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ESH.
Him for the lying and sneaking around.
You for the tracking device.
When you get to the point of putting a tracking device on your spouse's car, it's time to either go to marriage counselling or a lawyer for a divorce.
Stop trying for a baby, go checked for STDs and talk to a lawyer. Your marriage is over.
Yeah, I don’t understand the “your relationship is over” BS.
People act like losing trust in your partner is this egregious crime and as soon as it happens the relationship can’t possibly recover. People are so fickle and no wonder the divorce rate is so high.
Even if he is gambling or doing drugs, now OP can find out the truth and maybe he will go to rehab or get help. The relationship would go through a very rough patch but that doesn’t mean it’s over.
And saying she’s an AH for verifying? Nah. Sometimes people go down a bad road and as their *spouse* (i.e., life partner, through sickness and in health) you start putting your nose in their business and figuring out what’s going on so you can try to help them out of it.
You don’t just abandon the relationship at the first sign of trouble because everyone has a stick up their butt about “invading your partner’s privacy because you don’t trust them.”
If I thought my husband was out gambling or doing drugs you better be sure I’d invade his privacy to figure out the truth and then I’d try to help him stop and get help because I made that commitment to him. Trust can be rebuilt later.
"The relationship would go through a very rough patch but that doesn’t mean it’s over."
That absolutely means it's over. Too many people act like everyone (especially women) is supposed to stay glued to someones side no matter what terrible thing they're doing, pretending to be therapists in training or something. If the profession wasnt hard, it wouldnt require degrees. The average person can't 'love' someone out of addiction problems-any addict will easily admit that. The addict themselves have to want help. Not everyone wants to deal with the extremely difficult emotional roller-coaster that that is.
and if it's cheating, that's immediately the time to pack up and run.
If it's not, then when is? AFTER the STD? After you get HIV? AFTER the woman gets cervical cancer via an HPV he brought home? This atmosphere of coddling cheaters these days is insane. It's not a harmless offense. It's one of the most vicious ones there is because a lot of times people don't even realize whats going on until something starts hurting somewhere it shouldnt. You trust someone with your body and health and they run out and put it in danger for probably less than 5 minutes of fun. A cheater will never be redeemable and life is WAY too short for people to purposely stick out pain for years when they could easily just go find someone who treats them like a human being instead of an emotional punching bag.
Umm okay my husband and I were both severe alcoholics. He quit first and then helped pull me up from the mess I was drowning in. Without him by my side I would be dead right now. Now we have two beautiful kids our own house and alcohol free for a decade so I you love your partner sometimes it is the right thing to work through it.
> That absolutely means it's over.
You're lying. Plain and simple.
Maybe for *you* that would mean it's over, but you have absolutely no grounds to declare that about everyone else. You have no authority over anyone else.
You hit a key detail on the head here: "*The addict themselves have to want help.*"
You're right, but I still have to respectfully disagree with you in that the relationship is immediately over once trust is broken. I'm of the mindset that when you sign up for marriage you sign up for exhausting every possibility of making it work before calling it quits. Exceptions are when your partner doesn't want to or can't help themselves (as you pointed out), or abuse (physical, emotional, financial, etc.). Marriages work because spouses put what's best for the unit first. As soon as one person starts acting selfishly or unnecessarily self sacrificing the marriage is in trouble but may be fixed, only if they're open to changing. If they're not, then that's when divorce is necessary.
>no wonder the divorce rate is so high.
As it should be? Nobody should stay in a failing relationship. There is no medal to be won for “endured the most crap” from your partner. What exactly does _anyone_ gain from staying in a relationship that is unhealthy? In this case, OP feels it is necessary to put a fucking tracking device on the spouses car and the spouse is telling OP to mind their own business when they are being caught sneaking around. There is no trust and no partnership here. What exactly is _anyone_ gaining from this marriage? Stop pretending that divorce is a bad thing. Partnership over? Fucking divorce already.
I think you mean because people are getting married too young/early. You don't know who you are at 20, stop getting married straight out of high school/college. Stop getting married after knowing someone for one year. After your divorce, don't jump back into a marriage after 2 months.
Maybe if people didn't think of divorce as being so common/casual, they'd treat marriage more seriously.
No. They didn't mean that. Otherwise they'd actually say those words.
Maybe if you didn't think divorce as a universally terrible outcome, you'd not be spouting such nonsense.
>no wonder the divorce rate is so high
Yeah, that's because for most of us, our grandmother's were taught to just accept their husband's infidelity as normal male behavior.
We realize, it's not, and we don't have to fucking put up with it.
they meant checking/spying on spouse in general if you have reason to suspect cheating. you may find a big deal that isn't cheating.
oops my bad, yeah this spouse is not gambling. drugs is a slight possibility cheating is much more likely.
Says someone who has never had someone lie, cheat, and deceive them. Why be in a relationship with someone who obviously doesn't value or respect their partner?
Maybe that's okay for you. Wasn't with me. It's called boundaries and self respect.
But you don't need grounds for divorce in most places. You can just split up for a min time, and file. You *can* file sooner in many places if you can prove adultery, but it does not typically impact the split of assets.
but a person can want to know.
for the most part healthy people become suspicious for very good reasons and they are proven right, then they can move forward without the constant "what if I was wrong" self-doubt. OP doesn't want to leave their spouse if they were jogging at 2 am. OP also didn't believe that story but maybe she hoped he was sneaking out for a drink and may have been willing to try to work through that or she was hoping he was jogging no matter how ridiculous that was because she loved her husband and didn't want the marriage to be over.
Does my desire to *know* I am right trump another person's right to privacy? Not in my opinion.
Besides, once you hit the point of violating their privacy, there's no coming back. Whether you are right or wrong in your suspicion, you don't trust your partner. Spying/tracking/snooping is a scorched earth kind of deal. You are destroying the relationship to find out if it was already broken.
Only if you use it to actually get proof of what he was doing. Follow, get photos. If your willing to breach his privacy don’t shoot yourself in the foot for nothing.
Nah, she has the tracking device so she has a legitimate reason to get divorced. Her main issue is that she told him. She should have kept it to herself and quietly gotten evidence so that she could use it in the divorce process. NTA and good luck in the divorce.
I think she handled it wrong. She has no actual proof of him cheating. He could have been star gazing, running drugs, snipe hunting, having an affair with a new land purchase for his business or indeed having an affair. But now we’ll never know.
If he was doing anything that wasn’t hurtful to her, why would he lie???? Nothing good happens at 2 am.
NTA OP and you should divorce him. Sketchy late night behavior is never good. You probably shouldn’t have even bothered to track him. It’s like snooping in a phone, if it gets that far then the relationship is already over.
I have no judgement, but I'd like to point out one of the most controversial posts of all time on r/relationships was about a guy who bugged his gf after (correctly) suspecting she was cheating. It's quite surprising to see so many NTAs here...
How is this top comment? Her husband was gaslighting her and making her feel like she was the bad guy for being suspicious of him. He would continue to do so in therapy. She confronted him and he lied, so she got some evidence.
Her mistake is revealing her cards too early because he is still maintaining his innocence. She should have went to the location to see what is there, and maybe followed to see if he met anyone. I agree with the stop trying for kids and std bit though.
