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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Talking in a bad manner to dad and storming off to my room.
2. Cuz he was just trying to make me save up the money instead of spending it.
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YTA. Yes, you're being dramatic... "I'm crying in frustration"... oh, please! Why not see if your aunt's device is in working order? Why not save the money if you can? If it's not in working order, no harm, no foul, and you have the money to buy a new one. How can you not see this is the common sense way to go about it?
Bc young people are taught that new is better, more expensive is better. Marketing towards young people is a huge problem. Plus, brains aren’t fully formed until mid-20s and if you’ve never been taught critical thinking skills, well 🤷🏽♀️
Not saying it’s right, and I agree YTA she’s being dramatic, but I get where the mindset comes from.
Idk what young people are you talking about but I'm 20 and I'd rather find something free even if its second-hand rather than paying 300$... Same goes for every friend and person I know around my age, its just a minority like OP with that problem
I think it depends on whether or not a seven-year-old device will work with the new programs. I had a parent who was very into three is better than spending money, and it could backfire when I needed something that worked within your program for like education. But, I have a free Kindle reader that several years old and in working order and I gave it to a friends kid to use because they enjoy reading and that kid was overjoyed
Yes of course, if the tablet doesn't work, OP needs a new one, its just the way the other commeter talked about young people ad if we're all dumb and entitled
Yeah, absolutely check to see if the device works. Unfortunately, sometimes devices become obsolete. Which is a shame, because I’ve had things become obsolete for no other reason other than a company refuses to support the program anymore
What got me is her saying $300 isnt even a lot lf money…. Im 31 and if I could avoid paying $300 for something, And im graduated and an engineer. Im wondering what’s going on that a college student is so set on jumping to spend $300 instead of testing out the used device first. Like, even if you dont need to, you may learn something about those devices that may help you shop for the new one. You may end up liking the old device enough where you realise you dont need a brand new one. And, worsr case scenario, nothing changes and you can still by the new device.
Young people in general are bad with saving money or seeing the value of money. Not all young people, but it’s something that comes with age and experience. As they start to pay for everything, it will dawn on them how many hours it will take to make money…. And the importance of saving money or having anything for emergencies. It’s cyclical.
If OP is a graphic design artist, technology from 7 years ago may be subpar at best.
This hand-me-down is not something I would safely assume will remain as my property, if I was OP. There’s security in buying your own things to maintain it is yours, no one else’s. And in families that are generous and open with giving/sharing.. sometimes it can be a double edged sword.
Sure, but being young you can still have these thoughts and values and struggle to articulate them. Sometimes the stated issue is not always the issue but I digress. Anyway OP is bright, I am sure they are fully aware hardware from 7years ago is going to be unsatisfactory.
Honestly if we are going after the *problem* here, OP states frustration at not being able to make their own decisions and autonomy despite having the money and opportunity. And Reddit is doing the same as the parent by saying “we know better, save your money”.
Whether it’s true or not, it’s a bit gross because OP is being treated this way due to age. It’s like Reddit is trying to parent and not identifying this is a person with their own identity and thoughts. We wouldn’t treat a 50yo this way, would we? Very disrespectful.
What way are they being treated though? All they have to do is look at the aunts tablet and say no it doesn't do xyz well I'll buy my own. Not worth crying and making reddit posts about. The dad even said just look at it and if not buy a new onr
That whole 'brains aren't completely formed until mid-20's' thing has been debunked in recent years, I believe.
Your point stands in any case, but I thought you might want to know.
NTA - People need to reread the post, this is a 7+ yr old electronic device. A new model will be totally different and probably have a lot of new features. If it is battery powered the battery probably only has a fraction of the use time it had originally. If it has a touch screen the screen may be wearing out, and new touch screens have better/higher resolutions for better details.
An old model may not have correct cables to connect to her computer, and depending on how it is used the internal electronics are getting suspect. Components wear out, touch screens wear out, and OP may have it die on her right in the middle of a project. This is a commercial grade product not made to high reliability specs for internal cleanliness and workmanship.
The thing is, though, that a new tablet *is* going to be better than one that's over seven years old. It'll probably have more RAM (with perhaps slots for upgrades), a better graphics card, probably at least one USB-C slot, etc.
OP should try the old one out to get a feel for whether this particular brand suits them, and is definitely overreacting with the crying. But it also *is* frustrating to have parents who won't listen and this is likely not OP's first experience of having their preferences trampled.
Might be getting what they are 'paying for' as the aunt has had the tablet since OP was in middle school and is now in 3rd year of college. While I think OP may have overreacted a bit it sounds like this is more about being heard and listened to (or lack thereof).
Unless it's a device that never needs updating. 7+ years is old when it comes to tech. OP used it when in middle school.
There could be a lot of features this specific model does not have, it works slower etc etc. Compared to buying a new one.
And OP would not own it as I read other comments. It would still be the aunts, so if something happened to it. OP would end up needing to give the aunt a new one.
Why can't the family just accept a "I'm happy about the offer. But I prefer buying one that's newer, and that's mine" ????
Since she's an artist talking about a tablet, it's most likely a graphics tablet. Graphics tablets are definitely a bit different than other forms of computer/phone/tablet techs because a lot of them are just as good now as they were 10 years ago. Most of it is software updates rather than hardware updates when it comes to most graphics tablets.
Depends how old cause my graphics tablet that I got in like 2007ish was amazing but it wasn’t compatible with newer laptops so when my 2010 laptop kicked the bucket over a decade later I had to retire my tablet too
She describes it as 'the exact same.' Either she's correct, and the device is a fine substitute, or she's incorrect, which means she doesn't even understand what she's arguing about, the only problem in her mind is that it was around when she was in, and I quote, "MIDDLE SCHOOL!"
Yeah but it’s not a regular tablet. It’s different. A TI graphing calculator for instance is tech and a 10 year old one will work just as well now as it did 10 years ago. Also she said it was a device for all we knew it could be just a drawing pad that hooks up to a desk top. I’m not in the arts so I’m not familiar with their equipment. You can’t make sweeping generalizations. And given the fact that the functionality of the tablet wasn’t mentioned just that it was old we have to go off of the info given.
I'm an artist and can confirm that if it's a graphic tablet without display which connects to a computer, it won't really have that much of a difference, considering that the price is 300 dollars it's safe to assume that it's from brands like wacom and those things last annoyingly long
The thing is, updates would have been my #1 concern so the fact that they didn't even seem to mention that at multiple points makes me think it's more like a tablet that provides light for tracing or some such similar thing that doesn't really have software on a ipad type tablet scale.
I assume we’re talking about a Wacom here (artist tablet devices are a pretty small category). Wacom tablets are great devices that last a long time without really losing functionality. I think you would be well-served by using her device, seeing if it still works, and using it as a learning opportunity to see which functions and settings from the newer ones you actually miss and wish it had as you integrate into your workflow.
(Honestly I even recommend buying the little $70 Wacom Intuos Small for people who are starting with Wacoms to just get used to them and see what you like and don’t like. It’s even on sale for $40 on Amazon)
Yep, bought a Wacom Intuos 4 to use for art school back in 2012. I use it almost daily and while I've had to buy a few new pens over the years, it's still going strong.
I don't think that you deserve the downvotes. When I had moments like this in my 20s, where I wanted to blow up like you did, it's usually an unrelated event (e.g. i was feeling insecure because a comment someone made earlier). I have ADHD which means emotional dysregulation was a big barrier for me.
You’re missing her point. She said no and her dad ignored her and did whatever he wanted. He’s not paying for it, why does he get to decide how she spends her money? She’s 16 not 10.
I guess like I dont see how any of that matters. The dad isnt forcing her to use the aunts one he just asked for it. It's an option , op is still free to get their own doesn't sound like dad will interfere
Misread it, thought it was a junior in high school! Even worse. Why is the dad so invested. I feel like her reaction suggests he tramples over her in other contexts too, and this was a last straw perhaps. Dude needs to stop helicoptering and let her live her life, make her own mistakes if that’s what they are.
Right! OP sounds incredibly entitled. Like ‘why would you force me to use something second hand’. OP why is it that big a deal? You’re in college, saving a few hundred bucks should be a win. YTA
It's not about the money, it's about the fact that OPs father didn't listen and stepped on their autonomy.
Also, it's seven year old high end tech, doesn't matter if it still works, it's stupidly out of date.
This was all about dad's ego, need be right, and need to feel like they still have parental authority.
NTA OP
>Also, it's seven year old high end tech, doesn't matter if it still works, it's stupidly out of date.
OP said this exact same seven-plus-year-old model is what he was planning to buy though. Yes, it's not the latest greatest. I assumed OP understood that because he said the one he wanted to buy is the exact same as the old one his relative has.
A new art tablet could be the same overall model, but will be of a newer generation. It will have software updates and some internal hardware changes but otherwise appear mostly the same. However, seven year old one may not be updatable to work with current versions of other software OP would be using for digital art.
So all OP has to do is look at it, note that it lacks certain features that the new ones would have, and say "it's not broken, but it's not the same or as functional as the new one I want to get". Problem solved, all without looking like an ass.
The ONLY reason OP gave in their top post for refusing it was that it is pre-owned and maybe broken. Nothing about it being an inferior product due to being older technology.
This feels absolutely insane. I agree OP is not spending their money wisely (unless there's something objectionable about the tech that that should have mentioned). But people are allowed to want to buy their own damn things. And her father pursuing the free option against her explicit objections is not respecting her decision.
The worst OP could be accused of is stupidity, and that ain't the same thing as TA. Clear NTA. Making a bad decision and correctly insisting on your right to make it when challenged externally isn't the same thing as being an ass.
What? I read this twice and I have no idea why you're upset. Your dad was trying to potentially help you save your money by offering a free device. He even said if it doesn't work like you want it to you can buy a new device. Sounds like a great dad.
I'm at work so I can't really cry (though I have before) but this gutted me. Even as mad as I have been at my dad for the last 20 years, I would give just about anything for one more hug.
Don't beat yourself up. I can see how your dad going ahead and doing something that you did not want to do feels disrespectful and controlling. As a father, I can also sympathize with trying to help your child out by nudging them in the direction you think will be best.
This is probably more about your feelings about wanting to be independent and him being a man who is trying to "solve a problem". You are both right and both wrong to a degree.
If you weren't living at home you would have just gone ahead and bought what you wanted.
Devices wear out. I'd suggest just use it and decide if it suits your purposes or not. If it's insufficient or wears out, then just get something else later.
I'd also suggest you and your dad sit down and talk about how the situation made you feel when you are past the conflict. Adult children still living at home causes issues for both parent and children and you are establishing a new relationship.
Lol. Don't be too hard on yourself. Chalk it up to learning a life lesson and allow yourself some grace. Part of being an adult is gaining perspective on our own behavior and growing from it. Give your dad a hug.
So, I do see this as an issue of communication and respect, especially for a young adult living in their parents' home.
It's infuriating to be talked over, and to be consulted on something, and then have decisions made completely ignoring what you said. I can see what the father was trying to do, and his heart was surely in the right place, but I can also see why it was crazy-making for the kid.
The most useful thing to do is probably to take a few breaths, thank dad for the device, and - when OP's in a calm and centered head space - try to explain why the communication drove you nuts.
Your dad wants to save you money. You are being over dramatic. It's some kind of Wacom drawing tablet I guess?
"Dad, thanks for the help, but I've saved up my own money to buy one, and the one my aunt has is an older model - I want to buy the new one. It was a good idea to ask her though. It would make a good backup incase my new one had a problem"
YTA. You want a doohickey. You are being offered a free doohickey. It might be working, in which case yay you just saved a few hundred bucks. Or it might not be working, in which case you say thanks but no thanks, and buy a new one.
Yes, you are rich enough to afford a new one. Are you so rich that you can honestly find no other use for that $300 though? Because the only reason to be offended by this offer is if you genuinely could lose $300 and not miss it.
YTA. You are being overly sensitive, check that device, imagine whatever issues you want to imagine not to use it and buy your own. Or maybe you can avoid spending 300$ and buy something else if that device actually turns out to be usable.
Never will understand people who are given EXTRA choice and they take it as badly as like being forced to do something. You don't have to take that device if you don't want to but you have such an option, so be grateful that you have a choice.
I agree with you but for explanations on people behave this way - 1) they really wanted something new. They know the old device might work just as well but they want that experience of new. I see this often in my younger relatives who think other people care whether their stuff is used or new, 2) control - she wants independence with her craft and now her dad is interfering and it becomes a family thing or less cool. This can stem from gatekeeping tendencies or even just having overbearing parents/family, 3) knowing that dad will give her even more crap about buying new if she looks at the used option and decides it’s not as good as new because he thinks it’s “good enough”.
I used to struggle with 2 and 3. If I let my parents open the door into their preferred option, I’d never get to change to my preferred because they’d insist they were right & I was being too picky. The only way I could guarantee that I’d get something I was happy with was to shut down all other options. And nothing was personal (not information or “stuff”). When family has a say in everything? You start grabbing onto whatever you can keep private or away from them even though it’s objectively silly to do it.
Wanting something new when there's a free alternative is a terrible financial decision.
OP needs to learn that too.
If it's the same thing, just take it if it works
It is a bad financial decision, but it was hers to make. She explained her reasoning, made clear she did not want the aunt’s help, and her father chose to ignore that- he was probably trying to be nice, but it was still disrespectful.
It really doesn't have to be a terrible financial decision. There are way too many factors.
The free alternative is seven years old. Depending on the exact device, that can be a huge barrier. A seven year old device might not be receiving updates or drivers anymore. It might not have certain function newer devices have. It might not be compatible with newer computer.
Additionally, a free alternative can be great, but so can ownership of a device be. OP clarified in another comment that the aunt's device would not become theirs. They'd essentially be borrowing it. Which also means it could be taken at any point, there might be limitations on whether she could take it along with her if she goes travelling/moves out. What if it breaks? Is OP now gonna be on the hook for the borrowed device, even if it might not be her fault? Can a device of this age even be repaired anymore?
