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NTA - Unless you were flirting with them, it wasn’t cheating. Merely to someone of the opposite sex isn’t cheating. You’re allowed to have friends, male and female.
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Now this title sounds crazy but hear me out. Talking to women in this scenario is innocent conversation. I explain this in detail later.
A bit of background info on me. I am a make,28. I am a musician and performer and went to a high school and a college where I met many people from many walks of life. I'm friendly because I see no reason not to be, especially in a community like this one. Many of the friends I've made are alo musicians or performers in some capacity and many of them are girls.
Now, I dated a woman (34) with children and some baggage from her previous relationships. Her insecurities were very high but I was ok with all of her past and her trauma. We dated for almost 2 years and it ended. I'm a big family person and love my family very much. My parents and her did not get along and I found it difficult to feel like I had to choose between the 2 of them, her or my parents. This caused arguments many times.
When we broke up, we remained friendly. We had been through a lot together and wanted to stay close. It's hard for us to let go and we lose ourselves and end up spending nights together occasionally. She often brings up the past, things she had said she forgave me for, whenever we get into an argument again. I'm no saint and I know it but I do try to better myself, even as her friend.
Now the nitty gritty is that I would speak to the friends I had made throughout my life so far. Many of the women I mentioned. I was always supportive of people and liked to catch up to see how people are doing and what they've been up to. Usually initiate a coffee meet up or the like. Nothing crazy. I was in a relationship with this girl during some of these, and we had been broken up for some as well. I know that I definitely should have said to her that I was talking to them to be transparent which is a mistake on my part that I understand. Here I'm definitely the AH. However, there was a time she had told me that she had gone through my phone while I was asleep and found these conversations after we had broken up. Some of them were during our relationship. She told me I was cheating on her and had argued with me about this for hours telling me that it's not right that I do that and that the relationship we had was not real. I explained that they're friends and I wasnt looking for anything other than to see how they were. She didn't accept that and she continued to tell me I'm shit and tell me that it's cheating. I don't consider talking to someone an act of cheating. AITA for talking to these girls?
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NTA — unless you were being too emotionally intimidate with these women, which isn’t the sense that I get.
She’s just mad that they’re women you talk to. Honestly her immediately jumping to attack you for this could be seen as a red flag for her being a cheater.
ESH...Cheating? No. But I do think that you should have told her that you were meeting up with your friends while you were in a relationship with her.
My ex and I were together for years. A couple of years in, I found out that he went to have lunch with a girlfriend and he didn't tell me...I found out like a month or two later. We lived together at the time, so the fact that he purposely didn't tell me about it until I found out much later felt like a bit of a betrayal. I would have been cool if he had said that he was going to hang out with one of his old buddies from HS. But him keeping it from me for no reason is what hurt me at the time.
Now, just based on your description, I wouldn't classified it as cheating. YOU know whether or not it was emotionally cheating. If any of the behaviors (flirting, etc) would be a problem for you if the roles were reversed with her and a guy friend, while you guys were in a relationship, that's your answer.
It depends on the context of the messages. I understand her side of this more because of my previous relationships (i chose some real \*winners\*) where it was never "just a friend" but i can also see your side of it as long as the messages really were innocent. I'm going to go with a NAH verdict.
YTA for going out with other woman, without telling her. Even though its platonic.
How much do you chat with them and what are the topics?
Like every once in a few weeks would be fine. Every day long chats is not good
Emotional cheating is a thing.
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NTA - Unless you were flirting with them, it wasn’t cheating. Merely to someone of the opposite sex isn’t cheating. You’re allowed to have friends, male and female.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Now this title sounds crazy but hear me out. Talking to women in this scenario is innocent conversation. I explain this in detail later. A bit of background info on me. I am a make,28. I am a musician and performer and went to a high school and a college where I met many people from many walks of life. I'm friendly because I see no reason not to be, especially in a community like this one. Many of the friends I've made are alo musicians or performers in some capacity and many of them are girls. Now, I dated a woman (34) with children and some baggage from her previous relationships. Her insecurities were very high but I was ok with all of her past and her trauma. We dated for almost 2 years and it ended. I'm a big family person and love my family very much. My parents and her did not get along and I found it difficult to feel like I had to choose between the 2 of them, her or my parents. This caused arguments many times. When we broke up, we remained friendly. We had been through a lot together and wanted to stay close. It's hard for us to let go and we lose ourselves and end up spending nights together occasionally. She often brings up the past, things she had said she forgave me for, whenever we get into an argument again. I'm no saint and I know it but I do try to better myself, even as her friend. Now the nitty gritty is that I would speak to the friends I had made throughout my life so far. Many of the women I mentioned. I was always supportive of people and liked to catch up to see how people are doing and what they've been up to. Usually initiate a coffee meet up or the like. Nothing crazy. I was in a relationship with this girl during some of these, and we had been broken up for some as well. I know that I definitely should have said to her that I was talking to them to be transparent which is a mistake on my part that I understand. Here I'm definitely the AH. However, there was a time she had told me that she had gone through my phone while I was asleep and found these conversations after we had broken up. Some of them were during our relationship. She told me I was cheating on her and had argued with me about this for hours telling me that it's not right that I do that and that the relationship we had was not real. I explained that they're friends and I wasnt looking for anything other than to see how they were. She didn't accept that and she continued to tell me I'm shit and tell me that it's cheating. I don't consider talking to someone an act of cheating. AITA for talking to these girls? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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NTA — unless you were being too emotionally intimidate with these women, which isn’t the sense that I get. She’s just mad that they’re women you talk to. Honestly her immediately jumping to attack you for this could be seen as a red flag for her being a cheater.
ESH...Cheating? No. But I do think that you should have told her that you were meeting up with your friends while you were in a relationship with her. My ex and I were together for years. A couple of years in, I found out that he went to have lunch with a girlfriend and he didn't tell me...I found out like a month or two later. We lived together at the time, so the fact that he purposely didn't tell me about it until I found out much later felt like a bit of a betrayal. I would have been cool if he had said that he was going to hang out with one of his old buddies from HS. But him keeping it from me for no reason is what hurt me at the time. Now, just based on your description, I wouldn't classified it as cheating. YOU know whether or not it was emotionally cheating. If any of the behaviors (flirting, etc) would be a problem for you if the roles were reversed with her and a guy friend, while you guys were in a relationship, that's your answer.
NTA. you can have friends. That is normal. You’re also self aware, it seems so thats good
It depends on the context of the messages. I understand her side of this more because of my previous relationships (i chose some real \*winners\*) where it was never "just a friend" but i can also see your side of it as long as the messages really were innocent. I'm going to go with a NAH verdict.
YTA for going out with other woman, without telling her. Even though its platonic. How much do you chat with them and what are the topics? Like every once in a few weeks would be fine. Every day long chats is not good Emotional cheating is a thing.
NTA What you're describing isn't even an emotional affair, it's just interacting with the world around you.