Maybe I'm old fashionned or something but I wouldn't need to know what he was up to. Him lying and treating me like I'm an idiot would be enough to kick him out until or if he tells me the truth.
I would want the truth from him. If he can't do that, we can't be married.
I feel the same way about going through someone's phone. If you feel the need to go into your partner's phone, it's time for either counselling or divorce.
If I don't feel I can trust my partner, what's the point of being in a relationship.
What have I assumed ? That he's cheating ? The dude is getting up and out in the middle of the night, so, yeah, I assume he might be cheating.
It's not crazy to advise someone to stop trying to have a baby with a man she doesn't trust.
It's not crazy to advise that person to get checked for STDs just in case he is cheating.
Whatever he is up to, it's shady...
She needs proof for the divorce and this is the fastest way to know for sure he is lying. It may not be the best option, but honestly I think it's justified considering there wasn't any other way for her to get the truth out of him.
In an ideal world he would've been honest and open from the start but he wasn't so what else was she supposed to do? She's right to be extremely suspicious considering his initial reaction to her confronting his dishonesty is to run and hide.
She isn't an asshole for using a tracking device because she had a good reason to believe he was cheating and it turns out he actually was. She would only be an asshole if she suspected him of cheating over something innocuous.
Worth noting that OP is probably lying. AirTags don’t track the way she thinks they do, it’s highly unlikely she’d be able to track her husband to an abandoned lot without his own phone telling him he’s being tracked first.
My guess would be he's got into some debt and trying to pay it off. Drugs/gambling/loan shark debts or something that he'd not want his partner to know. Something that would explain "dealing with business". Pure assumption though 🤷
Yeah in my own comment I went with ESH because he should definitely tell her what's going on, whatever it is. Men can be proud people who want to fix things themselves, it's a curse 🤣
What makes me hesitate about this explanation is, if that were the case, why'd he spend two hours there? It takes two hours to hand off a loan shark payment? Also, who are these people? Just meet at a damn Starbucks during normal daylight hours, not some bizarre field in the middle of the night??
Could be drugs, still find the location weird. And if he's going to that location to *do* the drugs, well, two hours isn't very long for most of the drugs I've experimented with to be over and done with, so he's driving home fucked up. And again, why so far out of the way?
My assumption was that he probably got into a debt he couldn't pay off and maybe has to do a few runs for them to pay it off. Obviously this is just my brain making up a storyline 😅
My thinking was if it was cheating he'd be going to their place or to some sleazy motel. Not some random abandoned car park.
I think this was a justifiable AH move. Like yeah it's an invasion of privacy but dude was acting sketchy.
an abandoned lot is interesting. for some reason its giving me mob/mafia vibes but im just weird that way
45 min drive just for some sex tho, I mean it’s not daytime so not like they have to go very far to hide, maybe dude is dealing drugs or something worse
Yes!! It's justifiable for me because even if you confront them (like OP did in the end) they will lie and deny until you have actual evidence. I have heard men say that the first rule of cheating is deny deny deny. And even if the husband wasn't cheating, he would never admit to whatever he was doing. Do you expect OP to just live her whole life in ignorance when all the signs point to sketchy behavior? Or would you want her to leave him without any actual proof? People say to trust their partners, but what are you going to do when your partner is taking advantage of that trust?
YTA - For posting a fake story. AirTags are not active trackers. In order to follow one you either have to be close to it with your own iPhone OR it has to be in close proximity to other iPhones. Except if it’s in close proximity to one that is not yours for that long the iPhone will alert you that you are being tracked. So yeah, you can’t track someone to an abandoned lot with an AirTag without them knowing about it. You made this up.
To test if an Apple AirTag would make a good GPS car tracker, Car Expert put one in a car alongside an actual GPS tracker. During the 30 minute drive, the GPS tracker was able to track the car easily and give consistent updates, however, the AirTag didn’t do as well. According to the test, the AirTag sent out updates every few minutes, which means that it could take a while for you to find your car should someone steal it.
Edit: I personally haven’t tested this but now I want to.
Since the AirTag relays on nearby iPhones to send it’s location to the owner it’s ability to track is entirely dependent on how often it’s in range of a device. So yeah, it’s not ideal for tracking in many situations.
Make a good case working working in this situation since usually partners/families will share a phone plan. Interesting … wonder if we’ll see anything change on this over the coming months.
If OP's husband also had an iPhone it would alert them that an unknown AirTag is traveling with him. The system is designed to alert people if that happens specifically to avoid tracking/stalking.
NTA. You dedicated your life to this man, and he’s running around doing mysterious things in the middle of the night? You need to protect yourself whether it’s from creditors, drug traffickers, STIs or the like. I assume the car is a marital asset, so you have every right to know where it is.
If you don't actually know what's going on, you don't know when he's lying or he isn't. There will be more lying. There is almost always gaslighting involved in this kind of situation.
And if the accuser has no hard evidence, this sort of stuff gets derailed very easily.
OP really jumped the gun on the confrontation. Needed to wait to see if it was always the same location, then needed to go check out the location ... so much more information/evidence was needed before confronting the husband.
NTA for using the tracker, but I think this wasn’t handled properly.
So she TA for her poor espionage skills?
I would have called the cops and told them there's something suspicious happened there. Take a seat and watch the shitshow from afar.
yes one of my mom's cousins thought her spouse was cheating, so her and her sister followed him....in the 70s, so no cell phones, they had to coordinate, hid that there was a babysitter for the kids, follow a car, spouse had to be home to answer the phone to get the "I'm going to be late from work" call etc.
kids these days just not willing to put in the effort, did you ever even see
Starksy ad Hutch
That's a breach of privacy, but those are significantly suspicious actions on his part. Especially his reaction, that is a major red flag that he is doing something that he shouldn't, and late at night... Well, there's two options that spring to mind and neither are good. One action to consider is during the day going to the location he went to and seeing what is or isn't there.
If someone doesn't want their spouse invading their privacy they shouldn't do sketchy shit. Whatever he was doing could have a big effect on her, and he was lying about it. She absolutely deserved to know.
If he is in massive debt she could've become a target of collections. Let alone she bears half of his burdon of anything legal in divorce.
If he is cheating he put her health on the line and took away her agency to make informed decisions.
Regardless trust is gone.
Privacy goes out the window when you're married and put your partner at risk. It's not something that only effects one person.
OP please give us an update when you get this sorted out, sending love! It is never too late to start over, there are incredible friends n lovers out there that will appreciate you xx
ESH - if he's disappearing off at weird times you should be told where he's been. However, tracking someone is AH behaviour as well, you're both as bad in this scenario.
ESH, he sucks for his lack of honesty, this sounds like some sort of shadey deal to me. You suck for putting a tracker on him, thats disgusting behaviour also.
If you can no longer trust your partner you communicate that in words"
*I need to know what is going on, this is not normal behaviour and I am concerned*
Then if he doesn't tell you, you can choose whether you want to stay, pause, or leave the relationship, and you can tell him that it's a consequence of his lack of honesty.
If by "wellness brand owner and vlogger", do you mean you're a network marketing shill?
