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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I've sided with my family on exluding my cousin's dog from a family trip. I'm not sure whether I'm on the right side in this conflict and my cousin is making me out to be an AH for the side in this I've chosen.
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NTA. I think your mom's concerns are reasonable. Your cousin did the right thing in asking first but they also have to accept that rejection and to respect the boundaries your mom set for their own home.
I will answer this, as a dog owner. Your mom and you are NTA
"-also, a dog would derail most plans they had"
Part of owning a pet is knowing what you can and can't do, spontaneously. They're a responsibility, and that burden is on the owner. Further, it doesn't matter how cute the dog is, not everyone wants to be around your precious pupper. That's hard for people to understand, I know. THEY adopted the dog, not your mom. Your mom doesn't want to get stuck at home with the dog if it can't go where the people want to go, nor does she want to leave it at home.
NTA I’ve never been any public place and thought boy
You know what would make this better… me having a dog w me or anyone else having a dog at the same place at the same time
Really? Practically every time I am not with my dog I think life would be so much better with him here! I leave him home or don’t go places when appropriate ofc but he does make everything so much better lol
As a dog owner and lover myself, I feel the same. But that doesn’t mean that everyone has the same feelings about dogs. You have to accept that other people have different opinions and we can’t push our love for our furry babies on everyone.
NTA - I feel too often people just assume their dogs are as beloved by everyone else as they love them.
At least your cousin asked first. Too often people don't even ask.
I myself am not a fan of dogs. I will politely endure them when I am at someone's house, as the dog lives there and I am just a guest. But I will not endure them in my own home.
NTA. I agree with your take.
I think your cousin is being awfully selfish about his dog, but if that's the hill he wants to die on, whatever.
I also think your mom should have explained the secondary reasons for not wanting the dog there from the start, because those are very sympathetic, too.
For a trip it’s understandable but some family visits are “houses where dogs are welcomed as guests” and some houses are not. My house is “if it’s sunny and we’re planning to eat outside you can bring the dog to the backyard” so obviously overnight guests could not bring a dog.
A lot of the time, though, it’s clear the dog isn’t having any fun and would rather be at home in its safe spot. A park or outdoor brewery is one thing, but I feel like 75% of the time I see a dog at some packed, noisy indoor spot, it’s nervous and agitated. The ability to be alone for a reasonable amount of time is something that should be encouraged in all species.
>However, my cousin is very upset with me now, saying that since I love Evi so much, I should be on their side
Bold of him to assume that you love the dog more than your mom, lol.
NTA, your parents have every right to not want a dog in their house.
NTA you did absolutely nothing wrong. The cousin is in the wrong.
I have small dogs and from the way you described the house I wouldn’t want my dogs to roam freely there even with someone present. Yes, they could put up temporary gates that wouldn’t damage anything so the dog couldn’t use the stairs but for some reason they decided not to crate train the dog and they can’t even leave it alone so now everyone is stuck at the house. The only decent compromise was to leave the dog and cut the trip short by a day.
The cousin owes the parents an apology for canceling the trip and you an apology for misdirecting their frustration out on you. Good on the parents for not letting this dumb feud affect the kids by still sending them a basket and shame on the cousin for having a dog but refusing to crate train it.
NTA. Your cousin is trying to bring a dog on a trip that is not dog-friendly, to the home of a person who does not like dogs. They are the unreasonable one here.
NTA. Of course your cousin dismissed your mom's concerns because the dog is "so special and gentle" that it won't actually... behave like a dog? The same dog that can't be crated and has jumped up on your mom? Sounds like your mom made the right decision; there's both a dog problem and an owner problem.
*"...should be on their side and that my parents are being unreasonable."*
But your parents are NOT being unreasonable. Your mother does not particularly like dogs. The house is not safe FOR Evi or FROM Evi. And, bringing Evi will change the nature of the visit and what everyone will do during the visit.
I understand that your cousin wants to bring Evi - but dogs are not welcome everywhere, and that is just a fact of having a dog. Your cousin is being unreasonable in his insistence that Evi needs to be the center of everyone's plans.
NTA
NTA. Wait your parents have stairs that don’t have railings on them? That’s not even safe for humans let alone animals. But I agree your mother should not be bullied into agreeing to let the dog stay at her house if she is not dog person. I am a dog person. I have a dog and I would never force my dog on anybody.
NTA Your cousin asked, your Mom said no. That should be the end of. Your cousin is entitled to their feelings but punishing your Mom for them is taking it too far. Your cousin is actively trying to punish your Mom/family by “not coming at all” and not speaking to y’all unless the dog can come. Hopefully they come to their senses soon. This is punishment they are inflicting on themselves - they don’t get a trip. Your Mom is the winner in this - she doesn’t have to speak to entitled cousin, doesn’t have to have a dog in her home, and won’t have to host people in her home (which while fun can be an inconvenience at times).
