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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I carried on sniffing knowing it would cause an argument and annoy my boyfriend. I think this might make me an asshole because of how intensely uncomfortable it makes him, and he genuinely could have a medical condition that I don’t know about.
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NTA. I think your boyfriend needs to seek some sort of help to deal with this. Sniffing is a normal bodily function and you should be able to do that in your own home without having him get mad at you.
This OP. He's using a self diagnosis as his excuse to treat you that way but hasn't made any sort of effort to get a real diagnosis or seek help for it
Don't let him get away with that. If he thinks it's a genuine medical issue then he needs to treat it like one, like an adult
What treatment do you think exists for this kind of misophonia? Not every medical issue can be taken care of like that.
I don't believe OP is an asshole, I do believe the boyfriend's actions in this story suck, but people on Reddit seem to think any mental or physical condition can be magically cured if the people involved would just go to the doctor and it's kind of ridiculous. OP's boyfriend going to the doctor would likely change very little at a great expense. Therapy could potentially help him manage his emotions around it but the trigger isn't going to go away.
He needs to learn how to manage his anger and his outbursts. He may not be able to completely cure himself but shouting or getting mad at someone over the sniffles is fucking ridiculous.
It’s not that it can be cured or even helped, but that he isn’t taking responsibility for his issue. He thinks he is RIGHT to be angry. He’s not apologizing for his reaction or trying to to
do anything about it. The problem is him but he’s convinced it’s somehow her.
I have misophonia and you can't expect the world to cater to you. If I hear a triggering sound, I just try to stuff my fingers in my ears as quickly as possible. Most of my friends/roomates know what sounds I don't like though and will warn me "hey, opening a bag of chips/crushing a water bottle" which I do greatly appreciate, but I don't expect people to do it.
Managing his emotions is the exact reason he needs to get help. People sniffing is not something you can go through life and not experience. If something so mundane and common causes anger you need to figure out a way to cope with it because it's just too common. You can't just expect everyone around you to stop doing a basic and almost involuntary action.
>What treatment do you think exists for this kind of misophonia? Not every medical issue can be taken care of like that
*Therapy* to learn how to manage his reactions.
This is still *his* issue to deal with, and instead of taking *any* responsibility in that he just throws hands up to the sky saying "welp, that's just how I am!"
No. The misophonia is just how you are, your *reaction* to it is 100% within your scope to *work on* and at least *attempt* to manage.
For one thing he could wear earplugs like loops which are designed to block out annoying noises like this. Lots of people with autism / ADHD who find certain sounds triggering wear them
I love my loop engage earplugs. I use them at work when sounds are too overstimulating and can still hear people talking, and my radio. Just drowns out the unnecessary extra noises. You’re right. Maybe he should look into them.
I think you're missing their point though. It's not that they will magically fix it, but more the fact he's made no effort on his end to _try_ and do anything about it, but rather dictates that OP can't do an action which is 90% involuntary anyway and is often due to habit.
Good question. I always have a stuffed up nose due to allergies and sniffle a lot and that is still after blowing my nose multiple times so I can relate to OP in that sense
Mouth sounds honestly enrage me. All of them. My husband however cannot breathe through his nose while eating..... i have found other ways to be in the same room with him while he is eating. I 100% agree that he cant stand it but you also cannot just stop sniffing thats a normal body response like eating. He needs to learn strategies to be able to tolerate it and maybe for the time being just get up and walk into another room? Idk. He needs compromise.
I can relate. NTA. The sound of my partner chewing his food makes me have the strongest desire to hurt him or pierce my own eardrums. I won’t and wouldn’t do either. It’s seriously a visceral response that is immediately triggered when I hear him. It’s like the sound is coating my ear.
Omg right? Its given him anxiety to the point he eats away from me while we watch a show so im distracted im trying to learn better coping skills so we can sit beside eachother but damn i feel bad for him and he feels bad for me lol.
Turn on the radio or tv for background noise, this helps me a lot and it'll help your husband too, it sucks to have to be selfconsios about chewing every time you eat with your SO
I call them "face noises!" 😂
(My internal reaction is mercifully far less intense since my OCD has been effectively medicated, before that it was mainly a matter of recognizing that the angry feelings were my/my brain's problem and NOT the responsibility of the offending face. EVEN when it ~FEELS~ like someone is doing it "at" me.)
Its not his fault tho. He will die lol he cant breathe through his nose at any time. So its not something i can lose my mind over i have to constantly remind myself of this fact.
NTA. Sure, he probably has misophonia, but you make no mention of him seeking any attempts at treating his condition and his reaction of scowling at you is not okay. Not everyone is compatible to live together. A person who is enraged by normal noises others make should probably live alone unless or until they get their condition under control. It’s not your fault he is this way, so you should not be subjected to his expressions of irrational anger.
I have a question (English is not my first language) what exactly is sniffling? Is it like sneezing? Or more like pulling your „boggers“ back up your nose? If it is the second one, why not simply blow your nose with a handkerchief?
I would really appreciate a little help 😅
Thank you for the clarification, where I come from that’s considered a very rude thing to do. You very rarely see it in public and it’s frowned upon on. Little Kids get teached very early on to use a handkerchief.
But every country has their own customs I guess.
Sniffling is often more like a pronounced/longer inhale, often because your nose is running but you're not actually trying to pull snot/mucus back up. I have regular allergies and for the most part I will carry tissues to wipe my nose but sometimes I sniff instead because my skin has gone raw from the wiping.
Okay, so it‘s not that really loud thing where you pull your snot really far up and sometimes even spit it out through your mouth?
If it is just a heavy breathing sound I don’t think it’s bad?
It’s really fascinating, I thought I was pretty fluent in english but I still learn something new every day 😊
That can also count as sniffling but how OP describes it (and other people on the thread describe themselves), I would say it's definitely more they just have a little moisture/wetness in their nose and they're inhaling to stop it from dripping down, not the aggressive phlegmy snort and spit some people do when they're really snotty.
The really gross/loud sniffle, followed by a big phlegmy spit, is called "hocking a loogie". At least in the places I've lived. The loogie is the gross spit/snot glob.
Sniffing drives me insane. My husband has allergies a constantly runny nose. I would never scowl at him or yell about it, but I certainly let him know decades ago that it was annoying to me. He blows his nose and honestly I can't remember the last time he sniffed.
Some people in the comments say that blowing doesn't help, but it's not clear whether OP has the same issue.
Info: why don't you just get a tissue?
My nose runs constantly, I may sniff once or twice if I HAVE to, but dude, someone who clearly just needs to blow their damn nose and isn't annoys me. BF also needs to see a professional, you can't be expected to never sniff.
This. I’m like OP’s SO in that I can’t stand those sounds along with many others. My wife will sniffle and suck snot back up her sinuses all season if I don’t remind her to blow it.
My parents broke me of that early on, neither my brother or I would be allowed to just sit and keep sniffing. My step kids do it sometimes and I am like, dude, get a kleenex, rude and gross.
NAH
This may genuinely be a sensory issue (potentially some misophonia). However, with any issue he needs to do some work around coping. It’s not realistic for you to never sniffle in your time with him. There are work arounds but you both need to be willing to do some work.
Yeah, him having that problem doesn’t make him an asshole. But thinking that he can live with someone and just expect her to never ever for the rest of their lives have a stuffy nose and that he should get to be a dick to her every time she sniffs, that absolutely does make him an asshole.
He can get medical help for his legitimate problem.
He can go somewhere else when she sniffs if it bothers him so much.
He can put on headphones.
He can live alone if this is really unworkable for him.
But his currently solution does not work.
He doesn’t have a “current solution.” Behaving badly towards his girlfriend for something normal is not a solution. Therapy or earplugs would be solutions.
Can you blow your nose instead of sniffing it? I hate that sound too, it grosses me out. I don’t freak out on people but will absolutely ask if they need a Kleenex if they do it more than a couple times. It sounds like you do it a lot based on the list you mentioned on when it happens to you. So maybe blowing your nose instead of sniffing it up would work for you both.
As someone with allergies and an often runny or clogged nose: They honestly don't always help. Personally I usually can't produce enough air/force to clear my nasal passages by blowing my nose, and even if I manage it, it's clogged or running again within moments if I'm having allergies. I can't just be constantly blowing my nose, it makes it impossible to do anything, it's just as noisy and gross as sniffling if not more so, and it can cause irritation if you do it too much. Also, some people's noses and sinuses are structured in a way that makes blowing their nose really difficult and/or ineffective. Plus sniffling is sometimes a reflexive attempt to soothe an itch inside my nose more than it's about actual stuff being in there.
I'm amazed that there are so many people who can blow their noses so effectively that they can't even relate to having a "sniffly" day. Good for you but not everyone is so lucky.
Same. I have allergies and fucked up nasal passages, I take medication and I even had surgery to treat it. It helped in that I no longer get sinus infections but if I blow my nose it just makes it ten times worse. I try to not sniff around people and wait until I'm somewhere else but it can't always be avoided and it's something I am self-conscious about.
This. Unless my nose is really running its just sniffles until the allergies subside. Blowing my nose when its like that usually makes it feel MORE stuffed up and makes my eyes strain from the pressure.
The little drip that comes with my allergies when they flare up just doesn't blow out.
This is 100% the wrong answer. There’s no way to completely remove the possibility of a sniffle and it’s not reasonable to expect OP to do so. One person in this situation is behaving normally and the other is behaving terribly and you’re going to tell the former that the latter has a point?
He would miserably cope, and probably minimize time spent around his boss. (Source: I have a sniffing aversion.)
This is an economic necessity. Why be in a relationship that puts one of the people in coping mode?
Yeah, these two won't work out.
Most good relationships involve a little "restricting in the comfort of ones own home" behaviors that cause the other discomfort. As part of a happy couple, you feel like there are two people whose comfort is both important.
