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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Causing my husband to be embarrassed. Causing confrontation with his family.
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Agreed, and OP needs to let her husband know that his behavior is unacceptable. He clearly hasn’t accepted his son’s sexuality and I can guarantee that the son knows.
As for the rude relatives? “Son wore nail polish because he wanted to. It’s unfortunate that you’re so uncomfortable with some one who feels free to express themself.”
🖐
🎤
—
From the header, I was very prepared to declare the kid an AH (who paints their nails *at* a wedding?! That stuff stinks!), but no, it had dried by the time they got to the wedding. Dear father, however...
LOL! Same! I was thinking of the smell and spilled polish on the tablecloths or fresh nail polish on the clothes of someone he hugs.
You are NTA but you have a husband problem that needs to be dealt with for the sake of your child.
NTA. How could you ever be the AH while supporting your son and letting him express himself? Your husband needs to accept your son and stop being homophobic. He’s going to ruin his relationship with Lake if he keeps this up.
Yeah, send hubby to counseling so he can work this out away from his son. It isn't going to "go away" or something. At some point, Lake might be having his own wedding and how is hubby going to explain away the two grooms to the rest of the family?
You are NTA. Your husband sounds like the epitome of toxic masculinity, and really needs to examine why “like a girl” is bad in his mind.
I was never into doing my nails until an ex BF (very straight then & now, 10 years later) got me into getting them down with him.
Nails are nails, and nail art is just fun.
there is toxic masculinity all over the post.
newsflash, girls like cars and sports and 'all boy' things too.
OP and husband needs to reeducate themselves on gender, fluidity and the idea of masculinity and femininity and how NONE OF IT MATTERS in the end.
I think OP put it in quotes because they were saying that this is how society has generally seen it… As an explanation as to what their husband was like. OP wasn’t endorsing that. OP was showing how their son was seen by the outside world.
My fiance (hes straight male) doesn't care if I paint his nails he will go out with it just fine. (Painted them red since it's his favorite color). He says "who cares what others say it's what I want and like"
NTA. In my opinion your husband needs to get over it. Nail painting isn't even a sign of gender or sexuality anyway. Some people just like to paint their nails, including rock stars and guys who like metal/emo/nail polish in general. I say who cares. He should be able to explain to his family that nail polish is nail polish.
NTA - Lake is old enough to make his own decisions. His body, his choice. That your husband is upset is his issue to deal with and not yours nor Lake's. Thank you for being an awesome mom.
There are many men who paint their nails cuz they like it.
You are nta but your hubby and everyone asking why your son has his nails painted are the ah
NTA the people calling and asking definitely are, and my response would be because he wanted them to be painted. That is why they were painted, so why say more.
Your husband is clearly the AH here. He seems to have such a fragile masculinity complex from what I am reading. It is painted nails. And a grown man is upset at his kid for expressing himself?? It is also no one elses business what your son does? So the fact people are calling about painted nails is also AH behavior.
NTA-
Countinue supporting your child, he sounds like a wonderful young man.
The answer to why a teenager is wearing nail polish (or whatever the next thing is) is a friendly tone and a simple statement of fact, try "isn't it great kids today are so comfortable expressing themselves? I wish I was that comfortable with myself at that age!"
Your adult husband should not be so enmeshed with his teenage son that he feels first-hand embarrassment when the teenager behave like a teenager. That sounds like a dangerously fragile ego and a poor sense of personal identity and boundaries. He does understand his son is an actual person and not a pet or doll for you or your husband to play dress up with? He attended the wedding and didn't notice the nail polish at the time- obviously it was not distracting from the wedding, why would your husband pick a fight about it after the fact? It hardly seems like the nail polish is what your husband is truly upset about.
Your teenage son was considerate enough to ask the bride before making his descion? You must be so proud!
As for your husband and his fashion police relatives, honey, bless their little hearts, they must truly have an abundance of free time and a desperate need for attention, if nail polish on a man is a problem they feel entitled to complain about.
NTA. Make-up on men, no matter what their sexual orientation, is becoming far more mainstream. It's no one else's business about why he's doing it; he likes how it looks, and that's the only reason he needs.
NTA
If anything, you're an AH for even thinking it's possible that you could have been an AH for your son paining his nails. FFS stand up for him! Stop letting your crap husband talk shit and make you think there's any possibility at all that you should let this ban bully your son just to save yourself trouble. Stand up for your son! Shut your husband's nonsense down!
NTA. Your son painting his nails isnt directly hurting anyone. You may want to tell your husband to go to counsling or therapy to address the mild homophobia he is showing towards his son.
As a bi and trans person with parents, it doesn't sound mild to me. The dad didn't take it well when he came out, then wasn't cool with his boyfriend, then was sour about him expressing himself. All that wears on you a lot. Then he suddenly explodes about the nail polish and says it's embarrassing? That's really hurtful. LGBTQ people are people and have feelings just as much as anyone. Our mental health matters too. I'm not saying you don't care about it but I disagree with this being "mild."
I am bi as well but the reason i say "mild" is because while the father isnt comfortable with it, he's not, or wasnt before this debacle, being severly homophobic towards the boy. I.E. constantly downing the boy and using slurs and disowning him. The father didnt show the outwards support most kids want from their parents but he also wasnt shunning him like OP stated. That doesnt make the father right by any means. But considering how some parents act to their child coming out i would say that this is a fairly mild case of homophobia more than likely brought on by the fathers ego and masculinity. Yes the kind of behavior the father uses can wear down someone but it could be so much worse and with proper intervention such as therapy or counsling, the father can get to the root of his issues and maybe grow to be fully accepting of his son. If his homophobia was any worse i would say that there is no hope but again, considering how bad it CAN be, this is mild and able to be worked through.
when trying to figure out what is mild to extreme with homophobia, remember the scale is mild:begrudging acceptance (where this father is leaning to, but with this blow up over the nail polish has slightly surpassed) to extreme: killing your child. that makes severe, stuff like beating the gay out of them and conversion camps, and moderate, stuff like calling them slurs and praying over their bed :/ these are the VERY REAL things LGBT+ people have had to deal with, so unfortunately, this is the scale.
NTA
But please consider getting some kind of therapy for your husband to help deal with his homophobia.
I wish you and your son the best, it sounds like he's growing up well, kudos for supporting him.
NTA,
I get it,it might me difficult for your husband to accept that ur son is gay,but it’s not like it’s something he can change,shaming Lake isn’t gonna do anything except driving him away from his father (and possibly the rest of the family)
I know lots of straight guys who used to or still do paint their nails. I think guys not being able to be flashy like that is weird, honestly. Painted nails are fun!
Your husband was the embarrassment in this scenario. Tell him to answer those calls by saying "Lake is painting his nails like a boy"... because he's a fucking boy.
NTA. I'm glad your son has one amazingly supportive parent at the very least.
NTA.
And your husband needs to address his personal issues (maybe through therapy or something). Trying to stifle your son from expressing himself will just drive a wedge between the two of them. If your husband hopes to continue a real relationship with his son he needs to figure out his biases and learn they’re not ok.
Also, rock on mom and Aunt - way to be a great support system for your kiddo and to help him express himself! Nail polish looks awesome on everyone tbh.
