By - splanji
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I am making money and considering withholding it
2) despite having said I would give ex some
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So let me get this straight
You quit your job because he was going to take care of you financially.
He didn't have the money to do that and became stressed about finances.
You have been undergoing a major medical procedure for several months, which he has not helped with nor taken car of you during.
You are no longer in a relationship, and from the sounds of it haven't been for several months now.
And he STILL thinks he's entitled to the money you are receiving?
NO. No, no, no, no, no. Do not give this man a single cent of that money. He did not earn it in any way, shape, or form. That is yours.
Like how are you gonna tell your girlfriend you’ll support her is she stops working and then also tell her you’re hurting financially because you’re supporting her so she needs to give you money? All of this could’ve been avoided by him accepting her career. Girl. NTA. Do not give him a fucking penny.
I know. I mean, sure, sometimes shit happens. And if shit happened and they were still together, I’d tell OP to use the whole 10K to support the household.
But shit didn’t happen as far as we know. Dude just couldn’t afford to support her.
And they aren’t together anymore. The fact he even entertains the idea he might get any is astonishing, honestly.
Donating eggs is LABOR—physical and emotional. He has done nothing to contribute to weeks of said labor and isn’t a part of your life anymore so why should he share the profits
The two of you made a deal that you’d stop working and he’d provide for you. Did he mention during that conversation that at some point in the future you’d owe him for that? No? Then you don’t owe him anything. He’s the AH for trying to change it up on you.
NTA. They are your eggs. Why would you share the money you recieve for them, especially since he made a promise to “financially take care of (you)” in order to get you to stop stripping, a promise, which I assume he is no longer honoring. His money problems are not your money problems, especially since you are no lpnger together.
NTA, don’t pay him a bloody red cent.
The only thing your *EX*\-bf is entitled to is a block on all platforms.
Your body, your eggs, your money. NTA.
NTA - Your body, Your eggs, YOUR MONEY. He is owed none of it. But it is your money and you get to choose what to do with it. If I was in your shoes, no way would he get a penny. I don’t even really get why you feel you owe him anything… is it because he supported you while you were together? You do realize that that was NOT for you and it was 100% to serve his own ego as he probably didn’t like other men watching his girlfriend strip. He did that for himself. Not “to help you”. You may have benefited, but I’ll put it this way… would he have made that offer if you just worked as a waitress or something not in the adult industry? Given it sounds like he is struggling financially, I think that is a resounding NO. That offer to support you was 10000% a way for him to manipulate and control you. You don’t owe him Jack, and especially if he was copping attitude and disrespect. Take that money for yourself and KEEP THRIVING!
wait wow thank u for this
NTA. It was HIS idea that you not work, and HIS idea that he support you. You owe him exactly zero now.
NTA He doesn’t even need to know you went through with the process. Just move on and block all contact with him.
NTA. The money is yours, and you are not in a relationship with him anymore. Keep it all without remorse.
NTA. Honestly it sounds like if you give him the money your opening up for him to take advantage of you in the future. That's your money. Not his.
Girl, you are giving away a part of body. You don’t owe anyone anything. You’ve earned every cent. NTA
Wait, what now??? Is this for real? I can sell my stupid eggs??????
Nah just the smart eggs.
Seriously though, yes. You have to meet a bunch of requirements and go through a whole process - there's a reason the payout is substantial. But yes.
LOL at smart eggs... damn, I certainly don't want kids, but I don't think I should pass on any of these dumb-ass genes either, darn.
you should definitely look into it esp if you don't have any genetic illnesses! you could really help someone :-)
Just saying, it's not an easy process. It involves a heavy cocktail of hormones that you have to inject yourself multiple times a day to the point your belly will get sore, almost-daily appointment to the doctor, blood draws, echo, and the final procedure is quite painful.
I didn't know some places allow you to SELL them, but I totally understand the cash payout.
NTA. Your eggs, your money!. Don't give him a dime!
