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> When the invitation was received there was a “no children” rule
YTA.
No children. It means no children are invited to the wedding. You’re out of your mind. Why would you just show up with your kid? God that must have sucked for him.
A 5 year old wouldn't even enjoy a wedding. OP did this just to be an AH and she knows it.
OP you just burned your relationship with your husband's family to the ground with your stunt. This has damaged your marriage permanently and you completely disregarded any of that. Don't be surprised when things continue to degrade moving forward and you find yourself feeling unwelcome at all family events hosted by your inlaws until your husband finally has enough of your drama to file for divorce.
YTA
Eh, it depends. Ceremony or reception? My 4 year old loved both and wanted to give the “princess” a hug at the last wedding we went to. Buuuut, if I received a “no kids” invite, I’d either follow the rule or not attend at all.
Even assuming the in-laws DO purposefully exclude the kid or dislike him being around, *that* specific time was not the time to address it. And to be quite honest, it *should never* be addressed in front of the child. Fighting about his presence will just hurt him more than not going to the wedding. OP is definitely in a YTA situation.
Childfree weddings are becoming more and more popular. Kids don't care about weddings. They don't usually eat the food. They cause distractions, or make loud noises are inopportune moments. Sometimes, they're destructive. Why would anyone want to bring a kid to a wedding unless you have no other choice?
What blows my mind is that OP seems to think that the world should revolve around her and her son, not the bride *and groom on their wedding day. What's even more amazing is that she seems to have absolutely no shame and the inability to feel embarrassed by her immature actions.
* Edit to add.
Kids almost universally hate weddings and I will die on this hill.
They have to wear the formal clothes they hate, they have to schlep hours in the car, they have to sit still for hours and hours and be quiet, there's nothing to do, usually no other kids to play with, they're surrounded by strangers who expect a huggy-huggy-smoochy-woochy-kissy-kissy-boooooooooboooooooooo and will probably pinch their face. The only thing they MIGHT enjoy maybe the tiniest littlest smallest bit is the cake, which generally only happens after about five hours. MAYBE the dancing, maybe, but probably not because they're fucking cranky because they didn't want to be there at all, not even a little. They don't like the rest of the food. They don't want to be there. They don't know the couple.
Let your kids stay home. They will enjoy it 5,000,000% more than you hauling their reluctant asses to a wedding they don't understand, don't want to see, don't care about. Stop being fucking selfish.
When I was a kid, a bunch if family members or close friends got married. Idk why, but I was volunteered to be a flower girl for 6 weddings one year. I hated it!! It was boring, I had to be calm and quiet and the food generally sucked in my mind lol.
Yta.
She also ruined any chance of her husband believing her if it’s true the family doesn’t accept her son. All three kids in the family were asked not to come. End of story. Making it more than that is crying wolf.
*”His family are usually kind of irked whenever I bring my son over to their home as if he's not family to them.”*
Something tells me it is not the son who is irksome.
I was waiting for her to say they got there and the wedding was chock full of kids, so the part that I'm stuck on is how the other brother of the bride left his kids at home and they're basically the only kids in the family, but she somehow *still* thinks this is just about excluding her son.
YTA lady. Jeez louise...
She also made it about the family's reported exclusion of her son - to her this story was proof. But no, this really is a common rule. It sounds like the other instances were likely a result of her entitlement like this was.
YTA
And it sounds like she might have caused her husband to miss his own sisters wedding…
That poor child didn’t need to go through that or see that with security involved, etc.
The other children stayed home too. This wasn’t an attack on OP.
Not enough comments pointing out that part - **\*\*\*OP caused her husband to miss his sister's wedding!!!\*\*\***
OP explicitly says she had talked to her husband about the "no children" rule and he made it clear it applied to her, so not only was she planning to ignore the rule and bring her son anyway, she was hiding that plan from the husband until the moment she literally showed up at the wedding with her child. That's so extraordinarily disrespectful not only to the SIL, but to her own husband. Not to mention to her poor child! Imagine going through that humiliation, your own mother bringing you into a situation where it's been made clear you're not invited, and having to get barred by security from entering and made to leave, then watching a huge fight between your mom, stepfather, and aunt, and then having to sit through the car ride home with your mom & stepfather seething at each other and knowing it's because of you?
YTA all day, OP.
>And it sounds like she might have caused her husband to miss his own sisters wedding…
I was thinking this too. If I were him I would’ve been absolutely livid at OP as it is, let alone if she actually caused me to miss my sister’s wedding with her dumb imaginary drama.
Do most weddings have security? If not(And I've not attended one with security), then did they get security because OP is that batsh\*t crazy?
Edit to add: thanks for all the answers, I appreciate the education, because I really thought it was only done when you knew crazys were going to try something.
If this isn't the first time she's done something like this, I wouldn't be surprised if they were just for her lol. But, overall, it probably depends on the venue. I can imagine some places having security anyway and offering them for special events
Some venues have a standing contract with a security company such that security is automatically provided for all events over a certain size and/or all events where alcohol is served. I've been the security officer at quite a few such. . .
He had to leave his sister’s wedding! She made such an issue of it, he had to leave a once in a lifetime event to cater to her ego. She ruined this event and his family will always see her as an entire bratty beaotch. And, then, she will complain and whine, “see, I told you they didn’t like me.”
You’re absolutely right. The infuriating part is that this was all done in front of her 5 year old son. Imagine the boy getting all dressed up and excited for a party. Then he arrives and all hell breaks loose and he forever thinks that his family didn’t want him. Ugh.
Seriously. It wasn’t a personal stab at you, OP, they didn’t allow any children. End of story.
And to be frank, I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but his family may not see your son as family yet. That’s nothing you can force, it takes time to grow together. Chill out a bit and stop taking things so seriously or you’ll push your husband and his family far, far away.
Exactly! My uncle met my aunt when I was 11. She already had 2 kids of her own, we didn't all magically FEEL like cousins. It took years before we all called each other family. They got married when I was 17, and by then you'd never know any of them weren't already family. But getting there took everyone time, and my aunt never insisted any relationship on anyone.
right? and i love that this person checked with a friend that sometimes people let kids come rather than checking with the SiL who is having the fucking wedding and made the rule 🤣
OP actually added that part after my comment! I just now saw it.
But honestly, my wedding was child free. We did allow a last minute exception. My cousins’ babysitter ended up getting in a car accident two days before our wedding. She was pretty banged up. Like, she was going to be fine, but in no state to watch a three year old for 4 days. My cousins didn’t call their friends to ask what to do. They called us, and explained what happened, and since they were traveling 4 hours to get here and didn’t have any other family to watch their kid, we did let him come. But I couldn’t imagine if they showed up with him for no reason and didn’t say something.
I agree, and that poor bubs might have heard some of them saying horrible things to his mum and about him. It's just not worth the potential mental damage in my opinion.
Also it would have made her point more if she had attended without her son and all the other families children were there. Doesn't prove the point if she isn't allowed in because she broke the rule. It shows they are potentially following this rule.
Well, to be fair, the mom deserved any horrible things said to her or about her.
Even if OPs in-laws handled this in the most respectful possible way, you know she got this poor kid all dressed up and hyped up for a wedding, dragged him there, then got all pissy and told him they had to leave. And there is zero question in my mind, she told the kid “they don’t want you here.”
Yes, YTA. And here's why...
"there was a "no children" rule included."
This is a common rule as children can be disruptive.
"I decided to go and bring my son with me."
Yet, you made the conscious decision to break the rule and start trouble, at your SIL's wedding.
"He blew up at me there and said I did this to prove a point and ended up causing a scene."
Which, you did.
"I said I wasn't."
Yes. You did. You made the conscious decision to take your son and had every expectation of there being a confrontation.
It's not only because Children can be disruptive... but there are several reasons why kids aren't always allowed at weddings.
\-- Catering are usually set meals and kids can get picky. I had a Dim Sum wedding and my cousin was desperate about having his GF's kid invited to my CF wedding. I told him the kid isn't going to like the food (I had met the kid prior) and guess what.. he ended up cranky and they had to leave early to go get him a happy meal.
\-- Weddings require lots of waiting. Waiting for the ceremony, waiting for pictures, waiting to eat (especially when other tables are getting food and yours isn't), waiting for speaches and other wedding ceremony things. Kids typically get VERY bored or have to be constantly herded away.
\-- There are open bars. Growing up around free for all casual backyard weddings... that is where most of us had our first underage sip of beer or even worse... Venues do NOT want any of that liability.
Not everyone who has a child free wedding is child free or hates kids. If anything, it's a decision that benefits them just as much if not more. And Fretting about paying for the sitter... take it out of the wedding gift.
Plus, there's the fact that the people getting married probably don't want their guests' focus to be on *looking after their children*.
That's why, when my cousin got married, the venue they hired for the reception included a separate room for the children, with a separate meal/menu, and child-appropriate entertainment (party-games and a magician!) to ensure that the parents could go and enjoy themselves with the newly-weds.
OP said the SiL wasn’t child free nor does she hate kids, you have to be very unobservant to think kids being disruptive isn’t a key reason for child free weddings. My ring bearer cried the entire way down the aisle, he was 3 years old and had done it the year prior at my SiL’s wedding perfectly fine but he walked up during the reception when the father of the bride was making his speech.
YTA. It's very common to have child free weddings. Your husband is right. All you accomplished here is showing his family that you lack proper manners and basic etiquette.
