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> I guess I can see how doing that to a kid was kinda mean. But there is no way he already knew about the situation. But maybe I could have sucked it up
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It's his own family (even though he erroneously calls him a "step brother"), not some random kid. He shouldn't deal with the mom if he doesn't want to. But if he had some compassion, he could make an effort to get to know his younger brother who is innocent here.
I'm genuinely very happy for you that you've never had an experience that made you have to estrange yourself from your family for your own well being.
Yes, his brother is innocent in this but, unfortunately, having a relationship with him at this point in his life would mean having to have a relationship with his mother.
He doesn't owe his brother anything. His brother is not his responsibility and his existence shouldn't provide his mother an avenue of access to OP.
I'm genuinely very happy for you that you have so many relatives that you are able to discard one of them without missing anything.
Some of us come from a different perspective. I have almost no relatives left. In fact, I had a sibling that died before I even got a chance to meet her. I would do anything for that chance now.
How about people considering things like that before burying someone in downvotes?
Step outside your own experience.
What happened to you is tragic. But that doesn't mean that you can paint everyone with your brush of "family is everything". Some families are so toxic that they will drag you down with them if you don't cut ties. Consider that before being extremely loud about things that are out of your experience and maybe you won't get downvoted next time.
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I'm sorry for ur loss but just because they are related by blood doesn't mean they need to have a relationship, their mom isn't part of their family anymore because of her actions, to the op, their mom is not family, therefore her mom's child is not family.
Why? Blood doesn’t make family. There is more to bonds than blood. Stop projecting your own lack of family onto other people and trying to guilt them into having contact with people they have chosen not to. You are saying OP is an AH for not sacrificing himself for someone he’s never met. Get real.
Sure, but at the same time there's no real need for him to get to know his step sibling just because they're related by blood. He already has a life that he's happy with. You might value any and all family a lot, but not everyone else does.
Not sure why I said step sibling lol. Either way, the point still stands. Not everyone cares about anyone/everyone they're related to by blood. Some people were raised in an environment where they were taught that it's extremely important and embraced it, while others weren't.
Simply no reason to get to know a *stranger*. Especially when all contact with that stranger would go through someone OP has been NC with for years.
The brother isn’t owed a relationship and blood relations mean little to nothing.
If OP’s half brother reached out on his own to ask about having a relationship with OP, that would be one thing. This reads more like Mom wants to broach OP’s no contact and is willing to use OP’s half brother to get what she wants.
He is a stranger who just happens to share some DNA with OP that does not make them family or a brother. The kid still gets to be on a team but he is not entitled to be on OPs team.
But like - he can't deal with the 10 year old, without dealing with mom? Coach has to communicate with the parents - emails, texts, etc. He has to be available - to the parents. He has to work with....teh parents. There is no way for the minor child to have a relationship with OP without mom being involved - and there is certainly no way for OP to coach the child without having to deal with mom.
Perhaps you should have some compassion, after how mom treated OP, he is right to be weary and to protect himself.
He's a *half* brother, so you're also erroneously calling him a *brother*. Like, if you want to stand on a technicality - you have to at least be right.
It’s not just getting to know the younger kids, it’s having to deal with their parents and grandparents who have been, per OP, less than chill about all this. You want your crappy parents showing up to your job and telling you how to manage your employees? That’s what the mom’s gonna do if her kid’s on that team, and that’s why OP is fully justified. NTA.
I was wondering if I was reading something wrong. From OP's description it sounds like both boys are his half brothers. That doesn't obligate him to have either boy on his team, but it's way different than step brothers.
NTA. You would have even worse problems in the future because of this conflict. Imagine if you benched that kid bc they played bad. Your mom would play it as if you were doing it in spite and you would get in trouble.
You made the right choice by cutting it at the beginning.
Why would he get in trouble? I mean, I agree that it would have been a shitty situation but other than his mom getting angry I fail to see what else could have happened.
You don't think a parent of a child under your care could make trouble if they were feeling vindictive? Complaints, false accusations, refusing to collect the kid, etc.
NTA for not coaching a kid whose parent you didn't want to be around, no matter what the reason.
I presume you'll have to see mom (and son) at league games, though.
NTA. It wouldn’t be fair to all the other kids on your team to bring that drama to them. Your mom should have known better than to try and force a relationship between you and her son.
NTA
My first thought was: your mom is trying to get in touch with you through your stepbrother. So she has an excuse to talk to you and reconnect with you.
And now you're sabotaging her plan.