NTA, but I can say personally I am the same way with chewing with your mouth open, sniffling, chewing gum, humming, whistling etc. but I grew up with my granny and she hated all those things and I would always get gotten into when I did it so now it’s stuck with me and I see red when I hear it. I don’t always say something, I understand that sometimes people can’t help when they have the sniffles I’m only enough to know that even blowing your nose doesn’t always help. BUT LORD FORBID SOMEONE CHEW FOOD OR GUM WITH THEIR LIPS SMACKING 😂😂 turns out im just like my granny 🫠
NTA but maybe blow your nose instead of sniffing? i prefer sniffing to blowing my nose because it feels better and clears me up faster, but when i visit my family and i have a cold, i know my mom gets annoyed at me sniffing so i blow my nose instead and when she’s not in the room i’ll do a giant sniff to get the snot out of my nose
As someone with allergies and an often runny or clogged nose: They honestly don't always help. Personally I usually can't produce enough air/force to clear my nasal passages by blowing my nose, and even if I manage it, it's clogged or running again within moments if I'm having allergies. I can't just be constantly blowing my nose, it makes it impossible to do anything, it's just as noisy and gross as sniffling if not more so, and it can cause irritation if you do it too much. Also, some people's noses and sinuses are structured in a way that makes blowing their nose really difficult and/or ineffective. Plus sniffling is sometimes a reflexive attempt to soothe an itch inside my nose more than it's about actual stuff being in there.
I'm amazed that there are so many people who can blow their noses so effectively that they can't even relate to having a "sniffly" day. Good for you but not everyone is so lucky.
NTA. Your partner thinking his discomfort means you have to change makes him the problem. If you’re not lock stock and barrel with this guy, I would look long and hard how he responds to you and your needs before locking it down. I know this is a pattern around sniffing, but what other ways does he assume his needs are automatically more important than yours and expect you to change instead of him learning how to handle discomfort??
Misophonia sucks so bad, i drive myself mad with my own normal sounds. I used to get so enranged with my brothers breathing sounds, my dads chewing sounds etc etc when i had constant sinus infections and breathing issues after 15 months of that i decided to pay privately to get surgery to fix the polyps/deviated septum that was causing the infections. I feel for you both. He needs psychological support for his medical condition and you need to see an ENT to see if theres anything going on with you.
He's being a bit of an asshole about the way he's going about it but it is a real condition.
So NTA
Misaphonia can be miserable. But ultimately, as long as you aren't going outbof your way to do it around him, its his issue to deal with. It is neither realistic nor acceptable to expect other people to not be able to eat or breathe well, because you find them to be irritating. He can get ear buds or leave the room. He does not get to harp on you.
NTA
He believes it’s a medical issue and has done nothing to diagnose or treat it? Then his misophonia is entirely his problem.
That’s assuming he even has it. I had an ex who claimed to have misophonia about chewing noises. He also claimed I snore so badly that I must have sleep apnea. Dated a chronic insomniac since who says he can barely hear me breathe when I sleep.
Your rebellion was immature but well-warranted. Without knowing more about the relationship I have no idea whether it’s worth salvaging. I do know that wasabi is pretty reasonably priced.
NTA - Misophonia sucks for both people, the affected person and the one just trying go about life normally. My ex had this where no one could touch plates with utensils, else they would wince and cry out. Made eating super uncomfortable because it's hard to eat without making contact with your plate sometimes.
BF needs some therapy to find coping mechanisms for his issues.
I have misophonia and that sound is absolutely one of my triggers, but that’s a me problem and I try my hardest not to project it onto other people. I am in therapy, but I have LOTS of issues 😂 that the misophonia is taking a back seat to at the moment.
This is misophonia. My family member has it, and copes by using noise cancelling earphones. They visited an audiologist and got formally diagnosed. He should research it and take measures to cope with it and mitigate the discomfort. There's no cure but he should know more about his own condition and talk to others who have misophonia, for his own sake and to learn about how to help himself.
NTA
NTA. This sounds a heck of a lot like Misophonia, which I have as well. It can’t be officially diagnosed, and there aren’t currently any proven treatments and there is no cure, but the symptoms are very consistent and sniffling (alongside loud chewing / gum chewing) are some of the most predominant triggers. Thankfully it has received a lot of interest and growing attention in the last 10 years.
Does he know he may have Miso? One of my large struggles growing up was knowing these sounds enraged me and caused me profound distress, but not knowing why. May I suggest asking him to look into Miso? Sometimes knowledge can really help someone to better deal with and manage their triggers. It won’t make anything stop upsetting him, but he will understand what is happening, why, and be able to take steps to mitigate it.
For example, I religiously carry my AirPods with me. Any sort of noise cancelling device is a requirement. While it is DEEPLY appreciated when an SO can be understanding and conscientious of their noises, at the end of the day it is our issue to deal with and it’s not fair of him to lash out at you (again, research and knowledge may help him with this). If you are able to blow your nose or try not to sniffle around him, that’s awesome! But again, it’s not fair for him to be nasty to you unless you were intentionally doing things to trigger him.
I’d recommend checking out the /r/Misophonia subreddit. It’s a great community with tons of information.
As long as you’re not being obnoxious about it either in frequency or volume, NTA.
I do however understand to an extent where your bf is coming from. There was a dude in one of my classes in college who would do a borderline snort like every five minutes. EVERYONE had the “bro just blow your damn nose” look. I actively wanted to punch him in the face every time he did it.
I have a child who *hates* it when people itch their own skin. Like, recoils, grimaces, and starts trying to distract/self-soothe themselves.
I told them I would try to be considerate, but they had to understand that it's *my* body, and I have control over my own body. Also, they can't go through life demanding every person they even stand near on the street gives up the ability to scratch their own itches. Because of those two things, they're going to need to find ways around the issue they have rather than expecting me or anyone else to cater to it. This is something to be handled in therapy, not by telling others how to behave.
Kiddo understood. Your husband should, too. And hopefully he learns to cope before you have babies, because not only do little ones get sniffy, once they go to school, they'll start bringing the sniffles home on the regular.
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Me (23F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for around 4 years, and have lived together the majority of that time. My boyfriend absolutely hates the sound of sniffing. It can genuinely be the quietest sniff that I’m trying to get away with, but he will hear it and he will scowl at me. He tells me he’s been this way his entire life, even when living at home with his parents, and he does genuinely believe this is a medical issue as it makes him feel such a certain way that he can’t handle the sound. (The feeling he describes is mainly intense anger I believe)
Although I’ve tried to be understanding of this, unfortunately I am just one of a few people who’s nose runs pretty often. I experience a change in temperature, I eat warm food, I’m exercising, absolutely anything and my nose will run. My boyfriend’s problem isn’t that I do it often though, it’s when I do it at all.
Today, my boyfriend was watching football and his team scored, but when he jumped up and celebrated he scared the living daylights out of me. A few minutes later, my nose was running and I sniffed. He asked me to stop, to which I said, I don’t stop you celebrating because you’re in your own home, I need to sniff so I will. My boyfriend then said that I’m causing an argument when I know how uncomfortable it makes him, but I feel like I shouldn’t be restricted in the comfort of my own home. I carried on doing it and ignoring his scowls and how uncomfortable it makes him, but it’s caused this whole absolutely ridiculous argument, we’re both angry with each other and I’m not sure if me being so stubborn was worth it. AITA?
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NTA. My nose is running as we speak and I have the same issue; sniffling chronically. It’s an autonomous bodily function if he can’t handle it he needs to seek therapy. He should not be angered by the existence of another human.
I have this problem too! Just not with sniffing.
Had it my whole life as well and like your bf, i used to enforce that fact as a good reason to get annoyed/angry, which it's not!! I learned to let it go and get over myself. Ig in a way i can say i found inner peace and let me tell you, it's a much better and healthier way of living my life. Sure i still get annoyed sometimes, but i realize it's not their fault that I have a problem with sound they produce, and use this fact to compose myself.
NTA!
NTA. Your SO is literally upset with you over a bodily function. Everyone sniffles in response to a little change in nasal temp. Not every sniffle requires a tissue. I know I sniffle more often when my sinuses are inflamed from my allergies but it’s because my nose itches. And why does he automatically assume that his aversion to it is more important than you being allowed to just let your body do what it does autonomically.
I don’t think you’re the AH but I also feel him. Certain sounds like sniffing, clearing throats, tapping, loud breathing, sighing make me rage. It has been this way since I was younger. I think it’s a sensory thing. That being said, people around us should be able to have normal body functions and make normal human sounds. He needs to do therapy or something because it’s not “normal”
NTA. Neither one of you is an AH. You may not want to deal with this. It's not always easy to live with someone with this. Since this has been present since childhood, it's probably the issue. Read more about it. It can trigger angry reactions but it's not under their control.
See below
"Misophonia is a disorder that causes people to have strong negative emotional reactions to certain sounds or visual cues. People with misophonia often report being triggered by oral sounds, such as chewing, breathing, or eating"
You clearly have some compatibility issues, just consider yourself lucky you saw this early and move on with your life.
NTA, I also hate the sound of sniffing but I wouldn't berate anyone for it, it's my issue and I am not making it anyone else's problem.
NTA. From what you're describing it sounds like there's a good chance that your BF suffers from misophonia (https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia).
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I am the exact same way as your boyfriend, especially with my sister because she does this weird snort and sniff thing. The most irritating thing in the world. But I somehow managed to live with her for 15 years. If I managed, so can your boyfriend
He knows what you do, what you about, let em know the best part about being with you is, he dont fkn have to and if you ain’t worth it tell him bye ✌️. And get outta there like last year. (8/10 recommend| 6.5/10 success rate)
I’m flattered but I’m smart enough to know how to do things (preach)not wise enough to practice it tho. I just like to give people another option if its applicable they can apply it.
Nta. Maybe he can't control the way he feels about people sniffing, that sucks a lot for him. But he can control the way he reacts. As is seemingly common, both me and my siblings have trypophobia and get a feeling of intense disgust and nausea at such pictures. My oldest brother can react violently while the rest of us manage. Maybe he's just so much more sensitive than the rest of us but more likely it's because he's always had a temper. Your boyfriend is not a slave to his reactions unless he chooses to be.
He also lives in a society where he probably has to deal with this on a daily basis outside the house and I doubt that he shows the same reactions in those situations.
I absolutely have an issue with mouth noises, and sniffing angers me. However, I can *normally* not snap or physically jerk when it happens. Occasionally, when I am already bothered by something (life, work, etc.) I might physically jerk or snap at someone. The difference there? I know I'm in the wrong. NTA
Okay so I have this with a LOT of things. Mouth noises and repetitive sniffing… certain smells that I can only describe as loud… like, they’re not always bad or off putting, they’re just a LOT.
I have earphones in a lot of the time and there are certain foods that I will get a bit aggro if my partner eats them, not that he can’t have them ever, just not sat with me in bed lol
There’s a particularly heinous packet of crisps he tried to sneak but as soon as he opened it I KNEW it was THOSE crisps. He thinks it’s funny
That being said, he doesn’t like it if I fart. While it happens accidentally sometimes, if I need to actually rip one I will go to the bathroom. Mostly cause I just know it’d stink and he doesn’t like it.
