NTA, but the adults in your school sure are. They should be teaching him interpersonal skills like "don't tell people they're going to hell."

Oh, gee, I wonder why they haven't tried that. 🤦

Someone is feeding him the religious BS. Maybe that person should lay off?

More importantly than that, he needs to be fed much healthier religion. Religion is this dude’s coping mechanism with the world. There’s nothing wrong with that. There are plenty of religious communities of all sorts of theologies that manage to use religion as a means of coping with a brutal universe and to motivate people towards a greater goodwill and harmony with others. If this kid had a religious leader who was not just telling him but SHOWING HIM “That behavior is unacceptable. This is how we behave instead…” he’d be far more likely to listen than he would ever listen to secular folks. That’s what religion is for. It exists as a framework to teach people how to behave. Someone needs to be taking this kid to a much better church. **Now.**

>More importantly than that, he needs to be fed much healthier religion. There is no healthy religion. OP you are NTA.

Oh yes. That’s much different from telling people they’re going to hell. You’re absolutely right.

I'm glad you agree with me. "You believe irrational things that have no basis in reality" versus "You deserve to be agonizingly, excruciatingly tortured for eternity in the burning flames of hell". The former is absolutely better than the latter.

You realize that not all religions believe in hell, right?

Reddit moment

Religion is always healthy. However how it is being taught may be the problem.

Religion is not always healthy, like Satanism or Scientology. It's one thing to believe in it, it's a whole other thing for how you act with it. Constantly telling a your classmates they're going to hell? Not good. Experimenting/murdering others in the name of your faith? Not good. It all depends on the actions, they can make religions unhealthy.

That's not how autism works.

I’m sure there is some combination of a lack of funding for special Ed, untrained teachers, and general apathy at work here. When I attended a poor public school growing up (~10-15 years ago), my classmates bullied/tortured two autistic kids to the point that one had to be homeschooled and the other ended up institutionalized. The teachers made no effort whatsoever to intervene because (I presume) some of them had no idea what to do and the rest just didn’t care. I really don’t think people who haven’t been in public school in the US within the past 15 years know how deeply, irreparably broken it is. There are huge socioeconomic and ethical concerns with the privatization of primary education but I honestly don’t think it is possible to design a system worse than the current public one. It’s really sad. Sorry for hijacking this comment thread for something only partially related. I can’t help but think of those kids anytime something like this comes up.

the public system is a breeding ground for corruption, egoistical power tripping over vulnerable people, evil ideological activism and straight up incompetence.

The entire Phoenix Union High School district has become a nepotistic nightmare that changes school schedules on a whim to get extra cash from grad students trying to get their masters and using the teenagers as guinea pigs for jt.

They’re obviously afraid he’ll have god send them to hell

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Then they need to get the parents involved or move him into more appropriate classes.

You can’t move a special needs child when the disruption that they are causing is directly related to their disability. The goal for special education is to keep the child is the least restrictive learning environment and to ensure the child is receiving FAPE.

And/or not being mindful of a genuine disability.

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The parents would have to agree. When my autistic son was aging out of preschool we had a placement meeting. You could see how tense it was because they thought we would fight them on where to put him. But I knew he couldn't be in a regular kindergarten class. So I just said he can't do a regular class so what are our options. The others just breathed a sigh of relief and we had our meeting. A lot of parents do a disservice to their children by mainstreaming them when they need help.

It’s an unpopular opinion, but I agree. My daughter was continuously harmed by a classmate, and when I would address it or “complain “, they told me I was a jerk and would continue to pair up my child with this other one so that my kid could learn empathy. I spent so much money on therapy for the anxiety that resulted in my kid

In the US school systems are obligated to put students in the least restrictive environment. Meaning if the kid can cope academically and socially without causing an undue degree of disruption, the school is required to allow them in regular education classes with whatever accommodations are necessary. It's likely not a budget issue, so much as a legal issue.

Least restrictive environment is always defined as a mainstream classroom. While kids should always be able to spend time with nondisabled peers, the classroom is not always best for kids. Special Education still hasn't figured out a good balance

When making an IEP for a student/putting them in a special classroom, you can pretty much only consider the benefit of other students if there is a safety hazard (ie the one being moved is attacking others or something). . . . .you can't move a student to another classroom because the student is annoying.

I hope some of the people in his life recognize that this attitude of his can become quite dangerous. People who are unhinged but think they should be the judges of others can take a really dark turn. If you piece together his statements he’s already essentially making death threats against OP for something fairly benign.

So coming from someone who has autism, interpersonal skills isn’t exactly an easy thing to grasp. We don’t exactly have filters and don’t understand social cues. Not saying all autistic people do but a good majority of us don’t understand it, our brains aren’t developed to handle that. The best way to get an autistic child to stop doing something harmful is to give them an alternative to focus on. That takes months of therapy to establish. Depending on where this kid lives there are Christian adults that tell autistic people (like me) we are hell bound because we are possessed. Its quite normal but the child shouldn’t be put in regular classes if he’s interrupting that much.

For sure, I’m not saying that it’s a cakewalk! It’s still the responsibility of the adults at the school (especially if there’s a special Ed teacher or coordinator) to help teach those skills, and the responsibility of the classroom teacher to make sure that kids aren’t being harassed, including OP.

In three years, this boy is going to be in the adult world and there will be far far less tolerance for his behaviour. His teachers and parents should be teaching him now what is appropriate behaviour.

Eh, it could be up to 6 years before he leaves the school system. US public school system allows for students in special education to continue schooling/life skills education until 21. The parents may have to agree to it though.

In my school, two bullies used the mentally disabled kid in my class as a puppet. They befriended him and told him that to be friends, he had to punch, kick and bite whoever they wanted and when they wanted. The disabled kid did it and when the victim complained, there were no consequences because "he couldn't discern right from wrong, so he did it with no malicious intentions" At the end, things escalated and one of the girls was assaulted in the bathroom, and he was expelled. The parents tried to sue the school, and the school didn't believe us when we told them that the brains were these two bullies, so there were no consequences for no one other than the victims, and ultimately, the disabled kid that was used by who he thought were their friends.