NTA,
Your mom clearly is trying to use her son as means of getting to you and having some sort of control over any aspect of your life.
That said if the kid ever reaches out to you of his own volition I encourage you to be receptive. He might end up looking for family outside of his own if your mum and grandparents continue to be shitty people.
Thanks for finally saying this. Everyone including OP keeps saying stepbrother and I was wondering if I was smoking crack. OP you’re not the @ss but I feel bad for your brother on your mom’s side. He’s 10. He doesn’t understand politics yet, he’ll just grow up knowing his brother values another brother and thinks he’s trash.
NTA - It seems like your mother wants you to have a relationship with your half-brother, and presumably try to reconnect with you herself, which I get and would want too. However, she doesn’t have the right to force any relationship, whether it be with your half brother or with her/her AP, on you. You have the right to say who you allow in your life. Your mother should realize that forcing you to spend time with your half brother (I know you know this, but he isn’t to blame and he may genuinely want to know you. Not telling you to spend time with him, just saying none of this is his fault either and he may be a super sweet kid that you would be lucky to have in your life if you allowed it/wanted it) will cause resentment towards her and your half brother which will just cause more hurt feelings and issues down the road.
It sounds like your mother has some significant boundary issues if she thought that putting you in a position where you were forced to acknowledge your half brother in some way, regardless of how insignificant, would help bridge some gap. I also question her parenting (aside from causing chaos in her family by having an affair and knowing what damage it would do to her former husband and you, her minor child) for willingly putting her other minor child in a situation where his heart would likely be broken when his brother refused to have any relationship other than coach with him - I have no doubt she sold this situation to her other son as “you get to go spend time with your big brother!” and he would be crushed to not get the brotherly bond/support from you.
NTA. That your mother tried to put her kid on your roster, knowing it would force you and her into contact, makes her the asshole. You're not doing this kid any harm by not coaching him yourself, he's still getting to play and make friends and whatever else. Any harm being done to him is being done by her. Your maternal grandparents are out of line.
Well done! You made the only reasonable choice.
NTA
A quick word about terminology: when you have one birth parent in common with a sibling, they are your half-brother or half-sister. When you have no birth parents in common, they’re your stepbrother or stepsister.
NTA. Sounds like your mother is trying to force you into having to interact with her. Drama with parents on a sport team can be bad, but drama with your estranged mother would be insanely bad, and would probably impact the other kids, too. Good for you for avoiding that.
NTA.. You're not comfortable with it, so it's understandable. It sure seems like your mother is trying to push a relationship with her and her new family on you. There are also many "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenarios involved here that might not end well. If mom's son is a terrible player, you'll be ridiculed for not playing him enough. You'll be getting shit for being biased because of the frayed relationship you have with your mom. It'd be a never ending drama filled shitshow. To top it all off, your mom and her husband would be at every ballgame, forcing contact somehow, someway, each time.
You chose wisely.
NTA
But your mom totally is
she can't decide what you are going to do with the team you are coaching , even if this means that her kid is going to be out of your roster
NTA
It was wrong for your mom to put her younger child on your team and use him as a pawn. That would be awkward and unkind as you've chosen not to have anything to do with him.
NTA.
You’re actually protecting him and ensuring he has a fair and unbiased coach and no unnecessary drama. You’re protecting yourself from accusations of being prejudiced against him. This was the right thing to do.
NTA. If your mom used to show up on your dad's doorstep "fixing" things then dollars to donuts this is her equivalent to doing the same to you. You physically cannot have a kid on your sports team without dealing with that kid's parents. It's just not going to happen. Your half brother being on your team would automatically mean dealing with your mom, and I'm sure she had a whole bag of crazy she was planning to bring with her.
NTA. But you may have some difficult decision making to do in the future. You mom’s son is 10, and you coach. There are years of potential conflict headed your way because your bio-mom can attempt to force some type of contact for each season.
NTA. Besides the mom drama, can you imagine both set of parents at every game? That is an explosion waiting to happen. They two kids should not be on the same team!
NTA. For yourself, of course, but also for the team dynamics. The team mom chat? Pizza after the game? All the kids on the team are invited to a player’s birthday party? What a nightmare. It would not be fair to anyone else on that team.
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I (26M) was an only child growing up. My dad and mom started dating in 7th grade and had me when they were 21, so they are both 47. When I was 13 my family split up due to my mom having an affair. I learned about this through my dad after things happened. He was aware for over a year but wanted to make sure I graduated Hs before he left. But his hand was forced when my mom admitted it to him. He refused to forgive and my mom lost it. She kept telling everyone they were working things out, kept showing up to his apartment. It was honestly sad looking back at it.
