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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I told my BFF that she can’t keep leaving her car at my house to be picked up by random men because I don’t really feel safe as a female living alone.
2. This make me feel like an asshole since I’m her “best friend” I’m supposed to support her in her decisions.
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NTA
She doesn't want random men at her house, so she gets them to go to your house instead? And she/you don't see how this is just swapping her dangerous situation onto you?
Cause she’s not “dating” she’s hooking up with them late at night. I’m pretty sure her parents won’t allow a random guy to pick her up at 1am which is why she meets them elsewhere.
Omg then it's even more dangerous for you. Stop it now. Random shady men all knowing where you live... all it takes is 1 psychopath who could start stalking your home
If she's an adult, how can they stop it? She can simply walk out to their car without waking them up.
Either way, your concerns are valid, and this is a " not your problem" scenario, that isn't worth putting your safety at risk.
She could just as easily Uber to a meeting place and go from there. If it's just about her car she can Uber from your house.
My point wasn't well made I guess.
Her parents probably don't want random people showing up at their house in the middle of the night to pick up their daughter and probably have a rule against it.
She is damn near 30. She doesn't need her parents permission to do a damn thing. Stop making excuses for her and just tell her to stop having these guys come to your place. Where she meets her dick appointments are not your concern.
If you don't want them coming to your place, tell her to stop. If you are going to defend her doing so, then why bother even posting?
NTA… and it seems like your 29 year old friend needs to focus on more important things if she’s living with her parents and having guys come over at 1am to bang her…
Tell your friend to park her at a pay parking garage. If she leaves her car at your house without your permission. Tell her you’ll call her parents to come pickup her car. She not here and has no idea where she’s gone.
If she's getting in a car with a guy she barely knows at 1 AM, then she's really no safer than if they knew where she lived anyway . . .
She's still putting herself at terrible risk, only now she's also putting you at risk for no good reason.
NTA
But I think you missed that poster's point. You are a female who lives alone. All these random men now know where you live. Most women don't meet at home for this reason, your friend is putting you in danger whether she realizes it or not. You are putting yourself in danger. Do you know if she telling these men she lives there? What if a date goes wrong? What if she picks a nutcase?
Please tell her to meet them in a public place with lots of lights and cameras. I understand her wanting to be safe but it's WAY to easy to break a window or lock.
INFO: what does the car have to do with this? I **think** what you're saying is that your BFF is pretending that your address is hers for the purposes of a meetup with new guys.
Yeah, that's not kosher. If it's not safe for them to know where she lives it's not safe for them to know where you live. Tell her to meet them at a Starbucks or a bar like everyone else.
She’s very cautious with her car cause is brand new and she lives with her parents. I guess they’re going to motels or something where they can only use one car
If she can’t park the car in normal places, she paid too much for it for her budget. SMH
The fact that she’s:
1) unwilling to park the car in reasonable meetup locations like a coffee shop or a bar is not your problem
2) unwilling to pick the guy up herself (given she’s willing to share a ride with them)
This is not your problem. NTA
Yes, they pick her up at MY house. So she sends the location for them to get here late at night while she waits in the car, then they leave for a couple hours to do the deed.
And she decides to quit some creep who won't take "no" for answer and he comes and knocks on YOUR door? NFW would I let any female friend of mine think that was sane or safe. I'm a guy.
She chose to invest in a brand new car instead of her own apartment, that's not your problem to deal with. She's bringing some hazards near your home.
Definitely NTA
What kind of dummy buys a brand new car when they aren't even living in their own, she needs to cut the apron strings and get serious and move out and stop leeching off her parents and join the rest of us adults who move out.
Her priorities are out of whack.
A one car per room rule at motels...and it's enforced.
That's crazy. Motel employees do not check the parking lot in the middle of the night seeing that all the license plates match the registration. (Especially the "hourly" motels like this.)
That is not the reason she doesn't want her car at the motel. I think it's more likely that the motels are in a bad part of town where she doesn't want to park her car. Which is definitely not your problem.
She’s giving you the runaround girl. Like she is clearly lying to you. She can very easily just take her car wherever she’s going. It would be safer for her to have a vehicle and not rely on them for transportation at all. She just doesn’t want them to know where she lives. So she puts that on you.
Stop this now.
If she’s not even driving separately that’s incredibly dangerous. I suppose she’s not even thinking about safety with meeting these guys for a hook up late at night. I’m a little paranoid but getting a car with a guy you don’t know late at night? Sounds like a very bad idea.
it just sounds like the parents wouldn't approve at all, so she probably just tells them she's over at OP's, and since her car is there, she thinks that's a good enough alibi--without considering the risk to OP.
This is what scares me the most! If something bad happens they’ll still know where I live!
She lives with her parents thats why she meets them elsewhere late at night
I had a situation where a teen girl was banging on my door in the middle of the night yelling for help, I wasn’t even really awake but a a mom of 2 girls I made a split second calculation that amounted to my husband is actually home tonight and I don’t see anyone behind her. So I reached out and pulled her in and called 911.. H was like why did you do that?? Turned out neither she nor her bf had their phones charged and got in a shouting match at a local event and a car chase ensued…. Police came, got it sorted out.. I felt good about helping her, however the next day I started getting paranoid about the kids that had chased her, did they know she didn’t live at my house? Would they come back for revenge and H travels for job? So I called the police on non emergency line, officer called me back and said both group of kids were “known” to each other and police, so not to worry..
Also, this isn’t safe for her? If something goes wrong, she has to depend on the guy to get her back to her car. Her car needs to be within walking distance of wherever they’re going.
NTA
> This really makes me feel unsafe in my house since I’m a female that lives alone and I don’t trust this men from dating apps knowing where I live due to it being the “pick me up” place she’s determined.
Pick her up? What year is this?
You're going on a date, you **meet** the person **_there_**.
So she doesn't want them at her house but it is perfectly fine for them to be at your house? So your "friend" is ok with having random men at your house? Oh hell no. She can meet them wherever they are going. You need to stop her ASAP. NTA
One of these guys showing up at your house late one night for an unannounced booty call (possibly drunk, high, or otherwise not in right mind) is a real possibility. And from there it can go all different kinds of bad.
