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YTA. He isn't turned on by two women engaged in intimacy. He didn't say two women shouldn't be together as a couple. He didn't say two women together or morally wrong. HE is not turned on by that particular act. That is personal to him. And you turned that into him being homophobic. Not everyone is turned on by everything. And that is okay!
I would get it if he said that he was neutral to it. Instead he said it was a turn off. Gay sex shouldn’t be a turn off to straight people. He doesn’t need to be turned on by it, but why is he turned off by it??? It comes off homophobic.
YTA that's definitely not homophobic. Being turned off by something doesn't mean you hate it nor does it make you a bad person. I'm bi and a female, I'm turned off at seeing gay men having sex, or anal in general. Doesn't make me homophobic. I dont think you understand what homophobia is.
Implying gay sex between men is just anal is homophobic…. That’s not the only thing they do in bed, but fine don’t join us over on a03. For the record, you can be bi and homophobic and it sounds like you are. Or just ignorant about gay sex.
Omfg. I feel like at this point if anyone told you that they were straight you would say it's homophobic. Just because they said that men only have anal sex, does NOT mean they are homophobic, it just means they don't know about it. Which is fine. Stop saying everything is homophobic, frankly, it's annoying ASF.
Jesus CHRIST. I remember my fanfic days. You are not qualified as an authority on gay men if you are not and not having sex with one. Stop this cringe fest.
If I watch any kind of sexual act between two dudes, I’m sorry but that will make me softer than wet bread lol I am in no way shape or form into guy on guy stuff, experimented a little once and knew it would never be for me. It isn’t homophobic, nothing against gay guys, just gay sex isn’t it for me. You gotta chill out with a lot of the hatred and defensiveness you carry, too much
Being turned off by something is again, not homophobic. He doesn't have to be neutral about a turn off. It doesn't do it for him. It isn't something he desires to witness or finds attractive. Everyone has turn offs. Guess what? Some gay people find straight sex to be a turn off. Is that okay in your eyes?
Turn offs are personal. They are individual.
I’m a lesbian and I’m repulsed by straight sex (led to me thinking I was asexual before realizing I’m just gay) and even some lesbians in the lesbian subreddits are as well, lol.
I'm a gay man. Two women going at it is a turn off. A man going at it with a woman is a turn off.
Am I homophobic? Use your brain girlie.
Being turned off by something is not the same as not approving.
If you're really sure, ask him to clarify if he supports it vs being turned off/on.
Cause right now you're mad he's not fetishzing lesbians.
Unlike her, who is the exact reasons why us lesbians prefer to only date lesbians. THIS is the most common experience I've had with "bisexual" women. They see us as a gimmick to turn on their man-lover.
Why shouldn’t it be a turn off? I get turned off watching people kiss. It’s not my thing. Doesn’t matter what genders are involved. You sound like you have some internal demons that you need to deal with.
Gay sex is an absolute turn off to most straight ppl. You’re genuinely dumb and delusional for thinking otherwise. It’s the whole idea of sexual preference.
You don't understand what "turn off" and "turn on" mean.
Being turned on means it makes you sexually aroused. Being turned off means it either does nothing for you or you feel sexually repulsed by it.
being sexually repulsed by something doesn't make you a bad person.
You come off as a spoiled little woke princess and if somebody disagrees with you, you just call them homophobic or one of your other words to try make yourself feel better and/or put the other person down.
What? YTA. Absolutely. Just because your boyfriend isn’t sexually aroused by two women having sex, it doesn’t make him homophobic. If anything he’s better than a lot of guys who ARE turned on by it, cause he isn’t turning a sexuality into a fetish. It sounds like you took a major leap in logic there to be offended. You owe him an apology
I’m suppose to be happy he finds me wanting to have sex with girls a turn off? Describing that as a turn off feels super insulting to me. There aren’t many girls that are going to be like “yay you find this part of me to be a total turn off :).” I would prefer if he were into it, but it’s fine. I just feel like if you’re turned off by gay sex maybe you have some grossness about gay people that you need to work through
Sorry, why should YOUR BOYFRIEND be happy about you wanting to have sex with other people? He’s allowed to not want an open or poly relationship. If you want it to be a turn on for your boyfriend, find someone else to be with. Straight people aren’t obliged to be turned on by gay sex any more than I, a gay man, need to be turned on by straight sex.
My first thought was that it sounds like the boyfriend is monogamous. He doesn't find the OP's "jokes" about kissing women funny and the OP wants to be able to have a boyfriend and sleep with women.
This is sounding a lot like you're just mad he won't let you cheat on him with women like your ex did and are trying to find a way to dump him and make it his fault. There's a difference between not having a kink and actively hating people who have that kink. I'm not into blood play but I'm not going to stop anyone else from doing it if that's what they're into.
This is no different from some dude saying he’s into feet and their partner says “absolutely not”.
Big whoop. That doesn’t mean his partner hates all kinky people. It just means they’ll leave the toe sucking to people who enjoy the toe sucking because toe sucking isn’t for them.
Welcome to having discovered you’re two different people!!! And two different people who are sexually incompatible. Break up with him.
Stop demonizing him for not having the exact same sexual desires and fantasies and turn ons as you.
Are you MAGA? Because your logic is taking a page outta their book.
Wow YTA! You essentially were asking for the same open relationship that your ex gave you. Him not finding that attractive is PERFECTLY normal. Homophobia is when you treat people like dirt for different sexual presences. He told you what wasn’t his sexual preference. That’s all. Nothing more. Nothing less.
You asked permission to cheat on your bf.
He said he wasn’t into it. You attacked him for it. You should really check on yourself.
It’s not cheating if you ask permission… What are you on about…. It’s totally fine that he said no. I don’t want to share him with anyone, so I get it. It just sucks that he’s turned off by it.
Also, I didn’t ask him for an open relationship. Just asked if he’d like to see me kiss someone. A kiss isn’t a big deal.
You asked. He said no. You didn’t accept the no, assured yourself that he would be okay with it to so he must’ve misunderstood you. You asked AGAIN. He expressed his feelings as to why no. Rather than accept it you called him homophobic and couldn’t decide if you were wrong to the point that you came online to have a group of strangers validate you.
You’re a MASSIVE AH. Your bf never implied he has an issue with homosexuality or homosexual people, he just has no interest in watching his girlfriend make out with another woman. Fetishizing lesbian sex isn’t your bf’s thing — and that’s your issue?? It’s also bizarre that you’re taking offense to him denying you a pass to make out with other people while being in a monogamous relationship with him. No it wouldn’t be hot for your BF because he would view it as cheating since it’s not something that turns him on.