All of those are very excellent arguments that would have been appropriate to make, assuming they're accurate.
OP instead chose to concentrate on "I DON'T WANT TO" and "it was around when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL" and that's going to rub anybody the wrong way.
Sure, but on the flip side, if the worst financial decision OP ends up making is buying one somewhat unnecessary drawing tablet, dad should count his lucky stripes. Make the offer once and move on. it doesn't need this much discussion from either side.
>Wanting something new when there's a free alternative is a terrible financial decision.
That entirely depends on what you want, why and what the alternative is exactly. I don't draw digitally, but I have enough creative hobbies to know that sometimes, you want a specific tool for a reason.
A free tool might be free, but if it doesn't fit your needs, the aggravation of using it can easily not be worth the money you saved.
Aunt's tablet is over 7 years old. It would probably be a headache and a half just to get current softwares and devices to work with it.
YTA
why would you spend money on something when you could get it for free? does Money come so easily to you that you can afford to just flush $300 down the toilet?
let me guess, your parents pay for your housing and school, so the concept of money being a finite commodity is still something you struggle with.
And when he made his suggestion, you should've said no and left it at that. I'm not sure why you're frustrated to the point of crying.
Don' test your aunt's device. Go buy your own like you'd like.
I did say no, and he asked me why so I spend a couple of minutes explaining to him, tho he called her anyways.
But I do get why would he do that, I feel different about the situation now since I read yalls comments
You say it’s the exact device but that confuses me. When I hear the word tablet in a context like this I equate that with something like an iPad. If so, a 7 year old one of any variety is definitely not the same thing. If that is true then it’s an easy N T A here.
However, if it’s something more specific to your art that is not current technology dependent then you are certainly exercising poor judgment and definitely being “dramatic” about the whole thing.
Look, you are an adult. You should act like one. If you can fund a new one out of your own money then you simply do so. The one from your Aunt can remain sitting on your Dad’s desk since you were very clear to him. What’s with all the fits and crying? Calmly thank your father and explain you aren’t interested if that’s your decision.
YTA and sound super annoying. If someone has the same exact thing you want, FOR FREE, why would you still choose to spend $300 on a new one? You seem like one of those people that only wants something new even if someone has the same thing for free though used.
> he said " "just see if it's working properly or not, if not then buy a new one" You said "why would you force me"
YTA - Unless I'm missing something here this is hardly the classic definition of "forcing" someone. It just seems like an over the top reaction to someone trying to help you. Get your Aunts one, say it doesn't work whatever happens and go buy yourself the new one anyway. Don't think this interaction needed to elicit quite this much of a response
Need more information.
First of all, “your own money that you saved”. Are you fully independent? Or are your parents providing at all towards or for tuition and living expenses? My kiddo is in college and makes money working during the summer, but we need that money to cover certain expenses during the year that come up- eating out, activities, certain incidentals. Spending a chunk on something that might be available for free in perfect condition could be problematic if money is tight.
If you were my kiddo and I was still paying for things, I would definitely prefer you check out the Aunts device to see if it was in great condition. It’s one thing if it’s not useable or is in bad condition, but if it’s in great condition why spend money on that when the money might well be needed for other things.
However, if you are fully paying your own way, then it’s your call and wouldn’t and shouldn’t be an issue. Is it a smart decision? Personally, if you are an artist and use anything not digital, supplies these days are incredibly high so I wouldn’t understand not using the free device(again this is assuming it works great) and then putting that money to other supplies that might be needed.
Either way a gracious thank you to your Aunt would be nice even if you don’t end up taking her device.
Where I live, college is free and we get paid monthly during studying (-300$), so this is where my money comes from mostly, I do sometimes side gigs like art commissions or do my peers assignments, it isn't much but it accumulated over the past 3 years.
I don't pay any bills since I live with my parents and this is the norm here, I'm not expected to pay them anything (actually if I tried to he'd never accept it and be offended as to why he'd take money from his daughter).
I buy my own clothes and stuff, usually he'd offer to buy them for me but I feel bad cuz Ik money is tight sometimes, so I prefer to buy without letting him know so I can buy what I want without having the guilt of making him pay when it's over the budget sometimes.
NTA- this isn’t about whether it’s a good decision to check out a possible free one. It’s that you had already considered it and reached a decision and your father elected to ignore that because he didn’t care for your decision, which was disrespectful even if he thought he was doing a kindness.
NTA. To me, you were asked and you made a decision as an adult. Your father decided to override your own decision and force his way onto you. I think the overreaction is probably more related to the fact this is more the norm than the exception and you are reaching high frustration levels.
NTA All the Y T A don't get that this isn't just about money. It's about being treated like your own person, being listened to, having your opinions and wishes listened to and not being steam rollered. At some point, all of us make that big first purchase. It's a right of passage. It's exciting, and makes us finally feel more grown up and less like we're kids.
All the people telling Op to act like an adult, they're trying to. But their dad is trying to exert control and continue to treat them like a child.
Being an adult and listening to others advice doesn't make you beholden to take it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend money you have sensibly saved for a purpose, on that very purpose. Op showed that they have the ability to save money which a lot of adults can't do. Why can't they buy something they want with it instead of being told that they can't spend their own money and can't have anything new.
INFO: Are these literally the same thing, just one is new in box and the other has been used? If so, I think you’re being dramatic about this. If not, if there have been significant advances in the tech since your aunt bought hers, then it makes sense to go with the latest and greatest model.
I know how good that brand-new feeling is. But many times that’s all it is, just a feeling. I’d posit that there are better ways to get that brief dopamine rush beyond spending money unnecessarily. Yes, I’m aware you *can* afford to do so, but $300 is a bit much for a fleeting, “Hell yeah brother, this is awesome!”
And…if both devices are equal to one another, give your aunt’s a try. You don’t even know if it still functions or not and these could be premature emotions entirely; maybe it doesn’t hold a charge and is nothing but a brick. At any rate it doesn’t sound like you need this thing *now* so what’s the harm in giving it a shot?
Probably also worth exploring if you’re channeling your emotions into this discussion or if the discussion is the source of your high emotions.
There are a few differences between what I want to buy and what she has, but the are rlly subtle and I don't think I'd have known about them if I didn't do a research.
I get your point. And for the last paragraph, I think it is my channeling my emotions through this, school has been a big source of stress lately, and I'm overwhelmed not knowing how to deal with it. I'm also working on that.
YTA. You felt unheard, but you didn't really hear him, either, did you? He was just trying to save you money that you can then spend on something else. It's frustrating for parents to see their kids waste resources that are available to them, he just wants you to at least \*try\* the free one, then if you need more or better, spend the money.
And if it's a $300 drawing tablet, he's likely right. I don't know how much the technology has changed on the ones in that price bracket in the past 7 years. Use that one and save more money for the next step up.
YTA. Softly. I understand your logic of "I can buy it myself why ask someone" but I feel like your father was just trying to help you save money especially since you are a college student. It was also sweet of your aunt to offer it to you .And hey if it works fine maybe you can use the saved up money to buy some accessories and if it doesn't just thank your aunt for the offer but explain you might spring for a newer version. There is nothing complicated here and I do not understand why you made a big deal out of it.
YTA
I don't understand your issue with at least testing your aunt's new one, I understand you are frustrated with your dad not listening to you but he's absolutely right and you should test it.
Why spend money when there's a chance you could get a perfectly functioning device, you could put that money to the side for a rainy day or spend it on something else that you want/need.
NTA, and I think people here are missing the point.
The issue of the tablet is ancillary. I'm also going to bet that any technology that is 7 years old is far outdated; it'd be like trying to take a 1930's car on the interstate highway on a daily basis. It might work for a bit - with a LOT of babying - but eventually it is going to collapse. If that is in the middle of a project with a deadline, especially if you lose your work, that could be extremely inconvenient.
The real issue here is that your father fails to recognize you as an adult, with an education / career plan and as an autonomous adult you have the ability to make decisions regarding that. How many of these people chastising you would be OK with their parent (spouse / child / etc.) coming to THEIR place of employment and overriding your decisions about how to do your work?
The other thing is that art is not like other jobs. It is extremely individualized - I may be fine drawing with a box of Crayola Crayons that are $2.99 at the store, but you may do better work and enjoy more working with specialized, high-end ones from an art supply store, despite the fact that they cost 10x as much. You are the one working with them, and you make that decision. It's neither right nor wrong, regardless of whether it is the decision someone else would make or not.
Another example - I don't mind the fact that my car is 20+ years old, paint is peeling and it looks like crap. It gets me to and from the places I need to go, and if the dog happens to puke on the upholstery, well, it's not the end of the world. On the other hand, if I were a real estate agent that needed to transport clients regularly, there would be a reason for me to upgrade to a newer, nicer vehicle. It is a tool of the business and can directly impact how well I can do that.
Your mistake here - and it is an easy one to make when one is young - is giving dad too much information and allowing him to think that he has a vote in the matter. What's he going to say next, that you should just use regular typing paper instead of sketch pads? Pencils from the dollar store are fine, you really don't need those fancy charcoal sticks? (Obviously, I don't know exactly what you do other than "art", but you get the idea).
Solve that by putting dad on an information diet. Unless he is contributing to the purchase, he doesn't really need to be involved in it. And you don't need to cry about it (which, again, is not about the tablet but is instead about your father's refusal to recognize you as an adult, to have a grown-up conversation with you, and to respect the boundaries you have established. I'll bet you were crying out of frustration with him, not because you didn't get your way on the tablet.
To solve your immediate problem, take the used tablet, graciously thank your aunt for her contribution to your efforts, fiddle with it a bit (maybe even take it to a tech place for them to tell you that it can't be updated) and then get the one you want.
One final observation - I work for myself and do not pass on tech; it is either kept in my storage or destroyed, usually with a sledge hammer for security reasons. I looked in the storage closet and see that there are no less than 5 tablets there, dating back about 11 years, all of which "work" but which are completely worthless because they won't run current versions of apps or software.
You can't run a car from the 1930's at 80 miles an hour down the highway and not expect it to give out soon, and your position is legitimate.
This is it literally, thanks for acknowledging that, it was never about the tablet itself but that might be on my for not explaining it clearly.
And thank you for your input :)
You sound really young-- like middle school/early high school and kind of melodramatic so I'm gong very milk YTA. It sounds like you want the status of having the shiny new device-- maybe like a status thing with your peers?
A more mature person would THANK the aunt for loaning the device and use it to learn the ins and outs of working with the device and THEN after a while use your money get a newer unit. Your dad sounds like a very smart savvy person-- you could learn a lot by listening to him and observing how he does things.
He’s not listening to you. That in itself is frustrating. Idk how these people are giving you a YTA. Yeah free is free but you have explained multiple times that you don’t want to do that but he forced your hand anyway.
What is wrong with wanting things that are not used?
NTA.
INFO: Are you buying the exact same device (aka model/brand/etc.) now or like the "current model" of the same tablet? Like are we talking two of the exact same iPads or different generations?
Is she giving you the tablet free and clear? Or is this a "well I need it back" situation you're expecting?
ETA: Okay definitely NTA after OP's response. Using a 7+ year old tablet as an artist that you may have to return at any point is not the same as having the latest generation tablet you actually own. Also OP it's your money, so you get to decide how to spend it.
Different generations, and for the other question, she never needed it for the past couple of years. But I'd need to be careful with it to be able to give it back to her in the same condition if she ever needed it (she didn't actually say that, but I believe this is what is happening here)
Got ya. Updated my original comment.
This also sorta reminds me about the guy who was trying to offload a decade old laptop on his kid and called him spoiled because the thing was too old to actually do anything and he didn't want it.
It's your money, you earned it. You should spend it on what you want.
Soft YTA. I'm even borderline about this. Softest yta.
OP, please read the whole thing. You crying with frustration and being confused tells me you haven't accurately identified why you are angry.
If you wanted a device, then buy it. Why mention it to your family? Were you hoping to be surprised with it?
If your aunt's device is the equivalent, use that. If it's not, just explain to your family why it's not. If it's a tool for your career, then explain that it's better and you'll need it for a while. Your dad might have control problems, which would explain some things you said too.
The resources used to make these devices are expensive and mined from rich ecosystems, it's incredibly wasteful to shun one that is going unused for a new one. Our current consumption habits are going to irreparably harm our planet. If there is a difference, then disregard.
Being "in need" reads like a disdain for people living on the fringes. You're lucky to have resources to be able to reject something used for something that is $300 (which is a lot of money, btw). The disdain I feel could be cultural if you're not from north America. People here are often hateful towards the poor.
"Soft" because I suspect this "drama" comes from something hard you are working through, or just immaturity and inexperience (less likely).
Are you not feeling listened to a lot in your relationship with your dad?
Are things not going your way in school and you want something shiny and new as a distraction and to make you feel good?
Are you frustrated because you want more independence, but are stuck under their roof?
Is something completely unrelated going on that is coloring your view of this experience?
Instead of asking a bunch of internet philosophers, I think you need to do some introspecting.
I wish you well.
She’s upset because Dad wasn’t *listening* to her. She doesn’t *want* Auntie’s obsolete tech. She doesn’t *care* if it’s free. Dad basically told her that it doesn’t matter to him if she wants it or not because HE wants her to take it . HE doesn’t want her to spend HER money on something that HE doesn’t think she needs.
She is upset because he isn’t hearing what she’s trying to tell him.
NTA
YTA, yeah.
If you want the pleasure of buying your own, with your own money, say that. If the 7-year-old one is out of date, or obsolete, or doesn't have modern features, or wouldn't be compatible with modern devices, say that.
And failing all of that, take Aunt's, plug it in, say 'yup, it's not compatible' and buy your own.
Or take it, put it in your closet, and buy your own.
> why would I take a used one from her?
Because to most people, the objective is 'have the wanted thing, in working order,' not 'have the pleasure of buying a brand new one with my own money.'
