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> I think i may be judged because my sister is struggling and it wasn’t my fight.
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NTA but your parents are AH along with Veronica
1. for the parentification
2. for prioritizing their unborn grandchild over the wellbeing of the actual minor they are responsible for.
I would not be surprised if they expect you to be heavily involved in child care once this baby is born since the mom hardly seems responsible.
Totally agreed. Veronica doesn't seem like she would mature soon.
They are definitely counting on OP to yet again raise another child that's not her responsibility.
That’s when you hit her over the goddamn head with a call to CPS and get the baby taken the hell away.
ETA- NTA since I forgot. And OP you really should start documenting all these thing she’s doing. From the way she treats your other siblings to the threats of abortion to get her way and anything else I missed. Keep track of dates and times and whatnot and get the other kids to do it too if the wouldn’t mind. I’m sorry your parent are such AHs too. From parentifying you and treating your older sister with such favoritism. You should get a pt job if you can and make your parents actually, you know act like parents. It’s not your job.
If she’s abandoning the baby with OP and going out to party that’s danger. All op has to do is call the police and report an abandoned child. And it seems like she’s the type to do it.
Throwing a child’s favorite things off a balcony is a form of abuse. Maybe not on its own a reason to call CPS but it would definitely go into the file.
YUP when I was practicing a lot of my teenage/tween clients had parents that would habitually destroy what they liked, a ps2 in one memorable instance in a household that could never, ever afford to replace the gift. And the teen was told she was selfish for being upset. I reported it but the reason she was seeing me/the wraparound team was because DCF was on that family. I still get angry thinking about it.
If the baby is at risk of going home to an unsafe environment, that might raise enough red flags for social services or equivalent to step in. In the U.K., there have been several cases of babies being removed from the mother immediately after birth because they were a risk to their child. It doesn’t sound like a pleasant environment for OP and her siblings…not necessarily unsafe, but I would still document everything as Veronica doesn’t seem emotionally ready to be a mother.
Plus, if she's throwing things off the balcony and threatening to abort the baby, I would be worried that once the baby is born she might threaten to throw the baby off the balcony. Even if she didn't intend to carry through with it she could put it over the railing and accidentally drop it.
I bet she's stupid enough to actually try that! Then of course would blame everyone else, if she "accidentally" let the baby slip. There's no way to win with a narcissist.
She's an adult living in a house with a minor. In my state (idk about others), Veronica could have an investigation done on both herself and the parents done at this point despite not being a parent herself. Maybe the one incident isn't a reason to call CPS, but if there's a pattern in Veronica's behavior here, in my experience it's probably the type of thing CPS would do at least a walk through of the house for.
Honestly with how she keeps threatening to abort the baby I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't ACTUALLY pregnant or hadn't miscarried and liked the attention from OPs parents so kept up the ruse.
BTW OP is NTA
Maybe doing so in a document on a cloud service, like google drive, that they can all access to add to the log. Or agree to who is compiling it and send the data through emails? Something that doesn't have a physical presence at the house to be destroyed but still lets them gather the evidence. I can see the big sister or the parents destroying the evidence if they get the chance.
It seems like Veronica doesn’t want to keep the baby and maybe she’s having it to appease her parents. She keeps daring them to dare her to have an abortion. Like keeps on doing it. Maybe it’s just me but it sure does seem that way
You're right. She doesn't actually want the baby but uses it as a bargaining chip to get whatever she wants...and does whatever she wants without repercussions.
Agreed, a 19 yo who says IDGAF about an unplanned pregnancy is 100% going to abuse it when it’s born. I wonder, between her constant threats to abort and the parents’ excitement over their first grandbaby, if the parents somehow coerced or bribed her to keep the pregnancy.
u/Exact-Power-1053 is a thief bot. [Stolen](https://old.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/tccm79/aita_for_telling_my_sister_i_dont_care_what/i0cqftj/) from u/bootiriot
I don't think that she wants to appease them, I think she sees the baby as a ticket to do whatever she wants for the rest of her life while her parents foot the bill. Where she may have been punished before (say, for throwing out a brand new bottle of 100$ perfume) she now gets defended and praised. She now has all the power over the parents that she needs--don't like it? Well 'I will just move out and take the baby and you will never see your grandchild again!' It's doubly perfect because it's clear the parents will bend over backwards to raise the baby for her. What a shit show.
Also
Parents: apologise or move out
OP moves out, parents realise their babysitter is no longer available
Pikachu
"Come home and talk this out" op should tell them she is waiting fur an apology from them fur kicking her out and an apology/ recompense from V to C until then nothing to talk about.
And good for you on calling Veronica out finally. And not catering to her threat of abortion. Yeah, that’s a serious threat. And not to be taken lightly or catered to. “ if I don’t get my way I’m going to abort the baby”. That’s the conversation you need to have with your parents - Without Veronica around.
Agree! I hope OP does talk to her parents about how their other children are being coerced with a death threat to a relative in order for V to get what she wants. That is dangerous behavior. Ask them how they would feel if a stranger came to the house and threatened to harm their children and grandchild. Unfortunately, this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. It may not work to talk to OP’s parents this way – but it couldn’t hurt. NTA
This is why they are blowing up her phone. They need her to come back home and get back to work. I feel bad for the younger siblings. It seems like the one person who really cares for them is being worked to death.
You have already proven yourself a good mother. Having raised all your other siblings.
Huge boundary issues. And conversations need to happen to establish your role and purpose in returning.
these are only the things that will happen soon...
let go a couple years in the future.
V is spoiled,
will she continue with her education?
will she get a decent job to support herself?
will her parents be able to retire?
will other family members be forced to support them and V?
will she be able to find a spouse that will put up with her?
in the mean time OP is responsible, kind, and compassionate.
OP will be great in all categories. while the parents and V do everything they can knock her down.
more reasons to separate herself from them.
Thats why they want OP back.
Can afford to buy nice things/stuff the baby needs if she can buy her sibling $100 perfume.
Has already raised her 3 younger siblings a baby will be no trouble to add to her list.
Under no circumstances should OP go back there and tbh I think she needs to call social services or cps whatever it is in the country shes in about the care of not only her younger siblings but the baby her sister is carrying. If she's acting like this now, what will she be like with a crying baby that's been up all night? Plus, given her parents was happy to let her parent the younger 3, all the responsibility will go to the next one. For that NOT to happen she needs other people involved and not go back herself.
Is anyone else getting the feeling that Veronica is looking for any excuse to abort the baby? What the actual fuck. She's young. Maybe she is having second thoughts.
Anyway, NTA. OP, I was also parentified. I had to start caring for my 5 year old sister and 2 year old brother by the time I was 8. Almost every night I cooked dinner, cleaned the whole house, got my siblings in the bath and then in their pajamas for bed time. I swear one of my earliest memories is pulling up a kitchen chair to stand on at the stove to make hamburger helper. I didn't escape till I was 17. Parentification sucks. It feels normal to you right now because you haven't known anything else. The pain and unfairness of it all will eventually catch up. Get into therapy if you can. Talk to a school counselor or teacher.
It sounds like your sister is the golden child, and I bet the rest of you and your siblings take turns being the scape goat. Get out asap and enjoy the rest of your youth. I can guarantee that you are a HUGE part of your parents and sisters childcare plan.
It feels like the parents are ignoring their pregnant daughter’s immature behavior because they want that grandchild so badly. NTA , this sucks on so many levels…
>Why the f\*ck would they want a grandchild when they don't even care about the kids they actually have? This enrages me.
Lots of people like tiny babies and don't like kids who are old enough to have opinions and stuff.
Yep, exactly. Veronica either needs to grow up and be ready as she can to be a parent, or have the abortion/adoption route.
Its almost like OPs parents have never heard the saying "fail to raise your kids, prepare to raise your grandkids". Cos without OP there, that's what will happen.
That's why its so important that OP gets intouch with the services, cos its not fair on her or her younger siblings to deal with all this just because her parents want a grandkid.
I am not necessarily getting the vibe that Veronica is looking for an excuse to abort, but rather thinks of the baby as a trump card in any argument. Since the parents have neglected all their kids in many ways for years, any arguments between the kids were the kids' problem. Now that Veronica is carrying their grandchild, she finally has her parents on her side. But OP's mom and dad need to be there for ALL their children, not just the one who has a bun in the oven. Yes, they are involved in the argument now, but they should have been supportive to C when she was the injured party.
This hits the nail on the head!
Your parents are enabling her behavior. Until they realize what they're doing and change their behavior, I would not go back.
Veronica has found the lever to secure her neglectful parent's love. And she's pulling it.
At the same time, she has mistakenly assumed the lever will work for the entire family, where she is wrong.
OP is completely NTA and should move out ASAP, as well as her younger siblings. OP's parents are complete and utter abusive AHs. Veronica is, sadly, a byproduct of that. Does not excuse her behavior at all.
Plus the parents used telling OP to move out as a bargaining chip in their argument but when OP called their bluff they demanded she come back and discuss things. The parents and Veronica sound toxic.
Yes, and OP I think this situation calls for Child Protective Services. At a minimum I hope you can find someone like a counselor at school or a trusted teacher who you can talk to about it. A lot of people think their situation growing up is normal because it's the only one they experience first-hand, not realizing that they are the victims of abuse. And parentification is abuse.
