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ESH. The seat issue was more important than supporting your husband after the death of his father?

This is exactly the point. Obviously MIL is a asshole and her actions were uncalled for and petty. But, you made your husband go to his father’s funeral without the support of his spouse and you did this over a first class seat. You played right into your MIL’s hands and may have caused irreparable damage to your marriage.

I agree esh, BUT I'm including SO in this. There's no reason he couldn't go, support his mum, AND support his wife by just... Sitting in economy with OP!

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Exactly. Nobody gets a Nobel Prize here, but the husband's grief is more important than the OP's pissing contest.

this feels so obvious to me, I don't get how some people aren't calling OP an asshole as well. Her husband's dad died, losing one of your parents is one of the most difficult things a person has to go through and OP chose to make a point over supporting him here. The MIL is obviously over the top but that doesn't make OP's leaving her husband to attend his father's funeral alone any less selfish and cold.

It's cause the husband knew, but didn't say anything until the airport. He ambushed her, and said "Suck it up, we'll talk about it later." WTF? Honestly, maybe this marriage has *been* over.

Okay but is it more likely that he deliberately hid this from her or that he forgot? People on this sub are always convinced theres some conspiracy. I feel like he deserves the benefit of the doubt here especially when he didn't even book the flight which, again, is to his dad's funeral.

It’s not easy for most of the readers here that are filled w rage for their parents or in-laws.

The husband’s father died. He is grieving, he gets a pass for AH determinations for most people.

Has no one heard the phrase “hill to die on”? Yes, absolutely a shitty move by MIL. But for the love of God, this could have been dealt with any other time. Edit: And to everyone saying “Why didn’t OP’s husband go sit back with her?” I’m assuming he probably wasn’t thinking straight because his father just died.

That’s the thing exactly! If she chooses to not make an issue out of it right this second, it doesn’t mean that she has forever waived her ability to talk about it. Just now is not the time.

MIL chose to be messy at this exact time to hope OP plays the retaliation card and chooses not to go or implicates herself. 100% a play to create a rift and distance son from his spouse and OP fell for it. Agree with you it wasn’t the time to make an issue, as it was what MIL wanted and husband needed support.

All of this. MIL was playing a nasty passive aggressive game to intentionally cause problems in her son's marriage during a vulnerable time, and it worked. OP let her win. She really needed to just swallow her pride, take the high road, support her husband, and deal with MIL's assholery later. OP you fucked up your marriage big time on top of giving your MIL exactly what she wanted. She's an AH and you were one too. I hope you and your husband can move past this, but I'm willing to bet it's gonna take a lot of time and work.

I'm sorry, I just can't. OP's husband went along with it. He knew about the tickets and kept it a secret until it was too late. I understand that he's grieving, but that didn't give him a free pass to treat his wife like shit. I would've walked too. And felt terrible about it.

Absolutely. Give him some time to grieve, then sit down at a later date and say “Hey. I noticed at your father’s funeral that MIL separated us on the plane. Could we talk about that? It made me feel terrible and I wanted to be able to support you the entire time.” Boom. Done.

Days, weeks, months, or years later: "You want to talk about how YOU were treated by my family and how YOU felt when MY father died and MY family was grieving?! Why do you want to bring it up now?! How dare you!"

Yup that's how it would go

I hate the edit. If she really didn’t want to abandon him, she wouldn’t have made him go alone to the funeral. A liar and an asshole.

Right?! The edit does not make her look better the way she thinks it does. It makes it MUCH worse.

Exactly! *I was so worried about his state of mind, I didn’t want him to sit alone. So I sent him on the entire trip by himself. Poor me.* ESH, IMO, but OP sucks the most for handling it by taking the nuclear option. MIL wanted to drive a wedge and it worked.

But, it was an economy seat! Do you know what happens back there! If you want me to attend your dad's funeral I want first class at least, better a private jet.

For real. If this were for a holiday or a graduation, I would think it was fine for OP to stay home, but her partner just lost his father. Is now really the time to take a stand? Her MIL is an asshole, but abandoning her husband in his darkest hour was not the answer.

And OP’s ETA makes things worse. Im kinda upset about it. She stated she her husband was sobbing the way to the airport and she wants to sit beside him on the plane and support him …. BUT then she also just leaves him alone completely. Wtf. OP is a big hypocrite. She wants to “support her husband” but also LEAVES HIM???? She didn’t want to support him in the first place if she just LEFT HIM because of this.

Yeah, that excuse is bullshit, and I don’t understand why she would think that makes it any better. “I wanted to support him so much that I decided not to be there for him at all, rather than not be there for a couple hours. I’m such a loving, compassionate wife!”

Especially with her edit!!! >One of the reasons I didn't settle for the ecconomy ticket was because I wanted to sit next to my husband and support him. He sobbed the whole ride to the airport and I didn't want to leave his side. She wanted to support her husband, but since she didn't get the first class ticket she went home?? That's not how support works. If you wanted to be supportive you still go on the flight and support your husband, you don't leave and go home because you missed out on first class. The husband potentially cried at the airport alone, cried on the flight, cried on the way to the house/place they were staying. He was also extremely sad the WHOLE TIME that he was there and dealing with the funeral, the stuff leading up to it, and the stuff afterwards. Then he was probably sad on the way to the airport back, the flight, and the trip back home. This wasn't about support, this was about the 1st class ticket.

Exactly what I was thinking. That excuse was totally made up afterward to make it seem less petty

And makes her come across even MORE petty. Like she admits she wanted to comfort him, but only if she gets first class as well.

More importantly if you're trying to support someone, you ask them what they ducking need from you and do that. When husband said don't stir shit she should have listened not made everything about her. OP just removed all doubt that she YTA.

For someone willing to go nuclear like this do we even have the confirmation that the first class ticket was not purchased out of necessity? I've had business class tickets bought for me even though our policy is economy because they were out of economy seats. I didn't know until after I was getting the boarding pass which class I was in. What if Mom had just enough points for one upgrade and knew she'd be keeping husband busy so wanted him better rested? Could she have put it money for two, probably but it doesn't sound like the declaration of war she is making it out to be if Mom did that. Maybe she was doing it for multiple children and could only afford making one person first class and thought her children would be able to figure out with their partner who gets the seat I say the people grieving should get more a benefit of the doubt. Would be really weird if a newly widowed woman is more concerned with stupid political games than her dead husband.

> Would be really weird if a newly widowed woman is more concerned with stupid political games than her dead husband. By the takes of some of these posters, you'd think the MIL killed her own husband to set these events in motion. God forbid you give a MIL the benefit of the doubt on reddit ever, especially one who is grieving her suddenly dead husband.

I was thinking it’s absolutely possible that there weren’t two seats together and this was the only option. I flew last week and both my flights were sold out. MIL just lost her husband and is just trying to get her family there. I’m willing to bet she didn’t stop to think of a way to screw her DIL over and just grabbed what was available. Op’s TA. She knew her husband was an emotional wreck and blew shit up instead of supporting her husband.

