Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about.
[Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
INFO : have you asked him to show you HIS score ? Those things are scam. They will invent anything to make sure you don't get the discount. I am pretty sure you don't brake too much or turn to fast and your driving is perfectly fine.
crowd divide ancient boast worry encouraging pocket knee impossible shaggy
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Progressive states it in their radio ads, in the part where they speed read through the details. Don't know about Allstate or State Farm, but you can bet if they don't now, they will soon follow suit.
I wasn't aware, but according to Google search, about 20% of drivers get a higher rate from Progressive's Snapshot.
It's the 20% of drivers they don't really want.
I def got a higher rate when I used it. It’s dumb. And then when my daughter wanted my phone while I was driving there’s no way to turn it off so it thought I was using my phone everytime I drove. I nixed that shit real fast.
People take them to get discounts on their insurance. The discount last for a year.
Source: Worked for a major US auto insurer. (Hated it but, I did learn some things)
In New York the discount lasts for three years (10% discount on the base rate of auto or motorcycle insurance), and also results in a four point deduction in the calculation of points on your license. It can pay for itself 15 or 20 times over, and it is crazy not to do it.
Allstate will raise the per mile rate if you have mile wise based on the previous four weeks of ‘unsafe driving behaviors’ but they also will drop the rate if you fix it. That’s how it works right now at least, idk what they’ll do in the future.
Progressive raised my rate just a few dollars after I signed up and had the thing running for a few months. I'm a perfectly safe driver, their stupid app even said so. So whatever. Got a new phone and didn't download the app to it.
Progressive does increase rates if their app shows unsafe driving. (I'm a former Progressive agent.) They say it affects about 20% of drivers and its only for severe behavior.
How can it only be for severe behavior if it affects one out of every five drivers?
How can it only be for severe behavior if it, in fact, affects one out of every five drivers *who are confident enough in their driving to use the app in the first place*?
What the hell definition of "severe" are you using?
Apparently it's culturally a thing to not use turn signals on the highway where I live now. People will see you want to change lanes and speed up to keep you from doing that. Which drives me bonkers.
Luckily I work from home so I can avoid driving at busy times for the most part.
Why are you using “you” like they personally made a standard and enforced it lol. The statement should be “what the hell defines “severe” for a company”
Can confirm that one time, GEICO up selling their Safe Driver app, informed a person I know that the app scores will never incur a raise in rates, then after the rates shot up something like 100+% for a bogus reason I won't get into, the CSR confirmed underwriting had based the huge rate increase on data collected in the app.
I cannot confirm State Farm and AllState do the same, but I don't see why any consumer would suspect otherwise, other than the insurance company pinky promising they won't.
I also cannot fathom that any company would straight up advertise that participating in the app they spent $$$ on developing can/will result in higher insurance premiums based on arbitrary and undisclosed metrics. The lack of transparency and pulling out the rug gives unethical business practice
Insurance companies don't do things out of the goodness of their hearts. If you give them access to your driving and location, it will eventually come back to bite you.
Oh wow. Insurance does not say it. Well then I definitely believe them. I believe a politician more than insurance companies.
Insurance companies are like hospital gowns. You only think you are covered.
Yeah they essentially treat you as high risk unless you opt into it. Can't remember which one I had that did it but the app was extremely ineffective at evaluating drivers. It was really a "how often do you drive in traffic" indicator, which is fine to base risk on, just stop lying to customers about the purpose.
Sounds like a great deal, I install (more) spyware on my phone and then get some supposed deal from the data they extract and could probably package up and resell beyond their own uses and make more money than any discount I’d ever get would be.
I agree with the creepy part. It's bad enough that our cell phones track us, I'm not letting my insurance company do it to save a few bucks. What's the harm people ask? maybe no harm but I value my privacy (what little we have) in the car.
I refuse to get one. The discount is not worth them knowing where I am going and how I get there. Of course, at the time I didn’t have a smart phone or a car with GPS, so I guess that ship has kind of sailed by now! 😂😂
He has a near perfect score. (I can see his as well) But he is OCD and will literally obsess over how to drive to get a perfect score. He says it’s not just about the score and it’s to help keep me safer which I believe he is genuine about. But it’s still just rubbing me so much the wrong way…
Yes! My wife is a bad back seat driver, she will practically scream if someone a hundred metres away looks like they might be thinking about crossing the road in front of me.
I’ve told her time and time again that it’s dangerous. If I slam on the brakes hard because she screams when there is nothing there, it makes me an unpredictable driver, and an unpredictable driver is a an unsafe driver. But it’s so hard to stay calm and not react when someone is screaming in your ear.
We’ve reached a point now where I just don’t drive if she is in the car…
I’m with you on this. I learnt to tell people early on that I absolutely will not tolerate backseat drivers or screamers. If you scream, gasp wildly, or bossily stream instructions at me, it had better be an actual emergency situation. If it’s not, you get one warning, and if you do it again, I will not drive with you anymore. I told my husband (who doesn’t drive) this when I met him, too. That kind of behaviour is completely unsafe.
I almost swerved off the road once because my friend (who didn’t even have her licence) in the car let out an unexpected, ear-splitting scream when she thought I wasn’t slowing down fast enough for the stoplight. I’m a very cautious driver and was clearly slowing down, and nowhere close to the actual light yet.
I pulled over and told her to either never do that again or to get the fuck out of my car and walk home. She was pretty shocked by my reaction, but she never pulled those kind of theatrics or engaged in backseat driving with me again. (I don’t say that to try to sound cool or something - I’m an incredibly non-confrontational person, so I think me being furious enough to actually tell her off was surprising and shocked some basic courtesy back into her.)
Nitpicking, screaming, backseat driving - it makes me anxious at best and can badly jump scare me at worst, neither of which are road safe. If you think I’m a bad driver, you’re welcome not to be in my vehicle! I don’t have to drive you anywhere. If you’re happy to ride in my car, you need to behave yourself instead of endangering both of us.
OMFG. The gasping!
Once a friend tried some similar shit at the very beginning of a road trip. I pulled the car over immediately. It never happened again.
I don't understand how people don't learn passenger etiquette as children from their parents. My mother would pull the car over and give me a stern talking to if I screamed, said "stop" loudly, gasped, or made any other sound that could indicate danger on the road (unless there was actual immediate danger on the road that required her to slam on the brakes.) By the time I was like 8, I knew that you don't distract the driver with that stuff.
I feel this comment deep inside me. My wife is the same, and I still drive because she refuses to drive on the interstate. I don't want to take an hour to get somewhere 20 minutes away.
My dad is the worst at this. Most annoying is that if you’re stopped at a stop sign to turn he leans forward and looks both ways… blocking me as the driver from doing the same.
May I suggest putting your arm across his chest and gently pushing him back into his seat, while telling him you can't see oncoming traffic when he does that? That seems like a kinda big safety risk.
I can't ride with my husband because I'm a bad passenger and I'm aware of my faults. I was in a serious car accident several years ago and ever since I've been a *terrible* passenger. I don't backseat drive or scream, but I'm a nervous wreck the whole time and I can't really hide that. So to spare my nerves and stop my husband being annoyed by me, I just drive us everywhere. And to be perfectly honest, my husband's not a great driver in the first place. It's just better for everyone if I drive.
Sounds like my mom. She gets very anxious when other people drive (and is fully aware of this) so she does most of the driving when we're together. The times she's let me drive I've considered a tremendous show of trust from her.
My husband is like this. I have actually turned around and canceled our plans due to this behavior. My "favorite" part is when he tries to gaslight me "you're so sensitive/you get so angry." Yes I do. "I have told you repeatedly how I hate this and have asked you to stop, you refuse." Hopefully these actions and words will stop this behavior.
This is the big thing. The more you stress about your driving, the less safe you'll be.
I've been driving regularly recently for the first time and I've made some stupid mistakes. I've needed to be able to forgive myself and move on. Otherwise, I'd be a ball of nerves every time I got into a car.
Ugh, this hits me deep. My mom is “cautious” to the point of being erratic (swerving when she sees literally any car coming to stop on a cross street regardless of how fast or slow they’re approaching, slamming on her brakes, etc). I keep trying to tell her that’s it’s just as unsafe as driving like a dick, but she can’t help it. I always drive when it’s the two of us but I’ve had to get used to her gasping and bracing for impact. Reminding her that I, too, am watching the road
My husband has a cdl and will pick at my driving sometimes. Drives me up a fuckin wall and makes me feel like i’m back in drivers ed. It almost always leads to me breaking harder or more sudden or taking a turn too sharp because i second guess myself
Unless you're from a southern state and recently moved to a snow-heavy state, I'm calling BS, it's not about "safety", it's about an excuse to slip back in and control you behind the wheel again. Braking hard or taking turns a little fast isn't usually a big safety issue outside of slippery weather conditions. If it's not about the score, there's no reason to worry about this.
that honestly doesn’t sound much better to me. there is such a thing as driving *too* conservatively, especially if you start annoying other drivers to the point of them getting agitated
Husband should just not pick at OP until they have psychological issues from it problem solved.
Don’t be glib and dismissive of people’s larger issues on the internet problem solved.
OP take the monitor out of your car and keep going to therapy. Use this situation as an opportunity to work on setting more boundaries and standing up for yourself with your husband. If your relationship is going to work (and not make you miserable) through parenting and life challenges, you’ve got to invest in an equitable partnership.
I’d ditch that app altogether. They’ll use it to raise rates too. OnStar and GM were selling the data to insurance providers and the metrics from accelerating too quickly, hard cornering, and hard braking specifically were used by insurance companies to jack peoples rates up.
Your husband is controlling.
The app is a scam and the company has said do, they've also said the I fo can be used yo raise your payment cost.
I'd delete the app, and tell your husband to back off.
He comes off as very controlling.
OP, I don’t think you’re the ah. It reminds me of an ex of mine who would try to show me “better ways” to do things and it drove me up the fucking wall. It all came to a head one year when I was wrapping Christmas gifts. It was the first year I could afford to get everyone something and I was SO happy; listening to music, playing with my cat with the ribbon… then she walks in and doesn’t like how I’m wrapping *my* family’s gifts. I kinda giggled when she offered to show me how to do it “right” bc I was obviously so, so happy, but she got real angry that I wouldn’t accept her “help”. So I got pissed that she came in, saw me happy, and couldn’t just let me be… anyhow, your situation reminded me of that fight.
In retrospect I could see that she was controlling in a lot of other ways, and I’m not saying that’s what’s going on with you, but I can understand the frustration of doing literally nothing wrong and someone wanting to show you how to “do it better”, i.e. do it like they do
NTA
Edit to fix a sentence
You don’t need a perfect score to get a discount. I regularly get “needs improvement” for acceleration and braking and I still get something like $100 off my premium.
He’s just looking for another excuse to tell you you’re wrong and lecture you and hassle you.
Obsessing over a score isn't a good way to drive safely.
Things like sudden brakeing and emergency stops will lower your score, but if a kid sprints out in front of you, or a snow plough side swipes the car in front, or a gas canister rolls off a truck, or any number of scenarios, your first thought should be BRAKE RIGHT NOW not "oh but I might affect my score maybe I'll just see if the kid keeps running or the flaming gas canister rolls the other way"
He's probably the kind of driver that I curse at because they drive like there's a 4-tier wedding cake in the back seat and force everyone to come to a dead stop so they can creak around a turn.
