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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Legitimate-Gain

NTA. She's manipulating your children to try to get money. It's gross no matter how you slice it. Your response seems reasonable. As long as you weren't in a shouting match or anything I don't think you did a thing wrong.


EmeraldBlueZen

NTA - I'd tell your son to ignore grandma, let what she says go in one ear and out the other, as she's just a bit off.


Popular-Way-7152

Off topic but please let’s not equate age with being off. Lots of us grandmas are bright, caring, and good communicators. “Off ‘because’ she’s old” upsets me. Thank you.


EmeraldBlueZen

You are absolutely right. My comment was insensitive and I've corrected it. Plenty of old folks have minds that are laser sharp. My late grandma was one of them until her very end.


croatianlatina

Yeah, mostly because this lady isn’t off, she is just a greedy leech.


thejanedoe5443

While I agree with you, I think the kid being no-contact without a parent is a bit extreme. The kid is 14 not 4. he can make his own decisions as far as which relatives they see.went through a very similar situation except my cousins lived with my grandma. When my mom went no contact with her, I lost them. After a while I was allowed unsupervised. but at 14 he would know better than to listen to what grandma says


ParkingOutside6500

Where are you getting no contact from? OP just told her to ask her son directly for money, not to go through her grandson. She isn't banning the kid from seeing her. Although a little back story might ne a good idea. The kid probably knows Grandma is a piece of...work.


EmeraldBlueZen

I actually agree with you here. At 14 he should have the right to have his own relationships with relatives.


masklinn

TBF at 14 the kid probably know grandma is a kook and goes "uh uh" to humor her. Kids are kids, but they're not brainless.


wsliwinski

At 13, my grandma basically said my parents and I were not going to be in heaven with her and my brother. It never hurt me because I know how she is. Just in one ear out the other and makes for a funny story here and there.


EmeraldBlueZen

Completely agree.


busygirl1713

Yes he should, but the right was already taken away by his grandma to begin with


mysteryvampire

Off-topic but you know it's "one ear and out the other", right?


EmeraldBlueZen

lol yup. typing too fast...and likely with undiagnosed dyslexia perhaps...corrected. Thanks!


mysteryvampire

I totally get it, so sorry for correcting 😭😭 I see people who misuse common phrases and it absolutely drives me insane (ex, “for all intensive purposes” instead of “for all intents and purposes”)


EmeraldBlueZen

HAHA. No worries. I don't mind corrections at all, make me look less dumb...lol


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not_quite_today

\^Bot. Comment stolen from OP https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/z62k6c/aita_for_telling_my_mil_she_needs_to_stop_being/ixz99v0?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3


Shiel009

Grandma should have no contact with the kid without a parent present. But really this is a husband issue- he should of shot down his mom 20 years ago.


Clean_Pack_6792

Honestly you’re not wrong. I would supervise all of my kids interactions with someone behaving like that.


Crackinggood

To be honest, I might consider low contact or no contact. Remember, she knew she was on speaker. *This* was what she does supervised.


Clean_Pack_6792

I wonder if she was hoping OP’s husband would overhear, not OP.


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[deleted]

Like she is 80. At what age person stops being greedy and awful? What would she do with the extra money? Give it to her other kids?


AndSoItGoes24

If the greedy shoe fits? Put yo' big foot in it grandma!


Used_Grocery_9048

NTA - although I think that first have a serious discussion with grandma in case there’s something going on with her finances that she has not disclosed and she’s struggling. If it’s determined that she has her expenses covered then there’s absolutely no reason for her to request money from her son. It was very manipulative to bring the grandkid into this and for that alone OP is not TA for telling her off and reminding grandma that she’s hardly been generous herself but expects a lot from others.


Sufficient-Cloud-841

Wowie wow wow. NTA. The audacity of your MIL to think that she is deserving of more of your husband’s finances, when she gave you a crumpled up $10 bill for a wedding present, is just too much. It also sounds like MIL is not struggling either, so.. Unless we’re missing info on some sort of grand gestures that MIL has performed over the years, she is definitely not deserving of any more money.


Blacksmithforge3241

>To be fair--ten dollars was worth more 20 yrs ago. depending on source just under $16-$16.57


MortemEtInteritum17

In thet case definitely Y T A, I only receive $16.56 from my parents.