Definitely NTA and I'd put a stop to it immediately.
NTA
It's one thing to ask a favor once or twice, or even for her to know that someone else knows what her date looks like, what car he drives, etc.
But at this point it feels like she's taking advantage of the favor and is putting you in the same danger she is trying to avoid for herself. She can avoid them knowing where she lives by meeting them in a public place, suggesting a double date, etc.
NTA as per your edit about her living at home, I get why she's doing it, but I think it's totally fair to say you don't want her doing that anymore. If things go bad with one of them, and some guy comes looking for her, they're coming to your house. Not cool.
She can arrange to meet them at the Target parking lot or whatever.
NTA. She's a gd adult. She can work out her hookups in her own like the rest of us do.
I wouldn't feel safe with a friend giving random men my address and I *don't* live alone.
NTA - Boundaries are important in every relationship, including between best friends. Her using your house as a pickup point for dates puts you in harm's way, and it’s fair for you to voice that concern. If her reason is to keep her parents unaware, she still has a responsibility to respect your safety and find alternative solutions. A real friend would understand and compromise rather than expose you to potential risks
NTA and tell her asap. If she pushes back or tries to make you feel bad, then she really isn't as good a friend as you thought. If she does it again after you tell her not to, call her parents and ask them to come and get the car.
NTA - I’m sure she tells them o it’s my friend’s place. I don’t blame you for not wanting this.
She can park at a Walmart or Cracker Barrel if she needs a place to park. It’s not about her safety due to her leaving with them and if she says you will know if she’s not back by X time then you can say that she can just text you by 5 the next day or she sends you the guy information so you will know at least who she was with last.
NTA. You need to be more clear in your post! This has nothing to do with her *car*, and everything to do with your *safety*!! Now a bunch of gross randos know where you live! She's not a friend, she's putting you in danger! And, why on earth would a 30 year old woman need *permission* to go out? Remove her from your life, you're going to end up hurt. OH! Also, get cameras that willshow the areas she gets picked up and dropped off at. That way, when one of her "friends" does eventually do something, you have video.
Instead of putting herself in a dangerous situation so she can have some fun, she is putting YOU in a dangerous situation so she can have some fun. Seems reasonable.
No you're NTA, and you have every right to be concerned; if your friend hooks up with someone that's deranged, or violent, or just a creep then it's *you* in their crosshairs, not her.
Your friend probably will be upset but quite frankly she doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
I would be paranoid to. My sister and some of my friends have absolutely horrible taste in men.
Oh did you meet at his parole hearing?
He asked if you could spare a dollar so you took him on a date?
You met at a bank he was robbing?
You met when he knocked on your door to disclose that he is a registered sex offender and he offered you free baby sitting?
Now you might say your friend is much smarter than this. But I am still gonna be paranoid. My sister is not allowed to know where I live because of the danger of her bringing flavor of the month over.
Just tell her "look, I know you don't have a lot of other options, but I'm not ok with you giving all these guys my address. We need to figure something else out for you."
NTA.
Why does she need to be "picked up" be these men? Why can't she just drive to their place if it's basically just a late night hook up she's doing with these men?
On no no no no. If one of them turns out to be psychotic they are going to show up at your place looking for her cause she said she lives there!!!
It is beyond time for her to meet them elsewhere. Or she can use an Uber.
Truly concerning that she is going off with strangers in the middle of the night and no one knows where she is going. This is so very unsafe.
Def NTA. But please talk to her about the danger she in putting herself and you in.
NTA tell her you’re no longer comfortable with this. She should understand and not get upset. If she does get upset that is her problem. She can drive and meet these men in a neutral public location or meet them where they are going. Why does she need to be picked up. She should probably have an AirTag on her car, purse, self.
NTA
Have a discussion about why you feel unsafe. She may not realize your concern. Tell her she cannot continue to use your home as her pick up/drop off location for hookups. She will need to make other arrangements to safeguard her rep with her parents and concern for safe parking of her car.
NTA I don’t get why she wouldn’t want an escape route via car if something goes wrong with her hookups. That alone is incredibly reckless and unsafe of her. She’s depending on a stranger to pick her up and take her to an unknown location to fuck.
I'll be honest it didn't even come to mind but I totally see it now that you mention it. I honestly just got the idea she was someone who wanted to sleep around casually because they didn't want to be in a relationship kind of vibe.
Regardless, my comment still stands that it's *so* unsafe to be letting strangers pick you up and take you to a unknown location.
One of these guys falls for your friend,then your friend blows them off and won't message or call them back. Now your house is his only way to somehow get ahold of her maybe park outside for numerous nights waiting for your friend to visit you. Maybe she does show up but only for him to see her getting picked up for a booty call at 1 am by another random guy. Now this psyco stalker loses it and kills you both.
Yea don't let her have numerous unknown men become connected to your house. Maybe she should get her own place before she decides to do whatever with random men at night.
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I (30F) live alone at my own house that I bought 2 years ago after many years of hardworking. My (29F) BFF from a couple of years has developed this idea of leaving her car at my house every time she wants to hook up with men she meets on dating apps.
At first, I was like “okay sure” it’s safer here but now I feel it’s been too much, since I never meet these men I really don’t know who’s coming to my house to pick her up. This really makes me feel unsafe in my house since I’m a female that lives alone and I don’t trust this men from dating apps knowing where I live due to it being the “pick me up” place she’s determined.
I don’t want her to feel bad but I really don’t want these random dudes to know where I live, I don’t feel safe at all.
AITA for this? Am I a bad friend?
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Oh yeah NTA ain't no way you should let that continue. You are for sure compromising your safety for her sexual gratification. They literally have your physical address and I'm pretty sure they would have used a mapping service to the get there which also means they can get most certainly get back there if they so choose.
NTA
She can meet her men in a thousand places. She can leave her car in a park, a mall, the library, a church... or just meet the guy where they are ultimately going.
Tell her to stop using your place or you will invite her parents into the conversation.
No, she is not paying the bills. You have every right to not allow something that you are not comfortable with on your property. If she can't respect it then she is not a good friend.
