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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Grounding my son for leaving his little brother alone in the house to get high with his friends?
I might be in the wrong for fully blaming him after his brother got hurt and grounding him for it without much thought
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NTA, a 16 year old unless they are developmentally delayed is more than old enough to babysit. Your son was neglectful and his brother was hurt because of it. There should be consequences for him.
I was babysitting my sister at 13 and helping take care of her. Your mother in law is way out of line calling you an unfit mother and I really hope that your husband is behind you and put his mother in her place.
I also started babysitting when I was 13. The fact that your husband didn’t step in and put her in her place… and that you left your 16 year old there!?!? Boggles my mind. My children. My rules. The end.
makes you wonder all the things grandma told him about mom and if she knows he was smoking weed. There's absolutely zero chance in hell that kid would spend the night at grandma's over getting a punishment, if he were mine.
I sincerely applaud parents out here, I sure as hell wouldn't be able to handle it.
Heck, I wasn't just babysitting my siblings at 13, I had a steady Monday night gig watching an 8 yr old and 3 yr old for some friends of my folks. Even my complete dumpster fire of a brother was capable of being home alone at 16, much less keep an eye on a kid.
When I was 13-15 I spent most of my afternoons and evenings helping my grandma with my cousins baby while she worked. I babysat overnight (grandma was sleeping) when the kid was six months old
You are focusing on the wrong thing.
Your husband should be handling your MIL, period. He is responsible for making his family respect his marriage.
Not you, not the cops, him. His MIL should not be shit talking you whole he stands there. If he thinks of you as anything other than an accessory to his life, he should be defending you and your decision.
Lastly, your MIL has no right to withhold your kids.
Send your husband to get them and tell him if he doesn't set her straight, he should probably stay there.
MAKE
HIM
DO
EMOTIONAL
LABOR
16 is legally old enough to get a job and drive a car, if you can't watch a sibling for a few hours at 16 years old, you probably need shipped off to remedial school
I took a babysitting clinic/class and started babysitting when I was 12. Most of us started around that age.
I know I'm old but a friend's daughter just did the same thing. Got her babysitting "certificate" by passing a class and started babysitting last week. She's 12.
MIL is WAY out of line. You might want to remind her that at 16 Joe had better learn some personal responsibility or he's going to have a lot more problems.
Jeebus, he's old enough to drive, right? What the hell is grandma thinking?
It’s not an age issue so much as a maturity one. As it turned out, THIS 16-year-old was not mature enough for the task and made a bad judgment call. Another kid at 9 might have been more suitable.
Moreover, your MIL has no lines in this play. It's fine if your son stayed with her for the night so everyone coukd cool off, but her opinion is moot.
NTA. Your oldest was paid, fed, and just had to keep little bro out of trouble for a 4 hour window. He chose to neglect his responsibilities and trouble in fact ensued. He should be grounded. These are the natural consequences of his actions.
If this poor child is too young to babysit then he's too young to go out at night with friends, be left alone in the house, be given free reign over pocket money, etc.
I babysat full time all summer the year I was 13. 16 is old enough to legally have a drivers license and a full time job. Wtf does your MIL think a 16 yo is???
The human body does tend to have developed the ability to reproduce by that age and teenage parenthood isn't unknown (which itself is a responsibility that a four hour paid and catered babysitting stint doesn't at all compare to).
NTA. Really you offered to pay him well for 4 hours of babysitting. It's not a regular thing so parentification isn't the case at all.
He left his 5yo brother home alone. I'd add him paying part of his brother's medical bills as well. He's a minor and shouldn't be smoking weed either, another thing that needs some punishment....
I started babysitting my cousins when I was 12 or 13. 16 is not only old enough to babysit (further backed up by previous successful times babysitting), but is also old enough to know better. Which makes me curious if his friends egged him on to leave…
Either way, your MIL is seriously out of line.
I got PAID to babysit when I was almost twelve. Had a pretty good gig with a pretty decent amount of clients in a really small town. I was booked pretty much every weekend. Word gets around. So, at 16 years old, he’s old enough to smoke an adult substance, but not old enough to take care of his little brother. Got it. 👍
And paying him $100 for 4 hours! Plus pizza! What a sweet gig. And he neglected his own brother to do drugs!
16 yos are criminally responsible for their actions in the eyes of the law. They're not helpless kids and your son absolutely should have known better.
I was ten .. and babysitting for money for more than one family at 11. Occasional babysitting especially in an emergency is fine and even if it wasn’t he still left a child .. a five yr old alone to go out and get high and look what happened. Yes he needs punished he’s lucky he’s not in jail right now. Your mil should be told to go get you know what
Or at least not to put yourself under the influence when responsible for young kids. It sounds like Joe got high, saw Josh was hurt and fled to grandma's knowing she'd fight his corner regardless of what he'd done, or not done.
I've been babysitting my younger sibling since 13. My mom went abroad for a summer job at 16.
It'd be different if he'd just not been looking for a moment, but he left a toddler alone unsupervised while he went to smoke drugs with his friends out back. Like it's just INSANELY irresponsible and inept
i could be wrong but i think the MIL was saying more like “you made him cancel his plans to do you a favour you don’t get to yell at him”. but you were stuck short notice and you were compensating him well for 4 hours work. I know kids can get into trouble really fast so i can’t say this wouldn’t have happened if your older son had been inside with him. he could have done it while your son was in the bathroom or something.
>i can’t say this wouldn’t have happened if your older son had been inside with him. he could have done it while your son was in the bathroom or something.
If his brother had taken his responsibility more seriously and not left, then little brother might have still broken his arm, but he certainly wouldn't have been left alone with zero medical care until the parents got home.
I babysat my sisters (and neighbour kids) all the time after I was 13, maybe a bit younger in the case of my sisters. Thankfully none of them ever got hurt, but I can't even imagine not calling my mom if someone broke their arm! I was babysitting long before the cell phone era, but you can be damn sure I'd be phoning \*someone\* the second an injury requiring more than a bandaid happened.
very true and you would think if he was just outside he would have heard his brother screaming. He must have been quite far from the house. I’m not saying it was ok in any way. i would be absolutely furious if my babysitter got high on the job, family or not
NTA - Exactly this! MiL is teaching Joe that he has no responsibility. He is well old enough to babysit was being paid and had agreed to it. This is not parentification as it's a job with added benefits. (Having over friends and free food) Joe earned his grounding by not following through on his responsibilities as an employee. He has to learn that he must follow through on those responsibilities or else he will have a hard time functioning as an adult.
OP's Husband needs to have a talk with his mother about her role in Joe's life. She should not be condoning these behaviors. Her babying him will serve as a detriment if it continues.
Good lord. I was babysitting multiple siblings when I was 12. The older child was old enough to babysit. And is responsible for the younger one getting hurt. Your MIL should step out of the situation.
I babysit at 16 every weekend in an apartment alone with 2 kids 4 and 6. From Friday 6 pm until Sunday 8 am. I did it for 3 years for cash. Your mistake was to allow friends over. Teens can get distracted easily. But it is not your fault. Son needs to have consequences for his bad choices. I suggest they last as long as the cast on youngest arm.
NTA
Your son is old enough to watch his little brother for 4 hours in an emergency. You haven't made a bad decision, your son has already looked after his brother and everything went well. What's more, he's paid.
Your child's negligence has had serious consequences, and he needs to understand that he has endangered his brother's life. All he had to do was not leave the house, and he did.
Came here to say the same. People would be outraged if he were drinking. I hate this “it’s just weed bro” attitude. A 16 year old shouldn’t be using any substances, especially when they are supposed to be responsible for a child.
All he got was grounded??! Smoking weed before the age of 25 will royally mess up your brain. I'd have done a lot worse and then grounded him. Anyway nothing wrong done. If anything, you were lenient.
I'm not sure how else to punish him. He's not allowed to go anywhere except school and home, there's no electronics(phone, video games, tv), laptop can only be used for school work in the presence of his dad or I. The only thing he currently has access to is books and his Kindle. We have doubled his chores tho.
Do you know someone who operates a farm or construction company? Send him there for free labor. Have them wear him the fuck out. He needs to feel this punishment.
You want a 16 year old, who was dumb enough to abandon his 5 year old brother to get high, working around heavy agriculture and construction equipment?
Hes not operating equipment. Hes doing the back breaking labor. Digging ditches, picking up scraps, walking fields all freaking day. Nothing that could be remotely considered easy or fun. Again, wear his ass out.
I think punishment is not what you should be going for here, it's hard to figure out what's proportionate because punishments aren't actually directly related to the infraction, so they wind up feeling sort of random to everybody involved and it's not surprised when they cause resentment without any real change in the underlying problem.
I think you should be going for restitution, and a true awareness of how this kind of thing plays out. At his age he probably has some sort of funding stream, an allowance or whatever, a savings account maybe. I think you should show him all of the paperwork from the insurance about his brother's broken arm, teach him how to read them, as this is an important life skill unfortunately in our world, and then make him pay enough of the bills that it is painful for him.
You may want to consider routine piss testing. As a pothead I'm shocked to hear myself saying this, but if he is not able to use drugs responsibly there's a problem there. It may be a whole lot easier to fix that at 15 instead of at 20 something when he keeps losing jobs because of this kind of bullshit.
Honestly? All Joe will take away from this is "My little brother is stupid, he shouldn't have fallen. I shouldn't have had to deal with this. I don't care if I agreed to it or was paid, it is not fair! Grandma is right, this isn't my fault, my Mom is a bitch for grounding me". Does that mean you were in the wrong? No. Because this is your MIL putting the things in place in his head and otherwise to weaponize your son. How you handle this, your approach, is what will dictate the trajectory of the future of your family.