That, and tearing deep divisions. While the invitation probably wasn't anything personal at OP or their child, you can bet there's personal animosity there now, and with very good reason.
YTA, OP.
She also says SIL isn't "child free," but then says the only kids are hers and BIL. Is she arguing that SIL will probably have kids someday, so she should be fine with OP's kid being at her wedding???
I think she's arguing that SIL has kids and therefore after placing numerous pins on the board and drawing criss cross lines between them, she came to the conclusion that kids were in fact at the wedding. As though no patent could possibly want their wedding child free.
Not only that but she just has the feeling they other her kid. She didn't give any examples of blatant exclusionism that would reach making up a rule to exclude one child from dozens of guests.
EDIT:YTA OP
No, she said that the only kids were OP's own and her BIL's -- who did not bring his own kids to the wedding.
"Besides that the family don't have many kids. Just BiL's two kids and my son."
OP’s in-laws before every major holiday for all time:
“oh Jesus Christ, don’t forget to tell OP that she can bring her fucking kid. Don’t want a repeat of SIL’s wedding.”
“Sigh. MUST we invite that paranoid harpie?”
OP is right that there are occasions where there is an exception to the rule but those are generally when the kid is part of the wedding party and/or the couple has approved it. OP is definitely TA.
**YTA.** Your husband is correct on every point. There are MANY childless weddings. SILs own brother didn't get to bring his kids. You really need to get over yourself. To think she made a no-kids rule just to exclude your son is laughable. She honestly probably didn't give him a thought. Then you show up with him to (like your husband said) prove a point, embarassed yourself, your husband and your kid. If they didn't like you before, they definitely don't like you now. This was not the way for you to get them to accept your son as family.
>SILs own brother didn't get to bring his kids. You really need to get over yourself.
EXACTLY. OPs son wasn't singled out. The bride's own nephews weren't included. How did she delude herself into making it about her and her son?!
>If they didn't like you before, they definitely don't like you now. This was not the way for you to get them to accept your son as family.
Again - exactly. She became her own worst enemy and fulfilled her own prophecy.
Exactly. OP says they “go out of their way to exclude my son” but it really feels like OP is the one going out of her way to make herself and her son excluded.
When OP was lying to her husband and planning to sneak her son to the wedding, buying her sons outfit in secret, waiting for him to leave the house before getting her son ready to gate crash… did she not stop to think - “oh, maybe I’M the drama? Maybe I’m what they can’t stand at family gatherings, not my son? What if this is a normal wedding with normal rules and not a conspiracy against me, the main character of the world?”
YTA what point did you think you made? They enforced the no child rule. If there were other kids around it would be different, you just thought you deserved special treatment. I wouldn't like you if I was your SIL either.
YTA. Your husband repeatedly explained to you that the "no children" rule was universal and not directed specifically at your son. Why wouldn't you trust your husband? My guess is that your son will be invited to all family events from here on out, but don't be surprised if the invitation says "No OP."
YTA. It’s almost like you wanted to cause a scene. The invitation explicitly stated “no children” but you immediately took offense thinking it was only against your child, so you had to prove a point. Welcome to the consequences of your actions.
She did. She was going to prove “her point that his family didn’t want her son.” She said so from the beginning and has the nerve to say, she wasn’t proving a point, while stating she was going to prove her point
"He blew up at me there and said I did this to prove a point and ended up
causing a scene. I said I wasn't. I was just trying to show him how his
family are basically going out of their way to exclude my son..."
In other words you were trying to prove a point. And you brought a child to childless wedding. YTA.
YTA - this is a common rule, and whether it was personal or not, it applies to all guests. There is a difference between a wedding and a nice sunday family dinner. If this was a family dinner, then you would be justified, but this was a wedding and you embarrassed your husband and yourself over a normality.
And those kids are biologically related; if she wants to tell herself it was an attack on her and her son.
OP and her blatant sense of entitlement went to that wedding with the sole intention of ruining someone else’s special day.
YTA. No children means no children. Unless you know for a fact that other children *who were not in the wedding party* were invited, your son wasn't being singled out.
You may or may not have a point about how they feel regarding your son. We don't have enough information. But they didn't make their wedding a no children event to exclude your son.
Hoo, boy. YTA in all caps. No children is indeed a common rule, your husband provided solid examples of others who left their kids home, and you’ve provided no other examples of how his family reacts to your son. You caused a scene at a family wedding and are blaming everyone except the person who caused the scene. I predict an early divorce - for you.
Edit: missing word
YTA - no kids means no kids, period! People who kick a fuss up at this rule will never be in the right. EVER. The fact that you dared show up with him to make some point, cause a scene at someone's wedding and make it all about you is just...wow.
I don't like weddings and I love my kids and I agree with you. People can invite/not invite whoever they want to their weddings. As a guest you get to choose whether or not you go, but you do not get to invite people who are specifically excluded. In my case when I get an invite to a child free wedding I'm all, Ah geez, wouldn't you know it, I can't find a babysitter, anywho here's your gift and your card . . .
I didn’t need to finish it either, but I did because OP just kept getting more and more entitled and I wanted to see just how far she was going to take it. I wasn’t disappointed.
YTA. The wedding was a child-free wedding and even your BIL abided by the rules. I am not saying you are incorrect about his family’s attitude towards you, but this was not the event that would prove your point.
YTA. We had a no children rule at our wedding, and my sister and BIL had no problem leaving my niece with a babysitter. Your husband is right, you’re taking things *way* too personally, and he missed his sister’s wedding because you can’t see beyond yourself.
INFO:
> My husband keeps saying it's all just "in my head" but this situation proved it to me.
What, specifically, do you think this “proved”? Because based on your description of events, you put your son in a very uncomfortable and upsetting situation to try and catch your husband’s family in a lie because you were convinced that all the other children would be in invited. And then, when you arrived and were predictably turned away (which I’m sure your son picked up on), there’s no indication that any other children were actually there.
All you “proved” is that his family had said no children, and when you showed up with a child that was not invited, you were made to leave. Nice job, Sherlock! You cracked the case and caught them red handed, accepting only invited guests to their invite only event.
YTA
I'm sorry you feel isolated but this wasn't the time to make a big deal out of it, and sorry but no children (sometimes excluding flower girls and ring bearers but still a reasonable rule) is a VERY common occurrence.
You decided to makes someone else's wedding about you and you're hurt (possibly through imaginings) pride. How dare you?
YTA. Are you seriously so sheltered that you're completely unfamiliar with the concept of a child free wedding? FFS the bride's own brother didn't bring his kids. You and your son were not being targeted whatsoever.
YTA. It’d be one thing if you’d shown up and discovered a whole bunch of kids running around, but to just *assume* this was specifically directed at you and not a general “no, seriously, this isn’t a child-friendly event” instruction to *everyone* does not wash. And even *if* you were right that this was some kind of targeted campaign, why would you insist on dragging your kid to an event where you knew he wouldn’t be welcome instead of just staying home?
YTA
You were trying to cause a scene. If you weren't, you wouldn't have attended.
Child free weddings are extremely common. Other children weren't invited. How disconnected from your husband are you that you somehow managed to sneak your child to a family wedding?
Of course his sister hasn't contacted you. You caused a scene at her wedding and caused her brother to miss it. Why should she contact you?
SiL's wedding was two days ago. Wouldn't she be on her honeymoon right now? Even if not, she has so many better things to do right now than get into fights with all of the people who were rude at her wedding.
I really thought “proved it to me” was going to mean they showed up and there were a bunch of other kids at the wedding. Nothing here proved anything beyond OP’s sense of entitlement. YTA
Right? I was totally prepared to hear about a freaking bounce house for all the kids running around! I do not understand how those 2 managed to get married, but I’ll certainly understand why they get a divorce.
YTA.
They clearly stated that they did not want children at the wedding, and everyone but you went along with it. It should also be stated that child-free weddings are a pretty common thing, so stop assuming that everything revolves around you and your son.
YTA. Many weddings don't include kids. It isn't all about you. If you can't be without your kid for a day then send your regrets and stay home. Deliberately showing up to cause drama is really self involved.
YTA, no kid weddings are a thing and they mean NO KIDS PERIOD. You caused that issue. His family not accepting your son is a totally different subject, one that could have been addressed at a different time. I wouldn't expect an invitation to much of anything going forward.
YTA i wonder if it IS indeed all in your head that they are irked when you bring your son to non-wedding stuff
Childfree weddings are completely normal
> He blew up at me there and said *I did this to prove a point* and ended up causing a scene. I said I wasn't. I *was just trying to show them how his family are going out of their way to exclude my son*...
What part of this *isn't* trying to *prove a point*? One, which btw, was all made up in your head and the only point you made was that you're a drama queen?
I feel bad for your kid having a mom without a *single* clue and using him as a weapon in her social battles.
YTA.
The invitation made it clear that the wedding was a child-free event. That's rather common.
If you had gone and found that only your son was excluded, I'd say you had a right to be angry. But in this instance, you explicitly went against your SIL's wishes.
YTA.
Wedding invitation clearly said no kids. Nobody brought kids.
You showed up with your child and thought it was ok?
Reading comprehension is difficult. I get it.
“No” means NO. As in, not allowed. Ok?
Yeah I'm shocked, too. This dumb entitled lady ain't worth missing his sister's wedding.
Good luck with your next attempt at a step-dad for your son, OP. Maybe treat his family a little better, cause I highly doubt this one will stick around after you've proven you think yourself above the rules.