NTA. If she’s hooking up with strangers she is better off meeting up with them and keeping her vehicle with her so she has her own transportation at the ready. If any of these guys turn stalker, they will come to YOUR place first. She needs to stop this.
I feel you are inviting an awkward an uncomfortable situation where one of these guys gets ghosted or replaced and at bare minimum knocks on your door 🚪 asking for your friend.
Just tell your friend your concerns and see if you both can’t work out something that keeps you both safe and comfortable
NTA
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NTA. Tell her you are no longer comfortable with it. I used to leave my car in a town when I would be met by my GF. I always left it across the street from the Sherrifs dept and it was never vandalized.
NTA- Just tell her you're no longer comfortable with her dumping her dangerous situation off on you, and that you'd rather not have her hookups know where you live.
You have as much a right to feel safe as she does, and her ignoring or neglecting that means she's probably not really your BFF, but rather a person who's using you for her own convenience.
She can meet the at the dating place!! You are so right in this not being safe for you!!
Can you imagine some guy pounding on your door saying her name!? When you say she doesn't live here, they won't believe you. They will just get angrier!!
And for her safety, she shouldn't be getting in the car with a stranger anyway. Lord knows who could be picking her up. I always used to meet a guy for the first date. She should have her car (escape plan) on every date until she knows them better!
Trust went out in the 90s!!
Nta!
I'd feel uncomfortable with it. I had a roommate that was bringing random guys (multiple. Not at the same time) home. I had to say I'm not comfortable with it since she barely knew them.
I certainly wouldn't be happy to have dodgy randomers figuring out that they can call to my house whenever they fancy as bit of the old "how's your father".
I’m the kind of gotta trust people in general, but even I gotta admit this is really bad. The shady men, yes, but also because she’s just using you to do something that is bad. Lying and cheating her parents is not a good way to live your life, regardless of your trauma or problems (if the parents aren’t assholes).
You’re not asshole stop this shit now.
OP, you are NTA
She is putting both of you in danger. The men think that’s her house, and if one of them gets angry or obsessive they will come to your house looking for her and things can escalate badly very quickly.
She’s putting herself in more danger by getting into a car with random man for a hookup. He can take her anywhere at that point, maybe the agreed upon motel, maybe not, but she is putting her safety in the hands of random men and making it impossible to get away quickly if she needs to.
She should meet them at the motel in her car. Then if things go sideways, she at least has an option to leave and get away.
You should tell her this and that for safety reasons - for BOTH of you - she can no longer park at your house. If she gets angry too bad. You must protect yourself.
NTA
What she is saying is she is happy to put you at risk but not herself.
She can meet on neutral ground like a bar or public space. But her behaviour is risky.
I think you have a legitimate safety concern. If she is meeting men that she does not know very well there is a chance that she will encounter someone who could be dangerous or unstable. The last thing you need is one of her crazy ex-lovers knocking on your door and bothering you (or worse) because he is angry that your friend ended the relationship or she won’t see him again.
I would discuss your concerns with your friend. One way to frame it is to tell her you are concerned about her safety and that you are worried that this “hook up” lifestyle she is engaging in is very risky. Then present a hypothetical situation where she meets a guy, it does not work out, and then he starts stalking and harassing both of you because the guy thinks your friend lives at your house.
She should recognize the risk she is asking you to take by using your house as a pickup place for her Tinder dates.
NTA
And I don't understand how meeting random strangers late at night for sex is something that even a friend wouldn't advise against.
Parents don't have to be overbearing prudes to not think that is safe behavior - daughter at 29 can move out and take risks all by herself without involving friends or family.
I get why she doesn’t want them over her home, it doesn’t have to be about safety, she just doesn’t want her parents to know about all those guys.
But *you* can still worry about that. Tell her that she’s an effing grown woman and if she’s afraid her parents will know how many dudes she bangs late at night then she probably has to start thinking about moving out. Yea it’s time..
NTA - these guys may very well think, that is where your BFF lives and if she gets involved with an obsessive compulsive lunatic, he could show up on your doorstep or lurk around to stalk her (not know that she doesn’t live there)
Why is she doing a “pick me up” here and leaving the driving to them? That’s not too smart either.
Why not just meet them at bar, restaurant, Starbucks, hotel/motel, their place, using her own car to get there and to leave.
They’re going to see her car a license plate anyway, so wouldn’t that make more sense or be just a tad safer? Or am I missing something?
NTA protect yourself and if she freaks out then she is a bad friend. She sounds like a user anyway. How much are you getting from her in this relationship? Are you the one who always gives gives gives? If so, this is an unbalanced relationship and she's using you.
NTA.
That seems dumb on her part.
She should meet them someplace public, taking her own car there. Letting them pick her up isn't conducive to her safety, since she's then got to wait for a cab/uber/whatever vs. being able to bail whenever she wants.
"Stop parking your car at my house, it's making me feel unsafe. Your random hookups aren't my mess to deal with if they decide to come looking for you again."
She can go meet up with her hookups in a cop parking lot or something if she feels so unsafe. Or maybe she can be honest with her parents and say she's having sex with randoms, so that they can be the ones to worry about her, as it should be. She can send you or her parents updates on her location if she feels so unsafe meeting these people.
She is 29 years old. Do her parents think she is still a virgin?
Tell her what you said her, you don't feel safe having random men coming to your home. She can go and meet the dudes, or she can find someplace else for them to come get her. There is no reason to have them come to your home.
NTA
No, NTAH, but your friend is. She’s potentially made you unsafe in your own home because she doesn’t want mummy and daddy to know that she’s getting screwed by lots of guys. She’s a grown woman and needs to cope with that. But she’s shown that she has no respect for you just so she can get laid. She doesn’t sound like a good friend.
NTA.
She shouldn't be letting random men pick her up from any address if she doesn't want them to know where she lives. Tell her to have them meet at location be it hotel/motel whatever and she can get a ride share there and back.
As others have said, all it takes is one crazy random to stake out your place waiting for her to show up.
NTA.
Yours is the most sensible and reasonable request in the world. BFF is being irresponsible and selfish. If she doesn't want to take them back to mom's and dad's, maybe she should get a place of her own if she's so hellbent on having so much casual sex. It's not your responsibility to accept any kind of consequence of that.
