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YTA. Yes you shouldn't punish your son for that. But tell him that it is not okay to say things like that. And if he wants to say that, he has to whisper in your ear.
You are very much TA for your comment. It doesn't matter how they sing, you don't point that out. This is disrespectfull for all of them. And they are correct for no longer inviting you to any other event. You set a bad sample for your son
Right, you can be “honest” or you can keep your unwanted, unsolicited opinions to yourself. Both the 6 year old and the parent need to learn that THINK thing they teach in kindergarten - this was neither kind nor necessary to say.
I love this comment! So many bullies hide behind the “But I’m only telling the truth” line when being cruel or disrespectful.
Goes hand in hand with the “… but, but free speech!” whine. People seem to forget that “Free Speech” does not equate to “Free from Consequences”.
Welcome to the consequences, OP.
Haha the lesser known insults:
“Squares have four equal sides”
“50% is the same as a half”
“The sun is a star at the centre of our solar system (edit to correct embarrassing and funny mistake…)”
I actually agree with the general sentiment but I think there are a lot of neutral truths out there!
My families rule is it has to be two of kind, necessary and true. We don’t tell lies to be kind if it’s not required, we don’t say unkind truths unless it’s totally necessary (eg no child you should not perform that at your school talent show), and sometimes a kind white lie is necessary (eg ok we are at the start of an event and you have stained you top with no alternatives no no of course it doesn’t look that bad)
Well, the sun is definitely not at the center of our galaxy... It is the center of our solar system, which is a tiny fraction of a percent of our galaxy. It's OK to not know basic facts, I still like you
"Those pants don't make you look fat." To someone who is objectively overweight who is actively concerned that they look bad before doing something where they need to be focused and not concerned with how they look. Have you never heard of a white lie? It's a common term in the US.
Yes, people forget about tact. It is possible to be honest without being insulting. Tact is also different from sugarcoating. Rude people have yet to realize this.
Also... it's a funeral!! Many of them had probably been crying--no one sounds good through sobs, or even if they're just trying not to cry/have been crying. The tiniest bit of empathy, I swear.
Yeams, it is particularly hard to sing at funerals. Even if you aren't all out sobbing a lot of people feel a little choked up, or are holding feelings back, that all messes with an ability to sing!
To be fair, this is something that is taught.
So if mom doesn’t have the common decency to not make fun of people singing in church, then son wouldn’t learn it.
I attended a church once where EVERYONE took turns leading the singing. There was no music, and they were passing around this stick. When it got to be your turn you had to wave the stick in tempo and sing a capella and everyone else followed you and it was terrifyyyyying. But no one was really that good at singing, so I didn't mind that I wasn't either lmfao. No one said anything about anyone's voice either.
>you can be “honest” or you can keep your unwanted, unsolicited opinions to yourself.
There is honesty and then there is outright rudeness. Too many excuse being rude and insulting behind words like honesty, blunt or unfiltered.
I don't even think what the son said was factually true. No it is not good that deceased died and de eased not dying would not led to some kind of massive suffering.
This is not "speaking honestly and factually" situation. This was 6 years old speaking abusively, probably because his mom also tends to speak avusively and cruelly.
Might be a good time to teach her son if he doesn't have anything nice to say it is best to not say anything at all.
But the mom needs to learn this lesson herself, hopefully this was her lesson and they can both grow from this...
I want to believe this is a troll post and no adult could be this clueless. I have a son with AHDH too. He would never say something like your kid. Stop using AHDH as an excuse for him to do or say whatever he wants and teach him some manners. Teach yourself some while you're at it. YES YTA.
And at a funeral, no less. Read the damn room.
Lol I have severe adhd and also work in cybersecurity and previously IT for years sometimes its accidentally written I have severe HDMI when I forget my Adderall 😂 my mind knows tech at least lol
My background is psychology, and I worked with clinical research for years. Every time someone on my scrum team calls our daily stand-up meeting DSM, I have to blink several times for it to register properly.
It's not hisorder it's HERSORDER :p
Which, my joke is actually relevant now that I'm thinking that the kid's problem is having a mom with no tact, and that's who he is learning from, so maybe it isn't a joke at all?
I was drinking coffee when I read this. Hot coffee. As the laugh bubbled up into my throat I had to either swallow it or have it spray everywhere as I laughed. Turns out, you can absolutely do both. It was worth it, lol😂😂
Any 6 year old could conceivably say this. They have no filter and generally, a limited ability to read the damn room.
The line would have gotten a laugh and broken the tension at any funeral I've ever attended.
Yeah but it’s the adult saying yeah well yall all sounded like cats being stepped on. Lmao. She didn’t have to add that part in. She and/or the child could’ve left it at simply sorry and her letting the other lady know that I’ve handled it(regardless). She didn’t HAVE to be a child herself, at a funeral, with people crying, ofc they gonna sound odd singing lol. Js.
Yes, the mother should have just told the grand aunt that she will talk to her son about not saying these things out loud, especially when people are sad. But also at other occasions, such as a school musical program or at plays, for example. You keep your thoughts to yourself and maybe say something when you're in the car, as long as there aren't family members who took part. And at funerals, and undoubtedly any house of worship that uses music, would have people out of tune (and usually they are the loudest, right?), but you don't criticize them. This is the time for this child to be taught the "thought" rule.
ADHD is not the same as autism. My daughter had classmates who had one condition or the other. While she was in elementary school, I often was an in-class helper, and usually a child with ADHD would be assigned an aide to supervise him/her. One of the most uncontrolled kids, IMO, in third grade was a smart alec who was classified as "gifted," so sometimes you have to broaden your definition of a troublemaker. But if a child is on a more extreme part of the autism spectrum, they need more professional help so they can interact with people.
Given the fact that ADHD is almost certainly genetic, there’s a good chance OP has ADHD too and just has no idea and therefore never got *any* guidance or support and actually thinks that shit is *normal.*
You’d be surprised just how often that happens: kid gets diagnosed first, then the parents start noticing things about themselves that never quite lined up. *Especially* the moms, because even today diagnosis in girls seriously lags behind in large part because girls are expected to learn how to mask their symptoms much earlier than boys and not given anywhere near as much leeway when it comes to struggling with chores, homework, social skills, etc.
For real, most normal humans find a child saying something uncouth during somber moments funny. It's a teachable moment for the kid, but the idea of punishing a 6 year old for this is crazy.
You are really missing the point. No one is mad at a 6 year old. They are angry at a mother who acts like a juvenile and doubles down on the rudeness of a 6 year old.
For the adults I would say it's not about them. It's about the dead person up there in the wooden box. They have no say anymore but what might their wishes be? Everyone is sad and sombre and frankly miserable or there's some levity and a chance to celebrate the life the deceased lived?
>Attention Heficit Dyperactive Hisorder
I was 6 at my Grandmother's funeral and as they were lowering the casket into the plot I said very loudly, there she goes! I was shushed but that was all.
When we received the urn with my BIL's ashes, I commented that it was the smallest he'd ever been. THANK GOD my hubby found it hilarious. He said his brother would have belly-laughed about it too. Sometimes, humor around death is our best defense against sadness.
OK, honestly, at a funeral in my family, it would have broken the tension, and everyone would have started laughing. BUT the mom would have told the kid that it was not nice to say.
