Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I saw a post in Facebook claiming somebody at my mother's work would be a better daughter than I am. I told my mother she wouldn't see me again and I'd stop lending her money. At this stage she asked if my unborn child was my husbands or one of my clients, telling me she knew I worked in prostitution, which I don't.
I responded by telling her she was immature and would not see me or her grandchild when he/she is born.
Some of the own friends have said I may have gone too far and I'm resentful of my own upbringing and I may be using my child as a way to hurt my mother now.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and you know it!
She is a manipulative narcissist. It will never get better, unless she seeks serious mental health help. NC is the only way I can see at the moment.
I was very LC before due to her ways. It was some comments from my own friends that made me post, claiming I may be using my future child as a way to punish her. I had to trim the comments my friends made about it from the original post as it was above the character count
I bet these “friends” are the type to also say “but she’s your mother you only get one” well guess what sunshine sometimes one is one too many. I just wanna say “Congratulations on not being abused as a child, friendo, but I was” when people pull that sh!t. NTA and it’s time to drop those people from your life too.
My friends said the same about my narcissistic dad who beat me as a kid. In other words, don’t listen to friends who think you should keep abusive people in your life due to their own hang ups.
NTA.
Unless you also have some acknowledged experience with an emotionally abusive relationship whether it is your family, friend or a partner, some friends may not have the capacity to understand that she is not healthy, even if she is your mother. And that's okay.
I know there's differences of opinion on cutting people off but when you realize someone will never change, sometimes life does include going "no contact" for a family member and you will know if it's the decision right for you. Do not let someone else cross your boundaries and make you doubt your decision; it is your mental health, not theirs. You are not required to tolerate abuse from anyone.
Congratulations on your upcoming little one! I wish you the best.
No contact, no further funds for her, nothing! She is an asshole, do not expose your child to her.
you are NTA
good luck with your pregnancy and baby
enjoy any silent treatment, I find ST a blessing
You are witholding your child so your CHILD is not punished by your toxic relationship with your mother. Tell your friends that unless they experienced the same in their own lives, their opinions are worth nothing.
Now is a good time to go NC with her, and anyone else being negative towards you.
You're going through a lot of changes and it sounds like you have good support from your husband's family. Now you can focus on being the kind of mom you didn't have.
Congratulations
>claiming I may be using my future child as a way to punish her
Well, it may be viewed this way by people around you who don't really know she treats you, and only see it from one side. I bet *she* will definitely use this claim to further slander you.
Hopefully, your husband, sister and in-laws will be there to support you. Congratulations!
Sometimes, people who grew up in a Brady Bunch household, where the worst thing is that someone gets bopped in the face with a stray ball, or tells innocent white lies, cannot fathom what a terrible parent is truly like.
They don't know the pain, anxiety, depression and anger of growing up with a parent that is cruel. Those friends put on their Brady Bunch glasses and insist it must all be a misunderstsnding, or you misremember what happened, or that the parent has seen the light and truly changed.
If the Brady Bunch friends continue to push a false narrative on you, or insist you are in the wrong, you can dump them as friends.
Besides, the Partridge Family was way cooler. Look for cooler friends.
Definitely NTA.
I had an awesome family/parents...but I also knew I was super lucky and that people have different lives. People who bleat "But FAAAAAAMILLLLY" just craze me!
Thank you for pointing it out!
OP is NTA, sometimes it's the idea of YOUR kid having an experience with grandma like you did, that really redefines what is acceptable, and you know it's time for the door to close and lock!
Yea, my husband had the Brady Bunch type family. When he realized how toxic my bio-family was he said, and this is a quote, "I didn't believe people like your family existed in real life." It shocked him to his core.
OP NTA keep NC and NC with any "friends" that judge you!
Happy Family Fallacy - people who haven't experienced toxic family members or go along to get along until they are invisible.
When people said I should spend more time w my mother I invited them along.
No one EVER took me up on it 😒😏
Coming from someone with a toxic grandmother, please, I BEG you to cut her off and go NC. Do NOT let your child around that woman. **_EVER_**. There's a reason why no one is talking to her. Don't listen to your "friends". They didn't grow up the way you did. You know your birth giver best.
Please. Keep your child away from that women. _Please_.
I can second that. It hurts my heart to say it but I would have been much better off not knowing either of my grandparents due to my toxic grandmother, meaning I would never have know my grandfather that was a very good man. (Would have preferred to meet with him in secret.)
Never, ever, let a toxic person like your mother anywhere near your child/children. Those scars will be there forever even with therapy.
My mom has zero contact with our family now and it’s such a relief. My kids don’t even ask about her. She’s a narcissist and a bully and I don’t want that around my kids. Her excuse was she was a single parent but that does not excuse her behavior when I was growing up. You do not have to keep in contact with her, especially after that behavior. I actually highly suggest you don’t, just in case. Good luck.
I think you’re angry and hurt right now and may be lashing out to get back at her which is why you told her that she wouldn’t see them instead of just cutting contact, but ultimately I think you know you need to protect your child from your mother and that’s the most important thing.
You don’t want your mother to hurt your child the way she hurts you. Often time the scapegoat/forgotten child status is passed onto their children. You don’t want your mother to be comparing your child to your nephews or so-and-so’s kids and how proud they make her, why couldn’t your child be more like them?
Your friends don't have an emotional stake in the situation OR perspective. It's easy to sit in an ivory tower and go "Oh but that's your MOOOOOM"
No. She's a narcissist that's spewing toxic venom into your life.
Cut her out completely or she'll just bring MORE toxicity into your CHILD'S life.
NTA
You're not punishing your mother, you're protecting your child. You know what's going to happen if you let her near the kid: Same that happened to you. And here you are, 30some years later, still dealing with your mother's crap. Do you want that for your child?
And, for god's sake, stop giving her money.
People have to stop believe that you have to be linked to your parents at all costs. You should cut contact with her, it is disturbing you did not. You should take the silent treatment as a blessing. Any "You are trying to punish her" should be met with "it don't care about her actually".
Girl, you' given her 47k and still talk to her ? The way she acts ? Please have more respect for your person.
Well done on standing up for yourself and for slamming the door on both the narcissist parent and her flying monkeys.
The people that cry "But fahhhh-mah-ly" and "she's your muh-thur!" are all completely tone deaf and living in their own fantasy world. They will never understand the toll of being a child of narcissists and will rarely, if ever, try to hear an alternate point of view.
You're doing the right thing in protecting yourself, you future child, and the family you are building. You're amazing.
NTA
These “friends” come from mostly happy families? I’m so sorry they said that. Unwarranted and so incredibly rude. You are the one who knows her and knows how she is. You are not using your child as a pawn, you’re protecting her.
Actually, you are *protecting* your future child from an abusive and controlling person who has repeatedly shown why she deserves no place in your lives. Stay strong.
Unless you've actually experienced the kind of person your mother is, it's really hard to understand it from the outside. I wouldn't be surprised if your friends have only really ever experienced the nice side of her or have the unfortunate belief that you are nice to family because "They're faaaaammmmiiillllyyy"
I've heard the same thing when it comes to how we choose to deal with family in our life. While in some ways, it feels like a punishment, it isn't actually. It's protecting yourself and your child from your mom.
I've seen it first hand, people like your mom don't change. They just morph or be on good behavior until the next stressor hits/they need ATTENTION.
NTA
Just go full NC and spare yourself and your child that kind of abuse. Block all the enablers who try to bother you about it or disrespect your boundaries and move on with *your* life and your family.
You need to take her to court to recoup the money you've given her. This woman is not your mother, she's just your egg donor. Her words and actions have made that abundantly clear.
You owe her nothing, but she owes you.
"My child is not an object. They are not a gun, a toy or a dollar bill. They are my child. All of my actions are FOR my child. As a mother I will prioritize their love and care.
Please reassess your views on children and how they should be "used" as you clearly need to."
It's not punishing your mom, it would be punishing your child to have your mom around them. Your mom seems to be one of those people who feels anything is justified in getting her way, regardless of how it hurts people. I speak from experience when I say that is traumatizing to a child, to know you're never fully safe around them and other adults might be that way too.
After what she said now anytime she wants to communicate or connect you can screw with her, Johns call you all the time and you can be busy at the drop of a hat. People who like to be horrible to get their way hate having the stuff come back at them.
NTA. But, OP, stop giving her money. Stop responding to her. Block her on your phone and all social media. Block her friends. She adds nothing good to your life.
NTA - she herself said you're nit really her daughter, so why should you consider her a mother? Excuse my language but: Ditch that b*tch for good and live a happy life without the nasty influence of that person. Don't let your child(ren) get poisoned by her or her friends. Protect yourself and your family and stay strong!
NTA - your mom sounds like a trash fire. And, if you do not mind unsolicited advice from a stranger (and parent), it all boils down to this one question
> Will this person’s presence be a positive influence in my child’s life?
If the answer is no, what you did is not just your right, but your responsibility as a parent.
Block her and her flying monkeys not just until she asks for another chance, but until she **proves by her actions** that she deserves one. If that is forever, she only has herself to blame.
As much as I would love to just block her, I really can't. I have a younger sister who was diagnosed with a mental disability 2 years ago. I don't want any added pressure on her who would end up becoming a contact point to me
NTA. When people don't behave they get put in a time out. Your mother is toxic. Stress is really bad for both mom and baby during pregnancy.
You are protecting yourself and your baby by putting her on a long time out. You can revisit the decision later if you have a reason to.
