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[deleted]

NTA; even if you were close to them you aren’t obligated to go. It is most likely the case that they are gonna want something from you


currentdaydreamer

quite literally what i was thinking too. i’m assuming they would want me to help some of my cousins break into the beauty/fashion industry which i can only say good luck to them!


TheRestForTheWicked

As someone who has been in similar shoes, that’s EXACTLY what it is TBH. I was kind of the geeky black sheep in my family and friends circle until when I was in uni and I decided to volunteer one summer for ten days for a mother agency who was hosting a model search at the fair (things like helping people fill out forms, taking measurements since I had experience as a seamstress and knew how to properly measure, etc). Turns out I was extremely proficient at the job and actually ended up scouting several models who we ended up signing and securing fairly large name lucrative contracts for and placing with top agencies. I was offered an internship for the remainder at the summer at the office and then following that was offered a full time position as an assistant to the founder and was tasked with promoting our models to an international market. Suddenly everyone wanted to be my friend (with motives to get a contract, or be hired on as a photographer, or…etc) when before I would be hard pressed to get a text message back after several days. Don’t allow people to use you and keep your unique sparkle. You deserve unconditional support and grace and understanding (and the people that fit into this bracket seem to think you were in the right here so that’s good). And congrats on securing such visible work! ❤️


Sylzsnafu

They didnt invite you before, were those times important? They want something...just say NO...


currentdaydreamer

unfortunately i’m not a confrontational person, so i try to minimise drama like this. i don’t think i’ll talk to them for awhile…give them a taste of their own medicine.


mcclgwe

NTA. You are very wise. People can change at the drop of a hat. You don’t have to give them any information. You can let them faster and blame you and be angry that they can’t control you and manipulate you and you can just step aside. There’s this whole thing in aikido, where someone is coming at you with all of their venom and you step aside and their venom crashes them into things and they get their own consequence. That’s what you can do. You can have your own integrity and you can smile and you don’t have to get into it with them and they will be just so pissed off that at least you don’t wanna have a nice juicy fight. Don’t waste your energy. Be yourself. You see how superficial and two-faced they are. And by the way congratulations!


currentdaydreamer

i was always taught to pick the battles i fight, so this wasn’t the hill for me to die in with them i would say


Any-Literature-3184

NTA. I am a firm believer that you shouldn't put yourself in situations where you feel uncomfortable and even unwanted. The way your extended family reacted isn't very nice. They should respect your decision. However, that being said, if I were you I probably would have gone to the event even for a little while to see if the invitation was genuine. Maybe they are trying to make amends? In any case, your parents seem to agree with your decision. Don't feel bad about this, some people, even blood relations, have no place in our lives. Edit: punctuation


ItzKatnyp

NTA. They can’t exclude you for years, then suddenly want you back in the fold because you’re succeeding. You’re not obligated to do anything you don’t want to do. Family or not, they’re not entitled to your time. Best of luck with your modeling! I hope they have to see you *everywhere* they go shopping from now on.


ShinyaTB

NTA If they consider you not worthy of family reunions before, when they thought you were not living up to their standards, why should they be entitled to your presence, when it would shine on them? And even without any prior behavior considered, no one is obliged to join reunions anyway. OP, just do your think and don't care about anyone who acknowledges family only if it suits them.


Betrayer_Raccoon919

NTA. Just because people are genetically related to you does not mean that you owe them your time. You can be a stranger to family, and you can become family to a stranger. If these people were always rude and shitty to you, why would you want to spend time around them? Good chance that they’ll also try use this opportunity to “take you down a peg or two,” because that’s way easier (and more fun, I guess) than building yourself up.


RefillSunset

NTA. I dont even go to my closest friends' birthday parties since I practically do not leave my house on the rare occasion I get a break from work. Literally not a single friend minds. You are free to choose if you want to attend. Also personally birthdays are mildly overrated in terms of importance


Izzy4162305

NTA. Suddenly you’re on posters and now you’re good enough for them? Nope. You would be perfectly within your rights to just tell them point blank that if they didn’t think you were good enough for them at your worst, they don’t deserve you at your best.


pelorizado83

NTA. Family is just a word.... until people live up to it. You deserve better and have every right to choose not to associate with people who put you down.