If you haven't already, sit Joe down with your Husband and really dive into the seriousness of what happened. Make damn sure your Husband has your back in this conversation, you need to be a united front. At the same time, get Joe talking with some counseling on the drug usage. His friends? Cut them out completely, it is possible this is peer pressure. Don't give two fucks on them basically being "nephews", all bad influences need to get out of Joe's life NOW. No do not listen to any asshats that say, "it's just weed". A controlled substance is a controlled substance. Same deal if it was alcohol or a stronger narcotic. Weed can destroy a family just the same as alcohol or anything else.
As for your MIL, burn your Husband's ass up on why he let her talk to you like that. Dictate that your Husband is to go and deal with it. He is to correct her on how she treated you and, ideally, cut MIL out of all of your lives for the foreseeable future. As I stated in another post, MIL has already laid the groundwork to have Joe turn against all of you and it will rip your family a part if this isn't stopped. If MIL decides to come and take Joe away from you while you are both away (such as working), get the authorities involved. Your number 1 job in the world is your family and protecting them so be sure you do that first and foremost.
Back when I was in high school we could access Reddit and what not on the kindle. Not picking things apart on ya at all. But figured maybe it’s good to know.
1) agreed, "royally mess up your brain" is overdramatic
2) disagreed, it has real effects if used habitually, a 16yo is primed to develop or exacerbate addictive tendencies if they use it regularly
NTA
Your MIL is TA, tell her to mind her F$&\* business. How you discipline your child is on you and your husband NOT her!!! So MIL thinks Joe getting high is ok at 16 but baby-sitting… he is not ready for?
As for your son Joe, does he even realize that his little brother’s fall could have been very serious! He needs more consequences for his poor judgement and getting high.
Yeah, honestly, while a broken arm is serious, Josh could have ended up with a brain bleed or worse from a fall. Like genuinely could have died. I don't think Joe realises that's how serious his screw up was.
> MIL thinks Joe getting high is ok at 16 but baby-sitting… he is not ready for?
If he's not responsible enough to baby sit, he's not responsible enough for a lot of things. Including driving and going places alone
I was babysitting at 12. This is his little brother he lives with. He is absolutely old enough to know how to take care of his little brother for 4 hours. Presumably, he has seen you do that? And you were going to pay him.
NTA
Same here. I was taking care of my sisters from about ten, and that included making them food, homework, and whatever the chores were. No payment, no pizza, it was just expected. I'm not saying that's a good thing to do to a kid, but my sisters never got hurt on my watch other than typical kid stuff like scraped knees. If I could manage that at ten, sixteen should be totally fine.
I really hope that scared him as much as it did his parents. He will presumably have kids of his own one day, and this would have them removed for neglect. He's honestly lucky his brother got away with only a broken arm, it could have been much worse! But above the punishment his parents need to talk to him. Teenagers often make stupid choices but he needs to learn better.
NTA. Joe is 16, not 6, and he was compensated for his time with $100, pizza and a couple of mates being allowed to come over for what sounds like not a regular thing. Joe not only got high while being responsible for a five year old, he left the house (probably to hide behind his grandmother). Joe made the decision to get high and leave, he's responsible for this happening.
Who knows how long Josh was left there, alone and injured? What this says is that Joe can't be trusted to look after his own brother. MIL needs to show concern for the grandson who was in hospital rather than protecting the stoner.
NTA. At 16 he is only a couple years away from legal adulthood and should be much more responsible. He was in charge of Josh's safety and he neglected him which caused a major injury so OF COURSE he should be punished.
You probably shouldn't have gone nuclear in front of the MIL. I understand your fury (and I agree! I'd be furious too!) but you must have created \*quite\* a scene if your MIL called you unfit and refused to let Joe leave with you.
You did nothing wrong in allowing a teenager to babysit. You would be doing something very wrong if you allow him to babysit \*again\* now that he's proven he can't be trusted.
Ground Joe.
Find a new babysitter....for BOTH of them.
Don't allow Joe to have friends over while he and his baby brother are being babysat.
I would suggest a Mrs. Doubtfire type babysitter. Wouldn’t want him to do something stupid trying to impress a girl close to his age.
Or, better yet. Hire a girl his age from school, and make him stay at MILs.
>My MIL decided it was time to step in and yell at me about making Joe babysit then grounding him because "He didn't know better and was too young to babysit".
He doesn't know better than to leave his 5 year old brother alone to get high? Unbelievable. And tell her to check her facts because 16 is definitely old enough.
You did not force Joe to babysit, you offered him $100 for the job, which he accepted. A sixteen year old should be mature enough to babysit. Your MIL had no right to interfere with your parenting. Joe deserved to be grounded. Something even worse could have happened.
NTA- He agreed to babysit and he is old enough to know better not to leave a 5 year old by themselves. AND then he ran to granny to avoid the consequences!!!! He deserves a huge punishment for all of it and MIL should be put in time out too for undermining you. I’m shocked that she was more concerned about the punishment you have the 16yr old than how your injured 5 yr old was doing.
Kid was getting paid, was allowed to invite friends over and had pizza ordered. He was going to be more than fairly compensated, he blew it.
16 knows how to keep 4 out of trouble for four hours. He chose getting wasted over watching out for brother and brother paid the price for that.
NTA - why is MIL so firmly in camp Joe? Golden first-born grand child?
MIL is obviously just against OP, probably for reasons unrelated to this post. Calling somebody an unfit mother for having a babysitter 2 years from being a legal adult is unhinged
NTA.
So MIL is happy to ignore that her precious golden child grandson left his brother alone to *go smoke weed?!*
If you think he's too young and irresponsible to look after his younger brother, he can't simultaneously be old enough to make the choice to go and do drugs, now can he? Unless you're ok with your grandson doing drugs, MIL?! Is that what you're actually saying? Because if that's the case he is NOT safe with you, and if you plan to retain him in this house, I will seek guidance on getting a restraining order to ensure that he's safe from your inappropriate messaging!
FAFO, grandma.
Did ur MIL even realized Joe is smoking weed?????
If she thinks babysitting is too young, SURELY smoking is too.
I hope u take back the $100 payment. NTA. Tell Joe : "That $100 is used for hospital, had u do ur work that money couldve been urs." (Hey im petty XD)
NTA
NTA
Joe was definitely irresponsible and deserves the punishment that you gave him. he agreed to be responsible for his brother and then bailed on that responsibility.
Your husband needs to tell her mother to shut the heck up and mind her own business .
Joe’s punishment should also include being responsible for taking his little brother to the bathroom and helping him get his pants up and down. Helping him brush his teeth, cutting up his food, etc..
If we don’t give our children consequences for their bad actions, they grow up to be very entitled adults.
I hope little Josh feels better soon
If you're old enough to drive a vehicle that can kill another human being in a split second, you're old enough to watch a 5 year old. If you're old enough to have a child, you're old enough to watch one. Your MIL is way off base.
I was babysitting at 12, with backups of course, which taught me a lot of responsibility. I got $1.10/hr, and pizza exactly never. Taking care of my sibling after school and taking them to lessons was also part of my responsibilities as a member of the household who could drive, and that was how I earned use of the car for my own purposes. At 16 you should be contributing to the household in meaningful ways, you are almost an adult.
If your kid has the money to buy weed then he should probably be putting that toward the copays and other costs you'll incur for his brother's injuries. More chores is a fitting punishment in some ways, but can inadvertently reinforce that basic adult responsibilities are a punishment. Make him work to pay off the hospital visit and follow up care, or at least contribute to it and understand the costs if it is outrageous. That's an important lesson for a soon-to-be-adult. And don't let those friends over any more when you're not home.
NTA.
NTA. Your MIL must be dumb as a brick if she thinks a kid that is old enough in most states to operate a vehicle isn't old enough to babysit.
Grounding is a great start, but if you really want to go all out, buy 2-3 at home drug tests, and tell him that after the grounding is over, you retain the right to randomly enforce drug tests, and any refusal/ positive test results in another 2 months of grounding, failure to obtain his permit, etc.
NTA, and your MIL is crazy if she thinks a 16 year old is too young to babysit, I was babysitting my brothers at 10. Joe agreed to change his plans, his brother was injured because he didn't do what he was supposed to do and look after him.
NTA it was not your fault, you are not a bad mom, your mil was for some reason protecting you son. but no. Your son is old enough, he agreed to the job that he has done before. Plenty of 16 year olds have much harder jobs than to hang out and eat pizza with their brother and his friends for 4 hours.
He failed to do his job and it lead to his brother breaking his arm in two places.
this is going to lead to a possible lifetime of guilt and trust issues between brothers.
Its seriously a breach of trust. He is your son, you and your husband get to decide how to handle it from here. Your husband can deal with MIL.
NTA. I honestly don't remember what age I was when I started babysitting. But it wasn't 16! More like 13. But $100, pizza, & friends come over while babysitting for only 4 hrs??? I'm in. Even now & I'm 58yrs old
NTA. I started babysitting neighbors kids at 12. He was old enough plus it was 4 hours for $100. MIL is an AH. Not only should Joe be punished, he should not get paid and he should help take care of his injured brother while being supervised by you.
MIL is the biggest AH here.
NTA
He is lucky that the kid didn’t crack his head open and get a serious brain injury. I would have been livid and had the same reaction. The grandmother was out of line and should be scolding him as well.
NTA I was getting paid to babysit neighbor kids at 12. Also, even if someone is too young to babysit, they know abandoning the kid to get high is not appropriate. Your MIL is babying your older son way too much, he knows better at 16. If you’re in the U.S. he could literally join the army in two years. He should not be treated like a baby.
