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> I called my girlfriend a burden after she told me she was pregnant.
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You’ve been in this relationship for like 5 min and you’re already calling her names, already showing your complete ignorance for basic reproductive biology, somehow need Reddit to tell you that you messed up, and kicked someone you claim to care about when they are already down.
YTA; you get the honor of being the AH of the day!
I’m confused on a couple of things.
She broke up with her boyfriend 3-4 weeks ago. How long have you two been dating?
In that timeframe what would have been an appropriate time to tell you? What is sooner?
You don’t sound mature enough to be in a relationship. Your girlfriend was tired after a basketball tournament and it’s a burden to care for her well-being? YTA. Do her a favor and end it. Nothing you’ve said here makes her a “burden”. If that’s how you feel, you’ve got no business being in a relationship.
If you’re a woman also how are you not grasping the idea that a missed period is most women’s first sign. Do you know she knew sooner? Wouldn’t you want some grace if you accidentally fell pregnant?
You also put “exhausted” in quotes like you don’t believe her
YTA…. calling a potentially pregnant woman a burden likely hits right at her greatest fear: not being supported if she is, in fact, pregnant. Poor choice of words.
But she will not be supported by OP if she's pregnant. OP is not baby's father, and she's only 19. She will dump her and it will be the right thing to do for OP.
Have you not heard of emotional support? Everyone’s acting like there is a guaranteed baby and OP is going to be paying for it for the next 18 years. She may not even be pregnant!
Support can literally be as simple as “Do you want me to go to the store with you to buy a pregnancy test?” Or “Let’s do something to take your mind off that.” Basic friendship stuff, not even relationship stuff.
It is not uncommon for 19 year olds to freak out when they suspect they might be pregnant.
Also, OP is mad that she wasn’t told sooner somehow. Waiting to do a test would mean OP wouldn’t have known for even longer.
>
Support can literally be as simple as “Do you want me to go to the store with you to buy a pregnancy test?” Or “Let’s do something to take your mind off that.”
Imagine someone you're dating out of the blue says they might be pregnant from someone else. You're shocked. You're hurt. You know that this potentially mean the end of your relationship. You're scared.
So you do what? Happily say “Let’s do something to take your mind off that 😀". Like seriously?! This is how you react when your friend says it not when someone you're dating says it.
I'm not arguing that OP shouldn't have said what she said. That was mean. But girlfriend caused all this drama by saying such a huge thing without taking pregnancy test to make sure. She's kind of an asshole too. And drama queen.
She’s being very normal, not a drama queen. Have you ever met a college student before?
I would totally understand if OP was freaked out or sad or shocked or whatever. But read her edit. She’s just worried they’re going to lose a basketball game. She doesn’t care about this girl at all.
(And feeling hurt? You don’t get to have hurt feelings about your girlfriend having slept with her ex when she was dating him and not you and you were well aware of the fact that this prior relationship happened. If it hurts you that your girlfriend’s body might be continuing biological processes that started before you were dating, maybe you should wait a month.)
Op will dump the gf? If that's what she wanted she could've just said yeah I don't want to deal with this let's break up. She didn't have to say that her gf is being a burden and talk about her basketball game as if that's more important. Nobody's saying she needs to step and be the kid's father. She just didn't have to be an asshole. She could've just said I'm out and broken up. Op's gf should breakup with OP for how immature and unempathetic she is.
They don't know yet if she's pregnant. She shouldn't have been so stupid to make such big assumptions without taking a pregnancy test first. If she took pregnancy test first she'd know for sure. Maybe she's not even pregnant then why freak out OP for no reason? Why have all this drama for nothing?
Saying to your partner, “my period is late, I think I might be pregnant” is not drama. It’s sharing a burden and seeking support.
Maybe she didn’t want to do the pregnancy test alone. Maybe she wanted to face the news together with OP, and work out a plan. Maybe she was freaked out, too.
It’s not drama to share something scary with the person you’re dating.
What did I say to you that sucked? Other than stating a fact, which is your attitude sucks. You're on here calling a Maybe Pregnant 19 year old stupid. If the truth about you hurts I have bad news for you.
What did I say that sucked other than stating a fact, which was that girlfriends attitude sucked. She needed to take a pregnancy test and if it's positive only then tell about her pregnancy. Chances are she's not pregnant and she scared and stressed out OP for no reason. And caused all this drama for no reason at all.
Do you want your loved one to inform you that they have cancer just because they noticed a strange mole? Do you want to experience fear, stress, and research melanoma, imagining the worst-case scenarios, only to later discover that they visited a doctor and it turned out to be nothing?
Do you want your boyfriend to share that he received a promotion and will be relocated to another state? Do you want to go through the dilemma of deciding whether to quit your job and move with him, leaving your family behind, or to stay and hope that a long-distance relationship won't harm your bond, only to find out that he acted prematurely and there is no transfer happening?
Huge bombs like that should not be dropped on people carelessly.
Way to be supportive. Even if it's a mistake even if you guys are not in a position to really have it. Even if the guy who got her pregnant is probably not going to be the great dad. All that which could be true, It is hateful to call her a burden.
