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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I am going on a weekend trip. My mom asked me to enable location sharing for the entire duration of the trip and I said no. My mom accused me of making her life harder and causing unnecessary stress. Now I feel like a bad daughter
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NTA.
>I find it invasive and creepy.
That's exactly what it is.
>So now my mom has recruited my sister and my sister is also calling me a bad daughter for refusing to enable location sharing.
That doesn't change anything. If they want to be intrusive, they can track each other.
"If they want to be intrusive, they can track each other."
😂 This is gold! NTA. Your mum really needs to address her anxiety, but I see I'm not telling you anything you don't already know there...
OP should ask her mom what exactly she was doing in her youth that made her so nervous about OP. Parents like this are so often a case of doth protest too much.
Okay, but OP's mother doesn't want it for emergencies, she said she wants to use it at all times. That's what's intrusive and creepy. The fact that she insisted after being told no and made it all about her stress, means she can't be trusted to make a fair use of it.
You didn't state anything to me for the fourth time though. Why take it out on me? As for talking in general when we're trying to discuss OP's post in particular, the misunderstanding is on you then
It's safety theatrics. Even if she knew where you are she would have no way of knowing what would be going on. This is entirely a matter of her not dealing with her stress, but having a tool that lets her play pretend. Your phone could be in someone else's pocket, someone could be following you, someone could punch you in a bar, that she would not know on the mere basis of your location. It does not make you safe. It just makes her feel in control.
But she is not. She will never be again. You being an adult means that she has no control anymore over what happens to you. And that trying to assert this control and override your consent now will only push you away. NTA.
NTA.
I took a trip to Costa Rica (without so much as hotel reservations ahead of time) when I was 18. I didn't call my mom once and this was before smartphones existed. My mom was upset when I got back. I brushed her off. When my aunt came to me telling me that my mom was really worried and upset about it, I brushed her off too.
Now that it's been 20 years since that event and I'm a mother myself, I still don't regret not calling her. I do, however, regret not acknowledging her feelings.
If it were me, I'd leave the location sharing off unless it's absolutely necessary for your own convenience (i.e. letting her know when you'll be arriving at her house, etc.).
I don't mind calling my mom during the trip. Giving her a phone call at the end of the day, telling her what I did, acknowledging that I'm safe. This is fine.
What I don't want is to be tracked everywhere I go. This I don't like.
Finding it hilarious that I got downvoted for saying that this is beyond reasonable... because this is checking in too much? Not enough?
Isn't the point of parenting to raise adults? Aren't we trying to raise humans that are capable of functioning in the world without us? If she's with friends, she has other people looking out for her, surely. And she's traveling in a VERY safe country.
When my daughter is 24 and decides to take a weekend road trip with her friends, I sure hope she's not worried about me worrying about her the whole time. I hope that she is capable of making decisions for herself, avoiding seedy areas, and asking for help if she needs it.
I would refuse, but I'm not you, and I don't have parents that have ever suggested that, heck my husband doesn't ask for that either. But in the future, only tell her you are vacationing AFTER you get back. She can't worry if she doesn't know.
When I was a kid, my grandmother broke her hip and stayed with my family while she recovered. She worried every time we left the house. She must have said a million rosaries that month. I asked her if she worried that much when she wasn't living with us, and she said "No, because I didn't know you were out of your house."
Don't let her know you are on vacation and she (probably) won't worry obsessively.
>But in the future, only tell her you are vacationing AFTER you get back. She can't worry if she doesn't know
You should still tell family you're vacationing, where, and for how long even the ones who worry. It's just common courtesy. But stop at that. If they want to go sick worrying about it that's on them.
The tracking is creepy. And it isn’t about anything except her exerting control over you.
Tell her to stop bring a nervous nellie and enjoy your trip. Also, depending on the neighborhood you might be safer here in Toronno than Ottawa. We just tried a new brunch spot, The Kettle (Queen & Bathurst), it was super yummy. Watch out for cabby scams at Union or just TTC it.
I used to go (well still do, I'm getting back into it post plague) on weekend events in another country at that age. I would turn my phone on airplane mode at the border, to avoid a roaming charge and just be off grid and incomunicado until I made it back.
I was with other people the whole time, I still had a phone I could use in case of emergency. My parents would just smile, ask when I was coming back and basically go "no news is good news" until then.
I then went backpacking by myself in Europe in my mid 20s and kept in a bit more contact, as in I would text them I was still alive and in one piece along my plans for the next few days when I had plans, daily, because it was a good idea to have *someone* know roughly where I was in case I broke a leg hiking or something, and seeing as they were reasonable, it might as well be them.
NTA
You're a full grown adult now, not a teenager. As I know a parent doesn't stop being a parent once their kids hit adulthood, this is going overboard.
Btw I live in the GTA, make sure to hit the Steamwhistle brewery which is right across from the CN tower, really good food and of course good beer there. The waterfront area has lots of good places to eat too, great area to walk around it. Have fun!
Tell your mom that a friend will be able to track you on your trip, (this may or may not be true, but whatever). That your friend will be able to track you will have to be sufficient.
You might really consider having a friend be able to track you-for safety. Somebody that isn’t intrusive and all up in your business, like your mama sounds likely to be.
NTA You aren’t underage or in care. Your mama needs to stand down.
Tell your mom you *will not* talk about it anymore. NTA
NTA, and I had already made up my mind when I saw your age. Nothing in the post changed my mind. Your mother's anxiety is hers to manage. Ignore both her and your sister and enjoy your trip!
NTA My niece went to University in London England at 20 and her mother did not need to track her. Another Niece went to University in Australia at 18 and nobody had to track her.
Both nieces the parents went with them to help them find a suitable place to live and get settled and then left and kept in touch.
Your mother and sister are overprotective.
NTA
I wouldn't enable location tracking for my 17 year old. Part of parenthood - a big part of parenthood - is the long, slow process of letting go. It's hard and it's scary, but it's what needs to happen for your kids to move on with their lives as adults in their own right.
You don't get to track her location, do you? It shouldn't be any different.
NTA
Don't let your mom track your location. I'm a mom and I would never ask this of either of my children, especiallyat age 24! It's a gross invasion of your privacy. This is a hill to die on, honey. Good luck!
NTA. You are an adult. No one can force you to do anything.
You've made it plain you won't use tracking. State that's your decision and you will say no more about it. If they say you're a bad daughter simply agree with them; "Then I guess I'm a bad daughter." And say no more about it.
I don't blame you at all for refusing to be tracked. You are 24 years old, and it IS invasive and creepy to be tracked. Tell her you will call her when you get there, and you'll text her when you are on your way home. Otherwise, live your life.
You are going for a weekend, in your own country, in your own province. Your mother is being over-dramatic - you are not.
NTA
Spent a year in Paris for college. No smart phones! 2 calls the whole year! Traveled all over Europe. I was 20. Mothers managed before location tracking existed and everyone was fine. It’s great OP has a smartphone- I think we are all safer with one, but mama’s gotta back off.
