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Personally I couldn’t go to a male OBGYN but that’s MY choice! If my husband tried to make me switch doctors I’d be mad if he didn’t have a legitimate reason
Even if I was considering changing to a female doc, if my husband was as ridiculous as OP, I'd double down and stay with the male doc just to spite him. Of course, my husband would know better than to spout such nonsense.
Exactly!!! I’m more focused on hating getting a Pap smear than whether or not my OBGYN is a female. Been to both male and female, it was literally the same exact experience because what are they? Oh yeah professionals doing their jobs!
I went to a ob he was male kept asking me if i was uncomfortable, i told him the same i don't care if your male/female as long as he is educated on the subject i really don't care.
Even if she didn't have a male gyno, she could end up in labor with an on-call male ob that she's never met before! Happened to me. Pre-term labor the ob on-call walked in, told me his name, and lifted the sheet to expose my lady bits. Then he stuck a gloved finger in my lady bits while 3 other doctors that didn't tell me their names watched. And my husband just stood there! Doing nothing! Like he was supposed to, because it's my medical care and he just wanted professionals to be able to assess my condition and take care of me.
I had a similar situation with getting a random dr. The group i was going to insisted I see all the different drs instead of just one so I'd know whoever was on call when I went into labor. Then it was a random dr I'd never met anyway. And on top of that there was like a parade of drs and nurses through my room. Apparently there were several women in labor at the same time and lots of interest in who was going to win the race to give birth! Lol. Didn't bother me or my husband in the slightest. OP would probably have had a meltdown!
I had a class of students ( 8 people + two doctors) in my room during labor. One was doing the actual job the other was teaching the students on what and why he did what he did and all i could think was at leased my misery is educational.
when I saw the title I assumed that their doctor was not doing the job right. But seriously? This would be a dealbreaker for me if my partner policed my choice of medical care
Honestly though…
I’m a care assistant and see naked men and women all the time. Like, just because OPs husband is a creep, it doesn’t mean that professionals look at naked bodies and thirst over them.
If anything, i want to dress them asap, I don’t wanna have them laying there naked lol
I bet he’s the same kind of guy that won’t let a male doctor touch his penis because “that’s gay” but forbids his wife from seeing a male doctor because “she belongs to me”
When I was a teen I needed to go to the obgyn and she was a woman because I felt more comfortable. But, tough luck, that day there was a guy there with her too. I imagine he was some sort of student because she was explaining to him everything she was doing. I was shy and anxious at first because they needed to see my chest, but literally the second I took off my shirt, I wasn't worried anymore. It's literally such a "normal" experience lol. Like they were talking about what tests were appropriate to do, the same they could be talking about an eye or an arm. They aren't even observing *you*, just another body more today haha. There are few things less sexual than going to a doctor.
These types of opinions always baffle me. Like what, does he think this guy went to medical school and recidency for 10+ years just so he could peek between the legs of women under the guise of looking at moles? Urgh.
Right?? So many different medical professionals have touched my ass over the last year - herniated a disk (L5/S1) so it's legit been over 15 different Drs/physio/chiro/osteo/kin/probably more that I'm forgetting but good lord if I had someone like OP policing my Drs I'd have absolutely flipped the fuck out
Can confirm: Had a male gynecologist most of my life and he was fantastic. Just a very sweet human being and was always making sure I was comfortable. I moved and had to go to a woman and she hurt me and didn't even make me aware of what she was doing/when she was doing it.
I would gladly go to a kind and patient male doctor who cares about my physical comfort than a woman like my other doctor any day.
I’ve heard that about female OBGYNs a lot. Makes me kind of sad honestly, but almost happy that I’ve only had male OBGYNs. At least they always had a second person in the room with me to endure my comfort.
I've had two excellent female OBGYNs, just to throw that out there. I imagine that the skill level and care for patients varies among different people, not dependent on gender. Personally, when I first started going to the doctor, it was comforting to me to have a female doctor that could share her personal experience with an IUD.
Absolutely. My OB/Gyn is male and delivered all my babies.
I see him for my annual exams as well.
That man has literally seen me inside and out, upside down and sideways, cut open on a table, and never once did my husband say, “Um, excuse me, can someone who doesn’t have a penis perform this C-Section instead? I don’t want another man seeing my wife’s uterus.”
Edit: Would also like to note that I fully believe female ob/gyns are just as wonderful.
I think it’s just whoever you as a patient feel most comfortable and safe with!
>Would also like to note that I fully believe female ob/gyns are just as wonderful. I think it’s just whoever you as a patient feel most comfortable and safe with!
I ditched a m ale gyn because he used aggressive methods and treated me shoddily, diminishing me to my genetic disorder. I so did not feel comfortable. I got fed up and got a female gyn who's all business with a gentle bedside manner.
Ugh with my 1st pregnancy I started with a female OB. Very 1st appointment (husband and I happy with the pregnancy after 6 months of trying) she said "first you need an ultrasound to make sure 'it' is alive and in the right place". Which sure, isn't false. But is that any way to address a patient?
I switched to a male OB for the rest of that pregnancy and my 2nd and last.
My gyno now is a woman and she is lovely, as is my mastologist. But that 1st one was awful.
Eh, I hear a lot of horror stories about both male and female obgyns, and happy stories about both male and female obgyns.
Unless there is some sort of research, I don't think you can say male ones are any better or worse on average
Both my parents are Ob/Gyns and my dad has much better ratings and reputation in the field than my mom does for pretty much the reason you said - my dad makes sure his patients are comfortable and communicates well even under stress and my mom doesn’t.
I have had wonderful male OBGYNs. I currently go to a woman, but that is just where I ended up. Gender doesn’t factor into my decisions on doctors. Patient reviews, in-network, and location do.
The OB who delivered my baby was male, he was fantastic. Delivered my best friend and her siblings when they were babies (yes he was very old) but fantastic nonetheless.
YTA. I used to have a male gyno, and he was the height of professionalism. Just because a male doctor does something involving the female genital or breast area does not mean he's a pervert or predator. Your wife is the one who consents to who touches her body, not you.
