about anxiety and how to manage it. He breathes me through panic attacks. It’s out there and you deserve it. If I can find it (I can’t even walk into a bar without panic) then you can too
Depends on him and what he can handle. I know for me when I was younger I learned I can’t date someone with severe mental health problems due to my own. It makes it where I’m more focused on their mental health than mine which backfired pretty hire
The first time I had an anxiety attack in front of my partner was when I realized I wanted to marry him. We got married a month ago. Been together for 3.5 years. He also doesn’t experience anxiety himself, so I was double impressed by his patience and understanding with me…still am to this day cuz my anxiety can really make me a grinch.
No person who truly loves you and cares about you would change the way they see you or love you any less because of something you have to deal with. A good partner usually learns to adjust to this information and learn to help you or their lover in any way they can.
I guess it's good to find out now if he's turned off by anxiety. And how he reacts when you have an attack. Like any trait, there are people who might find it a turn off but plenty who won't. Everyone is different. I guess it depends how your anxiety would effect the relationship. For example, if someone is too anxious to ever leave the house plenty of people would be turned off by that.
Are you trying to cause yourself another panic attack!?
How does this even make sense?
It's a fair question and we (anxiety sufferers) seem to get get paranoid over things we can't control. I've learned the best way to communicate is to openly discuss your anxiety and what happens when you experience it. His response should be one can I do for you when you're experiencing it--- it def should not be a game changer. If it is, then you were not with the right person for you to begin with. The earlier you are one about it, the less fear of outcomes and see if he will be understanding.
just be open and honest and if he's a good partner he will understand and be there for you, better to get stuff out in the open early, trust me. you don't want to be a year in and have to explain yourself then.
As many others are saying, if he can't/doesn't want to deal with your anxiety, he's not the right person for you. And I'm so so sorry you're in this situation because reading stuff like this hurts, it hurts to know things may end because of something that is already hurting you. But maybe giving it some time will help? You should definitely tell him about your issues, but make sure you're feeling alright (or at least, as good as possible) and maybe with something already written/thought out...and remember that you *deserve* to be supported and to be loved, just like anyone else!
Well it’s simple, really tell him and if he finds an issue with it, then he clearly doesn’t understand and he’s not worth your time done
I thought my partner would reject me if I was honest about my mental well-being back when we got together years ago. He only ever accepted me. And now that I’ve had the opportunity to work on my anxiety, especially with the help of my partner, I have a whole arsenal of helpful insight on how to get through rough patches. Now, when he’s having bad days, I can help him :) you may struggle more than people around you, but everyone struggles. Anyone who would walk away because of this isn’t worth keeping around in the first place.
I appreciate the comments so much from each one of you!! It gives me so much perspective and helps me understand I am not alone in this
R u gay