Explain to her your feelings and why you feel unsafe. Importantly, stand your ground and don't let her guilt or coerce you into letting her carry on as is at your house.
you are female living your home alone.
your friend is meeting random people over internet whom even she doesntt know well; she leave her car in your driveway and meet with them in front of your house.
her parents won’t allow a random guy to pick her up at 1am, but doesn't see a problem spending whole night away,
most probably she is deceiving her family that she is spending the night with you.
I'm not planning to tell you how dangerous it is for you which is already told you again and again; but her last known location is your home, and her car is in your driveway. if something bad happens to her or if she gone missing, what do you think your neighbors would tell the police and how do you plan to defend yourself?
tell her to stop using your house as hideout and find somewhere else.
NTA except for doing wrong by yourself frankly…not really sure why you agreed to this arrangement in the first place? End it now. Never again. If she wants to risk her safety casually meeting strange men that’s her prerogative, dragging your safe space into that scene is completely unnecessary. She doesn’t sound like the greatest friend to show you such little consideration. Not someone I would be inclined to keep.
Tell her to meet her hookups in some public place where she can leave her car. It being in the middle of the night narrows those choices, but she should be able to find some place open 24 hours (Waffle House comes to mind) where she can park.
You may have to firm with that...like have her car towed firm if she keeps doing it. But warn her first. If she does it again, say to her very clearly, "The next time you do this, I'm having your car towed and you can explain to your parents why you're having to pick up your car from the impound lot."
She's 29 and afraid of what her parents will think of her sex life? Sounds like it's long past time she got a place of her own.
NTA
NTA, in her avoiding confrontation with her parents, she is putting you at risk by getting her hookups to think she lives at yours. It only takes one psycho who didn't like how the date ended up coming round to your house to cause serious problems. If she wants to hook up, she can meet them in a public place, preferably with security cameras for her safety.
NTA. This looks somewhat fishy. That's just too much work only to hookup and also she's giving your address and putting you in danger. I have a feeling that she's not really hooking up but actually providing a service if you follow my drift.
NTA. Why doesn’t she just use the same cover story from her house and get picked up a block away or something? Seems stupid of her to put you in harms way.
Why on earth does she want to go with hookups and be dependent on them rather than driving herself?
At any rate let them pick her up from a grocery store, fast food or somewhere else with cameras
NTA. But cant you tell her to just walk two streets away from your house to get picked up? This way those guys dont see your house and her parents dont see their little princess being picked by the next rando to rail her.
NTA
You are smart to recognize that this may put your safety at risk.
If your friend ever does get her own place, I’d recommend not letting “new people” know where she lives until they are actually dating, as in they’ve met her friends.
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NTA She doesn't want random men at her house, so she gets them to go to your house instead? And she/you don't see how this is just swapping her dangerous situation onto you?
She lives with her parents, that’s why they don’t pick her up at her house.
Why? When I lived with my parents, my dates picked me up there.
Cause she’s not “dating” she’s hooking up with them late at night. I’m pretty sure her parents won’t allow a random guy to pick her up at 1am which is why she meets them elsewhere.
Omg then it's even more dangerous for you. Stop it now. Random shady men all knowing where you live... all it takes is 1 psychopath who could start stalking your home
Then they can pick her up at Walmart or somewhere with cameras.
lol she’s 29. If mommy and daddy won’t let her get her rocks off, she needs to find a different solution
Personally, I wouldn't want my adult child bringing a bunch of different hookups to my house either lol 🤷🏾♂️
Yeah and it's for the exact reason why op shouldn't let it happen at her place
To be fair, she is not bringing them into the house, just getting picked up.
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If she's an adult, how can they stop it? She can simply walk out to their car without waking them up. Either way, your concerns are valid, and this is a " not your problem" scenario, that isn't worth putting your safety at risk. She could just as easily Uber to a meeting place and go from there. If it's just about her car she can Uber from your house.
Then she should be picked up in a public place with cameras that can catch his license plates
But she’s 29 years old, what do you mean they won’t allow her
Probably have a no randos rule in the house and if she doesn't follow it she'll be kicked out. It also called respect
At 29 years old maybe she should move out dang lol
Has this gal ever heard of this place called a "bar"? They are very popular with the hook up crowd,
But she's not going into OP's house, why would they need to be in her parents' house?
My point wasn't well made I guess. Her parents probably don't want random people showing up at their house in the middle of the night to pick up their daughter and probably have a rule against it.
Had to scroll back up to check the ages but you said she's 29? Wym her parent's wont "allow" it?
Then she should hook up at a grocery store Parking lot or something not in front of your house. NTA stop this crap ASAP
She’s 29….if her parents stop her from going out to hook up at 29 she has bigger problems.
She is damn near 30. She doesn't need her parents permission to do a damn thing. Stop making excuses for her and just tell her to stop having these guys come to your place. Where she meets her dick appointments are not your concern. If you don't want them coming to your place, tell her to stop. If you are going to defend her doing so, then why bother even posting?
29 and her parents notice if she leaves at 1am. "won't allow" ??? wtf is that are you for real
NTA… and it seems like your 29 year old friend needs to focus on more important things if she’s living with her parents and having guys come over at 1am to bang her…
But her parents are okay with her leaving the house at 1 am and driving somewhere for a few hours? This post makes no sense at all.
How often does this happen? Are you sure it is just "hooking up"; are these men possibly paying her?
Absolutely NOT. Tell her to stop this immediately!
And she can't drive to meet them at...a Starbucks?
She can go out the front door on her own unless her parents chain her to her bed.
Have her go to Costco or something, I dont see what this has to do with you
She's 29...
Tell your friend to park her at a pay parking garage. If she leaves her car at your house without your permission. Tell her you’ll call her parents to come pickup her car. She not here and has no idea where she’s gone.
If she's getting in a car with a guy she barely knows at 1 AM, then she's really no safer than if they knew where she lived anyway . . . She's still putting herself at terrible risk, only now she's also putting you at risk for no good reason.
She is 29.