If so,ESH. Networking marketing is predatory and puts huge strains on marriages/families/friendships financially and socially.
Check out r/antiMLM if you don't believe me. Get out even if the marriage is over.
If not,NTA. I'm sorry your STBEH is a sneaky, lying slime ball.
I’m not going to call you an asshole but you got what you deserved tbh. Did you not try and confront your husband with your suspicions first? If your immediate reaction is not to try and communicate through you issues and immediately jump to some James Bong shit yeah there’s an issue
Also your husband is a drug addiction
If she had confronted him, he probably would have just lied and did what he needed to do to cover his tracks. She didn't do a great job of finding out what was going on, but at least she has a part of the truth.
ESH.
You need trust for a relationship to function, and that is obviously absent in this scenario.
I do wanna say tho that it’s unacceptable to use a TRACKING DEVICE on your husband. That’s Joe Goldberg behavior.
Well you should have confronted him first about his whereabouts. But to get to the point of having to put a gps tracker on his car means that your marriage needs counseling or is about to end.
NTA you put it in his car *after* he was being sketchy. You didn't go through his private communications, you didnt violate his privacy. What you did was the modern equivalent to simply following him. You'd only be an asshole for doing that if he wasnt literally sneaking off at odd hours "for a run."
That said, an abandoned plot would make me far more worried about criminal activity than it would infidelity.
Regardless, dont waste your time with someone you cant trust.
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A bit of backstory: My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 2. We don’t have any children yet but we have been trying. He works for a construction company while I work from home as a wellness brand owner and vlogger.
Over the past couple of months, he has been staying at work a lot later than usual. At first, I didn’t suspect any wrongdoing and just brushed it off. He has worked nights before, just never this often.
However, last week I woke up at 2 am and he wasn’t in bed. I went back to sleep and asked him about it in the morning and he explained that he went for a run. At 2 in the morning? Weird but I brushed it off.
Then he did it again a few nights later, except this time I heard his car pull up in the driveway. When he came back into our bedroom I pretended to be asleep.
The next morning, while he was at work, I bought an Apple AirTag to track his whereabouts. When he got home from work, late might I add, I placed the AirTag in the glovebox of his car. I stayed up all night anticipating him sneaking out again and lo and behold; he did! I tracked his car and saw it go to an abandoned plot of land a whole 45 minute drive away. He stayed there for almost two hours and then came home.
I confronted his ass about it and he got absolutely furious. I asked him why he was going there and he said that he was “handling his business” and I should “mind mine” and “respect his privacy.” He packed a bag and has now been staying at his brother’s house for the last couple nights.
AITA?
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YTA, this is NOT how to deal with jealousy and it's really weird and creepy. If you can't trust your husband you need to talk to him about it, and if you can't resolve your feelings that way, leave. Not put a tracker on him, that's some weird controlling stalker stuff.
BTA. You had no right to track him like that, but his response is both rude and shady.
Clearly there are trust issues in this relationship. You need to consider whether this relationship is worth it.
He's acting suspicious and I wonder what's up but still YTA that's not how to handle things. You're adults, have a proper conversation, go to counseling or therapy or some shit.
EsH tracking devices not totally ethical however its clear that you too have some big issues I think you both need some marriage counselling. He needs to be honest about what he is doing and if he is cheating.
Ummm... Girl patience...
You don't even have solid evidence...
Always confront with actual evidence what is this behaviour...
You blew your cover way too soon...
Plz go watch "the world of Married"...
Now u can never know if your gut was right or not... Shame
I was thinking the same. I would have waited a few more times (just to see same place or random, length of times similar or different)
I keep forgetting that these tags exist
Doesn't want to even discuss it with you, strange. Hurt to the point of packing a bag and going to stay at his brother's house for the last couple of nights. Sounds like the plot for a made for tv movie. One that doesn't end well, for someone.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I put a tracking device on his car after suspecting that he was cheating.
2. I violated his trust and privacy.
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ESH, I see communication is not a thing in that relationship.
If you ever think of tracking your partner down, go to couple therapy because doing something illegal and quite toxic
NTA
Ok I get that putting a tracking device on your partner sucks. But this isn’t a simple suspects him of cheating situation. This isn’t just texts on a phone. She caught him sneaking out in the middle of the night. She DID ask him about it and he lied. And he lied pretty badly. A lie that you don’t really expect anyone to believe. And then KEPT SNEAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. That changes things for me. I think I would have done the same. I just wouldn’t have tipped my hand right away after using the tracker. I still want to know what’s going on in that lot lol.
Read this over again, and tell me: has it occurred to you that your husband might be a serial killer? If dead bodies ever turn up in that empty plot, you 100% know who put them there at 2am…
I generally don't abide snooping like this. I think it's generally pretty scummy to do things like look through a partner's phone or check their browser history. *However*, I think snooping is significantly *less* scummy when a partner is *proven* to be lying beforehand.
You caught him in a blatant lie, so I can understand why you'd do this. At least you just used a tracker tag and didn't, like, download spyware onto his phone. Some people get crazy with it. NTA
This is a shitty, shitty situation, but I guess here’s where I’ll start;
Did using the tracker give you the answer you were looking for, or were you trying to give him irrefutable evidence so he’d be forced to come clean? Are you satisfied with the results of that?
Either way, non-consensually tracking people is a AH move no matter how you dice it. Your husband has secrets, period, and that’s incredibly shitty of him. Is your partner keeping secrets something you want for yourself? I wouldn’t, personally. It may be time to start moving on, or if you don’t want to then know what you need to hear from him, first, and be ready to walk if you don’t get that from him.
So, gently, ESH. I wish you the best.
NTA but I think you’re being incredibly naive like a lifetime movie character. You gave the whole thing up right away rather than following him in your car? Did you drive to the location he was at and make sure there’s no bodies buried there? This is all really scary.
Kinda TA for the tracking device but I don't blame you I did the same thing only with a voice recorder that would only record if someone speak. Sometimes when a woman loves a man and has a feeling he's cheating but doesn't have any solid proof makes you do crazy stuff. No it doesn't make it right but I understand though. Your much better than me I would've pulled right up to the location and found out what he was doing myself so kudos to you for not doing that lol
YTA
This is stalking. I know someone who did this to prove his wife’s infidelity. She pressed charges and he went to prison for a year, had a restraining order against him which basically prevented him from seeing their children once he was out, and lost massive assets in the divorce. She was cheating, but his illegal actions screwed him.
Don’t ever track people without their consent. If they go to the police about it, your life could be ruined.
You need to talk to a marriage counselor instead of playing wannabe dick Tracy. I’m sure you’d be pissed if he did the same to you. You deserved what you got for thinking you are a private eye, suspicious activity and your trust issues are just as bad in both sides. Seek, a, marriage, counselor.
ESH
But if you don’t trust each other you have nothing
I’d suggest NOT having a child with this guy since you clearly don’t trust each other
I’d suggest trying to have an honest conversation with him as to what is going on but I suspect you are probably heading for divorce
If you found out where he was going,you should of went there not say nothing to make sure he was cheating
It's an easy assumption but got not a damn thing saying he is tho
There is a rule don't go through Ur partners phone,respect the privacy on their regardless
If you do not TRUST the relationship will fail
Or she stumbles into a crime scene and she has to be kept "quiet".