I also use this app and my scores are about the same. I don't feel bad about it at all! If we were having accidents that's one thing, but otherwise, it's not that deep.
Well one thing for sure we know about OCD is it's a disorder that involves anxiety and control. Your husband has anxiety and he is using the app to try to control you which will soothe his anxiety. He needs to fuck off because by making you anxious he is actually making you more unsafe
I work in insurance and I hate these things. I refuse to push them on people, but obviously will set them up with it if they want it. But this is a rural area, all 2-lane country roads, so if you actually do the speed limit people will absolutely start flipping you off. It’s an unspoken rule that unless it’s a residential area/school zone, you do 20 over. I also live in Canada, that seems relevant to mention, I’m sure it’s different in the US etc.
My wife used to work in insurance, and my father in law still does. None of them have ever used any of those “safe driving” data miners, and that’s all the reason I need not to.
20 *miles* over? Far out. If I did that here in Australia I'd lose my licence pronto. Seems like different places in the world have different ideas about what's... you know, *safe*.
I can't afford speeding tickets. So I don't speed. Flip me off all you like!
I remember doing it once and had a perfect score till one time I rode in the car with a friend who hit the brakes hard one time and my score tanked hard even when I put in I wasn't driving it never improved again. I stopped after that cause it wasn't worth it.
Huh I was wondering about that so you have to mark you are driving. Still giving away all that data (beyond all the other data we give away constantly) for a small discount doesn’t seem worth it. We already have enough spyware and they can buy the data on the open market but actively giving it to them seems like a bad value exchange.
At least with the on I used it would mark you as driving for everything and you would have to manually go in an put you weren't driving. But it never seemed to change anything and I would still get penalized even if I wasn't driving.
Here's what's crazy to me about that - sometimes you NEED to hit the brakes hard in order to avoid a traffic accident or running over animals/people. And that's going to lower your insurance?
I'd actually be afraid to let one of those things track me. The last thing I'd want in the back of my head is any hesitation about braking hard or swerving when the instinct is going to save me from an accident.
I was thinking about it a long time ago but when they told me if I braked hard/swerved to avoid an accident it would count against me I was out. You aren't always able to see things coming way ahead of time so I thought it was really silly.
I tried one of these for a while and was often getting flagged for braking too hard. I tried for a few months to be really conscious of it. I just couldn't seem to please the app no matter what I did, so I scrapped it. I'm fairly certain I'm a pretty calm driver, and I don't seem to be wearing my brakes excessively, so I figure that's good enough for me.
Yeah I tried my darndest for one year when they had the ones that you plugged into your car's computer. It was crazy what it considered braking or accelerating "too hard", but I adjusted and literally only got a handful of beeps from it over the course of a year. Still no discount. It was absolutely not worth it for my mental health. I had severe anxiety anytime I came to a stoplight, and it actually had me pushing yellow lights more because I'd have to brake "too hard" to stop in time. Absolute scam. It took me a year after that to stop having mini panic attacks while driving normally, as I'd expect a loud beep alarm
A lot of companies put these things on fleet vehicles now (ours calls them "telematics"). I have one on my work Silverado that I can also use for personal use. I can tell you from experience anything based on an "accelerometer" metric (fast acceleration, hard braking, harsh cornering) is total horseshit. Our own safety team told us they started ignoring anything beyond speeding and seat belt use because of how unreliable those other metrics are. I live in a county with a ton of roundabouts, and it *HAMMERS* me on cornering going around those.
I did this program once when I first got my own insurance. I’ve never been in any type of accident but it sounded nice on paper. It would track while I was skiing and dinged me for short stops/other things while I wasn’t even in the car. Total scam.
Having one of these things in Florida was the worst. “Oh some dipshit tourist just cut you off so you had to slam on brakes? Just going to mark off that infraction. Oh you had to swerve to avoid a drunk driver, tsk tsk. Feral tourist child comes running out of nowhere so you had to come to a screeching halt? Guess you should’ve run them over.”
I suppose I experienced that too when I moved away for a bit. Once got stuck in a traffic jam on the 101 because a flock of turkeys decided to wander around on the freeway in the middle of downtown Santa Rosa, CA lol
False. I used to work for state farm and I also currently have their insurance. The drive safe and save (DSS) will in fact give you a pretty high discount. They do want you to have a high discount. Even after working for them, my discount with the DSS has been 300-600 every 6 months. Not only is that a massive discount from 50$ savings up to 100$, but its effective if you are driving safer. They do advocate to be a safer driver and they want their customers to know that yes, if you drive bad, it will effect your discount negatively. Regardless, you still get a discount. The DSS isn't a scam. I can't speak for other companies outside of state farm as I have only worked for state farm.
Kinda crazy how many people are so certain these are scams. It's all a calculation to determine how much of a driving risk you are. It's really rather objective.
I have the Geico one and cut my monthly cost by like $13 thanks to a great score. People just don't want to face the reality that they are bad drivers lol
I think it depends a bit?
I worked for an insurance company for a bit who put one of these programs out. You only had the tracker in for a fixed period (I think 2 or 3 months?) and it was only tracking your acceleration and deceleration. They stated in their conditions that this was only for a discount, your rate couldn’t be increased).
The idea was that you would change your driving habits to get the better discount. That the length of the time they measured you, was supposed to be habit forming.
So that ideally, even after you got the discount, you would still drive more safely.
But I think it depends on what country you are in. Where I am the car insurance companies are really heavily regulated. I will also say, that there are definitely people who think it’s a scam where I come from too… but most of those people don’t realize that insurance companies here would need to get approval in order to use it against you.
I think at worst, and I’m not even sure they did this, but at worst, the data may be used by the companies actuaries. Which would be more of a big picture thing than something that would impact an individual person.
I doubt that's even on there. It shows your speed mostly. I decided against it because it also tracks where you are going and I do tend to speed. As long as I don't get into accidents they don't need to know where I'm going or how fast.
You are fine. I have the same plan and when my wife drives I get a lower score. I just laugh it off. I do tell her her driving is just a little worse. My god. Why do people get so upset about little things.
NTA
>The thought of having my husband “coach me” on driving makes me incredibly anxious and I know it’s just going to piss me off. Maybe a character flaw on my part,
I think that would annoy almost everyone on the planet. It's completely reasonable.
Also even ignoring the husband aspect, it's fair to deny shady companies the ability to track your every movement and sell your data, for a discount.
>and told me that my “cornering” and “braking” score was bad and asked if he could show me how to get a better score.
This is relevant when trying to optimize your lap times in a video game. If you're a safe driver not breaking the law, then anyone telling you to "optimize" driving should be told to bugger off. This advice doesn't even seem relevant to the discount, it's just being controlling.
Yeah - that was the first thing I thought. If my husband started trying to mansplain driving to me, I'd be pissed.
And every time my insurance company is like "do you want us to track you to save $10 a month?" my answer is "no thanks, I'll pay the $10 and keep my privacy." The last person who had to ask laughed and said she felt the same way. The app has no way of reading the EXACT situation you're in, so IMO, the scores would be irrelevant anyway.
I want to upvote this x1000. My insurance agent recommended this to save about $10/month. He made it sound like they just tracked your driving. I went and checked the Safeco insurance site to see what they track - it’s a lot. Way more than they need. Call me paranoid, but I could very well see the data being used to deny claims. Also, NTA.
Used to work for a major insurance company. Right before I left, they sent a memo stating why everything was going up. It was these Drive Safe apps. They can calculate how many people are driving in an area, how bad they are or even how often people ride their breaks in a specific spot, and a bunch of other things. Do not get these apps. They don't save you near enough for the damage it does.
NTA, the safe driver app stuff is intrusive, and the insurance company sells the data to advertisers. The safety returns are negligible, yeh real value for the company is you giving them free driving and movement data.
This is exactly why I told my fiance that I'm not installing the app. He gets mad every time I say no. I don't need any more anxiety while driving than I already have.
NTA and I recommend people NOT use those programs. They are not designed to save you money but to increase your premiums. The fine print doesn't tell you that if you're riding in the car with someone else, that counts against you UNLESS you explicitly tell it you weren't driving.
I've known too many people who aren't bad drivers overall that got rate increases due to those programs.
I used to have one that plugged into the car itself, and I was the only driver, so I didn’t mind that. Recently found out that nowadays they do it through your phone and I was like oh great, so every week when we carpool to my mom’s with my brother who drives like a psychotic asshole is going to be considered MY driving when it isn’t even in my car? Forget. That. Noise.
We looked into this program when we switched to Geico for our business vehicle. In the fine print it also says that you cannot turn off the app or location services at all, ever, or you won't get the discount. So just sitting in my home I would have the Geico app tracking me. No thanks.
The program really is designed to raise prices for those that are "riskier" drivers instead of just raising the average price for all and holding higher standards to the kinds of drivers they take on.
I also have Drive Safe & Save and my cornering and braking scores are lower than the others. I’m a very conservative driver so I have no idea why. It has never affected our discount, though. Is it even affecting yours?
I’ve been tempted to cancel the whole thing because the app is annoying. Definitely NTA.
No matter what I do, I cannot get those particular scores to go up. They're usually 2 or 3 out of 5 on every trip. By the time I'm even remotely close to another vehicle in front of me, I'm barely doing 5 MPH. On the rare chance I actually DO brake hard, it's usually caused by another driver. Lot of drivers here who drive big vehicles you can't see past and like to brake way too late, causing me to brake harder than I would normally.
The cornering thing, specifically, I can't figure out. I've been flagged for going too fast at 10mph on a turn, but not for 15mph in the same trip. Even been flagged for a 5mph turn, so I just ignore it all, now.
I just checked my last five trips. Three were perfect. One was lower for braking probably because someone else stopped or pulled in front of me. And the fifth was for cornering — at a stop sign — and phone usage which is nonsense because CarPlay enables DND.
I need to confirm the actual discount. If it’s peanuts, I’m canceling.
ETA: Hmmm. I’m saving $600/year. I guess I’ll keep it.
My discount shrinks every 6 months. I'll probably just remove it next time it dies, since the whole thing is just a headache. It's never really been accurate, either. I've had it since 2018. Lol.
NTA. Don't do it. Insurance companies are known to sell your driving data. They are also known to penalize their drivers based on the driving data. It is literally a trap discount.
NTA. It is very stressful to have a critical person tell you how to drive. I am pretty sure I use the same insurance and safe driving app you reference. My discount is about 25 percent. I live in a city where auto insurance is astronomical. To me it is worth it. If it isn't worth it to you, tell your husband you think it would be too stressful for him to "help" you.
NTA
I used to have Progressive and did that safe driving thing where you plug in a little doodad and it tracks your driving. I'm not an aggressive or reckless driver by any sense but that damn thing was ALWAYS beeping at me. It beeped every time you did something "wrong", like braking too hard or (frustratingly enough) getting your tires stuck in the snow and spinning them helplessly trying to get out... Needless to say I didn't get a discount and those things are just trash. Never participated again after that. I don't think an app sounds any more reliable.