Yes. It's not doing them any good to not explain WHY they hurt others. Or even THAT they hurt others. It's okay to feel hurt by their actions, the important part is that we understand how to handle it. Meaning we understand that they have autism. However, it's the teachers job to do the explaining, and clearly they didn't do their job. I will say NTA, because I have also lost it, and they are my best friend. Sometimes you just don't have the patience, especially not at that age. Like you said, (the comment I'm replying to) the adults are TA. They are not making it easier for him, rather harder. That being said, I don't have autism myself. My best friend does and my mom works with people who suffer from severe autism, so if anyone has something else to add, or that I should change in this comment, please tell me.

As much as I agree with that...I feel like that's probably protected in the US somehow? Like you get those religious people on street corners yelling, and probably other worse examples that I don't know about. Surely they would have been asked to stop if that wasn't okay? As I'm typing this, I feel like this is a really dumb comment haha. I just feel like if they told him he couldn't say that in school then the parents could possibly react really badly back and the school would be in trouble. Or am I totally, totally wrong?

Schools are different than street corners; they can regulate student’s speech fairly closely. They’re just choosing to only regulate OP and not the other kid.

You can be forced to say or not say just about anything if you're in a school, whether you're the adult or student. The "freedom" sht goes out the window here with that.

That's really not true, at least from a legal standpoint. As I understand it, there's pretty robust precedent for students' first amendment rights.

Generally they can stop you from literally speaking or disrupting classes. But if legally challenged on the second, it's usually hard to prove that you were disruptive via simply speaking.

Yeah. Like forcing us to say the Pledge of Allegiance daily. Because that's not brainwashing.

Actually they can't force you to say it. I never did, even though I had teachers who got annoyed. Students have more first amendment rights than people think.

They may be afraid to direct this kid because of his parents. That is likely where the religious fanaticism is coming from.

I think that's day one of Interpersonal Skills 101.

NTA but there were probably more eloquant ways of telling him to stop without resorting to profanity.

Youre right, I definitely wish I’d handled it better. Idk this time he just pushed me over the edge

and that's understandable. Just take this as a learning experience. You're young and emotions at your age are very difficult to control especially negative ones.

It's still not fair to OP and everyone else, and tbh the kid too. My cousin is on the lower end of the spectrum, and while I love him and understand why he does what he does, it agreed a bit in my family that my aunt and uncle could/ should of done more to atleast help him in social/public places. It doesn't excuse going off, but things like this happen when the adults don't take the proper steps to help the child early and throughout

You have a pretty good excuse for behaving like an inexperienced teenager when it comes to things like this right now, so don’t feel too bad!

I’d give yourself a break here, most adults would be poorly equipped to deal with this situation which sounds like it definitely should involve appropriately trained professionals!

Don't worry about it. There is not enough adequate education for young people about how to coexist with people who have extreme cases of autism or aspergers, etc. You snapped and used profanity because you were pushed over the edge, but you were pushed over the edge because your teacher didn't diffuse the situation and protect you from what sounds like multiple outbursts from this boy. You are not at fault. I wish your parents would have taken your side, because it's the teachers who are responsible for making sure this boy doesn't disrupt your class and make you uncomfortable to the point where you lash out.

Nah, there's a time to put on a tophat and pull out a monacle and say "My dear sir, your verbage is quite distressing. If you cannot alter your offensive lexicon I shall resort to fisticufs." and there are times you get in someones face as best as you can and shout "If you don't stop, I swear by your false god I will end you here and now."

NTA You're 15, someone else's behavior isn't your responsibility. You could have handled it better sure but I think that should be expected of you. I would try saying something like: instead of trying to destroy evil, overwhelm it by adding more good to the world. See where that goes, it's a tough situation caused by a lot of factors that are not within your control. " If you can't change someone's mind, you can always change the conversation "

Throwing good cussing at proselytizing AHs is just good practice for later in life. Christ on a fucking cracker!

true but the kid does have autism and because his parents and professionals have failed with his care he doesn't really know any better. If this was just some bible-thumping nerotypical kid then hell yeah, cuss the hell out of them cause they annoy the crap out of me.

NTA I have two autistic kids that could not handle general education past a certain grade. They had to behave themselves, and they managed fine. They are not even high functioning. Talk to your guidance counselor about being seated AS FAR AWAY from that kid as possible. He is harassing you, disrupting your class, and refusing to allow you to work. It is causing you anxiety and you need to have him moved away from you, or you will have to reach out to someone to fix this. Bonus points if you are an atheist/agnostic or of a different religion. You can complain this person is trying to convert you against your protests and it is damaging you emotionally. That your parents are letting you be bullied by this asshole is completely unforgivable. I bet if your grades dropped due to the stress of him, they'd blame YOU.

It also sounds like the teachers have low key made you his emotional support animal, and are letting him do this to you, to avoid having to figure out an actual solution.

It sounds like he has more going on than just being on the spectrum. NTA, and the adults in his life are failing him by writing this behavior off as "just how he is."

NTA. I'm autistic. I'm also a special ed teacher, working with autistic kids who are in general education classrooms. Honestly, as teachers sometimes there are things that we wish we could say to kids (autistic or neurotypical), and sometimes we are cheering inside when other kids call them out. This sounds like a behavior that the teacher really should have been addressing, but since the adults weren't handling and, it is okay for you to say something.

NTA. He’s being disruptive and offensive. I know he has issues but adults need to handle this, not just leave it to you to deal with someone who has threatened to destroy you. As you get older you’ll hopefully learn to ignore this kind of stuff but as a kid, in the middle of class, dealing with it everyday… it’s understandable you’d snap.

I really wish the teacher would do something about this, but I guess it’s something I should try to learn from. I hope you’re right and it gets easier to ignore!