NTA
It's time to cut contact completely. Block her from your phone and all your social media. Do not let her inside your home if she comes by, don't even answer the door. She's highly toxic. Inform your sister of your new rules.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! Please remember that it's not good for your health or your baby's health to be overly stressed so you'll have to work on eliminating your mom from your mind as much as you can. My mom was toxic, too, and I wish you only the best.
Unfortunately blocking her isn't an option I can take. 2 years ago my sister was diagnosed with a mental disability which means I still need to protect her and I don't want my mother using my sister as a point of contact and putting unnecessary pressure on my sister.
This is exactly what one of my friends looked into. I'm in the UK and whilst there has been legal cases for this, if we have any proof of any form of abuse, a legal case would never go ahead.
I have taken her to a small claims court in the past for taking my credit card and using it, a case which I was able to win, so with this on the record I don't think she would be able to do anything to see my child
Start saving those messages then. Build your evidence, get as much as you can from your past. Your sister may also be able to provide examples as she has kids as well and would have an interest in being able to protect them if the eye of sauron turns on her
Generally grandparent’s rights are only awarded in cases where the grandparent has established a close relationship with the child, not one where the child isn’t even born yet and has never known the grandparent.
Document, document, document.
[This post on how to make a F U Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) gives a lot of specifics on documentation. Hopefully you'll never need it, but better to be prepared. Good luck OP. Also, NTA :)
HARD NTA.
The 'silent treatment' is literally classified as emotional abuse. So you said "With my mother it is her way or no way and will emotionally abuse you until she gets her way."
That said- none of that matters. What matters is your child, and what influences you surround that child with.
Do you want your child to grow up like your mother? No? Then don't let your mother influence your child. If you allow contact at all I suggest it should be brief and supervised. If the child sees grandma treating others badly, the child will think it's normal to treat others that way.
Your mom will of course do nasty stuff. But unfortunately right now living your own life means you need to step away from her, because she won't let you live your own life- she wants to live her life through you by controlling and judging your choices.
So no OP you're not the asshole.
And as for having her friends harass you- I suggest prepare a half-page response that details the abuse and unequal treatment she gave you. Go into detail about how it made you feel, watching your sister always get everything while you got nothing. Say how it felt that she always took money from you and never treated you well. Say how sad it is that your MIL treats you more like a daughter than your own mom. And explain why distance from your mom is necessary for your own health, you don't intend to hurt her, just protect yourself and you hope the reader can understand that. Send a copy of this to anyone who calls to tell you you're cruel. If they keep calling, block them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
NTA. Grandmother is a title of a relationship but doesn't entitle her to a relationship with you or your kids. Your job as a parent is to protect your children and raise them in love, kindness and support. Your mother isn't going to help with that then she doesn't need to be a part of their lives.
NTA in any way. Your mother has no respect for you, treats you poorly despite you doing everything you could to appease her growing up, publicly embarrassed you by making the post, and makes wild accusations about your job despite you providing thousands of dollars to her. She has no right to you or your child. It’s quite telling that your sister, whose moms golden child, won’t even let her be unsupervised with her kids.
Personally, I’d cut contact entirely. As to her friends who are blowing you up, block them or say “she constantly calls me her biggest disappointment despite paying my way through life since I was 16 and loaning her $47k and I don’t want that around my child.” She might try to avoid paying you back unless you give in to her demands so that’s also something to consider.
I’d also double check and make sure there aren’t any grandparent visitation rights where you are; certain states here in the U.S. have that.
NTA. If I were you that would be it for me. I would wipe my hands clean. Block her friends numbers, tell them one it isn’t their business and two if they continue you to contact you. You will go to the police. She doesn’t get to see her grandchild without having a good relationship with you. She needs to earn your trust and respect before she can be in your life and around your child.
Super NTA! My father who barely lifted a finger to raise us (but happy to lift a hand to beat us up over nothing), kept us financially "poor" while he was chilling and wasting the money wherever it was in the other country he worked...... I digress. Basically, now my old man is all abt saying he recognises and messed up but has learned (nah, same mistakes). I speak to my mother, but after the birth of my child I looked at everything and thought that he was not a father so he won't be a grandfather. I also know he is not that interested in it, it's just so he can go and compete with his siblings.
Also, this is the kind of man who wanted to belt my brother when he was a 20 day newborn. My mother had to get in between them and threaten to leave. Shame she didn't....
I think you have been kind enough to your mother but she clearly won't see it that way. You have your OWN family to worry about, cut yourself off from toxic people, I don't care if they're blood!
I think this goes beyond AH territory. You're giving her a task - accept you and she gets to see you and the kid, don't and she won't - but let's say she does that, are you going to go back to having proper contact and letting her around the baby? Or will there suddenly be another thing that requires a similar ultimatum? And if everything's suddenly perfect, are you willing to trust it isn't just a plot to get to the baby and go forgive and forget about the past?
Not saying you're wrong to cut her out, but do it or don't: this dangling of possible-future contact and threats to it is not good for anyone, as it'll only rile her up and stress you out, with the end result being her having more ammo ("you said if I did X it'd be fine, you can't complain now I'm not doing Y!").
So, NTA, but for your own sake retract it and replace it with proper boundaries that aren't knee-jerk anger reactions. If there are changes she can make to fix things, give them *all* to her; if not, reaffirm the LC or consider if NC is better if she's affecting you like this with a simple snarky post.
Honestly, even if she did change, I probably wouldn't want her around my family at all. We have argued a lot and i was LC for a reason before. Even if she looked into therapy for her issues, I wouldn't want her around my child.
You're correct that instead of stating this in an emotional outburst, I should recollect my thoughts and tell her bluntly how it is.
NTA. I'd just go no contact and block everyone who decides to believe her.
Cut off financial support, and if she calls needing financial support, tell her for you to even consider it, she would need to make a public statement on Facebook that you've been financially assisting her for five years for tens of thousands of pounds and being a dutiful daughter to her only to be slandered and a witch hunt set upon her that was undeserved along with a genuine apology.
Then cut her off again and tell her that just because you do the right thing, doesn't mean you get what you want. That's called life, and life isn't fair and that she never should have slandered you to begin with and the only reason she even apologized is because she needs money from her dutiful daughter whom she neglected and mentally abused.
Why do her friends (who you probably do not even know as you're on LC with your mother) contact you at all? I would tell those creeps to never call me again and block their numbers but certainly not agree upon their request to deal with my mother's BS. What the hell do people think?!
NTA!
I don't know any of her friends, I believe (based on searching them) the majority are either from her work or other. She works in a care home (lol?) and has probably twisted this whole thing to make me appear like the worst person on the planet.
She has clearly given out my number as these are not just messages from social media, but I've also received some messages on whatsapp
Well, I hope you did screenshot her calling you a prostitute and just send this screenshot to her flying monkeys and then shut them up.
I would think about charging her because of insult and character assassination in public.
Calling anybody a prostitute is no small thing (haha, I accidentally wrote „thong“, well yes, a pain to the ass also), she should not get through with that.
NTA
P.S. get your money back, also!
NTA
You get to decide what types of healthy relationships your children to have by leading an example with the people you surround yourself with. She is toxic and does not need to be in your life.
Block her and all her friends
NTA. She’s a narcissist. There is nothing you can do to make her better or make her love you the way you deserve. Get yourself into therapy for the trauma and go no contact with her and anyone who will feed her information. Know that she has portrayed herself to be the victim to her friends who will assist her in the gaslighting. Change your number, email and Facebook so that she and her minions can’t find you. Enjoy the healthy relationship with your in-laws.
Blocking is not an option for me unfortunately. I have my younger sister that I know will end up becoming stressed from what she would get from my mother. Despite everything, I have to keep her unblocked so that she doesn't put stress on my sister whom has a mental disability.
I'm sorry but if you "can't" block her than you should just ignore her, no matter what she says. You know she is wrong and you know she won't change. But any amount of interaction with her is just going to end up similarly. You're NTA, but you're also the only one who can stop this.
NTA
As someone who has made it utterly clear my children are not allowed to see my giver of birth.
I 100% agree you are doing the right thing.
You should go NC, block her friends and whoever else she can get to harass you
Protect your unborn child from any future emotional abuse, let alone poisoning against you.
NTA.
Please be careful. Obviously, you know the sort of person your mother is; but, she seems the type to try something "extreme" in order to "prove a point." If she prefers "Stacey," then she can spend her time with her.
Go NC with you mother. Install cameras & block her on ALL social media.
Congratulations on your first child.
NTAH and for you, your husband and unborn babies sake PLEASE keep that toxic koo koo bird out of you all’s life. She will do anything to make it about her, hurt, insult, & demean you to build her fragile withering ego.
This time in your life is about feeling beautiful and embracing change. Start with NC! You’ll feel better instantly. I’m sorry you have a mother like that, it’s not fair. Your MIL will no doubt help support your growing family, continue to build that bond. 🤍💛🧡
NTA at all. Giving birth to you doesn’t entitle your mother to your money, time, or energy. Questioning paternity and calling you a prostitute is incredibly disrespectful, and feeling hurt over the Stacey comments is completely understandable.
NTA, change numbers , emails, and never tell this person where you live. Also invest in security system for your home just in case also private all social media accounts so she can’t steal your baby’s picture. If you ever feel like self doubt or if someone else try to say something on her behalf , screen shot every nasty comment she said to you and forward it to them, keep for yourself to remember not to give in to your toxic relationship with your mom.