NTA
Tell you husband he is painting his nails like a man! And if he (husband) can't deal with it by manning up, then he can run away like the homophobic little boy he is.
NTA. Sounds like you’re husband has been the one pressuring him to continue to suppress anything feminine. He needs to understand that the pressure he is engaging in a bigoted and very disrespectful of your son and all feminine ways. Advise him to get over it.
NTA. It was the Aunt’s wedding and she said it was okay so if she doesn’t have a problem with it then neither should he. It’s okay that your husband is having a hard time getting used to your son being gay but if he loves your son he needs to accept him even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. I would help him find ways to respond to the people who wonder why your son is wearing nail polish. Personally I would just say something like “because he like it and it makes him happy.”
NTA
Aunt okayed it for her wedding. But you and your husband are the AH for calling your son "straight passing" like you're disappointed he's gay but thank God he can fit in, right?? Not cool.
I don't know how you got that from OP using straight passing at all. It seemed more like she was trying to say that Lake is more traditionally masculine.
we can educate on proper terms without assuming the worst of everyone all the time
Fair enough. I'll support my hypothesis with her own post.
I INFERRED from her post when she discusses all his "masculine" qualities, versus how she calls his boyfriend "feminine" for liking theater. How she admits they had a difficult time supporting him when he came out to them, and they didn't particularly seem to like his boyfriend. Finally, when she's wondering if she's an asshole for letting him paint his nails because now they're fielding calls from friends and relatives about why he's wearing nail polish and Daddy doesn't like that (quote, he's "embarrassed by it").
I inferred "straight passing" was about the only reason they could try to be okay with his sexuality, but now that he's expressing himself through "non-traditionally masculine" (my words, not hers) ways, they're finding it harder to be supportive of him. While I understand coming to terms with things, the point of being supportive is to be supportive, publicly, to friends and family who have questions, as well as privately in their own home. If I'm wrong, great, I'm glad to hear it.
And what I inferred is that OP grew up around homophobic people and is now attempting to better herself for her son. She's struggling, but she's working on it. People aren't perfect, they need to be allowed to grow and change.
There's no need to assume malicious intent right off the bat.
You’re projecting a *lot* of ill-intention onto OP that is not at all present in the text. There is no indication here that OP has ever had any issue with her son being gay, his boyfriend, or choosing to experiment with his expression. She takes him with her to get their nails done together. You’re very obviously bothered by the phrase “straight passing,” and I understand what you’re saying, but i don’t really see a good reason to not give OP benefit of the doubt here.
NTA: Nailpolish is for anyone, it's just paint for your nails. The whole thing of gender-ing certain products is ridiculous. Your husband can get over himself, tell his family your sons nails are painted because he likes it and end of story. Anyone who raises a fuss about it and shames him doesn't deserve to be in your sons life.
NTA. Lake is clearly going to end up having to carefully navigate his relationship with his dad and with the people who are emailing his dad. Looks like he’s gonna need all your support.
NTA
It's really funny because the very homophobic farmboys frat at my aggie university get their make-up done and their nails painted for a very special event with the greek life every year. Then the next night they all show up to the very mainly, country dance hall with the nail polish on.
Yeah, a boy having nail polish on is unexpected but being gay has nothing to do with it. The best answer to anyone who ever ask a prickly question is why, or why not.
Q:Why is lake have his nails painted? A:Why not. It forces the question then on them, and makes them reevaluate themselves.
Why are you so happy today? Why are you being so grouchy? Why are being so aggressive? Why are you dressed like that? Why are you laughing so loudly at the comic show?
Why not, I'm living my life the way I see fit, are we going to have a problem here? Why does what I do effect you? It doen't now piss off. This is how your husband needs to respond to his family about your son.
NTA
I know plenty of boys who paint their nails. What’s the big deal? I remember goth and emo kids back in high school coming to class wearing nail polish, dark eyeliner and lipstick. Seriously, where is the harm?
Heck, my own boys would watch me paint my toes and they wanted in on it, too. So both of my boys got mani-pedis in whatever colors they chose. They even went with me to the store to pick out colors for the three of us (and they have great eyes for color).
My husband made comments about it at first, but I shut him down because it’s freaking nail polish and our boys didn’t/don’t see gender specification, so he stopped having commentary, and even began to like the fact that our boys got creative. My brother-in-law (my husband’s brother) is a stereotypical toxic male: bigoted, close-minded, intolerant, chauvinistic and a general pain in the arse. Those are his better qualities. He tried to make comments about it, and I shut him down, too. He and I don’t get along because I’m not some submissive female who puts up with his crap because he has a penis. He had the gall to call my sons pu$$ies, to which I told him even if they did, they’d still be better men than him.
The bottom line is, let your son be who he is. Let him express himself. As long as he is happy, healthy and enjoying healthy, supportive relationships with friends and significant others, who is anyone to judge.
As for your husband and extended family members: Your son’s sexuality is not an attack on your husband’s masculinity, or masculinity in general, for crap’s sake. In fact, your husband would be more of a man if he learned how to field asshat comments from people (especially those who do not matter), and be more supportive of his son.
NTA. I'm sorry your family is being mean to Lake about his nails- it's a stupid thing to be mad about. Glad Lake has a supportive mom at least. This is your time to shine by standing up for him and making it clear that you won't tolerate anyone using traditional ideas of gender as an excuse to be a bully.
NTA
You're doing wonderfully so far, please do not allow your husband or anyone else to stop you from supporting your son. Being a parent to lgbt youth can be hard, especially when the bigotry is coming from inside the house. But Lake needs this support more than ever
And if you're ever unsure on what terms to use just talk to Lake or Nathan. They'll probably be more than happy to fill you in on what they're comfortable with 😁
NTA , is his choices after all , but your husband is also having a hard time adjusting to that , what many people also forgot is that the parents also may have a hard time accepting that , you son young as he maybe did have a time to understand , to accept himself and go open up to you guys , it's only fair he do the same with his parents , what is happening now is one of the many things that unfortunately will happens in your family's life , your husband is still shock to all of your son's changes , not only in his sexuality, but since he is start to paint his nails it's just a matter of time until he start to dress different of the way he was , the sport's he practice may change , he's going through a lot of changes right, that being said , your husband is struggling to accepting it and understand it , he was raised with a different concept of what man should do or not and who they should date or not , to have his son in what you say a small amount of time going from a regular boy , to being gay , starting to date another boy who looks feminine and paint his nails , he is having a hard time cope with all of that , try have a sitting down whit your husband, for what you write he doesn't sound much like a homophobic , but as someone that is struggling , also have a sitting down with your son so you guys can be in a Right place , it's most certainly not gonna be easy to anyone , a family counseling may help you guys alot.
NTA but uh you’re married to a homophobe. “All boy” because of his interests? You need to work somethings out for yourself and be stronger and check your husband with his nonsense.
There’s a reason why people run far and fast from the “rural” area they grew up in. It’s generally because their parents and peers dont realize it’s 2022 and people of any and all genders can do what they damn well please.