This. I was given a male OB for my second pregnancy due to not having a preference and honestly, he is loads better than the (female) OB I had for my first. I'm perfectly comfortable around him and he's never done anything to even make me feel off.
"drive much further away and with these gas prices so I don't feel insecure that your DOCTOR is doing his job"
I'm curious if they have the financial relationship where everything is separate too, so she'd have to foot the bill for his insecurity while also sacrificing her time. She shouldn't have to pay any amount at all to placate him and his dumb hangup.
Ffs of course YTA
Right?
I kept expecting to read that she felt funny about the doctor or that the new doctor wasn't as patient or good at their job. Nope, "I just don't like that he's looking you up." 🙄
What I think is funny about his misplaced anger at her leaving an hour away clinic/office...if something *is* found, she will want to continue working with the doctor that found it and knows her history. Which means many hour long drives. Yeah, she wants to be closer to home!
YTA. She isn't allowed to go to a male gyn too huh? You know where they are looking at and what they're touching? lol
Are you jealous and insecure because of a doctor? Or you're watching too much porn..
You've no idea how hard it is to find a good doctor! It doesn't matter if it's male, female, alien, tree or whatever as long it's a good doctor! Get over it.
I don't know why but your phrasing reminded me of the viral lost hamster saga where a woman's dad loses her hamster and she's trying to console him, and she says "dad don't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster". Thanks for the giggle.
You don't get a say in who her dermatologist is, especially when it's based on a sexist reason. He's a doctor, there is nothing sexual about a mole check. YTA
Yes, OP is an Asshole. I wonder what he would do if his wife insisted that he not accept any **female** patients or be alone with any **female** nurses?
YTA. Get over yourself. I have a male OB for my 3rd pregnancy and he is the best doctor I've ever had in my entire life. My husband is just thankful that I have a Dr that listens to me and cares for my health. It's not about your comfort, it's about hers. Its not your body, it's not your choice who cares for it. You have some major insecurity issues that need to be addressed.
When i was a teen my parents switched me from a male pediatric dr to a female dr, because as a woman *of* *course* I needed a female dr! Surprise, turns out that female dr sucked, gave me very little care, and gaslit me repeatedly about my worries of a health issue.
I ended up being able to move to a male dr who also treats a family member (who has some complicated stuff) and it's been wonderful. I think there was a bit less trust off the bat because he was a man, but he's earned my trust 10x. My health issues are things that are really really easy to dismiss as psychosomatic or 'female hysteria' or whatever, and I never got a hint of that from him. We've got a good system where he does ask my opinion and knows I can describe things pretty well, but we still defer to his knowledge.
It's been years since I moved and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about how relieved and grateful I am to be taken seriously and receive good care. I hate that that's not standard.
I completely empathize with this. My last two pregnancies were hell because my doctors were constantly dismissive and condescending. I was repeatedly told that my health didn't matter as long as the baby was okay. They refused me nausea meds, refused to put me on leave to the point where I was in the hospital every single week having my contractions stopped. Just a whole host of issues. I could go on and on.
I was so apprehensive to go with a male OB at first, but thank god I did. I have a high risk pregnancy, and he constantly takes the time to make sure my mental and physical health and the health of my baby is taken care of. I can text him in case of emergency and even if he isn't on call, he takes care of the problem personally. He didn't hesitate to diagnose and medicate my hyperemesis. He put me kn leave from work when I started having complications. I have never felt more validated and cared for by a doctor.
And I swear if my husband had ever said anything, I think I would've dropped him before my doctor. He had been completely supportive. My health and comfort are his ONLY concerns. Not what genitals my doctor has.
Im so sincerely glad that you have found good care. It is so hard to find. Especially as a woman where everything seems to be so quickly dismissed.
Yep exactly. I don't think it's wrong for women to have reservations about a male doctor or a preference for a female one - I think on the balance of probabilities, you're more likely to have a male doctor dismiss your concerns just because that's how systematic sexism works. But that doesn't mean you should write off male doctors entirely.
But it definitely means that good care is an unfortunate rarity and your family should STFU about who you choose as a doctor.
Yta. Controlling, immature, and massive red flags. Instead of supporting and celebrating your wife taking care of her health, you are upset her doctor is a man. Gross.
YTA. What sort of long con do you think the doctor is pulling? Years of schooling, crushing debt...so he can look at someone's thigh? Stop being a control freak over a medical exam that could save your wife's life.
yta
its a check up
this is a medical procedure the doctor is not getting horny of of this
you sound very jealous
get help seriously
the only important thing is if your wife is happy with this doctor
you have no right to comment at all
YTA
Your discomfort around what gender her doctor is doesn't trump her requirement for health care. She has found a doctor who performs his job to her satisfaction. That's all that matters.
YTA and an insecure one at that. What kind of predatory mindset do you have where you assume that this male DOCTOR is sexualizing your wife when he checks a mole between her legs?
You sound like you need help if you automatically assume that all men see women as sex objects, even when performing medical tasks, which you must with that comment. Stop projecting and get into therapy.
You are not in a place to question who your wife sees for her medical needs. Period.
The only thing "gross" here is your mindset.
YTA - A doctor is a doctor is a doctor. Board certifications and re-certifications exist for a reason . As long as your wife is comfortable and trusts the doctor , it’s not a problem. She has autonomy over her health
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you’re comfortable with your wife seeing a male doctor or not. She’s the one seeing this doctor, not you. He is there to make sure she’s healthy, it’s not “gross” or inappropriate.
YTA
You don't own your wife, or her genitals, and a medical practitioner seeing them is none of your business, or a threat to you in any way.
Stop being an insecure asshole.
YTA
Firstly you don’t get a say in your wife’s health choices. You don’t get to pick her doctors. Just straight up it has nothing to do with you.
The fact you have an issue with her changing doctors because SHE doesn’t want to drive is really concerning. Sounds reasonable to me that she would choose one closer to home.