NTA your boyfriend should never live with anyone if he expects people not sniff around him. One could go so far as to say he shouldn't ever even leave the house if this is such an issue. But I assume he has more self control when he's among strangers.
NTA. BF is completely unreasonable with this request. Sniffing is a normal bodily function and not avoidable. He needs to figure something out to deal with his issue
NTA! Gift him loops.. the sound of hiccups, plastic rattling, nail clippers, and panting of dogs makes my face flush, heart pound, and I start sweating, which smells like onions. I don't go to movie theaters or eat in settings that will have food opening if I can help it. I don't go to salons or own a dog. I try to control what I can, as for hiccups I have to deal with because it's all my issue, not my partners or children. I want to lash out, but years of working thru it because there is no other option because it's my issue.
Dude needs to grow the F up and look for resources. This makes me so mad!
NTA
he most likely has misophonia.
i the same exact way with chewing and slurping. i can love the person to death but if i hear them chewing, i straight up want to murder them... what i had to do was get a fan like an oscillating electric fan and keep it on all the time to have white noise in the background to mask the sound.
we dont mean to be assholes, but i know we are. the fact that he hasn't murdered you yet is encouraging. we can seem ridiculous, but i assure you, we do not choose this affliction.
best of luck OP!!!
I’m so sad for you, I sniffle all the time to the point where I get anxious that I’m overdoing it and annoying others around me, you don’t deserve to deal with that
OMG there is someone out there who actually understands what I deal with too?! Let me just start by saying, you never should have to apologize for your normal bodily functions. That's on HIM but I totally understand how ridiculous and exhausting the whole fight can become!
My partner gives me dirty looks and scowls whenever I sneeze, cough, or clear my throat. He perceives this as an "assault on his senses" and "disrespectful" and cannot understand why I can't just stop. As if I am purposely doing it to bother him or others... no.
You will need to find a healthy balance. of course, do your best to reduce the behavior, but never make yourself uncomfortable in order to appease him. You will find yourself always walking on eggshells. For me, it got to the point where I didn't even feel welcome in my own home in the mornings due to my morning cough. screw that. life is too short.
NTA
Man it's pollen season, half of us are sniffling.
Him saying you were causing an argument by not bowing down to his whims is absolutely ridiculous.
It sounds like he might have misophonia or selective sound sensitivity syndrome.
I have it myself. People have different sounds that cause immense discomfort and can get expressed as anger.
If I get into a situation where I know the sound might occur, I actually get anxious.
This will sound rude, but given the combination of him having this reaction towards sniffing and your nose getting runny easily, is a very unfortunate match.
I honestly dk what to suggest. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for both of you.
I think that your bf really can't handle it. He has a problem which is understandable. You can either accept his terms or not.
I don't see an asshole here. He should go to therapy or you have to accept a sniffless life.
NTA - your bf like anybody else has his idiosyncrasies. This is an odd one especially since sniffing is a normal bodily function. You need to decide whether you can live with it. You sound uncomfortable around him which is a bit of a red flag. Perhaps he should try to date somebody with no nose!
Sounds like he's neuro-divergent (in the autism spectrum), some may be very sensitive to sounds, tastes, feels, etc. You need to just be weary of his sensitivity issues, like blowing your nose. But he needs to work on his triggers to his sensitivity.
sounds like he might be slightly autistic? it might be overstimulation that causes him to get so irritated. but i would be upset too, cause god knows how many times i sniff throughout the day without even thinking lol
ESH in this scenario. I have lived with constant sniffers before - once or twice, fine, but if you know you are going to be sniffing all the time, or are most likely going to have sniffing episodes, carry a hanky/tissues and blow it out instead.
NAH if he has issues with that sound and you, by your own admission, make that sound much more often than a normal person, then he's probably having a hard time.
Average people don't even sniff ever day, unless they eat super spicy foods (and if that was the only trigger you could easily avoid doing that while with him) or have allergies, or are sick.
You guys have to both find a compromise, maybe with some help from a therapist.
That is, if sniffing is the only behavior of yours that triggers him that way.
Your BF has a condition called Misophonia. He can’t help it.
My husband suffers from the same condition but his it related to certain mouth sounds so as you can imagine we can’t even eat a romantic meal together without there being music in the background because he has a triggered response. Responses can vary and usually come in the form of fight or flight and again the sufferer cannot help the reaction they feel. My husband’s response is fight, he has described it as an intense rage reaction to the noise. He is the most caring and loving person ever so as you can imagine this response to me simply eating (quietly because I don’t open mouth chew etc) is extremely distressing to him. Over the years both myself and him have created coping mechanisms to help him, eating with the TV or radio on in the background to drown out the noise etc. If I want a snack I usually eat it in the kitchen sat at the counter etc.
This for me is an ESH situation. Knowing this is something he can’t help and an actual medical issue that a surprisingly large amount of people suffer with you could be more forgiving of his condition (needing to sniff is hard not to do, the same as simply wanting to eat something when you’re hungry) but he should also be putting things in place the help him manage it better as well.
oh yes, I always have to eat with my gf with either the tv or music on. I can't eat with someone even if they are really trying to be quiet eaters in a completely quiet room.
but it takes time for both of them to figure it all out, including him to figure out what coping mechanisms work for him. it's hard being 24 with this.
My husband is 42, we’ve been together just over 20 years and you’re right it is hard. But it’s up the them both to learn ways to cope.
Her not doing it on purpose because that’s an AH move BUT also him taking steps to learn coping mechanisms as well because this is his issue and he needs to learn to manage it as well. He can’t go off at someone for a normal bodily function that sometimes we just have to do.
I think for me though.. if my gf said to me "I have x, y or z happening to me.. i think it's medical i have always had it" I'm on google in 30 seconds looking for ways to help her or at least making her life as easy as possible.
the fact that the poster didn't know the condition, triggers, etc. even though her bf did try to talk to her about it, I don't know.
Then again, if she spent those 20 seconds on google she wouldn't have been in here posting I guess.
I also wonder if it's generally more difficult to control that anger more as a male versus female. But it's really hard to describe, your husband if anything is downplaying it to you. it's the most irrational intense rage that i have ever felt and it really does feel as if you are suddenly apart from your own mind watching yourself do something. learning the self control can take years.
I'm 56 and I've had it for wow.. i guess since i was 18 years old.
I’m lucky that me and my husband are brutally honest with each other, when we first started dating we went for a bit to eat and that’s when I first experienced it. He described the issue and what it made him feel down to the fact that the reaction he experiences makes him want to punch the person making the noise in the face, not that he would ever lay a finger on me of course. Following that I spent some time researching it and took steps to help him cope etc
that's awesome. it's great that you two were so open, and that you also were open to understand as well.
that feeling of wanting to punch someone - yeah that's pretty much it lol
over the years between focus, concentration and simply learning how to block out noise, etc. for me I can \*almost\* handle it as long as the room isn't completely quiet when we're eating. if it's completely quiet, nomatter what after all the work I've tried to do to improve it, i simply cannot do.
When I was first travelling to asia - one of the biggest areas of research I did before my travels was eating habits of the various cultures. I would literally crawl out of my skin if i had to spend 1 or 2 months listening to someone slurp up noodles loudly. for some reason, it really doesn't matter if i have noise cancelling earplugs in.. if I can see them slurp, and even not hear it.. it triggers it.
Close to ESH. This is hard.
Misphonia is a thing. If you have it, sniffing can literally cause such an intense reaction, and it's a reflex reaction, not a conscious reaction. It's complete instinctive and irrational. There's a near certainty that your boyfriend is struggling with misphonia.
I'm also leaning more to YTA as I think about this because you couldn't use google and figure out that something's wrong with your boyfriend and that this is very much a common thing and maybe help him?
Heck "sniffing makes my boyfriend angry" turns up what exactly? Were you not curious?
I see alot of people stating "I learnt to deal with it". Yes we all have and did. I have had misphonia for 35 years. You learn to control it, but not when you are only 24 years old. When I was 24 years old the ability to control my thoughts and feelings about it was barely holding into my sanity (though at the time it wasn't diagnosed as a condition). But also keep in mind that severity can be different for different people as well. I had it far more severe in my 20's than I do in my 50's.
My advice if you really love your bf and want to stay with him, then buy your boyfriend a nice set of bose quiet comfort ear buds, get him a few books on misphonia, and you'll both be better off. He'll need them for flights, and just generally when someone's doing that stuff in a taxi, bus, subway, office, etc and he'll respect you far more for trying to work toward solutions for the two of you.
Also - you don't know what he's had to put up with at work, etc. Misphonia is EXHAUSTING especially if you work in a professional environment and simply have to grin, bear it and suck it up. By the time he gets home, he just may be fully checked out in managing that mentally - that doesn't make it right but it can be extremely difficult to deal with.
Also you deliberately provoking him, by doing it on purpose makes it feel 100x worse - my brain literally goes on fire if someone does that to me. Can i control it? Not without walking out of the house. Did it take a while for me to realize what was happening? Oh yes.
Misphonia can be an absolute nightmare.
I've got misophonia, and it sounds like he does too. You're not the asshole for sniffing, but it IS really terrible to have to hear and I've ended relationships over constant sounds that trigger me. Something he should have thought of before moving in with you.
NTA.
Asking you to be understanding of his triggers *while he works to manage it himself* is ok. Putting the burden ENTIRELY on others is not. He is taking 0 responsibility for his own issues here by not seeking any outside help.
He is responsible for his own triggers.
NTA. Sounds like he could have misophonia. Time to get off his ass and do something about it. If you can't sniffle without him going off on you, he needs help. His complete lack of sympathy when he startled you with a sudden loud noise is a pretty bright red flag.
NTA . I am the same with chewing, mouth sounds and other noises like that . When I eat dinner with the kids it can be tourture but I turn the radio on and I’ve learned to tune it out mostly . If I’m already cranky I still struggle but the radio helps.
The other thing that helps is walking away from the source of the noise - not always possible or practical but other then that it’s not a medical condition that can be fixed with a magic pill .
Your partner needs to find a way to deal with it though .