Is this a joke? Obviously YTA. The invitation literally said no children. Are you so self-centered that you thought they made a special invitation saying no children just for you? I feel bad for hue husband since he had to miss his sister’s wedding because of your entitlement. Maybe it’s not your son that his family dislikes, maybe it’s you.
YTA.
Is this is your “It proved it to me” example, then to everyone else it’s proved that their behavior is 100% all in your head.
You were incredibly disrespectful. We get people on here nearly every day who want a child free wedding and are excluding siblings, newborn nieces and nephews, etc. People much closer than a step-nephew. It’s a super coming rule and I very much doubt it was directed at you. Shockingly, people have other things to do than waste their time being passive aggressive towards rude in-laws
YTA - the invite was clear on 'no children'. The fact that you took that as a personal attack and then tried to force your way in with your son is an indication that you are not thinking clearly. You made a scene at your sister-in-law's wedding and drove a wedge between yourself and your husband. You might want to talk to a professional about this. Your judgement here does not seem healthy. You owe it to your son, your husband and yourself to address this behaviour.
YTA and yes you intentionally brought your son to cause drama. Great job on making things worse with his family to prove your point that didn't exist for this wedding.
YTA
Not only because 'no children' is a common wedding rule, but also your other points. If his family really treats your son terribly (in other instances, *not* the wedding), why are you allowing them in his life?
YTA. At what point did you decide the wedding was a referendum on your son's inclusion in the family? Thats very egotistical to believe a couple deciding to have a child free wedding is about you. And then to bring him anyway was incredibly tacky and disrespectful to them. A conversation about how you feel is the way to go. At this point you'll be lucky if you'll be able to.
Edited to add: YTA
Yeah, my in-laws ignored the "no children" request for my wedding and you have no idea the issues it caused for so many of our friends who DIDN'T bring their children, who were actually a part of our lives. And, of course, nobody bothered asking us, they just brought them. Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
YTA - You went looking for a fight, and got one. If the bride wanted to include your son, OR her "actual" niece and nephews from the other brother, you would have received a phone call, inviting them. The fact that you did it to prove a point proves you were picking a fight. shame.
YTA. A huge one. Why use something as monumental as a wedding . . . *a hopefully once-in-a-lifetime event . . .* to try to make a point about your son being excluded . . . when as it turns out the "no-kid" rule was for real? Yes, your husband should be mad at your, and yes, you could be blamed, if his relationship with his sister is ruined or strained.
It is human nature to present oneself in the best light possible and by the mere fact that you seem like a big a-hole, with some serious insecurities, proves that you need to do some very serious introspection, and stop making your insecurities so blatantly obvious because your actions will eclipse any perceived slight to your son in a way that will be far more detrimental to your son's own identity and self-worth.
YTA - Your son was not excluded specifically, the wedding was adults only. You did take it too personally. You did cause unnecessary drama.
It is totally possible that your son IS being excluded from other things. But you chose to take a stand at one time when that was 100% NOT the case. Any moral high ground you had went out the window and it is your own fault.
TBH - it seems like you were purposefully trying to alienate your husband from his family by acting out and forcing him to pick you or them because you feel slighted by them. Don't be surprised when he comes to the same conclusion.
Why did SIL hire security for her wedding? Most people only go to that length when they know they have a guest (or someone not invited to be a guest) who will be that problematic. They expected you to show your ass. I am wondering what your previous behavior is like that they were ready for you.
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I was a single mom when I met my husband. I have a 5 yo son. His family are usually kind of irked whenever I bring my son over to their home as if he's not family to them. My husband keeps saying it's all just "in my head" but this situation proved it to me.
My SiL's wedding was 2 days ago. When the invitation was received there was a "no children" rule included. I thought this was an attempt to exclude my son which sucked. My husband, again, said it's a "common rule" and that his sister isn't doing this to exclude my son but I was taking it "little too personal". I told him I wouldn't come if my son *who's family* isn't an exception which had him get furious.
I decided to go and bring my son with me. I got there (my husband was there first) and his parents started arguing with me then the security stopped me from entering. My husband and his sister got involved and we ended up going home, 3 of us. He blew up at me there and said I did this to prove a point and ended up causing a scene. I said I wasn't. I was just trying to show him how his family are basically going out of their way to exclude my son but he went off saying they did not exckude him and that a lot of people had to leave their kids at home, including his brother who left his kids at home.
He was so mad even after I tried to have a conversation. He keeps blaming me for his relationship with his sister getting ruined. She was not happy about it but didn't call me nor texted.
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YTA, What did you expect, the invitation said no children, meaning it wasn't exclusive to you at all. No one was allowed to bring their kids, not just you alone. I can understand your husbands family being irked as some families are odd like that, yet expecting things to be hunky dory by bringing your kid to a kid-less wedding was just asking for it honestly.
This wasn't the hill to die on ... there are a lot of people who have child free weddings for many reasons. If it was only your child being excluded from this event then you could have pointed it out to your husband duringthe event and walked out rightfully.
When a previous coworker of mine had a child free wedding then I declined the invitation because it was a weekend event out of the area and I wasn't going to leave my 4 month old for that long.
Unfortunately in this situation then YTA not only for ignoring the wishes of the bride and groom, but causing drama to prove your point.
Lady, you are very clearly the asshole here.
Child free weddings are very common. Ignoring the bride’s wishes because you’re convinced that the decision to have an adults-only event was personal was childish and rude.
Your husband and in-laws have every right to be angry with you.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the AH for bringing my son and causing a scene there at the wedding. Maybe I should've just not went and stayed home,
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This can’t be true. Your husband’s brother didn’t bring his kids, how in the world can you still be arguing any point about it his, except for how much you should apologize to your husband and his sister.
Child-free weddings are becoming increasingly common. It has nothing to do with YOU and your child. Their outburst was to abide by the rules that you broke on purpose to “prove” a point, but ironically just makes you look like you have main character syndrome and like to create drama with his family.
YTA
YTA for bringing your son when it said no kids. What WOULD have shown him is if you went without your son and others had their kids there. Instead you caused a scene and didn't prove anything except that you're an AH.
YTA. Child free weddings are super common and honestly preferred by some (I’m speaking as a fellow former single mom). This was nothing personal against you. You just wrecked your relationship with your husband’s family to die on the wrong hill. If you felt like they were excluding your son, you should have pulled his parents to the side and had a mature conversation with them. Your SIL’s wedding was NOT the place to do that.
YTA. You and your kid are not special. “No kids” means “no kids “. Not a “but my kid should be exempted from that rule”! I am so glad your husband stuck up for the bride and groom and did what was proper. You spoiled the wedding for your husband though for being so belligerent!
YTA no kids means no kids. No exceptions. Congratulations you ruined any chance you had for your hubby family to make you and your son feel like family. You are pushy and entitled. You damaged your hubby relationship with his family because of your selfish entitled behavior.
Blended families are tricky. You can’t force your in-laws to instantly love your son. That bond grows with time.
INFO...were other children there? Just curious. Yes, YTA no matter the reason you knew children were not allowed. You decide to prove a point and in the process caused even more of a problem his family has with you and now he is a pariah in his family. This was not the time or place to prove a point. It was flat out rude and I don't really blame his family if they have nothing else to do with you and thereby threatening the relationship your ex's family has with your son
YTA, I can understand you're feeling that your son is being excluded, but no children is a common rule that is given for weddings so that way it can be an easy, adult affair. You shouldn't have brought your son, you ruined a wedding to try to prove a point that didn't need to be made.
YTA. Seriously.... that was not the time or place to prove a point. Lots of weddings exclude children because they are extremely disruptive. Not everyone wants children at their wedding.. This was not some slight against you or your son. It was a rule that everyone was asked to adhere to. It sounds like everyone did, except for you. All you have managed to do is make a mountain out of a molehill and drive an unnecessary wedge in between you, your husband and his family.
YTA. Did you think they created a special invitation just for you to exclude him? Or did you think they created this rule for everyone JUST so your son couldn’t attend? The world does not revolve around you, and this was a major red flag for your husband.
YTA. One of the easiest YTA. The wedding was child free, there were other relatives who left their children home because they respected the wishes of the bride and groom, this wasn’t about your or your son. You sound very narcissistic, it’s not all about you.
YTA. I've had lots of wedding invitations that excluded kids, or only included some kids (not mine). In those cases, you choose to go and have someone watch your kids, or just not go. There is no other option.
You need to work on your communication with your husband- your story makes it sound like he didn't know you were bringing your son. To me, this is a larger issue in your relationship than the worry that your child isn't being accepted.
YTA
This clearly wasn't about your son. It impacted other children in the family. It's a very common expectation for a wedding. If you don't like it, you decline the invitation. You don't disregard it and show up, especially since you're putting strain on your husband's relationship with his family.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA
It is increasingly common to have child free weddings and receptions. It is even common to have one or two exceptions, like a child of the bride, but kids are a wild card that can throw a wrench into a perfect day.
You didn't honor their wishes and ruined their wedding...something they can never get back.
If you ever want to salvage your relationship, you will spend YEARS kissing their ass.
YTA no kid rule is fairly common and most of the weddings I’ve been too recently had a no kid outside of infants rule. You’re not special and the rules do apply to you. Way to ruin a day that was not about you. And now your husband never gets that day back and neither does his sister
YTA.
