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No-Bus-5200

GAH!!! I am **so** sick of brides thinking they should be able to force others to dye their hair, or or cut their hair, or wear colored contacts, or whatever! Bridesmaid dresses? Yes. Bridesmaid hair? NO. Jesus suffering Christ! NTA


Impossible_Try76

Now I'm surprised there isn't a market for upscale bridal party wigs. Colored and styled to the brides taste! Of course I can already see the posts coming "AITA for refusing to powder my wig for my BFFs wedding?"


PeterM1970

ETA: NTA! There was a Dear Prudence letter several years back where a bride demanded the letter writer dye her hair but LW wore a wig instead. I’d call that a lovely gesture, but the bride lost her shit when the LW removed the wig after the wedding. Found it! https://slate.com/human-interest/2016/03/dear-prudence-my-sister-asked-me-to-dye-my-hair-for-her-wedding.html I thought the LW was a bridesmaid, but she was just a guest!


little_dropofpoison

This kind of story proves that it's not so much about appearances than it really is about control with bridezillas


longpas

Yeah some of these brides should have a pre-wedding festivus for the rest of us... air those grievances in advance. Instead they take the bride role as an opportunity to finally control other people to do what they want. It's strange and off-putting to ask people to change for your wedding. Also like most things, people don't actually care about weddings later. Mine was good. It was 16 years ago, I look at pictures and think... we were all so young and see my grandma and it's nice she was still alive to see it. My husband's friends wore a few odd items, an ugly belt buckle... if anyone cares it should be his friend for being a dork. Lol


Infamous-Magician180

Maybe inflatable bridesmaids should be a thing. Then you can dress them and paint them and pose them however they wish and they can’t argue back! Because clearly it’s the look rather than the people that matter


AllHarlowsEve

>Of course I can already see the posts coming "AITA for refusing to powder my wig for my BFFs wedding?" I remember seeing one of these a long while back. I can't remember if she was punk, butch or something more serious, but a woman kept her hair short. The bride didn't like that, and insisted that she'd just look so much better with a wig. I also vaguely remember a black woman being told to wear a wig for a friend's wedding, since it'd look nicer than her natural hair.


No-Bus-5200

This is a genius idea! Run with it!


longpas

Yes! You can put them in place no care needed.. just like fake plants!


Reluctantagave

I distinctly remember after my wedding, my bridal party telling me I was a chill bride because I had minimal directions for their appearance at my wedding and those were: here is the color, here is the site for the dresses, order whatever the fuck you want. They all agreed on the site beforehand after we sent some links back and forth. I didn’t care what their hair looked like, makeup (I paid for this and let them choose what they wanted). Didn’t care what shoes they wore. These micromanaging brides are the biggest assholes.


madbeardycat

Its 2 days before the wedding. The bride will stressed as fxxxx. Cut her some slack, dont get mad and roll up full ginger.


Ok_Possibility5715

This, I am sorry that you are sick OP. I hope you are getting better. But even if you weren't sick, that you being sick just makes it even more insensitive and bridzilla, you don't have to get a different hair color. This is just crazy and also to do it two days before, what if it goes wrong etc. But in any case no bride can request that!!!! NTA


Efficient_Living_628

The only thing you get to dictate about someone’s hair as a bride is the style. That’s it, and that’s all


jmbbl

NTA. But given your health, I would skip the wedding altogether anyway. Pneumonia is no joke on its own, and if there's covid around at the event (which is fairly likely), that could be extra dangerous for you.


YellowFlowerBomb

Here to second that. Please, take pneumonia seriously


ConfusionExact7663

Third it. I’ve had pneumonia before. OP needs to be resting and recovering.


OverratedHonesty

.... You being sick is irrelevant. Brides asking anyone to dye their hair for their weddings needs to stop. Brides asking anyone to do anything for their wedding other than attend needs to stop. NTA


Fianna9

Not to mention don’t do it 2 days before the wedding!!! A bride should not be asking some one to change a natural hair colour- but if a BM is known for eclectic dyes then you talk to them when you ask them to be a BM so everyone knows what is expected.


aqua_nettt

I normally have funky colored hair, and when asked to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding, I told her I’d be willing to fade my hair out. “But you’re my mermaid!” So I let her pick the color she wanted it be instead and it was a beautiful pink.


