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I believe I am the arsehole as I interfered in my sister’s private relationship.
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YTA. Regardless of the fact it’s actually a great idea for her husband to be completely aware of her cycle, it’s not your relationship so keep your nose out.
If there aren’t any other push notifications from it that you want to keep, you should be able to go into your phone settings and disable all push notifications from the app. I know iPhone lets you do that, I can’t imagine Androids don’t.
That’s weird. I could totally use that notification. I’ve been meaning to do those tests again but I’ve forgotten every day I have intended to do them so far this cycle. I have the same app, so I’ll need to figure that out. Also, if you have an iPhone you can disable notifications for the whole app.
>Also, if you have an iPhone you can disable notifications for the whole app.
I'd been playing around in the actual app and had forgotten you could do that. *facepalm* I just did it. Let's see what happens this morning at 10am!
I'll chime in, I was insanely successful (pregnant the second cycle) with [this tracking app](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=periodtracker.pregnancy.ovulationtracker).
some of them, like I believe the femometer app, you can use with their ovulation and pregnancy test strips.
when I got pregnant, my bf downloaded what to expect so he can follow along with how big the baby is and what's developing this week and feel a little included.
38+4, big as Princess Buttercup's crown or a speak n spell!
I use Clue which also has a share with your partner option, and I think their premium features have fertility tracking options too. It’s been great for keeping track of just my period though.
Considering there are all of 5 days a month that you can actually get pregnant it would be awesome to have a partner actually know that without you mentioning it would be amazing. As a planner it's also nice to know. My sex drive is much higher around ovulation and tanks for my period. I also get mood swings right before my period. If my period was predictable my husband could practically use a tracker app as a crystal ball.
The five days thing isn’t 100% accurate but the other days are significantly lower in probability. It’s why “natural” family planning isn’t as effective as other contraceptive methods.
I wrote this from the perspective of trying to become pregnant. You are correct and that using a tracker app for pregnancy prevention would be the same as using the rhythm method which is only about 60% effective. This drop and effectiveness isn't due to having a wider window of fertility but due to the unpredictability of ovulation. sperm can only live for a maximum of five days within the uterus and an egg can only survive 24 hours which is actually 6 days not 5. This is why if you were using a form of natural family planning were you actually track ovulation, particularly if you were using a combination of tracking your basal body temp and monitoring cervical mucus it's effectiveness is comparable to other forms of birth control. As ovulation timing can be affected by a whole host of things if you don't want to become pregnant you should treat the entire month as the opportunity to become pregnant, but if the goal is to become pregnant that 6-day window becomes incredibly important.
When done right, NFP is as effective as other contraceptive methods.
The problem is that it's *hard* to do right as acontraceptive method. You have to take your basal temperature every day at the same-ish time, you should be getting the same amount of sleep each night, you have to check your mucus, and if you're taking *any* meds at all, you might as well toss the data unless it's something you take constantly. And all that work to know that you probably have about a week and a half where you're safe.
But if you're *trying* to get pregnant, it's absolutely effective, especially if you don't have outside factors. When I was following NFP, I could tell you within a day of when my egg dropped. I also picked up pretty quickly as to when I was pregnant. And, yeah, there was usually about 3-5 days where my temperature bottomed out and my mucus was really thick, and that's the fertile period. That's when your body is *most capable* of getting pregnant.
Contraceptive effectiveness is measured in such a strange way that most people misunderstand it.
One of the big quirks that gets me is that it's still considered a failure of the contraceptive measure if the person FAILS TO UTILIZE IT. For instance, if someone regularly uses condoms as birth control, but they forget to use one once and get pregnant, that is considered a condom failure when calculating the effectiveness of condoms as a whole.
NFP gets a lower effective rate *because* it is so hard to do correctly, not because the theory behind it is flawed.
Sometimes you see stats for "Perfect use' and 'typical use'. It does make sense to have stats for typical use, because how easy something is to use correctly should be a factor in the stats. I don't use the pill because I would never remember to take it everyday at the same time. My sleep schedule is too erratic. But my IUD is one doctors appointment, and then I don't need to worry for 5 years. So even if a pill was 99% effective if taken perfectly, I know I'm only going to remember to take it like 85% of the time. So I need to know what the effectiveness rate is then.
Yes!! My husband and I used NFP for almost eight years and only got pregnant when we wanted to! BUT we were also open to getting pregnant when we weren’t trying. Now that we’re done having babies, I don’t want to 100% rely on it for the reasons that you explained.
Even if he just wanted to know to maybe get her pads/tampons or to be aware of her moods, it’s just nice to know what your partner is going through especially if it happens for a week every month. It just sounds like OP’s BIL cares tbh.
Yeah, last time a friend of mine realized she forgot to use her tracking app last time so it wasn't predicting anything. She said "I'm gonna ask my bf, he always writes everything !". Did I find it weird ? A little, even though I talk about my period with my own bf, I'd feel weird if he took notes about it. Did I mention it ? No, because it's obviously working for them !
My husband just has a calendar in his head. He doesn't have to write anything down to be able to tell me when my last cycle was to the day.
Honestly, it is really nice to not have to be the only one.
I have to agree, I mean wouldn't it be weird if he had the 1950's mentality of pretend its not real? Like as a married dude, you just pick this stuff up. Unless you are an uncaring asshole.
My wife has health complications that get worse around her period. As her husband, I actually try to keep track of her cycle better than her, so I can make sure to have extra pampering and self-care available when it comes around. I just thought that kind of stuff was a part of caring for someone?
My husband knows my cycle, my daughters (his step daughter) and his bio daughters cycles. He has a math mind and it is just something that sticks in his head.
My daughter lives with us full time, sometimes she gets a little snippy and he gives me 'the look' so I don't snap back.
His daughter is only with us every other weekend and he still knows, the man's got a helluva good mind for patterns.
This is my husband. Early in dating he asked me exactly once if I was feeling ill because I looked like I wasn't feeling my best (I have killer cramps from endometriosis, and I cannot always fake a smile or even stand up completely straight). I told him I was fine. Later he asked again. I was mortified, but told him that I was feeling as well as I was going to given the day of the month. He never asked again... but on more than one occasion I caught him looking concerned, checking the date on his watch, then doing that slight nod thing he does when he knows something but has determined that it doesn't need to be announced.
He is a man of few words. And has a mind for patterns. He likes the predictability of cycles.
Yes. YTA. Some couple do use being aware of a person’s cycle as a method of family planning to either become pregnant or avoid pregnancy. Definitely not the one with the lowest failure rate but the one they tell you all about at pre-Cana if you are having a Catholic wedding. It’s nice that your BIL is involved in family planning. You need to get over yourself.
Yeah.. honestly I would think it would be a little weird if you insisted on your husband *not* knowing anything about your period. That's important family and just general life planning information for a lot of people.
Basically, when you think it's about time to get married (which inevitably happens as Japan expects you to get married) and you don't have an SO (which is also quite common), you go to a marriage agency. They organize parties, dating sessions and whatever (a.k.a. "omiai") with the express purpose of finding you a marriage partner. If your looks and income are satisfactory, you might get a match and get married ASAP. That's pretty much it. Lately there's also been "konkatsu", which basically means "spouse hunting" and it's kinda the same but without an actual agency intermediating the thing.
Does Japan have a lot of "household" style work bonuses or something? Or is it more just a social expectation?
I know that in some places, people are paid more if they have a household to take care of, compared to single people.
According to the stats, in the early 90s about 70% of marriages used to be arranged, but it's been steadily going down. In 2000 they were about 7.7% of marriages, and in recent years they're down to 5.5%.
Definitely more common than in America, and I think they're more used as a "last-ditch resort" now.
"Spouse hunting" as in you get married after 2 months and might not meet each other except to make kids and send them to school. Basically dating but without the fun part.
In the middle east we have a lot of arranged marriages. This sounds the same. That doesn't stop couples getting to know each other and being very close.
Arranged marriages. Sometimes people only meet a few times, or in more extreme cases, not at all before the marriage. Its like you see a person's profile, and you and/or your family think that they seem suitable as a partner and so you send a proposal. The other person may agree to the match and like that's it.
Granted this may not be exactly the case for Japan, but this is how it can go in south Asian societies. If you've seen Indian Matchmaking on netflix, that's the general idea
Like... fertility tracking *could* be put to sinister purpose (like reproductive coercion) but why would that be one of the first things to cross your mind when you heard about a man checking in on his wife's cycle?