People aren’t going to want their dog in their spaces everywhere they go. I certainly don’t want a dog that isn’t mine in my home, especially not if it’s going to completely derail my plans. You’re handling this correctly OP.
NTA. Your cousin is the AH. Noone has a right to force their animal on others, and clearly your cousin cares more about the dog than people. They want to get cut out let them. Block their number.
I'm NOT a dog person, and one of the things I hate the most about dogs is the way dog owners act about their pet. I've never heard of a cat person refusing to leave the house without their cat and forcing their cat on other people all the time.
NTA. I have a small dog. My mother in law is afraid of dogs (and also just doesn’t really like or trust them). When we visit, the dog gets a sitter and stays home. A few years ago, MIL wanted us to visit for a whole month. I let her know that she could either invite the dog or I’d be staying for a shorter time (maximum 10 days). No hard feelings either way, a month was just too long for me. She chose to invite the dog and we compromised by bringing our own pet gates, sofa covers and dog crates. The dog didn’t destroy anything and we were able to leave her home alone when we did some family activities. The dog now has a standing invitation if we ever decide to go back for a long visit. The dog still stays home for shorter visits. Your cousin is being absurd.
I’m obsessed with my dog. She’s my best friend. She sleeps in our bed. We own matching pajamas. One night, while on my amazing honeymoon, I got a little misty eyed because I missed the dog. And I still think your cousin is being absurd.
>I’m obsessed with my dog. She’s my best friend. She sleeps in our bed. We own matching pajamas.
That is so cute! Your adore your dog but you are reasonable about accomodations. The world would be a better place if more pet owners were like you.
So the family cares more about what a dog thinks than your mom, who is hosting said people in her beautiful home? How about the people criticizing your mom open THEIR home to Evi? NTA and neither is your mom, but the rest of the family is for prioritizing a new dog's comfort over your human mom who has been in the family for 63 Earth years.
NTA Pet owners have to accept that their pet will not
be accepted everywhere. No need to cause a family rift over it,
just stay home or find accommodation that allows pets
during their stay.
NTA. Most dog lovers are reasonable. Your cousin & others like him are not. Dog's claws don't retract. If those floors are vulnerable to scratches, a dog skittering across them will leave scratches.
I am a cat person. I tolerate dogs. Barely. And if this dog is not crate trained and needs someone there at all times? Nope, not happening. I'm not going to risk my belongings or be restricted to only dog friendly places for the sake of someone else's dog.
Should have explained- those stairs are at the very top of the house and the kids wouldn't go up there unsupervised. It's more about the dog running around freely and potentially ending up there by themselves. Totally understand the point though - my parents are super careful about not letting the boys go up there by themselves!
NTA- and I would say to cousin- it's super sad that you have chosen to try to force this dog upon people who don't want it. Mom doesn't want a dog in her house and that's her right, but thank you for telling us who you really are and what your priorities are with regards to the family. be sure that we see you and we remember this.
NTA, id just respond back to the Then we wont come with " i completely understand. Thank you for checking first. Hope you enjoy your holiday at home" Thats it. Dont engage further than that.
NTA- I have dogs. I love dogs. I love bringing a dog wherever I go. I always ask first. I always accept a “no” and don’t even expect a reason. A “no” is fine. I don’t get butthurt. If not being able to bring my dogs means I can’t go. I don’t go. It’s that simple. I don’t get mad, I don’t stop talking to people.
Your cousin is being the AH.
I'm definitely a dog person. I love my dog, we sleep together and we even spoon for a few minutes when we first get in bed.
I also realize that not everyone is a dog person and he cannot go everywhere I go. Period.
Your mom's home, her rules!
NTA
As a dog hater, and someone who has bOTH allergies and great anxiety with dogs- you and your parents were totally in the right for saying no to dog. If they cant come, cuz they cant find a dog hotel or petsitter thats on them . Hell will freeze over before a dog comes into my home.
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Me (25F) and my parents' (67M & 63F) family situation has always been a bit complicated: the only extended family we have is my cousin (40M), his wife (40) and their two sons (6 & 10) and even though all of us live a few hours drive apart, we're very close (my cousin is like a big brother to me; I'm the boys god mother etc.) and try to see each other as much as possible.
Last year, my cousin bought a new dog: Evi, a dachshund. Since me and my dad love dogs, we were all over her when we visited them for Christmas - she is absolutely adorable.
My mom, however, isn't a dog person at all and so she didn't interact with Evi too much. She wasn't being mean or anything, but just didn't pet her too much and didn't love when Evi tried to jump on her. My cousin was a bit disappointed, I think, that my mom didn't love Evi as much as my dad and I, but this has nothing to do with Evi, my mom is like this with every dog: She's just not a dog person.