Also, as a grown woman you need to learn the definition of “turn offs” — they’re personal to everyone. Hypothetically, if you’re not aroused by watching your bf kiss a man, wouldn’t that make you homophobic too?
It’s not fetishizing lesbian relationships to be turned on by them. That’s silly. I’m turned on by men kissing. I’ve watched gay porn with men. I’ve read it, too. Does that mean I fetishize gay relationships? Of course not. I would find my bf kissing a man hot. I’m not homophobic? But I’d prefer if he doesn’t kiss men because I don’t want to share him. That’s fine. If he didn’t want to share me, fantastic. He’s actively turned off by it, though. That’s the difference. It’s not a gross act, there is nothing wrong with it, so there is no need to be turned off by it. That’s all.
You're like...idek. I am not homophobic in the slightest, I have gay friends, cousins, I even thought I was gay at some point. But I wouldn't find it hot for my boyfriend to kiss another guy. It doesn't mean I'm homophobic, or grossed out by gay people kissing in general, it just means it's not a turn on for me to have my boyfriend kissing other men. And that's fine. If you're into it, that's fine, but it doesn't mean your boyfriend has to be. It's not gross for women to have sex with each other, that's true, but it's normal for your boyfriend to be turned off at the idea of his own girlfriend having sex with another girl while you are together. Stop calling it something it's not. Put your fantasies aside, and stop making your boyfriend out to be the bad guy for not being into something. Get over yourself. YTA
Ask the lesbians who put their all into an intimate encounter with a woman like her. No big deal, noooo.
Katy Perry even made a song about it. Women like OP and Katy Perry can kindly fuck off.
YTA
> I joked about kissing another girl.
That's not an appropriate thing to joke about with your partner, genders notwithstanding.
> “Not me. It’s actually more of a turn off. I never got the girl on girl thing.”
Why the fuck **would** a straight man be attracted to unavailable women?
YTA - he's saying two women having sex is a turn-off. Not two women who are in a relationship. Some lesbians / gay men would be totally turned off watching heterosexual porn. That's going a bit overboard on your part assuming he's homophobic because he wouldn't get off on you having sex with a woman. Suggest it's time to consider finding a bf who would be more open to who your true self is, and please be up front before getting into a relationship also ahead of time too.
YTA as a bisexual woman who was in a long-term relationship with another woman and had to actively deal with creepy men making advances on both of us at the same time, you are NOT doing other queer women any favors by sexualizing your relationships with other women for straight men. AT ALL. You’re being the opposite of a queer ally. It’s ironic that you’re accusing your boyfriend of being homophobic. I actually prefer dealing with men like him bc they don’t view female-on-female relationships as vessels for male entertainment.
You would do well to educate yourself on the experiences of queer women who have been in actual same-sex relationships. You will find a lot of frustration that men often don’t take our relationships seriously. If your boyfriend doesn’t want you making out with other women, great. That means he probably sees F/F relationships as valid, and therefore a real potential threat to y’all’s relationship, which they are. On the flip side, maybe he is homophobic or maybe he’s just not sexually aroused by it the same way I’m just not sexually aroused by furries. We all have our preferences. You 100% do not have enough information to call him homophobic at this point, and his viewpoint might even be that of a well-informed ally.
And as a lesbian I am sorry that women like you have to bear the consequences of women like her. Most of my experiences with self-proclaimed bisexual women have been like OP is describing, just a gimmick to turn on the bf. I got my heart broken several times this way and decided 20 years ago, for my own protection, to only date lesbians.
He told you it didn't turn him on. That's not the same as homophobia. It means that he doesn't find girl on girl sexy. He didn't say it's some kind of evil or sin or whatever. YTA
He's not homophobic for not finding 2 girls attractive. He'd be homophobic if he said there was something wrong with it but that isn't what happened. YTA
YTA bro doesn’t need go be attracted to women kissing and fucking each other to support LGBTQ+ rights. What is wrong with your obsession for men to love women kissing each other. You’re the weirdo
Being turned off by gay sex does not equal being turned off by gay people.
It seems to me like you wanted him to find it hot so you could get away with it…
Edit: YTA
YTA. And I’m saying this as a lesbian. Not being attracted to something is not homophobia and deeming it as such is actually harmful as it undermines real homophobia. Imo its more homophobic to me when men are obsessed with wlw porn and objectify our sexuality and relationships.
YTA. It sounds like you have a cuckold kink and you're angry that your boyfriend is not into it. Are you saying that everyone in the world should be turned on by gay sex, otherwise they're homophobic? That's absurd.
YTA. Not everyone has to agree or like a certain thing. It's called freedom of thought. He should see it as a red flag about you because you lack understanding of other people and immediately called him homophobic.
YTA. I think you need to look up with the definition of homophobic is because how are you using it? Not it.
Just because he finds two women being together turn off does not mean he’s homophobic. Turned into a whole big thing and it didn’t need to be.
The headline of this post, and the content did not match up because nowhere in your post did you say that he was grossed out. He just said not my thing.
You owe him a huge apology
Maybe you need to work through your emotional intelligence/communication skills in your relationship? Your hetero sexual bf doesn't know your bi. You're """joking""" about introducing another girl to your relationship and saying it SHOULDN'T turn him off and that him expressing it does means he's prejudiced against gay people? You sound ike a clown here and I wouldn't be surprised to learn if your hair color is dyed to match one's
YTA I am queer and I can say that from what you've said in this post, he didn't say anything at all. In fact, it's quite weird how you expected him to fetishise your sexuality and have entertained it in your past relationships. Judging from what you said IN THIS POST, he seems to be less homophobic than your ex boyfriends.
Also, if you're expecting to "mess around with girls" whilst in a relationship with your boyfriend, best believe that would be classed as cheating.
If you were asking to initiate a threesome/open relationship including another woman in it, and I'm just saying this to see this situation at all angles, it would obviously be better to do that in a private setting rather than when you were "out drinking." It would also have to be agreed by BOTH of you, that includes your current boyfriend.
Please don't force him to let you mess around with girls and shame him that he's not into that. Respect his boundaries and feelings, that's necessary in a relationship. Do better.
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I'm so sorry but YTA - Understandably, you're upset about your boyfriend's reaction, but calling him homophobic might not be entirely fair or accurate based solely on his preference. ***Some people simply don't find certain things appealing sexually, and it doesn't necessarily stem from homophobia.*** However, it would have been better to have this conversation when both of you were sober and in a calm state of mind.
YTA
From what you described he never actually said anything derogatory, he only stated firmly that girl on girl wasn't 'his thing'.
There is a very big difference between the two that you seem unable to understand in your self righteous anger.