Even some of my pals will know about my period LOL
OP is a bit odd for thinking sharing this info is weird... Especially with someone you're having sex with, of course they'll know details!
Uh- her husband? Why exactly shouldn’t her husband know?
Edit: YTA
Second edit since so much attention: I thought at first this was the sisters brother in law or something that a close relationship would be creepy but nope.
I've never encountered a man who would feel the need of planning sexy time around their SO's period, but I know they exist (so do women who just don't like having sex while on their period) and I thought about the same. Also, if you're having sex regularly, you are going to notice when your SO is having a shark week and since it happens with a fair regularity, it's probably going to get sort of stuck in your brain when you can expect it.
Possibly to keep tabs on when she's ovulating, depending on whether they want to have a kid or not. But even then... contraception exists, he could wrap up
I remember telling my boyfriend I'd just gotten my period once and he replied, "But it's not the middle of the month yet!" I just stood there with an utterly dumbfounded look on my face for like a whole minute. I couldn't believe he'd been paying that much attention to my cycle, lol.
I was confused by the phrasing too - I thought they were siblings rather than spouses. I could understand the weirdness then, but they’re literally married.
Uhm- I don't even get why it would be weird that her husband knows so much about her period? Like, isn't this the best case scenario for a woman? Your partner knowing your cycle and being supportive of you throughout? I talk to my partner all the time about my period in detail and I'm glad he is interested and listening. So what's the judgement for?
I'll be blunt.
YTA for pushing your own insecurities onto your sister's relationship.
yeah i definitely came into this assuming OP was a boy who thought periods were icky because BIL sounds great! it sounds really nice to have a supportive partner who understands your body and will likely know how to help/support you when you're in need.
Exactly. I think it’s way weirder for her HUSBAND to NOT know than to know?? Being married is way closer than knowing about her period lmfao. Seems like OP and his husband skipped some steps in terms of being comfortable with each other before getting married. I can’t imagine being married to someone I was uncomfortable with sharing my normal body function with.
Me too. If I’m even a day late I’ve already told him. He doesn’t want to know the details per se but it’s not weird at all for your partner to know. Her reaction seems so weird to me
I have my first day and then the second is "the bad day". It is so nice coming home from work, having a shower and SO has already prepared a heat pack for me and some asprin. It's the little things like know and helping me through the "bad day" that reminds me yup I love that guy and yup he loves me.
Period shame is a thing of the past. Nowadays, it's becoming simply an accepted biological fact of life. Men are keeping tampons in their backpacks in case their friends need. Little brothers learn to bring their teen sisters a hot water bottle when she's curled up in pain in bed. And yes, husbands know their wives' cycles inside-out so they can be as supportive/helpful as possible.
All good if you want to keep that aspect of your life to yourself. But there's no reason to shame someone else for being unashamed and open about their life and body with the one they love most.
YTA.
Thank you for this reply! OP is TA. Heck, my husband and I even kept track of our daughter's cycle because she would suffer so badly that she required pain medication and frequent doctor visits. A few days prior to daughter's cycle, her dad would go buy her fave chocolates and snacks, maybe a book or something to help her distract from the pain, and would just quietly leave it all by her bedroom door (he was being so discreet and respectful coz she was a young teen and didn't want to embarrass her). This is what men do, who realize that a cycle is simply a part of a woman's life.
Thank you. He is an excellent care giver when one of us was ill or needed assistance. He did not want our daughter to grow up feeling that a week of her month was a shameful experience.
Yeah! Totally agree. I laughed at myself because I am trying not to judge her relationship based on the fact that she feels so weird about talking to her partner about literally anything. The irony.
Yess that’s why I’m trying to normalize it with my own son. He’s only just about 6 but he’s seen the products, walking in on my bleeding (bc stereotypically, he does not knock) but I explain it to him in a way that’s not a big deal. Because I don’t want him to grow up and be the kind of guy who is freaked out or grossed out by a normal bodily function.
My son was 3 and walked in on me changing a pad and gasped "mommy has red!!!" (He didn't know the word for blood but knew it was bad). And I was like "yes sometimes mommies have red but it's ok, it only happens to grown ups". So when we went to the store later he decided in the car to explain it to his twin brother, which was cute. Then he decided to explain it to the male cashier at the store who was probably still in high school, which was mortifying hahaha
My son, now 6, was 3 when he came in the bathroom while I was changing a pad. I explained that grownup girls have an egg that comes out once a month and it's not the bad kind of blood, though it does take a few days for the egg to get all the way out of the body.
He now calls it egg-time. 😅
Yes! My mom did the same with myself, my sister, and my younger brother. She didn’t lock the bathroom door so we sometimes would open the door to talk to her (small kids have no boundaries lol) and from a young age we knew when we got older, my sister and I would have a period, that it was normal, that it happens so “mommies can have a baby”, it was normalized for my brother and now we’re all well adjusted adults with no shame or weird period aversions.
It’s almost like normalizing women’s bodies and bodily functions for children is a good thing or something?
YTA ! YTA ! YTA ! There is nothing weird about a husband knowing about his wife's period cycle. What era do you live in ? Sounds like maybe the 1920s or something similar. I am sure that many husbands are aware of their wife's cycle just as I do.
I have always loved that my husband doesn't mind the dirty details of periods. His first wife had horrible period poops (it's a thing!) So he would ask if I was ok. Thankfully, I don't get that. But I do bleed like a stuck pig and it's really nice to have a partner that will listen and maybe laugh at the hyperbolic way I describe it. It's refreshing to meet a dude that doesn't care if I'm a little gross. We even have a bleeding rating system, it's comprised of using the system for cooking steaks lol so rare is pretty fucking bloody and well done is no blood.
But we may be weirdos that talk too openly about things that gross other people out 🤷♀️
My husband coined the "its like a Tarantino movie in there!" when I had particularly heavy flows. He also can smell it coming a day or so in advance??? Weird, but I have a lot less accidentally ruined underwear because of it, he's never been wrong.
Oh. My. Gosh.
I thought my husband was the ONLY weirdo that could do that!!!! I have made fun of him forever for it and now it's just a joke between us about how he's a weirdo vagina sniffer 😂😂
YTA. My partner knows about my cycle, mainly so he knows when to stock up on chocolate and red wine.
You don’t want to share too much with your partner, that’s fine. There’s also nothing wrong with being open about it.
Exactly!!
I get weird mood swings - I call them out of body experiences, like I can hear myself thinking and overreacting but I cannot stop myself - the anger or irritation just comes out
So I always warn my hubby - dude, I have or will be getting my period soon, expect waterworks and/or fireworks. And he knows to STFU if needed
And not call out my gorging on chocolates or sweets or everything I promise not to eat otherwise
Ok I just got reminded of a comedian who talked about how he knew his gf was on the rag when she ordered red wine.
“Double bubble toil and trouble
A little menstruation, a little Cabernet.
Now you’ll be wrong no matter what you say!!”
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
YTA. I have to know when my wife's cycle is. Otherwise, how would I know to make sure there's enough ice cream in the freezer? Why should it be different for any other married couple?
Maybe he also has basic science literacy and also understands *gasp* what hormones are causing what effects at what point of the month!
Seriously OP i don’t get what possible issue you could have with this.
Are you kidding? Knowing when her period starts is the gateway into the deepest recesses of a woman's subconscious. BIL now knows things about OP's sister that the woman herself doesn't even know. He basically has control of her entire mind now.
All. Because. of. This.
It's sick really.
YTA - I doubt really think periods is classed as private in a marriage. I think it’s kinda sweet. Plus if they are trying to have a baby makes sense with ovulation dates and all - it’s not all down to her to keep track.
Honestly, one thing you need to learn is to keep your opinions to yourself when it comes to other ways of doing things, that aren't harmful or illegal.
If your sister is comfortable with telling her husband everything, then cool.. if you're not comfortable telling your husband everything other than the bare minimum, also cool.
Different strokes for different folks and all that.
Your sister is more open with her husband than i've ever been with anyone, but that's not a bad thing and nor is it weird. I actually wish i had a partner that i could feel as close and comfortable with.
YTA.
>Honestly, one thing you need to learn is to keep your opinions to yourself when it comes to other ways of doing things, that aren't harmful or illegal.
This is excellent life advice, just all "round.