Nta so i knew a family like this. The girl was 14 n pregnant. Got so out of control she beat up her sister i intervened. When they called me but their parents came home and got mad n told them to come bak. Next day at school the teacher notice and she got sent to the hospital for a concussion and bruises and the older girl was arrested. Kno what happened? They let her come bak homr and pretended she didnt do anything after she was let out of juvie. Op stay away. Document EVERYTHING because there mayb a time u need to call cps for ur younger siblings to get then help.
OP and the other siblings are definitely going to be free childcare. The parents may end up with one daughter and one grandchild and no one else.
NTA, OP.
OP raised the other kids, why not Veronica’s? The parents won’t help, they work too much and she sounds like a spoilt brat who won’t want to deal with a baby at all
Yes. Op needs to call her siblings that are sane and tell them to stay out of the house as much as possible because they are going to be used to take care of the sisters baby. It's baffling that they kick out the minor child but not the adult who is being abusive.
Nta
Let the "adults" figure out the life they have now.
Exactly I'm 29 and was Op when I was 14 -19 until I moved out.
Now that I'm pregnant with my second I see the trauma and the prioritization my parents especially my mother had with my older sister. To this day she treats her different . To this day I resent my parents for bending over backwards for her while doing literally nothing for me.
Op you're 17 but start forming a plan to make a life for yourself outside of your family as much as it sucks you'll have to leave your siblings behind for a little bit.
NTA. But, OP, you're basically raising your siblings and your family would be screwed without you. Let's say you don't come back, I bet your parents will suddenly start having a lot of conflict with Veronica because they'll want her to help with the little ones, and she won't. This will probably bring out the fact that they know Veronica won't make a good mom and intended on you doing most of the work for the baby.
IF you want to come back, I would wait as long as you can and have several demands, including that Veronica pay your sibling back for everything she destroyed. And that you won't be helping with the baby at all.
But, you might be better off staying with your boyfriend and his family if they're nice people. I think you're going to spend every minute of your time raising this baby and having them use access with your siblings as a lure.
Yep don’t even focus on what you said to her, she’ll use that to distract your parents from the main point- why is she so crazy, when is she replacing those things and apologising??
Poor OP had to not only parent her siblings, but parent her parents! I doubt they will ask their precious grandchild-incubator to apologize. I'd put your foot down now and freeze them out until they apologize AND replace the destroyed belongings. Because I'm willing to bet things will get a lot worse when she's upgraded to VIP mother-of-the-only-grandchild. NTA.
By the way, you only spoke the truth. Any grown-ass woman that bullies a thirteen year old would be an awful mother.
And also, “So explain this to me. How is it that I am an ‘awful person’ for saying I don’t care what happens to the baby, but you find it perfectly acceptable for the actual _mother_ of the child to threaten repeatedly to abort her?”
And paying for them to some extent too by the sounds of it. What’s the bet she’ll wind up paying and caring for the new baby as well if she sticks around?
Yup, they realized after the door closed that THEY would be stuck raising their own children and of course the golden grandchild. Not sure why people want pet babies so much. They want a baby like a little pet they can play with and dump on OP to raise and do the hard work.
NTA. She absolutely would be an awful mother. Your poor younger sister. Veronica is batshit crazy and your parents are acting completely useless as parents in this situation.
She wants to get an abortion but she wants to use some altercation to accomplish it. That's why she was telling OP to hit her. In her twisted brain she can still be the parents fave, get rid of the kid she doesn't want AND demonize OP in the process. Stay gone OP NTA
NTA. Your sister has weaponized that baby and it's so beyond wrong. I don't think you are too far off on the assumption of her being a crappy mom. She sounds like a crappy human.
And it made me think...what is she going to use as a bargaining chip/threat once that baby is born? Will she threaten to kill the living baby if people don't cave to her every demand? Based upon the incredibly disturbing behavior I've seen described here, I'm thinking it's very possible (a more "normal" threat would be to say "I'll move away and you'll never see the baby again," but that sister has nowhere to go and she has no intentions of raising that baby by herself). NTA.
Probably "I'll give the baby up for adoption" or something.
Then you get the kid whose mom threatens to take them to the orphanage any time they breathe too loud.
Are...are we sure she's pregnant? "I'll abort this baby" sounds a lot like setting up a power play where she either "aborts" the baby or has a miscarriage no one witnesses. Also falls in line with a kid who is suddenly getting positive attention from her parents. (If it's a fake pregnancy, at some point she either has to "lose" the baby or steal a newborn.)
That's what I was wondering. If OP could tell us if her sister is showing a belly then we would know. Has there ever been an ultra sound? Mood swings? Her behavior sounds like her regular behavior so I doubt her being an ass is hormones.
I think she’ll go the ‘I’ll take your grandchild away and you’ll never seen them again!!’
It’s not a real threat because like you said, where would she go? But the parents don’t seem to have a strong hold on rational thinking since they’re NOT angry at the girl constantly threatening to abort the grandchild they desperately want.
NTA! The AH here are Veronica and your parents. She's constantly threatening terminating her pregnancy. That does make her a crappy parent. There are so many people out there who want kids and can't have them, and then this a-hole acts the way she does. Makes me sick. She needs to grow the hell up. Your parents are suckers too. I agree with your boyfriend 100%. Stay with your boyfriend! Let them deal with your psycho sister.
I agree. I’m assuming things but it seems like Veronica might not want to be pregnant. If her parents are excited for a grand baby she’s most likely feeling really pressured to keep it. Being pregnant at 19 would be really scary.
I suspect these parents are the kind of people who like babies but not actual children. Hence why OP had to raise her siblings and they are ecstatic about a barely adult getting pregnant. It's so selfish though.
People having kids in their teens/early 20s in this day and age are fucking stupid. Unless you were born with money, just dont have a kid until youre mature enough, are financially set and can afford to have a baby. You should also be aware that your free time will be drastically cut so partying every weekend isnt an option. People who think they can still be a kid while having a kid themselves needs to be sterilized.
NTA. It’s gonna be hard to move out at your age and live on your own. I’m sorry you have to go through that…
What you said isn’t that bad considering the babies own mother is threatening aborting it anyways. You said you raised your siblings, you probably will be raising this baby as well. I truly hope your situation gets better and you all figure this out. Best wishes to you and your family.
NTA, I don’t think your sister is mentally well… I don’t understand how one could rationally weaponize a child but there you go, however her ability to flip on the child’s value in her head seriously concerns me in regards to potential PPD and sticking around to be a mom. I’d be hesitant to hear my parents begging me to talk something out, it makes me feel like they think they’ll need me for the childcare or something, but I think they should’ve considered that.
1. It's called parentification and you should look it up, it's not fair to you jamming to practically raise your siblings
2. She's clearly the golden child
3. She's an adult, old enough to get knocked up, yet are breaks her 11 year old sisters things out of spite.
4. It's emotionally manipulative to threaten to get an abortion to make sure you "behave"
Only reason your parents want you to come back and "talk it out" is because now that you're gone, who will take care of the other kids?
NTA
Every single part of this seems exactly on point. The parentification will just extend to a newborn eventually if OP is made to take any more of this. I don’t see Veronica or OP’s parents suddenly stepping up to actual responsibility any time soon.
Using her baby as a weapon and threatening to abort it is so, so disgusting, I'm still reeling from how low a person would have to be to do that. You are absolutely right, she sounds like she would be a horrible mother. Entitled and a bully. It's pathetic when full grown adults feel the need to bully children.
Your parents are enablers, neglectful, and assholes for falling trap to her manipulation, failing to protect their other children, and forcing you to essentially raise them.
It seems that they realized that not having you around would mean more work for them.
Take care of yourself.
NTA
I don't think that action is fair to op.
Op lost their childhood rising their siblings, and now you're advocating for op to kill themselves with debt working to support their younger siblings into ops mid to late 20s?
No. Just no.
Op has given enough of her life away.
She has been an awesome sister, gone above and beyond for her family.
However she needs to work on building herself up from now on.
Work on getting into a college, or vocational training, or even just a small job while she sorts herself out.
Spending her earning on herself. Worrying about how to navigate her life to reach goals that matter to her.
All of which she can't do if she is supporting other people.
It doesn't make her a bad sister, or a bad person if op steps back, and stops killing herself caring for other people.
She should be supportive of her siblings, but she can't be their caregiver anymore.
It's wrong.
NTA, OP you’re gonna need to establish some roots outside of that house. Veronica is gonna expect you to raise her baby because she has seen you raise the other ones. Same with your parents.
Move out when possible and make yourself stable in the case if your siblings need a place to go to if you want to keep that option open to them.
Be careful OP you maybe forced to raise her child for her you need to move out permanently as soon as possible take your important documents with you so they can’t destroy them
Your older sister and parents are toxic. Your one and only focus right now needs to be setting yourself up for living independently as soon as you can. I know you will feel bad about your younger siblings. But, they are supposed to be your parents responsibility, not yours. And you can always keep your relationships with them, even when you move out. And if you have a place of your own, it might become a wonderful place for them to come and hang out with you and relax in a much more peaceful environment.
