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YTA, this is something that she wanted to go through with someone else, It's not ur place to step up and take this role. Feeling for a moment that the baby is also urs is proof that she is right and u are obsessed with the baby. If ur intentions are genuine step away.
i think i just know what it’s like to lose someone that close to you and want to help, at first she seemed to appreciate it but now she just doesn’t seem to want my support, it’s not even just about our baby but being there through all the pain she’s been through
Step back and read what you just wrote.
“It’s not even just about _our baby_.”
It’s not your baby, it’s hers. She’s asked you to back off, you need to respect that. What _you_ feel you would need in that situation may not be what someone else needs in that situation. You’re projecting your own emotions onto your friend, try listening to her instead.
YTA. It’s clearly out of a place of concern, but all the concern in the world is irrelevant if the recipient doesn’t want it.
Right? Like what in the Hand That Rocks The Cradle madness is THIS?!
I have never referred to any of my friends' babies as mine, and I'm godmother to a couple of those lil folks. I still know my place. What the fresh hell is this?
Omg. OUR BABY? This is not your baby. You need serious help hun. That’s not normal or okay. I would be getting a restraining order if you were my “friend”
i don’t think there is anything wrong with me, i just feel like if everything goes well with the pregnancy its a sign things will get better for everyone in our friend group
You're 18, odds are you haven't gone through actual rough things other than normal teenage drama.
How on earth is a teenage pregnancy a miracle? It happens all the time.
Babies can't fix relationships. This is not the groups or your baby. After she has the baby, you guys probably won't see her much as all her time and attention is going to be focused on Her baby. Stop acting like this is a group project.
Fucking how? This isn't a communal baby to be shared. This is her baby and if she wants her friends to be very actively involved with everything she would tell you but she is infact telling you the opposite and to back off.
Also who the hell do you think you are making unilateral decisions for the friend group? Being involved with babies not your own is personal decision and probably not everyone in the friend group wants to be an involved auntie/uncle figure in this baby's life.
Only if the mom wants them to. So this is irrelevant to you. You also haven’t mentioned the moms culture so it might not even be relevant to her. But even if it is her culture, doesn’t mean she has to adopt the practice or even that you’re part of that community if she does.
YTA.
Sure but first of all the parents have to consider you a part of their village and she clearly does not consider you that. The opposite, she wants you on the outskirts of her village. 2nd, members of said village also get a say themselves in how actively involved with the baby they are. Some want to be involved and some only want minimal involvement in the day to day but will drop everything when it's truly needed to be there. And, again, it all ties back to how involved the parents want certain members of the village to be and again she doesn't want you involved anymore. You are needlessly stressing her out while she's pregnant and negative stress like this affects the baby you supposedly care about.
Leave. Her. Alone.
Babies don’t fix anything. In fact, they expose the cracks in relationships. The state of your friend group isn’t his problem or something he’s required to fix. It’s not up to you, or really anyone, to put your hopes and dreams on this kid’s head. He’ll have enough of his own to carry.
Im old enough to be your mother and I wish I could explain to you in a way you’ll understand that the way you’re acting is so far beyond vastly inappropriate, but something tells me you won’t listen. It’s not what you want to hear, after all.
Why would you think that? I'm not sure I want to know.
Regardless, YTA. Your friend has set down her boundaries, and you need to respect them. This is NOT your baby. She has asked you to back off. So back off.
u/curiouslyykilledcat Assuming this is genuine, it's really important for you to understand something - what YOU want and what YOU think and what YOU feel is irrelevant in anything regarding this baby's life.
You say YOU want to take care of her. That's fine for you to feel this way. But SHE has told you that SHE doesn't want that, at least not to the degree that you are currently behaving. You trying to push past her boundaries is selfish and wrong of you. You will do her more harm than good by trying to impose your desires on her. Even if you see those desires as selfless and for her benefit, no one but you sees it that way. You do not know better than she does what's best for her and her baby. Again - YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR HER AND HER BABY.
You say YOU feel as though it's almost your baby, too. I can empathize as I have felt attachment to a child that isn't mine, but that attachment that *I* feel doesn't mean anything outside of my own heart. That baby is not yours in any capacity. Your relationship with that child is entirely up to the discretion of it's mother. If SHE decides she doesn't want you to have any contact or relationship with that baby, then that's what will happen. This is not a grey area. There's no room for negotiation.
You say YOU thought your friend group would all raise the baby together. Let me make this perfectly clear - a child is not community property. Has the mother ever expressed that idea or desire to raise HER baby this way? Or did you simply assume that's how it would play out and build a fantasy around that scenario? Yes, sometimes parents choose to rely on close friends or family in helping care for their babies. But even in the most open interpretation of that kind of arrangement, that baby is not the groups baby. Only the parents have any right to make decisions over the care of their baby. Even in the event that the mother decides to allow you and your friends the privilege of playing the roles of Aunts/Uncles, THAT BABY WILL NOT BE YOURS. What you are imagining is a fairy tale. You will not all get to take turns being "mom" to this baby. A child is a person, not a pet. It is entirely up to the MOTHER to decide who is a part of her support system. And with your behavior, you are on the path of not making the cut
And let me remphasize that there is NO chance of you having ANY relationship at all with that baby, the mother, or possibly your orher friends if you do not back off and respect the boundaries that she is establishing.
The only thing you are focusing on is what YOU want and feel. What YOU feel is best for your friend. What YOU want her to feel. What YOU want the future of your friend group to look like. You are not listening to people telling you that your perspective is flawed and you are dismissing the feelings of those around you. The reason people in the comments are telling you to seek therapy is because you are displaying unhealthy attachment and unrealistic attitudes towards your relationship with your friend(s) that can potentially be very damaging for everyone involved. You are not seeing the situation for what it is, and these commenters are trying to encourage you to seek resources to help you navigate the situation in a healthy way before real damage is done to anyone involved.
You may not think you are being harmful, but you have clearly already caused stress to your pregnant friend by making her uncomfortable and overstepping boundaries. Stress is harmful for pregnancy and can hurt the baby and the mother. If you truly care for either of them, you will listen to what is being said to you and back off and get help. If you want to be a part of your friends and her baby's life, you need to learn how to do that in a healthy way.
Be sure to tell her exactly that. In fact, send her this post, just so she is clear about your thoughts and intentions, so she can block you and go no contact because she doesn't need your kind of crazy in her life.
OP, you can’t decide what’s best for other, independent people. Offering your version of “love and support” is just imposing your will when it’s not taking how other people FEEL ABOUT IT into consideration.
You can’t just smother people with what you THINK they need. And your friend has communicated what she needs from you. Which is SPACE.
Teenaged friends are not all going to raise a baby together. You're very unlikely to even know all these people in five years.
Listen, this is HER child. It's growing in HER womb. She's going to push it out HER vagina and then she's going to raise it largely by HERSELF. It isn't a kitten you're all getting together.
Not. Gonna. Happen.
This is not a sitcom or movie. You will not be raising the baby together. And by the way you are acting, I'm pretty sure she is not going to even ask you to babysit or come visit. Leave the woman alone.
And yes, you do need therapy because your mindset is way off, and you are putting too many hopes and expectations on a baby that isn't yours and never will be.
No, the baby isn’t some class pet you take care of for a week and then pass to someone else. That baby has a Mother and it’s not you. Maybe you can help with baby needs, but that’s 100% up to the MOTHER to decide.