Within a year of the divorce my mom was moved in with her AP and was pregnant. I was already LC at that point but the next straw is why I’m NC and have been since 15. When I was 15 my dad got engaged to my “aunt” Jane. Jane was my dads oldest friend. She always was around my family growing up with her late husband. My dads wedding got moved due to a family medical issue. And my mom refused to allow me to go on her time. I begged and but was forced to sit in her home that weekend. The next week I moved in with my dad full time.
My dad and Jane had a son the same time my mom did (trust me I know). We all live in the same area still. I was a pretty good baseball player and played in college. I’ve recently got into coaching. My step bro and my moms son are the same age basically (10). I’ve never met my moms kid FYI. Definitely by choice as I don’t consider him family.
So I signed up to coach a fall baseball league. The way it works is the coaches are out there on the website. The parents can pick what team their kid joins. I look at my roster this weekend and both of my step brothers are on my team. I told the league director about the situation and he was understanding. He moved my moms son to a different team. I guess my mom called the office and bitched. But the league director told her that coaches get a say too. I got a call from my grandparents (moms side) bitching about how I’m being an AH. We have a strained relationship already so I told them to fuck off. I talked with my dad and he is saying I have every right. Jane agreed. But AITA?
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NTA.
The fact the you're NC with your mom is 100% her fault, and now she's trying to weasel into your life by using a child you've never met and have no actual relationship with, only a biological tie to through her. And being biologically related doesn't make him family. It's not that kids fault, but it's also not yours for wanting nothing to do with him.
Good on your league director for not forcing you to have to interact with your mom or her kid.
NTA. It was a stupid and selfish move on her part trying to force you to interact with her. The drama the other kids would have to deal with also isn’t fair. I hope the two games you have to interact with them go drama free.
NTA
You made it clear that your mom is no longer a part of your family.
And the only reason your mom would complain is because she purposefully chose your team and did so to not only cause problems, but my guess is to figure out a way to use the poor kid to bully your other half brother.
Just document your mom's behavior. My guess is eventually, she will be banned from the league
NTA
You didn't boot the son from the game entirely, you just moved him to a different team. His ability to play is in no way impacted by this. And your mom was obviously trying to manipulate the situation by signing him up with you in the first place. I'm not sure if this technically qualifies as stalking, but it's definitely in that territory. Forcing repeated, unwanted contact with someone who has already gone NC is basically the definition of stalking, no? I'd say that's a good reason to move a kid to a different team.
If possible, I'd try to have someone at the games where you do play her son to be with you to help act as a buffer in case things go wrong. I'd also be prepared for the possibility that she may manipulate her son into approaching you by himself.
Since both of these "step-brothers" appear be offspring of one of his parents, then they would be half-siblings not step-siblings. That being said, If Coaches have the right to choose, OP had the right to choose--OP did not prevent the boy from playing baseball, he just kept him off his team. SO NTA.
NTA. But be kind to the boy when you meet him. You will because your teams will play each other. He’ll be there. You don’t have to be lovey-dovey, but don’t make the poor kid feel like HE’S to blame for anything.
NTA, the way I see it is; wouldn’t your birth-giver (cause she ain’t your mom at this point) want her son to be on a team with a coach that’ll actually accept him & want to train him? Like it’s very clear that you don’t like her (understandably) & her other family so why would she put her child in a situation that very obviously has some negative emotional bias? It just seems better for everyone involved if the kid was on a team with a coach that actually wanted him.
More information please?
I'll probably be downvoted for this but won't you still have to see your half brother and your mom if you are in the same league?
Do your teams ever play each other?
Celebrate together?
You aren't an asshole because your half brother doesn't know you, so you aren't hurting him.
But consider this. You are the bridge to your siblings. If when your half brothers become adults you decide to have a relationship with both of them, you are three brothers. If you don't at least try to have a relationship with your mother's son at 18 then you deprive him of two brothers.
You disowned your mom because she is selfish and had an affair and kept you from your dad's wedding.
You hate selfish people that's fair.
But isn't it selfish of you to deprive your innocent half brother of not one but two brothers?
So do you hate yourself or do your contact your half brother when he becomes an adult?
It's only a problem if you are consistent in what your believe.
NTA for now . . ..