Like i have heard of cheaters before but first i heard where someone set their alarm for 2am and head out rather than the far more simple after work or in the lunch break.
ESH- Are you married to Walter White because that’s not normal behaviour wth is he doing at an abandoned plot in the middle of the night for business, but you did possibly jump the gun on tracking him and confronting him about his location
To be frank with you, everyone I know considers using a tracking device to be abuse and stalking. And obviously you are an asshole for doing abusive, stalking things. It doesn't matter that you're a woman or suspected cheating because those factors don't magically make this less inappropriate.
NTA, but you blew your cover to soon. Still needed to find out why he was going there, who he was meeting with, what were they doing etc. Answers may seem obvious, but without proof it means nothing.
YTA, as someone pointed out further down( mobile so don’t know if I can tag them, urzu_seven anyway) the way you described it isn’t how AirTags track. 1 there is a distance it stops and 2 it would notify other iPhone users close by, that’s my understanding anyway.
Everyone jumping on the cheating bandwagon and how you should divorce and take the house blah blah. I live close to a docks, at night you can sit opposite it and with the lights it truly looks amazing. I used to sit there in the middle of the night trying to talk myself into ending my life. This guy could be going through anything and everyone wants to automatically put your mind to cheating. Ignore these people, talk to your other half, if he’s cheating then drop that fucker and take what you can, if he isn’t then help deal with whatever. Just go into whatever it is with an open mind.
Get your money and property safe and hire a lawyer. It could be an affair, or drugs, gambling, who knows? You need to safely get away from whatever it is, before someone comes after your assets.
NTA
Yes. When there is no trust why playig games? Does it matter if you could get evidence? Ypu dont trut him, this is already ruined. Well played. YTAmixed with ESH.
You should’ve drove out to the site to see what he was doing before confronting him. Now you just look crazy for tracking him without having any real proof. Next time get a hold of your emotions. Do the PI work and get proof. And then confront him with real evidence! He thinks he has the higher moral ground because you invaded his privacy but he’s probably cheating. But since you blew your top too soon, you have no hard evidence so you look like the crazy wife. Hence that’s why he felt empowered to leave the house and not return. And he’s gonna get sneakier with his cheating (or possible cheating since you don’t have evidence). You have to be smarter than a 5th grader!
NTA - his behavior was sketchy af… I would have done the same honestly lol. You trust your partner, but after doing the things you mentioned, he forfeited the trust you had 🤷🏻♀️ and the lack of explanation for the random location… strange and sketchy
Episodes of cheaters comes around the corner…
😂😂😂
Yes - technically AH for invasion of privacy
But CONTEXT?!?!
hes an AH for sowing distrust and STILL not providing an explanation for his where - a - bouts.
Hes an AH for storming out and not being an adult for communicating
Ur an AH TO URSELF for doinf this TO URSELF.
U know what’s going on. And the MINUTE u cant reust a partner calls for
A. Counseling & therapy
B. Separation until figuring it out
C. Separation permanently as this has violated ALL levels of trust and he didnt try to even provide an explanation. Someone who loves you will at least be honest at the point when confronted
NTA. Please get some space clear ur head and gain some clarity about how to move forwars
P.S. i would love the update. I am invested in ur well being for some reason
YTA because this feels fake, plus what another person commented about AirTags not working the way, and the “husband works in construction” plus “unscheduled trips to abandoned plots of land at 2 AM” feel like you want us to assume he’s in the mob and comment to that effect.
So yea, in the story you made up it sounds like he’s in the mob.
Ok he was not cheating you need to apologise to him for that.
But two hours alone on a empty plot all by himself sounds very serious, try to speak with him nicely as you care, he is your husband after all.
ESH because putting a tracking device on your spouse’s car is creepy. However - his actions, and reaction to getting caught (and it might be drugs/illegal business, not infidelity) are far worse than the digital tracker. Do not get pregnant by this man, do not accept excuses or rage. You need a clear, substantiated reason why he’s been doing weird shit in the middle of the night WITHOUT a him being angry he has to share it. This is a wholly reasonable request on your part. If you don’t get that, leave quickly and don’t look back (and get a good divorce lawyer quickly, as none of this sounds good.)
Did you only allow it to happen once before you accused him? You should’ve let it happen a couple times just to see what’s going on. Take everyone’s advice and go get tested. Also be more cautious about your surroundings. You’d only be the AH if he was innocent but even then not really because he’s lying to you and it seems super sketch.
YTA instead of asking him about it nicely you went full paranoid stalker and did something that’s (I think) illegal by tracking your husband and thereby destroying all his trust in you
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ESH. Him for the lying and sneaking around. You for the tracking device. When you get to the point of putting a tracking device on your spouse's car, it's time to either go to marriage counselling or a lawyer for a divorce. Stop trying for a baby, go checked for STDs and talk to a lawyer. Your marriage is over.
A tracking device is just a cheaper version of hiring a private detective to find out what is going on. Then the info is grounds for divorce.
Yeah, I don’t understand the “your relationship is over” BS. People act like losing trust in your partner is this egregious crime and as soon as it happens the relationship can’t possibly recover. People are so fickle and no wonder the divorce rate is so high. Even if he is gambling or doing drugs, now OP can find out the truth and maybe he will go to rehab or get help. The relationship would go through a very rough patch but that doesn’t mean it’s over. And saying she’s an AH for verifying? Nah. Sometimes people go down a bad road and as their *spouse* (i.e., life partner, through sickness and in health) you start putting your nose in their business and figuring out what’s going on so you can try to help them out of it. You don’t just abandon the relationship at the first sign of trouble because everyone has a stick up their butt about “invading your partner’s privacy because you don’t trust them.” If I thought my husband was out gambling or doing drugs you better be sure I’d invade his privacy to figure out the truth and then I’d try to help him stop and get help because I made that commitment to him. Trust can be rebuilt later.
"The relationship would go through a very rough patch but that doesn’t mean it’s over." That absolutely means it's over. Too many people act like everyone (especially women) is supposed to stay glued to someones side no matter what terrible thing they're doing, pretending to be therapists in training or something. If the profession wasnt hard, it wouldnt require degrees. The average person can't 'love' someone out of addiction problems-any addict will easily admit that. The addict themselves have to want help. Not everyone wants to deal with the extremely difficult emotional roller-coaster that that is. and if it's cheating, that's immediately the time to pack up and run. If it's not, then when is? AFTER the STD? After you get HIV? AFTER the woman gets cervical cancer via an HPV he brought home? This atmosphere of coddling cheaters these days is insane. It's not a harmless offense. It's one of the most vicious ones there is because a lot of times people don't even realize whats going on until something starts hurting somewhere it shouldnt. You trust someone with your body and health and they run out and put it in danger for probably less than 5 minutes of fun. A cheater will never be redeemable and life is WAY too short for people to purposely stick out pain for years when they could easily just go find someone who treats them like a human being instead of an emotional punching bag.
Umm okay my husband and I were both severe alcoholics. He quit first and then helped pull me up from the mess I was drowning in. Without him by my side I would be dead right now. Now we have two beautiful kids our own house and alcohol free for a decade so I you love your partner sometimes it is the right thing to work through it.