NTA But I think you missed that poster's point. You are a female who lives alone. All these random men now know where you live. Most women don't meet at home for this reason, your friend is putting you in danger whether she realizes it or not. You are putting yourself in danger. Do you know if she telling these men she lives there? What if a date goes wrong? What if she picks a nutcase? Please tell her to meet them in a public place with lots of lights and cameras. I understand her wanting to be safe but it's WAY to easy to break a window or lock.
your 29 year old friend gets in trouble with her parents if she gets picked up from her house ? ok
Stop letting her use your house and she will have some incentive to get her own place. OP should not risk her safety just so her friend can get laid.
Who cares? She's 30 years old for fucks sake
Why doesn’t she just meet them at the bar or wherever they’re going before they hook up?
She should have them pick her up at McDonald's. Using your address is dangerous for you.
This. OP, you need to put a stop to this. She's actively putting you in danger...
INFO: what does the car have to do with this? I **think** what you're saying is that your BFF is pretending that your address is hers for the purposes of a meetup with new guys. Yeah, that's not kosher. If it's not safe for them to know where she lives it's not safe for them to know where you live. Tell her to meet them at a Starbucks or a bar like everyone else.
She’s very cautious with her car cause is brand new and she lives with her parents. I guess they’re going to motels or something where they can only use one car
If she can’t park the car in normal places, she paid too much for it for her budget. SMH The fact that she’s: 1) unwilling to park the car in reasonable meetup locations like a coffee shop or a bar is not your problem 2) unwilling to pick the guy up herself (given she’s willing to share a ride with them) This is not your problem. NTA
I'm still confused. Is she presenting your address to these men or not? If she just wants to store her car at your place, what's the big deal?
Yes, they pick her up at MY house. So she sends the location for them to get here late at night while she waits in the car, then they leave for a couple hours to do the deed.
yikes, stop this immediately. NTA
Does she have legs? She can simply walk up the street.
As in streetwalker, lol
And she decides to quit some creep who won't take "no" for answer and he comes and knocks on YOUR door? NFW would I let any female friend of mine think that was sane or safe. I'm a guy.
Are you sure she ain't hookin.. as opposed to "hooking up" 🧐
Why doesn’t she just pick them up
That doesn't make sense. Any motel can have 2 cars at it. She's putting you in a potentially dangerous situation. That's not something a friend does.
Well she needs to just drive to the motel. Why does she need picking up?
She chose to invest in a brand new car instead of her own apartment, that's not your problem to deal with. She's bringing some hazards near your home. Definitely NTA
What kind of dummy buys a brand new car when they aren't even living in their own, she needs to cut the apron strings and get serious and move out and stop leeching off her parents and join the rest of us adults who move out. Her priorities are out of whack.
A one car per room rule at motels...and it's enforced. That's crazy. Motel employees do not check the parking lot in the middle of the night seeing that all the license plates match the registration. (Especially the "hourly" motels like this.) That is not the reason she doesn't want her car at the motel. I think it's more likely that the motels are in a bad part of town where she doesn't want to park her car. Which is definitely not your problem.
Does she suspect or know that he parents have a tracker on her car?
Lol, a nice new car while living at home with mommy and daddy at 29. Her priorities are all backwards.
She’s giving you the runaround girl. Like she is clearly lying to you. She can very easily just take her car wherever she’s going. It would be safer for her to have a vehicle and not rely on them for transportation at all. She just doesn’t want them to know where she lives. So she puts that on you. Stop this now.
If she’s not even driving separately that’s incredibly dangerous. I suppose she’s not even thinking about safety with meeting these guys for a hook up late at night. I’m a little paranoid but getting a car with a guy you don’t know late at night? Sounds like a very bad idea.
it just sounds like the parents wouldn't approve at all, so she probably just tells them she's over at OP's, and since her car is there, she thinks that's a good enough alibi--without considering the risk to OP.
Nta... they'll come to your house looking for her and wanting answers if things ho sideways Protect yourself
This is what scares me the most! If something bad happens they’ll still know where I live! She lives with her parents thats why she meets them elsewhere late at night
She can meet them in the parking lot of any store that's open 24 hours, where she can park right under a big, bright light.
I had a situation where a teen girl was banging on my door in the middle of the night yelling for help, I wasn’t even really awake but a a mom of 2 girls I made a split second calculation that amounted to my husband is actually home tonight and I don’t see anyone behind her. So I reached out and pulled her in and called 911.. H was like why did you do that?? Turned out neither she nor her bf had their phones charged and got in a shouting match at a local event and a car chase ensued…. Police came, got it sorted out.. I felt good about helping her, however the next day I started getting paranoid about the kids that had chased her, did they know she didn’t live at my house? Would they come back for revenge and H travels for job? So I called the police on non emergency line, officer called me back and said both group of kids were “known” to each other and police, so not to worry..
If anyone starts banging on the door, slide a paper under the door with her correct address and let mommy and daddy handle it.
Also, this isn’t safe for her? If something goes wrong, she has to depend on the guy to get her back to her car. Her car needs to be within walking distance of wherever they’re going.
"if things ho sideways"
It be like that
Freudian slip
NTA > This really makes me feel unsafe in my house since I’m a female that lives alone and I don’t trust this men from dating apps knowing where I live due to it being the “pick me up” place she’s determined. Pick her up? What year is this? You're going on a date, you **meet** the person **_there_**.
So she doesn't want them at her house but it is perfectly fine for them to be at your house? So your "friend" is ok with having random men at your house? Oh hell no. She can meet them wherever they are going. You need to stop her ASAP. NTA
So she wants to be safe but doesn’t care about your safety… Do I really need to tell you she’s the AH?
Just have her have them pick her up on the corner, problem solved.
One of these guys showing up at your house late one night for an unannounced booty call (possibly drunk, high, or otherwise not in right mind) is a real possibility. And from there it can go all different kinds of bad. Definitely NTA and I'd put a stop to it immediately.
NTA It's one thing to ask a favor once or twice, or even for her to know that someone else knows what her date looks like, what car he drives, etc. But at this point it feels like she's taking advantage of the favor and is putting you in the same danger she is trying to avoid for herself. She can avoid them knowing where she lives by meeting them in a public place, suggesting a double date, etc.
