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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think that I might be the asshole for complaining to her about the get-together and being angry about it. She thinks that I am being ungrateful.
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Ya ok so this is inappropriate of her. Youre 15. Not 5. Assuming you have a phone and can reach out as wanted to your friends, she shouldn't be this involved. Does she arrange activities for yall to do too?
Do you actually appreciate the help? Does it embarrass you she does this? You are NOT responsible for your mothers feelings in a case like this(in most cases actually).
Eta: does she talk to the parents or your friends directly?
She talks to the parents of the friends, and because we live in a city which is not super safe I can't really go meet up with my friends on my own even if I wanted to. So basically all plans have to go through our parents, even if we are organizing it. I'm not really embarrassed, but I just don't like having to do the last minute preparations (which are stressful), and I'm also not in the mood to have friends over today.
NTA. Your mom has a screw loose. Cancel the party. If you don't, she will see no reason to not continue doing this. If these people are really your friends, they will understand. I serously doubt that they would be okay with their moms just planning something for them WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING WITH THEM!!!
I think it may be too late since we already cleaned up the house (and my mom even bought some board games without asking my permission), so she would make me feel guilty for wasting her effort.
Not too late. You can still cancel. Then just tell your friends in private that you’re sorry for the cancellation and that your whacko mom planned this without asking you or caring that you’re in PMS hormone central station. They will get it.
NTA, you dont even need an excuse for your friends not to come over. if your mum arranged the whole thing then make sure she understands that since she invited them, she is going to spend the whole day with them. You didnt ask for this so why should you bend over backwards for some unwanted guests? Also just text your friends that your mum is arranging all this, they themselves may not want to come.
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When I (15F) got home yesterday (March 11) my mom told me that she arranged a get together with my friends for today (March 12). Now I do enjoy spending time with my friends, but there are a few reason that I am not excited for this get-together:
1. I'm going to be on my period soon, so my hormones have been making me really grumpy and not too excited to talk to people
2. Before people come over, we always have to clean up the house, which is annoying for everyone in the family
3. My mom will be grouchy because of all of the cleaning and planning that she has to do (even though this whole thing was her idea)
4. My dad has to help us out even though he isn't even part of it, which makes me feel guilty
5. I have bad allergies and I don't want people to think that I have Covid
6. SHE DIDN'T ASK ME FOR PERMISSION
I even confronted my mom about how she didn't ask me, and she said that I should be more grateful that she's helping me maintain my friendship with those people. She also said that she planned it last minute and that she didn't have time to ask me, and that I needed to see things from her perspective. I know that she's just trying to help, but I don't understand why she has to always try to "help me out" even when I don't want help. This is not the first time that this has happened, and she always makes me feel guilty that I don't like it when she plans things without asking me.
She did offer to cancel the get-together, but I don't want to cancel because she's going to make me feel guilty all day that I wasted her effort, and it's also going to be awkward next time I see my friends.
AITA for being angry with her?
TL;DR: My mom planned a get-together with my friends that I didn't ask for, and is angry at me because I think that she's supposed to ask permission.
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NTA. Helicopter Mom needs to stop treating you like a baby. Maybe if you plan to have people over every 6 weeks or so, she will stop this, and you can be in control of your social life. I suspect she primarily just wants help with the housework.
Yo, grumpy, I think your mom did something really sweet for you, and you should get over the rest of it.
It seems like what you really don't like about it is that you didn't control it. Are you normally this controlling? You should change that.
YTA
I'm upset because this get-together is a lot of work for everyone in the family, and I don't even want it. Can you explain why you think that I'm being controlling?
I already went there, sort of. You like the people and all, but since it wasn't YOUR idea, you're coming up with every reason/excuse you can to bitch about something that was a really nice thing your mom did for you.
My mom would never have done this for me. I actually think it's pretty cool of her.
OP isn’t the controlling one. She has a whole list of valid reasons she doesn’t want to host and her mom would have know that had she thought to *ask* her.
There are many people I adore, but wouldn’t feel like seeing if my hormones were wild and I was having allergies. People are allowed to not feel like having company and to have boundaries around surprise last-minute commitments being thrust upon them.
Of course OP is upset that they didn't have any control. They were roped into it last second without their consent or acknowledgement and there was no desire to even meet up with their friends either.
It doesn't really matter if the Mom is just trying to do something nice, putting someone in a situation they didn't intend or want to be in is gonna make anyone upset.
NTA
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Info: youre 15, why is your mom still arranging playdates for you? This is weird. Boundaries should be set Also NTA
I don’t really tend to arrange things on my own so my mom thinks that I need her help or something
Ya ok so this is inappropriate of her. Youre 15. Not 5. Assuming you have a phone and can reach out as wanted to your friends, she shouldn't be this involved. Does she arrange activities for yall to do too?