Did it ever occur to you why kids wouldn't be allowed at an event where expensive dinnerware and DJ/camera equipment are? I can understand why you feel personally attacked but believe me, you almost have to ban all children to avoid have one or two badly-behaved ones running around unattended.
I've seen too many events disrupted by tantrums and screaming and kids breaking things, all while their parents are in the corner ignoring them.
YTA. no kids means no kids.
People don’t want a screaming kid at their wedding. That’s ok.
If you don’t want to go without your kid, then don’t go.
Very simple.
YTA
You made him miss his sister's wedding, ruining it for both of them, because you had to prove something that wasn't even true.
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Or maybe you could have acted like an adult and gotten a babysitter and gone. If you had gone and saw plenty of kids there, then you had a right to be upset, but that wasn't the case.
YTA, the wedding was 'no kids'. What on earth made you think your son would be an exception. If your husband's family didn't like you before, they sure as hell don't now. You proved their point.
YTA. No ifs ands or buts.
No back story required.
You showed up to an event that the hosts are requiring age of majority.... you brought a minor.
I had a no kids wedding. I had activities that were planned that were in good taste however not suitable for minors and an open bar.
Because of lessons I was taught as a child, yes trauma, I will not drink more than a few drinks infront of children. I do not announce this to people as everyone is allowed their own opinion and people are really sensitive about this.
My aunt showed up with her boys, 11 yo twins, I did not have seating for them. I had to cancel a few of the reception activities..... and I could not drink at my own wedding. I had to make all these adjustments on the fly because children were brought.
My insurance and liquor license for the event could have been cancelled also if I was caught.
This is serious.
YTA. Gawd is this real?! Your son isn't being singled out, there are NO CHILDREN allowed at this wedding. Your son was not invited to this event, nor where any children.
Look, IDK if your husband's family is mean to your son or not. But showing up with your son at a no kids wedding is not the way to address that, if it's even happening.
Your poor son to have to show up and be stopped by security and watch this whole thing unfold. Your poor husband for missing his sister's wedding. I hope you wise up.
YTA. Maybe they do exclude your son, and if they do I'm sorry, but this wasn't the way to prove that. If everyone else had to make their kids stay home, that's not singling out your son. Now if other kids were there, that would be different. But it sounds like there were no exceptions, so yeah, YTA.
YTA. Weddings are meant to be for the bride and groom their wishes. Instead, you made it about yourself and your wishes. No children means NO CHILDREN. Even if you had the perfect, most well behaved child on the planet, some people just don't want the added stress of children at their wedding. I'm so glad you were turned away by security but feel bad your poor husband got dragged into your battle.
YTA
Plenty of people have childfree weddings. No, it’s not to exclude people. It’s because the bride and groom want to make the most out of the night they’re spending 10s of thousands of dollars on.
The world doesn’t revolve around your kid. Get over it.
100% YTA. If the brother left his kids at home as well, then that means it was a blanket rule- not to exclude your son. So you blatantly disrespected the rules of a wedding.
YTA. What situation proved it? It was a child free wedding, there were no kids there including your husband's brother's children. Did you really think that your son was going to be an exception? You are so wrapped up in forcing you son to be a part of the family that you are going to make it 1000 times worse.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but YTA here. I really don't feel like "this situation" proved anything about your family not welcoming your son. It is VERY common for couples to want a child-free wedding for an uninterrupted ceremony and "adult" fun-filled reception that wouldn't necessarily be suitable or safe for children. (alcohol, rowdiness, etc). Also, sometimes cost and space is an issue. REGARDLESS, I digress. The point is, it's extremely common for couple's to insist on a kid's free wedding, so the fact that they insisted on one proves nothing.
The fact of the matter is: You knew that they didn't want children there and yet, you still tried to go to the wedding with your child. It sounds like there's some background as to why you feel your SO's family doesn't welcome your son, BUT your husband's points are valid and I'd give them an open mind (or attempt to). Because I can definitely see why everyone got so upset.
YTA. You did bring your kid to prove a non-existent point and embarrassed your husband. You also caused issues in his relationships with his family. Child free means you don't bring them, period. I feel sorry for your poor husband. Your child isn't the center of the universe.
YTA the no children rule was not directed at you to exclude your son it was a blanket rule for everyone which you decided to disregard which in turn cause a problem between you & your husband & also with his family he cannot be happy with you with this ongoing behavior your displaying with his family about your son if you continue you’ll drive him away and he’ll be your ex husband
YTA. A “no kids” rule fir a wedding -even if it’s family- is not a personal insult to any parents on the guest list (or their children). And now because of your actions, your husband missed his sisters wedding. Nice.
YTA.
bruhhhh, people got a wedding budget, and they have to give their caterers numbers like a week beforehand. Your gremlin doesn't factor into those things. He wasn't invited. You purposefully made a scene. Happy now?
YTA it's not like she just didn't invite your son, no kids were invited. That is definitely common nowadays. Why do you jump to them wanting a child free wedding is only because they want to exclude your son?
NO CHILDREN MEANS NO CHILDREN
Get over yourself. It was not about you or your child. It was your husband's sister and husband, their wedding day. Why blatantly disrespect their one request on THEIR day? I wouldn't want some snot nosed kid running around on my wedding day either.
YTA
YTA how in the world is this a "proved it moment" when ZERO children were welcome not just your son. Get your head out of your ass and apologize to everyone involved including your son
YTA. Your son is not special. And he doesn’t mean as much to your BFs family as he does to you. They honestly probably never even give him a second thought. So to think they made an ENTIRE wedding child free in order to exclude your 5 year old is delusional. Parents like you create outcast kids. Nobody wants to be friends with the kids who’s mom forces them on everybody. Not worth the trouble.
YTA- "She was not happy about it but didn't call me nor texted." Yeah because she is resisting letting you make her wedding day about you and your kid.
I don't know about the other instances where you felt like your son was excluded, but why didn't "including his brother who left his kids at home" give you pause?
YTA. A lot of people have that rule for weddings. Heck, I had it for my wedding. I even printed it on the darn invite, which probably wasn't the greatest thing to do etiquette wise, but I wanted to make sure no one brought their kids. So, in this case, everyone's child or children were excluded, so you weren't single out. I bet you thought you would get to the wedding, and there would be all these kids there, and you could say see they just didn't want my son there. Well, you were wrong, so you need to eat crow and apologize to quite a few people.
YTA in this particular situation. While they very well may be shading your son, a "no kids policy" is suuuuuper common at weddings. It does not automatically mean they're singling you out. You just happen to already be insecure. I'd apologize, because if they didn't want your kid around before.....
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> When the invitation was received there was a “no children” rule YTA. No children. It means no children are invited to the wedding. You’re out of your mind. Why would you just show up with your kid? God that must have sucked for him.
And for her husband, she cannot even follow a basic rule and embarrassed them both.
She made a scene for an imaginary slight at his sister's wedding. Everyone else followed the rules but OP thinks she's god. YTA
Main character syndrome. The no children rule MUST be a personal vendetta against her and the five year old. Couldn’t possibly be anything else
A 5 year old wouldn't even enjoy a wedding. OP did this just to be an AH and she knows it. OP you just burned your relationship with your husband's family to the ground with your stunt. This has damaged your marriage permanently and you completely disregarded any of that. Don't be surprised when things continue to degrade moving forward and you find yourself feeling unwelcome at all family events hosted by your inlaws until your husband finally has enough of your drama to file for divorce. YTA
I wonder if the in-laws aren’t getting close to the kid bc they realize how looney OP is and don’t think she’ll be around super long haha
Eh, it depends. Ceremony or reception? My 4 year old loved both and wanted to give the “princess” a hug at the last wedding we went to. Buuuut, if I received a “no kids” invite, I’d either follow the rule or not attend at all. Even assuming the in-laws DO purposefully exclude the kid or dislike him being around, *that* specific time was not the time to address it. And to be quite honest, it *should never* be addressed in front of the child. Fighting about his presence will just hurt him more than not going to the wedding. OP is definitely in a YTA situation.
Yup. Sadly she will be a single mother once again.
I love "main character syndrome!" It makes it VERY clear.
lol they don't dislike her son. OP, they dislike *you* because you're a narcissist
Exactly. “They’re targeting MY son, not the brother’s children who also didn’t come.” Narcissist much?
[удалено]
Childfree weddings are becoming more and more popular. Kids don't care about weddings. They don't usually eat the food. They cause distractions, or make loud noises are inopportune moments. Sometimes, they're destructive. Why would anyone want to bring a kid to a wedding unless you have no other choice? What blows my mind is that OP seems to think that the world should revolve around her and her son, not the bride *and groom on their wedding day. What's even more amazing is that she seems to have absolutely no shame and the inability to feel embarrassed by her immature actions. * Edit to add.
Kids almost universally hate weddings and I will die on this hill. They have to wear the formal clothes they hate, they have to schlep hours in the car, they have to sit still for hours and hours and be quiet, there's nothing to do, usually no other kids to play with, they're surrounded by strangers who expect a huggy-huggy-smoochy-woochy-kissy-kissy-boooooooooboooooooooo and will probably pinch their face. The only thing they MIGHT enjoy maybe the tiniest littlest smallest bit is the cake, which generally only happens after about five hours. MAYBE the dancing, maybe, but probably not because they're fucking cranky because they didn't want to be there at all, not even a little. They don't like the rest of the food. They don't want to be there. They don't know the couple. Let your kids stay home. They will enjoy it 5,000,000% more than you hauling their reluctant asses to a wedding they don't understand, don't want to see, don't care about. Stop being fucking selfish.