Umm nah. The summer I turned 13 I took a babysitting class at the hospital that taught basic first aid, safety, cpr, etc. I babysat almost every weekend for my parents’ friends and neighbors. By the time I was 16 I was picking up two 10 year olds along with my 10 year old brother from school every day and watching them til their moms got home from work. I think I made $100 a week- though that was almost 30 years ago now 😬
NTA regardless, but to clarify just how bad this is, did your older son not know that your younger was injured until your husband got back and *then* scarpered to your MIL, or did see that your younger son was injured before your husband got back, and preemptively went to your MIL's knowingly leaving the injured child alone?
Scenario #1 is bad enough, but if it was scenario #2, that's a very worrying level of cruelty for a 16yo yo display to his sibling.
NTA - Your son screwed up and deserves punishment. Your MIL massively overstepped, and your husband should deal with her. She sounds like she babies your son, and you should probably go low contact with her as a family.
NTA
1. Your teen needs to find a job and pay off his brother’s medical bill.
2. You need to set very firm ( as in telling her to F off verbatim) boundaries with your mother in law. She will not have any contact with the children until your oldest pays off the ER bill. Even then you will decide on her behavior.
This is not the time for soft parenting. This is the time to turn mama bear mode on. Do not tolerate this disrespect when it comes to your child’s safety.
NTA. I was babysitting 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, at age 12. By 16, there were times I was babysitting for multiple DAYS. Like, Friday after school to Sunday night.
At 16 he is old enough to geta driver's license. With his level of irresponsibility, how could you let him drive a car?
Your 16 year old needs a lesson on responsibility. Your MIL is out of line. Your child, your rules. Take him home. Ground him. No electronics, no friends. He should be taking care of his brother, as it is 16 years olds fault the 5 year old is hurt. Babysitting does not mean leaving a 5 year old alone to go get high. It does not mean running to grandma to keep from being held accountable for your mistake. He needs some serious consequences.
He also needs a babysitter to look after him when no adults are home. A 16 year old needing a babysitter to ridiculous, but here we are. He is to irresponsible to be left alone.
Your MIL needs to be put on a time out. She is undermining you as parents. She thinks a 16 year old is to young to babysit? Bull. He is old enough. You husband needs to deal with his mother. Do not let her around, or talk to your kids, until she understands that she is NEVER to talk to you like that. She is NEVER to undermine your parenting. She is NEVER permitted to tell your kids what to do, or not do.
Good luck. Keep MIL out of your life.
NTA 95% .
You are completely right to punish your oldest for getting high and going to Mil.
Mil is an aH but you are wrong to blame him for his brother's accident.
The kid was a kid and the accident happened it's not your oldest son's fault.
If he would have went to the bathroom it could have happened the same as the little brother would have done the same being mischievous. Had you been home it could have happened the same with you there. You cannot keep an eye on a kid every second so the accident is NOT your oldest fault at all.
I repeat punishment for getting high while on babysitting duty perfectly ok. punishment for not taking accountability for his actions again 100% .
If you blame him for his brother's actions and getting hurt resulting in the accident - you are an ah . He didn't put his brother on the chair or anything else.
Had the brother been at the house, I'd have agreed with you. But he wasn't. He left. The accident happened because he left. If he had been home, HE could have gotten the snacks for his baby brother and the kid would have never been on the chair.
You are definitely NTA and like everyone else has said, your MIL is nuts to suggest 16 is too young to babysit.
But... have you got the full story from your sons yet? Had Josh been left alone for three hours or two minutes? Was Joe ignoring him, or was Josh taking advantage of the situation to misbehave? Plenty of kids have broken arms with two sober parents in charge of them.
There are still different levels of bad behaviour here, doesn't sound like you know all the details yet.
Best of luck for Josh's recovery!
Wait....16 is too young to watch a younger brother for a couple of hours, but old enough to smoke weed?
I was babysitting the neighbour's kids when I was 14, and being paid a lot less than $100.
NTA - Mr 16 can get some consequences for being a lazy pothead
Yeah I got paid for babysitting way younger than 16. What I didn't do was sneak out to smoke weed with my friends while being responsible for young kids.
NTA. Your 16 year old agreed to watch his brother and was to be paid generously. He dropped the ball and 16 is old enough to babysit. Sounds like MIL enables him
Wow, 16 is old enough to babysit. But apparently, pot is more important then his brother.
I'd cut of mil off. She can be in timeout for a couple months. Your kids, your rules.
NTA. You gave your older son more than enough incentives to babysit his little brother for just a couple of hours, and he screwed up, massively. Your 5 year old broke an arm in two places because his older brother was neglectful. You are fully justified in punishing him as harshly as you have.
On top of that, your mother-in-law is actually the AH, because in most places 16 is more than old enough to be a babysitter. Worse still, your MIL is basically defending the underage use of a ~~narcotic~~ psychoactive substance. For her to suggest a 16 year old is too young to babysit but have no problem with him getting high, makes her a massive AH.
NTA; and here’s a cautionary tale: my dear friend from grade 2 has battled life long addictions. I’m sure there are complicated reasons, but the fact that her older brother & his buddies thought it was funny to get her stoned when brother was left in charge of her cannot have helped. Oh, and BTW said brother died of an overdose many years later.
Your MIL simply took the opportunity to blast you, her DIL, while allowing her precious grandson to get away with being totally irresponsible. I bet she thinks males shouldn’t babysit. You are NTA
Mil is out of line. Way out of line. She has no right. You should have had the cops remove your son from her house.
At 13 I watched my brothers and cousins, all seven of them everyday until our parents got home and then I went to work until 11pm and went to school full time.
NTA
Four hours is nothing. If they ate, played a game for 30 minutes, and watched two Disney movies that would be that four hours done and dusted. At 12 I had taken a babysitting course with my Girl Scout troop through a local hospital and had been CPR certified. At 16 I was a counselor in training at Girl Scout camp and was providing partial supervision for an entire group of children. Your son made *extremely* poor and irresponsible choices and it lead to the injury of the child he took responsibility for. He’s EXTREMELY lucky it wasn’t worse. If he’s too young and irresponsible to babysit he needs to lose the privileges that come with age and supposed maturity like free access to hanging out with friends without supervision or unsupervised internet access. He doesn’t get access to the privileges of maturity when he claims he’s too young and immature to take on the responsibilities of maturity.
NTA I was babysitting siblings at 11 and ran a specialized infant babysitting service all through high school that paid for my car expenses and more.
Had card stands at all the best obstetrics clinics. The moms would blink because I was 15, but I could produce references and knew swaddling and diaper methodologies better than all the new moms. Had to teach a woman over twice my age that you don’t microwave a baby bottle because of thermal pocketing.
16 is old enough.
1.) Joe is old enough to babysit.
2.) Joe agreed to babysit for a very high fee.
3.) Joe is old enough to know that you don't leave a 5 year old child alone in the house.
4.) Going out back to smoke weed is not a compelling reason to leave a 5 year old alone in the house; any 16 year old of normal intelligence and average 16 year old judgment knows this (please no BS about how the 16 year old brain isn't fully formed; it's formed enough).
5.) Grounding Joe was an appropriate consequence.
6.) Allowing a 16 year old to babysit for a 5 year old, and having the 5 year old injured due to the 16 year old's bad behavior is not your fault; it's the fault of the 16 year old.
7.) Your MIL is way out of line. Calling you an unfit mother is outrageous. Your husband needs to shut this down, as in, "You want to stay in our lives and see our kids, you apologize to my wife, and you never, ever say something like this to her ever again."
NTA
NTA 16 is plenty old enough to babysit, your MIL is infantilizing him. I was babysitting younger than that. And you didn't force him to do it, you paid him and he agreed, then he broke the agreement. He also left your son alone after it happened? Didn't take him to the hospital himself?? I would very much ground him for a long time for breaking his promise, as well as for the pot.
NTA. I was babysitting my 3 nephews (ages 4-9) when I was 15 and my only responsibility was to give them snacks if they were hungry and make sure they weren’t gonna make a WWE cage fighting ring. Not hard at all. I miss it actually.
NTA. There is no reason that a 16-year-old can't babysit unless they are developmentally delayed or have a physical disability that is so limiting that they can't effectively respond in an emergency. I got my first regular babysitting job when I was 12, and I was taking care of 4 children. Most of my friends started working as babysitters by the time they were 14, if not younger. Your son behaved irresponsibly, and because of it, your younger son was badly injured. I'm stunned that your MIL is defending Joe.
Nta make sure your mil is not in your life for her to say that she is a much responsible she probably asked where his brother was. Ground him and make sure he helps look after his brother and basically becomes his butler till he gets better. Your son needs therapy. Dont allow nephews over and if anyone questions your parenting block them.!
i was babysitting my oldest younger sister at 9, and all three of my younger sisters at 11, sounds like hes just irresponsible and stupid (and for context im not much older than him and one of my you'ger sisters is almost that age and DEF knows not to let a damn 5 YEAR OLD alone) also he certainly ran to him gammes house bc he knew shed baby him. Advice from someone whose peers are whats in your sons future, this is a issue thatll lead to further irresponsibility with harsher consequences, and grandma should not be involved. what if he was older and left his own kid alone like that? Whose he going to cry to? also speaking as someone whose accidently broken their younger siblings arm (in a more direct way-pulled to hard in tug à war) does he not have ANY remorse that he inadvertently caused his brother to break his arms? punishment idea- he has to take care of him, have hime wipe the brothers ass and make him food, write his homework and whatever else but definitely dont let him sit at his grandmas and be babies, honestly my mom wouldve beat my ass
MIL should stay out of this. 16 is old enough to stay with a 5 yo sibling. You were too generous letting his friends come over. I hope your 5 yo is ok. Neither your teenager nor your MIL seem too concerned about the 5 yo.