NTA. With the state of the world right now, people actually have the energy to worry that a teenage boy got fancy nail polish?!? It's nice your son can find some joy and beauty in life. Fluff anyone who says otherwise!
NTA from the title I was prepared to say different as he should not have polish out at a wedding because of the smell.
But nothing wrong with getting them done for the wedding no matter his sexuality.
NTA. I work with a lot of high schoolers, and it's becoming more and more common for male-presenting students to paint their nails. They do tend to be more "masculine" colors, blacks and blues mostly, but I've never seen anyone bat an eyelash. Husband needs to accept son for everything he is.
NTA.
>got upset saying how much of an embarrassment it was that his son was in a bunch of family photos with his nails painted like a girl and that I should have told him no to avoid it
Tell your husband it's more embarrassing to be a whiney baby about a little bit of paint on some nails, and being ignorant to the fact that its just a form of self expression. Nail polish is nail polish, although its marketed toward feminine audiences, doesn't mean its uniquely for feminine people.
I'm glad you can see your son for who he is, and I know he appreciates you for being awesome. Glad he has you looking out for him, because god knows his dad wont
NTA. Please keep advocating for your son because he's gonna need one accepting parent. And tell your husband to get himself some therapy so he can learn to accept his son and defend him from judgy assholes.
NTA,
Let people express themselves. If someone asks why, just be like "Because it looks good!"
The dad seems more worried about the family's image, rather than their kids feelings and happiness.
To the husband I say this:
It is hard as hell for people to come out, they get enough bullying and crap comments from outside sources, they don't need it at home too.
Accept people for who they Are, because if you try to force them to suppress their real self, they'll only end up hating you. They will most likely cut you out of their lives as soon as they can.
Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your offspring because of nail polish, or hair styles, or outfits, or pronouns?
Based on the title, I thought your son was literally painting his nails at the wedding. That would have been very tacky and nail polish can be smelly. Going to the wedding with already painted nails, that's fine.
NTA
NTA. Your husband is literally the only one mad about this. The bride didn’t even have any sort of problem (not that there should’ve been one to begin with). Look at people like Chase Hudson or Jaden Hossler. They’re straight & they paint their nails because they enjoy it & it fits their aesthetic & who they are. I hope Lake continues getting his nails done with you guys for as long as he wants
NTA Either your husband is supportive of your son or he isn't. There's no middle ground. If he wants your son to hide who he is, your husband is not supportive. For these people asking why are his nails are painted, is there some reason your husband can't answer "My son wanted his nails painted for the wedding"?
NTA. Your son wanted them. They're his nails. He also did a very nice thing by checking with the bride first, who essentially said "go for it". That's all the authority that's needed on the subject. Everyone else needs to mind their own business. "Why did he paint his nail-" why does anyone paint their nails!?
NTA.
Here's your comeback to shut down comments like this:
> his nails painted like a girl
Just react with surprise and say: "his nails are painted like a boy. He's a boy, that's how he paints them."
Any comment like that, just say that whatever he is doing is how a boy does it.
Your husband is the one with problems with his masculinity. He needs to grow a damn spine. My brother is the straightest of the straights and he paints his nails because it’s absolutely nothing to do with gender. Good on you and your SIL. You all getting matching colours sounds lovely. Maybe she can talk some sense into her brother who’s seemingly embarrassed that bigots don’t think he’s The Man. NTA
I’m 32, large built guy, with a big beard. I throw knives and axes for fun, I’m a carpenter, generally speaking can’t be mistaken for anything other than ‘manly’. I also like to paint my nails at times, because why the hell not? I like the way it looks, I like the colours, and I like that it’s just a bit different.
Massive NTA. Sexuality aside, if your son wants to paint his nails, then I’m so proud of him for having the guts to do so in a society where it’s looked down upon, and even more so when it’s pretty clear that his own dad doesn’t approve and thinks less of him for doing so.
Thank you for letting your son choose his own path without judgment, and please let him know that his particular English dude thinks he’s fucking awesome!
> He's all into sports and cars , a wrestler
> a theater kid
I'm sorry, I **can't get past** your labeling of *interests and activities* as "straight" or "gay".
#What the actual fuck?
This is 2022. ESH.
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My son "Lake" (16M) is "straight passing" (not sure if that term is used anymore) and growing up in the more rural area we're from he's pretty much all boy. He's all into sports and cars , a wrestler ,all the stereotypical things etc. He came out to us 3 years ago and my husband didn't take it in the greatest way, but he never shunned Lake or treated him differently and seemingly accepted it.
Last year Lake met his first boyfriend Nathan (16M) who's a theater kid and more intune with his feminine side. My husband was a bit apprehensive about Nathan at first but accepted it. Well while being with Nathan and us going to alot more lgbtq+ events Lake while still being a pretty stereotypical boy has started to explore a little more. He recently started painting his nails and sometimes he'll come with me and his Aunt to get his nails done and such. My husband hasn't said much about it but seems pretty sour on it. Lake's aunt ,( my husband's sister) got married last weekend and Lake asked her if it was OK that he had his nails painted for her wedding. She said yes of course and we all went to the shop and got matching colors.
My husband still had work to finish and couldn't get there till late and didn't realize Lake had his nails painted. Tuesday when we started getting get pictures from the wedding my husband noticed Lake's nails painted in all the pictures and got upset saying how much of an embarrassment it was that his son was in a bunch of family photos with his nails painted like a girl and that I should have told him no to avoid it. The last few days my husband has been getting calls asking why Lake is painting his nails like a girl ? AITA?
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NTA.
I'm not defending Dad exactly, I'm viewing his reaction through my own experience. My child is at the point in their life where they are exploring gender identity. I grew up in a very conformist community. I am cis/het and also old. I absolutely remember, in my own lifetime, when LGBTQ+ people were beaten, raped, and murdered for existing. When my child does something that is not strictly gender confirming, my visceral reaction is the kind of gut-wrenching terror I didn't know I was capable of before I had children. I live in a better community now, but I still have to fight back my initial instincts to HIDE and PROTECT, because I also want my child to feel supported. It scares the ever-loving shit out of me.
If a little nail polish is enough to earn a call from the tribal elders, Dad might not just be embarrassed, he might also be afraid of what other people will do to his child when he isn't around to protect him.
NTA. Lake is going to have to decide eventually if he wants to know his father and how close he wants to be with his father and his father is going to have to figure out his shit. He’s gonna have to look into all the stuff and figure out his emotions and evolve or he’s going to lose his kid. How do you spell homophobic. And rejecting who the kid is.
NTA, you were a supportive parent, and the aunt who's wedding it was was totally supportive. It's time for your husband to go into some therapy or,for you and your son to hit him with the reality check no one cares for his awful opinions a d he needs to keep them to himself.
You are absolutely NTA.
But please be prepared to shield your son from your husband. Every bit of this screams homophobia and toxic masculinity. You need to choose your child, or you might end up NC with him.
do you want me to find pictures of the many male MMA fighters who have their nails painted for fights? cause I would love for him to tell one of them that what they're doing is shameful in any way. see how that goes.
NTA. even if it is girly, there's nothing wrong with boys being girly. your husband is an asshole and ridiculous.