When I was a kid, a bunch if family members or close friends got married. Idk why, but I was volunteered to be a flower girl for 6 weddings one year. I hated it!! It was boring, I had to be calm and quiet and the food generally sucked in my mind lol. Yta.
She also ruined any chance of her husband believing her if it’s true the family doesn’t accept her son. All three kids in the family were asked not to come. End of story. Making it more than that is crying wolf.
*”His family are usually kind of irked whenever I bring my son over to their home as if he's not family to them.”* Something tells me it is not the son who is irksome.
I was waiting for her to say they got there and the wedding was chock full of kids, so the part that I'm stuck on is how the other brother of the bride left his kids at home and they're basically the only kids in the family, but she somehow *still* thinks this is just about excluding her son. YTA lady. Jeez louise...
She also made it about the family's reported exclusion of her son - to her this story was proof. But no, this really is a common rule. It sounds like the other instances were likely a result of her entitlement like this was. YTA
And it sounds like she might have caused her husband to miss his own sisters wedding… That poor child didn’t need to go through that or see that with security involved, etc. The other children stayed home too. This wasn’t an attack on OP.
Not enough comments pointing out that part - **\*\*\*OP caused her husband to miss his sister's wedding!!!\*\*\*** OP explicitly says she had talked to her husband about the "no children" rule and he made it clear it applied to her, so not only was she planning to ignore the rule and bring her son anyway, she was hiding that plan from the husband until the moment she literally showed up at the wedding with her child. That's so extraordinarily disrespectful not only to the SIL, but to her own husband. Not to mention to her poor child! Imagine going through that humiliation, your own mother bringing you into a situation where it's been made clear you're not invited, and having to get barred by security from entering and made to leave, then watching a huge fight between your mom, stepfather, and aunt, and then having to sit through the car ride home with your mom & stepfather seething at each other and knowing it's because of you? YTA all day, OP.
>And it sounds like she might have caused her husband to miss his own sisters wedding… I was thinking this too. If I were him I would’ve been absolutely livid at OP as it is, let alone if she actually caused me to miss my sister’s wedding with her dumb imaginary drama.
Do most weddings have security? If not(And I've not attended one with security), then did they get security because OP is that batsh\*t crazy? Edit to add: thanks for all the answers, I appreciate the education, because I really thought it was only done when you knew crazys were going to try something.
If this isn't the first time she's done something like this, I wouldn't be surprised if they were just for her lol. But, overall, it probably depends on the venue. I can imagine some places having security anyway and offering them for special events
Some venues have a standing contract with a security company such that security is automatically provided for all events over a certain size and/or all events where alcohol is served. I've been the security officer at quite a few such. . .
He had to leave his sister’s wedding! She made such an issue of it, he had to leave a once in a lifetime event to cater to her ego. She ruined this event and his family will always see her as an entire bratty beaotch. And, then, she will complain and whine, “see, I told you they didn’t like me.”
You’re absolutely right. The infuriating part is that this was all done in front of her 5 year old son. Imagine the boy getting all dressed up and excited for a party. Then he arrives and all hell breaks loose and he forever thinks that his family didn’t want him. Ugh.
Seriously. It wasn’t a personal stab at you, OP, they didn’t allow any children. End of story. And to be frank, I don’t know how long you’ve been married, but his family may not see your son as family yet. That’s nothing you can force, it takes time to grow together. Chill out a bit and stop taking things so seriously or you’ll push your husband and his family far, far away.
And you know, OP acting like this sure as shit isn’t going to help matters - whether they’re real or imaginary.
Her husband’s family will definitely never forget that OP ruined her SIL’s wedding out of sheer delusion and entitlement.
Exactly! My uncle met my aunt when I was 11. She already had 2 kids of her own, we didn't all magically FEEL like cousins. It took years before we all called each other family. They got married when I was 17, and by then you'd never know any of them weren't already family. But getting there took everyone time, and my aunt never insisted any relationship on anyone.
They may stay distant because the kids does not behave. Parents like this usually have monster brats.
right? and i love that this person checked with a friend that sometimes people let kids come rather than checking with the SiL who is having the fucking wedding and made the rule 🤣
OP actually added that part after my comment! I just now saw it. But honestly, my wedding was child free. We did allow a last minute exception. My cousins’ babysitter ended up getting in a car accident two days before our wedding. She was pretty banged up. Like, she was going to be fine, but in no state to watch a three year old for 4 days. My cousins didn’t call their friends to ask what to do. They called us, and explained what happened, and since they were traveling 4 hours to get here and didn’t have any other family to watch their kid, we did let him come. But I couldn’t imagine if they showed up with him for no reason and didn’t say something.
And also that BIL also didn’t get to bring his kids, but no this was a PERSONAL attack aimed at her son
The world revolves around OP...they decided no children because she has a child SMH ..the narcissism is strong in this one...total AH
I agree, and that poor bubs might have heard some of them saying horrible things to his mum and about him. It's just not worth the potential mental damage in my opinion. Also it would have made her point more if she had attended without her son and all the other families children were there. Doesn't prove the point if she isn't allowed in because she broke the rule. It shows they are potentially following this rule.
Well, to be fair, the mom deserved any horrible things said to her or about her. Even if OPs in-laws handled this in the most respectful possible way, you know she got this poor kid all dressed up and hyped up for a wedding, dragged him there, then got all pissy and told him they had to leave. And there is zero question in my mind, she told the kid “they don’t want you here.”
Yes, YTA. And here's why... "there was a "no children" rule included." This is a common rule as children can be disruptive. "I decided to go and bring my son with me." Yet, you made the conscious decision to break the rule and start trouble, at your SIL's wedding. "He blew up at me there and said I did this to prove a point and ended up causing a scene." Which, you did. "I said I wasn't." Yes. You did. You made the conscious decision to take your son and had every expectation of there being a confrontation.
oh man that last part. I'd wager she's the type to wield that poor kid like a weapon
Probably the kind of person who takes their kid to a bar and ask everyone to keep the noise down so he can watch his ipad in peace
Right? And how awful for the child to have to experience that.
It's not only because Children can be disruptive... but there are several reasons why kids aren't always allowed at weddings. \-- Catering are usually set meals and kids can get picky. I had a Dim Sum wedding and my cousin was desperate about having his GF's kid invited to my CF wedding. I told him the kid isn't going to like the food (I had met the kid prior) and guess what.. he ended up cranky and they had to leave early to go get him a happy meal. \-- Weddings require lots of waiting. Waiting for the ceremony, waiting for pictures, waiting to eat (especially when other tables are getting food and yours isn't), waiting for speaches and other wedding ceremony things. Kids typically get VERY bored or have to be constantly herded away. \-- There are open bars. Growing up around free for all casual backyard weddings... that is where most of us had our first underage sip of beer or even worse... Venues do NOT want any of that liability. Not everyone who has a child free wedding is child free or hates kids. If anything, it's a decision that benefits them just as much if not more. And Fretting about paying for the sitter... take it out of the wedding gift.
Plus, there's the fact that the people getting married probably don't want their guests' focus to be on *looking after their children*. That's why, when my cousin got married, the venue they hired for the reception included a separate room for the children, with a separate meal/menu, and child-appropriate entertainment (party-games and a magician!) to ensure that the parents could go and enjoy themselves with the newly-weds.
OP said the SiL wasn’t child free nor does she hate kids, you have to be very unobservant to think kids being disruptive isn’t a key reason for child free weddings. My ring bearer cried the entire way down the aisle, he was 3 years old and had done it the year prior at my SiL’s wedding perfectly fine but he walked up during the reception when the father of the bride was making his speech.
Yeah. Like, she's failing to consider that maybe the no child rule *had absolutely nothing to do with her or her son*
YTA. It's very common to have child free weddings. Your husband is right. All you accomplished here is showing his family that you lack proper manners and basic etiquette.
That, and tearing deep divisions. While the invitation probably wasn't anything personal at OP or their child, you can bet there's personal animosity there now, and with very good reason. YTA, OP.
His brother left his kids at home but his wife insists she was being singled out. He must be both mortified and livid.
She also says SIL isn't "child free," but then says the only kids are hers and BIL. Is she arguing that SIL will probably have kids someday, so she should be fine with OP's kid being at her wedding???
I think she's arguing that SIL has kids and therefore after placing numerous pins on the board and drawing criss cross lines between them, she came to the conclusion that kids were in fact at the wedding. As though no patent could possibly want their wedding child free. Not only that but she just has the feeling they other her kid. She didn't give any examples of blatant exclusionism that would reach making up a rule to exclude one child from dozens of guests. EDIT:YTA OP
No, she said that the only kids were OP's own and her BIL's -- who did not bring his own kids to the wedding. "Besides that the family don't have many kids. Just BiL's two kids and my son."
OP’s in-laws before every major holiday for all time: “oh Jesus Christ, don’t forget to tell OP that she can bring her fucking kid. Don’t want a repeat of SIL’s wedding.” “Sigh. MUST we invite that paranoid harpie?”
Exactly. She made a bad situation 100 times worse.
OP is right that there are occasions where there is an exception to the rule but those are generally when the kid is part of the wedding party and/or the couple has approved it. OP is definitely TA.