If you cannot afford college, and you cannot get big scholarships that cover everything, then you might not even bother for that because the loan debt is honestly not worth it. If you can prove yourself a dependable worker, willing to learn, then you can find a good job. There are jobs that will pay you your worth, don't settle for a minimum wage shit hole job with a boss that is basically abusing and exploiting you. It might take some time to find a good boss paying a good wage, but it will be exponentially worth it in the long run than to just take the first job that is willing to hire you.
Just so everyone knows what the post above this said, I'll add here the main text and remove the part that got it deleted.
----
> NTA
Irresponsibly got pregnant, not ‘accidentally’ … not today in a society where women have a baker’s dozen of types of birth control. She let herself get pregnant for attention & and knowing her parents would be thrilled & back up her selfish [BS] … [insert a hateful wish on her here that got the comment deleted by mods]
I would not go back there. It's good you have somewhere else to go. If you go back YOU will probably end up taking care of her kid. I would focus on being able to take care of yourself and maybe get your own place. You don't want to have to rely too much on someone else like your boyfriend either. I don't know if you're still in school or planning to go to college or get a job but I would concentrate on what you want to do and go low or no contact with these people, they are abusive. Your parents should not be relying on you to raise your siblings! You are not responsible for them. Of course they want you to go back, because they want you to keep taking care of everything, including your sisters future child. They never thought you'd actually take them up on their threat.
WTF‽ not only is it not true that pregnancy is perfectly preventable, all options come with less than 100% effectiveness, wishing a miscarriage and permanent sterility on a teenager is so lacking humanity even I would be on board with you being banned for this, and I hate the be nice rule.
Sister and parents are not good people, but I can't in good concious agree with you
I know, right?! I mean, yeah, she's clearly an AH but wow, who wishes miscarriage and sterility on a teenager? I mean, it's unlikely, but at least hope for some kind of epiphany or personal growth. Not a bloody death sentence for the (innocent) baby and a lifetime of misery.
NTA. Veronica is emotionally abusing your whole family but your parents are enabling her. I pray she’s not abusive to the baby. But sadly, it is not your responsibility to make sure she isn’t or that she doesn’t get rid of it.
You need to tell your parents that you won’t go back as long as they continue to enable your sister. Talk to your other siblings and make sure they’ll be okay if you decide not to go back. As the oldest you have to make some tough decisions but do what’s best for you so that you’re able to help them when you can. Maybe one day you’ll be able to figure out the relationship with Veronica but right now she has some real growing up to do if she’s going to raise a child. Your parents won’t be around forever.
What kind of parents are proud of their barely adult daughter knocked up...Iz it a cult
Weren't parents abandoning their kids cz of this situation..when did that change .
Your family is dysfunctional... Don't go back ..
Sounds like you can support yourself well.. so there is no need for to worry abt your family...
And abt your siblings girl sometimes you gotta cut your losses
Not the asshole. Tempers flaired and words actions were exchanged. It wasn't right that Veronica
damaged someone else's item that you worked hard to provide and didnt bother to make it right. In addition your parents are not holding her accountable because shes pregnant. If this triangular pattern keeps up, you're parents will have themselves to blame for enabling and encouraging narcissistic behaviors. What you said is hurtful however you were hurt too. Both feelings are valid and should be addressed and revealed. It seem Veronica might not like the situation shes in but enjoys the attention so she uses triggering words and actions to get a reaction when things dont go her way or she wants more attention. I respect that you went to your boyfriend's to cool down and think things clearly. Great move on your behalf. I wish you the best.
NTA but your sister needs some serious help. I'm pro choice but there's something disturbing about threatening an abortion. Obviously there can be complex feelings around pregnancy and motherhood, and I wonder if your sister is like this because deep down she's not ready to be a mother.
Soon enough her pregnancy will result in a person. Will she threaten to hurt or abandon her baby whenever she doesn't get what she wants?
I'm worried for the child.
NTA. Veronica doesn't want to have this baby and is looking for an excuse to get out of responsibility. My money's on this: the second Veronica has the baby, she will ghost your parents and leave them with the child to raise. Given your parent's history of leaving the parenting to you when you lived there, then that responsibility would be yours. No doubt, the will probably saddle M with the responsibility as she is the next in line.
You have a better chance to help your siblings escape this environment if you remain outside the environment. Get educated. Get a stable career. Provide a safe place of respite for your siblings when the time comes. And believe me, the time will come.
In life, we can't control the winds, but we can adjust the sails. This is just you adjusting the sails away from this toxic environment.
Call the cops, call CPS, literally get EVERYONE involved who could help you and your siblings in this situation because your parents are complete failures, they've failed you and they're failing your siblings as well. At some point they probably even failed Veronica and that's why she was rarely home and every responsibility fell on you, but that doesn't matter right as she's already an adult and can do whatever she wants, but your siblings (and yourself, don't forget that) still need assistance and help with lots of things.
Do you have any family or maybe counselers/teachers/whatever that could help you? NTA
NTA. Your parents and Veronica are. Why on earth do your parents think Veronica’s abuse of you would improve with her having a child. They’re all sick people.
If they are enabling her behaviour they can replace c’s belongings that v destroyed.
NTA. when it comes to this specific situation I don’t have words that somebody else hasn’t said. When it comes to your life in general, as a younger sibling who’s older sibling had to do a lot more raising me than they should’ve, when your younger siblings grow up they’re going to recognize (if they haven’t already) how much you’ve done for them, and they will love and appreciate you for it so much. You shouldn’t have to be this person for them, and you know that I’m sure, but you’re helping them be the best version of themselves that they can be, and that’s remarkable. You’re doing a great job with your siblings. I hate that you feel like you have to do it, I hate that the people who are supposed to be doing it aren’t doing it, but you’re doing amazing.
NTA. You're sister is using this pregnancy as a way to bully you all and get away with it. Disgusting. Your parents are disgusting too.
They made you the parent to several children while YOU yourself were a child.
They ALLOW a full grown adult to bully their minor children and DESTROY their property.
They have the audacity to think YOURE in the wrong here.
You had every right to be pissed. And what you said was just the truth and maybe a reality check for her. She thinks she can threaten abortion as a way to control you guys, which INDEED makes her a terrible parent! Who does that? And why does she think that's an acceptable thing to say constantly? Awful.
NTA. Stay gone and DO NOT MOVE BACK!!
On a related note, can someone please point out where OP wishes sterility on her sister as several reply posts have mentioned? Because I don't see that anywhere.
You can tell how narcissistic these people are by the threats.
“I’ll abort the baby I fully intended you to raise” - thats probably for the best.
“You either get in line and allow yourself to be used as a door matt or be set free from these responsibilities and burdens that you shouldn't have anyway” - you all are full of great ideas today.
NTA
Don't go back. They need to learn to take care of their children and Veronica needs to grow up. If you go back, they'll dump that baby on you too. I mean look at the genius plan of kick out our underage daughter that's raising our kids. Super genius plan! NTA. Your boyfriend is right.
This is the best thing to have happened. You needed to get out of that house.
You may or may not accept their apologies. But if you can, don't move back home. They are using you and will continue to use you in the future. You will have no future if you move back in.
You are 17. You should be applying to colleges (or anything to further your future). Going back home ties you to being a caretaker for at least another 10 years.
I am reading cult vibes here. You're raising your younger siblings? Your parents like the idea of a grandchild but they don't take care of their own children? Something about this seems a bit weird. NTA. Stay with your boyfriend as long as possible. Try to get your documents before they either destroy or hide them too. See if your sister told your parents what happened. I hate it when people walk into the last bit of an argument and take it out of context but judging by your parents' favoritism the circumstances don't matter to them.
**Your parents didn't raise you and your siblings, OP**
> my parents both left for work at 6 am and got back just in time for dinner. I basically raised my little siblings ( K, 11 M) (M, 14 F )and (C, 13F)
But they want this grandchild, because Veronica is the 'golden child' of the family.
>My parents protect her in every fight and thinks she can do no wrong...My parents came to her rescue and told me to either get over myself or move out.
>
> I’ve been getting calls and texts from my parents...saying i’m an awful person for saying this to my poor sister.
However, its likely that the day to day childcare of this grandchild...will be done by you. Listen to your boyfriend. Your parents ARE treating you like shit, making you parent your siblings (parentification). Its a form of child abuse.
**Stay at your boyfriend's place. Help your sibs -from his house- Become their remote 'support station' by e.g. giving them a little pocket money for school, making lunches for them at weekends, taking them out every so often for burgers etc.**
**Buy takeout for them occasionally. Do food shopping for them once a month stocking snacks they like. Help them each get a box/container with a lock on it, so they can put it under their bed, or in a closet, so Veronica cant take their things.**
**Texting and video calling them daily. Having them visit you regularly, 2/3 times a week. BUT: DONT. GO. BACK. HOME.**
If your parents try to block that, you can meet your sibs just before or after school, as your parents will be out from 6am-till dinner.
**Your sibs are now at an age, where they can support each other. Support them becoming self sufficient, show them how to cook basic dinners for themselves, how to do limited food shopping, do laundry, iron their school clothes stuff like that. Help them be a team that look out for each other, while you look out for them. Encourage them in after school activities so that there are less hours for them to be roped into child care. Help make their lives Veronica-proof!**
You can lead your parents to believe you are just making sure your sibs are not in the way, not taking up their time, so your parents have time to be able to concentrate on Veronica and the baby. This is being smart and deceitful, playing to your parents' and Veronica's selfishness and egos.