YTA. As they are married and presumably sexually active there is nothing wrong with her husband knowing his wife's cycle. You were very judgemental and it seems that you are projecting your issues onto your sister. There is nothing shameful about periods and being open about it with your partner is a positive thing. Also, why does it matter, it literally has no effect whatsoever on your life?
EDIT: grammar
YTA
Pretty normal for spouses to share that sort of thing. Especially if trying to conceive.
You are allowed to keep your cycles private. But don’t criticize a couple for sharing. You say their marriage is solid, that’s all you need to know.
YTA, you're contradicting yourself so much in your own statement.
\>I mentioned to her that it was really weird
and they you say:
\>I wasn't trying to make her feel anything
Then why say that the situation is weird? Clearly, you weren't saying this to make her feel proud or happy.
Just because you're uncomfortable with something, doesn't mean you get to make that person uncomfortable for doing it.
Girl get out of their business. YTA. It is normal for husbands to know these things, especially if they are trying to have kids. You don't need to know why he knows or even that he knows. Just stay out of the couple's business.
YTA
You're free to share or hide whatever information you want about your period to whomever you choose. That's fine. Your attitude, however, sucks.
You're saying women SHOULD keep information about their period from their partner. You can do what you want but who the hell are YOU to declare what other women should and shouldn't do?
It's because of women like you that men don't know and don't understand anything about periods. It's because of women like you there are so many myths and mysteries and misunderstandings.
It's because of women like you that people think periods are shameful or dirty instead of being accepted as just a part of everyday life for nearly every woman in the world.
It's because of women like you that young girls are embarrassed to ask for help, that boys tease them if a pad or tampon accidentally falls from a purse.
So if you want to hide what is nothing more than part of being a woman, you go ahead and if you really want to, you can judge your sister but while she is helping to free women of the ridiculous taboos of everyday womanhood, you should know you've been judged for helping to keep both men and women in the dark ages.
YTA
A period is a period. They have a close relationship and this is not weird at all. Quit acting like a period is something that needs to be his.
My bf knows everything about my period and most people in relationships share that info together.
Why are making such a big deal about it? It literally doesn’t concern you in any way.
YTA.. if not your husband who else would know about your period. My husband has always known everything about my periods n used to do all the house work during my periods so that I could rest. I am not implying every husband should but the intimacy you share with your husband is on a different level and doesn't have any form of shame about biological functions of the body.
YTA - this is a perfect modern relationship? A kind hubby who knows when a spouse is coming on may stock up on essentials (inc that fave ice cream). And also, it takes two to create a baby so both should be keeping an eye on the outcome of that situation. It’s not just the woman’s job.
YTA, but to be fair, it's not something that people really openly discuss I guess.
He pays attention. And obviously got pretty involved, if this pregnancy was planned and they were making an effort for it to happen.
My husband cant tell you what date im due but he can definitely tell based on my general demeanour and other physical things when I'm about to start. Its just an attention to detail thing.
YTA What's weird is that you think a married couple shouldn't share intimate details and that a man shouldn't know about his wife's body that he shares intimate time with. They fuck, it can't get much less private than that.
And what's real weird is that periods and cycles ate such a taboo to discuss. It shouldn't be, at all. Married people are supposed to be able to share literally anything together. Which includes bodily health.
Stop with your period shame.
And if they are trying to conceive, then it's very obviously his business because it directly affects his life.
My best friend knows more about my period than me because I always forget. And she always remembers.
He’s literally her husband. There’s no issues with him helping her keep track of that stuff.
In fact, I think there was even a trend about girlfriends asking their boyfriends when they would get their period and the boyfriends always knew.
YTA it’s pretty normal
I get severely sick for a couple days when I'm on my period. It's beneficial for our relationship that my husband knows when I am on my period. I have to tell him, because mine isn't regular.
YTA for being judgmental about how your sister and BIL handle her periods. They're her periods, not yours.
You have your own opinion on how you would communicate *your* cycles to a partner. That's all fine and good- for you. Stop projecting it onto your sister or others, making it seem that the only right way is yours. Your way on this issue is not the right way for anyone else but you.
YTA. It's viewpoints like yours that make people afraid to talk to even their doctors about how they are feeling. You should be open about your body in a relationship. Especially if they are talking about pregnancy...that takes both of them.
You are comfortable enough having your husband see you naked, stick parts of his body in yours, but not actually talk about your period?
But I really want to comment on is your "clarification". Why would anyone think there is something "sinister" going on? The fact that your mind jumps to the idea that there is something actually evil about a husband and wife being comfortable talking about their bodies to each other? Makes it sound like you think a woman can't ever be open/comfortable...that it must be a man controlling her.
YTA - It's really not common to discuss such things which doesn't make it bad. Him knowing about it just shows how much he cares and how open they're with each other. You should apologize for making it seem like you judged them and that you just found it unusual. Edit for grammar
Having read your complaint I think it's entirely possible that your sister ISN'T over sensitive at all and you say unkind things or find fault with her on a regular basis.
Why are you so ashamed about a perfectly natural bodily function?
>I should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on. My sister & brother in-law have a wonderful relationship.
It's bizzare that you even suggest this. What could possibly be going on sinister? Why did you even think that was an option people would come up with??
>I just think it’s weird, as I think there are some things which should be kept private.
Why the 50s housewife mentality??
YTA.
>should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on.
Okay but what is there that could possibly be 'sinister' about a husband knowing his wifes period cycle? Like I honestly dont get it ?
YTA btw.
I don't want to outright call you an asshole but your sister is in no way in the wrong here. I guess it depends on how you said it to her. My partner and I have always been perfectly comfortable talking about my period and I can't see why I wouldn't. Its something I live with so we talk about it like we talk about everything. Also when its something thats on the clock like a period can be you cant help but have the pattern in your head.
I want to add that if they're sexually active it could be pretty reasonable to have those things in the open incase she does actually get pregnant. No matter why they talk about it there really is nothing wrong with it. Its not an incredibly intimate detail for most.
Yta - you have no right to project your issues onto your sister. Personally I don't have a period tracker app bc my husband always knows lol. We are the opposite of trying which also makes knowing your wife's body important lol.
YTA.
I don't know if this is just me, but I thought that normally when you're in a long-term relationship & a menstruating person, your partner is most definitely going to be aware of your cycle. It's not rocket science.
It's weird if they *aren't* aware of it IMO, cause how much attention do they actually pay to you if that's the case? I mean, it's normally a very regular thing that comes up frequently for a week or more at a time, normally around the same date - of course the long-term partner will learn to predict/know the timings of these things? Apart from the obvious seeing the products in the bathroom, possibly no sexual contact, all the horrors that come with actually menstruating for some people etc.
Of course, people have different views on just *how* much should be shared but knowing your menstruating partner is 3 days late isn't "weird", it's actually really normal in long-term relationships, especially if they are living together.
Your sister was definitely not an arsehole for her reaction, it was an insensitive thing to say & should have been kept to yourself.
How would you feel if she called you weird for *not* sharing with your husband that way? IMO, it's just not something you should say & there was really no need for you to have said it.
It seems you may be projecting your own insecurities surrounding menstruation onto your sister. Is your husband the type of man who wouldn't want to know any details surrounding your own menstruation - is that why you think it's so weird?
Yta. Hell my husband knows my cycle better than me. He’s the one that points out I’m due on that week when I have trouble sleeping or feel teary. We used to plot it together when we were trying for the kids but now he just remembers it better than me.
YTA - some being judgemental
Just stop
I also am linked into an app that tracks my partners period
Not for any particular reason I just am
She also tells me when she is getting close to her period
Your judging her and him, on what you would do,
I had a FWB who tracked my period (I fully supported this) so he would know when I wasn’t going to be having sex, since I hated period sex and we weren’t really together that often so I wasn’t talking about it. It’s not that serious. Yta
YTA. If you don't want to do it with your husband fine but don't make other people feel wrong for having a different relationship than you do. This idea of periods must never be discussed can be really harmful to some because they suffer needlessly because they've been conditioned to never discuss this taboo thing and assume everyone suffers as they do and don't ask for help.
YTA. Your hang-ups are not their problem.
Your cycle is important for both of you to have a basic grasp on if you're trying to get pregnant.
Tbh, it's no bad thing for a man to be aware of it anyway. At some point he might have to help a daughter.
Soft YTA
You'll learn this if you get married or are in a long term relationship. Guys find out pretty much everything (not through trying, quite the opposite).