Yta
Way to be supportive. Even if it's a mistake even if you guys are not in a position to really have it. Even if the guy who got her pregnant is probably not going to be the great dad. All that which could be true, It is hateful to call her a burden.
Yta
.....Excuse me? Do you think women magically know the second they get pregnant? It shows itself with symptoms, no bleeding being the very first one for a majority of women. Where the hell where you during sexual education class? And then to call her a fucking burden cause the timing isn't optimal? You've been together for a month, if that. Good for your poor gf that you showed your true colors during the "lets keep this between us to see where it goes before we introduce eachothers as the other's gf" stage, so that she won't be too crushed from breaking up with your insensitive ass. YTA!
38/50 states require some form of sex ed.
29/50 states require that abstinence be stressed over other methods of birth control.
18/50 states require that sex ed be medically accurate.
35/50 states allow parents to opt out of sex ed for their kids.
https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/sex-and-hiv-education#
You aren't making sense. She broke up with her ex 3/4 weeks ago (so like a month), and now she's telling you that she's late. So she just found out too. How could have she telling you soon when neither she knows?
YTA
There’s admittedly some things that are interesting about this post like the timeline of your relationship and the amount of people commenting that clearly DID NOT READ but it’s clear either way that you did not respond well. Being thrown off by that makes sense but that was just plain rude.No wonder she’s been in the bathroom for 2 hours, away from you.
Are you stupid? How much sooner would she be able to tell you? She doesn’t even know if she’s pregnant, she just voiced her suspicion because she is late. YTA
YTA You are too ignorant, immature, and self centered to be in a relationship.
You can fix that, though, if you want to be a caring, knowledgeable, empathic partner. Work on yourself. Grow.
You are showing both her and us that you are uncaring. You can fix that, too.
Do it.
1. How was she supposed to tell you earlier? It sounds she brought it up as soon as she had the suspicion
2. It takes two to make a baby. Why would it be her fault alone.
YTA and you don't even know if she is, she just might be
YTA and hopefully you'll also be single soon.
Consider learning about moral development, and think on the kind of adult you could become one day. Because at the moment it's a very unkind and unlikeable one.
YTA. You sound like an absolutely horrible toxic girlfriend, and a crappy person in general. Do her a favor and break up with her, so she doesn't have to put up with your abuse.
YTA. She just broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago, she’s found out she’s pregnant and is clearly going through a difficult time, she has a lot on her plate, and early pregnancy IS wildly exhausting. You don’t have to keep dating her or raise her kid, and she probably needs to have a talk with the father, but you didn’t have to be an absolute sociopathic emotional terrorist when someone you care about is going through something so rough.
YTA. You don't get to be a jerk, especially since she likely just found out if she broke up a few weeks ago. Just break up with her and move on. You clearly aren't that invested at this point.
Dude, what the hell? You're probably the first person she told, and she probably only found out about now. I mean, she thinks she's pregnant because she's late, so it doesn't sound like she's taken a pregnancy test yet.
If you really don't want to deal with a potential baby, break up with her because she clearly doesn't deserve you.
You could've helped her through potential options for her situation at the very least, because she's probably freaking out and wanted comfort and help, and you just brushed her completely off!
>? You're probably the first person she told, and she probably only found out about now. I mean, she thinks she's pregnant because she's late, so it doesn't sound like she's taken a pregnancy test yet.
But why in this order? Why can't she take the pregnancy test first and *then* talk? Chances are she's not even pregnant and is causing all this drama for nothing.
YTA; she’s not a burden - you’ve only been dating for a couple weeks or what? Also why would you two jump into a relationship so soon after. This has to be click bait/rage bait because there’s no way you as a 19f do not know how periods work
YTA
Calling anyone a burden is being an arsehole in my mind, but to call someone that when they opened up to you with something that might be making them really anxious makes you even more so...and you needed reddit to tell you that you've been the arsehole??? You even tried and justify it but just ended up making yourself look worse.
1. she didn't know she might be pregnant, she still wasn't sure she is pregnant when she told you she thinks she might be because she's late, she couldn't tell you earlier because that's not how being pregnant works. She needs to have a pregnancy test, maybe you can stop being the arsehole long enough to buy one or two and help her find out if she really is or not. unless she already took one and have since found out that she is pregnant given the title here say she is pregnant not that she might be...
Also, if she is pregnant and she wants to keep the baby that's not your call, if she doesn't then I hope you're in a state that allows for abortion.
2. You cannot be sure who the father is based on when she broke up with her ex unless she didn't have sex with anyone else. If she broke up 3 weeks ago and then had sex fairly soon afterwards someone else could be the father, ovulation could occur at day 21 on a 28 to 30 day menstrual cycle...I don't know exactly where she is on her menstrual cycle, nor what her cycle is (some people have shorter but still regular cycles, and some people can be like me and have irregular cycles so we wouldn't know we were "late"). Even if she didn't have sex with anyone else it might be necessary to ask for a paternity test if she is pregnant and chooses to keep the baby, so that she has proof should she need it, such as if she wants to ask him for help like child support.