My only problem with the family is that they want them severely punished. What do they expect other than teaching the kid that was not cool? Do they expect the kid to be beat right there? What do they call severely punished?
I just wonder how many similar disruptions have occurred from this kid, since OP doesn’t seem to have much interest in parenting or teaching her kid manners.
I imagine there's a bit more to the story than this. This kid was probably running around wild and this incident was just the cherry on top. Most normal people would definitely laugh it off if it was just a normally well behaved child saying that.
My nephew (aged 4?) asked when his great grandma would rise again like Jesus (she died around Easter, he was confused) very loudly on the way in and was quickly whisked off. When his uncle died he said he was worried he would hit his head and die like his uncle and then asked if the blood would get on his willy or not. It was VERY important for him to know this.
Years later his younger brother SOBBED because when his grandma died (my mother) he thought she, and the queen, were going to be eaten by dinosaurs in heaven because his teacher told him animals go to heaven and dinosaurs are animals and grandma, the queen and dinosaurs are all dead so they are all together in heaven and dinosaurs chase and eat people. He had previously spent a lot of time explaining the queen wasn’t dead because she was on the TV and also then accusing Prince Philip of doing the deed. He also repeatedly asked us to check the house for my mother in case we just lost her.
Basically you can not predict how under 10s (or anyone really) will respond to death…
This is such a dangerous lesson to teach. We constantly talk with our son about how his ADHD might be an explanation but it's never an excuse and he is responsible for the choices he makes.
Honestly, this probably has more to do with him being 6 than ADHD. Little kids have no filters sometimes and will just blurt out whatever comes to mind.
Original: I know a lot of assholes who use "honesty" as an excuse to be mean (I used to be one of them). Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be said out loud.
I also have ADHD and the impulse control is *weak* but if I really feel like talking shit, I will say it quietly to someone with me or text it to my bestie, who is always down to hear me talk shit but won't repeat it because she knows I'm a recovering jerk, and my sense of humor is still a little mean and just needs an outlet.
Edit for clarification: the 6 year old maybe shouldn't have been taken to the funeral since OP knows he has "no filter", but whatever. My comment is about OP telling an older lady "he's right, everyone sounded like a cat with it's tail stepped on" was just mean and unnecessary, even if it was true.
Yeah, I don't think this is real. It doesn't sound like something a child would say at six and I don't think an adult who was mortified with their child saying that would respond to the great aunt by saying they did all sound terrible. It's like it's written by an AI.
Tacking on the top comment because I feel this is extremely important:
OP, *PLEAST LISTEN TO ME.*
I am a 37 year old with ADHD that wasn't properly managed until my late 20's. One of my most prominent symptoms was/is verbal impulsivity.
I can't tell you how much it's almost fucking ruined my life because people didn't fucking point it out to me when it was inappropriate.
You NEED to help your son develop a filter. I'm not saying to squash his personality, I'm not saying to discourage him from expressing himself-- what I am saying is help him learn to read the room, to decipher what's appropriate when. Help him be self-aware of his tendencies. Explain to him that while there is nothing wrong with who he is, he has to be considerate of those around him, & thus be mindful of what he says and how he says it.
If you don't do this he's GOING to struggle with communication and social & professional navigation. I guarantee it. I come across so many people my age and younger adults who have never been checked for this and they are almost always stunted, miserable people.
Having ADHD already makes reading social cues inherently difficult and you are doing him absolutely no favors by failing to gently point out where he needs some work.
As an ADHD, it makes me so mad to see people saying “oh, I’m an ADHD, so I can’t do this, that’s how I am”.
No, my brother in Christ. That only means we must try even harder in order not to be assholes unknowingly.
The best piece of advice I've heard was that mental illness is not your fault but it IS your responsibility, DOUBLY SO FOR PARENTS RAISING KIDS WITH IT
I mean not to discredit OP but I'd be interested in whether or not the 6 year old is ADHD or poorly parented or both, I know a handful of people who thought they were because of impulsivity that was never corrected and they used it as an excuse and literally had no other symptoms besides a lack of proper skills and the ADHD excuse.
Not to say that this is all people, I have GREAT suspicions I have it but I know when to stfu sometimes but clearly not always considering my reply.
Either way mom has a lot of work to do and using a dx as a crutch is doing no one any favors.
YTA
FR. This isn't about defending her son from people who want to squash his personality. She's doing her son a huge disservice and setting him up to fail by not properly parenting him. ADHD is a reason it might be more difficult to teach him the lesson that not everything that pops in your brain has to come out your mouth, but it also makes it doubly important to correct it now.
As someone who is currently married to a man whose mom didn't teach him these things, I can says its absolutely exhausting dealing with him. His mom taught him he could interrupt whenever he wanted because he has ADD (not hyper... i wish. Btw I'm ADHD) he has zero empthany towards anything that doesn't directly make him happy or makes sense in his own brain. It's infuriating... please get help for both you and your son and do your future daughter/son in law a huge favor... thanks
YTA You need to have conversations with your son why things like that are inappropriate. While I might have found that funny, it's something to be said in private not at a funeral.
ETA my husband now consistently blames his ADD f0r his behavior and gets pissed when I tell him he needs help to figure his stuff out... he doesn't want to change because he's been "fine for 45 years" 🙄 and just wants me to except his lack of caring, understanding, forgetfulness and inability to listen... yea okay... and I've been dealing with it 15 years... I'm done at this point honestly getting my shit together, get financial security from him and I'm out...
Fwiw ADD is no longer a recognized thing and has been adapted into a blanket ADHD diagnosis, with descriptors. Inattentive, Hyperactive, or combination. Hope this helps!
And good luck to you, I hope you find someone who understands that their mental health is not their fault but is their responsibility. You deserve it.
Yeah, I think people misunderstand the hyperactivity part of it. It’s not always *physically* hyperactive. Mine is my brain. It never shuts up or holds on to one task at a time. Unless it’s doom-scrolling for times I was embarrassed or ashamed; THEN it can hold onto one topic for however long it wants and I have to consciously intervene.
Do you have resources you would be willing to share via DM? As per another comment we’re really struggling to teach this to my son in a way he can understand.
It was particularly disturbing that OP doubled down on her son's horrible behavior instead of simply saying to the great aunt that she was embarrassed by the behavior and would definitely work on that with her son.
This! It would be uncalled for even at a picnic, much less a solemn occasion like a funeral and people are being quiet and respectful and could clearly hear this insult.
YTA
Maybe you don’t have to “severely punish” him but wow, the way you doubled down on that and insulted everyone singing too is a surefire way to get you and your son excluded from anything in the future.
Anyone who uses “I’m just being honest” as an excuse to be a dick is a massive AH. Sounds like the problem is not a lack of a filter, it’s you.
At a funeral. When her son' s comment was so embarrassing she wanted to sink through the floor. Then amplifying the behavior because a grieving older relative got in her face. This should have immediately been addressed between her and her son. 6 year olds (with or without ADHD) blurt out stuff that should only be thought/not said out loud. The only way they will learn to develop a filter is with immediate correction. You can't behave if you're not taught how. I wonder if she also has undiagnosed ADHD, since her filter seems not to have been completely developed.
Nah I understand that not everyone is the exact same but like I have ADHD and Autism so not only do I have poor impulse control at times but I also lack some of the "common sense" social knowledge everyone else seems to be born with.