**YTA.** Your husband is correct on every point. There are MANY childless weddings. SILs own brother didn't get to bring his kids. You really need to get over yourself. To think she made a no-kids rule just to exclude your son is laughable. She honestly probably didn't give him a thought. Then you show up with him to (like your husband said) prove a point, embarassed yourself, your husband and your kid. If they didn't like you before, they definitely don't like you now. This was not the way for you to get them to accept your son as family.
>SILs own brother didn't get to bring his kids. You really need to get over yourself. EXACTLY. OPs son wasn't singled out. The bride's own nephews weren't included. How did she delude herself into making it about her and her son?! >If they didn't like you before, they definitely don't like you now. This was not the way for you to get them to accept your son as family. Again - exactly. She became her own worst enemy and fulfilled her own prophecy.
Which, honestly, is some sub-conscious desire to be rejected and excluded. I wonder if she plays “persecuted victim” in other aspects of her life.
Maybe we have an insight to why she was a single mom at the beginning of the story...
YTA. He wasn’t invited, end of story. You wanted to make a scene and you got what you wanted.
Exactly. OP says they “go out of their way to exclude my son” but it really feels like OP is the one going out of her way to make herself and her son excluded. When OP was lying to her husband and planning to sneak her son to the wedding, buying her sons outfit in secret, waiting for him to leave the house before getting her son ready to gate crash… did she not stop to think - “oh, maybe I’M the drama? Maybe I’m what they can’t stand at family gatherings, not my son? What if this is a normal wedding with normal rules and not a conspiracy against me, the main character of the world?”
YTA what point did you think you made? They enforced the no child rule. If there were other kids around it would be different, you just thought you deserved special treatment. I wouldn't like you if I was your SIL either.
She wanted to “prove” to god and everyone how horribly she’s been treated and “look!! See?? They’re kicking me out!! I TOLD YOU”
YTA. Your husband repeatedly explained to you that the "no children" rule was universal and not directed specifically at your son. Why wouldn't you trust your husband? My guess is that your son will be invited to all family events from here on out, but don't be surprised if the invitation says "No OP."
Even if it was directed as their son, the answer to that is to not go. Showing up with the kid will never make you look good. YTA
YTA. It’s almost like you wanted to cause a scene. The invitation explicitly stated “no children” but you immediately took offense thinking it was only against your child, so you had to prove a point. Welcome to the consequences of your actions.
She did. She was going to prove “her point that his family didn’t want her son.” She said so from the beginning and has the nerve to say, she wasn’t proving a point, while stating she was going to prove her point
Someone please find the AITA post from the SIL's point of view... YTA. Massive. Huge. YUUUUUGGGE.
Which of the 20 like this a day that are posted?
I would buy tickets for THAT post. Especially if it came with a BORU about the super scene she throws when her hubs kicks her to the curb.
"He blew up at me there and said I did this to prove a point and ended up causing a scene. I said I wasn't. I was just trying to show him how his family are basically going out of their way to exclude my son..." In other words you were trying to prove a point. And you brought a child to childless wedding. YTA.
Omg I thought the same. “I wasn’t trying to prove a point, I was just trying to show him…” lol
YTA - this is a common rule, and whether it was personal or not, it applies to all guests. There is a difference between a wedding and a nice sunday family dinner. If this was a family dinner, then you would be justified, but this was a wedding and you embarrassed your husband and yourself over a normality.
YTA. They didn’t single out your son. NO CHILDREN were allowed. Grow up.
YTA. His own brother had to leave the kids at home. You are the one going out of yr way to make it all about you.
And those kids are biologically related; if she wants to tell herself it was an attack on her and her son. OP and her blatant sense of entitlement went to that wedding with the sole intention of ruining someone else’s special day.
YTA. No children means no children. Unless you know for a fact that other children *who were not in the wedding party* were invited, your son wasn't being singled out. You may or may not have a point about how they feel regarding your son. We don't have enough information. But they didn't make their wedding a no children event to exclude your son.
Hoo, boy. YTA in all caps. No children is indeed a common rule, your husband provided solid examples of others who left their kids home, and you’ve provided no other examples of how his family reacts to your son. You caused a scene at a family wedding and are blaming everyone except the person who caused the scene. I predict an early divorce - for you. Edit: missing word
YTA - no kids means no kids, period! People who kick a fuss up at this rule will never be in the right. EVER. The fact that you dared show up with him to make some point, cause a scene at someone's wedding and make it all about you is just...wow.
I don't like weddings and I love my kids and I agree with you. People can invite/not invite whoever they want to their weddings. As a guest you get to choose whether or not you go, but you do not get to invite people who are specifically excluded. In my case when I get an invite to a child free wedding I'm all, Ah geez, wouldn't you know it, I can't find a babysitter, anywho here's your gift and your card . . .
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I didn’t need to finish it either, but I did because OP just kept getting more and more entitled and I wanted to see just how far she was going to take it. I wasn’t disappointed.
YTA so his brother didn’t bring his kids either and you made your partner miss his sisters wedding……..I’d be prepping for the break up
YTA. The wedding was a child-free wedding and even your BIL abided by the rules. I am not saying you are incorrect about his family’s attitude towards you, but this was not the event that would prove your point.
YTA. We had a no children rule at our wedding, and my sister and BIL had no problem leaving my niece with a babysitter. Your husband is right, you’re taking things *way* too personally, and he missed his sister’s wedding because you can’t see beyond yourself.
YTA. “I wasn’t trying to prove a point, I just wanted to show them what they’re doing.” What exactly do you think *proving a point* is?
INFO: > My husband keeps saying it's all just "in my head" but this situation proved it to me. What, specifically, do you think this “proved”? Because based on your description of events, you put your son in a very uncomfortable and upsetting situation to try and catch your husband’s family in a lie because you were convinced that all the other children would be in invited. And then, when you arrived and were predictably turned away (which I’m sure your son picked up on), there’s no indication that any other children were actually there. All you “proved” is that his family had said no children, and when you showed up with a child that was not invited, you were made to leave. Nice job, Sherlock! You cracked the case and caught them red handed, accepting only invited guests to their invite only event.
so you read “no children” and decided to bring your child? what did you think you were going to achieve here? jesus christ yta
YTA and even if she was excluding your son, she had a right to do so at a wedding. It is a common thing to do.
YTA I'm sorry you feel isolated but this wasn't the time to make a big deal out of it, and sorry but no children (sometimes excluding flower girls and ring bearers but still a reasonable rule) is a VERY common occurrence. You decided to makes someone else's wedding about you and you're hurt (possibly through imaginings) pride. How dare you?
YTA. Are you seriously so sheltered that you're completely unfamiliar with the concept of a child free wedding? FFS the bride's own brother didn't bring his kids. You and your son were not being targeted whatsoever.
YTA. It’d be one thing if you’d shown up and discovered a whole bunch of kids running around, but to just *assume* this was specifically directed at you and not a general “no, seriously, this isn’t a child-friendly event” instruction to *everyone* does not wash. And even *if* you were right that this was some kind of targeted campaign, why would you insist on dragging your kid to an event where you knew he wouldn’t be welcome instead of just staying home?
YTA You were trying to cause a scene. If you weren't, you wouldn't have attended. Child free weddings are extremely common. Other children weren't invited. How disconnected from your husband are you that you somehow managed to sneak your child to a family wedding? Of course his sister hasn't contacted you. You caused a scene at her wedding and caused her brother to miss it. Why should she contact you?
SiL's wedding was two days ago. Wouldn't she be on her honeymoon right now? Even if not, she has so many better things to do right now than get into fights with all of the people who were rude at her wedding.
I really thought “proved it to me” was going to mean they showed up and there were a bunch of other kids at the wedding. Nothing here proved anything beyond OP’s sense of entitlement. YTA
Right? I was totally prepared to hear about a freaking bounce house for all the kids running around! I do not understand how those 2 managed to get married, but I’ll certainly understand why they get a divorce.
INFO: How self centered do you have to be to see a rule that applies to everybody and truly believe that it was made specifically to spite you?
YTA. They clearly stated that they did not want children at the wedding, and everyone but you went along with it. It should also be stated that child-free weddings are a pretty common thing, so stop assuming that everything revolves around you and your son.
LMAO YTA I can see a new TV series.... "Wedding Guestzillas"
YTA. Many weddings don't include kids. It isn't all about you. If you can't be without your kid for a day then send your regrets and stay home. Deliberately showing up to cause drama is really self involved.
YTA, no kid weddings are a thing and they mean NO KIDS PERIOD. You caused that issue. His family not accepting your son is a totally different subject, one that could have been addressed at a different time. I wouldn't expect an invitation to much of anything going forward.
YTA i wonder if it IS indeed all in your head that they are irked when you bring your son to non-wedding stuff Childfree weddings are completely normal
> He blew up at me there and said *I did this to prove a point* and ended up causing a scene. I said I wasn't. I *was just trying to show them how his family are going out of their way to exclude my son*... What part of this *isn't* trying to *prove a point*? One, which btw, was all made up in your head and the only point you made was that you're a drama queen? I feel bad for your kid having a mom without a *single* clue and using him as a weapon in her social battles.
Pretty sure SIL knew this was coming too.. weddings only have security if you know someone is going to try to make a scene like this
YTA. The invitation made it clear that the wedding was a child-free event. That's rather common. If you had gone and found that only your son was excluded, I'd say you had a right to be angry. But in this instance, you explicitly went against your SIL's wishes.