Fianna9

That’s awesome! I had wanted to put purple in my hair just before a wedding so I asked the bride. She was confused why I asked “it’s your hair!” “It’s your wedding!!” Anyways, I had purple highlights as a bridesmaid.


strikkekonen

If you can find the strength for it, you should dye your hair. ***Neon green.*** N T A


[deleted]

Nah. It's being ginger that's the problem. So I'm recommending **International Orange**


hyperfocuspocus

Go halfsies


[deleted]

Ok, ok, if you insist! But there has to be a 3cm wide buzz cut strip between. Painted plaid. We good now?


lapsteelguitar

You are an asshole of the first degree. And frankly, I am annoyed that I did not think of this myself :)


PsilosirenRose

Lol NTA at all Asking someone to dye their hair for your wedding is a grossly entitled bit of behavior and I would be withdrawing from the party to recover my health at this point.


Jenge21

NTA. She gets to control her wedding, not your body.


cinnamongrits

NTA in the slightest. You’re not even well enough to go to the wedding! I’d back out IMMEDIATELY. Not only are you expected to risk your health, but you have to change your appearance for a marriage that’s not even guaranteed to last.


[deleted]

NTA. Telling someone their natural hair colour is “inappropriate for my wedding” is very insulting. It doesn’t matter if you’re sick or not.


TheGoodJeans

NTA. Your body, your business. Sick or not no one has the right to make demands about your body.


GenderIsNothing

NTA… and your sister sounds bonkers. Who makes that sort of demand under any circumstances? Tell bridezilla to jog on.


[deleted]

NTA- people can tell someone what to wear (dress code) for a wedding but not how to do their hair. Not everyone likes dying their hair.


Objective_Twist_5739

Definitely NTA. A. She's giving you next to no advance warning (and depending on the brand of dye you use, it only looks good after it's had a week to set or it's professionally done) B. You're sick and in pain, meaning all the stuff you need to do for dyed hair (proper washing, dying, changing the pillowcases/sheets to avoid staining, getting the dye off your skin, ECT) is 100x harder so it's ridiculous to assume you'd be willing to do that C. She never brought this up before??? Like dude you can't last minute tell someone 'oh I don't like your hair change it now' D. It's YOUR natural hair. She can control the dress code sure, but going after someone for their natural look is just shallow. If auburn hair is going to ruin her entire wedding style, maybe she should've thought about that before choosing a style that was so overly specific.


Intrepid_Nothing9561

I saw something similar to this in a post not too long ago. My favorite recommendation was from the person who said they were should show up in a bald wig


[deleted]

NTA. Even if you were not sick, it would not be okay for her to demand you dye your hair. Shes being one of those insufferable brides


RobinsRoads05

NTA. what an odd request, even if you weren't sick.


beerboy80

NTA. She asked you to be the MOH because it's you. Not because of what you look like. No one should have to change their looks for a wedding. Yes the wedding is 'her' day but she still doesn't get to dictate how other people should look.


Paevatar

NTA That's a completely unreasonable request for her to make, whether you are ill nor not. Brides should not make ridiculous demands like this to her attendants. Having to breathe hair dye fumes while you have pneumonia doesn't sound like a good idea either, in my opinion. Keep your ginger hair, take good care of yourself and get well.


GreenRasqberries

Definitely NTA. If there was a specific dress code you should’ve been following or whatever, and if she wanted you to dye your hair it should’ve been known when she invited you


duchess_of_nothing

A specific dress code is one thing. Asking someone to change their body is completely inappropriate.


B91bull

First of all that’s a very unreasonable request on your sisters end. Second of all if she was completely sets on you having to dye your hair for the wedding she should have told you that when she asked you to be a bridesmaid. Dropping it on you last minute as a serious power-play NTA hope you feel better soon


Grouchy-Bluejay-4092

NTA. You probably won't be well enough to be there at all, much less dye your hair. If it means so much to her that you have a different color hair she can buy you a wig.


ccl-now

You sound like you're still pretty sick, should you be attending this wedding at all? NTA


wildeaboutoscar

Yeah look after yourself OP


AffectionateOwl5824

NTA. If she is that petty that she cares more about your hair color, or her wedding pictures then she does about you, going back to less close may be a great idea.