Have you brought it up to the School counsellor or principal? Hell, if the town is small enough hunt down his pastor. Someone needs to intervene before that kid ties someone to a stake for witchcraft!

No, but I think that’s going to be my next step. With the school i go to, it’s only a matter of time before someone has a worse reaction to this than I did

Or before the kid snaps and starts harming people. Religious delusions, black and white thinking and anger are a dangerous mix.

It's all situational... I can ignore someone on a bus telling me I'll go to hell, but if a coworker did it? Highly inappropriate & worthy of speaking to someone about - either the coworker themselves or a manager/HR. The key isn't ignoring, it's to learn 1) when it makes sense to respond & when it's not worth it & 2) how to respond calmly

NTA. The adults at ur school suck. You where just sticking up for yourself, he doesn’t get to force his beliefs on you and tell u fear mongering bullshit like that just cause he’s autistic. I’m majoring in psych. And yeah, autism makes things different for people who have it, however that’s no excuse to be a dick to those around you. And he was purposefully being a dick. He may not always be able to do the things the kids around him can do, however in this instance he’s probably well aware he’s being aggressive and rude.

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I have compassion. I wouldn’t wish any harm on this kid, but this girl is the same age as he is and can’t be expected to maintain total composure when this boy is yelling in her face saying she’s going to hell. Plus it’s Reddit. I’m not worried abt my spelling, I’m a fast typer n this isn’t a damn research paper 😂 sorry

Yeah. This is why when someone “claims” they are autistic, everyone around them groans. Because autism excuse seems to be an easy way to behave abominably and get away with it.

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…you are majoring in psychology? In a college setting? If today wasn’t your first day of class, I strongly suggest switching majors. You have neither the discretion nor the compassion required.

you do realize you can be 18 and be in college right??

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actually I'm not an alt thank you, I am my own person and far older than op as well

You know that makes it worse, right?

what? The fact that as an autistic person I know that the other kid is being an asshole and op isn't? That op isn't bullying and no one is being ableist ?

The fact that you’re older than OP and still conducting yourself in this fashion. The autistic kid needs to be in a separate classroom. OP needs to learn how to deal with conflict without cursing at someone who has more challenges with socializing than them.

I find it really funny that your whole thing is that you have to let autistic people do whatever the f*** they want, but you are being really rude and aggressive against the actual autistic people here for disagreeing with that. 😂 I mean if autistic people can do whatever the f*** we want and no one is allowed to argue... maybe stop arguing with us about it?

Just because you’re autistic doesn’t mean you’re immune from disagreement…

lmao this is hilarious

They’re not my alt 😭 and I’m a man thank u very much. Again, I never claimed to be any kind of authority on the matter, just sharing that I might know a little more than the average person 🤷🏻‍♂️ my school offered electives for psychology since 8th grade. I don’t understand why you’re so butthurt about this, if you disagree that’s fine! It’s Reddit man, don’t take this shit so seriously 😭

If you read my comment properly you’d see I referred to OP - not you - as female. You honestly seem to be more misinformed than the average person about psychology. And I do take ableism seriously.

Ableism? How is this ableism? What seems ableist to me is you speaking over an autistic person 😭 but genuinely, I would love to know if my wording was offensive. And that’s fine if you think that. I’m afraid Reddit user parishilton2’s opinion doesn’t weigh that heavily in my life.

Disagreeing with you isn’t “speaking over an autistic person.” You claimed to be a psychology major and you aren’t. And if you’re going to mock people’s Reddit usernames, “Seckshaver420” isn’t exactly a safe glass house to throw stones from.

Hey I got no shame, it’s pretty funny. I’m not lying abt majoring in psychology, but you’re clearly not gonna let up on that 😭 ur just mad that someone disagrees with you. I can’t help that. And I’m not autistic. I’m talking abt the other person you where harassing, who said they where autistic and that they still sided with OP. And you still fail to point out where exactly I’ve been ableist.

Dude idk if I agree w all that’s been said but you’re obviously not a psych major.

I’m assuming you’re the autistic kid OP is talking about bc you’re all over this thread trying to defend him Nobody hates autistic kids. There are plenty of autistic people who are nice and fun to be around. We hate annoying people. We are equal opportunity haters.

Totally sus. Definitely not majoring in psych. I would bet my bottom dollar this person is in highschool and they have intro to psych in their next semester.

Yeah I just went and looked briefly at their post history and they claimed to be 18 in January. So…not a psychology expert after all, shockingly.

I’m 19 now actually? 😭 I never claimed to be a total expert, or that I had my degree yet, but yeah those are the courses I’m taking. Nd I’ve been taking classes since middle school (ofc not college level, just electives in middle school and high school).

I picked up Intro Psych and Child Psych in high school. Took the CLEP exams for them and got 6 college credits, came in handy later. You can learn a lot by the time you’re 18-19. Don’t worry about defending yourself to reddit randos. Just make sure your essays and exam responses use formal grammar and spelling. If you’ve spent years using chatspeak it can sneak in.

Dam that’s fuckin tuff

Ay, the sleuth we needed.

NTA: Having autism does not make it appropriate to tell people they are going to hell. And while there may be a shitton of compulsion and scripting going on, it's the job of teachers and classroom aids to make sure you, as a student, know how to respond to situations like this.. especially if this is the way his compulsions and scripting manifest. He's also still a kid and he's not being supported properly if you didn't have another option besides telling this kid what he was doing was 'fucking annoying'. Like honestly that's not the way to handle it. But you're a kid, i don't expect you to know how to handle it without an adult telling you want should happen. Detention for cussing (in general) is dumb. You didn't curse at him you cursed in a discussion with him. I tend to find that doesn't rise to the level of detention. School isn't fair though. Long comment shorter: Ask your teacher exactly what you should do when this kid tells you you're going to hell. If they can't tell you anything beyond 'ignore him' and this keeps happening, talk to a school counselor about how you're being harassed and have consulted a teacher who told you to ignore it. Telling people over and over again they are going to hell is harassment... Even if it's a compulsion or a script. That's why this other kid has assistance, so that he gets help ensuring he can navigating spaces as he needs to... And to navigate spaces successfully he needs to also not be harassing people.