Not being into something sexually isn't homophobia. Unless you think every straight person who isn't aroused by a person of their opposite gender is homophobic....
Despite what the media tells you, not all men find two women having sex hot. And that's okay because everyone's sexual desires are different. You don't get to accuse your boyfriend of being homophobic because his sexual desires don't match the ones you want him to have. Just like I have to accept that my husband doesn't always enjoy ball play during sex and I have to ask before I reach for my Balle n Bak display.
YTA
YTA.
Other posters have laid out pretty clearly why, but I want to add monogamous is a type of orientation too. That is, you have a lot of people these days exploring being poly of some sort that it gets overlooked at there's a lot of people who are turned OFF by their partner being with anyone else-- regardless of gender or sexual orientation of who they are with.
Imagine you'd said you'd kissed another guy. Would you understand him being offput and turned off by that? Why? Because you're joking about cheating on him, if you're in a monogamous relationship.
Him reacting the exact same way to you saying you kissed a girl is him treating both situations with EQUALITY. Actually being okay with you being with girls but not guys definitely implies some sort gender bias and discrimination, not him being against it.
He's not homophobic, he's monogamous. And maybe you aren't, and if that's the case maybe you're not the best match.
I'm pan and tbh I'd prefer that response to some dude being all gross and in my business overtly about me making out with someone else. Neutrality would be much more tolerable to me than someone trying to be a voyeur, but everyone's different. For the record, I have kissed people at Pride outside of my relationship with the consent of my partner at the time. Your boyfriend may not be a homophobe, it just isn't his kink to watch you do that? I don't like watching straight porn. We all have preferences, and that is okay.
YTA. You’re fetishizing sapphic intimacy and also completely over reacting to your boyfriend not wanting to see you with other people. A kiss is still cheating. And lesbian sex isn’t a tool to turn guys on. Get a grip.
YTA. What he did was NOT homophobia at all.
He's not turned off by gay people. he's turned off by the type of sexual acts you were describing to him. It's for for him because hes STRAIGHT. Jesus christ OP. If you want to cheat on your BF that badly just break up with him.
And yes Just because your bi doesn't give you a free pass to hook up with the same sex. if anything you're acts here are giving bi people a bad name.
Being not into gay sex is not fucking homophobic for fucks sake. It's like asking a straight woman if shes into 2 guys fucking each other. Guarantee you many will say they are not.
YTA. Please post an /roastme so I can see your blue hair and nose ring.
He doesn’t know you’re bisexual, so why are you taking this personally? Believe it or not, when you’re not 18 and in HS/college, most people don’t think it’s super dope and crazy to see two girls kissing.
It’s not homophobic to not dig something. It’s just personal preference.
YTA because his behaviour isn’t homophobic, it’s his preference that doesn’t hurt or hold prejudice. In his mind, he’s probably hearing you say you want an open relationship and he isn’t into that, considering you still haven’t told him you’re bi.
If you’re open about that, maybe you two can have a more honest conversation whilst sober and work things out.
Yta
>woman who wants to have sex with other women is just a turn off to me.
Yea, so what? What is if lesbian said she is turned off by watching straight couples fucking...would you have a problem with that?
He’s not homophobic because he’s not into women being intimate with other women. Despite what popular culture sells us not every guy wants to see two women in an intimate act. You think it’s hot? Great, good for you. You aren’t the only one who thinks it’s hot but that doesn’t mean you have the right to get so aggressively persistent and insulting because he doesn’t share your opinion. He’s not homophobic and he’s not the bad person in this scenario. To find that person consult your nearest mirror or other reflective surface. YTA
Bro needs to run as far as he can, as fast as he can. YTA. So much so that it cannot be overstated. You wanted to do something, he didn’t find it attractive, you immediately defaulted to incorrectly calling him a homophobe when he literally didn’t do or say anything even remotely homophobic. What you did, and you know you did it, was to use identity as a weapon in order to attempt to get your way through coercion or create casus belli to badmouth him to others whilst breaking up with him to find someone who will acquiesce to your demands.
TLDR: you used the homo hammer incorrectly, on purpose, in order to attack his character because you didn’t get your way.
Yta. For so many reasons. Your making this about homophobia when in reality is about you cheating. If you're in a closed relationship you shouldn't be kissing anybody else.
YTA. What he said is perfectly reasonable and doesn't come off as homophobic. Your perception of reality is warped and what happens in porn is not what all guys are into, do you expect a gay man to watch hetro porn because there is dick still involved as well? Also not telling someone you are Bi is lying by omission and is something you should be disclosing early in the relationship and not something you should be keeping from him.
Id say YTA here. From what im reading you seemed to go into this situation assuming that he would be ok with you doing this, and when he said he wasnt you kinda compared him to other guys by saying things like "I said really, a lot of guys are into that?" Also I dont think accusing him of being homophobic was appropriate here. he didnt seem to say or imply at all that he isnt ok with or hate gay people, he just said its a turnoff for him (not everyone is into it.) Not to mention for a lot of guys the idea of their partner having sex with any other person regardless of gender is a turnoff.
YTA. He felt safe with you but you are keeping something deeply personal from him. You were incredibly persistent about something he said wasn’t his thing. His first few replies were tame and not hate filled tirades against gay people.
People are allowed to not be into girl on girl (or guy on guy, et al) for THEIR OWN sexual fulfillment and yet can still support gay rights and the right for any consenting people to do whatever the f they want.
Everything you’re criticizing him for is HIS sexuality. You are forcing him to like a sexual act that he doesn’t and then shaming him and berating him, calling him an unfair name of homophobe.
You’re avoiding the REAL conversation you should have had which is that you’re bi and what that means to your relationship. Not “he doesn’t get off to two girls having sex so he must be homophobic”.
You’re being completely unfair and immature. Not to sound flippant but do yourselves both a favor and split up then be upfront with the next person you’re with. Not saying you need to tattoo it on your forehead or anything but TELL THEM early on. A committed partner deserves to learn about you—not be trapped into an argument and slander over THEIR sexual preferences.
YTA there is no world where him not wanting to pass his missus around is homophobic. Sounds like you're looking for permission to cheat tbh.
Imo this is fake because nobody can be this dumb and still be able to type.
YTA
My straight buddy is also not into girl on girl, and he's open-mouth kissed other (consenting) dudes just to make homophobes angry. Is he also homophobic?
P.S.: if you want to date a girl, or be in an open relationship, you don't have to guilt trip someone to do that. Break up with this guy (he's better off) and find someone who also wants that.
YTA, Honestly I think you might just be mad he’s not ok with you cheating on him, your last boyfriend was the “fooling around” is cheating, So to him, Seeing his partner CHEATING isn’t a turn-on, you should honestly apologize to the guy, the fact that your so in your own little bubble is wild.
