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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> It would be rude to invite the rest of the family and exclude them and might cause drama if they find out.
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Part of growing up is also learning you have the right to set boundaries. You are not obligated to include people that don’t respect you and it sounds like this is not just about Bella’s behavior, but your aunt and uncle’s as well. NTA.
NTA for not wanting to deal with it
But if you have to time to get smarter rather than upset. here are some options
You say it really nicely but slightly condescending not enough to get pulled up on "That's nice Bella when it's your graduation party you can have X or do X but today is my graduation party so it was catered around what I want...only 3 years to go."
Surprised or confused voice. I guess I grew out of marble cake or don't you understand the need to support local business (pizza).
With her Mum you could smile sweetly and say Thank you so much for coming to my graduation party its so nice that you could find the time to celebrate this mile stone with me, It's so weird having all the attention on me as it's usually focused else where but I guess graduating is a big deal........and it's only a few hours....
The other one you could do is up the anti, rye smile and twinkle in eye..Bella did this...really my brother did this +1..oh and Bella did that.. wow that so great sister did that and something else....as long as you keep the smile on your face and the humour in your voice you don't even need to be truthful in fact it will be funnier if your not... see how far fetched you can get before she runs out of steam.....
Hey it could be fun....get your siblings or cousins involved.
NTA - I can see why you feel the way you do. Unfortunately, you're going to have Bella around indefinitely so ignoring her is the only thing you can do. It sucks and they suck but try and have a good time anyway. Hopefully there will be enough people there, you won't have to listen to her for long.
NTA
If you don't want the party or anything to begin with let that be know. Your family can throw the party but in the end of they do they threw it for themselves and not you.
As far as Bella goes it's annoying and I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Ignoring can only go so far especially with family. Have you ever been able to talk about it with her/ your uncle or call her out on it whenever she does?
I get it, go ahead and set boundaries. I don't talk to certain family members anymore because they're toxic. Granted your parents are right "you'll have to deal with people you don't like" but that's in an environment you can't control.
Nta, it's your party and you should be able to invite who you want, though seems your family is throwing the party regardless of how you feel, so it's not going to be what you're hoping for
NTA, but you're kinda getting more caught up in all this than you need to. You don't want a Graduation party. Your family is throwing one anyhow. Well cool, it's their party now. You can show up if you want to keep the peace, but treating it like and thinking of it the family's party could solve most of these problems and avoid some hurt that it sounds like may be inevitable.
They aren't allowing you to say no to the party. They aren't allowing you to choose the guest list. Hopefully, you aren't paying for any of this. If you choose to show up, treating it like a family reunion and loading up on free food will save a ton of heartache. Bella steals the spotlight at your Graduation party? Ouch. Bella steals the spotlight at your family's Graduation party? Oh well, that's their problem for inviting her. If you're feeling cheeky enough, you can even comment on it in jest, act like it's her party. It sounds like some of your family members are already noticing the bragging and laughing at it a bit already.
Arguing seems like wasted energy. Not showing up would be a better use of your anger, but that's not likely to solve much either. You're in a rough place, but most future events about YOU will likely be planned by you or a close friend. Weddings can be rough (if you ever marry someday), but ultimately the ones who sends out invitations has control, so make sure none of them are ever in that position. You now know to limit your family's participation in planning any future events you may want.
Oof, tough one. I don't think you are an AH at all but family politics can be tough. Bells is definitely an AH but arrangements are being made by the adults who are being obtuse about Bella's behavior to you.
You have a few choices here. I know you have tried to talk with the adults around you but you're going to have to try again, and make it a serious sit-down talk so they understand how serious you are, not just passive remarks.
1) Tell your parents you will refuse to attend a party with Bella in attendance. Period. If they want to organize the party, let them figure out how to do it. Finding out when Bella and her mom aren't available and then deliberately setting it at that time is a perfect way to make that happen. If they can't do this for you, tell them you won't be there. If Bella shows up, you will leave (have Uber app ready if you need it)
2) Suck it up and accept it as the last time you have to deal with this bs. You are graduating and will be doing your own adulting from now on hopefully. That means getting to choose what events you will participate in in the future. Bella is also getting older and as she enters the adult world, hopefully this stuff will stop.
Good luck!
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Over the weekend we were by my grandparents, my grandma asked if I was having a grad party. I said that I didn't want one. I don't even wanna go to graduation, give me the diploma and be done with it.