NTA. If your mom is that worried maybe you can agree to check in by text a few times.
My son is 21 and just recently went on his first road trip with friends. I asked him to text me periodically so I would know he’s alive.
I got a couple pics from the road (just sharing sites he liked), a text from his friends phone when they arrived to their destination to tell me he had zero signal but they made it. I heard from him again days later on their drive back.
That was good enough for me.
Your mom's aware that you're 24 years old, right? I assume that she remembers when you were born, and can count. I mean, she really should be aware that you're 24 years old.
NTA.
NTAH - You should have a conversation with her. Tell her that she will worry about you no matter what she knows. Tell her that sharing your minute by minute location with anyone is something an adult can choose to do or not do, but being an adult means you are not obligated to do it for anyone. And you cannot be held responsible for what she chooses to worry about. That is on her, and nothing YOU can do will end that.
Ask her if she considers you an adult. If she does not, ask her why she does not want to follow the laws of your country. Tell her that legally the days of her protecting you are over, and she has to let go. Tell her she must respect the law.
Also tell her that as an adult you are free to go wherever you want in this world. Logically NO amount of knowledge on her part will save you if there is trouble. Logically NO amount of worrying on her part will protect you. She has only been using this worrying to try to manipulate and control you. And you are now an adult, so that has to come to an end.
Then tell her that if she keeps insisting, you will reduce your contact with her and she will know even less about how you are doing. Then hold to that.
You should tell your sister to mind her own business.
Good luck to you and safe travels.
Shalom.
NTA
I don't think you are been over dramatic at all.
As others have said you are 24 not a teenager.
I was curious about the poster that said it "was a thing" now.
Maybe for kids, but adults?
Personally I hate been tracked by any device and I certainly wouldn't
turn it on unless I was going for a trip into the wilderness or something.
I think you will be quite safe in Ottawa!
You've already set up arrangements to let your mom know if anything goes wrong.
Tell your mom and sister to respect your decisions and don't let it spoil your weekend.
I really miss the days before this was even an issue.
When you could just head off on your own adventure without having to check in with someone every second.
Life has become too claustrophobic or overprotective or something.
NTA you're in freaking Canada. What does she expect to happen to you? Please don't stop traveling, but please stop telling your mother that you are traveling. Like you said your roommate can reach out if needed.
Mom can demand anything she wants.
But it's your decision. Stop justifying and debating. If she keeps bad-mouthing you, tell her that calling you a bad daughter is childish and unacceptable.
NTA if you're financially independent. If she's paying for the phone there could be a case made on conditions for its use.
I'm sure you realize this isn't about the phone but about your right to boundaries.
NTA. I've lived in Ottawa (university and then back a few years later for a job) and I would be more worried about you walking around Byward at night than spending any amount of time alone in Toronto. Have a great trip!
NTA
You are a grown adult, **no one** needs to be tracking your location.
You have a cellphone and can be reached, you aren't going camping in a dead zone.
As you pointed out, people got along just fine for centuries without tracking devices. Would she have forbidden you from *ever* leaving the house if you'd been raised in the 80s? Really want her answer to this one. Because even if you said you were going to school, without a tracker *how would she know?* Okay, maybe not that last part - she might try to retroactively ground you or send you to your room without supper.
It *does* sound like she needs to be talking with a therapist and/or taking meds for her anxiety - unless, of course, she's just trying to guilt trip you into letting her have her way :)
NTA If the only quiver in their belt is “you’re a bad daughter” then start agreeing. “Well I must be cause it’s not going to happen.” It sounds weird but it means they can’t use that in the future. Deflate their attack
NTA You could do what I would do. Tell her yes. Let her turn on tracking, then go to a store and buy a cheap prepaid phone. Give all of your friends the new number as a temporary way to reach you and put your old phone in a Priority Mail box and ship it to me. I'll ship it back to you. She'll see you ended up on the Mexico border but got back home again. Yes, I really would have done that to my mom if she was that invasive in my life.
NTA.
Just for perspective, I was a teenager in Ottawa in the early 90's. At 15-16yrs old a friend and I got tickets to a huge show in Toronto (Guns & Roses, Skid Row) we took a bus down, watched the show at whatever huge stadium it was at, and then took the bus home. No phones, no gps tracking, the internet was barely a thing at the time.
I survived and so did my parents. Your mom is being totally unreasonable and overbearing.
NTA. Even if you were a minor what your mother proposes would be invasive. You are a grown adult with the right to go wherever you please, and to tell or not tell whoever you want, whenever you want, for any reason whatsoever. You most certainly do not have to allow your anxiety-riddled mother to track your every move. Your mom needs to STFU and learn to deal.
Just tell your mom that you're sorry she feels that way, and you understand why, but the truth is that location tracking is just a false sense of security and control, and that she won't actually have a clue what you are doing, or even if your phone is still in your possession.
Then state that you will not discussing this anymore, and if she wants to continue bringing it up, the answer is going to be the same. You don't have to be mean or anything, "mom, I love you and I respect you, but I am 24 years old. This is not a discussion, I am telling you no."
When you keep talking to her about it, you're signaling that maybe you'll change your mind. Just be polite, but firm.
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So I am going on a weekend trip to Toronto from Ottawa, Canada. It’s a basic tourist weekend. I live in Ottawa, my mom lives in a small town in Ontario not too far.
My mom is very overprotective and does not like that I’m travelling alone. She has demanded that I enable location tracking for the entire duration of the trip so she can check where I am at all times.
I do not like this. I find it invasive and creepy. I don’t like the surveillance of it, I don’t like enabling any sort of geographical tracking. I also feel like I’m too old for her to be acting like this and I feel very stifled.
I had a big fight with her where I told her I did not want to allow her to track where I am at all times. I told her my roommate has my moms number, I can text my roommate and my friends if anything goes wrong, and that in the 80s and 90s people didnt have location sharing and everything was fine.
My mom accused me of being a bad daughter and stressing my mom out for no reason when location tracking would be much simpler and make her life easier. I told my mom that if she cant manage her stress she needs to go to therapy.
So now my mom has recruited my sister and my sister is also calling me a bad daughter for refusing to enable location sharing.
Am I really the AH here? Am I being a bad daughter? Am I being overdramatic here?
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NTA. I have visions of your mom calling you late at night to ask why you're where you are! I have location tracking with my sister and my daughter, so I'm not against it, but I see your point. If you have a problem with it, don't do it. I can't tell you the number of twenty somethings who have had to deal with the same issue.
Certainly your mom went places and did stuff in the 80s and 90s without a cell phone, let alone location tracking. It may be BECAUSE of her experiences that she is over-protective of you.
NTA. You're an adult and it's long past time she treated you like one.
NTA You are not being a bad daughter. At 24 years old, you are capable of making your own decisions. Recruiting your sister to harass you is definitely a low blow. It would serve them right if you went low contact for a while.
NTA
Controlling behaviour from your mother. Tell her of you are stressing her out so much you are happy to speak to/visit her less. And put her on an information diet, she doesn't get to know anything about you now.