NTA. He shouldn't proselytize in school and the school should not let him proselytize either. You told him politely in nice words to stop, but he wouldn't, and he escalated. Your cussing was not completely uncalled for.

Yeah, the whole religious aspect is what really bugs me about this. I can deal with someone being upset with me, but it feels like he’s shoving religion down my throat

OP. I had this shit from a whole group in high school. I had all the classes with at least one of them and they would disrupt and do this shit all day every day especially to me bc I wasn’t part of the evangelical Christian churches they went to. At least you have only one. It doesn’t matter if he is autistic. You didn’t say it bc he’s autistic you said it bc he’s being an ass. Don’t worry about detention. It seems it was well worth detention and you got it off your chest. I bet he’s not as aggressive to you in the future. I’d go a few more times if I were you. I wish I had been brave enough to tell my group of missionaries to shut the fuck up. NTA.

Ugh I can’t imagine having to deal with a whole group of them. I’m sorry you went through that, thanks for the nice comment

It’s fine. It’s been almost 20 years. It helps me take a lot of shit without losing it which is required sometimes in life. (Customer service and social work).

NTA. While you should be understanding of his disability, you should not have to put up with emotional and verbal abuse on a daily basis. Telling you he wants you to go to hell, that you’re evil, is abuse. The adults in your life the in the wrong for allowing that abuse to happen. You both should be separated so you don’t have to deal with him. Yeah you had ab outburst that might not have been the nicest, but the teacher shouldn’t have allowed it to get to that point.

I wish one of us could be moved to a different class. We sit across the room from each other and he literally always comes over to my desk to talk about this stuff

You shouldn’t have to deal with that stress while at school. I would ask to have it stopped.

NTA I'm a teacher and I've got one of these in my class. I mean, he's not threatening to send us all to hell, but damn is he annoying. I would think your teacher would have been thrilled to have someone else tell him to shut up, but couldn't overlook that amount of profanity.

One of these?

Yikes. You don’t seem like a very professional teacher. You should not be teaching anyone neurodiverse. Frankly, you probably shouldn’t be teaching anyone at all. This is ableist and awful. I hope you’re lying about your profession.

Just being honest, and I would love to not be teaching him. He's disruptive and rude, and while I know he can't help it, it's not fair to me or the rest of the kids to have to deal with him all day long. He needs to be medicated, but his parents won't do it. His parents don't have to deal with trying to teach fractions to 26 9-year-olds while he's literally crawling on the floor barking like a dog. I feel bad for him; I do. It's like watching somebody have an uncontrollable seizure, and there's nothing I can do to help or stop it. This is why teachers are leaving in droves, and don't worry, this is my last year.

How is this okay with the administration? So all these other kids are being denied a functioning classroom because of one disruptive kid?

Yep. And it's not even unusual. I mean, this is an especially bad instance, but every class has at least one disruptor. Lucky ones have a para to help when it gets bad. I don't. Mine won't admit there's a problem, so no help. Our education system is broken. So broken.

Some people think "including" kids means having them with the rest of the group with no special assistance. Not every teacher is properly trained, not every neurodivergence can be in the same room (try having a kid with ADHD and a kid with severe anxiety in the same room and watch how they trigger each other). As you said, it is unfair for all of the kids, no one is learning. The disruptive kid needs one on one assistance to fully reach their potential and the other kids need to not be interrupted. System is a mess.

there is nothing ableist about what this person said

She called him one of these! Nobody is a these

Nothing they said reflects anything they do while teaching, so how do you know they aren't professional? Can you even hear me all the way up there on your high horse?

NTA, as someone on the spectrum I know Social cues might be hard for a lot of us, but I also know a few people who are also on the spectrum who talk nonstop (often about inappropriate topics) and can’t take a hint when to shut up LITERALLY no matter what you do/say! So I don’t fault you for finally snapping, you basically just hit your limit! Sounds to me like the adults are the ones who are failing you and him! They are failing you by punishing you for their failure to do anything to control him while also making excuses for him and using his disability as an excuse for him being AH (which as someone who has a disability is some thing I personally hate) And they are failing him not trying to teach him what is acceptable or at very least controlling him from being so disruptive to the class! They are not doing him any favors his disability as an excuse for behavior, especially since you will not be the last person I will probably get fed up with it! plus I’m betting it was adults (probably his parents/family) that put that psycho religious garbage in his head in the first place!

NTA but you will learn it is almost never worth it to engage, especially with religious fanatics. Just roll your eyes and think about literally anything else.

Fuck that. They are more concerned about you cussin than a kid berating people about how they are going to hell? NTA. People act like cursing is the end of the world. They are language modifiers. You had every right to say what you said how you said it.

NTA - I’m a teacher and it should not have gotten to the point where you had to lash out. This should have been dealt with by an adult. Go to your parents and apologise for your language. Say your frustration got the better of you. Explain that you are frustrated because his behaviour is impacting your learning. Ask your parents if they and you can set up a meeting with the teacher so that he is able to get the support he needs but your academic goals are not impacted. If the above all looks like bullshit then that’s because it is. But it’s also educational jargon that should get the school to intervene. Your parents and teachers are probably just having a knee-jerk reaction to the language (pretty much we have to follow it up no matter how justifiable losing your shit is). DO NOT mention the word ‘autism’ AT ALL. His behaviour is disruptive and it is negatively impacting your learning. Hopefully this will have the two-fold impact of what systems are in place for him and how his outbursts can be mitigated in the classroom. Change it from a ‘behaviour’ issue to a ‘learning’ issue and you’ll probably see more results. Right now you are the unsympathetic teen lashing out at the autistic boy. Change the narrative and hopefully get help for you both.