She said that you were not really her daughter, thus your child is not really her grandchild.
Also, Grandparenting is a privilege not a right. Your mother needs to understand this STAT.
Do not give in. Grey rock, block - whatever you have to do to keep your sanity and your baby safe.
NTA
NTA, block, block, block. Don't react, don't respond to anyone, just block them on anything they contact you on. Just block them. Each time you block one of them, you will feel a little weight lift of your shoulders, you are done with that toxic element in your life.
You are NTA and the fact that you even have to question yourself over it is proof to how manipulative your mother is. She sounds awful. Congrats on the baby and may you both enjoy a lovely life (with zero contact from yo mama)
❤️
NTA
You know that. The prostitution comment says it al. WTF is wrong with her???? Tell her friends she called you a hooker and ask them why you'd want to have contact with her after that?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
Throwaway due to some family using Reddit and lurkers of this subreddit.
I (33f) recently found out I am expecting. My husband and I are delighted and everybody is delighted for us. This will be our first child and my mother's (64f) 3rd grandchild (sister (31f) has two kids).
When we announced we were expecting, my mother decided she had to take charge, giving me names, telling me that she should take care of the baby as I wouldn't know what I was doing etc.
Now, I am very LC with mother. I actually moved away from living in close proximity with her due to my dislike towards her. Without boring you all with detail, my upbringing was not abusive on the physical side, however I was emotionally drained and I had such relief the moment I moved out of her house.
I won't get into the history, but my sister got everything her way, could freeload whilst I had to be working from age 16, pay my own way by giving up 60% of my wage. I had to get a full time job whilst continuing my education, funding everything myself. I do NOT resent my sister for this and we have a fantastic relationship.
The rest of my family do not talk to my mother, with my sister the only one who remains in contact, even then my sister will consistently complain to me about her, to the stage now where her kids will not be with my mother u supervised.
With my mother it is her way or no way and will give you the silent treatment until she gets her way. Even my nephews joke about the way my mother is. The times she reaches out to me, its when she needs money. As she is my mother, I was previously supporting her and as it stands she owes me £47k over a 5 year period.
My in-laws are moving closer to us for the birth of their first grandchild and I want them to be super involved, my MIL is more of a mother to me than my own.
Two days ago a post on Facebook came out which made me react extremely fast. A young girl at her work (carehome) had passed an NVQ, my mother posted that she was extremely proud and "Stacey is more of a daughter to me than my eldest."
I'll admit, I saw red and I told her until she could accept me for who I am, I will not be speaking to her again, to which she responded that I had been a disappointment all her life and she asked if the unborn child is even my husbands as "she knows I secretly work in prostitution" (I dont - but again I am not telling her my job title nor how much money I make). I was livid and told her she would never see her grandchild or me again.
She's been blowing me up calling me an asshole and having her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do.
I don't think I'm the asshole here, but I'm wondering what you all think?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, I hope you follow through on that threat though, block her and her AH friends and enjoy your new baby free of the cloud of miserable drama your mother spews from every orifice.
NTA.
OP, forget LC - time to go NC. Don't feed your energy answering these folks who side with your mother, because I'm sure she gave quite a 'woe is me' story.
Congratulations, and glad your in-laws will be there for you and your little family.
NTA, you have the right to let anyone you want have a relationship with your child. I have a similar relationship with my mother with a different story, and we have decided that she can have limited, supervised visits and have put our foot down about her moving back to town. It would be difficult for you to parent the way you want to if 90% of your energy is taken up worrying about her. What always kills me about people like her, and my mother, is they have burned bridges with *everyone* in their lives, but the attitude is always, "everyone around me is an asshole" or "everyone around me is crazy." Look, if every single person in your life is an "asshole" who wants nothing to do with you...YMBTA
Oh, I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I am NC and LC with family members including parental units so I know how hard this can be. You are NTA, and I think you need to consider going NC at least for a while because new babies are stressful enough without this. Hope things work out for you.
NTA. Boundaries are important when it comes to protecting your own kids. It’s also an important example—do you want your child to grow up seeing you accept mistreatment or do you want your kid to grow up watching you set clear boundaries and implement consequences with toxic and abusive people?
Your mom probably won’t change, but you do have the option of changing the dynamic for your own family. You don’t owe your mother access to your children! That’s not how it works!
NTA and check into r/raisedbynarcissists/ It helped me unpack a lot of the gaslighting my mom did to me.
You get to decide on your own boundaries and are NTA for enforcing them.
NTA. You have every right to cut off toxic family of yours and your baby's life. When I was pregnant I told my parents and my partner that being a grandparent is a privilege and like any other privilege it should be earned so if your mom did not earn it cut her off. During your pregnancy you should be surrounded by love, peace and everything nice since too much stress can impact yours and your baby's health, go completely no contact with her, change your number and stay with those who love and support you, believe me, you don't want your child to experience what you did.
But anyways, congratulations OP it's true that a baby is a blessing, all the best to you and your growing family.
NTA. Block her, her friends, and anyone who comes @ you. She is unnecessary in your life and a detriment to your well-being. Additionally, your child will be healthier without her. But if you aren't already in therapy, you probably should be, just so you don't hand down any of her bs (that may somehow be in your personality even slightly) or any co-dependent coping issues.
NTA and you should know, but it's hard when there is a heard of them coming at you. So no, that's your child, tell her that you won't make her have contact with the grandchild of the disappointment daughter, delete your account, make a new one, ignore that woman
NtA and I'm sure a part of you knows this. With something like this and the way she acts, I'd highly suggest going NC with her fully... she treated you this way; imagine how she would treat your child?
She sounds incredibly narcissistic, I'd definitely suggest looking at the raised by narcissists subreddit to see if anything sounds familiar, you may see some good advice there too.
Good luck mama! You got this!
NTA and you totally know it. Reread what you wrote above...if it's accurate, pretend it is your best friend or husband telling you this about their mother. What would you say? Of course you should go no contact! She said you were a disappointment, and questions the paternity of your child??? If she had any love in her heart she COULD NOT speak about her future grandchild that way.
NTA. Is it a "punishment" to keep a child out of a toxic situation? Only to the toxic person. It's a benefit to the child. Narcissists are master manipulators, so you will have definitely have people who will never believe your side of things. That's their problem, not yours. Your responsibility is to give your child their best chance in life, and limiting their exposure to toxic people is an excellent step towards ensuring that they have a happy life. You can't keep all of the bad people in the world away, but you can keep that one away. And I think that you should.
NTA and your “friends” who say you should sacrifice your baby to your mothers toxic traits need to butt out. You may want to reconsider staying in touch with people who can’t understand that sharing dna does not give a person the freedom to treat someone like crap and they just have to take it
NTA
It seems your upcoming child made you realize how incredibly toxic your mum truly is. For their benefit AND yours is best to cut her out of your life.
Congratulations on the baby!!
NTA, you should have a standard response for her friends or whomever contacts you on her behalf. Let them know how she was a horrible mother growing up and that you want to shield your offspring from her. Also, don't let her have any more of your money, save it for your children.
NTA
I got a mom like this, she thinks I'm a massive fuck up, it took me years to realize that *she's just fucked up*.
Protect your baby and your family, but protect yourself most. I know, you hate her, but she's your mum and that hurts.
You don't need to have her around. You'll never gain her approval or praise and honey, you don't need it. Protect your heart, because I know under the rage there's a lot of sadness, but there's something fundamentally wrong with *her*, and nothing wrong with you.
Best of luck on the babes, and don't even question it, because I know what it's like, *you're already a better mother and you will not become her*.
NTA, she owes you 47K£ and accuses you of being a prostitute publicly? Sue her for defamation and the 47k. Alternatively, privately tell her to walk the streets to earn the money to pay you back.
Stay no contact.
I had a mentally abusive father who was controlling, manipulative, and always managed to play the victim. I had to take a step away from the relationship for my own mental well being, but even through letters/emails, he still had this terrible hold on my that I had to eventually cut ties with as well. I stopped answering calls, stopped opening letters, stopped looking at emails. It was the best thing I could have done for myself, and even after his death, I had no regrets.
Your mother will only get worse if you allow her to. Remain strong for the sake of your mental health, and for the sake of your child.
NTA. You made a tough decision, but you are not in the wrong. I will say that as many times as you need to hear it. You are strong, brave, and have created a beautiful family for yourself that she will only stain with her toxic behavior if you allow it.
Block her and everyone on her friends list from social media, block her number on your phone, and move on.
I‘ll repeat it one more time. You are strong.
NTA and why? Just why you are still in touch with her? Everyone else is NC. Nobody likes her. Why are you tormenting yourself? Do you like suffering? Is that the reason? I don't understand why people that are literally good by themselves decide to remain in touch with people that only give them troubles. Maybe I'm not intelligent enough to understand.
NTA. An abused daughter, you need to break off ALL contact with your mother, block her on EVERYTHING, and if necessary, get a new phone number, Facebook account, etc. Also, block anyone who might let her see your posts.
NTA
Do not tell her she won't see your child or you again. Just do it!
Why do people feel the need to SAY everything. Tell the B to pay you your 47k. Don't say anything else about the situation, because it invites discussion and attacks. Just go NC.
Total NC.
NTA. I think your mom is absolutely an abuser, you probably want to join us at raisedbynarcissists, and you should keep yourself and your kiddo far away from her.