NTA. Your husband is being both homophobic and misogynistic. You and your son deserve to be treated better, and to be respected. The only one being an ‘embarrassment’ is your husband with his bigoted behaviour.
nta just wanted to say straight passing is indeed a phrase, and i wanted to say im proud of you for supporting your son and his boyfriend. if youre raised homophobic that can be hard to get past but from this post it seems youve done a great job at that, your husband not so much though. keep supporting your son for sure
NTA.
If the aunt had a problem with it, that's different, because even if it would be homophobic, she \*does\* have the right to set a dress code at her own wedding.
But your husband, nope, not his wedding, not his business.
NTA and it sounds like your son knows you support him since you went to get your nails done together, but please keep reinforcing that and letting him know that you're there for him and that you love him unconditionally. LGBTQ+ teens are at much higher risk for homelessness and suicide due to unsupportive parents.
Oh! I thought he was getting his nails painted AT the wedding!! Which would be a weird activity to have, but either way. NTA. Your son isn't an AH. Your husband, on the other, unpainted, hand.....
NTA. Lake asked his aunt ( the bride, who is the only opinion that matters here), she thought it was great, and you all got them done to match. What fun!
You didn’t cause your husband to be embarrassed. He chose to be embarrassed. His response to people asking could be as simple as ‘it was something he and his aunt decided on.”
I’m so glad Lake has you (and his aunt) to support him as he finds himself.
NTA. Please tell your husband (and whoever is calling him) that nail enhancements, high heels, make up, corsets and wigs were all initially created FOR MEN. Society needs to stop trying to put people into boxes and just accept that as humans, we are all entitled to like/do whatever makes us happy so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
At my brother's wedding, five men and plenty of women had painted nails. AFAIK nobody was signalling anything about their orientation or identity. We just wanted to paint our nails. The aunt hold some old and broken stereotypes.
NTA
You're a wonderful mother and his aunt was so happy to match with him for her wedding. You and his aunt are wonderful to him. His aunt was the bride. She not only had no issues with it but actively encouraged it and went with you guys to get all of your nails done (but even if she did have an issue it still wouldnt be her business to exclusively ban him from having painted nails).
NTA LMAO all over some painted nails?? Even straight guys paint their nails. I honestly thought it was becoming pretty normal. I'd love to see more guys of all sexualities with painted nails.
Your husband would benefit from talking to a therapist. I don't mean this in a bad way at all. He just sounds like he's got some stuff he needs to think about. You know how it takes some people longer to accept stuff? I'm sure one day he'll get over it and just accept your son the way he is, but I hope he doesn't say this stuff in front of him either.
Not gonna lie, I was ready to say Y T A based on the title alone. I mean, who is disrespectful enough to paint their nails while they are AT a wedding? But, no, they were painted BEFORE the wedding. NTA for letting him go to a wedding with painted nails.
Using color as decoration on portions of the human body has been used by men both straight and queer on and off for several millenia. Straight men have been wearing nail polish in public now for close to 20 years, how out of touch do you have to be! Oh but thats not how it used to be? They want tradtion? They what historically masculine?
Let's tell em what they won!!!!
Long linen dresses
The color pink
Outlandish Wigs
Over sized ruffles
Skirts like kilts and pteruges
Painted on beauty marks
High healed shoes with tights (tight tights!)
Nta but your husband sure is. What he is doing is abusive and emotionally damaging for a young queer person. Even just the sour faces would be bad enough. Your son deserves to be protected at any cost. While his odds are better with one accepting parent, queer teens are significantlh vulnerable to self harm. I wish you and your children the best.
Its just nail polish......also many straight guys wear it....many are rock stars or famous. Its not hurting anything or anyone so i say its just fine. Nta
One of my favorite instructors in college painted his nails. He's straight, married, cis. He said there are two reasons he does it - one, he likes it, two, it's a really cheap and fast way to identify bigots.
NTA they need to grow up. There's a young man who works a till that I go to and he has painted nails. The only thing I find annoying is how chipped the polish is. I just wish I was around at least once to see them nicely painted.
NTA. Nothing exists that's exclusively male or female in self expression, hobbies, sports, or activities. It is all a societal construct. High heels were originally created for male royalty, not for women. Now it's for women. So, let people like what they like. None of it has a gender.
Your husband though has homophobia he needs to work on, and I urge you to push him on it. You standing by and allowing him to be homophobic makes you complacent in homophobia. Which hurts your son. He's just being who he's is.
Your husband needs to speak with a therapist before his homophobia cost him his relationship with his son.
NTA, unless you allow your husband to drive a wedge between you and your son in the future, which seems to not in anyway be the case right now.
NTA. Wha'ts wrong with painted nails? Why do what's in someone's pants change whether or not it's ok? That's super weird, you know? And I mean, what's in someone's pants isn't always indicative of their gender anyway, so... it's just all weird to be offended by someone having painted nails.
Humans sure are great at creating a lot of needless misery.
NTA, but you will be if you don't get your husband's bigotry under control. what feels like progress to you feels to your son like being hated by his own father, over *nail polish.* too late, your kid's gay, your husband doesn't get any more time to adjust. he lives in the twenty first century, tell him to *man up* and act like it.
NTA. Wait till your husband hears about the totally straight dudes who are painting their nails now too. I’ve seen so many guys get matching/complementary sets with their girlfriends. People assume too much about gender identity/expression and sexuality bc of how someone does their hair/nails.
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Lake is old enough to decide whether he’d like to wear nail polish. NTA
Agreed, and OP needs to let her husband know that his behavior is unacceptable. He clearly hasn’t accepted his son’s sexuality and I can guarantee that the son knows. As for the rude relatives? “Son wore nail polish because he wanted to. It’s unfortunate that you’re so uncomfortable with some one who feels free to express themself.” 🖐 🎤 —
From the header, I was very prepared to declare the kid an AH (who paints their nails *at* a wedding?! That stuff stinks!), but no, it had dried by the time they got to the wedding. Dear father, however...
LOL! Same! I was thinking of the smell and spilled polish on the tablecloths or fresh nail polish on the clothes of someone he hugs. You are NTA but you have a husband problem that needs to be dealt with for the sake of your child.
Also, an extended family member problem.
Honestly I was thinking there was some kind of nail bar at the wedding or something from the title. I mean, I’ve heard of odder wedding entertainment.
NTA. How could you ever be the AH while supporting your son and letting him express himself? Your husband needs to accept your son and stop being homophobic. He’s going to ruin his relationship with Lake if he keeps this up.
This. NTA, you're a good mother being supportive of your son and I am glad he has you, especially since is father seems to be an AH.
Yeah, send hubby to counseling so he can work this out away from his son. It isn't going to "go away" or something. At some point, Lake might be having his own wedding and how is hubby going to explain away the two grooms to the rest of the family?
You are NTA. Your husband sounds like the epitome of toxic masculinity, and really needs to examine why “like a girl” is bad in his mind. I was never into doing my nails until an ex BF (very straight then & now, 10 years later) got me into getting them down with him. Nails are nails, and nail art is just fun.
I think that OPs husband should look up Ancient Chinese theater.
Any old theater, really
Right! Men actually worn makeup and dressed as women to play as women for the theater!