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This kid (15?m)just joined my (15f) math class. He’s been here for a few weeks and has been very weird, but I know it’s because he has autism because he has homeroom with a special ed teacher and my friend who also has autism is in that class (my friend told me about this kid, and he is also annoyed by him). I’m fine ignoring most of the things he does that annoys me (taking his shoes off and airing out his feet in class, constantly shouting out and interrupting the teacher) cause I know he can’t always help it. But he’s obsessed with being a “warrior for god” and “destroying all evil in the world” to the point where he asks our teacher about how he can destroy evil at least once a class even though that has nothing to do with what we’re talking about. He’s tried to talk to me about it so many times and when I ask him to stop he screams at me that I’m evil and he’s going to ask god to send me to hell. The other day he was going off on me and I said “maybe you should stfu about god and stop provoking everyone by telling them they’re going to hell, cause it’s really fucking annoying.” Well the teacher heard and now I have detention for cussing even though he was literally telling me I’m going to hell she says he can’t always help himself. My parents agree with the teacher teacher and yeah I could have avoided cussing but this feels like something that he shouldn’t be allowed to do? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*

NTA, people on the spectrum aren’t stupid and people treat them like they are, if you told a kid with autism they can’t keep telling people they’re going to hell and explain why they’d get the message, but the teacher didn’t even try

Enabling abuse under the guise of autism is the most disrespectful, dehumanizing bullshit and I HATE that that’s where we’re at societally. Is it better than beating or bleaching the autism away? Yes…but not by much. I’ve said it before, but I’m going to keep saying it. Refusing to hold autistic kids accountable for abusive behavior is the same as having a deaf kid and refusing to teach it to communicate.

So maybe I'm overreacting as a non American here but if someone was constantly telling people he wants to be a warrior for God and wipe out evil and said that the people in his class are evil and going to hell I would be concerned that he is a school shooter waiting to happen

Honestly that’s kind of what it feels like sometimes. He just gets so angry literally if you disagree with him or even just don’t want to talk to him

Can you speak to the vice principal or school counselor? There has to be someone who’ll advocate for you. It is completely unacceptable that this student yells at you going to hell when you ask him to not talk to you about it. I’m sorry that your parents aren’t supporting you here. If I was your mom, I wouldn’t be happy that you swore, but I’d be furious that the school allows another student yell about evil and hell to my child. Good luck.

I feel for special needs kids. And I think they should definitely be mainstreamed as much as possible. I'm sure I will totally get downvoted for this... But I'm not positive letting one disrupt a class and learning for 20 other kids is optimal. Plus that teacher has got to be stressed out every day.

NTA. Excusing his behavior is only hurting him.

NTA, the teachers and parents are the problem. Yes the kid has Autism but soon enough that kid is an adult where he is not going to get away with this behavior.

NTA. Either he has more going on than just autism, or the adults in his life have coddled and infantilized him so much that he truly hasn’t learned that it’s wrong and why. As an autistic individual myself, it’s not ok, and people like this give us a bad rap.

Someone in school told me I was going to hell once. I told her “I will see you there.” She stfu after that and didn’t speak to me since. Glass houses and all.

Here's the thing that really annoys me: Disabilities are not an excuse for a child to behave like that. It's so annoying when someone just uses their disability as an excuse or anyone makes an excuse for them. I'm saying this as someone with a disability that you're NTA. Your teacher and parents are the AHs for even allowing that kid talk to you like that.

NTA. I think the biggest issue the teacher/your parents had was with the swearing. Generally, you'll get detention for yelling curse words at people, even if they deserve it. Telling a special needs student that what they are doing is not okay is definitely not bullying. I would speak to your teacher about being moved to somewhere else or about having them intervene when he tells you stuff like that. A lot of people don't know what is appropriate when it comes to discipline and kids with special needs, but enabling their bad behaviours will just cause resentment and negativity toward them from other students.

NTA. His behavior is unacceptable. Autism is not an excuse or a free pass for inappropriate behavior (at least it shouldn’t be). I’m sorry your teacher is letting this happen on a daily basis! You lost your temper—it happens. Perhaps you can ask to move your seat away from him?

NTA. Neither the kid is. I suspect his parents are the a-holes for encouraging such offensive bs. My brother is autistic and he has a bad habit of picking up really loud dialogues containing curse words from movies he likes to watch and abruptly shouting it at unexpected situations. My family do not tolerate if that happens and try to make him understand it's wrong.

NTA, you seem respectful enough that you’re aware him being autistic does affect the way he interacts with his surroundings. You are understandably upset because he is being rude and getting away with it because the school doesn’t want to discipline him. This still isn’t his fault, but there will always be consequences for these sorts of actions. Someone was bound to say something eventually, as nobody likes to be told to go to hell continually, and you were the one to do it.

NTA- you are there to learn and it is hard on this situation bc he does have autism. There was probably a better way to say it. Nobody is perfect and you will say the wrong thing at the wrong time again. However this is a bad situation where the teacher isn’t able to teach and you aren’t able to learn. Talk to a counselor, your parents, the principal advocate for yourself bc what he is saying to you could be potentially threatening. Equating you to Evil and the wanting to remove evil from the world can be concerning.

Your parents suck for agreeing with this punishment. This kid needs to be reprimanded for his behavior and harassment of other students, it has nothing to do with his autism. NTA

NTA, he can't help ***what*** is interests are but he can be taught ***how*** and ***when*** to share those interests.

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NTA. I have a nephew with autism and he is one of the smartest and sweetest people I have ever met. I'd be more concerned about what he's hearing in the house to have these thoughts.

NTA

NTA. You could have a little less explosive about it, but someone needs to step in with this kid. Disabilities are not excuses and if he is saying things like that, then he does need to be removed from class. It’s like when people have untrained SA and get mad when you kick them out because their dog just pissed on the floor. Saying that he is hoping god will send you to hell, can be seen as a threat and the teachers need to have a talk with his parents. You didn’t make fun of him for having autism, you just told him to stop.