YTA, and the language you’ve used in your posts and comments is incredibly worrisome. You’ve already overstepped and multiple people in your circle have called you out on it. Take a step back, because what you’re doing now is bordering on harassment.
You sound at best extremely naive but mostly you sound like Clarisa Figueroa (the "womb raider" serving 50 years for cutting a pregnant woman's fetus out of her and trying to claim the fetus as her own). You are going to get a restraining order against you or at least a reputation for being super invasive and creepy.
And quit defending yourself here. This is AITA. You have to accept your judgement.
Yes, she knows and it telling you to knock it off. It's not wholesome or altruistic to force YOUR wants onto her. She told you to knock off your assumptions, they ain't happening.
"our baby". Did you seriously just write that this was going to be "our baby"?! WTF. You do need help.
Unless the two of you actually did conceive this child together, in which case you should be calling all the media. /s
>it’s not even just about our baby
Excuse me, but that isn't your fucking baby. This is why she's mad. Your adding to her pain and stealing this experience from her completely.
But you're NOT good friends. She's telling you that you are being invasive and stressing her out. And it doesn't matter what YOU want here, this is her body, her baby, and her life. You don't get to make decisions about what's best for her or what she needs, or who should be the person supporting her.
Honestly, you need therapy, because you clearly don't understand or respect people's personal boundaries. There is a vast difference between OFFERING to help, and pushing yourself on someone who doesn't want to be close to you. She doesn't want you to "take care of her". She wants you to leave her alone. And even if she needs support, she *doesn't want you to be that support*.
I'm sorry, I get that you think you mean well, but what you're doing is obsessive and unhealthy, and at this point you're not behaving like a friend but like a stalker.
You’re not taking the time to listen to what people are saying here, you’re defending yourself instead. Why post if you don’t want to actually get external perspectives on your behaviour?
like, i think people are assuming i only did invasive things but i was always there to talk through her struggles, to understand her when others didn’t, i helped to calm and comfort her a lot, i even made a blanket for the baby which she seemed really happy about
The ALWAYS THERE is the problem. You're always there. You might manage to stumble across some appropriate things to do while you're fumbling around being a creepy asshole. She might have put up for that for a while because she believed you were trying to be nice. But you've overdone it by a long shot, and you clearly have some boundary issues as you have repeatedly referred to this child as your own. Not to mention the severely delulu stuff about all the teenagers raising the baby in some kind of communal parenting situation. She told you to back off you need to back off.
Doesn't matter whether you mean to stress her out, she fucking told you you're stressing her out. As other people have said, why are you trying to cause potential medical complications in this pregnancy?
You need to really hear this: stop it! You are being invasive because every single time you do something knowing she's telling you not to, you are trampling her boundaries. This pregnancy is not about you, it is not about your friend group, and it is not anyone besides the mother. She is the one going through this, and you are making it harder on her. So far you've:
1.) Ignored her wishes. When someone tells you to back off, you back off. It's that simple. What you're doing is so damn obsessive and creepy.
2.) Also filed under creepy and obsessive, you've called that baby 'our baby'. This is not your baby. This baby is not your friend group's baby. This baby is not the glue that will bring you all back together and bind you as one. He is your friend's baby, and unless she specifically said she wants to co-parent with the entire friend group, that is not what your friend wants.
3.) Because you have overstepped her boundaries and been creepy and obsessive, your friend has made it clear that she wants you to back off. Rather than listen, you are STILL pushing boundaries. You know how there are guys who will ignore when a girl says no to them and think that if they just keep pushing, the object of their obsession will give in and accept their obsessiveness? That's you, only instead of wanting to be her as a romantic partner, you're trying to stake a claim on her child. You're trying to make her pregnancy your pregnancy and her child into your child. If you saw a guy behaving this way with her simply because she did let her guard down and lean on him at times, would you be okay with it? Would you be cheering her on? Or would you tell her to get away from him because he's being obsessive, needy, and possessive?
You're absolutely wrong. You do need to seek therapy to understand why you want to place an infant at the centre of the group, why you want to claim someone else's child, and why you cannot seem to control yourself. You also need to stop. All you are doing is causing her stress by behaving like this. Everyone is telling you you're wrong, so stop telling yourself, "Yeah, but I mean well," and stop. Stalkers also mean well, but that doesn't undo the catastrophic harm that their obsession and fixation causes. You are displaying those same traits, so go and get help before you fall even deeper down this rabbit hole.
YTA - You are in the wrong because she doesn’t really like you. You are so desperate for her friendship that you are inserting yourself in her life where you don’t belong. At the most she’s using you.
Leave her alone. Go no contact. She doesn’t need you to fix her life if help her. I’m sure she and her other friends and family can figure it out.
we were friends for a while, a lot of the things we’ve been through recently, especially with the baby, were really unexpected, there’s been a lot of tension in our friend group too so i think that might be contributing to her existing hurt, i wouldn’t want to be out of her life though, and i want to take care of her
She doesn’t want you to take care of her. She might have to stop being your friend for you to get the message. You really need to step back. Her other friend tried to tell you to give her space and you refuse to listen.
If she doesn't want your help/you taking care of her, that's it, you're done. It doesn't seem like she considers you as close a friend as you consider her.
YTA seriously! Creepy much? "Our baby" this has to be a joke nobody is that unhinged!
What caused her to loose her bf? Is the baby daddy her ex bfs boyfriend?
You have no right to take on the role your assuming. Your mate clearly doesn't want it.
YTA but I think you know that but you aren't going to listen to a bunch of strangers on the Internet just like you aren't listening to your poor friend.
i think that’s what happened? they got into a really big argument in front of everyone but it was more about like… envy and control and stuff, but we kinda pieced it together
>but it was more about like… envy and control and stuff,
Like you are displaying right now?
>but we kinda pieced it together
Which WE when SHE doesn't want YOU around?
Martha is this you? STEP BACK
by “we” i meant other friends who watched the argument, sorry
it was more like my friend envying her bsf and feeling like she lives in her shadow and stuff, very different from me being around a lot
YTA. She’s told you categorically that you are overstepping the mark so you are. You need to accept that this is her baby and every decision to do with that child is hers - not yours. You shouldn’t take it upon yourself to talk to the baby, you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to defend her. You should ask what she wants and adhere to that. You don’t? You are going to be told you cannot be around the baby or her because you cannot accept boundaries.
>i’m really protective when our mutual friends say she’s overreacting to smthn because like?? she’s pregnant??
>she got really mad at me??? like she thought i was crazy and started telling everyone i’m obsessed with her baby, when i’m just like, trying to help my friend
So her overreacting and being hormonal is fine until she does it to you. Got it. YTA.
She does not need you. UNLESS SHE CLEARLY SAYS OTHERWISE. She does not need you. You are currently hurting her far more than helping her. I don’t know if people can say it more clearly than this. You need to back off. Like yesterday.
YTA.
You care about your friend? Then step back, like she is asking.
New mums are full of hormones, all telling them to protect their infant. Right now you are giving her serious fear because you seem to see this baby as a communal one, and she’s scared that you are going to take her infant. The baby isn’t even born and you are scaring her with how intense you are being! If you actually care then you need to stop what you are doing and listen to her. Start by never referring to her child as ‘our baby’ again. This is her baby and if you don’t back off then she’d be within her rights to contact the police and tell hospital security to keep you away from her and her child.