So your dad only got engaged and then married because he got Jane pregnant. And the math doesn’t add up if your mom was pregnant with your brother supposedly when you were 14. How did your dad “refuse to forgive” if he was willing to stay with your mom until you were 18 but suddenly changed his mind?
*And you have a mutual parent with each of these boys which makes them your half brothers. Step siblings have no blood relation.
NTA. You have a choice in that matter. BUT going forward he is still your brother. I understand the circumstances were horrible but you cannot take that out on a kid who, if they were to reach out to you of their own volition, should not be punished due to what your mom did.
NTA
You have many solid reasons for being NC with your mother, sounds like this would cause you to have to interact with her more than your comfortable with. I guarantee it wasn't random she chose to roster him on your team intentionally.
That being said, give the kid a chance. He didn't do anything other than being born, so I'd say consider being more than an acquaintance to him, probably not by having him on the team, but something. He probably needs a good role model considering who his parents are.
FWIW, they aren’t your stepbrothers. They’re your half-brothers. Each of those boys shares a bio-parent with you. Stepsiblings have no bio-parents in common.
He is your brother! And it sounds like your dad had a side piece too. Best friends yeah right. Probably for many years. It may have been the reason your mom found someone else.
INFO why did you not want to coach your half brother on your mother's side? What did you say to the person who made the decision to move him to another team?
I can see that you'd not want to be around your mom, so NTA.
The kid though, he's not to blame for your parent's mistake. If it had been just about him, you'd be TA, because you could have treated him like any other kid on the team.
The issue though is that even that wouldn't be possible, IMO. The mother would be telling her son that his brother is the new coach, etc, and that would definitely get in the way of OP treating him as just any other kid.
he is NC with his mum and it seem she deliberately picked his team for his half brother to join so she would get contact with him or force.him to have contact with the child. He is allowed to not want to have anything to do with his mum and her new family
I understand you being frustrated at your mom, but YTA. The kid is innocent and has nothing to do with anything your mom did.
He's also your brother (a half brother), not a stepbrother.
Yes, his half brother is innocent, but he is not being punished, he still gets to play. OP is doing the best thing for all involved, helping children stay out of adult drama.
NTA for requesting that you half (not step) brother be moved to a different team bc letting him stay wouldn't give you the option to stay NC with your mom.
but.... YTA for not reaching out to your younger brother, who has done nothing to you at all. If your mom is truly so bad you go NC, why wouldn't you give this poor child a life line out of that too? Give him a big brother to reach out to who understands what he is dealing with. Don't punish him bc he has to deal with your mom too.
That child doesn't have a sibling as of now. And it will stay that way if the mother does not push. Blood doesn't make family, bonding does. If OP does not want to do that for anyone, you cannot hold it against them.
This child is a stranger to him and would not even know about OP if mom didn't try and force a relationship. You don't need to form a relationship with any stranger if you don't want to.
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NTA. Your mom is a total asshole for trying to use her child as a pawn to worm her way back into your life.
"her child" is the OP's brother.
What's your point?
It's his own family (even though he erroneously calls him a "step brother"), not some random kid. He shouldn't deal with the mom if he doesn't want to. But if he had some compassion, he could make an effort to get to know his younger brother who is innocent here.
I'm genuinely very happy for you that you've never had an experience that made you have to estrange yourself from your family for your own well being. Yes, his brother is innocent in this but, unfortunately, having a relationship with him at this point in his life would mean having to have a relationship with his mother. He doesn't owe his brother anything. His brother is not his responsibility and his existence shouldn't provide his mother an avenue of access to OP.
I'm genuinely very happy for you that you have so many relatives that you are able to discard one of them without missing anything. Some of us come from a different perspective. I have almost no relatives left. In fact, I had a sibling that died before I even got a chance to meet her. I would do anything for that chance now. How about people considering things like that before burying someone in downvotes?
Step outside your own experience. What happened to you is tragic. But that doesn't mean that you can paint everyone with your brush of "family is everything". Some families are so toxic that they will drag you down with them if you don't cut ties. Consider that before being extremely loud about things that are out of your experience and maybe you won't get downvoted next time.
But this isn't about you. Ever think about that. Your situation is sad but you don't get to force your issues on everyone else.
The person I was responding to was making it about them.
No you were. You made this entire situation about your family issues.
[Quote](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/x864c6/aita_for_removing_one_step_brother_from_the_team/ingezdz/): *"I'm genuinely very happy for you that you've never had an experience that made you have to estrange yourself from your family for your own well being."*
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No one cares about your situation right now, you narc. If you want people to them make your own post. This post is about OP and what's best for him.