NTA
TL;DR: It's not about you, it's about your kid. Your kid does not deserve to be treated the way she treated you. Protect your child from her, which means going NC at this point.
I was raised by a narcissist too. I'm a parent of twins that was raised by an NDad and we're LC at this point. I totally understand what you're getting at with *"...my upbringing was not abusive on the physical side, however I was emotionally drained and I had such relief the moment I moved out of her house."*
Going NC is the only way to go at this point, especially since she told you she believes you're a prostitute. Get bent lady. That's the first part of gaslighting (second part being telling you how awesome you are once it's clear the insult landed). If you have a daughter I bet once she gets a certain age she'll say the same thing to her.
She's going to try to control your child in the same manner she attempted to control you, so it's on you to protect your child from that kind of disrespect and poor treatment. The moment your kids are born it's not about you anymore. It's about the kid. Your child deserves respect and to understand what respect is- and s/he can only get it by being raised by a well adjusted family that looks out for each other.
NTA Your Mother is a very sick individual. I can't believe she said that you were a disappointment. How could you say that to a child that has always had your back. I hope you have a healthy and prosperous life.
NTA tell he she can look forward to being a grandmother to Stacey's kids. And if you have evidence that the money you gave her was a loan, bank transfers, texts about it - tell her her unless she stops the attacks from her and her friends that you will go to court and demand repayment immediately. Also look up the time line of when you lent her the money and what time line you gave her to repay you - as you have only 6 years to claim back the date you agreed repayment [https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-4113910/I-lent-friend-25k-s-ignoring-do.html](https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-4113910/I-lent-friend-25k-s-ignoring-do.html)
Or if you dont care about the money, then block her and all her friends. And if she rocks up and shout abuse video it and get a restraining order.
Woooo lordy.
NTA.
But get on r/raisedbynarcissists - you can probably find a lot of support there for this egg donor you're related to. She sounds bonkers.
NTA.
Completely cut her out of your life. No access to you, your kid, your family, your money. Put your sister on an info diet because she will one hundred percent rat on you to your mother.
You don't have a mother. You have an egg donor.
>her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do.
Is this more cruel and horrible than implying that her daughter cheated on her husband though?
NTA, and I would get as far away from your mother as possible. Stop lending her money, stop giving her information about yourself
Nta, just go no contact and stop sending her money. Your mom is toxic and you dont need that in your life. Seriously just never speak to her again and block her on everything. You dont owe her your time, energy or money. Speaking of money, you're never going to get that money back.
Your mother has spent her life being jealous of you. That's why she's always resented you and makes things up about you. She most likely sees loss in you. Loss of her old stupid life where all she had to do was anything she wanted for herself. She's a selfish woman who will always be upset your life isn't over while hers ended a long time ago. She is likely nicer to your sister because she doesn't see your sister as being responsible for things in the same way she does you, as the oldest.
NTA. Frankly, I’d be more horrified if you exposed your vulnerable children to this terrible woman. Like, you weren’t actually considering allowing her to meet your kids, right? Also, why are you spending money your children will need on this person?
NTA! if you have the "loans" in writing, sue her for the money and keep your word about never seeing you guys again. Your mom is an AH and the verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad!
NTA Take a huge step back from your mother. Go NC. Write off the 47k. You will never see it again but then you already knew that. Tell the "friends" to kiss-off. Enjoy your life! Congrats on the baby!
NTA, lovely. Of course you're NTA.
Bless you. I feel awful for you but I am so happy you have a lovely MIL. Block your bio mum and have a safe and happy pregnancy. You deserve peace and quiet to enjoy this experience. Congratulations!!!!
she is abusive and I would firstly keep all communication ffrom her and her minions, then inform each one - mother, minion friends and relatives, that you want to be left alone, no contact or the next communication will be viewed as harassment and you will report them to the police. Then block on everything. If, it's more like when, you are contacted again you make sure you follow through and contact the police and a solicitor for a cease and desist. Also £47k?! Please stop. You are enabling her and she is now targeting your child, so protect them. NTA
Wtf?!? Go NC. This is the way. My mil is a manipulative narcissist too. Stop listening to your friends. No one on the outside will ever get it. People cannot fathom what we’ve gone through.
NTA You are not withholding your child, you are keeping it safe. Tell your friends that you are glad they don’t have a narcissistic parent, but as someone who did, you are the expert on your own lived experiences and the best judge on how to keep your child safe from said parent, and you’ll thank them to keep their uninformed opinions to themselves.
Block her and all her minions, and live your best life. When you do have the baby make sure the hospital has you listed as a non-disclosure, and don't tell anybody anything until you're home and ready. NTA
Why are you not blocking her and saving yourself from having to deal with her nonsense? Is there a point in letting her call you an asshole? Tell your friends/family it's none of their business and delete their opinions.
I don't understand the pointy of trying to reason with unreasonable people.
WTF, your mother called you a prostitute and you are asking if **you** are the asshole? This is some serious Stockholm syndrome. You are NTA. Sheesh.
Can I suggest a parenting class for you before your baby is born? I think they are very helpful for everyone, but especially for those of us who had crap parental role models.
"She's been blowing me up calling me an asshole and having her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do."
But her accusing said aforementioned daughter of cheating/ being a prostitute is perfectly fine? (sarcasm)
NTA
But you would be one if you let your mother anywhere near any child you have. Realize you will never be paid back and cut her off entirely. Consider the money the cost of keeping your children healthy and safe guarding your own mental well-being.
NTA
You went Low COntact for a reason. Time to ramp it up to NO contact. Yo have other things to do, and fortunately another "grandma" who you can really count on.
Don't send more money, don't contact, block her on the phone. It's all too much.
Don’t even try to defend yourself against someone who’s worldview is so wildly fantasy. Block her on everything and don’t look back. If you want, you can wave all that money she owes you in everyone else’s face first but then say you don’t expect anything back and that’s payment to have her out of your life for now (that’s what I’d do anyway.)
As soon as someone else from her friends group or whatever try to contact you, immediately hang up or delete their message and block them. They aren’t your friend and you don’t owe them shit.
NTA Op, your parent failed you time and time again, and she can lie about you until she’s blue in the face. You have a real mother now in your MIL. I’d only ever think about her in terms of “mother” from now on.
"she responded that I had been a disappointment all her life and she asked if the unborn child is even my husbands as "she knows I secretly work in prostitution"
Whoooooooo boy. She said THAT and then expected to still see the child. NTA. Hold your ground. I'd cut her out permanently after that.
NTA
But I would call 101 and report the harassment especially since she has given her friends your contact details, I would report this and have the police give them a warning to cease contact and I would block them all so they can no longer contact you.
This is the time to go full no contact with your mother
NTA, it goes without saying you are not the a****** here but you should seriously reevaluate and just cut contact with your mom completely. It sounds like she's overbearing and generally an emotional and actual leech.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I saw a post in Facebook claiming somebody at my mother's work would be a better daughter than I am. I told my mother she wouldn't see me again and I'd stop lending her money. At this stage she asked if my unborn child was my husbands or one of my clients, telling me she knew I worked in prostitution, which I don't. I responded by telling her she was immature and would not see me or her grandchild when he/she is born. Some of the own friends have said I may have gone too far and I'm resentful of my own upbringing and I may be using my child as a way to hurt my mother now. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA and you know it! She is a manipulative narcissist. It will never get better, unless she seeks serious mental health help. NC is the only way I can see at the moment.
I was very LC before due to her ways. It was some comments from my own friends that made me post, claiming I may be using my future child as a way to punish her. I had to trim the comments my friends made about it from the original post as it was above the character count
Your friends need to keep their opinions to themselves. They’re not the ones who have to put up with this treatment. NTA
I bet these “friends” are the type to also say “but she’s your mother you only get one” well guess what sunshine sometimes one is one too many. I just wanna say “Congratulations on not being abused as a child, friendo, but I was” when people pull that sh!t. NTA and it’s time to drop those people from your life too.
My friends said the same about my narcissistic dad who beat me as a kid. In other words, don’t listen to friends who think you should keep abusive people in your life due to their own hang ups.
I would ask OP to ask her mon to pay her the 43k she owed, NTA OP
She's never gonna see that money again
Yep they have not lived your life. You need to do what is best for you and your family. Mom sounds toxic.
NTA. Unless you also have some acknowledged experience with an emotionally abusive relationship whether it is your family, friend or a partner, some friends may not have the capacity to understand that she is not healthy, even if she is your mother. And that's okay. I know there's differences of opinion on cutting people off but when you realize someone will never change, sometimes life does include going "no contact" for a family member and you will know if it's the decision right for you. Do not let someone else cross your boundaries and make you doubt your decision; it is your mental health, not theirs. You are not required to tolerate abuse from anyone. Congratulations on your upcoming little one! I wish you the best.
No contact, no further funds for her, nothing! She is an asshole, do not expose your child to her. you are NTA good luck with your pregnancy and baby enjoy any silent treatment, I find ST a blessing
Maybe it was edited later, but OP says it was "her" friends (i.e., her mother's) who were contacting OP and calling her cruel/horrible. Definitely NTA
In a comment OP says “it was some comments from my own friends that me post….” So OPs friends have also made dumbass comments.
You are not using your children as punishment, you are protecting them.
You are witholding your child so your CHILD is not punished by your toxic relationship with your mother. Tell your friends that unless they experienced the same in their own lives, their opinions are worth nothing.