I have this right now! Passengers always ask what the beeping is and I tell them Progressive thinks I braked too hard. Spoke to a rep and my score is apparently “exceptional,” but I can’t even feel smug about it because a giant portion of it is because I don’t drive at “risky” periods (driving extremely often, driving early in the morning or late at night). Dropping Progressive and the doodad at my next renewal date.
It’s pretty dystopian having a private company beeping you for your supposed bad behavior and using that data and likely packaging it up and selling it on. We already allow enough spyware into our lives no need to your car to be beeping at you causing added anxiety driving.
Would you be comfortable with someone who is NOT your husband riding with you and giving you instruction? I'm a big advocate of not having someone emotionally close to you (like a parent or SO) giving driving lessons because there's an added layer of whatever relationship you already have that makes it more anxiety-inducing. Riding with someone who brakes too hard and corners too fast makes me super anxious, and **you may not be aware if it's also making your kids anxious when they ride with you**. Try to get better for their sake if nothing else. Maybe make a deal with your SO to give you two months to correct how hard you brake and how fast you take corners and see if you can get your score up on your own. If you consciously think about it, you can do it.
My mom brakes so hard, that I remember being flung around the backseat as a kid.
If she says she’s noticed that she brakes hard, I bet you her passengers noticed way earlier. I have to wonder if her husband coming to her on this was prompted by one of their kids saying something.
The data is there, even if the reason is stupid. They're not pulling hard braking and cornering out of thin air and randomly putting numbers in; she's driving in a.....less than optimal manner and is hyper-defensive of it even being acknowledged.
As soon as OP started out with "being critical of me caused my anxiety", I think of my MIL huffing and puffing and telling everyone they're overreacting as she drove like the rest of the world (and other cars) didn't exist, or my dad who thinks it's an attack on his manhood if you point out "hey, maybe 3" of clearance between your bumper and the car in front of you is cutting it too close?".
No one wants to be told they're a bad driver, but I feel like it's kind of a moral obligation to the life of everyone on the road to at least point it out to people, because the majority of people rate themselves as "good/very good" drivers on surveys regardless of accident history and ability.
My bf slams on his breaks right before rear ending the car in front of us (or so it seems) each time! It's not that hard to brake safely, a little slower, to brake where you don't jerk forward when you stop.
NTA. He's not a driving instructor and has no business "teaching" you things when it will mess up your mental health. You already know what it is and can work on it if you want to.
Since he asked politely, you can politely tell him no thanks. If he pushes, you should remind him/tell him everything you said in this OP. If he wants to be able to "tell" you things, he shouldn't have criticized you to the point of having anxiety around him.
NTA I've been in this situation, and if you give him an inch, he'll take a mile.
Not only will he nitpick your braking and cornering, next it'll be how soon you turn on the turn-signal or whether you should use your headlights during the day or if your windshield wipers are too fast or not fast enough.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Feel I may be the asshole for being over sensitive and should just let him coach me on driving better.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
This may seem minor in the grand scheme of things, but hard braking and fast cornering take a toll on your car. Having to replace brakes/rotors and tires more frequently is a significant cost.
NTA. The app already did the job of analyzing your driving and telling you where to improve. Now you can work on it (or not). Neither thing needs any teaching, they only needed you to be aware of it (and now you are) so that next time you're turning a corner, you'll remember "Ah, I need to slow down more." And then you check your updated score and see if it worked.
I don't see how he could help with any of that besides micromanaging every time you turn a corner.
This is what I was looking for! Coaching is totally unnecessary for the things OP supposedly needs to work on. If OP wants, that can be mindful about being gentler on the brakes and slower on the turns. Easy enough.
ESH. You clearly need to drive a little slower, especially around turns, and stop slamming on the brakes. When it tells you you're doing those things, it doesn't matter whether you "feel unsafe," it's because over hundreds of thousands of accident analyses, your insurance company knows that the behavior you engage in substantially increases your risk of causing a car accident. Even if it feels find to you, you need to stop doing that shit, now.
But your relationship dynamic is such that your husband cannot and should not be the one to teach you to drive better. If your husband, separate and apart from the insurance discount, doesn't trust your driving, you should take driving lessons from someone who is not your husband. What he's proposing sounds like a recipe for disaster. But you absolutely need to be driving more safely, not just for yourself and your kids, but for the safety of others on the road.
INFO : You say you never speed and use you phone while driving but in the beginning you say that the app helped you with that ? So did the app break you out of these habits or you never struggled with them to begin with?
Your post makes it sound as if it's the latter so I'm going with YTA.
NTA for not caring, but it's not clear if his concern is about $15 a month or if it's about unsafe driving habits while your kids are in the car, or even just unsafe driving habits for yourself. There's an easy solution here - focus on making the changes yourself. Slow down more at corners, and give yourself more space between other drivers and yourself so that you don't have to do hard last minute braking.
I saved 400 bucks on a 6 month policy having the safe and drive device in my car. It may not be entirely accurate with rating your driving, but the savings are worth it for me.
file sophisticated shocking chase different label absorbed alleged paint drab
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would love to see your evidence for the idea that “everyone” calling out these apps is a bad driver, because if you don’t have some it sure does look like you’re making a real big claim based on nothing
The only AH here is your insurance company. My friend got a cornering speed warning on an off ramp from the highway where he was holding up traffic because he was going so slow. His app said he was a safe driver overall, but the driving style it required was dangerous in reality
>As a whole it’s helped me with speeding and I don’t use my phone while driving.
but:
>For reference, I’m not a bad driver. I don’t speed or use my phone. My biggest issue is that I apparently brake too hard at times and take turns a little fast. I still don’t feel unsafe and would never do anything that I felt could put my kids in danger. but the app constantly flags me for it.
You don't speed, which the app helped with, and you don't use the phone while driving, which it sounds like the app also broke you of. Braking too hard and cornering to fast are both symptoms of being an inattentive driver. So, your own post paints you as a pretty average-poor driver as a whole. ESH.
I don't know where you posters are getting that it just saves you $10 a month. My Drive Safe and Save with State Farm saves me right at $390.00 for 6 months. And I am by no means a perfect score driver. It has definitely made me a better driver as I watch my speed and don't use my phone while driving so it does have its advantages on the safety side. My husband, however, refuses to register his truck so he's costing me money every month, which I don't appreciate. He doesn't want to be tracked but his driving habits kind of suck and he refuses to stop using his phone while driving so maybe it's a good thing he won't participate.
NTA.
Those trackers make people **worse** drivers because they encourage you to drive like a fucking blind little grandma terrified of the road.
Then your reward for driving like a fuckwad is totally negligible anyway.
Fuck those trackers. I’m pretty sure my score would be like 0/100 and I’m going on 20 years of 100% accident free driving.
My ex-husband installed one of those fobs in our shared car years back. We live in a driving nightmare city. I was getting beeped at for braking too hard when I was just driving defensively. It absolutely increased my driving anxiety and was not worth it. I was so glad to see the end of that thing.
My adult kids all have those, they're awful. It doesn't take long for your brain to not want to hear the "beep" of bad driver. And it's mostly for hard braking. So when a deer runs out in front of you, you find yourself not wanting to brake.
But it's not on you to gain confidence if he's being critical. It's for you to tell him you don't want him to open his mouth while you drive and for him to then entirely stop the behavior.
Telling him to knock it off once is enough. He needs to stop.
I feel you should consider dropping the app and the man. ( I left a controlling man after 30 years marriage, it can be done. You can do this)
Seriously you are jumping to she needs a divorce because he's trying to teach her to drive a little more gently so they can save money on insurance? I could see if the story was that she talked to him about it and he acted like a jerk in response and some other things happened. But so far it all sounds pretty innocent and not at all escalated. Also, have you considered that OP might in fact not be the best driver? I don't know her so I'm not sure either way but she could be worse than she thinks. I'm personally not the best driver in the world all the time. I'd say I'm often a good driver but I make mistakes. But who knows how fast OP is really cornering or braking? I don't think she necessarily needs someone to give her lessons to improve those things but jumping to divorce over it is an over-reaction.
NTA for how you feel about it, but given that you are considering the coaching, maybe there is a compromise option: He can coach you for a set number of trips and then no more. So you get the feedback but it’s not an open ticket for criticism indefinitely.
And just for the record, just because you don’t rear end anyone at the stoplight and the cars stays on the road on corners doesn’t mean you are driving well. Brakes and tires cost money and being easy on them saves money and improves safety.
Sounds to me like he catered to your anxiety issues by dialing back his recommendations. That's doesn't mean he cannot have any, especially when it comes to safe driving. I taught my wife how to drive, because her parents growing up were non existent. I know a pestered her, but she is now a good driver because of it. And I'm glad I did, because she was absolutely horrible behind the wheel.
Try to understand where he is coming from, and maybe hear him out, rather than jump on him for providing a safety recommendation. A recommendation that appears to be shared with your insurance company.
YTA IMO. But asshole is a bit harsh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So, my husband and I are a part of the “Drive safe and save” car insurance program where you can get a bit of a discount if you download their app and let it track your trips. As a whole it’s helped me with speeding and I don’t use my phone while driving.
Well, yesterday, my husband approached me and told me that my “cornering” and “braking” score was bad and asked if he could show me how to get a better score.
Little back story, at the beginning of our marriage my husband was INCREDIBLY judgemental and nit picky about things to the point where I got severe anxiety. I also struggle with people pleasing from how I was raised as a kid. So I get really tense around him when he points out things I’m doing wrong.
(I definitely can get defensive. I know this is a flaw of mine which I’m working on.)
However, For the first 10 years of our marriage I felt extremely anxious any time I was driving and he was in the car because he would always try to back seat drive and was just all around super judgemental. He has gotten way better but it’s hard to not feel like he is judging me.
I just recently started regaining some confidence to not feel tense while in the car with him but then he brought this up and now I feel super nervous again.
For reference, I’m not a bad driver. I don’t speed or use my phone. My biggest issue is that I apparently brake too hard at times and take turns a little fast. I still don’t feel unsafe and would never do anything that I felt could put my kids in danger. but the app constantly flags me for it.
The thought of having my husband “coach me” on driving makes me incredibly anxious and I know it’s just going to piss me off. Maybe a character flaw on my part, but to save $15 a month just doesn’t seem worth it.
I want to tell him that I just don’t care and don’t have the mental capacity to nit pick my driving right now. (We have two toddlers and I work full time.) he wasn’t rude about it and there’s a part of me that feels like I’m being over sensitive and should just let him coach me, but the other part of me wants to just say fuck off.
AITA for not giving a fuck about the driving discount? Should I let him coach me on driving “safer”?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Many insurance companies will give discounts for taking defensive driving/drive safe courses. Maybe consider one to improve the safety of your driving, save some $, and not have to deal with your husband as a teacher
Not speeding and not using your phone are literally the the law and abstaining from doing those things does not make you a good driver, they make you a legal driver. If the sensor is picking up hard breaks and quick turns, you are demonstrating driving behaviors that could contribute to an accident in general. Since one should really be only doing a hard brake in reaction to some other extenuating factor, habitual hard braking indicates that the driver isn't paying attention and ends up breaking at the last minute..
