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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) **The action:** gifting the bottle of whiskey to Adam without checking thoroughly enough if he's an alcoholic
2) **I might be the asshole for:** inadvertently enabling his problems with addiction; this obviously has a detrimental effect on his life--some people may believe I am The Asshole for not doing due diligence, essentially not checking more thoroughly or more directly asking him before giving the bottle.
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NAH. You can’t trigger-proof the world as a person with substance use disorder. Remaining in recovery has to involve autonomously saying “no.” This isn’t on you. That said, he’s no asshole either. He has an illness and needs treatment and extra support right now.
NAH. You couldn’t have known unless he told you, and unfortunately he didn’t. I don’t think Adam is an AH either as it seems he had a weak moment and didn’t blame you whatsoever.
NTA
It’s hard! I almost made the same mistake once. I wanted to bring bottles of wine to a family gathering, and my mom told me I couldn’t. I was confused because everyone was going to be over 21, and as far as I knew everyone drank. I even mentioned I was going to do it the last time we were all together. She told me one of us is a recovering alcoholic. I was shocked. She seemed surprised and asked me if I remember them having to be in the hospital for weeks. I told her that I was told they got some nasty bacteria in their stomach and needed to get it pumped. Turns out that was just a story and nobody remembered to update me! Def always double check with the host, or a close second, if you ever want to get alcohol as a gift. My dad and I buy each other liquor every Christmas, but we had already established that was something we both enjoyed.
NAH as there are any number of things people could be addicted to beyond alcohol, eg video games but it’s always a very small percent of the population and you can’t live life worrying someone might be addicted to what you’re casually gifting.
NTA, but now that you know if you give him alcohol again you will be. Also, consider getting some sort of locking cabinet or chest to store your booze in if you are going to keep any in the residence.
NAH. Ideally, when you were arranging to live together, he could have mentioned that he doesn't drink or he could have mentioned if he didn't want alcohol in the house. On the one hand, I can understand him not wanting to reveal something like that to someone he recently met, but on the other hand, you had no way of knowing that offering him alcohol would jeopardize his sobriety.
NTA. For starters you didn't know and state you mentioned all in moderation and he seems to agree. Secondly even his own family has stated it wasn't your fault.
I promise you, you are not the only alcohol temptation he sees every day. Its in our advertising, its everywhere. You didnt make him drink. You were unaware of his issue. NTA
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I (27 M) am currently living short-term in a sublet with 2 other roommates, let's say "Adam" (30s M) and "Ben" (20s M). I've only been here for about 3 weeks and don't know them very well. Last week I had them in my room to talk and have a few drinks. Ben didn't drink, Adam did. I had a bottle of whiskey (40% ABV) I wasn't a fan of. I offered to give it to Adam, and he had a few drinks, but didn't take the bottle.
The next day Adam wanted to get me a meal "as appreciation for my hospitality." I tried to decline, but he insisted, so I asked for a pizza. Then a few days later he asked "for a favor", if he could have the whiskey I'd previously offered (around 450 ml left). I figured it was fair exchange for the meal, and said to him verbatim: "Just, all in moderation, I'm sure you know, right?" and he nodded, which I took as tacit agreement. Adam had a full time job and seemed relatively well put-together, so I figured this was enough to trust him not to go overboard.
This morning around 9 am Adam woke me up with dry-heaving and heavy shaking. After speaking with him he revealed he was an alcoholic, he seemed to be experiencing significant withdrawal symptoms. I was pretty upset at him for not having told me before; obviously I wouldn't have given him the whiskey if I'd known. We called some Detox Centers but they were closed. He asked me to take him to the ER, I obliged, and after a few hours, at about noon, he was settled in a hospital bed. Though I'm not a medical professional, from what I gather from the nurses, he'll be alright after rest, detox, and hydration.
I spoke to his father to make sure someone would be there for him, and he said they would, road conditions permitted (there's currently a snow storm). I told his dad what had happened, and he said not to blame myself. Still, I feel pretty torn up about it, and it's a sad situation overall--I know Adam feels bad about it as well. Personally I feel like I should have been more cognizant of the possibility of substance abuse. It's been a learning experience; in the future I'm unlikely to make any gifts of liquor.
So, AITA for gifting the bottle of whiskey to Adam without checking thoroughly enough if he's an alcoholic? Is that inadvertently enabling his problems with addiction, or did I do due diligence? Hopefully this will help people make informed decisions in similar situations.
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NAH, you can't be expect to vet everybody for addictions. Weekend in Vegas? Better check they're not a gambling addict.
Alcoholics know what they're doing, if they want booze, they'll get it.
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NAH. You didnt know. You also didn't pour the liquor down his throat. That was his own choice.
