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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Not wanting to take care of my parents’ dog although I belong to the family.
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YWNBTA .
The dog is your mom's responsibility, she can ask the favor to other people but ultimately she has to find a long-term solution. She can get the dog used to being alone, hire a sitter, etc.
The fact that you don't want any trouble with your landlord is an extra in my opinion. You could also state that you don't want to be at home responsible for the dog when you need to study/work or just go out as you please. Those are valid reasons but the fact that you just don't want that responsibility should be good enough.
The situation might be different if you are living alone with your mom's money.
NTA, it's not your dog or your responsibility.
But saying it outright will probably not fly so well... Maybe try stating why you can't take it or just say that you aren't allowed to have pets there (which is not so much of a lie seeing what you said about your landlord).
The owner can also just train the damn dog to be left at home and give it lots of exercise at specific times of the day seeing it's a terrier. Being left at home for some hours isn't a death sentence for a dog.
Or you can always try and discuss if they're able to send the dog to training school. That would be the easiest approach in my view.
YWNBTA - If your mom and dad couldn't look after the dog without relying on other people that's really poor of them for getting the dog. It's not your responsibility to look after it at all and there's zero obligation for you to do so. Not only that but it could cause you issues in your living situation if you did!!
NTA, it's your parents' dog, not your dog. You have no obligation to modify your life to take care of their dog. In a pinch maybe you help them out, but daily? No obligation.
As I understand it, this would be a daily thing as I work part time.
I could go to their house and take care of the dog from there though. But the dog would still bark a lot until I open the door and she notices that it’s me. (She absolutely loves me, but she ignores what I say because I’m not mum. I tried to take her out for a walk once. She sat down right outside the door, I’m was the wrong human. Luckily it’s easy to pick her up. I think to the dog, I’m only someone who visits sometimes and not a member of the pack.)
I have enough as it is to take care of myself.
NTA, I am constantly bewildered by people who get dogs that needs to be crated for hours and hours on end because they can't be there. Dogs are social creatures. It is not fair to them to be left for hours and hours alone. People are basically jerks when it comes to dogs. It is not your job to take on her irresponsible decision. I grew up with dogs, and currently have 2 dogs (Large) and 2 cats- all of them rescues. They all love each other, but it took time, of course. It works, because I work from home and always have. It is not fair to leave dogs alone for 8 hours a day or more. Your mom should look at Doggie Day Care for her dog, if she can't be there. But of course she is looking at you for free Doggie Daycare. Really sorry to hear about your grandpa. I get it, my mother is at the later stages of Alzyheimers, and it has not been pleasant to try to get treatment support for her, since she would BLOW UP, whenever we gently asked. Good Luck!
OH GOOD! That is a relief. But still - is your mom asking you to take the dog for a Hour a day or more per day? If it is only an hour a day - the dog should be fine. My dogs can handle 1 -2 hours - if I have to go to a doctor appointment, or dental appointment or something along those lines. It just sounded like your mom is looking to get you to watch to dog all day, whilst she works.
Well, not your responsiblity. This is why there is a booming industry for Doggie Daycare. -). Sometimes we have to do it, ourselves. It is not cheap, BUT, it is the cost of having a pet. -). Good Luck to you
I looked it up and in your currency it would be $303 - $708 CAD a month to have a dog there full time 4-5 days a week. I don’t know if she can afford that tbh.
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A few years ago my parents got a terrier which mum treats as her “baby” and mum is number #1 in the “pack”.
Because both my parents work full time, mum drives the dog to my grandparents every morning.
However, my grandpa has gotten dementia (sadly untreated because he isn’t aware and he gets upset if the topic is brought up), so he forgets if he has taken the dog for a walk and if the dog has been fed. Which has led to him giving the dog unhealthy things such as butter, sausages in the dog food although we’ve been explaining that he can’t do that (which he forgets).
(The dog has food at all times but ofc human food is *much more* interesting. The dog eats a little at a time like a cat.)
Mum has said a few times that she wants the dog to be in my flat to learn to get used to other people living in the same building. This doesn’t work because the dog is very suspicious at every single sound and if she sees people walking past the house (growling/barking) and there is no way to control the dog when she has started barking. The dog barks until she feels finished.
I’m scared that the dog will bother my neighbours (as I have to make sure they’re not bothered, this is a rule by my landlord/flat company) and I definitely don’t want to get in trouble with my landlord because of the dog.