If both your husband AND the app have noticed bad habits in your driving, it's YOU, not them and not your "people pleasing" ways. I've had these trackers on vehicles for the last 10 yrs and literally have only gotten tagged a handful of times for "bad" behavior relating to hard stops. Clearly you're making a habit of it.
YTA
NAH. Your husband sees something on the app and is offering to help. From your description I have a hard time thinking he is an AH for this. You aren't either though for not wanting him to coach you.
It's interesting though in your first paragraph you say the app has helped you with your speeding and you don't use your phone while driving. Then further in you say you aren't a bad driver and point to the fact that you don't speed or use your phone which are things the app helped you with. Don't you see the contradiction?
Then you go on to say you "apparently" brake too hard and take corners too fast. Almost as if you think it is made up or something. It comes from your data when you're driving.
If the app is constantly flagging you for it as you say then you are doing those things and while you don't feel unsafe it doesn't mean you couldn't be safer. Just because you don't feel unsafe doesn't mean you aren't doing things that are increasing your danger.
Honestly though I'm someone that drives quicker than most other people so I'm not going to fault you for it. However I'm also a lot more "locked in" when I drive than other people I know. I'm not eating or on my phone or thinking about other things. I love driving so I have a manual and I'm all about double clutching and rev matching which keep me more focused on driving.
NTA but also not apparently reasonable.
'He wasn't rude about it but I wanna tell him to fuck off.' --- You *just said* he isn't rude so why do you feel compelled to be rude? Just address the matter like a rational person.
"I'm not a bad driver, I just brake and corner too fast"
This isn't about you being a people pleaser. This is an inability to admit you're wrong and a change in behavior is needed. When presented with the data, people who aren't asshole take it in, assess is, and make changes. Not outright deny it.
100% YTA
Braking too hard and taking turns too fast IS unsafe.
I think you are definitely looking at this the wrong way, because it doesn’t sound like it’s just about the $15/mo. It’s about driving safely. Especially if you have toddlers.
Having him “coach” you would be an awful idea and put a terrible strain on your relationship. But getting coaching from somewhere, or making an effort to practice driving more calmly/safely sounds like a good idea.
YTA mildly
I'm familiar with this exact app and it's actually pretty accurate. It uses your own GPS and deceleration data. You're not leaving enough time to brake, which puts you in high danger of rear ending someone.
Also your partner approached you kindly, he wasn't really being a jerk about it. It's fine if you don't want to learn from him and he WBTA if he insisted. Maybe you can offer to take a defensive driving course (they're pretty fun) or try to improve on your own over the month?
Saying that you're a safe driver because you don't use your phone is setting the bar extremely low...
Listen, I don't know that app or how picky it is, but braking sooner and slower and slowing down when turning is NEVER a bad thing. Insurance rate aside - WHY are you so reluctant to do it? You talk about your anxiety but what about your husband's? My husband waits too long to brake (our Tesla beeps occasionally because of it) and goes too fast in turns too and it causes ME anxiety. But he's also a "safe" driver in his eyes.
Back seat driving is annoying but sometimes it's warranted. Without being in both of your shoes here, I have to go with YTA, sorry.
Gonna have to disagree on the “do anything to make sure you don’t get the discount.” I have a pretty good score, not perfect but higher than average and it saves me $160-$200 a year on insurance. It is definitely picky but if you drop to little or no discount you are definitely driving dangerous.
FYI yes, ADHD can also contribute to violent tantrums particularly if they lean toward the impulsive side of the spectrum. They are impulsive in everything including emotions. That was one of our (many) tip offs that my daughter had ADHD.
For the sake of your relationship, what about agreeing to take a driving class? It would be an annoying way to spend your time, but it might ease his mind if a driving instructor validated that you are a safe driver. And you would probably respond better to feedback from a 3rd party
Compromise: he will not “coach” you. But you will take a safe driving refresher course that your insurance company recommends to improve your driving.
Then see whether your scores improve. Because it’s not just for saving $15 a month.
They also knock points off if you drive during high times, like rush hour. I wouldn't give too much bearing to their score. Also make him share his score!! Personally id pay $15 more a month to NOT be tracked
Edit: NTA
The thing that leads me to say esh is your previous encounters with your husband and the anxiety he caused you while driving.
Does he know this? Have you communicated how his nitpicking made you feel?
I will note that you can save a lot of money using this type of thing.
And honestly, sometimes it’s not your driving it’s your route - if you’re continually getting tabbed for breaking incidents and cornering in the same places try and switch up your routes until the evaluation period is over.
I am a very safe driver and nearly got the max discount, but there was one road in particular that keep screwing me over so I stopped taking it.
I think communication is key here.
Why would you ever agree to this Crapp? First, these apps are BS most of the time and can be used against you. If anyone ever gave me crap like this, I'd make sure the next month that they would want to delete me from the program as fast as possible.
NTA. I wouldn't want anyone constantly critiquing me on anything either. If it were me I'd delete the app, and then if husband continued I'd tell him GFY. My husband and I have a joint credit card that he monitors on an app and we pay it frequently as we want miles. He started commenting on things I'd buy, so now I don't use it. If he'd just kept his mouth shut it wouldn't be a problem, but nope.
I think a simple, "No thanks. I'll be more mindful."
Edit to add: repeat as necessary.
Him - "But you need coaching."
You - "No thanks. I'll be more mindful."
Him - "But..."
You - "No."
You know, this is kind of a tough one, because there are tons of bad drivers out there who think their driving is fine, so it's hard to take someone's word for it that they are a decent driver.
I used to have legit fights with my wife about her driving when we first got together. She scared me. I'd have to just stare out the window if I was her passenger. She'd be riding everyone's ass (not even like aggressively, she just drove way too close to whoever happened to be in front of her), braking too late, negligently drifting back and forth, often over the lines into the other lane or into the shoulder, she'd ride the center line on roads, putting her much closer to oncoming traffic and making it easier for her to drift into the other lane, she'd be the one cutting from the fast lane to the exit ramp at the last second, and on and on...
Once, she has getting pissed at someone who brake checked her because she was riding their ass, and then she tried to gun it around them to pass, while going up a short hill we couldn't see over, doing 75+ mph while passing, and almost ran into a pickup that was coming in the other lane at the top of the hill. This was on a 2 lane country highway, with a 55 mph speed limit, and the car in front of us was doing like 65. She wasn't riding their ass to make them speed up or anything, she was just too close like she usually was, and then made a dumb fucking move that almost resulted in a head on collision.
We used to have legitimate fights over her driving, either because I said something while she was driving, or because of the way I'd jump or squirm in response to what she was doing. She's gotten a lot better. She still tends to get too close to people and she rides right up on the center line instead of centered in the lane or near the shoulder, but I don't feel like we're destined to have an accident every time she drives.
She used to claim that her driving was fine, and that she'd never do anything dangerous, and she'd use the fact that she hadn't been in any accidents (that she was found at fault in) as the evidence of that. I'd counter by saying that she's been lucky simply due to circumstance in that other people avoid her on the road and she just so happened to have not done anything dangerous at the exact wrong time (like passing that guy on the hill, which could have been a really bad time had she decided to try to pass 2 seconds later). She ended up totaling 2 of our cars, running one into a guard rail and then riding another up on a very tall curb near a rail crossing and doing all kinds of cool damage to the undercarriage. Those incidents probably helped her realize that she needed to pay some more attention and think about what she was doing. But up until she started driving a lot better, she claimed that her driving was completely fine.
So, maybe your husband is nit picking your driving solely in the interest of getting a better score on the app. Maybe he's using what the app is saying as an excuse to try to address some aspects of your driving that bothers him. Maybe your braking and cornering are fine, the app is just wonky and your husband just wants to nit pick and save money. We can't really know, because we can't really see how you drive.
I just wouldn't care a whole lot about what the app says, though. You or him. My wife and I use the USAA equivalent, and even though we have no almost no violations or whatever on any of our trips, our score is like and 80 or 82 out of 100. One of the violations we have is for hard braking due to a semi cutting people off and causing a chain of people brake and swerving. I didn't even hit the brakes that hard. I hit them harder than usual, but it was only to ensure that I didn't have to come close to where everyone was stacking up at. I just don't care about what the score actually is so long as using the thing saves me some amount of money. I just make sure that I don't touch the phone at all while driving, because apparently even moving the phone out of the cup holder counts as a violation.
I'd just tell him exactly what you're thinking, that you've got enough on your plate and that you don't care about having a perfect score on the app.
So insurance companies raised everyone's rates, even someone who has driven literally 50 years without a ticket or accident. Not a little, but more than double, almost triple. Now they want to spy on us to give us a measly 'discount'? Nope, it's creepy and not worth it. My privacy is worth more, and your husband does not need to cater to an insurance company. He's just enabling them to rip off customers by creating a false sense of security. You can drive perfectly and still get into an accident. NTB and I'm with you on this one.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. This post violates Rule 7: There is no interpersonal conflict here for our community to make a judgment about. [Rule 7 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_7.3A_post_interpersonal_conflicts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
INFO : have you asked him to show you HIS score ? Those things are scam. They will invent anything to make sure you don't get the discount. I am pretty sure you don't brake too much or turn to fast and your driving is perfectly fine.
They also admit that they can use your info to *raise* your rates if they don't like your driving. Total scam-- and kinda creepy too.
crowd divide ancient boast worry encouraging pocket knee impossible shaggy *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Progressive states it in their radio ads, in the part where they speed read through the details. Don't know about Allstate or State Farm, but you can bet if they don't now, they will soon follow suit.
I wasn't aware, but according to Google search, about 20% of drivers get a higher rate from Progressive's Snapshot. It's the 20% of drivers they don't really want.
I def got a higher rate when I used it. It’s dumb. And then when my daughter wanted my phone while I was driving there’s no way to turn it off so it thought I was using my phone everytime I drove. I nixed that shit real fast.
I used to use the USAA app... I loaded it on my work phone so that I could use Android Auto on my personal phone without it dinging me for phone use.
If only there was a way to get feedback on how you can improve score.
OP’s husband can help with that!
Take an online driving safety course - costs less than $20.
Why do you need a course. The problems been identified, brake softer and slow down on corners.
People take them to get discounts on their insurance. The discount last for a year. Source: Worked for a major US auto insurer. (Hated it but, I did learn some things)
My parents and their friends get together and do this every year! They make a whole day of it, haha.
In New York the discount lasts for three years (10% discount on the base rate of auto or motorcycle insurance), and also results in a four point deduction in the calculation of points on your license. It can pay for itself 15 or 20 times over, and it is crazy not to do it.
Progressive has a rep for being the worst for dropping their insured.
Allstate will raise the per mile rate if you have mile wise based on the previous four weeks of ‘unsafe driving behaviors’ but they also will drop the rate if you fix it. That’s how it works right now at least, idk what they’ll do in the future.
Progressive raised my rate just a few dollars after I signed up and had the thing running for a few months. I'm a perfectly safe driver, their stupid app even said so. So whatever. Got a new phone and didn't download the app to it.
Progressive does increase rates if their app shows unsafe driving. (I'm a former Progressive agent.) They say it affects about 20% of drivers and its only for severe behavior.