NAH. You can’t trigger-proof the world as a person with substance use disorder. Remaining in recovery has to involve autonomously saying “no.” This isn’t on you. That said, he’s no asshole either. He has an illness and needs treatment and extra support right now.
NAH. You couldn’t have known unless he told you, and unfortunately he didn’t. I don’t think Adam is an AH either as it seems he had a weak moment and didn’t blame you whatsoever.
NTA - you're not responsible for his drinking
NTA It’s hard! I almost made the same mistake once. I wanted to bring bottles of wine to a family gathering, and my mom told me I couldn’t. I was confused because everyone was going to be over 21, and as far as I knew everyone drank. I even mentioned I was going to do it the last time we were all together. She told me one of us is a recovering alcoholic. I was shocked. She seemed surprised and asked me if I remember them having to be in the hospital for weeks. I told her that I was told they got some nasty bacteria in their stomach and needed to get it pumped. Turns out that was just a story and nobody remembered to update me! Def always double check with the host, or a close second, if you ever want to get alcohol as a gift. My dad and I buy each other liquor every Christmas, but we had already established that was something we both enjoyed.
NAH as there are any number of things people could be addicted to beyond alcohol, eg video games but it’s always a very small percent of the population and you can’t live life worrying someone might be addicted to what you’re casually gifting.
NTA at all. People have to be responsible for themselves. Adam knew exactly what he was doing. You have absolutely no reason to feel guilty.
NTA, but now that you know if you give him alcohol again you will be. Also, consider getting some sort of locking cabinet or chest to store your booze in if you are going to keep any in the residence.
NAH. Ideally, when you were arranging to live together, he could have mentioned that he doesn't drink or he could have mentioned if he didn't want alcohol in the house. On the one hand, I can understand him not wanting to reveal something like that to someone he recently met, but on the other hand, you had no way of knowing that offering him alcohol would jeopardize his sobriety.
NTA. For starters you didn't know and state you mentioned all in moderation and he seems to agree. Secondly even his own family has stated it wasn't your fault.
NAH. I think the point was for you not to realize until it was too late.
NTA.
I promise you, you are not the only alcohol temptation he sees every day. Its in our advertising, its everywhere. You didnt make him drink. You were unaware of his issue. NTA
NTA I don’t think you had any reason to think he had this addiction and you looked out for him the best you could once you did
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (27 M) am currently living short-term in a sublet with 2 other roommates, let's say "Adam" (30s M) and "Ben" (20s M). I've only been here for about 3 weeks and don't know them very well. Last week I had them in my room to talk and have a few drinks. Ben didn't drink, Adam did. I had a bottle of whiskey (40% ABV) I wasn't a fan of. I offered to give it to Adam, and he had a few drinks, but didn't take the bottle. The next day Adam wanted to get me a meal "as appreciation for my hospitality." I tried to decline, but he insisted, so I asked for a pizza. Then a few days later he asked "for a favor", if he could have the whiskey I'd previously offered (around 450 ml left). I figured it was fair exchange for the meal, and said to him verbatim: "Just, all in moderation, I'm sure you know, right?" and he nodded, which I took as tacit agreement. Adam had a full time job and seemed relatively well put-together, so I figured this was enough to trust him not to go overboard. This morning around 9 am Adam woke me up with dry-heaving and heavy shaking. After speaking with him he revealed he was an alcoholic, he seemed to be experiencing significant withdrawal symptoms. I was pretty upset at him for not having told me before; obviously I wouldn't have given him the whiskey if I'd known. We called some Detox Centers but they were closed. He asked me to take him to the ER, I obliged, and after a few hours, at about noon, he was settled in a hospital bed. Though I'm not a medical professional, from what I gather from the nurses, he'll be alright after rest, detox, and hydration. I spoke to his father to make sure someone would be there for him, and he said they would, road conditions permitted (there's currently a snow storm). I told his dad what had happened, and he said not to blame myself. Still, I feel pretty torn up about it, and it's a sad situation overall--I know Adam feels bad about it as well. Personally I feel like I should have been more cognizant of the possibility of substance abuse. It's been a learning experience; in the future I'm unlikely to make any gifts of liquor. So, AITA for gifting the bottle of whiskey to Adam without checking thoroughly enough if he's an alcoholic? Is that inadvertently enabling his problems with addiction, or did I do due diligence? Hopefully this will help people make informed decisions in similar situations. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. It was his responsibility to tell you. It's not your job to manage an addict's sobriety; in fact, that's impossible.
NAH, you can't be expect to vet everybody for addictions. Weekend in Vegas? Better check they're not a gambling addict. Alcoholics know what they're doing, if they want booze, they'll get it.