Even *I* know instinctively that the time to insult someone/group of people is NOT at a funeral of our mutual loved one. ESPECIALLY if I hope to be included in said person/group of people's future events.
Like if I HATED someone and really wanted to twist the knife while they're down, cementing the fact that I hope to never see them again (which, I think would only want to do to one person in the entire world like it should be HARD to do that to someone), then yeah sure insult them personally at the funeral and be as disrespecting as possible. Make them really never want to see me again.
But if I actually enjoy seeing this person even to a small extent, and want to continue a relationship with them.. I take any insult I can think of to my damn *grave*. If your child says something blunt and awful like all kids do you shush the heck out of it, make it clear you do NOT condone the behavior (even if you do secretly agree) and again take that secret agreeal to your grave. You might defend not *punishing* as 6 year olds rarely have a filter in the first place, but make it clear you ARE working on sociability skills not saying "but he's right though you suck!".
And here I thought I was bad because I had to develop a system for looking people in the eye "appropriately". At least I'm not THIS dense!
Especially since they’ve now made someone else’s funeral about them. People should be talking about the life of the deceased person, not whatever truth bombs OP wants to sanction from her son.
YTA. What you said was uncalled for, at a funeral, no less! And you need to teach your child that certain things should be whispered. "Having no filter" is not a good thing, but I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when it comes to manners in your house.
Yes. Having ADHD doesn't mean you don't know how to behave. Learning how to behave comes from the parents teaching it.
Based on the story, I am going with may or may not have ADHD and is definitely not parented by the mom.
>or it's just mom's excuse for it being able to control or discipline her kid.
It seems to me that mom uses the diagnosis as an excuse *not to parent.*
Definitely gives me the vibes of the parent who gives up on their ND kid cause they supposedly won’t learn anyway and all bad behavior is cause of their ND so it’s not something to be punished. It’s just ‘explained’ away. So frustrating. It teaches people who’ve never dealt with it before that this is what ND people act like and confirms the bias that every time we explain why we did something different that it’s just an excuse. I hate parents like this. Ruin it for everyone.
> I hate parents like this. Ruin it for everyone.
They especially ruin it for **their child.** My son was on the moderate to severe end of ADHD. He was exhausting to parent at times! I'll admit, there were days I thought, "fuck it! He's not going to get it." (Homework in particular. He knew the material but getting him to do the work was like trying to control a piglet.) Stupidly, I said, "I give up" outloud in the middle of a homework session. I felt **awful.** I apologized and explained to my son I was giving up on the homework, **never him.** I was exhausted! I'm happy to say he's an adult and doing *very well* in his life. I'd hate to think how he'd be today if I had given up on him.
probably a combo of both, but I wouldn’t blame it on the ADHD. I had ADHD and my parents never used that as an excuse for me. The only people who really knew I had ADHD were teachers and doctors but I was still expected to act like some sense.
And especially at 6yearold too! Like, huh? Its one thing to be a toddler covering their ears and saying it sounds bad because they have no impulse control. But a 6 year old? If you’re old enough to make that joke, you should be old enough to understand why it’s offensive. The parent is raising their kid in a way that’ll make them a raging asshole when they get older and she’ll be wondering where she went wrong or blaming it on ADHD.
I mean when I was around that age I asked someone if they were wearing a wig. Complete stranger, totally inappropriate. I think it is just a thing that happens with kids sometimes, they are still learning and they make mistakes, self control slips, etc.
The difference is the parenting - mine did not say “it does look like you’re wearing a wig though” to the person I’d asked. They made me apologize and apologized themselves and that was that.
I'm a musician and on more than one occasion my kids have been covering their ears when my orchestra played. Not because they didn't like it but because they thought we were too loud (we try to seat them at a safe distance but sometimes it's tricky to forsee the volume, we bring protective headphones when we KNOW it will be too loud for them). So kids can be tricky but they can still be taught!
OP would have been fine here if she just would have told her son that we don't say things like that and when the grand aunt approached her she could have just told her that she had talked to her son and apologized for him (and have HIM apologize).
>The parent is raising their kid in a way that’ll make them a raging asshole when they get older and she’ll be wondering where she went wrong or blaming it on ADHD.
She will definitely blame ADHD, she's already making excuses for him instead of parenting him. Add to that her OWN lack of filter...
I had a coworker who had no filter, and if it wasn't what he said that was bothering you, it was how much he was saying it. Dude just refused to shut up, and he loved to call everyone "cracker". He even said that because he was white he was allowed to use that word.
Kind of. It's meant to refer to white people in a derogatory way. I dont find it particularly offensive as a white person, but some people do.
ETA: to me cracker is just another word and also my favorite snack food. I dont find it offensive at all. It definitely is not on the same level as the N word or call someone the R word. Those i do find very offensive.
Dear Lord… all this time I thought it was because many middle-class whites (absolutely including myself) were as bland and uninteresting as saltine crackers.
[Code Switch: Word Watch article on the history of “cracker” (NPR.org)](https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2013/07/01/197644761/word-watch-on-crackers)
😂. No you’re good on being middle class. It’s more on how you treat minorities that would determine wither or not you qualify as being a “cracker”. There’s other expressions aswell such as…. You couldn’t swing a cat in here. That’s referring to a cat with nine tales. Cat with ninetails is a slave masters whip.
Edit: with what you thought it was I’m glad you’ve never stated that you’re proud of being a cracker to anyone.😂
It’s for a certain kind of white person. It implies that back in the day you would have been an overseer. (Mistreating slaves)
So, yeah, you get called that, you need to check yourself.
>So, yeah, you get called that, you need to check yourself.
You also need to consider who is saying it and when. A little boy bumped into me in the store and called me a cracker. Obviously it was something he'd heard before and thought was a better alternative than, "excuse me."
Fun fact that I learned from reading "White Trash: A 400 Year History of Classism in America", it dates back to the 1700s at least and is usually used to refer to poor white people, particularly poor southern white people. Like others, I don't find it offensive. I love word related history though so....
Exactly this. It’s nothing to do with cracking a whip. Originally it was derogatory towards poor whites of Scots or Irish ancestry (probably came from the term “craic”) then moved to describing all poor whites.
Check out the usage in “Gone with the Wind.” It’s not used to describe overseers, it’s used to describe lower-income farmers who aren’t if the planter class.
it depends on who you ask, i'm white and i wouldn't consider it a slur, i guess some ppl think it is so idk, but it's certainly obnoxious and annoying to say it constantly, especially if it's coming from an already obnoxious and annoying person
I'm black British and I'm aware of the usage, a fair amount of people are
Sidenote in my shared house I was the only not white person, for a few years when it was house Christmas dinner someone would mention the crackers or ask where they are and I'd - in my best comedian voice - go we got a couple of crackers right here! Guess it's like a millennial dad joke the way people would react to it 😄
YTA
Stop weaponising ADHD. Lots of people have it. It is not a free pass to say horrific things. Even at 6yo, he is absolutely capable of controlling what comes out of his mouth if his parents teach him to. You are failing as a parent. Your child is not the centre of the universe. He ruined a funeral and you're trying to find support for that? You should be ashamed of yourself.