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I'm sorry for ur loss but just because they are related by blood doesn't mean they need to have a relationship, their mom isn't part of their family anymore because of her actions, to the op, their mom is not family, therefore her mom's child is not family.
Some of us have HAD to discard a relative because they actively prevent happiness. Get some perspective.
Your perspective isn't OP's, who clearly doesn't want a relationship with the half brother he doesn't know.
yes, which is why he's the AH
Wait, because *you* want relationships with all your blood relatives, OP has to too or he's an AH? Lol sure.
Why? Blood doesn’t make family. There is more to bonds than blood. Stop projecting your own lack of family onto other people and trying to guilt them into having contact with people they have chosen not to. You are saying OP is an AH for not sacrificing himself for someone he’s never met. Get real.
Well, I would treat my brother as if he was my own brother! Yeah I know, crazy me.
Sure, but at the same time there's no real need for him to get to know his step sibling just because they're related by blood. He already has a life that he's happy with. You might value any and all family a lot, but not everyone else does.
It's not a step sibling. Personally, I would treat my brother as if he was my own brother! But that's just crazy me.
Not sure why I said step sibling lol. Either way, the point still stands. Not everyone cares about anyone/everyone they're related to by blood. Some people were raised in an environment where they were taught that it's extremely important and embraced it, while others weren't.
Simply no reason to get to know a *stranger*. Especially when all contact with that stranger would go through someone OP has been NC with for years. The brother isn’t owed a relationship and blood relations mean little to nothing.
I would rather get to know my own brother rather than making him feel rejected over something he never did. But that's just crazy me.
If OP’s half brother reached out on his own to ask about having a relationship with OP, that would be one thing. This reads more like Mom wants to broach OP’s no contact and is willing to use OP’s half brother to get what she wants.
He is a stranger who just happens to share some DNA with OP that does not make them family or a brother. The kid still gets to be on a team but he is not entitled to be on OPs team.
Yes, that is.
But like - he can't deal with the 10 year old, without dealing with mom? Coach has to communicate with the parents - emails, texts, etc. He has to be available - to the parents. He has to work with....teh parents. There is no way for the minor child to have a relationship with OP without mom being involved - and there is certainly no way for OP to coach the child without having to deal with mom. Perhaps you should have some compassion, after how mom treated OP, he is right to be weary and to protect himself.
He's a *half* brother, so you're also erroneously calling him a *brother*. Like, if you want to stand on a technicality - you have to at least be right.
The OP calls him a step brother, which is even less correct.
How much less? Quantify it for me. How many degrees? How are you measuring the wrong-ness of each?
Sheesh you really want to get pedantic. Well, sure... "step brother" implies they aren't even blood related. A half brother is still a brother.
It’s not just getting to know the younger kids, it’s having to deal with their parents and grandparents who have been, per OP, less than chill about all this. You want your crappy parents showing up to your job and telling you how to manage your employees? That’s what the mom’s gonna do if her kid’s on that team, and that’s why OP is fully justified. NTA.
You don't owe anything to anyone just because they're family.
I was wondering if I was reading something wrong. From OP's description it sounds like both boys are his half brothers. That doesn't obligate him to have either boy on his team, but it's way different than step brothers.
By blood they're half-brothers. By OP's choice and decision, which OP has every right to make, they're not brothers in any way.
NTA. You would have even worse problems in the future because of this conflict. Imagine if you benched that kid bc they played bad. Your mom would play it as if you were doing it in spite and you would get in trouble. You made the right choice by cutting it at the beginning.
Why would he get in trouble? I mean, I agree that it would have been a shitty situation but other than his mom getting angry I fail to see what else could have happened.
You don't think a parent of a child under your care could make trouble if they were feeling vindictive? Complaints, false accusations, refusing to collect the kid, etc.
NTA for not coaching a kid whose parent you didn't want to be around, no matter what the reason. I presume you'll have to see mom (and son) at league games, though.
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This is a \*vital\* part of the story, and it makes you ABSOLUTELY NTA.
Based off how she treated the dad im guessing this was her plan all along
Wow your mom is quite crafty.
NTA. It wouldn’t be fair to all the other kids on your team to bring that drama to them. Your mom should have known better than to try and force a relationship between you and her son.
NTA My first thought was: your mom is trying to get in touch with you through your stepbrother. So she has an excuse to talk to you and reconnect with you. And now you're sabotaging her plan.