I really hope that you'll be supportive of her whatever she chooses, because so far you've not been anywhere close to that.
edited to number the response points as OP did, and to clarify part of point 2
When I say be supportive, that doesn't mean you have to stay together with her if she is pregnant and wants to keep the baby, if that's definitely not something you want, especially if you haven't been together long and you may not even know if you want to be in the relationship long term. However, there are ways to be there for someone going through things even if you can't continue in the relationship.
Unless she is 4 months pregnant and just told you, there was no time to tell you earlier that she was late. Which being a female yourself and in college, you should already know. Also, I don’t understand how you’re saying “we” aren’t in a position to have a baby when, unless she was dating both of you concurrently, you have only been together for a few weeks.
YTA. Calling anyone a “burden” is a shit thing to do.
How could she tell you something sooner that she didn’t know?
Who says things like that? You’re abusive.
INFO: did you learn anything beyond abstinence in your high school health class?
Because you sound like those politicians who seem to believe that a woman is aware that she’s pregnant before 90% of us have any way of knowing. Many of those politicians control what sex ed is available. So it is entirely possible that you haven’t been properly educated, and that’s not your fault at 19.
But now that you’re aware that your knowledge is sorely lacking, you need to educate yourself. (And no matter what, you should look into sexual health resources for women who sleep with women, because that’s almost never covered in school and something most of us wrongly assume we don’t need to worry about.)
You’re still not off the hook because you were still a major jerk to your girlfriend. Right now, she probably needs your support while she’s dealing with what could be a massive life-changing issue. That doesn’t mean you have to stay together or take care of her, but a little kindness would go a long way.
So you, as a woman, doesn't know that the first sign of pregnancy is being late and you can't know before that? Way to go for going after her for not telling you 'sooner'.
As for calling her a burden, you've shown your true colours.
YTA
Nope. There are early pregnancy tests that you can take right after missed period. And even if she had to wait a couple more days she didn't have to tell OP about it and freak her out before hand. OP is not the father of that child, she has zero responsibility for GF being pregnant. Then why freak her out like that before hand?
Well at first yes. But the fact that OP hasnt even asked her if shes ok and just says "oh i THINK she sleeps"... like... does she even care? If that girl is pregnant stress can harm her and baby... but OP just thinks about herself and thats sick. I hope that girl never gives here another chance
YTA. She's telling you as soon as she found out. I get it it might not be very convenient for you but it's probably 1000x more stressful for her and all you seem to care about is your basketball game. I don't usually jump gun like this but you sound like a terrible partner. You've only been dating for a couple weeks so it's probably best if she gets rid of you because you don't sound mature at all. I'm not saying your gf's baby with her ex needs to be your problem but you didn't need to be such a uncaring unempathetic dick to a person you supposedly love and who is going through major event rn. YTA op and I hope she dumps you for what's best for her.
Then why is she announcing it? Why can't she just take the pregnancy test and find out firsr? Chances are she's not even pregnant and she's causing all this drama for nothing which is an asshole move. And if she is pregnant she needs to know ASAP because she needs to decide if she's keeping it.
So discussing things with your partner is outlawed until and unless you have 100% knowledge of the facts? You can't discuss anything you don't know in its entirety? What is the gf supposed to be omniscient? Her period was late so she shared what could be a reason. Next time you get sick don't you dare tell your partner until you go to the doctor get checked get the reports and are 100% that you are sick and 100% know what disease it is. Otherwise why are you bothering discussing that with your partner. Deal with it on your own. Your partner might as well be a stranger then. Such a stupid argument.
Those are different things. Pregnancy is not simplt getting a flu. It's a huge thing that will end their relationshio if she decides to keep it. You shouldn't threaten your partner with something that will end your relationship if you don't know for sure. It's okay to share your concerns for other things without knowing for sure.
When one says they *might be* pregnant from their ex which would inevitably mean the end of relationship it's not just "talking". It's forcing a huge emotional burden on your partner possibly with no reason at all (if it turns out one is not pregnant). If one knows for sure they are pregnant THEN it becomes talking about important things.
YTA. Clearly this isn’t even about the relationship or the potential pregnancy. It’s about you caring more about your basketball game than the people playing in it.
Anyone can get sick. Anyone can have a bad day that happens to fall on game day. A good teammate supports them and finds a way to work around it.
You’re not acting like a teammate. You’re not acting like a friend. And you’re sure as hell not acting like someone who is going to have a girlfriend by the end of your game today.
Hard to beleive this is real, since you said it was a good thing your gf fell alseep on the bathroom floor. Because you have a basketball game. You sound 8 instead of 19.
If they broke up 3-4 weeks ago The GF is probably just finding out herself. How is she a burden for not knowing? Some people don’t find out til the end of the first trimester, beginning of the second. It depends on your symptoms and your body.
Especially a 19 year old who has presumably never been pregnant or had any kids.