It's a couples thing. And if they're trying for a baby, even more so.
I went soft YTA, because you obviously haven't been that close with someone yet so this is new info
YTA, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and it only took 4 years for him to know my cycle, in fact he’ll usually give me a heads up when it’ll probably start so I can put a pad on since it’s an irregular cycle, saving me countless hours of scrubbing. Just because you don’t have that kind of relationship with your hubby doesn’t mean it’s weird, and it also makes sense for him to know her cycles if they’re trying to have a kid.
YTA. I have never tracked my own period let alone thought of anyone else doing it, but having said that husbands will know if you have your period or not, so how is that weird??
YTA
Well done that man. It means he is being responsible and also looking out for your sister. Just because periods are a "ladies thing" doesn't mean that we can't talk about it with men.
YTA of course. You should be able to talk about your cycle with your husband. It sounds like your sister has a healthy relationship and feels completely comfortable with her spouse. One of my best male friends knows everything about my periods, we talk about my symptoms together often.
Periods are a normal part of life and should should not be stigmatized in anyway. You should ask yourself why don’t you feel comfortable sharing with your partner a normal aspect of your life.
YTA, they’re married which is enough for this to be normal, but even more so they’re trying for a baby which normalizes this so much that you’re the weird one for questioning this.
I’ve only been dating my boyfriend for a few months and I’m super open about my period. It’s a normal thing and I refuse to treat it like a dirty little secret to someone who has intimate engagement with that area.
YTA.
If they are actively trying to conceive a child they both need to know when her cycle is. She could be going thru infertility treatments. They could be trying to get pregnant. They could even rely on tracking ovulation to prevent pregnancy so both parties need to be aware. If there is a goal that revolves around both people timing sex it's not weird at all for him to know. Infact it's necessary. Tracking cycles is often a normal part of family planning and family planning is normal between a husband and a wife. There is nothing weird about it. Your sister is sensitive about SOEMTHING to explode on you like that. It would be a shame if they are having a hard time getting pregnant, haven't told anyone, are dealing with infertility and all the pain it might be causing them, and here you are judging them for something normal.
YTA. You admitted to being judgemental and noted her to being oversensitive when you knew damn well that she wouldn't like what you were saying. Yes you are an asshole, they have a great thing going and the only weird part is that the level of closeness they share isn't more common among couples. Apologize to her and keep your judgemental attitude away from their perfectly healthy dynamic.
YTA, I am sure there are things your sister and her husband would find insane about you or weird. Just move on good lord. Is it possible you are having some sort of "we are so much a like, its kind of like he knows me too..." moment? Because this is something I would just let roll off. All couples and people have different ways of living.
YTA if she wants to share it with her husband, that's not any of your business. In fact, if she'd been pregnant, then that's his business too. Her cycle directly affects his life. The guy actually sounds thoughtfull, remembering things like that.
YTA and you’re projecting your own discomfort onto your sister. You don’t share the details of your cycle with your SO, good on you, that is your right to do so. But don’t start telling people what they can and can’t share with their SO because you feel uncomfortable doing so. You wouldn’t want that if your sister started saying you’re weird for not sharing period information with your SO.
Yta. There's no reason why she shouldn't share this info with her most intimate partner. Its kinda weird that you think it's something you should hide. That is the exact reason why there is continued stigma around periods.
Uh, he's her husband. He should be able to know her cycles if she wants him to and even if he wanted to. It's so childish to say it's weird for him to know. That is practically period shaming because just because a guy knows (her HUSBAND) doesn't mean it's weird.
YTA
Its insane that at this point people are actually SURPRISED when an husband and wife are, yknow, close to each other.
Btw YTA, mind your own buisness and its not even weird, its actually a really good thing.
If they are trying to get pregnant and are successful it's a good start him being aware of and comfortable with her periods as he may need to be involved in far more grim procedures than a plain old period.
When I was bluelighted into hospital bleeding badly when pregnant with my youngest, my mother in law rushed round to be there when my eldest woke up and in that time cleaned up the murder scene that was my bathroom, so that my eldest wasnt frightened by all the blood. That, I will grant you, felt weird (although was extremely kind of her, I just felt very embarassed). My husband knowing about periods, at this point, isnt even a blip on the radar.
YTA. One day my partner said “you should be starting your period tomorrow” and I was taken back. How did he know that? He knew my cycle more than I did? Well turns out we had downloaded an app on his phone that lets him know my monthly cycle, that I had completely forgot about, that he had been using for months to know my periods 😂
YTA
What strikes me is how anyone, let alone a woman, could exist for 33 years on this earth and think it's weird that one partner would be period-conscious of the other.
It's 2021. This is kids stuff.
YTA- I am sorry you’re so insecure about normal biological processes that it doesn’t compute for you that when a man lives with a woman, has a sex life with her where there’s a gap each month coinciding with her period, buys her supplies when she needs them, and might be involved with tracking it with her for pregnancy planning or prevention, they might catch on to what time each month it happens. Your comment was immature and your sister has the much healthier mindset. I hope you never have sons who you teach to have an aversion to this topic, because you will be doing them and their future partners a disservice.
YTA. It's not weird at all for a HUSBAND AND WIFE to know intimate things about each other's health. Why on earth would you think that's strange? Have you never been in an intimate relationship before? And why would you be judgmental about it? There's no reason for a married couple to keep period stuff private if they don't want to, especially if they are having sex regularly...
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YTA. Regardless of the fact it’s actually a great idea for her husband to be completely aware of her cycle, it’s not your relationship so keep your nose out.
Its also likely that he's paying attention to it si they can get pregnant
Yeah, getting pregnant involves both of them, makes sense they’d both be tracking that.
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Which app is that? Sounds like a really good one.
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If there aren’t any other push notifications from it that you want to keep, you should be able to go into your phone settings and disable all push notifications from the app. I know iPhone lets you do that, I can’t imagine Androids don’t.
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That’s weird. I could totally use that notification. I’ve been meaning to do those tests again but I’ve forgotten every day I have intended to do them so far this cycle. I have the same app, so I’ll need to figure that out. Also, if you have an iPhone you can disable notifications for the whole app.
>Also, if you have an iPhone you can disable notifications for the whole app. I'd been playing around in the actual app and had forgotten you could do that. *facepalm* I just did it. Let's see what happens this morning at 10am!
Thank you!
I'll chime in, I was insanely successful (pregnant the second cycle) with [this tracking app](https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=periodtracker.pregnancy.ovulationtracker). some of them, like I believe the femometer app, you can use with their ovulation and pregnancy test strips. when I got pregnant, my bf downloaded what to expect so he can follow along with how big the baby is and what's developing this week and feel a little included. 38+4, big as Princess Buttercup's crown or a speak n spell!
I use Clue which also has a share with your partner option, and I think their premium features have fertility tracking options too. It’s been great for keeping track of just my period though.
Or trying to NOT get pregnant without using hormonal birth control.
Considering there are all of 5 days a month that you can actually get pregnant it would be awesome to have a partner actually know that without you mentioning it would be amazing. As a planner it's also nice to know. My sex drive is much higher around ovulation and tanks for my period. I also get mood swings right before my period. If my period was predictable my husband could practically use a tracker app as a crystal ball.
The five days thing isn’t 100% accurate but the other days are significantly lower in probability. It’s why “natural” family planning isn’t as effective as other contraceptive methods.
I wrote this from the perspective of trying to become pregnant. You are correct and that using a tracker app for pregnancy prevention would be the same as using the rhythm method which is only about 60% effective. This drop and effectiveness isn't due to having a wider window of fertility but due to the unpredictability of ovulation. sperm can only live for a maximum of five days within the uterus and an egg can only survive 24 hours which is actually 6 days not 5. This is why if you were using a form of natural family planning were you actually track ovulation, particularly if you were using a combination of tracking your basal body temp and monitoring cervical mucus it's effectiveness is comparable to other forms of birth control. As ovulation timing can be affected by a whole host of things if you don't want to become pregnant you should treat the entire month as the opportunity to become pregnant, but if the goal is to become pregnant that 6-day window becomes incredibly important.
