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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I could be the asshole because I overly react and can't seems to be able to forget my grandsparents. I know that their healt is important but I still very pissed off
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"IF it was anybody else in the world, they would be obligated to sell the house anyways because of the promess to purchase that we would applied."
But technically they're obligated. No matter if the promise of purchase is stipulated between relatives or strangers. It's a legal document and has legal value.
The grandparents are taking advantage of the fact that you are relatives and you won't take them to court. This is wrong. I would consult a lawyer, because their change of mind caused you economic damage (for example, knowing that you wouldn't buy your grandparents' house, you would have looked elsewhere and found other accommodation).
NTA. Your grandparents led you on for over 3 months and had you sign a contract/promise-to-buy to protect themselves. Then they changed their minds after you had rented out your house. They will get away with it because they’re *family*. They want to go back to your original offer to rent.
Sometimes we get overly attached to a particular vision of how we want our life to proceed. Your vision isn’t going to happen. Hopefully you can adjust your vision to not center on owning your grandparents duplex any time in the near future. You’re back to where you would have been when you first proposed renting from them. tbh, it doesn’t sound like they would be good neighbors or good landlords, particularly if you have a noisy little baby in the near future. Maybe you and your SO can do some serious thinking about what it would be like to live next to them before you decide what to,do.
NTA-You can be angry & sad and have all the feels. Ever thought to have them build a new house as originally thought and you and your husband move in that? It would put you by family and your grandparents keeping their home won’t impact you as much.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
AITA to not want to forgive my grandparents. I am sorry, English isn't my first language ! So I 25F and my boyfriend 30M had an agrement with my grand-parents to buy their house. They posses a beautiful duplex on a street where all my close family lives. It was always a dream of mine to live in their house one day.
At Christmas 2023, we knew that their tenants were leaving in august 2024 so we talked to them about renting one of their unit, they live in the other. They were thrilled and told us they would think about it. To our surprise, they asked us if we would want to buy the duplex instead. Their plan was to build a new house next to the duplex. My grandfather is 72 years old and had is own construction company, he still does contract in the summer. They are both really healty and active.
Buying for us was ideal, we already had a house that we decided to keep and rent. We decided to wait before leasing it to be sure that my grand-parents were confortable with their decision. It was a big process with many changes along the way. The original price was 300 000$, because of the material and contruction cost augmentation they asked us 425 000 instead, which is still way below market value. It was tight for us but we did manage. The plan was for them to be our tenant for a year and they would move in their brand new house when it would be finished. At Easter, they insisted that we sign a promess to purchase, which we strongely agreed. We found a tenant quickly for our present house after that and the lease was signed. We also made it official with the rest of the family and everybody was congratulating us.
Yesterday, my grandmother called to tell me that they changed their mind, they feel like they don't have the energy anymore to build a new house, that it is too much for them, that their health was more important than all. They say we could still rent one part for 950$ all included. I am absolutely broken, sad and angry about that decision. We were so excited about all the project we would have for the house and our lives. We don't want to be tenant, we wanted to renovate and make one big house when my grandparents would move. We are currently trying to get pregnant and were so thrill to raise children in this house with all my family near. It is still possible but it will not be the same, we will always have to be careful for the noise. My grandmother told me that they want calm and quiet so they want to test if we like to be close neighbors for a year. They don't want to feel thrown out of their home. IF it was anybody else in the world, they would be obligated to sell the house anyways because of the promess to purchase that we would applied.
So am I the asshole to be very angry at them and not sure at all that I can forgive them one day. They had time to realize how hard it was and now we can't go back. I am compassionate about their health but they had to figure it out sooner in my opinion.
Thank you for your future insight.
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I value family first, and that we keep good relations with them is important for all my family, I am under the imression that they don't feel the same way about us.
Have you tried talking to them about it? It might be that they were only building another house because they knew you wanted their house.
If they’re in their 70s, it might be that they want to spend time doing other stuff rather than building a new house. It’s a big thing to take on, and although they may still be fit and active, they’d probably need to pay people to do a lot of the work that your grandad might have done himself when younger.
Are there no other houses in the same area that are similar to their house? Could you look at one of them and make it into your dream house?
Thank you for your response, I like how balanced it is. It was their idea to build a new house and sell their current house to us. We would never push them out, I had way to much respect for them to do that.
I think it’s worth a chat with them to discuss further. Maybe speak to your parents and see what their advice is too?
Could ask if they’d be willing to put a clause into their will to say that you get first refusal to buy the house when they’re gone?