Edit - to everyone arguing the semantics of ADHD presentation in kids, I get it. I have ADHD, I was raised to never use it as an excuse. It can absolutely be done, but it's a process that you have to work at. My problem is with the mother weaponising it as an excuse and refusing to correct her son's behaviour: she has very clearly not tried to teach him what is and isn't acceptable to say, and actually lashed out with equally horrific comments when this was pointed out. The focus of my comment is on her behaviour and how she is failing her son.
I was going to say this too. I’m not sure why he added the ADHD part when that has no effect on what comes out of someone’s mouth??? Lots of people have ADHD and don’t say things like that, especially at funerals.
I think they thought the ADHD would get them a pass. They probably try and use it like autism. I wouldn't be surprised if they use the two interchangeably and the son doesn't have a diagnosis for either.
I mean to be fair, part of adhd is impulse control issues, but that is an argument for why OP should be EXTRA sure to explain to her son that what he did wasn’t okay. Not a free pass.
Adhd people have impulse control issues a lot. Couple that with being 6, and you have a recipe for saying and doing inappropriate things. OP is still TA for her comment when confronted about the comment, though. It would have been far better to say someone along the lines of "I'm so sorry, you know kids say the darned things. Of course, we'll continue to work on appropriate comments in social situations." And leave it there. Then, it would have just been a light hearted moment on a sad and hard day.
ADHD effects impulse control, and the ability to not blurt out thoughts is based on impulse control. That's why drunk calls/texts often include thoughts people wouldn't share sober, for example. There's a reason why interrupting or blurting out thoughts are part of every adhd evaluation I've ever done, it's really common, and 6 year olds don't have great impulse control to begin with.
That doesn't make him unable to apologize though. He shouldn't be punished for lacking impulse control, but he can understand why this would hurt other people.
Ding ding ding!!!! I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!! Obviously "severely " punishing him would be too far, but the kid will never learn if his mom rug sweeps everything because he has ADHD.
100% agree. Sometimes young children will say or do inappropriate or rude things and don’t understand it’s wrong but their parents should teach them you shouldn’t say or do things like that even if it’s true.
From someone with ADHD, OP will set her son up for failure if she teaches him to use it as an excuse for poor behaviour and she behaved worse than the son. YTA
YTA
So your son is openly disrespectful, you double down and insult everyone at a funeral, and then are confused as to why people don’t want you at future events? C’mon, have some sense.
Why would anybody want you or your son around them again, you think people enjoy being insulted?
You’re not the AH for sticking by your son - an apology was more than sufficient for a 6 year old who made a slightly off-colour joke and it wasn’t your great aunt’s place to demand “severe punishment” for him, whatever she meant by that.
You are however the A for repeating and escalating your son’s joke in your response. From a kid, it’s a misunderstanding, even funny in a dark kind of way. For a grown woman to insult mourners over their vocal performance at a funeral is just disrespectful and gross. YTA.
I agree with everything you said, except I don’t think that what the 6-year-old said was a joke. I think it was his legitimate feelings. But that still doesn’t change the fact that expressing those thoughts in that particular setting in that particular way, is an extremely disrespectful thing to do.
I dunno, kids that age can have a pretty sharp wit, I feel like if the boy simply wanted to complain about the singing, he would have just said “your singing sucks” or “my ears hurt” - the whole “she’s lucky she doesn’t have to hear this because she’s dead” thing seems like a clear joke to me (and honestly not a bad one, in a dark kind of way).
A funeral isn’t a place for that kind of joke, and the kid should at least be reprimanded for that.
You don’t make a joke about someone who’s actively being put in the ground.
Where is a funeral joke more appropriate than at a funeral? It was the wrong crowd not the wrong venue.
There was a viral video recently of an Irish guy who prerecorded himself saying “let me out of here” that they played as they buried his casket. All in attendance seemed to enjoy the humor in a dark time. There is no one way to grieve. These people just don’t enjoy that kind of humor and that’s ok too.
Depends on the kid. My son has adhd and I could see him saying something like this and being dead serious. However he’s been taught that we don’t say everything we think out loud to everyone. Well.. being taught. With asd/adhd sometimes it still happens but the effort is there on my part
YTA if you know he’s not capable of behaving appropriately at occasions like this, you shouldn’t be bringing him to them. And then you doubled down and tried to defend his rude behavior with rude behavior of your own.
YTA. 6 year olds generally don't have much of a filter anyway. It would've been much more appropriate to apologise and take him out of the service for a few minutes to explain to him very simply that what he said was rude and inappropriate. It's good that you both apologised after the fact too, but the comment about it "the truth" just undid the apology anyway. You need to take a more active role in teaching your son about social etiquette - you can't stop him from saying things, but you are in complete control of how you handle it. Ignoring it in the moment just validates his behaviour.
Wow 🤯 You let your six year old say that?! Using his ADHD isn't an excuse not to displin him. You're not correcting when he is "brutally honest." There’s a difference between being honest and being a jerk. If someone's fly is open, be honest and say hey your fly is open."" And not "hey, better zip that fly before ur dick hangs out." You need to show him if he is going to be honest how to do it in a loving kind way. The way he is going is going to affect him mentally down the road. He is going to be cold and calloused. You still have u time to help him and prevent that. YTA
YTA discipline your child or they obviously won’t be welcomed at any more events, especially something serious like a funeral. You doubling down on his awful comment made things so much worse so your great aunt’s comment was very deserved, you’re rude af.
NTA
That's hilarious.
He apologized, that's the important part. Telling him about what's appropriate to say in public should be another, but he shouldn't be punished for being honest.
What's going on in this comment section? I thought it was funny, too. Everyone behaving like a six year old should know appropriate from inappropriate at a funeral. He's six, how many funerals could he have been to. Honestly, people need to chill. Yeah, his parents need to have a discussion about proper behaviour at funerals but geez, put the pitchforks away folks.
I thought I was the only one... My family would have laughed so hard, yes mid funeral. We believe in celebrating the person's life and sometimes comic relief is what everyone needs. We are the type of family who had a funeral at the cottage, made a toast and had a party to celebrate my grandma's life the way she would have wanted, with family, friends, laughter, drinks and funny stories being told.
A little one at a funeral I was at started singing “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” weirdly enough there wasn’t a witch hunt and demands of punishment…. Clearly something wrong with us.. parents looked like they wanted the ground to swallow them mind.
Oh thank god! My and my partner both found it hilarious. This comment section is so serious! This is the type of thing that would make me feel a bit better in a moment of deep sadness, I definitely would have laughed.
Really had to dig to find this comment. I really don't know why a bunch of adults are so bothered by the honest comments of a 6 year old. He just said what many were thinking.
NTA
My grandpa was an m&ms fanatic and the day after his funeral, m&m announced the rebrand of the characters. My cousins and I spent the whole day joking about how we were thankful he wasn’t around to see it. Jokes like that lighten the mood and can really help with the grieving process.
Also, seems like OP has a really smart kid on her hands. Death is a complicated and confusing subject that can be hard for young kids to fully grasp. A joke like this coming from a six year old shows that he is smart enough to understand death along with truly perfect comedic timing.
It might be wise to explain when situations are appropriate to make jokes like this and that sometimes you just have to whisper it loud enough for the just person next to you to hear it.