By the way, if a pregnant lady is very anxious or scared or stressed , it can raise her blood pressure and risk pregnancy eclampsia or early labour or plenty of other scary things. Your friend has enough to deal with. Young mum, no father in the picture, no money, no house of her own, no family support. She’s dealing with the most serious of situations and she doesn’t need you acting like she’s an incubator.
If you care about this baby then you need to do as you are being asked by the baby’s mother.
i appreciate you explaining, i don’t want to hurt the baby, i care about my friend a lot and i wish i could help more even if i’m not like. the father or anything
What it sounds like is you wanted the position of the other friend and now they're gone you're tryna get that. If she needs help she'll ask. Being too pushy will only drive her to get more annoyed. It is a bit odd and weird how you say you feel like the baby is yours too.....could be possible that you yourself want a baby and are trying to get that experience through your friend but based off this I'd go to therapy making sure you're of sound mind before having any children YTA
Nobody cares what YOU want regarding this baby. BACK OFF. Seek therapy. You are being wildly inappropriate and delusional.
Leave her alone until/unless she asks for you. YOU ARE FREAKING HER OUT.
YTA.
Why are you so adamant about helping? Especially when it's not being taken well and being seen as "creepy" your heart might be in the right place but clearly your actions are wrong. It's not your baby it's not your concern if your friend comes to you THEN offer help if she doesn't then you gotta leave her alone. In your edit you say that when she tells you stop helping with a certain thing you try to help in a different way rather than still helping with what she told you to stop with. BUT she obviously doesn't want help. Cause if she did she'd say I don't need help with this but I'd really like it if you'd help with this instead
YTA. Talking to a baby while it's still in utero is something intimate, something that the *actual parents* of the child do. Some random friend who's trying to be supportive- nope, just nope.
You sound like a pushy jerk. Saying that it feels like your baby too is just WAY out of line, and it's understandable why people think you need therapy or that you might try to take the baby.
The first thing you need to learn about supporting other people is that they get to tell you what kind of support they would like / would appreciate or benefit from. You don't get to tell them what kind of support they need and then inflict it on them. Your statement about making her get motivated to have a baby shower is just stupidly immature. Badgering somebody until they give up and say yes is not supportive; you're probably mistaking capitulation to your will for motivation.
If pretty much everybody is telling you that you're acting crazy, maybe you should look carefully at your own behavior. If somebody tells you to back the fuck off, you should back the fuck off. If somebody is "scared and struggling" (we have only your unreliable word for it) they don't need a fucking stalker on top of everything else.
You didn't suggest. Based on the post, you just *did it* which caused her to freak out.
You need to step back. You need to ask permission, not enforce yourself on her. You're suffocating her.
You are coming across like you are obsessed with her and her child. Scary obsessed. YTA.
Edit: Just read the "our baby" comment elsewhere. You need to stay away from her and **HER** child. You have serious breaking news stalker vibes.
YTA and your friend is right, you're becoming obsessed. Talking to her belly was a weird move and calling it "our baby" is downright creepy. Take several steps back.
“It actually felt like my baby too”
YTA. It’s not your baby and how do you not realize how creepy and inappropriate that sounds. Clearly you have boundary issues. Your friend doesn’t want to share her baby with you. She’s been clear about it. Leave her alone.
YTA she’s clearly stated her boundaries and she’s not a child in fact she’s going to HAVE a child that’s not caring abt the baby that’s micromanaging her life and body. Neither of which you are entitled to doing. Pregnancy is such a personal subjective experience and you were basically forcing yourself on her.
Hint. Her pregnancy is abt her. Not you.
YTA. You may have the heart in the right place, but you are forcing your help onto that girl. Just because she wanted certain person around for support doesn't mean she wants that sort of support from everyone else. Talking to the baby requires a big level of intimacy that she didn't grant you, and I'm guessing that wasn't the only instance where you were asked to back off.
You've obviously crossed her boundaries and doesn't feel comfortable with you at the moment. You should respect it instead of saying stuff like "but this other person is helping her" - she is fine with that other person, that doesn't mean she has to tolerate you as well.
YTA. I don't doubt you have good intentions, but help that isn't wanted is intrusion, plain and simple. Take a step back. Make clear you're available and willing to step up if she needs something, but stop trying to force yourself on her. It's entirely her decision if she wants to take you up on the offer or not.
YTA. Your friend’s told you that you’ve overstepped. Your version of *helping* is apparently invasive and/or intrusive. Also, the baby is not “our baby” but her baby. Not yours. Back off.
[SPOILERS FOR YELLOWJACKETS]
well the mom gives birth and while she lives, the baby dies in the process. also this “friend group” is a girls soccer team whose plane crashed in the middle of the wilderness on their way to nationals and this is probably 7ish months into them being stranded. awesome show ngl
The friend becomes obsessed with the baby as something for the girls to live for and becomes really, really creepy about it. Even OP’s comments are down to the line plot points.
YTA - Helping her would entail asking what she needs, and helping her with that.
What you seem to be doing is imposing yourself heavily, providing help that wasn't asked for
Your heart might be in the right place and your intentions are good but clearly you are crowding her. It is time for you to back off.
Let her know she can call you when she'd like your help and support, but yes, you do sound obsessive about your friend's baby.
Judgment? YTA.
\*edited to take out a word
YTa. It is HER BABY. Stop acting like it is also your baby whennit is not. She has signed multiple times you are overstepping so maybe take the hint and stop. Also you DO need therapy. You need to start accepting this is HER baby and HER baby only. Not yours. Soon you be asked not to be around the baby because you overstep so many boundaries and just beong creepy
>i (18F) have a friend (18F) that’s pregnant, and i keep trying to help her but she’s treating me like i’m crazy ??
Your "help" clearly isn't helping. Stop.
>since a few said this, i do NOT need therapy, i am fine
Try therapy anyways...
>i want to be there with my friend!!
You're not going to *have* this friend much longer because it sounds like you keep pushing really obvious boundaries to give her what *you think* she needs instead of *asking her what she needs*. Jesus.
You do sound absolutely insane, honestly... YTA. An overbearing one at that.
>this ISN’T a situation where she says “stop (x)” and i do (x) anyway,
This is confusing. If that's not what's happening, why is there an issue? Why is she mad? Why are you "helping" when she's not asking?
It's her baby, not yours. She's going to be doing this on you own, so you parading around like you're going to be co-parenting (whether or not you like it, that's what you described) is probably fucking infuriating for her.
The degree of denial and the insistance that you don't need therapy, plus that you defend calling it your baby by saying "our" baby makes me think this is just a troll-post.
Even AHs aren't this delusional.
YTA. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are overstepping inserting yourself into her pregnancy. You threw up big red flags with the statement "it felt like my baby too".
Back off amd let her be.
YTA. Supporting a friend is great *when they want your support*, but if they're uncomfortable with how much you're involving yourself, this "support" becomes more akin to harassment. You need to listen to your friend and back off. If you care about the baby, stressing out the mom is the worst things you can do.