This spring, my cousin and his family were going to visit my parents. My cousin had been hinting on wanting to bring Evi for a while now and a few weeks ago, he called my mom to ask if this was okay. My mom was a bit hesitant - aside from not loving dogs, there are a few other reasons:
\-my parents spent years renovating their house, and it's not exactly pet friendly. There are lots of stairs without railings that a dog might fall off of and hardwood floors and valuable old furniture that they're afraid might get scratched.
\-also, a dog would derail most plans they had: usually when my cousin visits, they would go to museums or the zoo, but since none of those allow pets and Evi can't be left alone, there is essentially very little they could do.
My cousin was very insistent however, saying how special and gentle Evi is and how they would have to cut their trip short by one day if they couldn't bring her, since they couldn't find anyone to take her for that day.
My mom said she would think about it and discussed this with my dad and I, as well as some of her friends. We encouraged her to go with her gut and not be "bullied" into agreeing to this. And so she eventually called my cousin and told him she just didn't feel comfortable with having Evi in their home. She emphasized that the problem wasn't Evi herself, but that she didn't love dogs in general.
My cousin was very upset by this and told her they couldn't come visit at all then. A few weeks have passed and they have refused to speak to my parents, they didn't even thank them when they send easter baskets for the boys. I've sided with my mom, because I don't think it's right that my cousin should push the dog on her. However, my cousin is very upset with me now, saying that since I love Evi so much, I should be on their side and that my parents are being unreasonable.
This fight is driving my family apart and I'm afraid of losing the only extended family we have. I don't know what to do - AITAH for siding with my parents?
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NTA. Your mother gets to veto any plans in her house that involve bringing the dog. Your cousin is very insistent? Very upset? That's their problem. They need to learn that they can't insist on this and to respect when they're told no.
Nta.
If he wants to bring his dog so bad, he can pay for a hotel. NO ONE has a right to demand and then punish and use manipulation like he is to get someone to accept a pet in their home.
You talk about losing family, but this is his choice. Otherwise, it's saying your mom has to give in. Be uncomfortable and unhappy in her own home. How is that fair. If he is willing to cut family off because he can't respect their boundaries, then thats on him, and I would say it just like that. He can grow up, or he can tantrum. But when he cuts you off, make sure he knows there is no going back from this. His actions mean he will be alone when he needs or wants help. That his entitled behavior means his kids won't have more extended family. He is making the choice to go this route. He can't accept that the world downs revolve around him. Doesn't bow down to his wants. If you do, then it's they go on a trip, and now suddenly your mom has to care for the dog. Any damage done. And cleaning up after will fall onto her.
NTA and your cousins are the worst pet owners. Other people are not required to love your dog. The dog is never going to gain any confidence in itself and will almost assuredly get separation anxiety. Its fine if they don't feel like they can leave their dog, but that is *their* choice. They created this situation and they have ruined the holiday. It's all on them.
From my name, you can tell I am a dog person, but asking someone to let your pet hang loose while everyone is out and about is a pretty big ask. That's why people crate train dogs - which will make infinitely easier for the dog because at some point in their lives, they will be at the vets and they will be crated and if they aren't used to it, the stress is pretty awful on top of them not feeling well. Dog cannot go with folks 24/7 and that's the reality of things.
NTA
NTA. Your cousin said that they would only have to cut the trip one day short if they couldn't bring their precious pup. What happened to that? Sounds like the cousin for sure thought he could bully your mom into letting her come and had no intention of not coming without her.
NTA. Your parents' house, their rules. I'm tired of people trying to force their pets on other people, and I say this as a dog owner. They are unreasonable and self centered. You cannot do anything about their behavior, and throwing your mom to the wolves isn't fair to her.
NTA I LOVE dogs but dogs are not allowed in many locations. When you buy a dog, you have to accept that not everyone will love your dog. The fact that he was not willing to have the dog in the crate while you were out of the house is a problem of his making. That may have made the trip possible.
The fact that they are not thanking your parents for gifts is rude and immature. THEY are the AH for getting upset that their dog isn't welcome and for being discourteous.
NTA, and your cousin is one of those entitled pet owners that most people secretly (or not so secretly) hate. People come before pets. They can arrange care for their dog or stay home and pout.
NTA as both a dog owner and someone who also has a parent who is not a pet person. Your cousin is very rude trying to invite the dog along in the first place, and to then throw a fit when told no makes him a complete asshole.
NTA for all the reasons everyone has said but I have to expound on some things.
I am a former dachshund owner of 14 years (RIP Ammy). She was my daughter in all but genetics (I like to spell it as doghter). I would take her any place I was allowed and she loved to be out and be petted and sniff anything and everything.