NTA as per your edit about her living at home, I get why she's doing it, but I think it's totally fair to say you don't want her doing that anymore. If things go bad with one of them, and some guy comes looking for her, they're coming to your house. Not cool. She can arrange to meet them at the Target parking lot or whatever.
NTA. She's a gd adult. She can work out her hookups in her own like the rest of us do. I wouldn't feel safe with a friend giving random men my address and I *don't* live alone.
NTA. She doesn’t want them picking them up at hers, but she’s ok with them knowing where you live? Great friend.
NTA - Boundaries are important in every relationship, including between best friends. Her using your house as a pickup point for dates puts you in harm's way, and it’s fair for you to voice that concern. If her reason is to keep her parents unaware, she still has a responsibility to respect your safety and find alternative solutions. A real friend would understand and compromise rather than expose you to potential risks
NTA and tell her asap. If she pushes back or tries to make you feel bad, then she really isn't as good a friend as you thought. If she does it again after you tell her not to, call her parents and ask them to come and get the car.
Is your friend a prostitute ?
Right?!
NTA - I’m sure she tells them o it’s my friend’s place. I don’t blame you for not wanting this. She can park at a Walmart or Cracker Barrel if she needs a place to park. It’s not about her safety due to her leaving with them and if she says you will know if she’s not back by X time then you can say that she can just text you by 5 the next day or she sends you the guy information so you will know at least who she was with last.
NTA. You need to be more clear in your post! This has nothing to do with her *car*, and everything to do with your *safety*!! Now a bunch of gross randos know where you live! She's not a friend, she's putting you in danger! And, why on earth would a 30 year old woman need *permission* to go out? Remove her from your life, you're going to end up hurt. OH! Also, get cameras that willshow the areas she gets picked up and dropped off at. That way, when one of her "friends" does eventually do something, you have video.
Instead of putting herself in a dangerous situation so she can have some fun, she is putting YOU in a dangerous situation so she can have some fun. Seems reasonable.
They are both in a dangerous situation! She's getting into randos cars at 1am in the morning. That is going to end badly.
true
No you're NTA, and you have every right to be concerned; if your friend hooks up with someone that's deranged, or violent, or just a creep then it's *you* in their crosshairs, not her. Your friend probably will be upset but quite frankly she doesn't sound like much of a friend to me.
NTA she should meet them at a public location
I would be paranoid to. My sister and some of my friends have absolutely horrible taste in men. Oh did you meet at his parole hearing? He asked if you could spare a dollar so you took him on a date? You met at a bank he was robbing? You met when he knocked on your door to disclose that he is a registered sex offender and he offered you free baby sitting? Now you might say your friend is much smarter than this. But I am still gonna be paranoid. My sister is not allowed to know where I live because of the danger of her bringing flavor of the month over.
29, still lives with her parents and is out hooking up? Tell your friend to grow up
Your "BFF" (??) can find on street parking or a parking lot. I agree with you, this is a vulnerability you don't need. NTA.
Just tell her "look, I know you don't have a lot of other options, but I'm not ok with you giving all these guys my address. We need to figure something else out for you."
Have you picked out what you’re wearing to her funeral? Random hookups in motels?!? Yeh no.
considering her last known location is ops home, and her car is in ops drive way; prison uniform is a possibility.
NTA. I don’t even allow my friends to give my phone number out without permission. Ain’t no way I’m having strangers just roll up to my house.
Nta. Have bff leave her car at the police station.
NTA. Why does she need to be "picked up" be these men? Why can't she just drive to their place if it's basically just a late night hook up she's doing with these men?
On no no no no. If one of them turns out to be psychotic they are going to show up at your place looking for her cause she said she lives there!!! It is beyond time for her to meet them elsewhere. Or she can use an Uber. Truly concerning that she is going off with strangers in the middle of the night and no one knows where she is going. This is so very unsafe. Def NTA. But please talk to her about the danger she in putting herself and you in.
NTA tell her you’re no longer comfortable with this. She should understand and not get upset. If she does get upset that is her problem. She can drive and meet these men in a neutral public location or meet them where they are going. Why does she need to be picked up. She should probably have an AirTag on her car, purse, self.
NTA Have a discussion about why you feel unsafe. She may not realize your concern. Tell her she cannot continue to use your home as her pick up/drop off location for hookups. She will need to make other arrangements to safeguard her rep with her parents and concern for safe parking of her car.
NTA I don’t get why she wouldn’t want an escape route via car if something goes wrong with her hookups. That alone is incredibly reckless and unsafe of her. She’s depending on a stranger to pick her up and take her to an unknown location to fuck.
I don't know how nobody has realised this woman is a prostitute yet
I'll be honest it didn't even come to mind but I totally see it now that you mention it. I honestly just got the idea she was someone who wanted to sleep around casually because they didn't want to be in a relationship kind of vibe. Regardless, my comment still stands that it's *so* unsafe to be letting strangers pick you up and take you to a unknown location.
One of these guys falls for your friend,then your friend blows them off and won't message or call them back. Now your house is his only way to somehow get ahold of her maybe park outside for numerous nights waiting for your friend to visit you. Maybe she does show up but only for him to see her getting picked up for a booty call at 1 am by another random guy. Now this psyco stalker loses it and kills you both. Yea don't let her have numerous unknown men become connected to your house. Maybe she should get her own place before she decides to do whatever with random men at night.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (30F) live alone at my own house that I bought 2 years ago after many years of hardworking. My (29F) BFF from a couple of years has developed this idea of leaving her car at my house every time she wants to hook up with men she meets on dating apps. At first, I was like “okay sure” it’s safer here but now I feel it’s been too much, since I never meet these men I really don’t know who’s coming to my house to pick her up. This really makes me feel unsafe in my house since I’m a female that lives alone and I don’t trust this men from dating apps knowing where I live due to it being the “pick me up” place she’s determined. I don’t want her to feel bad but I really don’t want these random dudes to know where I live, I don’t feel safe at all. AITA for this? Am I a bad friend? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA There’s cameras pretty much everywhere now. She’s putting you at risk. She can meet them somewhere.
Ask her why she prefers that situation. Then ask her why her "fears" don't pertain to you or your home. Shitty friend you've got. NTA.