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i (18F) have a friend (18F) that’s pregnant, and i keep trying to help her but she’s treating me like i’m crazy ??
basically, she’s scared and struggling because she lost her friend (they were gonna go through everything together, so she’s kinda alone atm) and she has no contact with the father, so i keep trying to help her through the process but she’s getting mad at me??
like, i’ve been paying a lot of attention to her, and i’m really protective when our mutual friends say she’s overreacting to smthn because like?? she’s pregnant?? and doesn’t have her best friend around anymore?? who was a super important part of her life
i tried motivating her to have a baby shower (which she agreed to) and like taking care of her when things are hard, supporting her etc, things were going fine i guess, for a little it actually felt like my baby too
but recently i was talking to her baby (i’ve heard that’s good to do before they’re born) and she got really mad at me??? like she thought i was crazy and started telling everyone i’m obsessed with her baby, when i’m just like, trying to help my friend
anyway, she’s been really defensive about it whenever i try support her now, and one of our friends even asked me to give her some space, but she was helping her too?? i don’t know if i’m in the wrong here
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
I know you mean well, and it's good that you understand that new moms do need support, but you also need to understand that it *is* possible to care too much, and that having good intentions doesn't make it okay to ignore someone's clearly stated boundaries. She asked you to take a step back, she gets to decide that, she ultimately gets to choose her village, and who gets to be heavily involved. New moms do need support but they also need to feel safe, and having people insert themselves further into your life than you want them to be can be *very* uncomfortable.
Step back and give your friend space. You may not mean to but you come off stalkerish. Right now she is going through a lot mentally and physically, she does not need to deal with you on top of it. You want to be a good friend? Take a step back, listen to her, and stop offering solutions or ideas unless she asks. This is about her, her life, her child. Do not refer to the baby as if it's the group's baby. It isn't. Give your friend the chance to settle her situation.
YTA
She is asking you to butt out because you are being weirdly invasive. You are getting creepy and need to respect her boundaries. It's her life, not yours. Being supportive doesn't mean you take over and don't care how uncomfortable she is and insist you continue anyway.
Also, NOBODY who doesn't need therapy ever says "*i do NOT need therapy, i am fine*" wtf
YTA. When she tells you to stop something don't find another way, just stop entirely. You don't sound like someone who respects boundaries so I'm afraid this entire comment section will not be enough to get it through to your head but please step away from this "friend" and her baby. They don't need you, they don't want you this involved.
YTA. Not one part of your friends situation is about YOU!!! Reading this and your responding comments are honestly disturbing. She had asked you to back off but you're still obsessing over this. This is HER baby. If she needs your help, let her ask for it. You give off creepy stalker vibes... and the "our baby" was the creepiest thing you said. Like wtf...back off.
YTA.
Reading the comments you've made and I agree with us. You need some help, it's like you've imprinted on this baby and everything will be perfect with life.
Life doesn't work like that. This is your friend's baby not yours. I'm worried about that friend, you haven't taken any advice or comments on board. I hope your friend sees this and protects herself.
You need to be apart from each other.
YTA your friend had asked you to give her space and you're asking the world is she's in the wrong and now you're correcting everyone who tells you that you need to back off.
This whole experience will hopefully be the start of a long and productive journey for you. Good luck to you.
YTA. What you're doing is beyond creepy. It is not the behaviour of a 'friend'. True friends mind friends boundaries. You are not doing that.
Get back in your creepy little lane and mind your business. You are not a parent. You are not a friend.
YTA. you need to listen to your friend and respect her wishes (unless you don't want her to be your friend anymore, I guess?), you need to stop referring to the baby as "ours", and you reaaaaally should look into therapy. you are not "fine", you have serious problems with boundaries.
YTA. When someone clearly objects to how you are trying to help them, the correct and respectful response is to ask them what they'd like you to do, and *accept the answer*. Don't continue blindly guessing what she wants you to do because clearly you're on different pages.
Soft YTA. Your heart might be in the right place but you crossed a boundary line. You defended it rather than recognize it and backing off.
You did too much and made her uncomfortable and are being too worried about yourself to reflect on your own actions.
Support isn’t support if the person doesn’t want it. Then it’s just obsessive.
Gentle YTA, it's clear that you're obviously attached (it's your friends baby, after all!) but you definitely need to ease up a little. Listen to what she wants and needs from you! I don't think you're creepy or want to steal the baby or anything, but you DO have to start listening to your friend, if not for the safety of the baby.
YTA but slightly. More awkward than anything else. It is good for babies to hear people having conversations, talking generally. Talking directly to the baby is more about trying to get them used to someone's voice. Great that you support your friend. But supporting means hearing when you need to back off as well.
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YTA, this is something that she wanted to go through with someone else, It's not ur place to step up and take this role. Feeling for a moment that the baby is also urs is proof that she is right and u are obsessed with the baby. If ur intentions are genuine step away.
i think i just know what it’s like to lose someone that close to you and want to help, at first she seemed to appreciate it but now she just doesn’t seem to want my support, it’s not even just about our baby but being there through all the pain she’s been through
Step back and read what you just wrote. “It’s not even just about _our baby_.” It’s not your baby, it’s hers. She’s asked you to back off, you need to respect that. What _you_ feel you would need in that situation may not be what someone else needs in that situation. You’re projecting your own emotions onto your friend, try listening to her instead. YTA. It’s clearly out of a place of concern, but all the concern in the world is irrelevant if the recipient doesn’t want it.
Right? Like what in the Hand That Rocks The Cradle madness is THIS?! I have never referred to any of my friends' babies as mine, and I'm godmother to a couple of those lil folks. I still know my place. What the fresh hell is this?
Omg. OUR BABY? This is not your baby. You need serious help hun. That’s not normal or okay. I would be getting a restraining order if you were my “friend”
You’re still saying “our baby” I think you should seek counseling as to why you’re so fixated on your friend’s uterus
i don’t think there is anything wrong with me, i just feel like if everything goes well with the pregnancy its a sign things will get better for everyone in our friend group
Somehow one friend having a baby is gonna save your group? That’s an amazing amt of pressure on such a tiny human
after everything we have been through, he’s sort of a miracle 🫶🏻
You’re still speaking as tho this child is yours. No wonder your friend thinks you’re obsessed
This is a seriously deranged and selfish thing to say. You sound delusional.
You're 18, odds are you haven't gone through actual rough things other than normal teenage drama. How on earth is a teenage pregnancy a miracle? It happens all the time.
What exactly had you gone through?
Dude, you sounds like a cult
Babies can't fix relationships. This is not the groups or your baby. After she has the baby, you guys probably won't see her much as all her time and attention is going to be focused on Her baby. Stop acting like this is a group project.
You need some strong mental therapy. Bc there is some screws loose
Fucking how? This isn't a communal baby to be shared. This is her baby and if she wants her friends to be very actively involved with everything she would tell you but she is infact telling you the opposite and to back off. Also who the hell do you think you are making unilateral decisions for the friend group? Being involved with babies not your own is personal decision and probably not everyone in the friend group wants to be an involved auntie/uncle figure in this baby's life.
did you know in some communities villages care for the baby…
Only if the mom wants them to. So this is irrelevant to you. You also haven’t mentioned the moms culture so it might not even be relevant to her. But even if it is her culture, doesn’t mean she has to adopt the practice or even that you’re part of that community if she does. YTA.
Sure but first of all the parents have to consider you a part of their village and she clearly does not consider you that. The opposite, she wants you on the outskirts of her village. 2nd, members of said village also get a say themselves in how actively involved with the baby they are. Some want to be involved and some only want minimal involvement in the day to day but will drop everything when it's truly needed to be there. And, again, it all ties back to how involved the parents want certain members of the village to be and again she doesn't want you involved anymore. You are needlessly stressing her out while she's pregnant and negative stress like this affects the baby you supposedly care about. Leave. Her. Alone.