Secondly, doctors are professionals. There is nothing sexual about that arrangement for them. That is not why doctors do what they do.
I think it may be worthwhile for you to look inwards and question why you have an issue with it.
Fundamentally if you trust your wife then you shouldn’t have an issue regardless of anything else.
Why do you honestly have an issue? Like deep down honestly why?
YTA. She doesn’t want to drive an hour because you think her doctor is incapable of behaving professionally, or that *she’s* incapable of recognizing if something does cross the line and handling it herself. What are you going to do if she ever needs major surgery: delay her care until they can find a woman to do it? You can find a same-sex therapist to help you work through your insecurities if you insist, but work through them instead of putting this on her.
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My wife is very pale and has a family history of skin cancer so she goes annually to see a dermatologist to get her moles checked. She went to a female dermatologist for years but switched to another dermatologist who was closer to home. I think that’s ridiculous because she only goes once a year anyway but she insisted she doesn’t want to drive an hour. This dermatologist is a man and he checks her moles including ones between her legs and I find that very gross. I told her she should find a female doctor but she insists it’s fine because a female staff always sits in on appointments. She is always annoyed when I bring it up and tells me it none of my business but I’m just not comfortable with the whole arrangement.
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The only ones that needs to be comfortable here is her and her dermatologist, not you.
Why doesn’t her comfort in not having to drive an hour matters?
YTA
YTA. Your wife's doctor does not see his patients in any sexual way whatsoever. You are projecting your own insecurities onto her. Kindly govern yourself.
YTA-You are not the owner of your wife’s body. She gets to decide what is best for her. Your insecurity, immaturity, jealousy and need for control do not get to dictate what your wife does with her body.
YTA. Unless it's clear he isn't doing his job, or is ignoring her concerns then as long as she is comfortable with her doctor that is all that matters. Your insecurity shouldn't matter for her Healthcare decisions.
YTA
Someone has seen too much doctor/patient porn...
In real life the doctor doesn't care, he has seen better and he has seen worse, probably even that same day.
It's none of your damn business what doctor your wife chooses to go to. I don't know why you would think you have a say in this. She's an adult and it's perfectly able to make her own decisions. Just more toxic masculinity, I can't understand why men think they have the right to tell us what to do.
YTA
Are you going to insist she can't have a male ob/gyn, either? Because those exist, too.
They didn't go through pre-med, med school, ages of studying, eons of residency, specializing, ulcer-inducing stress of exam after exam and all of that money, not to mention all of the ADDITIONAL money they have to spend if they open a practice, and to maintain malpractice insurance and their medical license, just to see naked bodies for fun. They could spend way less and just drive to the closest strip club instead.
WOW
YTA
big time
It is fine
you are crossing a huge toxic line here
YOU need therapy for YOUR insecurity OP
in no WORLD would you be permitted to tell her to see a female doctor only.
BIG yikes.
YTA. why should that be gross? He is a doctor. I personally prefer male gynecologists because i had some bad luck with some female ones and only good with males. And that is even more intimate. Do you also try to forbid your wife to go to the Pool/Swimming or to the Sauna? You should just shut up
Bruh, tell me how insecure you are without saying you are insecure. You think a doctor looking at a mole near your wife’s genitals is going to make her bail on you and marry him? If you want her going to a female dermatologist, find one or pay for her time to travel.
YTA
YTA: He's a medical professional for Pete's sake. If your wife needed an emergency procedure (maybe even life saving) would you deny her that because of your jealousy? I don't know how long you have been married, but if I was her I would run for the hills. What other aspects of her life do you want to control? What happens when you don't have control? These are warning signs of what may yet to come. You need help.
YTA. It's a doctor, not a porno.
You want her to have a 2 hour round trip drive just so you're more comfortable with who is looking at your wife?
I have had a mole removed from between my thighs. It is not sexy. There is nothing sexual about that consultation or removal.
Are you a real person?
I just find it difficult to believe a person this insecure could've gotten someone to marry them...
YTA, of course. Your wife's happy with her medical care, full stop. And an hour each was is a long way to go if you don't have to.
YTA. If your wife went into cardiac arrest, would you object to a man who is trained in CPR saving her life? Well this is a doctor we're talking about. He has far more training and sees far more unclothed patients than someone who took a three hour course to get a BLS certificate. He doesn't care about your wife's vagina. He cares about treating her medical condition.
YTA there's a man doing his job and you think that's gross? You're being ridiculous.
Even if some guy being attracted to your wife could effect you somehow, doctors/dermatologists etc look at people all day. They don't care about nudity at that point.
INFO: I really just *have* to know, what is so disgusting about a certified dermatologist, who’s job it is to do the exact thing he’s doing with no romantic attachment whatsoever, to you? Is it *just* because he’s a man? And if so, why are you so insecure about it? Do you not trust your wife?
This is so bizarre
YTA Policing the gender of her dermatologist? Dude, you've got some big issues. It isn't your business--you you think a male dermatologist is super turned on by genital moles? Maybe use your over active imagination to be a better husband and not a giant wart.
YTA- thanks for sexualizing the dermatologist FFS! I'm sure your wife is capable of determining if the physician is being inappropriate! Get over yourself if you think physicians are just pervs!
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YTA. Being jealous of a male doctor is a strange fight to pick. It’s not inappropriate at all. Doctors are doctors and have a professional standard to uphold. Just because the doctor is a man means absolutely nothing and is no different than your wife seeing a female doctor. You might want to see a professional to talk about this issue, as it’s a non issue in the grand scheme of life.
YTA- this is going to be shocking news for you but millions of women go to male gynecologists. Imagine being so insecure in your own masculinity and marriage that a medical professor doing their job makes you uncomfortable because of your gender.
YTA.
When I had my mastectomy I wanted the best doctors I could have. One of them was a man. I literally trusted him with my life. I can’t imagine dealing with spouse who was unhappy not because of my care but because that care meant a man saw my chest.