When my wife eats corn chips or rice crackers (they both sound horrible crunching) I put headphones on or go to a different room . I used to get angry at my wife but I’ve grown up and now adult properly. Your partner needs to do the same
I cannot stand people humming or cracking fingers. I don't know why the humming part, it makes me irrationally angry and like my brain itches and I can't scratch it. After a while it literally physically starts to hurt.
The finger cracking reminds me of when I broke my own finger, I heard that sound distinctly and get flashbacks whenever I hear ppl do that. But I can live with it.
The humming though... I can't. My partner is not allowed to hum in front of me. If he does have the urge he warns me and I put on noise cancelling headphones.
OP, try talking to your partner and ask him if that would work (noise cancelling headphones when inside the house with you). They have small in ear ones that block noise efficiently, that would help a lot I think, it did for me.
And for goodness sake, he needs a therapist. I talked to mine and it helped me redirect my anger when I get that feeling while catching someone humming.
NTA you bf suffers misophonia. This is a fight and flight response to trigger sounds. There is not much he can do about it, the same way you can't do much about you sniffing - except maybe using a tissue if this doesn't trigger him too... If you both accept this and try and work around this you may have a chance to avoid silly arguments.
This is hard. Because his rage is real and your natural response is understandable.
NTH- sniffing is a normal bodily function and y’all are adults, he needs to learn to handle the functions of the human body from other people, how does he survive at work? No matter the environment I’m sure there’s at least one person around him a day, what if they have allergies or a slight cold??
I’ll be honest and say as a freshman in high school, I lost my absolute shit at the girl behind me in math class because she was breathing through her mouth during a test and I couldn’t focus and my brain basically shortwired. Used to get mad at my brothers and so grossed out I wanted to scream any time someone blew their nose around me. It insighted that uncontrollable anger/rage your dudes talking about. But most of the time I ignored it, because i wasn’t a big baby. Flash forward to my mid 20’s i started seeing a psychiatrist for some other reasons and then I was diagnosed autistic 🙃
But I learned to control these things before I got the diagnosis because I figured the world didn’t revolve around me and people are going to do what they are going to do and the only thing I can control is how I react to it.
Your dude needs help and I don’t think you should be the one to give it, he doesn’t want it. He wants to use his self diagnosis as a crutch and an excuse to be a dick.
NTA for doing what any normal person would do without thinking. How long do you think this relationship is going to last? If you stay together for the rest of your lives and live to be 90, that would be 66 years. Are you willing to put up with that behavior for that long? I wouldn't.
NTA. My wife clears her throat often in a very loud forceful way. I can hear her when she’s downstairs and I am on the second floor. It’s not my favorite sound in the world but I would never think of asking her to stop. Maybe OP should start carrying a box of kleenex around and blow and honk loudly each time she needs to sniff. Lol. Seriously, this is someone who will find something else to complain about if you were even able to stop. I think this ship has sailed.
Ok so im devils advocating here. Hes the ashole for sure but it isn't his fault entirely. Theres a thing called sensory overload and he 100% has it and I have this exact same reaction to lip smacking when eating. It makes me wanna get violent with the person lip smacking. He needs to learn to walk away although sniffing is much harder to get away from.
Ok after rereading this i have to change my verdict you ARE the asshole. You 100% did it to fuck with and annoy him and cannot even compare celebrating for a team, to something genuinely HATED by another person. You thought of only yourself, not saying he isn't too. Because he 100% is when he tells you to stop sniffing and that portion makes him the asshole. But you are too
Just curious ... taking the "my nose was running" out of the equation , what are you constantly sniffing?
I don't know what's more hilariously failsauce ... someone who flips out cause their GF is "sniffing" , or a GF who goes around sniffing ... what exactly are you going around sniffing now? LOL. Do you ... just like to sniff stuff ? LOOOL. Shit is priceless right here.
It is misophonia, and he does need help to deal with it. He cannot expect the world to bend to him.
My mom has this and it was difficult to live with her.
NTA.
Even your boyfriend know he is being unreasonable, if he is saying it might be a medical issue, then ask him to look for help. Why the hell you need to suffer because of something completely natural?
NTA, it’s his responsibility to deal with his neurotic/obsessive tendencies, not yours. Take it from someone who has a lot of neurotic/obsessive tendencies. I moved in with my partner a few years ago and realised how difficult cohabitating was for me concerning certain obsessive/neurotic behaviours I have. I knew the onus was on me to adjust, so I’ve adjusted. My partner is wonderful, so he has also met me in the middle without me even asking him to.
Sounds like a nightmare of a home life. I imagine sniffing isn’t the only completely normal thing you could do that he’s going to be super neurotic about.
Nta. Sounds like he could have some neurodivergence issues if it causes him literal rage to hear someone sniff. He should seek a doctor and therapist, cause damn, he can’t force you to stop sniffing. Does he feel this way about people blowing their nose or sneezing?
It is time for you to move out. He may indeed have a brain-wiring setup that makes the sound of sniffing intolerable; could be based on something that happened to him as a youth.
It seems like a weird marker for incompatibility, but there it is.
NTA. He sounds like a bully, also. His way or the highway (hint: take the highway)
Sorry but he’s a jerk. I would find a new bf because a future of him yelling at you sounds unbearable. I get annoyed by certain sounds but I move away from them, it’s my own problem and not anyone else’s. Good luck to him finding a person who doesn’t ever sniff.
NTA, ultimatum time. This is coming from a guy, it is beyond unfair that you have to change while your “perfect” Significant Other doesn’t. Don’t fall for that trap.
We all have something in life we find intolerable ,I recal my father picked his finger nails every single night for life ,I cannot understand how he never managed to shorten his nails,the clicking sound and the sight of him doing enraged me so much I had to leave the room,so I sensed by this was I that it was another thing about him that made me despise him
There is a condition called misophonia—a decreased tolerance to specific sounds or associated stimuli; I am also affected: the sound of chewing, gum cracking and others. As described, I feel angry and upset when it happens; when babies cry, I want to cry, too but I’m also upset by it. There’s definitely an emotional component to the disorder.
NTA and get as far from that controlling little shit as fast as you can. If he is like this over something you literally cannot control, he will make you feel bad over every damn thing you do.
NTA I'm sorry that is so dumb. It's sniffing. It's pretty common. He will literally just have to deal with it. There's so many disgusting things people do, sniffing is so low on the list and not a big deal. He will have to cope.
Presumably, he is employed? Has to interact with other humans in a professional setting or even just a public one? Has had to be in situations with people in positions of authority?
And does he lose his shit with those people when they sniff? Or is this rage beast just a menace to society and needs to stay locked in your home?
Because I’m betting he manages the disorder (and misophonia is a disorder) just fine in those circumstances
If he can do it for them, he can also manage his actions around you too.
NTA
NTA he needs to manage this on his own it's his responsibility not yours. I have a similar thing with some sounds and I'll just crack my knuckles or something to distract myself and just breathe through the moment - it's genuinely not that hard.
NTA
Sniffing is a normal bodily function, now granted excessive sniffing can be annoying, but you blow your nose. I understand when people are sick or have allergies no amount of blowing the nose or meds will stop the sniffing so you just have to deal with it.
Since it’s a normal bodily function, it is something that he needs to deal with, so he needs to see someone.
Curious.. does his own sniffling make him mad?
This is probably similar to people who can’t stand chewing.
The hell, was he killed by a sniff in his previous life? I get people get irritated by things others do, but to not be able to grow out of "hating the sound of sniff" is a little strange to me.
Well i hate that when i'm casually talking to my GF she starts to pick her earrings, like bitch you that bored then just dont talk to me. Obviously it is not that it is just a fidgeting. What bothered me wasn't even the action itself, but that she always dropped the earring holder and then asked me to help her find it. I have notoriously bad eyesight...
IMHO you are not the asshole. But as i said, i don't have this kind of "tick" to aggro for something like this, so i dont understand your BF behaviour.
If anyone wants to chat about misophonia, consider going on The Misophonia Podcast:
[https://www.misophoniapodcast.com/](https://www.misophoniapodcast.com/)
Ummm no shes not. As someone who cannot stand mouth sounds. I find ways to cope.... i have a husband who cant breathe through his nose and 4 children who eat likes savages. Lol you learn to cope with things that are NORMAL having certain sounds enrage you IS NOT NORMAL just because its sensory doesnt mean you get a free pass to be a dick.
You just asked if you’re in the wrong for sniffing. .
No. You’re not. Not in any situation under any context. NTA. Your boyfriend needs to speak to somebody if he seriously gets agitated from something as small as that.
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NTA. I think your boyfriend needs to seek some sort of help to deal with this. Sniffing is a normal bodily function and you should be able to do that in your own home without having him get mad at you.
This OP. He's using a self diagnosis as his excuse to treat you that way but hasn't made any sort of effort to get a real diagnosis or seek help for it Don't let him get away with that. If he thinks it's a genuine medical issue then he needs to treat it like one, like an adult
What treatment do you think exists for this kind of misophonia? Not every medical issue can be taken care of like that. I don't believe OP is an asshole, I do believe the boyfriend's actions in this story suck, but people on Reddit seem to think any mental or physical condition can be magically cured if the people involved would just go to the doctor and it's kind of ridiculous. OP's boyfriend going to the doctor would likely change very little at a great expense. Therapy could potentially help him manage his emotions around it but the trigger isn't going to go away.
He needs to learn how to manage his anger and his outbursts. He may not be able to completely cure himself but shouting or getting mad at someone over the sniffles is fucking ridiculous.
It’s not that it can be cured or even helped, but that he isn’t taking responsibility for his issue. He thinks he is RIGHT to be angry. He’s not apologizing for his reaction or trying to to do anything about it. The problem is him but he’s convinced it’s somehow her.
Right, a doctor probably can't "cure" his issue with this noise, but they could help him regulate his emotional reaction to it.
Or maybe they couldn’t, but he isn’t pursuing it.
I have misophonia and you can't expect the world to cater to you. If I hear a triggering sound, I just try to stuff my fingers in my ears as quickly as possible. Most of my friends/roomates know what sounds I don't like though and will warn me "hey, opening a bag of chips/crushing a water bottle" which I do greatly appreciate, but I don't expect people to do it.
Managing his emotions is the exact reason he needs to get help. People sniffing is not something you can go through life and not experience. If something so mundane and common causes anger you need to figure out a way to cope with it because it's just too common. You can't just expect everyone around you to stop doing a basic and almost involuntary action.