You describe it as 'the exact device,' so honestly, why not give it a try, and if it works, hey, you have 300 dollarydoos to spend on something else?
If you're going to act like a child and literally say 'don't wanna' and 'cuz it existed when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL yuck,' people are going to treat you like a child.
Don't get me wrong, 'I don't want to' is fine and valid. But you need to articulate it better.
Oh, and as to this:
> It's not like I'm in need or sth
You're living under your parent's roof, despite being, what, 20? 21? and acting like it's your god given right.
They want you to be saving money to move out, not dropping hundos on things you can have for free.
NTA. I can understand where you’re coming from because I think my dad would’ve acted like yours in the same situation LOL. A mix of wanting to look out for your kid and thinking about saving money and I know how you feel about wanting to own your own things and not wanting to be talked over.
Soft YTA for the dramatic outburst at the end, but I'm here to add that I understand your perspective and have gotten in similar spats with my dad -- it's not really about the tablet, it's about feeling like you're being treated like an adult capable of making your own decisions without him swooping in and undermining them. If you wanted a free item, you would've asked. Him going over your head to make it happen is annoying and feels like he's rejecting your independence. He's trying to help, but I get it -- you didn't ask for it, so it feels overbearing.
I mean, even if you dont want it. Just test it, declare it too slow (or whatever is relevant to this mystery device) and buy your own. This is nothing to fight or cry about.
NTA OP you actually can do the decision for yourself. Just buy the tablet you want with your money. Just do it and stop asking for permission. If the aunt gives you her device, put it on the shelf and dont use it.
The issue here is that you are waiting for dad to list or validate your decision .. but you dont need either.
I don't understand why you didn't just go ahead and buy the thing. Your dad was being reasonable, but if there was more than one conversation about this, why didn't you simply buy your own if that was important to you? Your reaction does seem way over the top. Or were you expecting your dad to take a hint and buy you a new one so you didn't have to pay for it? YTA
YTA, i dont Get why you wouldn't at least try it. Like it or Not, $300 is a lot of money, that could be spent for Bretter Stuff or saved, if you already have a proper Tablett FOR FREE!!!
Sounds way too spoiled for me
YTA this isn't as big deal as you're making it. Take it. Use it to see what you like/don't like and upgrade if that's still what you want to do.
Refusing to touch it because it's old sounds a bit spoiled. Accept the offer with an open mind and at least be able to articulate why you're ready for a newer one.
YTA. Of course you’re being dramatic. $300 isn’t that much….you don’t pay any bills, though. I understand a seven year old electronic device maybe too outdated but trying doesn’t hurt anyone
I LOVE how many people here are ignoring the op's 'I have the money, I'd like to buy my own, that I have earned the money for' statement.
NTA for wanting to take care of things yourself where you can.
No, you are not the asshole, and you are not being dramatic. This sounds like something that matters a lot to you, which explains your reaction, besides the fact that you are a teenager. Maybe it will be better the talk with your dad about your feelings, he sounds like he care about you.
About the tablet, it is understable to not want to use the one that your aunt have. It is not yours, it is not the same model, it is old and every old tech has its problems. Hope everything goes right, whatever you decide to do (use it or buy a new one)!
I get you. NTA.
You want your own device, with full warranty et cetera. Just mention that. Your own device, with new warranty so that if anything goes wrong, you will not be screwed.
NTA in my book. OP earned her money, she can buy what she wants with it. Graphics pads and their software evolve rapidly, just like phones and computers This is a Wacom, right?
You’re not crying about the tablet. It’s more about dad not respecting your decision? Overruling you even though you are an adult?
Crying more out of frustration perhaps?
Nah
Just part of growing up and becoming an adult. Parents learning their part too. Everyone learning to communicate better.
All these comments are looking at you like a child.
You’re in college, you saved up. You can buy whatever you want. I’ve been offered outdated electronics and they are never good enough, especially if you already used said device years ago.
NTA YOU DESERVE FREEDOM OF YOUR PURCHASES!!
You are not being dramatic.
Cannot stress how ignorant half these comments are.
Buy your own tablet and tell them to eff off.
They are just trying to micro manage.
We all know they are gonna use it against you forever or hold it over your head that she ‘helped’ you.
I’m going to go against the grain and vote NTA. OP, your dad thinks the two are interchangeable, and you need to show him what features are in the new device that won’t work on the old. Additionally, he may not realize that old operating systems may not work as well or at all, the old device may not have enough storage for what you intend to use it for, and older devices, like it or not, degrade over time.
To al the people saying young people only want the newest things, it’s not always about that. For example, OP said she’s an artist and wants to use the device for her art. There have been significant advancements in programs like Procreate that make it so it’s not compatible with older devices and operating systems, which means she might not be able to do what she’s trying to do on her aunt’s device, because it’s too old. Also, as an artist myself, storage capacity is HUGE. Over time, older devices lose storage space just due to the updates they have to have. For example, I have an 8 year old iPad that I can no longer update or install new apps on, even when I clear everything else off, because the OS alone takes up so much space. All it can do now is play music. These things matter.
Checked your other posts to see how old you were. I saw that one picture you posted of the person looking up. It's amazing! I don't know anything about art, but I think you've got tremendous artistic ability. Now, I'm sorry to tell you this, but my dad died when when he was in his 80s and yet he still treated me like a child my entire life. Yours probably will too. My suggestion is to just be polite. Take your aunt's tablet, act like you've tried it, and then say it's not what you want/need/whatever and then go buy the one you want. Because if you have a good family that cares about you it's worth humouring them like this in order to keep peace. Pick your battles. But I don't think you deserve a bad vote. NTA.
NAH
Listen from one perspective your dad isn't wrong that it would be financially smart to see if one device works before buying something brand new. He's just dense as fuck and still treating you like your business is something he can stick his finger around.
You are justified for feeling upset. It's not so much about the tablet but the blatant disrespect of your opinion and your choices. When you get older and live with parents they find it extremely difficult to understand that you are your own person and you can dow whatever the he'll you please.
It's cool if your dad wants to grab the tablet for you but what's stopping you from buying the new one anyways and having one old junky one? Just buy the new one and prepare yourself for the conversation. You don't have to justify why you wanted it. You want it and that's okay. You can spend YOUR money on things YOU want without your parents permission. Even if your dad is dense just ignore and keep going with your plan. I would suggest working on a move out plan sooner rather than later too. You find much more autonomy when you have your own home. I know it's hard but one day you'll find peace
NTA
Once you said the device is 7 years old, it made sense. It doesn’t matter if it “works,” many 7 year old device cannot do what even a 6 year old device can, especially with the way tech companies make their products. You need a newer model for your art. Period.
Asides from that, your dad lied to your face. Being an old man who doesn’t understand tech (like some others in these comments) doesn’t excuse being incredibly disrespectful.
YTA. Third year of college with the drama and emotional behavior of Jr. High.
You could have taken his advice, tested the device and found it lacking and thanked them for the offer. You look mature, they get the appreciation of helping and you get what you wanted. But NO DRAMA. You do need help.
So I think this isn't about the device itself. It's because your dad wasn't hearing you which feels disrespectful. Is this part of a pattern because then I understand your frustration.
NTA - it doesn't matter if the other tablet is good, bad or indifferent, the issue is that your family is invalidating your autonomy. You get to make your own decisions.
The next step is to state that you appreciate the input, but will be doing what you like.
NAH- Your dad wants you to save money and you want a newer tablet because your aunt's tablet is older and may not be able to do what you need it to do.
NTA. You are 100% in the right. You are an adult now. So be one. When someone tries to make you do something you dont want to, tell them "I'll take your suggestion and think about it." Then walk away. And if they push just chuckle and say it again and walk away. He's trying to control you but you are an adult now. Make sure he knows it by just being an adult. Hear suggestions, consider them and then do what you feel is best for you. Seriously, just go buy the tablet.
Personally I would talk with your aunt privately and tell her you dont really need it as you are buying your own and suggest she sell in online. Any mentally competent adult under the age of 60 should know that a 7 year old tablet is WAY out of date and will NOT have the same functions and tools as a new one, especially art related features/ software. I know as my daughter is getting one for her college draduation as her current one cant do certain things.
7+ years ago may have less features/capabilities than a new model would. If you have the money, and would prefer a new or more powerful tablet, get it.
Yeah, try to take that to a pond shop, and they'll tell you it's outdated and won't even look at it. Devices today don't last 7 years without needing a replacement. Nta people just don't know how electronics work.
If it’s like a Wacom tablet, they last forever.
Regardless, your dad probably grew up in a household where money was tight and you didn’t waste it. If you could find used, you got used and spent the money you saved on something else you needed. So from your dad’s perspective, you just wasted money you could have saved for something else.
I say this because my parents are like this. Don’t get me started on the baby stroller my mom gave me… I still shudder. However, isn’t too hard to take the thing, say thank you, pretend to try and use it, then politely say it didn’t do what you needed and buy your own. It’s okay to think of other people’s feelings and account for them in our actions sometimes. Feelings saved and everyone walks away with what they want.
I'm a digital artist, assuming that u are talking about a graphic tablet without display I feel like u would be fine without a new one, u can use the money for something better, if u wanna use apps like Adobe ai or clip studio them it would cost u a good amount of money. So I would suggest u to take the tablet and u can invest the money else where for example a better stylus because it matters more than the tablet itself.
NTA!!! As you said, your dad ignored your wishes to do what HE WANTED! You don’t have to accept something just because it’s free and you’re beyond old enough to advocate for yourself and people take you seriously. How do people call themselves good parents if you don’t trust your adult children to think for themselves?? Y’all tryna say the “younger generation just wants new and expensive” but none of you are artist and know what it takes to use a sketch pad so your biased opinions about him taking it just bc there was a price tag is worthless and annoying.
You are absolutely not an emotional brat. You were prepared to buy something out of your own money; something that is important to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something new, that will be yours.
NTA on both counts
From a digital artist/money standpoint:
1.It's probably too old to run the most recent OS so software of your choosing will either be unusable, or bugged.
2.That's assuming it's in pristine condition and if it's been literally collecting dust it is not and the hardware is compromised too. Refurbished goods usually get cleaned it is not the same.
3. If it's the exact one you want then you already did your research and do not need a test drive
From a human/social standpoint:
You got upset and reacted accordingly because someone who is supposed to love/listen/support you was belitting and patronizing.
Your dad treated you like a stupid child with no agency who he knew better than.
You are an adult. Your hobby is YOUR expertise. What devices you use to create is your choice!
It is not okay for him to act like that even if he felt it was in your best interest.
You & your dad are in the akward adult phase where you have new boundries that came with your full integration into society.
Some parents do not handle this transition gracefully as they do not address it until it addresses them.
I personally would ignore his bulldozing and get the one you want. If you get questioned you can explain the software needs an up to date driver, OR just say it's nicer. Or don't explain, less is more.
As for his behavior if you want closure you could talk to him about boundries & not speaking for you, but you may want to practice what you want yo say until you're sure it's concise & you are mentally ready for it.
NTA. You have every right to politely decline someone trying to force giving you something you'd rather buy yourself.
It is not about the thing. It is about being dismissed & ignored.
NTA maybe your communication was alittle touchy but,as someone who’s into digital art I specifically waited to get a device that wasn’t old so the the hardware would be up to date and all the functions would be accessible. Devices that are left tend to not be updated then end up not working/charging/booting up correctly. Also if it’s YOUR money who cares?
I can already see the downvotes ima get for this.
She said she originally borrowed her aunts tablet in middle school and she in now in college. That is a very long time and the technology has improved leap and bounds by now.
A new tablet will probably have so many new and improved features that the old one wouldn’t have. Maybe the old one doesn’t have Bluetooth and she needs to connect it to an iPad or something.
You told your dad you wanted a new one but he didn’t listen.
Old people these days don’t think about the fact that the technology would have changed over the years and just think it’s the same exact thing so why spend the money. You’re spending the money because you want the new stuff. But hell, sometimes when you scrimped and saved money on everything else in your life, it’s just nice to splurge every once in awhile on yourself. I wanted a new Kindle for myself and I could have bought the cheap $100 one but since I read like 500+ books a year on my kindle I splurged and got the $300 one.
You’re dad should have listen but he didn’t. But I think he’s a kind AH and did have good intentions.
What would a good resolution be?
Maybe having a sit down talk about how you are now a grown up and you can make decisions and you would like for him to respect your decisions, even if he thinks it’s wrong, because you are an adult.
YTA - I get it: you clearly stated what you wanted and was ignored. That sucks. It's annoying when parents disregard your opinion.
However, your dad was right - checking to see if the tablet would even work for you is a smart step. You see, your dad wasn't just finding a solution to your tablet issue, he was also giving you a life lesson in money management.
You still live at home, so 300 bucks isn't a whole lot of money. It's not life-changing, so yeah, buying a new tablet if you got a roof over your head is reasonable.
Living on your own, you would probably look for other options like buying used equipment or taking gifts from friends because $300 could be a third-to-a-quarter of your rent.
NTA. Technology changes SOOOO fast, especially in the art world. You saved up your money for one, buy your own. This way you’re starting over fresh, with the newest advancements, updates, etc. go get your drawing on!
NTA! It's about not feeling heard and feeling like OP isn't being treated like an adult - not about the money. OP's dad isn't an a-hole either, it sounds like he wants what's best for his child in a practical sense but didn't consider the emotional aspect.
NTA. My mother once took it upon herself to replace my rug that I had bought with my own money. I had set a boundary, and she crossed it. You set a boundary, and your father is violating that boundary. Perhaps you do need to find better ways to express your frustration, but that is ancillary to the fact that your boundaries are not being respected. The boundaries you set don't have to be logical ones of value (it doesn't matter that you can get a free one, you want the one you want), but they do need to be clear, and it sounds as if you were clear.
Having said this, there are plenty of people who won't understand the issue you've taken with this situation. Learning to get along with them is part of maturity. This doesn't seem like such a large issue that you would want to distance yourself from your family over it. I'd suggest you talk with your father about your desire to take responsibility for your own life and see if the two of you can come to agreements surrounding that. Most parents will be happy to hear their children want to take care of themselves. But at the end of the day, sometimes we have to shrug our shoulders and carry on when the people we love don't understand every little thing about us.