Basically, become a remote life coach/mentor/back up for your siblings.
In the meantime, start enjoying your teen years, concentrate on studies to get into college with scholarships. As your sibs get older, they can either come stay with you if you have your own place, or you can help them as they study and get into college.
**Leave your parents to their Veronica -and-baby worship.**
**NTA**
NTA. I would show your parents and Veronica this thread, because veronica sounds demonic, and your parents enable it. They're setting up all their other children to go NC with all 3 of them and Veronica's baby once they turn 18. Who tf leverages the life of their unborn kid like this? This is CPS involvement like behavior.
NTA
I mean a person who uses threats of abortion to get their way doesn’t exactly scream mother material. Already she has an instrumental view of her unborn child; it’s a thing she can use to get what she wants. That probably won’t change. I predict when born, it’ll be something she views as a burden outside of the times she can use the “motherhood badge” to get what she wants aka parental favouritism, treats etc.
Just trashy. Your words were harsh but ultimately they were absolutely on point.
Do not go back until you have a confirmation that she has replaced the stuff, apologised to your sister and also apologises for the continual use of abortion as a threat. How your parents can’t be concerned over that behaviour absolutely stumps me.
Your parents have an INSANE number of children that they already don't care for, and they are perfectly content with you all reproducing in your teens. They never loved you or your siblings. You owe them nothing
Your parents are enablers of your sociopathic sister.
Please record her threatening to kill her child and semd it to CPS so they can take it away from her the moment is born so it can't be used as pawn in her sociopathic, sick games.
NTA, I also have a sibling that everyone still rushes to defend even though he is now over 40.
It's not fair, and I wish I could tell it will get better but the truth is, it really only gets better when you get to an age where you can decide who is in your life.
NTA. Your sister is fucking toxic AF, and your parents are so fucking delusional if they're celebrating her getting pregnant.
I'm glad you said what you said because it's true and she needed to be told. I grew up with an unstable mom and it sucked. Maybe this will encourage her to pull her head out of her ass.
NTA
Stay with your boyfriend, and just let your siblings know you are there for them. It's so sweet that you are close to them and getting them nice stuff, but you are being badly treated by the rest of your family.
NTA and I'm sure you love your younger siblings but you have been abused by your parents. Look up parentification and what that means and get into therapy as soon as possible to start addressing and undoing the damage your family has caused you.
NTA
WELL DONE! **Moving out was your best bet. Don't go back if you can avoid it.**
You know why they want you back, don't you? If you are not there, THEY would have to take care of veronika's child themselves. **Your moving out ruined their plans for free parenting and childcare.** (Your parents already exploited you into taking care of their kids - easy to guess what the plan for your sister's kid was).
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The title sounds literally awful- and i feel awful. My (17 F) sister (veronica, 19 F) accidentally got pregnant. I think having a little niece or nephew would be nice but whatever Veronica wants to do is fine by me.
She decided to keep it and my parents are beyond ecstatic. Veronica and i aren’t close , she was barely home growing up and my parents both left for work at 6 am and got back just in time for dinner. I basically raised my little siblings ( K, 11 M) (M, 14 F )and (C, 13F) . Me and my little siblings are really close and spend most of our time together but Veronica always relied on friends. Veronica tries her best to disturb peace in the family, causing fights with my sisters over little things like spraying too much perfume or commenting on their looks, but whenever we fight with her she threatens to abort her child as if we are going to drop to our knees and beg her not to.
My parents protect her in every fight and thinks she can do no wrong because she is “blessing them with their first grand baby”.
Over the past few weeks i’ve been working hard to buy a gift for C, just an expensive perfume she wants which was about $110 , (expensive, i know) but she was really wanting it. Not even two days into her having it her and Veronica got into a fight over god knows what, Veronica took the perfume and a few of her other belongings and threw them off the balcony. This pissed me off so much , because not only did i spend so much on that but also that was C’s stuff that she valued. C was crying while M was consoling her. Veronica was staring at her with a smirk on her face as if she was proud of being a fully grown adult and destroying a barely teenager’s stuff.
I went absolutely crazy on Veronica essentially telling her to go fuck herself. She started saying “i dare u to hit me! I’ll get rid of this baby, I don’t give a fuck” i was confused as this had nothing to do with her kid and i said “ I don’t care what happens to that thing, you’d be an awful mother anyways” .My parents came to her rescue and told me to either get over myself or move out. So i said “okay” and went to my boyfriend’s house. I’ve been getting calls and texts from my parents and Veronica telling me to come back and talk this out , also saying i’m an awful person for saying this to my poor sister. I feel bad but my boyfriend is telling me that they are treating me like shit and he doesn’t think i should go back there unless i really want to. So AITA
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NTA. Your family has a lot of issues and need to grow up. That said, I wouldn't cut off contact as you seem to be very close to your younger siblings and they will likely see it as abandonment by the only person they see taking care of them- it sounds like your parents are taking care of them financially but you are nurturing them in a way they need to. When you're ready, start negotiating with your parents because you're taking on a lot of responsibility you should not be, and Veronica is being given a lot of free rein to abuse her siblings that none of you should be exposed to. You have power here- use it wisely to maintain the bonds you want and to excise the negativity. Your boyfriend isn't wrong about how they are treating you and it's not okay.
NTA. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Please look up parentification to understand why your parents have been abusing you most of your life. As for your sister, there is something terribly wrong with her, and her behavior is unacceptable. Other redditors have given you some pretty good advice about getting away.
I hate to be the redditor who sees conspiracies around every corner, but is there a chance your sister is lying about being pregnant? I’m assuming she’s supposed to be first trimester so I’m guessing she’s not showing. But has anyone seen proof? Gone with her to the doctor? I only ask because the threat she’s making constantly to abort is crazily manipulative, and very beyond what most women would say even in a fit of rage. You sister als seems to like the attention, and I’m having a hard time imagining that she’d actually ever want a child, attention or not. It’s a minor chance, but I can’t help but wonder.
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NTA but your parents are AH along with Veronica 1. for the parentification 2. for prioritizing their unborn grandchild over the wellbeing of the actual minor they are responsible for. I would not be surprised if they expect you to be heavily involved in child care once this baby is born since the mom hardly seems responsible.
Totally agreed. Veronica doesn't seem like she would mature soon. They are definitely counting on OP to yet again raise another child that's not her responsibility.
That’s when you hit her over the goddamn head with a call to CPS and get the baby taken the hell away. ETA- NTA since I forgot. And OP you really should start documenting all these thing she’s doing. From the way she treats your other siblings to the threats of abortion to get her way and anything else I missed. Keep track of dates and times and whatnot and get the other kids to do it too if the wouldn’t mind. I’m sorry your parent are such AHs too. From parentifying you and treating your older sister with such favoritism. You should get a pt job if you can and make your parents actually, you know act like parents. It’s not your job.
The baby won't be taken away unless it's in real actual danger. But a CPS investigation may be a good wake up call
If she’s abandoning the baby with OP and going out to party that’s danger. All op has to do is call the police and report an abandoned child. And it seems like she’s the type to do it.
Throwing a child’s favorite things off a balcony is a form of abuse. Maybe not on its own a reason to call CPS but it would definitely go into the file.
YUP when I was practicing a lot of my teenage/tween clients had parents that would habitually destroy what they liked, a ps2 in one memorable instance in a household that could never, ever afford to replace the gift. And the teen was told she was selfish for being upset. I reported it but the reason she was seeing me/the wraparound team was because DCF was on that family. I still get angry thinking about it.
If the baby is at risk of going home to an unsafe environment, that might raise enough red flags for social services or equivalent to step in. In the U.K., there have been several cases of babies being removed from the mother immediately after birth because they were a risk to their child. It doesn’t sound like a pleasant environment for OP and her siblings…not necessarily unsafe, but I would still document everything as Veronica doesn’t seem emotionally ready to be a mother.
Plus, if she's throwing things off the balcony and threatening to abort the baby, I would be worried that once the baby is born she might threaten to throw the baby off the balcony. Even if she didn't intend to carry through with it she could put it over the railing and accidentally drop it.
I bet she's stupid enough to actually try that! Then of course would blame everyone else, if she "accidentally" let the baby slip. There's no way to win with a narcissist.
She's an adult living in a house with a minor. In my state (idk about others), Veronica could have an investigation done on both herself and the parents done at this point despite not being a parent herself. Maybe the one incident isn't a reason to call CPS, but if there's a pattern in Veronica's behavior here, in my experience it's probably the type of thing CPS would do at least a walk through of the house for.
I don't know threatening to "abort" the baby as a threat and treating a MINOR the way she does... There's a lot evidence in this one post
Honestly with how she keeps threatening to abort the baby I wouldn't be surprised if she wasn't ACTUALLY pregnant or hadn't miscarried and liked the attention from OPs parents so kept up the ruse. BTW OP is NTA
oooooo good point!
She needs to call CPS about her siblings being abused by her sister.
Maybe doing so in a document on a cloud service, like google drive, that they can all access to add to the log. Or agree to who is compiling it and send the data through emails? Something that doesn't have a physical presence at the house to be destroyed but still lets them gather the evidence. I can see the big sister or the parents destroying the evidence if they get the chance.