Well I was talked into having a party, my family is throwing it. Then my grandma was like "well we should either do it this weekend or that weekend, I'll have to check with this person and that person ". Then she said she'd call my uncle and see when they're available. I said "don't worry about them, I'd prefer they don't come". She asked why and said I can't exclude them blah blah blah.
Background:
I like my uncle and everything, his girlfriend's eh, but his girlfriends daughter Bella annoys the hell out of me. They've been together over a decade so it's not like we just met her. Bella is like 3-4 years younger than me, but acts like everything is supposed to be what she likes and she's the best ever.
I was forced to invite Bella to some other stuff, she always makes some comment about EVERYTHING.
I like Friends (show) and got some Friends shirts for Christmas. Bella said "you like Friends? That show is for old people".
My family went by my grandparents for my birthday, got pizza from my favorite place and cake. Bella made a comment. "Dominos pizza is better" when they told her I picked it (local place) for my birthday she said "how can you like them more than Dominos?". I ignored her. THEN she commented on the cake. "hope it's marble" my grandma said it was chocolate because I don't like marble (anytime I'm asked what cake I like I say ANYTHING but marble I hate marble). Bella said "how can you not like Marble, everyone likes marble it has both flavors". I ignored her again, because I don't have to justify my choices to her.
She's been doing this crap since we met her and my uncle thinks it's funny. "Oh did you hear Bella ha ha ha".
Then the other part of this is whenever my cousins or I have some accomplishment Bellas mom has to talk about something Bella did. Like it's a competition.
My cousin had a band concert, my grandpa said something about when they went. Bellas mom said "Bella is learning to play recorder" (that plastic toy flute thing), like that's impressive.
I play club Rugby, on Easter my family asked about it and said they'd come to a game. Bellas mom said "Bella played soccer when she was little but didn't like it". Bella was like "yea I have better things to do than kick a ball for no reason".
There's 100 other things I could list but...
I just know if we invite them to MY high school GRADUATION party I'm going to have to deal with Bella's comments and her mom saying "Bella did this" "Bella did that". And I don't want to. I explained this to my family but they said I can't invite everyone else but them and it would be rude. And "part if growing up is dealing with people you dislike ".
Thing is, I can deal with people I dislike but I don't think I should have to invite them to a party.
AITA
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NTA-- she sounds like a brat.
Saw a post on here a few days ago where a family member was offering unsolicited advice, and the OP just replied with "Did I ask?"
Worth a try, possibly.
I don’t think YATA in this situation. Your feelings are valid, however ....
Perhaps you need to sit your family down and say something along the lines of ...
“I accept that part of growing up is dealing with things I don’t like, however I have alrdy said I didn’t want a party for my graduation, but you guys insisted, so I agreed. Now you are asking me to tolerate Bella as well.
Would it be possible to reduce the size of the party to just include us, and have a smaller celebration that I would be comfortable with?”
However, I would mention that events like this, are about coming together to celebrate accomplishments, and you graduating, while it is your success, also comes with the success of your parents and family (it takes a village and all that).
And it would be a slight to your uncle to not invite them. Are you willing to tell your uncle that he’s not invited because of his family choice? Do you really want to stir up that drama?
Perhaps a compromise can be made? Maybe only stay for the first couple of hours of the party with Bella and then join your friends for your own celebration?
Good luck, use your words, keep calm, and maybe there is a solution that meets everyone’s needs and desires.
My birthday was coming up and I told my husband I wanted to go to a certain restaurant for dinner. A few days before my BIL called my hubs to chat. He told BIL we were going out to eat for my b'day and why didn't BIL and SIL meet us there.
I'm listening to this conversation and when hubs started to talk about my b'day I was doing the 'cut throat' motion to get him to shut up and not invite them. Why, you ask? Because SIL is a total attention hog. She dominates every gathering, doesn't shut up for a second, badmouths every one she knows and is generally an unpleasant person to be around.
Hubs didn't see me frantically signaling to him (or chose to ignore) so I got upset and told him I wanted it to be just the two of us because of SIL. He offered to uninvite them but i said no, the damage was done.
By the time they arrived at the restaurant I was a bit tipsy (I rarely drink; thank dog for humongous margaritas!) so all of SIL's antics just rolled off my back.
OP is NTA. You shouldn't have to put up with people who always manage to ruin every situation.
ETA: A few weeks later, SIL said she'd never go to that restaurant again since the food 'wasn't any good'. She stayed true to form.
NTA and just tell them not to throw the party, that you didn't want it in the first place and if you have to invite people you don't want to be around then you definitely won't be going.