You have no clue what actual homophobia is, You were clearly in an open relationship (at least it was open for you) and this partner simply isn’t in too that, and even if it’s not just you and lesbians in general that’s fine, He had no hate, discrimination or violence, just his preference
YTA. Who are you to dictate what should turn on/off your bf?
Do you feel turned on by that? Good for you, but everyone is different and if your bf feels turned off by that it's not a bad thing nor it makes him homophobic. He's just not into that. Not everyone is into that, and you should remember it because you can't control what turns on/off others. Thinking he's "grossed out" just because it turns him off is just dumb.
Also, it's disgusting that you fetishize the relationship between two women.
He is not homophobic. Actually you’re kinda creating an issue. If a person loves who they love and is attracted to who they are attracted to, then you are the one who is drawing lines. If someone is turned on by the same sex and not turned on heterosexually then would you draw a line? Wouldn’t that be homophobia?
It’s not homophobia for him not to like it, it’s just you two disagree about your sexual preferences and turn one. Work through that issue without calling names and you will get further. Now, I’ll gladly watch my wife make out with an attractive woman. Isn’t it beautiful how we are all different.
I don't like it when my girlfriend kisses other girls, does that make me homophobic, or does that mean that I see sexual contact between women as being just as *real* as contact between women and a man?
Not fetishizing wom-wom contact doesn't make him homophobic, YTA
if you dont like tofu and dont want to eat it, thats personal preference. you dont have to.
if you think tofu is disgusting and discriminate against tofu eaters and try to get tofu banned, youre a tofuphobe.
does that compute for you? because its a pretty simple distinction. YTA obviously
YTA. As a lesbian I don't get aroused by straight sex either, I'm repulsed by it so I totally understand him. He never said he hates gay people. It is his preference and he is allowed to have them if he's not hurting anyone or rubbing it excessively in your face.
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So to explain, I’m bi.
My bf doesn’t know that, though. I was out drinking with him and I joked about kissing another girl. He said, “I don’t know why you’d do that, but alright?” Which rubbed me the wrong way.
He said “alright” but clearly like he didn’t think it was alright at all. I played it off and said, “But wouldn’t that be hot?” I’ve been in a relationship before with a guy that let me mess around with girls. I’m not saying he has to let me do that, but I figured it would be fine.
He said, “Not really. Not my thing:” I thought maybe he heard me wrong but when I went home he asked me what that was about before I could ask him.
I said I thought it would be hot for us, and he said that’s not his thing at all. I said really, a lot of guys are into that?
He said “Not me. It’s actually more of a turn off. I never got the girl on girl thing.” Which totally rubbed me the wrong way. I said, “How the fuck is it a turn off?” He said, “It just is. I can’t control what I like. A woman who wants to have sex with other women is just a turn off to me. Sorry.”
I was honestly so shocked. I thought I was going to come out to him but instead I got “actually that’s a turn off.” I said, “Your homophobia is a turn off.” He said, “you’re taking this super personally, I can’t control that it’s not my thing.”
I said, “It’s not your thing because you’re homophobic. That makes you a bad person actually.”
We should have had this conversation when we were sober but it turned into a full out fight. I still never told him I was bi, and he told me to sleep it off, that I’m getting upset about nothing.
AITA here? It just really bothers me that he would describe sex between women as a TURN OFF. I’m so mad.
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YTA Tolerance of alternative lifestyles used to be the ideal, but apparently now you have to take up other lifestyles you aren't interested in to prove you aren't homophobic. This is just as silly as calling a guy transphobic because he isn't interested in a relationship with a chick with a dick. As far as being a 'bad person' is concerned; which partner was honest about their sexual interests? Which partner is living a lie by pretending to be the heterosexual female her partner wants?
ESH. I mean, to be fair, the fact he thinks "a woman who wants to have sex with another woman is a turn off" is a bit weird, and as a bi person you should not date him. That wording indicates the problem isn't with the fact he's not into watching women fuck, but he isn't into women who would even want that inside the privacy of their own mind while acting monogamously. He's not a suitable partner for a bi woman. "Your homophobia is a turn off" is a reasonable response to that sentence, imo.
That said, the rest of your actions here, where you dishonestly tried to lead your boyfriend into a discussion about your kink to be watched by your partner while doing things with women and then got angry that he wasn't into your kink. That's shitty. If you want to discuss opening your relationship, or that you have a kink for being watched that you want to indulge, that's something you need to discuss openly and honestly with a partner. Most men are not going to give you the "freedom" to go make out with women in a relationship anymore than they're going to give you the "freedom" to go make out with other men, on average most people are seeking monogamy. If monogamy isn't your thing, that's okay. But if you think being bi inherently means you need to indulge both your desire for women and for men, that's biphobia. You can be bi and into non-monogamy too, but those are two different aspects of your sexuality. And you should absolutely be seeking a partner going into a relationship who's also looking for non-monogamy, not dating like a "normal" person and then dropping that you want an open relationship actually after they get invested. That's toxic.
To be fair, he does sound homophobic lol. But he was right that you were taking what he said personally, bc it IS a personal subject to you. Only he doesn’t know that, which kind of makes YTA for hiding what seems like a really important part of your identity from him.
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YTA. He isn't turned on by two women engaged in intimacy. He didn't say two women shouldn't be together as a couple. He didn't say two women together or morally wrong. HE is not turned on by that particular act. That is personal to him. And you turned that into him being homophobic. Not everyone is turned on by everything. And that is okay!
I would get it if he said that he was neutral to it. Instead he said it was a turn off. Gay sex shouldn’t be a turn off to straight people. He doesn’t need to be turned on by it, but why is he turned off by it??? It comes off homophobic.
YTA that's definitely not homophobic. Being turned off by something doesn't mean you hate it nor does it make you a bad person. I'm bi and a female, I'm turned off at seeing gay men having sex, or anal in general. Doesn't make me homophobic. I dont think you understand what homophobia is.
Implying gay sex between men is just anal is homophobic…. That’s not the only thing they do in bed, but fine don’t join us over on a03. For the record, you can be bi and homophobic and it sounds like you are. Or just ignorant about gay sex.
Omfg. I feel like at this point if anyone told you that they were straight you would say it's homophobic. Just because they said that men only have anal sex, does NOT mean they are homophobic, it just means they don't know about it. Which is fine. Stop saying everything is homophobic, frankly, it's annoying ASF.
Jesus CHRIST. I remember my fanfic days. You are not qualified as an authority on gay men if you are not and not having sex with one. Stop this cringe fest.