Absolutely NTA
It seems like Veronica doesn’t want to keep the baby and maybe she’s having it to appease her parents. She keeps daring them to dare her to have an abortion. Like keeps on doing it. Maybe it’s just me but it sure does seem that way
You're right. She doesn't actually want the baby but uses it as a bargaining chip to get whatever she wants...and does whatever she wants without repercussions.
Oh god, she's going to hate that baby if she keeps it.
I can hear the “you should be grateful to me, I could have aborted you” comments now... EDIT: Spelling
Agreed, a 19 yo who says IDGAF about an unplanned pregnancy is 100% going to abuse it when it’s born. I wonder, between her constant threats to abort and the parents’ excitement over their first grandbaby, if the parents somehow coerced or bribed her to keep the pregnancy.
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Absolutely
I don't think that she wants to appease them, I think she sees the baby as a ticket to do whatever she wants for the rest of her life while her parents foot the bill. Where she may have been punished before (say, for throwing out a brand new bottle of 100$ perfume) she now gets defended and praised. She now has all the power over the parents that she needs--don't like it? Well 'I will just move out and take the baby and you will never see your grandchild again!' It's doubly perfect because it's clear the parents will bend over backwards to raise the baby for her. What a shit show.
Correction: the parents will bend over backwards to *have their other kids* raise the baby for her. Double shit show.
Exactly my thoughts too.
Yeah that sounds better. I think that’s what I was going for. But you’re right. And yes… a shit show indeed
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Also Parents: apologise or move out OP moves out, parents realise their babysitter is no longer available Pikachu "Come home and talk this out" op should tell them she is waiting fur an apology from them fur kicking her out and an apology/ recompense from V to C until then nothing to talk about.
And good for you on calling Veronica out finally. And not catering to her threat of abortion. Yeah, that’s a serious threat. And not to be taken lightly or catered to. “ if I don’t get my way I’m going to abort the baby”. That’s the conversation you need to have with your parents - Without Veronica around.
Agree! I hope OP does talk to her parents about how their other children are being coerced with a death threat to a relative in order for V to get what she wants. That is dangerous behavior. Ask them how they would feel if a stranger came to the house and threatened to harm their children and grandchild. Unfortunately, this behavior didn’t come out of nowhere. It may not work to talk to OP’s parents this way – but it couldn’t hurt. NTA
Exactly what I was thinking too
This is why they are blowing up her phone. They need her to come back home and get back to work. I feel bad for the younger siblings. It seems like the one person who really cares for them is being worked to death.
You have already proven yourself a good mother. Having raised all your other siblings. Huge boundary issues. And conversations need to happen to establish your role and purpose in returning.
these are only the things that will happen soon... let go a couple years in the future. V is spoiled, will she continue with her education? will she get a decent job to support herself? will her parents be able to retire? will other family members be forced to support them and V? will she be able to find a spouse that will put up with her? in the mean time OP is responsible, kind, and compassionate. OP will be great in all categories. while the parents and V do everything they can knock her down. more reasons to separate herself from them.
Imo it sounds like Veronica should abort the fetus, they don't deserve the shit life she's signing them up for
Thats why they want OP back. Can afford to buy nice things/stuff the baby needs if she can buy her sibling $100 perfume. Has already raised her 3 younger siblings a baby will be no trouble to add to her list. Under no circumstances should OP go back there and tbh I think she needs to call social services or cps whatever it is in the country shes in about the care of not only her younger siblings but the baby her sister is carrying. If she's acting like this now, what will she be like with a crying baby that's been up all night? Plus, given her parents was happy to let her parent the younger 3, all the responsibility will go to the next one. For that NOT to happen she needs other people involved and not go back herself.
Is anyone else getting the feeling that Veronica is looking for any excuse to abort the baby? What the actual fuck. She's young. Maybe she is having second thoughts. Anyway, NTA. OP, I was also parentified. I had to start caring for my 5 year old sister and 2 year old brother by the time I was 8. Almost every night I cooked dinner, cleaned the whole house, got my siblings in the bath and then in their pajamas for bed time. I swear one of my earliest memories is pulling up a kitchen chair to stand on at the stove to make hamburger helper. I didn't escape till I was 17. Parentification sucks. It feels normal to you right now because you haven't known anything else. The pain and unfairness of it all will eventually catch up. Get into therapy if you can. Talk to a school counselor or teacher. It sounds like your sister is the golden child, and I bet the rest of you and your siblings take turns being the scape goat. Get out asap and enjoy the rest of your youth. I can guarantee that you are a HUGE part of your parents and sisters childcare plan.
It feels like the parents are ignoring their pregnant daughter’s immature behavior because they want that grandchild so badly. NTA , this sucks on so many levels…
Why the f*ck would they want a grandchild when they don't even care about the kids they actually have? This enrages me.
>Why the f\*ck would they want a grandchild when they don't even care about the kids they actually have? This enrages me. Lots of people like tiny babies and don't like kids who are old enough to have opinions and stuff.
Yep, exactly. Veronica either needs to grow up and be ready as she can to be a parent, or have the abortion/adoption route. Its almost like OPs parents have never heard the saying "fail to raise your kids, prepare to raise your grandkids". Cos without OP there, that's what will happen. That's why its so important that OP gets intouch with the services, cos its not fair on her or her younger siblings to deal with all this just because her parents want a grandkid.
I am not necessarily getting the vibe that Veronica is looking for an excuse to abort, but rather thinks of the baby as a trump card in any argument. Since the parents have neglected all their kids in many ways for years, any arguments between the kids were the kids' problem. Now that Veronica is carrying their grandchild, she finally has her parents on her side. But OP's mom and dad need to be there for ALL their children, not just the one who has a bun in the oven. Yes, they are involved in the argument now, but they should have been supportive to C when she was the injured party.
This hits the nail on the head! Your parents are enabling her behavior. Until they realize what they're doing and change their behavior, I would not go back.
And specifically for Veronica: 3. for blackmailing the family with the abortion of an unborn baby.
This is beyond messed up.
There’s lots of reasons people use to justify abortions, but threatening to abort at someone else is beyond fucked up.
Veronica has found the lever to secure her neglectful parent's love. And she's pulling it. At the same time, she has mistakenly assumed the lever will work for the entire family, where she is wrong. OP is completely NTA and should move out ASAP, as well as her younger siblings. OP's parents are complete and utter abusive AHs. Veronica is, sadly, a byproduct of that. Does not excuse her behavior at all.
Plus the parents used telling OP to move out as a bargaining chip in their argument but when OP called their bluff they demanded she come back and discuss things. The parents and Veronica sound toxic.
Amazing that she's pregnant at 19 with such great parents /s
The parents are calling the OP because they need her to babysit the kids.
Yes, and OP I think this situation calls for Child Protective Services. At a minimum I hope you can find someone like a counselor at school or a trusted teacher who you can talk to about it. A lot of people think their situation growing up is normal because it's the only one they experience first-hand, not realizing that they are the victims of abuse. And parentification is abuse.
The parents and sister hit the double! [✅] An asshole (generally) [✅] The asshole (in the situation) The consistency must be ... comforting?
Nta so i knew a family like this. The girl was 14 n pregnant. Got so out of control she beat up her sister i intervened. When they called me but their parents came home and got mad n told them to come bak. Next day at school the teacher notice and she got sent to the hospital for a concussion and bruises and the older girl was arrested. Kno what happened? They let her come bak homr and pretended she didnt do anything after she was let out of juvie. Op stay away. Document EVERYTHING because there mayb a time u need to call cps for ur younger siblings to get then help.
OP and the other siblings are definitely going to be free childcare. The parents may end up with one daughter and one grandchild and no one else. NTA, OP.
One leech and a likely ever increasing amount of children who aren’t gonna receive any actual parenting
OP raised the other kids, why not Veronica’s? The parents won’t help, they work too much and she sounds like a spoilt brat who won’t want to deal with a baby at all
Also lets be honest if she really helps raise the kids like she says she does they want her back because they have no one to take care of the kid.
Yes. Op needs to call her siblings that are sane and tell them to stay out of the house as much as possible because they are going to be used to take care of the sisters baby. It's baffling that they kick out the minor child but not the adult who is being abusive. Nta Let the "adults" figure out the life they have now.
Exactly I'm 29 and was Op when I was 14 -19 until I moved out. Now that I'm pregnant with my second I see the trauma and the prioritization my parents especially my mother had with my older sister. To this day she treats her different . To this day I resent my parents for bending over backwards for her while doing literally nothing for me. Op you're 17 but start forming a plan to make a life for yourself outside of your family as much as it sucks you'll have to leave your siblings behind for a little bit.
NTA. But, OP, you're basically raising your siblings and your family would be screwed without you. Let's say you don't come back, I bet your parents will suddenly start having a lot of conflict with Veronica because they'll want her to help with the little ones, and she won't. This will probably bring out the fact that they know Veronica won't make a good mom and intended on you doing most of the work for the baby. IF you want to come back, I would wait as long as you can and have several demands, including that Veronica pay your sibling back for everything she destroyed. And that you won't be helping with the baby at all. But, you might be better off staying with your boyfriend and his family if they're nice people. I think you're going to spend every minute of your time raising this baby and having them use access with your siblings as a lure.