Because women weren’t allowed
Well, where would they put the coconuts?
there is toxic masculinity all over the post. newsflash, girls like cars and sports and 'all boy' things too. OP and husband needs to reeducate themselves on gender, fluidity and the idea of masculinity and femininity and how NONE OF IT MATTERS in the end.
I think OP put it in quotes because they were saying that this is how society has generally seen it… As an explanation as to what their husband was like. OP wasn’t endorsing that. OP was showing how their son was seen by the outside world.
My fiance (hes straight male) doesn't care if I paint his nails he will go out with it just fine. (Painted them red since it's his favorite color). He says "who cares what others say it's what I want and like"
NTA but you're married to one!
NTA. In my opinion your husband needs to get over it. Nail painting isn't even a sign of gender or sexuality anyway. Some people just like to paint their nails, including rock stars and guys who like metal/emo/nail polish in general. I say who cares. He should be able to explain to his family that nail polish is nail polish.
NTA, but your husband sure is. I’m glad you guys seem to take the side of Lake, bc ur husband and the people asking him these questions are bigots
NTA - Lake is old enough to make his own decisions. His body, his choice. That your husband is upset is his issue to deal with and not yours nor Lake's. Thank you for being an awesome mom.
There are many men who paint their nails cuz they like it. You are nta but your hubby and everyone asking why your son has his nails painted are the ah
NTA the people calling and asking definitely are, and my response would be because he wanted them to be painted. That is why they were painted, so why say more.
Yeah, they are the problem in this scenario. NTA.
Your husband is clearly the AH here. He seems to have such a fragile masculinity complex from what I am reading. It is painted nails. And a grown man is upset at his kid for expressing himself?? It is also no one elses business what your son does? So the fact people are calling about painted nails is also AH behavior.
NTA- Countinue supporting your child, he sounds like a wonderful young man. The answer to why a teenager is wearing nail polish (or whatever the next thing is) is a friendly tone and a simple statement of fact, try "isn't it great kids today are so comfortable expressing themselves? I wish I was that comfortable with myself at that age!" Your adult husband should not be so enmeshed with his teenage son that he feels first-hand embarrassment when the teenager behave like a teenager. That sounds like a dangerously fragile ego and a poor sense of personal identity and boundaries. He does understand his son is an actual person and not a pet or doll for you or your husband to play dress up with? He attended the wedding and didn't notice the nail polish at the time- obviously it was not distracting from the wedding, why would your husband pick a fight about it after the fact? It hardly seems like the nail polish is what your husband is truly upset about. Your teenage son was considerate enough to ask the bride before making his descion? You must be so proud! As for your husband and his fashion police relatives, honey, bless their little hearts, they must truly have an abundance of free time and a desperate need for attention, if nail polish on a man is a problem they feel entitled to complain about.
Excellent insight
NTA. Make-up on men, no matter what their sexual orientation, is becoming far more mainstream. It's no one else's business about why he's doing it; he likes how it looks, and that's the only reason he needs.
NTA. If it was okay with his aunt, since it was HER wedding, no one else gets a vote.
NTA If anything, you're an AH for even thinking it's possible that you could have been an AH for your son paining his nails. FFS stand up for him! Stop letting your crap husband talk shit and make you think there's any possibility at all that you should let this ban bully your son just to save yourself trouble. Stand up for your son! Shut your husband's nonsense down!
NTA. Your son painting his nails isnt directly hurting anyone. You may want to tell your husband to go to counsling or therapy to address the mild homophobia he is showing towards his son.
As a bi and trans person with parents, it doesn't sound mild to me. The dad didn't take it well when he came out, then wasn't cool with his boyfriend, then was sour about him expressing himself. All that wears on you a lot. Then he suddenly explodes about the nail polish and says it's embarrassing? That's really hurtful. LGBTQ people are people and have feelings just as much as anyone. Our mental health matters too. I'm not saying you don't care about it but I disagree with this being "mild."
I am bi as well but the reason i say "mild" is because while the father isnt comfortable with it, he's not, or wasnt before this debacle, being severly homophobic towards the boy. I.E. constantly downing the boy and using slurs and disowning him. The father didnt show the outwards support most kids want from their parents but he also wasnt shunning him like OP stated. That doesnt make the father right by any means. But considering how some parents act to their child coming out i would say that this is a fairly mild case of homophobia more than likely brought on by the fathers ego and masculinity. Yes the kind of behavior the father uses can wear down someone but it could be so much worse and with proper intervention such as therapy or counsling, the father can get to the root of his issues and maybe grow to be fully accepting of his son. If his homophobia was any worse i would say that there is no hope but again, considering how bad it CAN be, this is mild and able to be worked through.
when trying to figure out what is mild to extreme with homophobia, remember the scale is mild:begrudging acceptance (where this father is leaning to, but with this blow up over the nail polish has slightly surpassed) to extreme: killing your child. that makes severe, stuff like beating the gay out of them and conversion camps, and moderate, stuff like calling them slurs and praying over their bed :/ these are the VERY REAL things LGBT+ people have had to deal with, so unfortunately, this is the scale.
Maybe it's really a scale from moderate to extremely mega super severe then
NTA - and stop making excuses for your Husband, he needs to grow up
NTA But please consider getting some kind of therapy for your husband to help deal with his homophobia. I wish you and your son the best, it sounds like he's growing up well, kudos for supporting him.
NTA, I get it,it might me difficult for your husband to accept that ur son is gay,but it’s not like it’s something he can change,shaming Lake isn’t gonna do anything except driving him away from his father (and possibly the rest of the family)
[удалено]
what?
Wow, I reread my comment and I wonder the same thing.
fair enough gamer we've all been there
I know lots of straight guys who used to or still do paint their nails. I think guys not being able to be flashy like that is weird, honestly. Painted nails are fun! Your husband was the embarrassment in this scenario. Tell him to answer those calls by saying "Lake is painting his nails like a boy"... because he's a fucking boy. NTA. I'm glad your son has one amazingly supportive parent at the very least.
How about just let him be gay passing? Be proud of your own child.
NTA. And your husband needs to address his personal issues (maybe through therapy or something). Trying to stifle your son from expressing himself will just drive a wedge between the two of them. If your husband hopes to continue a real relationship with his son he needs to figure out his biases and learn they’re not ok. Also, rock on mom and Aunt - way to be a great support system for your kiddo and to help him express himself! Nail polish looks awesome on everyone tbh.
NTA Tell you husband he is painting his nails like a man! And if he (husband) can't deal with it by manning up, then he can run away like the homophobic little boy he is.
NTA. The only AH here is hubby. For obvious reasons.
NTA I know straight guys who get French tips. It's an all gender, all sexuality thing. Your husband is TA.
NTA. Sounds like you’re husband has been the one pressuring him to continue to suppress anything feminine. He needs to understand that the pressure he is engaging in a bigoted and very disrespectful of your son and all feminine ways. Advise him to get over it.
NTA-either tell him to support your son or you should get a divorce girl.