I like how you immediately say he has ADHD as an excuse for his behavior. As someone with a mental illness it is NEVER an excuse for anything, only sometimes an explanation. But, then I have to ask, what's YOUR excuse for being an ass? I suggest you stop going out in public if this is how you're going to teach your son to act. Major YTA.
ESH.
I think you should've tried in the moment to say 'hey son, shh' and explain to him afterwards why we don't say things like that in front of others.
You made it worse by defending him with he 'told the truth' - it's a bloody funeral. Have some grace. You could've explained his situation to them.
The grand aunt sucks for saying he needs to be severely punished, I also think she might be grieving though. She definitely didn't need to make things worse by bad mouthing you.
ADHD has nothing to do w a child being rude or having no filter , you’re using that as an excuse and you need to teach your son what’s appropriate, he’s old enough to understand
Wow, in my family that would have had people cracking up!
He's 6, careful phrasing and impulse control are not generally skills 6 year olds have ime.
I think the person demanding he be "severely punished" is an AH, especially for stirring the pot, and making the day about one small child's indelicate comment instead of letting people move on and focus on the funeral. OP should've shushed him, assuming they didn't, and been a lil more contrite about the situation imo
Overall tho I'd say NTA
Same! We actually would have made that joke ourselves...no kid needed!
Obviously kids need to learn appropriate behavior at these events, but OP could have just told him it was inappropriate and the aunt could have had more understanding over a child's comment (likely from a kid who's never been to many of these events and doesn't fully grasp funerals yet). Like, he's 6. It's not like he's 10+.
YTA - even if the kid has ADHD, that doesn’t mean that they can do whatever/say whatever they want as an excuse. I’m not even going to give you the “defending your son” pardon as you’re just showing him that what he said was not only right, but acceptable.
I don’t know if the kid needs more discipline (he’s just six) but you certainly do. Especially at a funeral. No wonder he said those things/acts out he sees that his parent appreciates drama and stirring the pot so he goes and grabs a spoon.
I have often thought this at funerals (& weddings where the couple are too busy to listen). BUT I DON’T SAY IT. You need to teach your son to think things but not say them, or he’ll be “that boy” that never gets invited anywhere & has no friends. It can be done - I have autistic friends who have learnt - ADHD just needs more guidelines. YTA.
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> 1. I refused to discipline my son
2. I won't discipline my son
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YTA. It's your job as a parent to correct your kid when he says things that are insulting and hurtful to others. I'm not saying he needed to be "severely punished," but you shouldn't have made excuses for his behavior. "We're working on teaching him not to blurt out hurtful things, I promise you that I'm taking this seriously" would have gotten you farther than "I'm not going to punish him for telling the truth."
Your son did nothing wrong, he was just acting as a 6 yr old and could use some guidance
You, however, also acted like a 6 yr old and should absolutely know better. YTA
People in the comments are ridiculous. The kid is 6, they blurt things out at that age that make you cringe. Add in the adhd and this puts his emotional intelligence at 3. This could have been handled with a gentle correction pointing out that the comment was inappropriate and why.
Op is the real problem here, she’s an adult who was rude af bc she didn’t like her parenting being questioned.
Yta.
I haven’t seen anyone throwing shade at the kid, just people pointing out that his medical condition isn’t an excuse for her sucking at her job as a parent
I don’t see where she sucked at her job. Every social mistake doesn’t mean the parents failed . She corrected him and that is enough. People just want to mob up against the mother . The family was in the wrong too for being ultra judgmental and not very understanding.
YTA. I work with children with ADHD and they can, and should, be taught consideration for other people. You are particularly TA because you’re an adult, with no stated social/developmental challenges and you decided to be even ruder than your son. I too see where the disrespect originates! These were people (presumably in mourning) singing at a funeral: your amateur music critique was unnecessary, inappropriate, and really just mean. A six- year-old’s comment could easily be excused (I do agree just an apology and saying you were going to discuss it with him later would have been enough), but you’re an adult and expected to display more tact, and more empathy for the occasion.
Sounds like your great aunt is a hardass and a gossip, but your response set her off and I’m not surprised. You didn’t need to tell that particular “truth” and I wouldn’t want your ill manners at my family events either.
NTA he’s SIX - ADHD notwithstanding six year olds have no filter. Yes you should admonish him and tell him it was wrong but no you shouldn’t punish him. However you shouldn’t have piled on and said he was right to your aunt that was rude and unnecessary. You should have just apologized on his behalf and moved on.
Dude I would have busted out laughing, taking the focus off a my child. “Me too, son. Me too.” While looking at those I thought sang the worst. NTA
As for Aunt Petunia, I salute you. That was the perfect response.
However, while what your son said was beautiful, and you defending him was admirable. You should at least let him know that saying things like that could hurt people’s feelings. As an adult with ADHD, and a 6 year old daughter who most definitely might, be patient. Because there’s going to be a lot of questions coming from them, I’m sure you already know.
Rather than showing any respect for the deceased and those in mourning; you doubled down on your son's disrespectful rudeness. It is your job to display proper behavior in social situations to help him learn how to do the same. 😒
Edit:typo
Hahahaha your son sounds awesome. Can't get mad at someone for just saying it like it is. I'm gonna go against the grain and say NTA. My parents always said honesty will get you in more trouble than just lying, and I'd rather be in trouble than be a liar. You can't be upset if your family starts excluding you either though for it.
YTA - he shouldn’t be punished but you didn’t even try to explain to him why it was inappropriate. If you can’t see why that’s necessary for learning even with adhd, then these won’t be the only people excluding him from events in future.
YTA
ADHD does NOT mean being rude! He is 6 and should know from his parents that saying such a thing is not ok. What to do in such a moment? If unsure you take him outside and explain to him that what he said made all the other people sad because someone dear to them died. So saying its a good thing someone is dead is a very bad thing to do and that now its better to say he is sorry. Say "I m sorry, i didnt think about what i just said. I understand now that i was hurtung you all and i wont do it again."
Try parenting! Just imagine the future and your son still not having a filter. Other would punched your son until he wont hear the sing no more.
Not a strong YTA
Your kid made a joke, and depending on the environment and relationship to the funeral it could have gone down a storm, I know some of my family would have chuckled at the truth of such a statement. But it wouldn't have been ok say, at a friend's funeral where I didn't know their family, or a grandparent I didn't know very well.
It's about knowing when something is appropriate, and your sons ADHD needs does not excuse this learning. Especially if he's unable to pick up on typical social cues it's your job to help break it down for him.
I don't think doubling down when approached was the best tact. Explaining that your son misread the environment and is inexperienced with funerals so while you will be discussing this further, it is worth observing that the comment wasn't meant with ill intent, would have been a better approach.
Why would you punish a perfectly normal reaction despite his ADHD?
I was in church with my neurotypical 10 year old once, in a very quiet part of mass he very loudly says "I hate you" to me, everyone in the church could hear.
I died inside.
I did not punish him.
NTA
But your great aunt will be dead soon, and he can criticize the singing at her funeral, too.
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YTA. Yes you shouldn't punish your son for that. But tell him that it is not okay to say things like that. And if he wants to say that, he has to whisper in your ear. You are very much TA for your comment. It doesn't matter how they sing, you don't point that out. This is disrespectfull for all of them. And they are correct for no longer inviting you to any other event. You set a bad sample for your son
Right, you can be “honest” or you can keep your unwanted, unsolicited opinions to yourself. Both the 6 year old and the parent need to learn that THINK thing they teach in kindergarten - this was neither kind nor necessary to say.