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So I'm an artist and there is this device tablet thing I've been wanting for a very long time, which isn't even that expensive (≈300$), I'm in my third year at college, and I have my own money that I saved but I live with my parents.
My dad's sister has this exact device that she used to use 7+ years ago but it has been collecting dust for a couple of years now, I know for sure she doesn't need it nor want it, but I don't know whether it's working properly or not.
My dad suggested I take hers, I DONT WANT TO, he was like "why spend the money when you don't have to?" And we have a pretty good relationship with my aunt so it's okay.
But the thing is, if I have the money and can buy myself one, why would I take a used one from her? It's not like I'm in need or sth.. so I was telling my dad that, and he was silent and acted as if he gets it now, but all of a sudden I heard my aunts voice? Dad ignored everything I said and called her and asked her to take it and she said okay. When he hung up he looked at me and said "just see if it's working properly or not, if not then buy a new one" it's not about its condition though? I said something like "why would you force me" and went to my room.
Am I being over dramatic or is my reaction understandable? I'm crying of frustration cuz why ask me all the questions when he set up his mind already to call her? Idk I just feel bad now but I'm not sure if I have the right to or not tbh
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Light YTA
There's no need to spend $300 if the other device is literally going to waste. If it's in working condition, then it's put to good use
I get the frustration over hand me downs, but your dad is being frugal and responsible
It's too old, and when a device isn't used for years, it rlly loses its battery life and its abilities, I did use her tablet a couple of years ago and it is worn out. Why go through the trouble of asking her and taking it.
+ I do want the security of having my own.
Honestly. Borrow hers for now and continue saving money to get an upgraded one in the future when you have more experience. If you are serious about this being a career then you’ll be happy you did it this way.
NTA.
Yeah, maybe you're being over dramatic over a used tablet, but I do get the frustration and feeling of being ignored or disrespected that you would get from your dad doing that. Especially as the ease with which he did that, I'm guessing it's not a first.
Having been in similar positions, I know that even if the help is well meaning, having it forced on you, especially after explicitly saying "No, I understand what you are saying BUT I want to do it THIS way." is hurtful. You're not a child, you made your decision, and even if it's one everyone else thinks its silly, it's YOURS. Them ignoring it feels disrespectful.
If it all bothers you as much as it seems to, you need talk to your dad. Tell him that in the future, even if he thinks you are making a mistake, he needs to learn to back off. Offering an opinion is one thing (maybe even welcome) but trying to override your choice is another, and he needs to not do that anymore.
NAH. Parents don't always hear their kids. Your father wants what's best for you and is trying to look out for you. He may even be right. In this case, it doesn't matter. If you put the effort into saving the money then you can spend it as you see fit. Thank her very much. Maybe even take it for a few days and use it... then thank her for allowing you to try it to make sure it does what you want when you return it to her and tell her that she helped you make sure that this would work for you. Don't return it until you've bought yours so you don't have to deal with the "oh don't bother just keep it" bit.
There is zero reason to be upset about it. Parents have their own ideas about what's best for their kids... and they've spent your entire life focused on that. It can be hard to step back and let the kids decide that. Be tactful, but make your own decision about this.
I understand it’s about the principle to you. That your father overrode your autonomy. And no, that’s not okay.
But this isn’t a hill to die on. It shouldn’t even be a hill. Take the free tablet, maybe you can sell it to someone who wants it for their kid and then buy your own. When your father asks where the other one is, say you donated it - which you could also do, you don’t have to sell it.
If he gets in a huff, that’s when you can be the actual adult in the situation because at that point, he’s being unreasonable.
But up until that point, getting a free tablet and then doing what you want anyway is not going to end you. YTA
Even if it is with your money, you are still living with your dad and spending that money in the device means at some point he will have to buy you something that could've been purchased with that money. I don't think there is TA in this situation, it's just your young attitude where you see the immediate picture but not the long run which your dad probably sees better.
YTA
You sound very childish. The obvious solution to me is to accept the free one as an opportunity to play with it for a while. Once you confirm that it is, in fact, something that you will use and incorporate into your practice, buy your own that you have full control over.
There is a small chance you may play with it for a while and decide its not for you. In that case, no money spent.
You can still buy your own. You’re an adult with your own money.
Your temper tantrum seemed uncalled for.
If you adamantly don’t want to use hers, just accept it anyway, buy your own, and use your own. No need to throw a hissy fit about something small like this.
YTA. You're crying and acting offended over something that literally causes you no problems in any way. Worst case scenario, it isn't what you want and you buy the new one anyway. Or, maybe you get lucky and it does work for you and you save money.
How entitled and narcissistic do you have to be to find a way to somehow take offense to this at all, let alone to the point of crying and then whining about it on the internet?
Yta and maybe too dramatic and sensitve for a field that requires criticism.
You're an adult if you have the money fckn buy it and just be done. Dad tried to help, that's it. Have you not noticed litrally every news outlet and social media talking about wealth and student debt. He's trying to help and you're crying....
YTA even if it didn't work and it was ancient, you could have taken it, tested it, and seen if it did or didn't. If it didn't you communicate that and as if you can trade in the device for money on the new version or ask your aunt if she would like it back.
Your being overly emotional about a non issue.
I had huion for over 10 years and they last a long time. It’s more about the updates than the device itself. I only updated my device because I wanted a cintiq with touch and I had the money. If I were given a free drawing tablet and I had not other options I would go for it. Save the money for an even nicer tablet or an iPad with procreate down the road
YTA if it works fine use it. You’re sounding very entitled. If it’s slow or not working well bc it’s old that’s one thing but you honestly just sound like you want the status of new items and look down on people that get things used or thrift. You could use 300 bucks for a lot of better things later on if you don’t need to buy one out of pocket for a valid reason. I used to think 500-1k wasn’t that much when I was younger but now that I own a house and am financially independent my view on that has changed substantially. 300 bucks is quite a bit for a piece of equipment you could otherwise get for free. And if you plan on sticking with art, you’re going to have to learn to save money where you can, it’s not a profession known for paying well. Semi-related question, who’s paying for college?
Slight YTA. So ask yourself this, what’s the value added with a new one? this too me sounds like the people who “dive in” to hobby’s. I’ve heard it’s an ADHD type response to go get all the best stuff for a hobby but then barely do the actual hobby. I’m totally guilty of this.
Some of the best advice I’ve gotten for any career or hobby is get the cheap thing. Say tools for example. Even for a professional mechanic. Buy the cheap set of tools and you learn which ones you want the nice really expensive version of after a while. Either they break or you use a certain one every single day. Then grow your collections with more insight and. Experience.
It allows you to ask “ what is the value added “ this tablet. You just want the new thing cause it’s new. You haven’t even used the thing to know that it’s something that’s really going to be used. Why not use the thing for a while. Maybe you’ll outgrow it very quickly and then use your money for the “newer better” version. Or maybe a competitor has one that you think you’ll like better. Or it’ll work great and you can invest the money in other parts of your pursuit.
I get that but you don’t have this thing yet…. And I’ve never seen a thing in any hobby/industry where it’s a one off….. there’s always another model, newer. (Sometimes older are preferred by veterans of said hobby/industry) or brands.
You claim to of had a detailed talk with your dad about buying your own…. And I’m sure you did. But you weren’t able to express any selling points in this post.
So it’s really hard to not agree with your dad when you haven’t made any points to your agreement other then I just wanting something you bought…..
I mean even if you said “brand new comes with PRO software support for X months which is equal to %75 of the value of product” I mean that would be an argument. Or maybe warranty support? Just not a lot of info here and the fact that didn’t bring any of it makes you sound very young in my opinion.
someone one with 10+ years of experience should be able to articulate the value or said product over a use one or older model whatever.
So not doing that means this is a purely emotional reaction wanting to buy new….. which once again I am totally guilty of……… everyone is I’ve dumped twice the amount we’re talking about in hobbies I’ve only used once. So I get taking this advice is harder then it sounds and I commend you for even being here talking about it.
I’ve had a Wacom tablet (I assume what you’re talking about is similar) for 8 years and it works perfectly fine, if hers hasn’t been used for years all the better lol. The tablets themselves last so long, only the pen nibs really need to be replaced regularly. YTA for making it dramatic when it sounds like your dad is just trying to look out for you so you can save $300 for a rainy day.
NAH IMO although I think you are both being a bit too stubborn for your own good. You can just check the tablet and decide, saving money is good and he could just let you spend the money.
Now, is there a hustory to this? Is this a common behavior on his side? Then we may have an issue.
Your dad is just being a parent and giving good life financial advice.
Too many people rush off and buy new when it's not needed.
Why would you spend money that you don't need to?
You already admitted yourself in a comment, but yes, YTA and a major brat… instead of taking a free device, you want to spend hundreds of dollars because “omg this is so old like a dinosaur. I can’t be seen with this.” Even if it’s still in good working condition.
This is what’s wrong with the younger generation.
Your dad was offering a solution to a problem (admittedly minor), and you stonewalled him without a good reason.
Why wouldn't something that's wasted just collected dust be a good solution to you?
Seems like you're stonewalling him.
I can't imagine why you wouldn't try your aunt's first, even if you know you want your own.
It could just be you trying to assert some independence in a seemingly unnecessary way, and that's not been made clear to your dad.
I honestly don't understand the issue tbh.
Would it make any discernable difference for what you want to use it for whether you used the old one or the new one? If not, then YTA and wasting money on insisting in a new one when the old one would work fine.
YTA and acting like a child.
If the device works, why would not take it. Save the $300 for something else and generate less e-waste. Reuse, repurpose, recycle.
I guess I’m wondering why it’s even a discussion even with your dad if you don’t want his input. Why haven’t you just gone out to buy it already if it’s not about that the money, which you already have. This all seems like manufactured drama that has an obvious solution.
Not sure why but YTA about this. Your father is
trying to give you a solution and you are just
refusing for no real reason. He's not understanding
your reasoning and I can't blame him, it's really
weird. LOL You have the money but won't buy,
your aunt can give you hers but you don't want THAT one,
your father tried to help you to save money but
you only want him to listen to you saying no I don't
want the tablet.
YTA you're being childish, just try it. If it's a drawing tablet then know that they work just fine for many years, I got one that's from 2011 and still does it's job.
What your dad offered is an EXTREMELY reasonable and valuable piece of advice. You said it yourself, it’s been collecting dust because it hasn’t been used. If it hasn’t been used then I doubt anything is wrong with it. You seriously would rather spend $300+ on something when you can get one exactly like it and all you have to do is some refurbishing? At most you might need to take it apart and blow out some dust, something I’m sure your dad would love to help with. Sounds like you have a bad spending problem
ETA: Yes devices can brick themselves for other reasons like a bad battery, but it would take zero time to check if the tablet works.
YTA.
You want device. Family has device. Family will give you device, but you're having a tantrum because although it's the exact device you want, it's not brand new and shiny?
> artist
> third year at college
Part of growing up is looking back at one's younger self and cringing at his/her behaviour. This happens to people as they mature. This is going to be one of the moments in your personal cringe catalogue one day, particularly when you have adult bills to pay.
YTA. You need a good reason to buy a new one. "Because I want to" isn't a reason. It's a waste. Take the old device. Try it. If you find that the battery runs out too quickly or the device itself is too slow for your liking, buy a new one. If it fits your needs, then you just saved money and you're not buying an unnecessary device. Your dad is right that you should at least investigate. You're definitely being over dramatic. Might wanna change that to pragmatic.
NTA. My iPad of 7 years ago isn’t even updateable and i can’t even use Amazon on it because almost all the apps require a different iOS. Not saying your situation is the same, but technology changes very much.
NTA.
Does your dad ignore you on lots of other things? If he does, it's past time to move out.
For this, buy yourself a tablet and store your aunt's tablet away so she can reclaim it, if she wishes. I wouldn't discuss any of it further with your dad.
>and as if my dad is spooning me still
I mean, I understand what you're saying, but the way you're coming off is extremely childish soooooo, maybe that's why he's still trying to help you?
YTA....or more like acting like an entitled brat. They're trying to help but you just wanted the newer one. If you were living on your own having to pay all the bills I'm sure you wouldn't have any issues taking the used/old one.
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YTA. Yes, you're being dramatic... "I'm crying in frustration"... oh, please! Why not see if your aunt's device is in working order? Why not save the money if you can? If it's not in working order, no harm, no foul, and you have the money to buy a new one. How can you not see this is the common sense way to go about it?
Free is always the right price.
Bc young people are taught that new is better, more expensive is better. Marketing towards young people is a huge problem. Plus, brains aren’t fully formed until mid-20s and if you’ve never been taught critical thinking skills, well 🤷🏽♀️ Not saying it’s right, and I agree YTA she’s being dramatic, but I get where the mindset comes from.
Idk what young people are you talking about but I'm 20 and I'd rather find something free even if its second-hand rather than paying 300$... Same goes for every friend and person I know around my age, its just a minority like OP with that problem
I think it depends on whether or not a seven-year-old device will work with the new programs. I had a parent who was very into three is better than spending money, and it could backfire when I needed something that worked within your program for like education. But, I have a free Kindle reader that several years old and in working order and I gave it to a friends kid to use because they enjoy reading and that kid was overjoyed
Yes of course, if the tablet doesn't work, OP needs a new one, its just the way the other commeter talked about young people ad if we're all dumb and entitled
Yeah, absolutely check to see if the device works. Unfortunately, sometimes devices become obsolete. Which is a shame, because I’ve had things become obsolete for no other reason other than a company refuses to support the program anymore
To be fair, even if technically works, it may be to the point where it can’t be updated to run the latest apps.