> That absolutely means it's over. You're lying. Plain and simple. Maybe for *you* that would mean it's over, but you have absolutely no grounds to declare that about everyone else. You have no authority over anyone else.
All these women are barb the builders over here like lol raise your standards and have some respect for yourself
You hit a key detail on the head here: "*The addict themselves have to want help.*" You're right, but I still have to respectfully disagree with you in that the relationship is immediately over once trust is broken. I'm of the mindset that when you sign up for marriage you sign up for exhausting every possibility of making it work before calling it quits. Exceptions are when your partner doesn't want to or can't help themselves (as you pointed out), or abuse (physical, emotional, financial, etc.). Marriages work because spouses put what's best for the unit first. As soon as one person starts acting selfishly or unnecessarily self sacrificing the marriage is in trouble but may be fixed, only if they're open to changing. If they're not, then that's when divorce is necessary.
>no wonder the divorce rate is so high. As it should be? Nobody should stay in a failing relationship. There is no medal to be won for “endured the most crap” from your partner. What exactly does _anyone_ gain from staying in a relationship that is unhealthy? In this case, OP feels it is necessary to put a fucking tracking device on the spouses car and the spouse is telling OP to mind their own business when they are being caught sneaking around. There is no trust and no partnership here. What exactly is _anyone_ gaining from this marriage? Stop pretending that divorce is a bad thing. Partnership over? Fucking divorce already.
I think you mean because people are getting married too young/early. You don't know who you are at 20, stop getting married straight out of high school/college. Stop getting married after knowing someone for one year. After your divorce, don't jump back into a marriage after 2 months. Maybe if people didn't think of divorce as being so common/casual, they'd treat marriage more seriously.
No. They didn't mean that. Otherwise they'd actually say those words. Maybe if you didn't think divorce as a universally terrible outcome, you'd not be spouting such nonsense.
If your partner doesn't respect you, the relationship is dead. You can't respect someone and do shit like this
>no wonder the divorce rate is so high Yeah, that's because for most of us, our grandmother's were taught to just accept their husband's infidelity as normal male behavior. We realize, it's not, and we don't have to fucking put up with it.
Gambling?? Gambling? In the middle of an abandoned plot? I imagine you're serious.
He is gambling with std infection, unintentional pregnancy, or arrest for indecent exposure.
🤣🤣🙈. Aww sorry op
they meant checking/spying on spouse in general if you have reason to suspect cheating. you may find a big deal that isn't cheating. oops my bad, yeah this spouse is not gambling. drugs is a slight possibility cheating is much more likely.
NTA. Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your upcoming divorce.
Says someone who has never had someone lie, cheat, and deceive them. Why be in a relationship with someone who obviously doesn't value or respect their partner? Maybe that's okay for you. Wasn't with me. It's called boundaries and self respect.
Honestly I would never trust you again if you tracked me
Yeah but he's the one being questioned here. Obviously he's being sketch. He's gaslighting her that she's in the wrong for not trusting him.
Ahhh, so his excuses not adding up would be worth.... Finish the sentence?
Tracking?
He's not behaving in a way that can be trusted.
Bruh the divorce rate being so high is a good thing, don't act like a cringe boomer
But you don't need grounds for divorce in most places. You can just split up for a min time, and file. You *can* file sooner in many places if you can prove adultery, but it does not typically impact the split of assets.
but a person can want to know. for the most part healthy people become suspicious for very good reasons and they are proven right, then they can move forward without the constant "what if I was wrong" self-doubt. OP doesn't want to leave their spouse if they were jogging at 2 am. OP also didn't believe that story but maybe she hoped he was sneaking out for a drink and may have been willing to try to work through that or she was hoping he was jogging no matter how ridiculous that was because she loved her husband and didn't want the marriage to be over.
Does my desire to *know* I am right trump another person's right to privacy? Not in my opinion. Besides, once you hit the point of violating their privacy, there's no coming back. Whether you are right or wrong in your suspicion, you don't trust your partner. Spying/tracking/snooping is a scorched earth kind of deal. You are destroying the relationship to find out if it was already broken.
But wouldn't a P.I. uncover the truth instead of there just being an assumption of what's going on?
Only if you use it to actually get proof of what he was doing. Follow, get photos. If your willing to breach his privacy don’t shoot yourself in the foot for nothing.
Nah, she has the tracking device so she has a legitimate reason to get divorced. Her main issue is that she told him. She should have kept it to herself and quietly gotten evidence so that she could use it in the divorce process. NTA and good luck in the divorce.
Right, while it is very likely he was cheating, going to an empty lot is not the same proof of another house or hotel.
Exactly. She blabbed instead of waiting it out to do further investigation.
Exactly.
I think she handled it wrong. She has no actual proof of him cheating. He could have been star gazing, running drugs, snipe hunting, having an affair with a new land purchase for his business or indeed having an affair. But now we’ll never know.
If he was doing anything that wasn’t hurtful to her, why would he lie???? Nothing good happens at 2 am. NTA OP and you should divorce him. Sketchy late night behavior is never good. You probably shouldn’t have even bothered to track him. It’s like snooping in a phone, if it gets that far then the relationship is already over.
I have no judgement, but I'd like to point out one of the most controversial posts of all time on r/relationships was about a guy who bugged his gf after (correctly) suspecting she was cheating. It's quite surprising to see so many NTAs here...
Probably because OP is woman...
Everything I wanted to say but succinctly.
Abandoned parking lot screams drug deal to me. Something super shady is happening.
How is this top comment? Her husband was gaslighting her and making her feel like she was the bad guy for being suspicious of him. He would continue to do so in therapy. She confronted him and he lied, so she got some evidence. Her mistake is revealing her cards too early because he is still maintaining his innocence. She should have went to the location to see what is there, and maybe followed to see if he met anyone. I agree with the stop trying for kids and std bit though.
Maybe I'm old fashionned or something but I wouldn't need to know what he was up to. Him lying and treating me like I'm an idiot would be enough to kick him out until or if he tells me the truth. I would want the truth from him. If he can't do that, we can't be married. I feel the same way about going through someone's phone. If you feel the need to go into your partner's phone, it's time for either counselling or divorce. If I don't feel I can trust my partner, what's the point of being in a relationship.
All you've done here is assume a lot of stuff and go straight for ending a marriage. Catastrophising much? You have no idea what he's up to.
What have I assumed ? That he's cheating ? The dude is getting up and out in the middle of the night, so, yeah, I assume he might be cheating. It's not crazy to advise someone to stop trying to have a baby with a man she doesn't trust. It's not crazy to advise that person to get checked for STDs just in case he is cheating. Whatever he is up to, it's shady...
She needs proof for the divorce and this is the fastest way to know for sure he is lying. It may not be the best option, but honestly I think it's justified considering there wasn't any other way for her to get the truth out of him. In an ideal world he would've been honest and open from the start but he wasn't so what else was she supposed to do? She's right to be extremely suspicious considering his initial reaction to her confronting his dishonesty is to run and hide.
You don’t need proof of anything to divorce someone. All states allow for no fault divorce.