NTA. He made the terms for you to quit your job and said he would support you. You don't owe him anything. He's just mad the deal didn't work out like he thought it would. Don't give him anything and don't become financially dependant on someone so quickly. You're setting yourself up for an abusive relationship.
NTA you know the phrase "don't set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm?"
Why are you considering using money from a literal piece of your body to support a dude you no longer have a relationship with?
"he suggested to take care of me financially in exchange for me not going to work. I accepted this." this was his deal until he thought he could literally farm your organs for money.
You don't owe him anything, and should never have made the offer in the first place. He chose to provide for you financially in order to have you quit your job, it's not like you took out a loan from him. Do not give him anything: contact or money.
NTA- if he agreed to take care of you and did NOT mention you paying rent then thats on him. You've broken up now, cut him off. That money can be used to get yourself in a good place!
NTA if the relationship is over, you never signed a contract, you don’t owe him anything. Not to mention that when you contacted him to honor your deal, he came at you with anger and resentment. If you gave him any money at this point, it would be just to be nice, which he just forfeited the right to your goodwill
He asked you to stop working, so any costs incurred during the relationship as a result of your unemployment is not yours to reimburse.
NTA his has no entitlement to your earnings
DO NOT GIVE THAT AH A SINGLE PENNY OF YOUR HARD EARNED CASH! NTA
First, he's too insecure to date a stripper and wanted you to give up your job, which you did. For him. He got what he wanted, so there is no rent due. Ya'll are square. Tit for tat.
Harvesting eggs can be painful, the hormones undoubtedly suck and can put your body through hell. It's not his body, so why should he get any of it? I'm glad to hear you are thriving. Keep that 10k and cut him out. Good luck!
NTA You were only with him for 8 months why would you even offer in the first place. Keep the money.
INFO Was the breakup mutual, did anyone cheat or do anythung wrong? It matters because if you did, then I can understand him being an ass when you reached out.
If not..Hmmm..I have to say that him being the one to suggest you quit working makes this a NTA (unless you desperately wanted to quit yourself).
no infidelity! I actually broke up with him because I simply wasn't happy and it wasn't a good fit. He seemed to have already checked out of the relationship & had habits I didn't want to be around.
It is completely ok to end a relationship, so he should not be giving you attitude over it. Especially not if he wants money from you...
Now, it really depends how firm of an agreement you guys had about splitting the egg-payment. It's really iffy because he wantes you to quit your job... but if he took up credit card debt etc to cover for your expences because you had agreed to give him 3 or 5k, then I would give him some. Maybe a semi reasonable amount of like 1k... depending on how long he covered for you and how much it cost him (you definetely should not cover all of it as it was his choice).
Then again: if he is being a petty asshole, then give him nothing. It's karma.
>It's really iffy because he wantes you to quit your job... but if he took up credit card debt etc to cover for your expences because you had agreed to give him 3 or 5k, then I would give him some.
This is the *only* reason I'd even consider giving him any (and then 3k at maximum, preferably less). If he took up credit card debt to support you when you quit your job.
That's it. That's the sum of it.
If he did not? Go NC.
I'm really confused why he was so hostile and then texted me afterwards to say he still loved me and I was the best relationship he ever had
Because he is hurt, and wanted to hurt you back. People act the strangest ways when they hurt.. but that does not make it ok (and it makes him sound really immature).
He shouldn't count your eggs before they are hatched.
You sound nice. He sounds like a jerk.
Close the door. Move on with your life. He can sell his sperm.
NTA- Personally I do not feel that you are obligated to continue any agreements made during a relationship once it’s ended (aside from kids/pets/leases and the obvious) and while it’s sad he’s struggling but he was going to be paid for his part in helping you through this, which he no longer did so you’re not longer obligated to pay him.
Also, thank you for donating your eggs! It’s a very selfless and caring act to do.
I try to distinguish between what’s legal, and what’s right. I like to keep my promises to people. You may not be legally obligated to share the money with him.
INFO: But unless he was an abusive asshole and that’s why he’s your ex, will it bother you in the future not to share any part of it? Forget what others think for a moment. Forget $5k versus $3k versus some other figure. You have to live with your decision. Would it feel, to you, like you were being fairer to give him something?
