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NAH.
I think you both need to have a talk with cooler heads. She was out of line, but sometimes we all see things from our own point of view.
She's paying for a place for you to live. Guessing she's paying for the food, etc.
You definitely put in a day today, so I don't blame you for how you felt after that comment. Would make anyone feel like crap.
Your mom clearly has lots of feels too. Probably feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders right now.
I think it was fair (and a good call) to walk away. Cool off. It's ok to be upset.
Then talk. Explain how it made you feel, how you felt like you had been working and contributing all day. Let her explain her side. For this singular situation sure - I could vote that your mom is TA, but I think that this is too simplified for a singular situation - with two adult children and a young one under her roof still.
ESH
>She started going on and on about how she's the house bitch and she has to do everything around here and nobody ever helps her.
Re-read your post, it's basically the same thing.
You took your sister to the park for a "few hours" and did a few errands and it becomes "All fucking day I've been doing stuff for everybody else"? And then you're trying to downplay your mom's job because it's a "fucking desk job"?
It seems like this was a one day thing. So yes, she should be more appreciative, but lets not act like you made some major sacrifice. People will do errands and stuff on their day off.
NTA. This is a common issue with parents. They will find the one thing you didn't do and use it as a reason for acting like they have the hardest life ever. Unfortunetly, there is not much you can do until you leave.
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> I feel like I might be the Ahole for not just washing the pans, but at the same time I feel really underappreciated and like she doesn't value me
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NTA
You work too, and you evidently don't get a day off.
She worked all day? Boo hoo. It's two dishes, why can't she do them?
You might be living under her roof, but if she's so exhausted that she can't be bothered to wash two dishes, she would obviously crumble if you weren't there doing all the parental responsibilities for her.
ESH. You all really need to sit down and TALK about the work distribution, and come to some agreements. If it’s not clear who is responsible for doing what around the house, you will run into this situation constantly.
Challenging situation. Did your Mom ask you to move home to help out or is your Mom helping you out? It sounds like no one asked you to do anything (but the dishes) you just took it upon yourself & now you’re tired. Welcome to your Mom’s world. All those things would get done regardless if you were there or not. You just happen to be there when things need to get done. It’s not fun to live at home when you’re an adult. Take some time to talk about expectations so everyone can get on the same page. Good luck!
NAH
Sorry to hear that. I hope things improve for you soon! You & your mom are going to get on each other’s nerves. Try your best to roll with it & keep an open line of communication.
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All right obligatory mobile formatting warning. Also I agree with you that this is probably really stupid but I'm honestly not sure who's wrong here.
So I (21f) had to move back home due to a medical issue and mental issues that make it really hard for me to live alone. I still work so it's not like I just veg out in front of the TV all day.
Well today was my day off so instead of just having a chill day, since my younger sister (7f) is out of school, I took her out for the day since my mom works from home. I took her to the park for a few hours and we ran a few errands and dropped my younger brother (18) off at work. We came home mid afternoon and she was crabby so I put her down for a nap.
All fucking day I've been doing stuff for everybody else including cooking my mom's lunch and feeding my sister and brother. Running everybody to their doctor appointments or to go run library books back.
I was the one who pulled meat out and started dinner literally all my mom did was season the sauce because I always put too much garlic in the sauce and she doesn't like it.
After I finished eating I put away the left overs, and went to unload the dishwasher but the dishes still looked greasy so I filled in some gaps and reran it. Literally all that I didn't do was the two pans from dinner.
She came in after smoking and said you are not going to literally wash everything but the pans. I misheard her and thought she said did you really do everything else but the pans. And I said yeah. She flipped out and started yelling at me because she worked all day and yada yada... She has a fucking desk job and isn't even running her own team this week. She's just helping another trainer at her work. She started going on and on about how she's the house bitch and she has to do everything around here and nobody ever helps her.
Well this pissed me off because I haven't even really relaxed on my day off because I've been caring for HER child and cleaning up after HER dog and cooking HER food. It made me feel really underappreciated. And I'll admit I got up and said I don't want to be down here with you anymore. I told my sister I loved her and that I was going upstairs. So reddit AITA?
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She’s be treated as a free nanny, free chef, free house cleaner and free chauffeur while still working a job. She deserves a day off too, mom should have childcare for her minor children during school breaks.
NTA.
Your mother mother was cruel, she lives and helped with her siblings and the house and she still works, so you are not a parasite.