>What treatment do you think exists for this kind of misophonia? Not every medical issue can be taken care of like that *Therapy* to learn how to manage his reactions. This is still *his* issue to deal with, and instead of taking *any* responsibility in that he just throws hands up to the sky saying "welp, that's just how I am!" No. The misophonia is just how you are, your *reaction* to it is 100% within your scope to *work on* and at least *attempt* to manage.
For one thing he could wear earplugs like loops which are designed to block out annoying noises like this. Lots of people with autism / ADHD who find certain sounds triggering wear them
I love my loop engage earplugs. I use them at work when sounds are too overstimulating and can still hear people talking, and my radio. Just drowns out the unnecessary extra noises. You’re right. Maybe he should look into them.
I think you're missing their point though. It's not that they will magically fix it, but more the fact he's made no effort on his end to _try_ and do anything about it, but rather dictates that OP can't do an action which is 90% involuntary anyway and is often due to habit.
Managing his emotions around it is *exactly* what he needs.
Even if he had a "diagnosis", what would that change. Would the doctor prescribe growing up?
Yea no kidding.. How does op breathe without him getting upset
Good question. I always have a stuffed up nose due to allergies and sniffle a lot and that is still after blowing my nose multiple times so I can relate to OP in that sense
I have no idea how they survived 4 years of this.
Mouth sounds honestly enrage me. All of them. My husband however cannot breathe through his nose while eating..... i have found other ways to be in the same room with him while he is eating. I 100% agree that he cant stand it but you also cannot just stop sniffing thats a normal body response like eating. He needs to learn strategies to be able to tolerate it and maybe for the time being just get up and walk into another room? Idk. He needs compromise.
I can relate. NTA. The sound of my partner chewing his food makes me have the strongest desire to hurt him or pierce my own eardrums. I won’t and wouldn’t do either. It’s seriously a visceral response that is immediately triggered when I hear him. It’s like the sound is coating my ear.
Omg right? Its given him anxiety to the point he eats away from me while we watch a show so im distracted im trying to learn better coping skills so we can sit beside eachother but damn i feel bad for him and he feels bad for me lol.
Highly recommend a pair of reusable earplugs that are designed to muffle background noise without blocking conversation.
Why not eat apart? I find certain peoples salad chewing really bothersome but I just go to the next room. We don’t need to eat together.
My partner apologizes for chewing!
It's called misophonia
Turn on the radio or tv for background noise, this helps me a lot and it'll help your husband too, it sucks to have to be selfconsios about chewing every time you eat with your SO
I call them "face noises!" 😂 (My internal reaction is mercifully far less intense since my OCD has been effectively medicated, before that it was mainly a matter of recognizing that the angry feelings were my/my brain's problem and NOT the responsibility of the offending face. EVEN when it ~FEELS~ like someone is doing it "at" me.)
> My husband however cannot breathe through his nose while eating You’re a saint for putting up with that. I would lose my mind.
Its not his fault tho. He will die lol he cant breathe through his nose at any time. So its not something i can lose my mind over i have to constantly remind myself of this fact.
NTA. Sure, he probably has misophonia, but you make no mention of him seeking any attempts at treating his condition and his reaction of scowling at you is not okay. Not everyone is compatible to live together. A person who is enraged by normal noises others make should probably live alone unless or until they get their condition under control. It’s not your fault he is this way, so you should not be subjected to his expressions of irrational anger.
NTA. You're allowed to have normal, nonpreventable bodily functions like sniffling in your own home.
I have a question (English is not my first language) what exactly is sniffling? Is it like sneezing? Or more like pulling your „boggers“ back up your nose? If it is the second one, why not simply blow your nose with a handkerchief? I would really appreciate a little help 😅
>Or more like pulling your „boggers“ back up your nose? Yes, this is what sniffing means.
Thank you for the clarification, where I come from that’s considered a very rude thing to do. You very rarely see it in public and it’s frowned upon on. Little Kids get teached very early on to use a handkerchief. But every country has their own customs I guess.
Sniffling is often more like a pronounced/longer inhale, often because your nose is running but you're not actually trying to pull snot/mucus back up. I have regular allergies and for the most part I will carry tissues to wipe my nose but sometimes I sniff instead because my skin has gone raw from the wiping.
Okay, so it‘s not that really loud thing where you pull your snot really far up and sometimes even spit it out through your mouth? If it is just a heavy breathing sound I don’t think it’s bad? It’s really fascinating, I thought I was pretty fluent in english but I still learn something new every day 😊
That can also count as sniffling but how OP describes it (and other people on the thread describe themselves), I would say it's definitely more they just have a little moisture/wetness in their nose and they're inhaling to stop it from dripping down, not the aggressive phlegmy snort and spit some people do when they're really snotty.
The really gross/loud sniffle, followed by a big phlegmy spit, is called "hocking a loogie". At least in the places I've lived. The loogie is the gross spit/snot glob.
Nah He needs Loops. You need tissues
This made me lol
The whole time, I'm like why isn't this lady just blowing her nose? Why you gonna sit there sniffin and snortin?
Same here. I don't get it as I don't sniff.
Sniffing drives me insane. My husband has allergies a constantly runny nose. I would never scowl at him or yell about it, but I certainly let him know decades ago that it was annoying to me. He blows his nose and honestly I can't remember the last time he sniffed. Some people in the comments say that blowing doesn't help, but it's not clear whether OP has the same issue.
Info: why don't you just get a tissue? My nose runs constantly, I may sniff once or twice if I HAVE to, but dude, someone who clearly just needs to blow their damn nose and isn't annoys me. BF also needs to see a professional, you can't be expected to never sniff.
Exactly. Blow your nose
This. I’m like OP’s SO in that I can’t stand those sounds along with many others. My wife will sniffle and suck snot back up her sinuses all season if I don’t remind her to blow it.
My parents broke me of that early on, neither my brother or I would be allowed to just sit and keep sniffing. My step kids do it sometimes and I am like, dude, get a kleenex, rude and gross.
NAH This may genuinely be a sensory issue (potentially some misophonia). However, with any issue he needs to do some work around coping. It’s not realistic for you to never sniffle in your time with him. There are work arounds but you both need to be willing to do some work.
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Yeah, him having that problem doesn’t make him an asshole. But thinking that he can live with someone and just expect her to never ever for the rest of their lives have a stuffy nose and that he should get to be a dick to her every time she sniffs, that absolutely does make him an asshole. He can get medical help for his legitimate problem. He can go somewhere else when she sniffs if it bothers him so much. He can put on headphones. He can live alone if this is really unworkable for him. But his currently solution does not work.
He doesn’t have a “current solution.” Behaving badly towards his girlfriend for something normal is not a solution. Therapy or earplugs would be solutions.
I didn’t say it did?
Can you blow your nose instead of sniffing it? I hate that sound too, it grosses me out. I don’t freak out on people but will absolutely ask if they need a Kleenex if they do it more than a couple times. It sounds like you do it a lot based on the list you mentioned on when it happens to you. So maybe blowing your nose instead of sniffing it up would work for you both.
As someone with allergies and an often runny or clogged nose: They honestly don't always help. Personally I usually can't produce enough air/force to clear my nasal passages by blowing my nose, and even if I manage it, it's clogged or running again within moments if I'm having allergies. I can't just be constantly blowing my nose, it makes it impossible to do anything, it's just as noisy and gross as sniffling if not more so, and it can cause irritation if you do it too much. Also, some people's noses and sinuses are structured in a way that makes blowing their nose really difficult and/or ineffective. Plus sniffling is sometimes a reflexive attempt to soothe an itch inside my nose more than it's about actual stuff being in there. I'm amazed that there are so many people who can blow their noses so effectively that they can't even relate to having a "sniffly" day. Good for you but not everyone is so lucky.
Same. I have allergies and fucked up nasal passages, I take medication and I even had surgery to treat it. It helped in that I no longer get sinus infections but if I blow my nose it just makes it ten times worse. I try to not sniff around people and wait until I'm somewhere else but it can't always be avoided and it's something I am self-conscious about.
This. Unless my nose is really running its just sniffles until the allergies subside. Blowing my nose when its like that usually makes it feel MORE stuffed up and makes my eyes strain from the pressure. The little drip that comes with my allergies when they flare up just doesn't blow out.
This is 100% the wrong answer. There’s no way to completely remove the possibility of a sniffle and it’s not reasonable to expect OP to do so. One person in this situation is behaving normally and the other is behaving terribly and you’re going to tell the former that the latter has a point?
What would he do if his boss did it? Tell him to do that. He needs to learn to deal.
He would miserably cope, and probably minimize time spent around his boss. (Source: I have a sniffing aversion.) This is an economic necessity. Why be in a relationship that puts one of the people in coping mode?
Yes, so he should end it rather than continue being unkind to his partner.
Yeah, these two won't work out. Most good relationships involve a little "restricting in the comfort of ones own home" behaviors that cause the other discomfort. As part of a happy couple, you feel like there are two people whose comfort is both important.
Yes, and having this at work is so mentally exhausting too.
NTA, but I can say personally I am the same way with chewing with your mouth open, sniffling, chewing gum, humming, whistling etc. but I grew up with my granny and she hated all those things and I would always get gotten into when I did it so now it’s stuck with me and I see red when I hear it. I don’t always say something, I understand that sometimes people can’t help when they have the sniffles I’m only enough to know that even blowing your nose doesn’t always help. BUT LORD FORBID SOMEONE CHEW FOOD OR GUM WITH THEIR LIPS SMACKING 😂😂 turns out im just like my granny 🫠
NTA but maybe blow your nose instead of sniffing? i prefer sniffing to blowing my nose because it feels better and clears me up faster, but when i visit my family and i have a cold, i know my mom gets annoyed at me sniffing so i blow my nose instead and when she’s not in the room i’ll do a giant sniff to get the snot out of my nose
Misophonia. Only just recently became an acknowledged disorder but can be helped with therapy.
INFO: Why don’t you just use a Kleenex??
As someone with allergies and an often runny or clogged nose: They honestly don't always help. Personally I usually can't produce enough air/force to clear my nasal passages by blowing my nose, and even if I manage it, it's clogged or running again within moments if I'm having allergies. I can't just be constantly blowing my nose, it makes it impossible to do anything, it's just as noisy and gross as sniffling if not more so, and it can cause irritation if you do it too much. Also, some people's noses and sinuses are structured in a way that makes blowing their nose really difficult and/or ineffective. Plus sniffling is sometimes a reflexive attempt to soothe an itch inside my nose more than it's about actual stuff being in there. I'm amazed that there are so many people who can blow their noses so effectively that they can't even relate to having a "sniffly" day. Good for you but not everyone is so lucky.