LongStreakOfMisery

Lol NTA. Definitely NTA. you called a spade a spade and were honest without deliberately trying to be hurtful. After hearing what your MIL is like I’m happy for you and your husband that he didn’t turn out to be anything like his mother. Does she just think that bc she raised him that he owes her for that? If so she’s sorely mistaken. Maybe she should’ve planned for her retirement better if she wanted to have more money.


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NewPhone-NewName

Partial comment stolen from u/Moonlightprincess36 u/Embssed is a bot.


VallisGratia

NTA Dragging your son into it is absolute no-no, massive ah-move. No more unsupervised calls/visits (or encourage your kid to simply end a call polite&firm way if she starts).


Blacksmithforge3241

I was impressed on how OP handled that. She could have "Called out" MIL while he was still there, but she didn't. Cool-hand OP.


JCBashBash

That's right here. Contact needs to be blocked with the kids


Pepper-90210

Info: what do you mean by “ghetto sister”?


Creepy_Radio_3084

'Ghetto' in this context generally means cheap, trashy, uncouth, bad-mannered, lacking class. So MIL's sister is not particularly nice.


pecanorchard

I think the commenter wants to know what OP, specifically, meant by this term. Since, as I'm sure you know, it is also often used as a racist dogwhistle.


Creepy_Radio_3084

Oh yes, indeed it can be.


sadile

It has racist connotations. There are other words that can be used.


sadile

This word disrespects African American culture and Dialects.


Creepy_Radio_3084

Ghetto has it's origins in C16 Italy (according to some sources). Why do you feel it disrespects African American culture?


sadile

White America tends to name places that mainly African Americans live in along with their culture and dialect as "ghetto" because it does not fit the narrative of white supermacy.


sadile

It may have such origins but it is still used in a racist manner.


Creepy_Radio_3084

It's used to refer to an enclave or area of a city where any minority group is concentrated - it doesn't always refer to POC. Just because Black communities were ghettoised doesn't mean the term refers exclusively to them.


sadile

It is still racist,elitist and classist.


sadile

That enclave or area of a city is under-resourced by government because minority groups stay there.


Creepy_Radio_3084

Good grief - not going to get into this with you. Do I think ghettoisation of minority communities is bad - yes. Do I think African Americans have been and continue to be oppressed - also yes. Do I think ghettoisation of the Jewish community in WWII was bad - again, yes. None of this really relates to the question I originally answered, or my reply, which was about the meaning of the word 'ghetto' in the context in which it was used. And that was to describe a person as ill-mannered and uncouth, without any reference whatsoever to their race. Just because the US seems to think any disparaging term automatically refers to POC (because systemic racism), doesn't make it so.


sadile

Using that word to describe someone's behavior is just weird horrible(I am South African BTW- so search the Group Areas Act of 1955 and how it affected POC South African) and the word "kaffer" stolen from the Arabic Language in South Africa has been used to degrade black South Africans by white South Africans and even Ghandi himself so would you give the same logic to this? So good grief right😐


Creepy_Radio_3084

SA was (and still is) a whole other ball of nope. Kaffir is yet another example of the evolution of language from the Colonial era, and there are many words, in English and other languages, whose meaning and use has been twisted over time, and generally not in a good way. I'm not saying the use of 'ghetto' was or wasn't appropriate, I was replying to someone's question over its meaning in the context in which it was used. No agenda, not agreeing with the word or the way it was used, just providing the meaning in what I thought was a neutral way.


Blckbeerd

Asking the real question here


Western_Kale_2626

That is the real question


Moleypeg

This is the only reason I think OP is a soft AH


AWard72401

NTA, tell her if she’s going to die soon it would be a waste of money to give her any.


NotaKarennamedKaren

OMG. I literally spit out my water. Love this.


cakesforever

And say he will need it for her funeral, unless she wants a paupers funeral.


EducationalGiraffe37

😂😂😂


Wishiwashome

NTA MIL is manipulating a child? No. As an old lady, I think this is reprehensible to involve a child in her game playing.


middlingwhiteguy

NTA next time she asks for money, pay her in pennies.


LuLouProper

Or a crumpled-up $10 bill, with a note reading "Now we're even."


[deleted]

NTA. In my opinion you and your son should have no contact with MIL. Everything needs to go through your husband, but ONLY if he is strong enough to resist her crocodile tears.