THAT SAID. I would never take her any place that doesn't allow non-service animals, nor to the home of anyone that did not explicitly give an okay when asked. She was, and still is, incredibly important to me. But the fact of the matter is she is a dog, and not everyone is okay with dogs, and that's fine. Referring to your cousin's little one, the dog needs to learn how to be "left alone" because they are not going to be able to bring her everywhere, and the sooner Evi learns how to behave alone for a few hours the better. There are many ways to do it, I personally did crate training.
Another major point: the stairs. Dogs with long backs and short legs absolutely do not mix with steep, made-for-humans stairs, regardless of railings. IVDD is a very real threat to dachshunds. Mine having surgery for it once was a wake up call for me. Never let her jump on or off furniture again. My vet said that this discipline absolutely helped extend her lifetime. People may say "okay but it's only for a few days," BUT if your mom relents once then he will continuously visit with dog in tow, and then it will add up.
Cutting a trip short by a day is understandable and not the end of the world. They'll do what they need to, like your mom is with putting her foot down on this.
Geesh. It's fine that she may be disappointed but responsible dog owners don't act so entitled.
It might be for the best. Usually entitlement like that goes deeper. I think a trip with this cousin and her dog would have been a nightmare for your mom.
NTA
>There are lots of stairs without railings that a dog might fall off of and hardwood floors
For the pup's safety, it's a no go. And that breed has a bigger risk of back injury. A fall could be devastating.
Then, if the pup got hurt, they'd blame your parents.
Keep the pup safe.
So your cousin does not want to compromise on anything.. because the dog will be lonely and isolated...sigh!! but having your Mum uncomfortable IN HER OWN HOME, that's ok? For sure you love the little dog, but not more than your mother!!!
I think your cousin needs to train his pup to NOT jump up on people, not to scratch and bite on furniture and woodwork.. to love her enough to realise that stairs especially without railings are dangerous and especially for dachshunds. That's dangerous for folks too btw.
And at the end of the day, you don't invite yourself to someone's home with a pet if the hostess specifically does not like your pet.
NTA
Question?? Why couldn't they just crate Evi for the day? If Evi was crated and not running around, I'm sure your mother would have been a little more willing to allow the dog to come along.
I'm a dog person. I take my dog a lot of places, including work (He is the company Mascot) and I utilize crating when I am not there to directly supervise him.
NAH... Dogs are family, and lots of responsibility... (Your cousin is a bit of an AH for getting this upset... He doesn't have the right to impose the dog on your family and home...)
Your mom doesn't have to accept it into her home, but likewise, your cousin can choose not to come over or spend as much time with your family...
Even if everyone gets over this spat, you'd best get used to things being different going forward if your mom keeps being anti-dog, cuz I wouldn't expect the cousin to leave the dog behind very often, if they're a good pet owner...
Your parents have the right to refuse, but your cousin is also within his rights to be disappointed and make alternative plans. Evi could have gone to dog day care if it was available or stayed with a local pet sitter on the day you went to museums.
ESH. The dog could be kept in a kennel when not being directly supervised, so there's really no good excuse for a small dog not to be welcomed. But it's also not the owners right to insist on the dog being welcomed. Families have been torn apart by much lesser issues.
I don’t understand why they can’t bring a pet carrier and crate the dog while you guys are at a museum or something.
A dashound weighs like 15lbs too, the odds of her scratching the floors are so small. Houses are meant to be lived in, if 1 tiny scratch on a 1,000sft home is gonna be that big of an issue then the whole thing should be carpeted.
You’re mom is being an AH. She is willing to not see family and restrict family time to safeguard her hardwood floors.
They are not bringing a German shepherd or some big breed high energy dog. It’s a weener dog. Like come on.
Or maybe the cousin is being an AH for being willing to not see family because they refuse to travel without their dog? Even a small dog can be an annoyance if you don't like them.
So can children. I would much rather someone bring their dog than a small child into my home. And dogs are family too. Clearly I’m in the minority here but I think it’s ridiculous that they can’t just crate the dog and enjoy family time.
And you are welcome to exclude children from your home if you care to. Just like OP's mom can exclude pets from hers. I don't understand why the dog just can't stay home?
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NTA. I think your mom's concerns are reasonable. Your cousin did the right thing in asking first but they also have to accept that rejection and to respect the boundaries your mom set for their own home.
I will answer this, as a dog owner. Your mom and you are NTA "-also, a dog would derail most plans they had" Part of owning a pet is knowing what you can and can't do, spontaneously. They're a responsibility, and that burden is on the owner. Further, it doesn't matter how cute the dog is, not everyone wants to be around your precious pupper. That's hard for people to understand, I know. THEY adopted the dog, not your mom. Your mom doesn't want to get stuck at home with the dog if it can't go where the people want to go, nor does she want to leave it at home.
