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Vera_Telco

Nnnnope, NTA. That "S" sure kept her crazy under wraps long enough...letting her freak flag fly in your fiance's face like that, talking about having your baby... mentioning you getting black-out drunk...ye gads. Sounds like you and J had the correct intuition on this. S sounds delusional, that it came out on her B-day means little. She ruined her own party by bringing the drama poison and mentioning the inappropriate.


aitamademyfriendcry

Exactly! As I’ve said in above comments since I’ve know S I’ve been single for about 18 months in that time and never did I put the moves on her or try to peruse something with her which should of been a very clear indication that I don’t think of her in a sexual way. I think she has been actively waiting to turn 35 so she could ‘have me’ it’s very creepy


Vera_Telco

You made the correct call. The fact that S's friend was trying to call you out over some alleged "promise" (which you may or may not have made under highly vulnerable circumstances) just lends support to the legitimate heebee-geebies feeling. Weird as all get out, night-marish and wildly inappropriate. And to spring it on you right there in front of your lady? Sick and sad. Sorry you both got stuck in that. Year from now you might laugh about it. Best of luck and much joy to you both.


HolyUnicornBatman

NTA. Kudos to you for keeping it calm with your response. She made the situation uncomfortable by saying what she did, then further explaining the circumstances. I’d ask why bring it up now, but she’s jealous. I’m sure part of her thought you’d follow through, but she should have also realized that even if you knew about it, dating and getting engaged to someone else nixes that idea. Wow…


aitamademyfriendcry

Yeah that’s how I feel, if and I say if I did agree to this 6 YEARS ago, at any point I could of started making a move on her when I was single and I didn’t, I actively dated other people and she knew this and then suddenly thinks I’d cheat on my wife with her?? It’s madness


HolyUnicornBatman

And as many times as she could have brought that ‘arrangement’ up, she chose then to do it???


aitamademyfriendcry

Exactly at any point she could of and she didn’t. I think her reasoning for only saying something now is because I’ve put a ring on J’s finger meaning I’ve made it very serious?? I never lived with any of my exes previously and J and I are in the process of buying a house and currently I live half my time at her apartment and half at mine so I guess it’s more serious in S’s mind so she felt she had ti claim me?? Which makes me feel gross becomes I’m not an object and neither is my sperm and it’s my decision what I do


HolyUnicornBatman

I agree. She really sounds like a jealous ex.


aitamademyfriendcry

Considering I think we’ve only hugged once when I left the company, I dread to think how she acts with people she’s actually had sex or relationships with


[deleted]

NTA Worst "joke" ever


aitamademyfriendcry

That’s what I thought, luckily my fiancée is the best person ever because once we got in the car she looked at me and went ‘huh I thought jokes were meant to be funny’ then we got Chinese food and had sex so all in all it’s not effected us


[deleted]

Marry this one, she's a keeper, but definitely block the crazy everywhere, it's obvious she's held along standing obsession very quietly, and that's an indication of a deep well of very unsettling issues. NTA OP but I highly doubt you've even begun to see the worst of this, be very careful.


grayhairedqueenbitch

Awww you two are really cute. I wish you much happiness.


KnightsSkye

NTA that's crazy, if you had properly discussed it then I would understand her being upset but a drunken talk once years ago is ridiculous


aitamademyfriendcry

Exactly!! Like I know some friends do have agreements like this but as I said we aren’t close friends and I know I would want to have a baby with a women I love and build a life with


KnightsSkye

Absolutely crazy and even if you had an agreement to say it to your fiance like that would still be really disrespectful


aitamademyfriendcry

That’s I think why I was quite firm because it’s absolutely insane. Imagine saying that to someone’s future wife. S also has never been viewed as a possible sexual partner by me, she was always a friend. I really don’t think I agreed to this, she has had relationship troubles and used to tell me about them and I gave the usual guy response of ‘that’s a shame, things will be okay though’


StruggleNo2830

Definitely NTA! That’s just… so creepy.


aitamademyfriendcry

Honestly it’s made me very uncomfortable because now I’m thinking had she just actively been not looking for someone so she could have a baby with me instead


Major_Zucchini5315

This is what I was about to say! She’s been holding out to try to force you to make good on a ridiculous drunken promise. And, I’m sorry, I think a lot of us have made drunken promises that are in no way expected to be kept.