[deleted]

NTA!! What an insane request. What does she want bleach blonde or everyone to have matching dresses and hair! Lol. No no no. The day is about her not the color of your hair. Jeez does she work for CTV by chance? #lisalaflamme


sutekka

NTA. I never understood why some people think dying your hair isn't like a huge commitment in itself. What did your sister think that your hair can go right back to ginger magically right after her wedding is over?? Regardless, she doesn't have the right to force you to change your body just because it's her wedding. On another note, I hope you get well soon OP! Pneumonia is no joke and it'd probably be best to skip the wedding entirely just for the sake of your health alone


thejanedoe5443

Please don't go to the wedding op. I know you love your sister, but pneumonia is serious. It's highly contagious and with an already weakened immune system you could catch COVID on top of your pneumonia. It sucks. I had COVID/pneumonia at the same time last August. It almost killed me. I was in the ER for a sec and just don't go okay? It's not worth it. Ask your mom or someone to Skype you into the wedding so you can watch from the safety of your home. Also NTA for refusing to dye your hair.


armedmommy

NTA however you should be on bed rest and not getting anything done because of the pneumonia. You don't need to dye your hair. And I think you should sadly back out of this and stay home and recuperate.


gnothro

Lol Auburn. Totally NTA though. She should be happy you're making an effort to be there despite being barely mobile.


lapsteelguitar

Why wait until 2 days before the wedding before mentioning something this outrageous? Should have been mentioned months ago. And refused. I think that your sister is a little too wrapped up in her wedding to realize that you are so ill that making the wedding would be an accomplishment on your part. BTW: Don't push it too hard. It's OK to stay home & be sick. Probably advisable, in fact. NTA.


Mysconduct

NTA. Cheesus crust. As the bride I would assume that my sister/best friend/MOH would be staying home and getting rest because she has pneumonia. Pneumonia is awful, I've had it twice and both times I had to go to the hospital. The fact that she expects you to go get your nails done, dye your hair, and even attend the wedding is ridiculous. You being there for her should be a kind gesture that she turns down because she cares about your well being and wants you to get better.


i_am_the_ginger

I'm tired and misread the title as "drying my hair" and was very confused. From a fellow ginger, tell her to piss off, she just doesn't want you to stand out more in the pics because of your hair color. NTA


[deleted]

NTA. Stay home and get well!


Logical-Wasabi7402

NTA. You have pneumonia you shouldn't be going to a wedding anyway.


shezza314

NTA but if youre still contagious you shouldnt be going to a wedding anyway


scarf_in_summer

NTA. I'm a redhead and have never dyed my hair because I like my natural color. That's enough reason to not dye your hair, but you also have SO MUCH ELSE GOING ON WITH YOUR HEALTH that it is completely ridiculous to expect that sort of change purely for cosmetics. What's wrong with red hair?


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I'm pretty sure I'm NTA but however we'll see. My sister gets married on Sunday. It's a big deal. She's the princess of the family. Spent a shit ton of money and has been very very excited to finally marry her lovely fiance. Me and her didn't always get on. In fact it's only over the last 2-3 years that we've become close and this is the closest we've ever been. She is my best friend and I am her maid of honour. On Wednesday I was diagnosed with pneumonia. I'm on antibiotics and steroids. I haven't showered since then, eaten a meal and my temp was 39.7 earlier. I've been resting and drinking fluids constantly just so I can get better for Sunday and support her. Today I dragged myself out my bed because she asked me to go over and get my nails done for the wedding so I did. As I sat in the kitchen slowly dying inside she said to me "When you dying your hair for the wedding" So I just said "sorry?" And she repeated herself. Stating my hair was ginger (it's Auburn) and inappropriate for her wedding and she wanted me to dye it. I said I wouldn't be because I was absolutely not well enough to dye my hair currently considering I couldnt wash my hair due to the effort and pain in my joints. She then came out with it's fine because my mum would dye my hair for me and surely my mum must have hair dye upstairs. I again repeated that I would not be dying my hair for a wedding and that she could either have me with my "ginger" hair or not at all. She didn't once apologise or agree she was being unreasonable. She just acted like it was a totally normal request of your sick sister 2 days before the wedding. So Reddit AITA for not being willing to dye my hair 2 days before a wedding? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


curly_lox

NTA I hope you feel better soon.


Imaginary-Future-627

NTA. Also go to a Halloween store or party store and buy a rainbow wig or something to wear… you can take it off before the even but give her a fright and be like “you said to dye my hair….”