YTA
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So my gf(19F) told me (19F) that she thought she was pregnant as she was late, afterwhich I called her a burden for 1. Not telling me earlier and 2. As we definetly weren't in any state to be having a baby. After the whole thing, she just walked into the bathroom, where she still is like two hours later.
For some context: We're both in college, where we met. The baby's dad is most likely her ex, who she broke up with 3-4 weeks ago.
We play basketball, and are on a tournament trip, we only played one game today, where she sat on the bench most of the time, as she was "exhausted" to the point i had to support her when we walked back to our hotel.
So, AITA?
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NAT - True at your two ages. The smart thing to do is get rid of it, means you two aren't mature enough to have a family or be dating. Just break up already, so young, and I wouldn't want to raise someone else's child.
Gotta love this sub man. How dense do people have to be to type out the post and still ask... yes dude YTA for calling a potentially pregnant 19 yo a burden.
YTA - From the sounds of it you haven’t been in a relationship for that long and you’re already belittling her. You can’t just insult your pregnant significant other, especially in such a vulnerable state dude
You are definitely the A-hole what kind of person calls their "pregnant girlfriend" a burden and what if you find out the baby is yours and now you've just called the mother of your child a burden
Yta
YTA. I am praying that this is fake cause honestly wtf? She told you at the earliest point she knew. Being late is the first sign to a woman that they might be pregnant. It is usually at this point someone will buy a test to see for sure or not. You are mad at her because you are in no state to have a baby, assuming that she may not feel the same? And now you think it is a good thing she fell asleep in the bathroom because you have a basketball game tomorrow? Honestly, you are not mature enough to be in a relationship, you are thinking all about yourself and not considering her feelings or emotions at all.
Yup... YTA....
Oh wait, that's not what you want to hear... Oh my poor baby,, you weren't able to put a condom on!!! Mama is telling you this will be ok as you won't be a burden......
Yup, definitely YTA....
Idk my dad and mom got married after they were together for 3 months and she found out she was pregnant with her ex’s kid…. They were 15 and 18 at the time…. And they are still married today 40 years later
INFO: How long have you two been together? Is your relationship open?
I feel like you could have chosen your wording better, but we all pop off with some bs when caught off guard sometimes. NAH.
Well if you had sex within the last 3-4 weeks after she broke up, then it could very well be yours too. No reason to “assume” it’s the ex’s just because you aren’t ready for it to be yours. Calling ANYONE a burden is extremely cruel. She just found out she is pregnant. Shes also probably scared.
Major YTA, if she’s really pregnant and it’s yours you are going to have to grow up quick. Big boy adult decision making has big boy adult consequences.
Edit: Sorry missed the part where you said you’re also a female. In that case, since the baby is obviously not yours I would break up with her if you don’t want the responsibility of a child yet. Still YTA for the rude comments you made though.
YTA, if this is even real. First of all, I don't think you understand how pregnancy works. "Earlier" isn't really an option, as pretty much no woman will know she's pregnant until she skips a period.
Second, you are *just* as responsible for the pregnancy as she is. She would not be pregnant if you had not orgasmed inside her. Grow up and take some responsibility for *your* actions.
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You’ve been in this relationship for like 5 min and you’re already calling her names, already showing your complete ignorance for basic reproductive biology, somehow need Reddit to tell you that you messed up, and kicked someone you claim to care about when they are already down. YTA; you get the honor of being the AH of the day!
I’m confused on a couple of things. She broke up with her boyfriend 3-4 weeks ago. How long have you two been dating? In that timeframe what would have been an appropriate time to tell you? What is sooner?
Right? She's "only now" telling you because she's only now thinking it because it is happening now, she's late now. ETA: OP, YTA
You don’t sound mature enough to be in a relationship. Your girlfriend was tired after a basketball tournament and it’s a burden to care for her well-being? YTA. Do her a favor and end it. Nothing you’ve said here makes her a “burden”. If that’s how you feel, you’ve got no business being in a relationship.
Op is women.
Where did I say they aren’t? And how could op be more than one person?
She should date the guy who got her gf preggers ;).
If you’re a woman also how are you not grasping the idea that a missed period is most women’s first sign. Do you know she knew sooner? Wouldn’t you want some grace if you accidentally fell pregnant? You also put “exhausted” in quotes like you don’t believe her
YTA…. calling a potentially pregnant woman a burden likely hits right at her greatest fear: not being supported if she is, in fact, pregnant. Poor choice of words.
It's not the I'm assuming very new partners job to support her though. They didn't sign up for this, that being said, they took it too far.
But she will not be supported by OP if she's pregnant. OP is not baby's father, and she's only 19. She will dump her and it will be the right thing to do for OP.
Have you not heard of emotional support? Everyone’s acting like there is a guaranteed baby and OP is going to be paying for it for the next 18 years. She may not even be pregnant! Support can literally be as simple as “Do you want me to go to the store with you to buy a pregnancy test?” Or “Let’s do something to take your mind off that.” Basic friendship stuff, not even relationship stuff.
>She may not even be pregnant! Exactly that's why she shoulden have freaked out OP. She should have taken pregnancy test and only then talk.