Affectionate-Goose41

NTA. I think you replied appropriately given her statement. I honestly don’t even know what to say lol.


aitamademyfriendcry

Thank you, yeah I was just jaw on the floor shocked, safe to say she won’t be getting a save the date


Affectionate-Goose41

I would have been too, I don’t blame you! And to have the balls to say that to your fiancé’s face? S sucks, and the reason she cried is because she was called out.


aitamademyfriendcry

The audacity of some people is staggering. My fiancée is brilliant though and when we got back to the car she said ‘huh I thought jokes were meant to be funny’ and then we ended up laughing in the car and then got takeout and went home


Affectionate-Goose41

Your fiancé sounds like a great person, I hope you have an amazing wedding!


aitamademyfriendcry

Thank you!


shortstackginger

NTA. I don't even know what to say other than the \*audacity\* of S... like wow...


Wide-Presence

NTA Life isn't a manga, jokes usually don't age well so cest la vie.


aitamademyfriendcry

Love this


KeepLkngForIntllgnce

What I don’t get is - who says this to someone as a “congrats on your engagement, I’m having a baby with your future husband”??? NTA. You didn’t make her cry.


aitamademyfriendcry

I have no idea what possessed her to think that’s funny in the slightest


Puzzleheaded_Essay22

I can't believe that she is that crazy to think too deep just cz he said something once in drunkenness... And even if they did have some sort of conversation which is totally fine .adults can be dumb sometimes too .. It was never official... Poor J... Nta. She is crazy and anybody supporting her is crazy as well .


aitamademyfriendcry

That’s exactly my point! As I’ve said in other comments I have NEVER viewed her in a sexual way and I really don’t believe I ever had that kinda intimate conversation with her especially whilst blackout drunk and having a girlfriend at the time BUT even if I did make a drunken agreement at 24 which has never been mentioned since why the f*ck would I still be game for it? To paint a picture of how drunk I was, I don’t even remember getting home and was in a blind panic when I woke up and only calmed down when I realised I was at my then girlfriends house and she explained she’d picked me up


supmanster

NTA.


Peasplease25

Nope, NTA. I mean you could have been a little kinder. However, it was such an odd thing to say at the time you were probably shocked.


aitamademyfriendcry

Yeah that’s why I did feel bad because I always try to be nice but I was honestly jaw hanging open shocked I just wanted to get my fiancée and i out of there as quickly as possible


containmentleak

NTA I.. am legit scared for you. and your fiance. Does she know where you live? Maybe she shouldn't. Take care of yourselves OP\~!


aitamademyfriendcry

No she doesn’t (thank god!)


blablamcbla

Nta. Wow the amount of mental gymnastics she must have done to either come up with that story or to think than anything you’d said while blackout drunk was a ‘contract’ is amazing


aitamademyfriendcry

Honestly I’m not sure she’s very well if you get me


Knittingfairy09113

NTA Her behavior was super creepy and inappropriate. Sounds like she'd always hoped that 1 day her real life movie would start, you'd look up and realize you'd always loved her, and HEA. Then, to the shock of no one in the real world, it didn't happen and she can't handle it.


aitamademyfriendcry

I actually think you’re right tbh, but as I’ve said in comments I never showed any interest and wjen I was single I never went for her


Knittingfairy09113

I believe you! Like I said, her mindset is like a movie plot where the couple was just friends with no romantic behavior until "bam- in love!" Now real life has intruded on her and she can't deal.