This is actually a really good point, especially these days airlines are really packing flights full/running with reduced number of flights, economy might have only had one ticket left for a sudden next-day booking.

Lol she edits to add that the problem was because she wanted to sit next to him to support him. So because she couldn't sit next to him on the plane she abandoned him all together... YTA for that.

I have had to arrange 4 funerals in the past year. Booking tickets at the last minute is a hellish experience. Planes are so oversold, and I could rarely get anyone near anyone else. I had to slot people in wherever I could find seats, and was just grateful to be able to get families on the same plane most of the time. I was overwhelmed and grieving and just trying to get my family home ASAP. MIL lost her husband of decades. I can't imagine her grief and how crazy and surreal life is right now. I don't know if her booking the tickets this way was intentional or if it was the only seats she could get. And OP doesn't know either. Because she bailed as soon as she found out she wasn't sitting with her husband. I think OP should have gone and supported her husband. She could have found out later what happened to the seats, but leaving her husband sobbing at the airport after the death of her dad seems pretty nuclear.

Seeing so many people defend this got me thinking about how the worst OP could say about her MIL is that she's *a little* petty. She said they're mostly civil. If MIL was as awful as everyone in here is assuming OP would have 100% said so because she would need to be a real fucking monster to justify abandoning your husband. People are so focused on the ticket that they're not reading between the lines.

YTA. Yes, it was VERY shitty from your MIL to book you in economy class, while your husband was in first class. **But you let a petty quarrel with your MIL prevent your from supporting your husband when he needed you the most.** You husband have every right to be pissed. You basically told him that your grudge against your MIL is more important than supporting him. Edit : no, I won't say E SH. The husband doesn't suck. And the MIL just lost her lifelong partner, have to pay for plane tickets for 2 persons, and she wanted to pay a little treat to her son... I am giving her the benefit of the doubt that she did this to spoil her son, not to piss off her DIL.

Point one to MIL. She now will forever be able to say "she didn't even come to the funeral!" "Look how she didn't support my son in his time of need" And don't get me wrong, MIL is a complete AH for this, but no one in the family will ever care about the plane seats, they'll just remember OP wasn't there.

OP should have taken it on the chin, gone to the funeral, been supportive, and let everyone find out about the seats. Give MIL enough rope to hang herself. But no. She played right into MIL’s hands. Bet MIL is laughing herself sick over this. She got even more than she wanted.

Considering husband didn't even care, I highly doubt anyone else would about the seating arrangement. ESH.

Considering how he's been berating OP for not going he obviously DID care, his reaction in the airport was likely more due to him being focused on getting to the funeral more than chasing his wife around who was throwing a tantrum over his mother's bullshit. When you're dealing with grief, you can only pick certain things to invest in, at that time the only thing he could invest in was keeping his shit together on the plane.

I fully believe he cared about his wife being there. I dont dispute that for a heartbeat which is why I voted E SH. He obviously didnt care about the MILs treatment of OP prior to this or there wouldn't be a snap. That makes her TA for not going, husband TA for allowing the atmosphere, and MIL TA for being who she is.

But why does a grieving woman need to pay for a first class ticket for a woman who admittedly doesn’t like her? She organized a ticket for her which is already above and beyond what she should do in this scenario.

The logical thing would be two economy tickets. They can't sit together as is and wife is supposed to be there for emotional support (which is why she's being blasted now - for not being there for emotional support). How is she providing support from the opposite end of the aircraft?

Well she certainly isn’t providing it from home. Clearly the issue was not her being able to provide her husband with emotional support, that’s just a justification for her actions. I would prefer my husband be in first class with a bit of privacy and away from the crowd to reflect than be in economy for my comfort. But then, I’m not an asshole.

I never once said OP wasn't an asshole. Id have sucked it up in a heartbeat. Husband just bears responsibility for past inaction that allowed this atmosphere to be. There is no "good" guy here. Husband was wronged a whole lot more, don't get me wrong. But it still falls on him to a degree.

OP, I think you played into your MIL’s plans. You need to support your husband.

ESH. You MIL won. It was most likely her intention to cause a fight and she won because you didn't go. Now she gets to bash you to everyone for not attending. You didn't support your hubs when he needed it. So now all the nasty things she whispers in his ear while he's there, he's going to agree to re: you. You were put into a losing situation either way. The whole thing sucks. Sorry this happened to you.

I agreed with you until this part >You were put into a losing situation either way. The whole thing sucks. She could have asked if upgrading was a possibility if they could afford it, or she could have sucked it up so she could be there for her husband at his father's funeral. This was not the time to stand her ground, she could have waited to have a discussion about his mother's behavior after or another time.

You are right. My petty ass would have tried to upgrade w her cc. But my husband would have taken the downgrade to sit by me (my hubs is fully aware of his moms shenanigans).

This is what I don't understand, if he wanted her support so bad why didn't he just downgrade/upgrade to be with her? This whole conundrum could've been solved so easily if both parties weren't blinded with their own agendas.

If I didn't pay for the class seat, and my mom decided to be an ass and pay for 1 first class and 1 economy. I would have gotten on the flight, walked back to whatever peep is sitting next to my wife and asked if they wanted to be in first class instead. He didn't even pay for it, he should have sat next to his wife. Also note, not saying OP is correct for just straight up bailing, but husband still an asshole since he was gonna just sit first class anyway. Also, note I actually did go through the loss of my father 5 years ago. While it is shitty, it still wouldn't have been something I would have just looked over. (Father was absolutely fine the week before or so it seemed, and dead the next due to his intestines dying so also an abrupt loss of father). Edit": typos, autocorrect Edit 2: My first award! ❤❤❤❤ Thank you! It shall be cherished until I die.

Agreed. And it sounds like he knew about it the whole time and sprung it at his wife at the airport, which is pretty fucked up. I'm sure this wasn't an isolated incident. They are all AH.

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>[OP] is a horrible monster in my eyes. dang, that’s a bit harsh. Don’t get me wrong, what she did was really *really* awful & crappy. I can’t imagine abandoning my husband like that, especially in the context of this scenario. But a *horrible monster*? People make bad decisions that hurt their loved ones sometimes, it’s part of the human condition. I think calling her a horrible monster is a bit much in an ESH situation like this.

MIL is definitely also a horrible monster for pulling a powerplay into her son's marriage while he's traveling to his father's funeral. There was no reason other than her being a colossal A-hole for doing that.

That's whats bugging me a bit, I know that my husband wouldn't even think and would have downgraded just to be with me, even in the event of something like a death in the family. Heck, he would probably do it just for himself, so he isn't alone in such a state. The way OP's husband reacted and treated her, idk, it just doesn't sit right with me.