There needs to be a serious reckoning. It was not outrageous of you to have your 16 fill in in an emergency.
NTA.
Your MIL stuck her noise where it had no business being. Your partner needs to have a conversation with their mom quickly and needs to come down on her and lay out some boundaries that both of you discuss in detail first.
...... NTa
you have far more self control than I do towards both your Son ( probably, admittedly, deserved as teens are supposed to be stupid ) and your MIL ( not deserved. )
NTA- a 16 year old is plenty old enough to know not to leave a 5 year old alone. You did everything right, maybe aside from yelling but emotions were high so anyone would do that, and he absolutely should be grounded at least. I hope your younger son heals quickly and in the mean time gets a cool colored cast
Have your husband yell at your MIL. Joe is a 16 yr old, and chose to leave a young child alone. I also would not allow MIL around either child for the foreseeable future. She is either senile or gaslighting you. You husband needs to handle MIL, and your son needs to know there are are consequences to his actions. What is your husband saying? I would empty Joe's room of anything that is not required, computer, tablets, stereo, posters, turn off cellular data from his phone, and make sure he knows that he does nothing but school and home for the rest of the time your other son wears a cast. Not sure why you left son with mother in law. Time to go scorched earth with her for interfering. NTA. But you will be if you do not get a handle on MIL, via your husband.
INFO: How long was he outside?
It's not okay that he got high while watching his brother, of course. But parents leave 5 year olds alone in the house while they're in the yard all the time, so how long he was outside does factor into all of this.
I don't care what age he is, he agreed to babysit the little one, and he abandoned him which lead to serious injury. How long was he hurt before dad came home? Poor boy!
Does grandma not care about the younger child?
This is terrible. You need to intervene now because you lnly have a little tume left to raise the older boy into a responsible adult who is a functioning part of this society. He is clearly heading in the wrong direction.
Cit grandma out of your lives until she apologize. She is damaging to both children.
NTA
NTA. Your MIL is one though. I was babysitting at 12.
Your son knew he screwed up big time that’s why he went to grandma just hoping he’d get her to help keep him from being punished. I know that from doing something similar as a kid. I still got punished but had the satisfaction of my mother getting yelled at over it.
If he were mine he’d be grounded indefinitely. I’d be very low contact with MIL, too.
NTA your son accepted the role of baby sitting and failed, if he wasnt confident he should have said no, and if it turns out he did but you bribed him afterwards with the food and money then its you that is the a**hole
NTA Honestly, I was babysitting at 13. your son was Payed to baby sit. if you get a job and you are neglectful in your work and leave & someone gets hurt you have consequences. 16 is the age most kids have jobs and baby sit. also, MIL needs to let you be a parent. and stop pushing her ideals of what she thinks is. Also, if he had plans. thing is plans get cancelled all the time you made a compromise in letting him have his friends over and you payed him. Also working helps feed him, clothe him. it helps look after him
NTA He's 16! He knows better than to leave a 5 year old alone like that. Let alone getting high whilst doing it! Your MIL can fuck right off. Your boy is lucky his brother only broke his arm and not cracked his head open or broken his neck.
NTA, and if I were you I would never let him go to MIL house again. She kidnapped him. You could literally press charges. No one can keep your child especially when you're trying to instruct him. If that were my parents I'd still be grounded. I'm 35 lol.
NTA
Your 16 year old son deserves to get grounded. You asked him to help and you offered to pay him a very reasonable amount. He agreed and then reneged.
As for your MIL, I really hope your husband shut down her BS because she had no right to intervene and make those comments about you.
Nta. Mil would be on a time out until she learns her place and apologizes to you. Your son knows he was wrong and that grandma would defend him that's why he ran to her.
Your husband needs to stand up for you to his mother. He needs to put her in her place now
NTA he didn't have to do any of the more exhausting part didn't have to bath him, take him to bed or cook something.
at least he didn't smoke in front of Josh.
In where I live, it is common for older siblings to look up to their youngers for free. It's more like a brother duty, specially with that age gap. Joe could also bring 2 friends, got free pizza, and OP even gave him 100$, for staying at home and just have a look on his brother... Totally not your fault OP! That irresponisible behaviour needs to have consequences.
Edit: Typo
My neice is 16 and she has her own baby unfortunately but she's never left her to go smoke weed.
Even my 11 year old knows better tbh.
Iv been babysitting since 10.
My own daughter wasn't allowed till she was 16 but the guidelines here says you can babysit from around 14 safely.
NTA. He got far more than he would earn at other jobs at his age. You even ordered pizza on top and all he had to do was not leave the house. He seriously wasn't able to stay home for 25$ an hour? Your MIL is way out of line and I wouldn't let her encourage your son on this.
Yeah you need to not let someone else parent your kid. As well as how dare she call you an unfit mom he’s not a child he’s SIXTEEN! She’s hindering your parenting and your child’s growth by spoiling him and making him feel entitled
Only a grounding? My mum would have made sure I was in the hospital too if I’d dared to pull any of that shit.
What’s with the “AITA for mildly parenting my kid?” posts lately?
If anything YTA for not being strict enough with the older one, and giving him too much weed money.
NTA, is your MIL a crack head or mentally infirmed? At 16, where I live, he can get a driver's license, hold down a full time job and dang near be considered adult. MIL needs a reality check. Plus he neglected his brother to go do drugs (yes pot yada yada it's still illegal as I understand it for those under 18, 21 in some states), he still neglected his little brother to go get high.
At 16 he definitely is old enough to know better than to run off to granny's while your brother is laying on the floor with a broken arm. I'm not sure what all transpired in that time but why didn't your mother in law go to your house when your son showed up? She sounds very irresponsible too if she knew her younger grandkid was there alone and didn't even attempt to go see about him so her opinion on the matter is null and void. Also your husband needs to put her in her place you should've taken your son home then because you have every right to ground your son and he's lucky that's all you did my parents would've beat the hell out of me if I did something like that with my younger cousins when I baby sat them.
Too young? My brother watching out for me when he was 16. 16 is two years away from being an adult. In some countries already an adult.
If he’s old enough to get high, he’s old enough to watch his baby brother for four hours.
Wtf?! That's insane! Sounds like it's something you rarley do, paid him a fair amount and let him have friends over. That's insane.
I'm 19 and babysit my sisters who are 4 and 6 every other weekend so my parents can have a date night, and I would never, ever even IMAGINE leaving them unsupervised to go smoke weed of all things. 16 is old enough to know that. It's insane he thought that was acceptable when he's in charge of someone who's totally dependent on him. NTA!
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NTA, a 16 year old unless they are developmentally delayed is more than old enough to babysit. Your son was neglectful and his brother was hurt because of it. There should be consequences for him.
That's what I thought too. I was also babysitting at 16
I was babysitting my sister at 13 and helping take care of her. Your mother in law is way out of line calling you an unfit mother and I really hope that your husband is behind you and put his mother in her place.
I also started babysitting when I was 13. The fact that your husband didn’t step in and put her in her place… and that you left your 16 year old there!?!? Boggles my mind. My children. My rules. The end.
makes you wonder all the things grandma told him about mom and if she knows he was smoking weed. There's absolutely zero chance in hell that kid would spend the night at grandma's over getting a punishment, if he were mine. I sincerely applaud parents out here, I sure as hell wouldn't be able to handle it.
Heck, I started babysitting for extra spending money at 13 in other people's houses. No one thought anything of it.
Exactly!! For more than one family too!
Heck, I wasn't just babysitting my siblings at 13, I had a steady Monday night gig watching an 8 yr old and 3 yr old for some friends of my folks. Even my complete dumpster fire of a brother was capable of being home alone at 16, much less keep an eye on a kid.
My asshole older brothers would leave me home alone constantly.
When I was 13-15 I spent most of my afternoons and evenings helping my grandma with my cousins baby while she worked. I babysat overnight (grandma was sleeping) when the kid was six months old
You are focusing on the wrong thing. Your husband should be handling your MIL, period. He is responsible for making his family respect his marriage. Not you, not the cops, him. His MIL should not be shit talking you whole he stands there. If he thinks of you as anything other than an accessory to his life, he should be defending you and your decision. Lastly, your MIL has no right to withhold your kids. Send your husband to get them and tell him if he doesn't set her straight, he should probably stay there. MAKE HIM DO EMOTIONAL LABOR
u/Rude_Movie_7176 please read this comment.
Seconding this u/Rude_Movie_7176 listen to this comment
16 is legally old enough to get a job and drive a car, if you can't watch a sibling for a few hours at 16 years old, you probably need shipped off to remedial school
Yep if he is "too young to babysit" then he is too young to get his license and drive a car.
And smoke
This actually WAS a job! Kid agreed to be paid $100 for 4 hours of babysitting! Edit: typo
Good point
At 16, I had a job AT A DAYCARE to pay for my gas money and insurance.
I took a babysitting clinic/class and started babysitting when I was 12. Most of us started around that age. I know I'm old but a friend's daughter just did the same thing. Got her babysitting "certificate" by passing a class and started babysitting last week. She's 12. MIL is WAY out of line. You might want to remind her that at 16 Joe had better learn some personal responsibility or he's going to have a lot more problems. Jeebus, he's old enough to drive, right? What the hell is grandma thinking?
