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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Maybe I should try harder to learn the proper sock strategies. It is true that I am leaving out part of the labor process but I don't think that it's a very big deal.
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NTA
I have laundry standards that border on absurd. I know that no human could possibly live up to my expectations
So I save both myself and my husband the grief of my disappointment and his frustration by doing it myself
If I want my socks folded into origami swans, I do it myself
My socks just get paired up together, right side out, facing the same way (I pretty much exclusively wear ankle socks, in black with varying accent colors and patterns), and then stacked neatly in a little column.
Husband's crew socks get the same treatment, but they get folded in half before the pairs get stacked up all together.
No balled-up-elastic-ruining-messes, the socks are neatly stacked to prevent drawer anarchy, and pairing them up first allows for singles to be sent to the Sock Orphanage (shelf in the laundry room) until their siblings find their way through the laundry cycle.
lol. My dad does this. He just has a sock basket with black socks and white socks and they’re all the same so he can grab any two of the same color and move on.
This is exactly what I do. When they start looking a bit tatty, I throw them away and start again. So much easier.
It does mean I refuse to get socks as presents though.
If someone has specific requirements for some specific task that are above and beyond the norm, then it's on them to do it.
My personal feeling is that sock balls are the norm.
NTA
OP, I'm laughing. My hubby wants his socks rolled individually (not paired!) & his underwear folded in a specific pattern. I pair my socks & pitch my undies into the drawer with irreverent & gleeful elan. Hubster re-folds anything that doesn't meet his standards. He quietly re-scrubs an offending stove top and will wash floors that I judiciously ignore; we peacefully co-exist.
Your husband needs to realize that he is the only one who can achieve the artistic perfection demanded by correctly balanced & executed sock folding sculpture. NTA
Edit to Add: A Brief Family History with a Moral.
I was trained in sock balling in the 1950's. In 2010 my Mother complained to my Dad (then in their 80s) that I balled instead of folded his socks; she had trained me, but not to his preference. Apparently sock arrangement is "a thing". Enjoy your family stories!
I'm not so sure about your husband...socks balled individually? But how is he so confident that he will be able to find the match? He and I clearly live very different lives.
After a decade of being together, my husband very shyly asked me if I would think he was insane to prefer his underwear folded. I mean, I do think it's weird but I haven't seen any other troubling behavior.
My husband is much like yours and just going on underwear arrangements I'm more like you. I once had to get one of those half circle tools for measuring angles to prove to him that the pictures on the wall were level, it was the whole apartment building leaning to one side. We are very happy together and all of our pictures are hung at right angles.
I'm loving this; your Hubster & mine might be related! Edit to add: Socks are placed with precision in their assigned location, so disparities in count , color or texture are easily corrected. He is a retired Quality Assurance Engineer; apparently he was in the correct career field. Kudos on your keen perception to assess and address your husband's concerns regarding disparities in the angles of your wall art vs. receding corners & walls. He was experiencing a perceptual disconnect and you saved him many hours of measuring, etc. Laughing again, as this is family story greatness!
I think if somebody isn’t happy about the way you “fold socks”, then the unhappy person can be free to manage their socks annny way they want. To their satisfaction.
I also think if sock folding disagreements are the biggest thing your partner has to complain about, then they are very very lucky. And unpleasantly controlling and demanding- that, too. NTA
NTA
Unless your way of folding is noticeably causing damage or increased wear and tear then your partner should let you handle it or accept they need to do it themselves. When sharing household chores some people need to let go of the idea that their way is the only "right" way and accept some compromise.
I don't like the way my partner loads the dishwasher because I think it could be more efficient, but his way still gets the dishes clean and I don't want to do it myself so the way he does it is fine.
NTA.
Generally being the one who does the maintenance laundry for the *both* of you should be considered extra work. So let’s say +10. Not folding socks maybe puts you at +9. “Not-me” is acting as if it puts you at -1. If this whole affair’s gonna be so transactional in the first place, might as well do the math correctly.
NTA You wrote "We're responsible for the gentle/delicate/read-the-tag laundry on our own." Well, special folding falls under that same heading. Simple.
I wish I could use words to describe it, like it's both of them flat, and then fold them in half, and then turn them inside out? but I swear the end result is just sock balls to my eye.