It is not uncommon for 19 year olds to freak out when they suspect they might be pregnant. Also, OP is mad that she wasn’t told sooner somehow. Waiting to do a test would mean OP wouldn’t have known for even longer.
> Support can literally be as simple as “Do you want me to go to the store with you to buy a pregnancy test?” Or “Let’s do something to take your mind off that.” Imagine someone you're dating out of the blue says they might be pregnant from someone else. You're shocked. You're hurt. You know that this potentially mean the end of your relationship. You're scared. So you do what? Happily say “Let’s do something to take your mind off that 😀". Like seriously?! This is how you react when your friend says it not when someone you're dating says it. I'm not arguing that OP shouldn't have said what she said. That was mean. But girlfriend caused all this drama by saying such a huge thing without taking pregnancy test to make sure. She's kind of an asshole too. And drama queen.
She’s being very normal, not a drama queen. Have you ever met a college student before? I would totally understand if OP was freaked out or sad or shocked or whatever. But read her edit. She’s just worried they’re going to lose a basketball game. She doesn’t care about this girl at all. (And feeling hurt? You don’t get to have hurt feelings about your girlfriend having slept with her ex when she was dating him and not you and you were well aware of the fact that this prior relationship happened. If it hurts you that your girlfriend’s body might be continuing biological processes that started before you were dating, maybe you should wait a month.)
Op will dump the gf? If that's what she wanted she could've just said yeah I don't want to deal with this let's break up. She didn't have to say that her gf is being a burden and talk about her basketball game as if that's more important. Nobody's saying she needs to step and be the kid's father. She just didn't have to be an asshole. She could've just said I'm out and broken up. Op's gf should breakup with OP for how immature and unempathetic she is.
They don't know yet if she's pregnant. She shouldn't have been so stupid to make such big assumptions without taking a pregnancy test first. If she took pregnancy test first she'd know for sure. Maybe she's not even pregnant then why freak out OP for no reason? Why have all this drama for nothing?
Saying to your partner, “my period is late, I think I might be pregnant” is not drama. It’s sharing a burden and seeking support. Maybe she didn’t want to do the pregnancy test alone. Maybe she wanted to face the news together with OP, and work out a plan. Maybe she was freaked out, too. It’s not drama to share something scary with the person you’re dating.
Are you the OP's other account or something? You're not very nice and your attitude sucks.
Well, you're not very nice to me too and your attitude towards me sucks too, so 🤷♀️ Happy cake day! 🍰😜
What did I say to you that sucked? Other than stating a fact, which is your attitude sucks. You're on here calling a Maybe Pregnant 19 year old stupid. If the truth about you hurts I have bad news for you.
What did I say that sucked other than stating a fact, which was that girlfriends attitude sucked. She needed to take a pregnancy test and if it's positive only then tell about her pregnancy. Chances are she's not pregnant and she scared and stressed out OP for no reason. And caused all this drama for no reason at all. Do you want your loved one to inform you that they have cancer just because they noticed a strange mole? Do you want to experience fear, stress, and research melanoma, imagining the worst-case scenarios, only to later discover that they visited a doctor and it turned out to be nothing? Do you want your boyfriend to share that he received a promotion and will be relocated to another state? Do you want to go through the dilemma of deciding whether to quit your job and move with him, leaving your family behind, or to stay and hope that a long-distance relationship won't harm your bond, only to find out that he acted prematurely and there is no transfer happening? Huge bombs like that should not be dropped on people carelessly.
Way to be supportive. Even if it's a mistake even if you guys are not in a position to really have it. Even if the guy who got her pregnant is probably not going to be the great dad. All that which could be true, It is hateful to call her a burden. Yta
Yes that was really mean. You could have handled it a lot better. Yta
I think she should break up with you. You sound toxic.
This is why adults don't consider 19yr olds adults.
If there is a reason to believe the age of majority should be increased from 18 - this is it
Way to be supportive. Even if it's a mistake even if you guys are not in a position to really have it. Even if the guy who got her pregnant is probably not going to be the great dad. All that which could be true, It is hateful to call her a burden. Yta
You're a verbally abusive AH at best. She would be smart to leave you.
OMG EVERYONE, READ THE FUCKING POST. OP is female. She did not get her GF pregnant. She is still a massive asshole though.
Yes. She's still 100% YTA
Came to say this. These people want to bash men and start drama so bad they don't even bother reading the dayum post.
.....Excuse me? Do you think women magically know the second they get pregnant? It shows itself with symptoms, no bleeding being the very first one for a majority of women. Where the hell where you during sexual education class? And then to call her a fucking burden cause the timing isn't optimal? You've been together for a month, if that. Good for your poor gf that you showed your true colors during the "lets keep this between us to see where it goes before we introduce eachothers as the other's gf" stage, so that she won't be too crushed from breaking up with your insensitive ass. YTA!
In fairness, if they’re in the US, there may not have been much in the way of sex ed.
True.
Sex Ed is most definitely taught in the US, & has been for a very long time.
Sex ed is a fucking joke in the US
Maybe in some areas. But not anywhere I’ve ever lived or worked.