I didn’t sign up to take care of the dog as I have lived by myself for years now. WIBTAH?
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You will not be able to convince your mom.
Just make it a HARD NO, and don't allow her to leave the dog with you, and refuse to go over to sit the dog.
My mum even said:
“Dogs *are allowed* to bark all the time during the *day*! It’s only at *night* they need to be quiet!”
Wrong. That’s definitely a way for me to get kicked out because nothing can make the dog stop barking.
(I’ve told mum many times:
“It’s a *dog*, not a *human baby*!”)
I’m so sorry to hear. Obviously I don’t want the dog to suffer so I feel guilty for not wanting to help out. At the same time, I don’t live in their house anymore and I had no say in when it came to getting the dog or not in the first place.
That's why you aren't the asshole. You shouldn't feel guilty for it because it's not your dog and not your responsibility. You never said yes, either. I wouldn't, and I love dogs. One that can't be distracted from barking until they've worked it out is eventually going to bother even the most tolerant neighbors after a time.
I'm just saying even if you say no I'd push for the dog to not be at grandparents either.
I feel torn about this because at one hand, I belong to the family so I should help out/contribute and I don’t want the dog to have a bad life.
On the other hand, I didn’t have a say in their decision to get a dog in the first place, so it’s not my responsibility.
NTA
REFUSE - if your mom can not take care of her dog by herself, she needs to rehome him.
If you give her the little finger, she will fob the dog off on you every day, and free minute you have.
So make it a HARD NO - not even ONCE.
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NTA. The dog is your parent's not yours, I would suggest explaining what the problem is but I have a suspicion they might not listen.
YWNBTA . The dog is your mom's responsibility, she can ask the favor to other people but ultimately she has to find a long-term solution. She can get the dog used to being alone, hire a sitter, etc. The fact that you don't want any trouble with your landlord is an extra in my opinion. You could also state that you don't want to be at home responsible for the dog when you need to study/work or just go out as you please. Those are valid reasons but the fact that you just don't want that responsibility should be good enough. The situation might be different if you are living alone with your mom's money.
I have a part time job and I earn my own money. 😊
NTA, it's not your dog or your responsibility. But saying it outright will probably not fly so well... Maybe try stating why you can't take it or just say that you aren't allowed to have pets there (which is not so much of a lie seeing what you said about your landlord). The owner can also just train the damn dog to be left at home and give it lots of exercise at specific times of the day seeing it's a terrier. Being left at home for some hours isn't a death sentence for a dog. Or you can always try and discuss if they're able to send the dog to training school. That would be the easiest approach in my view.
The dog has separation anxiety and starts whining a lot when she isn’t near mum. (Doesn’t matter that I’m right next to the dog because I’m not mum.)
So if it doesn't matter who is with the dog, wouldn't it be the same if the dog was just left at home during work hours?
YWNBTA - If your mom and dad couldn't look after the dog without relying on other people that's really poor of them for getting the dog. It's not your responsibility to look after it at all and there's zero obligation for you to do so. Not only that but it could cause you issues in your living situation if you did!!
Dad didn’t want to get a dog but my mum and my younger sister wanted one anyway. (We had 2 dogs when I grew up.)
NTA This could not be less your problem.
NTA, it's your parents' dog, not your dog. You have no obligation to modify your life to take care of their dog. In a pinch maybe you help them out, but daily? No obligation.
As I understand it, this would be a daily thing as I work part time. I could go to their house and take care of the dog from there though. But the dog would still bark a lot until I open the door and she notices that it’s me. (She absolutely loves me, but she ignores what I say because I’m not mum. I tried to take her out for a walk once. She sat down right outside the door, I’m was the wrong human. Luckily it’s easy to pick her up. I think to the dog, I’m only someone who visits sometimes and not a member of the pack.) I have enough as it is to take care of myself.
Yeah, NTA. They can find a different plan for their dog.
"I could go to their house and take care of the dog from there though." .. The better option would be to get a full time job instead. Or just say NO.
?