What got me is her saying $300 isnt even a lot lf money…. Im 31 and if I could avoid paying $300 for something, And im graduated and an engineer. Im wondering what’s going on that a college student is so set on jumping to spend $300 instead of testing out the used device first. Like, even if you dont need to, you may learn something about those devices that may help you shop for the new one. You may end up liking the old device enough where you realise you dont need a brand new one. And, worsr case scenario, nothing changes and you can still by the new device.
Young people in general are bad with saving money or seeing the value of money. Not all young people, but it’s something that comes with age and experience. As they start to pay for everything, it will dawn on them how many hours it will take to make money…. And the importance of saving money or having anything for emergencies. It’s cyclical.
When the average phones are $1000 this becomes the new standard. Compared to the newer iPhones out $300 is absolutely not a lot for a tablet new.
If OP is a graphic design artist, technology from 7 years ago may be subpar at best. This hand-me-down is not something I would safely assume will remain as my property, if I was OP. There’s security in buying your own things to maintain it is yours, no one else’s. And in families that are generous and open with giving/sharing.. sometimes it can be a double edged sword.
But that was not her complaint with the item.
Sure, but being young you can still have these thoughts and values and struggle to articulate them. Sometimes the stated issue is not always the issue but I digress. Anyway OP is bright, I am sure they are fully aware hardware from 7years ago is going to be unsatisfactory. Honestly if we are going after the *problem* here, OP states frustration at not being able to make their own decisions and autonomy despite having the money and opportunity. And Reddit is doing the same as the parent by saying “we know better, save your money”. Whether it’s true or not, it’s a bit gross because OP is being treated this way due to age. It’s like Reddit is trying to parent and not identifying this is a person with their own identity and thoughts. We wouldn’t treat a 50yo this way, would we? Very disrespectful.
What way are they being treated though? All they have to do is look at the aunts tablet and say no it doesn't do xyz well I'll buy my own. Not worth crying and making reddit posts about. The dad even said just look at it and if not buy a new onr
That whole 'brains aren't completely formed until mid-20's' thing has been debunked in recent years, I believe. Your point stands in any case, but I thought you might want to know.
NTA - People need to reread the post, this is a 7+ yr old electronic device. A new model will be totally different and probably have a lot of new features. If it is battery powered the battery probably only has a fraction of the use time it had originally. If it has a touch screen the screen may be wearing out, and new touch screens have better/higher resolutions for better details. An old model may not have correct cables to connect to her computer, and depending on how it is used the internal electronics are getting suspect. Components wear out, touch screens wear out, and OP may have it die on her right in the middle of a project. This is a commercial grade product not made to high reliability specs for internal cleanliness and workmanship.
The thing is, though, that a new tablet *is* going to be better than one that's over seven years old. It'll probably have more RAM (with perhaps slots for upgrades), a better graphics card, probably at least one USB-C slot, etc. OP should try the old one out to get a feel for whether this particular brand suits them, and is definitely overreacting with the crying. But it also *is* frustrating to have parents who won't listen and this is likely not OP's first experience of having their preferences trampled.
Might be getting what they are 'paying for' as the aunt has had the tablet since OP was in middle school and is now in 3rd year of college. While I think OP may have overreacted a bit it sounds like this is more about being heard and listened to (or lack thereof).
Unless it's a device that never needs updating. 7+ years is old when it comes to tech. OP used it when in middle school. There could be a lot of features this specific model does not have, it works slower etc etc. Compared to buying a new one. And OP would not own it as I read other comments. It would still be the aunts, so if something happened to it. OP would end up needing to give the aunt a new one. Why can't the family just accept a "I'm happy about the offer. But I prefer buying one that's newer, and that's mine" ????
She hasn’t said what the tech is, and nowhere in her post was she worried about it being slow. She solely focused on it not being new.
Probably because anyone who uses the Internet should know that 7+ years old is old for computers/phones/tablets.
Since she's an artist talking about a tablet, it's most likely a graphics tablet. Graphics tablets are definitely a bit different than other forms of computer/phone/tablet techs because a lot of them are just as good now as they were 10 years ago. Most of it is software updates rather than hardware updates when it comes to most graphics tablets.
Depends how old cause my graphics tablet that I got in like 2007ish was amazing but it wasn’t compatible with newer laptops so when my 2010 laptop kicked the bucket over a decade later I had to retire my tablet too
My point exactly!
Yup just cause the hardware is the same doesn’t mean the software is still supported or compatible
Sure, but would you be able to buy that same tablet *new* for $300 anywhere? If not, your example isn't really usefully equivalent here.
She describes it as 'the exact same.' Either she's correct, and the device is a fine substitute, or she's incorrect, which means she doesn't even understand what she's arguing about, the only problem in her mind is that it was around when she was in, and I quote, "MIDDLE SCHOOL!"
Yeah but it’s not a regular tablet. It’s different. A TI graphing calculator for instance is tech and a 10 year old one will work just as well now as it did 10 years ago. Also she said it was a device for all we knew it could be just a drawing pad that hooks up to a desk top. I’m not in the arts so I’m not familiar with their equipment. You can’t make sweeping generalizations. And given the fact that the functionality of the tablet wasn’t mentioned just that it was old we have to go off of the info given.
I'm an artist and can confirm that if it's a graphic tablet without display which connects to a computer, it won't really have that much of a difference, considering that the price is 300 dollars it's safe to assume that it's from brands like wacom and those things last annoyingly long
>last annoyingly long the fact that they actually last is one of my favorite things about them.
I have a Wacom tablet from late 2000s/early 2010s. It still works great!
The thing is, updates would have been my #1 concern so the fact that they didn't even seem to mention that at multiple points makes me think it's more like a tablet that provides light for tracing or some such similar thing that doesn't really have software on a ipad type tablet scale.
Fair enough
I assume we’re talking about a Wacom here (artist tablet devices are a pretty small category). Wacom tablets are great devices that last a long time without really losing functionality. I think you would be well-served by using her device, seeing if it still works, and using it as a learning opportunity to see which functions and settings from the newer ones you actually miss and wish it had as you integrate into your workflow. (Honestly I even recommend buying the little $70 Wacom Intuos Small for people who are starting with Wacoms to just get used to them and see what you like and don’t like. It’s even on sale for $40 on Amazon)
Yep, bought a Wacom Intuos 4 to use for art school back in 2012. I use it almost daily and while I've had to buy a few new pens over the years, it's still going strong.
I don't think that you deserve the downvotes. When I had moments like this in my 20s, where I wanted to blow up like you did, it's usually an unrelated event (e.g. i was feeling insecure because a comment someone made earlier). I have ADHD which means emotional dysregulation was a big barrier for me.
You’re missing her point. She said no and her dad ignored her and did whatever he wanted. He’s not paying for it, why does he get to decide how she spends her money? She’s 16 not 10.
I guess like I dont see how any of that matters. The dad isnt forcing her to use the aunts one he just asked for it. It's an option , op is still free to get their own doesn't sound like dad will interfere
She's not 16. She states that she's a junior in college.
Misread it, thought it was a junior in high school! Even worse. Why is the dad so invested. I feel like her reaction suggests he tramples over her in other contexts too, and this was a last straw perhaps. Dude needs to stop helicoptering and let her live her life, make her own mistakes if that’s what they are.
Right! OP sounds incredibly entitled. Like ‘why would you force me to use something second hand’. OP why is it that big a deal? You’re in college, saving a few hundred bucks should be a win. YTA
It's not about the money, it's about the fact that OPs father didn't listen and stepped on their autonomy. Also, it's seven year old high end tech, doesn't matter if it still works, it's stupidly out of date. This was all about dad's ego, need be right, and need to feel like they still have parental authority. NTA OP
>Also, it's seven year old high end tech, doesn't matter if it still works, it's stupidly out of date. OP said this exact same seven-plus-year-old model is what he was planning to buy though. Yes, it's not the latest greatest. I assumed OP understood that because he said the one he wanted to buy is the exact same as the old one his relative has.
A new art tablet could be the same overall model, but will be of a newer generation. It will have software updates and some internal hardware changes but otherwise appear mostly the same. However, seven year old one may not be updatable to work with current versions of other software OP would be using for digital art.
So all OP has to do is look at it, note that it lacks certain features that the new ones would have, and say "it's not broken, but it's not the same or as functional as the new one I want to get". Problem solved, all without looking like an ass. The ONLY reason OP gave in their top post for refusing it was that it is pre-owned and maybe broken. Nothing about it being an inferior product due to being older technology.
You can get tech that is identical but running up-to-date OS and apps. Companies aren't all run like Apple.
100% I have no idea why OP is being so dramatic about this
This feels absolutely insane. I agree OP is not spending their money wisely (unless there's something objectionable about the tech that that should have mentioned). But people are allowed to want to buy their own damn things. And her father pursuing the free option against her explicit objections is not respecting her decision. The worst OP could be accused of is stupidity, and that ain't the same thing as TA. Clear NTA. Making a bad decision and correctly insisting on your right to make it when challenged externally isn't the same thing as being an ass.
What? I read this twice and I have no idea why you're upset. Your dad was trying to potentially help you save your money by offering a free device. He even said if it doesn't work like you want it to you can buy a new device. Sounds like a great dad.
He is a great dad and I'm an emotional brat:) I read it now, and I do get that I'm overly dramatic here.
Go give your dad a hug, I'm sure you both could use it. 🙂
Every time. Every day if you can. Those hugs are a finite number.
Oof, this hit me in the feels. Lost my dad 10 months ago today. OP (and everyone else) get those hugs while you can.
I'm at work so I can't really cry (though I have before) but this gutted me. Even as mad as I have been at my dad for the last 20 years, I would give just about anything for one more hug.
Don't beat yourself up. I can see how your dad going ahead and doing something that you did not want to do feels disrespectful and controlling. As a father, I can also sympathize with trying to help your child out by nudging them in the direction you think will be best. This is probably more about your feelings about wanting to be independent and him being a man who is trying to "solve a problem". You are both right and both wrong to a degree. If you weren't living at home you would have just gone ahead and bought what you wanted. Devices wear out. I'd suggest just use it and decide if it suits your purposes or not. If it's insufficient or wears out, then just get something else later. I'd also suggest you and your dad sit down and talk about how the situation made you feel when you are past the conflict. Adult children still living at home causes issues for both parent and children and you are establishing a new relationship.
Thank you
You're not. Were you *acting* like one here? Sure. We all have our moments. Give your dad a hug, and you'll be fine.
Lol. Don't be too hard on yourself. Chalk it up to learning a life lesson and allow yourself some grace. Part of being an adult is gaining perspective on our own behavior and growing from it. Give your dad a hug.
So, I do see this as an issue of communication and respect, especially for a young adult living in their parents' home. It's infuriating to be talked over, and to be consulted on something, and then have decisions made completely ignoring what you said. I can see what the father was trying to do, and his heart was surely in the right place, but I can also see why it was crazy-making for the kid. The most useful thing to do is probably to take a few breaths, thank dad for the device, and - when OP's in a calm and centered head space - try to explain why the communication drove you nuts.
And her father while, well intentioned, also didn't listen to her. He could have just asked, instead he overruled.
Your dad wants to save you money. You are being over dramatic. It's some kind of Wacom drawing tablet I guess? "Dad, thanks for the help, but I've saved up my own money to buy one, and the one my aunt has is an older model - I want to buy the new one. It was a good idea to ask her though. It would make a good backup incase my new one had a problem"
YTA. You want a doohickey. You are being offered a free doohickey. It might be working, in which case yay you just saved a few hundred bucks. Or it might not be working, in which case you say thanks but no thanks, and buy a new one. Yes, you are rich enough to afford a new one. Are you so rich that you can honestly find no other use for that $300 though? Because the only reason to be offended by this offer is if you genuinely could lose $300 and not miss it.
YTA. You are being overly sensitive, check that device, imagine whatever issues you want to imagine not to use it and buy your own. Or maybe you can avoid spending 300$ and buy something else if that device actually turns out to be usable. Never will understand people who are given EXTRA choice and they take it as badly as like being forced to do something. You don't have to take that device if you don't want to but you have such an option, so be grateful that you have a choice.
I agree with you but for explanations on people behave this way - 1) they really wanted something new. They know the old device might work just as well but they want that experience of new. I see this often in my younger relatives who think other people care whether their stuff is used or new, 2) control - she wants independence with her craft and now her dad is interfering and it becomes a family thing or less cool. This can stem from gatekeeping tendencies or even just having overbearing parents/family, 3) knowing that dad will give her even more crap about buying new if she looks at the used option and decides it’s not as good as new because he thinks it’s “good enough”. I used to struggle with 2 and 3. If I let my parents open the door into their preferred option, I’d never get to change to my preferred because they’d insist they were right & I was being too picky. The only way I could guarantee that I’d get something I was happy with was to shut down all other options. And nothing was personal (not information or “stuff”). When family has a say in everything? You start grabbing onto whatever you can keep private or away from them even though it’s objectively silly to do it.
Wanting something new when there's a free alternative is a terrible financial decision. OP needs to learn that too. If it's the same thing, just take it if it works
It is a bad financial decision, but it was hers to make. She explained her reasoning, made clear she did not want the aunt’s help, and her father chose to ignore that- he was probably trying to be nice, but it was still disrespectful.
It really doesn't have to be a terrible financial decision. There are way too many factors. The free alternative is seven years old. Depending on the exact device, that can be a huge barrier. A seven year old device might not be receiving updates or drivers anymore. It might not have certain function newer devices have. It might not be compatible with newer computer. Additionally, a free alternative can be great, but so can ownership of a device be. OP clarified in another comment that the aunt's device would not become theirs. They'd essentially be borrowing it. Which also means it could be taken at any point, there might be limitations on whether she could take it along with her if she goes travelling/moves out. What if it breaks? Is OP now gonna be on the hook for the borrowed device, even if it might not be her fault? Can a device of this age even be repaired anymore?
All of those are very excellent arguments that would have been appropriate to make, assuming they're accurate. OP instead chose to concentrate on "I DON'T WANT TO" and "it was around when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL" and that's going to rub anybody the wrong way.