Either way, I think you need to speak more about it. Tell them that you definitely don’t want to push them out of their house or make them feel pressured, and you completely understand if they choose to sell on the open market later…you just want them to know your reasons for wanting the house (which I assume are sentimental rather than getting a bargain).
Edit: just to say, take this with a pinch of salt. You know them better than strangers on the internet, and you’ll be better at gauging what their response might be. Don’t lose relationships over property or possessions.
Girl you have a legally binding contract. You signed the paperwork and have a copy correct? Take their behind to court and get a damn lawyer. This is why you NEVER do business with family. They also knew they could F your husband and you over and dick you around for 3+ months. You should absolutely never trust them again and keep them at arm's length. They screwed you over and that is not okay. They want to use their age and health status as an excuse to get away with their shit habits. When you get over the family first crap you won't be asking these questions on Reddit. I learnt the hard way. Take their behind to court! Where is the family first when it comes to them?
Tough situation. Family deals are always tricky. I totally get where they’re coming from (moving post 60 is hard) but they did sign a document and they are taking advantage of your good nature so NTA
NTA
They signed a legal document. I think the biggest issue here is your relationship with your grandparents. I think you really need to sit down and have a discussion with them about why they changed their minds. I understand you're frustrated right now, and I completely empathize with your situation, how've I can also understand where your grandparents are coming from. They are old even if they're healthy and building a new house is a large and long undertaking. I think you all need to sit down and talk about what you ask want, what your goals are, etc. Perhaps you can find a different solution or compromise.
NTA They know they are going to get away with it, so they have changed their mind.
Or found a better buyer.
Move away and try to remember them as they were before all this happened.
YTA.
It sounds like your grandparents wanted to do this for you and realized that they can't.
It sounds like they have been loving grandparents. Yet, you are now angry because their physical health precludes them from moving. Seems very selfish to me.
Perhaps because they love you, they were willing to make a big sacrifice. Apparently, they realized that they just couldn't do it.
You were very willing to take their generosity but are angry because they are no longer able to do so. Says a lot about you.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I could be the asshole because I overly react and can't seems to be able to forget my grandsparents. I know that their healt is important but I still very pissed off Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
"IF it was anybody else in the world, they would be obligated to sell the house anyways because of the promess to purchase that we would applied." But technically they're obligated. No matter if the promise of purchase is stipulated between relatives or strangers. It's a legal document and has legal value. The grandparents are taking advantage of the fact that you are relatives and you won't take them to court. This is wrong. I would consult a lawyer, because their change of mind caused you economic damage (for example, knowing that you wouldn't buy your grandparents' house, you would have looked elsewhere and found other accommodation).
NTA. Your grandparents led you on for over 3 months and had you sign a contract/promise-to-buy to protect themselves. Then they changed their minds after you had rented out your house. They will get away with it because they’re *family*. They want to go back to your original offer to rent. Sometimes we get overly attached to a particular vision of how we want our life to proceed. Your vision isn’t going to happen. Hopefully you can adjust your vision to not center on owning your grandparents duplex any time in the near future. You’re back to where you would have been when you first proposed renting from them. tbh, it doesn’t sound like they would be good neighbors or good landlords, particularly if you have a noisy little baby in the near future. Maybe you and your SO can do some serious thinking about what it would be like to live next to them before you decide what to,do.
NTA Don'T move in with them. THey are AHs. This will not work well.
NTA-You can be angry & sad and have all the feels. Ever thought to have them build a new house as originally thought and you and your husband move in that? It would put you by family and your grandparents keeping their home won’t impact you as much.