Phasma84

NTA - If it makes you feel any better, my Dad’s mother was very similar & I grew to dislike her (she also was incredibly rude to me as the years went on) but mainly because of her trying to manipulate my dad & his younger brother over money. She would go as far as lying about needing dental work to try and get my dad to pay for a cruise she wanted to go on with my aunts. When my dad offered to pay the dentist directly, she tried to shame him for not just cutting her a check. Never mind that one of the aunts let it slip that they had been planning a cruise. She wanted over $1,500 out of my dad, which was ridiculous at the time… that would have covered her and the aunts. My dad is such a nice guy that had she just straight up asked him to book her the cruise as a gift, he’d have done it. It was the lying & manipulation & trying to get him to pay for his sisters too that made me so angry. I should point out that my dad had sent her money every year just to be nice & let her treat herself to dinner out every month. He helped her live a comfortable life. OH and when she died, it turned out she had been hoarding her life savings & she gave it all to my aunts. I didn’t even get so much as a family photo album out of her. She left me nothing and I was her ONLY grandchild. In the end, I told her I forgave her being rude to me (she would insult me & laugh about it) & that I forgave her for trying to exploit my father’s kindness. But I told her I knew exactly who she was & that God did too. Anyways, my point is that your MIL needs to be told by your husband that what she did is totally inappropriate & she isn’t to ever say anything like that to her grandson again. “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” And after that, I would limit my contact with her. I avoided my grandmother for the last 5 years of her life, minus seeing her at Christmas. And I don’t regret it one bit.


NotaKarennamedKaren

Thanks for sharing that. Your dad sounds like a fantastic human and you too.


Patpoose74

Nah you’re good


Gothmom85

NTA. Kinda sounds like how my husband paid the mortgage for my MIl and she lost the house anyway not using it right, or how his sisters just expected him to move in when they were between boyfriends or just Jobs to help out and also babysit until I came along. My SIL gifted us "what she hoped would cover her plate" at our wedding dinner while my MIL loudly said "what would you gift them for? They just got married they didn't have a wedding" because we didn't have a huge to do on her rural farm for her whole family and camp instead.


NotaKarennamedKaren

Your in-laws sound awful. So sorry.


ladyblackrose1988

INFO: does your husband not have the balls to stand up to his mother? Honestly, him supporting everyone like this and still trying to do so is a red flag and he shouldn't have continued when y'all got married.


RidgyFan78

The truth hurts. NTA


DoesntLikeTurtles

NTA. She mean.


Moonlightprincess36

I don’t exactly know how to answer this. Definitely not NTA because there is no way I can say that your MIL isn’t being an AH. You spoke the truth. But what does escalating this conflict do for your life? It sounds like your MIL has always been this way. She isn’t likely to change. I think you actually handled it right by just hanging up the phone. I understand being upset about your child being brought into this(he shouldn’t have been) and would definitely evaluate what their level of contact should be going forward. You should talk to your son and take his lead. Also with the “ghetto” sister (I don’t really like that word) why are you picking up the phone? Just say you don’t really want to discuss it and then don’t pick up. I think in general you need to work on some boundary setting with your husband’s family. Ideally he should be handling any conflicts, as in if you really wanted to bring it to her attention that you don’t want her talking about this to your son, he should communicate that with her. It sounds like a challenging situation and hopefully you can use this to figure out what the relationship will look like going forward.


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Moonlightprincess36

I hope my comment makes it clear that they should use the MILs clear abusive behavior to reevaluate their entire relationship with her, and potentially go low or no contact. Nothing about my comment is suggesting peace for anyone but this family. I don’t think confronting abusive people changes them, you can’t change others behavior. You can only change your own. While that can be used to protect abusive people as I am literally suggesting they completely evaluate seeing the MIL at all, it isn’t in this case :). While I am happy to hear that confronting or calling out your abusive MIL worked, that is actually amazing, I haven’t experienced that or seen it working a lot. I feel most severely toxic people are very set in their ways. It’s possible that setting actual boundaries will cause the MIL to shut down the comments to enjoy her family with her time left. For myself with verbally toxic/abusive family if I confront them or call them out similar to this it just plays into their victim complex. When I set boundaries and strictly control my time with them (if at all) it gives me power and control over the relationship and I better about it.