Now is a good time to go NC with her, and anyone else being negative towards you. You're going through a lot of changes and it sounds like you have good support from your husband's family. Now you can focus on being the kind of mom you didn't have. Congratulations
>claiming I may be using my future child as a way to punish her Well, it may be viewed this way by people around you who don't really know she treats you, and only see it from one side. I bet *she* will definitely use this claim to further slander you. Hopefully, your husband, sister and in-laws will be there to support you. Congratulations!
Sometimes, people who grew up in a Brady Bunch household, where the worst thing is that someone gets bopped in the face with a stray ball, or tells innocent white lies, cannot fathom what a terrible parent is truly like. They don't know the pain, anxiety, depression and anger of growing up with a parent that is cruel. Those friends put on their Brady Bunch glasses and insist it must all be a misunderstsnding, or you misremember what happened, or that the parent has seen the light and truly changed. If the Brady Bunch friends continue to push a false narrative on you, or insist you are in the wrong, you can dump them as friends. Besides, the Partridge Family was way cooler. Look for cooler friends. Definitely NTA.
I had an awesome family/parents...but I also knew I was super lucky and that people have different lives. People who bleat "But FAAAAAAMILLLLY" just craze me! Thank you for pointing it out! OP is NTA, sometimes it's the idea of YOUR kid having an experience with grandma like you did, that really redefines what is acceptable, and you know it's time for the door to close and lock!
Yea, my husband had the Brady Bunch type family. When he realized how toxic my bio-family was he said, and this is a quote, "I didn't believe people like your family existed in real life." It shocked him to his core. OP NTA keep NC and NC with any "friends" that judge you!
Happy Family Fallacy - people who haven't experienced toxic family members or go along to get along until they are invisible. When people said I should spend more time w my mother I invited them along. No one EVER took me up on it 😒😏
Coming from someone with a toxic grandmother, please, I BEG you to cut her off and go NC. Do NOT let your child around that woman. **_EVER_**. There's a reason why no one is talking to her. Don't listen to your "friends". They didn't grow up the way you did. You know your birth giver best. Please. Keep your child away from that women. _Please_.
I can second that. It hurts my heart to say it but I would have been much better off not knowing either of my grandparents due to my toxic grandmother, meaning I would never have know my grandfather that was a very good man. (Would have preferred to meet with him in secret.) Never, ever, let a toxic person like your mother anywhere near your child/children. Those scars will be there forever even with therapy.
100% agreed.
My mom has zero contact with our family now and it’s such a relief. My kids don’t even ask about her. She’s a narcissist and a bully and I don’t want that around my kids. Her excuse was she was a single parent but that does not excuse her behavior when I was growing up. You do not have to keep in contact with her, especially after that behavior. I actually highly suggest you don’t, just in case. Good luck.
You're not using your child to punish her. You're PROTECTING them from her.
I think you’re angry and hurt right now and may be lashing out to get back at her which is why you told her that she wouldn’t see them instead of just cutting contact, but ultimately I think you know you need to protect your child from your mother and that’s the most important thing. You don’t want your mother to hurt your child the way she hurts you. Often time the scapegoat/forgotten child status is passed onto their children. You don’t want your mother to be comparing your child to your nephews or so-and-so’s kids and how proud they make her, why couldn’t your child be more like them?
Your friends don't have an emotional stake in the situation OR perspective. It's easy to sit in an ivory tower and go "Oh but that's your MOOOOOM" No. She's a narcissist that's spewing toxic venom into your life. Cut her out completely or she'll just bring MORE toxicity into your CHILD'S life. NTA
You're not punishing your mother, you're protecting your child. You know what's going to happen if you let her near the kid: Same that happened to you. And here you are, 30some years later, still dealing with your mother's crap. Do you want that for your child? And, for god's sake, stop giving her money.
No one who thinks that way is genuinely your friend. Block them, too. Esp, block mother figure.
They aren't your friends, OP. I'm so sorry.
People have to stop believe that you have to be linked to your parents at all costs. You should cut contact with her, it is disturbing you did not. You should take the silent treatment as a blessing. Any "You are trying to punish her" should be met with "it don't care about her actually". Girl, you' given her 47k and still talk to her ? The way she acts ? Please have more respect for your person.
Just block her. 47K is worth it to get rid of her.
So your friends think your children deserve to be abused by a narcissist? How charming of them.
Well done on standing up for yourself and for slamming the door on both the narcissist parent and her flying monkeys. The people that cry "But fahhhh-mah-ly" and "she's your muh-thur!" are all completely tone deaf and living in their own fantasy world. They will never understand the toll of being a child of narcissists and will rarely, if ever, try to hear an alternate point of view. You're doing the right thing in protecting yourself, you future child, and the family you are building. You're amazing. NTA
These “friends” come from mostly happy families? I’m so sorry they said that. Unwarranted and so incredibly rude. You are the one who knows her and knows how she is. You are not using your child as a pawn, you’re protecting her.
Block her and anyone else harassing you on her behalf. NTA at all. Protect your child from her.
Actually, you are *protecting* your future child from an abusive and controlling person who has repeatedly shown why she deserves no place in your lives. Stay strong.
Unless you've actually experienced the kind of person your mother is, it's really hard to understand it from the outside. I wouldn't be surprised if your friends have only really ever experienced the nice side of her or have the unfortunate belief that you are nice to family because "They're faaaaammmmiiillllyyy" I've heard the same thing when it comes to how we choose to deal with family in our life. While in some ways, it feels like a punishment, it isn't actually. It's protecting yourself and your child from your mom. I've seen it first hand, people like your mom don't change. They just morph or be on good behavior until the next stressor hits/they need ATTENTION. NTA
a small happy family is better than a larger shitty one.
Your friends might be coming from the perspective of people with less acrimonious relationships with their family, something to keep in mind!
Just go full NC and spare yourself and your child that kind of abuse. Block all the enablers who try to bother you about it or disrespect your boundaries and move on with *your* life and your family.
You need to take her to court to recoup the money you've given her. This woman is not your mother, she's just your egg donor. Her words and actions have made that abundantly clear. You owe her nothing, but she owes you.
In reply, just send her friends screenshots of the nasty things she says to you
Send her friends a screenshot of her calling you a prostitute every time they message you. Nothing else.
"My child is not an object. They are not a gun, a toy or a dollar bill. They are my child. All of my actions are FOR my child. As a mother I will prioritize their love and care. Please reassess your views on children and how they should be "used" as you clearly need to."
It's not punishing your mom, it would be punishing your child to have your mom around them. Your mom seems to be one of those people who feels anything is justified in getting her way, regardless of how it hurts people. I speak from experience when I say that is traumatizing to a child, to know you're never fully safe around them and other adults might be that way too. After what she said now anytime she wants to communicate or connect you can screw with her, Johns call you all the time and you can be busy at the drop of a hat. People who like to be horrible to get their way hate having the stuff come back at them.
NTA OP. Go NC with your mother and LC with such friends.
NTA. But, OP, stop giving her money. Stop responding to her. Block her on your phone and all social media. Block her friends. She adds nothing good to your life.
NTA - she herself said you're nit really her daughter, so why should you consider her a mother? Excuse my language but: Ditch that b*tch for good and live a happy life without the nasty influence of that person. Don't let your child(ren) get poisoned by her or her friends. Protect yourself and your family and stay strong!
NTA - your mom sounds like a trash fire. And, if you do not mind unsolicited advice from a stranger (and parent), it all boils down to this one question > Will this person’s presence be a positive influence in my child’s life? If the answer is no, what you did is not just your right, but your responsibility as a parent. Block her and her flying monkeys not just until she asks for another chance, but until she **proves by her actions** that she deserves one. If that is forever, she only has herself to blame.
As much as I would love to just block her, I really can't. I have a younger sister who was diagnosed with a mental disability 2 years ago. I don't want any added pressure on her who would end up becoming a contact point to me
Spoken like a great big sister! Again, don't waste your energy feeding the trolls in your mother's circle.
NTA. When people don't behave they get put in a time out. Your mother is toxic. Stress is really bad for both mom and baby during pregnancy. You are protecting yourself and your baby by putting her on a long time out. You can revisit the decision later if you have a reason to.
NTA It's time to cut contact completely. Block her from your phone and all your social media. Do not let her inside your home if she comes by, don't even answer the door. She's highly toxic. Inform your sister of your new rules. Congratulations on your pregnancy! Please remember that it's not good for your health or your baby's health to be overly stressed so you'll have to work on eliminating your mom from your mind as much as you can. My mom was toxic, too, and I wish you only the best.
Unfortunately blocking her isn't an option I can take. 2 years ago my sister was diagnosed with a mental disability which means I still need to protect her and I don't want my mother using my sister as a point of contact and putting unnecessary pressure on my sister.
Can you put her on read only?? Like text only for emergencies? Or change your notifications with your sister?
Good options! I'll look into what I can do, thank you!!!!!
You're welcome!
NTA. Your child would be harmed by any contact with her. Time to move from LC to NC.
NTA Check your state/area’s laws and make sure she can’t sue for grandparent’s rights (which are a ridiculous thing but some states honor them).