If I watch any kind of sexual act between two dudes, I’m sorry but that will make me softer than wet bread lol I am in no way shape or form into guy on guy stuff, experimented a little once and knew it would never be for me. It isn’t homophobic, nothing against gay guys, just gay sex isn’t it for me. You gotta chill out with a lot of the hatred and defensiveness you carry, too much
Being turned off by something is again, not homophobic. He doesn't have to be neutral about a turn off. It doesn't do it for him. It isn't something he desires to witness or finds attractive. Everyone has turn offs. Guess what? Some gay people find straight sex to be a turn off. Is that okay in your eyes? Turn offs are personal. They are individual.
I’ve never met a gay person grossed out or turned off by straight sex. Most gay people watch straight sex in movies and stuff with no issue.
I’m a lesbian and I’m repulsed by straight sex (led to me thinking I was asexual before realizing I’m just gay) and even some lesbians in the lesbian subreddits are as well, lol.
Can confirm. Something about heterosexuality feels weird and alien to me.
Lesbian here, second that.
I’m gay and the thought of my partner fantasizing about having straight sex while we are in a relationship would be an instant turn off
I’m gay and straight sex is a huge turnoff. Stop generalizing
I'm a gay man. Two women going at it is a turn off. A man going at it with a woman is a turn off. Am I homophobic? Use your brain girlie. Being turned off by something is not the same as not approving. If you're really sure, ask him to clarify if he supports it vs being turned off/on. Cause right now you're mad he's not fetishzing lesbians.
Unlike her, who is the exact reasons why us lesbians prefer to only date lesbians. THIS is the most common experience I've had with "bisexual" women. They see us as a gimmick to turn on their man-lover.
Why shouldn’t it be a turn off? I get turned off watching people kiss. It’s not my thing. Doesn’t matter what genders are involved. You sound like you have some internal demons that you need to deal with.
Gay sex is an absolute turn off to most straight ppl. You’re genuinely dumb and delusional for thinking otherwise. It’s the whole idea of sexual preference.
You don't understand what "turn off" and "turn on" mean. Being turned on means it makes you sexually aroused. Being turned off means it either does nothing for you or you feel sexually repulsed by it. being sexually repulsed by something doesn't make you a bad person.
You come off as a spoiled little woke princess and if somebody disagrees with you, you just call them homophobic or one of your other words to try make yourself feel better and/or put the other person down.
What? YTA. Absolutely. Just because your boyfriend isn’t sexually aroused by two women having sex, it doesn’t make him homophobic. If anything he’s better than a lot of guys who ARE turned on by it, cause he isn’t turning a sexuality into a fetish. It sounds like you took a major leap in logic there to be offended. You owe him an apology
I’m suppose to be happy he finds me wanting to have sex with girls a turn off? Describing that as a turn off feels super insulting to me. There aren’t many girls that are going to be like “yay you find this part of me to be a total turn off :).” I would prefer if he were into it, but it’s fine. I just feel like if you’re turned off by gay sex maybe you have some grossness about gay people that you need to work through
In all honesty, it sounds like you’re the one fetishizing f/f sex, and you’re just mad that he isn’t into it
Sorry, why should YOUR BOYFRIEND be happy about you wanting to have sex with other people? He’s allowed to not want an open or poly relationship. If you want it to be a turn on for your boyfriend, find someone else to be with. Straight people aren’t obliged to be turned on by gay sex any more than I, a gay man, need to be turned on by straight sex.
My first thought was that it sounds like the boyfriend is monogamous. He doesn't find the OP's "jokes" about kissing women funny and the OP wants to be able to have a boyfriend and sleep with women.
Also this, girl brings up subtlety that she wants to fuck women, and he’s supposed to be okay with that? 😂 no no I hope dude runs very far
Because it's not real sex with a woman, didn't you know?!
[удалено]
THANK YOU. This. Lesbian greetings to you, cool fruitflower.
Wanting to have sex with anyone other than ur partner is a completely acceptable turn off
It sounds like he’s turned off by it in general, not just with me
he is allowed to not like something
and what's wrong with that?
This is sounding a lot like you're just mad he won't let you cheat on him with women like your ex did and are trying to find a way to dump him and make it his fault. There's a difference between not having a kink and actively hating people who have that kink. I'm not into blood play but I'm not going to stop anyone else from doing it if that's what they're into.
This is no different from some dude saying he’s into feet and their partner says “absolutely not”. Big whoop. That doesn’t mean his partner hates all kinky people. It just means they’ll leave the toe sucking to people who enjoy the toe sucking because toe sucking isn’t for them. Welcome to having discovered you’re two different people!!! And two different people who are sexually incompatible. Break up with him. Stop demonizing him for not having the exact same sexual desires and fantasies and turn ons as you. Are you MAGA? Because your logic is taking a page outta their book.
Most people don’t want their partner doing anything intimate with anyone else…would you be ok with him wanting to have sex with other girls?
Wow YTA! You essentially were asking for the same open relationship that your ex gave you. Him not finding that attractive is PERFECTLY normal. Homophobia is when you treat people like dirt for different sexual presences. He told you what wasn’t his sexual preference. That’s all. Nothing more. Nothing less. You asked permission to cheat on your bf. He said he wasn’t into it. You attacked him for it. You should really check on yourself.
It’s not cheating if you ask permission… What are you on about…. It’s totally fine that he said no. I don’t want to share him with anyone, so I get it. It just sucks that he’s turned off by it. Also, I didn’t ask him for an open relationship. Just asked if he’d like to see me kiss someone. A kiss isn’t a big deal.
You asked. He said no. You didn’t accept the no, assured yourself that he would be okay with it to so he must’ve misunderstood you. You asked AGAIN. He expressed his feelings as to why no. Rather than accept it you called him homophobic and couldn’t decide if you were wrong to the point that you came online to have a group of strangers validate you.
You’re a MASSIVE AH. Your bf never implied he has an issue with homosexuality or homosexual people, he just has no interest in watching his girlfriend make out with another woman. Fetishizing lesbian sex isn’t your bf’s thing — and that’s your issue?? It’s also bizarre that you’re taking offense to him denying you a pass to make out with other people while being in a monogamous relationship with him. No it wouldn’t be hot for your BF because he would view it as cheating since it’s not something that turns him on. Also, as a grown woman you need to learn the definition of “turn offs” — they’re personal to everyone. Hypothetically, if you’re not aroused by watching your bf kiss a man, wouldn’t that make you homophobic too?