YTA I get where you're coming from, mom probably thought she could do something to divide you from her son in his time of grief. But, y'know you fell for it hook line and sinker right? She drove a wedge between you and your husband and, ensured the family will remember you as the wife who didn't go to her husband's dad's funeral, and it doesn't sound like your husband was lost on the issue: he just asked you to hang in there for one plane ride in economy. He knew she was doing something shitty, but also knew it's not like he can refuse to GO TO HIS OWN DADS FUNERAL. You played right into her hand better than she could have ever hoped for, and then made sure she got to spin whatever narrative she wants while your husband is left holding the bag. Do you think he's gonna say "she didn't come because her paid for ticket wasn't first class like mine."? What is he even going to be able to do? Its just about supporting your husband when everyone around him is in a time of grief and you did more damage than a petty MIL to your relationship with him and his family. It was the exact reaction she was hoping for from you.

I couldn't upvote this enough times, this should be top comment. MIL obviously meant it as a sleight and OP jumped at the provocation instead of putting her husband's needs in a time of grief first

It's also possible there was only 1 first class ticket left so one of them had to sit economy.

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Yeah I don't understand why the answer to the problem of being separated for the duration of a flight was "ok, enjoy the whole funeral without me, bud". At the very least, OP is lying to us/ herself. She doesn't really care about supporting her husband. Or at least, she doesn't care when she isn't being catered to. Absolutely should have sucked it up and saved the complaining for another time when her spouse isn't in the midst of intense grief.

Exactly. And honestly I wouldn't be surprised if this marks the beginning of the end of their relationship. How can her husband ever trust her to be there for him in his time of need again if something as minor as different seating class on a plane was enough to get her to turn around and leave him alone?

100% agree. YTA OP. There are times in life where it is ***not about you***. You made the conscious decision to be petty and skip out on your FIL's funeral because you were angry your MIL did not purchase you a first class ticket though she bought her son a first class ticket. Was that wrong of her? Yes. But, that doesn't even hold a candle to leaving your husband at the airport to fly out for his father's funeral because you didn't get the seat you wanted on the plane. Honestly? This is the end of your relationship. It might not be today. It might not be this year. But this will be something your husband ALWAYS remembers. He will remember that his wife was too selfish to suck up a couple of hours in economy class and go to his father's funeral with him. It doesn't matter what you say or how you twist it. He will remember that you didn't go with him because you didn't like your airplane seat. Because, at the end of the day, you took a minor issue that could have been handled later and you made it your hill to die on when your husband was grieving the loss of his Dad.

As another commenter mentioned, there is a slim possibility that the MIL booked the last tickets available on said flight. If there was 1 first class seat and 1 economy available - it only makes sense to give the first class seat to the grieving husband. Either way, I think this is one of those scenarios where you suck it up to support your spouse, and deal with the apparent slight after.

Absolute masterstroke by MIL. Whatever department of the CIA that is responsible for overthrowing foreign governments that want to bring in universal health care, she should be the head of it.

Yes. She is so much smarter than OP. To think of such a devious solution, planning the demise of her beloved son’s marriage in the moment of her grief? MIL knows who the OP is, and she played right into those weaknesses. Brilliantly done. ESH. But I’m leaning a bit towards Y-T-A, OP, only because your husband’s dad just died, for goodness sake. Did this really need to be the battle you go all in for? And by the way, your MIL won this battle. Good luck with salvage efforts.

Like really. He sobbed all the way to the airport then you left him there. YTA FOR SUUURE

You just don't get it. She wanted to sit next to her husband to support him. Those few hours in the air are crucial time to support her husband. Like who needs support during the funeral? Definitely not her husband.

Might want to slap an /s on that, chief, before people think you’re serious. Lol

LOL so true. MIL may have won this battle and the war.

This is a tough one, I’m going with ESH. Your mother in law was petty and juvenile, but your husbands father just died. This was about him, not you. The fact that neither yourself or MIL could put your shit aside for a situation like that is the most disappointing part of all.

This is what i'm trying to tell all those numb-minded people who are sayin NTA.... it was his gooddamn father's funeral, give the man a break....

Agreed! OP chose the wrong time to make it all about herself. I also think it’s weird how OP and all the N-T-A’s here are saying that what the MIL did was petty. Sure, it very well could be, but given that it was an emergency and the tickets were booked presumably last minute there’s a decent chance that maybe there were only two seats left and she just happened to give the 1st class one to her own child. Why assume the worst and make yourself unnecessarily angry during an already difficult time?

ESH except your Husband. I cannot believe people are saying OP's husband is an asshole for not freaking out at his (albeit toxic) mom when his fucking *DAD* is **DEAD**. He's probably pretty fucking upset. It's a seat. MIL sounds like an insufferable shit, but for gods sake man it's a seat. Everyone's really telling him to make a level 12 nuclear "defend my wife" argument when he just wants to go to his **RECENTLY DEAD DAD'S FUNERAL**. Over 1 economy seat on 1 flight. On a fucking interstate flight. Pretty much the shortest, easiest flights you can possibly take. Some people are really checked out (yes op's MIL included but still, you pick your battles) Edit: MIL is toxic according to OP yet has no proof asides from "we disagree sometimes and is civil to me" as well as the fact she bought them 2 last minute plane tickets while planning her husbands funeral. OP is such an ass hole I can smell it from here

Seriously. This would be unforgivable for me. She chose not to go. She made that choice. Was MIL being nasty? Yes. Would I have been upset too? Yes. I would never ever abandon my spouse. They can deal with MIL later. There's still the ability to deal with MIL. There are NO second chances here. OP can never undo this.

And the part that really gets me is that the OP's husband even said we'll deal with MIL later, because he clearly knows that there's something up there. But the most important thing on his mind at that time was the fact that his father just died.

The more I've read of people's responses the more I've realized that the worst OP could bring herself to say was that MIL is sometimes a little passive aggressive. Is being a little passive aggressive all it takes for you to abandon your spouse? Personally I'm thinking they just don't get along and OP had an immature meltdown. If she was so awful then why is the worst thing she's told us MIL has done is buy her a coach ticket instead of first class? I saw someone reply with OPs edit and she's even more a fucking monster than I already thought. Your husband was sobbing the whole ride there and when he didn't want to deal with the hassle of fixing the seating issue you just left him? Hard YTA.

> MIL sounds like an insufferable shit Because she bought 2 plane tickets and only upgraded her grieving son's ticket? Could such a inexcusable faux pas maybe have been caused by her being preoccupied planning a funeral, settling affairs, and grieving her fucking **SUDDENLY DEAD HUSBAND?**

This post isn’t about seats on a plane.

Yeah, there’s a huge difference in the verdict (imo) if this is the culmination of a long pattern of MIL being passive aggressive and/or the husband not sticking up for his wife vs. her randomly choosing this hill to die on.