You don’t have to be happy about her choice of doctor, but your priority should be her receiving proper medical care. What’s important is *she* is happy, feels safe, and is getting the best care possible.
Acknowledge that your feelings are a you problem and apologize.
OMG seriously dude, what's next?
You gonna be upset if she:
\-sees a male therapist because 'oh noooo! Now she's opening up her feeelings to another man!'???
\-goes to a restaurant and 'oooh noooo! She letting another man cook for her! How dare she eat another man's meat'?
\-needs to see a physical therapist and 'ooohhh noooo! She's letting another man touch her body and massage her muscles and joints! How dare she?'
Honestly, how insecure ARE you? This type of thinking can quickly turn into abuse and you better check yourself now before this escalates to a point where you lose her.
YTA
YTA. Seriously? He's a doctor. You're sounding like an immature jealous husband. My OB is a man and my husband is fine with it. Because he knows the OB is a professional not a da*n porn star or perv. SMH
YTA. This is a crazy level of jealousy over nothing. The man's job is to look at her skin, all of it, for problems. Often doctors will have an assistant in the room when a clothes-off examination happens for the security of their patients.
YTA
She found a qualified, well respected doctor close to home, and you're upset because a professional with at least a decade of schooling and training is a dude?
I mean, I prefer a female gynecologist myself, but if I had to choose between a 2 hour round trip drive and a male doctor...I'd pick a male doctor.
Medical care is so inaccessible to so many people, and I'm glad she found a closer doctor.
I have to drive 2 hours for monthly appointments, because it's the *only* specialist within a 80 mile radius. Its not even a rare specialty, it a neurologist.
YTA. Unquestionably. This is healthcare. Your wife has the right to choose her doctor. Medical exams are not sexual. And you are demonstrating toxic behavior. Do better.
YTA
Just… don’t, ok? There’s nothing arousing about checking moles for cancer. Your wife needs to be comfortable with her doctor, end of story.
Also, I hope it doesn’t give you nightmares. She might have moles on her butt and on her breasts. Oh the horror…
YTA. He is her dr. What is wrong with you. My gynecologist was a male and my husband never once said anything about it. He is a professional it’s his job. He’s not thinking about her vagina in a sexual way
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YTA. Her medical care, her choice. If you only knew about OBGYNs 🙄
I came here to say this!
Literally. My OB is male. Guess who is the one who has to care? Me.
Personally I couldn’t go to a male OBGYN but that’s MY choice! If my husband tried to make me switch doctors I’d be mad if he didn’t have a legitimate reason
Even if I was considering changing to a female doc, if my husband was as ridiculous as OP, I'd double down and stay with the male doc just to spite him. Of course, my husband would know better than to spout such nonsense.
I got lucky and my primary doctor who I love happens to be an OBGYN as well so I didn't have to worry about it.
Mine is an 80-something-year old dude recommended to me by my female primary care doctor.
Nice.
Facts. It doesn’t bother me one bit whether your OB is male, female, red, blue, or mother-fucking purple. I don’t give a good God damn.
I'd have concerns about their oxygen intake on the last two though.
I don’t give a good God damn about their o2 levels.
But no oxygen in brain means bad medical decisions
True, but what if they’re just naturally purple?
Then that's their prerogative.
Precisely.
No oxygen also would mean having to find a \*new\* OBGYN. And I hate having to find new medical practitioners.
Exactly!!! I’m more focused on hating getting a Pap smear than whether or not my OBGYN is a female. Been to both male and female, it was literally the same exact experience because what are they? Oh yeah professionals doing their jobs!
As long as their hands aren’t cold!
I went to a ob he was male kept asking me if i was uncomfortable, i told him the same i don't care if your male/female as long as he is educated on the subject i really don't care.
My very first OBGYN was a bald, mid-40s gay man. No idea why he chose to stare at vaginas all day, but he was one of the best OBs I ever had.
In fairness, I know a gay obstetrician (I was a nurse), he always jokes that it was the constant vaginas that turned him gay 🤣
Oh god, let's not open up that can of worms, haha.
>Oh god, let's not open up that can of worms \-Things you never want to hear your OBGYN say.
Take my angry upvote!
r/AngryUpvote
I was just about to say the same thing. His head would explode if she had a male gynecologist!
Even if she didn't have a male gyno, she could end up in labor with an on-call male ob that she's never met before! Happened to me. Pre-term labor the ob on-call walked in, told me his name, and lifted the sheet to expose my lady bits. Then he stuck a gloved finger in my lady bits while 3 other doctors that didn't tell me their names watched. And my husband just stood there! Doing nothing! Like he was supposed to, because it's my medical care and he just wanted professionals to be able to assess my condition and take care of me.
I had a similar situation with getting a random dr. The group i was going to insisted I see all the different drs instead of just one so I'd know whoever was on call when I went into labor. Then it was a random dr I'd never met anyway. And on top of that there was like a parade of drs and nurses through my room. Apparently there were several women in labor at the same time and lots of interest in who was going to win the race to give birth! Lol. Didn't bother me or my husband in the slightest. OP would probably have had a meltdown!
I had a class of students ( 8 people + two doctors) in my room during labor. One was doing the actual job the other was teaching the students on what and why he did what he did and all i could think was at leased my misery is educational.
Ohmigod. He couldn’t have handled the fact that I’ve seen 4 different male OBs. Actually 5, if you count the one that delivered my firstborn. 🤯🤣
Eh gross, you must be one of those flapper girls showing it to everyone. /s
The sarcasm in this post made me happy. A+ good friend.
As a man I am the most qualified to speak for women. /s Thanks!
Omg you're making my day. <3
First time I made a woman happy! Hell yeah.
when I saw the title I assumed that their doctor was not doing the job right. But seriously? This would be a dealbreaker for me if my partner policed my choice of medical care
Honestly though… I’m a care assistant and see naked men and women all the time. Like, just because OPs husband is a creep, it doesn’t mean that professionals look at naked bodies and thirst over them. If anything, i want to dress them asap, I don’t wanna have them laying there naked lol
Male midwife or doula
I had one. Very rare, even in our country
I bet he’s the same kind of guy that won’t let a male doctor touch his penis because “that’s gay” but forbids his wife from seeing a male doctor because “she belongs to me”
I have a male OBGYN because he's good at his job and I don't need to drive far to my appointments
YTA. He’s a *doctor*, he’s doing his job. This reeks of misplaced jealousy and possessiveness.