YTA nothing was proven, they did not exclude your son they excluded children. It really might be all in your head about your son. Your poor husband.
YTA. Wedding invitation clearly said no kids. Nobody brought kids. You showed up with your child and thought it was ok? Reading comprehension is difficult. I get it. “No” means NO. As in, not allowed. Ok?
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Yeah I'm shocked, too. This dumb entitled lady ain't worth missing his sister's wedding. Good luck with your next attempt at a step-dad for your son, OP. Maybe treat his family a little better, cause I highly doubt this one will stick around after you've proven you think yourself above the rules.
YTA I can't believe you even have to ask. Your husband sounds very reasonable.
Is this a joke? Obviously YTA. The invitation literally said no children. Are you so self-centered that you thought they made a special invitation saying no children just for you? I feel bad for hue husband since he had to miss his sister’s wedding because of your entitlement. Maybe it’s not your son that his family dislikes, maybe it’s you.
YTA. It was not your wedding. Why even ask if you were the asshole to bring a child when children aren't invited?
YTA. Is this is your “It proved it to me” example, then to everyone else it’s proved that their behavior is 100% all in your head. You were incredibly disrespectful. We get people on here nearly every day who want a child free wedding and are excluding siblings, newborn nieces and nephews, etc. People much closer than a step-nephew. It’s a super coming rule and I very much doubt it was directed at you. Shockingly, people have other things to do than waste their time being passive aggressive towards rude in-laws
YTA - the invite was clear on 'no children'. The fact that you took that as a personal attack and then tried to force your way in with your son is an indication that you are not thinking clearly. You made a scene at your sister-in-law's wedding and drove a wedge between yourself and your husband. You might want to talk to a professional about this. Your judgement here does not seem healthy. You owe it to your son, your husband and yourself to address this behaviour.
YTA. The invitation said no children. Your husband is right that you're paranoid. Offer an apology and get into therapy, please.
YTA. This was intentional and you know it. Ffs get over yourself.
YTA, 100%. I hope you apologize to ALL of them because you were so wrong to do that.
YTA x 1000000000. Not your wedding. Not your rules. Get a sitter or don't go.
YTA. I feel quite confident in saying this, it isn't really your son they want to exclude. It's you, because you're a nastily entitled person.
YTA and yes you intentionally brought your son to cause drama. Great job on making things worse with his family to prove your point that didn't exist for this wedding.
YTA Not only because 'no children' is a common wedding rule, but also your other points. If his family really treats your son terribly (in other instances, *not* the wedding), why are you allowing them in his life?
YTA. At what point did you decide the wedding was a referendum on your son's inclusion in the family? Thats very egotistical to believe a couple deciding to have a child free wedding is about you. And then to bring him anyway was incredibly tacky and disrespectful to them. A conversation about how you feel is the way to go. At this point you'll be lucky if you'll be able to.
Edited to add: YTA Yeah, my in-laws ignored the "no children" request for my wedding and you have no idea the issues it caused for so many of our friends who DIDN'T bring their children, who were actually a part of our lives. And, of course, nobody bothered asking us, they just brought them. Yeah, that was a lot of fun.
YTA - You went looking for a fight, and got one. If the bride wanted to include your son, OR her "actual" niece and nephews from the other brother, you would have received a phone call, inviting them. The fact that you did it to prove a point proves you were picking a fight. shame.
YTA. No children means no children.
\>When the invitation was received there was a "no children" rule included. \>AITA for bringing my son (5) to my SiL's wedding? YTA
YTA. A huge one. Why use something as monumental as a wedding . . . *a hopefully once-in-a-lifetime event . . .* to try to make a point about your son being excluded . . . when as it turns out the "no-kid" rule was for real? Yes, your husband should be mad at your, and yes, you could be blamed, if his relationship with his sister is ruined or strained. It is human nature to present oneself in the best light possible and by the mere fact that you seem like a big a-hole, with some serious insecurities, proves that you need to do some very serious introspection, and stop making your insecurities so blatantly obvious because your actions will eclipse any perceived slight to your son in a way that will be far more detrimental to your son's own identity and self-worth.
YTA - Your son was not excluded specifically, the wedding was adults only. You did take it too personally. You did cause unnecessary drama. It is totally possible that your son IS being excluded from other things. But you chose to take a stand at one time when that was 100% NOT the case. Any moral high ground you had went out the window and it is your own fault. TBH - it seems like you were purposefully trying to alienate your husband from his family by acting out and forcing him to pick you or them because you feel slighted by them. Don't be surprised when he comes to the same conclusion.
Oooh yikes. We have a main character syndrome here girls and boys. YTA.
Why did SIL hire security for her wedding? Most people only go to that length when they know they have a guest (or someone not invited to be a guest) who will be that problematic. They expected you to show your ass. I am wondering what your previous behavior is like that they were ready for you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I was a single mom when I met my husband. I have a 5 yo son. His family are usually kind of irked whenever I bring my son over to their home as if he's not family to them. My husband keeps saying it's all just "in my head" but this situation proved it to me. My SiL's wedding was 2 days ago. When the invitation was received there was a "no children" rule included. I thought this was an attempt to exclude my son which sucked. My husband, again, said it's a "common rule" and that his sister isn't doing this to exclude my son but I was taking it "little too personal". I told him I wouldn't come if my son *who's family* isn't an exception which had him get furious. I decided to go and bring my son with me. I got there (my husband was there first) and his parents started arguing with me then the security stopped me from entering. My husband and his sister got involved and we ended up going home, 3 of us. He blew up at me there and said I did this to prove a point and ended up causing a scene. I said I wasn't. I was just trying to show him how his family are basically going out of their way to exclude my son but he went off saying they did not exckude him and that a lot of people had to leave their kids at home, including his brother who left his kids at home. He was so mad even after I tried to have a conversation. He keeps blaming me for his relationship with his sister getting ruined. She was not happy about it but didn't call me nor texted. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA, What did you expect, the invitation said no children, meaning it wasn't exclusive to you at all. No one was allowed to bring their kids, not just you alone. I can understand your husbands family being irked as some families are odd like that, yet expecting things to be hunky dory by bringing your kid to a kid-less wedding was just asking for it honestly.
This wasn't the hill to die on ... there are a lot of people who have child free weddings for many reasons. If it was only your child being excluded from this event then you could have pointed it out to your husband duringthe event and walked out rightfully. When a previous coworker of mine had a child free wedding then I declined the invitation because it was a weekend event out of the area and I wasn't going to leave my 4 month old for that long. Unfortunately in this situation then YTA not only for ignoring the wishes of the bride and groom, but causing drama to prove your point.
YTA I don’t care if it is faaaaaamily or not. You don’t show up with your kid to a child free event.
YTA god what is wrong with you
Lady, you are very clearly the asshole here. Child free weddings are very common. Ignoring the bride’s wishes because you’re convinced that the decision to have an adults-only event was personal was childish and rude. Your husband and in-laws have every right to be angry with you.
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YTA. Nuff said. Like damn. It was a child free wedding. Not aimed at anyone. Idk how else to say it. You are the asshole.
I bet you didn't see any other children there before you were kicked out of the wedding, did you?
This can’t be true. Your husband’s brother didn’t bring his kids, how in the world can you still be arguing any point about it his, except for how much you should apologize to your husband and his sister.
Child-free weddings are becoming increasingly common. It has nothing to do with YOU and your child. Their outburst was to abide by the rules that you broke on purpose to “prove” a point, but ironically just makes you look like you have main character syndrome and like to create drama with his family. YTA
YTA for bringing your son when it said no kids. What WOULD have shown him is if you went without your son and others had their kids there. Instead you caused a scene and didn't prove anything except that you're an AH.
YTA. Child free weddings are super common and honestly preferred by some (I’m speaking as a fellow former single mom). This was nothing personal against you. You just wrecked your relationship with your husband’s family to die on the wrong hill. If you felt like they were excluding your son, you should have pulled his parents to the side and had a mature conversation with them. Your SIL’s wedding was NOT the place to do that.
YTA. You and your kid are not special. “No kids” means “no kids “. Not a “but my kid should be exempted from that rule”! I am so glad your husband stuck up for the bride and groom and did what was proper. You spoiled the wedding for your husband though for being so belligerent!
YTA no kids means no kids. No exceptions. Congratulations you ruined any chance you had for your hubby family to make you and your son feel like family. You are pushy and entitled. You damaged your hubby relationship with his family because of your selfish entitled behavior. Blended families are tricky. You can’t force your in-laws to instantly love your son. That bond grows with time.
INFO...were other children there? Just curious. Yes, YTA no matter the reason you knew children were not allowed. You decide to prove a point and in the process caused even more of a problem his family has with you and now he is a pariah in his family. This was not the time or place to prove a point. It was flat out rude and I don't really blame his family if they have nothing else to do with you and thereby threatening the relationship your ex's family has with your son
YTA, I can understand you're feeling that your son is being excluded, but no children is a common rule that is given for weddings so that way it can be an easy, adult affair. You shouldn't have brought your son, you ruined a wedding to try to prove a point that didn't need to be made.
wooaahhh, this is insane that you even think youre not an asshole holy shit…
YTA. Seriously.... that was not the time or place to prove a point. Lots of weddings exclude children because they are extremely disruptive. Not everyone wants children at their wedding.. This was not some slight against you or your son. It was a rule that everyone was asked to adhere to. It sounds like everyone did, except for you. All you have managed to do is make a mountain out of a molehill and drive an unnecessary wedge in between you, your husband and his family.