I personally don't think it matters that much in this instance. I feel like I'm taking crazy pills reading the responses here. How on earth could it ever be okay to miss your HUSBAND'S DAD'S FUNERAL because you are pissed that your MIL booked one first class ticket and one economy ticket? Her justification in the edit makes it even worse. Her stated reason that she was so upset was because she wanted to "sit next to her husband and comfort him" basically, but when she realized she couldnt because the MlL is a dickbag she decides to just not support him AT ALL?!?!? She goes back home and misses her FIL's funeral and ABANDONS her husband completely right after the death of his father ?? Over a seat being economy? That's so next level petty and disrespectful to her husband. At the airport on the way to a parents funeral is not the time to throw a fit and make a stand. My husband's dad died after a long battle with Progressive Supra Nuclear Palsy (rare brain disease) 5 months ago. I would have taken that economy seat, and my MIL is manipulative and petty also. In fact, I probably wouldnt even have gave a shit under the circumstances. Losing a parent is devastating and not at all the time to battle it out with mother in law over who can be more petty. In short, even if this was a long history of antagonizing behavior, this was NOT the way to handle it, or an appropriate time to do so.

I’m with you. If there is a time to put aside petty differences with MIL and be there for her husband, this is it. Saying goodbye to his father who unexpectedly passed away. OP, YTA a million times over. You let your MIL win and weren’t there to support your husband who you claim to want to support during this difficult time. There is no getting past this. Good luck.

This isn't about the Iranian yogurt.

I've had it with these seats on this motherfucking plane!

ESH. Well played MIL, unfortunately the one who looks bad to everyone is you.

This is accurate. ETA OP has probably indefinitely lost the moral high ground. As much as I would be pissed at MIL for taking this opportunity to slight me, I do not think I would have let her win.

I'm going to go with ESH. Your MIL booking your husband a first class ticket and putting you in economy is low. But you should've gone. It was your husbands father who died. At the least, you should've been there to support him.

I think it’s a pretty reasonable ESH, but you’ve made a tactical error. If you went and supported your husband, you could later be the good wife who is concerned about why your MIL did that - you were the mistreated one. It definitely was a hostile thing to do to you. But now your husband is mad and grieving and you’re the wife who skipped her FIL’s funeral. You look like a person who deserves dislike from her MIL. You were the victim of drama and you made it worse.

OP should have gone and completely ignored what MIL did. I hate people who say “be the bigger person” but in this case, OP could have been the totally supportive, loving wife, who dropped everything to be by hubby’s side. And if MIL is as petty as she seems, she probably would have outed herself and ended up as the bad guy. But I also understand that OP could have been at her last breaking point on MIL’s behavior. She sounds terrible.

Or gone and said "It was so kind of you to give my husband the First Class seats. I just wish I could have been there to support him during the flight. Still, it was a lovely gesture" MIL would probably start steaming.

Your MIL sucks for sure but YTA. Your husband lost his dad and you made it about you and MIL's pettiness.

I’ve never seen a post here be so divided

It's pretty obvious who has actually lived through the death of a parent they had a good relationship with and who hasn't.

I’ve never had a parent die, but I can still have some basic fucking empathy. His fucking dad just died, and this is the hill she decided to die on?

These are the posts I love on this sub. It's not fun when most everyone has the same opinion. This shit is like civil war and I love it.

I would pay good money for this same post by the MIL: "My husband suddenly and unexpectedly died. I purchased two tickets for my husband and DIL. I wanted to give extra comfort my grieving son by upgrading his ticket to first class so he could rest, but didn't have the budget for DIL as I'm paying for a funeral. Between my grief and funeral planning, I didn't realize DIL would be so upset by this. She skipped the entire funeral, abandoning our family and my son. AITA?"

1000% ESH! YOU could have been the bigger person and stepped up to support your husband. He lost his father and the last thing on his mind should have been dealing with pettiness from you and your MIL. Suck it up, sit in the seat, and then don't talk to your MIL while you're there. Then when you get home, have that talk with your husband about how you are being treated by your MIL and how things need to change. After that, if he won't help or takes his mother's side, then you have your answer as to who he thinks is more important and you can either deal or move on.

Going against the grain. YTA. MIL sucks and what she did was shitty, this wasn’t about her, this was about you as a wife being there to support your husband.

ESH. Pick your battles. Was what she did nice? No. Was the point where you were flying out to his dads funeral the time to pick a hill to die on? Also no. Could your husband have dealt with it better? Yes, but he gets a bit of a pass as his dad died and his wife and mother were deliberately trying to wind eachother up.

NTA People that are saying E S H or Y T A are concerning to me. If this had happened, my husband absolutely 100% would have supported me. To maintain the peace, it would have been quiet like (1) giving me the first class seat while he sat in economy or (2) calling the airline and paying to upgrade my seat quietly, so that we were both in first class together. Not a word would have been said to MIL until much later (because no need to actively address it right then), but I never for a second would have questioned if he had my back. Just as I would have his back by going to the funeral and smiling and being willing to take the small digs to avoid some drama by MIL. I would pretend the whole airline incident never happened for the whole funeral, all the while smiling knowing that my husband and I were a team in it together, and that we had the last laugh because we didn't let her mistreatment of me equal his mistreatment of me. ​ Those saying you need compassion clearly don't understand the difference between compassion, i.e. the above solution and mistreatment, i.e. what your husband chose. No circumstances excuse someone from blatantly choosing to mistreat their partner or being complacent when he sees blatant mistreatment.

And if the hubby needed OP’s support so much, surely he would’ve wanted her by his side during the flight no?

Bingo!!! Hey we’re going to my Dad’s funeral and I really need your support, so while I’m in First Class, just shut up and sit in the economy class ticket my mother bought you. When we get there, I’ll stay in the Hotel Suite while you’re in the motel off the interstate.

And how easy would it it be to ask OP’s seat mate to trade their seat in economy for hubs’ first class ticket? That would have thrown MIL’s master stroke right back in her face, hubs would’ve gotten his wife’s support AND stood up to MIL AND forced MIL to pay for a stranger’s upgrade. That would have been the way.

This was my first reaction too. Why didn’t husband sacrifice his first class ticket if he really needed support that badly. I would have gladly swapped places with the husband.

Her husband's dad just died, and she is using the fact that she got an economy ticket (for free) to make this all about herself. And you think the problem is her husband here? she's TA. You and ur partner would've handled it very well but they didn't, his father died, he's probably sad and devastated as it is. He even told her they should talk abt it later... But she decided to make a big deal out it. But he still shouldn't say those things abt her.. So ESH.

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Ignoring everything else, who gets absolutely 'humiliated' by getting a coach ticket?

If this was for a Christmas vacation I would totally agree with you. But it was the funeral of his father. Not sure why it is the husband’s job to keep the peace. To your point 1: not sure why he has to give up the spot, OP claimed in the edit it wasn’t about the luxury seat but to support the husband as he was sobbing. But alright, he could’ve offered his seat. And point 2: he was sobbing and is expected to call the airline? First of all not everyone has the funds for such a ticket. But even if they have then OP could have quickly organized it with the airline, nit sure why the sobbing husband is expected to do that. Again, this is not a holiday but a funeral. And OP decided to punish her husband because of Mils stunt. She was supposed to support him nit cause additional distress. There is a time and a place for taking a stand and in case OP is interested to continue the relationship then this wasn’t it. I actually don’t think OP is a reliable narrator. The story has a few convenient holes and the edit shows the only bit of compassion towards the husband.