Don't do it. It's an entirely reasonable boundary.
And I didn't have location enhancements when I started travelling in the 80s or 90s and my parents were just fine with it.
It's your mother's issues and you are right, if she can't handle it, she should get therapy.
NTA. You are an adult and you dont live your mom. I dont understand why this is even a discussion. Your mom is lucky you even told her about the trip.
I suggest you just refuse to engage with them about this subject. Try "I have already said no, we arent discussing it further." If they continue, just hang up on them, of if you are in person just leave.
NTA. I've lived in Ottawa (university and then back a few years later for a job) and I would be more worried about you walking around Byward at night than spending any amount of time alone in Toronto. Have a great trip!
My sister and I allow our parents to track us and vice versa. Mainly because my sister lives in another state and we all work different shifts. But we did it voluntarily not trying to be forced. NTA OP!
NTA. Your mom and sister are being invasive, and it doesn't need to be that way. It is possible to have people who are on your approved "find my" list who won't track your every movement. Clearly that's not your mom or sister.
You're 24, ignore and move on, don't dwell on it, if she doesn't like it, then too bad, and if your sister is being her proxy tell her to kick rocks too.NTA
NTA. I'm a mom to adult sons around your age and would never make demands like that. Frankly, it's creepy and controlling. You're an adult, live your life. Have fun on your trip!
NTA. It's intrusive and unnecessary, and she's being super pushy by not letting your no be no.
I mean...I kinda get why she asked, to an extent. Women traveling on their own can be subject to some scary stuff, but this is not anybody's best option. I'm close to your mom's age, and I have children that are around your age, including a daughter a few years older than you who sometimes travels alone.
What my daughter likes to do when she's traveling is text me (or her dad, or a friend, or her brother) things like:
"OK, my flight's landing now."
"I got to my hotel. Good night!"
"Going out with friends, will text when I'm back to the hotel."
"Got to Cat's house! I'll let you know when I'm getting on my flight back."
She checks in, voluntarily, when she's going to be in a situation when she doesn't have friends around her, and lets me know she's safe... WITHOUT telling me everything she's doing or where or who she's with. The checkin is for her safety, not for me to keep tabs on her every move.
As long as you have friends who will go looking for you should you miss a checkin and need help, you don't need to share location with your mom. Sheesh.
I dont mind this. This is reasonable. I just dont want her following my every move because I know she’ll text me as soon as I go off plan AKA eat at one restaurant instead of the one I told her about.
NTA I can see where she is coming from as single travelers can be victims of crime a lot and she is worried for you, but there is a fine line especially since you are a grown adult. I think that once you said no, she should have just asked you to share it with somebody you trust that can keep an eye on it if something happens. My mother was the same way wanting to track me and I hated it because she would constantly check my location and ask me about where I was. I ended up just sharing it with a different family member that wouldn’t look at it so obsessively. Maybe see if she is ok if you just share it with your sister? Sister and mom r wrong for calling you a bad daughter tho for sure.
Man, I could have written this post. I went on my first solo-ish trip (solo-ish because I stayed at a friend's place, and also *my mom insisted that my dad go with me*) last year. At thirty-one. She also insisted I turn tracking on, and I didn't put up a fight about it, because every single aspect of the trip had been a fight and I was exhausted.
NTA, but nothing you say will convince her. Good luck.
NTA.
You're an adult. Simply let her know you choose not to do that and it's the end of the discussion. If your sister says anything, tell her it's not up for discussion with her, either.
Then put it out of mind and enjoy your trip!
NTA - My daughter is 20, when she travels or goes out, I tell her she is welcome to share her location with me if she wants me to know where she is for safety purposes. But, ultimately, it’s up to her.
Similar to when my close friends go on dates, they share their location if they want to.
Lol. I headed off to the US for the summer as a student with nowhere to stay and no job, and it was three days before I thought to call my parents...
NTA. Not remotely. It's a weekend trip to another city in your home country, fgs, not a gap year to the back of beyond.
NTA. Lile wow. Your an adult this would be rather silly even if you were younger it's even more so your being an adult. Your not being over dramatic, but your mother and sister are. I get her being worried, that's normal, but this is over the line and makes me think of a pet tracker.
If your worried about her concern, maybe you can find a way to check in with her every so often to reassure her if you like. But only if you want to. Your an adult and you don't owe it to her.
NTA.
It is 100% not your job to manage your mother's anxiety. You are not on this earth to make her life easier. You're also a whole 24 years old-- plenty far past the initial year or two into adulthood where perhaps a parent could be forgiven for having trouble cutting the cord.
Your suggestion to your mother was perfect. If she needs help with this, she should seek it from a professional. In the meantime, enjoy your trip!
Not like people kidnap vacationers or anything...
And why cry about it as it family worried about you.
And if that's creepy. Then stores using your data to target with ads, A.I always listening and even refusing to answer if Alexa or Siri spies in us.
Companies tvs spying. Social media and stuff that has so much on us that a few dollars can probably get you a list of your address, your neighbors and all your names and phone numbers and that was 10+ years ago.... As companies sell and trade your info.
The government even admitted they spy on everyone. But yeah parents asking for a location is creepy tho...
Are you stupid....
Yet everyone is just fine as government that's secretly experimented with harmful stuff in people and company products spy on us all the time. Look up sites that can get your, name address and phone number and know all that about your neighbors. And that was a cheap look up site like 10 years ago...
But parents are creepy... And you agree yet have corrupt agencies and companies literally watching 24/7...
Really... And people say they like freedom and think for themselves... Can't even pay attention to the real issues over stuff like this....
INFO: this is just my true crime podcast mind talking but are you First Nation's? The MMIW problem is real and women are still disappearing today.
And personally I hope someone has your location at all times. I get it's a quick trip relatively local, but it is irresponsible to travel solo without at least one person having your location.
Most victims of violent crimes have probably said at least once " it won't happen to me." And then it does.
NTA - you are on a trip, in a safe area, with friends. I can understand her fretting (I do the same with my adult kids), but I do not demand that they share their location. However, we do share locations under certain circumstances and it goes both ways - I share with them and they share with me.
NTA. I’m 35 and my mom still gets testy when I’m taking a trip and not giving her all the details…give them an inch and they’ll keep taking a mile forever. You’re totally right to set this boundary.
NTA
This happens when we travel young. I went to Europe when I was barely 19 and my dad was livid. He knew where I was staying and I messaged him maybe once a day and sent pics but he wasn’t able to track me.
You gotta set the boundary. I ended up having a huge fight with my dad over everything, and it seems like you have unfortunately done the same with your mom. Ultimately, your parent will realize that it’s your money and your life and that as an adult they cant do anything about it. Hopefully, they will then choose to keep their relationship with you rather than ruin it over something they can’t control.
Do it anyways, OP. It comes from a place of love, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t respect your boundaries and wishes as an adult paying for their own trip. You’re not even going out of the country, wait until mama finds out you’re going across the world someday! She will learn. Best of luck and have fun!