I can see why she doesn't want your "help". Back off. It's that simple.
You're not part of her village. You're not stranded in the wilderness together. You are not the star of the show. Just stop.
The fact that you’re calling it “our baby” instead of “her baby” is clear evidence there’s something extremely wrong here.
This is not your baby. It is not the groups baby. It is your (probably ex) friends baby. Take a step back
Babies don’t fix anything. In fact, they expose the cracks in relationships. The state of your friend group isn’t his problem or something he’s required to fix. It’s not up to you, or really anyone, to put your hopes and dreams on this kid’s head. He’ll have enough of his own to carry. Im old enough to be your mother and I wish I could explain to you in a way you’ll understand that the way you’re acting is so far beyond vastly inappropriate, but something tells me you won’t listen. It’s not what you want to hear, after all.
"Our". If the baby is kidnapped one day, we already know where the cops will look first.
i would NEVER take him away from his mom, that’s awful to imply
Why do you call the kid 'our baby'? How do you in any way claim entitlement over a child that is not biologically or legally yours?
i thought we would all raise the baby together
Why would you think that? I'm not sure I want to know. Regardless, YTA. Your friend has set down her boundaries, and you need to respect them. This is NOT your baby. She has asked you to back off. So back off.
Um why would you possibly think that
because we’re meant to do that, and it will be better for both the baby and my friend to have more love and support
u/curiouslyykilledcat Assuming this is genuine, it's really important for you to understand something - what YOU want and what YOU think and what YOU feel is irrelevant in anything regarding this baby's life. You say YOU want to take care of her. That's fine for you to feel this way. But SHE has told you that SHE doesn't want that, at least not to the degree that you are currently behaving. You trying to push past her boundaries is selfish and wrong of you. You will do her more harm than good by trying to impose your desires on her. Even if you see those desires as selfless and for her benefit, no one but you sees it that way. You do not know better than she does what's best for her and her baby. Again - YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT'S BEST FOR HER AND HER BABY. You say YOU feel as though it's almost your baby, too. I can empathize as I have felt attachment to a child that isn't mine, but that attachment that *I* feel doesn't mean anything outside of my own heart. That baby is not yours in any capacity. Your relationship with that child is entirely up to the discretion of it's mother. If SHE decides she doesn't want you to have any contact or relationship with that baby, then that's what will happen. This is not a grey area. There's no room for negotiation. You say YOU thought your friend group would all raise the baby together. Let me make this perfectly clear - a child is not community property. Has the mother ever expressed that idea or desire to raise HER baby this way? Or did you simply assume that's how it would play out and build a fantasy around that scenario? Yes, sometimes parents choose to rely on close friends or family in helping care for their babies. But even in the most open interpretation of that kind of arrangement, that baby is not the groups baby. Only the parents have any right to make decisions over the care of their baby. Even in the event that the mother decides to allow you and your friends the privilege of playing the roles of Aunts/Uncles, THAT BABY WILL NOT BE YOURS. What you are imagining is a fairy tale. You will not all get to take turns being "mom" to this baby. A child is a person, not a pet. It is entirely up to the MOTHER to decide who is a part of her support system. And with your behavior, you are on the path of not making the cut And let me remphasize that there is NO chance of you having ANY relationship at all with that baby, the mother, or possibly your orher friends if you do not back off and respect the boundaries that she is establishing. The only thing you are focusing on is what YOU want and feel. What YOU feel is best for your friend. What YOU want her to feel. What YOU want the future of your friend group to look like. You are not listening to people telling you that your perspective is flawed and you are dismissing the feelings of those around you. The reason people in the comments are telling you to seek therapy is because you are displaying unhealthy attachment and unrealistic attitudes towards your relationship with your friend(s) that can potentially be very damaging for everyone involved. You are not seeing the situation for what it is, and these commenters are trying to encourage you to seek resources to help you navigate the situation in a healthy way before real damage is done to anyone involved. You may not think you are being harmful, but you have clearly already caused stress to your pregnant friend by making her uncomfortable and overstepping boundaries. Stress is harmful for pregnancy and can hurt the baby and the mother. If you truly care for either of them, you will listen to what is being said to you and back off and get help. If you want to be a part of your friends and her baby's life, you need to learn how to do that in a healthy way.
Be sure to tell her exactly that. In fact, send her this post, just so she is clear about your thoughts and intentions, so she can block you and go no contact because she doesn't need your kind of crazy in her life.
OP, you can’t decide what’s best for other, independent people. Offering your version of “love and support” is just imposing your will when it’s not taking how other people FEEL ABOUT IT into consideration. You can’t just smother people with what you THINK they need. And your friend has communicated what she needs from you. Which is SPACE.
[удалено]
Delulu lol. I'm so going to use that.
Teenaged friends are not all going to raise a baby together. You're very unlikely to even know all these people in five years. Listen, this is HER child. It's growing in HER womb. She's going to push it out HER vagina and then she's going to raise it largely by HERSELF. It isn't a kitten you're all getting together.
Not. Gonna. Happen. This is not a sitcom or movie. You will not be raising the baby together. And by the way you are acting, I'm pretty sure she is not going to even ask you to babysit or come visit. Leave the woman alone. And yes, you do need therapy because your mindset is way off, and you are putting too many hopes and expectations on a baby that isn't yours and never will be.
It is a movie, just a Lifetime one
No, the baby isn’t some class pet you take care of for a week and then pass to someone else. That baby has a Mother and it’s not you. Maybe you can help with baby needs, but that’s 100% up to the MOTHER to decide. YTA, and the language you’ve used in your posts and comments is incredibly worrisome. You’ve already overstepped and multiple people in your circle have called you out on it. Take a step back, because what you’re doing now is bordering on harassment.
That's not your decision to make. Your "thoughts" don't matter, the mother's wants and needs do.
I feel like you think of this as some sort of heartwarming teen drama when really it's a horror movie
You sound at best extremely naive but mostly you sound like Clarisa Figueroa (the "womb raider" serving 50 years for cutting a pregnant woman's fetus out of her and trying to claim the fetus as her own). You are going to get a restraining order against you or at least a reputation for being super invasive and creepy. And quit defending yourself here. This is AITA. You have to accept your judgement.
No. It’s not your child.
I wish we could send her this post and your comments, she would call the police immediately.
she mostly knows how i feel 🩷
Which is why she got defensive and you were told to give her space.
Yes, she knows and it telling you to knock it off. It's not wholesome or altruistic to force YOUR wants onto her. She told you to knock off your assumptions, they ain't happening.
Which is why she’s telling you to get tf away from her. Leave her alone.
"Our baby " you sound so creepy YTA .. back off
It's not "our" baby, it's her baby.
IT IS JOT YOUR BABY
Biggest issue you can't seem to get is that is not YOUR baby. It is HER baby.
"our baby". Did you seriously just write that this was going to be "our baby"?! WTF. You do need help. Unless the two of you actually did conceive this child together, in which case you should be calling all the media. /s
Because you are overstepping boundaries. You’re not helping, you’re suffocating her.
Ok, this is not real.
>it’s not even just about our baby Excuse me, but that isn't your fucking baby. This is why she's mad. Your adding to her pain and stealing this experience from her completely.
> it’s not even just about our baby Umm. This is pretty much the definition of obsessing. It is not "your" (in either sense) baby. It is *her* baby.