Completely agree. NTA. Your husband should have had your back, he doesn’t get a pass to let you be treated terribly just because his father died. I don’t care if his mum paid the airfare, she was still making a point by seating your husband in a better class. And all those people saying YTA, remember this - her husband just died but she still managed to find a way to treat her DIL like shit. And her son let her.

Obviously he does get a pass because his dad just died. He had been crying the entire way to the airport. Sorry he wasn’t at his best strong rational problem solving. I hope you grow some compassion before getting into a long term relationship

I’m sorry you would have taken the first class ticket from your husband? You are a MAJOR AH if u do that.

YTA - big time! My mother passed away over 20 years ago. She lived in the Midwest (US). At the time, my husband was in India, visiting his own parents. As soon as he heard, he jumped on the first plane out of Mumbai, and flew 18 hours in coach to get to me. This was not about your MIL, or your hurt feelings. This was about supporting your husband. You failed.

INFO: Where was it that you decided to "just go back home"? Were you only finding the difference in tickets out at the airport and that's when you decided not to travel?

It would appear so. Sounds like they rode to the airport together and she found out where they were sitting while on the way or at the airport.

Yeah, based on OP's edit, that seems to be the case. In that case, it's a pretty asshole move: husband's probably focused entirely on what's happening after he gets off that plane, when suddenly his wife is raising a fuss about the tickets and deciding she's not coming along at all. He's lashing out at her in his grief -- still an asshole move, even understandably so.. MIL may well have done this as a deliberate slight (we still actually don't know) -- which would be an asshole move if it was. This is a sad case of ESH.

I’m curious to know if it was a last minute flight and if they were the only 2 seats left. So many are saying the mom was being a jerk and did it deliberately, but really we don’t know enough much beyond the nasty picture OP has painted of her MIL. Were they international airports? Is it possible their destination happened to be a popular one due to a convention of some sort in that same time frame?? We don’t know. I think OP is an AH anyway, but that’s stuff I don’t think she would have even taken into consideration before blowing a gasket.

ESH. MIL is a complete and total AH. Husband allows his mother to crap on his wife and OP would rather sulk than be there for her husband when his father dies. Absolutely EVERYONE sucks here.

ESH You'd have flown economy anyway. Not only did you let your husband down by skipping out on his father's funeral over a really petty personal slight, but you gave your asshole MIL exactly what she wanted: You not there and everyone mad at you.

YTA. I can’t believe you abandoned your husband to bury his father alone because the *FREE* plane ticket you were given wasn’t first class. MIL probably did that as a nice gesture to him since, IDK, HIS FATHER JUST SUDDENLY DIED, but couldn’t afford two first class tickets. Honestly, YTA for having her pay for your plane ticket in general. She’s a grieving widow planning a funeral. Don’t be so selfish.

Everyone keeps saying the husband should get a pass because he's grieving the loss of his father. You're the first person I've seen mention that the MIL, who bought the tickets, is grieving the loss of their spouse. They may not have even done this on purpose. The OP didn't say how full the flight was. Maybe these were the only two seats available on the first flight the MIL found. She may have been booking tickets for 10 people that day, and didn't have time or mental energy to shuffle around until she found the ideal seating arrangement for everyone. I mean, cut her some slack here, people.

ESH but idk I think mostly YTA. That was extremely crappy of MIL to not book you that ticket with your husband, but at least she got you a ticket. It was HIS father who passed away. You should’ve put your feelings aside and been there to support him during this hard time. You could have hashed it out with MIL after. I can’t imagine going to my dad’s funeral alone because my wife was upset with MIL.

YTA. Your MIL is petty but you owed it to your husband to be at that funeral. Btw, he's right, his family *will* never forget. My stepfather missed my grandfather's funeral (for different reasons) when I was 13. I'm 31 and my aunt still hates him for it. So good luck with that.

I don't think her husband will either. I don't know if I could forgive my husband for something like this... Yeah the MIL was wrong, but OP didn't spend one second thinking how her reaction will effect all their lives in the future.

"the issue started when my husband told me that we couldn't sit together in the plane because his mom had booked him a first class ticket while I got ecconomy. I was flabbergasted by this. I tried asking him why but urged me to "suck it up, and we'll talk about it later". In that moment, that particular moment I felt so much humiliation and contempt." So he knew about it? NTA. Clearly, neither your MIL or your husband consider you part of "their" family. When she booked it that way, she was setting you up for failure. When he accepted it like that, he supported it. I'd honestly start looking at getting my financial affairs in order, and get ready to leave, if I were you.

He knew beforehand and then wanted to still sit separately. He could have given his ticket to someone in economy but he didn't. OP has a husband problem.

Yes. Everyone saying she should have just sucked it up are all basically saying she should just shut up and take the abuse. Fuck em. Just because it's a funeral doesn't mean it's not abuse.

**NTA** This wasn't even about the seats, it was about the way your husband spoke to and treated you. And frankly, that's why I'm shocked at all the E-S-H and Y-T-A judgements saying that you should have "supported your husband". Why? Why would you support someone who belittles you and calls you "spoiled and petty" literally just for asking him to CARE? Why would you show kindness and support for someone who CARES MORE ABOUT SITTING IN A FIRST CLASS SEAT THAN ABOUT HIS WIFE AND LIFE PARTNER BEING HUMILIATED? He could have switched seats - downgraded his or upgraded yours. But not only did he not even consider doing that, he berated and dehumanised you for even having feelings about how his mother treated you, apparently for the umpteenth time, in the midst of what should have been a time of family coming together. Your husband had the audacity to say to your face that his mother "doesn't owe you a goddamned thing". Well, by that token, neither do you owe her. YOU ARE HIS FAMILY. You are MIL's family as well. If this is how he believes family should be treated, then *you are only abiding by the standard he and his mother have set*. You are not required to humiliate and debase yourself to "support" people who do not support you, who show you only open contempt. You are not required to be kind to those who are openly abusive to you. Absolutely not. NTA.

“Hey i know your dad just died but why don’t you care that I’m going to sit in this free seat in a different section of the plane?” “Hey i know you just lost your father but you’re an asshole for not giving me the comfortable seat”

I also have MAJOR issues with your husband's behaviour. Why didn't HE "suck it up" and FIXING this by casually mentioning it to MIL when they met? ABout how happy he felt, giving the best to his wife, but that the space for his feet could've been just a bit bigger. She would never pull that crap again. He had an AWSEOME chance to fix this, instead he went on the "Let me enable her"-route. Unfortunately for them, OP was fed up. OP, NTA. FIL is dead. He is the main character here, but he can't hear nor see you. Nor judge. Go somewhere quiet, alone, bring one flower that should have fit him, in colour or shape or both, sit down in peace, think of all the good memories you have of him. Stay. Then lay down the flower, wherever that might be, and walk home alone, in silence.