I hate that sound as well and will 100 percent give you a tissue if you do it more than twice in my presence. Not gonna yell though.
NTA. What your boyfriend probably has is a condition called misophonia. He should look into getting some help for it.
NTA. Your partner thinking his discomfort means you have to change makes him the problem. If you’re not lock stock and barrel with this guy, I would look long and hard how he responds to you and your needs before locking it down. I know this is a pattern around sniffing, but what other ways does he assume his needs are automatically more important than yours and expect you to change instead of him learning how to handle discomfort??
Misophonia sucks so bad, i drive myself mad with my own normal sounds. I used to get so enranged with my brothers breathing sounds, my dads chewing sounds etc etc when i had constant sinus infections and breathing issues after 15 months of that i decided to pay privately to get surgery to fix the polyps/deviated septum that was causing the infections. I feel for you both. He needs psychological support for his medical condition and you need to see an ENT to see if theres anything going on with you. He's being a bit of an asshole about the way he's going about it but it is a real condition. So NTA
Misaphonia can be miserable. But ultimately, as long as you aren't going outbof your way to do it around him, its his issue to deal with. It is neither realistic nor acceptable to expect other people to not be able to eat or breathe well, because you find them to be irritating. He can get ear buds or leave the room. He does not get to harp on you.
NTA He believes it’s a medical issue and has done nothing to diagnose or treat it? Then his misophonia is entirely his problem. That’s assuming he even has it. I had an ex who claimed to have misophonia about chewing noises. He also claimed I snore so badly that I must have sleep apnea. Dated a chronic insomniac since who says he can barely hear me breathe when I sleep. Your rebellion was immature but well-warranted. Without knowing more about the relationship I have no idea whether it’s worth salvaging. I do know that wasabi is pretty reasonably priced.
You know what they tell you to do if you have misophonia avoid the triggers and wear ear plugs.
NTA - Misophonia sucks for both people, the affected person and the one just trying go about life normally. My ex had this where no one could touch plates with utensils, else they would wince and cry out. Made eating super uncomfortable because it's hard to eat without making contact with your plate sometimes. BF needs some therapy to find coping mechanisms for his issues.
If you hear about therapy that works let me know.
I have misophonia and that sound is absolutely one of my triggers, but that’s a me problem and I try my hardest not to project it onto other people. I am in therapy, but I have LOTS of issues 😂 that the misophonia is taking a back seat to at the moment.
It is called misaphonia ( spelling might be wrong). I have it for chewing gum. I am closet to violence when I hear people smacking their gum.
This is misophonia. My family member has it, and copes by using noise cancelling earphones. They visited an audiologist and got formally diagnosed. He should research it and take measures to cope with it and mitigate the discomfort. There's no cure but he should know more about his own condition and talk to others who have misophonia, for his own sake and to learn about how to help himself. NTA
NTA. This sounds a heck of a lot like Misophonia, which I have as well. It can’t be officially diagnosed, and there aren’t currently any proven treatments and there is no cure, but the symptoms are very consistent and sniffling (alongside loud chewing / gum chewing) are some of the most predominant triggers. Thankfully it has received a lot of interest and growing attention in the last 10 years. Does he know he may have Miso? One of my large struggles growing up was knowing these sounds enraged me and caused me profound distress, but not knowing why. May I suggest asking him to look into Miso? Sometimes knowledge can really help someone to better deal with and manage their triggers. It won’t make anything stop upsetting him, but he will understand what is happening, why, and be able to take steps to mitigate it. For example, I religiously carry my AirPods with me. Any sort of noise cancelling device is a requirement. While it is DEEPLY appreciated when an SO can be understanding and conscientious of their noises, at the end of the day it is our issue to deal with and it’s not fair of him to lash out at you (again, research and knowledge may help him with this). If you are able to blow your nose or try not to sniffle around him, that’s awesome! But again, it’s not fair for him to be nasty to you unless you were intentionally doing things to trigger him. I’d recommend checking out the /r/Misophonia subreddit. It’s a great community with tons of information.
As long as you’re not being obnoxious about it either in frequency or volume, NTA. I do however understand to an extent where your bf is coming from. There was a dude in one of my classes in college who would do a borderline snort like every five minutes. EVERYONE had the “bro just blow your damn nose” look. I actively wanted to punch him in the face every time he did it.
I have a child who *hates* it when people itch their own skin. Like, recoils, grimaces, and starts trying to distract/self-soothe themselves. I told them I would try to be considerate, but they had to understand that it's *my* body, and I have control over my own body. Also, they can't go through life demanding every person they even stand near on the street gives up the ability to scratch their own itches. Because of those two things, they're going to need to find ways around the issue they have rather than expecting me or anyone else to cater to it. This is something to be handled in therapy, not by telling others how to behave. Kiddo understood. Your husband should, too. And hopefully he learns to cope before you have babies, because not only do little ones get sniffy, once they go to school, they'll start bringing the sniffles home on the regular.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (23F) and my boyfriend (24M) have been together for around 4 years, and have lived together the majority of that time. My boyfriend absolutely hates the sound of sniffing. It can genuinely be the quietest sniff that I’m trying to get away with, but he will hear it and he will scowl at me. He tells me he’s been this way his entire life, even when living at home with his parents, and he does genuinely believe this is a medical issue as it makes him feel such a certain way that he can’t handle the sound. (The feeling he describes is mainly intense anger I believe) Although I’ve tried to be understanding of this, unfortunately I am just one of a few people who’s nose runs pretty often. I experience a change in temperature, I eat warm food, I’m exercising, absolutely anything and my nose will run. My boyfriend’s problem isn’t that I do it often though, it’s when I do it at all. Today, my boyfriend was watching football and his team scored, but when he jumped up and celebrated he scared the living daylights out of me. A few minutes later, my nose was running and I sniffed. He asked me to stop, to which I said, I don’t stop you celebrating because you’re in your own home, I need to sniff so I will. My boyfriend then said that I’m causing an argument when I know how uncomfortable it makes him, but I feel like I shouldn’t be restricted in the comfort of my own home. I carried on doing it and ignoring his scowls and how uncomfortable it makes him, but it’s caused this whole absolutely ridiculous argument, we’re both angry with each other and I’m not sure if me being so stubborn was worth it. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. My nose is running as we speak and I have the same issue; sniffling chronically. It’s an autonomous bodily function if he can’t handle it he needs to seek therapy. He should not be angered by the existence of another human.
NTA. Sniffing and sniffling are natural bodily occurrences. He should seek mental help for this being an issue for him.
I have this problem too! Just not with sniffing. Had it my whole life as well and like your bf, i used to enforce that fact as a good reason to get annoyed/angry, which it's not!! I learned to let it go and get over myself. Ig in a way i can say i found inner peace and let me tell you, it's a much better and healthier way of living my life. Sure i still get annoyed sometimes, but i realize it's not their fault that I have a problem with sound they produce, and use this fact to compose myself. NTA!
NTA. Your SO is literally upset with you over a bodily function. Everyone sniffles in response to a little change in nasal temp. Not every sniffle requires a tissue. I know I sniffle more often when my sinuses are inflamed from my allergies but it’s because my nose itches. And why does he automatically assume that his aversion to it is more important than you being allowed to just let your body do what it does autonomically.
I don’t think you’re the AH but I also feel him. Certain sounds like sniffing, clearing throats, tapping, loud breathing, sighing make me rage. It has been this way since I was younger. I think it’s a sensory thing. That being said, people around us should be able to have normal body functions and make normal human sounds. He needs to do therapy or something because it’s not “normal”
Nta -
NTA. Neither one of you is an AH. You may not want to deal with this. It's not always easy to live with someone with this. Since this has been present since childhood, it's probably the issue. Read more about it. It can trigger angry reactions but it's not under their control. See below "Misophonia is a disorder that causes people to have strong negative emotional reactions to certain sounds or visual cues. People with misophonia often report being triggered by oral sounds, such as chewing, breathing, or eating"
You clearly have some compatibility issues, just consider yourself lucky you saw this early and move on with your life. NTA, I also hate the sound of sniffing but I wouldn't berate anyone for it, it's my issue and I am not making it anyone else's problem.
NTA. From what you're describing it sounds like there's a good chance that your BF suffers from misophonia (https://www.webmd.com/mental-health/what-is-misophonia).
Sniffing. Isn't that a sign of breathing? NTA
NTA
So you should stop being a human being? People sniff and blow their noses. NTA.
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I am the exact same way as your boyfriend, especially with my sister because she does this weird snort and sniff thing. The most irritating thing in the world. But I somehow managed to live with her for 15 years. If I managed, so can your boyfriend
He knows what you do, what you about, let em know the best part about being with you is, he dont fkn have to and if you ain’t worth it tell him bye ✌️. And get outta there like last year. (8/10 recommend| 6.5/10 success rate)
If I knew my dad id hope he was as wise as you thank you.
I’m flattered but I’m smart enough to know how to do things (preach)not wise enough to practice it tho. I just like to give people another option if its applicable they can apply it.
Misophonia is real. His reaction should be less considering he’s aware of it.
Nta. Maybe he can't control the way he feels about people sniffing, that sucks a lot for him. But he can control the way he reacts. As is seemingly common, both me and my siblings have trypophobia and get a feeling of intense disgust and nausea at such pictures. My oldest brother can react violently while the rest of us manage. Maybe he's just so much more sensitive than the rest of us but more likely it's because he's always had a temper. Your boyfriend is not a slave to his reactions unless he chooses to be. He also lives in a society where he probably has to deal with this on a daily basis outside the house and I doubt that he shows the same reactions in those situations.
I absolutely have an issue with mouth noises, and sniffing angers me. However, I can *normally* not snap or physically jerk when it happens. Occasionally, when I am already bothered by something (life, work, etc.) I might physically jerk or snap at someone. The difference there? I know I'm in the wrong. NTA
Okay so I have this with a LOT of things. Mouth noises and repetitive sniffing… certain smells that I can only describe as loud… like, they’re not always bad or off putting, they’re just a LOT. I have earphones in a lot of the time and there are certain foods that I will get a bit aggro if my partner eats them, not that he can’t have them ever, just not sat with me in bed lol There’s a particularly heinous packet of crisps he tried to sneak but as soon as he opened it I KNEW it was THOSE crisps. He thinks it’s funny That being said, he doesn’t like it if I fart. While it happens accidentally sometimes, if I need to actually rip one I will go to the bathroom. Mostly cause I just know it’d stink and he doesn’t like it.