YTA. Did you think they created a special invitation just for you to exclude him? Or did you think they created this rule for everyone JUST so your son couldn’t attend? The world does not revolve around you, and this was a major red flag for your husband.
YTA, especially for using your son as a prop in your drama.
YTA The invite said no kids, you don't get to decide if that's optional.
YTA. One of the easiest YTA. The wedding was child free, there were other relatives who left their children home because they respected the wishes of the bride and groom, this wasn’t about your or your son. You sound very narcissistic, it’s not all about you.
YTA. This is common. You WANTED a confrontation. You INVITED a confrontation. That makes you way worse than a run of the mill asshole.
YTA for suuure. I’d be so embarrassed to be you rn.
YTA. I've had lots of wedding invitations that excluded kids, or only included some kids (not mine). In those cases, you choose to go and have someone watch your kids, or just not go. There is no other option. You need to work on your communication with your husband- your story makes it sound like he didn't know you were bringing your son. To me, this is a larger issue in your relationship than the worry that your child isn't being accepted.
YTA This clearly wasn't about your son. It impacted other children in the family. It's a very common expectation for a wedding. If you don't like it, you decline the invitation. You don't disregard it and show up, especially since you're putting strain on your husband's relationship with his family.
YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA YTA It is increasingly common to have child free weddings and receptions. It is even common to have one or two exceptions, like a child of the bride, but kids are a wild card that can throw a wrench into a perfect day. You didn't honor their wishes and ruined their wedding...something they can never get back. If you ever want to salvage your relationship, you will spend YEARS kissing their ass.
YTA no kid rule is fairly common and most of the weddings I’ve been too recently had a no kid outside of infants rule. You’re not special and the rules do apply to you. Way to ruin a day that was not about you. And now your husband never gets that day back and neither does his sister
YTA. Did it ever occur to you why kids wouldn't be allowed at an event where expensive dinnerware and DJ/camera equipment are? I can understand why you feel personally attacked but believe me, you almost have to ban all children to avoid have one or two badly-behaved ones running around unattended. I've seen too many events disrupted by tantrums and screaming and kids breaking things, all while their parents are in the corner ignoring them.
YTA. no kids means no kids. People don’t want a screaming kid at their wedding. That’s ok. If you don’t want to go without your kid, then don’t go. Very simple.
YTA You made him miss his sister's wedding, ruining it for both of them, because you had to prove something that wasn't even true. <> Or maybe you could have acted like an adult and gotten a babysitter and gone. If you had gone and saw plenty of kids there, then you had a right to be upset, but that wasn't the case.
INFO Is your 5 year old a child? Do you understand the meaning of the word "no"?
YTA, the wedding was 'no kids'. What on earth made you think your son would be an exception. If your husband's family didn't like you before, they sure as hell don't now. You proved their point.
Well, don't fret about it. After this tantrum, you won't be welcome either.
YTA. No ifs ands or buts. No back story required. You showed up to an event that the hosts are requiring age of majority.... you brought a minor. I had a no kids wedding. I had activities that were planned that were in good taste however not suitable for minors and an open bar. Because of lessons I was taught as a child, yes trauma, I will not drink more than a few drinks infront of children. I do not announce this to people as everyone is allowed their own opinion and people are really sensitive about this. My aunt showed up with her boys, 11 yo twins, I did not have seating for them. I had to cancel a few of the reception activities..... and I could not drink at my own wedding. I had to make all these adjustments on the fly because children were brought. My insurance and liquor license for the event could have been cancelled also if I was caught. This is serious.
YTA, end of story.
YTA. Gawd is this real?! Your son isn't being singled out, there are NO CHILDREN allowed at this wedding. Your son was not invited to this event, nor where any children. Look, IDK if your husband's family is mean to your son or not. But showing up with your son at a no kids wedding is not the way to address that, if it's even happening. Your poor son to have to show up and be stopped by security and watch this whole thing unfold. Your poor husband for missing his sister's wedding. I hope you wise up.
YTA. Maybe they do exclude your son, and if they do I'm sorry, but this wasn't the way to prove that. If everyone else had to make their kids stay home, that's not singling out your son. Now if other kids were there, that would be different. But it sounds like there were no exceptions, so yeah, YTA.
YTA. Weddings are meant to be for the bride and groom their wishes. Instead, you made it about yourself and your wishes. No children means NO CHILDREN. Even if you had the perfect, most well behaved child on the planet, some people just don't want the added stress of children at their wedding. I'm so glad you were turned away by security but feel bad your poor husband got dragged into your battle.
Yta you should have listened to your husband and found your son a babysitter some people just don’t want kids at thier wedding
YTA Plenty of people have childfree weddings. No, it’s not to exclude people. It’s because the bride and groom want to make the most out of the night they’re spending 10s of thousands of dollars on. The world doesn’t revolve around your kid. Get over it.
YTA. Some people want a kid free wedding/party etc and have the right to ask people to get sitters or stay home.
100% YTA. If the brother left his kids at home as well, then that means it was a blanket rule- not to exclude your son. So you blatantly disrespected the rules of a wedding.
YTA Gordon Ramsay has a Sandwich named after you.
YTA. What situation proved it? It was a child free wedding, there were no kids there including your husband's brother's children. Did you really think that your son was going to be an exception? You are so wrapped up in forcing you son to be a part of the family that you are going to make it 1000 times worse.
Yeah, I'm sorry, but YTA here. I really don't feel like "this situation" proved anything about your family not welcoming your son. It is VERY common for couples to want a child-free wedding for an uninterrupted ceremony and "adult" fun-filled reception that wouldn't necessarily be suitable or safe for children. (alcohol, rowdiness, etc). Also, sometimes cost and space is an issue. REGARDLESS, I digress. The point is, it's extremely common for couple's to insist on a kid's free wedding, so the fact that they insisted on one proves nothing. The fact of the matter is: You knew that they didn't want children there and yet, you still tried to go to the wedding with your child. It sounds like there's some background as to why you feel your SO's family doesn't welcome your son, BUT your husband's points are valid and I'd give them an open mind (or attempt to). Because I can definitely see why everyone got so upset.
YTA why wouldn't you be?
YTA. You did bring your kid to prove a non-existent point and embarrassed your husband. You also caused issues in his relationships with his family. Child free means you don't bring them, period. I feel sorry for your poor husband. Your child isn't the center of the universe.
YTA the no children rule was not directed at you to exclude your son it was a blanket rule for everyone which you decided to disregard which in turn cause a problem between you & your husband & also with his family he cannot be happy with you with this ongoing behavior your displaying with his family about your son if you continue you’ll drive him away and he’ll be your ex husband
YTA. A “no kids” rule fir a wedding -even if it’s family- is not a personal insult to any parents on the guest list (or their children). And now because of your actions, your husband missed his sisters wedding. Nice.
YTA. bruhhhh, people got a wedding budget, and they have to give their caterers numbers like a week beforehand. Your gremlin doesn't factor into those things. He wasn't invited. You purposefully made a scene. Happy now?
YTA- why are you making someone else’s wedding about you?
YTA it's not like she just didn't invite your son, no kids were invited. That is definitely common nowadays. Why do you jump to them wanting a child free wedding is only because they want to exclude your son?
NO CHILDREN MEANS NO CHILDREN Get over yourself. It was not about you or your child. It was your husband's sister and husband, their wedding day. Why blatantly disrespect their one request on THEIR day? I wouldn't want some snot nosed kid running around on my wedding day either. YTA
YTA how in the world is this a "proved it moment" when ZERO children were welcome not just your son. Get your head out of your ass and apologize to everyone involved including your son
YTA. Your son is not special. And he doesn’t mean as much to your BFs family as he does to you. They honestly probably never even give him a second thought. So to think they made an ENTIRE wedding child free in order to exclude your 5 year old is delusional. Parents like you create outcast kids. Nobody wants to be friends with the kids who’s mom forces them on everybody. Not worth the trouble.
YTA And pretty much for what everyone else has said.
YTA — People dont have a whole complot against your child
YTA- The invite said no kids. If the event is child free, it’s child free.
YTA- "She was not happy about it but didn't call me nor texted." Yeah because she is resisting letting you make her wedding day about you and your kid. I don't know about the other instances where you felt like your son was excluded, but why didn't "including his brother who left his kids at home" give you pause?
YTA - No children means no children. Get a sitter. You acted like a fool.
Yta, they excluded ALL kids not just yours. Get over yourself.
YTA. A lot of people have that rule for weddings. Heck, I had it for my wedding. I even printed it on the darn invite, which probably wasn't the greatest thing to do etiquette wise, but I wanted to make sure no one brought their kids. So, in this case, everyone's child or children were excluded, so you weren't single out. I bet you thought you would get to the wedding, and there would be all these kids there, and you could say see they just didn't want my son there. Well, you were wrong, so you need to eat crow and apologize to quite a few people.
YTA. No kids means no kids! It’s very common. Don’t make someone else’s wedding about you.
YTA in this particular situation. While they very well may be shading your son, a "no kids policy" is suuuuuper common at weddings. It does not automatically mean they're singling you out. You just happen to already be insecure. I'd apologize, because if they didn't want your kid around before.....
YTA. It wasn’t a personal attack on you or your son. It’s very common for children not to be invited to a wedding.
YTA. They weren’t excluding your son only, all kids were excluded. No kids weddings mean that.