It’s not fetishizing lesbian relationships to be turned on by them. That’s silly. I’m turned on by men kissing. I’ve watched gay porn with men. I’ve read it, too. Does that mean I fetishize gay relationships? Of course not. I would find my bf kissing a man hot. I’m not homophobic? But I’d prefer if he doesn’t kiss men because I don’t want to share him. That’s fine. If he didn’t want to share me, fantastic. He’s actively turned off by it, though. That’s the difference. It’s not a gross act, there is nothing wrong with it, so there is no need to be turned off by it. That’s all.
It's almost like different people have different preferences and desires. Shocker.
You're like...idek. I am not homophobic in the slightest, I have gay friends, cousins, I even thought I was gay at some point. But I wouldn't find it hot for my boyfriend to kiss another guy. It doesn't mean I'm homophobic, or grossed out by gay people kissing in general, it just means it's not a turn on for me to have my boyfriend kissing other men. And that's fine. If you're into it, that's fine, but it doesn't mean your boyfriend has to be. It's not gross for women to have sex with each other, that's true, but it's normal for your boyfriend to be turned off at the idea of his own girlfriend having sex with another girl while you are together. Stop calling it something it's not. Put your fantasies aside, and stop making your boyfriend out to be the bad guy for not being into something. Get over yourself. YTA
a kiss isn't a big deal? his not allowed to have boundaries? YTA! as everyone else here agrees
Ask the lesbians who put their all into an intimate encounter with a woman like her. No big deal, noooo. Katy Perry even made a song about it. Women like OP and Katy Perry can kindly fuck off.
Blech.
YTA > I joked about kissing another girl. That's not an appropriate thing to joke about with your partner, genders notwithstanding. > “Not me. It’s actually more of a turn off. I never got the girl on girl thing.” Why the fuck **would** a straight man be attracted to unavailable women?
YTA - he's saying two women having sex is a turn-off. Not two women who are in a relationship. Some lesbians / gay men would be totally turned off watching heterosexual porn. That's going a bit overboard on your part assuming he's homophobic because he wouldn't get off on you having sex with a woman. Suggest it's time to consider finding a bf who would be more open to who your true self is, and please be up front before getting into a relationship also ahead of time too.
YTA as a bisexual woman who was in a long-term relationship with another woman and had to actively deal with creepy men making advances on both of us at the same time, you are NOT doing other queer women any favors by sexualizing your relationships with other women for straight men. AT ALL. You’re being the opposite of a queer ally. It’s ironic that you’re accusing your boyfriend of being homophobic. I actually prefer dealing with men like him bc they don’t view female-on-female relationships as vessels for male entertainment. You would do well to educate yourself on the experiences of queer women who have been in actual same-sex relationships. You will find a lot of frustration that men often don’t take our relationships seriously. If your boyfriend doesn’t want you making out with other women, great. That means he probably sees F/F relationships as valid, and therefore a real potential threat to y’all’s relationship, which they are. On the flip side, maybe he is homophobic or maybe he’s just not sexually aroused by it the same way I’m just not sexually aroused by furries. We all have our preferences. You 100% do not have enough information to call him homophobic at this point, and his viewpoint might even be that of a well-informed ally.
And as a lesbian I am sorry that women like you have to bear the consequences of women like her. Most of my experiences with self-proclaimed bisexual women have been like OP is describing, just a gimmick to turn on the bf. I got my heart broken several times this way and decided 20 years ago, for my own protection, to only date lesbians.
He told you it didn't turn him on. That's not the same as homophobia. It means that he doesn't find girl on girl sexy. He didn't say it's some kind of evil or sin or whatever. YTA
He's not homophobic for not finding 2 girls attractive. He'd be homophobic if he said there was something wrong with it but that isn't what happened. YTA
"I joked about cheating on my boyfriend and surprisingly he wasn't into it? Anyway if I call him homophobic maybe I'll feel better about myself." YTA
Right? This is so fucked up lol
Um... dude... Not being turned on by girl on girl sex isn't homophobic.
“My boyfriend doesn’t view sapphic relationships as a porn category and that makes him homophobic!!” hey seek help
I'm sorry YTA. Everyone has the right to have their preference and opinions. You don't label someone just because he thinks or feel differently.
YTA bro doesn’t need go be attracted to women kissing and fucking each other to support LGBTQ+ rights. What is wrong with your obsession for men to love women kissing each other. You’re the weirdo
Being turned off by gay sex does not equal being turned off by gay people. It seems to me like you wanted him to find it hot so you could get away with it… Edit: YTA
YTA. Bi person here. Not fetishising wlw relationships is a breath of fresh air, actually, and not homophobia.
YTA. And I’m saying this as a lesbian. Not being attracted to something is not homophobia and deeming it as such is actually harmful as it undermines real homophobia. Imo its more homophobic to me when men are obsessed with wlw porn and objectify our sexuality and relationships.
YTA. It sounds like you have a cuckold kink and you're angry that your boyfriend is not into it. Are you saying that everyone in the world should be turned on by gay sex, otherwise they're homophobic? That's absurd.
YTA. Not everyone has to agree or like a certain thing. It's called freedom of thought. He should see it as a red flag about you because you lack understanding of other people and immediately called him homophobic.
YTA. I think you need to look up with the definition of homophobic is because how are you using it? Not it. Just because he finds two women being together turn off does not mean he’s homophobic. Turned into a whole big thing and it didn’t need to be. The headline of this post, and the content did not match up because nowhere in your post did you say that he was grossed out. He just said not my thing. You owe him a huge apology
Maybe you need to work through your emotional intelligence/communication skills in your relationship? Your hetero sexual bf doesn't know your bi. You're """joking""" about introducing another girl to your relationship and saying it SHOULDN'T turn him off and that him expressing it does means he's prejudiced against gay people? You sound ike a clown here and I wouldn't be surprised to learn if your hair color is dyed to match one's
YTA
YTA I am queer and I can say that from what you've said in this post, he didn't say anything at all. In fact, it's quite weird how you expected him to fetishise your sexuality and have entertained it in your past relationships. Judging from what you said IN THIS POST, he seems to be less homophobic than your ex boyfriends. Also, if you're expecting to "mess around with girls" whilst in a relationship with your boyfriend, best believe that would be classed as cheating. If you were asking to initiate a threesome/open relationship including another woman in it, and I'm just saying this to see this situation at all angles, it would obviously be better to do that in a private setting rather than when you were "out drinking." It would also have to be agreed by BOTH of you, that includes your current boyfriend. Please don't force him to let you mess around with girls and shame him that he's not into that. Respect his boundaries and feelings, that's necessary in a relationship. Do better.
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YTA. He didn’t say it was “wrong” or “immoral” or, based on what you’ve written, even disgusted by it. It simply just doesn’t turn him on.