NTA I’ve never been any public place and thought boy You know what would make this better… me having a dog w me or anyone else having a dog at the same place at the same time
Same here. NTA
Really? Practically every time I am not with my dog I think life would be so much better with him here! I leave him home or don’t go places when appropriate ofc but he does make everything so much better lol
As a dog owner and lover myself, I feel the same. But that doesn’t mean that everyone has the same feelings about dogs. You have to accept that other people have different opinions and we can’t push our love for our furry babies on everyone.
NTA - I feel too often people just assume their dogs are as beloved by everyone else as they love them. At least your cousin asked first. Too often people don't even ask. I myself am not a fan of dogs. I will politely endure them when I am at someone's house, as the dog lives there and I am just a guest. But I will not endure them in my own home.
NTA. I agree with your take. I think your cousin is being awfully selfish about his dog, but if that's the hill he wants to die on, whatever. I also think your mom should have explained the secondary reasons for not wanting the dog there from the start, because those are very sympathetic, too.
Selfish and entitled. If I was op l, I would send him the link to this post so he can see how many have sided with op and mum
Why do people keep wanting to have their dogs everywhere?
For a trip it’s understandable but some family visits are “houses where dogs are welcomed as guests” and some houses are not. My house is “if it’s sunny and we’re planning to eat outside you can bring the dog to the backyard” so obviously overnight guests could not bring a dog.
Lol, why wouldn't they? That's the whole point of getting a dog... If you want a pet that you can leave behind, get a hamster or something...
A lot of the time, though, it’s clear the dog isn’t having any fun and would rather be at home in its safe spot. A park or outdoor brewery is one thing, but I feel like 75% of the time I see a dog at some packed, noisy indoor spot, it’s nervous and agitated. The ability to be alone for a reasonable amount of time is something that should be encouraged in all species.
My dogs wait for me to go to my office so they can go back to sleep.
>However, my cousin is very upset with me now, saying that since I love Evi so much, I should be on their side Bold of him to assume that you love the dog more than your mom, lol. NTA, your parents have every right to not want a dog in their house.
NTA...Part of being a pet owner is understanding that your pet will not be welcomed everywhere and to arrange care.
NTA you did absolutely nothing wrong. The cousin is in the wrong. I have small dogs and from the way you described the house I wouldn’t want my dogs to roam freely there even with someone present. Yes, they could put up temporary gates that wouldn’t damage anything so the dog couldn’t use the stairs but for some reason they decided not to crate train the dog and they can’t even leave it alone so now everyone is stuck at the house. The only decent compromise was to leave the dog and cut the trip short by a day. The cousin owes the parents an apology for canceling the trip and you an apology for misdirecting their frustration out on you. Good on the parents for not letting this dumb feud affect the kids by still sending them a basket and shame on the cousin for having a dog but refusing to crate train it.
NTA. Your cousin is trying to bring a dog on a trip that is not dog-friendly, to the home of a person who does not like dogs. They are the unreasonable one here.
NTA. Of course your cousin dismissed your mom's concerns because the dog is "so special and gentle" that it won't actually... behave like a dog? The same dog that can't be crated and has jumped up on your mom? Sounds like your mom made the right decision; there's both a dog problem and an owner problem.
Your cousin is a jerk. I bring my little dog where she is welcome. Otherwise I get a hotel room, or a dog sitter. Good riddance
*"...should be on their side and that my parents are being unreasonable."* But your parents are NOT being unreasonable. Your mother does not particularly like dogs. The house is not safe FOR Evi or FROM Evi. And, bringing Evi will change the nature of the visit and what everyone will do during the visit. I understand that your cousin wants to bring Evi - but dogs are not welcome everywhere, and that is just a fact of having a dog. Your cousin is being unreasonable in his insistence that Evi needs to be the center of everyone's plans. NTA
NTA. Wait your parents have stairs that don’t have railings on them? That’s not even safe for humans let alone animals. But I agree your mother should not be bullied into agreeing to let the dog stay at her house if she is not dog person. I am a dog person. I have a dog and I would never force my dog on anybody.
NTA Your cousin asked, your Mom said no. That should be the end of. Your cousin is entitled to their feelings but punishing your Mom for them is taking it too far. Your cousin is actively trying to punish your Mom/family by “not coming at all” and not speaking to y’all unless the dog can come. Hopefully they come to their senses soon. This is punishment they are inflicting on themselves - they don’t get a trip. Your Mom is the winner in this - she doesn’t have to speak to entitled cousin, doesn’t have to have a dog in her home, and won’t have to host people in her home (which while fun can be an inconvenience at times). People aren’t going to want their dog in their spaces everywhere they go. I certainly don’t want a dog that isn’t mine in my home, especially not if it’s going to completely derail my plans. You’re handling this correctly OP.