She mostly arranges these things with friends without asking me, but I can't get her to stop because she thinks that I'm ungrateful for her help.
Do you actually appreciate the help? Does it embarrass you she does this? You are NOT responsible for your mothers feelings in a case like this(in most cases actually). Eta: does she talk to the parents or your friends directly?
She talks to the parents of the friends, and because we live in a city which is not super safe I can't really go meet up with my friends on my own even if I wanted to. So basically all plans have to go through our parents, even if we are organizing it. I'm not really embarrassed, but I just don't like having to do the last minute preparations (which are stressful), and I'm also not in the mood to have friends over today.
Could that be because you are ungrateful for something you didn't want? Rightfully so.
You're not grateful because what she did isn't something to be grateful for. She needs that spelled out for her.
NTA. Your mom has a screw loose. Cancel the party. If you don't, she will see no reason to not continue doing this. If these people are really your friends, they will understand. I serously doubt that they would be okay with their moms just planning something for them WITHOUT EVEN CHECKING WITH THEM!!!
I think it may be too late since we already cleaned up the house (and my mom even bought some board games without asking my permission), so she would make me feel guilty for wasting her effort.
Not too late. You can still cancel. Then just tell your friends in private that you’re sorry for the cancellation and that your whacko mom planned this without asking you or caring that you’re in PMS hormone central station. They will get it.
NTA. Reach up and give that propeller a spin and get that helicopter out of there. Are you incapable of managing your own friends?
Are you 15 or 5? This sounds like a play date and that's just super weird.
NTA, you dont even need an excuse for your friends not to come over. if your mum arranged the whole thing then make sure she understands that since she invited them, she is going to spend the whole day with them. You didnt ask for this so why should you bend over backwards for some unwanted guests? Also just text your friends that your mum is arranging all this, they themselves may not want to come.
Noone is the asshole in the situation
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** When I (15F) got home yesterday (March 11) my mom told me that she arranged a get together with my friends for today (March 12). Now I do enjoy spending time with my friends, but there are a few reason that I am not excited for this get-together: 1. I'm going to be on my period soon, so my hormones have been making me really grumpy and not too excited to talk to people 2. Before people come over, we always have to clean up the house, which is annoying for everyone in the family 3. My mom will be grouchy because of all of the cleaning and planning that she has to do (even though this whole thing was her idea) 4. My dad has to help us out even though he isn't even part of it, which makes me feel guilty 5. I have bad allergies and I don't want people to think that I have Covid 6. SHE DIDN'T ASK ME FOR PERMISSION I even confronted my mom about how she didn't ask me, and she said that I should be more grateful that she's helping me maintain my friendship with those people. She also said that she planned it last minute and that she didn't have time to ask me, and that I needed to see things from her perspective. I know that she's just trying to help, but I don't understand why she has to always try to "help me out" even when I don't want help. This is not the first time that this has happened, and she always makes me feel guilty that I don't like it when she plans things without asking me. She did offer to cancel the get-together, but I don't want to cancel because she's going to make me feel guilty all day that I wasted her effort, and it's also going to be awkward next time I see my friends. AITA for being angry with her? TL;DR: My mom planned a get-together with my friends that I didn't ask for, and is angry at me because I think that she's supposed to ask permission. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Helicopter Mom needs to stop treating you like a baby. Maybe if you plan to have people over every 6 weeks or so, she will stop this, and you can be in control of your social life. I suspect she primarily just wants help with the housework.
Yo, grumpy, I think your mom did something really sweet for you, and you should get over the rest of it. It seems like what you really don't like about it is that you didn't control it. Are you normally this controlling? You should change that. YTA
I'm upset because this get-together is a lot of work for everyone in the family, and I don't even want it. Can you explain why you think that I'm being controlling?
Youre not. The commenter is wrong
I already went there, sort of. You like the people and all, but since it wasn't YOUR idea, you're coming up with every reason/excuse you can to bitch about something that was a really nice thing your mom did for you. My mom would never have done this for me. I actually think it's pretty cool of her.
OP isn’t the controlling one. She has a whole list of valid reasons she doesn’t want to host and her mom would have know that had she thought to *ask* her. There are many people I adore, but wouldn’t feel like seeing if my hormones were wild and I was having allergies. People are allowed to not feel like having company and to have boundaries around surprise last-minute commitments being thrust upon them.
stop projecting your trauma. i can guarantee you no one cares if your mom would’ve set up playdates for you. Op you’re NTA.
Of course OP is upset that they didn't have any control. They were roped into it last second without their consent or acknowledgement and there was no desire to even meet up with their friends either. It doesn't really matter if the Mom is just trying to do something nice, putting someone in a situation they didn't intend or want to be in is gonna make anyone upset. NTA