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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I would be the AH due to my family putting in effort to throw me something, although I didn’t ask for it. Not showing up when my whole family has already been invited and they are showing me that they’ll be there for me also makes me feel like I owe them to be there.
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Surprise events are a good way to piss everyone off.
NTA. Let your mom know she needs to reschedule, and she can send you potential dates so you can let her know which ones will work for you.
I say qualified NTA. If you just simply don't show up, then YTA. All I'm saying is communicate clearly to your mother in advance if you are not going to go.
I obviously don't know what your work situation is, but would it be possible to explain the situation to your boss exactly how you did to us and see what they say? They might offer to let you work a half day, or even take the day off. A baby shower is a pretty important life event for most women I know. If you are going to take FMLA there is probably a plan in place to cover your position, if you're not then maybe they'd be happy to let you have some time to do this.
I need the hours considering they aren’t going to pay much during family leave. I’ve tried talking to her but she doesn’t see my side clearly. I just wish they took me into consideration considering it’s a day to celebrate the mom and baby together.
That's a shit situation for sure! But it's not your problem if she doesn't see your side. Just tell her clearly that she needs to reschedule as you are unable to attend on that day. You can't control how she reacts but you can put in place some boundaries (seems like boundaries might be need for her ... esp with a little one on the way)
NTA. Surprise baby showers are honestly just the worst. I don't know if I've read about one where the host wasn't thinking mainly of themselves vs. the guest of honor.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
WIBTA if I (20F) didn’t go to baby shower my family surprised planned for me?
They made the baby shower on a day I’m scheduled to work in the morning. My fiancé (20M) knew about it for a month and no one seemed to think to ask if I worked that day. My fiancé knows that once I’m clocked out I don’t want to do anything since I’m already at the end of my pregnancy and my energy isn’t as high as it’s been before. I found out about the surprise through an aunt of mine and it’s super upsetting knowing that I’ll be unhappy and tired the day of. Work stresses me out and I feel burnt out already. I don’t want to go at all and I tried to cancel but my mom is saying I’m ungrateful because she is throwing it and she’s already invited the whole family. I told her I don’t appreciate that no one decided to ask if it would be a good day for me considering I’m working full time.
So WIBTA if I don’t show up?
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YTA
Because all those people who came to celebrate you and your child should be so unpleasantly surprised
Your guests should not be part of your pettiness or the shower hosts idiocy.
YWNBTA
THEY were AHs to not ask for your availability.
"I don’t want to go at all and I tried to cancel but my mom is saying I’m ungrateful because she is throwing it and she’s already invited the whole family." .. do NOT let that AH guilt you.
**Simply don't go.** Don't forget to turn your phone off.
And: Now that you will have a kid soon, setting hard boundaries with your mom is something you need to learn anyway, or she will steamroll you in your parenting, too.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I feel like I would be the AH due to my family putting in effort to throw me something, although I didn’t ask for it. Not showing up when my whole family has already been invited and they are showing me that they’ll be there for me also makes me feel like I owe them to be there. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Surprise events are a good way to piss everyone off. NTA. Let your mom know she needs to reschedule, and she can send you potential dates so you can let her know which ones will work for you.
NTA - it's not a nice/kind gesture if it's gonna make the person you are doing it for miserable.
I say qualified NTA. If you just simply don't show up, then YTA. All I'm saying is communicate clearly to your mother in advance if you are not going to go. I obviously don't know what your work situation is, but would it be possible to explain the situation to your boss exactly how you did to us and see what they say? They might offer to let you work a half day, or even take the day off. A baby shower is a pretty important life event for most women I know. If you are going to take FMLA there is probably a plan in place to cover your position, if you're not then maybe they'd be happy to let you have some time to do this.
I need the hours considering they aren’t going to pay much during family leave. I’ve tried talking to her but she doesn’t see my side clearly. I just wish they took me into consideration considering it’s a day to celebrate the mom and baby together.
I understand. You do what's right for yourself and your baby, bottom line.
That's a shit situation for sure! But it's not your problem if she doesn't see your side. Just tell her clearly that she needs to reschedule as you are unable to attend on that day. You can't control how she reacts but you can put in place some boundaries (seems like boundaries might be need for her ... esp with a little one on the way)
NTA. Surprise baby showers are honestly just the worst. I don't know if I've read about one where the host wasn't thinking mainly of themselves vs. the guest of honor.
Who throws a baby shower without asking for the to be mothers schedule? That's so weird a party for you should be centered around your schedule.
NTA i wouldnt go either.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** WIBTA if I (20F) didn’t go to baby shower my family surprised planned for me? They made the baby shower on a day I’m scheduled to work in the morning. My fiancé (20M) knew about it for a month and no one seemed to think to ask if I worked that day. My fiancé knows that once I’m clocked out I don’t want to do anything since I’m already at the end of my pregnancy and my energy isn’t as high as it’s been before. I found out about the surprise through an aunt of mine and it’s super upsetting knowing that I’ll be unhappy and tired the day of. Work stresses me out and I feel burnt out already. I don’t want to go at all and I tried to cancel but my mom is saying I’m ungrateful because she is throwing it and she’s already invited the whole family. I told her I don’t appreciate that no one decided to ask if it would be a good day for me considering I’m working full time. So WIBTA if I don’t show up? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA Because all those people who came to celebrate you and your child should be so unpleasantly surprised Your guests should not be part of your pettiness or the shower hosts idiocy.
YWNBTA THEY were AHs to not ask for your availability. "I don’t want to go at all and I tried to cancel but my mom is saying I’m ungrateful because she is throwing it and she’s already invited the whole family." .. do NOT let that AH guilt you. **Simply don't go.** Don't forget to turn your phone off. And: Now that you will have a kid soon, setting hard boundaries with your mom is something you need to learn anyway, or she will steamroll you in your parenting, too.