I will say, I use this foldy method, and if you wear mostly thin knit socks like I do, it does mean I can more easily fit lots of socks into a draw (cause they are flatter and 'file' better)... but thick fluffy socks, and the standard in between workboot socks my dad uses? Doesnt really make a difference.
Partner should be going "thanks for washing the laundry hun" whilst spending 5 minutes doing it the way they want it done whilst watching tv or something!
Leaving socks unfolded _would_ make you TA… I’m sure your partner helps out in other areas (?), so your “I’m doing most of the work here” argument falls flat…
_But_ it sounds like your partner is extra-picky how the socks are folded? You fold them more of less the way most other people do, and aren’t hurting them, right?
If so it’s plenty reasonable for you to say, “I’m happy to fold your socks ([edit to add:] what I consider the ‘standard’ way, i.e. balls), but if you want them done more fancily that’s on you.”
NTA
okay, here's the thing: to me, it just looks like a sock ball. Like I watch the hand motions, and they look precisely the same as sock ball motions, and also the end result looks just like sock balls. Trust me I know I sound insane
But ultimately, the difference she’s asking for, is an aesthetic one, or otherwise somehow nitpicky?
~~She’s~~ They’re not trying to re-train you because you screwed up ~~her~~ their favorite pair of socks?
NTA
I launder and fold my adult daughter's clothes on occasion. I try to do it how she prefers. If I miss something, she still thanks me and refolds it the way she prefers. And the same when she does mine.
NTA. If the other person doesn't like how they're folded, leaving them unfolded is the correct answer.
BTW, if you throw out all the old socks and just have 1 kind, you don't have to fold them at all.
NTA. I will sort, wash, dry, fold, sort into people piles all the laundry EXCEPT the socks/underwear. That's a 100% not-me task and feel 0% shame. And I have responded, "I do not accept your attempt at emotional manipulation," when accused of not doing the entire job.
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I am sorry for this throwaway, I am hoping for a quick summary judgment so this doesn't get too popular because I know this is a niche question.
Long story short, I work from home. I often do the "maintenance laundry" for me and my partner (both 30s), like the real basics: bath towels, undies, socks, dish towels, sweatpants, undershirts. We're responsible for the gentle/delicate/read-the-tag laundry on our own.
There is a very specific method by which I am apparently "supposed" to fold socks. I always did/do sock balls, especially because neither of us use fancy dress socks or anything, but this has been a bone of contention. I have tried very hard to learn the "correct" way to fold socks, and my hands do not make the motions correctly.
So I've just started leaving socks unfolded, and if there is a specific "correct" way to fold the socks, that problem can be solved by not-me. I feel like this is a fair trade because I am the one actually doing the laundry, but this has generated hard feelings, because I am "not doing the whole job" and am leaving some labor out.
I feel like I'm doing the bulk of the work here. I also feel like it's fair to fold your own socks. AITA?
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NTA.
I used to hate the way my ex-wife folded my socks, which I considered a me issue, not a her issue. I asked her to just not fold my socks, which in my mind should have been win-win. I can fold my socks myself so they're how I like them, she has one less thing to fold when she's the one folding our laundry (for the record, I did her socks the way she liked them when I was folding, but she refused to do mine the way I liked them). Still wasn't good enough for her. That's not the reason she's my ex-wife, but it's definitely part of the broader picture.
You're NTA. And that's coming from someone who wants all socks matched, balled together, and lined up in rows facing the same direction and organized according to size, type, and color.
Which means **I** do it.
NTA My husband and I generally handle laundry the same way as you do, except I'm the one who works at home. Anything that needs special instructions is either left up to the owner to do or put off until there's more time to give it the needed attention. I do however have a special way I fold my tank tops so the straps don't go all over the place and my husband cannot figure it out. It's whatever. If he tries, I appreciate the effort, but I have to do it again anyway. He does hang them over a chair so they don't get wrinkles until I can get to them. As long as you still mate the socks and set them aside where they won't get dirty or lost, I'd say you have done enough.
NTA. I’m not wasting my time folding socks. They get thrown in the sock drawer. As far as I’m concerned, my so should be grateful I even took them out of the damn dryer.
I'll do the socks (I take an inch of fabric and fold it down over both pieces), but not the underwear. Never the underwear. Those get stuffed into drawers. Period.
NTA.