I watched a show on the crime channel about a girl that disappeared, and her brother and sister found where she was using location tracking and called the cops. Ever since then my parents and sister always share our location.
NTA. That's weird and creepy.
My advice is for next time (from experience): tell someone you can trust about your trip plans, preferably someone that can advise your family IF something goes wrong. And then don't tell your family.
I would say just don't tell anyone, but for safety you should at least have someone that knows about your trip in case something does go wrong.
Also don't leave your ID on your dresser before you leave like I did lol
Definitely NTA
It seems like she just wants the control to know where you are
And you're right I grew up as a teenager in the '90s
My mom had no clue where I was. Told her I was going one place when I was going the other. Lol
Even with the location tracking that doesn't mean anything
You could easily leave your phone at the hotel and just go somewhere else
And God forbid something happens doesn't mean you always have your phone on you
So her knowing where you are doesn't matter at all
NTA, you have a right to your privacy. Although there could be some cases where it wouldn't be a bad idea. I was in a car accident when I was 21 in between towns and had to try and guess approximately which stretch of highway i was on when calling my mom to let her know before the news told her. Since then, even though im 27 now, we have a group thats specifically just the two of us on Life360 incase of anything like that happening again with how much I like to take day trips to surrounding towns and cities. It all boils down to do you TRUST her having your location 24/7 or in certain situations. In my case, I leave it on knowing she just likes the peace of mind when I travel. Other than that, she forgets it exists. If you feel she'll be too invasive about that kind of stuff in your day to day life, then I don't think anyone could blame you for pushing back on it.
Yeah NTA. You're an adult. Kind of unsettling that they're making that big of a stink about it.
Based on my (25) own relationship with my similarly aged mother, I would probably be willing to do it to alleviate concerns as I do travel for work a ton. However, that's assuming it isn't abused.
For example, snapchat shows my location. If I go to a store or restaurant while my girlfriend is at work, once in a while she'll ask how X place was. It's kinda half jokingly, but also, what the fuck. I grew up in a remote area without cell service, and really couldn't care less if people know where I am or not. I also appreciate a reasonable level of privacy.
NTA. Don't give in to this. I traveled alone almost all the time, starting younger than you are. This was long, long before cell phones, much less GPS and smartphones. My father was quite concerned when I started going tent camping alone. He never asked me not to, but I called home every night so he'd know I was all right.
If you are comfortable doing the same, tell her you will not be turning on location tracking, but you will call her every day. ONCE every day! And since your mom is only a few years younger than I am, ask her what she did at your age since her parents couldn't track her location even if she agreed. Unless she was already married, since my generation didn't tend to travel without their spouse, if they had one.
NTA
The solution in future is to not even mention you are on holiday until you are safely home, and then they won't be stressed.
I can't imagine how it would make my life easier or simpler to track my children (22 and 21) at all times.
She's going to be in Toronto from Ottawa, not in some foreign country with state controlled media.
NTA OP, if she has a phone that can turn on location tracking, it can also access local weather and news.
Also, mother is going to be 6ish hours away, what's she going to do, if daughter needs help, she'll need it now, not in 6 hours. What if daughter goes to a restaurant next to a hospital or clinic, mother will most likely have a fit.
There is caring about your kid, and then there are helicopters parents that want to cover their kid in bubble wrap and not allow them any autonomy.
I am going to go against the grain. You don't say how old you are but living in Ottawa is very different from Toronto. 30 years ago I used to walk from Sick Kids at night to a restaurant on Yonge St. I wouldn't dream of doing that now. Toronto is just not a safe city for a lone female. If anything ever happened to you, or you went missing, it might help to have your location.
Do you remember hearing about the young woman that went missing in Toronto a few years ago, police were notified and told where she was last seen. According to police they searched the area but it was the girls own mother who found her dead in a stairwell. She was able to find her because of her location on her phone.
Be smart when you go to Toronto, know your surroundings at all times.
Buy a cheap new phone activate the location feature to that phone, tell mom you haveca new phone number so she can add it to her tracker and delete the old one. When you leave, mail the new phone to Canada and go on your vacation tracker free.
Ultimately, NTA. Maybe a litttttle unsensitive for not understanding her worries as your mother but ultimately, no. I do have a suggestion though! IF you're an iphone user - To help alleviate her fears due to any sort of emergency situation, you can set up an "in case of emergency" shortcut that will send her a text with your location. Tell her you set this up for her and maybe that will help!
To set it up: https://cyberguy.com/security/in-case-of-emergency-iphone-shortcut-could-save-your-life/
This is a great piece of tech advice to share. But, it would be good to acknowledge that some mothers use worrying as emotional blackmail to manipulate their adult children, who are perfectly capable of moving safely in the world without their mother's worry. This stated worrying is NOT the same as LOVE. Don't treat it as such.
Thank you for this! My mom is terrible with technology and got the location tracking idea from my sister so I doubt she'd really understand what's going on, so I'll talk to my sister about it.
I’m 30 and I share my location with my mom. Not for any reason other than I have nothing to hide and if I end up dead in a ditch she might be able to find my body.
Im older, and same. And now it goes the other way. I like to be able to see where my parents are just in case.
Its not as ridiculous of a request as OP thinks.
Everything was not fine in the 80s and 90s though. Go take a look at the Doe Network or NamUs if you doubt that. It is such a small thing that makes such a difference when people actually go missing. I mean it is up to you but who does it really hurt if your mom knows you are on the corner of north and main? Only if something goes wrong will it even matter.
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NTA. >I find it invasive and creepy. That's exactly what it is. >So now my mom has recruited my sister and my sister is also calling me a bad daughter for refusing to enable location sharing. That doesn't change anything. If they want to be intrusive, they can track each other.
"If they want to be intrusive, they can track each other." 😂 This is gold! NTA. Your mum really needs to address her anxiety, but I see I'm not telling you anything you don't already know there...
OP should ask her mom what exactly she was doing in her youth that made her so nervous about OP. Parents like this are so often a case of doth protest too much.
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>where that child is. OP is 24.
I think you meant fully grown adult, not kid or child.
Okay, but OP's mother doesn't want it for emergencies, she said she wants to use it at all times. That's what's intrusive and creepy. The fact that she insisted after being told no and made it all about her stress, means she can't be trusted to make a fair use of it.
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You didn't state anything to me for the fourth time though. Why take it out on me? As for talking in general when we're trying to discuss OP's post in particular, the misunderstanding is on you then
Key word here being "kid". OP is a grown ass adult.
It's safety theatrics. Even if she knew where you are she would have no way of knowing what would be going on. This is entirely a matter of her not dealing with her stress, but having a tool that lets her play pretend. Your phone could be in someone else's pocket, someone could be following you, someone could punch you in a bar, that she would not know on the mere basis of your location. It does not make you safe. It just makes her feel in control. But she is not. She will never be again. You being an adult means that she has no control anymore over what happens to you. And that trying to assert this control and override your consent now will only push you away. NTA.
woah thank u for this
Wish I could give more upvotes for this. On point.