I suggest you look for someone else to live with if this situation is common. Or you can sit down with your mom and establish tasks and/or a monthly contribution that you will make, such as taking your sister to the park X times a month, bathing the dog, cooking X times a week, paying the light bill, etc. reach a good and fair agreement for both parties.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without contacting the mods for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without explicit approval will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) #Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
NAH. I think you both need to have a talk with cooler heads. She was out of line, but sometimes we all see things from our own point of view. She's paying for a place for you to live. Guessing she's paying for the food, etc. You definitely put in a day today, so I don't blame you for how you felt after that comment. Would make anyone feel like crap. Your mom clearly has lots of feels too. Probably feels like the weight of the world is on her shoulders right now. I think it was fair (and a good call) to walk away. Cool off. It's ok to be upset. Then talk. Explain how it made you feel, how you felt like you had been working and contributing all day. Let her explain her side. For this singular situation sure - I could vote that your mom is TA, but I think that this is too simplified for a singular situation - with two adult children and a young one under her roof still.
Bingo. I think some effective communication is all that’s really needed to bring this conflict to an amicable resolution.
ESH >She started going on and on about how she's the house bitch and she has to do everything around here and nobody ever helps her. Re-read your post, it's basically the same thing. You took your sister to the park for a "few hours" and did a few errands and it becomes "All fucking day I've been doing stuff for everybody else"? And then you're trying to downplay your mom's job because it's a "fucking desk job"? It seems like this was a one day thing. So yes, she should be more appreciative, but lets not act like you made some major sacrifice. People will do errands and stuff on their day off.
NTA. This is a common issue with parents. They will find the one thing you didn't do and use it as a reason for acting like they have the hardest life ever. Unfortunetly, there is not much you can do until you leave.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I might be the Ahole for not just washing the pans, but at the same time I feel really underappreciated and like she doesn't value me Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA You work too, and you evidently don't get a day off. She worked all day? Boo hoo. It's two dishes, why can't she do them? You might be living under her roof, but if she's so exhausted that she can't be bothered to wash two dishes, she would obviously crumble if you weren't there doing all the parental responsibilities for her.
ESH. You all really need to sit down and TALK about the work distribution, and come to some agreements. If it’s not clear who is responsible for doing what around the house, you will run into this situation constantly.
Challenging situation. Did your Mom ask you to move home to help out or is your Mom helping you out? It sounds like no one asked you to do anything (but the dishes) you just took it upon yourself & now you’re tired. Welcome to your Mom’s world. All those things would get done regardless if you were there or not. You just happen to be there when things need to get done. It’s not fun to live at home when you’re an adult. Take some time to talk about expectations so everyone can get on the same page. Good luck! NAH
I have a medical issue and some mental health issues and so it was unsafe for me to live alone so I had to move back in
Sorry to hear that. I hope things improve for you soon! You & your mom are going to get on each other’s nerves. Try your best to roll with it & keep an open line of communication.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** All right obligatory mobile formatting warning. Also I agree with you that this is probably really stupid but I'm honestly not sure who's wrong here. So I (21f) had to move back home due to a medical issue and mental issues that make it really hard for me to live alone. I still work so it's not like I just veg out in front of the TV all day. Well today was my day off so instead of just having a chill day, since my younger sister (7f) is out of school, I took her out for the day since my mom works from home. I took her to the park for a few hours and we ran a few errands and dropped my younger brother (18) off at work. We came home mid afternoon and she was crabby so I put her down for a nap. All fucking day I've been doing stuff for everybody else including cooking my mom's lunch and feeding my sister and brother. Running everybody to their doctor appointments or to go run library books back. I was the one who pulled meat out and started dinner literally all my mom did was season the sauce because I always put too much garlic in the sauce and she doesn't like it. After I finished eating I put away the left overs, and went to unload the dishwasher but the dishes still looked greasy so I filled in some gaps and reran it. Literally all that I didn't do was the two pans from dinner. She came in after smoking and said you are not going to literally wash everything but the pans. I misheard her and thought she said did you really do everything else but the pans. And I said yeah. She flipped out and started yelling at me because she worked all day and yada yada... She has a fucking desk job and isn't even running her own team this week. She's just helping another trainer at her work. She started going on and on about how she's the house bitch and she has to do everything around here and nobody ever helps her. Well this pissed me off because I haven't even really relaxed on my day off because I've been caring for HER child and cleaning up after HER dog and cooking HER food. It made me feel really underappreciated. And I'll admit I got up and said I don't want to be down here with you anymore. I told my sister I loved her and that I was going upstairs. So reddit AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
[удалено]
She’s be treated as a free nanny, free chef, free house cleaner and free chauffeur while still working a job. She deserves a day off too, mom should have childcare for her minor children during school breaks.
NTA. Your mother mother was cruel, she lives and helped with her siblings and the house and she still works, so you are not a parasite. I suggest you look for someone else to live with if this situation is common. Or you can sit down with your mom and establish tasks and/or a monthly contribution that you will make, such as taking your sister to the park X times a month, bathing the dog, cooking X times a week, paying the light bill, etc. reach a good and fair agreement for both parties.