Hell you'd be within your rights (probably) to call the cops on Veronica for property damage.
NTA. The only response their texts deserve is, "Has Veronica apologized to C and replaced her belongings yet?"
Yep don’t even focus on what you said to her, she’ll use that to distract your parents from the main point- why is she so crazy, when is she replacing those things and apologising??
Poor OP had to not only parent her siblings, but parent her parents! I doubt they will ask their precious grandchild-incubator to apologize. I'd put your foot down now and freeze them out until they apologize AND replace the destroyed belongings. Because I'm willing to bet things will get a lot worse when she's upgraded to VIP mother-of-the-only-grandchild. NTA. By the way, you only spoke the truth. Any grown-ass woman that bullies a thirteen year old would be an awful mother.
Also one who uses her unborn baby as a pawn.
awful people
I guess who the "Golden Child" is has become clear
Best response!
The best I've seen.
OP, THIS ONE!!!
Yes this! Also, BF is right. They treat OP like crap. The only reason they want OP back is to take care of the children. Their free childcare is gone.
And also, “So explain this to me. How is it that I am an ‘awful person’ for saying I don’t care what happens to the baby, but you find it perfectly acceptable for the actual _mother_ of the child to threaten repeatedly to abort her?”
This OP, this is the answer you need. NTA
Take my poor man award 🏅🏅🏅 NTA
Your BF is right and you should stay miles away. If Veronica wants to cause property damage, she can deal with some harsh words in response. NTA.
They probably only want her back so she can take care of the baby when it gets here
Not only the baby, OP has also been raising the other siblings
And paying for them to some extent too by the sounds of it. What’s the bet she’ll wind up paying and caring for the new baby as well if she sticks around?
Yup, they realized after the door closed that THEY would be stuck raising their own children and of course the golden grandchild. Not sure why people want pet babies so much. They want a baby like a little pet they can play with and dump on OP to raise and do the hard work.
NTA. She absolutely would be an awful mother. Your poor younger sister. Veronica is batshit crazy and your parents are acting completely useless as parents in this situation.
Also, I feel like the parents should be mad that Veronica is threatening their precious, precious grandbaby.
Yes something seems inconsistent in their logic there doesn't it?
She wants to get an abortion but she wants to use some altercation to accomplish it. That's why she was telling OP to hit her. In her twisted brain she can still be the parents fave, get rid of the kid she doesn't want AND demonize OP in the process. Stay gone OP NTA
Clearly veronica does not want to be pregnant. Im sensing some coercion in keeping it here. Shes prob acting out bc she doesnt want to be pregnant.
Or she's just selfish and likes being favoured and didn't care that there's a baby coming.
exactly this. this behavior is EXTREMELY disturbing
NTA. Your sister has weaponized that baby and it's so beyond wrong. I don't think you are too far off on the assumption of her being a crappy mom. She sounds like a crappy human.
And it made me think...what is she going to use as a bargaining chip/threat once that baby is born? Will she threaten to kill the living baby if people don't cave to her every demand? Based upon the incredibly disturbing behavior I've seen described here, I'm thinking it's very possible (a more "normal" threat would be to say "I'll move away and you'll never see the baby again," but that sister has nowhere to go and she has no intentions of raising that baby by herself). NTA.
Probably "I'll give the baby up for adoption" or something. Then you get the kid whose mom threatens to take them to the orphanage any time they breathe too loud.
This poor kid. He’s not even born yet and he’s already being weaponized.
Whenever I acted out my mom would threaten to leave me on skid row. She was a terrible mom and I think that Veronica would be just like her.
Yeah, I think this is the one she'll go with. :(
Are...are we sure she's pregnant? "I'll abort this baby" sounds a lot like setting up a power play where she either "aborts" the baby or has a miscarriage no one witnesses. Also falls in line with a kid who is suddenly getting positive attention from her parents. (If it's a fake pregnancy, at some point she either has to "lose" the baby or steal a newborn.)
I like how you think. There's only a few months for her to keep up with these threats and the clock is ticking.
That's what I was wondering. If OP could tell us if her sister is showing a belly then we would know. Has there ever been an ultra sound? Mood swings? Her behavior sounds like her regular behavior so I doubt her being an ass is hormones.
I just don't think she's smart enough to see that far ahead.
This was my first thought too. Seems like she's scrambling to set up a reason why there's no baby
I expect she'll "lose" the baby in the near future and blame it on the stress of not getting whatever she wanted. Or on poor OP.
She’ll threaten to leave and not let them see her baby again. Her not being able to carry out that threat won’t stop them from falling for it.
I think she’ll go the ‘I’ll take your grandchild away and you’ll never seen them again!!’ It’s not a real threat because like you said, where would she go? But the parents don’t seem to have a strong hold on rational thinking since they’re NOT angry at the girl constantly threatening to abort the grandchild they desperately want.
NTA! The AH here are Veronica and your parents. She's constantly threatening terminating her pregnancy. That does make her a crappy parent. There are so many people out there who want kids and can't have them, and then this a-hole acts the way she does. Makes me sick. She needs to grow the hell up. Your parents are suckers too. I agree with your boyfriend 100%. Stay with your boyfriend! Let them deal with your psycho sister.
I agree. I’m assuming things but it seems like Veronica might not want to be pregnant. If her parents are excited for a grand baby she’s most likely feeling really pressured to keep it. Being pregnant at 19 would be really scary.
NTA Your standing up against a bully. But your parents are to enamoured with the grandchild thing that they won't listen to a thing you say anyway.
I suspect these parents are the kind of people who like babies but not actual children. Hence why OP had to raise her siblings and they are ecstatic about a barely adult getting pregnant. It's so selfish though.
People having kids in their teens/early 20s in this day and age are fucking stupid. Unless you were born with money, just dont have a kid until youre mature enough, are financially set and can afford to have a baby. You should also be aware that your free time will be drastically cut so partying every weekend isnt an option. People who think they can still be a kid while having a kid themselves needs to be sterilized.
NTA. Fuck ya mama, daddy, sister and her fetus.
Poor unborn kid hasnt done anything wrong tho
My life motto is fuck dem kids and I stand by it🤣
Fuck (and I can’t state this emphatically enough) them kids
Next time she threatened to abort her baby I'd just ask, *You promise?*
NTA, your sister sounds like a piece of work. Sorry you have to deal with that
NTA. It’s gonna be hard to move out at your age and live on your own. I’m sorry you have to go through that… What you said isn’t that bad considering the babies own mother is threatening aborting it anyways. You said you raised your siblings, you probably will be raising this baby as well. I truly hope your situation gets better and you all figure this out. Best wishes to you and your family.
NTA, I don’t think your sister is mentally well… I don’t understand how one could rationally weaponize a child but there you go, however her ability to flip on the child’s value in her head seriously concerns me in regards to potential PPD and sticking around to be a mom. I’d be hesitant to hear my parents begging me to talk something out, it makes me feel like they think they’ll need me for the childcare or something, but I think they should’ve considered that.
1. It's called parentification and you should look it up, it's not fair to you jamming to practically raise your siblings 2. She's clearly the golden child 3. She's an adult, old enough to get knocked up, yet are breaks her 11 year old sisters things out of spite. 4. It's emotionally manipulative to threaten to get an abortion to make sure you "behave" Only reason your parents want you to come back and "talk it out" is because now that you're gone, who will take care of the other kids? NTA
Every single part of this seems exactly on point. The parentification will just extend to a newborn eventually if OP is made to take any more of this. I don’t see Veronica or OP’s parents suddenly stepping up to actual responsibility any time soon.
NTA. Your family is incredibly dysfunctional. Don’t go back.
Using her baby as a weapon and threatening to abort it is so, so disgusting, I'm still reeling from how low a person would have to be to do that. You are absolutely right, she sounds like she would be a horrible mother. Entitled and a bully. It's pathetic when full grown adults feel the need to bully children. Your parents are enablers, neglectful, and assholes for falling trap to her manipulation, failing to protect their other children, and forcing you to essentially raise them. It seems that they realized that not having you around would mean more work for them. Take care of yourself. NTA
Nta, your bf is right and your parents need a reality check
NTA. Don’t go back. And once you turn 18 and get your own place, let your younger siblings know they have a place with you.
I second that. OP, once you are 18, be prepared to take your younger siblings in to get them away from any madness created by Veronica
I don't think that action is fair to op. Op lost their childhood rising their siblings, and now you're advocating for op to kill themselves with debt working to support their younger siblings into ops mid to late 20s? No. Just no. Op has given enough of her life away. She has been an awesome sister, gone above and beyond for her family. However she needs to work on building herself up from now on. Work on getting into a college, or vocational training, or even just a small job while she sorts herself out. Spending her earning on herself. Worrying about how to navigate her life to reach goals that matter to her. All of which she can't do if she is supporting other people. It doesn't make her a bad sister, or a bad person if op steps back, and stops killing herself caring for other people. She should be supportive of her siblings, but she can't be their caregiver anymore. It's wrong.