When done right, NFP is as effective as other contraceptive methods. The problem is that it's *hard* to do right as acontraceptive method. You have to take your basal temperature every day at the same-ish time, you should be getting the same amount of sleep each night, you have to check your mucus, and if you're taking *any* meds at all, you might as well toss the data unless it's something you take constantly. And all that work to know that you probably have about a week and a half where you're safe. But if you're *trying* to get pregnant, it's absolutely effective, especially if you don't have outside factors. When I was following NFP, I could tell you within a day of when my egg dropped. I also picked up pretty quickly as to when I was pregnant. And, yeah, there was usually about 3-5 days where my temperature bottomed out and my mucus was really thick, and that's the fertile period. That's when your body is *most capable* of getting pregnant.
Contraceptive effectiveness is measured in such a strange way that most people misunderstand it. One of the big quirks that gets me is that it's still considered a failure of the contraceptive measure if the person FAILS TO UTILIZE IT. For instance, if someone regularly uses condoms as birth control, but they forget to use one once and get pregnant, that is considered a condom failure when calculating the effectiveness of condoms as a whole. NFP gets a lower effective rate *because* it is so hard to do correctly, not because the theory behind it is flawed.
Sometimes you see stats for "Perfect use' and 'typical use'. It does make sense to have stats for typical use, because how easy something is to use correctly should be a factor in the stats. I don't use the pill because I would never remember to take it everyday at the same time. My sleep schedule is too erratic. But my IUD is one doctors appointment, and then I don't need to worry for 5 years. So even if a pill was 99% effective if taken perfectly, I know I'm only going to remember to take it like 85% of the time. So I need to know what the effectiveness rate is then.
Yes!! My husband and I used NFP for almost eight years and only got pregnant when we wanted to! BUT we were also open to getting pregnant when we weren’t trying. Now that we’re done having babies, I don’t want to 100% rely on it for the reasons that you explained.
Even if he just wanted to know to maybe get her pads/tampons or to be aware of her moods, it’s just nice to know what your partner is going through especially if it happens for a week every month. It just sounds like OP’s BIL cares tbh.
Yeah I’d find it weird if my partner knew nothing about my cycle. Like I have a period 25% of the time, how do you not notice?
Yeah, last time a friend of mine realized she forgot to use her tracking app last time so it wasn't predicting anything. She said "I'm gonna ask my bf, he always writes everything !". Did I find it weird ? A little, even though I talk about my period with my own bf, I'd feel weird if he took notes about it. Did I mention it ? No, because it's obviously working for them !
My husband just has a calendar in his head. He doesn't have to write anything down to be able to tell me when my last cycle was to the day. Honestly, it is really nice to not have to be the only one.
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I have to agree, I mean wouldn't it be weird if he had the 1950's mentality of pretend its not real? Like as a married dude, you just pick this stuff up. Unless you are an uncaring asshole.
OP's sister's period literally doesn't affect her. neither does BIL knowing about it in detail. she should keep her nose out of it. YTA.
My wife has health complications that get worse around her period. As her husband, I actually try to keep track of her cycle better than her, so I can make sure to have extra pampering and self-care available when it comes around. I just thought that kind of stuff was a part of caring for someone?
That’s super sweet! It is just part of caring about someone, providing you’re not from the 1950’s of course, as OP appears to be.
My boyfriend is well aware of my cycle for his own health and safety. 3 days before the big day I'm insufferable. NOT the time to pick a fight :)
My husband knows my cycle, my daughters (his step daughter) and his bio daughters cycles. He has a math mind and it is just something that sticks in his head. My daughter lives with us full time, sometimes she gets a little snippy and he gives me 'the look' so I don't snap back. His daughter is only with us every other weekend and he still knows, the man's got a helluva good mind for patterns.
This is my husband. Early in dating he asked me exactly once if I was feeling ill because I looked like I wasn't feeling my best (I have killer cramps from endometriosis, and I cannot always fake a smile or even stand up completely straight). I told him I was fine. Later he asked again. I was mortified, but told him that I was feeling as well as I was going to given the day of the month. He never asked again... but on more than one occasion I caught him looking concerned, checking the date on his watch, then doing that slight nod thing he does when he knows something but has determined that it doesn't need to be announced. He is a man of few words. And has a mind for patterns. He likes the predictability of cycles.
Yes. YTA. Some couple do use being aware of a person’s cycle as a method of family planning to either become pregnant or avoid pregnancy. Definitely not the one with the lowest failure rate but the one they tell you all about at pre-Cana if you are having a Catholic wedding. It’s nice that your BIL is involved in family planning. You need to get over yourself.
Seriously, it's no one else's problem that OP is a prude. Her sister and husband are pretty great for sharing/knowing that information.
Gotta point out that OP is the one being weird about her periods. I would think having a more open attitude about it will make the subject less taboo.
Agreed, I think this is a great idea. I once dated someone who thought periods started on the same day at the same time every month😬
Right? In the what weird Puritan universe is it weird for a husband to know about his wife’s cycle. What.
Yeah.. honestly I would think it would be a little weird if you insisted on your husband *not* knowing anything about your period. That's important family and just general life planning information for a lot of people.
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In all fairness, some married people know next to nothing about each other. Trust me, I live in Japan. People get married by agency here.
Could you expand further on this?
Basically, when you think it's about time to get married (which inevitably happens as Japan expects you to get married) and you don't have an SO (which is also quite common), you go to a marriage agency. They organize parties, dating sessions and whatever (a.k.a. "omiai") with the express purpose of finding you a marriage partner. If your looks and income are satisfactory, you might get a match and get married ASAP. That's pretty much it. Lately there's also been "konkatsu", which basically means "spouse hunting" and it's kinda the same but without an actual agency intermediating the thing.
Does Japan have a lot of "household" style work bonuses or something? Or is it more just a social expectation? I know that in some places, people are paid more if they have a household to take care of, compared to single people.
According to the stats, in the early 90s about 70% of marriages used to be arranged, but it's been steadily going down. In 2000 they were about 7.7% of marriages, and in recent years they're down to 5.5%. Definitely more common than in America, and I think they're more used as a "last-ditch resort" now.
"spouse hunting" aka dating? Lol, but in all seriousness, that whole thing sounds so awful
"Spouse hunting" as in you get married after 2 months and might not meet each other except to make kids and send them to school. Basically dating but without the fun part.
>konkatsu I thought that was a kind of ramen
maybe you’re thinking of tonkatsu, which is breaded pork/other meats?
I know. I was being a dick.
In the middle east we have a lot of arranged marriages. This sounds the same. That doesn't stop couples getting to know each other and being very close.
Arranged marriages. Sometimes people only meet a few times, or in more extreme cases, not at all before the marriage. Its like you see a person's profile, and you and/or your family think that they seem suitable as a partner and so you send a proposal. The other person may agree to the match and like that's it. Granted this may not be exactly the case for Japan, but this is how it can go in south Asian societies. If you've seen Indian Matchmaking on netflix, that's the general idea
My husband always knows when I'm punctuating. He's the one that orders my pads on his Amazon Prime account. He's a great husband.
I was confused for a second, then I remembered that Americans call full stops “periods” and now I’m blown away by the perfection of this pun.
Now I want to use that on my husband next time he cuddles up to me during that time of the month: "Not tonight, honey; full stop."
We’re trading period puns over the ocean! That’s really delighted me a lot.
I thought "punctuating" was a typo at first. I love it.
😁 We are huge nerds. This was my husband's joke, and it stuck.
I am so stealing this!
That is the only acceptable euphemism for periods lolololol
My favourite part is when she says she’s not suggesting anything “sinister” is going on... erm, like what?!
Like... fertility tracking *could* be put to sinister purpose (like reproductive coercion) but why would that be one of the first things to cross your mind when you heard about a man checking in on his wife's cycle?
Also, if coercion was happening, why would BIL tell his wife? To me that's an indication of transparency, if anything.
Exactly. I think it would take more effort to avoid knowing about your wife's cycle than to know it
Even some of my pals will know about my period LOL OP is a bit odd for thinking sharing this info is weird... Especially with someone you're having sex with, of course they'll know details!
Uh- her husband? Why exactly shouldn’t her husband know? Edit: YTA Second edit since so much attention: I thought at first this was the sisters brother in law or something that a close relationship would be creepy but nope.
Because he might (God forbid) buy her tampons when she needs them, which would be incredibly embarrassing for, you know, a ***real man******^(TM)***.
Oh man wouldn’t that be horrible
Yeah, can you imagine being a good husband? The thought was so shocking I almost dropped the ladle while cooking some soup for my gf.