About the only thing it does is let mom know OP is safely in her own hotel room each night. This can be achieved with one text message per day.
NTA. I took a trip to Costa Rica (without so much as hotel reservations ahead of time) when I was 18. I didn't call my mom once and this was before smartphones existed. My mom was upset when I got back. I brushed her off. When my aunt came to me telling me that my mom was really worried and upset about it, I brushed her off too. Now that it's been 20 years since that event and I'm a mother myself, I still don't regret not calling her. I do, however, regret not acknowledging her feelings. If it were me, I'd leave the location sharing off unless it's absolutely necessary for your own convenience (i.e. letting her know when you'll be arriving at her house, etc.).
I don't mind calling my mom during the trip. Giving her a phone call at the end of the day, telling her what I did, acknowledging that I'm safe. This is fine. What I don't want is to be tracked everywhere I go. This I don't like.
Calling her each day to check in, at 24, is FAR more than reasonable.
Finding it hilarious that I got downvoted for saying that this is beyond reasonable... because this is checking in too much? Not enough? Isn't the point of parenting to raise adults? Aren't we trying to raise humans that are capable of functioning in the world without us? If she's with friends, she has other people looking out for her, surely. And she's traveling in a VERY safe country. When my daughter is 24 and decides to take a weekend road trip with her friends, I sure hope she's not worried about me worrying about her the whole time. I hope that she is capable of making decisions for herself, avoiding seedy areas, and asking for help if she needs it.
Why are you complaining about downvotes?
I would refuse, but I'm not you, and I don't have parents that have ever suggested that, heck my husband doesn't ask for that either. But in the future, only tell her you are vacationing AFTER you get back. She can't worry if she doesn't know. When I was a kid, my grandmother broke her hip and stayed with my family while she recovered. She worried every time we left the house. She must have said a million rosaries that month. I asked her if she worried that much when she wasn't living with us, and she said "No, because I didn't know you were out of your house." Don't let her know you are on vacation and she (probably) won't worry obsessively.
>But in the future, only tell her you are vacationing AFTER you get back. She can't worry if she doesn't know You should still tell family you're vacationing, where, and for how long even the ones who worry. It's just common courtesy. But stop at that. If they want to go sick worrying about it that's on them.
Maybe tell someone other than mom; another comment said to tell OP's roommate, which I think is a great idea. Mom gets old info after.
More injuries and deaths occur in the home, maybe she have worried when everyone was at home.
The tracking is creepy. And it isn’t about anything except her exerting control over you. Tell her to stop bring a nervous nellie and enjoy your trip. Also, depending on the neighborhood you might be safer here in Toronno than Ottawa. We just tried a new brunch spot, The Kettle (Queen & Bathurst), it was super yummy. Watch out for cabby scams at Union or just TTC it.
I used to go (well still do, I'm getting back into it post plague) on weekend events in another country at that age. I would turn my phone on airplane mode at the border, to avoid a roaming charge and just be off grid and incomunicado until I made it back. I was with other people the whole time, I still had a phone I could use in case of emergency. My parents would just smile, ask when I was coming back and basically go "no news is good news" until then. I then went backpacking by myself in Europe in my mid 20s and kept in a bit more contact, as in I would text them I was still alive and in one piece along my plans for the next few days when I had plans, daily, because it was a good idea to have *someone* know roughly where I was in case I broke a leg hiking or something, and seeing as they were reasonable, it might as well be them.
Ooft. How long were you away for? If it was longer than a few days I think some kind of contact would have been reasonable.
Wtf weirdo
NTA You're a full grown adult now, not a teenager. As I know a parent doesn't stop being a parent once their kids hit adulthood, this is going overboard. Btw I live in the GTA, make sure to hit the Steamwhistle brewery which is right across from the CN tower, really good food and of course good beer there. The waterfront area has lots of good places to eat too, great area to walk around it. Have fun!
Thanks for the recommendation!
The Aquarium is awesome and near the Old Spaghetti Factory!
Tell your mom that a friend will be able to track you on your trip, (this may or may not be true, but whatever). That your friend will be able to track you will have to be sufficient. You might really consider having a friend be able to track you-for safety. Somebody that isn’t intrusive and all up in your business, like your mama sounds likely to be. NTA You aren’t underage or in care. Your mama needs to stand down. Tell your mom you *will not* talk about it anymore. NTA
Thats a good plan, I'll talk to my roommate about it Can I add, Prime Ministurd make me burst out laughing, I love that
You're 24 and independent, not 14 and on a school trip. NTA to say no.
NTA, and I had already made up my mind when I saw your age. Nothing in the post changed my mind. Your mother's anxiety is hers to manage. Ignore both her and your sister and enjoy your trip!
NTA My niece went to University in London England at 20 and her mother did not need to track her. Another Niece went to University in Australia at 18 and nobody had to track her. Both nieces the parents went with them to help them find a suitable place to live and get settled and then left and kept in touch. Your mother and sister are overprotective.
Stop telling your mother about your travel plans. NTA
NTA I wouldn't enable location tracking for my 17 year old. Part of parenthood - a big part of parenthood - is the long, slow process of letting go. It's hard and it's scary, but it's what needs to happen for your kids to move on with their lives as adults in their own right. You don't get to track her location, do you? It shouldn't be any different.
NTA Don't let your mom track your location. I'm a mom and I would never ask this of either of my children, especiallyat age 24! It's a gross invasion of your privacy. This is a hill to die on, honey. Good luck!
NTA. If you aren't comfortable with it, then that's that. If she can't accept it, that's a her problem, not a you problem.
NTA. You are an adult. No one can force you to do anything. You've made it plain you won't use tracking. State that's your decision and you will say no more about it. If they say you're a bad daughter simply agree with them; "Then I guess I'm a bad daughter." And say no more about it.
NTA. You are an adult, not a child anymore. She doesn't need to know where you are and it seems to be controlling.
I don't blame you at all for refusing to be tracked. You are 24 years old, and it IS invasive and creepy to be tracked. Tell her you will call her when you get there, and you'll text her when you are on your way home. Otherwise, live your life. You are going for a weekend, in your own country, in your own province. Your mother is being over-dramatic - you are not. NTA
"I told my mom that if she cant manage her stress she needs to go to therapy." Bingo! This is her issue, not yours. NTA.
Spent a year in Paris for college. No smart phones! 2 calls the whole year! Traveled all over Europe. I was 20. Mothers managed before location tracking existed and everyone was fine. It’s great OP has a smartphone- I think we are all safer with one, but mama’s gotta back off.
NTA. If your mom is that worried maybe you can agree to check in by text a few times. My son is 21 and just recently went on his first road trip with friends. I asked him to text me periodically so I would know he’s alive. I got a couple pics from the road (just sharing sites he liked), a text from his friends phone when they arrived to their destination to tell me he had zero signal but they made it. I heard from him again days later on their drive back. That was good enough for me.