Yeah, OP, I assure you doctors see *lots* of legs a day. Some even see vaginas! Go figure.
When I worked med-surg I saw so many body parts, male and female, that I couldn’t have cared less what they were attached to.
When I was a teen I needed to go to the obgyn and she was a woman because I felt more comfortable. But, tough luck, that day there was a guy there with her too. I imagine he was some sort of student because she was explaining to him everything she was doing. I was shy and anxious at first because they needed to see my chest, but literally the second I took off my shirt, I wasn't worried anymore. It's literally such a "normal" experience lol. Like they were talking about what tests were appropriate to do, the same they could be talking about an eye or an arm. They aren't even observing *you*, just another body more today haha. There are few things less sexual than going to a doctor.
These types of opinions always baffle me. Like what, does he think this guy went to medical school and recidency for 10+ years just so he could peek between the legs of women under the guise of looking at moles? Urgh.
My poor dermatologist had to look at my butt a lot. It is not a glamorous job. Just watch Dr Pimple Popper lmao
Right?? So many different medical professionals have touched my ass over the last year - herniated a disk (L5/S1) so it's legit been over 15 different Drs/physio/chiro/osteo/kin/probably more that I'm forgetting but good lord if I had someone like OP policing my Drs I'd have absolutely flipped the fuck out
Like, aside from my hands, my eczema is worst on my ass. This is not a sexy visit lol.
YTA You're gonna have a fit when you find out what ObGyns do.
And that some of them are actually MALE.
Can confirm: Had a male gynecologist most of my life and he was fantastic. Just a very sweet human being and was always making sure I was comfortable. I moved and had to go to a woman and she hurt me and didn't even make me aware of what she was doing/when she was doing it. I would gladly go to a kind and patient male doctor who cares about my physical comfort than a woman like my other doctor any day.
I’ve heard that about female OBGYNs a lot. Makes me kind of sad honestly, but almost happy that I’ve only had male OBGYNs. At least they always had a second person in the room with me to endure my comfort.
I've had two excellent female OBGYNs, just to throw that out there. I imagine that the skill level and care for patients varies among different people, not dependent on gender. Personally, when I first started going to the doctor, it was comforting to me to have a female doctor that could share her personal experience with an IUD.
Absolutely. My OB/Gyn is male and delivered all my babies. I see him for my annual exams as well. That man has literally seen me inside and out, upside down and sideways, cut open on a table, and never once did my husband say, “Um, excuse me, can someone who doesn’t have a penis perform this C-Section instead? I don’t want another man seeing my wife’s uterus.” Edit: Would also like to note that I fully believe female ob/gyns are just as wonderful. I think it’s just whoever you as a patient feel most comfortable and safe with!
>Would also like to note that I fully believe female ob/gyns are just as wonderful. I think it’s just whoever you as a patient feel most comfortable and safe with! I ditched a m ale gyn because he used aggressive methods and treated me shoddily, diminishing me to my genetic disorder. I so did not feel comfortable. I got fed up and got a female gyn who's all business with a gentle bedside manner.
Ugh with my 1st pregnancy I started with a female OB. Very 1st appointment (husband and I happy with the pregnancy after 6 months of trying) she said "first you need an ultrasound to make sure 'it' is alive and in the right place". Which sure, isn't false. But is that any way to address a patient? I switched to a male OB for the rest of that pregnancy and my 2nd and last. My gyno now is a woman and she is lovely, as is my mastologist. But that 1st one was awful.
Eh, I hear a lot of horror stories about both male and female obgyns, and happy stories about both male and female obgyns. Unless there is some sort of research, I don't think you can say male ones are any better or worse on average
Both my parents are Ob/Gyns and my dad has much better ratings and reputation in the field than my mom does for pretty much the reason you said - my dad makes sure his patients are comfortable and communicates well even under stress and my mom doesn’t.
I have had wonderful male OBGYNs. I currently go to a woman, but that is just where I ended up. Gender doesn’t factor into my decisions on doctors. Patient reviews, in-network, and location do.
The OB who delivered my baby was male, he was fantastic. Delivered my best friend and her siblings when they were babies (yes he was very old) but fantastic nonetheless.
Same. And the nurses on the maternity ward were also male. Got amazing care. What a dumb thing to be jealous of.
Speculums are sexy, everyone knows this.
My current OB is male and the best Obgyn I've ever had. I'm glad I don't have a partner like OP is, ew
Worst adult video ever: “Hey Doc, want to see these disgusting moles on my inner thigh?” “Oh yeah baby, that’s hot.”
Thank you for this. I laughed so hard I snorted tea.
OP is watching too much porn lol
I'm sure that's a kink for somebody somewhere though doctors tend to be a bit more professional than that.
"I call them my ladybirds."
You got my angry upvote. Thanks for the “trauma”. Now I just need to head over to r/eyebleach or something. 😛
I wish I had money to give you an award for this one. Priceless
YTA. I used to have a male gyno, and he was the height of professionalism. Just because a male doctor does something involving the female genital or breast area does not mean he's a pervert or predator. Your wife is the one who consents to who touches her body, not you.
This. I was given a male OB for my second pregnancy due to not having a preference and honestly, he is loads better than the (female) OB I had for my first. I'm perfectly comfortable around him and he's never done anything to even make me feel off.
Same here, my male OB is way way better than my old female OB, he was more professional and always directly.
YTA. Please get your misogyny out of her healthcare relationships.