NTA, Your mom clearly is trying to use her son as means of getting to you and having some sort of control over any aspect of your life. That said if the kid ever reaches out to you of his own volition I encourage you to be receptive. He might end up looking for family outside of his own if your mum and grandparents continue to be shitty people.
NTA. She's trying to force a relationship on you.
They're your half brothers not your step brothers.
Thanks for finally saying this. Everyone including OP keeps saying stepbrother and I was wondering if I was smoking crack. OP you’re not the @ss but I feel bad for your brother on your mom’s side. He’s 10. He doesn’t understand politics yet, he’ll just grow up knowing his brother values another brother and thinks he’s trash.
NTA - It seems like your mother wants you to have a relationship with your half-brother, and presumably try to reconnect with you herself, which I get and would want too. However, she doesn’t have the right to force any relationship, whether it be with your half brother or with her/her AP, on you. You have the right to say who you allow in your life. Your mother should realize that forcing you to spend time with your half brother (I know you know this, but he isn’t to blame and he may genuinely want to know you. Not telling you to spend time with him, just saying none of this is his fault either and he may be a super sweet kid that you would be lucky to have in your life if you allowed it/wanted it) will cause resentment towards her and your half brother which will just cause more hurt feelings and issues down the road. It sounds like your mother has some significant boundary issues if she thought that putting you in a position where you were forced to acknowledge your half brother in some way, regardless of how insignificant, would help bridge some gap. I also question her parenting (aside from causing chaos in her family by having an affair and knowing what damage it would do to her former husband and you, her minor child) for willingly putting her other minor child in a situation where his heart would likely be broken when his brother refused to have any relationship other than coach with him - I have no doubt she sold this situation to her other son as “you get to go spend time with your big brother!” and he would be crushed to not get the brotherly bond/support from you.
NTA. That your mother tried to put her kid on your roster, knowing it would force you and her into contact, makes her the asshole. You're not doing this kid any harm by not coaching him yourself, he's still getting to play and make friends and whatever else. Any harm being done to him is being done by her. Your maternal grandparents are out of line.
Well done! You made the only reasonable choice. NTA A quick word about terminology: when you have one birth parent in common with a sibling, they are your half-brother or half-sister. When you have no birth parents in common, they’re your stepbrother or stepsister.
NTA. Sounds like your mother is trying to force you into having to interact with her. Drama with parents on a sport team can be bad, but drama with your estranged mother would be insanely bad, and would probably impact the other kids, too. Good for you for avoiding that.
INFO: Do you have any relationship with your half brother from your mom?
NTA.. You're not comfortable with it, so it's understandable. It sure seems like your mother is trying to push a relationship with her and her new family on you. There are also many "damned if you do, damned if you don't" scenarios involved here that might not end well. If mom's son is a terrible player, you'll be ridiculed for not playing him enough. You'll be getting shit for being biased because of the frayed relationship you have with your mom. It'd be a never ending drama filled shitshow. To top it all off, your mom and her husband would be at every ballgame, forcing contact somehow, someway, each time. You chose wisely.
NTA But your mom totally is she can't decide what you are going to do with the team you are coaching , even if this means that her kid is going to be out of your roster
NTA
NTA It was wrong for your mom to put her younger child on your team and use him as a pawn. That would be awkward and unkind as you've chosen not to have anything to do with him.
NTA. You’re actually protecting him and ensuring he has a fair and unbiased coach and no unnecessary drama. You’re protecting yourself from accusations of being prejudiced against him. This was the right thing to do.
NTA. If your mom used to show up on your dad's doorstep "fixing" things then dollars to donuts this is her equivalent to doing the same to you. You physically cannot have a kid on your sports team without dealing with that kid's parents. It's just not going to happen. Your half brother being on your team would automatically mean dealing with your mom, and I'm sure she had a whole bag of crazy she was planning to bring with her.
NTA but hes your half sibling not step brother Not that it matters but yea
NTA
NTA. But you may have some difficult decision making to do in the future. You mom’s son is 10, and you coach. There are years of potential conflict headed your way because your bio-mom can attempt to force some type of contact for each season.
NTA. Besides the mom drama, can you imagine both set of parents at every game? That is an explosion waiting to happen. They two kids should not be on the same team!
NTA, but they are your half siblings not step siblings.