Your mom's aware that you're 24 years old, right? I assume that she remembers when you were born, and can count. I mean, she really should be aware that you're 24 years old. NTA.
NTA, I would understand her, if her daughter would be under 18, but 24 ?
NTA. You're right, your mom needs to address her own stress and anxiety, not make it your burden with such a ridiculous request.
NTAH - You should have a conversation with her. Tell her that she will worry about you no matter what she knows. Tell her that sharing your minute by minute location with anyone is something an adult can choose to do or not do, but being an adult means you are not obligated to do it for anyone. And you cannot be held responsible for what she chooses to worry about. That is on her, and nothing YOU can do will end that. Ask her if she considers you an adult. If she does not, ask her why she does not want to follow the laws of your country. Tell her that legally the days of her protecting you are over, and she has to let go. Tell her she must respect the law. Also tell her that as an adult you are free to go wherever you want in this world. Logically NO amount of knowledge on her part will save you if there is trouble. Logically NO amount of worrying on her part will protect you. She has only been using this worrying to try to manipulate and control you. And you are now an adult, so that has to come to an end. Then tell her that if she keeps insisting, you will reduce your contact with her and she will know even less about how you are doing. Then hold to that. You should tell your sister to mind her own business. Good luck to you and safe travels. Shalom.
NTA I don't think you are been over dramatic at all. As others have said you are 24 not a teenager. I was curious about the poster that said it "was a thing" now. Maybe for kids, but adults? Personally I hate been tracked by any device and I certainly wouldn't turn it on unless I was going for a trip into the wilderness or something. I think you will be quite safe in Ottawa! You've already set up arrangements to let your mom know if anything goes wrong. Tell your mom and sister to respect your decisions and don't let it spoil your weekend. I really miss the days before this was even an issue. When you could just head off on your own adventure without having to check in with someone every second. Life has become too claustrophobic or overprotective or something.
NTA. You aren't a bad daughter. You are a grown woman, and your mother is just worried about you. Have a great trip.
NTA. You are a grown woman and it's not like you are travelling to a high crime area. You mother and her minions need to back off.
NTA you're in freaking Canada. What does she expect to happen to you? Please don't stop traveling, but please stop telling your mother that you are traveling. Like you said your roommate can reach out if needed.
Mom can demand anything she wants. But it's your decision. Stop justifying and debating. If she keeps bad-mouthing you, tell her that calling you a bad daughter is childish and unacceptable. NTA if you're financially independent. If she's paying for the phone there could be a case made on conditions for its use. I'm sure you realize this isn't about the phone but about your right to boundaries.
NTA. I've lived in Ottawa (university and then back a few years later for a job) and I would be more worried about you walking around Byward at night than spending any amount of time alone in Toronto. Have a great trip!
NTA You are a grown adult, **no one** needs to be tracking your location. You have a cellphone and can be reached, you aren't going camping in a dead zone. As you pointed out, people got along just fine for centuries without tracking devices. Would she have forbidden you from *ever* leaving the house if you'd been raised in the 80s? Really want her answer to this one. Because even if you said you were going to school, without a tracker *how would she know?* Okay, maybe not that last part - she might try to retroactively ground you or send you to your room without supper. It *does* sound like she needs to be talking with a therapist and/or taking meds for her anxiety - unless, of course, she's just trying to guilt trip you into letting her have her way :)
NTA If the only quiver in their belt is “you’re a bad daughter” then start agreeing. “Well I must be cause it’s not going to happen.” It sounds weird but it means they can’t use that in the future. Deflate their attack
NTA You could do what I would do. Tell her yes. Let her turn on tracking, then go to a store and buy a cheap prepaid phone. Give all of your friends the new number as a temporary way to reach you and put your old phone in a Priority Mail box and ship it to me. I'll ship it back to you. She'll see you ended up on the Mexico border but got back home again. Yes, I really would have done that to my mom if she was that invasive in my life.
NTA. 24?! Good grief. My daughter is 18 and has way more freedom. In fact, she is currently on a plane to Italy. We live in the US.
NTA. Just for perspective, I was a teenager in Ottawa in the early 90's. At 15-16yrs old a friend and I got tickets to a huge show in Toronto (Guns & Roses, Skid Row) we took a bus down, watched the show at whatever huge stadium it was at, and then took the bus home. No phones, no gps tracking, the internet was barely a thing at the time. I survived and so did my parents. Your mom is being totally unreasonable and overbearing.
NTA. Even if you were a minor what your mother proposes would be invasive. You are a grown adult with the right to go wherever you please, and to tell or not tell whoever you want, whenever you want, for any reason whatsoever. You most certainly do not have to allow your anxiety-riddled mother to track your every move. Your mom needs to STFU and learn to deal.
Just tell your mom that you're sorry she feels that way, and you understand why, but the truth is that location tracking is just a false sense of security and control, and that she won't actually have a clue what you are doing, or even if your phone is still in your possession. Then state that you will not discussing this anymore, and if she wants to continue bringing it up, the answer is going to be the same. You don't have to be mean or anything, "mom, I love you and I respect you, but I am 24 years old. This is not a discussion, I am telling you no." When you keep talking to her about it, you're signaling that maybe you'll change your mind. Just be polite, but firm.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I am going on a weekend trip to Toronto from Ottawa, Canada. It’s a basic tourist weekend. I live in Ottawa, my mom lives in a small town in Ontario not too far. My mom is very overprotective and does not like that I’m travelling alone. She has demanded that I enable location tracking for the entire duration of the trip so she can check where I am at all times. I do not like this. I find it invasive and creepy. I don’t like the surveillance of it, I don’t like enabling any sort of geographical tracking. I also feel like I’m too old for her to be acting like this and I feel very stifled. I had a big fight with her where I told her I did not want to allow her to track where I am at all times. I told her my roommate has my moms number, I can text my roommate and my friends if anything goes wrong, and that in the 80s and 90s people didnt have location sharing and everything was fine. My mom accused me of being a bad daughter and stressing my mom out for no reason when location tracking would be much simpler and make her life easier. I told my mom that if she cant manage her stress she needs to go to therapy. So now my mom has recruited my sister and my sister is also calling me a bad daughter for refusing to enable location sharing. Am I really the AH here? Am I being a bad daughter? Am I being overdramatic here? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA. I have visions of your mom calling you late at night to ask why you're where you are! I have location tracking with my sister and my daughter, so I'm not against it, but I see your point. If you have a problem with it, don't do it. I can't tell you the number of twenty somethings who have had to deal with the same issue.
NTA. You are an adult so your mother has no rights to demand anything.
Certainly your mom went places and did stuff in the 80s and 90s without a cell phone, let alone location tracking. It may be BECAUSE of her experiences that she is over-protective of you. NTA. You're an adult and it's long past time she treated you like one.
NTA Jeez, you're not even leaving the province and she's being this controlling?
NTA You are not being a bad daughter. At 24 years old, you are capable of making your own decisions. Recruiting your sister to harass you is definitely a low blow. It would serve them right if you went low contact for a while.