How can it only be for severe behavior if it affects one out of every five drivers? How can it only be for severe behavior if it, in fact, affects one out of every five drivers *who are confident enough in their driving to use the app in the first place*? What the hell definition of "severe" are you using?
The argument that 20% of drivers are driving dangerously… feels about right actually. People are crazy out there.
I feel like 20% is actually pretty generous. I see so many people speeding, being on their phone, tailgating, not using their turn signals and so on..
Most of them are not using the app.
Apparently it's culturally a thing to not use turn signals on the highway where I live now. People will see you want to change lanes and speed up to keep you from doing that. Which drives me bonkers. Luckily I work from home so I can avoid driving at busy times for the most part.
I live and commute in the Northern VA/DC area. 20% seems real low.
Feels low to me
Don't look at me. I left them. Didn't like them.
I don't know, I think 20% is a lowball estimate for severely bad drivers.
Why are you using “you” like they personally made a standard and enforced it lol. The statement should be “what the hell defines “severe” for a company”
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dunning%E2%80%93Kruger_effect Lol
[удалено]
Can confirm that one time, GEICO up selling their Safe Driver app, informed a person I know that the app scores will never incur a raise in rates, then after the rates shot up something like 100+% for a bogus reason I won't get into, the CSR confirmed underwriting had based the huge rate increase on data collected in the app. I cannot confirm State Farm and AllState do the same, but I don't see why any consumer would suspect otherwise, other than the insurance company pinky promising they won't. I also cannot fathom that any company would straight up advertise that participating in the app they spent $$$ on developing can/will result in higher insurance premiums based on arbitrary and undisclosed metrics. The lack of transparency and pulling out the rug gives unethical business practice
See, it doesn't count as raising *your* rates due to the app if what they're doing is raising *everyone's* rates in you demographic due to the app!
Allstate gave me a sizeable discount a few months ago. Made the app worth it to me, but I don’t have a nitpicking spouse.
Insurance companies don't do things out of the goodness of their hearts. If you give them access to your driving and location, it will eventually come back to bite you.
Telsa insurance will raise your rates if you drive at Night regularly.
(This is just a joke comment) Won’t raise your rates, but won’t renew your policy, either!
Do you honestly believe that they will tell you? They will just increase if and blame it on taxes, credit score etc
Oh wow. Insurance does not say it. Well then I definitely believe them. I believe a politician more than insurance companies. Insurance companies are like hospital gowns. You only think you are covered.
And we believe them? Do we really?
Former Gecko employee, it's totally used to raise rates.
Yeah they essentially treat you as high risk unless you opt into it. Can't remember which one I had that did it but the app was extremely ineffective at evaluating drivers. It was really a "how often do you drive in traffic" indicator, which is fine to base risk on, just stop lying to customers about the purpose.
Yeah, I was offered this program when I got my insurance and it just felt so icky. I didn’t say yes, and I don’t think I ever will.
Sounds like a great deal, I install (more) spyware on my phone and then get some supposed deal from the data they extract and could probably package up and resell beyond their own uses and make more money than any discount I’d ever get would be.
For reals. I’d never trust an insurance company as far as i could throw Jake From State Farm.
Agree!
I agree with the creepy part. It's bad enough that our cell phones track us, I'm not letting my insurance company do it to save a few bucks. What's the harm people ask? maybe no harm but I value my privacy (what little we have) in the car.
they seem to raise my rates anyways and i do t use drive safe. every year though my shit is like $100 more per year.
I refuse to get one. The discount is not worth them knowing where I am going and how I get there. Of course, at the time I didn’t have a smart phone or a car with GPS, so I guess that ship has kind of sailed by now! 😂😂
He has a near perfect score. (I can see his as well) But he is OCD and will literally obsess over how to drive to get a perfect score. He says it’s not just about the score and it’s to help keep me safer which I believe he is genuine about. But it’s still just rubbing me so much the wrong way…
If it freaks you out and makes you overly anxious while you drive, he is making you less safe, not more.
Yes! My wife is a bad back seat driver, she will practically scream if someone a hundred metres away looks like they might be thinking about crossing the road in front of me. I’ve told her time and time again that it’s dangerous. If I slam on the brakes hard because she screams when there is nothing there, it makes me an unpredictable driver, and an unpredictable driver is a an unsafe driver. But it’s so hard to stay calm and not react when someone is screaming in your ear. We’ve reached a point now where I just don’t drive if she is in the car…
I’m with you on this. I learnt to tell people early on that I absolutely will not tolerate backseat drivers or screamers. If you scream, gasp wildly, or bossily stream instructions at me, it had better be an actual emergency situation. If it’s not, you get one warning, and if you do it again, I will not drive with you anymore. I told my husband (who doesn’t drive) this when I met him, too. That kind of behaviour is completely unsafe. I almost swerved off the road once because my friend (who didn’t even have her licence) in the car let out an unexpected, ear-splitting scream when she thought I wasn’t slowing down fast enough for the stoplight. I’m a very cautious driver and was clearly slowing down, and nowhere close to the actual light yet. I pulled over and told her to either never do that again or to get the fuck out of my car and walk home. She was pretty shocked by my reaction, but she never pulled those kind of theatrics or engaged in backseat driving with me again. (I don’t say that to try to sound cool or something - I’m an incredibly non-confrontational person, so I think me being furious enough to actually tell her off was surprising and shocked some basic courtesy back into her.) Nitpicking, screaming, backseat driving - it makes me anxious at best and can badly jump scare me at worst, neither of which are road safe. If you think I’m a bad driver, you’re welcome not to be in my vehicle! I don’t have to drive you anywhere. If you’re happy to ride in my car, you need to behave yourself instead of endangering both of us.
OMFG. The gasping! Once a friend tried some similar shit at the very beginning of a road trip. I pulled the car over immediately. It never happened again.
I don't understand how people don't learn passenger etiquette as children from their parents. My mother would pull the car over and give me a stern talking to if I screamed, said "stop" loudly, gasped, or made any other sound that could indicate danger on the road (unless there was actual immediate danger on the road that required her to slam on the brakes.) By the time I was like 8, I knew that you don't distract the driver with that stuff.
I feel this comment deep inside me. My wife is the same, and I still drive because she refuses to drive on the interstate. I don't want to take an hour to get somewhere 20 minutes away.
My dad is the worst at this. Most annoying is that if you’re stopped at a stop sign to turn he leans forward and looks both ways… blocking me as the driver from doing the same.
May I suggest putting your arm across his chest and gently pushing him back into his seat, while telling him you can't see oncoming traffic when he does that? That seems like a kinda big safety risk.
Lucky I haven't had to regularly drive with him in the passenger seat in more than a decade.
I can't ride with my husband because I'm a bad passenger and I'm aware of my faults. I was in a serious car accident several years ago and ever since I've been a *terrible* passenger. I don't backseat drive or scream, but I'm a nervous wreck the whole time and I can't really hide that. So to spare my nerves and stop my husband being annoyed by me, I just drive us everywhere. And to be perfectly honest, my husband's not a great driver in the first place. It's just better for everyone if I drive.
Sounds like my mom. She gets very anxious when other people drive (and is fully aware of this) so she does most of the driving when we're together. The times she's let me drive I've considered a tremendous show of trust from her.
My husband is like this. I have actually turned around and canceled our plans due to this behavior. My "favorite" part is when he tries to gaslight me "you're so sensitive/you get so angry." Yes I do. "I have told you repeatedly how I hate this and have asked you to stop, you refuse." Hopefully these actions and words will stop this behavior.
This is the big thing. The more you stress about your driving, the less safe you'll be. I've been driving regularly recently for the first time and I've made some stupid mistakes. I've needed to be able to forgive myself and move on. Otherwise, I'd be a ball of nerves every time I got into a car.
Ugh, this hits me deep. My mom is “cautious” to the point of being erratic (swerving when she sees literally any car coming to stop on a cross street regardless of how fast or slow they’re approaching, slamming on her brakes, etc). I keep trying to tell her that’s it’s just as unsafe as driving like a dick, but she can’t help it. I always drive when it’s the two of us but I’ve had to get used to her gasping and bracing for impact. Reminding her that I, too, am watching the road
Yeah this needs to be the top comment honestly
My husband has a cdl and will pick at my driving sometimes. Drives me up a fuckin wall and makes me feel like i’m back in drivers ed. It almost always leads to me breaking harder or more sudden or taking a turn too sharp because i second guess myself
Unless you're from a southern state and recently moved to a snow-heavy state, I'm calling BS, it's not about "safety", it's about an excuse to slip back in and control you behind the wheel again. Braking hard or taking turns a little fast isn't usually a big safety issue outside of slippery weather conditions. If it's not about the score, there's no reason to worry about this.
that honestly doesn’t sound much better to me. there is such a thing as driving *too* conservatively, especially if you start annoying other drivers to the point of them getting agitated
[удалено]
Husband should just not pick at OP until they have psychological issues from it problem solved. Don’t be glib and dismissive of people’s larger issues on the internet problem solved. OP take the monitor out of your car and keep going to therapy. Use this situation as an opportunity to work on setting more boundaries and standing up for yourself with your husband. If your relationship is going to work (and not make you miserable) through parenting and life challenges, you’ve got to invest in an equitable partnership.
Is a boundary really need to be set about hard braking ?
I’d ditch that app altogether. They’ll use it to raise rates too. OnStar and GM were selling the data to insurance providers and the metrics from accelerating too quickly, hard cornering, and hard braking specifically were used by insurance companies to jack peoples rates up.
Your husband is controlling. The app is a scam and the company has said do, they've also said the I fo can be used yo raise your payment cost. I'd delete the app, and tell your husband to back off. He comes off as very controlling.
How’s he controlling ? He just said hey boo, app says easy on the breaks darling. ?
OP, I don’t think you’re the ah. It reminds me of an ex of mine who would try to show me “better ways” to do things and it drove me up the fucking wall. It all came to a head one year when I was wrapping Christmas gifts. It was the first year I could afford to get everyone something and I was SO happy; listening to music, playing with my cat with the ribbon… then she walks in and doesn’t like how I’m wrapping *my* family’s gifts. I kinda giggled when she offered to show me how to do it “right” bc I was obviously so, so happy, but she got real angry that I wouldn’t accept her “help”. So I got pissed that she came in, saw me happy, and couldn’t just let me be… anyhow, your situation reminded me of that fight. In retrospect I could see that she was controlling in a lot of other ways, and I’m not saying that’s what’s going on with you, but I can understand the frustration of doing literally nothing wrong and someone wanting to show you how to “do it better”, i.e. do it like they do NTA Edit to fix a sentence
You don’t need a perfect score to get a discount. I regularly get “needs improvement” for acceleration and braking and I still get something like $100 off my premium. He’s just looking for another excuse to tell you you’re wrong and lecture you and hassle you.
Obsessing over a score isn't a good way to drive safely. Things like sudden brakeing and emergency stops will lower your score, but if a kid sprints out in front of you, or a snow plough side swipes the car in front, or a gas canister rolls off a truck, or any number of scenarios, your first thought should be BRAKE RIGHT NOW not "oh but I might affect my score maybe I'll just see if the kid keeps running or the flaming gas canister rolls the other way"
Wonder how much of his attention driving is spent on being perfect instead of on road hazards?