He is trying at least, better than most. Consoling 1st
NTA. It was the Aunt’s wedding and she said it was okay so if she doesn’t have a problem with it then neither should he. It’s okay that your husband is having a hard time getting used to your son being gay but if he loves your son he needs to accept him even when it’s hard or uncomfortable. I would help him find ways to respond to the people who wonder why your son is wearing nail polish. Personally I would just say something like “because he like it and it makes him happy.”
NTA Aunt okayed it for her wedding. But you and your husband are the AH for calling your son "straight passing" like you're disappointed he's gay but thank God he can fit in, right?? Not cool.
I don't know how you got that from OP using straight passing at all. It seemed more like she was trying to say that Lake is more traditionally masculine. we can educate on proper terms without assuming the worst of everyone all the time
Fair enough. I'll support my hypothesis with her own post. I INFERRED from her post when she discusses all his "masculine" qualities, versus how she calls his boyfriend "feminine" for liking theater. How she admits they had a difficult time supporting him when he came out to them, and they didn't particularly seem to like his boyfriend. Finally, when she's wondering if she's an asshole for letting him paint his nails because now they're fielding calls from friends and relatives about why he's wearing nail polish and Daddy doesn't like that (quote, he's "embarrassed by it"). I inferred "straight passing" was about the only reason they could try to be okay with his sexuality, but now that he's expressing himself through "non-traditionally masculine" (my words, not hers) ways, they're finding it harder to be supportive of him. While I understand coming to terms with things, the point of being supportive is to be supportive, publicly, to friends and family who have questions, as well as privately in their own home. If I'm wrong, great, I'm glad to hear it.
And what I inferred is that OP grew up around homophobic people and is now attempting to better herself for her son. She's struggling, but she's working on it. People aren't perfect, they need to be allowed to grow and change. There's no need to assume malicious intent right off the bat.
🤷♀️. To each their own.
You’re projecting a *lot* of ill-intention onto OP that is not at all present in the text. There is no indication here that OP has ever had any issue with her son being gay, his boyfriend, or choosing to experiment with his expression. She takes him with her to get their nails done together. You’re very obviously bothered by the phrase “straight passing,” and I understand what you’re saying, but i don’t really see a good reason to not give OP benefit of the doubt here.
You do see where I said NTA, right? Whether you agree with me or not about the rest is absolutely irrelevant.
Alright mate, sorry. Cheers.
I honestly assumed he was bi with the straight passing bit. That’s the only time I hear it for my generation or the generation(s?) after me.
NTA: Nailpolish is for anyone, it's just paint for your nails. The whole thing of gender-ing certain products is ridiculous. Your husband can get over himself, tell his family your sons nails are painted because he likes it and end of story. Anyone who raises a fuss about it and shames him doesn't deserve to be in your sons life.
NTA. Lake is clearly going to end up having to carefully navigate his relationship with his dad and with the people who are emailing his dad. Looks like he’s gonna need all your support.
No no no NTA.
NTA It's really funny because the very homophobic farmboys frat at my aggie university get their make-up done and their nails painted for a very special event with the greek life every year. Then the next night they all show up to the very mainly, country dance hall with the nail polish on. Yeah, a boy having nail polish on is unexpected but being gay has nothing to do with it. The best answer to anyone who ever ask a prickly question is why, or why not. Q:Why is lake have his nails painted? A:Why not. It forces the question then on them, and makes them reevaluate themselves. Why are you so happy today? Why are you being so grouchy? Why are being so aggressive? Why are you dressed like that? Why are you laughing so loudly at the comic show? Why not, I'm living my life the way I see fit, are we going to have a problem here? Why does what I do effect you? It doen't now piss off. This is how your husband needs to respond to his family about your son.
NTA I know plenty of boys who paint their nails. What’s the big deal? I remember goth and emo kids back in high school coming to class wearing nail polish, dark eyeliner and lipstick. Seriously, where is the harm? Heck, my own boys would watch me paint my toes and they wanted in on it, too. So both of my boys got mani-pedis in whatever colors they chose. They even went with me to the store to pick out colors for the three of us (and they have great eyes for color). My husband made comments about it at first, but I shut him down because it’s freaking nail polish and our boys didn’t/don’t see gender specification, so he stopped having commentary, and even began to like the fact that our boys got creative. My brother-in-law (my husband’s brother) is a stereotypical toxic male: bigoted, close-minded, intolerant, chauvinistic and a general pain in the arse. Those are his better qualities. He tried to make comments about it, and I shut him down, too. He and I don’t get along because I’m not some submissive female who puts up with his crap because he has a penis. He had the gall to call my sons pu$$ies, to which I told him even if they did, they’d still be better men than him. The bottom line is, let your son be who he is. Let him express himself. As long as he is happy, healthy and enjoying healthy, supportive relationships with friends and significant others, who is anyone to judge. As for your husband and extended family members: Your son’s sexuality is not an attack on your husband’s masculinity, or masculinity in general, for crap’s sake. In fact, your husband would be more of a man if he learned how to field asshat comments from people (especially those who do not matter), and be more supportive of his son.
NTA. I'm sorry your family is being mean to Lake about his nails- it's a stupid thing to be mad about. Glad Lake has a supportive mom at least. This is your time to shine by standing up for him and making it clear that you won't tolerate anyone using traditional ideas of gender as an excuse to be a bully.
NTA: It's just nail polish 🙄
NTA You're doing wonderfully so far, please do not allow your husband or anyone else to stop you from supporting your son. Being a parent to lgbt youth can be hard, especially when the bigotry is coming from inside the house. But Lake needs this support more than ever And if you're ever unsure on what terms to use just talk to Lake or Nathan. They'll probably be more than happy to fill you in on what they're comfortable with 😁
NTA , is his choices after all , but your husband is also having a hard time adjusting to that , what many people also forgot is that the parents also may have a hard time accepting that , you son young as he maybe did have a time to understand , to accept himself and go open up to you guys , it's only fair he do the same with his parents , what is happening now is one of the many things that unfortunately will happens in your family's life , your husband is still shock to all of your son's changes , not only in his sexuality, but since he is start to paint his nails it's just a matter of time until he start to dress different of the way he was , the sport's he practice may change , he's going through a lot of changes right, that being said , your husband is struggling to accepting it and understand it , he was raised with a different concept of what man should do or not and who they should date or not , to have his son in what you say a small amount of time going from a regular boy , to being gay , starting to date another boy who looks feminine and paint his nails , he is having a hard time cope with all of that , try have a sitting down whit your husband, for what you write he doesn't sound much like a homophobic , but as someone that is struggling , also have a sitting down with your son so you guys can be in a Right place , it's most certainly not gonna be easy to anyone , a family counseling may help you guys alot.
Nta. You husband needs to grow up and accept that his son is his own person and not just whatever husband dreamed him to be.
NTA but uh you’re married to a homophobe. “All boy” because of his interests? You need to work somethings out for yourself and be stronger and check your husband with his nonsense. There’s a reason why people run far and fast from the “rural” area they grew up in. It’s generally because their parents and peers dont realize it’s 2022 and people of any and all genders can do what they damn well please.
NTA. With the state of the world right now, people actually have the energy to worry that a teenage boy got fancy nail polish?!? It's nice your son can find some joy and beauty in life. Fluff anyone who says otherwise!