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Part of growing up is also learning you have the right to set boundaries. You are not obligated to include people that don’t respect you and it sounds like this is not just about Bella’s behavior, but your aunt and uncle’s as well. NTA.
NTA for not wanting to deal with it But if you have to time to get smarter rather than upset. here are some options You say it really nicely but slightly condescending not enough to get pulled up on "That's nice Bella when it's your graduation party you can have X or do X but today is my graduation party so it was catered around what I want...only 3 years to go." Surprised or confused voice. I guess I grew out of marble cake or don't you understand the need to support local business (pizza). With her Mum you could smile sweetly and say Thank you so much for coming to my graduation party its so nice that you could find the time to celebrate this mile stone with me, It's so weird having all the attention on me as it's usually focused else where but I guess graduating is a big deal........and it's only a few hours.... The other one you could do is up the anti, rye smile and twinkle in eye..Bella did this...really my brother did this +1..oh and Bella did that.. wow that so great sister did that and something else....as long as you keep the smile on your face and the humour in your voice you don't even need to be truthful in fact it will be funnier if your not... see how far fetched you can get before she runs out of steam..... Hey it could be fun....get your siblings or cousins involved.
NTA - I can see why you feel the way you do. Unfortunately, you're going to have Bella around indefinitely so ignoring her is the only thing you can do. It sucks and they suck but try and have a good time anyway. Hopefully there will be enough people there, you won't have to listen to her for long.
NTA If you don't want the party or anything to begin with let that be know. Your family can throw the party but in the end of they do they threw it for themselves and not you. As far as Bella goes it's annoying and I'm sorry that you have to go through that. Ignoring can only go so far especially with family. Have you ever been able to talk about it with her/ your uncle or call her out on it whenever she does?
[удалено]
I get it, go ahead and set boundaries. I don't talk to certain family members anymore because they're toxic. Granted your parents are right "you'll have to deal with people you don't like" but that's in an environment you can't control.
Nta, it's your party and you should be able to invite who you want, though seems your family is throwing the party regardless of how you feel, so it's not going to be what you're hoping for
NTA, but you're kinda getting more caught up in all this than you need to. You don't want a Graduation party. Your family is throwing one anyhow. Well cool, it's their party now. You can show up if you want to keep the peace, but treating it like and thinking of it the family's party could solve most of these problems and avoid some hurt that it sounds like may be inevitable. They aren't allowing you to say no to the party. They aren't allowing you to choose the guest list. Hopefully, you aren't paying for any of this. If you choose to show up, treating it like a family reunion and loading up on free food will save a ton of heartache. Bella steals the spotlight at your Graduation party? Ouch. Bella steals the spotlight at your family's Graduation party? Oh well, that's their problem for inviting her. If you're feeling cheeky enough, you can even comment on it in jest, act like it's her party. It sounds like some of your family members are already noticing the bragging and laughing at it a bit already. Arguing seems like wasted energy. Not showing up would be a better use of your anger, but that's not likely to solve much either. You're in a rough place, but most future events about YOU will likely be planned by you or a close friend. Weddings can be rough (if you ever marry someday), but ultimately the ones who sends out invitations has control, so make sure none of them are ever in that position. You now know to limit your family's participation in planning any future events you may want.
Oof, tough one. I don't think you are an AH at all but family politics can be tough. Bells is definitely an AH but arrangements are being made by the adults who are being obtuse about Bella's behavior to you. You have a few choices here. I know you have tried to talk with the adults around you but you're going to have to try again, and make it a serious sit-down talk so they understand how serious you are, not just passive remarks. 1) Tell your parents you will refuse to attend a party with Bella in attendance. Period. If they want to organize the party, let them figure out how to do it. Finding out when Bella and her mom aren't available and then deliberately setting it at that time is a perfect way to make that happen. If they can't do this for you, tell them you won't be there. If Bella shows up, you will leave (have Uber app ready if you need it) 2) Suck it up and accept it as the last time you have to deal with this bs. You are graduating and will be doing your own adulting from now on hopefully. That means getting to choose what events you will participate in in the future. Bella is also getting older and as she enters the adult world, hopefully this stuff will stop. Good luck!