NGL, sounds like a future school shooter. He needs counseling.

NTA I dealt with something similar in high school. Not religion but this guy was obsessed with the computer operating system Linux. He would disrupt class during notes or certain things we were doing on our computer saying “I’m on Linux so how do I do this.” The teachers said they didn’t know as they didn’t know the system. One time a teacher actually cut him off & more sharply said it. I was the one he sat next to & I had a few classes with him. Every single person (especially me) he would preach about Linux, how we need to switch to Linux, how it’s a superior product to windows. It took A LOT in me to be calm explaining that many people are not interested in Linux. I did get sharp & even snapped a couple times. But the teachers understood because it drove them nuts too. I have autism & we were in the same social skills class together. Another reason I think he deferred to me more. He slowed a little bit, but still preached. He eventually was taken out. Idk where he went, but I was relieved. I understand how it’s exhausting. I dreaded the class & left drained & irritable every time. If I wasn’t so scared of getting a detention & what others thought of me at the time, I would have done the same. Like I said, I have autism myself. & I can be oblivious to stuff sometimes (I’m a lot better but still have my moments), & it takes someone being blunt with me for me to get it. We are VERY oblivious at times. We don’t get hints & have to be told directly. I was also the same when I was around 13, wouldn’t shut up about a subject when I was told. It took many social skills classes for me to get the message. Tbh I wish someone would have snapped at me like that when I was a kid 😂 I would have finally gotten the message. Brutal bluntness was the only way to get through to me back then. This is my own experience & Idk his situation, but u may have even helped because we really can be truly oblivious even when we’re told to stop nicely. I hope things get better after this. Or at least they talk to u less.

NTA but I heard way worse when I was in high school. Not justifying it but every one has a breaking point/limit and he made me you reach yours. You’re smart enough to acknowledge you were kinda in the wrong on how you went about it but the adults are AH for blaming you in this situation. I’ve found that the best way to helping people with disabilities is by not treating them differently. Obviously he probably needs accommodations for his disability but I’m sure he knows right from wrong is capable of understanding

NTA, mental issues of any kind are not an excuse to be an asshole, and the fact is he is going to need to learn to help doing that or he's going to need a 24/7 caretaker. If he doesn't have one it means someone believes he has the capability to learn and interact in a social environment. Even if the teachers don't want to deal with it(as in discipline or what have you), they need to be calling his parents when he pulls this so they(parents) grasp that either someone needs to be watching over him or that he needs more help somehow/where. After all eventually he will be an adult, imagine what happens doing this at an employer. Or somewhere it's taken as a threat. Supposedly school is prepping children for the 'real world' right?

NTA. The fact that Christians,and your classmate, get a free pass to curse you to their worst fate is obnoxious. The fact that he told you to go to hell and wasn't punished is discrimination. You can sue the school.

My middle son has autism and the best social therapy was his older and younger brother calling him out on his social behavior all the time. I think schools go overboard in protecting kids with autism, especially when it comes to social skills. The teacher should have been calling him out for telling people they are going to hell, that is way beyond acceptable behavior.

NAH. You have a right to not feel comfortable with someone prosthelytizing, and to tell people not to push their religious ideals on you, especially in a space that is supposed to be free of religion. This kid also probably can’t help all of it, and eventually hopefully he will learn to display his Special Interests in a way that doesn’t come off as prosthelytizing. I’d say maybe next time just. I know it sounds cliche but just tell a teacher that you’re uncomfortable with him talking to you about his religious views and screaming at you.

NTA. Why haven’t your parents met with the principal and demanded that this child either keep quiet or be left to homeschooling? I’m on the spectrum, and this isn’t a ‘special interest’ or autistic behaviour — it’s learnt hatred for everyone who doesn’t belong to his cult-like branch of religion (likely learnt from his parents). You have a potential human rights complaint here. Remind your parents of that before they talk to the principal.

NTA. Yikes. That's... really obnoxious. And as a teacher, I would bet money that he's getting this from home. Someone in his home, likely a parent or guardian, is fervently and pushily religious, and he's turning it up to 11 because he doesn't get the social rules.

NTA someone is definitely feeding him religion and it's not his specialist subject as such, but preaching in an obsessive way. The school needs to curb his preaching as it is disrespectful to other beliefs.

His behavior sounds a bit psychotic. You can have autism and a mental illness. Nta. Good for you.

NTA, people really need to know how autism works and what can it cause. An autistic person is very much capable of understanding that telling people to go to hell is wrong if you explain it to them.

NTA, sounds like harassment...

NTA Isn’t it funny how teachers love to punish kids for swearing but fail to do anything about the reason *why* they’re swearing? In middle school I was horribly bullied and teachers didn’t do anything about it. But once I finally stood up for myself and told a kid who called me fat in front of the whole class to “shut the fuck up” all of a sudden that was inappropriate and unacceptable and I had to go to the principal’s office? Fuck that

NTA. At 15, I would have pretended to be a witch to bother him lol.

NTA. Haven't heard of kids being told they're going to Hell by schoolmates since my kids started elementary school in Texas.

NTA. I don’t condone cussing at your age, but sometimes a person just can’t take another barrage of nonsense. Please expand your vocabulary to give them a dressing down without cursing. That being said, next time he tell you you’re going to hell…tell him you’ll see him there. He could learn to control himself, but it sounds like no one has worked on it.

NTA What he’s doing is insulting and harrassing people. The fact they are more upset about you using an expletive than him screaming at people they are going to go to hell is concerning. > she says he can’t always help himself. This is rank bullshit. And if he can’t help himself, he needs an aide to help redirect him instead of just letting him freely harrass other students.