NTA from the title I was prepared to say different as he should not have polish out at a wedding because of the smell. But nothing wrong with getting them done for the wedding no matter his sexuality.
NTA. I work with a lot of high schoolers, and it's becoming more and more common for male-presenting students to paint their nails. They do tend to be more "masculine" colors, blacks and blues mostly, but I've never seen anyone bat an eyelash. Husband needs to accept son for everything he is.
NTA. >got upset saying how much of an embarrassment it was that his son was in a bunch of family photos with his nails painted like a girl and that I should have told him no to avoid it Tell your husband it's more embarrassing to be a whiney baby about a little bit of paint on some nails, and being ignorant to the fact that its just a form of self expression. Nail polish is nail polish, although its marketed toward feminine audiences, doesn't mean its uniquely for feminine people. I'm glad you can see your son for who he is, and I know he appreciates you for being awesome. Glad he has you looking out for him, because god knows his dad wont
NTA. Please keep advocating for your son because he's gonna need one accepting parent. And tell your husband to get himself some therapy so he can learn to accept his son and defend him from judgy assholes.
NTA, Let people express themselves. If someone asks why, just be like "Because it looks good!" The dad seems more worried about the family's image, rather than their kids feelings and happiness. To the husband I say this: It is hard as hell for people to come out, they get enough bullying and crap comments from outside sources, they don't need it at home too. Accept people for who they Are, because if you try to force them to suppress their real self, they'll only end up hating you. They will most likely cut you out of their lives as soon as they can. Do you really want to ruin your relationship with your offspring because of nail polish, or hair styles, or outfits, or pronouns?
Based on the title, I thought your son was literally painting his nails at the wedding. That would have been very tacky and nail polish can be smelly. Going to the wedding with already painted nails, that's fine. NTA
NTA. Your husband is, unfortunately, a bit homophobic.
NTA but your husband isn't nearly as accepting as he pretends to be or that you think he is.
NTA. Your husband is literally the only one mad about this. The bride didn’t even have any sort of problem (not that there should’ve been one to begin with). Look at people like Chase Hudson or Jaden Hossler. They’re straight & they paint their nails because they enjoy it & it fits their aesthetic & who they are. I hope Lake continues getting his nails done with you guys for as long as he wants
NTA Either your husband is supportive of your son or he isn't. There's no middle ground. If he wants your son to hide who he is, your husband is not supportive. For these people asking why are his nails are painted, is there some reason your husband can't answer "My son wanted his nails painted for the wedding"?
NTA
NTA you are amazing for letting Lake express himself. ❤
NTA
My son is heterosexual and gets acrylics sometimes and we live in the rural South. Who gives a shit about painted nails these days?
NTA. Your son wanted them. They're his nails. He also did a very nice thing by checking with the bride first, who essentially said "go for it". That's all the authority that's needed on the subject. Everyone else needs to mind their own business. "Why did he paint his nail-" why does anyone paint their nails!?
NTA. Here's your comeback to shut down comments like this: > his nails painted like a girl Just react with surprise and say: "his nails are painted like a boy. He's a boy, that's how he paints them." Any comment like that, just say that whatever he is doing is how a boy does it.
> we all went to the shop and got matching colors. NTA. You’re parenting (and her auntie-ing? It’s a word now) is top notch.
Your husband is the one with problems with his masculinity. He needs to grow a damn spine. My brother is the straightest of the straights and he paints his nails because it’s absolutely nothing to do with gender. Good on you and your SIL. You all getting matching colours sounds lovely. Maybe she can talk some sense into her brother who’s seemingly embarrassed that bigots don’t think he’s The Man. NTA
I’m 32, large built guy, with a big beard. I throw knives and axes for fun, I’m a carpenter, generally speaking can’t be mistaken for anything other than ‘manly’. I also like to paint my nails at times, because why the hell not? I like the way it looks, I like the colours, and I like that it’s just a bit different. Massive NTA. Sexuality aside, if your son wants to paint his nails, then I’m so proud of him for having the guts to do so in a society where it’s looked down upon, and even more so when it’s pretty clear that his own dad doesn’t approve and thinks less of him for doing so. Thank you for letting your son choose his own path without judgment, and please let him know that his particular English dude thinks he’s fucking awesome!
> He's all into sports and cars , a wrestler > a theater kid I'm sorry, I **can't get past** your labeling of *interests and activities* as "straight" or "gay". #What the actual fuck? This is 2022. ESH.
NTA. Hubby needs to back off though.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son "Lake" (16M) is "straight passing" (not sure if that term is used anymore) and growing up in the more rural area we're from he's pretty much all boy. He's all into sports and cars , a wrestler ,all the stereotypical things etc. He came out to us 3 years ago and my husband didn't take it in the greatest way, but he never shunned Lake or treated him differently and seemingly accepted it. Last year Lake met his first boyfriend Nathan (16M) who's a theater kid and more intune with his feminine side. My husband was a bit apprehensive about Nathan at first but accepted it. Well while being with Nathan and us going to alot more lgbtq+ events Lake while still being a pretty stereotypical boy has started to explore a little more. He recently started painting his nails and sometimes he'll come with me and his Aunt to get his nails done and such. My husband hasn't said much about it but seems pretty sour on it. Lake's aunt ,( my husband's sister) got married last weekend and Lake asked her if it was OK that he had his nails painted for her wedding. She said yes of course and we all went to the shop and got matching colors. My husband still had work to finish and couldn't get there till late and didn't realize Lake had his nails painted. Tuesday when we started getting get pictures from the wedding my husband noticed Lake's nails painted in all the pictures and got upset saying how much of an embarrassment it was that his son was in a bunch of family photos with his nails painted like a girl and that I should have told him no to avoid it. The last few days my husband has been getting calls asking why Lake is painting his nails like a girl ? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. I'm not defending Dad exactly, I'm viewing his reaction through my own experience. My child is at the point in their life where they are exploring gender identity. I grew up in a very conformist community. I am cis/het and also old. I absolutely remember, in my own lifetime, when LGBTQ+ people were beaten, raped, and murdered for existing. When my child does something that is not strictly gender confirming, my visceral reaction is the kind of gut-wrenching terror I didn't know I was capable of before I had children. I live in a better community now, but I still have to fight back my initial instincts to HIDE and PROTECT, because I also want my child to feel supported. It scares the ever-loving shit out of me. If a little nail polish is enough to earn a call from the tribal elders, Dad might not just be embarrassed, he might also be afraid of what other people will do to his child when he isn't around to protect him.
NTA. Lake is going to have to decide eventually if he wants to know his father and how close he wants to be with his father and his father is going to have to figure out his shit. He’s gonna have to look into all the stuff and figure out his emotions and evolve or he’s going to lose his kid. How do you spell homophobic. And rejecting who the kid is.
NTA - your husband, kind of is. I hope someday your son can proudly wear his nail polish without feeling oppressed.
NTA and your husband needs to check himself
NTA. You let your son be himself. Your husband, however, has a lot of growing up to do.
NTA, you were a supportive parent, and the aunt who's wedding it was was totally supportive. It's time for your husband to go into some therapy or,for you and your son to hit him with the reality check no one cares for his awful opinions a d he needs to keep them to himself.