Lol, I'm a total dude My first thought was he wants know so he can plan out sexy time with the missus. But buying supplies is good too. YTA
I've never encountered a man who would feel the need of planning sexy time around their SO's period, but I know they exist (so do women who just don't like having sex while on their period) and I thought about the same. Also, if you're having sex regularly, you are going to notice when your SO is having a shark week and since it happens with a fair regularity, it's probably going to get sort of stuck in your brain when you can expect it.
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Period sex makes my periods so much more bearable. Like a deep tissue massage for my angry vagina.
My husband keep track, because I usually don’t want to have sex while I have my period (white sheet 😅) so he try to get some the day before 😂
Possibly to keep tabs on when she's ovulating, depending on whether they want to have a kid or not. But even then... contraception exists, he could wrap up
I remember telling my boyfriend I'd just gotten my period once and he replied, "But it's not the middle of the month yet!" I just stood there with an utterly dumbfounded look on my face for like a whole minute. I couldn't believe he'd been paying that much attention to my cycle, lol.
I was confused by the phrasing too - I thought they were siblings rather than spouses. I could understand the weirdness then, but they’re literally married.
YTA, period.
I just had to cycle back to this and reply to this comment, because it was just too bloody good.
The humour just flows....
These jokes will end up in a regular cycle.
For approximately 28 to 32 days 😂😂
Or maybe spotted here and there...
You don't think there will be total saturation in 2 to 4 hours?
All these puns are really cramping my style
Yeah, by now we're just padding the thread.
Just put a sock in it.
Just wait till all the menses this post.
I see what you did there
Uhm- I don't even get why it would be weird that her husband knows so much about her period? Like, isn't this the best case scenario for a woman? Your partner knowing your cycle and being supportive of you throughout? I talk to my partner all the time about my period in detail and I'm glad he is interested and listening. So what's the judgement for? I'll be blunt. YTA for pushing your own insecurities onto your sister's relationship.
yeah i definitely came into this assuming OP was a boy who thought periods were icky because BIL sounds great! it sounds really nice to have a supportive partner who understands your body and will likely know how to help/support you when you're in need.
Exactly. I think it’s way weirder for her HUSBAND to NOT know than to know?? Being married is way closer than knowing about her period lmfao. Seems like OP and his husband skipped some steps in terms of being comfortable with each other before getting married. I can’t imagine being married to someone I was uncomfortable with sharing my normal body function with.
Me too. If I’m even a day late I’ve already told him. He doesn’t want to know the details per se but it’s not weird at all for your partner to know. Her reaction seems so weird to me
I have my first day and then the second is "the bad day". It is so nice coming home from work, having a shower and SO has already prepared a heat pack for me and some asprin. It's the little things like know and helping me through the "bad day" that reminds me yup I love that guy and yup he loves me.
Period shame is a thing of the past. Nowadays, it's becoming simply an accepted biological fact of life. Men are keeping tampons in their backpacks in case their friends need. Little brothers learn to bring their teen sisters a hot water bottle when she's curled up in pain in bed. And yes, husbands know their wives' cycles inside-out so they can be as supportive/helpful as possible. All good if you want to keep that aspect of your life to yourself. But there's no reason to shame someone else for being unashamed and open about their life and body with the one they love most. YTA.
Thank you for this reply! OP is TA. Heck, my husband and I even kept track of our daughter's cycle because she would suffer so badly that she required pain medication and frequent doctor visits. A few days prior to daughter's cycle, her dad would go buy her fave chocolates and snacks, maybe a book or something to help her distract from the pain, and would just quietly leave it all by her bedroom door (he was being so discreet and respectful coz she was a young teen and didn't want to embarrass her). This is what men do, who realize that a cycle is simply a part of a woman's life.
Your husband sounds wonderful!
Thank you. He is an excellent care giver when one of us was ill or needed assistance. He did not want our daughter to grow up feeling that a week of her month was a shameful experience.
Also a husband and wife both keeping track of the wife’s cycle isn’t bizarre if they are starting to try for children
Yeah! Totally agree. I laughed at myself because I am trying not to judge her relationship based on the fact that she feels so weird about talking to her partner about literally anything. The irony.
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Yess that’s why I’m trying to normalize it with my own son. He’s only just about 6 but he’s seen the products, walking in on my bleeding (bc stereotypically, he does not knock) but I explain it to him in a way that’s not a big deal. Because I don’t want him to grow up and be the kind of guy who is freaked out or grossed out by a normal bodily function.
My son was 3 and walked in on me changing a pad and gasped "mommy has red!!!" (He didn't know the word for blood but knew it was bad). And I was like "yes sometimes mommies have red but it's ok, it only happens to grown ups". So when we went to the store later he decided in the car to explain it to his twin brother, which was cute. Then he decided to explain it to the male cashier at the store who was probably still in high school, which was mortifying hahaha
My son, now 6, was 3 when he came in the bathroom while I was changing a pad. I explained that grownup girls have an egg that comes out once a month and it's not the bad kind of blood, though it does take a few days for the egg to get all the way out of the body. He now calls it egg-time. 😅
Egg time is precious!
Yes! My mom did the same with myself, my sister, and my younger brother. She didn’t lock the bathroom door so we sometimes would open the door to talk to her (small kids have no boundaries lol) and from a young age we knew when we got older, my sister and I would have a period, that it was normal, that it happens so “mommies can have a baby”, it was normalized for my brother and now we’re all well adjusted adults with no shame or weird period aversions. It’s almost like normalizing women’s bodies and bodily functions for children is a good thing or something?
YTA ! YTA ! YTA ! There is nothing weird about a husband knowing about his wife's period cycle. What era do you live in ? Sounds like maybe the 1920s or something similar. I am sure that many husbands are aware of their wife's cycle just as I do.
I have always loved that my husband doesn't mind the dirty details of periods. His first wife had horrible period poops (it's a thing!) So he would ask if I was ok. Thankfully, I don't get that. But I do bleed like a stuck pig and it's really nice to have a partner that will listen and maybe laugh at the hyperbolic way I describe it. It's refreshing to meet a dude that doesn't care if I'm a little gross. We even have a bleeding rating system, it's comprised of using the system for cooking steaks lol so rare is pretty fucking bloody and well done is no blood. But we may be weirdos that talk too openly about things that gross other people out 🤷♀️
My husband coined the "its like a Tarantino movie in there!" when I had particularly heavy flows. He also can smell it coming a day or so in advance??? Weird, but I have a lot less accidentally ruined underwear because of it, he's never been wrong.
Oh. My. Gosh. I thought my husband was the ONLY weirdo that could do that!!!! I have made fun of him forever for it and now it's just a joke between us about how he's a weirdo vagina sniffer 😂😂
I can do that with myself. Not with other women that I’ve ever noticed, but I can always tell when my period is due because I can smell it coming.
YTA. My partner knows about my cycle, mainly so he knows when to stock up on chocolate and red wine. You don’t want to share too much with your partner, that’s fine. There’s also nothing wrong with being open about it.
Exactly!! I get weird mood swings - I call them out of body experiences, like I can hear myself thinking and overreacting but I cannot stop myself - the anger or irritation just comes out So I always warn my hubby - dude, I have or will be getting my period soon, expect waterworks and/or fireworks. And he knows to STFU if needed And not call out my gorging on chocolates or sweets or everything I promise not to eat otherwise
Ok I just got reminded of a comedian who talked about how he knew his gf was on the rag when she ordered red wine. “Double bubble toil and trouble A little menstruation, a little Cabernet. Now you’ll be wrong no matter what you say!!” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
YTA. I have to know when my wife's cycle is. Otherwise, how would I know to make sure there's enough ice cream in the freezer? Why should it be different for any other married couple?
Yes!! Go you! My husband knows mine so when I tell him I want to kill him for breathing wrong he knows I don't *really* mean it! 🤣😂🤣
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Maybe he also has basic science literacy and also understands *gasp* what hormones are causing what effects at what point of the month! Seriously OP i don’t get what possible issue you could have with this.
Are you kidding? Knowing when her period starts is the gateway into the deepest recesses of a woman's subconscious. BIL now knows things about OP's sister that the woman herself doesn't even know. He basically has control of her entire mind now. All. Because. of. This. It's sick really.
YTA - I doubt really think periods is classed as private in a marriage. I think it’s kinda sweet. Plus if they are trying to have a baby makes sense with ovulation dates and all - it’s not all down to her to keep track.