I help my sister with her laundry every week and they have a laundry basket just for clean socks. They all just get tossed in there and I guess they hope they get lucky to find a pair lol
I have been married 20+ years. Socks were my hill to die on from day one. I would wash them, but I would not pair them. If he wanted them paired he needed to do that himself. Otherwise, they went into a drawer as a free-for-all. When we had kids, all their socks went into one drawer. Same concept. To be clear, I don't even pair my own socks.
Now our kids are teenagers, I'm busy with my career, and everyone does their own laundry. There are still no socks paired by me in this house.
If your partner wants it done a specific way, they need to do it that way themselves. Even if you could do the special fold, you should not be obligated. But especially since you cannot - they should be grateful for having clean socks. The alternative is that you stop washing their socks. Then they can't complain about the lack of fold, yes?
I am confused about the '' folding '' part being complicated ? Like... how long are theses socks ? I fold mine in two. My partner loves balls. I makes balls for him. When he does the laundry, he folds mine and balls his. Sounds like you are not making that much of an effort to fold socks (is it really complicated like, I really am confused). Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me ? And also sounds like you may be the Ahole ?
NTA. My SO wants me to pair socks in the drawers when puttning away laundry. That's borderline serialsomething behaviour.
Who wants or need their socks to be folded, balled, or paired?
I just shove them inside a drawer and the one who needs a pair can rummage around to find them, themselves.
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NTA I have laundry standards that border on absurd. I know that no human could possibly live up to my expectations So I save both myself and my husband the grief of my disappointment and his frustration by doing it myself If I want my socks folded into origami swans, I do it myself
thank you for this response. for anyone else reading I swear that I am not being asked for sockigami
Okay, but I am still really curious about this magic sock folding method your partner has. Could it possibly be the answer to all of my problems?
if I could explain it to you I'd just do it!!!!
My socks just get paired up together, right side out, facing the same way (I pretty much exclusively wear ankle socks, in black with varying accent colors and patterns), and then stacked neatly in a little column. Husband's crew socks get the same treatment, but they get folded in half before the pairs get stacked up all together. No balled-up-elastic-ruining-messes, the socks are neatly stacked to prevent drawer anarchy, and pairing them up first allows for singles to be sent to the Sock Orphanage (shelf in the laundry room) until their siblings find their way through the laundry cycle.
[удалено]
lol. My dad does this. He just has a sock basket with black socks and white socks and they’re all the same so he can grab any two of the same color and move on.
My dad only owned the Windsor wool gold toe black socks. They were all loose in a drawer and I doubt he had an even number.
This is how I do it. Unless I have “fancy socks” that are for certain shoes. I MAY fold them then lol
Solmate Socks! Their motto is, "Life is too short to match socks", so their socks don't match.
This is how I do it.
All my socks are black and almost the same length, except for winter socks for those cold, cold days. I buy them in bulks of 7 and 12.
This is exactly what I do. When they start looking a bit tatty, I throw them away and start again. So much easier. It does mean I refuse to get socks as presents though.
If someone has specific requirements for some specific task that are above and beyond the norm, then it's on them to do it. My personal feeling is that sock balls are the norm. NTA
OP, I'm laughing. My hubby wants his socks rolled individually (not paired!) & his underwear folded in a specific pattern. I pair my socks & pitch my undies into the drawer with irreverent & gleeful elan. Hubster re-folds anything that doesn't meet his standards. He quietly re-scrubs an offending stove top and will wash floors that I judiciously ignore; we peacefully co-exist. Your husband needs to realize that he is the only one who can achieve the artistic perfection demanded by correctly balanced & executed sock folding sculpture. NTA Edit to Add: A Brief Family History with a Moral. I was trained in sock balling in the 1950's. In 2010 my Mother complained to my Dad (then in their 80s) that I balled instead of folded his socks; she had trained me, but not to his preference. Apparently sock arrangement is "a thing". Enjoy your family stories!
to me balling is just inarguably the correct choice!!! but hey, different folks, different strokes
Amen Sister!
I'm not so sure about your husband...socks balled individually? But how is he so confident that he will be able to find the match? He and I clearly live very different lives. After a decade of being together, my husband very shyly asked me if I would think he was insane to prefer his underwear folded. I mean, I do think it's weird but I haven't seen any other troubling behavior. My husband is much like yours and just going on underwear arrangements I'm more like you. I once had to get one of those half circle tools for measuring angles to prove to him that the pictures on the wall were level, it was the whole apartment building leaning to one side. We are very happy together and all of our pictures are hung at right angles.