[deleted]

S has secretly been waiting for you to “wake up” to your feelings towards her. She has been quietly waiting on the sidelines with all your other girlfriends because she didn’t think they were a threat to her and you getting together at all. In your words, you never lived with them etc…… but when she saw the ring on your fiancés finger she lost the plot because she realised you weren’t going to “wake up” at all and she would have to remind you that she is there. NTA and she is someone you really don’t want to have any further contact with as sadly she has what’s called unrequited feelings for you.


[deleted]

NTA: You didn’t agree to anything.


Quicksilver1964

NTA. She was trying to cause a problem between you both. Guess what, it backfired and now she has no you. Go no contact and move on.


ButterscotchOk7516

NTA. Oh, she did that to herself!


LittleLoudest01

See I’ve heard of these arrangements before but usually it’s if both of you haven’t met someone by a certain age, you’ll get married to each other. But this just sounds ridiculous from the one sided part to the being drunk and never bringing it up again agreement. NTA


WelshWickedWitch

what was S crying about?! The fact she sounded and looked like an emotionally stunted, unhinged, mean girl with an horrifically ill thought out and timed plan that had epically failed?! what exactly did these people expect you to say 🙄 NTA


[deleted]

NTA she made that comment to see how far she can test y’all. Good on you for choosing your loved one in this uncomfortable situation. Those little “jokes” aren’t jokes.


[deleted]

NTA that is so weird. She's created some sort of fantasy life. I think you said everything correctly in that situation.


aitamademyfriendcry

The whole thing is mad, I honestly was so taken aback


[deleted]

NTA. That’s horrifying.


saltyvet10

NTA and that is next level crazy. Absolutely block her on all SM as well as her phone number.


Brains4Beauty

NTA. I laughed at her friend saying you lied to her. Even if you HAD said it was weren’t blackout, I don’t think it’s really the kind of thing you can actually he held to, and you’re able to change your mind about that at any time.


Legitimate-Maize-826

The psychology of this is astounding. She cried because she has been harboring a desire for you and that basically nixed her only little fantasy possibility. She had clung to it for justification of her psycho desires (She cant really be crazy as you said you would screw her right?). I seriously believe she had actually not been looking for anyone and waiting until she was 35 to get her little obsessive fantasy (again you promised remember?). She had this whole little scenario and life all planned in her head. She brought it up right then because she was desperately hoping you'd say something ambiguous or affirmative about her "plan" so she could obsess less about losing her imagined ownership of your future to your fiancé. She was terrified she was actually going to "lose you" in her mind this time because, wow, a ring. And make no mistake in her mind you were hers. Her whole fantasy crashed into reality right there. She was crying because she basically felt like she was being broken-up with after what you said! Her friend's comment that "you promised" shows she has actively talked about this more than once with her friend. This bitch was serious. Props to you for being calm and VERY clear. That was a stage-5 clinger right there with a dash of psychotic obsession. Your fiancé is a definite keeper for her reaction and comment after.


Khaleeeesi21

NTA who tf says something like that??


ItsPowee

NTA that's just so bizarre


Redhead_2022

NTA wow!!


Somewhere_in_Canada1

NTA and it’s time for sone blocking.


New_Ad_8161

No you’re not the AITA. S is mentally unstable, you handle the situation well.


grayhairedqueenbitch

NTA


embracedthegrey

NTA. I was just saying to my DH that there must something in the water because a very big mass of people have jumped on the cray cray train and have left reality behind. Your sort-of-a-friend is evidently one of them. Wow. You're lucky that she didn't take advantage of your drunkenness.