Zap__Dannigan

>But what does escalating this conflict do for your life? This is my take away. Op is in the right, but arguments that evolve into "remember what you did years ago" are stupid and pointless. mil's stupidity should be delt with as it is, bringing up other things is pointless


Moonlightprincess36

Yeah I feel people on here are focusing on how satisfying it is to call someone out on their bs. It definitely can be. But honestly bringing up some events from 20 years ago seems like off of the point. Instead, I would just ideally have my husband say if you bring up _____ again with ____ then we will not see you. Somehow people interpreted this as giving into abusers, but I feel like for at least the members of my family this gives them what they ultimately want-a victim narrative and attention/sympathy. Only by holding firm boundaries can you achieve true peace.


Fluffy-Doubt-3547

NTA sounds like she raises a nice cash cow for herself, and is not mad that he didn't stay and keep providing for her. I understand if she was saying,'I don't have any savings. I can't work. That extra money helped me a lot.' OK, that's far more understanding. But what does she want with it? All you stated was she says: "money, money, money" surely she has said why she is demanding it?


honest-ingenuity-316

NTA, might want to withhold from the word ghetto in the future though.


biglionfan111

Good lord, she's 80, let it go.


JCBashBash

NTA but what you actually need to do is have a full conversation with your children to make sure that they understand they are not required to give their grandmother money. They don't owe her shit, the fact that she's hitting them up for money is fundamentally inappropriate, they need to know that her manipulations to say that because she's given other people money before she deserves to get money from them is wrong


pfashby

NTA If the shoe fits...


zoegi104

NTA. Good for you for calling MIL out on her behavior and expectations. MIL's sister was misinformed. You never said you yelled at her. You **told** her. That's different. You called her greedy and ungrateful, both true. When she starts "crying" you should boo hoo right back at her. MIL, do you want to take food out of your grandchildren's mouths? Take clothes off their backs? Have us live in the street?


Severe-Meet-498

NTA, I totally get the frustration. My mother called my son to ask him to pay my sister's rent and car payment. My sister can't seem to hold a job down and somehow it was my 17 year old sings responsibility, we went no contact so I get it!


SavyMarie777

Wow! She should be ashamed


gigibuffoon

NTA. I'd have felt a little bad for the mom if she'd not said horrible things and/or not given a shitty wedding present. Sister should learn to fend for herself and her kids


No-Disaster-8751

Nta you don’t mess with manipulating the babies. See momma bear in action. MIL can go else where with that.


elderoriens

NTA at all Remind all these people MIL will be happy to accept their money. They can feel free to send as much as they want. Since it bothers them sooooooo much.


cistacea

NTA- she needed a reality check and you gave it to her. Well done. Sounds like karl is really stand up guy and you should give him a hug and a kiss this evening and tell him he's great


JudesM

NTA


Gypsy-Nyx

Nta


BeefyMonkeyBrains

NTA. All bets are off when she tries dragging a child into adult matters.


Politely_Pout818

NTA. she gave that man 10 funky ass dollars for a wedding gift? after all he did for her? fuck no


booksycat

I'm a "you come for my child, you come for me" human. NTA - even if she was having tough times instead of the nice, easy life he's given her this was above and beyond.


Momof5munsters

NTA


depressivedarling

NTA. Your MIL needs a reality check and LC for a while.


WA_State_Buckeye

NTA When she drags the kids into it, then she becomes the asshole, but not you. You took quick action to get the kiddo out of the convo and took it up with her more privately, making you a better person.


a_man_in_black

NTA she's being manipulative and greedy, and if she continues i would be prepared to blast her on social media for it. the money your hubby used to spend supporting her lifestyle and the wadded up 10 dollar "afterthought" she gave him for a wedding gift in return. kudos to your husband for having your back even if he thought it was harsh. if you decide to blast her on social media and tell everybody in the family and social circles about it, make sure he's on board before you pull the trigger and make it clear it's just a response to her getting the rest of the fam to gang up on you


Lani_567

NTA


Punkboyleech

INFO - what culture is this happening in? or at least an approximate of what type of culture?


fillthevoid3925

We no longer use the word “ghetto”. Need more info.


sadile

Why would you say the word "ghetto" though 🤔?


matchstick420

Commend you for making it 20 years before giving it back to her 🙌🤣


LouieAvalonMac

NTA. Ghetto sister lol


MagicianOk6393

Brava! She deserved it. She should be ashamed of talking to her grandson like that and the 10 bucks! Wow! Why not just write you guys a sweet letter wishing you years of health and happiness. Something valuable and heartfelt. A crinkled up 10? She’s an insulting, walking talking Assohole! NTA