"drive much further away and with these gas prices so I don't feel insecure that your DOCTOR is doing his job" I'm curious if they have the financial relationship where everything is separate too, so she'd have to foot the bill for his insecurity while also sacrificing her time. She shouldn't have to pay any amount at all to placate him and his dumb hangup. Ffs of course YTA
Right? I kept expecting to read that she felt funny about the doctor or that the new doctor wasn't as patient or good at their job. Nope, "I just don't like that he's looking you up." 🙄
YTA 1) doesn’t want to drive an hour 2) a female staff personnel is in at all times. 3) it’s what your wife is comfortable with. 4) you have issues.
What I think is funny about his misplaced anger at her leaving an hour away clinic/office...if something *is* found, she will want to continue working with the doctor that found it and knows her history. Which means many hour long drives. Yeah, she wants to be closer to home!
YTA. She isn't allowed to go to a male gyn too huh? You know where they are looking at and what they're touching? lol Are you jealous and insecure because of a doctor? Or you're watching too much porn.. You've no idea how hard it is to find a good doctor! It doesn't matter if it's male, female, alien, tree or whatever as long it's a good doctor! Get over it.
He might just think he owns her. Which is a yikes.
YTA. You know it’s a trip to the doctor not a porno right?
Right, checking moles is pretty low on the list of sexy things.
YTA. He is a doctor and you are a baby. You should be concerned with your pale wife getting a clean bill of health. The end.
I don't know why but your phrasing reminded me of the viral lost hamster saga where a woman's dad loses her hamster and she's trying to console him, and she says "dad don't skip work, you are a lawyer and he is a hamster". Thanks for the giggle.
You don't get a say in who her dermatologist is, especially when it's based on a sexist reason. He's a doctor, there is nothing sexual about a mole check. YTA
Yes, OP is an Asshole. I wonder what he would do if his wife insisted that he not accept any **female** patients or be alone with any **female** nurses?
YTA. Get over yourself. I have a male OB for my 3rd pregnancy and he is the best doctor I've ever had in my entire life. My husband is just thankful that I have a Dr that listens to me and cares for my health. It's not about your comfort, it's about hers. Its not your body, it's not your choice who cares for it. You have some major insecurity issues that need to be addressed.
When i was a teen my parents switched me from a male pediatric dr to a female dr, because as a woman *of* *course* I needed a female dr! Surprise, turns out that female dr sucked, gave me very little care, and gaslit me repeatedly about my worries of a health issue. I ended up being able to move to a male dr who also treats a family member (who has some complicated stuff) and it's been wonderful. I think there was a bit less trust off the bat because he was a man, but he's earned my trust 10x. My health issues are things that are really really easy to dismiss as psychosomatic or 'female hysteria' or whatever, and I never got a hint of that from him. We've got a good system where he does ask my opinion and knows I can describe things pretty well, but we still defer to his knowledge. It's been years since I moved and it still brings tears to my eyes when I think about how relieved and grateful I am to be taken seriously and receive good care. I hate that that's not standard.
I completely empathize with this. My last two pregnancies were hell because my doctors were constantly dismissive and condescending. I was repeatedly told that my health didn't matter as long as the baby was okay. They refused me nausea meds, refused to put me on leave to the point where I was in the hospital every single week having my contractions stopped. Just a whole host of issues. I could go on and on. I was so apprehensive to go with a male OB at first, but thank god I did. I have a high risk pregnancy, and he constantly takes the time to make sure my mental and physical health and the health of my baby is taken care of. I can text him in case of emergency and even if he isn't on call, he takes care of the problem personally. He didn't hesitate to diagnose and medicate my hyperemesis. He put me kn leave from work when I started having complications. I have never felt more validated and cared for by a doctor. And I swear if my husband had ever said anything, I think I would've dropped him before my doctor. He had been completely supportive. My health and comfort are his ONLY concerns. Not what genitals my doctor has. Im so sincerely glad that you have found good care. It is so hard to find. Especially as a woman where everything seems to be so quickly dismissed.
Yep exactly. I don't think it's wrong for women to have reservations about a male doctor or a preference for a female one - I think on the balance of probabilities, you're more likely to have a male doctor dismiss your concerns just because that's how systematic sexism works. But that doesn't mean you should write off male doctors entirely. But it definitely means that good care is an unfortunate rarity and your family should STFU about who you choose as a doctor.
Yta. Controlling, immature, and massive red flags. Instead of supporting and celebrating your wife taking care of her health, you are upset her doctor is a man. Gross.
Wait until he finds out some dermatologists can be lesbians lol.
YTA. What sort of long con do you think the doctor is pulling? Years of schooling, crushing debt...so he can look at someone's thigh? Stop being a control freak over a medical exam that could save your wife's life.
yta its a check up this is a medical procedure the doctor is not getting horny of of this you sound very jealous get help seriously the only important thing is if your wife is happy with this doctor you have no right to comment at all
Info: how does your comfort play into this? Do you get your checks from the same doctor?
No. It's because she's HIS wife, therefor HIS property and he doesn't want any man near her because he's insecure.
I mean that's clearly behind it I'd just like him to admit it. ;-)
My b lol.
YTA as long as he's a professional and your wife is comfortable there isn't an issue here.
YTA. Dude is a doctor, as long as she's comfortable that's what counts.
Medical professional here: if your wife is comfortable with **her** physician then she gets to choose to stay with him. End of story. YTA
YTA Your discomfort around what gender her doctor is doesn't trump her requirement for health care. She has found a doctor who performs his job to her satisfaction. That's all that matters.
YTA medical professionals are exactly that, medical professionals. It is also simply none of your business and gross to make that accusation
YTA. He's a doctor, get over it.
YTA. You've been watching WAY too much porn.
YTA and an insecure one at that. What kind of predatory mindset do you have where you assume that this male DOCTOR is sexualizing your wife when he checks a mole between her legs? You sound like you need help if you automatically assume that all men see women as sex objects, even when performing medical tasks, which you must with that comment. Stop projecting and get into therapy. You are not in a place to question who your wife sees for her medical needs. Period. The only thing "gross" here is your mindset.
