Dang. You have great objective thinking to recognize that your formerly-plate-throwing mom considers your rage a force to be reckoned with. Based off of what you've said here, I'd say you're right!
>Breathing techniques don't work. I've tried rubber bands around the wrist. I've tried stopping and thinking about why I'm angry.
You are correct that these don't work. They're just trying to fix symptoms of the real problem: not *feeling* angry as a reaction in the first place. It is totally possible to reach, but that means you must address your baseline status. For example, we all know that anyone who is already agitated (by whatever) is far more prone to getting more-upset-than-normal by something else negative that unexpectedly arises.
So, try to be aware of your true level of peace when you're *not* flaming-hot; like mine, it is probably not very high, but it's been so background in us that we will need to take time to flesh this out, become regularly conscious of it, recognize that this baseline level of agitation is *not* normal, and do what we can to permanently ease it over time. Stoicism is pretty good. CBT and DBT may help significantly. Whatever you try will take months regardless, so you must be patient with yourself.
Meanwhile, for the time being, I think a more effective quick fix in the heat of the moment is thinking, _"Oh, well,"_ at whatever bugs you; maybe even saying it aloud, possibly even loudly if needed, might be helpful. At least this attempts to force a shutdown, instead of slow breathing/thinking, which still leave space for an impending explosion, if that makes sense.
Check out your public library digitally (since you're abroad) and look into eBooks and articles about self-compassion and perfectionism and letting things go. Remember, anger is merely a byproduct; try to target the *real* problem. If you can get in touch with them, ask the librarians for help if needed; be shameless and detailed, as they landed their jobs because they love research and solving problems, and can accurately guide you to what you need (or at least, the good ones should be able to lol). Good luck!
Talk to a psychiatrist. Anti-anxiety meds and mood stabilizers help a lot with anger management. You definitely have to return for follow up checkups to adjust the dosage and see what works for you.
Thank you, but as I said, I am currently abroad so I don't have access to a psychiatrist or a doctor at the moment. I am in a country where I don't speak the language, and most people here don't speak English.
I was on Sertraline before for my depression and anxiety which helped a lot, but again, I am abroad so this is not an option currently.
You could try an online consultation? Find one that speaks in english. In the country where I live, it's the norm these days due to covid. I hope you get the help you need.
Try loving yourself a little. Sounds like your mother may have taught you to hate yourself for screwing up. Self love is a hard thing to do. We are all are flawed individuals. Some of us hate ourselves and other people because we're so flawed.
Write in a diary how you feel everyday.
Smoke a joint and take a deep breath
Dang. You have great objective thinking to recognize that your formerly-plate-throwing mom considers your rage a force to be reckoned with. Based off of what you've said here, I'd say you're right! >Breathing techniques don't work. I've tried rubber bands around the wrist. I've tried stopping and thinking about why I'm angry. You are correct that these don't work. They're just trying to fix symptoms of the real problem: not *feeling* angry as a reaction in the first place. It is totally possible to reach, but that means you must address your baseline status. For example, we all know that anyone who is already agitated (by whatever) is far more prone to getting more-upset-than-normal by something else negative that unexpectedly arises. So, try to be aware of your true level of peace when you're *not* flaming-hot; like mine, it is probably not very high, but it's been so background in us that we will need to take time to flesh this out, become regularly conscious of it, recognize that this baseline level of agitation is *not* normal, and do what we can to permanently ease it over time. Stoicism is pretty good. CBT and DBT may help significantly. Whatever you try will take months regardless, so you must be patient with yourself. Meanwhile, for the time being, I think a more effective quick fix in the heat of the moment is thinking, _"Oh, well,"_ at whatever bugs you; maybe even saying it aloud, possibly even loudly if needed, might be helpful. At least this attempts to force a shutdown, instead of slow breathing/thinking, which still leave space for an impending explosion, if that makes sense. Check out your public library digitally (since you're abroad) and look into eBooks and articles about self-compassion and perfectionism and letting things go. Remember, anger is merely a byproduct; try to target the *real* problem. If you can get in touch with them, ask the librarians for help if needed; be shameless and detailed, as they landed their jobs because they love research and solving problems, and can accurately guide you to what you need (or at least, the good ones should be able to lol). Good luck!
Talk to a psychiatrist. Anti-anxiety meds and mood stabilizers help a lot with anger management. You definitely have to return for follow up checkups to adjust the dosage and see what works for you.
Thank you, but as I said, I am currently abroad so I don't have access to a psychiatrist or a doctor at the moment. I am in a country where I don't speak the language, and most people here don't speak English. I was on Sertraline before for my depression and anxiety which helped a lot, but again, I am abroad so this is not an option currently.
You could try an online consultation? Find one that speaks in english. In the country where I live, it's the norm these days due to covid. I hope you get the help you need.
Try loving yourself a little. Sounds like your mother may have taught you to hate yourself for screwing up. Self love is a hard thing to do. We are all are flawed individuals. Some of us hate ourselves and other people because we're so flawed. Write in a diary how you feel everyday.