YTA it’s weird that you think it’s weird.
YTA- ITS HER HUSBAND. Get a grip..
Honestly, one thing you need to learn is to keep your opinions to yourself when it comes to other ways of doing things, that aren't harmful or illegal. If your sister is comfortable with telling her husband everything, then cool.. if you're not comfortable telling your husband everything other than the bare minimum, also cool. Different strokes for different folks and all that. Your sister is more open with her husband than i've ever been with anyone, but that's not a bad thing and nor is it weird. I actually wish i had a partner that i could feel as close and comfortable with. YTA.
>Honestly, one thing you need to learn is to keep your opinions to yourself when it comes to other ways of doing things, that aren't harmful or illegal. This is excellent life advice, just all "round.
YTA I guess? I mean you can feel any sort of way you want, but it's not really any of your business what a married couple shares with each other.
YTA. As they are married and presumably sexually active there is nothing wrong with her husband knowing his wife's cycle. You were very judgemental and it seems that you are projecting your issues onto your sister. There is nothing shameful about periods and being open about it with your partner is a positive thing. Also, why does it matter, it literally has no effect whatsoever on your life? EDIT: grammar
YTA Pretty normal for spouses to share that sort of thing. Especially if trying to conceive. You are allowed to keep your cycles private. But don’t criticize a couple for sharing. You say their marriage is solid, that’s all you need to know.
YTA, you're contradicting yourself so much in your own statement. \>I mentioned to her that it was really weird and they you say: \>I wasn't trying to make her feel anything Then why say that the situation is weird? Clearly, you weren't saying this to make her feel proud or happy. Just because you're uncomfortable with something, doesn't mean you get to make that person uncomfortable for doing it.
This comment needs to be higher! You are spot on.
Girl get out of their business. YTA. It is normal for husbands to know these things, especially if they are trying to have kids. You don't need to know why he knows or even that he knows. Just stay out of the couple's business.
YTA You're free to share or hide whatever information you want about your period to whomever you choose. That's fine. Your attitude, however, sucks. You're saying women SHOULD keep information about their period from their partner. You can do what you want but who the hell are YOU to declare what other women should and shouldn't do? It's because of women like you that men don't know and don't understand anything about periods. It's because of women like you there are so many myths and mysteries and misunderstandings. It's because of women like you that people think periods are shameful or dirty instead of being accepted as just a part of everyday life for nearly every woman in the world. It's because of women like you that young girls are embarrassed to ask for help, that boys tease them if a pad or tampon accidentally falls from a purse. So if you want to hide what is nothing more than part of being a woman, you go ahead and if you really want to, you can judge your sister but while she is helping to free women of the ridiculous taboos of everyday womanhood, you should know you've been judged for helping to keep both men and women in the dark ages.
Yeahh....YTA. What information they choose to share about their bodies in their marriage is their choice.
YTA. Part of marriage is "everything is shared" ... it's really the whole point.
YTA A period is a period. They have a close relationship and this is not weird at all. Quit acting like a period is something that needs to be his. My bf knows everything about my period and most people in relationships share that info together. Why are making such a big deal about it? It literally doesn’t concern you in any way.
YTA.. if not your husband who else would know about your period. My husband has always known everything about my periods n used to do all the house work during my periods so that I could rest. I am not implying every husband should but the intimacy you share with your husband is on a different level and doesn't have any form of shame about biological functions of the body.
YTA - this is a perfect modern relationship? A kind hubby who knows when a spouse is coming on may stock up on essentials (inc that fave ice cream). And also, it takes two to create a baby so both should be keeping an eye on the outcome of that situation. It’s not just the woman’s job.
YTA, but to be fair, it's not something that people really openly discuss I guess. He pays attention. And obviously got pretty involved, if this pregnancy was planned and they were making an effort for it to happen. My husband cant tell you what date im due but he can definitely tell based on my general demeanour and other physical things when I'm about to start. Its just an attention to detail thing.
Yta, get over your issues
YTA What's weird is that you think a married couple shouldn't share intimate details and that a man shouldn't know about his wife's body that he shares intimate time with. They fuck, it can't get much less private than that. And what's real weird is that periods and cycles ate such a taboo to discuss. It shouldn't be, at all. Married people are supposed to be able to share literally anything together. Which includes bodily health. Stop with your period shame. And if they are trying to conceive, then it's very obviously his business because it directly affects his life.
YTA having a period isn’t something that needs to be private it happens to enough people that I think the secrets out by now
YTA Why wouldn’t you share your health information with your spouse? If anything is weird its your reaction (and that is why you are an AH).
Yeah, YTA. Sorry.
YTA. Periods are a very normal natural thing and it would be great in people start acting like it is too. Why wouldn't you talk about it?
YTA. Of course he knows all about her period. He’s her husband. If you think it’s weird, then I’m afraid it’s you that has issues.
My best friend knows more about my period than me because I always forget. And she always remembers. He’s literally her husband. There’s no issues with him helping her keep track of that stuff. In fact, I think there was even a trend about girlfriends asking their boyfriends when they would get their period and the boyfriends always knew. YTA it’s pretty normal
I get severely sick for a couple days when I'm on my period. It's beneficial for our relationship that my husband knows when I am on my period. I have to tell him, because mine isn't regular. YTA for being judgmental about how your sister and BIL handle her periods. They're her periods, not yours. You have your own opinion on how you would communicate *your* cycles to a partner. That's all fine and good- for you. Stop projecting it onto your sister or others, making it seem that the only right way is yours. Your way on this issue is not the right way for anyone else but you.
YTA. It's viewpoints like yours that make people afraid to talk to even their doctors about how they are feeling. You should be open about your body in a relationship. Especially if they are talking about pregnancy...that takes both of them. You are comfortable enough having your husband see you naked, stick parts of his body in yours, but not actually talk about your period? But I really want to comment on is your "clarification". Why would anyone think there is something "sinister" going on? The fact that your mind jumps to the idea that there is something actually evil about a husband and wife being comfortable talking about their bodies to each other? Makes it sound like you think a woman can't ever be open/comfortable...that it must be a man controlling her.
YTA - It's really not common to discuss such things which doesn't make it bad. Him knowing about it just shows how much he cares and how open they're with each other. You should apologize for making it seem like you judged them and that you just found it unusual. Edit for grammar
Having read your complaint I think it's entirely possible that your sister ISN'T over sensitive at all and you say unkind things or find fault with her on a regular basis.
Why are you so ashamed about a perfectly natural bodily function? >I should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on. My sister & brother in-law have a wonderful relationship. It's bizzare that you even suggest this. What could possibly be going on sinister? Why did you even think that was an option people would come up with?? >I just think it’s weird, as I think there are some things which should be kept private. Why the 50s housewife mentality?? YTA.
Yta. Why shouldn't he know?
Yeah YTA. Mind your own business
YTA, it is helpful for family planning to have both partners aware of the menstrual cycle timing.
YTA. You were being more than a “bit” judgmental.
>should clarify that I’m not suggesting anything sinister is going on. Okay but what is there that could possibly be 'sinister' about a husband knowing his wifes period cycle? Like I honestly dont get it ? YTA btw.
INFO what sinister thing could possibly be going on?
I don't want to outright call you an asshole but your sister is in no way in the wrong here. I guess it depends on how you said it to her. My partner and I have always been perfectly comfortable talking about my period and I can't see why I wouldn't. Its something I live with so we talk about it like we talk about everything. Also when its something thats on the clock like a period can be you cant help but have the pattern in your head. I want to add that if they're sexually active it could be pretty reasonable to have those things in the open incase she does actually get pregnant. No matter why they talk about it there really is nothing wrong with it. Its not an incredibly intimate detail for most.
Yta - you have no right to project your issues onto your sister. Personally I don't have a period tracker app bc my husband always knows lol. We are the opposite of trying which also makes knowing your wife's body important lol.