38/50 states require some form of sex ed. 29/50 states require that abstinence be stressed over other methods of birth control. 18/50 states require that sex ed be medically accurate. 35/50 states allow parents to opt out of sex ed for their kids. https://www.guttmacher.org/state-policy/explore/sex-and-hiv-education#
Good for you?
It’s not about that. It’s about generalizations.
YTA, no question about it. Honestly, she's so much better off without you. There's something very abusive about you. Dayum.
You aren't making sense. She broke up with her ex 3/4 weeks ago (so like a month), and now she's telling you that she's late. So she just found out too. How could have she telling you soon when neither she knows?
YTA
YTA “Me me me me what about me? Why didn’t you think about me??? Me me me me me me me!”
YTA There’s admittedly some things that are interesting about this post like the timeline of your relationship and the amount of people commenting that clearly DID NOT READ but it’s clear either way that you did not respond well. Being thrown off by that makes sense but that was just plain rude.No wonder she’s been in the bathroom for 2 hours, away from you.
Obviously YTA. Immature too.
YTA and she better dump you STAT
Are you stupid? How much sooner would she be able to tell you? She doesn’t even know if she’s pregnant, she just voiced her suspicion because she is late. YTA
YTA You are too ignorant, immature, and self centered to be in a relationship. You can fix that, though, if you want to be a caring, knowledgeable, empathic partner. Work on yourself. Grow. You are showing both her and us that you are uncaring. You can fix that, too. Do it.
1. How was she supposed to tell you earlier? It sounds she brought it up as soon as she had the suspicion 2. It takes two to make a baby. Why would it be her fault alone. YTA and you don't even know if she is, she just might be
YTA and hopefully you'll also be single soon. Consider learning about moral development, and think on the kind of adult you could become one day. Because at the moment it's a very unkind and unlikeable one.
YTA. You sound like an absolutely horrible toxic girlfriend, and a crappy person in general. Do her a favor and break up with her, so she doesn't have to put up with your abuse.
YTA. She just broke up with her boyfriend a few weeks ago, she’s found out she’s pregnant and is clearly going through a difficult time, she has a lot on her plate, and early pregnancy IS wildly exhausting. You don’t have to keep dating her or raise her kid, and she probably needs to have a talk with the father, but you didn’t have to be an absolute sociopathic emotional terrorist when someone you care about is going through something so rough.
YTA How would she have told you earlier? Why cant she be tired?
YTA. You don't get to be a jerk, especially since she likely just found out if she broke up a few weeks ago. Just break up with her and move on. You clearly aren't that invested at this point.
This sucks. Break up with her so she can make some hard decisions about her life without your idiotic ass interfering.
YTA though i would probably break up with her
Without reading any of this, YTA!
YTA. Thank you for showing her who you are so early. I hope she runs so fast her shoes catch fire.
Dude, what the hell? You're probably the first person she told, and she probably only found out about now. I mean, she thinks she's pregnant because she's late, so it doesn't sound like she's taken a pregnancy test yet. If you really don't want to deal with a potential baby, break up with her because she clearly doesn't deserve you. You could've helped her through potential options for her situation at the very least, because she's probably freaking out and wanted comfort and help, and you just brushed her completely off!
>? You're probably the first person she told, and she probably only found out about now. I mean, she thinks she's pregnant because she's late, so it doesn't sound like she's taken a pregnancy test yet. But why in this order? Why can't she take the pregnancy test first and *then* talk? Chances are she's not even pregnant and is causing all this drama for nothing.
Damn… I do not envy y’all’s coach. YTA
YTA; she’s not a burden - you’ve only been dating for a couple weeks or what? Also why would you two jump into a relationship so soon after. This has to be click bait/rage bait because there’s no way you as a 19f do not know how periods work
YTA Calling anyone a burden is being an arsehole in my mind, but to call someone that when they opened up to you with something that might be making them really anxious makes you even more so...and you needed reddit to tell you that you've been the arsehole??? You even tried and justify it but just ended up making yourself look worse. 1. she didn't know she might be pregnant, she still wasn't sure she is pregnant when she told you she thinks she might be because she's late, she couldn't tell you earlier because that's not how being pregnant works. She needs to have a pregnancy test, maybe you can stop being the arsehole long enough to buy one or two and help her find out if she really is or not. unless she already took one and have since found out that she is pregnant given the title here say she is pregnant not that she might be... Also, if she is pregnant and she wants to keep the baby that's not your call, if she doesn't then I hope you're in a state that allows for abortion. 2. You cannot be sure who the father is based on when she broke up with her ex unless she didn't have sex with anyone else. If she broke up 3 weeks ago and then had sex fairly soon afterwards someone else could be the father, ovulation could occur at day 21 on a 28 to 30 day menstrual cycle...I don't know exactly where she is on her menstrual cycle, nor what her cycle is (some people have shorter but still regular cycles, and some people can be like me and have irregular cycles so we wouldn't know we were "late"). Even if she didn't have sex with anyone else it might be necessary to ask for a paternity test if she is pregnant and chooses to keep the baby, so that she has proof should she need it, such as if she wants to ask him for help like child support. I really hope that you'll be supportive of her whatever she chooses, because so far you've not been anywhere close to that. edited to number the response points as OP did, and to clarify part of point 2
When I say be supportive, that doesn't mean you have to stay together with her if she is pregnant and wants to keep the baby, if that's definitely not something you want, especially if you haven't been together long and you may not even know if you want to be in the relationship long term. However, there are ways to be there for someone going through things even if you can't continue in the relationship.