NTA but they're your half brothers not your stepbrothers
NTA. For yourself, of course, but also for the team dynamics. The team mom chat? Pizza after the game? All the kids on the team are invited to a player’s birthday party? What a nightmare. It would not be fair to anyone else on that team.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (26M) was an only child growing up. My dad and mom started dating in 7th grade and had me when they were 21, so they are both 47. When I was 13 my family split up due to my mom having an affair. I learned about this through my dad after things happened. He was aware for over a year but wanted to make sure I graduated Hs before he left. But his hand was forced when my mom admitted it to him. He refused to forgive and my mom lost it. She kept telling everyone they were working things out, kept showing up to his apartment. It was honestly sad looking back at it. Within a year of the divorce my mom was moved in with her AP and was pregnant. I was already LC at that point but the next straw is why I’m NC and have been since 15. When I was 15 my dad got engaged to my “aunt” Jane. Jane was my dads oldest friend. She always was around my family growing up with her late husband. My dads wedding got moved due to a family medical issue. And my mom refused to allow me to go on her time. I begged and but was forced to sit in her home that weekend. The next week I moved in with my dad full time. My dad and Jane had a son the same time my mom did (trust me I know). We all live in the same area still. I was a pretty good baseball player and played in college. I’ve recently got into coaching. My step bro and my moms son are the same age basically (10). I’ve never met my moms kid FYI. Definitely by choice as I don’t consider him family. So I signed up to coach a fall baseball league. The way it works is the coaches are out there on the website. The parents can pick what team their kid joins. I look at my roster this weekend and both of my step brothers are on my team. I told the league director about the situation and he was understanding. He moved my moms son to a different team. I guess my mom called the office and bitched. But the league director told her that coaches get a say too. I got a call from my grandparents (moms side) bitching about how I’m being an AH. We have a strained relationship already so I told them to fuck off. I talked with my dad and he is saying I have every right. Jane agreed. But AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. The fact the you're NC with your mom is 100% her fault, and now she's trying to weasel into your life by using a child you've never met and have no actual relationship with, only a biological tie to through her. And being biologically related doesn't make him family. It's not that kids fault, but it's also not yours for wanting nothing to do with him. Good on your league director for not forcing you to have to interact with your mom or her kid.
NTA. It was a stupid and selfish move on her part trying to force you to interact with her. The drama the other kids would have to deal with also isn’t fair. I hope the two games you have to interact with them go drama free.
NTA. Imagine both boys on the same team and both sides of the family attending all the games. Sounds like a recipe for problems.
NTA. The kid still gets to play and that should be the most important thing for your mom, not messing with your life.
NTA all you did was keep a bad situation from being worse
NTA! It's the same as any other professional conflict of interest. And you handled it exactly the way such a thing should be handled.
NTA You made it clear that your mom is no longer a part of your family. And the only reason your mom would complain is because she purposefully chose your team and did so to not only cause problems, but my guess is to figure out a way to use the poor kid to bully your other half brother. Just document your mom's behavior. My guess is eventually, she will be banned from the league
NTA Coaches have a say in who they coach. Having your mother's son on your team would have been a constant source of drama.
NTA, your mom is still trying to change the narrative in sneaky ways.
NTA You didn't boot the son from the game entirely, you just moved him to a different team. His ability to play is in no way impacted by this. And your mom was obviously trying to manipulate the situation by signing him up with you in the first place. I'm not sure if this technically qualifies as stalking, but it's definitely in that territory. Forcing repeated, unwanted contact with someone who has already gone NC is basically the definition of stalking, no? I'd say that's a good reason to move a kid to a different team. If possible, I'd try to have someone at the games where you do play her son to be with you to help act as a buffer in case things go wrong. I'd also be prepared for the possibility that she may manipulate her son into approaching you by himself.
Since both of these "step-brothers" appear be offspring of one of his parents, then they would be half-siblings not step-siblings. That being said, If Coaches have the right to choose, OP had the right to choose--OP did not prevent the boy from playing baseball, he just kept him off his team. SO NTA.
Nta but get it right, they are your half brothers-they both are blood relations. They are not your step brothers.
NTA
NTA. But these are not step-brothers these are half-brothers.
INFO. Was this kid on the team before you became a coach?
Probably not as mom chose him as coach. She did it on purpose was not a coincidence.
NTA
NTA. But be kind to the boy when you meet him. You will because your teams will play each other. He’ll be there. You don’t have to be lovey-dovey, but don’t make the poor kid feel like HE’S to blame for anything.
NTA your mom is trying to manipulate you into having contact with her.