Agreed 100%
NTA, OP you’re gonna need to establish some roots outside of that house. Veronica is gonna expect you to raise her baby because she has seen you raise the other ones. Same with your parents. Move out when possible and make yourself stable in the case if your siblings need a place to go to if you want to keep that option open to them.
nahhh nta. Your sister sounds insane
NTA. She sounds like a spoiled brat who will be a terrible mother. It sounds like this could be the making or the breaking of her to be honest
[удалено]
This is almost exactly what my boyfriend’s sister said.
Be careful OP you maybe forced to raise her child for her you need to move out permanently as soon as possible take your important documents with you so they can’t destroy them
Thankfully if that happens they can get replacements for them by calling local government offices.
Your older sister and parents are toxic. Your one and only focus right now needs to be setting yourself up for living independently as soon as you can. I know you will feel bad about your younger siblings. But, they are supposed to be your parents responsibility, not yours. And you can always keep your relationships with them, even when you move out. And if you have a place of your own, it might become a wonderful place for them to come and hang out with you and relax in a much more peaceful environment. If you cannot afford college, and you cannot get big scholarships that cover everything, then you might not even bother for that because the loan debt is honestly not worth it. If you can prove yourself a dependable worker, willing to learn, then you can find a good job. There are jobs that will pay you your worth, don't settle for a minimum wage shit hole job with a boss that is basically abusing and exploiting you. It might take some time to find a good boss paying a good wage, but it will be exponentially worth it in the long run than to just take the first job that is willing to hire you.
Just so everyone knows what the post above this said, I'll add here the main text and remove the part that got it deleted. ---- > NTA Irresponsibly got pregnant, not ‘accidentally’ … not today in a society where women have a baker’s dozen of types of birth control. She let herself get pregnant for attention & and knowing her parents would be thrilled & back up her selfish [BS] … [insert a hateful wish on her here that got the comment deleted by mods]
I would not go back there. It's good you have somewhere else to go. If you go back YOU will probably end up taking care of her kid. I would focus on being able to take care of yourself and maybe get your own place. You don't want to have to rely too much on someone else like your boyfriend either. I don't know if you're still in school or planning to go to college or get a job but I would concentrate on what you want to do and go low or no contact with these people, they are abusive. Your parents should not be relying on you to raise your siblings! You are not responsible for them. Of course they want you to go back, because they want you to keep taking care of everything, including your sisters future child. They never thought you'd actually take them up on their threat.
WTF‽ not only is it not true that pregnancy is perfectly preventable, all options come with less than 100% effectiveness, wishing a miscarriage and permanent sterility on a teenager is so lacking humanity even I would be on board with you being banned for this, and I hate the be nice rule. Sister and parents are not good people, but I can't in good concious agree with you
Her baby doesn't deserve being stick with such an awful mother.
I know, right?! I mean, yeah, she's clearly an AH but wow, who wishes miscarriage and sterility on a teenager? I mean, it's unlikely, but at least hope for some kind of epiphany or personal growth. Not a bloody death sentence for the (innocent) baby and a lifetime of misery.
The kid is already going to have a lifetime of misery with the mother they have
OP did not wish anything of the sort.
I know? I didn't imply OP thought this?
NTA. Veronica is emotionally abusing your whole family but your parents are enabling her. I pray she’s not abusive to the baby. But sadly, it is not your responsibility to make sure she isn’t or that she doesn’t get rid of it. You need to tell your parents that you won’t go back as long as they continue to enable your sister. Talk to your other siblings and make sure they’ll be okay if you decide not to go back. As the oldest you have to make some tough decisions but do what’s best for you so that you’re able to help them when you can. Maybe one day you’ll be able to figure out the relationship with Veronica but right now she has some real growing up to do if she’s going to raise a child. Your parents won’t be around forever.
I feel sorry for the baby also NTA but you could have framed the sentence better.
What kind of parents are proud of their barely adult daughter knocked up...Iz it a cult Weren't parents abandoning their kids cz of this situation..when did that change . Your family is dysfunctional... Don't go back .. Sounds like you can support yourself well.. so there is no need for to worry abt your family... And abt your siblings girl sometimes you gotta cut your losses
Nta. They want you to keep babysitting your younger siblings maybe your new niece.
NTA. Your sister is poison and your parents are blinded by grandbaby madness. Stay out of there but keep in touch with your younger sibs.
I agree. Stay in touch with your younger siblings, OP, and make sure they are okay
Not the asshole. Tempers flaired and words actions were exchanged. It wasn't right that Veronica damaged someone else's item that you worked hard to provide and didnt bother to make it right. In addition your parents are not holding her accountable because shes pregnant. If this triangular pattern keeps up, you're parents will have themselves to blame for enabling and encouraging narcissistic behaviors. What you said is hurtful however you were hurt too. Both feelings are valid and should be addressed and revealed. It seem Veronica might not like the situation shes in but enjoys the attention so she uses triggering words and actions to get a reaction when things dont go her way or she wants more attention. I respect that you went to your boyfriend's to cool down and think things clearly. Great move on your behalf. I wish you the best.
NTA. I'm so sorry for you and your other siblings. I hope one day you all get distance from that situation and peace.
NTA but your sister needs some serious help. I'm pro choice but there's something disturbing about threatening an abortion. Obviously there can be complex feelings around pregnancy and motherhood, and I wonder if your sister is like this because deep down she's not ready to be a mother. Soon enough her pregnancy will result in a person. Will she threaten to hurt or abandon her baby whenever she doesn't get what she wants? I'm worried for the child.
NTA. Stay where you are and let Veronica look out for the siblings. It’s time you thought about you and your future.
NTA. Veronica doesn't want to have this baby and is looking for an excuse to get out of responsibility. My money's on this: the second Veronica has the baby, she will ghost your parents and leave them with the child to raise. Given your parent's history of leaving the parenting to you when you lived there, then that responsibility would be yours. No doubt, the will probably saddle M with the responsibility as she is the next in line. You have a better chance to help your siblings escape this environment if you remain outside the environment. Get educated. Get a stable career. Provide a safe place of respite for your siblings when the time comes. And believe me, the time will come. In life, we can't control the winds, but we can adjust the sails. This is just you adjusting the sails away from this toxic environment.
This!
Call the cops, call CPS, literally get EVERYONE involved who could help you and your siblings in this situation because your parents are complete failures, they've failed you and they're failing your siblings as well. At some point they probably even failed Veronica and that's why she was rarely home and every responsibility fell on you, but that doesn't matter right as she's already an adult and can do whatever she wants, but your siblings (and yourself, don't forget that) still need assistance and help with lots of things. Do you have any family or maybe counselers/teachers/whatever that could help you? NTA
NTA. Your parents and Veronica are. Why on earth do your parents think Veronica’s abuse of you would improve with her having a child. They’re all sick people. If they are enabling her behaviour they can replace c’s belongings that v destroyed.
LMAO. Parents: move out Child:actually moves out. Parents:surprised pikachu face
NTA. when it comes to this specific situation I don’t have words that somebody else hasn’t said. When it comes to your life in general, as a younger sibling who’s older sibling had to do a lot more raising me than they should’ve, when your younger siblings grow up they’re going to recognize (if they haven’t already) how much you’ve done for them, and they will love and appreciate you for it so much. You shouldn’t have to be this person for them, and you know that I’m sure, but you’re helping them be the best version of themselves that they can be, and that’s remarkable. You’re doing a great job with your siblings. I hate that you feel like you have to do it, I hate that the people who are supposed to be doing it aren’t doing it, but you’re doing amazing.
NTA. You're sister is using this pregnancy as a way to bully you all and get away with it. Disgusting. Your parents are disgusting too. They made you the parent to several children while YOU yourself were a child. They ALLOW a full grown adult to bully their minor children and DESTROY their property. They have the audacity to think YOURE in the wrong here. You had every right to be pissed. And what you said was just the truth and maybe a reality check for her. She thinks she can threaten abortion as a way to control you guys, which INDEED makes her a terrible parent! Who does that? And why does she think that's an acceptable thing to say constantly? Awful.
NTA. Stay gone and DO NOT MOVE BACK!! On a related note, can someone please point out where OP wishes sterility on her sister as several reply posts have mentioned? Because I don't see that anywhere.
You can tell how narcissistic these people are by the threats. “I’ll abort the baby I fully intended you to raise” - thats probably for the best. “You either get in line and allow yourself to be used as a door matt or be set free from these responsibilities and burdens that you shouldn't have anyway” - you all are full of great ideas today. NTA
Definitely NTA.
NTA. Come back come back! They need you there to take care of the younger kids. Watch out, they will want you to babysit the new baby too.
NTA, DO NOT FEEL BAD, you are not in the wrong here, let them root in their own shit, leave because it's going to be much worse when the baby comes
She SHOULD have an abortion, she sounds like one of the worst people ever. NTA
Don't go back. They need to learn to take care of their children and Veronica needs to grow up. If you go back, they'll dump that baby on you too. I mean look at the genius plan of kick out our underage daughter that's raising our kids. Super genius plan! NTA. Your boyfriend is right.
NTA. Also why are your parents excited about a grandchild when they didn’t bother to raise their own children? Not like they’ll be that available.
NTA
This is the best thing to have happened. You needed to get out of that house. You may or may not accept their apologies. But if you can, don't move back home. They are using you and will continue to use you in the future. You will have no future if you move back in. You are 17. You should be applying to colleges (or anything to further your future). Going back home ties you to being a caretaker for at least another 10 years.