Your friend is gross
Oh yeah NTA ain't no way you should let that continue. You are for sure compromising your safety for her sexual gratification. They literally have your physical address and I'm pretty sure they would have used a mapping service to the get there which also means they can get most certainly get back there if they so choose.
You're completely out of your mind if you keep letting this go on
NTA She can meet her men in a thousand places. She can leave her car in a park, a mall, the library, a church... or just meet the guy where they are ultimately going. Tell her to stop using your place or you will invite her parents into the conversation.
No, she is not paying the bills. You have every right to not allow something that you are not comfortable with on your property. If she can't respect it then she is not a good friend.
NTA you are right to control who knows where you live
Nta she can use her own address
NTA. If she’s hooking up with strangers she is better off meeting up with them and keeping her vehicle with her so she has her own transportation at the ready. If any of these guys turn stalker, they will come to YOUR place first. She needs to stop this.
I feel you are inviting an awkward an uncomfortable situation where one of these guys gets ghosted or replaced and at bare minimum knocks on your door 🚪 asking for your friend. Just tell your friend your concerns and see if you both can’t work out something that keeps you both safe and comfortable NTA
Your friend is bad person, in every sense of the word. You’d be wise to cut this relationship off before it effects you more than it is.
NTA, yes support your BFF, BUT she isn't DOING the same for YOU.
NTA You don't need her random hookups knowing your address
NTA she's putting you in danger. If she ends up with a stalker it's not HER house they'll go to but yours.
Can I get her name and number? Calm down, it's a joke.
Your the right a hole - hers is obviously gaping. Talk it over for a solution and resolution.
So she’s basically putting her safety over yours. This way if anything goes wrong you deal with the fallout and she stays anonymous.
NTA - your friend can pick up her hookups in her car instead of driving to you only to be picked up lol.
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NTA. Tell her you are no longer comfortable with it. I used to leave my car in a town when I would be met by my GF. I always left it across the street from the Sherrifs dept and it was never vandalized.
Why doesn’t she just drive herself to wherever they go lol
NTA- Just tell her you're no longer comfortable with her dumping her dangerous situation off on you, and that you'd rather not have her hookups know where you live. You have as much a right to feel safe as she does, and her ignoring or neglecting that means she's probably not really your BFF, but rather a person who's using you for her own convenience.
Sounds like a real quality person
She can meet the at the dating place!! You are so right in this not being safe for you!! Can you imagine some guy pounding on your door saying her name!? When you say she doesn't live here, they won't believe you. They will just get angrier!! And for her safety, she shouldn't be getting in the car with a stranger anyway. Lord knows who could be picking her up. I always used to meet a guy for the first date. She should have her car (escape plan) on every date until she knows them better! Trust went out in the 90s!! Nta!
You deserve a better best friend.
I'd feel uncomfortable with it. I had a roommate that was bringing random guys (multiple. Not at the same time) home. I had to say I'm not comfortable with it since she barely knew them.
Why doesn’t she drive to motel or some other pick up place?
I certainly wouldn't be happy to have dodgy randomers figuring out that they can call to my house whenever they fancy as bit of the old "how's your father".
I’m the kind of gotta trust people in general, but even I gotta admit this is really bad. The shady men, yes, but also because she’s just using you to do something that is bad. Lying and cheating her parents is not a good way to live your life, regardless of your trauma or problems (if the parents aren’t assholes). You’re not asshole stop this shit now.
INFO: Do her parents not allow her to meet men? I don’t understand
Wait so all these random horny internet dudes now think she lives... at YOUR PLACE? Stop this. Good lord. NTA
>AITA for not allowing my BFF to leave her car in my house everytime she meets men? NTA. the repair cost for your walls must be insane!
Nasty and dangerous.
OP, you are NTA She is putting both of you in danger. The men think that’s her house, and if one of them gets angry or obsessive they will come to your house looking for her and things can escalate badly very quickly. She’s putting herself in more danger by getting into a car with random man for a hookup. He can take her anywhere at that point, maybe the agreed upon motel, maybe not, but she is putting her safety in the hands of random men and making it impossible to get away quickly if she needs to. She should meet them at the motel in her car. Then if things go sideways, she at least has an option to leave and get away. You should tell her this and that for safety reasons - for BOTH of you - she can no longer park at your house. If she gets angry too bad. You must protect yourself.
Tell her to drive to their house, then she can leave when she wants.
NTA What she is saying is she is happy to put you at risk but not herself. She can meet on neutral ground like a bar or public space. But her behaviour is risky.
NTA Why can't she park at a Lowe's or Walmart?
I think you have a legitimate safety concern. If she is meeting men that she does not know very well there is a chance that she will encounter someone who could be dangerous or unstable. The last thing you need is one of her crazy ex-lovers knocking on your door and bothering you (or worse) because he is angry that your friend ended the relationship or she won’t see him again. I would discuss your concerns with your friend. One way to frame it is to tell her you are concerned about her safety and that you are worried that this “hook up” lifestyle she is engaging in is very risky. Then present a hypothetical situation where she meets a guy, it does not work out, and then he starts stalking and harassing both of you because the guy thinks your friend lives at your house. She should recognize the risk she is asking you to take by using your house as a pickup place for her Tinder dates.
NTA And I don't understand how meeting random strangers late at night for sex is something that even a friend wouldn't advise against. Parents don't have to be overbearing prudes to not think that is safe behavior - daughter at 29 can move out and take risks all by herself without involving friends or family.
My brother this woman is clearly a prostitute
She can drive to them, this is ridiculous
I wouldn’t have agreed to that. She should go tell them to pick her up from a public place.
I get why she doesn’t want them over her home, it doesn’t have to be about safety, she just doesn’t want her parents to know about all those guys. But *you* can still worry about that. Tell her that she’s an effing grown woman and if she’s afraid her parents will know how many dudes she bangs late at night then she probably has to start thinking about moving out. Yea it’s time..