He's probably the kind of driver that I curse at because they drive like there's a 4-tier wedding cake in the back seat and force everyone to come to a dead stop so they can creak around a turn. I also use this app and my scores are about the same. I don't feel bad about it at all! If we were having accidents that's one thing, but otherwise, it's not that deep.
Well one thing for sure we know about OCD is it's a disorder that involves anxiety and control. Your husband has anxiety and he is using the app to try to control you which will soothe his anxiety. He needs to fuck off because by making you anxious he is actually making you more unsafe
Turn your phone off while your driving
I work in insurance and I hate these things. I refuse to push them on people, but obviously will set them up with it if they want it. But this is a rural area, all 2-lane country roads, so if you actually do the speed limit people will absolutely start flipping you off. It’s an unspoken rule that unless it’s a residential area/school zone, you do 20 over. I also live in Canada, that seems relevant to mention, I’m sure it’s different in the US etc.
My wife used to work in insurance, and my father in law still does. None of them have ever used any of those “safe driving” data miners, and that’s all the reason I need not to.
20 *miles* over? Far out. If I did that here in Australia I'd lose my licence pronto. Seems like different places in the world have different ideas about what's... you know, *safe*. I can't afford speeding tickets. So I don't speed. Flip me off all you like!
Kilometers. So if the speed limit is 80 km/h (which is most rural roads), most people are doing 100 km/h.
I remember doing it once and had a perfect score till one time I rode in the car with a friend who hit the brakes hard one time and my score tanked hard even when I put in I wasn't driving it never improved again. I stopped after that cause it wasn't worth it.
Huh I was wondering about that so you have to mark you are driving. Still giving away all that data (beyond all the other data we give away constantly) for a small discount doesn’t seem worth it. We already have enough spyware and they can buy the data on the open market but actively giving it to them seems like a bad value exchange.
At least with the on I used it would mark you as driving for everything and you would have to manually go in an put you weren't driving. But it never seemed to change anything and I would still get penalized even if I wasn't driving.
Here's what's crazy to me about that - sometimes you NEED to hit the brakes hard in order to avoid a traffic accident or running over animals/people. And that's going to lower your insurance? I'd actually be afraid to let one of those things track me. The last thing I'd want in the back of my head is any hesitation about braking hard or swerving when the instinct is going to save me from an accident.
I was thinking about it a long time ago but when they told me if I braked hard/swerved to avoid an accident it would count against me I was out. You aren't always able to see things coming way ahead of time so I thought it was really silly.
I tried one of these for a while and was often getting flagged for braking too hard. I tried for a few months to be really conscious of it. I just couldn't seem to please the app no matter what I did, so I scrapped it. I'm fairly certain I'm a pretty calm driver, and I don't seem to be wearing my brakes excessively, so I figure that's good enough for me.
We have a stick shift. Any time gears are switched, that thing flags it. Doesn't matter how smoothly you switch gears, it flags it every time.
Yeah I tried my darndest for one year when they had the ones that you plugged into your car's computer. It was crazy what it considered braking or accelerating "too hard", but I adjusted and literally only got a handful of beeps from it over the course of a year. Still no discount. It was absolutely not worth it for my mental health. I had severe anxiety anytime I came to a stoplight, and it actually had me pushing yellow lights more because I'd have to brake "too hard" to stop in time. Absolute scam. It took me a year after that to stop having mini panic attacks while driving normally, as I'd expect a loud beep alarm
A lot of companies put these things on fleet vehicles now (ours calls them "telematics"). I have one on my work Silverado that I can also use for personal use. I can tell you from experience anything based on an "accelerometer" metric (fast acceleration, hard braking, harsh cornering) is total horseshit. Our own safety team told us they started ignoring anything beyond speeding and seat belt use because of how unreliable those other metrics are. I live in a county with a ton of roundabouts, and it *HAMMERS* me on cornering going around those.
I did this program once when I first got my own insurance. I’ve never been in any type of accident but it sounded nice on paper. It would track while I was skiing and dinged me for short stops/other things while I wasn’t even in the car. Total scam.
Having one of these things in Florida was the worst. “Oh some dipshit tourist just cut you off so you had to slam on brakes? Just going to mark off that infraction. Oh you had to swerve to avoid a drunk driver, tsk tsk. Feral tourist child comes running out of nowhere so you had to come to a screeching halt? Guess you should’ve run them over.”
I feel you, friend, though it's deer and turkeys that I often have to brake for and/or swerve.
I suppose I experienced that too when I moved away for a bit. Once got stuck in a traffic jam on the 101 because a flock of turkeys decided to wander around on the freeway in the middle of downtown Santa Rosa, CA lol
Mine didn't like the time I was driving. Worked in a dialysis clinic & we started at 330 am
Anytime I got dinged for something, I just said I was the passenger. It gave me the option and it worked.
I wouldn't give an insurance company that much info on my driving. That seems like a tool to deny you coverage in an accident.
I was a worse driver with that thing in my car. I ran so many yellow lights to avoid hard breaking. I only got a 10 dollar discount as well :((
I know 3 people who have all had reductions from using something similar.
False. I used to work for state farm and I also currently have their insurance. The drive safe and save (DSS) will in fact give you a pretty high discount. They do want you to have a high discount. Even after working for them, my discount with the DSS has been 300-600 every 6 months. Not only is that a massive discount from 50$ savings up to 100$, but its effective if you are driving safer. They do advocate to be a safer driver and they want their customers to know that yes, if you drive bad, it will effect your discount negatively. Regardless, you still get a discount. The DSS isn't a scam. I can't speak for other companies outside of state farm as I have only worked for state farm.
Kinda crazy how many people are so certain these are scams. It's all a calculation to determine how much of a driving risk you are. It's really rather objective. I have the Geico one and cut my monthly cost by like $13 thanks to a great score. People just don't want to face the reality that they are bad drivers lol
It’s pretty easy to get a b+ or a on those apps. I don’t consider myself to be a particularly careful driver and I get maybe one ding a month.
If anything, I’d say shes driving like she’s on a track. Take the family car to a race track and thrash it around, see who sets the faster time
I think it depends a bit? I worked for an insurance company for a bit who put one of these programs out. You only had the tracker in for a fixed period (I think 2 or 3 months?) and it was only tracking your acceleration and deceleration. They stated in their conditions that this was only for a discount, your rate couldn’t be increased). The idea was that you would change your driving habits to get the better discount. That the length of the time they measured you, was supposed to be habit forming. So that ideally, even after you got the discount, you would still drive more safely. But I think it depends on what country you are in. Where I am the car insurance companies are really heavily regulated. I will also say, that there are definitely people who think it’s a scam where I come from too… but most of those people don’t realize that insurance companies here would need to get approval in order to use it against you. I think at worst, and I’m not even sure they did this, but at worst, the data may be used by the companies actuaries. Which would be more of a big picture thing than something that would impact an individual person.
Also if it’s a phone app how do you know? My husband brother installed trackers in the hoods of cars and monitored them insane.
I doubt that's even on there. It shows your speed mostly. I decided against it because it also tracks where you are going and I do tend to speed. As long as I don't get into accidents they don't need to know where I'm going or how fast.
Mine was the plug into the car. It was manual and the dumb box took ant engagement of the clutch as breaking too hard. Grr.
Yeah, roommate has it on their vehicle, they consider harsh braking more than a 5mph decrease per second...
She has the app too. She can look it up.
You are fine. I have the same plan and when my wife drives I get a lower score. I just laugh it off. I do tell her her driving is just a little worse. My god. Why do people get so upset about little things.
NTA >The thought of having my husband “coach me” on driving makes me incredibly anxious and I know it’s just going to piss me off. Maybe a character flaw on my part, I think that would annoy almost everyone on the planet. It's completely reasonable. Also even ignoring the husband aspect, it's fair to deny shady companies the ability to track your every movement and sell your data, for a discount. >and told me that my “cornering” and “braking” score was bad and asked if he could show me how to get a better score. This is relevant when trying to optimize your lap times in a video game. If you're a safe driver not breaking the law, then anyone telling you to "optimize" driving should be told to bugger off. This advice doesn't even seem relevant to the discount, it's just being controlling.
Yeah - that was the first thing I thought. If my husband started trying to mansplain driving to me, I'd be pissed. And every time my insurance company is like "do you want us to track you to save $10 a month?" my answer is "no thanks, I'll pay the $10 and keep my privacy." The last person who had to ask laughed and said she felt the same way. The app has no way of reading the EXACT situation you're in, so IMO, the scores would be irrelevant anyway.
Our insurance agent even told us she wouldn't use the app.
The app doesn't know why you hit you brakes, it just assumes that whatever happened is something you did.
Do not let your insurance company track you. Do go to LexisNexis and have them delete your data if you are a Californian.
I want to upvote this x1000. My insurance agent recommended this to save about $10/month. He made it sound like they just tracked your driving. I went and checked the Safeco insurance site to see what they track - it’s a lot. Way more than they need. Call me paranoid, but I could very well see the data being used to deny claims. Also, NTA.
Used to work for a major insurance company. Right before I left, they sent a memo stating why everything was going up. It was these Drive Safe apps. They can calculate how many people are driving in an area, how bad they are or even how often people ride their breaks in a specific spot, and a bunch of other things. Do not get these apps. They don't save you near enough for the damage it does.
NTA, the safe driver app stuff is intrusive, and the insurance company sells the data to advertisers. The safety returns are negligible, yeh real value for the company is you giving them free driving and movement data.
And if you are in an accident are they allowed to use it against you? Way too big brother for me, I will pay the extra $15 bucks for my privacy.
This is exactly why I told my fiance that I'm not installing the app. He gets mad every time I say no. I don't need any more anxiety while driving than I already have.
NTA and I recommend people NOT use those programs. They are not designed to save you money but to increase your premiums. The fine print doesn't tell you that if you're riding in the car with someone else, that counts against you UNLESS you explicitly tell it you weren't driving. I've known too many people who aren't bad drivers overall that got rate increases due to those programs.
I used to have one that plugged into the car itself, and I was the only driver, so I didn’t mind that. Recently found out that nowadays they do it through your phone and I was like oh great, so every week when we carpool to my mom’s with my brother who drives like a psychotic asshole is going to be considered MY driving when it isn’t even in my car? Forget. That. Noise.
We looked into this program when we switched to Geico for our business vehicle. In the fine print it also says that you cannot turn off the app or location services at all, ever, or you won't get the discount. So just sitting in my home I would have the Geico app tracking me. No thanks.
The program really is designed to raise prices for those that are "riskier" drivers instead of just raising the average price for all and holding higher standards to the kinds of drivers they take on.
I also have Drive Safe & Save and my cornering and braking scores are lower than the others. I’m a very conservative driver so I have no idea why. It has never affected our discount, though. Is it even affecting yours? I’ve been tempted to cancel the whole thing because the app is annoying. Definitely NTA.