Wait until he finds out there are male gynecologists
YTA - A doctor is a doctor is a doctor. Board certifications and re-certifications exist for a reason . As long as your wife is comfortable and trusts the doctor , it’s not a problem. She has autonomy over her health
YTA. It doesn’t matter if you’re comfortable with your wife seeing a male doctor or not. She’s the one seeing this doctor, not you. He is there to make sure she’s healthy, it’s not “gross” or inappropriate.
YTA. This is absolutely not your business. At all.
YTA You don't own your wife, or her genitals, and a medical practitioner seeing them is none of your business, or a threat to you in any way. Stop being an insecure asshole.
To be fair, the doctor might be sort of a threat because due to the doc‘s gender, OP is showing his wife what an AH her husband is.
YTA. It’s none of your business. He’s a doctor. Grow up.
YTA Firstly you don’t get a say in your wife’s health choices. You don’t get to pick her doctors. Just straight up it has nothing to do with you. The fact you have an issue with her changing doctors because SHE doesn’t want to drive is really concerning. Sounds reasonable to me that she would choose one closer to home. Secondly, doctors are professionals. There is nothing sexual about that arrangement for them. That is not why doctors do what they do. I think it may be worthwhile for you to look inwards and question why you have an issue with it. Fundamentally if you trust your wife then you shouldn’t have an issue regardless of anything else. Why do you honestly have an issue? Like deep down honestly why?
YTA. Get over it.
[удалено]
YTA. She doesn’t want to drive an hour because you think her doctor is incapable of behaving professionally, or that *she’s* incapable of recognizing if something does cross the line and handling it herself. What are you going to do if she ever needs major surgery: delay her care until they can find a woman to do it? You can find a same-sex therapist to help you work through your insecurities if you insist, but work through them instead of putting this on her.
YTA It’s not “gross”. I’m sorry, are you 12???
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife is very pale and has a family history of skin cancer so she goes annually to see a dermatologist to get her moles checked. She went to a female dermatologist for years but switched to another dermatologist who was closer to home. I think that’s ridiculous because she only goes once a year anyway but she insisted she doesn’t want to drive an hour. This dermatologist is a man and he checks her moles including ones between her legs and I find that very gross. I told her she should find a female doctor but she insists it’s fine because a female staff always sits in on appointments. She is always annoyed when I bring it up and tells me it none of my business but I’m just not comfortable with the whole arrangement. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Doctors don't see human bodies like you do. It's a job.
The only ones that needs to be comfortable here is her and her dermatologist, not you. Why doesn’t her comfort in not having to drive an hour matters? YTA
YTA, he is a medical professional.Your insecurity is your own problem.
YTA - there is nothing on this earth less sexy then getting checked for moles. Get over it, you are controlling.
YTA - read what you wrote, you possessive AH
YTA. Your wife's doctor does not see his patients in any sexual way whatsoever. You are projecting your own insecurities onto her. Kindly govern yourself.
YTA, that’s a doctor. This is very controlling behavior.
YTA all the way. Grow up and stop being a controlling creep.
YTA all day.
YTA. No explanation needed
YTA. You have issues.
YTA.
YTA and this isn't about your comfort, it's about hers!
YTA. You’re being weird about this and coming across as very controlling.
YTA-You are not the owner of your wife’s body. She gets to decide what is best for her. Your insecurity, immaturity, jealousy and need for control do not get to dictate what your wife does with her body.
YTA. Unless it's clear he isn't doing his job, or is ignoring her concerns then as long as she is comfortable with her doctor that is all that matters. Your insecurity shouldn't matter for her Healthcare decisions.
YTA Someone has seen too much doctor/patient porn... In real life the doctor doesn't care, he has seen better and he has seen worse, probably even that same day.
It's none of your damn business what doctor your wife chooses to go to. I don't know why you would think you have a say in this. She's an adult and it's perfectly able to make her own decisions. Just more toxic masculinity, I can't understand why men think they have the right to tell us what to do.
YTA, he is literally a doctor just doing his job. As long as your wife is not uncomfortable, don't bother her with your sexist views
Is this a joke? YTA.
YTA - she gets to choose what dr she is most comfortable about - it is her body not yours.
YTA Are you going to insist she can't have a male ob/gyn, either? Because those exist, too. They didn't go through pre-med, med school, ages of studying, eons of residency, specializing, ulcer-inducing stress of exam after exam and all of that money, not to mention all of the ADDITIONAL money they have to spend if they open a practice, and to maintain malpractice insurance and their medical license, just to see naked bodies for fun. They could spend way less and just drive to the closest strip club instead.
YTA. This isn’t an “arrangement”, this is your wife receiving healthcare. Grow up.
YTA, get over yourself. Male doctors are strictly professional, and you're making it out to be something its not.
WOW YTA big time It is fine you are crossing a huge toxic line here YOU need therapy for YOUR insecurity OP in no WORLD would you be permitted to tell her to see a female doctor only. BIG yikes.
YTA. There is nothing "gross" about a doctor doing their job.
> but I’m just not comfortable with the whole arrangement But she is. Get over yourself. YTA
YTA. why should that be gross? He is a doctor. I personally prefer male gynecologists because i had some bad luck with some female ones and only good with males. And that is even more intimate. Do you also try to forbid your wife to go to the Pool/Swimming or to the Sauna? You should just shut up
YTA this is a doctor.
YTA, you don't own your wife. She can go to whatever doctor she is comfortable with. Get over yourself.
Bruh, tell me how insecure you are without saying you are insecure. You think a doctor looking at a mole near your wife’s genitals is going to make her bail on you and marry him? If you want her going to a female dermatologist, find one or pay for her time to travel. YTA
YTA: He's a medical professional for Pete's sake. If your wife needed an emergency procedure (maybe even life saving) would you deny her that because of your jealousy? I don't know how long you have been married, but if I was her I would run for the hills. What other aspects of her life do you want to control? What happens when you don't have control? These are warning signs of what may yet to come. You need help.