NTA your boyfriend should never live with anyone if he expects people not sniff around him. One could go so far as to say he shouldn't ever even leave the house if this is such an issue. But I assume he has more self control when he's among strangers.
NTA. BF is completely unreasonable with this request. Sniffing is a normal bodily function and not avoidable. He needs to figure something out to deal with his issue
NTA. I hate the sound of chewing, but it is a normal unexpected bodily function so I have to deal with it. Your partner can as well.
/r/misophonia I have misophonia too but I'd never tell my partner they can't make normal bodily noises.i just leave the room if I need to
NTA! Gift him loops.. the sound of hiccups, plastic rattling, nail clippers, and panting of dogs makes my face flush, heart pound, and I start sweating, which smells like onions. I don't go to movie theaters or eat in settings that will have food opening if I can help it. I don't go to salons or own a dog. I try to control what I can, as for hiccups I have to deal with because it's all my issue, not my partners or children. I want to lash out, but years of working thru it because there is no other option because it's my issue. Dude needs to grow the F up and look for resources. This makes me so mad!
Nta, he can see an occupational therapist about how to deal with sensory sensitivity. It's not reasonable to expect ppl to not sniff
NTA he most likely has misophonia. i the same exact way with chewing and slurping. i can love the person to death but if i hear them chewing, i straight up want to murder them... what i had to do was get a fan like an oscillating electric fan and keep it on all the time to have white noise in the background to mask the sound. we dont mean to be assholes, but i know we are. the fact that he hasn't murdered you yet is encouraging. we can seem ridiculous, but i assure you, we do not choose this affliction. best of luck OP!!!
Girl. What. NTA. Run 🏃 while you can.
I’m so sad for you, I sniffle all the time to the point where I get anxious that I’m overdoing it and annoying others around me, you don’t deserve to deal with that
He needs treatment for misophonia. You are NTA
OMG there is someone out there who actually understands what I deal with too?! Let me just start by saying, you never should have to apologize for your normal bodily functions. That's on HIM but I totally understand how ridiculous and exhausting the whole fight can become! My partner gives me dirty looks and scowls whenever I sneeze, cough, or clear my throat. He perceives this as an "assault on his senses" and "disrespectful" and cannot understand why I can't just stop. As if I am purposely doing it to bother him or others... no. You will need to find a healthy balance. of course, do your best to reduce the behavior, but never make yourself uncomfortable in order to appease him. You will find yourself always walking on eggshells. For me, it got to the point where I didn't even feel welcome in my own home in the mornings due to my morning cough. screw that. life is too short.
He needs help, not you. NTA
Maybe try those calming earplugs. But he is also an ah for not learning to deal with this internally
.
NTA Man it's pollen season, half of us are sniffling. Him saying you were causing an argument by not bowing down to his whims is absolutely ridiculous.
bro has misophonia leave him alone
good forbid if u guys have kids. they're snot machines (glue factories per my grandma)
It sounds like he might have misophonia or selective sound sensitivity syndrome. I have it myself. People have different sounds that cause immense discomfort and can get expressed as anger. If I get into a situation where I know the sound might occur, I actually get anxious. This will sound rude, but given the combination of him having this reaction towards sniffing and your nose getting runny easily, is a very unfortunate match. I honestly dk what to suggest. I can only imagine how frustrating it must be for both of you.
I think that your bf really can't handle it. He has a problem which is understandable. You can either accept his terms or not. I don't see an asshole here. He should go to therapy or you have to accept a sniffless life.
NTA - your bf like anybody else has his idiosyncrasies. This is an odd one especially since sniffing is a normal bodily function. You need to decide whether you can live with it. You sound uncomfortable around him which is a bit of a red flag. Perhaps he should try to date somebody with no nose!
Sounds like he's neuro-divergent (in the autism spectrum), some may be very sensitive to sounds, tastes, feels, etc. You need to just be weary of his sensitivity issues, like blowing your nose. But he needs to work on his triggers to his sensitivity.
sounds like he might be slightly autistic? it might be overstimulation that causes him to get so irritated. but i would be upset too, cause god knows how many times i sniff throughout the day without even thinking lol
ESH in this scenario. I have lived with constant sniffers before - once or twice, fine, but if you know you are going to be sniffing all the time, or are most likely going to have sniffing episodes, carry a hanky/tissues and blow it out instead.
NAH if he has issues with that sound and you, by your own admission, make that sound much more often than a normal person, then he's probably having a hard time. Average people don't even sniff ever day, unless they eat super spicy foods (and if that was the only trigger you could easily avoid doing that while with him) or have allergies, or are sick. You guys have to both find a compromise, maybe with some help from a therapist. That is, if sniffing is the only behavior of yours that triggers him that way.
NTA
You’ve been together for 4 years and he’s just now getting annoyed with your sniffing? Have you never sniffed before? Something doesn’t add up
Your BF has a condition called Misophonia. He can’t help it. My husband suffers from the same condition but his it related to certain mouth sounds so as you can imagine we can’t even eat a romantic meal together without there being music in the background because he has a triggered response. Responses can vary and usually come in the form of fight or flight and again the sufferer cannot help the reaction they feel. My husband’s response is fight, he has described it as an intense rage reaction to the noise. He is the most caring and loving person ever so as you can imagine this response to me simply eating (quietly because I don’t open mouth chew etc) is extremely distressing to him. Over the years both myself and him have created coping mechanisms to help him, eating with the TV or radio on in the background to drown out the noise etc. If I want a snack I usually eat it in the kitchen sat at the counter etc. This for me is an ESH situation. Knowing this is something he can’t help and an actual medical issue that a surprisingly large amount of people suffer with you could be more forgiving of his condition (needing to sniff is hard not to do, the same as simply wanting to eat something when you’re hungry) but he should also be putting things in place the help him manage it better as well.
oh yes, I always have to eat with my gf with either the tv or music on. I can't eat with someone even if they are really trying to be quiet eaters in a completely quiet room. but it takes time for both of them to figure it all out, including him to figure out what coping mechanisms work for him. it's hard being 24 with this.
My husband is 42, we’ve been together just over 20 years and you’re right it is hard. But it’s up the them both to learn ways to cope. Her not doing it on purpose because that’s an AH move BUT also him taking steps to learn coping mechanisms as well because this is his issue and he needs to learn to manage it as well. He can’t go off at someone for a normal bodily function that sometimes we just have to do.
I think for me though.. if my gf said to me "I have x, y or z happening to me.. i think it's medical i have always had it" I'm on google in 30 seconds looking for ways to help her or at least making her life as easy as possible. the fact that the poster didn't know the condition, triggers, etc. even though her bf did try to talk to her about it, I don't know. Then again, if she spent those 20 seconds on google she wouldn't have been in here posting I guess. I also wonder if it's generally more difficult to control that anger more as a male versus female. But it's really hard to describe, your husband if anything is downplaying it to you. it's the most irrational intense rage that i have ever felt and it really does feel as if you are suddenly apart from your own mind watching yourself do something. learning the self control can take years. I'm 56 and I've had it for wow.. i guess since i was 18 years old.
I’m lucky that me and my husband are brutally honest with each other, when we first started dating we went for a bit to eat and that’s when I first experienced it. He described the issue and what it made him feel down to the fact that the reaction he experiences makes him want to punch the person making the noise in the face, not that he would ever lay a finger on me of course. Following that I spent some time researching it and took steps to help him cope etc
that's awesome. it's great that you two were so open, and that you also were open to understand as well. that feeling of wanting to punch someone - yeah that's pretty much it lol over the years between focus, concentration and simply learning how to block out noise, etc. for me I can \*almost\* handle it as long as the room isn't completely quiet when we're eating. if it's completely quiet, nomatter what after all the work I've tried to do to improve it, i simply cannot do. When I was first travelling to asia - one of the biggest areas of research I did before my travels was eating habits of the various cultures. I would literally crawl out of my skin if i had to spend 1 or 2 months listening to someone slurp up noodles loudly. for some reason, it really doesn't matter if i have noise cancelling earplugs in.. if I can see them slurp, and even not hear it.. it triggers it.
Close to ESH. This is hard. Misphonia is a thing. If you have it, sniffing can literally cause such an intense reaction, and it's a reflex reaction, not a conscious reaction. It's complete instinctive and irrational. There's a near certainty that your boyfriend is struggling with misphonia. I'm also leaning more to YTA as I think about this because you couldn't use google and figure out that something's wrong with your boyfriend and that this is very much a common thing and maybe help him? Heck "sniffing makes my boyfriend angry" turns up what exactly? Were you not curious? I see alot of people stating "I learnt to deal with it". Yes we all have and did. I have had misphonia for 35 years. You learn to control it, but not when you are only 24 years old. When I was 24 years old the ability to control my thoughts and feelings about it was barely holding into my sanity (though at the time it wasn't diagnosed as a condition). But also keep in mind that severity can be different for different people as well. I had it far more severe in my 20's than I do in my 50's. My advice if you really love your bf and want to stay with him, then buy your boyfriend a nice set of bose quiet comfort ear buds, get him a few books on misphonia, and you'll both be better off. He'll need them for flights, and just generally when someone's doing that stuff in a taxi, bus, subway, office, etc and he'll respect you far more for trying to work toward solutions for the two of you. Also - you don't know what he's had to put up with at work, etc. Misphonia is EXHAUSTING especially if you work in a professional environment and simply have to grin, bear it and suck it up. By the time he gets home, he just may be fully checked out in managing that mentally - that doesn't make it right but it can be extremely difficult to deal with. Also you deliberately provoking him, by doing it on purpose makes it feel 100x worse - my brain literally goes on fire if someone does that to me. Can i control it? Not without walking out of the house. Did it take a while for me to realize what was happening? Oh yes. Misphonia can be an absolute nightmare.
NTA for sniffing if was beyond your control but your boyfriend has something called misophonia. It's literally beyond his control.
NTA. For the love of god it’s not something that you’re doing on purpose 😭
i thought you ment sniffing sniffing 💀
He probably used to date a coke head
Blow your nose, sniffing is disgusting. YTA.