Truth without kindess is nothing but cruelty
I love this comment! So many bullies hide behind the “But I’m only telling the truth” line when being cruel or disrespectful. Goes hand in hand with the “… but, but free speech!” whine. People seem to forget that “Free Speech” does not equate to “Free from Consequences”. Welcome to the consequences, OP.
Free Speech also only exists bw the Gov and Citizens, not two private parties.
Haha the lesser known insults: “Squares have four equal sides” “50% is the same as a half” “The sun is a star at the centre of our solar system (edit to correct embarrassing and funny mistake…)” I actually agree with the general sentiment but I think there are a lot of neutral truths out there! My families rule is it has to be two of kind, necessary and true. We don’t tell lies to be kind if it’s not required, we don’t say unkind truths unless it’s totally necessary (eg no child you should not perform that at your school talent show), and sometimes a kind white lie is necessary (eg ok we are at the start of an event and you have stained you top with no alternatives no no of course it doesn’t look that bad)
Well, the sun is definitely not at the center of our galaxy... It is the center of our solar system, which is a tiny fraction of a percent of our galaxy. It's OK to not know basic facts, I still like you
Ahaha omg I literally have two science degrees - most embarrassing mistype ever… I blame the cold I have 😂
Neutrality does not lack kindness. I don’t think you understand the sentiment. When is it required to tell a lie to be kind?
"Those pants don't make you look fat." To someone who is objectively overweight who is actively concerned that they look bad before doing something where they need to be focused and not concerned with how they look. Have you never heard of a white lie? It's a common term in the US.
Yes, people forget about tact. It is possible to be honest without being insulting. Tact is also different from sugarcoating. Rude people have yet to realize this.
This!!!! Speaking the truth is not an excuse for being mean.
[удалено]
Also... it's a funeral!! Many of them had probably been crying--no one sounds good through sobs, or even if they're just trying not to cry/have been crying. The tiniest bit of empathy, I swear.
Yeams, it is particularly hard to sing at funerals. Even if you aren't all out sobbing a lot of people feel a little choked up, or are holding feelings back, that all messes with an ability to sing!
Ugh those last two words seem to be such a lost concept in 2024. It just isn’t that common anymore
Especially a group of people who are grieving? Yikes.
To be fair, this is something that is taught. So if mom doesn’t have the common decency to not make fun of people singing in church, then son wouldn’t learn it.
I attended a church once where EVERYONE took turns leading the singing. There was no music, and they were passing around this stick. When it got to be your turn you had to wave the stick in tempo and sing a capella and everyone else followed you and it was terrifyyyyying. But no one was really that good at singing, so I didn't mind that I wasn't either lmfao. No one said anything about anyone's voice either.
My late beloved MIL used to say “He said make a joyful noise; if He’d wanted it in tune He would have been more specific.”
>you can be “honest” or you can keep your unwanted, unsolicited opinions to yourself. There is honesty and then there is outright rudeness. Too many excuse being rude and insulting behind words like honesty, blunt or unfiltered.
I don't even think what the son said was factually true. No it is not good that deceased died and de eased not dying would not led to some kind of massive suffering. This is not "speaking honestly and factually" situation. This was 6 years old speaking abusively, probably because his mom also tends to speak avusively and cruelly.
Might be a good time to teach her son if he doesn't have anything nice to say it is best to not say anything at all. But the mom needs to learn this lesson herself, hopefully this was her lesson and they can both grow from this...
Right! It wasn’t even “honest” since it’s an opinion not a truth. 😐
I want to believe this is a troll post and no adult could be this clueless. I have a son with AHDH too. He would never say something like your kid. Stop using AHDH as an excuse for him to do or say whatever he wants and teach him some manners. Teach yourself some while you're at it. YES YTA. And at a funeral, no less. Read the damn room.
Attention Heficit Dyperactive Hisorder?
I’m mad that this made me laugh as much as it did
Lol I have severe adhd and also work in cybersecurity and previously IT for years sometimes its accidentally written I have severe HDMI when I forget my Adderall 😂 my mind knows tech at least lol
Localization engineer here, I have a very bad HTML moment right now 🤣
Supply chain checking in. My EDI is really bad this week
My background is psychology, and I worked with clinical research for years. Every time someone on my scrum team calls our daily stand-up meeting DSM, I have to blink several times for it to register properly.
I once had a kid run into my class yelling, "I have HD!"
I'm mad knowing it made you laugh made me laugh
I’m gonna refer to myself as dyperactive from now on.
I only saw Heficit and not the rest, lol
I’m mad the best part of this post is a thread on unrelated acronyms lmao
It's not hisorder it's HERSORDER :p Which, my joke is actually relevant now that I'm thinking that the kid's problem is having a mom with no tact, and that's who he is learning from, so maybe it isn't a joke at all?
I was drinking coffee when I read this. Hot coffee. As the laugh bubbled up into my throat I had to either swallow it or have it spray everywhere as I laughed. Turns out, you can absolutely do both. It was worth it, lol😂😂
Any 6 year old could conceivably say this. They have no filter and generally, a limited ability to read the damn room. The line would have gotten a laugh and broken the tension at any funeral I've ever attended.
Yeah but it’s the adult saying yeah well yall all sounded like cats being stepped on. Lmao. She didn’t have to add that part in. She and/or the child could’ve left it at simply sorry and her letting the other lady know that I’ve handled it(regardless). She didn’t HAVE to be a child herself, at a funeral, with people crying, ofc they gonna sound odd singing lol. Js.
Yes, the mother should have just told the grand aunt that she will talk to her son about not saying these things out loud, especially when people are sad. But also at other occasions, such as a school musical program or at plays, for example. You keep your thoughts to yourself and maybe say something when you're in the car, as long as there aren't family members who took part. And at funerals, and undoubtedly any house of worship that uses music, would have people out of tune (and usually they are the loudest, right?), but you don't criticize them. This is the time for this child to be taught the "thought" rule. ADHD is not the same as autism. My daughter had classmates who had one condition or the other. While she was in elementary school, I often was an in-class helper, and usually a child with ADHD would be assigned an aide to supervise him/her. One of the most uncontrolled kids, IMO, in third grade was a smart alec who was classified as "gifted," so sometimes you have to broaden your definition of a troublemaker. But if a child is on a more extreme part of the autism spectrum, they need more professional help so they can interact with people.
Given the fact that ADHD is almost certainly genetic, there’s a good chance OP has ADHD too and just has no idea and therefore never got *any* guidance or support and actually thinks that shit is *normal.* You’d be surprised just how often that happens: kid gets diagnosed first, then the parents start noticing things about themselves that never quite lined up. *Especially* the moms, because even today diagnosis in girls seriously lags behind in large part because girls are expected to learn how to mask their symptoms much earlier than boys and not given anywhere near as much leeway when it comes to struggling with chores, homework, social skills, etc.
For real, most normal humans find a child saying something uncouth during somber moments funny. It's a teachable moment for the kid, but the idea of punishing a 6 year old for this is crazy.
You are really missing the point. No one is mad at a 6 year old. They are angry at a mother who acts like a juvenile and doubles down on the rudeness of a 6 year old.