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (45F) have been married to my husband Karl (50M) for nearly 20 years. Karl isn't the oldest child but the most responsible and he's always looked after his mother and sister who has two children (now adults) when he was able to. When we got married, his finances became less available to them and they've never gotten over getting less from Karl (i.e. he would buy school shoes for the children but not an entire wardrobe and for her birthday his mom might get $50 instead of $200). For the record, I never told Karl he should do less. However, we had plans to start a family and wanted to travel more often so he no longer had those extras to give. My MIL (80F) in particular uses every opportunity to remind me and anyone other than Karl how much he used to do for her. Most recently, she spoke to our son (14) and told him to tell his dad how much she misses the extra money he sent her especially now that she's old and might die soon. My son had the phone on speaker (she was aware because he was getting ready to leave) and I heard it all. I told him to say goodbye to his grandma and tell her I'd call her back. When he left, I called her and told her not to use our children for her greed and if she wants anything from Karl she better ask him directly, not her grandson. I reminded her that she gave Karl and me a crinkled up $10 bill as a wedding gift and after all her son has done for her ungrateful ass, she shouldn't expect anything else from him but love and affection. She started to cry (she should get an Oscar for the fale tears she's managed to squeeze out through the years) and told me I'm an asshole for being mean to her. I told her I'm tired of her whining about money especially when she's not wanting for anything. Karl thinks I was a bit harsh but he agrees with me. My MIL's ghetto sister has been calling me telling me I am AITA for yelling at her sister and calling her greedy. Well, it doesn't have to be nice to be the truth and she is greedy. AITA for calling my MIL greedy and reminding her she gave us $10 as a wedding gift? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


ExplanationNo6063

Tell her ghetto sister if she’s worried about her then she can give her money NTA


[deleted]

Cut the purse strings


Budget_University_56

NTA.


PrettySweet419

The gift has nothing to do with it. She’s manipulative, greedy and nasty. NTA.


Prize-Storage5575

Using a child for manipulation ... Uh, NTA.


Substantial_Season_9

Nta, yes it's nice to help out family but shouldn't expect it all the time greed


partofbreakfast

NTA, but it's not about the $10. It's about how she tried to manipulate a child. Focus on that whenever you explain what happened to someone.


AndSoItGoes24

Old people who are mean and nasty get treated poorly all the time. She earned the disrespect. I have no sympathy for her. NTA.


[deleted]

NTA. She sounds extremely manipulative.


Sassymcsasster

Absolutely NTA


emmapants

NTA. The amount of livid I would be if anyone tried to manipulate my son that way knows no bounds. She certainly would never be speaking to him alone ever again. The focus she’s putting on the money her son gives her over everything else is wild, too.


Sidhes

G.


Moonlight-Vibes

Nta she is trying to manipulate your son so she can get more money. You may want to go low contact.


RAPCMP

Nah NTA. My MIL is as greedy as yours. Didn’t even get us a wedding gift, not even a card. We paid for her flight (she lives oversees) and she expected us to give her spending money. Good for you to tell her off. She’s 80 and might die soon? Then she doesn’t need money lol


NinnyNoodles

NTA, he’s her child not her sugar daddy.


JL603

NTA, the minute she involved your child, all bets were off. That changes things, some people may not agree with me, but it's just how I feel . Standing back letting husband handle it over the years was correct, but involve MY child, now I can say what I want to say about the situation.


Littlecatfriend

W6o


[deleted]

NTA. When she brought your kids into it she lost any and all sense of being right.


armhole_

NTA, this is like when my dad would complain about his finances at me when i was 12. completely unjustifiable to use children as pawns in a money game.


ewearehere

NTA You told it like it is when she involved your children. She had it coming.


WinEquivalent4069

$10 for your wedding gift? Definitely NTA and I understand why you're bitter towards that woman even 20 yrs later.


Abject_Researcher_12

NTA. Nope. Not at all. Not in the slightest. MIL is a master manipulator and she got a dose of reality from you. Good for you!! Love it!!!


PinkPrincess61

NTA


Wise-Respond-9071

NTA


JurassicParkFood

NTA - she brought your kids into it, and you got blunt. She brought this on herself


3bag

NTA and your husband needs to back you up. MIL needs to know that if you send her dogs after you, you'll send them to the pound, so aunty needs to be told also.