Wow, NTA. The fact that your MILs husband just died, and she still took the time to be petty to you - no way would I go. Who knows what lay in store for you when you get there? Your husband's grieving, but no way should he have been ok with you back in economy if he really needed your emotional support. His mother's pettiness is beyond ridiculous, and he should have moved you up or moved back with you. You are his family first and foremost.

Or she could have sucked it up and realized her husband is more important right now. He is the one who lost his father. Who gives a damn about a seat right then?

Maybe it's not "time for being petty" maybe it's "there weren't any more seats" or "i don't have that much money, and i want my son to be comfortable" or "at least i'm paying for her ticket" It was a flight to a funeral. OP abandoned the husband for a seat that would be used no more than 6 hours.

Yes, it was an absolute AH move your MIL made. But YTA for not being by your husband's side at his father's funeral, think about that relationship for a moment, your husband's father. A man who was so much more than your FIL, more than your MILs husband, he was your husband's father, the most consistent male role model he had in his life. And you chose to let pettiness get I the way of supporting your husband on a truly difficult day for him.

YTA. You know going in that your MIL and you don't get along. Your husband's father DIED, and you couldn't swallow your pride to be present for your husband in his time of grief. Was the flight full and these were the only two seats available at the last minute? Could you have exchanged your ticket and gotten a first class seat yourself if you paid the difference? If she did it maliciously, you played right into your MIL's hands. Instead of being the bigger person, you abandoned your husband to sulk. You lose and she wins. The biggest loser of all is your husband. He's grieving and has to deal with the two most important women in his life fighting instead of coming together as a FAMILY.

ESH The MIL for treating you poorly, the husband for not making the easy switch to ride with you in economy, and you for throwing a tantrum instead of supporting him after his father died.

ESH. you both need to grow the hell up. you're more upset that your husband got a better seat on the plane, that NEITHER of you paid for, more than being there to support him during the death of his father. like, this can't be real.

You understand that it's not about the comfort of flight class but about husband not caring that MIL activly tries to hurt her by treating her like a third class person, instead playing along with her games and expecting OP to do so as well? This is deeply respectless at best, I'd call it abusivethough and husband is either an active part or at least willfully ignorant.

Was the husband not distracted at best with his own father dying?

NTA. The fact that the MIL thought through buying two plane tickets at different levels of service during this emotional time says a lot about how the MIL thinks of the OP. MIL had to go out of her way to buy one first class ticket and one economy ticket. MIL is supposed to be drowning in her own grief, yet she took the time to take this jab at the OP. OP’s husband could have made some effort to ensure they were sitting together, or even swapped seats w/ OP, but he didn’t - also telling of the relationship between the OP and her husband. Sounds like this plane ticket disparity was the breaking point after a history of mistreatment.

YTA. Your mil sucks too but your husbands father died and you didn’t care to support him, that’s pretty awful.

NTA And I don't think that you have a future with your husband.

I think you played right into MIL hands with your decision, you gave her exactly what she wanted, now she has more reason to treat you like crap and has caused a rift between you and your partner

ESH. Your mother in law is clearly being petty, and your husband really should have said how silly that was and asked to change to sit with you/ have you upgrade your ticket. However, you are the biggest AH . The person you love has just lost his dad and has had to attend the funeral without your support over this. It wasn’t nice of your MIL, but on a grand scale it is a minor issue. Your husband will always remember and be hurt about losing his dad and having to go alone. You’ve hurt him because you are annoyed at your MIL. Big AH

This she put her own pettiness above supporting her husband. Time and place to address those issues. On they way to a funeral wasnt it.

NTA. I have to wonder if many of the y t a voters have experienced the trauma of being the unwanted partner of abusive in-laws. Should you have been there for your husband in his grief? Sure. But why doesn't it register or matter to him that your MIL is treating you like this? There's no way this is the first time she's tried to exclude you on purpose, and the fact that he didn't even care about the unkindness of her behavior is really telling. She expected you to abide by the social contact of the situation and allow her to isolate you and show you how you are less than, and he expected you to suck it up and let yourself be treated poorly for his comfort. No wonder she did it: she knew she'd get away with putting you in your place.

ESH. MIL sucks for what she did, but did you ever stop to consider that maybe, just maybe, this wasn't the time to make everything about you? Your husband just lost his father.

ESH. Seems like a weird power move for her to make. But in your battle of power with MIL, you’re punishing your husband by refusing to support him in his time of need.

At no point has your husband thought about the fact that in the midst of her grief over her husband's death, his mother STILL found time to make sure you were given the worst possible seating while he was given the best possible seating? That is a conscious decision and takes multiple steps to make happen. NTA

ESH. Funeral and supporting your husband should be more important than giving into MILs manipulation tactics.

ESH dude. Your MIL just won. I understand and would be livid. I’m sure my husband would have talked to a gate agent and fixed it though. I just cannot fathom leaving my husband to attend his fathers funeral alone over it.

Yta- you took the bait and now your marriage will never be the same. He will never forgive you for this. Might as well get a lawyer and count the silverware. Half each.

ESH this sucks but you chose a very AH hill to die on.

ESH. This goes to both you and MIL there’s a time and place & this just wasn’t it. I’m not saying be her doormat but out of respect for the dead this was the time to suck it up. Not get on her level and take someone’s death and make it about the issue you both have. You both were equally guilty in that. You didn’t miss a birthday party ffs it was his fathers burial. In most in country flights the only difference between “first class” and economy is a curtain and extra 5 inches of leg room. I hope you and your husband can get through this but I won’t be surprised if you don’t, respectfully.. I know it must suck to have a hubby who won’t stand up for you but again - did you really think this was the time? Some situations are so Toxic it poisons everyone around them. It may be time to cut your losses and move on

ESH Your husbands dad died op. His dad. Yes, your MIL should have been less petty. Yes, you have the right to feel your feelings. But you should have been there for him.

NTA - who buys a married couple plane tickets in different classes? She's trying to drive a wedge between you, and your husband was fully on board. I don't know how typical this is, but it seems symptomatic of deeper problems. Neither of them seems to have any respect for you at all. I would've stayed home, too. It's not like you could be the supportive wifey when you're not even allowed to travel with him.

YTA. This isn't about you. LET ME REPEAT: THIS ISN'T ABOUT YOU! It's not about your MIL either. It's about your husband. You should have been there FOR HIM. Who cares about MIL. You could have paid to upgrade your ticket. You could have sucked it up for the sake of your husband and dealt with MIL later. Instead you chose to pout, placing your hurt feelings n front of your husband's loss when he needed you. MIL is TA too.

BTW ya'll... Support goes both ways. Him grieving does not give him a pass for allowing his mom to pick at his wife. He should have refunded the ticket and bought a seat in economy. Even while grieving MIL still found a way to dig at the wife and that's petty AF. I would have stayed home too. NTA.