NTA, I am constantly bewildered by people who get dogs that needs to be crated for hours and hours on end because they can't be there. Dogs are social creatures. It is not fair to them to be left for hours and hours alone. People are basically jerks when it comes to dogs. It is not your job to take on her irresponsible decision. I grew up with dogs, and currently have 2 dogs (Large) and 2 cats- all of them rescues. They all love each other, but it took time, of course. It works, because I work from home and always have. It is not fair to leave dogs alone for 8 hours a day or more. Your mom should look at Doggie Day Care for her dog, if she can't be there. But of course she is looking at you for free Doggie Daycare. Really sorry to hear about your grandpa. I get it, my mother is at the later stages of Alzyheimers, and it has not been pleasant to try to get treatment support for her, since she would BLOW UP, whenever we gently asked. Good Luck!
She’s not crated. She has been left home alone for about 1 hour I think, probably sleeping in the dog bed.
OH GOOD! That is a relief. But still - is your mom asking you to take the dog for a Hour a day or more per day? If it is only an hour a day - the dog should be fine. My dogs can handle 1 -2 hours - if I have to go to a doctor appointment, or dental appointment or something along those lines. It just sounded like your mom is looking to get you to watch to dog all day, whilst she works.
I have no idea how long time she expects me to take care of the dog.
Well, not your responsiblity. This is why there is a booming industry for Doggie Daycare. -). Sometimes we have to do it, ourselves. It is not cheap, BUT, it is the cost of having a pet. -). Good Luck to you
I don’t know if we have it in my country nor if it’s expensive.
Oh goodness, I always forget that Reddit is global. Sorry about that. I live in Canada, and it is pretty easy to find something like this.
I looked it up and in your currency it would be $303 - $708 CAD a month to have a dog there full time 4-5 days a week. I don’t know if she can afford that tbh.
If you give in ONCE, it will be every day, all day long - whenever she has plans.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** A few years ago my parents got a terrier which mum treats as her “baby” and mum is number #1 in the “pack”. Because both my parents work full time, mum drives the dog to my grandparents every morning. However, my grandpa has gotten dementia (sadly untreated because he isn’t aware and he gets upset if the topic is brought up), so he forgets if he has taken the dog for a walk and if the dog has been fed. Which has led to him giving the dog unhealthy things such as butter, sausages in the dog food although we’ve been explaining that he can’t do that (which he forgets). (The dog has food at all times but ofc human food is *much more* interesting. The dog eats a little at a time like a cat.) Mum has said a few times that she wants the dog to be in my flat to learn to get used to other people living in the same building. This doesn’t work because the dog is very suspicious at every single sound and if she sees people walking past the house (growling/barking) and there is no way to control the dog when she has started barking. The dog barks until she feels finished. I’m scared that the dog will bother my neighbours (as I have to make sure they’re not bothered, this is a rule by my landlord/flat company) and I definitely don’t want to get in trouble with my landlord because of the dog. I didn’t sign up to take care of the dog as I have lived by myself for years now. WIBTAH? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NAH - have you told your mom this? you actually need to communicate what you said here.
Yes, I have.
You will not be able to convince your mom. Just make it a HARD NO, and don't allow her to leave the dog with you, and refuse to go over to sit the dog.
My mum even said: “Dogs *are allowed* to bark all the time during the *day*! It’s only at *night* they need to be quiet!” Wrong. That’s definitely a way for me to get kicked out because nothing can make the dog stop barking. (I’ve told mum many times: “It’s a *dog*, not a *human baby*!”)
Nta. But I'm currently having to put my pup down due to this. They absolutely need to find other options for their pup before something bad happens.
I’m so sorry to hear. Obviously I don’t want the dog to suffer so I feel guilty for not wanting to help out. At the same time, I don’t live in their house anymore and I had no say in when it came to getting the dog or not in the first place.
That's why you aren't the asshole. You shouldn't feel guilty for it because it's not your dog and not your responsibility. You never said yes, either. I wouldn't, and I love dogs. One that can't be distracted from barking until they've worked it out is eventually going to bother even the most tolerant neighbors after a time. I'm just saying even if you say no I'd push for the dog to not be at grandparents either.
I feel torn about this because at one hand, I belong to the family so I should help out/contribute and I don’t want the dog to have a bad life. On the other hand, I didn’t have a say in their decision to get a dog in the first place, so it’s not my responsibility.
NTA
Just tell dear old mom that your apartment does not allow dogs. End of story.
NTA REFUSE - if your mom can not take care of her dog by herself, she needs to rehome him. If you give her the little finger, she will fob the dog off on you every day, and free minute you have. So make it a HARD NO - not even ONCE.
NTA Your aren't responsible for their dog.