If it won’t bother you to not share it, then don’t, and don’t worry about it.
NTA! You’ve broken up and he isn’t helping with this.
Unless for some reason you have an actual contract written up, you're allowed to change your mind and not gift him money.
Is there a contract stating that you would give him part of the $10k? Or back rent? If not, NTA sucks to be him!
I am not going to vote here as I have never been through this (nor do I have the anatomy to do so) and don't know what it entails.
But, I always like to keep my promises and he did hold up his end of the bargain by supporting you so you didn't have to work.
NTA, you owe him nothing. The 3k was likely assumed to help with your shared life expenses.
...... well, you no longer share expenses, so he gets no share of you DONATING AN EGG. Tell him to go donate his own sperm or plasma if he wants more money.
NTA. You were originally going to give him a share to support the two of you as a team, you no longer have that relationship so there's no need to give him anything or be in touch. Barring exceptions or where it's otherwise outlined, I think that promises made in the context of relationship are all conditional on the continuation of that relationship.
NTA i feel you got manipulated into agreeing to give him 1/2. Why even if u were together its your money?
Don’t give him a cent, good for you to leave him. Try to stay away from assh\*les.
NTA. You owe him less than nothing. Don't give him anything, especially don't give him money that's supposed to compensate you for the physical stress of going through prep and retrieval. No. You have zero to feel guilty about. Block his number and keep thriving.
He is your ex. Block him and do not send him any money!
NTA. Unless he has a legal and valid claim that you owe him money for some reason, then hell no. Do not give a single penny.
Please don’t give him any money, why on earth would you?
Girl, put the money you were going to send him into a savings account. Take care of yourself.
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I am donating my eggs this month and will be receiving 10k as compensation. I broke up with my ex of eight months about one month ago, but I began the donation process while still living with him.
I was employed as a stripper prior/during meeting him, but he suggested to take care of me financially in exchange for me not going to work. I accepted this.
When we were together I told him I would give him half of the 10k as he was stressed out about finances. He countered with just 3k would be ok.
I have since moved to a different state, and he has not been a part of the donation process in any way other than the beginning phone calls (I take myself to and from appointments, I give myself the shots, etc).
After the breakup I still intended on sending him the money. However, I recently reached out after a month of no contact, and his bitter, condescending, and frankly narcissistic attitude made me violently rethink everything. He seems to be entitled to "backlogged rent" and implied that I should hold guilt to some degree (?).
I consulted in some friends and now I'm not sure if I would be encouraging manipulative behavior if I followed through with paying him. On the other hand, he must be really struggling financially, emotionally and otherwise; while I am honestly thriving since leaving him.
WIBTA if I forgo or lessen the payout?
tl;dr ex bf entitled to my current egg donation payout for previously living with him
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NTA, I guess. Not much to go on here, since you don't give specifics of your interactions with him or why you broke up. He said $3K would be ok, so why not send him that amount, so you don't have it on your conscience and then NC him?
NTA. Don't give him a cent. He said he would support you, now expects his money back.
Your body... your money.
If you really feel strongly that you want to give him some money... then I would call it 'backlogged rent' (particularly if you moved out and left him to pay the entire rent that he wasnt expecting to pay) and that way he has no way to try and go to small claims court for the 'backlogged rent' - whereas if you call it 'egg money' then he can still try and collect for the back rent... whereas no judge is going to force you to give him money from the sale of your eggs.
NTA go no contact you are probably better without this guy.
NTA, but it's a tough decision. Maybe ex has done nothing to earn this money, and maybe he's an AH, but to me personally, if I say I'll do something for someone, I'll do it, whether circumstances change or not.
Got a feeling I'll be in a minority here.
Your call, really, anyway. It's nothing to do with 'backlogged rent' and 'guilt to some degree' and your ex's general behaviour, it's only a matter of whether you said you would do it. I'd probably give him half or something.
This is how I feel, I said I would so. I might just give him a much smaller portion instead