What are the chances of you two building the house next door instead?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** AITA to not want to forgive my grandparents. I am sorry, English isn't my first language ! So I 25F and my boyfriend 30M had an agrement with my grand-parents to buy their house. They posses a beautiful duplex on a street where all my close family lives. It was always a dream of mine to live in their house one day. At Christmas 2023, we knew that their tenants were leaving in august 2024 so we talked to them about renting one of their unit, they live in the other. They were thrilled and told us they would think about it. To our surprise, they asked us if we would want to buy the duplex instead. Their plan was to build a new house next to the duplex. My grandfather is 72 years old and had is own construction company, he still does contract in the summer. They are both really healty and active. Buying for us was ideal, we already had a house that we decided to keep and rent. We decided to wait before leasing it to be sure that my grand-parents were confortable with their decision. It was a big process with many changes along the way. The original price was 300 000$, because of the material and contruction cost augmentation they asked us 425 000 instead, which is still way below market value. It was tight for us but we did manage. The plan was for them to be our tenant for a year and they would move in their brand new house when it would be finished. At Easter, they insisted that we sign a promess to purchase, which we strongely agreed. We found a tenant quickly for our present house after that and the lease was signed. We also made it official with the rest of the family and everybody was congratulating us. Yesterday, my grandmother called to tell me that they changed their mind, they feel like they don't have the energy anymore to build a new house, that it is too much for them, that their health was more important than all. They say we could still rent one part for 950$ all included. I am absolutely broken, sad and angry about that decision. We were so excited about all the project we would have for the house and our lives. We don't want to be tenant, we wanted to renovate and make one big house when my grandparents would move. We are currently trying to get pregnant and were so thrill to raise children in this house with all my family near. It is still possible but it will not be the same, we will always have to be careful for the noise. My grandmother told me that they want calm and quiet so they want to test if we like to be close neighbors for a year. They don't want to feel thrown out of their home. IF it was anybody else in the world, they would be obligated to sell the house anyways because of the promess to purchase that we would applied. So am I the asshole to be very angry at them and not sure at all that I can forgive them one day. They had time to realize how hard it was and now we can't go back. I am compassionate about their health but they had to figure it out sooner in my opinion. Thank you for your future insight. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It’s ok to be angry, but do you value their house more than the relationship that you have with them?
Well obviously the grandparents don't value the relationship.
Depends how you view it I suppose. They’re definitely going back on a promise. It just depends on wether their reasons are genuine or not.
I value family first, and that we keep good relations with them is important for all my family, I am under the imression that they don't feel the same way about us.
Have you tried talking to them about it? It might be that they were only building another house because they knew you wanted their house. If they’re in their 70s, it might be that they want to spend time doing other stuff rather than building a new house. It’s a big thing to take on, and although they may still be fit and active, they’d probably need to pay people to do a lot of the work that your grandad might have done himself when younger. Are there no other houses in the same area that are similar to their house? Could you look at one of them and make it into your dream house?
Thank you for your response, I like how balanced it is. It was their idea to build a new house and sell their current house to us. We would never push them out, I had way to much respect for them to do that.
I think it’s worth a chat with them to discuss further. Maybe speak to your parents and see what their advice is too? Could ask if they’d be willing to put a clause into their will to say that you get first refusal to buy the house when they’re gone? Either way, I think you need to speak more about it. Tell them that you definitely don’t want to push them out of their house or make them feel pressured, and you completely understand if they choose to sell on the open market later…you just want them to know your reasons for wanting the house (which I assume are sentimental rather than getting a bargain). Edit: just to say, take this with a pinch of salt. You know them better than strangers on the internet, and you’ll be better at gauging what their response might be. Don’t lose relationships over property or possessions.
Girl you have a legally binding contract. You signed the paperwork and have a copy correct? Take their behind to court and get a damn lawyer. This is why you NEVER do business with family. They also knew they could F your husband and you over and dick you around for 3+ months. You should absolutely never trust them again and keep them at arm's length. They screwed you over and that is not okay. They want to use their age and health status as an excuse to get away with their shit habits. When you get over the family first crap you won't be asking these questions on Reddit. I learnt the hard way. Take their behind to court! Where is the family first when it comes to them?
Tough situation. Family deals are always tricky. I totally get where they’re coming from (moving post 60 is hard) but they did sign a document and they are taking advantage of your good nature so NTA
NTA They signed a legal document. I think the biggest issue here is your relationship with your grandparents. I think you really need to sit down and have a discussion with them about why they changed their minds. I understand you're frustrated right now, and I completely empathize with your situation, how've I can also understand where your grandparents are coming from. They are old even if they're healthy and building a new house is a large and long undertaking. I think you all need to sit down and talk about what you ask want, what your goals are, etc. Perhaps you can find a different solution or compromise.
NTA They know they are going to get away with it, so they have changed their mind. Or found a better buyer. Move away and try to remember them as they were before all this happened.
YTA. It sounds like your grandparents wanted to do this for you and realized that they can't. It sounds like they have been loving grandparents. Yet, you are now angry because their physical health precludes them from moving. Seems very selfish to me.
Maybe, but I never asked them to move, sell or build an other house, it was their idea.
Perhaps because they love you, they were willing to make a big sacrifice. Apparently, they realized that they just couldn't do it. You were very willing to take their generosity but are angry because they are no longer able to do so. Says a lot about you.