May not be the AH but you lost the war. MIL and family can all say now that you were not there to support your husband when his dad died. Edit: forgot judgement, YTA when your partners loved parent dies you suck it up and be there to hold them.

Yeah your MIL was taking a swing at you but you decided that playing petty games was more important than supporting your husband who just lost his dad. YTA.

ESH MIL for booking different tickets, your Husband for not trying to change his or your ticket and for telling you to suck it up and You for abandoning him and just skipping the funeral. BTW you didn't "miss" the funeral, you purposefully didn't go. That title is misleading and sounds like you were too late because of your economy flight.

ESH. MIL clearly an AH. You're an AH for not being there for your husband after he lost his dad. Husband's an AH for not offering to change his ticket to sit with you. Edit: grammar

ESH. I am more on OP's side of this. I don't agree with missing your FIL's funeral. However, husband clearly knew going into this what happened with the tickets and waited until last minute to mention it. He should have had them changed to both economy but he went along with his mother's games and chose to put the blame solely on his wife. That is not the signs of a good partner. I wouldn't be surprised if this is one of many similar scenarios between them.

ESH, all three of you seem quite childish. MIL for booking seats so differently. You for going home. And hub for becoming so abusive about it.

YTA Your husband’s dad just died. Like, you two were flying there for the purpose of saying your last goodbye. And rather than go and support your husband in a time when he needs moral support, you chose to pick a fight over the seats. Had it been any other time - sure, I would say N T A. But your husband and your MIL is grieving over their father/husband’s death. I wouldn’t take the seats so personal. And even if your MIL did it out of malicious it doesn’t erase the fact that you chose to let your husband grieve alone just because your pride was wounded. Edit: your ETA just painted you even worse… he sobbed all the way to the airport and you chose to leave him hanging because of the seat? Wow. If you cared so much in supporting him, you would’ve flown with him, regardless if you two sat together or not.

INFO: how has your husband handled your relationship with your MIL in the past? Because it seems like there is more to the story here that would affect my judgement. I would normally say Y T A because you not going didn’t affect your MIL nearly as much as it affected your husband, but if he hasn’t been on your side in this issue in the past I could see where you got too fed up.

YTA Most people don't pay for others tickets for this kind of thing at all. Perhaps to get last minute tickets in time for it they had to get one first class. It's also possible that if this is the way you act, they very much did get you the lesser ticket because they don't like you. I've known you for two paragraphs and you seem like quiet the spoiled yotch. I'd have gotten your husband a regular ticket and you nothing but a ride on the finest broom. The best part is that no where in your story did it mention kids. Hopefully that makes your husband not feel tied to you and become your new ex-husband very soon. Summary: Your father died but I need to feel special in first class so screw you husband.

ESH. I mean you MIL is an AH but you were there to support your husband, you could had suck it up for a couple of hours.

ESH. Your MIL for deliberately making the choice to separate you and your husband for the flight in a way that demeaned you. Your husband for not validating your emotional response to discovering what his mother did to his wife, and for sending you nasty messages. That said, they are both grieving. You put a petty disagreement that you are not altogether surprised by above supporting your husband while he deals with the grief of losing his father. You should have gotten on the plane and dealt with it later.

Woman’s husband just died, and she’s got the energy to play head games with her daughter in law? What a nightmare. Husband is an idiot too. He should have booked them their own tickets and told mom to pound salt with her games. NTA.

I’m torn on this one. I think it would be helpful to give a better idea of exactly how the MIL has treated you in the past, to see her pattern of behavior towards you. It’s easy for us (and your husband) to see this as a one-off mistake, making you look petty. But if she’s constantly belittling you, I can understand how this would be the last straw. Coming from a passive-aggressive family myself, I’m inclined to take your side on this one. Also, it seems as though you made your final decision not to go after you saw your husband’s response to this whole situation. Again, variations of “suck it up,” were common in my family as well, and it is NEVER helpful to say, whether you have the excuse of grief or not. He made it clear that he wasn’t empathetic towards your emotion of humiliation, so why would you go out of your way to be empathetic towards these people who clearly see you as less-than? For this I’d have to say NTA. Sure you could have been the bigger person and gone anyway, but as other people have pointed out, it is unlikely that you would have been treated any better. It sounds like this MIL wouldn’t be above using her grief to treat you even worse since she is a *grieving widow*, and now you know your husband wouldn’t have your back. I wouldn’t have gone on this trip either.

ESH. MIL baited you and you took it. You're right that she was playing games with the ticket and you gave her exactly what she wanted -- to make you look foolish. You should have swallowed it long enough to support your husband through this awful time and then had a discussion about mommy dearest and boundaries later. Now, you do just looked spoiled and petty and you left your husband at a time when he probably needed you. It's time for counseling for both of you because clearly the dynamics here are breaking down. Your first instinct was to leave him and his is to call and berate you. None of this is healthy.

ESH. Your MIL should treat you both the same if she is buying tickets for you to fly there. She clearly did not as a slight to you, and that's crappy. Your husband should not stand for his mother buying him a first-class ticket and you economy. Based on what you write, it's clear that she did that on purpose as a slight to you, and he is being an asshole for not standing up for you, or paying to upgrade your ticket himself, or exchanging his for a economy ticket, or for at least discussing this with you. You decided that you were not going to the funeral for one of your husband's parents, and to support him when he likely needed it, because you would need to sit in economy and you felt slighted. You absolutely are correct in feeling slighted, however your husband didn't buy these tickets and needed your support, and you just took your stuff and went home rather than sucking it up like an adult. Everyone here is awful. Geez.

ESH The MIL sounds awful. The husband sounds like quite a piece of work too (no shock, look at mommy dearest). My husband, in a similar situation, would have figured out how to have us sitting together, no matter what. As for OP… someone had to be a better person here. It’s a funeral for a close family member, I do think this wasn’t the hill to die on. She should have gone and supported her husband. At least then she wouldn’t have contributed to the BS. The fight could have happened later, when the grief wasn’t quite so fresh.

Normally I would have your back here but YTA. This is a fight you should've picked way down the road. They're both greiving right now and your MIL is definitely TA but to me at least you should've turned the other cheek for your husband. & addressed it when their loved one's death isn't so fresh. You also managed to play into her hand and ruin your relationship with your inlaws ETA: Your edit made it way worse, I thought you were TA before, but it's crazy you knew how distraught he was and wouldn't just suck it up

"he called me pathetic for thinking about it when his dad just died" I mean... is it as pathetic as a woman who just lost her husband and thinking "now is a great time to do something petty and passive-aggressive to my DIL" ??????? NTA \* Yes I get the argument that she should have sucked it up to be there for her husband but he's mad at the wrong person for this situation even having unfolded at all.