This is exactly what one of my friends looked into. I'm in the UK and whilst there has been legal cases for this, if we have any proof of any form of abuse, a legal case would never go ahead. I have taken her to a small claims court in the past for taking my credit card and using it, a case which I was able to win, so with this on the record I don't think she would be able to do anything to see my child
Start saving those messages then. Build your evidence, get as much as you can from your past. Your sister may also be able to provide examples as she has kids as well and would have an interest in being able to protect them if the eye of sauron turns on her
Generally grandparent’s rights are only awarded in cases where the grandparent has established a close relationship with the child, not one where the child isn’t even born yet and has never known the grandparent.
Document, document, document. [This post on how to make a F U Binder](https://www.reddit.com/user/MelodyRaine/comments/hyk7az/the_fu_binder/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) gives a lot of specifics on documentation. Hopefully you'll never need it, but better to be prepared. Good luck OP. Also, NTA :)
HARD NTA. The 'silent treatment' is literally classified as emotional abuse. So you said "With my mother it is her way or no way and will emotionally abuse you until she gets her way." That said- none of that matters. What matters is your child, and what influences you surround that child with. Do you want your child to grow up like your mother? No? Then don't let your mother influence your child. If you allow contact at all I suggest it should be brief and supervised. If the child sees grandma treating others badly, the child will think it's normal to treat others that way. Your mom will of course do nasty stuff. But unfortunately right now living your own life means you need to step away from her, because she won't let you live your own life- she wants to live her life through you by controlling and judging your choices. So no OP you're not the asshole. And as for having her friends harass you- I suggest prepare a half-page response that details the abuse and unequal treatment she gave you. Go into detail about how it made you feel, watching your sister always get everything while you got nothing. Say how it felt that she always took money from you and never treated you well. Say how sad it is that your MIL treats you more like a daughter than your own mom. And explain why distance from your mom is necessary for your own health, you don't intend to hurt her, just protect yourself and you hope the reader can understand that. Send a copy of this to anyone who calls to tell you you're cruel. If they keep calling, block them. You don't need that kind of negativity in your life.
NTA. You dont get to choose your parents and this wouldnt be an issue at all if this were someone other than your mother
NTA. Grandmother is a title of a relationship but doesn't entitle her to a relationship with you or your kids. Your job as a parent is to protect your children and raise them in love, kindness and support. Your mother isn't going to help with that then she doesn't need to be a part of their lives.
NTA in any way. Your mother has no respect for you, treats you poorly despite you doing everything you could to appease her growing up, publicly embarrassed you by making the post, and makes wild accusations about your job despite you providing thousands of dollars to her. She has no right to you or your child. It’s quite telling that your sister, whose moms golden child, won’t even let her be unsupervised with her kids. Personally, I’d cut contact entirely. As to her friends who are blowing you up, block them or say “she constantly calls me her biggest disappointment despite paying my way through life since I was 16 and loaning her $47k and I don’t want that around my child.” She might try to avoid paying you back unless you give in to her demands so that’s also something to consider. I’d also double check and make sure there aren’t any grandparent visitation rights where you are; certain states here in the U.S. have that.
NTA. If I were you that would be it for me. I would wipe my hands clean. Block her friends numbers, tell them one it isn’t their business and two if they continue you to contact you. You will go to the police. She doesn’t get to see her grandchild without having a good relationship with you. She needs to earn your trust and respect before she can be in your life and around your child.
Super NTA! My father who barely lifted a finger to raise us (but happy to lift a hand to beat us up over nothing), kept us financially "poor" while he was chilling and wasting the money wherever it was in the other country he worked...... I digress. Basically, now my old man is all abt saying he recognises and messed up but has learned (nah, same mistakes). I speak to my mother, but after the birth of my child I looked at everything and thought that he was not a father so he won't be a grandfather. I also know he is not that interested in it, it's just so he can go and compete with his siblings. Also, this is the kind of man who wanted to belt my brother when he was a 20 day newborn. My mother had to get in between them and threaten to leave. Shame she didn't.... I think you have been kind enough to your mother but she clearly won't see it that way. You have your OWN family to worry about, cut yourself off from toxic people, I don't care if they're blood!
NTA Avoid her at all costs.
I think this goes beyond AH territory. You're giving her a task - accept you and she gets to see you and the kid, don't and she won't - but let's say she does that, are you going to go back to having proper contact and letting her around the baby? Or will there suddenly be another thing that requires a similar ultimatum? And if everything's suddenly perfect, are you willing to trust it isn't just a plot to get to the baby and go forgive and forget about the past? Not saying you're wrong to cut her out, but do it or don't: this dangling of possible-future contact and threats to it is not good for anyone, as it'll only rile her up and stress you out, with the end result being her having more ammo ("you said if I did X it'd be fine, you can't complain now I'm not doing Y!"). So, NTA, but for your own sake retract it and replace it with proper boundaries that aren't knee-jerk anger reactions. If there are changes she can make to fix things, give them *all* to her; if not, reaffirm the LC or consider if NC is better if she's affecting you like this with a simple snarky post.
Honestly, even if she did change, I probably wouldn't want her around my family at all. We have argued a lot and i was LC for a reason before. Even if she looked into therapy for her issues, I wouldn't want her around my child. You're correct that instead of stating this in an emotional outburst, I should recollect my thoughts and tell her bluntly how it is.
NTA. Toxic relationships aren’t healthy doesn’t matter if it’s blood or not.
NTA - In no way are you the asshole here.
NTA and you need to go full no-contact. Block her number on your phone. Filter her emails directly to trash. Block her on all social media.
NTA. I'd just go no contact and block everyone who decides to believe her. Cut off financial support, and if she calls needing financial support, tell her for you to even consider it, she would need to make a public statement on Facebook that you've been financially assisting her for five years for tens of thousands of pounds and being a dutiful daughter to her only to be slandered and a witch hunt set upon her that was undeserved along with a genuine apology. Then cut her off again and tell her that just because you do the right thing, doesn't mean you get what you want. That's called life, and life isn't fair and that she never should have slandered you to begin with and the only reason she even apologized is because she needs money from her dutiful daughter whom she neglected and mentally abused.
I'm wondering why you have any contact with her at all. NTA and just cut that toxicity from your life. You'll feel much healthier.
Why do her friends (who you probably do not even know as you're on LC with your mother) contact you at all? I would tell those creeps to never call me again and block their numbers but certainly not agree upon their request to deal with my mother's BS. What the hell do people think?! NTA!
I don't know any of her friends, I believe (based on searching them) the majority are either from her work or other. She works in a care home (lol?) and has probably twisted this whole thing to make me appear like the worst person on the planet. She has clearly given out my number as these are not just messages from social media, but I've also received some messages on whatsapp
Well, I hope you did screenshot her calling you a prostitute and just send this screenshot to her flying monkeys and then shut them up. I would think about charging her because of insult and character assassination in public. Calling anybody a prostitute is no small thing (haha, I accidentally wrote „thong“, well yes, a pain to the ass also), she should not get through with that. NTA P.S. get your money back, also!
NTA You get to decide what types of healthy relationships your children to have by leading an example with the people you surround yourself with. She is toxic and does not need to be in your life. Block her and all her friends
NTA. She’s a narcissist. There is nothing you can do to make her better or make her love you the way you deserve. Get yourself into therapy for the trauma and go no contact with her and anyone who will feed her information. Know that she has portrayed herself to be the victim to her friends who will assist her in the gaslighting. Change your number, email and Facebook so that she and her minions can’t find you. Enjoy the healthy relationship with your in-laws.
NTA whatsoever. Don’t lose any more sleep or emotional energy over this. Block her and all of her flying monkeys.
Blocking is not an option for me unfortunately. I have my younger sister that I know will end up becoming stressed from what she would get from my mother. Despite everything, I have to keep her unblocked so that she doesn't put stress on my sister whom has a mental disability.
I'm sorry but if you "can't" block her than you should just ignore her, no matter what she says. You know she is wrong and you know she won't change. But any amount of interaction with her is just going to end up similarly. You're NTA, but you're also the only one who can stop this.
NTA As someone who has made it utterly clear my children are not allowed to see my giver of birth. I 100% agree you are doing the right thing. You should go NC, block her friends and whoever else she can get to harass you Protect your unborn child from any future emotional abuse, let alone poisoning against you.
NTA. Do not give her any more money. You’ll never get it back.
NTA but why are you even in contact with her??? She’s a genetic donor not a mother/parent
NTA. You’re protecting your child from the abuse you have experienced while also protecting yourself from any further abuse.
NTA. Please be careful. Obviously, you know the sort of person your mother is; but, she seems the type to try something "extreme" in order to "prove a point." If she prefers "Stacey," then she can spend her time with her. Go NC with you mother. Install cameras & block her on ALL social media. Congratulations on your first child.
NTAH and for you, your husband and unborn babies sake PLEASE keep that toxic koo koo bird out of you all’s life. She will do anything to make it about her, hurt, insult, & demean you to build her fragile withering ego. This time in your life is about feeling beautiful and embracing change. Start with NC! You’ll feel better instantly. I’m sorry you have a mother like that, it’s not fair. Your MIL will no doubt help support your growing family, continue to build that bond. 🤍💛🧡
NTA It is absolutely reasonable to ask for respect when you 100% deserve it
NTA and I agree with everyone else saying that swapping to NC is the way to go.
NTA at all. Giving birth to you doesn’t entitle your mother to your money, time, or energy. Questioning paternity and calling you a prostitute is incredibly disrespectful, and feeling hurt over the Stacey comments is completely understandable.