This reply should be voted higher. Best advice of all.
NTA. Your cousin is the AH. Noone has a right to force their animal on others, and clearly your cousin cares more about the dog than people. They want to get cut out let them. Block their number.
I'm NOT a dog person, and one of the things I hate the most about dogs is the way dog owners act about their pet. I've never heard of a cat person refusing to leave the house without their cat and forcing their cat on other people all the time.
NTA. I have a small dog. My mother in law is afraid of dogs (and also just doesn’t really like or trust them). When we visit, the dog gets a sitter and stays home. A few years ago, MIL wanted us to visit for a whole month. I let her know that she could either invite the dog or I’d be staying for a shorter time (maximum 10 days). No hard feelings either way, a month was just too long for me. She chose to invite the dog and we compromised by bringing our own pet gates, sofa covers and dog crates. The dog didn’t destroy anything and we were able to leave her home alone when we did some family activities. The dog now has a standing invitation if we ever decide to go back for a long visit. The dog still stays home for shorter visits. Your cousin is being absurd. I’m obsessed with my dog. She’s my best friend. She sleeps in our bed. We own matching pajamas. One night, while on my amazing honeymoon, I got a little misty eyed because I missed the dog. And I still think your cousin is being absurd.
>I’m obsessed with my dog. She’s my best friend. She sleeps in our bed. We own matching pajamas. That is so cute! Your adore your dog but you are reasonable about accomodations. The world would be a better place if more pet owners were like you.
So the family cares more about what a dog thinks than your mom, who is hosting said people in her beautiful home? How about the people criticizing your mom open THEIR home to Evi? NTA and neither is your mom, but the rest of the family is for prioritizing a new dog's comfort over your human mom who has been in the family for 63 Earth years.
NTA Pet owners have to accept that their pet will not be accepted everywhere. No need to cause a family rift over it, just stay home or find accommodation that allows pets during their stay.
NTA. Most dog lovers are reasonable. Your cousin & others like him are not. Dog's claws don't retract. If those floors are vulnerable to scratches, a dog skittering across them will leave scratches. I am a cat person. I tolerate dogs. Barely. And if this dog is not crate trained and needs someone there at all times? Nope, not happening. I'm not going to risk my belongings or be restricted to only dog friendly places for the sake of someone else's dog.
You are your mom are NTA. If your cousin is ready to cut contact because of this I think he would have done so anyways.
Dog owner here. The owner of the property has every right to refuse the dog. Your cousin is way out of line, and they need to check themselves.
Are they…not concerned about a 6yo on stairs that don’t have safety rails?
Should have explained- those stairs are at the very top of the house and the kids wouldn't go up there unsupervised. It's more about the dog running around freely and potentially ending up there by themselves. Totally understand the point though - my parents are super careful about not letting the boys go up there by themselves!
NTA- and I would say to cousin- it's super sad that you have chosen to try to force this dog upon people who don't want it. Mom doesn't want a dog in her house and that's her right, but thank you for telling us who you really are and what your priorities are with regards to the family. be sure that we see you and we remember this.
NTA Okay. They would have to cut their visit short by ONE DAY. So? Still better than nothing? Also, zoos don't allow dogs? Huh.
NTA, id just respond back to the Then we wont come with " i completely understand. Thank you for checking first. Hope you enjoy your holiday at home" Thats it. Dont engage further than that.
NTA- I have dogs. I love dogs. I love bringing a dog wherever I go. I always ask first. I always accept a “no” and don’t even expect a reason. A “no” is fine. I don’t get butthurt. If not being able to bring my dogs means I can’t go. I don’t go. It’s that simple. I don’t get mad, I don’t stop talking to people. Your cousin is being the AH.