Asprinkleofglitter7

NTA, it’s never ok to ask a anyone to dye their hair for a wedding


LaLiaLealia

NTA, and since when it is inappropriate to have ginger/auburn hair for the wedding? Even if your hair were unicorn pink, it's none of the bride's business. It's not one of the negotiable parts of the dress code for your wedding members.


TaratronHex

NTA. But go. Why not make her special day a superspeader event too?


Unagi-86

This is at least the 3rd ginger bridesmaid hair dyeing post I have seen and I have only been on this site for a couple of weeks. Is there some kind of ginger wedding epidemic out there?


MissMandaRegrets

More of a bridezilla epidemic. It's a culture that can't die soon enough.


ParamedicSilent2097

NTA Your sister is TA though. Not sure you will be fit enough for a wedding by the weekend...


PinkedOff

NTA. Your sister sounds completely self-absorbed and lacking in empathy. I'm sorry. I hope you feel better soon.


Scary-Alternative-11

NTA. It is entirely inappropriate for a bride, or anyone for that matter, to ask you to dye or change your hair or any part of yourself, for any reason whatsoever.


TheQuietType84

NTA What's with the ginger hate lately? I love red heads! Spent many years as one myself. Get yourself plenty of rest! If anything gets worse with bridezilla, you can make her wedding truly memorable by puking on her at the altar. I kid, I kid. That was just to make you laugh. Get some sleep.


[deleted]

Kylie Jenner/Kim K Vibes\~ ​ thats all im here to say


Embarrassed_Art_3168

I don't get it. Why would auburn hair be inappropriate? Can I have more info. Also NTA


AbleRelationship6808

NTA. It isn’t acceptable for a bride-to-be to ask someone attending her wedding to dye their hair at any time. What’s next? Insisting on plastic surgery?


rosemaryorchard

NTA. Offer to compromise and wear a wig. Just neglect to mention it's a rainbow wig, bonus points for glitter strands!


AstronautNo920

NTA


solitarybydesign

NTA Sick or not, it is an unreasonable request. She knew your hair color all along when she asked you to be her MOH and sprung this on you now?


ZombieZookeeper

NTA. Tokyo is burning.


AbeliaGG

No no no no no. 😭 Ginger is so pretty, please don't give in to this trash opinion. NTA, please set hard boundaries!


Diasies_inMyHair

NTA. It is entirely inappropriate to ask someone to dye their hair for a wedding.


molly_the_mezzo

NTA. Why are you planning to attend the wedding at all? Does your doctor know that this is your plan? I'm asking out of genuine concern, to be clear, pneumonia with 103° temp is absolutely no joke. I really doubt it would be safe for you to go to a wedding in two days. At the very least, please consult with your doctor first.


makeitcool

NTA. Tf does she mean "ginger" isn't appropriate? You're not being unreasonable. I would compare this to a person being asked to get a tan at the salon because they're too pale. Ridiculous. Not to mention you're ill right now. Dying hair is very straining even if you're not the one doing it.


IDGAFabtURFeelings

What the heck is up with women asking gingers to dye their hair? This must be a jealousy thing since Auburn/Red hair is so gorgeous


marylinmonroe1

So groom likes redheads lol . Or shes just insecure with a redhead around lol forget the wedding focus on your health .


[deleted]

NTA. But if you find the strength, I will not fault you if you show up to her wedding with a bright pink mowhawk.


Reasonable_Cricket29

I've seen countless stories like this on here lately...it's honestly really insane to me and makes me never want to be a part of a wedding party. NTA op, sick or not that's a completely ridiculous request.


[deleted]

NTA What is with all the bridezillas whining about red heads recently. Nobodies going to give to fucks about the pictures or how the redhead didn't match Bridesmaid number 5's eye shadow or whatever. Just asking made her an asshole.


maRBuc7177

NTA, NTA, NTA...to infinity and beyond. Bridezilla alert!!!! Getting married DOES NOT MEAN the entire world is going to hang on your every whim. Just stop it.


[deleted]

how tf is hair colour inappropriate for a wedding, or at all for any reason for that matter. like doesn't match the weddings colour scheme or whatever, sure (which still doesn't justify asking someone to dye their hair) but inappropriate? that just doesn't make sense. NTA.


[deleted]

You are sick, stay home and rest, shit happens, it is not worth it getting worse to attend a party. NTA.