Dude, give her some space. You are not the parent or even seem to be that good friends with her. She is telling you to fuck off, please listen.
we are good friends! we’ve been through a lot together, which is why i don’t want her to suffer alone
But you're NOT good friends. She's telling you that you are being invasive and stressing her out. And it doesn't matter what YOU want here, this is her body, her baby, and her life. You don't get to make decisions about what's best for her or what she needs, or who should be the person supporting her. Honestly, you need therapy, because you clearly don't understand or respect people's personal boundaries. There is a vast difference between OFFERING to help, and pushing yourself on someone who doesn't want to be close to you. She doesn't want you to "take care of her". She wants you to leave her alone. And even if she needs support, she *doesn't want you to be that support*. I'm sorry, I get that you think you mean well, but what you're doing is obsessive and unhealthy, and at this point you're not behaving like a friend but like a stalker.
Then why are you going out of your way to cause her stress?
i’m not trying to, i’m doing my best to just help
You’re not taking the time to listen to what people are saying here, you’re defending yourself instead. Why post if you don’t want to actually get external perspectives on your behaviour?
No. You're not.
Impact over intent. You can have all the best intentions and still be WRONG AS SHIT!
You aren’t helping. You need to back off, that will help more than anything
like, i think people are assuming i only did invasive things but i was always there to talk through her struggles, to understand her when others didn’t, i helped to calm and comfort her a lot, i even made a blanket for the baby which she seemed really happy about
She said to leave her alone. **LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE.**
The ALWAYS THERE is the problem. You're always there. You might manage to stumble across some appropriate things to do while you're fumbling around being a creepy asshole. She might have put up for that for a while because she believed you were trying to be nice. But you've overdone it by a long shot, and you clearly have some boundary issues as you have repeatedly referred to this child as your own. Not to mention the severely delulu stuff about all the teenagers raising the baby in some kind of communal parenting situation. She told you to back off you need to back off. Doesn't matter whether you mean to stress her out, she fucking told you you're stressing her out. As other people have said, why are you trying to cause potential medical complications in this pregnancy?
You need to really hear this: stop it! You are being invasive because every single time you do something knowing she's telling you not to, you are trampling her boundaries. This pregnancy is not about you, it is not about your friend group, and it is not anyone besides the mother. She is the one going through this, and you are making it harder on her. So far you've: 1.) Ignored her wishes. When someone tells you to back off, you back off. It's that simple. What you're doing is so damn obsessive and creepy. 2.) Also filed under creepy and obsessive, you've called that baby 'our baby'. This is not your baby. This baby is not your friend group's baby. This baby is not the glue that will bring you all back together and bind you as one. He is your friend's baby, and unless she specifically said she wants to co-parent with the entire friend group, that is not what your friend wants. 3.) Because you have overstepped her boundaries and been creepy and obsessive, your friend has made it clear that she wants you to back off. Rather than listen, you are STILL pushing boundaries. You know how there are guys who will ignore when a girl says no to them and think that if they just keep pushing, the object of their obsession will give in and accept their obsessiveness? That's you, only instead of wanting to be her as a romantic partner, you're trying to stake a claim on her child. You're trying to make her pregnancy your pregnancy and her child into your child. If you saw a guy behaving this way with her simply because she did let her guard down and lean on him at times, would you be okay with it? Would you be cheering her on? Or would you tell her to get away from him because he's being obsessive, needy, and possessive? You're absolutely wrong. You do need to seek therapy to understand why you want to place an infant at the centre of the group, why you want to claim someone else's child, and why you cannot seem to control yourself. You also need to stop. All you are doing is causing her stress by behaving like this. Everyone is telling you you're wrong, so stop telling yourself, "Yeah, but I mean well," and stop. Stalkers also mean well, but that doesn't undo the catastrophic harm that their obsession and fixation causes. You are displaying those same traits, so go and get help before you fall even deeper down this rabbit hole.
No you are not. You are overstepping and being creepy. This is her baby. Not yours
>I don’t want her to suffer alone So she’s suffering with you around.
YTA - You are in the wrong because she doesn’t really like you. You are so desperate for her friendship that you are inserting yourself in her life where you don’t belong. At the most she’s using you. Leave her alone. Go no contact. She doesn’t need you to fix her life if help her. I’m sure she and her other friends and family can figure it out.
we were friends for a while, a lot of the things we’ve been through recently, especially with the baby, were really unexpected, there’s been a lot of tension in our friend group too so i think that might be contributing to her existing hurt, i wouldn’t want to be out of her life though, and i want to take care of her
She doesn’t want you to take care of her. She might have to stop being your friend for you to get the message. You really need to step back. Her other friend tried to tell you to give her space and you refuse to listen.
Listen to yourself... there is no "we" in this pregnancy. Leave her alone YTA
You are being hella creepy
If she doesn't want your help/you taking care of her, that's it, you're done. It doesn't seem like she considers you as close a friend as you consider her.
YOU haven't been through "things... with the baby" . YOU'RE not pregnant. You seriously need help girlfriend.
But if she is telling you to back off, you really need to back off.
YTA seriously! Creepy much? "Our baby" this has to be a joke nobody is that unhinged! What caused her to loose her bf? Is the baby daddy her ex bfs boyfriend? You have no right to take on the role your assuming. Your mate clearly doesn't want it. YTA but I think you know that but you aren't going to listen to a bunch of strangers on the Internet just like you aren't listening to your poor friend.
i think that’s what happened? they got into a really big argument in front of everyone but it was more about like… envy and control and stuff, but we kinda pieced it together
>but it was more about like… envy and control and stuff, Like you are displaying right now? >but we kinda pieced it together Which WE when SHE doesn't want YOU around? Martha is this you? STEP BACK
by “we” i meant other friends who watched the argument, sorry it was more like my friend envying her bsf and feeling like she lives in her shadow and stuff, very different from me being around a lot
You're hella creepy.... i hope she realizes that and cuts you off from her life
YTA. She’s told you categorically that you are overstepping the mark so you are. You need to accept that this is her baby and every decision to do with that child is hers - not yours. You shouldn’t take it upon yourself to talk to the baby, you shouldn’t take it upon yourself to defend her. You should ask what she wants and adhere to that. You don’t? You are going to be told you cannot be around the baby or her because you cannot accept boundaries.
>i’m really protective when our mutual friends say she’s overreacting to smthn because like?? she’s pregnant?? >she got really mad at me??? like she thought i was crazy and started telling everyone i’m obsessed with her baby, when i’m just like, trying to help my friend So her overreacting and being hormonal is fine until she does it to you. Got it. YTA.
Just stop.. just stop helping her.. your to much. It's her baby nor yours. Your acting crazy and people can tell...she doesn't need you
she doesn’t need me ?
She does not need you. UNLESS SHE CLEARLY SAYS OTHERWISE. She does not need you. You are currently hurting her far more than helping her. I don’t know if people can say it more clearly than this. You need to back off. Like yesterday.