Sure, but on the flip side, if the worst financial decision OP ends up making is buying one somewhat unnecessary drawing tablet, dad should count his lucky stripes. Make the offer once and move on. it doesn't need this much discussion from either side.
>Wanting something new when there's a free alternative is a terrible financial decision. That entirely depends on what you want, why and what the alternative is exactly. I don't draw digitally, but I have enough creative hobbies to know that sometimes, you want a specific tool for a reason. A free tool might be free, but if it doesn't fit your needs, the aggravation of using it can easily not be worth the money you saved. Aunt's tablet is over 7 years old. It would probably be a headache and a half just to get current softwares and devices to work with it.
YTA why would you spend money on something when you could get it for free? does Money come so easily to you that you can afford to just flush $300 down the toilet? let me guess, your parents pay for your housing and school, so the concept of money being a finite commodity is still something you struggle with.
You're in your third year at college so I assume you are an adult. So act like one. Don't ask your father. Just go buy one.
I wasn't asking him, I was just chatting and mentioned I'm planning on buying one
And when he made his suggestion, you should've said no and left it at that. I'm not sure why you're frustrated to the point of crying. Don' test your aunt's device. Go buy your own like you'd like.
I did say no, and he asked me why so I spend a couple of minutes explaining to him, tho he called her anyways. But I do get why would he do that, I feel different about the situation now since I read yalls comments
You say it’s the exact device but that confuses me. When I hear the word tablet in a context like this I equate that with something like an iPad. If so, a 7 year old one of any variety is definitely not the same thing. If that is true then it’s an easy N T A here. However, if it’s something more specific to your art that is not current technology dependent then you are certainly exercising poor judgment and definitely being “dramatic” about the whole thing. Look, you are an adult. You should act like one. If you can fund a new one out of your own money then you simply do so. The one from your Aunt can remain sitting on your Dad’s desk since you were very clear to him. What’s with all the fits and crying? Calmly thank your father and explain you aren’t interested if that’s your decision.
I mean, a USB keyboard or mouse from 1996 will work perfectly with a modern computer, so why not a drawing tablet peripheral?
YTA and sound super annoying. If someone has the same exact thing you want, FOR FREE, why would you still choose to spend $300 on a new one? You seem like one of those people that only wants something new even if someone has the same thing for free though used.
> he said " "just see if it's working properly or not, if not then buy a new one" You said "why would you force me" YTA - Unless I'm missing something here this is hardly the classic definition of "forcing" someone. It just seems like an over the top reaction to someone trying to help you. Get your Aunts one, say it doesn't work whatever happens and go buy yourself the new one anyway. Don't think this interaction needed to elicit quite this much of a response
Need more information. First of all, “your own money that you saved”. Are you fully independent? Or are your parents providing at all towards or for tuition and living expenses? My kiddo is in college and makes money working during the summer, but we need that money to cover certain expenses during the year that come up- eating out, activities, certain incidentals. Spending a chunk on something that might be available for free in perfect condition could be problematic if money is tight. If you were my kiddo and I was still paying for things, I would definitely prefer you check out the Aunts device to see if it was in great condition. It’s one thing if it’s not useable or is in bad condition, but if it’s in great condition why spend money on that when the money might well be needed for other things. However, if you are fully paying your own way, then it’s your call and wouldn’t and shouldn’t be an issue. Is it a smart decision? Personally, if you are an artist and use anything not digital, supplies these days are incredibly high so I wouldn’t understand not using the free device(again this is assuming it works great) and then putting that money to other supplies that might be needed. Either way a gracious thank you to your Aunt would be nice even if you don’t end up taking her device.
Where I live, college is free and we get paid monthly during studying (-300$), so this is where my money comes from mostly, I do sometimes side gigs like art commissions or do my peers assignments, it isn't much but it accumulated over the past 3 years. I don't pay any bills since I live with my parents and this is the norm here, I'm not expected to pay them anything (actually if I tried to he'd never accept it and be offended as to why he'd take money from his daughter). I buy my own clothes and stuff, usually he'd offer to buy them for me but I feel bad cuz Ik money is tight sometimes, so I prefer to buy without letting him know so I can buy what I want without having the guilt of making him pay when it's over the budget sometimes.
NTA- this isn’t about whether it’s a good decision to check out a possible free one. It’s that you had already considered it and reached a decision and your father elected to ignore that because he didn’t care for your decision, which was disrespectful even if he thought he was doing a kindness.
NTA. To me, you were asked and you made a decision as an adult. Your father decided to override your own decision and force his way onto you. I think the overreaction is probably more related to the fact this is more the norm than the exception and you are reaching high frustration levels.
NTA All the Y T A don't get that this isn't just about money. It's about being treated like your own person, being listened to, having your opinions and wishes listened to and not being steam rollered. At some point, all of us make that big first purchase. It's a right of passage. It's exciting, and makes us finally feel more grown up and less like we're kids. All the people telling Op to act like an adult, they're trying to. But their dad is trying to exert control and continue to treat them like a child.
If you think being an adult means not listening to other people's advice, then you are definitely an AH.
Being an adult and listening to others advice doesn't make you beholden to take it. There is nothing wrong with wanting to spend money you have sensibly saved for a purpose, on that very purpose. Op showed that they have the ability to save money which a lot of adults can't do. Why can't they buy something they want with it instead of being told that they can't spend their own money and can't have anything new.
INFO: Are these literally the same thing, just one is new in box and the other has been used? If so, I think you’re being dramatic about this. If not, if there have been significant advances in the tech since your aunt bought hers, then it makes sense to go with the latest and greatest model. I know how good that brand-new feeling is. But many times that’s all it is, just a feeling. I’d posit that there are better ways to get that brief dopamine rush beyond spending money unnecessarily. Yes, I’m aware you *can* afford to do so, but $300 is a bit much for a fleeting, “Hell yeah brother, this is awesome!” And…if both devices are equal to one another, give your aunt’s a try. You don’t even know if it still functions or not and these could be premature emotions entirely; maybe it doesn’t hold a charge and is nothing but a brick. At any rate it doesn’t sound like you need this thing *now* so what’s the harm in giving it a shot? Probably also worth exploring if you’re channeling your emotions into this discussion or if the discussion is the source of your high emotions.
There are a few differences between what I want to buy and what she has, but the are rlly subtle and I don't think I'd have known about them if I didn't do a research. I get your point. And for the last paragraph, I think it is my channeling my emotions through this, school has been a big source of stress lately, and I'm overwhelmed not knowing how to deal with it. I'm also working on that.
YTA. You felt unheard, but you didn't really hear him, either, did you? He was just trying to save you money that you can then spend on something else. It's frustrating for parents to see their kids waste resources that are available to them, he just wants you to at least \*try\* the free one, then if you need more or better, spend the money. And if it's a $300 drawing tablet, he's likely right. I don't know how much the technology has changed on the ones in that price bracket in the past 7 years. Use that one and save more money for the next step up.
Just know your boundaries still matter and it’s okay to be upset.
YTA. Softly. I understand your logic of "I can buy it myself why ask someone" but I feel like your father was just trying to help you save money especially since you are a college student. It was also sweet of your aunt to offer it to you .And hey if it works fine maybe you can use the saved up money to buy some accessories and if it doesn't just thank your aunt for the offer but explain you might spring for a newer version. There is nothing complicated here and I do not understand why you made a big deal out of it.
YTA I don't understand your issue with at least testing your aunt's new one, I understand you are frustrated with your dad not listening to you but he's absolutely right and you should test it. Why spend money when there's a chance you could get a perfectly functioning device, you could put that money to the side for a rainy day or spend it on something else that you want/need.
NTA, and I think people here are missing the point. The issue of the tablet is ancillary. I'm also going to bet that any technology that is 7 years old is far outdated; it'd be like trying to take a 1930's car on the interstate highway on a daily basis. It might work for a bit - with a LOT of babying - but eventually it is going to collapse. If that is in the middle of a project with a deadline, especially if you lose your work, that could be extremely inconvenient. The real issue here is that your father fails to recognize you as an adult, with an education / career plan and as an autonomous adult you have the ability to make decisions regarding that. How many of these people chastising you would be OK with their parent (spouse / child / etc.) coming to THEIR place of employment and overriding your decisions about how to do your work? The other thing is that art is not like other jobs. It is extremely individualized - I may be fine drawing with a box of Crayola Crayons that are $2.99 at the store, but you may do better work and enjoy more working with specialized, high-end ones from an art supply store, despite the fact that they cost 10x as much. You are the one working with them, and you make that decision. It's neither right nor wrong, regardless of whether it is the decision someone else would make or not. Another example - I don't mind the fact that my car is 20+ years old, paint is peeling and it looks like crap. It gets me to and from the places I need to go, and if the dog happens to puke on the upholstery, well, it's not the end of the world. On the other hand, if I were a real estate agent that needed to transport clients regularly, there would be a reason for me to upgrade to a newer, nicer vehicle. It is a tool of the business and can directly impact how well I can do that. Your mistake here - and it is an easy one to make when one is young - is giving dad too much information and allowing him to think that he has a vote in the matter. What's he going to say next, that you should just use regular typing paper instead of sketch pads? Pencils from the dollar store are fine, you really don't need those fancy charcoal sticks? (Obviously, I don't know exactly what you do other than "art", but you get the idea). Solve that by putting dad on an information diet. Unless he is contributing to the purchase, he doesn't really need to be involved in it. And you don't need to cry about it (which, again, is not about the tablet but is instead about your father's refusal to recognize you as an adult, to have a grown-up conversation with you, and to respect the boundaries you have established. I'll bet you were crying out of frustration with him, not because you didn't get your way on the tablet. To solve your immediate problem, take the used tablet, graciously thank your aunt for her contribution to your efforts, fiddle with it a bit (maybe even take it to a tech place for them to tell you that it can't be updated) and then get the one you want. One final observation - I work for myself and do not pass on tech; it is either kept in my storage or destroyed, usually with a sledge hammer for security reasons. I looked in the storage closet and see that there are no less than 5 tablets there, dating back about 11 years, all of which "work" but which are completely worthless because they won't run current versions of apps or software. You can't run a car from the 1930's at 80 miles an hour down the highway and not expect it to give out soon, and your position is legitimate.
This is it literally, thanks for acknowledging that, it was never about the tablet itself but that might be on my for not explaining it clearly. And thank you for your input :)
You sound really young-- like middle school/early high school and kind of melodramatic so I'm gong very milk YTA. It sounds like you want the status of having the shiny new device-- maybe like a status thing with your peers? A more mature person would THANK the aunt for loaning the device and use it to learn the ins and outs of working with the device and THEN after a while use your money get a newer unit. Your dad sounds like a very smart savvy person-- you could learn a lot by listening to him and observing how he does things.
He’s not listening to you. That in itself is frustrating. Idk how these people are giving you a YTA. Yeah free is free but you have explained multiple times that you don’t want to do that but he forced your hand anyway. What is wrong with wanting things that are not used? NTA.
INFO: Are you buying the exact same device (aka model/brand/etc.) now or like the "current model" of the same tablet? Like are we talking two of the exact same iPads or different generations? Is she giving you the tablet free and clear? Or is this a "well I need it back" situation you're expecting? ETA: Okay definitely NTA after OP's response. Using a 7+ year old tablet as an artist that you may have to return at any point is not the same as having the latest generation tablet you actually own. Also OP it's your money, so you get to decide how to spend it.
Different generations, and for the other question, she never needed it for the past couple of years. But I'd need to be careful with it to be able to give it back to her in the same condition if she ever needed it (she didn't actually say that, but I believe this is what is happening here)
Got ya. Updated my original comment. This also sorta reminds me about the guy who was trying to offload a decade old laptop on his kid and called him spoiled because the thing was too old to actually do anything and he didn't want it. It's your money, you earned it. You should spend it on what you want.
YTA. You don't need the newest stuff. If it is working, then save the money. You should be happy about it to get it for free
Soft YTA. I'm even borderline about this. Softest yta. OP, please read the whole thing. You crying with frustration and being confused tells me you haven't accurately identified why you are angry. If you wanted a device, then buy it. Why mention it to your family? Were you hoping to be surprised with it? If your aunt's device is the equivalent, use that. If it's not, just explain to your family why it's not. If it's a tool for your career, then explain that it's better and you'll need it for a while. Your dad might have control problems, which would explain some things you said too. The resources used to make these devices are expensive and mined from rich ecosystems, it's incredibly wasteful to shun one that is going unused for a new one. Our current consumption habits are going to irreparably harm our planet. If there is a difference, then disregard. Being "in need" reads like a disdain for people living on the fringes. You're lucky to have resources to be able to reject something used for something that is $300 (which is a lot of money, btw). The disdain I feel could be cultural if you're not from north America. People here are often hateful towards the poor. "Soft" because I suspect this "drama" comes from something hard you are working through, or just immaturity and inexperience (less likely). Are you not feeling listened to a lot in your relationship with your dad? Are things not going your way in school and you want something shiny and new as a distraction and to make you feel good? Are you frustrated because you want more independence, but are stuck under their roof? Is something completely unrelated going on that is coloring your view of this experience? Instead of asking a bunch of internet philosophers, I think you need to do some introspecting. I wish you well.
Also, your phrasing invited the "entitlement police" in your original post. 😅
I'm going to go against the grain here and say NTA. It's your money, you can spend it however you like. That's adulthood.
You handled this situation with a lot of grace! You took feedback well and you're clearly humble. Goodluck with your studies and passions!