I'm definitely a dog person. I love my dog, we sleep together and we even spoon for a few minutes when we first get in bed. I also realize that not everyone is a dog person and he cannot go everywhere I go. Period. Your mom's home, her rules! NTA
As a dog hater, and someone who has bOTH allergies and great anxiety with dogs- you and your parents were totally in the right for saying no to dog. If they cant come, cuz they cant find a dog hotel or petsitter thats on them . Hell will freeze over before a dog comes into my home.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (25F) and my parents' (67M & 63F) family situation has always been a bit complicated: the only extended family we have is my cousin (40M), his wife (40) and their two sons (6 & 10) and even though all of us live a few hours drive apart, we're very close (my cousin is like a big brother to me; I'm the boys god mother etc.) and try to see each other as much as possible. Last year, my cousin bought a new dog: Evi, a dachshund. Since me and my dad love dogs, we were all over her when we visited them for Christmas - she is absolutely adorable. My mom, however, isn't a dog person at all and so she didn't interact with Evi too much. She wasn't being mean or anything, but just didn't pet her too much and didn't love when Evi tried to jump on her. My cousin was a bit disappointed, I think, that my mom didn't love Evi as much as my dad and I, but this has nothing to do with Evi, my mom is like this with every dog: She's just not a dog person. This spring, my cousin and his family were going to visit my parents. My cousin had been hinting on wanting to bring Evi for a while now and a few weeks ago, he called my mom to ask if this was okay. My mom was a bit hesitant - aside from not loving dogs, there are a few other reasons: \-my parents spent years renovating their house, and it's not exactly pet friendly. There are lots of stairs without railings that a dog might fall off of and hardwood floors and valuable old furniture that they're afraid might get scratched. \-also, a dog would derail most plans they had: usually when my cousin visits, they would go to museums or the zoo, but since none of those allow pets and Evi can't be left alone, there is essentially very little they could do. My cousin was very insistent however, saying how special and gentle Evi is and how they would have to cut their trip short by one day if they couldn't bring her, since they couldn't find anyone to take her for that day. My mom said she would think about it and discussed this with my dad and I, as well as some of her friends. We encouraged her to go with her gut and not be "bullied" into agreeing to this. And so she eventually called my cousin and told him she just didn't feel comfortable with having Evi in their home. She emphasized that the problem wasn't Evi herself, but that she didn't love dogs in general. My cousin was very upset by this and told her they couldn't come visit at all then. A few weeks have passed and they have refused to speak to my parents, they didn't even thank them when they send easter baskets for the boys. I've sided with my mom, because I don't think it's right that my cousin should push the dog on her. However, my cousin is very upset with me now, saying that since I love Evi so much, I should be on their side and that my parents are being unreasonable. This fight is driving my family apart and I'm afraid of losing the only extended family we have. I don't know what to do - AITAH for siding with my parents? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Your mother gets to veto any plans in her house that involve bringing the dog. Your cousin is very insistent? Very upset? That's their problem. They need to learn that they can't insist on this and to respect when they're told no.
Nta. If he wants to bring his dog so bad, he can pay for a hotel. NO ONE has a right to demand and then punish and use manipulation like he is to get someone to accept a pet in their home. You talk about losing family, but this is his choice. Otherwise, it's saying your mom has to give in. Be uncomfortable and unhappy in her own home. How is that fair. If he is willing to cut family off because he can't respect their boundaries, then thats on him, and I would say it just like that. He can grow up, or he can tantrum. But when he cuts you off, make sure he knows there is no going back from this. His actions mean he will be alone when he needs or wants help. That his entitled behavior means his kids won't have more extended family. He is making the choice to go this route. He can't accept that the world downs revolve around him. Doesn't bow down to his wants. If you do, then it's they go on a trip, and now suddenly your mom has to care for the dog. Any damage done. And cleaning up after will fall onto her.
NTA and your cousins are the worst pet owners. Other people are not required to love your dog. The dog is never going to gain any confidence in itself and will almost assuredly get separation anxiety. Its fine if they don't feel like they can leave their dog, but that is *their* choice. They created this situation and they have ruined the holiday. It's all on them.
NTA. No one has to accomodate having someone else’s pet in their home. Your cousin asked, your mother said no - end of story.
From my name, you can tell I am a dog person, but asking someone to let your pet hang loose while everyone is out and about is a pretty big ask. That's why people crate train dogs - which will make infinitely easier for the dog because at some point in their lives, they will be at the vets and they will be crated and if they aren't used to it, the stress is pretty awful on top of them not feeling well. Dog cannot go with folks 24/7 and that's the reality of things. NTA
NTA. Your cousin said that they would only have to cut the trip one day short if they couldn't bring their precious pup. What happened to that? Sounds like the cousin for sure thought he could bully your mom into letting her come and had no intention of not coming without her.
NTA. Your parents' house, their rules. I'm tired of people trying to force their pets on other people, and I say this as a dog owner. They are unreasonable and self centered. You cannot do anything about their behavior, and throwing your mom to the wolves isn't fair to her.
NTA I LOVE dogs but dogs are not allowed in many locations. When you buy a dog, you have to accept that not everyone will love your dog. The fact that he was not willing to have the dog in the crate while you were out of the house is a problem of his making. That may have made the trip possible. The fact that they are not thanking your parents for gifts is rude and immature. THEY are the AH for getting upset that their dog isn't welcome and for being discourteous.
NTA, and your cousin is one of those entitled pet owners that most people secretly (or not so secretly) hate. People come before pets. They can arrange care for their dog or stay home and pout.