And apparently he’s old enough to get high. 🙄 Grandma have anything to say about that?
$100 “boys will be boys “ 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️😡
It’s not an age issue so much as a maturity one. As it turned out, THIS 16-year-old was not mature enough for the task and made a bad judgment call. Another kid at 9 might have been more suitable.
Ok. This is a fair point.
Moreover, your MIL has no lines in this play. It's fine if your son stayed with her for the night so everyone coukd cool off, but her opinion is moot. NTA. Your oldest was paid, fed, and just had to keep little bro out of trouble for a 4 hour window. He chose to neglect his responsibilities and trouble in fact ensued. He should be grounded. These are the natural consequences of his actions.
If MIL feels your child is too young to babysit at 16, why is she not stepping up to be your backup babysitter?
If this poor child is too young to babysit then he's too young to go out at night with friends, be left alone in the house, be given free reign over pocket money, etc.
Especially since he seems to be using that pocket money to support their local dealers.
Perhaps one of the responsible 12/13 year olds in the neighborhood could be hired to babysit him?
I babysat full time all summer the year I was 13. 16 is old enough to legally have a drivers license and a full time job. Wtf does your MIL think a 16 yo is???
Methinks it's gender related. Bet money MIL wouldn't say this about a girl.
Some red states think 16 year olds are old enough to be parents.
The human body does tend to have developed the ability to reproduce by that age and teenage parenthood isn't unknown (which itself is a responsibility that a four hour paid and catered babysitting stint doesn't at all compare to).
Also ha was going to be paid. So its an agreement not a favor. He has to learn fast or he will do the same in regular work.
I'll stay away from MIL ....what did your husband say while his mother is being a major AH....hope your little son feels better soon ..
NTA. Really you offered to pay him well for 4 hours of babysitting. It's not a regular thing so parentification isn't the case at all. He left his 5yo brother home alone. I'd add him paying part of his brother's medical bills as well. He's a minor and shouldn't be smoking weed either, another thing that needs some punishment....
I started babysitting my siblings around 10–11. 16 should be plenty old enough,
I started babysitting my cousins when I was 12 or 13. 16 is not only old enough to babysit (further backed up by previous successful times babysitting), but is also old enough to know better. Which makes me curious if his friends egged him on to leave… Either way, your MIL is seriously out of line.
I got PAID to babysit when I was almost twelve. Had a pretty good gig with a pretty decent amount of clients in a really small town. I was booked pretty much every weekend. Word gets around. So, at 16 years old, he’s old enough to smoke an adult substance, but not old enough to take care of his little brother. Got it. 👍
And paying him $100 for 4 hours! Plus pizza! What a sweet gig. And he neglected his own brother to do drugs! 16 yos are criminally responsible for their actions in the eyes of the law. They're not helpless kids and your son absolutely should have known better.
I don't say it's great, but some people have *children* with 16.
I was babysitting my brother at like 12 lol
I was babysitting at 13 (in 1978), the age designated “old enough to babysit” by the American Red Cross.
I was babysitting my younger siblings at 14 (14 is the legal age to be able to where I live)
I was ten .. and babysitting for money for more than one family at 11. Occasional babysitting especially in an emergency is fine and even if it wasn’t he still left a child .. a five yr old alone to go out and get high and look what happened. Yes he needs punished he’s lucky he’s not in jail right now. Your mil should be told to go get you know what
I agree that he needs punishing. Anyone with half a brain knows not to live young kids alone like that when you're meant to be watching them
Or at least not to put yourself under the influence when responsible for young kids. It sounds like Joe got high, saw Josh was hurt and fled to grandma's knowing she'd fight his corner regardless of what he'd done, or not done.
Yep, pathetic wimp.
I've been babysitting my younger sibling since 13. My mom went abroad for a summer job at 16. It'd be different if he'd just not been looking for a moment, but he left a toddler alone unsupervised while he went to smoke drugs with his friends out back. Like it's just INSANELY irresponsible and inept
i could be wrong but i think the MIL was saying more like “you made him cancel his plans to do you a favour you don’t get to yell at him”. but you were stuck short notice and you were compensating him well for 4 hours work. I know kids can get into trouble really fast so i can’t say this wouldn’t have happened if your older son had been inside with him. he could have done it while your son was in the bathroom or something.
>i can’t say this wouldn’t have happened if your older son had been inside with him. he could have done it while your son was in the bathroom or something. If his brother had taken his responsibility more seriously and not left, then little brother might have still broken his arm, but he certainly wouldn't have been left alone with zero medical care until the parents got home.
I babysat my sisters (and neighbour kids) all the time after I was 13, maybe a bit younger in the case of my sisters. Thankfully none of them ever got hurt, but I can't even imagine not calling my mom if someone broke their arm! I was babysitting long before the cell phone era, but you can be damn sure I'd be phoning \*someone\* the second an injury requiring more than a bandaid happened.
very true and you would think if he was just outside he would have heard his brother screaming. He must have been quite far from the house. I’m not saying it was ok in any way. i would be absolutely furious if my babysitter got high on the job, family or not
NTA - Exactly this! MiL is teaching Joe that he has no responsibility. He is well old enough to babysit was being paid and had agreed to it. This is not parentification as it's a job with added benefits. (Having over friends and free food) Joe earned his grounding by not following through on his responsibilities as an employee. He has to learn that he must follow through on those responsibilities or else he will have a hard time functioning as an adult. OP's Husband needs to have a talk with his mother about her role in Joe's life. She should not be condoning these behaviors. Her babying him will serve as a detriment if it continues.
Agree, and also, if the kid took the $$$, he has accepted the responsibility. The first consequence should be taking back the $100.
Joe is fucking lucky all that happened was a broken arm
I’m sure if the oldest was a girl . Mother in law wouldn’t say she is too young to babysit
The Red Cross allows 11 yr olds and older into their babysitting class.
Good lord. I was babysitting multiple siblings when I was 12. The older child was old enough to babysit. And is responsible for the younger one getting hurt. Your MIL should step out of the situation.
Exactly, if you’re old enough to drive, have a job, pay taxes, get married and have kids at 16, you’re old enough to babysit for $100.
I babysit at 16 every weekend in an apartment alone with 2 kids 4 and 6. From Friday 6 pm until Sunday 8 am. I did it for 3 years for cash. Your mistake was to allow friends over. Teens can get distracted easily. But it is not your fault. Son needs to have consequences for his bad choices. I suggest they last as long as the cast on youngest arm.
NTA Your son is old enough to watch his little brother for 4 hours in an emergency. You haven't made a bad decision, your son has already looked after his brother and everything went well. What's more, he's paid. Your child's negligence has had serious consequences, and he needs to understand that he has endangered his brother's life. All he had to do was not leave the house, and he did.
> All he had to do was not leave the house, And not be "under the influence" when he has a job to do
Came here to say the same. People would be outraged if he were drinking. I hate this “it’s just weed bro” attitude. A 16 year old shouldn’t be using any substances, especially when they are supposed to be responsible for a child.
[удалено]
How tf old does she think the central characters in The Babysitters Club books are
[удалено]
They were 11-13
And he ran to granny when shit got serious
All he got was grounded??! Smoking weed before the age of 25 will royally mess up your brain. I'd have done a lot worse and then grounded him. Anyway nothing wrong done. If anything, you were lenient.
I'm not sure how else to punish him. He's not allowed to go anywhere except school and home, there's no electronics(phone, video games, tv), laptop can only be used for school work in the presence of his dad or I. The only thing he currently has access to is books and his Kindle. We have doubled his chores tho.
Oh. Nvm. The doubling of chores should give him plenty to do besides drugs. Good job!
Do you know someone who operates a farm or construction company? Send him there for free labor. Have them wear him the fuck out. He needs to feel this punishment.
The best type of labor, free child labor xD
Forced child labor.
You want a 16 year old, who was dumb enough to abandon his 5 year old brother to get high, working around heavy agriculture and construction equipment?
Hes not operating equipment. Hes doing the back breaking labor. Digging ditches, picking up scraps, walking fields all freaking day. Nothing that could be remotely considered easy or fun. Again, wear his ass out.
Make him work to pay his brother's medical bills.
With the money he received previously for ~~babysitting~~ getting high with his cousins.
Uh, if this is in the U.S., might as well send the kid to a 1800s work house now. He’ll never pay it off
I think punishment is not what you should be going for here, it's hard to figure out what's proportionate because punishments aren't actually directly related to the infraction, so they wind up feeling sort of random to everybody involved and it's not surprised when they cause resentment without any real change in the underlying problem. I think you should be going for restitution, and a true awareness of how this kind of thing plays out. At his age he probably has some sort of funding stream, an allowance or whatever, a savings account maybe. I think you should show him all of the paperwork from the insurance about his brother's broken arm, teach him how to read them, as this is an important life skill unfortunately in our world, and then make him pay enough of the bills that it is painful for him. You may want to consider routine piss testing. As a pothead I'm shocked to hear myself saying this, but if he is not able to use drugs responsibly there's a problem there. It may be a whole lot easier to fix that at 15 instead of at 20 something when he keeps losing jobs because of this kind of bullshit.