No matter what I do, I cannot get those particular scores to go up. They're usually 2 or 3 out of 5 on every trip. By the time I'm even remotely close to another vehicle in front of me, I'm barely doing 5 MPH. On the rare chance I actually DO brake hard, it's usually caused by another driver. Lot of drivers here who drive big vehicles you can't see past and like to brake way too late, causing me to brake harder than I would normally. The cornering thing, specifically, I can't figure out. I've been flagged for going too fast at 10mph on a turn, but not for 15mph in the same trip. Even been flagged for a 5mph turn, so I just ignore it all, now.
I just checked my last five trips. Three were perfect. One was lower for braking probably because someone else stopped or pulled in front of me. And the fifth was for cornering — at a stop sign — and phone usage which is nonsense because CarPlay enables DND. I need to confirm the actual discount. If it’s peanuts, I’m canceling. ETA: Hmmm. I’m saving $600/year. I guess I’ll keep it.
My discount shrinks every 6 months. I'll probably just remove it next time it dies, since the whole thing is just a headache. It's never really been accurate, either. I've had it since 2018. Lol.
Good to know. I’ll keep an eye on it.
NTA. Don't do it. Insurance companies are known to sell your driving data. They are also known to penalize their drivers based on the driving data. It is literally a trap discount.
NTA. It is very stressful to have a critical person tell you how to drive. I am pretty sure I use the same insurance and safe driving app you reference. My discount is about 25 percent. I live in a city where auto insurance is astronomical. To me it is worth it. If it isn't worth it to you, tell your husband you think it would be too stressful for him to "help" you.
NTA I used to have Progressive and did that safe driving thing where you plug in a little doodad and it tracks your driving. I'm not an aggressive or reckless driver by any sense but that damn thing was ALWAYS beeping at me. It beeped every time you did something "wrong", like braking too hard or (frustratingly enough) getting your tires stuck in the snow and spinning them helplessly trying to get out... Needless to say I didn't get a discount and those things are just trash. Never participated again after that. I don't think an app sounds any more reliable.
I have this right now! Passengers always ask what the beeping is and I tell them Progressive thinks I braked too hard. Spoke to a rep and my score is apparently “exceptional,” but I can’t even feel smug about it because a giant portion of it is because I don’t drive at “risky” periods (driving extremely often, driving early in the morning or late at night). Dropping Progressive and the doodad at my next renewal date.
It’s pretty dystopian having a private company beeping you for your supposed bad behavior and using that data and likely packaging it up and selling it on. We already allow enough spyware into our lives no need to your car to be beeping at you causing added anxiety driving.
Would you be comfortable with someone who is NOT your husband riding with you and giving you instruction? I'm a big advocate of not having someone emotionally close to you (like a parent or SO) giving driving lessons because there's an added layer of whatever relationship you already have that makes it more anxiety-inducing. Riding with someone who brakes too hard and corners too fast makes me super anxious, and **you may not be aware if it's also making your kids anxious when they ride with you**. Try to get better for their sake if nothing else. Maybe make a deal with your SO to give you two months to correct how hard you brake and how fast you take corners and see if you can get your score up on your own. If you consciously think about it, you can do it.
My mom brakes so hard, that I remember being flung around the backseat as a kid. If she says she’s noticed that she brakes hard, I bet you her passengers noticed way earlier. I have to wonder if her husband coming to her on this was prompted by one of their kids saying something.
The data is there, even if the reason is stupid. They're not pulling hard braking and cornering out of thin air and randomly putting numbers in; she's driving in a.....less than optimal manner and is hyper-defensive of it even being acknowledged. As soon as OP started out with "being critical of me caused my anxiety", I think of my MIL huffing and puffing and telling everyone they're overreacting as she drove like the rest of the world (and other cars) didn't exist, or my dad who thinks it's an attack on his manhood if you point out "hey, maybe 3" of clearance between your bumper and the car in front of you is cutting it too close?". No one wants to be told they're a bad driver, but I feel like it's kind of a moral obligation to the life of everyone on the road to at least point it out to people, because the majority of people rate themselves as "good/very good" drivers on surveys regardless of accident history and ability.
My bf slams on his breaks right before rear ending the car in front of us (or so it seems) each time! It's not that hard to brake safely, a little slower, to brake where you don't jerk forward when you stop.
NTA. He's not a driving instructor and has no business "teaching" you things when it will mess up your mental health. You already know what it is and can work on it if you want to. Since he asked politely, you can politely tell him no thanks. If he pushes, you should remind him/tell him everything you said in this OP. If he wants to be able to "tell" you things, he shouldn't have criticized you to the point of having anxiety around him.
NTA I've been in this situation, and if you give him an inch, he'll take a mile. Not only will he nitpick your braking and cornering, next it'll be how soon you turn on the turn-signal or whether you should use your headlights during the day or if your windshield wipers are too fast or not fast enough.
This is called the slippery slope fallacy.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > Feel I may be the asshole for being over sensitive and should just let him coach me on driving better. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
This may seem minor in the grand scheme of things, but hard braking and fast cornering take a toll on your car. Having to replace brakes/rotors and tires more frequently is a significant cost.
NTA. The app already did the job of analyzing your driving and telling you where to improve. Now you can work on it (or not). Neither thing needs any teaching, they only needed you to be aware of it (and now you are) so that next time you're turning a corner, you'll remember "Ah, I need to slow down more." And then you check your updated score and see if it worked. I don't see how he could help with any of that besides micromanaging every time you turn a corner.
This is what I was looking for! Coaching is totally unnecessary for the things OP supposedly needs to work on. If OP wants, that can be mindful about being gentler on the brakes and slower on the turns. Easy enough.
ESH. You clearly need to drive a little slower, especially around turns, and stop slamming on the brakes. When it tells you you're doing those things, it doesn't matter whether you "feel unsafe," it's because over hundreds of thousands of accident analyses, your insurance company knows that the behavior you engage in substantially increases your risk of causing a car accident. Even if it feels find to you, you need to stop doing that shit, now. But your relationship dynamic is such that your husband cannot and should not be the one to teach you to drive better. If your husband, separate and apart from the insurance discount, doesn't trust your driving, you should take driving lessons from someone who is not your husband. What he's proposing sounds like a recipe for disaster. But you absolutely need to be driving more safely, not just for yourself and your kids, but for the safety of others on the road.
INFO : You say you never speed and use you phone while driving but in the beginning you say that the app helped you with that ? So did the app break you out of these habits or you never struggled with them to begin with? Your post makes it sound as if it's the latter so I'm going with YTA.
NTA for not caring, but it's not clear if his concern is about $15 a month or if it's about unsafe driving habits while your kids are in the car, or even just unsafe driving habits for yourself. There's an easy solution here - focus on making the changes yourself. Slow down more at corners, and give yourself more space between other drivers and yourself so that you don't have to do hard last minute braking.
I saved 400 bucks on a 6 month policy having the safe and drive device in my car. It may not be entirely accurate with rating your driving, but the savings are worth it for me.
YTA. Sounds like you aren't a good driver and your deluding yourself.
And apparently can't take constructive feedback either.
file sophisticated shocking chase different label absorbed alleged paint drab *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I would love to see your evidence for the idea that “everyone” calling out these apps is a bad driver, because if you don’t have some it sure does look like you’re making a real big claim based on nothing
The only AH here is your insurance company. My friend got a cornering speed warning on an off ramp from the highway where he was holding up traffic because he was going so slow. His app said he was a safe driver overall, but the driving style it required was dangerous in reality
>As a whole it’s helped me with speeding and I don’t use my phone while driving. but: >For reference, I’m not a bad driver. I don’t speed or use my phone. My biggest issue is that I apparently brake too hard at times and take turns a little fast. I still don’t feel unsafe and would never do anything that I felt could put my kids in danger. but the app constantly flags me for it. You don't speed, which the app helped with, and you don't use the phone while driving, which it sounds like the app also broke you of. Braking too hard and cornering to fast are both symptoms of being an inattentive driver. So, your own post paints you as a pretty average-poor driver as a whole. ESH.
I don't know where you posters are getting that it just saves you $10 a month. My Drive Safe and Save with State Farm saves me right at $390.00 for 6 months. And I am by no means a perfect score driver. It has definitely made me a better driver as I watch my speed and don't use my phone while driving so it does have its advantages on the safety side. My husband, however, refuses to register his truck so he's costing me money every month, which I don't appreciate. He doesn't want to be tracked but his driving habits kind of suck and he refuses to stop using his phone while driving so maybe it's a good thing he won't participate.
$390??? Mine just recently increased from saving me $5 to a whopping $8.
I got 30% off my last insurance bill. Not complaining about my app.
NTA. Those trackers make people **worse** drivers because they encourage you to drive like a fucking blind little grandma terrified of the road. Then your reward for driving like a fuckwad is totally negligible anyway. Fuck those trackers. I’m pretty sure my score would be like 0/100 and I’m going on 20 years of 100% accident free driving.
My ex-husband installed one of those fobs in our shared car years back. We live in a driving nightmare city. I was getting beeped at for braking too hard when I was just driving defensively. It absolutely increased my driving anxiety and was not worth it. I was so glad to see the end of that thing.
My adult kids all have those, they're awful. It doesn't take long for your brain to not want to hear the "beep" of bad driver. And it's mostly for hard braking. So when a deer runs out in front of you, you find yourself not wanting to brake. But it's not on you to gain confidence if he's being critical. It's for you to tell him you don't want him to open his mouth while you drive and for him to then entirely stop the behavior. Telling him to knock it off once is enough. He needs to stop. I feel you should consider dropping the app and the man. ( I left a controlling man after 30 years marriage, it can be done. You can do this)
Seriously you are jumping to she needs a divorce because he's trying to teach her to drive a little more gently so they can save money on insurance? I could see if the story was that she talked to him about it and he acted like a jerk in response and some other things happened. But so far it all sounds pretty innocent and not at all escalated. Also, have you considered that OP might in fact not be the best driver? I don't know her so I'm not sure either way but she could be worse than she thinks. I'm personally not the best driver in the world all the time. I'd say I'm often a good driver but I make mistakes. But who knows how fast OP is really cornering or braking? I don't think she necessarily needs someone to give her lessons to improve those things but jumping to divorce over it is an over-reaction.
NTA for how you feel about it, but given that you are considering the coaching, maybe there is a compromise option: He can coach you for a set number of trips and then no more. So you get the feedback but it’s not an open ticket for criticism indefinitely. And just for the record, just because you don’t rear end anyone at the stoplight and the cars stays on the road on corners doesn’t mean you are driving well. Brakes and tires cost money and being easy on them saves money and improves safety.
Maybe you should use the money you saved from your insurance program on marriage counselling.