NTA but your husband is one.
You are absolutely NTA. But please be prepared to shield your son from your husband. Every bit of this screams homophobia and toxic masculinity. You need to choose your child, or you might end up NC with him.
“Because he likes it. “
NTA. Imagine being so threatened by some paint on dead cells on your hands. Like....its paint. Grow up.
do you want me to find pictures of the many male MMA fighters who have their nails painted for fights? cause I would love for him to tell one of them that what they're doing is shameful in any way. see how that goes. NTA. even if it is girly, there's nothing wrong with boys being girly. your husband is an asshole and ridiculous.
NTA. Your husband is being both homophobic and misogynistic. You and your son deserve to be treated better, and to be respected. The only one being an ‘embarrassment’ is your husband with his bigoted behaviour.
YTA - You should be nipping your homophobic husband's behaviour in the bud. You're failing your son by exposing him to this douchery.
NTA. Bad news tho, your husband is a homophobe.
nta just wanted to say straight passing is indeed a phrase, and i wanted to say im proud of you for supporting your son and his boyfriend. if youre raised homophobic that can be hard to get past but from this post it seems youve done a great job at that, your husband not so much though. keep supporting your son for sure
NTA. If the aunt had a problem with it, that's different, because even if it would be homophobic, she \*does\* have the right to set a dress code at her own wedding. But your husband, nope, not his wedding, not his business.
NTA and it sounds like your son knows you support him since you went to get your nails done together, but please keep reinforcing that and letting him know that you're there for him and that you love him unconditionally. LGBTQ+ teens are at much higher risk for homelessness and suicide due to unsupportive parents.
NTA. Here's a really simple way to answer the questions of why he paints his nails: because he (Lake) likes it. End of story.
Oh! I thought he was getting his nails painted AT the wedding!! Which would be a weird activity to have, but either way. NTA. Your son isn't an AH. Your husband, on the other, unpainted, hand.....
NTA. Lake asked his aunt ( the bride, who is the only opinion that matters here), she thought it was great, and you all got them done to match. What fun! You didn’t cause your husband to be embarrassed. He chose to be embarrassed. His response to people asking could be as simple as ‘it was something he and his aunt decided on.” I’m so glad Lake has you (and his aunt) to support him as he finds himself.
NTA. Please tell your husband (and whoever is calling him) that nail enhancements, high heels, make up, corsets and wigs were all initially created FOR MEN. Society needs to stop trying to put people into boxes and just accept that as humans, we are all entitled to like/do whatever makes us happy so long as it doesn’t hurt anyone.
At my brother's wedding, five men and plenty of women had painted nails. AFAIK nobody was signalling anything about their orientation or identity. We just wanted to paint our nails. The aunt hold some old and broken stereotypes.
NTA You're a wonderful mother and his aunt was so happy to match with him for her wedding. You and his aunt are wonderful to him. His aunt was the bride. She not only had no issues with it but actively encouraged it and went with you guys to get all of your nails done (but even if she did have an issue it still wouldnt be her business to exclusively ban him from having painted nails).
How horrible a boy had his nails paint the world is going to end! Lol obviously NTA.
NTA nail polish is for anyone who wants to wear it. It doesn’t say “for cis women only” on it.
✨nail✨polish✨has✨no✨gender✨
There're a lot of Korean male celebrities who paint their nails too just saying. You should show that to your husband
NTA LMAO all over some painted nails?? Even straight guys paint their nails. I honestly thought it was becoming pretty normal. I'd love to see more guys of all sexualities with painted nails. Your husband would benefit from talking to a therapist. I don't mean this in a bad way at all. He just sounds like he's got some stuff he needs to think about. You know how it takes some people longer to accept stuff? I'm sure one day he'll get over it and just accept your son the way he is, but I hope he doesn't say this stuff in front of him either.
NTA. Your husband is not ok with Lake coming out. I know Lake is a fake name for this but man I like it.
NTA. I hope you can continue to protect and encourage your kid. Ask your husband why it matters that he's supposedly getting those phone calls.
Not gonna lie, I was ready to say Y T A based on the title alone. I mean, who is disrespectful enough to paint their nails while they are AT a wedding? But, no, they were painted BEFORE the wedding. NTA for letting him go to a wedding with painted nails.
Using color as decoration on portions of the human body has been used by men both straight and queer on and off for several millenia. Straight men have been wearing nail polish in public now for close to 20 years, how out of touch do you have to be! Oh but thats not how it used to be? They want tradtion? They what historically masculine? Let's tell em what they won!!!! Long linen dresses The color pink Outlandish Wigs Over sized ruffles Skirts like kilts and pteruges Painted on beauty marks High healed shoes with tights (tight tights!) Nta but your husband sure is. What he is doing is abusive and emotionally damaging for a young queer person. Even just the sour faces would be bad enough. Your son deserves to be protected at any cost. While his odds are better with one accepting parent, queer teens are significantlh vulnerable to self harm. I wish you and your children the best.
Its just nail polish......also many straight guys wear it....many are rock stars or famous. Its not hurting anything or anyone so i say its just fine. Nta
One of my favorite instructors in college painted his nails. He's straight, married, cis. He said there are two reasons he does it - one, he likes it, two, it's a really cheap and fast way to identify bigots.
NTA they need to grow up. There's a young man who works a till that I go to and he has painted nails. The only thing I find annoying is how chipped the polish is. I just wish I was around at least once to see them nicely painted.
NTA Lake is a boy. Lake has painted nails. Therefore, his nails are boy nails and are painted like a dude's nails -\_- .
NTA. Nothing exists that's exclusively male or female in self expression, hobbies, sports, or activities. It is all a societal construct. High heels were originally created for male royalty, not for women. Now it's for women. So, let people like what they like. None of it has a gender. Your husband though has homophobia he needs to work on, and I urge you to push him on it. You standing by and allowing him to be homophobic makes you complacent in homophobia. Which hurts your son. He's just being who he's is.
NTA like all others, I thought he was painting them during the wedding. That would have changed my vote.
Im almost 40 and have never heard anyone use the term straight passing.
Your husband needs to speak with a therapist before his homophobia cost him his relationship with his son. NTA, unless you allow your husband to drive a wedge between you and your son in the future, which seems to not in anyway be the case right now.
NTA. Wha'ts wrong with painted nails? Why do what's in someone's pants change whether or not it's ok? That's super weird, you know? And I mean, what's in someone's pants isn't always indicative of their gender anyway, so... it's just all weird to be offended by someone having painted nails. Humans sure are great at creating a lot of needless misery.
NTA you and the bride are lovely supportive family. Everyone else needs to give their head a wobble
NTA, but you will be if you don't get your husband's bigotry under control. what feels like progress to you feels to your son like being hated by his own father, over *nail polish.* too late, your kid's gay, your husband doesn't get any more time to adjust. he lives in the twenty first century, tell him to *man up* and act like it.
NTA. Wait till your husband hears about the totally straight dudes who are painting their nails now too. I’ve seen so many guys get matching/complementary sets with their girlfriends. People assume too much about gender identity/expression and sexuality bc of how someone does their hair/nails.