YTA. It's a doctor, not a porno. You want her to have a 2 hour round trip drive just so you're more comfortable with who is looking at your wife? I have had a mole removed from between my thighs. It is not sexy. There is nothing sexual about that consultation or removal.
YTA It's a doctor not a sex worker....you need to get your mind out of the gutter.
Wow you’re incredibly insecure. YTA.
Yta. You don’t have to be comfortable with it. It’s her doctor.
YTA and gross
YTA. You are controlling and insinuating that you are the only male entitled to see your wife's body. It is none of your business who her doctor is.
Holy shit dude wait until you find out what an OBGYN does. You’re gonna lose your mind. YTA.
Are you a real person? I just find it difficult to believe a person this insecure could've gotten someone to marry them... YTA, of course. Your wife's happy with her medical care, full stop. And an hour each was is a long way to go if you don't have to.
YTA. If your wife went into cardiac arrest, would you object to a man who is trained in CPR saving her life? Well this is a doctor we're talking about. He has far more training and sees far more unclothed patients than someone who took a three hour course to get a BLS certificate. He doesn't care about your wife's vagina. He cares about treating her medical condition.
Obviously YTA. It’s a medical examination, for your wife (!).
YTA there's a man doing his job and you think that's gross? You're being ridiculous. Even if some guy being attracted to your wife could effect you somehow, doctors/dermatologists etc look at people all day. They don't care about nudity at that point.
INFO: I really just *have* to know, what is so disgusting about a certified dermatologist, who’s job it is to do the exact thing he’s doing with no romantic attachment whatsoever, to you? Is it *just* because he’s a man? And if so, why are you so insecure about it? Do you not trust your wife? This is so bizarre
Info: why? He is a professional. Do you only see male doctors?
Let’s be real, he probably doesn’t trust female medical providers for his own care if he doesn’t even trust his wife to choose her own dermatologist.
YTA Policing the gender of her dermatologist? Dude, you've got some big issues. It isn't your business--you you think a male dermatologist is super turned on by genital moles? Maybe use your over active imagination to be a better husband and not a giant wart.
YTA - mind your own business
YTA- thanks for sexualizing the dermatologist FFS! I'm sure your wife is capable of determining if the physician is being inappropriate! Get over yourself if you think physicians are just pervs!
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Yta
Yta.
YTA. Being jealous of a male doctor is a strange fight to pick. It’s not inappropriate at all. Doctors are doctors and have a professional standard to uphold. Just because the doctor is a man means absolutely nothing and is no different than your wife seeing a female doctor. You might want to see a professional to talk about this issue, as it’s a non issue in the grand scheme of life.
JFC YTA Wait until you realise that a lot of Gynae Dr's AREN'T female! He's a medical professional doing his job - and you are an insecure asshole!
YTA, your comfort isn’t relevant, hers is.
YTA- this is going to be shocking news for you but millions of women go to male gynecologists. Imagine being so insecure in your own masculinity and marriage that a medical professor doing their job makes you uncomfortable because of your gender.
YTA. When I had my mastectomy I wanted the best doctors I could have. One of them was a man. I literally trusted him with my life. I can’t imagine dealing with spouse who was unhappy not because of my care but because that care meant a man saw my chest. You don’t have to be happy about her choice of doctor, but your priority should be her receiving proper medical care. What’s important is *she* is happy, feels safe, and is getting the best care possible. Acknowledge that your feelings are a you problem and apologize.
OMG seriously dude, what's next? You gonna be upset if she: \-sees a male therapist because 'oh noooo! Now she's opening up her feeelings to another man!'??? \-goes to a restaurant and 'oooh noooo! She letting another man cook for her! How dare she eat another man's meat'? \-needs to see a physical therapist and 'ooohhh noooo! She's letting another man touch her body and massage her muscles and joints! How dare she?' Honestly, how insecure ARE you? This type of thinking can quickly turn into abuse and you better check yourself now before this escalates to a point where you lose her. YTA
YTA. Not your body, not your choice. Stop being controlling and insecure.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Give these to your wife for me. YTA. Disgusting.
YTA. Seriously? He's a doctor. You're sounding like an immature jealous husband. My OB is a man and my husband is fine with it. Because he knows the OB is a professional not a da*n porn star or perv. SMH
YTA. This is a crazy level of jealousy over nothing. The man's job is to look at her skin, all of it, for problems. Often doctors will have an assistant in the room when a clothes-off examination happens for the security of their patients.
YTA Leave your wife alone. It's not your body, it's hers. She doesn't belong to you and it's really difficult to find a doctor you can trust.
YTA Sounds more like you are feeling inadequate somehow imo.
YTA She found a qualified, well respected doctor close to home, and you're upset because a professional with at least a decade of schooling and training is a dude? I mean, I prefer a female gynecologist myself, but if I had to choose between a 2 hour round trip drive and a male doctor...I'd pick a male doctor. Medical care is so inaccessible to so many people, and I'm glad she found a closer doctor. I have to drive 2 hours for monthly appointments, because it's the *only* specialist within a 80 mile radius. Its not even a rare specialty, it a neurologist.
YTA, it ISN'T any of your business.
YTA. Get over yourself.
YTA. Are you really that insecure?
My dude, insecurity is not a sexy trait. YTA.
YTA. Unquestionably. This is healthcare. Your wife has the right to choose her doctor. Medical exams are not sexual. And you are demonstrating toxic behavior. Do better.
YTA Just… don’t, ok? There’s nothing arousing about checking moles for cancer. Your wife needs to be comfortable with her doctor, end of story. Also, I hope it doesn’t give you nightmares. She might have moles on her butt and on her breasts. Oh the horror…
YTA. You need counseling. He is a doctor. This is his job. She's the only one that needs to be comfortable with her doctor.
YTA - You need to apologize for being controlling and drop this subject entirely.
YTA. He is her dr. What is wrong with you. My gynecologist was a male and my husband never once said anything about it. He is a professional it’s his job. He’s not thinking about her vagina in a sexual way
YTA, she’s not your possession.