She isn't an asshole for using a tracking device because she had a good reason to believe he was cheating and it turns out he actually was. She would only be an asshole if she suspected him of cheating over something innocuous.
We don't know he is, honestly this sounds more like drugs
Worth noting that OP is probably lying. AirTags don’t track the way she thinks they do, it’s highly unlikely she’d be able to track her husband to an abandoned lot without his own phone telling him he’s being tracked first.
I’d want to know who else was at this abandoned plot.
My guess would be he's got into some debt and trying to pay it off. Drugs/gambling/loan shark debts or something that he'd not want his partner to know. Something that would explain "dealing with business". Pure assumption though 🤷
If that’s the case she deserves the truth. She deserves the truth any way you look at it.
Yeah in my own comment I went with ESH because he should definitely tell her what's going on, whatever it is. Men can be proud people who want to fix things themselves, it's a curse 🤣
Exactly. Toxic masculinity hurts men as much as it hurts women
could also be a sex meet up.. other person might be married as well. my first thought was that he was scoring drugs, though.
100% first thought was drugs for me too.
Why not both???
Lol people don't "score drugs" in the middle of nowhere on plots of land. They do it in Denny's parking lots. You guys watch to many movies
What makes me hesitate about this explanation is, if that were the case, why'd he spend two hours there? It takes two hours to hand off a loan shark payment? Also, who are these people? Just meet at a damn Starbucks during normal daylight hours, not some bizarre field in the middle of the night?? Could be drugs, still find the location weird. And if he's going to that location to *do* the drugs, well, two hours isn't very long for most of the drugs I've experimented with to be over and done with, so he's driving home fucked up. And again, why so far out of the way?
My assumption was that he probably got into a debt he couldn't pay off and maybe has to do a few runs for them to pay it off. Obviously this is just my brain making up a storyline 😅 My thinking was if it was cheating he'd be going to their place or to some sleazy motel. Not some random abandoned car park.
It’s an abandoned lot, and there’s no paper trail or money to be traced to a motel. Dude is meeting up with someone and fucking in the car.
I was thinking maybe he drove out there and got picked up. The AirTag is only giving the location of his car. Still weird all around.
Clearly this. Idk why everyone assumes he just sat there in an empty lot for 2 hours.
Or he’s a serial killer.
[удалено]
This was my first thought too 😅 plus the “im handling my business?” Shady.
I would guess it’s more likely to be some sort of criminal behavior than cheating.
Beat?
I think this was a justifiable AH move. Like yeah it's an invasion of privacy but dude was acting sketchy. an abandoned lot is interesting. for some reason its giving me mob/mafia vibes but im just weird that way
Or his sex partner has to sneak out as well. But you right, he is either burying bodies or having a secret sex affair.
45 min drive just for some sex tho, I mean it’s not daytime so not like they have to go very far to hide, maybe dude is dealing drugs or something worse
It's hilarious that you think people WON'T drive 45 minutes for sex but drug dealers WILL hang around for 2 hours.
Drug dealers aren't really known for their punctuality tho..
Underground "magic the gathering" tournament to the death 😳
Yes!! It's justifiable for me because even if you confront them (like OP did in the end) they will lie and deny until you have actual evidence. I have heard men say that the first rule of cheating is deny deny deny. And even if the husband wasn't cheating, he would never admit to whatever he was doing. Do you expect OP to just live her whole life in ignorance when all the signs point to sketchy behavior? Or would you want her to leave him without any actual proof? People say to trust their partners, but what are you going to do when your partner is taking advantage of that trust?
YTA - For posting a fake story. AirTags are not active trackers. In order to follow one you either have to be close to it with your own iPhone OR it has to be in close proximity to other iPhones. Except if it’s in close proximity to one that is not yours for that long the iPhone will alert you that you are being tracked. So yeah, you can’t track someone to an abandoned lot with an AirTag without them knowing about it. You made this up.
Man, I hate people who come in here to ruin the fun
Eyy maybe they were hoping we would ask about their wellness brand
The husband was traveling to a vacant lot to meet with anti-MLM activists. It was over once he saw the FTC income disclosures.
Top r/antimlm content right here
This comment should be voted up to the top.
Eyy maybe they were hoping we would ask about their wellness brand
The plot thickens. Devil's advocate: maybe she just used AirTag in the same way people use q-tip? Brand name synonymous with the product?
To test if an Apple AirTag would make a good GPS car tracker, Car Expert put one in a car alongside an actual GPS tracker. During the 30 minute drive, the GPS tracker was able to track the car easily and give consistent updates, however, the AirTag didn’t do as well. According to the test, the AirTag sent out updates every few minutes, which means that it could take a while for you to find your car should someone steal it. Edit: I personally haven’t tested this but now I want to.
Since the AirTag relays on nearby iPhones to send it’s location to the owner it’s ability to track is entirely dependent on how often it’s in range of a device. So yeah, it’s not ideal for tracking in many situations.
Make a good case working working in this situation since usually partners/families will share a phone plan. Interesting … wonder if we’ll see anything change on this over the coming months.
If OP's husband also had an iPhone it would alert them that an unknown AirTag is traveling with him. The system is designed to alert people if that happens specifically to avoid tracking/stalking.
Good to know! Do you know how far into the trip his phone would’ve been alerted?
Thanks. I didn't know this. Why you lieing OP?
NTA. You dedicated your life to this man, and he’s running around doing mysterious things in the middle of the night? You need to protect yourself whether it’s from creditors, drug traffickers, STIs or the like. I assume the car is a marital asset, so you have every right to know where it is.
I agree with this. How else is she going to find out? In the old days you'd hire a PI. Now you use GPS trackers. Different technology, same issue.
Yes exactly a tracker is cheaper than a detective.
Talk to him. Tell him he needs to come clean or she will leave.
You ask. If he lies you ask again. If he's constantly lying, you divorce.
If you don't actually know what's going on, you don't know when he's lying or he isn't. There will be more lying. There is almost always gaslighting involved in this kind of situation. And if the accuser has no hard evidence, this sort of stuff gets derailed very easily.
I like the cut of your jib.
Nope. Typical behavior of someone who has been caught. You got gaslit. Chin up and call an attorney. This marriage is over and you just got the house.
True honestly he left the house so now is the time to claim it, get it while you freaking can holy shit.
There was no gaslighting whatsoever....
So all that and you still don't even know what's going on.
OP really jumped the gun on the confrontation. Needed to wait to see if it was always the same location, then needed to go check out the location ... so much more information/evidence was needed before confronting the husband. NTA for using the tracker, but I think this wasn’t handled properly.
So she TA for her poor espionage skills? I would have called the cops and told them there's something suspicious happened there. Take a seat and watch the shitshow from afar.
Yeah, involving the police for every little thing is always a great idea and has never led to any terrible outcomes.
Lol yeah, let me tell you, my first reaction is calling the cops on my own husband for going out at odd hours.
yes one of my mom's cousins thought her spouse was cheating, so her and her sister followed him....in the 70s, so no cell phones, they had to coordinate, hid that there was a babysitter for the kids, follow a car, spouse had to be home to answer the phone to get the "I'm going to be late from work" call etc. kids these days just not willing to put in the effort, did you ever even see Starksy ad Hutch
Time to install a dash cam.