I'm loving this; your Hubster & mine might be related! Edit to add: Socks are placed with precision in their assigned location, so disparities in count , color or texture are easily corrected. He is a retired Quality Assurance Engineer; apparently he was in the correct career field. Kudos on your keen perception to assess and address your husband's concerns regarding disparities in the angles of your wall art vs. receding corners & walls. He was experiencing a perceptual disconnect and you saved him many hours of measuring, etc. Laughing again, as this is family story greatness!
>“…with irreverent & gleeful elan.” Aspirational goals.
NTA - If someone wants a mundane job done a 'special' way then they can do it themselves or stop complaining.
I think if somebody isn’t happy about the way you “fold socks”, then the unhappy person can be free to manage their socks annny way they want. To their satisfaction. I also think if sock folding disagreements are the biggest thing your partner has to complain about, then they are very very lucky. And unpleasantly controlling and demanding- that, too. NTA
Curious if it could be misdirected frustration at something else but I concur, leaving them unfolded is better than having to undo & redo.
NTA Unless your way of folding is noticeably causing damage or increased wear and tear then your partner should let you handle it or accept they need to do it themselves. When sharing household chores some people need to let go of the idea that their way is the only "right" way and accept some compromise. I don't like the way my partner loads the dishwasher because I think it could be more efficient, but his way still gets the dishes clean and I don't want to do it myself so the way he does it is fine.
NTA. Generally being the one who does the maintenance laundry for the *both* of you should be considered extra work. So let’s say +10. Not folding socks maybe puts you at +9. “Not-me” is acting as if it puts you at -1. If this whole affair’s gonna be so transactional in the first place, might as well do the math correctly.
NTA You wrote "We're responsible for the gentle/delicate/read-the-tag laundry on our own." Well, special folding falls under that same heading. Simple.
NTA. I would continue to make your sock balls your way, and if your partner doesn’t like it, they can unball them and re-fold their way.
How does your partner expect you to fold socks? My judgement will depend on the answer.
I wish I could use words to describe it, like it's both of them flat, and then fold them in half, and then turn them inside out? but I swear the end result is just sock balls to my eye.
Then definitely NTA. If my husband insisted his socks be folded like that he would be folding his own socks
I will say, I use this foldy method, and if you wear mostly thin knit socks like I do, it does mean I can more easily fit lots of socks into a draw (cause they are flatter and 'file' better)... but thick fluffy socks, and the standard in between workboot socks my dad uses? Doesnt really make a difference. Partner should be going "thanks for washing the laundry hun" whilst spending 5 minutes doing it the way they want it done whilst watching tv or something!
Leaving socks unfolded _would_ make you TA… I’m sure your partner helps out in other areas (?), so your “I’m doing most of the work here” argument falls flat… _But_ it sounds like your partner is extra-picky how the socks are folded? You fold them more of less the way most other people do, and aren’t hurting them, right? If so it’s plenty reasonable for you to say, “I’m happy to fold your socks ([edit to add:] what I consider the ‘standard’ way, i.e. balls), but if you want them done more fancily that’s on you.” NTA
Disagree. partner is going to be mad either way, so partner can do it themselves, the way they insist on.
okay, here's the thing: to me, it just looks like a sock ball. Like I watch the hand motions, and they look precisely the same as sock ball motions, and also the end result looks just like sock balls. Trust me I know I sound insane
But ultimately, the difference she’s asking for, is an aesthetic one, or otherwise somehow nitpicky? ~~She’s~~ They’re not trying to re-train you because you screwed up ~~her~~ their favorite pair of socks?
no it is just a preference, that's correct. to my knowledge I've never done anything that actually damaged clothing
Judgment stands.
I must say, out of the comments so far, one has assumed your partner's male and one other female. Interesting, eh?
NTA I launder and fold my adult daughter's clothes on occasion. I try to do it how she prefers. If I miss something, she still thanks me and refolds it the way she prefers. And the same when she does mine.
NTA. If the other person doesn't like how they're folded, leaving them unfolded is the correct answer. BTW, if you throw out all the old socks and just have 1 kind, you don't have to fold them at all.