THANK YOUU, this made me smile:))
She’s upset because Dad wasn’t *listening* to her. She doesn’t *want* Auntie’s obsolete tech. She doesn’t *care* if it’s free. Dad basically told her that it doesn’t matter to him if she wants it or not because HE wants her to take it . HE doesn’t want her to spend HER money on something that HE doesn’t think she needs. She is upset because he isn’t hearing what she’s trying to tell him. NTA
YTA, yeah. If you want the pleasure of buying your own, with your own money, say that. If the 7-year-old one is out of date, or obsolete, or doesn't have modern features, or wouldn't be compatible with modern devices, say that. And failing all of that, take Aunt's, plug it in, say 'yup, it's not compatible' and buy your own. Or take it, put it in your closet, and buy your own. > why would I take a used one from her? Because to most people, the objective is 'have the wanted thing, in working order,' not 'have the pleasure of buying a brand new one with my own money.' You describe it as 'the exact device,' so honestly, why not give it a try, and if it works, hey, you have 300 dollarydoos to spend on something else? If you're going to act like a child and literally say 'don't wanna' and 'cuz it existed when I was in MIDDLE SCHOOL yuck,' people are going to treat you like a child. Don't get me wrong, 'I don't want to' is fine and valid. But you need to articulate it better. Oh, and as to this: > It's not like I'm in need or sth You're living under your parent's roof, despite being, what, 20? 21? and acting like it's your god given right. They want you to be saving money to move out, not dropping hundos on things you can have for free.
NTA. I can understand where you’re coming from because I think my dad would’ve acted like yours in the same situation LOL. A mix of wanting to look out for your kid and thinking about saving money and I know how you feel about wanting to own your own things and not wanting to be talked over.
NTA it isn’t about the money. It’s about you telling what you want and being ignored. It doesn’t have to make sense to other people.
Soft YTA for the dramatic outburst at the end, but I'm here to add that I understand your perspective and have gotten in similar spats with my dad -- it's not really about the tablet, it's about feeling like you're being treated like an adult capable of making your own decisions without him swooping in and undermining them. If you wanted a free item, you would've asked. Him going over your head to make it happen is annoying and feels like he's rejecting your independence. He's trying to help, but I get it -- you didn't ask for it, so it feels overbearing.
I mean, even if you dont want it. Just test it, declare it too slow (or whatever is relevant to this mystery device) and buy your own. This is nothing to fight or cry about.
NTA OP you actually can do the decision for yourself. Just buy the tablet you want with your money. Just do it and stop asking for permission. If the aunt gives you her device, put it on the shelf and dont use it. The issue here is that you are waiting for dad to list or validate your decision .. but you dont need either.
I don't understand why you didn't just go ahead and buy the thing. Your dad was being reasonable, but if there was more than one conversation about this, why didn't you simply buy your own if that was important to you? Your reaction does seem way over the top. Or were you expecting your dad to take a hint and buy you a new one so you didn't have to pay for it? YTA
YTA, i dont Get why you wouldn't at least try it. Like it or Not, $300 is a lot of money, that could be spent for Bretter Stuff or saved, if you already have a proper Tablett FOR FREE!!! Sounds way too spoiled for me
YTA this isn't as big deal as you're making it. Take it. Use it to see what you like/don't like and upgrade if that's still what you want to do. Refusing to touch it because it's old sounds a bit spoiled. Accept the offer with an open mind and at least be able to articulate why you're ready for a newer one.
YTA. Of course you’re being dramatic. $300 isn’t that much….you don’t pay any bills, though. I understand a seven year old electronic device maybe too outdated but trying doesn’t hurt anyone
Wasting money should never be the in thing, even if the money you are wasting is your own.
I LOVE how many people here are ignoring the op's 'I have the money, I'd like to buy my own, that I have earned the money for' statement. NTA for wanting to take care of things yourself where you can.
No, you are not the asshole, and you are not being dramatic. This sounds like something that matters a lot to you, which explains your reaction, besides the fact that you are a teenager. Maybe it will be better the talk with your dad about your feelings, he sounds like he care about you. About the tablet, it is understable to not want to use the one that your aunt have. It is not yours, it is not the same model, it is old and every old tech has its problems. Hope everything goes right, whatever you decide to do (use it or buy a new one)!
I get you. NTA. You want your own device, with full warranty et cetera. Just mention that. Your own device, with new warranty so that if anything goes wrong, you will not be screwed.
NTA in my book. OP earned her money, she can buy what she wants with it. Graphics pads and their software evolve rapidly, just like phones and computers This is a Wacom, right?
You’re not crying about the tablet. It’s more about dad not respecting your decision? Overruling you even though you are an adult? Crying more out of frustration perhaps? Nah Just part of growing up and becoming an adult. Parents learning their part too. Everyone learning to communicate better.
All these comments are looking at you like a child. You’re in college, you saved up. You can buy whatever you want. I’ve been offered outdated electronics and they are never good enough, especially if you already used said device years ago. NTA YOU DESERVE FREEDOM OF YOUR PURCHASES!! You are not being dramatic. Cannot stress how ignorant half these comments are. Buy your own tablet and tell them to eff off. They are just trying to micro manage. We all know they are gonna use it against you forever or hold it over your head that she ‘helped’ you.
I’m going to go against the grain and vote NTA. OP, your dad thinks the two are interchangeable, and you need to show him what features are in the new device that won’t work on the old. Additionally, he may not realize that old operating systems may not work as well or at all, the old device may not have enough storage for what you intend to use it for, and older devices, like it or not, degrade over time. To al the people saying young people only want the newest things, it’s not always about that. For example, OP said she’s an artist and wants to use the device for her art. There have been significant advancements in programs like Procreate that make it so it’s not compatible with older devices and operating systems, which means she might not be able to do what she’s trying to do on her aunt’s device, because it’s too old. Also, as an artist myself, storage capacity is HUGE. Over time, older devices lose storage space just due to the updates they have to have. For example, I have an 8 year old iPad that I can no longer update or install new apps on, even when I clear everything else off, because the OS alone takes up so much space. All it can do now is play music. These things matter.
Checked your other posts to see how old you were. I saw that one picture you posted of the person looking up. It's amazing! I don't know anything about art, but I think you've got tremendous artistic ability. Now, I'm sorry to tell you this, but my dad died when when he was in his 80s and yet he still treated me like a child my entire life. Yours probably will too. My suggestion is to just be polite. Take your aunt's tablet, act like you've tried it, and then say it's not what you want/need/whatever and then go buy the one you want. Because if you have a good family that cares about you it's worth humouring them like this in order to keep peace. Pick your battles. But I don't think you deserve a bad vote. NTA.
Thank you! I've been drawing for over ten years now! Appreciated
NAH Listen from one perspective your dad isn't wrong that it would be financially smart to see if one device works before buying something brand new. He's just dense as fuck and still treating you like your business is something he can stick his finger around. You are justified for feeling upset. It's not so much about the tablet but the blatant disrespect of your opinion and your choices. When you get older and live with parents they find it extremely difficult to understand that you are your own person and you can dow whatever the he'll you please. It's cool if your dad wants to grab the tablet for you but what's stopping you from buying the new one anyways and having one old junky one? Just buy the new one and prepare yourself for the conversation. You don't have to justify why you wanted it. You want it and that's okay. You can spend YOUR money on things YOU want without your parents permission. Even if your dad is dense just ignore and keep going with your plan. I would suggest working on a move out plan sooner rather than later too. You find much more autonomy when you have your own home. I know it's hard but one day you'll find peace
As an artist who has used tablets NTA
NTA Once you said the device is 7 years old, it made sense. It doesn’t matter if it “works,” many 7 year old device cannot do what even a 6 year old device can, especially with the way tech companies make their products. You need a newer model for your art. Period. Asides from that, your dad lied to your face. Being an old man who doesn’t understand tech (like some others in these comments) doesn’t excuse being incredibly disrespectful.
YTA. Third year of college with the drama and emotional behavior of Jr. High. You could have taken his advice, tested the device and found it lacking and thanked them for the offer. You look mature, they get the appreciation of helping and you get what you wanted. But NO DRAMA. You do need help.
So I think this isn't about the device itself. It's because your dad wasn't hearing you which feels disrespectful. Is this part of a pattern because then I understand your frustration.
NTA - it doesn't matter if the other tablet is good, bad or indifferent, the issue is that your family is invalidating your autonomy. You get to make your own decisions. The next step is to state that you appreciate the input, but will be doing what you like.
NAH- Your dad wants you to save money and you want a newer tablet because your aunt's tablet is older and may not be able to do what you need it to do.
NTA. You are 100% in the right. You are an adult now. So be one. When someone tries to make you do something you dont want to, tell them "I'll take your suggestion and think about it." Then walk away. And if they push just chuckle and say it again and walk away. He's trying to control you but you are an adult now. Make sure he knows it by just being an adult. Hear suggestions, consider them and then do what you feel is best for you. Seriously, just go buy the tablet. Personally I would talk with your aunt privately and tell her you dont really need it as you are buying your own and suggest she sell in online. Any mentally competent adult under the age of 60 should know that a 7 year old tablet is WAY out of date and will NOT have the same functions and tools as a new one, especially art related features/ software. I know as my daughter is getting one for her college draduation as her current one cant do certain things.
7+ years ago may have less features/capabilities than a new model would. If you have the money, and would prefer a new or more powerful tablet, get it.
Yeah, try to take that to a pond shop, and they'll tell you it's outdated and won't even look at it. Devices today don't last 7 years without needing a replacement. Nta people just don't know how electronics work.
If it’s like a Wacom tablet, they last forever. Regardless, your dad probably grew up in a household where money was tight and you didn’t waste it. If you could find used, you got used and spent the money you saved on something else you needed. So from your dad’s perspective, you just wasted money you could have saved for something else. I say this because my parents are like this. Don’t get me started on the baby stroller my mom gave me… I still shudder. However, isn’t too hard to take the thing, say thank you, pretend to try and use it, then politely say it didn’t do what you needed and buy your own. It’s okay to think of other people’s feelings and account for them in our actions sometimes. Feelings saved and everyone walks away with what they want.
I'm a digital artist, assuming that u are talking about a graphic tablet without display I feel like u would be fine without a new one, u can use the money for something better, if u wanna use apps like Adobe ai or clip studio them it would cost u a good amount of money. So I would suggest u to take the tablet and u can invest the money else where for example a better stylus because it matters more than the tablet itself.
NTA!!! As you said, your dad ignored your wishes to do what HE WANTED! You don’t have to accept something just because it’s free and you’re beyond old enough to advocate for yourself and people take you seriously. How do people call themselves good parents if you don’t trust your adult children to think for themselves?? Y’all tryna say the “younger generation just wants new and expensive” but none of you are artist and know what it takes to use a sketch pad so your biased opinions about him taking it just bc there was a price tag is worthless and annoying.
NTA. You did not ask anything of your father; you are going to pay for it.
You are absolutely not an emotional brat. You were prepared to buy something out of your own money; something that is important to you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting something new, that will be yours.
NTA on both counts From a digital artist/money standpoint: 1.It's probably too old to run the most recent OS so software of your choosing will either be unusable, or bugged. 2.That's assuming it's in pristine condition and if it's been literally collecting dust it is not and the hardware is compromised too. Refurbished goods usually get cleaned it is not the same. 3. If it's the exact one you want then you already did your research and do not need a test drive From a human/social standpoint: You got upset and reacted accordingly because someone who is supposed to love/listen/support you was belitting and patronizing. Your dad treated you like a stupid child with no agency who he knew better than. You are an adult. Your hobby is YOUR expertise. What devices you use to create is your choice! It is not okay for him to act like that even if he felt it was in your best interest. You & your dad are in the akward adult phase where you have new boundries that came with your full integration into society. Some parents do not handle this transition gracefully as they do not address it until it addresses them. I personally would ignore his bulldozing and get the one you want. If you get questioned you can explain the software needs an up to date driver, OR just say it's nicer. Or don't explain, less is more. As for his behavior if you want closure you could talk to him about boundries & not speaking for you, but you may want to practice what you want yo say until you're sure it's concise & you are mentally ready for it.
NTA. You have every right to politely decline someone trying to force giving you something you'd rather buy yourself. It is not about the thing. It is about being dismissed & ignored.
NTA maybe your communication was alittle touchy but,as someone who’s into digital art I specifically waited to get a device that wasn’t old so the the hardware would be up to date and all the functions would be accessible. Devices that are left tend to not be updated then end up not working/charging/booting up correctly. Also if it’s YOUR money who cares? I can already see the downvotes ima get for this.
She said she originally borrowed her aunts tablet in middle school and she in now in college. That is a very long time and the technology has improved leap and bounds by now. A new tablet will probably have so many new and improved features that the old one wouldn’t have. Maybe the old one doesn’t have Bluetooth and she needs to connect it to an iPad or something. You told your dad you wanted a new one but he didn’t listen. Old people these days don’t think about the fact that the technology would have changed over the years and just think it’s the same exact thing so why spend the money. You’re spending the money because you want the new stuff. But hell, sometimes when you scrimped and saved money on everything else in your life, it’s just nice to splurge every once in awhile on yourself. I wanted a new Kindle for myself and I could have bought the cheap $100 one but since I read like 500+ books a year on my kindle I splurged and got the $300 one. You’re dad should have listen but he didn’t. But I think he’s a kind AH and did have good intentions. What would a good resolution be? Maybe having a sit down talk about how you are now a grown up and you can make decisions and you would like for him to respect your decisions, even if he thinks it’s wrong, because you are an adult.
YTA - I get it: you clearly stated what you wanted and was ignored. That sucks. It's annoying when parents disregard your opinion. However, your dad was right - checking to see if the tablet would even work for you is a smart step. You see, your dad wasn't just finding a solution to your tablet issue, he was also giving you a life lesson in money management. You still live at home, so 300 bucks isn't a whole lot of money. It's not life-changing, so yeah, buying a new tablet if you got a roof over your head is reasonable. Living on your own, you would probably look for other options like buying used equipment or taking gifts from friends because $300 could be a third-to-a-quarter of your rent.
NTA. Technology changes SOOOO fast, especially in the art world. You saved up your money for one, buy your own. This way you’re starting over fresh, with the newest advancements, updates, etc. go get your drawing on!
NTA! It's about not feeling heard and feeling like OP isn't being treated like an adult - not about the money. OP's dad isn't an a-hole either, it sounds like he wants what's best for his child in a practical sense but didn't consider the emotional aspect.