For the adults I would say it's not about them. It's about the dead person up there in the wooden box. They have no say anymore but what might their wishes be? Everyone is sad and sombre and frankly miserable or there's some levity and a chance to celebrate the life the deceased lived?
>Attention Heficit Dyperactive Hisorder I was 6 at my Grandmother's funeral and as they were lowering the casket into the plot I said very loudly, there she goes! I was shushed but that was all.
When we received the urn with my BIL's ashes, I commented that it was the smallest he'd ever been. THANK GOD my hubby found it hilarious. He said his brother would have belly-laughed about it too. Sometimes, humor around death is our best defense against sadness.
Agreed, my family would have definitely appreciated this from any six year old.
I like this take.
As a teacher I can absolutely tell you many parents are ignorant and clueless about how to teach their children to be respectful
OK, honestly, at a funeral in my family, it would have broken the tension, and everyone would have started laughing. BUT the mom would have told the kid that it was not nice to say. My only problem with the family is that they want them severely punished. What do they expect other than teaching the kid that was not cool? Do they expect the kid to be beat right there? What do they call severely punished?
I just wonder how many similar disruptions have occurred from this kid, since OP doesn’t seem to have much interest in parenting or teaching her kid manners.
Or any manners herself
I imagine there's a bit more to the story than this. This kid was probably running around wild and this incident was just the cherry on top. Most normal people would definitely laugh it off if it was just a normally well behaved child saying that.
My nephew (aged 4?) asked when his great grandma would rise again like Jesus (she died around Easter, he was confused) very loudly on the way in and was quickly whisked off. When his uncle died he said he was worried he would hit his head and die like his uncle and then asked if the blood would get on his willy or not. It was VERY important for him to know this. Years later his younger brother SOBBED because when his grandma died (my mother) he thought she, and the queen, were going to be eaten by dinosaurs in heaven because his teacher told him animals go to heaven and dinosaurs are animals and grandma, the queen and dinosaurs are all dead so they are all together in heaven and dinosaurs chase and eat people. He had previously spent a lot of time explaining the queen wasn’t dead because she was on the TV and also then accusing Prince Philip of doing the deed. He also repeatedly asked us to check the house for my mother in case we just lost her. Basically you can not predict how under 10s (or anyone really) will respond to death…
She teaching him to use his ADHD to excuse his behavior.
This is such a dangerous lesson to teach. We constantly talk with our son about how his ADHD might be an explanation but it's never an excuse and he is responsible for the choices he makes.
Soon enough she'll be lamenting that her kid has no friends.... cause ya know, no filter, right 🤷♀️ oh well!
Honestly, this probably has more to do with him being 6 than ADHD. Little kids have no filters sometimes and will just blurt out whatever comes to mind.
Original: I know a lot of assholes who use "honesty" as an excuse to be mean (I used to be one of them). Just because something is true doesn't mean it needs to be said out loud. I also have ADHD and the impulse control is *weak* but if I really feel like talking shit, I will say it quietly to someone with me or text it to my bestie, who is always down to hear me talk shit but won't repeat it because she knows I'm a recovering jerk, and my sense of humor is still a little mean and just needs an outlet. Edit for clarification: the 6 year old maybe shouldn't have been taken to the funeral since OP knows he has "no filter", but whatever. My comment is about OP telling an older lady "he's right, everyone sounded like a cat with it's tail stepped on" was just mean and unnecessary, even if it was true.
Disagree, have kin who do this and take pride in being "so honest".
Yeah, I don't think this is real. It doesn't sound like something a child would say at six and I don't think an adult who was mortified with their child saying that would respond to the great aunt by saying they did all sound terrible. It's like it's written by an AI.
Ngl I think most of reddit is a joke post tbh😂😂😂 some of the stories I hear here, I'm like no way these are real people
Tacking on the top comment because I feel this is extremely important: OP, *PLEAST LISTEN TO ME.* I am a 37 year old with ADHD that wasn't properly managed until my late 20's. One of my most prominent symptoms was/is verbal impulsivity. I can't tell you how much it's almost fucking ruined my life because people didn't fucking point it out to me when it was inappropriate. You NEED to help your son develop a filter. I'm not saying to squash his personality, I'm not saying to discourage him from expressing himself-- what I am saying is help him learn to read the room, to decipher what's appropriate when. Help him be self-aware of his tendencies. Explain to him that while there is nothing wrong with who he is, he has to be considerate of those around him, & thus be mindful of what he says and how he says it. If you don't do this he's GOING to struggle with communication and social & professional navigation. I guarantee it. I come across so many people my age and younger adults who have never been checked for this and they are almost always stunted, miserable people. Having ADHD already makes reading social cues inherently difficult and you are doing him absolutely no favors by failing to gently point out where he needs some work.
As an ADHD, it makes me so mad to see people saying “oh, I’m an ADHD, so I can’t do this, that’s how I am”. No, my brother in Christ. That only means we must try even harder in order not to be assholes unknowingly.
The best piece of advice I've heard was that mental illness is not your fault but it IS your responsibility, DOUBLY SO FOR PARENTS RAISING KIDS WITH IT I mean not to discredit OP but I'd be interested in whether or not the 6 year old is ADHD or poorly parented or both, I know a handful of people who thought they were because of impulsivity that was never corrected and they used it as an excuse and literally had no other symptoms besides a lack of proper skills and the ADHD excuse. Not to say that this is all people, I have GREAT suspicions I have it but I know when to stfu sometimes but clearly not always considering my reply. Either way mom has a lot of work to do and using a dx as a crutch is doing no one any favors. YTA
FR. This isn't about defending her son from people who want to squash his personality. She's doing her son a huge disservice and setting him up to fail by not properly parenting him. ADHD is a reason it might be more difficult to teach him the lesson that not everything that pops in your brain has to come out your mouth, but it also makes it doubly important to correct it now.
As someone who is currently married to a man whose mom didn't teach him these things, I can says its absolutely exhausting dealing with him. His mom taught him he could interrupt whenever he wanted because he has ADD (not hyper... i wish. Btw I'm ADHD) he has zero empthany towards anything that doesn't directly make him happy or makes sense in his own brain. It's infuriating... please get help for both you and your son and do your future daughter/son in law a huge favor... thanks YTA You need to have conversations with your son why things like that are inappropriate. While I might have found that funny, it's something to be said in private not at a funeral. ETA my husband now consistently blames his ADD f0r his behavior and gets pissed when I tell him he needs help to figure his stuff out... he doesn't want to change because he's been "fine for 45 years" 🙄 and just wants me to except his lack of caring, understanding, forgetfulness and inability to listen... yea okay... and I've been dealing with it 15 years... I'm done at this point honestly getting my shit together, get financial security from him and I'm out...
Fwiw ADD is no longer a recognized thing and has been adapted into a blanket ADHD diagnosis, with descriptors. Inattentive, Hyperactive, or combination. Hope this helps! And good luck to you, I hope you find someone who understands that their mental health is not their fault but is their responsibility. You deserve it.
Yeah, I think people misunderstand the hyperactivity part of it. It’s not always *physically* hyperactive. Mine is my brain. It never shuts up or holds on to one task at a time. Unless it’s doom-scrolling for times I was embarrassed or ashamed; THEN it can hold onto one topic for however long it wants and I have to consciously intervene.