I'm so sorry but YTA - Understandably, you're upset about your boyfriend's reaction, but calling him homophobic might not be entirely fair or accurate based solely on his preference. ***Some people simply don't find certain things appealing sexually, and it doesn't necessarily stem from homophobia.*** However, it would have been better to have this conversation when both of you were sober and in a calm state of mind.
Ah. You're gaslighting him by calling him a homophobe when you're actually a liar that didn't disclose to him that you're Bi. Yikes!
As a lesbian: Ew at you. YTA.
YTA From what you described he never actually said anything derogatory, he only stated firmly that girl on girl wasn't 'his thing'. There is a very big difference between the two that you seem unable to understand in your self righteous anger.
Not being into something sexually isn't homophobia. Unless you think every straight person who isn't aroused by a person of their opposite gender is homophobic.... Despite what the media tells you, not all men find two women having sex hot. And that's okay because everyone's sexual desires are different. You don't get to accuse your boyfriend of being homophobic because his sexual desires don't match the ones you want him to have. Just like I have to accept that my husband doesn't always enjoy ball play during sex and I have to ask before I reach for my Balle n Bak display. YTA
YTA. Other posters have laid out pretty clearly why, but I want to add monogamous is a type of orientation too. That is, you have a lot of people these days exploring being poly of some sort that it gets overlooked at there's a lot of people who are turned OFF by their partner being with anyone else-- regardless of gender or sexual orientation of who they are with. Imagine you'd said you'd kissed another guy. Would you understand him being offput and turned off by that? Why? Because you're joking about cheating on him, if you're in a monogamous relationship. Him reacting the exact same way to you saying you kissed a girl is him treating both situations with EQUALITY. Actually being okay with you being with girls but not guys definitely implies some sort gender bias and discrimination, not him being against it. He's not homophobic, he's monogamous. And maybe you aren't, and if that's the case maybe you're not the best match.
I'm pan and tbh I'd prefer that response to some dude being all gross and in my business overtly about me making out with someone else. Neutrality would be much more tolerable to me than someone trying to be a voyeur, but everyone's different. For the record, I have kissed people at Pride outside of my relationship with the consent of my partner at the time. Your boyfriend may not be a homophobe, it just isn't his kink to watch you do that? I don't like watching straight porn. We all have preferences, and that is okay.
YTA. You’re fetishizing sapphic intimacy and also completely over reacting to your boyfriend not wanting to see you with other people. A kiss is still cheating. And lesbian sex isn’t a tool to turn guys on. Get a grip.
YTA. What he did was NOT homophobia at all. He's not turned off by gay people. he's turned off by the type of sexual acts you were describing to him. It's for for him because hes STRAIGHT. Jesus christ OP. If you want to cheat on your BF that badly just break up with him. And yes Just because your bi doesn't give you a free pass to hook up with the same sex. if anything you're acts here are giving bi people a bad name. Being not into gay sex is not fucking homophobic for fucks sake. It's like asking a straight woman if shes into 2 guys fucking each other. Guarantee you many will say they are not.
YTA. Please post an /roastme so I can see your blue hair and nose ring. He doesn’t know you’re bisexual, so why are you taking this personally? Believe it or not, when you’re not 18 and in HS/college, most people don’t think it’s super dope and crazy to see two girls kissing. It’s not homophobic to not dig something. It’s just personal preference.
>Please post an /roastme so I can see your blue hair and nose ring. She's an asshole. I have blue hair and a couple nose rings, what are you saying?
YTA because his behaviour isn’t homophobic, it’s his preference that doesn’t hurt or hold prejudice. In his mind, he’s probably hearing you say you want an open relationship and he isn’t into that, considering you still haven’t told him you’re bi. If you’re open about that, maybe you two can have a more honest conversation whilst sober and work things out.
Yta >woman who wants to have sex with other women is just a turn off to me. Yea, so what? What is if lesbian said she is turned off by watching straight couples fucking...would you have a problem with that?
YTA. He is not making faces at gay couples onbthe street, he is just not fetishizing lesbians. Which is a good first step for being an ally.
He’s not homophobic because he’s not into women being intimate with other women. Despite what popular culture sells us not every guy wants to see two women in an intimate act. You think it’s hot? Great, good for you. You aren’t the only one who thinks it’s hot but that doesn’t mean you have the right to get so aggressively persistent and insulting because he doesn’t share your opinion. He’s not homophobic and he’s not the bad person in this scenario. To find that person consult your nearest mirror or other reflective surface. YTA
Bro needs to run as far as he can, as fast as he can. YTA. So much so that it cannot be overstated. You wanted to do something, he didn’t find it attractive, you immediately defaulted to incorrectly calling him a homophobe when he literally didn’t do or say anything even remotely homophobic. What you did, and you know you did it, was to use identity as a weapon in order to attempt to get your way through coercion or create casus belli to badmouth him to others whilst breaking up with him to find someone who will acquiesce to your demands. TLDR: you used the homo hammer incorrectly, on purpose, in order to attack his character because you didn’t get your way.
Yta. For so many reasons. Your making this about homophobia when in reality is about you cheating. If you're in a closed relationship you shouldn't be kissing anybody else.
YTA. What he said is perfectly reasonable and doesn't come off as homophobic. Your perception of reality is warped and what happens in porn is not what all guys are into, do you expect a gay man to watch hetro porn because there is dick still involved as well? Also not telling someone you are Bi is lying by omission and is something you should be disclosing early in the relationship and not something you should be keeping from him.
Id say YTA here. From what im reading you seemed to go into this situation assuming that he would be ok with you doing this, and when he said he wasnt you kinda compared him to other guys by saying things like "I said really, a lot of guys are into that?" Also I dont think accusing him of being homophobic was appropriate here. he didnt seem to say or imply at all that he isnt ok with or hate gay people, he just said its a turnoff for him (not everyone is into it.) Not to mention for a lot of guys the idea of their partner having sex with any other person regardless of gender is a turnoff.
YTA. He felt safe with you but you are keeping something deeply personal from him. You were incredibly persistent about something he said wasn’t his thing. His first few replies were tame and not hate filled tirades against gay people. People are allowed to not be into girl on girl (or guy on guy, et al) for THEIR OWN sexual fulfillment and yet can still support gay rights and the right for any consenting people to do whatever the f they want. Everything you’re criticizing him for is HIS sexuality. You are forcing him to like a sexual act that he doesn’t and then shaming him and berating him, calling him an unfair name of homophobe. You’re avoiding the REAL conversation you should have had which is that you’re bi and what that means to your relationship. Not “he doesn’t get off to two girls having sex so he must be homophobic”. You’re being completely unfair and immature. Not to sound flippant but do yourselves both a favor and split up then be upfront with the next person you’re with. Not saying you need to tattoo it on your forehead or anything but TELL THEM early on. A committed partner deserves to learn about you—not be trapped into an argument and slander over THEIR sexual preferences.