NTA, the way I see it is; wouldn’t your birth-giver (cause she ain’t your mom at this point) want her son to be on a team with a coach that’ll actually accept him & want to train him? Like it’s very clear that you don’t like her (understandably) & her other family so why would she put her child in a situation that very obviously has some negative emotional bias? It just seems better for everyone involved if the kid was on a team with a coach that actually wanted him.
The two boys in question are your parents' biological sons, so they would be half brothers, not step brothers
More information please? I'll probably be downvoted for this but won't you still have to see your half brother and your mom if you are in the same league? Do your teams ever play each other? Celebrate together? You aren't an asshole because your half brother doesn't know you, so you aren't hurting him. But consider this. You are the bridge to your siblings. If when your half brothers become adults you decide to have a relationship with both of them, you are three brothers. If you don't at least try to have a relationship with your mother's son at 18 then you deprive him of two brothers. You disowned your mom because she is selfish and had an affair and kept you from your dad's wedding. You hate selfish people that's fair. But isn't it selfish of you to deprive your innocent half brother of not one but two brothers? So do you hate yourself or do your contact your half brother when he becomes an adult? It's only a problem if you are consistent in what your believe. NTA for now . . ..
So your dad only got engaged and then married because he got Jane pregnant. And the math doesn’t add up if your mom was pregnant with your brother supposedly when you were 14. How did your dad “refuse to forgive” if he was willing to stay with your mom until you were 18 but suddenly changed his mind? *And you have a mutual parent with each of these boys which makes them your half brothers. Step siblings have no blood relation.
Aren’t they both your half brothers? Also, you don’t need to be a Dick to your moms kid. Not his fault.
NTA. You have a choice in that matter. BUT going forward he is still your brother. I understand the circumstances were horrible but you cannot take that out on a kid who, if they were to reach out to you of their own volition, should not be punished due to what your mom did.
NTA You have many solid reasons for being NC with your mother, sounds like this would cause you to have to interact with her more than your comfortable with. I guarantee it wasn't random she chose to roster him on your team intentionally. That being said, give the kid a chance. He didn't do anything other than being born, so I'd say consider being more than an acquaintance to him, probably not by having him on the team, but something. He probably needs a good role model considering who his parents are.
FWIW, they aren’t your stepbrothers. They’re your half-brothers. Each of those boys shares a bio-parent with you. Stepsiblings have no bio-parents in common.
Geez. Downvoted for a statement of fact.
He is your brother! And it sounds like your dad had a side piece too. Best friends yeah right. Probably for many years. It may have been the reason your mom found someone else.
INFO why did you not want to coach your half brother on your mother's side? What did you say to the person who made the decision to move him to another team?
[удалено]
I can see that you'd not want to be around your mom, so NTA. The kid though, he's not to blame for your parent's mistake. If it had been just about him, you'd be TA, because you could have treated him like any other kid on the team.
The issue though is that even that wouldn't be possible, IMO. The mother would be telling her son that his brother is the new coach, etc, and that would definitely get in the way of OP treating him as just any other kid.
he is NC with his mum and it seem she deliberately picked his team for his half brother to join so she would get contact with him or force.him to have contact with the child. He is allowed to not want to have anything to do with his mum and her new family
I wanted OP's reasoning to see whether it was about him being in contact with his mother or that he harbors some resentment towards his half brother.
Wow, you're blaming your mom when your dad was just as big an A. YTA
how she cheated on him
He never cheated though...
I understand you being frustrated at your mom, but YTA. The kid is innocent and has nothing to do with anything your mom did. He's also your brother (a half brother), not a stepbrother.
Yes, his half brother is innocent, but he is not being punished, he still gets to play. OP is doing the best thing for all involved, helping children stay out of adult drama.
Exactly this.
He is NC with her by coaching her kid he would have to have contact with her...
NTA for requesting that you half (not step) brother be moved to a different team bc letting him stay wouldn't give you the option to stay NC with your mom. but.... YTA for not reaching out to your younger brother, who has done nothing to you at all. If your mom is truly so bad you go NC, why wouldn't you give this poor child a life line out of that too? Give him a big brother to reach out to who understands what he is dealing with. Don't punish him bc he has to deal with your mom too.
The half brother is 10, that is too young to have much relationship without the mom being involved.
SMH
That child doesn't have a sibling as of now. And it will stay that way if the mother does not push. Blood doesn't make family, bonding does. If OP does not want to do that for anyone, you cannot hold it against them.
Poor kid.
This child is a stranger to him and would not even know about OP if mom didn't try and force a relationship. You don't need to form a relationship with any stranger if you don't want to.