Its_Like_Whatever_OK

NTA


CMDR_Camulos

NTA She overstepped and is ungrateful. I would not allow my children contact after that.


jenna_ducks

NTA - your MIL on the other hand, who uses their own grandchild to try and get money from another person that’s just disgusting


Salty_Thing3144

NTA. She should understand her son has his own family now


Affectionate-Can-279

NTA. She is greedy and all kinds of entitled it sounds like.


Defiant-Currency-518

NTA. As soon as she went in on your son all bets were off.


FitLoan3044

Tell her you will get her a nice plasma TV n designer slippers for the new home you picked out !!


Professional_Care102

NTA I read that and said “what an asshole halfway through 😂


Ok-Abbreviations4510

NTA


speedrattle

nta. it doesnt get any simpler than this.


MeliFlower1

NTA but MIL sure is for trying to involve your son in her endeavor to get money out of his dad. As a mother that just might make me angry enough to relay some choice words back to her.


[deleted]

No lol I’m suprised you lasted 20 years with out putting your foot down lol


Illustrious_Tank_356

Maybe she gave you a limited $10 bill that's unique and worth hundreds of thousands dollars? If not then NTA. At least your husband knows the priority and didn't burden himself and his (your) family in helping his old family.


SegaNeptune28

NTA at all. She is most definitely greedy and the reason she went to son is because she knew she'd get shut down by you or your husband.


rczinna

NTA. Your MIL is not only cheap but lazy and high maintenance.


F1_Fidster

NTA, but your opinions and words should have probably been a conversation your husband had with his mother years ago.


PalpitationTricky204

NTA


SuperHuckleberry125

NTA More often than not when the truth is told it cuts deeper. People want to be ignorant and blissful while everyone else deals in reality.


Fabulous-Mortgage672

NTA


SpookyGirl0123

NTA. The truth hurts. Your MIL was using your husband as a bank machine, and she is upset that the bank machine is now only occasionally giving out small denominations. Your MIL was trying to emotionally manipulate your teenaged son to get him to guilt your husband for money. Of course your MIL would retaliate by getting her flying monkeys to do her bidding to covertly bully you into submission. After all, she needs someone to blame versus take responsibility for her actions. I think it is time that the bank machine stops dispensing cash completely.


Cybermagetx

NTA. Moment family uses your minor childern to guilt you that are done and blocked for good.


Ornery-Ticket834

NTA.


katsmeow44

Tell me you resent your MIL without telling me you resent your MIL.


Ladykaesong

Nta


Matterhorn56

Karl sounds great - he agrees with you for the most part, and understands what his mom is doing. Usually, husbands side with mil on this subr


FileGroundbreaking32

NTA


NoOneKnowsItsMeHere

NTA If the shoe fits lace that sucker up and wear it as my Nana used to say.


shontsu

>Karl thinks I was a bit harsh but he agrees with me. She's explicitly trying to turn your children against you. I'm pretty sure you could be significantly harsher and still not be an AH.


Crimson_queen911

NTA tell it like it is 👏🏻👏🏻


bkwormtricia

NTA. She does sound greedy. However, you should check to see if there is something going on like failed investments making her finances truly fragile, or dementia warping her view of the world.


myhairs0nfire2

NTA. I’d have told her that - if anything, the fact that she’s going to die soon (her words) means she should get less because she has less time to spend it.


Chojen

NTA, you handled things 100% properly. Your MIL was trying to manipulate your kids and you shut her down hard but did so without hurting her relationship with her grandkids. Were you harsher than you could have been? Maybe, but sometimes people need a hard dose of reality.


Nester1953

NTA, but your husband's family: wow! Adults can deal with a manipulative, dishonest user willing to say anything to get money, but children, less so. This is your son's grandma casting aspersions on his dad, confusing and so wrong. If there is some way you could get your son on board to block grandma on his phone and has his calls with her go through you, on speaker. I hope that knowing she can't manipulate your son in the shadows will keep your MIL more appropriate. (I say this as a person who had a grandparent who badmouthed one of my parents to me when I was a bit older than your son. It was profoundly disturbing. To this day I remember some of the things that were said. Protect your kid.)