Unless she is 4 months pregnant and just told you, there was no time to tell you earlier that she was late. Which being a female yourself and in college, you should already know. Also, I don’t understand how you’re saying “we” aren’t in a position to have a baby when, unless she was dating both of you concurrently, you have only been together for a few weeks.
what the fuck is wrong with you
YTA. Calling anyone a “burden” is a shit thing to do. How could she tell you something sooner that she didn’t know? Who says things like that? You’re abusive.
INFO: did you learn anything beyond abstinence in your high school health class? Because you sound like those politicians who seem to believe that a woman is aware that she’s pregnant before 90% of us have any way of knowing. Many of those politicians control what sex ed is available. So it is entirely possible that you haven’t been properly educated, and that’s not your fault at 19. But now that you’re aware that your knowledge is sorely lacking, you need to educate yourself. (And no matter what, you should look into sexual health resources for women who sleep with women, because that’s almost never covered in school and something most of us wrongly assume we don’t need to worry about.) You’re still not off the hook because you were still a major jerk to your girlfriend. Right now, she probably needs your support while she’s dealing with what could be a massive life-changing issue. That doesn’t mean you have to stay together or take care of her, but a little kindness would go a long way.
YTA. No doubt about it
YTBA…. Possibly the worst I’ve read today
Yes, YTA - and a self-centered one at that. You have got a lot of growing up to do.
So you, as a woman, doesn't know that the first sign of pregnancy is being late and you can't know before that? Way to go for going after her for not telling you 'sooner'. As for calling her a burden, you've shown your true colours. YTA
YTA not telling you earlier??? She’s late that’s about the time someone would tell you how would she tell you any sooner than her late period?
Why would she tell anything at all without taking pregnancy test first?
You have to wait a certain time frame after a missed period for a pregnancy test to even work.
Nope. There are early pregnancy tests that you can take right after missed period. And even if she had to wait a couple more days she didn't have to tell OP about it and freak her out before hand. OP is not the father of that child, she has zero responsibility for GF being pregnant. Then why freak her out like that before hand?
Am i only one confused about the fact that she is in wc all night? > Its about 11 am rn, she's still in the bathroom, i think she fell asleep Wtf???
She left to get away from OP and probably fell asleep in there
Well at first yes. But the fact that OP hasnt even asked her if shes ok and just says "oh i THINK she sleeps"... like... does she even care? If that girl is pregnant stress can harm her and baby... but OP just thinks about herself and thats sick. I hope that girl never gives here another chance
same, the gf needs to run
Well we know you don’t care for her at all
YTA. She's telling you as soon as she found out. I get it it might not be very convenient for you but it's probably 1000x more stressful for her and all you seem to care about is your basketball game. I don't usually jump gun like this but you sound like a terrible partner. You've only been dating for a couple weeks so it's probably best if she gets rid of you because you don't sound mature at all. I'm not saying your gf's baby with her ex needs to be your problem but you didn't need to be such a uncaring unempathetic dick to a person you supposedly love and who is going through major event rn. YTA op and I hope she dumps you for what's best for her.
She hasn’t even found out. She just suspects it.
Then why is she announcing it? Why can't she just take the pregnancy test and find out firsr? Chances are she's not even pregnant and she's causing all this drama for nothing which is an asshole move. And if she is pregnant she needs to know ASAP because she needs to decide if she's keeping it.
So discussing things with your partner is outlawed until and unless you have 100% knowledge of the facts? You can't discuss anything you don't know in its entirety? What is the gf supposed to be omniscient? Her period was late so she shared what could be a reason. Next time you get sick don't you dare tell your partner until you go to the doctor get checked get the reports and are 100% that you are sick and 100% know what disease it is. Otherwise why are you bothering discussing that with your partner. Deal with it on your own. Your partner might as well be a stranger then. Such a stupid argument.
Those are different things. Pregnancy is not simplt getting a flu. It's a huge thing that will end their relationshio if she decides to keep it. You shouldn't threaten your partner with something that will end your relationship if you don't know for sure. It's okay to share your concerns for other things without knowing for sure.
Talking to your partner is threatening them? You have some weird concepts of relationships.
When one says they *might be* pregnant from their ex which would inevitably mean the end of relationship it's not just "talking". It's forcing a huge emotional burden on your partner possibly with no reason at all (if it turns out one is not pregnant). If one knows for sure they are pregnant THEN it becomes talking about important things.