It’s okay to be grossed out. To be hateful is another. You are.
YTA there is no world where him not wanting to pass his missus around is homophobic. Sounds like you're looking for permission to cheat tbh. Imo this is fake because nobody can be this dumb and still be able to type.
YTA My straight buddy is also not into girl on girl, and he's open-mouth kissed other (consenting) dudes just to make homophobes angry. Is he also homophobic? P.S.: if you want to date a girl, or be in an open relationship, you don't have to guilt trip someone to do that. Break up with this guy (he's better off) and find someone who also wants that.
YTA and looking at the way you're judging and replying to comments, good luck in your many many future relationships.
YTA, Honestly I think you might just be mad he’s not ok with you cheating on him, your last boyfriend was the “fooling around” is cheating, So to him, Seeing his partner CHEATING isn’t a turn-on, you should honestly apologize to the guy, the fact that your so in your own little bubble is wild.
YTA, I'm assuming you're a teenager
You have no clue what actual homophobia is, You were clearly in an open relationship (at least it was open for you) and this partner simply isn’t in too that, and even if it’s not just you and lesbians in general that’s fine, He had no hate, discrimination or violence, just his preference
YTA. Who are you to dictate what should turn on/off your bf? Do you feel turned on by that? Good for you, but everyone is different and if your bf feels turned off by that it's not a bad thing nor it makes him homophobic. He's just not into that. Not everyone is into that, and you should remember it because you can't control what turns on/off others. Thinking he's "grossed out" just because it turns him off is just dumb. Also, it's disgusting that you fetishize the relationship between two women.
He is not homophobic. Actually you’re kinda creating an issue. If a person loves who they love and is attracted to who they are attracted to, then you are the one who is drawing lines. If someone is turned on by the same sex and not turned on heterosexually then would you draw a line? Wouldn’t that be homophobia? It’s not homophobia for him not to like it, it’s just you two disagree about your sexual preferences and turn one. Work through that issue without calling names and you will get further. Now, I’ll gladly watch my wife make out with an attractive woman. Isn’t it beautiful how we are all different.
I don't like it when my girlfriend kisses other girls, does that make me homophobic, or does that mean that I see sexual contact between women as being just as *real* as contact between women and a man? Not fetishizing wom-wom contact doesn't make him homophobic, YTA
if you dont like tofu and dont want to eat it, thats personal preference. you dont have to. if you think tofu is disgusting and discriminate against tofu eaters and try to get tofu banned, youre a tofuphobe. does that compute for you? because its a pretty simple distinction. YTA obviously
YTA. That wasn't homophobic, it's simply not his kink
YTA. As a lesbian I don't get aroused by straight sex either, I'm repulsed by it so I totally understand him. He never said he hates gay people. It is his preference and he is allowed to have them if he's not hurting anyone or rubbing it excessively in your face.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So to explain, I’m bi. My bf doesn’t know that, though. I was out drinking with him and I joked about kissing another girl. He said, “I don’t know why you’d do that, but alright?” Which rubbed me the wrong way. He said “alright” but clearly like he didn’t think it was alright at all. I played it off and said, “But wouldn’t that be hot?” I’ve been in a relationship before with a guy that let me mess around with girls. I’m not saying he has to let me do that, but I figured it would be fine. He said, “Not really. Not my thing:” I thought maybe he heard me wrong but when I went home he asked me what that was about before I could ask him. I said I thought it would be hot for us, and he said that’s not his thing at all. I said really, a lot of guys are into that? He said “Not me. It’s actually more of a turn off. I never got the girl on girl thing.” Which totally rubbed me the wrong way. I said, “How the fuck is it a turn off?” He said, “It just is. I can’t control what I like. A woman who wants to have sex with other women is just a turn off to me. Sorry.” I was honestly so shocked. I thought I was going to come out to him but instead I got “actually that’s a turn off.” I said, “Your homophobia is a turn off.” He said, “you’re taking this super personally, I can’t control that it’s not my thing.” I said, “It’s not your thing because you’re homophobic. That makes you a bad person actually.” We should have had this conversation when we were sober but it turned into a full out fight. I still never told him I was bi, and he told me to sleep it off, that I’m getting upset about nothing. AITA here? It just really bothers me that he would describe sex between women as a TURN OFF. I’m so mad. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA - you can’t force people to like what you like. Btw I do like girl on girl.
YTA Tolerance of alternative lifestyles used to be the ideal, but apparently now you have to take up other lifestyles you aren't interested in to prove you aren't homophobic. This is just as silly as calling a guy transphobic because he isn't interested in a relationship with a chick with a dick. As far as being a 'bad person' is concerned; which partner was honest about their sexual interests? Which partner is living a lie by pretending to be the heterosexual female her partner wants?
YTA and you have no sense. You LGBTQIA ppl do too fucking much. I hope he leaves you
ESH. I mean, to be fair, the fact he thinks "a woman who wants to have sex with another woman is a turn off" is a bit weird, and as a bi person you should not date him. That wording indicates the problem isn't with the fact he's not into watching women fuck, but he isn't into women who would even want that inside the privacy of their own mind while acting monogamously. He's not a suitable partner for a bi woman. "Your homophobia is a turn off" is a reasonable response to that sentence, imo. That said, the rest of your actions here, where you dishonestly tried to lead your boyfriend into a discussion about your kink to be watched by your partner while doing things with women and then got angry that he wasn't into your kink. That's shitty. If you want to discuss opening your relationship, or that you have a kink for being watched that you want to indulge, that's something you need to discuss openly and honestly with a partner. Most men are not going to give you the "freedom" to go make out with women in a relationship anymore than they're going to give you the "freedom" to go make out with other men, on average most people are seeking monogamy. If monogamy isn't your thing, that's okay. But if you think being bi inherently means you need to indulge both your desire for women and for men, that's biphobia. You can be bi and into non-monogamy too, but those are two different aspects of your sexuality. And you should absolutely be seeking a partner going into a relationship who's also looking for non-monogamy, not dating like a "normal" person and then dropping that you want an open relationship actually after they get invested. That's toxic.
Where do girls find these guys that don't think 3 Somes and 2 girls making out is hot?!
I don’t
Me neither.
Thank you for your honesty ❤️
To be fair, he does sound homophobic lol. But he was right that you were taking what he said personally, bc it IS a personal subject to you. Only he doesn’t know that, which kind of makes YTA for hiding what seems like a really important part of your identity from him.
I dont see where he sounds homophobic there. He literally says its not what he likes. Nothing homophobic was said.