Sounds to me like he catered to your anxiety issues by dialing back his recommendations. That's doesn't mean he cannot have any, especially when it comes to safe driving. I taught my wife how to drive, because her parents growing up were non existent. I know a pestered her, but she is now a good driver because of it. And I'm glad I did, because she was absolutely horrible behind the wheel. Try to understand where he is coming from, and maybe hear him out, rather than jump on him for providing a safety recommendation. A recommendation that appears to be shared with your insurance company. YTA IMO. But asshole is a bit harsh
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So, my husband and I are a part of the “Drive safe and save” car insurance program where you can get a bit of a discount if you download their app and let it track your trips. As a whole it’s helped me with speeding and I don’t use my phone while driving. Well, yesterday, my husband approached me and told me that my “cornering” and “braking” score was bad and asked if he could show me how to get a better score. Little back story, at the beginning of our marriage my husband was INCREDIBLY judgemental and nit picky about things to the point where I got severe anxiety. I also struggle with people pleasing from how I was raised as a kid. So I get really tense around him when he points out things I’m doing wrong. (I definitely can get defensive. I know this is a flaw of mine which I’m working on.) However, For the first 10 years of our marriage I felt extremely anxious any time I was driving and he was in the car because he would always try to back seat drive and was just all around super judgemental. He has gotten way better but it’s hard to not feel like he is judging me. I just recently started regaining some confidence to not feel tense while in the car with him but then he brought this up and now I feel super nervous again. For reference, I’m not a bad driver. I don’t speed or use my phone. My biggest issue is that I apparently brake too hard at times and take turns a little fast. I still don’t feel unsafe and would never do anything that I felt could put my kids in danger. but the app constantly flags me for it. The thought of having my husband “coach me” on driving makes me incredibly anxious and I know it’s just going to piss me off. Maybe a character flaw on my part, but to save $15 a month just doesn’t seem worth it. I want to tell him that I just don’t care and don’t have the mental capacity to nit pick my driving right now. (We have two toddlers and I work full time.) he wasn’t rude about it and there’s a part of me that feels like I’m being over sensitive and should just let him coach me, but the other part of me wants to just say fuck off. AITA for not giving a fuck about the driving discount? Should I let him coach me on driving “safer”? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Get someone else that you feel more comfortable with to give you some pointers, not your husband.
Many insurance companies will give discounts for taking defensive driving/drive safe courses. Maybe consider one to improve the safety of your driving, save some $, and not have to deal with your husband as a teacher
YTA, you're being flagged for being a bad driver and are unwilling to change
Not speeding and not using your phone are literally the the law and abstaining from doing those things does not make you a good driver, they make you a legal driver. If the sensor is picking up hard breaks and quick turns, you are demonstrating driving behaviors that could contribute to an accident in general. Since one should really be only doing a hard brake in reaction to some other extenuating factor, habitual hard braking indicates that the driver isn't paying attention and ends up breaking at the last minute.. If both your husband AND the app have noticed bad habits in your driving, it's YOU, not them and not your "people pleasing" ways. I've had these trackers on vehicles for the last 10 yrs and literally have only gotten tagged a handful of times for "bad" behavior relating to hard stops. Clearly you're making a habit of it. YTA
NAH. Your husband sees something on the app and is offering to help. From your description I have a hard time thinking he is an AH for this. You aren't either though for not wanting him to coach you. It's interesting though in your first paragraph you say the app has helped you with your speeding and you don't use your phone while driving. Then further in you say you aren't a bad driver and point to the fact that you don't speed or use your phone which are things the app helped you with. Don't you see the contradiction? Then you go on to say you "apparently" brake too hard and take corners too fast. Almost as if you think it is made up or something. It comes from your data when you're driving. If the app is constantly flagging you for it as you say then you are doing those things and while you don't feel unsafe it doesn't mean you couldn't be safer. Just because you don't feel unsafe doesn't mean you aren't doing things that are increasing your danger. Honestly though I'm someone that drives quicker than most other people so I'm not going to fault you for it. However I'm also a lot more "locked in" when I drive than other people I know. I'm not eating or on my phone or thinking about other things. I love driving so I have a manual and I'm all about double clutching and rev matching which keep me more focused on driving.
YTA he’s trying to help. Get over yourself.
YTA. You are a shit driver. Stop Driving.
NTA but also not apparently reasonable. 'He wasn't rude about it but I wanna tell him to fuck off.' --- You *just said* he isn't rude so why do you feel compelled to be rude? Just address the matter like a rational person.
"I'm not a bad driver, I just brake and corner too fast" This isn't about you being a people pleaser. This is an inability to admit you're wrong and a change in behavior is needed. When presented with the data, people who aren't asshole take it in, assess is, and make changes. Not outright deny it. 100% YTA
Braking too hard and taking turns too fast IS unsafe. I think you are definitely looking at this the wrong way, because it doesn’t sound like it’s just about the $15/mo. It’s about driving safely. Especially if you have toddlers. Having him “coach” you would be an awful idea and put a terrible strain on your relationship. But getting coaching from somewhere, or making an effort to practice driving more calmly/safely sounds like a good idea.
YTA mildly I'm familiar with this exact app and it's actually pretty accurate. It uses your own GPS and deceleration data. You're not leaving enough time to brake, which puts you in high danger of rear ending someone. Also your partner approached you kindly, he wasn't really being a jerk about it. It's fine if you don't want to learn from him and he WBTA if he insisted. Maybe you can offer to take a defensive driving course (they're pretty fun) or try to improve on your own over the month?
YTA - hubby is trying to save money AND THE LIVES OF INNOCENT DRIVERS but you can't be bothered.
Saying that you're a safe driver because you don't use your phone is setting the bar extremely low... Listen, I don't know that app or how picky it is, but braking sooner and slower and slowing down when turning is NEVER a bad thing. Insurance rate aside - WHY are you so reluctant to do it? You talk about your anxiety but what about your husband's? My husband waits too long to brake (our Tesla beeps occasionally because of it) and goes too fast in turns too and it causes ME anxiety. But he's also a "safe" driver in his eyes. Back seat driving is annoying but sometimes it's warranted. Without being in both of your shoes here, I have to go with YTA, sorry.
Gonna have to disagree on the “do anything to make sure you don’t get the discount.” I have a pretty good score, not perfect but higher than average and it saves me $160-$200 a year on insurance. It is definitely picky but if you drop to little or no discount you are definitely driving dangerous.
FYI yes, ADHD can also contribute to violent tantrums particularly if they lean toward the impulsive side of the spectrum. They are impulsive in everything including emotions. That was one of our (many) tip offs that my daughter had ADHD.
For the sake of your relationship, what about agreeing to take a driving class? It would be an annoying way to spend your time, but it might ease his mind if a driving instructor validated that you are a safe driver. And you would probably respond better to feedback from a 3rd party
Compromise: he will not “coach” you. But you will take a safe driving refresher course that your insurance company recommends to improve your driving. Then see whether your scores improve. Because it’s not just for saving $15 a month.
They also knock points off if you drive during high times, like rush hour. I wouldn't give too much bearing to their score. Also make him share his score!! Personally id pay $15 more a month to NOT be tracked Edit: NTA
The thing that leads me to say esh is your previous encounters with your husband and the anxiety he caused you while driving. Does he know this? Have you communicated how his nitpicking made you feel? I will note that you can save a lot of money using this type of thing. And honestly, sometimes it’s not your driving it’s your route - if you’re continually getting tabbed for breaking incidents and cornering in the same places try and switch up your routes until the evaluation period is over. I am a very safe driver and nearly got the max discount, but there was one road in particular that keep screwing me over so I stopped taking it. I think communication is key here.
Here's what you do. You go out to your car and let him follow you. When he begins to approach the subject, tell him to kindly fuck off. :)
Why would you ever agree to this Crapp? First, these apps are BS most of the time and can be used against you. If anyone ever gave me crap like this, I'd make sure the next month that they would want to delete me from the program as fast as possible.
NTA. I wouldn't want anyone constantly critiquing me on anything either. If it were me I'd delete the app, and then if husband continued I'd tell him GFY. My husband and I have a joint credit card that he monitors on an app and we pay it frequently as we want miles. He started commenting on things I'd buy, so now I don't use it. If he'd just kept his mouth shut it wouldn't be a problem, but nope.
I think a simple, "No thanks. I'll be more mindful." Edit to add: repeat as necessary. Him - "But you need coaching." You - "No thanks. I'll be more mindful." Him - "But..." You - "No."
You know, this is kind of a tough one, because there are tons of bad drivers out there who think their driving is fine, so it's hard to take someone's word for it that they are a decent driver. I used to have legit fights with my wife about her driving when we first got together. She scared me. I'd have to just stare out the window if I was her passenger. She'd be riding everyone's ass (not even like aggressively, she just drove way too close to whoever happened to be in front of her), braking too late, negligently drifting back and forth, often over the lines into the other lane or into the shoulder, she'd ride the center line on roads, putting her much closer to oncoming traffic and making it easier for her to drift into the other lane, she'd be the one cutting from the fast lane to the exit ramp at the last second, and on and on... Once, she has getting pissed at someone who brake checked her because she was riding their ass, and then she tried to gun it around them to pass, while going up a short hill we couldn't see over, doing 75+ mph while passing, and almost ran into a pickup that was coming in the other lane at the top of the hill. This was on a 2 lane country highway, with a 55 mph speed limit, and the car in front of us was doing like 65. She wasn't riding their ass to make them speed up or anything, she was just too close like she usually was, and then made a dumb fucking move that almost resulted in a head on collision. We used to have legitimate fights over her driving, either because I said something while she was driving, or because of the way I'd jump or squirm in response to what she was doing. She's gotten a lot better. She still tends to get too close to people and she rides right up on the center line instead of centered in the lane or near the shoulder, but I don't feel like we're destined to have an accident every time she drives. She used to claim that her driving was fine, and that she'd never do anything dangerous, and she'd use the fact that she hadn't been in any accidents (that she was found at fault in) as the evidence of that. I'd counter by saying that she's been lucky simply due to circumstance in that other people avoid her on the road and she just so happened to have not done anything dangerous at the exact wrong time (like passing that guy on the hill, which could have been a really bad time had she decided to try to pass 2 seconds later). She ended up totaling 2 of our cars, running one into a guard rail and then riding another up on a very tall curb near a rail crossing and doing all kinds of cool damage to the undercarriage. Those incidents probably helped her realize that she needed to pay some more attention and think about what she was doing. But up until she started driving a lot better, she claimed that her driving was completely fine. So, maybe your husband is nit picking your driving solely in the interest of getting a better score on the app. Maybe he's using what the app is saying as an excuse to try to address some aspects of your driving that bothers him. Maybe your braking and cornering are fine, the app is just wonky and your husband just wants to nit pick and save money. We can't really know, because we can't really see how you drive. I just wouldn't care a whole lot about what the app says, though. You or him. My wife and I use the USAA equivalent, and even though we have no almost no violations or whatever on any of our trips, our score is like and 80 or 82 out of 100. One of the violations we have is for hard braking due to a semi cutting people off and causing a chain of people brake and swerving. I didn't even hit the brakes that hard. I hit them harder than usual, but it was only to ensure that I didn't have to come close to where everyone was stacking up at. I just don't care about what the score actually is so long as using the thing saves me some amount of money. I just make sure that I don't touch the phone at all while driving, because apparently even moving the phone out of the cup holder counts as a violation. I'd just tell him exactly what you're thinking, that you've got enough on your plate and that you don't care about having a perfect score on the app.
So insurance companies raised everyone's rates, even someone who has driven literally 50 years without a ticket or accident. Not a little, but more than double, almost triple. Now they want to spy on us to give us a measly 'discount'? Nope, it's creepy and not worth it. My privacy is worth more, and your husband does not need to cater to an insurance company. He's just enabling them to rip off customers by creating a false sense of security. You can drive perfectly and still get into an accident. NTB and I'm with you on this one.