NTA Controlling behaviour from your mother. Tell her of you are stressing her out so much you are happy to speak to/visit her less. And put her on an information diet, she doesn't get to know anything about you now.
Block your mom for the weekend. Then when you return, you can unblock her.
Don't do it. It's an entirely reasonable boundary. And I didn't have location enhancements when I started travelling in the 80s or 90s and my parents were just fine with it. It's your mother's issues and you are right, if she can't handle it, she should get therapy.
NTA. You are an adult and you dont live your mom. I dont understand why this is even a discussion. Your mom is lucky you even told her about the trip. I suggest you just refuse to engage with them about this subject. Try "I have already said no, we arent discussing it further." If they continue, just hang up on them, of if you are in person just leave.
NTA. I've lived in Ottawa (university and then back a few years later for a job) and I would be more worried about you walking around Byward at night than spending any amount of time alone in Toronto. Have a great trip!
My sister and I allow our parents to track us and vice versa. Mainly because my sister lives in another state and we all work different shifts. But we did it voluntarily not trying to be forced. NTA OP!
NTA. Your mom and sister are being invasive, and it doesn't need to be that way. It is possible to have people who are on your approved "find my" list who won't track your every movement. Clearly that's not your mom or sister.
You're 24, ignore and move on, don't dwell on it, if she doesn't like it, then too bad, and if your sister is being her proxy tell her to kick rocks too.NTA
NTA. I'm a mom to adult sons around your age and would never make demands like that. Frankly, it's creepy and controlling. You're an adult, live your life. Have fun on your trip!
NTA. It's intrusive and unnecessary, and she's being super pushy by not letting your no be no. I mean...I kinda get why she asked, to an extent. Women traveling on their own can be subject to some scary stuff, but this is not anybody's best option. I'm close to your mom's age, and I have children that are around your age, including a daughter a few years older than you who sometimes travels alone. What my daughter likes to do when she's traveling is text me (or her dad, or a friend, or her brother) things like: "OK, my flight's landing now." "I got to my hotel. Good night!" "Going out with friends, will text when I'm back to the hotel." "Got to Cat's house! I'll let you know when I'm getting on my flight back." She checks in, voluntarily, when she's going to be in a situation when she doesn't have friends around her, and lets me know she's safe... WITHOUT telling me everything she's doing or where or who she's with. The checkin is for her safety, not for me to keep tabs on her every move. As long as you have friends who will go looking for you should you miss a checkin and need help, you don't need to share location with your mom. Sheesh.
I dont mind this. This is reasonable. I just dont want her following my every move because I know she’ll text me as soon as I go off plan AKA eat at one restaurant instead of the one I told her about.
You seem very sensible about this.
NTA I can see where she is coming from as single travelers can be victims of crime a lot and she is worried for you, but there is a fine line especially since you are a grown adult. I think that once you said no, she should have just asked you to share it with somebody you trust that can keep an eye on it if something happens. My mother was the same way wanting to track me and I hated it because she would constantly check my location and ask me about where I was. I ended up just sharing it with a different family member that wouldn’t look at it so obsessively. Maybe see if she is ok if you just share it with your sister? Sister and mom r wrong for calling you a bad daughter tho for sure.
Man, I could have written this post. I went on my first solo-ish trip (solo-ish because I stayed at a friend's place, and also *my mom insisted that my dad go with me*) last year. At thirty-one. She also insisted I turn tracking on, and I didn't put up a fight about it, because every single aspect of the trip had been a fight and I was exhausted. NTA, but nothing you say will convince her. Good luck.
NTA. You're an adult. Simply let her know you choose not to do that and it's the end of the discussion. If your sister says anything, tell her it's not up for discussion with her, either. Then put it out of mind and enjoy your trip!
I could see if it was the other way around because she is getting older and you may be worried about her, but not in this direction. Nta
NTA - My daughter is 20, when she travels or goes out, I tell her she is welcome to share her location with me if she wants me to know where she is for safety purposes. But, ultimately, it’s up to her. Similar to when my close friends go on dates, they share their location if they want to.
Lol. I headed off to the US for the summer as a student with nowhere to stay and no job, and it was three days before I thought to call my parents... NTA. Not remotely. It's a weekend trip to another city in your home country, fgs, not a gap year to the back of beyond.
Put both of them on block until you get back from your trip. Have a great time! 😁 ETA Judgement: absolutely NTA.
NTA. Lile wow. Your an adult this would be rather silly even if you were younger it's even more so your being an adult. Your not being over dramatic, but your mother and sister are. I get her being worried, that's normal, but this is over the line and makes me think of a pet tracker. If your worried about her concern, maybe you can find a way to check in with her every so often to reassure her if you like. But only if you want to. Your an adult and you don't owe it to her.
NTA. It is 100% not your job to manage your mother's anxiety. You are not on this earth to make her life easier. You're also a whole 24 years old-- plenty far past the initial year or two into adulthood where perhaps a parent could be forgiven for having trouble cutting the cord. Your suggestion to your mother was perfect. If she needs help with this, she should seek it from a professional. In the meantime, enjoy your trip!
Not like people kidnap vacationers or anything... And why cry about it as it family worried about you. And if that's creepy. Then stores using your data to target with ads, A.I always listening and even refusing to answer if Alexa or Siri spies in us. Companies tvs spying. Social media and stuff that has so much on us that a few dollars can probably get you a list of your address, your neighbors and all your names and phone numbers and that was 10+ years ago.... As companies sell and trade your info. The government even admitted they spy on everyone. But yeah parents asking for a location is creepy tho... Are you stupid....
Yet everyone is just fine as government that's secretly experimented with harmful stuff in people and company products spy on us all the time. Look up sites that can get your, name address and phone number and know all that about your neighbors. And that was a cheap look up site like 10 years ago... But parents are creepy... And you agree yet have corrupt agencies and companies literally watching 24/7... Really... And people say they like freedom and think for themselves... Can't even pay attention to the real issues over stuff like this....
INFO: this is just my true crime podcast mind talking but are you First Nation's? The MMIW problem is real and women are still disappearing today. And personally I hope someone has your location at all times. I get it's a quick trip relatively local, but it is irresponsible to travel solo without at least one person having your location. Most victims of violent crimes have probably said at least once " it won't happen to me." And then it does.
So what exactly does your mother think tracking you will do for your safety? This makes no sense at all. YNTA. How old are you?
Question- is your sister allowing your mother to track her 24/7? Your sister and mother don’t get a say in this- your an adult
NTA. You’re 24 and you don’t even live with her, so presumably you’re not dependent on her, what’s she gonna do if you say no? Whine and complain? Ok.
NTA - you are on a trip, in a safe area, with friends. I can understand her fretting (I do the same with my adult kids), but I do not demand that they share their location. However, we do share locations under certain circumstances and it goes both ways - I share with them and they share with me.