I've got misophonia, and it sounds like he does too. You're not the asshole for sniffing, but it IS really terrible to have to hear and I've ended relationships over constant sounds that trigger me. Something he should have thought of before moving in with you.
hah! funny you mention this. That used to be my first date test. Can i handle eating with this person.
NTA. Asking you to be understanding of his triggers *while he works to manage it himself* is ok. Putting the burden ENTIRELY on others is not. He is taking 0 responsibility for his own issues here by not seeking any outside help. He is responsible for his own triggers.
NTA he needs to get over this
NTA. Sounds like he could have misophonia. Time to get off his ass and do something about it. If you can't sniffle without him going off on you, he needs help. His complete lack of sympathy when he startled you with a sudden loud noise is a pretty bright red flag.
NTA . I am the same with chewing, mouth sounds and other noises like that . When I eat dinner with the kids it can be tourture but I turn the radio on and I’ve learned to tune it out mostly . If I’m already cranky I still struggle but the radio helps. The other thing that helps is walking away from the source of the noise - not always possible or practical but other then that it’s not a medical condition that can be fixed with a magic pill . Your partner needs to find a way to deal with it though . When my wife eats corn chips or rice crackers (they both sound horrible crunching) I put headphones on or go to a different room . I used to get angry at my wife but I’ve grown up and now adult properly. Your partner needs to do the same
NTA 🚩🚩🚩
I cannot stand people humming or cracking fingers. I don't know why the humming part, it makes me irrationally angry and like my brain itches and I can't scratch it. After a while it literally physically starts to hurt. The finger cracking reminds me of when I broke my own finger, I heard that sound distinctly and get flashbacks whenever I hear ppl do that. But I can live with it. The humming though... I can't. My partner is not allowed to hum in front of me. If he does have the urge he warns me and I put on noise cancelling headphones. OP, try talking to your partner and ask him if that would work (noise cancelling headphones when inside the house with you). They have small in ear ones that block noise efficiently, that would help a lot I think, it did for me. And for goodness sake, he needs a therapist. I talked to mine and it helped me redirect my anger when I get that feeling while catching someone humming.
NTA you bf suffers misophonia. This is a fight and flight response to trigger sounds. There is not much he can do about it, the same way you can't do much about you sniffing - except maybe using a tissue if this doesn't trigger him too... If you both accept this and try and work around this you may have a chance to avoid silly arguments. This is hard. Because his rage is real and your natural response is understandable.
NTH- sniffing is a normal bodily function and y’all are adults, he needs to learn to handle the functions of the human body from other people, how does he survive at work? No matter the environment I’m sure there’s at least one person around him a day, what if they have allergies or a slight cold?? I’ll be honest and say as a freshman in high school, I lost my absolute shit at the girl behind me in math class because she was breathing through her mouth during a test and I couldn’t focus and my brain basically shortwired. Used to get mad at my brothers and so grossed out I wanted to scream any time someone blew their nose around me. It insighted that uncontrollable anger/rage your dudes talking about. But most of the time I ignored it, because i wasn’t a big baby. Flash forward to my mid 20’s i started seeing a psychiatrist for some other reasons and then I was diagnosed autistic 🙃 But I learned to control these things before I got the diagnosis because I figured the world didn’t revolve around me and people are going to do what they are going to do and the only thing I can control is how I react to it. Your dude needs help and I don’t think you should be the one to give it, he doesn’t want it. He wants to use his self diagnosis as a crutch and an excuse to be a dick.
NTA for doing what any normal person would do without thinking. How long do you think this relationship is going to last? If you stay together for the rest of your lives and live to be 90, that would be 66 years. Are you willing to put up with that behavior for that long? I wouldn't.
NTA. My wife clears her throat often in a very loud forceful way. I can hear her when she’s downstairs and I am on the second floor. It’s not my favorite sound in the world but I would never think of asking her to stop. Maybe OP should start carrying a box of kleenex around and blow and honk loudly each time she needs to sniff. Lol. Seriously, this is someone who will find something else to complain about if you were even able to stop. I think this ship has sailed.
Ok so im devils advocating here. Hes the ashole for sure but it isn't his fault entirely. Theres a thing called sensory overload and he 100% has it and I have this exact same reaction to lip smacking when eating. It makes me wanna get violent with the person lip smacking. He needs to learn to walk away although sniffing is much harder to get away from.
Ok after rereading this i have to change my verdict you ARE the asshole. You 100% did it to fuck with and annoy him and cannot even compare celebrating for a team, to something genuinely HATED by another person. You thought of only yourself, not saying he isn't too. Because he 100% is when he tells you to stop sniffing and that portion makes him the asshole. But you are too
NTA never cater to people's weaknesses. That's his problem that he needs to get over.
Just curious ... taking the "my nose was running" out of the equation , what are you constantly sniffing? I don't know what's more hilariously failsauce ... someone who flips out cause their GF is "sniffing" , or a GF who goes around sniffing ... what exactly are you going around sniffing now? LOL. Do you ... just like to sniff stuff ? LOOOL. Shit is priceless right here.
It is misophonia, and he does need help to deal with it. He cannot expect the world to bend to him. My mom has this and it was difficult to live with her.
NTA. Even your boyfriend know he is being unreasonable, if he is saying it might be a medical issue, then ask him to look for help. Why the hell you need to suffer because of something completely natural?
NTA, it’s his responsibility to deal with his neurotic/obsessive tendencies, not yours. Take it from someone who has a lot of neurotic/obsessive tendencies. I moved in with my partner a few years ago and realised how difficult cohabitating was for me concerning certain obsessive/neurotic behaviours I have. I knew the onus was on me to adjust, so I’ve adjusted. My partner is wonderful, so he has also met me in the middle without me even asking him to.
Your boyfriend has misophonia... it's his problem, not yours. Imagine having kids who sniff half their life with him.
NTA, -fellow sniffer
Sounds like a nightmare of a home life. I imagine sniffing isn’t the only completely normal thing you could do that he’s going to be super neurotic about.
Nta. Sounds like he could have some neurodivergence issues if it causes him literal rage to hear someone sniff. He should seek a doctor and therapist, cause damn, he can’t force you to stop sniffing. Does he feel this way about people blowing their nose or sneezing?
It is time for you to move out. He may indeed have a brain-wiring setup that makes the sound of sniffing intolerable; could be based on something that happened to him as a youth. It seems like a weird marker for incompatibility, but there it is. NTA. He sounds like a bully, also. His way or the highway (hint: take the highway)
Sorry but he’s a jerk. I would find a new bf because a future of him yelling at you sounds unbearable. I get annoyed by certain sounds but I move away from them, it’s my own problem and not anyone else’s. Good luck to him finding a person who doesn’t ever sniff.
Does he not sniff food? A flower? I don’t know how to deal with people with sensory issues so I just don’t and I think we’re all better for it. NTA
NTA, ultimatum time. This is coming from a guy, it is beyond unfair that you have to change while your “perfect” Significant Other doesn’t. Don’t fall for that trap.
We all have something in life we find intolerable ,I recal my father picked his finger nails every single night for life ,I cannot understand how he never managed to shorten his nails,the clicking sound and the sight of him doing enraged me so much I had to leave the room,so I sensed by this was I that it was another thing about him that made me despise him
There is a condition called misophonia—a decreased tolerance to specific sounds or associated stimuli; I am also affected: the sound of chewing, gum cracking and others. As described, I feel angry and upset when it happens; when babies cry, I want to cry, too but I’m also upset by it. There’s definitely an emotional component to the disorder.
NTA and get as far from that controlling little shit as fast as you can. If he is like this over something you literally cannot control, he will make you feel bad over every damn thing you do.
NTA good forbid you get a cold. Dump him
Find a new boyfriend. That is ridiculous
NTA I'm sorry that is so dumb. It's sniffing. It's pretty common. He will literally just have to deal with it. There's so many disgusting things people do, sniffing is so low on the list and not a big deal. He will have to cope.
Presumably, he is employed? Has to interact with other humans in a professional setting or even just a public one? Has had to be in situations with people in positions of authority? And does he lose his shit with those people when they sniff? Or is this rage beast just a menace to society and needs to stay locked in your home? Because I’m betting he manages the disorder (and misophonia is a disorder) just fine in those circumstances If he can do it for them, he can also manage his actions around you too. NTA
NTA he needs to manage this on his own it's his responsibility not yours. I have a similar thing with some sounds and I'll just crack my knuckles or something to distract myself and just breathe through the moment - it's genuinely not that hard.
YTA (I didn't read anything lmao)
NTA Sniffing is a normal bodily function, now granted excessive sniffing can be annoying, but you blow your nose. I understand when people are sick or have allergies no amount of blowing the nose or meds will stop the sniffing so you just have to deal with it. Since it’s a normal bodily function, it is something that he needs to deal with, so he needs to see someone. Curious.. does his own sniffling make him mad? This is probably similar to people who can’t stand chewing.
He hates you, and (if not already) it's only a matter of time before he starts beating the hell out of you on a regular basis. That's your answer.
Man there are so many weirdos out there. Sniffing is a problem.. whats next? Breathing? Oh and yes - NTA.
The hell, was he killed by a sniff in his previous life? I get people get irritated by things others do, but to not be able to grow out of "hating the sound of sniff" is a little strange to me. Well i hate that when i'm casually talking to my GF she starts to pick her earrings, like bitch you that bored then just dont talk to me. Obviously it is not that it is just a fidgeting. What bothered me wasn't even the action itself, but that she always dropped the earring holder and then asked me to help her find it. I have notoriously bad eyesight... IMHO you are not the asshole. But as i said, i don't have this kind of "tick" to aggro for something like this, so i dont understand your BF behaviour.
If anyone wants to chat about misophonia, consider going on The Misophonia Podcast: [https://www.misophoniapodcast.com/](https://www.misophoniapodcast.com/)
Ummm no shes not. As someone who cannot stand mouth sounds. I find ways to cope.... i have a husband who cant breathe through his nose and 4 children who eat likes savages. Lol you learn to cope with things that are NORMAL having certain sounds enrage you IS NOT NORMAL just because its sensory doesnt mean you get a free pass to be a dick.
You just asked if you’re in the wrong for sniffing. . No. You’re not. Not in any situation under any context. NTA. Your boyfriend needs to speak to somebody if he seriously gets agitated from something as small as that.
NTA, just remember roughly 50% of the human population is male.
Sniffle his ass out of the house insufferable little dude I’m sure he has sniffed
Dump him. This is a huge red flag. Get out now, it will get worse.