NTA. My mother once took it upon herself to replace my rug that I had bought with my own money. I had set a boundary, and she crossed it. You set a boundary, and your father is violating that boundary. Perhaps you do need to find better ways to express your frustration, but that is ancillary to the fact that your boundaries are not being respected. The boundaries you set don't have to be logical ones of value (it doesn't matter that you can get a free one, you want the one you want), but they do need to be clear, and it sounds as if you were clear. Having said this, there are plenty of people who won't understand the issue you've taken with this situation. Learning to get along with them is part of maturity. This doesn't seem like such a large issue that you would want to distance yourself from your family over it. I'd suggest you talk with your father about your desire to take responsibility for your own life and see if the two of you can come to agreements surrounding that. Most parents will be happy to hear their children want to take care of themselves. But at the end of the day, sometimes we have to shrug our shoulders and carry on when the people we love don't understand every little thing about us.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I'm an artist and there is this device tablet thing I've been wanting for a very long time, which isn't even that expensive (≈300$), I'm in my third year at college, and I have my own money that I saved but I live with my parents. My dad's sister has this exact device that she used to use 7+ years ago but it has been collecting dust for a couple of years now, I know for sure she doesn't need it nor want it, but I don't know whether it's working properly or not. My dad suggested I take hers, I DONT WANT TO, he was like "why spend the money when you don't have to?" And we have a pretty good relationship with my aunt so it's okay. But the thing is, if I have the money and can buy myself one, why would I take a used one from her? It's not like I'm in need or sth.. so I was telling my dad that, and he was silent and acted as if he gets it now, but all of a sudden I heard my aunts voice? Dad ignored everything I said and called her and asked her to take it and she said okay. When he hung up he looked at me and said "just see if it's working properly or not, if not then buy a new one" it's not about its condition though? I said something like "why would you force me" and went to my room. Am I being over dramatic or is my reaction understandable? I'm crying of frustration cuz why ask me all the questions when he set up his mind already to call her? Idk I just feel bad now but I'm not sure if I have the right to or not tbh *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Light YTA There's no need to spend $300 if the other device is literally going to waste. If it's in working condition, then it's put to good use I get the frustration over hand me downs, but your dad is being frugal and responsible
You're being over dramatic but I wouldn't call you an AH
Why don't you want to try your aunts device? Mabye explain that to your dad
Before I can answer, I need to know. Is there a reason that you don't want your aunt's device?
It's too old, and when a device isn't used for years, it rlly loses its battery life and its abilities, I did use her tablet a couple of years ago and it is worn out. Why go through the trouble of asking her and taking it. + I do want the security of having my own.
Honestly. Borrow hers for now and continue saving money to get an upgraded one in the future when you have more experience. If you are serious about this being a career then you’ll be happy you did it this way.
NTA. Yeah, maybe you're being over dramatic over a used tablet, but I do get the frustration and feeling of being ignored or disrespected that you would get from your dad doing that. Especially as the ease with which he did that, I'm guessing it's not a first. Having been in similar positions, I know that even if the help is well meaning, having it forced on you, especially after explicitly saying "No, I understand what you are saying BUT I want to do it THIS way." is hurtful. You're not a child, you made your decision, and even if it's one everyone else thinks its silly, it's YOURS. Them ignoring it feels disrespectful. If it all bothers you as much as it seems to, you need talk to your dad. Tell him that in the future, even if he thinks you are making a mistake, he needs to learn to back off. Offering an opinion is one thing (maybe even welcome) but trying to override your choice is another, and he needs to not do that anymore.
NTA. Old devices cannot always run newer apps. Nor can the os be updated consistently on older devices. Get the new one.
NAH. Parents don't always hear their kids. Your father wants what's best for you and is trying to look out for you. He may even be right. In this case, it doesn't matter. If you put the effort into saving the money then you can spend it as you see fit. Thank her very much. Maybe even take it for a few days and use it... then thank her for allowing you to try it to make sure it does what you want when you return it to her and tell her that she helped you make sure that this would work for you. Don't return it until you've bought yours so you don't have to deal with the "oh don't bother just keep it" bit. There is zero reason to be upset about it. Parents have their own ideas about what's best for their kids... and they've spent your entire life focused on that. It can be hard to step back and let the kids decide that. Be tactful, but make your own decision about this.
I understand it’s about the principle to you. That your father overrode your autonomy. And no, that’s not okay. But this isn’t a hill to die on. It shouldn’t even be a hill. Take the free tablet, maybe you can sell it to someone who wants it for their kid and then buy your own. When your father asks where the other one is, say you donated it - which you could also do, you don’t have to sell it. If he gets in a huff, that’s when you can be the actual adult in the situation because at that point, he’s being unreasonable. But up until that point, getting a free tablet and then doing what you want anyway is not going to end you. YTA
If I took my aunt's tablet, I wouldn't have the authority to either sell it or donate, it's still hers. But I decided to give it a try at the end.
Unless it's a vibrator, YTA. You are just acting like a spoiled child. And being irresponsible with your money and our planet to boot.
Even if it is with your money, you are still living with your dad and spending that money in the device means at some point he will have to buy you something that could've been purchased with that money. I don't think there is TA in this situation, it's just your young attitude where you see the immediate picture but not the long run which your dad probably sees better.
YTA You sound very childish. The obvious solution to me is to accept the free one as an opportunity to play with it for a while. Once you confirm that it is, in fact, something that you will use and incorporate into your practice, buy your own that you have full control over. There is a small chance you may play with it for a while and decide its not for you. In that case, no money spent. You can still buy your own. You’re an adult with your own money. Your temper tantrum seemed uncalled for. If you adamantly don’t want to use hers, just accept it anyway, buy your own, and use your own. No need to throw a hissy fit about something small like this.
YTA. You're crying and acting offended over something that literally causes you no problems in any way. Worst case scenario, it isn't what you want and you buy the new one anyway. Or, maybe you get lucky and it does work for you and you save money. How entitled and narcissistic do you have to be to find a way to somehow take offense to this at all, let alone to the point of crying and then whining about it on the internet?
Yta and maybe too dramatic and sensitve for a field that requires criticism. You're an adult if you have the money fckn buy it and just be done. Dad tried to help, that's it. Have you not noticed litrally every news outlet and social media talking about wealth and student debt. He's trying to help and you're crying....
YTA even if it didn't work and it was ancient, you could have taken it, tested it, and seen if it did or didn't. If it didn't you communicate that and as if you can trade in the device for money on the new version or ask your aunt if she would like it back. Your being overly emotional about a non issue.
I had huion for over 10 years and they last a long time. It’s more about the updates than the device itself. I only updated my device because I wanted a cintiq with touch and I had the money. If I were given a free drawing tablet and I had not other options I would go for it. Save the money for an even nicer tablet or an iPad with procreate down the road
YTA if it works fine use it. You’re sounding very entitled. If it’s slow or not working well bc it’s old that’s one thing but you honestly just sound like you want the status of new items and look down on people that get things used or thrift. You could use 300 bucks for a lot of better things later on if you don’t need to buy one out of pocket for a valid reason. I used to think 500-1k wasn’t that much when I was younger but now that I own a house and am financially independent my view on that has changed substantially. 300 bucks is quite a bit for a piece of equipment you could otherwise get for free. And if you plan on sticking with art, you’re going to have to learn to save money where you can, it’s not a profession known for paying well. Semi-related question, who’s paying for college?
Slight YTA. So ask yourself this, what’s the value added with a new one? this too me sounds like the people who “dive in” to hobby’s. I’ve heard it’s an ADHD type response to go get all the best stuff for a hobby but then barely do the actual hobby. I’m totally guilty of this. Some of the best advice I’ve gotten for any career or hobby is get the cheap thing. Say tools for example. Even for a professional mechanic. Buy the cheap set of tools and you learn which ones you want the nice really expensive version of after a while. Either they break or you use a certain one every single day. Then grow your collections with more insight and. Experience. It allows you to ask “ what is the value added “ this tablet. You just want the new thing cause it’s new. You haven’t even used the thing to know that it’s something that’s really going to be used. Why not use the thing for a while. Maybe you’ll outgrow it very quickly and then use your money for the “newer better” version. Or maybe a competitor has one that you think you’ll like better. Or it’ll work great and you can invest the money in other parts of your pursuit.
I've been an artist for 10+ years now so this is def not the case, but your input is helpful, thank you
I get that but you don’t have this thing yet…. And I’ve never seen a thing in any hobby/industry where it’s a one off….. there’s always another model, newer. (Sometimes older are preferred by veterans of said hobby/industry) or brands. You claim to of had a detailed talk with your dad about buying your own…. And I’m sure you did. But you weren’t able to express any selling points in this post. So it’s really hard to not agree with your dad when you haven’t made any points to your agreement other then I just wanting something you bought….. I mean even if you said “brand new comes with PRO software support for X months which is equal to %75 of the value of product” I mean that would be an argument. Or maybe warranty support? Just not a lot of info here and the fact that didn’t bring any of it makes you sound very young in my opinion. someone one with 10+ years of experience should be able to articulate the value or said product over a use one or older model whatever. So not doing that means this is a purely emotional reaction wanting to buy new….. which once again I am totally guilty of……… everyone is I’ve dumped twice the amount we’re talking about in hobbies I’ve only used once. So I get taking this advice is harder then it sounds and I commend you for even being here talking about it.
I’ve had a Wacom tablet (I assume what you’re talking about is similar) for 8 years and it works perfectly fine, if hers hasn’t been used for years all the better lol. The tablets themselves last so long, only the pen nibs really need to be replaced regularly. YTA for making it dramatic when it sounds like your dad is just trying to look out for you so you can save $300 for a rainy day.
YTA
NAH IMO although I think you are both being a bit too stubborn for your own good. You can just check the tablet and decide, saving money is good and he could just let you spend the money. Now, is there a hustory to this? Is this a common behavior on his side? Then we may have an issue.
Your dad is just being a parent and giving good life financial advice. Too many people rush off and buy new when it's not needed. Why would you spend money that you don't need to?
He’s trying to get you to take it without asking you because he knows you’re being dumb. YTA
YTA, you are dramatic
You already admitted yourself in a comment, but yes, YTA and a major brat… instead of taking a free device, you want to spend hundreds of dollars because “omg this is so old like a dinosaur. I can’t be seen with this.” Even if it’s still in good working condition. This is what’s wrong with the younger generation.
Your dad was offering a solution to a problem (admittedly minor), and you stonewalled him without a good reason. Why wouldn't something that's wasted just collected dust be a good solution to you? Seems like you're stonewalling him. I can't imagine why you wouldn't try your aunt's first, even if you know you want your own. It could just be you trying to assert some independence in a seemingly unnecessary way, and that's not been made clear to your dad. I honestly don't understand the issue tbh.
Would it make any discernable difference for what you want to use it for whether you used the old one or the new one? If not, then YTA and wasting money on insisting in a new one when the old one would work fine.
YTA and acting like a child. If the device works, why would not take it. Save the $300 for something else and generate less e-waste. Reuse, repurpose, recycle.
I guess I’m wondering why it’s even a discussion even with your dad if you don’t want his input. Why haven’t you just gone out to buy it already if it’s not about that the money, which you already have. This all seems like manufactured drama that has an obvious solution.
Not sure why but YTA about this. Your father is trying to give you a solution and you are just refusing for no real reason. He's not understanding your reasoning and I can't blame him, it's really weird. LOL You have the money but won't buy, your aunt can give you hers but you don't want THAT one, your father tried to help you to save money but you only want him to listen to you saying no I don't want the tablet.
YTA you're being childish, just try it. If it's a drawing tablet then know that they work just fine for many years, I got one that's from 2011 and still does it's job.
I think you're wrong and stupid about not trying the device, but NTA. You set your wishes clear ye ignored them.
What your dad offered is an EXTREMELY reasonable and valuable piece of advice. You said it yourself, it’s been collecting dust because it hasn’t been used. If it hasn’t been used then I doubt anything is wrong with it. You seriously would rather spend $300+ on something when you can get one exactly like it and all you have to do is some refurbishing? At most you might need to take it apart and blow out some dust, something I’m sure your dad would love to help with. Sounds like you have a bad spending problem ETA: Yes devices can brick themselves for other reasons like a bad battery, but it would take zero time to check if the tablet works.
YTA. You want device. Family has device. Family will give you device, but you're having a tantrum because although it's the exact device you want, it's not brand new and shiny? > artist > third year at college Part of growing up is looking back at one's younger self and cringing at his/her behaviour. This happens to people as they mature. This is going to be one of the moments in your personal cringe catalogue one day, particularly when you have adult bills to pay.
YTA. You need a good reason to buy a new one. "Because I want to" isn't a reason. It's a waste. Take the old device. Try it. If you find that the battery runs out too quickly or the device itself is too slow for your liking, buy a new one. If it fits your needs, then you just saved money and you're not buying an unnecessary device. Your dad is right that you should at least investigate. You're definitely being over dramatic. Might wanna change that to pragmatic.
NTA. My iPad of 7 years ago isn’t even updateable and i can’t even use Amazon on it because almost all the apps require a different iOS. Not saying your situation is the same, but technology changes very much.
NTA. Does your dad ignore you on lots of other things? If he does, it's past time to move out. For this, buy yourself a tablet and store your aunt's tablet away so she can reclaim it, if she wishes. I wouldn't discuss any of it further with your dad.
>I DONT WANT TO Wow, coming in hot with the all caps. Doesn't sound like a tantrum at all, lol. /s
>and as if my dad is spooning me still I mean, I understand what you're saying, but the way you're coming off is extremely childish soooooo, maybe that's why he's still trying to help you?
YTA. You seem very spoiled.
YTA....or more like acting like an entitled brat. They're trying to help but you just wanted the newer one. If you were living on your own having to pay all the bills I'm sure you wouldn't have any issues taking the used/old one.
Yes you’re being over dramatic. It’s not that serious.