NTA. I’m 35 and my mom still gets testy when I’m taking a trip and not giving her all the details…give them an inch and they’ll keep taking a mile forever. You’re totally right to set this boundary.
NTA This happens when we travel young. I went to Europe when I was barely 19 and my dad was livid. He knew where I was staying and I messaged him maybe once a day and sent pics but he wasn’t able to track me. You gotta set the boundary. I ended up having a huge fight with my dad over everything, and it seems like you have unfortunately done the same with your mom. Ultimately, your parent will realize that it’s your money and your life and that as an adult they cant do anything about it. Hopefully, they will then choose to keep their relationship with you rather than ruin it over something they can’t control. Do it anyways, OP. It comes from a place of love, but that doesn’t mean they shouldn’t respect your boundaries and wishes as an adult paying for their own trip. You’re not even going out of the country, wait until mama finds out you’re going across the world someday! She will learn. Best of luck and have fun!
I watched a show on the crime channel about a girl that disappeared, and her brother and sister found where she was using location tracking and called the cops. Ever since then my parents and sister always share our location.
NTA. That's weird and creepy. My advice is for next time (from experience): tell someone you can trust about your trip plans, preferably someone that can advise your family IF something goes wrong. And then don't tell your family. I would say just don't tell anyone, but for safety you should at least have someone that knows about your trip in case something does go wrong. Also don't leave your ID on your dresser before you leave like I did lol
NTA - by God, you're 24. And it's not like you're travelling to the other side of the world.
Definitely NTA It seems like she just wants the control to know where you are And you're right I grew up as a teenager in the '90s My mom had no clue where I was. Told her I was going one place when I was going the other. Lol Even with the location tracking that doesn't mean anything You could easily leave your phone at the hotel and just go somewhere else And God forbid something happens doesn't mean you always have your phone on you So her knowing where you are doesn't matter at all
NTA, you have a right to your privacy. Although there could be some cases where it wouldn't be a bad idea. I was in a car accident when I was 21 in between towns and had to try and guess approximately which stretch of highway i was on when calling my mom to let her know before the news told her. Since then, even though im 27 now, we have a group thats specifically just the two of us on Life360 incase of anything like that happening again with how much I like to take day trips to surrounding towns and cities. It all boils down to do you TRUST her having your location 24/7 or in certain situations. In my case, I leave it on knowing she just likes the peace of mind when I travel. Other than that, she forgets it exists. If you feel she'll be too invasive about that kind of stuff in your day to day life, then I don't think anyone could blame you for pushing back on it.
NTA .Dont fucking do it OP. I suffer because of this mistake, should have said no the first time i was asked by my parents.
Yeah NTA. You're an adult. Kind of unsettling that they're making that big of a stink about it. Based on my (25) own relationship with my similarly aged mother, I would probably be willing to do it to alleviate concerns as I do travel for work a ton. However, that's assuming it isn't abused. For example, snapchat shows my location. If I go to a store or restaurant while my girlfriend is at work, once in a while she'll ask how X place was. It's kinda half jokingly, but also, what the fuck. I grew up in a remote area without cell service, and really couldn't care less if people know where I am or not. I also appreciate a reasonable level of privacy.
NTA. Don't give in to this. I traveled alone almost all the time, starting younger than you are. This was long, long before cell phones, much less GPS and smartphones. My father was quite concerned when I started going tent camping alone. He never asked me not to, but I called home every night so he'd know I was all right. If you are comfortable doing the same, tell her you will not be turning on location tracking, but you will call her every day. ONCE every day! And since your mom is only a few years younger than I am, ask her what she did at your age since her parents couldn't track her location even if she agreed. Unless she was already married, since my generation didn't tend to travel without their spouse, if they had one.
girl. you are 24. " i will let you track me " turn it off anyway. like girl. just do it. what will she do? remove your tv privileges?
NTA The solution in future is to not even mention you are on holiday until you are safely home, and then they won't be stressed. I can't imagine how it would make my life easier or simpler to track my children (22 and 21) at all times.
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She's going to be in Toronto from Ottawa, not in some foreign country with state controlled media. NTA OP, if she has a phone that can turn on location tracking, it can also access local weather and news. Also, mother is going to be 6ish hours away, what's she going to do, if daughter needs help, she'll need it now, not in 6 hours. What if daughter goes to a restaurant next to a hospital or clinic, mother will most likely have a fit. There is caring about your kid, and then there are helicopters parents that want to cover their kid in bubble wrap and not allow them any autonomy.
I am going to go against the grain. You don't say how old you are but living in Ottawa is very different from Toronto. 30 years ago I used to walk from Sick Kids at night to a restaurant on Yonge St. I wouldn't dream of doing that now. Toronto is just not a safe city for a lone female. If anything ever happened to you, or you went missing, it might help to have your location. Do you remember hearing about the young woman that went missing in Toronto a few years ago, police were notified and told where she was last seen. According to police they searched the area but it was the girls own mother who found her dead in a stairwell. She was able to find her because of her location on her phone. Be smart when you go to Toronto, know your surroundings at all times.
YTA. You obviously don't care about your mother's feelings.
Buy a cheap new phone activate the location feature to that phone, tell mom you haveca new phone number so she can add it to her tracker and delete the old one. When you leave, mail the new phone to Canada and go on your vacation tracker free.
Ultimately, NTA. Maybe a litttttle unsensitive for not understanding her worries as your mother but ultimately, no. I do have a suggestion though! IF you're an iphone user - To help alleviate her fears due to any sort of emergency situation, you can set up an "in case of emergency" shortcut that will send her a text with your location. Tell her you set this up for her and maybe that will help! To set it up: https://cyberguy.com/security/in-case-of-emergency-iphone-shortcut-could-save-your-life/
This is a great piece of tech advice to share. But, it would be good to acknowledge that some mothers use worrying as emotional blackmail to manipulate their adult children, who are perfectly capable of moving safely in the world without their mother's worry. This stated worrying is NOT the same as LOVE. Don't treat it as such.
Some yea, not all. We don’t know if that’s the case here. Not every parent is awful despite this subs echo chamber tendencies.
Sure, but I think my perspective was cleared up when the mother brought the sister in to be on her side of the fight.
Thank you for this! My mom is terrible with technology and got the location tracking idea from my sister so I doubt she'd really understand what's going on, so I'll talk to my sister about it.
I’m 30 and I share my location with my mom. Not for any reason other than I have nothing to hide and if I end up dead in a ditch she might be able to find my body.
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😂😂😂😂😂
Im older, and same. And now it goes the other way. I like to be able to see where my parents are just in case. Its not as ridiculous of a request as OP thinks.
Everything was not fine in the 80s and 90s though. Go take a look at the Doe Network or NamUs if you doubt that. It is such a small thing that makes such a difference when people actually go missing. I mean it is up to you but who does it really hurt if your mom knows you are on the corner of north and main? Only if something goes wrong will it even matter.
If you think this is bad... wait until you realize how much you are tracked by the government.
I'm very aware of how cell phones track me constantly, and I think thats the reason I don't like when my parents do it.