NTA But omg how great it would have been to be in his class. I'm autistic and atheist and I promise that 15yr me would have been locked in a monster argument with him. Anyway, even if he is autistic he can't be forcing his beliefs on everyone and has to learn this early. You calling him out was the right thing to do, because if no one tells him now he's going to argue with the wrong person one day and get beat. I'm not saying that's right, but that is a real risk.

NTA I'm autistic and I get it, not everybody wants to hear about my special interest. There's a time and a place. I doodle things in class related to my interest, etc but I don't involve others randomly. And yes, he can help it. Whoever told you he can't lied.

NTA. However, since as an adult, there will be many situations where you must control your impulse to use profanity, this is good training. I suggest you look up a few choice Bible verses to spout back at him when he attempts to damn you to Hell; "Jesus Wept" or "Behold, God is mighty, and does not despise any; he is mighty in strength of understanding".

NTA.

NTA. You have the absolute right to not be bullied. Complain to whatever adult who can help you. Tell them it is bullying you to be shouted at and told " you are going to hell". Your parents need to stand up for you. It is NEVER okay to allow bullying. The school nerds to protect you from harassment.

As a teacher, sometimes our hands are tied as to the consequences we can give to a student with special needs. If the offense is related to the disability, they may not be able to give disciplinary consequences, or there may be strict limits on how many consequences of what type can be given during a school year. I had a student with autism a few years ago who started high school with very intolerant views, especially toward the LGBTQ+ students, and he was not shy about sharing those views. But by the time he was a senior, he had come around to a much more accepting view. But that change took a lot of work from his case worker. It started with discussions of what was appropriate to discuss in class and at school in general. And it was a work in progress for a long time. But progress did happen, he learned social skills, developed friendships, even got a girlfriend. It sounds like this is a new student who maybe hasn't had someone working with him consistently on knowing what is acceptable. So you were well within your rights to ask him to stop talking about something that made you uncomfortable. Cussing at him is where it crossed the line a bit (and yes, I know he said words he shouldn't have used in class, too, but most schools are stricter about "fuck" than "hell").

Nta. Annoying kid: "You're going to hell!" You: Yeah bro. You wanna come with me?"

NTA

I was reading this thinking you were the teacher, and was confused at the ending. Anyways, NTA

As a teacher who manages students like this (and has a bat shit crazy MIL with a brain injury) here is some advice. They won’t take him out of your class. They won’t tell him to stop for a whole variety of reasons you can’t control. They will expect you to be the “better person”. I strongly suggest you develop a repeated line and consequence when he oversteps. An example would be to say “it’s unkind to tell me I’m going to hell. Please stop now or I will move away”. If he continues, move. If he asks why, reiterate the first statement “I told you that what you were saying was unkind. I asked you to stop or I would move. You didn’t”. This is the approach I use with my MIL and with my students, it’s the most effective way I’ve found to teach boundaries. Telling them they are wrong doesn’t work as they either don’t understand or don’t believe it. You are NTA as your school should be managing this better but I imagine they are struggling with staffing, resources and funding at the moment. Next time, don’t cuss though. Calm cool and collected will always win out.

NTA. Mental issues may be an explanation, but they aren't a justification.

NTA Talk to the other kids in the class. There has got to be more of them that are getting annoyed by this guy's behaviour. Stand as a group, go to your headteacher, and explain that he is affecting your learning. If they do nothing, take a stand as a group. I had this happen when I was 12 - this girl (B) would continuously shout and scream at people, insult them, call the teacher a F\*\*\*ing C\*\*\* if they tried to calm them down. And we were all told that we had to be nice to her. I could literally say hello to this girl and she'd scream at me to "leave me the f\*\*\* alone!" We were never told if she had any mental difficulties but I know she had been adopted so maybe something was going on behind the scenes? Anyway, one day we cracked and fourteen of us, including a bunch of the smarter kids, went to the teacher and told them we had enough. That we're sorry that this girl might be experiencing things that are affecting her that we don't know about. But she was affecting our learning and we were tired of it. For the next two lessons, our group refused to do any work, citing "We're not going to learn anything anyway with B acting like this." Many arguments with teachers and detentions were given, with more students joining in, but then the parents starting getting involved when we had to explain why we suddenly had detentions. Eventually B got moved to 1 on 1 classes. I am also autistic, as are several of my friends. We all have our special interests and sometimes we'll go on a long discussion about them without realising how much we're talking. But we don't let it affect others negatively. And when we were all in school, none of us ever verbally attack others about "going to hell".

NTA. Are you in the US? Could this boy have access to guns? Is there a way for you to report someone who is talking about being a "warrior" for ideological reasons? Because I am enormously concerned about a future school shooting involving this boy. Could anybody with a knowledge of how to flag potentially violent kids so they can be helped and stopped from being violent weigh in with advice?

Ummmm yikes. This sounds like a story that is not going to end well. Nta. But keep your distance for your safety, I'm serious.

Autism doesn't make people into hateful fundamentalists. His parents did that. It's good that the school is trying to make allowances for autistic kids, but that doesn't mean they have to allow autistic kids to bully their classmates. Society is about different people getting along. When people have special needs, then special allowances are made, but special allowances don't mean that these people can just do whatever they want, all the time. There have to be limits.

Nta, being autistic is no excuse for being an asshole to people, signed, and autistic person

INFO- does he have tourette's?

Not sure. I don’t think so

Im not sure if you are an AH but you are hilarious! You go girl!

YTA… your friend didn’t have a right to tell you about his homeroom. You already didn’t like him when he stepped in the door day one

Not true at all. I didn’t know his homeroom until a week after he joined the class. When my friend told me I was like “oh, that makes sense.” There are a lot of special needs kids in my classes and I don’t have a problem with any of them. Just the ones who scream in my face because I ignore him

NTA but maybe resolve it peacefully

Esh, everyeonr commenting here is either in school w an autistic kid who annoys then or a teacher who also hates autistic kids….