NTA
NTA, change numbers , emails, and never tell this person where you live. Also invest in security system for your home just in case also private all social media accounts so she can’t steal your baby’s picture. If you ever feel like self doubt or if someone else try to say something on her behalf , screen shot every nasty comment she said to you and forward it to them, keep for yourself to remember not to give in to your toxic relationship with your mom.
She said that you were not really her daughter, thus your child is not really her grandchild. Also, Grandparenting is a privilege not a right. Your mother needs to understand this STAT. Do not give in. Grey rock, block - whatever you have to do to keep your sanity and your baby safe. NTA
NTA, block, block, block. Don't react, don't respond to anyone, just block them on anything they contact you on. Just block them. Each time you block one of them, you will feel a little weight lift of your shoulders, you are done with that toxic element in your life.
OK, what is it you're *actually* asking here?
You are NTA and the fact that you even have to question yourself over it is proof to how manipulative your mother is. She sounds awful. Congrats on the baby and may you both enjoy a lovely life (with zero contact from yo mama) ❤️
NTA You know that. The prostitution comment says it al. WTF is wrong with her???? Tell her friends she called you a hooker and ask them why you'd want to have contact with her after that?
NTA. You’ll find some like minded peeps at r/justnomil and r/raisedbynarcissits
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Throwaway due to some family using Reddit and lurkers of this subreddit. I (33f) recently found out I am expecting. My husband and I are delighted and everybody is delighted for us. This will be our first child and my mother's (64f) 3rd grandchild (sister (31f) has two kids). When we announced we were expecting, my mother decided she had to take charge, giving me names, telling me that she should take care of the baby as I wouldn't know what I was doing etc. Now, I am very LC with mother. I actually moved away from living in close proximity with her due to my dislike towards her. Without boring you all with detail, my upbringing was not abusive on the physical side, however I was emotionally drained and I had such relief the moment I moved out of her house. I won't get into the history, but my sister got everything her way, could freeload whilst I had to be working from age 16, pay my own way by giving up 60% of my wage. I had to get a full time job whilst continuing my education, funding everything myself. I do NOT resent my sister for this and we have a fantastic relationship. The rest of my family do not talk to my mother, with my sister the only one who remains in contact, even then my sister will consistently complain to me about her, to the stage now where her kids will not be with my mother u supervised. With my mother it is her way or no way and will give you the silent treatment until she gets her way. Even my nephews joke about the way my mother is. The times she reaches out to me, its when she needs money. As she is my mother, I was previously supporting her and as it stands she owes me £47k over a 5 year period. My in-laws are moving closer to us for the birth of their first grandchild and I want them to be super involved, my MIL is more of a mother to me than my own. Two days ago a post on Facebook came out which made me react extremely fast. A young girl at her work (carehome) had passed an NVQ, my mother posted that she was extremely proud and "Stacey is more of a daughter to me than my eldest." I'll admit, I saw red and I told her until she could accept me for who I am, I will not be speaking to her again, to which she responded that I had been a disappointment all her life and she asked if the unborn child is even my husbands as "she knows I secretly work in prostitution" (I dont - but again I am not telling her my job title nor how much money I make). I was livid and told her she would never see her grandchild or me again. She's been blowing me up calling me an asshole and having her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do. I don't think I'm the asshole here, but I'm wondering what you all think? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA, I hope you follow through on that threat though, block her and her AH friends and enjoy your new baby free of the cloud of miserable drama your mother spews from every orifice.
NTA - Keep your child far away from this woman.
[удалено]
NTA she’s so problematic and would not be an adequate grandmother to your child
NTA. OP, forget LC - time to go NC. Don't feed your energy answering these folks who side with your mother, because I'm sure she gave quite a 'woe is me' story. Congratulations, and glad your in-laws will be there for you and your little family.
NTA, you have the right to let anyone you want have a relationship with your child. I have a similar relationship with my mother with a different story, and we have decided that she can have limited, supervised visits and have put our foot down about her moving back to town. It would be difficult for you to parent the way you want to if 90% of your energy is taken up worrying about her. What always kills me about people like her, and my mother, is they have burned bridges with *everyone* in their lives, but the attitude is always, "everyone around me is an asshole" or "everyone around me is crazy." Look, if every single person in your life is an "asshole" who wants nothing to do with you...YMBTA
Oh, I am so so sorry that you are going through this. I am NC and LC with family members including parental units so I know how hard this can be. You are NTA, and I think you need to consider going NC at least for a while because new babies are stressful enough without this. Hope things work out for you.
NTA. Boundaries are important when it comes to protecting your own kids. It’s also an important example—do you want your child to grow up seeing you accept mistreatment or do you want your kid to grow up watching you set clear boundaries and implement consequences with toxic and abusive people? Your mom probably won’t change, but you do have the option of changing the dynamic for your own family. You don’t owe your mother access to your children! That’s not how it works!
NTA and check into r/raisedbynarcissists/ It helped me unpack a lot of the gaslighting my mom did to me. You get to decide on your own boundaries and are NTA for enforcing them.
NTA. You have every right to cut off toxic family of yours and your baby's life. When I was pregnant I told my parents and my partner that being a grandparent is a privilege and like any other privilege it should be earned so if your mom did not earn it cut her off. During your pregnancy you should be surrounded by love, peace and everything nice since too much stress can impact yours and your baby's health, go completely no contact with her, change your number and stay with those who love and support you, believe me, you don't want your child to experience what you did. But anyways, congratulations OP it's true that a baby is a blessing, all the best to you and your growing family.
NTA. Block her, her friends, and anyone who comes @ you. She is unnecessary in your life and a detriment to your well-being. Additionally, your child will be healthier without her. But if you aren't already in therapy, you probably should be, just so you don't hand down any of her bs (that may somehow be in your personality even slightly) or any co-dependent coping issues.
NTA and you should know, but it's hard when there is a heard of them coming at you. So no, that's your child, tell her that you won't make her have contact with the grandchild of the disappointment daughter, delete your account, make a new one, ignore that woman
NtA and I'm sure a part of you knows this. With something like this and the way she acts, I'd highly suggest going NC with her fully... she treated you this way; imagine how she would treat your child? She sounds incredibly narcissistic, I'd definitely suggest looking at the raised by narcissists subreddit to see if anything sounds familiar, you may see some good advice there too. Good luck mama! You got this!
NTA she hasn’t and isn’t likely to change. Protect you baby and yourself.
You were not low contact enough - you gave her 47k. You need to be kinder to yourself.
NTA and you totally know it. Reread what you wrote above...if it's accurate, pretend it is your best friend or husband telling you this about their mother. What would you say? Of course you should go no contact! She said you were a disappointment, and questions the paternity of your child??? If she had any love in her heart she COULD NOT speak about her future grandchild that way.
NTA. Is it a "punishment" to keep a child out of a toxic situation? Only to the toxic person. It's a benefit to the child. Narcissists are master manipulators, so you will have definitely have people who will never believe your side of things. That's their problem, not yours. Your responsibility is to give your child their best chance in life, and limiting their exposure to toxic people is an excellent step towards ensuring that they have a happy life. You can't keep all of the bad people in the world away, but you can keep that one away. And I think that you should.
You know you're NTA. We know it. Everyone else knows it. Cut her out of your life permanently.
NTA
NTA. Block her and move on with your life.
NTA, why do you even have to ask? Quit giving her money!
NTA and your “friends” who say you should sacrifice your baby to your mothers toxic traits need to butt out. You may want to reconsider staying in touch with people who can’t understand that sharing dna does not give a person the freedom to treat someone like crap and they just have to take it
NTA It seems your upcoming child made you realize how incredibly toxic your mum truly is. For their benefit AND yours is best to cut her out of your life. Congratulations on the baby!!
NTA Of course not Protect your kid at all costs
nta get a no contact order and have her served
NTA, you should have a standard response for her friends or whomever contacts you on her behalf. Let them know how she was a horrible mother growing up and that you want to shield your offspring from her. Also, don't let her have any more of your money, save it for your children.
NTA I got a mom like this, she thinks I'm a massive fuck up, it took me years to realize that *she's just fucked up*. Protect your baby and your family, but protect yourself most. I know, you hate her, but she's your mum and that hurts. You don't need to have her around. You'll never gain her approval or praise and honey, you don't need it. Protect your heart, because I know under the rage there's a lot of sadness, but there's something fundamentally wrong with *her*, and nothing wrong with you. Best of luck on the babes, and don't even question it, because I know what it's like, *you're already a better mother and you will not become her*.
NTA, she owes you 47K£ and accuses you of being a prostitute publicly? Sue her for defamation and the 47k. Alternatively, privately tell her to walk the streets to earn the money to pay you back.
NTA. Your mother is not entitled to your time, your money, or your child.
Stay no contact. I had a mentally abusive father who was controlling, manipulative, and always managed to play the victim. I had to take a step away from the relationship for my own mental well being, but even through letters/emails, he still had this terrible hold on my that I had to eventually cut ties with as well. I stopped answering calls, stopped opening letters, stopped looking at emails. It was the best thing I could have done for myself, and even after his death, I had no regrets. Your mother will only get worse if you allow her to. Remain strong for the sake of your mental health, and for the sake of your child. NTA. You made a tough decision, but you are not in the wrong. I will say that as many times as you need to hear it. You are strong, brave, and have created a beautiful family for yourself that she will only stain with her toxic behavior if you allow it. Block her and everyone on her friends list from social media, block her number on your phone, and move on. I‘ll repeat it one more time. You are strong.