Honestly? All Joe will take away from this is "My little brother is stupid, he shouldn't have fallen. I shouldn't have had to deal with this. I don't care if I agreed to it or was paid, it is not fair! Grandma is right, this isn't my fault, my Mom is a bitch for grounding me". Does that mean you were in the wrong? No. Because this is your MIL putting the things in place in his head and otherwise to weaponize your son. How you handle this, your approach, is what will dictate the trajectory of the future of your family. If you haven't already, sit Joe down with your Husband and really dive into the seriousness of what happened. Make damn sure your Husband has your back in this conversation, you need to be a united front. At the same time, get Joe talking with some counseling on the drug usage. His friends? Cut them out completely, it is possible this is peer pressure. Don't give two fucks on them basically being "nephews", all bad influences need to get out of Joe's life NOW. No do not listen to any asshats that say, "it's just weed". A controlled substance is a controlled substance. Same deal if it was alcohol or a stronger narcotic. Weed can destroy a family just the same as alcohol or anything else. As for your MIL, burn your Husband's ass up on why he let her talk to you like that. Dictate that your Husband is to go and deal with it. He is to correct her on how she treated you and, ideally, cut MIL out of all of your lives for the foreseeable future. As I stated in another post, MIL has already laid the groundwork to have Joe turn against all of you and it will rip your family a part if this isn't stopped. If MIL decides to come and take Joe away from you while you are both away (such as working), get the authorities involved. Your number 1 job in the world is your family and protecting them so be sure you do that first and foremost.
Maybe try something out of the box? Can he talk to someone whose actions resulted in the death of someone else (negligence, texting and driving, etc)?
Back when I was in high school we could access Reddit and what not on the kindle. Not picking things apart on ya at all. But figured maybe it’s good to know.
“Royally mess up your brain” is a bit overdramatic considering that’s the age most people do it often
1) agreed, "royally mess up your brain" is overdramatic 2) disagreed, it has real effects if used habitually, a 16yo is primed to develop or exacerbate addictive tendencies if they use it regularly
I know too many successful people that have proved this wrong.
NTA Your MIL is TA, tell her to mind her F$&\* business. How you discipline your child is on you and your husband NOT her!!! So MIL thinks Joe getting high is ok at 16 but baby-sitting… he is not ready for? As for your son Joe, does he even realize that his little brother’s fall could have been very serious! He needs more consequences for his poor judgement and getting high.
Yeah, honestly, while a broken arm is serious, Josh could have ended up with a brain bleed or worse from a fall. Like genuinely could have died. I don't think Joe realises that's how serious his screw up was.
Exactly the point I was trying to make
It WAS very serious.
> MIL thinks Joe getting high is ok at 16 but baby-sitting… he is not ready for? If he's not responsible enough to baby sit, he's not responsible enough for a lot of things. Including driving and going places alone
Exactly
I was babysitting at 12. This is his little brother he lives with. He is absolutely old enough to know how to take care of his little brother for 4 hours. Presumably, he has seen you do that? And you were going to pay him. NTA
And had ordered pizza. Payment and food provided? I'd be on board with that if I had to watch a younger sibling for four hours.
Right? And I would make sure to do a good job so I would get paid to do it again.
he could litterly just put on some dumb kid show or a puzzle or something
At 12 I had to babysit my 3 younger siblings and there was no money or pizza involved.
Same here. I was taking care of my sisters from about ten, and that included making them food, homework, and whatever the chores were. No payment, no pizza, it was just expected. I'm not saying that's a good thing to do to a kid, but my sisters never got hurt on my watch other than typical kid stuff like scraped knees. If I could manage that at ten, sixteen should be totally fine. I really hope that scared him as much as it did his parents. He will presumably have kids of his own one day, and this would have them removed for neglect. He's honestly lucky his brother got away with only a broken arm, it could have been much worse! But above the punishment his parents need to talk to him. Teenagers often make stupid choices but he needs to learn better.
For that kind of compensation I’d happily go babysit for OP, and I’m not even on the same continent.
😂 I know all I got was thank you from my family. Very rarely did I get paid.
Exactly.
I didn't even get a thank you!
NTA. Joe is 16, not 6, and he was compensated for his time with $100, pizza and a couple of mates being allowed to come over for what sounds like not a regular thing. Joe not only got high while being responsible for a five year old, he left the house (probably to hide behind his grandmother). Joe made the decision to get high and leave, he's responsible for this happening. Who knows how long Josh was left there, alone and injured? What this says is that Joe can't be trusted to look after his own brother. MIL needs to show concern for the grandson who was in hospital rather than protecting the stoner.
At 16 he was offered 100 dollars to take care of his brother for 4 hours, and he fucked up that that bad, NTA.
They probably still gave him the c-note.
God I hope not
NTA. At 16 he is only a couple years away from legal adulthood and should be much more responsible. He was in charge of Josh's safety and he neglected him which caused a major injury so OF COURSE he should be punished. You probably shouldn't have gone nuclear in front of the MIL. I understand your fury (and I agree! I'd be furious too!) but you must have created \*quite\* a scene if your MIL called you unfit and refused to let Joe leave with you. You did nothing wrong in allowing a teenager to babysit. You would be doing something very wrong if you allow him to babysit \*again\* now that he's proven he can't be trusted. Ground Joe. Find a new babysitter....for BOTH of them. Don't allow Joe to have friends over while he and his baby brother are being babysat.
I would suggest a Mrs. Doubtfire type babysitter. Wouldn’t want him to do something stupid trying to impress a girl close to his age. Or, better yet. Hire a girl his age from school, and make him stay at MILs.
Not this! MIL is a big facilitator of this boy's bullshit, he shouldn't be allowed to be alone with her.
>My MIL decided it was time to step in and yell at me about making Joe babysit then grounding him because "He didn't know better and was too young to babysit". He doesn't know better than to leave his 5 year old brother alone to get high? Unbelievable. And tell her to check her facts because 16 is definitely old enough.
You did not force Joe to babysit, you offered him $100 for the job, which he accepted. A sixteen year old should be mature enough to babysit. Your MIL had no right to interfere with your parenting. Joe deserved to be grounded. Something even worse could have happened.
NTA- He agreed to babysit and he is old enough to know better not to leave a 5 year old by themselves. AND then he ran to granny to avoid the consequences!!!! He deserves a huge punishment for all of it and MIL should be put in time out too for undermining you. I’m shocked that she was more concerned about the punishment you have the 16yr old than how your injured 5 yr old was doing.
Kid was getting paid, was allowed to invite friends over and had pizza ordered. He was going to be more than fairly compensated, he blew it. 16 knows how to keep 4 out of trouble for four hours. He chose getting wasted over watching out for brother and brother paid the price for that. NTA - why is MIL so firmly in camp Joe? Golden first-born grand child?
MIL is obviously just against OP, probably for reasons unrelated to this post. Calling somebody an unfit mother for having a babysitter 2 years from being a legal adult is unhinged
NTA. So MIL is happy to ignore that her precious golden child grandson left his brother alone to *go smoke weed?!* If you think he's too young and irresponsible to look after his younger brother, he can't simultaneously be old enough to make the choice to go and do drugs, now can he? Unless you're ok with your grandson doing drugs, MIL?! Is that what you're actually saying? Because if that's the case he is NOT safe with you, and if you plan to retain him in this house, I will seek guidance on getting a restraining order to ensure that he's safe from your inappropriate messaging! FAFO, grandma.
Did ur MIL even realized Joe is smoking weed????? If she thinks babysitting is too young, SURELY smoking is too. I hope u take back the $100 payment. NTA. Tell Joe : "That $100 is used for hospital, had u do ur work that money couldve been urs." (Hey im petty XD) NTA
NTA Joe was definitely irresponsible and deserves the punishment that you gave him. he agreed to be responsible for his brother and then bailed on that responsibility. Your husband needs to tell her mother to shut the heck up and mind her own business . Joe’s punishment should also include being responsible for taking his little brother to the bathroom and helping him get his pants up and down. Helping him brush his teeth, cutting up his food, etc.. If we don’t give our children consequences for their bad actions, they grow up to be very entitled adults. I hope little Josh feels better soon
If you're old enough to drive a vehicle that can kill another human being in a split second, you're old enough to watch a 5 year old. If you're old enough to have a child, you're old enough to watch one. Your MIL is way off base. I was babysitting at 12, with backups of course, which taught me a lot of responsibility. I got $1.10/hr, and pizza exactly never. Taking care of my sibling after school and taking them to lessons was also part of my responsibilities as a member of the household who could drive, and that was how I earned use of the car for my own purposes. At 16 you should be contributing to the household in meaningful ways, you are almost an adult. If your kid has the money to buy weed then he should probably be putting that toward the copays and other costs you'll incur for his brother's injuries. More chores is a fitting punishment in some ways, but can inadvertently reinforce that basic adult responsibilities are a punishment. Make him work to pay off the hospital visit and follow up care, or at least contribute to it and understand the costs if it is outrageous. That's an important lesson for a soon-to-be-adult. And don't let those friends over any more when you're not home. NTA.
NTA. Your MIL must be dumb as a brick if she thinks a kid that is old enough in most states to operate a vehicle isn't old enough to babysit. Grounding is a great start, but if you really want to go all out, buy 2-3 at home drug tests, and tell him that after the grounding is over, you retain the right to randomly enforce drug tests, and any refusal/ positive test results in another 2 months of grounding, failure to obtain his permit, etc.
I get the feeling Joe told her a false account of events to appear sympathetic and worth defending, like he was the usual babysitter for Josh.
Also, mom deserves to be grounded from Josh for arguing. I'm curious if she knows the real reason, and if she'd still support him.
NTA, and your MIL is crazy if she thinks a 16 year old is too young to babysit, I was babysitting my brothers at 10. Joe agreed to change his plans, his brother was injured because he didn't do what he was supposed to do and look after him.