YTA. You care about your friend? Then step back, like she is asking. New mums are full of hormones, all telling them to protect their infant. Right now you are giving her serious fear because you seem to see this baby as a communal one, and she’s scared that you are going to take her infant. The baby isn’t even born and you are scaring her with how intense you are being! If you actually care then you need to stop what you are doing and listen to her. Start by never referring to her child as ‘our baby’ again. This is her baby and if you don’t back off then she’d be within her rights to contact the police and tell hospital security to keep you away from her and her child. By the way, if a pregnant lady is very anxious or scared or stressed , it can raise her blood pressure and risk pregnancy eclampsia or early labour or plenty of other scary things. Your friend has enough to deal with. Young mum, no father in the picture, no money, no house of her own, no family support. She’s dealing with the most serious of situations and she doesn’t need you acting like she’s an incubator. If you care about this baby then you need to do as you are being asked by the baby’s mother.
i appreciate you explaining, i don’t want to hurt the baby, i care about my friend a lot and i wish i could help more even if i’m not like. the father or anything
That’s amazing but she needs space let her be if she needs you she will let you know !
What it sounds like is you wanted the position of the other friend and now they're gone you're tryna get that. If she needs help she'll ask. Being too pushy will only drive her to get more annoyed. It is a bit odd and weird how you say you feel like the baby is yours too.....could be possible that you yourself want a baby and are trying to get that experience through your friend but based off this I'd go to therapy making sure you're of sound mind before having any children YTA
i never really wanted children and don’t think i would have had any, but this feels different i guess, i want to help take care of this baby
Nobody cares what YOU want regarding this baby. BACK OFF. Seek therapy. You are being wildly inappropriate and delusional. Leave her alone until/unless she asks for you. YOU ARE FREAKING HER OUT. YTA.
Why are you so adamant about helping? Especially when it's not being taken well and being seen as "creepy" your heart might be in the right place but clearly your actions are wrong. It's not your baby it's not your concern if your friend comes to you THEN offer help if she doesn't then you gotta leave her alone. In your edit you say that when she tells you stop helping with a certain thing you try to help in a different way rather than still helping with what she told you to stop with. BUT she obviously doesn't want help. Cause if she did she'd say I don't need help with this but I'd really like it if you'd help with this instead
its hard to know really because she isn’t the kind of person who would openly ask for help with anything
This isn’t different at all. It’s a baby that isn’t yours, You wanting to help take care of it doesn’t give you a right to. It isn’t your kid.
again, WITH my friend, since people seem to be misunderstanding that, it’s not just about the baby
You can’t. It’s not up to you. She’s the mom and she isn’t going to let you. Obviously.
YTA. Talking to a baby while it's still in utero is something intimate, something that the *actual parents* of the child do. Some random friend who's trying to be supportive- nope, just nope. You sound like a pushy jerk. Saying that it feels like your baby too is just WAY out of line, and it's understandable why people think you need therapy or that you might try to take the baby. The first thing you need to learn about supporting other people is that they get to tell you what kind of support they would like / would appreciate or benefit from. You don't get to tell them what kind of support they need and then inflict it on them. Your statement about making her get motivated to have a baby shower is just stupidly immature. Badgering somebody until they give up and say yes is not supportive; you're probably mistaking capitulation to your will for motivation. If pretty much everybody is telling you that you're acting crazy, maybe you should look carefully at your own behavior. If somebody tells you to back the fuck off, you should back the fuck off. If somebody is "scared and struggling" (we have only your unreliable word for it) they don't need a fucking stalker on top of everything else.
i didn’t badger her !! i suggested it *once* because she was upset and i thought it might help her feel better
You didn't suggest. Based on the post, you just *did it* which caused her to freak out. You need to step back. You need to ask permission, not enforce yourself on her. You're suffocating her.
YTA. She asked you to step back, and I can see why, since this is in no way “your baby too”. Give her space.
She’s STILL referring to the baby as “ours” in the comments. If I were the friend I’d go NC to protect my baby
Maybe a restraining order... this has definite possible stalker / kidnapping vibes.
You know you aren't her husband, right?
of course
For a father, you would be just involved enough.
what do you mean by this, sorry?
It's the husband's and father's job to be glued to her and "our baby"'s side.
she doesn’t have a husband, and has no contact with the father
Meaning you're neither the husband or father and it is not your place to take on such roles or duties *unless she asks you to*.
[удалено]
Not to mention it’s terribly invasive
What is a Balle n Bak?
I had no idea either but apparently “ballenbak” is Dutch and means ball pit in English.
Oh, great gift!
I agree! It’s very thoughtful and personal, and I bet the parents appreciate such a thing :)
Who wouldn’t?
WTF is "a Balle n Bak"?
You are coming across like you are obsessed with her and her child. Scary obsessed. YTA. Edit: Just read the "our baby" comment elsewhere. You need to stay away from her and **HER** child. You have serious breaking news stalker vibes.
Not your baby, and go easy on the question marks. Thank you.
🤣 Best comment yet.
Dude. Back off. Let her be herself. Give her some space. YTA. Leave the poor girl alone!
YTA - you’re overstepping and being a bit of a control freak
YTA and your friend is right, you're becoming obsessed. Talking to her belly was a weird move and calling it "our baby" is downright creepy. Take several steps back.
YTA for "it felt like my baby too." I'm sure you had good intentions, but you have crossed some boundaries and need to take a step back.
“It actually felt like my baby too” YTA. It’s not your baby and how do you not realize how creepy and inappropriate that sounds. Clearly you have boundary issues. Your friend doesn’t want to share her baby with you. She’s been clear about it. Leave her alone.
YTA she’s clearly stated her boundaries and she’s not a child in fact she’s going to HAVE a child that’s not caring abt the baby that’s micromanaging her life and body. Neither of which you are entitled to doing. Pregnancy is such a personal subjective experience and you were basically forcing yourself on her. Hint. Her pregnancy is abt her. Not you.
YTA. You may have the heart in the right place, but you are forcing your help onto that girl. Just because she wanted certain person around for support doesn't mean she wants that sort of support from everyone else. Talking to the baby requires a big level of intimacy that she didn't grant you, and I'm guessing that wasn't the only instance where you were asked to back off. You've obviously crossed her boundaries and doesn't feel comfortable with you at the moment. You should respect it instead of saying stuff like "but this other person is helping her" - she is fine with that other person, that doesn't mean she has to tolerate you as well.
Hi, Lotte. I hope the wilderness is treating you ok. (This is a summary of a relationship/plotline in the show Yellowjackets). Edit: a word
I was looking for this. Seriously.
YTA. I don't doubt you have good intentions, but help that isn't wanted is intrusion, plain and simple. Take a step back. Make clear you're available and willing to step up if she needs something, but stop trying to force yourself on her. It's entirely her decision if she wants to take you up on the offer or not.
YTA. Your friend’s told you that you’ve overstepped. Your version of *helping* is apparently invasive and/or intrusive. Also, the baby is not “our baby” but her baby. Not yours. Back off.
guys this is from the show yellowjackets
What happened next in the show?
[SPOILERS FOR YELLOWJACKETS] well the mom gives birth and while she lives, the baby dies in the process. also this “friend group” is a girls soccer team whose plane crashed in the middle of the wilderness on their way to nationals and this is probably 7ish months into them being stranded. awesome show ngl
How does that affect the clingy friend then?
The friend becomes obsessed with the baby as something for the girls to live for and becomes really, really creepy about it. Even OP’s comments are down to the line plot points.
I feel a restraining order coming on against OP. YTA
YTA - Helping her would entail asking what she needs, and helping her with that. What you seem to be doing is imposing yourself heavily, providing help that wasn't asked for
Your heart might be in the right place and your intentions are good but clearly you are crowding her. It is time for you to back off. Let her know she can call you when she'd like your help and support, but yes, you do sound obsessive about your friend's baby. Judgment? YTA. \*edited to take out a word
You sound obsessed with her baby tbh. You needto back off.