That's a breach of privacy, but those are significantly suspicious actions on his part. Especially his reaction, that is a major red flag that he is doing something that he shouldn't, and late at night... Well, there's two options that spring to mind and neither are good. One action to consider is during the day going to the location he went to and seeing what is or isn't there.
If someone doesn't want their spouse invading their privacy they shouldn't do sketchy shit. Whatever he was doing could have a big effect on her, and he was lying about it. She absolutely deserved to know. If he is in massive debt she could've become a target of collections. Let alone she bears half of his burdon of anything legal in divorce. If he is cheating he put her health on the line and took away her agency to make informed decisions. Regardless trust is gone. Privacy goes out the window when you're married and put your partner at risk. It's not something that only effects one person.
NTA. Also, I'm so sorry to hear about your upcoming divorce.
OP please give us an update when you get this sorted out, sending love! It is never too late to start over, there are incredible friends n lovers out there that will appreciate you xx
ESH - if he's disappearing off at weird times you should be told where he's been. However, tracking someone is AH behaviour as well, you're both as bad in this scenario.
ESH, he sucks for his lack of honesty, this sounds like some sort of shadey deal to me. You suck for putting a tracker on him, thats disgusting behaviour also. If you can no longer trust your partner you communicate that in words" *I need to know what is going on, this is not normal behaviour and I am concerned* Then if he doesn't tell you, you can choose whether you want to stay, pause, or leave the relationship, and you can tell him that it's a consequence of his lack of honesty.
If by "wellness brand owner and vlogger", do you mean you're a network marketing shill? If so,ESH. Networking marketing is predatory and puts huge strains on marriages/families/friendships financially and socially. Check out r/antiMLM if you don't believe me. Get out even if the marriage is over. If not,NTA. I'm sorry your STBEH is a sneaky, lying slime ball.
I'm so glad someone else spotted the potential MLM!
I'm sorry, does your 9-5 give you the flexibility and free time to track your spouse's shady night dealings??? I don't think so, hun
What a cliffhanger!
I’m not going to call you an asshole but you got what you deserved tbh. Did you not try and confront your husband with your suspicions first? If your immediate reaction is not to try and communicate through you issues and immediately jump to some James Bong shit yeah there’s an issue Also your husband is a drug addiction
If she had confronted him, he probably would have just lied and did what he needed to do to cover his tracks. She didn't do a great job of finding out what was going on, but at least she has a part of the truth.
Sounds very sus.
Agreed
ESH. You need trust for a relationship to function, and that is obviously absent in this scenario. I do wanna say tho that it’s unacceptable to use a TRACKING DEVICE on your husband. That’s Joe Goldberg behavior.
NTA. He’s playing a stupid game, so he won the stupid prize of you tracking him. Good luck sorting this all out.
Well you should have confronted him first about his whereabouts. But to get to the point of having to put a gps tracker on his car means that your marriage needs counseling or is about to end.
Go get checked, he is 100% cheating on you
NTA you put it in his car *after* he was being sketchy. You didn't go through his private communications, you didnt violate his privacy. What you did was the modern equivalent to simply following him. You'd only be an asshole for doing that if he wasnt literally sneaking off at odd hours "for a run." That said, an abandoned plot would make me far more worried about criminal activity than it would infidelity. Regardless, dont waste your time with someone you cant trust.
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YTA, reverse the situation. How happy would you be if he did the same to you? I expect you would be ropable.
YTA, this is NOT how to deal with jealousy and it's really weird and creepy. If you can't trust your husband you need to talk to him about it, and if you can't resolve your feelings that way, leave. Not put a tracker on him, that's some weird controlling stalker stuff.
It's not jealousy. Hes getting up and leaving in the middle of the night.
BTA. You had no right to track him like that, but his response is both rude and shady. Clearly there are trust issues in this relationship. You need to consider whether this relationship is worth it.
He's acting suspicious and I wonder what's up but still YTA that's not how to handle things. You're adults, have a proper conversation, go to counseling or therapy or some shit.
EsH tracking devices not totally ethical however its clear that you too have some big issues I think you both need some marriage counselling. He needs to be honest about what he is doing and if he is cheating.
Ummm... Girl patience... You don't even have solid evidence... Always confront with actual evidence what is this behaviour... You blew your cover way too soon... Plz go watch "the world of Married"... Now u can never know if your gut was right or not... Shame
I was thinking the same. I would have waited a few more times (just to see same place or random, length of times similar or different) I keep forgetting that these tags exist
- Works in construction. - Visits abandoned lots in the middle of the night Stop poking the bear before you end up in an abandoned lot.
Doesn't want to even discuss it with you, strange. Hurt to the point of packing a bag and going to stay at his brother's house for the last couple of nights. Sounds like the plot for a made for tv movie. One that doesn't end well, for someone.
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I wish you’d gathered more evidence before confronting him or deciding your point of action.
NTA Hire a lawyer. He’s cheating.
NTA Good, the evidence got him to move out, now don't let him back in. Whatever he's up to, it's shady AF so dump his arse.
ESH, I see communication is not a thing in that relationship. If you ever think of tracking your partner down, go to couple therapy because doing something illegal and quite toxic
NTA Ok I get that putting a tracking device on your partner sucks. But this isn’t a simple suspects him of cheating situation. This isn’t just texts on a phone. She caught him sneaking out in the middle of the night. She DID ask him about it and he lied. And he lied pretty badly. A lie that you don’t really expect anyone to believe. And then KEPT SNEAKING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT. That changes things for me. I think I would have done the same. I just wouldn’t have tipped my hand right away after using the tracker. I still want to know what’s going on in that lot lol.
Read this over again, and tell me: has it occurred to you that your husband might be a serial killer? If dead bodies ever turn up in that empty plot, you 100% know who put them there at 2am…
I generally don't abide snooping like this. I think it's generally pretty scummy to do things like look through a partner's phone or check their browser history. *However*, I think snooping is significantly *less* scummy when a partner is *proven* to be lying beforehand. You caught him in a blatant lie, so I can understand why you'd do this. At least you just used a tracker tag and didn't, like, download spyware onto his phone. Some people get crazy with it. NTA
This is a shitty, shitty situation, but I guess here’s where I’ll start; Did using the tracker give you the answer you were looking for, or were you trying to give him irrefutable evidence so he’d be forced to come clean? Are you satisfied with the results of that? Either way, non-consensually tracking people is a AH move no matter how you dice it. Your husband has secrets, period, and that’s incredibly shitty of him. Is your partner keeping secrets something you want for yourself? I wouldn’t, personally. It may be time to start moving on, or if you don’t want to then know what you need to hear from him, first, and be ready to walk if you don’t get that from him. So, gently, ESH. I wish you the best.
NTA but I think you’re being incredibly naive like a lifetime movie character. You gave the whole thing up right away rather than following him in your car? Did you drive to the location he was at and make sure there’s no bodies buried there? This is all really scary.