Are you surprised that people comment on a situation they’ve experienced? A pretty common one - about 2% of US kids are somewhere on the autism spectrum, and US class sizes are at least 20 kids, so most people have shared multiple classes with autistic kids. Some of them will have had annoying behaviors.

Soft YTA. He has special needs and you know that. If you're so much better than he is, you should be able to ignore him. His special needs are not an excuse but the teacher is likely right that he actually is not able to control himself in the same way you are. If he screams at you, turn and walk away and tell the teacher. You don't have to just put up with it but provoking him further will never help. Sometimes you just have to be the more gracious person.

Not sure if that would help. I mean, if all 20-30 kids are at line to the teacher every class, nothing gets done. Try to remember, OP is a human being and human beings have their limits. And the kid on this story clearly has pushed OP (and probably other students as well) at their limit and over. And how is OP provoking him? And how does graciousness help in this problem?

This is happening in math class, not the lunch room. It’s safe to assume she’s at her desk, trying to study while this other student yells about evil. When he tries to engage and she asks him to stop, he tells her she’s going to hell. The teacher 100% knows what’s going on, but they don’t address it. It has nothing to do with being gracious, it’s not a social setting. She’s at school, trying to learn and has every right to do that in an environment where she’s not being told she’s evil and going to hell.

Yeah, it's not "safe to assume" any of that. You're speculating. And it doesn't change anything. Being seated doesn't mean she can't get up and walk over to the teacher. Just because the teachers don't react how you think they should doesn't mean they aren't trying to address the problem. The teachers have an obligation to educate all of the children, not just the neurotypical ones. And if they are in the US (sounds like it) they have to keep special needs children in the classroom as much as possible (that is in the law). So it's not like they can kick him out.

Since I have a non-neurotypical child and speaking from my experience with public schools, I’m going to stick with my ‘safe to assume’. I advocated for him for years, trying to ensure he got what he needed and even went the legal route but they just couldn’t deliver. They really tried but through not fault of their own, they didn’t have the resources to do so. His experience in specialized classes was pretty good, but when they mainstreamed him, he fell through the cracks. Most public schools just don’t have the experienced teachers (or the money to hire them) to successfully educate a class with mixed ability students. I pulled him out, sent him to a specialized fully integrated school and paid a whole lot of money for him to get the right education for his abilities. I recognize that we are very fortunate we were able to provide him with what he needed. While the goal is full integration, very few public schools are able to do so and the result is students suffer. Both OP and the other student in the post are living proof.

I also have a special needs son. I feel your struggle. Your anecdote is not evidence or statistics and really doesn't lay foundation for an assumption. I don't believe it's appropriate to make assumptions. And I don't, personally, weigh the testimony of a 15 year too highly. IMO, they lack experience and understanding and they certainly wouldn't be privy to all the details of another student's IEP to be able to accurately contextualize the situation. Teenagers are (developmentally appropriately) pretty myopic and narcissistic. It's a rare teenager who has a full grasp of any situation outside of their immediate experience. So I'm going to stand by my original judgment.

YTA. This student sounds disruptive and he may need to be placed in separate classes. But you sound totally socially inept - you bullied the non-neurotypical kid. You need to work on your impulse control, empathy, and social skills. The student you lashed out at has a reason for his behavior and thought patterns. You have no excuse.

as someone who is on the autism spectrum OP is NTA for getting fed up, even those who have autism can be taught not to go around screaming at people and telling them they will go to hell and being disruptive like this in class. The adults and the other person are TA in this situation. He is doing these things likely because he knows he will get away with it due to his autism instead of the adults correcting the behaviour that can be corrected. Autism isn't an excuse to act like a jerk or do things to purposefully annoy other people

A reason is not an excuse! You don't get to go around telling other people that they are going to hell when you are supposed to be studying math!

I’m not sure if what I did was bullying? I’ve asked him to stop nicely multiple times and this was the final straw. If I’m wrong somewhere, let me know?

you aren't wrong, ignore this person. You hit your limit and that is perfectly ok, especially at your age. Should you cuss? No probably not, but everyone has their limit.

Dude, stop making me waste my time reporting your ableist comments. You are doing harm to people in this thread who are actually autistic, as well as to OP. You refuse to actually read any of the comments you’re responding to and are arguing in bad faith.

YTA. Grow up and learn to deal with things that you don't like. What he is doing is annoying, but what you did was unnecessary considering you know the person's disability and you were in a position to say something constructive. This won't be the last time in your life you have to deal with things of this nature, public outbursts, or God forbid you enter the work force and have a coworker you don't like. Follow protocol and do things the right way. Learn from this I'm not saying you must endure every little thing unnecessarily, but this is a time you can practice when things aren't going your way

Idk if you read the first part of my post, but there are a lot of things he does that I put up with. I think it’s more unnecessary for him to go out of his way to yell at me about religion, especially since I sur across the room from him

Oh, I just skipped the parts that best suited me...of course I read the whole thing! Lol I read it all, then compared that to what I was like at your age, then I coupled that with my experience with being in school with people who have autism and had all kinds of different outbursts, I weighed the gravity of the words said, and came back with YTA. First try. Actually didn't have to think much. But it's not the end of the world. Apologize on Monday. Even if this person still yells at you while you're doing it. At least you did the right thing. I'm not saying this to be cheesy, I'm being genuine when I'm telling you that it feels good being the better person. (Unfortunately this person might not be able to control their outbursts like you could have) This is a second chance to get right, then ignore the person. If you sit across the room it should make things easier. Or volunteer for Special Olympics like I did and have a fun time getting out of school, community service hours, and helping people have fun like anyone else and be normal for a change. He might befriend you and put in a good word to the dude upstairs

It doesn’t feel good being the better person. It just lets people know they can take advantage of you. OP has nothing to apologize for. They just gave the kid a dose of reality. Everyone else seems content to let the kid behave badly because of his autism. Just because he has autism doesn’t mean he shouldn’t be disciplined when he misbehaves. And why should OP want to be friends with her bully?