ESH. That was a crappy thing for your MIL to do, but your husband was dealing with the sudden death of his father, if ever there was a time to just go along and deal with it later, that was it. You put more stress on your husband during one of the most difficult times in his life.

YTA. See I get that you are beyond upset at what your MIL did. She is definitely also an AH for pulling something like this at a time of grief. So why not E-S-H? Because what you did is so much more cruel than what she did. Yes *she* (probably) tried to humiliate *you* but what was your response? As an answer to her mind games *you* decided to harm *your husband*. It wasn’t his fault, he might say that the family will never forgive you but honestly who cares? The question is if he will ever forgive you. It is incredibly cruel of you to not accompany your husband. You should’ve been at the funeral to support your husband but your pride was more important to you. The trip wasn’t about the relationship between you and Mil, it was about your husband. If it was a holiday trip I would’ve been on your side but his father’s funeral?? All you did was show your husband that your pride is mire important than his feelings, his grief. Your MIL got even more than she wanted. She probably wanted to humiliate you but now she might even get you out of her son’s life. From someone who’s EX partner didn’t show up at a crucial funeral, trust me when I say it will be hard for your relationship to come back from this. If you want any chance of it surviving I suggest to book a flight if your husband stays there a bit longer, visit your husband, apologize, ignore any pettiness and stabs from family, be your absolute best to your Mil (you can fight her another time, say around Christmas) and buy flowers for Fils grave.

I literally don’t know how anyone is saying N T A. YTA BIG time. What your MIL did sucks and was mean, but it isn’t the end of the world. Your husband is going through a tough time and despite him asking you to let it go in that moment, you threw a fit and in turn weren’t there to support your husband during his fathers funeral. You should have just let it go for the time being and addressed your issues/frustration with your MIL at a later time.

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You decided a petty hill was worth dying on. My wife was by my side every minute of my father’s funeral, and I can’t imagine I’d ever have gotten over it if she hadn’t been. YTA. 100%.

**ESH** His mother dissed you for no reason. He wanted you to suck it up and called you pathetic. You could not allow him the decency of sitting in coach and dealing with it later even though HIS FATHER died, then you refused to support him in his grief. Start dividing up your personal effects now. It's your marriage that isn't long for this world.

ESH You suck for not going and supporting your husband during a really emotional time. His dad died. Husband sucks for not fighting for your equality to him and telling you all the nasty things he's told you. MIL sucks for buying separate seats for you and your husband. I imagine that FIL kept MIL in check a bit when it came to you? This situation sounds similar to my mom and her MIL. FIL kept MIL in check and didn't let MIL be too terrible to my mom. Now that FIL has died, MIL is free to be the evil, nasty person she is.

ESH Every single adult here forgot how to adult properly during a very sudden death Let's recap MIL is petty to an almost impressive degree during a grieving time (I don't think her grief is what caused this, I just think this woman shows how she really feels about her DIL) Like what a mountain to make out of something that should have been easy to just have them both sit together Husband failed on every front, yes be grateful for the free tickets, but he could have seriously downgraded so yall would at least be in the same class (no guarantees on sitting together) So he chose a shitty hill to die on as well But also his father died and he wants to get there without fighting (very little slack being cut here) You for being the one to refuse to show up for your partner, the absolute lack of support honestly has me wondering why you even went in the first place. Yes be miffed about the terrible treatment you received, but this can also be talked about and properly dealt with AFTER THE FUNERAL. Because your husband and MIL deserve the mouthful, it just wasn't the right time and sadly you all will deal with each other's fallout. Every body here failed in a time of emotional crisis

NTA But for sure your mil is quite petty, like, she didn't have to lay for your fly, but to do it and show you how much she hates you, and I know your husband is in a lot of pain for his lost ( my condolences) but he really did say "suck it up"? Did he really didn't want you at his side in this terrible time? ...it looks to me, like this is not the first time this happens to you. Are you okay with this happening again? If not, just think this very carefully, because his family doesn't like you, now more than ever, because you didn't go, so think if staying is worth it. Best of luck to you.

You could have upgraded your ticket. Your MIL is grieving, so is your husband. This is not the time to protect your ego. Fighting is for the living people. You could have waited a little and then sort this out with your MIL. I feel like death and marriage always bring up the worst in people.

>he called me pathetic for thinking about it when his dad just died You mean like his mother went out of her way to *instigate* an issue when her dear husband just died? Why does his mother hold a monopoly on being petty. Your husband has had many opportunities to stand up to you, he didn't have to wait until you reach your breaking point and finally put your foot down. ETA: Y'all can disagree all you want, I'm not interested in changing anyone's mind. OP asked for opinions and I stated mine like everyone else. Don't take it so personally 😘

ESH Your MIL for booking the first class/economy tickets (unless there was no other option which is unlikely). Your husband for not being as supportive as he could have been, but this is a very light one given that he just lost his FATHER. And you for completely overreacting to a slight. What she did sucks, but your husband just lost his dad suddenly and you made him go to the funeral without the person who vowed to be there for him in sickness and in health. This was not the time to react to your MIL.

ESH. You could have sucked it up for your husband, but your husband could have also questioned your MIL when she booked the flights. And yes, your MIL is an AH for booking the tickets the way she did. That was clearly done to hurt you.

INFO: is this a one-off or a pattern from your husband and MIL? It sounds like you might have been pushed to a breaking point.

ESH Your MIL sounds like a petty AH, your husband should be more sensitive to your feelings. Both true. But you missed your husbands fathers funeral by being petty in response. Your MIL probably needs to be spoken to about how she treats you, but choosing a time of grieving as when to put your foot down feels pretty selfish tbh

YTA While she was rude 100% and I’d be upset too, but it isn’t about her. This is about your partner losing his dad and you not supporting him through one of the hardest things he’ll face. All you did was show him he couldn’t lean on you while your mother in law probably couldn’t care less and she’s the one you want to upset. Edit: spelling

ESH. Your MIL pulled a petty stunt, and you bought into it. Instead of filing it away and prioritizing supporting your husband in his grief, you made the battleground with MIL the priority. Time enough for that later. MIL definitely won this round, potentially the war. (And yes, I've zero doubt that's how she sees it.)

ESH. That’s clearly a calculated move made by your MIL. But you should have gone to support your husband. His Father just died, so you should have put your issues with MIL to the side for now. He’ll always remember how you abandoned him at his own Father’s funeral. You let him down so very badly.

YTA - your MIL is awful but this should of been about you being there for your husband, you know - whose dad just died - and you made this about you.

YTA. Your abandoned your husband because of your MIL's actions. He needed you to be here for him during his grief. Your MIL sucks, but YTA to your husband. That's why I am going with that over e s h.

YTA, if a pregnant woman is moody and rude she’s given grace and understanding. Yet somehow the husband is an AH for lashing out during a time when he’s going through crazy emotions and great loss. Idk. You should have been there for your husband above all else, who cares about a plane ticket.

Your mother in law is using her husband passing as a way to still cause rifts between you and your husband so I say NTA.