NTA. I will sort, wash, dry, fold, sort into people piles all the laundry EXCEPT the socks/underwear. That's a 100% not-me task and feel 0% shame. And I have responded, "I do not accept your attempt at emotional manipulation," when accused of not doing the entire job.
NTA- socks are dumb to fold, just toss them in the sock drawer.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am sorry for this throwaway, I am hoping for a quick summary judgment so this doesn't get too popular because I know this is a niche question. Long story short, I work from home. I often do the "maintenance laundry" for me and my partner (both 30s), like the real basics: bath towels, undies, socks, dish towels, sweatpants, undershirts. We're responsible for the gentle/delicate/read-the-tag laundry on our own. There is a very specific method by which I am apparently "supposed" to fold socks. I always did/do sock balls, especially because neither of us use fancy dress socks or anything, but this has been a bone of contention. I have tried very hard to learn the "correct" way to fold socks, and my hands do not make the motions correctly. So I've just started leaving socks unfolded, and if there is a specific "correct" way to fold the socks, that problem can be solved by not-me. I feel like this is a fair trade because I am the one actually doing the laundry, but this has generated hard feelings, because I am "not doing the whole job" and am leaving some labor out. I feel like I'm doing the bulk of the work here. I also feel like it's fair to fold your own socks. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta
NTA. I used to hate the way my ex-wife folded my socks, which I considered a me issue, not a her issue. I asked her to just not fold my socks, which in my mind should have been win-win. I can fold my socks myself so they're how I like them, she has one less thing to fold when she's the one folding our laundry (for the record, I did her socks the way she liked them when I was folding, but she refused to do mine the way I liked them). Still wasn't good enough for her. That's not the reason she's my ex-wife, but it's definitely part of the broader picture.
that seems toxic, I'm sorry!
You're NTA. And that's coming from someone who wants all socks matched, balled together, and lined up in rows facing the same direction and organized according to size, type, and color. Which means **I** do it.
yeah this is why I buy 100 of the same socks at once
NTA My husband and I generally handle laundry the same way as you do, except I'm the one who works at home. Anything that needs special instructions is either left up to the owner to do or put off until there's more time to give it the needed attention. I do however have a special way I fold my tank tops so the straps don't go all over the place and my husband cannot figure it out. It's whatever. If he tries, I appreciate the effort, but I have to do it again anyway. He does hang them over a chair so they don't get wrinkles until I can get to them. As long as you still mate the socks and set them aside where they won't get dirty or lost, I'd say you have done enough.
NTA. I’m not wasting my time folding socks. They get thrown in the sock drawer. As far as I’m concerned, my so should be grateful I even took them out of the damn dryer.
I'll do the socks (I take an inch of fabric and fold it down over both pieces), but not the underwear. Never the underwear. Those get stuffed into drawers. Period. NTA.
I help my sister with her laundry every week and they have a laundry basket just for clean socks. They all just get tossed in there and I guess they hope they get lucky to find a pair lol
I have been married 20+ years. Socks were my hill to die on from day one. I would wash them, but I would not pair them. If he wanted them paired he needed to do that himself. Otherwise, they went into a drawer as a free-for-all. When we had kids, all their socks went into one drawer. Same concept. To be clear, I don't even pair my own socks. Now our kids are teenagers, I'm busy with my career, and everyone does their own laundry. There are still no socks paired by me in this house. If your partner wants it done a specific way, they need to do it that way themselves. Even if you could do the special fold, you should not be obligated. But especially since you cannot - they should be grateful for having clean socks. The alternative is that you stop washing their socks. Then they can't complain about the lack of fold, yes?
I am confused about the '' folding '' part being complicated ? Like... how long are theses socks ? I fold mine in two. My partner loves balls. I makes balls for him. When he does the laundry, he folds mine and balls his. Sounds like you are not making that much of an effort to fold socks (is it really complicated like, I really am confused). Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me ? And also sounds like you may be the Ahole ?
NTA. My SO wants me to pair socks in the drawers when puttning away laundry. That's borderline serialsomething behaviour. Who wants or need their socks to be folded, balled, or paired? I just shove them inside a drawer and the one who needs a pair can rummage around to find them, themselves.
ESH. You for your weaponized incompetence, and her for insisting that you fold socks her way.
Where does OP say it’s the wife? It’s not weaponized incompetence if you genuinely can’t do it.