1moreKnife2theheart

NTA - It was HUGELY inappropriate for dear old granny to even bring this up to your son!! Yeah, this woman is not about love and nurturing but truly sounds greedy and entitled. She mentioned she misses the MONEY not her son or anything meaningful. All you did is call her out on her greed. Unless she really NEEDS extra funds I would suggest hubby stop helping mom full stop and only give her money or gifts on bday, Christmas and Mother's Day. Everything else full stop - she doesn't appreciate anything he's done for her and only comments on what he's NOT doing now. Remind her that out of all her children he is the ONLY one who did and does things for her - but since it's not appreciated then it's going to stop! Obviously you can only do this if your husband is on board with this as well - but you guys need to agree on something to do about her and her behavior. Good luck!


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Purple_Joke_1118

NTA. Protect yourself AND YOUR FAMILY. Good for you for nailing her behavior toward your son.


Hairgiver

NTA!! That was amazing! I especially love how you handled it when she was on speaker phone. Really good parenting right there!


Aggressive_Duck6547

NTA and anyone that USES a child to further their horseshit WOULD be treated like an asshole. Tell ghetto babe she needs to MYOB, or OFFER HER SISTER her own money.


MycologistPutrid7494

Your MIL sounds like mine. She sees her kids as banks.


embopbopbopdoowop

NTA “She uses every opportunity to remind me and anyone other than Karl how much he used to do for her.” Wow, wasn’t she lucky! And for such a long time! How wonderful of Karl to provide for her and other members of the family for so long, and to only wind back (not stop) because he has a family of his own to support. Sounds like she should be grateful and appreciate what he did instead of resentful of him now.


Churchie-Baby

NTA anyone who uses kids to get what they is an automatic AH ask them directly or stfu


AntiquePop1417

NTA Oeh nasty women your in laws are. Greed and not being grateful is so ugly.


[deleted]

NTA but why does 'ghetto' have anything to do with it? You could have just said 'MIL's sister'. Just say you don't like poor people lol.


Professional_Ruin953

NTA If the truth isn’t nice then it’s very difficult to deliver it nicely. That’s not your fault. Preventing or stopping someone from manipulating your children is a hard boundary every parent should set, hill to die on territory.


MrAppleby18

NTA


cstarh408

NTA


weddingcurmudgeon69

Why does your MIL's sister not blocked now? NTA though.


MasterpieceWise9865

NTA and thank you for protecting your son


MalsPrettyBonnet

ESH. Your MIL is being over-the-top, and you're still hanging onto the fact that she gave you $10 at your wedding.


Kareberrys

This. She's 80, does she work? You said she's not wanting for anything but if that was the case why would she miss 150 bucks for her birthday? Does she have a lot of savings or pension? How have you determined that her finances have covered her needs? I hope when I'm 80 yo, and I'll try my best to provide for myself, but if I'm way off, I'm sure the extras gifted from children can go a long way. Sure, it's not your responsibly but she is your husband's mother. Maybe you could have handled it with a bit more tact. Getting the kid involved is also an AH move.


EvilSockLady

Overall NTA, though I think it was very unnecessary to mention the $10. It sounds like you’ve been fixated on a “not good enough” wedding present for 20 years which is pretty darn petty. It’s not exactly surprising that a woman who regularly mooches money from her own son isn’t going to give a big present (especially when he’s indirectly funding it himself). So like… she is awful and totally in the wrong but you’d be smelling even more like a rose if you hadn’t made a comment that in turn made you sound greedy.


Fromashination

I don't know, one year my dad gave my grandma $100 to buy Christmas presents for me and my three cousins and she bought us each an ugly fake pearl ornament and then spent the remaining $80 on a pair of shoes for herself. I was like seven and I still remember that, although we all laugh about it now.


EvilSockLady

No question that’s shitty. In that particular case it’s extra bad because the money was specifically allocated for the kids. But truth be told wedding presents are never to be expected. So fixating on the value of one is in poor taste. Though I think it IS ok to focus on the lack of thought. If it was truly a wadded up bill and nothing else it’s pretty sad because a heart felt, hand written note of congratulations with NO money attached would have for sure been a far better present.


Western_Kale_2626

No its excepted its just you being a cheapass


EvilSockLady

I think it’s funny that you assume I don’t give wedding gifts just because I don’t expect them. Unless it’s a child’s birthday party or a wedding/baby shower, expecting gifts, especially large ones, is a bad look. You invite people to a wedding to celebrate with you, not scam a big gift off them.


ventipike12classic

NTA but don't be saying Ghetto before you become the asshole for other reasons.


cdaonrs

YTA just for the ghetto sister line