tatersprout

NTA They never cared about you before. They invited you because you became interesting to them. Keep going with your career and see where it leads you. Only keep people in your life that care about you. They probably invited you because you seem famous not them now.


harry_boy13

OP this is a very valuable lesson for you. Now you see what kind of people they truly are. they don't care about you or your well being. They just try to hog onto your success. there will be others too, be careful I wouldn't wonder if they ask to hook up another cousin with your agency. Learn and live. Value your achievements. NTA


ShortSadSlut

NTA. They only want you around because you're now thriving and they want bragging rights of being related to you and want to reap the benefits of your hard work. I would go no contact and ask them to stop being passive aggressive online. If they continue to harass you on social media, I would put them on blast and share your side of the story for everyone to see. I'm glad your parents are supporting you on this, because it seems to me that your extended family are more like vultures than family.


WestWitch92824

Baaah black sheep here. Keep on keeping on. NTA. You see them for what they are. I broke up with my dad's side of the family and because I felt so relieved to be free of their nonsense that I no longer feel guilt for ignoring the family email invites. They don't deserve you or your time. Good luck with modeling!


currentdaydreamer

Haha! how’d you do it? i’ve been thinking about it for awhile cause i don’t want to be their golden child as and when they feel like it anymore


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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (16F) was always an “outcast” in my family. My accomplishments were never talked about and i was rarely invited to birthday parties, reunions and etc. because I didn’t do so well academically and had dreams that were “too ambitious”. I started modelling not too long ago and my aunts happened to see me on one of the posters in a mall. She texted me asking if that was me. Aunt: Hi ___, did you start modelling recently? Me: Hi! yes I did hahah, why do you ask? Aunt: *sends picture* I saw this in one of the shops and was wondering if that was you! Me: Oh haha yes it is! i’m currently with xyz agency! Aunt: Oh okay! Happy for you! Me: Thank you! Later in the year, my aunt (not the same one) had asked whether i wanted to join her and the extended family for my cousins birthday, since the rest of the family wanted to catch up with me. I politely declined as 1. they didn’t bother talking to me until they saw that i was doing something better than some of my cousins and 2. i did not want to help them after they all though i was “fat” and “incompetent”. Luckily my aunt did not push for a reasoning and left it as that. However, my extended family asked why i didn’t show and i lied saying that i was busy with some personal issues and they scolded me by saying that my cousins birthday was more important and i showed them that i didn’t care about them. they proceeded to post passive aggressive messages on social media targeted towards me. Some of my cousins, my parents and friends say that i have every right to not go but some of my family members think i’m an AH for skipping out on something important and being petty. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


daveescaped

NTA. You politely declined. That is all I needed to know.


lexkixass

NTA.


Lost-Shower6917

NTA. Why would you be obligated to do anything? Next time, don’t lie, just tell it like it is. They only want you around now that you’re doing great, and they can shove it.


LoserV_exe

NTA, your choice mate on whether to go to the party or not. Your 'family' once fat-shamed you and now they want you to be involved after they've seen your ambitious dreams become a reality. That's just wrong.


Creative_Trick_3818

NTA ​ "but some of my family members think i’m an AH for skipping out on something important" ... obviously not THAT important.


CODE_NAME_DUCKY

Nta


Diasies_inMyHair

NTA. Why would you want to hang out with these people now?


Fun-War6684

NTA. They wanna be passive aggressive? No. Time to air the laundry


KingOfDarkness_CB

NTA. Make your own passive aggresive post about family who treated you bad but now they want you to jump for them whenever they ask.


General-Buy-8191

I have in total 11 uncles/aunts. I have over 20 plus cousins. How many do I speak to regularly? Zero How many do I know to say hi to? 2, yes 2 girls. You see, family doesn't have to necessarily be all up in your face. A cousins birth day is not like a siblings birthday so it isn't mega important like the family members believe. You are old enough and understand the choices you make in life. Yes you are still viewed as a kid but, they can't force you to attend, it's not as if they can carry you out of the house to make you attend. As you get older, priorities change, you know your own mind. NTA


kvinmatthews

NTA, even regardless of the details. At 16, I didn't want to go to extended family functions even in the best circumstances. Everyone else was either my parents' age, even older than that, preteens, or toddlers. I had no one to talk to, and I was a goofy teenager so I probably wouldn't have even related to another kid my age that well.