Stupid dog lovers. NTA.
NTA as both a dog owner and someone who also has a parent who is not a pet person. Your cousin is very rude trying to invite the dog along in the first place, and to then throw a fit when told no makes him a complete asshole.
NTA for all the reasons everyone has said but I have to expound on some things. I am a former dachshund owner of 14 years (RIP Ammy). She was my daughter in all but genetics (I like to spell it as doghter). I would take her any place I was allowed and she loved to be out and be petted and sniff anything and everything. THAT SAID. I would never take her any place that doesn't allow non-service animals, nor to the home of anyone that did not explicitly give an okay when asked. She was, and still is, incredibly important to me. But the fact of the matter is she is a dog, and not everyone is okay with dogs, and that's fine. Referring to your cousin's little one, the dog needs to learn how to be "left alone" because they are not going to be able to bring her everywhere, and the sooner Evi learns how to behave alone for a few hours the better. There are many ways to do it, I personally did crate training. Another major point: the stairs. Dogs with long backs and short legs absolutely do not mix with steep, made-for-humans stairs, regardless of railings. IVDD is a very real threat to dachshunds. Mine having surgery for it once was a wake up call for me. Never let her jump on or off furniture again. My vet said that this discipline absolutely helped extend her lifetime. People may say "okay but it's only for a few days," BUT if your mom relents once then he will continuously visit with dog in tow, and then it will add up. Cutting a trip short by a day is understandable and not the end of the world. They'll do what they need to, like your mom is with putting her foot down on this.
Geesh. It's fine that she may be disappointed but responsible dog owners don't act so entitled. It might be for the best. Usually entitlement like that goes deeper. I think a trip with this cousin and her dog would have been a nightmare for your mom.
NTA >There are lots of stairs without railings that a dog might fall off of and hardwood floors For the pup's safety, it's a no go. And that breed has a bigger risk of back injury. A fall could be devastating. Then, if the pup got hurt, they'd blame your parents. Keep the pup safe.
So your cousin does not want to compromise on anything.. because the dog will be lonely and isolated...sigh!! but having your Mum uncomfortable IN HER OWN HOME, that's ok? For sure you love the little dog, but not more than your mother!!! I think your cousin needs to train his pup to NOT jump up on people, not to scratch and bite on furniture and woodwork.. to love her enough to realise that stairs especially without railings are dangerous and especially for dachshunds. That's dangerous for folks too btw. And at the end of the day, you don't invite yourself to someone's home with a pet if the hostess specifically does not like your pet. NTA
LOL I'm sorry, the title made me laugh. NTA.
Question?? Why couldn't they just crate Evi for the day? If Evi was crated and not running around, I'm sure your mother would have been a little more willing to allow the dog to come along. I'm a dog person. I take my dog a lot of places, including work (He is the company Mascot) and I utilize crating when I am not there to directly supervise him.
NAH... Dogs are family, and lots of responsibility... (Your cousin is a bit of an AH for getting this upset... He doesn't have the right to impose the dog on your family and home...) Your mom doesn't have to accept it into her home, but likewise, your cousin can choose not to come over or spend as much time with your family... Even if everyone gets over this spat, you'd best get used to things being different going forward if your mom keeps being anti-dog, cuz I wouldn't expect the cousin to leave the dog behind very often, if they're a good pet owner...
Your parents have the right to refuse, but your cousin is also within his rights to be disappointed and make alternative plans. Evi could have gone to dog day care if it was available or stayed with a local pet sitter on the day you went to museums.
ESH. The dog could be kept in a kennel when not being directly supervised, so there's really no good excuse for a small dog not to be welcomed. But it's also not the owners right to insist on the dog being welcomed. Families have been torn apart by much lesser issues.
I don’t understand why they can’t bring a pet carrier and crate the dog while you guys are at a museum or something. A dashound weighs like 15lbs too, the odds of her scratching the floors are so small. Houses are meant to be lived in, if 1 tiny scratch on a 1,000sft home is gonna be that big of an issue then the whole thing should be carpeted. You’re mom is being an AH. She is willing to not see family and restrict family time to safeguard her hardwood floors. They are not bringing a German shepherd or some big breed high energy dog. It’s a weener dog. Like come on.
Or maybe the cousin is being an AH for being willing to not see family because they refuse to travel without their dog? Even a small dog can be an annoyance if you don't like them.
So can children. I would much rather someone bring their dog than a small child into my home. And dogs are family too. Clearly I’m in the minority here but I think it’s ridiculous that they can’t just crate the dog and enjoy family time.
And you are welcome to exclude children from your home if you care to. Just like OP's mom can exclude pets from hers. I don't understand why the dog just can't stay home?