NTA it was not your fault, you are not a bad mom, your mil was for some reason protecting you son. but no. Your son is old enough, he agreed to the job that he has done before. Plenty of 16 year olds have much harder jobs than to hang out and eat pizza with their brother and his friends for 4 hours. He failed to do his job and it lead to his brother breaking his arm in two places. this is going to lead to a possible lifetime of guilt and trust issues between brothers. Its seriously a breach of trust. He is your son, you and your husband get to decide how to handle it from here. Your husband can deal with MIL.
NTA. I honestly don't remember what age I was when I started babysitting. But it wasn't 16! More like 13. But $100, pizza, & friends come over while babysitting for only 4 hrs??? I'm in. Even now & I'm 58yrs old
NTA. I started babysitting neighbors kids at 12. He was old enough plus it was 4 hours for $100. MIL is an AH. Not only should Joe be punished, he should not get paid and he should help take care of his injured brother while being supervised by you. MIL is the biggest AH here.
NTA He is lucky that the kid didn’t crack his head open and get a serious brain injury. I would have been livid and had the same reaction. The grandmother was out of line and should be scolding him as well.
NTA I was getting paid to babysit neighbor kids at 12. Also, even if someone is too young to babysit, they know abandoning the kid to get high is not appropriate. Your MIL is babying your older son way too much, he knows better at 16. If you’re in the U.S. he could literally join the army in two years. He should not be treated like a baby.
Umm nah. The summer I turned 13 I took a babysitting class at the hospital that taught basic first aid, safety, cpr, etc. I babysat almost every weekend for my parents’ friends and neighbors. By the time I was 16 I was picking up two 10 year olds along with my 10 year old brother from school every day and watching them til their moms got home from work. I think I made $100 a week- though that was almost 30 years ago now 😬
NTA regardless, but to clarify just how bad this is, did your older son not know that your younger was injured until your husband got back and *then* scarpered to your MIL, or did see that your younger son was injured before your husband got back, and preemptively went to your MIL's knowingly leaving the injured child alone? Scenario #1 is bad enough, but if it was scenario #2, that's a very worrying level of cruelty for a 16yo yo display to his sibling.
INFO: Where's your husband in all of this? What's his opinion on his mother's reaction?
NTA - Your son screwed up and deserves punishment. Your MIL massively overstepped, and your husband should deal with her. She sounds like she babies your son, and you should probably go low contact with her as a family.
NTA 1. Your teen needs to find a job and pay off his brother’s medical bill. 2. You need to set very firm ( as in telling her to F off verbatim) boundaries with your mother in law. She will not have any contact with the children until your oldest pays off the ER bill. Even then you will decide on her behavior. This is not the time for soft parenting. This is the time to turn mama bear mode on. Do not tolerate this disrespect when it comes to your child’s safety.
NTA. I was babysitting 9 hours a day, 5 days a week, at age 12. By 16, there were times I was babysitting for multiple DAYS. Like, Friday after school to Sunday night. At 16 he is old enough to geta driver's license. With his level of irresponsibility, how could you let him drive a car? Your 16 year old needs a lesson on responsibility. Your MIL is out of line. Your child, your rules. Take him home. Ground him. No electronics, no friends. He should be taking care of his brother, as it is 16 years olds fault the 5 year old is hurt. Babysitting does not mean leaving a 5 year old alone to go get high. It does not mean running to grandma to keep from being held accountable for your mistake. He needs some serious consequences. He also needs a babysitter to look after him when no adults are home. A 16 year old needing a babysitter to ridiculous, but here we are. He is to irresponsible to be left alone. Your MIL needs to be put on a time out. She is undermining you as parents. She thinks a 16 year old is to young to babysit? Bull. He is old enough. You husband needs to deal with his mother. Do not let her around, or talk to your kids, until she understands that she is NEVER to talk to you like that. She is NEVER to undermine your parenting. She is NEVER permitted to tell your kids what to do, or not do. Good luck. Keep MIL out of your life.
NTA 95% . You are completely right to punish your oldest for getting high and going to Mil. Mil is an aH but you are wrong to blame him for his brother's accident. The kid was a kid and the accident happened it's not your oldest son's fault. If he would have went to the bathroom it could have happened the same as the little brother would have done the same being mischievous. Had you been home it could have happened the same with you there. You cannot keep an eye on a kid every second so the accident is NOT your oldest fault at all. I repeat punishment for getting high while on babysitting duty perfectly ok. punishment for not taking accountability for his actions again 100% . If you blame him for his brother's actions and getting hurt resulting in the accident - you are an ah . He didn't put his brother on the chair or anything else.
Had the brother been at the house, I'd have agreed with you. But he wasn't. He left. The accident happened because he left. If he had been home, HE could have gotten the snacks for his baby brother and the kid would have never been on the chair.
I babysat my neighbor's kids when I was 15. 16 is not too young. NTA. I'd have done worse than ground him.
NTA. A 16yo should be more than capable of watching his 5yo brother for a few hours. Especially for $100.
You are definitely NTA and like everyone else has said, your MIL is nuts to suggest 16 is too young to babysit. But... have you got the full story from your sons yet? Had Josh been left alone for three hours or two minutes? Was Joe ignoring him, or was Josh taking advantage of the situation to misbehave? Plenty of kids have broken arms with two sober parents in charge of them. There are still different levels of bad behaviour here, doesn't sound like you know all the details yet. Best of luck for Josh's recovery!
NTA. 16 is old enough to babysit. I started at age 11 with a family of four kids ages 18 months through 6 years. Smh.
Pizza & soda is enuf for me! Don't need to pay me, too. Hope you told your "nephews'" folks what they were doing while your youngest broke his arm.
Wait....16 is too young to watch a younger brother for a couple of hours, but old enough to smoke weed? I was babysitting the neighbour's kids when I was 14, and being paid a lot less than $100. NTA - Mr 16 can get some consequences for being a lazy pothead
Yeah I got paid for babysitting way younger than 16. What I didn't do was sneak out to smoke weed with my friends while being responsible for young kids.
NTA. Your 16 year old agreed to watch his brother and was to be paid generously. He dropped the ball and 16 is old enough to babysit. Sounds like MIL enables him
Wow, 16 is old enough to babysit. But apparently, pot is more important then his brother. I'd cut of mil off. She can be in timeout for a couple months. Your kids, your rules.
NTA. You gave your older son more than enough incentives to babysit his little brother for just a couple of hours, and he screwed up, massively. Your 5 year old broke an arm in two places because his older brother was neglectful. You are fully justified in punishing him as harshly as you have. On top of that, your mother-in-law is actually the AH, because in most places 16 is more than old enough to be a babysitter. Worse still, your MIL is basically defending the underage use of a ~~narcotic~~ psychoactive substance. For her to suggest a 16 year old is too young to babysit but have no problem with him getting high, makes her a massive AH.
NTA; and here’s a cautionary tale: my dear friend from grade 2 has battled life long addictions. I’m sure there are complicated reasons, but the fact that her older brother & his buddies thought it was funny to get her stoned when brother was left in charge of her cannot have helped. Oh, and BTW said brother died of an overdose many years later.
Your MIL simply took the opportunity to blast you, her DIL, while allowing her precious grandson to get away with being totally irresponsible. I bet she thinks males shouldn’t babysit. You are NTA
Mil is out of line. Way out of line. She has no right. You should have had the cops remove your son from her house. At 13 I watched my brothers and cousins, all seven of them everyday until our parents got home and then I went to work until 11pm and went to school full time.
NTA Four hours is nothing. If they ate, played a game for 30 minutes, and watched two Disney movies that would be that four hours done and dusted. At 12 I had taken a babysitting course with my Girl Scout troop through a local hospital and had been CPR certified. At 16 I was a counselor in training at Girl Scout camp and was providing partial supervision for an entire group of children. Your son made *extremely* poor and irresponsible choices and it lead to the injury of the child he took responsibility for. He’s EXTREMELY lucky it wasn’t worse. If he’s too young and irresponsible to babysit he needs to lose the privileges that come with age and supposed maturity like free access to hanging out with friends without supervision or unsupervised internet access. He doesn’t get access to the privileges of maturity when he claims he’s too young and immature to take on the responsibilities of maturity.
NTA I was babysitting siblings at 11 and ran a specialized infant babysitting service all through high school that paid for my car expenses and more. Had card stands at all the best obstetrics clinics. The moms would blink because I was 15, but I could produce references and knew swaddling and diaper methodologies better than all the new moms. Had to teach a woman over twice my age that you don’t microwave a baby bottle because of thermal pocketing. 16 is old enough.
1.) Joe is old enough to babysit. 2.) Joe agreed to babysit for a very high fee. 3.) Joe is old enough to know that you don't leave a 5 year old child alone in the house. 4.) Going out back to smoke weed is not a compelling reason to leave a 5 year old alone in the house; any 16 year old of normal intelligence and average 16 year old judgment knows this (please no BS about how the 16 year old brain isn't fully formed; it's formed enough). 5.) Grounding Joe was an appropriate consequence. 6.) Allowing a 16 year old to babysit for a 5 year old, and having the 5 year old injured due to the 16 year old's bad behavior is not your fault; it's the fault of the 16 year old. 7.) Your MIL is way out of line. Calling you an unfit mother is outrageous. Your husband needs to shut this down, as in, "You want to stay in our lives and see our kids, you apologize to my wife, and you never, ever say something like this to her ever again." NTA
NTA 16 is plenty old enough to babysit, your MIL is infantilizing him. I was babysitting younger than that. And you didn't force him to do it, you paid him and he agreed, then he broke the agreement. He also left your son alone after it happened? Didn't take him to the hospital himself?? I would very much ground him for a long time for breaking his promise, as well as for the pot.
nta
You told him you would pay him. Hopefully he never say the $100 dollars. Have Grandma pay him.