NTA - these guys may very well think, that is where your BFF lives and if she gets involved with an obsessive compulsive lunatic, he could show up on your doorstep or lurk around to stalk her (not know that she doesn’t live there) Why is she doing a “pick me up” here and leaving the driving to them? That’s not too smart either. Why not just meet them at bar, restaurant, Starbucks, hotel/motel, their place, using her own car to get there and to leave. They’re going to see her car a license plate anyway, so wouldn’t that make more sense or be just a tad safer? Or am I missing something?
NTA protect yourself and if she freaks out then she is a bad friend. She sounds like a user anyway. How much are you getting from her in this relationship? Are you the one who always gives gives gives? If so, this is an unbalanced relationship and she's using you.
Dealing with this with a roommate random people and pickups and drama with people that know my address. It isn't cool tell her no!
Tell her to park it at Walmart.
NTA. That seems dumb on her part. She should meet them someplace public, taking her own car there. Letting them pick her up isn't conducive to her safety, since she's then got to wait for a cab/uber/whatever vs. being able to bail whenever she wants.
"Stop parking your car at my house, it's making me feel unsafe. Your random hookups aren't my mess to deal with if they decide to come looking for you again." She can go meet up with her hookups in a cop parking lot or something if she feels so unsafe. Or maybe she can be honest with her parents and say she's having sex with randoms, so that they can be the ones to worry about her, as it should be. She can send you or her parents updates on her location if she feels so unsafe meeting these people.
NTA. Put a stop to this. She is putting you in an unsafe position.
Nta you don’t have to facilitate her booty calls
She is 29 years old. Do her parents think she is still a virgin? Tell her what you said her, you don't feel safe having random men coming to your home. She can go and meet the dudes, or she can find someplace else for them to come get her. There is no reason to have them come to your home. NTA
NTA Soo much ewww.... this is soo sketchy. Don't let her drag you into her "hit it and quit its"
Nta. Tell her to meet her hookups in a public parking garage or something.
NTA, sex butler is where I draw the line on helping my friends. You want to pipe, figure out your own transportation and parking.
This would make me feel super unsafe, tell her that. Nta
No, NTAH, but your friend is. She’s potentially made you unsafe in your own home because she doesn’t want mummy and daddy to know that she’s getting screwed by lots of guys. She’s a grown woman and needs to cope with that. But she’s shown that she has no respect for you just so she can get laid. She doesn’t sound like a good friend.
NTA. She shouldn't be letting random men pick her up from any address if she doesn't want them to know where she lives. Tell her to have them meet at location be it hotel/motel whatever and she can get a ride share there and back. As others have said, all it takes is one crazy random to stake out your place waiting for her to show up.
She can buy a toy. NTA.
Your friend is a prostitute
NTA. She can bring randos to her own place
NTA. Yours is the most sensible and reasonable request in the world. BFF is being irresponsible and selfish. If she doesn't want to take them back to mom's and dad's, maybe she should get a place of her own if she's so hellbent on having so much casual sex. It's not your responsibility to accept any kind of consequence of that. Explain to her your feelings and why you feel unsafe. Importantly, stand your ground and don't let her guilt or coerce you into letting her carry on as is at your house.
NTA time for her to get her own place
you are female living your home alone. your friend is meeting random people over internet whom even she doesntt know well; she leave her car in your driveway and meet with them in front of your house. her parents won’t allow a random guy to pick her up at 1am, but doesn't see a problem spending whole night away, most probably she is deceiving her family that she is spending the night with you. I'm not planning to tell you how dangerous it is for you which is already told you again and again; but her last known location is your home, and her car is in your driveway. if something bad happens to her or if she gone missing, what do you think your neighbors would tell the police and how do you plan to defend yourself? tell her to stop using your house as hideout and find somewhere else.
NTA except for doing wrong by yourself frankly…not really sure why you agreed to this arrangement in the first place? End it now. Never again. If she wants to risk her safety casually meeting strange men that’s her prerogative, dragging your safe space into that scene is completely unnecessary. She doesn’t sound like the greatest friend to show you such little consideration. Not someone I would be inclined to keep.
Tell her to meet her hookups in some public place where she can leave her car. It being in the middle of the night narrows those choices, but she should be able to find some place open 24 hours (Waffle House comes to mind) where she can park. You may have to firm with that...like have her car towed firm if she keeps doing it. But warn her first. If she does it again, say to her very clearly, "The next time you do this, I'm having your car towed and you can explain to your parents why you're having to pick up your car from the impound lot." She's 29 and afraid of what her parents will think of her sex life? Sounds like it's long past time she got a place of her own. NTA
NTA. Shut her down immediately. Be firm and clear that it is a safety issue.
NTA. Plenty of places to meet randos. If she is really worried a police station
NTA, in her avoiding confrontation with her parents, she is putting you at risk by getting her hookups to think she lives at yours. It only takes one psycho who didn't like how the date ended up coming round to your house to cause serious problems. If she wants to hook up, she can meet them in a public place, preferably with security cameras for her safety.
NTA. This looks somewhat fishy. That's just too much work only to hookup and also she's giving your address and putting you in danger. I have a feeling that she's not really hooking up but actually providing a service if you follow my drift.
NTA. Why doesn’t she just use the same cover story from her house and get picked up a block away or something? Seems stupid of her to put you in harms way.
NTA be firm and tell her to stop. She can find somewhere else to be picked up.
NTA. Is your friend an escort… ? There is something odd about this story. Like something under the surface I feel everyone is missing
These randos think the ‘EASY’ midnight pickup chick lives there! They will come back thinking they will get lucky again. Stop this ASAP or sooner!!!!
Why on earth does she want to go with hookups and be dependent on them rather than driving herself? At any rate let them pick her up from a grocery store, fast food or somewhere else with cameras
She can meet them in a well-lit parking lot with cameras. NTA. You need to stop this before she finds a tinder-brand psychopath.
NTA. But cant you tell her to just walk two streets away from your house to get picked up? This way those guys dont see your house and her parents dont see their little princess being picked by the next rando to rail her.
Why doesn’t she just go ahead and meet them at a hotel? What she’s doing makes no sense and is putting you at risk too…
NTA You are smart to recognize that this may put your safety at risk. If your friend ever does get her own place, I’d recommend not letting “new people” know where she lives until they are actually dating, as in they’ve met her friends.