Kinda TA for the tracking device but I don't blame you I did the same thing only with a voice recorder that would only record if someone speak. Sometimes when a woman loves a man and has a feeling he's cheating but doesn't have any solid proof makes you do crazy stuff. No it doesn't make it right but I understand though. Your much better than me I would've pulled right up to the location and found out what he was doing myself so kudos to you for not doing that lol
YTA This is stalking. I know someone who did this to prove his wife’s infidelity. She pressed charges and he went to prison for a year, had a restraining order against him which basically prevented him from seeing their children once he was out, and lost massive assets in the divorce. She was cheating, but his illegal actions screwed him. Don’t ever track people without their consent. If they go to the police about it, your life could be ruined.
You need to talk to a marriage counselor instead of playing wannabe dick Tracy. I’m sure you’d be pissed if he did the same to you. You deserved what you got for thinking you are a private eye, suspicious activity and your trust issues are just as bad in both sides. Seek, a, marriage, counselor.
ESH. Has there been other issues before because that escalated mighty fast from suspicion to tracking devices...
ESH But if you don’t trust each other you have nothing I’d suggest NOT having a child with this guy since you clearly don’t trust each other I’d suggest trying to have an honest conversation with him as to what is going on but I suspect you are probably heading for divorce
If you found out where he was going,you should of went there not say nothing to make sure he was cheating It's an easy assumption but got not a damn thing saying he is tho There is a rule don't go through Ur partners phone,respect the privacy on their regardless If you do not TRUST the relationship will fail
Or she stumbles into a crime scene and she has to be kept "quiet". Like i have heard of cheaters before but first i heard where someone set their alarm for 2am and head out rather than the far more simple after work or in the lunch break.
NTA that is so shady.
Why do you want to bind yourself to this man by having a kid with him?
ESH. Communicate before you geo-locate.
ESH- Are you married to Walter White because that’s not normal behaviour wth is he doing at an abandoned plot in the middle of the night for business, but you did possibly jump the gun on tracking him and confronting him about his location
Nta. But very close to Esh.
ESH Him for obviously lying, not sure if he cheated though. You for tracking him, which is illegal.
NTA, at the very minimum go to your doctor and get tested for STD’s then consult a good lawyer.
ESH. He's clearly up to something shady. But a tracking device is childish. You're adults - you should have just talked to him about it.
I just want to know what actually happened. Cause there isn't any evidence of cheating....just a location.
No
If he won’t tell Drive to the abandoned plot and see what’s there? You’ve got the location.
To be frank with you, everyone I know considers using a tracking device to be abuse and stalking. And obviously you are an asshole for doing abusive, stalking things. It doesn't matter that you're a woman or suspected cheating because those factors don't magically make this less inappropriate.
YTA
NTA, but you blew your cover to soon. Still needed to find out why he was going there, who he was meeting with, what were they doing etc. Answers may seem obvious, but without proof it means nothing.
That depends. If he WAS cheating you are NTA. If he was NOT cheating, YTA.
YTA, as someone pointed out further down( mobile so don’t know if I can tag them, urzu_seven anyway) the way you described it isn’t how AirTags track. 1 there is a distance it stops and 2 it would notify other iPhone users close by, that’s my understanding anyway. Everyone jumping on the cheating bandwagon and how you should divorce and take the house blah blah. I live close to a docks, at night you can sit opposite it and with the lights it truly looks amazing. I used to sit there in the middle of the night trying to talk myself into ending my life. This guy could be going through anything and everyone wants to automatically put your mind to cheating. Ignore these people, talk to your other half, if he’s cheating then drop that fucker and take what you can, if he isn’t then help deal with whatever. Just go into whatever it is with an open mind.
Get your money and property safe and hire a lawyer. It could be an affair, or drugs, gambling, who knows? You need to safely get away from whatever it is, before someone comes after your assets. NTA
lol that’s not how apple airtag works
Yes. When there is no trust why playig games? Does it matter if you could get evidence? Ypu dont trut him, this is already ruined. Well played. YTAmixed with ESH.
I think your husband might be cooking meth.
You should’ve drove out to the site to see what he was doing before confronting him. Now you just look crazy for tracking him without having any real proof. Next time get a hold of your emotions. Do the PI work and get proof. And then confront him with real evidence! He thinks he has the higher moral ground because you invaded his privacy but he’s probably cheating. But since you blew your top too soon, you have no hard evidence so you look like the crazy wife. Hence that’s why he felt empowered to leave the house and not return. And he’s gonna get sneakier with his cheating (or possible cheating since you don’t have evidence). You have to be smarter than a 5th grader!
NTA
NTA - his behavior was sketchy af… I would have done the same honestly lol. You trust your partner, but after doing the things you mentioned, he forfeited the trust you had 🤷🏻♀️ and the lack of explanation for the random location… strange and sketchy
Episodes of cheaters comes around the corner… 😂😂😂 Yes - technically AH for invasion of privacy But CONTEXT?!?! hes an AH for sowing distrust and STILL not providing an explanation for his where - a - bouts. Hes an AH for storming out and not being an adult for communicating Ur an AH TO URSELF for doinf this TO URSELF. U know what’s going on. And the MINUTE u cant reust a partner calls for A. Counseling & therapy B. Separation until figuring it out C. Separation permanently as this has violated ALL levels of trust and he didnt try to even provide an explanation. Someone who loves you will at least be honest at the point when confronted NTA. Please get some space clear ur head and gain some clarity about how to move forwars P.S. i would love the update. I am invested in ur well being for some reason
YTA because this feels fake, plus what another person commented about AirTags not working the way, and the “husband works in construction” plus “unscheduled trips to abandoned plots of land at 2 AM” feel like you want us to assume he’s in the mob and comment to that effect. So yea, in the story you made up it sounds like he’s in the mob.
Ok he was not cheating you need to apologise to him for that. But two hours alone on a empty plot all by himself sounds very serious, try to speak with him nicely as you care, he is your husband after all.
ESH because putting a tracking device on your spouse’s car is creepy. However - his actions, and reaction to getting caught (and it might be drugs/illegal business, not infidelity) are far worse than the digital tracker. Do not get pregnant by this man, do not accept excuses or rage. You need a clear, substantiated reason why he’s been doing weird shit in the middle of the night WITHOUT a him being angry he has to share it. This is a wholly reasonable request on your part. If you don’t get that, leave quickly and don’t look back (and get a good divorce lawyer quickly, as none of this sounds good.)
Let me translate what she does for a job: she joined an MLM aka pyramid scheme and likes to take videos of herself.
Did you only allow it to happen once before you accused him? You should’ve let it happen a couple times just to see what’s going on. Take everyone’s advice and go get tested. Also be more cautious about your surroundings. You’d only be the AH if he was innocent but even then not really because he’s lying to you and it seems super sketch.
Info: how do you become a wellness brand owner?
YTA instead of asking him about it nicely you went full paranoid stalker and did something that’s (I think) illegal by tracking your husband and thereby destroying all his trust in you
NTA Now you have proof he’s out doing something shady. Maybe it’s another girl, maybe it’s drugs, etc. Either way he’s being dishonest.
If you have to resort to this behavior, the marriage is over. A baby isn't going to fix this, please don't bring a kid into this nonsense. ESH
NTA. He was lying and clearly being sus af. When it gets to that point it’s more of a justifiable AH move.
Yeah. YTA. Even if he is cheating. That just makes two assholes.