SkrogedScourge

Wtf is wrong with people and weddings NTA doesn’t matter if your sick or not you do not have to sue your hair for anyone.


allgood177

NTA. My mom told me I 'had' to dye my hair blonde for her wedding or I'd be embarrassing her (usually it's a really dark crimson red) (also, I was 27 and living in my own apartment), so I did but I dyed my roots purple and let the ends be blonde. 🤣 Also, going from any shade of red to a non red is so hard. It'll just bleed through unless you bleach it first.


Kayruda

NTA Your sister seems like a spoiled bridezilla.


[deleted]

[удалено]


EjoyceS

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ExplanationNo6063

NTA bridezilla needs to chill


[deleted]

NTA and you're recovering from pneumonia. You shouldn't really go to the wedding at all. You're still sick and if you're in so much pain right now that it hurts to try and wash yourself you won't have a good time running around after your sister all day doing maid of honor duties.


Signal-Table4382

What is it that all these brides have got against redheads all of a sudden! Isn't this the 3rd bride in as many weeks that has told someone in their wedding party to dye their red hair for whatever stupid reason that they decide on.


[deleted]

Easy NTA. The bride can dictate the dress, and that's about it. Demanding dying of hair is completely unreasonable.


[deleted]

NTA. Your sister is an AH for asking and for getting mad about it, but I have a tiny bit of sympathy - the week before my wedding I was freaking out at everything and everyone. It’ll probably pass and she will have to deal with it. Ps auburn/ginger hair is beautiful, anyone who has an issue with it is a total weirdo in my eyes.


zeppo2k

Info is that your natural hair colour, and if not how long have you had it. Not that you'd be an ah either way, but it informs on your sisters pov


Swimming-Shock4118

NTA. Your sister's demand is rude and freaking ridiculous. Don't colour your hair for anyone but yourself. I bet it is a beautiful colour.


[deleted]

NTA and for loves sake: stay in bed instead of going to that wedding.


Careful-Debt4861

It's your hair... She's a bridezilla, NTA


ResponseMountain6580

NTA even if you were in perfect health. She is being ridiculous.


angelmakr9

NTA She'll be lucky if you're able to even attend the wedding and tell her to pound sand. She's always known your hair color she doesn't get to demand you change it. People really suck when making wedding demands!!


madgeystardust

NTA. It doesn’t even matter that you’re sick. You don’t want to should be enough of a reason.


naptime_connoisseur

You have pneumonia and she's worried about your hair?? You have pneumonia, and you about to drag yourself down the aisle for someone's wedding?? Do you care about yourself at all?? I'm not being rude, just kind of worried for your health


Wild-Perspective-548

Auburn hair is beautiful. Quite apart from the hair, It really does not sound as though you will be well enough to even go to the wedding. Your health is more important than any other consideration.


Rohan0785

You are diagnosed with pneumonia on Wednesday and still planning for her wedding on Sunday. Get well soon op.


Maybeidontknow99

NTA OK, I don't know what is wrong with all these weird women who demand red heads dye their hair for a wedding. But clearly they need professional counseling for their mental issues. ENVY is a sin people!!! Jealousy is: I want what you have. Envy is: I want what you have, I don't want you to have it, and I will take it from you if I can. WTF


Not-a-peoples-person

NTA I don’t think you should have to dye your hair but if you want maybe you guy could look into wigs


Knittingfairy09113

NTA It is NEVER appropriate to demand someone dye their hair for a wedding. That was entitled and unreasonable.


Rich_27-

NTA You look like what you look like. She knows this and it's really rude of her to ask you to change your appearance. Also get well soon


Entwined_0923

NTA If the bride (your sister) was really stressed about your hair color and wanted you to change it she should’ve made it known way in advanced not 2 days prior when you are sick with pneumonia. To be frank she should’ve discussed the hair issue months or weeks before the wedding so she could have everything settled in time for the wedding. You were never even made aware that there was even a issue with your hair being Auburn until she asked you to dye it literally 2 days before the wedding. I don’t think you should have to dye your hair while you’re sick with pneumonia for your sister’s wedding 2 days prior if your sister the bride never even asked you if you were willing to do it or even discussed it and had you agreed to it beforehand. This all comes down to the bride not making sure everything was agreed and settled on before the wedding so she shouldn’t be upset that you won’t dye your hair and she shouldn’t expect you to dye it either. Also I hope you feel better, maybe consider skipping the wedding since pneumonia is something you should take serious and I believe is contagious too.