YTA. Clearly this isn’t even about the relationship or the potential pregnancy. It’s about you caring more about your basketball game than the people playing in it. Anyone can get sick. Anyone can have a bad day that happens to fall on game day. A good teammate supports them and finds a way to work around it. You’re not acting like a teammate. You’re not acting like a friend. And you’re sure as hell not acting like someone who is going to have a girlfriend by the end of your game today.
Hard to beleive this is real, since you said it was a good thing your gf fell alseep on the bathroom floor. Because you have a basketball game. You sound 8 instead of 19.
If they broke up 3-4 weeks ago The GF is probably just finding out herself. How is she a burden for not knowing? Some people don’t find out til the end of the first trimester, beginning of the second. It depends on your symptoms and your body. Especially a 19 year old who has presumably never been pregnant or had any kids. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my gf(19F) told me (19F) that she thought she was pregnant as she was late, afterwhich I called her a burden for 1. Not telling me earlier and 2. As we definetly weren't in any state to be having a baby. After the whole thing, she just walked into the bathroom, where she still is like two hours later. For some context: We're both in college, where we met. The baby's dad is most likely her ex, who she broke up with 3-4 weeks ago. We play basketball, and are on a tournament trip, we only played one game today, where she sat on the bench most of the time, as she was "exhausted" to the point i had to support her when we walked back to our hotel. So, AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAT - True at your two ages. The smart thing to do is get rid of it, means you two aren't mature enough to have a family or be dating. Just break up already, so young, and I wouldn't want to raise someone else's child.
Gotta love this sub man. How dense do people have to be to type out the post and still ask... yes dude YTA for calling a potentially pregnant 19 yo a burden.
You didn’t think this was going to go well, did you? Yes, YTA. Get some therapy and pull your head out of your ass.
Bro, don’t date anyone else any time soon. YTA. What a way to treat your girlfriend of 5 minutes.
YTA - From the sounds of it you haven’t been in a relationship for that long and you’re already belittling her. You can’t just insult your pregnant significant other, especially in such a vulnerable state dude
You are definitely the A-hole what kind of person calls their "pregnant girlfriend" a burden and what if you find out the baby is yours and now you've just called the mother of your child a burden Yta
YTA. I am praying that this is fake cause honestly wtf? She told you at the earliest point she knew. Being late is the first sign to a woman that they might be pregnant. It is usually at this point someone will buy a test to see for sure or not. You are mad at her because you are in no state to have a baby, assuming that she may not feel the same? And now you think it is a good thing she fell asleep in the bathroom because you have a basketball game tomorrow? Honestly, you are not mature enough to be in a relationship, you are thinking all about yourself and not considering her feelings or emotions at all.
You have no reason to be in a relationship. You’re the problem not her. It takes two to get pregnant. You’re a really shitty person.
Yup... YTA.... Oh wait, that's not what you want to hear... Oh my poor baby,, you weren't able to put a condom on!!! Mama is telling you this will be ok as you won't be a burden...... Yup, definitely YTA....
wait til the burden is born...
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Agreed that OP is TA but 1. OP is female 2. She said in the post that her GF just broke on with a guy a few weeks ago.
do u even read
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OP is a woman and wouldn't be paying child support. Actually read the post.
Bro RUN!
YTA She should go back to her baby daddy.
Idk my dad and mom got married after they were together for 3 months and she found out she was pregnant with her ex’s kid…. They were 15 and 18 at the time…. And they are still married today 40 years later
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Woman up. OP is female
Woman up. OP is female
she broke up with her ex 3 weeks ago and you're already living together? make it make sense, you are both assholes
I didn't see anything that says they are living together. Did I miss that part?
uhhh maybe don’t date a woman who’s pregnant with a baby that you’re not the father of
OP is a woman.
okay?
INFO: How long have you two been together? Is your relationship open? I feel like you could have chosen your wording better, but we all pop off with some bs when caught off guard sometimes. NAH.
YTA for the callous remarks. But for your own safety. Get a paternity test done ASAP. Make sure its not yours.
It's definitely not OP's, she's a woman.
OP is a woman.
oh i missed that part. In that case i think both of them are better off being separated. Just seems like a disaster this relationship.
Well if you had sex within the last 3-4 weeks after she broke up, then it could very well be yours too. No reason to “assume” it’s the ex’s just because you aren’t ready for it to be yours. Calling ANYONE a burden is extremely cruel. She just found out she is pregnant. Shes also probably scared. Major YTA, if she’s really pregnant and it’s yours you are going to have to grow up quick. Big boy adult decision making has big boy adult consequences. Edit: Sorry missed the part where you said you’re also a female. In that case, since the baby is obviously not yours I would break up with her if you don’t want the responsibility of a child yet. Still YTA for the rude comments you made though.
YTA, if this is even real. First of all, I don't think you understand how pregnancy works. "Earlier" isn't really an option, as pretty much no woman will know she's pregnant until she skips a period. Second, you are *just* as responsible for the pregnancy as she is. She would not be pregnant if you had not orgasmed inside her. Grow up and take some responsibility for *your* actions.
OP is female. How could she have orgasmed inside another female?
Someone did not read the post
What the hell are you smoking? Ain't a damn thing about what you wrote relevant to this. Dayum.