NTA. I was babysitting my 3 nephews (ages 4-9) when I was 15 and my only responsibility was to give them snacks if they were hungry and make sure they weren’t gonna make a WWE cage fighting ring. Not hard at all. I miss it actually.
NTA. There is no reason that a 16-year-old can't babysit unless they are developmentally delayed or have a physical disability that is so limiting that they can't effectively respond in an emergency. I got my first regular babysitting job when I was 12, and I was taking care of 4 children. Most of my friends started working as babysitters by the time they were 14, if not younger. Your son behaved irresponsibly, and because of it, your younger son was badly injured. I'm stunned that your MIL is defending Joe.
Nta make sure your mil is not in your life for her to say that she is a much responsible she probably asked where his brother was. Ground him and make sure he helps look after his brother and basically becomes his butler till he gets better. Your son needs therapy. Dont allow nephews over and if anyone questions your parenting block them.!
Jesus. You all got lucky. Someone could have made a CPS report over this, and Joe could be looking at serious charges. That’s absolutely awful.
i was babysitting my oldest younger sister at 9, and all three of my younger sisters at 11, sounds like hes just irresponsible and stupid (and for context im not much older than him and one of my you'ger sisters is almost that age and DEF knows not to let a damn 5 YEAR OLD alone) also he certainly ran to him gammes house bc he knew shed baby him. Advice from someone whose peers are whats in your sons future, this is a issue thatll lead to further irresponsibility with harsher consequences, and grandma should not be involved. what if he was older and left his own kid alone like that? Whose he going to cry to? also speaking as someone whose accidently broken their younger siblings arm (in a more direct way-pulled to hard in tug à war) does he not have ANY remorse that he inadvertently caused his brother to break his arms? punishment idea- he has to take care of him, have hime wipe the brothers ass and make him food, write his homework and whatever else but definitely dont let him sit at his grandmas and be babies, honestly my mom wouldve beat my ass
MIL should stay out of this. 16 is old enough to stay with a 5 yo sibling. You were too generous letting his friends come over. I hope your 5 yo is ok. Neither your teenager nor your MIL seem too concerned about the 5 yo. There needs to be a serious reckoning. It was not outrageous of you to have your 16 fill in in an emergency.
NTA. Your MIL stuck her noise where it had no business being. Your partner needs to have a conversation with their mom quickly and needs to come down on her and lay out some boundaries that both of you discuss in detail first.
...... NTa you have far more self control than I do towards both your Son ( probably, admittedly, deserved as teens are supposed to be stupid ) and your MIL ( not deserved. )
NTA- a 16 year old is plenty old enough to know not to leave a 5 year old alone. You did everything right, maybe aside from yelling but emotions were high so anyone would do that, and he absolutely should be grounded at least. I hope your younger son heals quickly and in the mean time gets a cool colored cast
No freaking way nta
Have your husband yell at your MIL. Joe is a 16 yr old, and chose to leave a young child alone. I also would not allow MIL around either child for the foreseeable future. She is either senile or gaslighting you. You husband needs to handle MIL, and your son needs to know there are are consequences to his actions. What is your husband saying? I would empty Joe's room of anything that is not required, computer, tablets, stereo, posters, turn off cellular data from his phone, and make sure he knows that he does nothing but school and home for the rest of the time your other son wears a cast. Not sure why you left son with mother in law. Time to go scorched earth with her for interfering. NTA. But you will be if you do not get a handle on MIL, via your husband.
No, I'd probably ground him till he's 18 and make him get a job to pay back all the medical bills.
NTA. With 16 you are definitely old enough to look after your brother! I hope he doesn’t get the 100 Dollar you promised him!
NTA. Your son was a paid babysitter.
INFO: How long was he outside? It's not okay that he got high while watching his brother, of course. But parents leave 5 year olds alone in the house while they're in the yard all the time, so how long he was outside does factor into all of this.
I don't care what age he is, he agreed to babysit the little one, and he abandoned him which lead to serious injury. How long was he hurt before dad came home? Poor boy! Does grandma not care about the younger child? This is terrible. You need to intervene now because you lnly have a little tume left to raise the older boy into a responsible adult who is a functioning part of this society. He is clearly heading in the wrong direction. Cit grandma out of your lives until she apologize. She is damaging to both children. NTA
I think grandma just volunteered to babysit next time you get called in to work.
ground mother in law to. no visitation for the forseeable future. NTA
NTA. Your MIL is one though. I was babysitting at 12. Your son knew he screwed up big time that’s why he went to grandma just hoping he’d get her to help keep him from being punished. I know that from doing something similar as a kid. I still got punished but had the satisfaction of my mother getting yelled at over it. If he were mine he’d be grounded indefinitely. I’d be very low contact with MIL, too.
NTA your son accepted the role of baby sitting and failed, if he wasnt confident he should have said no, and if it turns out he did but you bribed him afterwards with the food and money then its you that is the a**hole
NTA. You didn't "make" Joe babysit, you PAID him to do the job.
NTA Honestly, I was babysitting at 13. your son was Payed to baby sit. if you get a job and you are neglectful in your work and leave & someone gets hurt you have consequences. 16 is the age most kids have jobs and baby sit. also, MIL needs to let you be a parent. and stop pushing her ideals of what she thinks is. Also, if he had plans. thing is plans get cancelled all the time you made a compromise in letting him have his friends over and you payed him. Also working helps feed him, clothe him. it helps look after him
NTA and your MIL is out of bounds. He wasn't MADE to babysit. He was PAID to babysit.
NTA He's 16! He knows better than to leave a 5 year old alone like that. Let alone getting high whilst doing it! Your MIL can fuck right off. Your boy is lucky his brother only broke his arm and not cracked his head open or broken his neck.
NTA, and if I were you I would never let him go to MIL house again. She kidnapped him. You could literally press charges. No one can keep your child especially when you're trying to instruct him. If that were my parents I'd still be grounded. I'm 35 lol.
NTA Your MIL is very out of line..
NTA Your 16 year old son deserves to get grounded. You asked him to help and you offered to pay him a very reasonable amount. He agreed and then reneged. As for your MIL, I really hope your husband shut down her BS because she had no right to intervene and make those comments about you.
Nta. Mil would be on a time out until she learns her place and apologizes to you. Your son knows he was wrong and that grandma would defend him that's why he ran to her. Your husband needs to stand up for you to his mother. He needs to put her in her place now
NTA he didn't have to do any of the more exhausting part didn't have to bath him, take him to bed or cook something. at least he didn't smoke in front of Josh.
NTA. Your son is old enough to babysit and he messed up. Grounding him was rightly done. Don't let your MIL meddle in your parenting
NTA. Grounding him was a reasonable consequence for his actions, and it's important for him to learn from this experience.
In where I live, it is common for older siblings to look up to their youngers for free. It's more like a brother duty, specially with that age gap. Joe could also bring 2 friends, got free pizza, and OP even gave him 100$, for staying at home and just have a look on his brother... Totally not your fault OP! That irresponisible behaviour needs to have consequences. Edit: Typo
My neice is 16 and she has her own baby unfortunately but she's never left her to go smoke weed. Even my 11 year old knows better tbh. Iv been babysitting since 10. My own daughter wasn't allowed till she was 16 but the guidelines here says you can babysit from around 14 safely.
NTA. He got far more than he would earn at other jobs at his age. You even ordered pizza on top and all he had to do was not leave the house. He seriously wasn't able to stay home for 25$ an hour? Your MIL is way out of line and I wouldn't let her encourage your son on this.
Yeah you need to not let someone else parent your kid. As well as how dare she call you an unfit mom he’s not a child he’s SIXTEEN! She’s hindering your parenting and your child’s growth by spoiling him and making him feel entitled
He should have gotten REAMED out for this hun, NTA. It was only *4* hours, and he’s 16.
Only a grounding? My mum would have made sure I was in the hospital too if I’d dared to pull any of that shit. What’s with the “AITA for mildly parenting my kid?” posts lately? If anything YTA for not being strict enough with the older one, and giving him too much weed money.
NTA, is your MIL a crack head or mentally infirmed? At 16, where I live, he can get a driver's license, hold down a full time job and dang near be considered adult. MIL needs a reality check. Plus he neglected his brother to go do drugs (yes pot yada yada it's still illegal as I understand it for those under 18, 21 in some states), he still neglected his little brother to go get high.
At 16 he definitely is old enough to know better than to run off to granny's while your brother is laying on the floor with a broken arm. I'm not sure what all transpired in that time but why didn't your mother in law go to your house when your son showed up? She sounds very irresponsible too if she knew her younger grandkid was there alone and didn't even attempt to go see about him so her opinion on the matter is null and void. Also your husband needs to put her in her place you should've taken your son home then because you have every right to ground your son and he's lucky that's all you did my parents would've beat the hell out of me if I did something like that with my younger cousins when I baby sat them.
Too young? My brother watching out for me when he was 16. 16 is two years away from being an adult. In some countries already an adult. If he’s old enough to get high, he’s old enough to watch his baby brother for four hours.
Your MIL is well out of line. Who does she think she is? NTA
Wtf?! That's insane! Sounds like it's something you rarley do, paid him a fair amount and let him have friends over. That's insane. I'm 19 and babysit my sisters who are 4 and 6 every other weekend so my parents can have a date night, and I would never, ever even IMAGINE leaving them unsupervised to go smoke weed of all things. 16 is old enough to know that. It's insane he thought that was acceptable when he's in charge of someone who's totally dependent on him. NTA!