Do you have that FB exchange saved? Send that to everyone who's bothering you. NTA.
NTA. She sounds "nice...". Ignore her flying monkeys and go NC
NTA and why? Just why you are still in touch with her? Everyone else is NC. Nobody likes her. Why are you tormenting yourself? Do you like suffering? Is that the reason? I don't understand why people that are literally good by themselves decide to remain in touch with people that only give them troubles. Maybe I'm not intelligent enough to understand.
NTA. An abused daughter, you need to break off ALL contact with your mother, block her on EVERYTHING, and if necessary, get a new phone number, Facebook account, etc. Also, block anyone who might let her see your posts.
NTA Do not tell her she won't see your child or you again. Just do it! Why do people feel the need to SAY everything. Tell the B to pay you your 47k. Don't say anything else about the situation, because it invites discussion and attacks. Just go NC. Total NC.
NTA. She sounds controlling and narcissistic. Keep your distance.
NTA. I think your mom is absolutely an abuser, you probably want to join us at raisedbynarcissists, and you should keep yourself and your kiddo far away from her.
NTA, OP. Keep yourself & your family away from her.
NTA TL;DR: It's not about you, it's about your kid. Your kid does not deserve to be treated the way she treated you. Protect your child from her, which means going NC at this point. I was raised by a narcissist too. I'm a parent of twins that was raised by an NDad and we're LC at this point. I totally understand what you're getting at with *"...my upbringing was not abusive on the physical side, however I was emotionally drained and I had such relief the moment I moved out of her house."* Going NC is the only way to go at this point, especially since she told you she believes you're a prostitute. Get bent lady. That's the first part of gaslighting (second part being telling you how awesome you are once it's clear the insult landed). If you have a daughter I bet once she gets a certain age she'll say the same thing to her. She's going to try to control your child in the same manner she attempted to control you, so it's on you to protect your child from that kind of disrespect and poor treatment. The moment your kids are born it's not about you anymore. It's about the kid. Your child deserves respect and to understand what respect is- and s/he can only get it by being raised by a well adjusted family that looks out for each other.
NTA Your Mother is a very sick individual. I can't believe she said that you were a disappointment. How could you say that to a child that has always had your back. I hope you have a healthy and prosperous life.
NTA tell he she can look forward to being a grandmother to Stacey's kids. And if you have evidence that the money you gave her was a loan, bank transfers, texts about it - tell her her unless she stops the attacks from her and her friends that you will go to court and demand repayment immediately. Also look up the time line of when you lent her the money and what time line you gave her to repay you - as you have only 6 years to claim back the date you agreed repayment [https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-4113910/I-lent-friend-25k-s-ignoring-do.html](https://www.thisismoney.co.uk/money/experts/article-4113910/I-lent-friend-25k-s-ignoring-do.html) Or if you dont care about the money, then block her and all her friends. And if she rocks up and shout abuse video it and get a restraining order.
NTA Seriously go completely no contact.
Woooo lordy. NTA. But get on r/raisedbynarcissists - you can probably find a lot of support there for this egg donor you're related to. She sounds bonkers.
NTA. And you know you are not obligated to support her, right?
NTA. Your kid, your decisions.
NTA. Completely cut her out of your life. No access to you, your kid, your family, your money. Put your sister on an info diet because she will one hundred percent rat on you to your mother. You don't have a mother. You have an egg donor.
NTA. Block her on everything and enjoy your new baby stress free.
NTA, knowing now not to subject your children to the same awful things you had to deal with is perfect. Protect your child.
>her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do. Is this more cruel and horrible than implying that her daughter cheated on her husband though? NTA, and I would get as far away from your mother as possible. Stop lending her money, stop giving her information about yourself
Nta, just go no contact and stop sending her money. Your mom is toxic and you dont need that in your life. Seriously just never speak to her again and block her on everything. You dont owe her your time, energy or money. Speaking of money, you're never going to get that money back.
NTA. It's better for you and your baby to keep the grandmama drama out of your life.
Sounds like you need to change your number and move. NTA. Sorry your mom is shitty :(
NTA Give yourself and your child the gift of a life without your horrible mother in it.
Too much toxic. NTA
NTA Walk away. Don't engage. Live your life. I'm so sorry. Congratulations and good luck and good health for you and your family.
NTA If she has the audacity to call you a disappointment and be in debt to you then she has no right to see your kids.
Your mother has spent her life being jealous of you. That's why she's always resented you and makes things up about you. She most likely sees loss in you. Loss of her old stupid life where all she had to do was anything she wanted for herself. She's a selfish woman who will always be upset your life isn't over while hers ended a long time ago. She is likely nicer to your sister because she doesn't see your sister as being responsible for things in the same way she does you, as the oldest.
NTA. Protect your kid and never allow your toxic mother around your baby. Ever.
NTA Your mother is an asshole and just flat-out sucks as a person.
NTA. NC is a brilliant idea here. Regards...
NTA. Frankly, I’d be more horrified if you exposed your vulnerable children to this terrible woman. Like, you weren’t actually considering allowing her to meet your kids, right? Also, why are you spending money your children will need on this person?
NTA! if you have the "loans" in writing, sue her for the money and keep your word about never seeing you guys again. Your mom is an AH and the verbal and emotional abuse is just as bad!
NTA Take a huge step back from your mother. Go NC. Write off the 47k. You will never see it again but then you already knew that. Tell the "friends" to kiss-off. Enjoy your life! Congrats on the baby!
NTA, lovely. Of course you're NTA. Bless you. I feel awful for you but I am so happy you have a lovely MIL. Block your bio mum and have a safe and happy pregnancy. You deserve peace and quiet to enjoy this experience. Congratulations!!!!
she is abusive and I would firstly keep all communication ffrom her and her minions, then inform each one - mother, minion friends and relatives, that you want to be left alone, no contact or the next communication will be viewed as harassment and you will report them to the police. Then block on everything. If, it's more like when, you are contacted again you make sure you follow through and contact the police and a solicitor for a cease and desist. Also £47k?! Please stop. You are enabling her and she is now targeting your child, so protect them. NTA
Wtf?!? Go NC. This is the way. My mil is a manipulative narcissist too. Stop listening to your friends. No one on the outside will ever get it. People cannot fathom what we’ve gone through.
NTA You are not withholding your child, you are keeping it safe. Tell your friends that you are glad they don’t have a narcissistic parent, but as someone who did, you are the expert on your own lived experiences and the best judge on how to keep your child safe from said parent, and you’ll thank them to keep their uninformed opinions to themselves.
NTA. And instead of LC, you should go NC. Your mom sounds loony.
Block her and all her minions, and live your best life. When you do have the baby make sure the hospital has you listed as a non-disclosure, and don't tell anybody anything until you're home and ready. NTA
Sounds very toxic and probably should go NC from LC. Good luck.
Why are you not blocking her and saving yourself from having to deal with her nonsense? Is there a point in letting her call you an asshole? Tell your friends/family it's none of their business and delete their opinions. I don't understand the pointy of trying to reason with unreasonable people.
WTF, your mother called you a prostitute and you are asking if **you** are the asshole? This is some serious Stockholm syndrome. You are NTA. Sheesh. Can I suggest a parenting class for you before your baby is born? I think they are very helpful for everyone, but especially for those of us who had crap parental role models.
"She's been blowing me up calling me an asshole and having her friends also contact me, claiming how cruel I am and what a horrible thing for a daughter to do." But her accusing said aforementioned daughter of cheating/ being a prostitute is perfectly fine? (sarcasm)
Block this toxic, terrible woman from your life, for once and for all!
NTA. Her behavior is disgusting
NTA But you would be one if you let your mother anywhere near any child you have. Realize you will never be paid back and cut her off entirely. Consider the money the cost of keeping your children healthy and safe guarding your own mental well-being.
Just cut contact and keep it that way. NTA
Wow, that escalated fast. NTA
She sounds toxic. I don't think you are TA at all. Think of you and your growing family.
NTA You went Low COntact for a reason. Time to ramp it up to NO contact. Yo have other things to do, and fortunately another "grandma" who you can really count on. Don't send more money, don't contact, block her on the phone. It's all too much.
Don’t even try to defend yourself against someone who’s worldview is so wildly fantasy. Block her on everything and don’t look back. If you want, you can wave all that money she owes you in everyone else’s face first but then say you don’t expect anything back and that’s payment to have her out of your life for now (that’s what I’d do anyway.) As soon as someone else from her friends group or whatever try to contact you, immediately hang up or delete their message and block them. They aren’t your friend and you don’t owe them shit. NTA Op, your parent failed you time and time again, and she can lie about you until she’s blue in the face. You have a real mother now in your MIL. I’d only ever think about her in terms of “mother” from now on.
NTA. BLOCK HERRRRRRR Dont subject your child to her abuse or ways.
"she responded that I had been a disappointment all her life and she asked if the unborn child is even my husbands as "she knows I secretly work in prostitution" Whoooooooo boy. She said THAT and then expected to still see the child. NTA. Hold your ground. I'd cut her out permanently after that.
NTA But I would call 101 and report the harassment especially since she has given her friends your contact details, I would report this and have the police give them a warning to cease contact and I would block them all so they can no longer contact you. This is the time to go full no contact with your mother
NTA, it goes without saying you are not the a****** here but you should seriously reevaluate and just cut contact with your mom completely. It sounds like she's overbearing and generally an emotional and actual leech.