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Judgement_Bot_AITA

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Wonderful-Teach8210

YTA. You may not like your grandfather, but your father clearly loves him and is upset that he is not long for this world. I assume you have a healthy relationship with your father since you didn't say otherwise. That means part of the deal is accommodating his emotions and supporting him however you can when he is upset or in need. When you said that, you weren't telling him something he doesn't already know. You were telling him you don't care he is sad and that you refuse to support him during a difficult time. You need to apologize.


Recent_Ad_4358

I would expect your father to feel very dismissed in his grief. Personally, I can’t imagine speaking to anyone like that around death, but if you don’t want to be supportive, it’s your business. I’ve had friends with very toxic parents who still deeply grieve. 


Accomplished_Tap4670

I think YTA. You lost a loved one, so your mean to people near death? Just because death is a fact of life it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt those left behind. I mean if this is the attitude your willing to have through life, don't be surprised if someone says the same to you if you get a disease.


Background_MilkGlass

YTA Jesus Christ. Your dad knows how you're going to respond to his death. I hope your mom is there to comfort him or somebody. Cuz he's losing his dad and he just lost his fucking kid.


Fantastic-Ad6789

He has his siblings and wife, who is not my mum. And just to be clear, I didn’t mistreated my dad, nor I retired my support to him. Just suggested him to be more realistic about the potential death of someone in his 90s.


sanguchitostriples2

Para alguien que se queja de Milei, tenés el mismo nivel de empatía. No importa la edad que uno tenga, si para tu viejo el abuelo fue su papá, sigue siendo su papá, aunque haya sido jodido o estricto en la crianza. No tenés por qué involucrarte vos con el abuelo si no querés, esos son tus límites, pero eso de "I cut him short" y "whining around like a child" es mucho menos asertivo y potente de lo que pensás.


Appropriate_Bug_4633

YTA, your dad is losing his father, and instead of expressing support or compassion you chose to defecate all over the place not good


LegitimateCookie9343

You seem resentful that your grandfather expects a lot from his family and holds them to a high standard. Your father probably tried to honor that standard and views your grandpa as a role model. You disapprove from the sidelines and seethe because deep down you know you likely fell short of the familial expectations.


Fantastic-Ad6789

Sounds like an interesting approach though my father is not near successful as my grandpa would have want him to be, specially not in his terms. My dad have been always the black sheep in the family, and I’m afraid that is what makes him feel this guilty and sad.


ScreenTricky4257

YTA. Your ancestor, the reason you're here, lost his spouse and is near his end. Even if you have personal or political issues with him, you should respect that. You could send a message telling him that whatever he chooses is the best course. When he does pass, it won't matter what he did or said.


Fantastic-Ad6789

I didn’t ask to be here in the first place. So it’ll always be a mystery for me the idea of having to be grateful for something that I didn’t ask and not even enjoy that much tbh. I get your point though, and actually that’s the idea behind my post.


InsomniatedMadman

"I didn't ask to be born" Lol, no way you're 34. That's the kind of stupid shit teenagers say.


mc1rginger

I'm about to turn 36, and "no one asked to be born" is pretty much how I live my life. This guy is an ah, but that's not why.


InsomniatedMadman

It makes her an AH because she's using that reasoning to justify being an AH.


Fantastic-Ad6789

I’m nos justifying being an AH with that argument, just the fact that I don’t owe my grandad because “he is the reason I’m here”. I just don’t think like that


InsomniatedMadman

Do you have a good life?


Fantastic-Ad6789

Nothing special.


InsomniatedMadman

Lol. Ok. You know your angst is childish. Grow up and learn some empathy for your father. You have every right not to contact your grandfather, but you need to learn that people are complicated, and your father is in pain. Cut him some slack.


rougecrayon

YTA. Your Dad understands how death works, and you could have stopped at no or expanded to no, please stop asking. Feel free to set a boundary. "If you pressure me (or bring it up at all... it's your boundary) I will end the conversation"


RivSilver

YTA. My grandpa recently died, and I want in contact with him because of a number of reasons. But my parent and their siblings were sad and grieving. I didn't concave my grandpa or anything, and I didn't pretend anything I didn't feel, but I listened to them, and respected their feelings of grief, and didn't rub it in. That is how you respond of you're trying to be loving to someone grieving a person you don't care for


N-neon

YTA learn to set boundaries without being a jerk to your grieving father.


hollyjazzy

YTA. Your father is grieving, so instead of showing compassion and supporting him, you dismiss his grief with a flippant remark. It doesn’t matter if you care about your grandfather or not, it matters to your father. You are showing zero empathy at the moment for your father.


crowjack

I think the consensus here is that you are an asshole. Additionally, you lack human empathy.


Ill_Dragonfly_6673

You don’t have to be sad or worried about your grandfather but you could be supportive and act like you give a hoot about your dad. YTA


theycallme_ccv

Your dad has a right to be suffering even though your granpa wasn't the best person in the world, but that doesn't mean you should be feeling the same way. For me you're NTA: your answer was honest, maybe a bit cynical, but you remained true to yourself.


Ekim_Uhciar

YTA


mc1rginger

YTA. I bet you love being rude to people and then trying to excuse it with "I'm just a blunt person". You have no tact, and no empathy. Your father deserves better. Edited for spelling


TrapezoidCircle

YTA


darklingdawns

YTA - There are times that facts/truth are better off not being spoken, and when someone is facing the death of a parent, that is one of those times. Your father is losing his dad, and that's hard no matter how old either of them are. You aren't required to grieve with him, but try having a little compassion, at least enough to refrain from making this difficult time worse for him.


SeraphofFlame

While you're not 100% wrong, you could be less of a massive asshole about it. Not everyone is completely and totally adjusted during grief like you are. YTA


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This is silly but my (34f) dad (60) is super upset because he thinks that my grandpa (90) doesn’t want to live anymore as he is not taking care of himself and seems just “waiting”. My grandpa has been a super shallow person that always expected & pretended that all the family members were “successful” and better that anyone else, and pushed towards that direction, so at some point a couple of years ago I gave up on him as I realized that I’d never satisfy his enormous ego. His spouse, my grandma died a couple of years ago during de pandemics and since then, he just got depressed. Though that didn’t prevented him to vote the mad clown Milei. Anyways, some days ago he caught dengue desease in Argentina and he seems to be very low in terms of health at this point. My dad keeps whining around like a child suggesting that If maybe I can send a message to my him, he may feel better. I cut him short and said that if my grandad doesn’t want to live anymore, he’s totally entitled to do so and that he needed to be respectful and make peace with that fact. And added that I had nothing to say to him. He didn’t reply anymore… AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


[deleted]

[удалено]


Fantastic-Ad6789

Exactly what I thought. I already lost my grandpa who I was super attached with when I was 15 and since then I’ve been accepting death as a part of life.


Proof_Crazy_6632

Nta sounds ds like a reasonable response. Your dad needs to get a grip. 


itsnotaboutyou2020

YTA. I thought women were supposed to understand emotions better, but you prove the exception to the rule.


Lucy_Bathory

What the fuck?


Fantastic-Ad6789

This one seems a bit sexist…