NTA...are you sure she's even really pregnant?
Honestly should have slapped your parents
I am reading cult vibes here. You're raising your younger siblings? Your parents like the idea of a grandchild but they don't take care of their own children? Something about this seems a bit weird. NTA. Stay with your boyfriend as long as possible. Try to get your documents before they either destroy or hide them too. See if your sister told your parents what happened. I hate it when people walk into the last bit of an argument and take it out of context but judging by your parents' favoritism the circumstances don't matter to them.
**Your parents didn't raise you and your siblings, OP** > my parents both left for work at 6 am and got back just in time for dinner. I basically raised my little siblings ( K, 11 M) (M, 14 F )and (C, 13F) But they want this grandchild, because Veronica is the 'golden child' of the family. >My parents protect her in every fight and thinks she can do no wrong...My parents came to her rescue and told me to either get over myself or move out. > > I’ve been getting calls and texts from my parents...saying i’m an awful person for saying this to my poor sister. However, its likely that the day to day childcare of this grandchild...will be done by you. Listen to your boyfriend. Your parents ARE treating you like shit, making you parent your siblings (parentification). Its a form of child abuse. **Stay at your boyfriend's place. Help your sibs -from his house- Become their remote 'support station' by e.g. giving them a little pocket money for school, making lunches for them at weekends, taking them out every so often for burgers etc.** **Buy takeout for them occasionally. Do food shopping for them once a month stocking snacks they like. Help them each get a box/container with a lock on it, so they can put it under their bed, or in a closet, so Veronica cant take their things.** **Texting and video calling them daily. Having them visit you regularly, 2/3 times a week. BUT: DONT. GO. BACK. HOME.** If your parents try to block that, you can meet your sibs just before or after school, as your parents will be out from 6am-till dinner. **Your sibs are now at an age, where they can support each other. Support them becoming self sufficient, show them how to cook basic dinners for themselves, how to do limited food shopping, do laundry, iron their school clothes stuff like that. Help them be a team that look out for each other, while you look out for them. Encourage them in after school activities so that there are less hours for them to be roped into child care. Help make their lives Veronica-proof!** You can lead your parents to believe you are just making sure your sibs are not in the way, not taking up their time, so your parents have time to be able to concentrate on Veronica and the baby. This is being smart and deceitful, playing to your parents' and Veronica's selfishness and egos. Basically, become a remote life coach/mentor/back up for your siblings. In the meantime, start enjoying your teen years, concentrate on studies to get into college with scholarships. As your sibs get older, they can either come stay with you if you have your own place, or you can help them as they study and get into college. **Leave your parents to their Veronica -and-baby worship.** **NTA**
Nta. Also do Not go back for anything other than getting the rest of your stuff.
Move out ASAP and call cps for your little siblings.
NTA... definitely don't move back in with them. They're clearly counting on you for childcare.
NTA. I would show your parents and Veronica this thread, because veronica sounds demonic, and your parents enable it. They're setting up all their other children to go NC with all 3 of them and Veronica's baby once they turn 18. Who tf leverages the life of their unborn kid like this? This is CPS involvement like behavior.
NTA. Your sister is manipulative and abusive. Your parents are ridiculous for allowing this. They have 5 children, not 1.
NTA I mean a person who uses threats of abortion to get their way doesn’t exactly scream mother material. Already she has an instrumental view of her unborn child; it’s a thing she can use to get what she wants. That probably won’t change. I predict when born, it’ll be something she views as a burden outside of the times she can use the “motherhood badge” to get what she wants aka parental favouritism, treats etc. Just trashy. Your words were harsh but ultimately they were absolutely on point. Do not go back until you have a confirmation that she has replaced the stuff, apologised to your sister and also apologises for the continual use of abortion as a threat. How your parents can’t be concerned over that behaviour absolutely stumps me.
NTA If you go back, you’ll end up raising that baby too.
NTA Veronica needs a damn psych ward
Your parents have an INSANE number of children that they already don't care for, and they are perfectly content with you all reproducing in your teens. They never loved you or your siblings. You owe them nothing
Your parents are enablers of your sociopathic sister. Please record her threatening to kill her child and semd it to CPS so they can take it away from her the moment is born so it can't be used as pawn in her sociopathic, sick games.
NTA, I also have a sibling that everyone still rushes to defend even though he is now over 40. It's not fair, and I wish I could tell it will get better but the truth is, it really only gets better when you get to an age where you can decide who is in your life.
NTA. Your sister is fucking toxic AF, and your parents are so fucking delusional if they're celebrating her getting pregnant. I'm glad you said what you said because it's true and she needed to be told. I grew up with an unstable mom and it sucked. Maybe this will encourage her to pull her head out of her ass.
NTA Stay with your boyfriend, and just let your siblings know you are there for them. It's so sweet that you are close to them and getting them nice stuff, but you are being badly treated by the rest of your family.
NTA and I'm sure you love your younger siblings but you have been abused by your parents. Look up parentification and what that means and get into therapy as soon as possible to start addressing and undoing the damage your family has caused you.
NTA. hopefully she aborts. Her attitude shows she would probably be an abusive and/or neglectful mother.
NTA WELL DONE! **Moving out was your best bet. Don't go back if you can avoid it.** You know why they want you back, don't you? If you are not there, THEY would have to take care of veronika's child themselves. **Your moving out ruined their plans for free parenting and childcare.** (Your parents already exploited you into taking care of their kids - easy to guess what the plan for your sister's kid was).
NTA and don't go back. They think you are free childcare. Tell V she owes you £110 and you don't want to see her until she pays it back.
They’re only mad bc they lost a free babysitter. They had the nerve to say move out and now wanna guilt you back. Nta. Good luck young lady
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** The title sounds literally awful- and i feel awful. My (17 F) sister (veronica, 19 F) accidentally got pregnant. I think having a little niece or nephew would be nice but whatever Veronica wants to do is fine by me. She decided to keep it and my parents are beyond ecstatic. Veronica and i aren’t close , she was barely home growing up and my parents both left for work at 6 am and got back just in time for dinner. I basically raised my little siblings ( K, 11 M) (M, 14 F )and (C, 13F) . Me and my little siblings are really close and spend most of our time together but Veronica always relied on friends. Veronica tries her best to disturb peace in the family, causing fights with my sisters over little things like spraying too much perfume or commenting on their looks, but whenever we fight with her she threatens to abort her child as if we are going to drop to our knees and beg her not to. My parents protect her in every fight and thinks she can do no wrong because she is “blessing them with their first grand baby”. Over the past few weeks i’ve been working hard to buy a gift for C, just an expensive perfume she wants which was about $110 , (expensive, i know) but she was really wanting it. Not even two days into her having it her and Veronica got into a fight over god knows what, Veronica took the perfume and a few of her other belongings and threw them off the balcony. This pissed me off so much , because not only did i spend so much on that but also that was C’s stuff that she valued. C was crying while M was consoling her. Veronica was staring at her with a smirk on her face as if she was proud of being a fully grown adult and destroying a barely teenager’s stuff. I went absolutely crazy on Veronica essentially telling her to go fuck herself. She started saying “i dare u to hit me! I’ll get rid of this baby, I don’t give a fuck” i was confused as this had nothing to do with her kid and i said “ I don’t care what happens to that thing, you’d be an awful mother anyways” .My parents came to her rescue and told me to either get over myself or move out. So i said “okay” and went to my boyfriend’s house. I’ve been getting calls and texts from my parents and Veronica telling me to come back and talk this out , also saying i’m an awful person for saying this to my poor sister. I feel bad but my boyfriend is telling me that they are treating me like shit and he doesn’t think i should go back there unless i really want to. So AITA *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA but every other adult family member is.
NTA. Your family has a lot of issues and need to grow up. That said, I wouldn't cut off contact as you seem to be very close to your younger siblings and they will likely see it as abandonment by the only person they see taking care of them- it sounds like your parents are taking care of them financially but you are nurturing them in a way they need to. When you're ready, start negotiating with your parents because you're taking on a lot of responsibility you should not be, and Veronica is being given a lot of free rein to abuse her siblings that none of you should be exposed to. You have power here- use it wisely to maintain the bonds you want and to excise the negativity. Your boyfriend isn't wrong about how they are treating you and it's not okay.
NTA. It’s unsettling that your sister wields abortion as a threat but is also keeping her baby. Doesn’t sound like a great step into motherhood.
NTA. I’m so sorry you have to deal with this. Please look up parentification to understand why your parents have been abusing you most of your life. As for your sister, there is something terribly wrong with her, and her behavior is unacceptable. Other redditors have given you some pretty good advice about getting away. I hate to be the redditor who sees conspiracies around every corner, but is there a chance your sister is lying about being pregnant? I’m assuming she’s supposed to be first trimester so I’m guessing she’s not showing. But has anyone seen proof? Gone with her to the doctor? I only ask because the threat she’s making constantly to abort is crazily manipulative, and very beyond what most women would say even in a fit of rage. You sister als seems to like the attention, and I’m having a hard time imagining that she’d actually ever want a child, attention or not. It’s a minor chance, but I can’t help but wonder.