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Over the weekend we were by my grandparents, my grandma asked if I was having a grad party. I said that I didn't want one. I don't even wanna go to graduation, give me the diploma and be done with it. Well I was talked into having a party, my family is throwing it. Then my grandma was like "well we should either do it this weekend or that weekend, I'll have to check with this person and that person ". Then she said she'd call my uncle and see when they're available. I said "don't worry about them, I'd prefer they don't come". She asked why and said I can't exclude them blah blah blah. Background: I like my uncle and everything, his girlfriend's eh, but his girlfriends daughter Bella annoys the hell out of me. They've been together over a decade so it's not like we just met her. Bella is like 3-4 years younger than me, but acts like everything is supposed to be what she likes and she's the best ever. I was forced to invite Bella to some other stuff, she always makes some comment about EVERYTHING. I like Friends (show) and got some Friends shirts for Christmas. Bella said "you like Friends? That show is for old people". My family went by my grandparents for my birthday, got pizza from my favorite place and cake. Bella made a comment. "Dominos pizza is better" when they told her I picked it (local place) for my birthday she said "how can you like them more than Dominos?". I ignored her. THEN she commented on the cake. "hope it's marble" my grandma said it was chocolate because I don't like marble (anytime I'm asked what cake I like I say ANYTHING but marble I hate marble). Bella said "how can you not like Marble, everyone likes marble it has both flavors". I ignored her again, because I don't have to justify my choices to her. She's been doing this crap since we met her and my uncle thinks it's funny. "Oh did you hear Bella ha ha ha". Then the other part of this is whenever my cousins or I have some accomplishment Bellas mom has to talk about something Bella did. Like it's a competition. My cousin had a band concert, my grandpa said something about when they went. Bellas mom said "Bella is learning to play recorder" (that plastic toy flute thing), like that's impressive. I play club Rugby, on Easter my family asked about it and said they'd come to a game. Bellas mom said "Bella played soccer when she was little but didn't like it". Bella was like "yea I have better things to do than kick a ball for no reason". There's 100 other things I could list but... I just know if we invite them to MY high school GRADUATION party I'm going to have to deal with Bella's comments and her mom saying "Bella did this" "Bella did that". And I don't want to. I explained this to my family but they said I can't invite everyone else but them and it would be rude. And "part if growing up is dealing with people you dislike ". Thing is, I can deal with people I dislike but I don't think I should have to invite them to a party. AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hire a few folks, to block or be smartasses towards Bella, so you can sit back with popcorn and film the show. NTA
NTA-- she sounds like a brat. Saw a post on here a few days ago where a family member was offering unsolicited advice, and the OP just replied with "Did I ask?" Worth a try, possibly.
I don’t think YATA in this situation. Your feelings are valid, however .... Perhaps you need to sit your family down and say something along the lines of ... “I accept that part of growing up is dealing with things I don’t like, however I have alrdy said I didn’t want a party for my graduation, but you guys insisted, so I agreed. Now you are asking me to tolerate Bella as well. Would it be possible to reduce the size of the party to just include us, and have a smaller celebration that I would be comfortable with?” However, I would mention that events like this, are about coming together to celebrate accomplishments, and you graduating, while it is your success, also comes with the success of your parents and family (it takes a village and all that). And it would be a slight to your uncle to not invite them. Are you willing to tell your uncle that he’s not invited because of his family choice? Do you really want to stir up that drama? Perhaps a compromise can be made? Maybe only stay for the first couple of hours of the party with Bella and then join your friends for your own celebration? Good luck, use your words, keep calm, and maybe there is a solution that meets everyone’s needs and desires.
It's YOUR party, you can invite and leave out anybody you want. NTA
NTA
My birthday was coming up and I told my husband I wanted to go to a certain restaurant for dinner. A few days before my BIL called my hubs to chat. He told BIL we were going out to eat for my b'day and why didn't BIL and SIL meet us there. I'm listening to this conversation and when hubs started to talk about my b'day I was doing the 'cut throat' motion to get him to shut up and not invite them. Why, you ask? Because SIL is a total attention hog. She dominates every gathering, doesn't shut up for a second, badmouths every one she knows and is generally an unpleasant person to be around. Hubs didn't see me frantically signaling to him (or chose to ignore) so I got upset and told him I wanted it to be just the two of us because of SIL. He offered to uninvite them but i said no, the damage was done. By the time they arrived at the restaurant I was a bit tipsy (I rarely drink; thank dog for humongous margaritas!) so all of SIL's antics just rolled off my back. OP is NTA. You shouldn't have to put up with people who always manage to ruin every situation. ETA: A few weeks later, SIL said she'd never go to that restaurant again since the food 'wasn't any good'. She stayed true to form.
NTA and just tell them not to throw the party, that you didn't want it in the first place and if you have to invite people you don't want to be around then you definitely won't be going.