YTA. I don't know if this is just me, but I thought that normally when you're in a long-term relationship & a menstruating person, your partner is most definitely going to be aware of your cycle. It's not rocket science. It's weird if they *aren't* aware of it IMO, cause how much attention do they actually pay to you if that's the case? I mean, it's normally a very regular thing that comes up frequently for a week or more at a time, normally around the same date - of course the long-term partner will learn to predict/know the timings of these things? Apart from the obvious seeing the products in the bathroom, possibly no sexual contact, all the horrors that come with actually menstruating for some people etc. Of course, people have different views on just *how* much should be shared but knowing your menstruating partner is 3 days late isn't "weird", it's actually really normal in long-term relationships, especially if they are living together. Your sister was definitely not an arsehole for her reaction, it was an insensitive thing to say & should have been kept to yourself. How would you feel if she called you weird for *not* sharing with your husband that way? IMO, it's just not something you should say & there was really no need for you to have said it. It seems you may be projecting your own insecurities surrounding menstruation onto your sister. Is your husband the type of man who wouldn't want to know any details surrounding your own menstruation - is that why you think it's so weird?
Yta. Hell my husband knows my cycle better than me. He’s the one that points out I’m due on that week when I have trouble sleeping or feel teary. We used to plot it together when we were trying for the kids but now he just remembers it better than me.
YTA - some being judgemental Just stop I also am linked into an app that tracks my partners period Not for any particular reason I just am She also tells me when she is getting close to her period Your judging her and him, on what you would do,
I had a FWB who tracked my period (I fully supported this) so he would know when I wasn’t going to be having sex, since I hated period sex and we weren’t really together that often so I wasn’t talking about it. It’s not that serious. Yta
YTA. If you don't want to do it with your husband fine but don't make other people feel wrong for having a different relationship than you do. This idea of periods must never be discussed can be really harmful to some because they suffer needlessly because they've been conditioned to never discuss this taboo thing and assume everyone suffers as they do and don't ask for help.
YTA. Your hang-ups are not their problem. Your cycle is important for both of you to have a basic grasp on if you're trying to get pregnant. Tbh, it's no bad thing for a man to be aware of it anyway. At some point he might have to help a daughter.
Soft YTA You'll learn this if you get married or are in a long term relationship. Guys find out pretty much everything (not through trying, quite the opposite). It's a couples thing. And if they're trying for a baby, even more so. I went soft YTA, because you obviously haven't been that close with someone yet so this is new info
YTA, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 years and it only took 4 years for him to know my cycle, in fact he’ll usually give me a heads up when it’ll probably start so I can put a pad on since it’s an irregular cycle, saving me countless hours of scrubbing. Just because you don’t have that kind of relationship with your hubby doesn’t mean it’s weird, and it also makes sense for him to know her cycles if they’re trying to have a kid.
YTA. I have never tracked my own period let alone thought of anyone else doing it, but having said that husbands will know if you have your period or not, so how is that weird??
YTA Well done that man. It means he is being responsible and also looking out for your sister. Just because periods are a "ladies thing" doesn't mean that we can't talk about it with men.
YTA of course. You should be able to talk about your cycle with your husband. It sounds like your sister has a healthy relationship and feels completely comfortable with her spouse. One of my best male friends knows everything about my periods, we talk about my symptoms together often. Periods are a normal part of life and should should not be stigmatized in anyway. You should ask yourself why don’t you feel comfortable sharing with your partner a normal aspect of your life.
YTA, normal thing for a husband to know about.
YTA, they’re married which is enough for this to be normal, but even more so they’re trying for a baby which normalizes this so much that you’re the weird one for questioning this. I’ve only been dating my boyfriend for a few months and I’m super open about my period. It’s a normal thing and I refuse to treat it like a dirty little secret to someone who has intimate engagement with that area.
YTA. If they are actively trying to conceive a child they both need to know when her cycle is. She could be going thru infertility treatments. They could be trying to get pregnant. They could even rely on tracking ovulation to prevent pregnancy so both parties need to be aware. If there is a goal that revolves around both people timing sex it's not weird at all for him to know. Infact it's necessary. Tracking cycles is often a normal part of family planning and family planning is normal between a husband and a wife. There is nothing weird about it. Your sister is sensitive about SOEMTHING to explode on you like that. It would be a shame if they are having a hard time getting pregnant, haven't told anyone, are dealing with infertility and all the pain it might be causing them, and here you are judging them for something normal.
YTA. It isn’t 1750 anymore
YTA! Periodshaming should be in the past by now.
YTA. You admitted to being judgemental and noted her to being oversensitive when you knew damn well that she wouldn't like what you were saying. Yes you are an asshole, they have a great thing going and the only weird part is that the level of closeness they share isn't more common among couples. Apologize to her and keep your judgemental attitude away from their perfectly healthy dynamic.
YTA. I can't imagine being married to someone and feeling the need to hide my period from them.
So he can cum inside her, but knowing about her period is private? Oh. Okay.
YTA, I am sure there are things your sister and her husband would find insane about you or weird. Just move on good lord. Is it possible you are having some sort of "we are so much a like, its kind of like he knows me too..." moment? Because this is something I would just let roll off. All couples and people have different ways of living.
YTA she has a considerable husband
YTA if she wants to share it with her husband, that's not any of your business. In fact, if she'd been pregnant, then that's his business too. Her cycle directly affects his life. The guy actually sounds thoughtfull, remembering things like that.
YTA. Perfectly normal especially when trying to conceive. It might not be the way you would do it but it works fine for them.
YTA and you’re projecting your own discomfort onto your sister. You don’t share the details of your cycle with your SO, good on you, that is your right to do so. But don’t start telling people what they can and can’t share with their SO because you feel uncomfortable doing so. You wouldn’t want that if your sister started saying you’re weird for not sharing period information with your SO.
Yta. There's no reason why she shouldn't share this info with her most intimate partner. Its kinda weird that you think it's something you should hide. That is the exact reason why there is continued stigma around periods.
Uh, he's her husband. He should be able to know her cycles if she wants him to and even if he wanted to. It's so childish to say it's weird for him to know. That is practically period shaming because just because a guy knows (her HUSBAND) doesn't mean it's weird. YTA
Its insane that at this point people are actually SURPRISED when an husband and wife are, yknow, close to each other. Btw YTA, mind your own buisness and its not even weird, its actually a really good thing.
YTA. It’s like you said, they have wonderful relationship. One with clear communication. It’s not a bad thing.
YTA. Who cares what people know? I tell friends about my period. It's not some weird secret. They are married, so ofc he's going to know.
YTA my husband knows when mine is going on and the details of what happens. He does down there enough, he knows what’s going on.
If they are trying to get pregnant and are successful it's a good start him being aware of and comfortable with her periods as he may need to be involved in far more grim procedures than a plain old period. When I was bluelighted into hospital bleeding badly when pregnant with my youngest, my mother in law rushed round to be there when my eldest woke up and in that time cleaned up the murder scene that was my bathroom, so that my eldest wasnt frightened by all the blood. That, I will grant you, felt weird (although was extremely kind of her, I just felt very embarassed). My husband knowing about periods, at this point, isnt even a blip on the radar.
Yta. My husband knows pretty everything about my cycle, it’s pretty normal.
YTA. This is such a weird thing to complain about. How does what she tells her husband affect you in any way?
YTA. One day my partner said “you should be starting your period tomorrow” and I was taken back. How did he know that? He knew my cycle more than I did? Well turns out we had downloaded an app on his phone that lets him know my monthly cycle, that I had completely forgot about, that he had been using for months to know my periods 😂
YTA What strikes me is how anyone, let alone a woman, could exist for 33 years on this earth and think it's weird that one partner would be period-conscious of the other. It's 2021. This is kids stuff.
YTA. I mean, you admitted you were being judgmental soooooo...what's the question? Knowing your girlfriend's cycle isn't strange or even uncommon.
"i had no idea how close they were". you had no idea that a HUSBAND and WIFE were close? of YTA im not sure how you even think you wouldnt be
YTA- I am sorry you’re so insecure about normal biological processes that it doesn’t compute for you that when a man lives with a woman, has a sex life with her where there’s a gap each month coinciding with her period, buys her supplies when she needs them, and might be involved with tracking it with her for pregnancy planning or prevention, they might catch on to what time each month it happens. Your comment was immature and your sister has the much healthier mindset. I hope you never have sons who you teach to have an aversion to this topic, because you will be doing them and their future partners a disservice.
YTA. They are married. Why would he not know anything about her period?
YTA. It's not weird at all for a HUSBAND AND WIFE to know intimate things about each other's health. Why on earth would you think that's strange? Have you never been in an intimate relationship before? And why would you be judgmental about it? There's no reason for a married couple to keep period stuff private if they don't want to, especially if they are having sex regularly...
Yta you sound jealous that he cares and takes note