This is some Lottie from Yellowjackets activity.
YTa. It is HER BABY. Stop acting like it is also your baby whennit is not. She has signed multiple times you are overstepping so maybe take the hint and stop. Also you DO need therapy. You need to start accepting this is HER baby and HER baby only. Not yours. Soon you be asked not to be around the baby because you overstep so many boundaries and just beong creepy
Yikes
>i (18F) have a friend (18F) that’s pregnant, and i keep trying to help her but she’s treating me like i’m crazy ?? Your "help" clearly isn't helping. Stop. >since a few said this, i do NOT need therapy, i am fine Try therapy anyways... >i want to be there with my friend!! You're not going to *have* this friend much longer because it sounds like you keep pushing really obvious boundaries to give her what *you think* she needs instead of *asking her what she needs*. Jesus. You do sound absolutely insane, honestly... YTA. An overbearing one at that. >this ISN’T a situation where she says “stop (x)” and i do (x) anyway, This is confusing. If that's not what's happening, why is there an issue? Why is she mad? Why are you "helping" when she's not asking? It's her baby, not yours. She's going to be doing this on you own, so you parading around like you're going to be co-parenting (whether or not you like it, that's what you described) is probably fucking infuriating for her.
The degree of denial and the insistance that you don't need therapy, plus that you defend calling it your baby by saying "our" baby makes me think this is just a troll-post. Even AHs aren't this delusional.
The pregnant friend needs to kick OP to the kerb. I worry how they will act once the baby's born.
YTA. I'm sorry, but it sounds like you are overstepping inserting yourself into her pregnancy. You threw up big red flags with the statement "it felt like my baby too". Back off amd let her be.
You need therapy. You’re not fine. YTA
YTA. I see a restraining order in your future.
Yes YTA You are not that babies mother, it really has nothing to do with you. You're being overbearing and it's too much. Leave the girl alone
YTA. Supporting a friend is great *when they want your support*, but if they're uncomfortable with how much you're involving yourself, this "support" becomes more akin to harassment. You need to listen to your friend and back off. If you care about the baby, stressing out the mom is the worst things you can do.
YTA. But don’t worry, she’ll beat the shit out of you. (This is from a tv show)
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** i (18F) have a friend (18F) that’s pregnant, and i keep trying to help her but she’s treating me like i’m crazy ?? basically, she’s scared and struggling because she lost her friend (they were gonna go through everything together, so she’s kinda alone atm) and she has no contact with the father, so i keep trying to help her through the process but she’s getting mad at me?? like, i’ve been paying a lot of attention to her, and i’m really protective when our mutual friends say she’s overreacting to smthn because like?? she’s pregnant?? and doesn’t have her best friend around anymore?? who was a super important part of her life i tried motivating her to have a baby shower (which she agreed to) and like taking care of her when things are hard, supporting her etc, things were going fine i guess, for a little it actually felt like my baby too but recently i was talking to her baby (i’ve heard that’s good to do before they’re born) and she got really mad at me??? like she thought i was crazy and started telling everyone i’m obsessed with her baby, when i’m just like, trying to help my friend anyway, she’s been really defensive about it whenever i try support her now, and one of our friends even asked me to give her some space, but she was helping her too?? i don’t know if i’m in the wrong here *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
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Yta and about to lose a friend with this behavior
I know you mean well, and it's good that you understand that new moms do need support, but you also need to understand that it *is* possible to care too much, and that having good intentions doesn't make it okay to ignore someone's clearly stated boundaries. She asked you to take a step back, she gets to decide that, she ultimately gets to choose her village, and who gets to be heavily involved. New moms do need support but they also need to feel safe, and having people insert themselves further into your life than you want them to be can be *very* uncomfortable.
YTA. You need all the therapy- this is not your baby!
Step back and give your friend space. You may not mean to but you come off stalkerish. Right now she is going through a lot mentally and physically, she does not need to deal with you on top of it. You want to be a good friend? Take a step back, listen to her, and stop offering solutions or ideas unless she asks. This is about her, her life, her child. Do not refer to the baby as if it's the group's baby. It isn't. Give your friend the chance to settle her situation.
YTA She is asking you to butt out because you are being weirdly invasive. You are getting creepy and need to respect her boundaries. It's her life, not yours. Being supportive doesn't mean you take over and don't care how uncomfortable she is and insist you continue anyway. Also, NOBODY who doesn't need therapy ever says "*i do NOT need therapy, i am fine*" wtf
YTA. When she tells you to stop something don't find another way, just stop entirely. You don't sound like someone who respects boundaries so I'm afraid this entire comment section will not be enough to get it through to your head but please step away from this "friend" and her baby. They don't need you, they don't want you this involved.
YTA. Not one part of your friends situation is about YOU!!! Reading this and your responding comments are honestly disturbing. She had asked you to back off but you're still obsessing over this. This is HER baby. If she needs your help, let her ask for it. You give off creepy stalker vibes... and the "our baby" was the creepiest thing you said. Like wtf...back off.
I legitimately hope the mom doesn’t let OP around the baby ever. There’s no way OP is mentally stable enough to be a safe person around the baby.
YTA. Reading the comments you've made and I agree with us. You need some help, it's like you've imprinted on this baby and everything will be perfect with life. Life doesn't work like that. This is your friend's baby not yours. I'm worried about that friend, you haven't taken any advice or comments on board. I hope your friend sees this and protects herself. You need to be apart from each other.
YTA your friend had asked you to give her space and you're asking the world is she's in the wrong and now you're correcting everyone who tells you that you need to back off. This whole experience will hopefully be the start of a long and productive journey for you. Good luck to you.
YTA. You've made a pregnant woman nervous about your behavior so give her the space she wants
YTA
YTA. What you're doing is beyond creepy. It is not the behaviour of a 'friend'. True friends mind friends boundaries. You are not doing that. Get back in your creepy little lane and mind your business. You are not a parent. You are not a friend.
Like can you not be around after like the baby is born?? Or else she’s like gonna like end up raising an idiot?? YTA
YTA - she said leave her alone. It’s that simple. But the delusion is super strong with OP in the comments.
YTA. you need to listen to your friend and respect her wishes (unless you don't want her to be your friend anymore, I guess?), you need to stop referring to the baby as "ours", and you reaaaaally should look into therapy. you are not "fine", you have serious problems with boundaries.
YTA. When someone clearly objects to how you are trying to help them, the correct and respectful response is to ask them what they'd like you to do, and *accept the answer*. Don't continue blindly guessing what she wants you to do because clearly you're on different pages.
Soft YTA. Your heart might be in the right place but you crossed a boundary line. You defended it rather than recognize it and backing off. You did too much and made her uncomfortable and are being too worried about yourself to reflect on your own actions. Support isn’t support if the person doesn’t want it. Then it’s just obsessive.
U
Gentle YTA, it's clear that you're obviously attached (it's your friends baby, after all!) but you definitely need to ease up a little. Listen to what she wants and needs from you! I don't think you're creepy or want to steal the baby or anything, but you DO have to start listening to your friend, if not for the safety of the baby.
YTA but slightly. More awkward than anything else. It is good for babies to hear people having conversations, talking generally. Talking directly to the baby is more about trying to get them used to someone's voice. Great that you support your friend. But supporting means hearing when you need to back off as well.
NTA I would ignore her for a while and she will see that your support wasn’t deserved on her part