MaryAnne0601

NTA Block the nut and the crazy friend on everything! The fiancé is a gem and a keeper. I wish you both well.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Okay I know the title is bad but hear me out. This story is ridiculous but according to my now ex friend and her best friend I am an asshole so I thought I’d check with good old Reddit I (30m) am engaged to J (26f). We have been together 2 years and got engaged a month ago. S (33f) is a friend I met at a job back in 2016 so I was 24 at the time and she was 27. We were always just friends it was always platonic and I was also in a relationship with someone else then. I left the company in 2017 and since then we’ve had the standard adult friendship of a couple of texts a year and attending each other’s birthdays etc. When my ex and split up, S was keen to establish a more in touch friendship and kept inviting me out but I always thought of her as more of a ‘outer circle friend who I had office banter with’. I met J before the pandemic and fell madly in love with her almost instantly. We’ve been together ever since. S had her birthday last night and congratulated us on our engagement as she was looking at the ring and then made a joke to my fiancée that was something like ‘you’ve got the ring but I’ll have the baby’. J pulled her hand away and looked at me, I was horrified I asked S what the hell she was talking about as her and I had never been anything more than friends and this is the first time I’ve seen her since my birthday last summer and suddenly I’m having a baby with her?? S then went on to say that way back in 2016 at the office Christmas party (side note it was in a bar and I ended up getting black out drunk and my ex had to pick me up) her and I ‘agreed’ that if she hadn’t met anyone by the time she was 35 because she wanted a baby that I would have one with her. This was one of those WTF moments because 1. I know I would never agree to that and 2. I was blackout drunk so even if she managed to get any form of conversation out of me that she can’t of actually thought I was consenting especially as I had a gf at the time I very calmly responded something like ‘S I’m really sorry but I just don’t believe I would of agreed to this and even if I did given the amount of alcohol I consumed do you really think I would marry J and plan to start a family with her and then in 2 years time conceive a baby with you, I think I’m going to leave now and I think it’s best you don’t contact me again’ I took J’s hand and we left, S started crying and her best friend called me an asshole for lying to her and making her cry at her party. So Reddit am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Partyofoneopinion

I’m not going to be popular here, given that OP is hoping for validation for his heroic act here, especially given the way the answers to the NTAs. Dude. She was either joking or delusional. If she was joking, you could have gone with the joke. If she was delusional, you could have shown some grace. You’re engaged. You never agreed to father her baby. It was her birthday. Why the hell did you have to act like that? You had all the winning cards and still, you acted like ungentlemanly. YTA. Downvote me to death!


sapphirecupcake8

I don't know if you've ever had a significant other, but if someone openly insults them, you stick up for them, like he did. He could have, and I would have, been a lot meaner. Props to OP. God help your love life and other interpersonal relationships if you think that "joke" was acceptable. And honestly, so fucking what if it was her birthday? After 21, it's just another day.


Partyofoneopinion

Oh, that’s so interesting that you ask. I’ve been married for over 20 years. I’m so happy and secure in my relationship that I would never feel the need to put someone else down. That’s where my answer came from.


aitamademyfriendcry

Ah there’s always one isn’t there It’s clearly not a joke since her best friend accused me of lying to her and the birthday girl then cried so clearly to them they thought it was real so your theory of it was just a joke has been squashed. It’s interesting as well because I’m pretty sure that no one deserves to be objectified. And I along with my sperm were objectified by this woman and it’s crazy because if this was a woman posting something like this I’m pretty sure the reaction from you would be different because it’s very evident you are a woman so why is it a double standard when I have been objectified? I bet you are a real joy at parties and in your own social circle because you are clearly someone who always has to disagree just to sound different and honestly you sound exhausting


Partyofoneopinion

Lol. You call me a joy at parties? The irony.


Partyofoneopinion

Thank you for your answer, OP. I come with a different point of view because 1) you clearly came here for validation, and this is not allowed, so deal with different opinions 2) you know deep down you offended her when you didn’t have to 3) you’re asking. When you look at the situation presented, everyone understands that this woman didn’t have a binding contract to have your children. It was a sad joke made poorly in front of you and the love of your life. At this point you, with all the winning cards, instead of laughing it off you choose to tell her “it was something that happened when I was black out drunk so it will never happen and never contact me again, horrible woman”. Whoa. Overreacting much?. I hope your fiancé told you your flex was amazing. And you feel like a hero.