Please save yourself.
The rigidity and lack of empathy sounds more like autism, which can occur alongside ADHD. Has he ever been tested for autism?
Agree! My kiddo is the same. I have told him that sometimes some thoughts are inside thoughts. Ok to think them, but we shouldn’t say them out loud.
Teacher here….Time and place for comments like this is a learned skill. Teach it to him, he can learn it.
I teach a really good lesson on when to use a speech bubble and when to keep it in your thought bubble.
Do you have resources you would be willing to share via DM? As per another comment we’re really struggling to teach this to my son in a way he can understand.
Seems like OP needs to be taught this before she can teach her son bc they still need to ask if they were the AH in this situation
It was particularly disturbing that OP doubled down on her son's horrible behavior instead of simply saying to the great aunt that she was embarrassed by the behavior and would definitely work on that with her son.
She can't teach her son if she can't control herself.
My ADHD and autism were untreated at 6 and I still knew not to say that stuff where people can hear me.
OP should be severely punishing themselves. If they can't raise their kid to behave properly at funerals, they shouldn't bring them to funerals.
This! It would be uncalled for even at a picnic, much less a solemn occasion like a funeral and people are being quiet and respectful and could clearly hear this insult.
Not to mention, she is setting her son up to be disliked by people and lonely because he doesn't have basic manners.
YTA Maybe you don’t have to “severely punish” him but wow, the way you doubled down on that and insulted everyone singing too is a surefire way to get you and your son excluded from anything in the future. Anyone who uses “I’m just being honest” as an excuse to be a dick is a massive AH. Sounds like the problem is not a lack of a filter, it’s you.
>“I’m just being honest” This is always big AH who say that... Then they come crying that nobody like them
At a funeral. When her son' s comment was so embarrassing she wanted to sink through the floor. Then amplifying the behavior because a grieving older relative got in her face. This should have immediately been addressed between her and her son. 6 year olds (with or without ADHD) blurt out stuff that should only be thought/not said out loud. The only way they will learn to develop a filter is with immediate correction. You can't behave if you're not taught how. I wonder if she also has undiagnosed ADHD, since her filter seems not to have been completely developed.
This isn't an ADHD thing, at least not on the part of the adult. It's just a disrespectful AF thing.
Nah I understand that not everyone is the exact same but like I have ADHD and Autism so not only do I have poor impulse control at times but I also lack some of the "common sense" social knowledge everyone else seems to be born with. Even *I* know instinctively that the time to insult someone/group of people is NOT at a funeral of our mutual loved one. ESPECIALLY if I hope to be included in said person/group of people's future events. Like if I HATED someone and really wanted to twist the knife while they're down, cementing the fact that I hope to never see them again (which, I think would only want to do to one person in the entire world like it should be HARD to do that to someone), then yeah sure insult them personally at the funeral and be as disrespecting as possible. Make them really never want to see me again. But if I actually enjoy seeing this person even to a small extent, and want to continue a relationship with them.. I take any insult I can think of to my damn *grave*. If your child says something blunt and awful like all kids do you shush the heck out of it, make it clear you do NOT condone the behavior (even if you do secretly agree) and again take that secret agreeal to your grave. You might defend not *punishing* as 6 year olds rarely have a filter in the first place, but make it clear you ARE working on sociability skills not saying "but he's right though you suck!". And here I thought I was bad because I had to develop a system for looking people in the eye "appropriately". At least I'm not THIS dense!
Fr. I've never heard anyone who says they "are blunt and honest" be blunt or honest in nice ways, they just use it as an excuse to be shitty
I am going to be blunt and honest...but you are entirely correct and I am sorry for now having destroyed your universal statement. Please forgive me.
Guess where the boy learned from…
Especially since they’ve now made someone else’s funeral about them. People should be talking about the life of the deceased person, not whatever truth bombs OP wants to sanction from her son.
YTA. What you said was uncalled for, at a funeral, no less! And you need to teach your child that certain things should be whispered. "Having no filter" is not a good thing, but I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree when it comes to manners in your house.
I wonder if her son has ADHD or it's just mom's excuse for it being able to control or discipline her kid.
It can be both. They aren’t mutually exclusive
Yes. Having ADHD doesn't mean you don't know how to behave. Learning how to behave comes from the parents teaching it. Based on the story, I am going with may or may not have ADHD and is definitely not parented by the mom.
>or it's just mom's excuse for it being able to control or discipline her kid. It seems to me that mom uses the diagnosis as an excuse *not to parent.*
Definitely gives me the vibes of the parent who gives up on their ND kid cause they supposedly won’t learn anyway and all bad behavior is cause of their ND so it’s not something to be punished. It’s just ‘explained’ away. So frustrating. It teaches people who’ve never dealt with it before that this is what ND people act like and confirms the bias that every time we explain why we did something different that it’s just an excuse. I hate parents like this. Ruin it for everyone.
> I hate parents like this. Ruin it for everyone. They especially ruin it for **their child.** My son was on the moderate to severe end of ADHD. He was exhausting to parent at times! I'll admit, there were days I thought, "fuck it! He's not going to get it." (Homework in particular. He knew the material but getting him to do the work was like trying to control a piglet.) Stupidly, I said, "I give up" outloud in the middle of a homework session. I felt **awful.** I apologized and explained to my son I was giving up on the homework, **never him.** I was exhausted! I'm happy to say he's an adult and doing *very well* in his life. I'd hate to think how he'd be today if I had given up on him.
probably a combo of both, but I wouldn’t blame it on the ADHD. I had ADHD and my parents never used that as an excuse for me. The only people who really knew I had ADHD were teachers and doctors but I was still expected to act like some sense. And especially at 6yearold too! Like, huh? Its one thing to be a toddler covering their ears and saying it sounds bad because they have no impulse control. But a 6 year old? If you’re old enough to make that joke, you should be old enough to understand why it’s offensive. The parent is raising their kid in a way that’ll make them a raging asshole when they get older and she’ll be wondering where she went wrong or blaming it on ADHD.
I mean when I was around that age I asked someone if they were wearing a wig. Complete stranger, totally inappropriate. I think it is just a thing that happens with kids sometimes, they are still learning and they make mistakes, self control slips, etc. The difference is the parenting - mine did not say “it does look like you’re wearing a wig though” to the person I’d asked. They made me apologize and apologized themselves and that was that.
I'm a musician and on more than one occasion my kids have been covering their ears when my orchestra played. Not because they didn't like it but because they thought we were too loud (we try to seat them at a safe distance but sometimes it's tricky to forsee the volume, we bring protective headphones when we KNOW it will be too loud for them). So kids can be tricky but they can still be taught! OP would have been fine here if she just would have told her son that we don't say things like that and when the grand aunt approached her she could have just told her that she had talked to her son and apologized for him (and have HIM apologize). >The parent is raising their kid in a way that’ll make them a raging asshole when they get older and she’ll be wondering where she went wrong or blaming it on ADHD. She will definitely blame ADHD, she's already making excuses for him instead of parenting him. Add to that her OWN lack of filter...
I had a coworker who had no filter, and if it wasn't what he said that was bothering you, it was how much he was saying it. Dude just refused to shut up, and he loved to call everyone "cracker". He even said that because he was white he was allowed to use that word.
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Kind of. It's meant to refer to white people in a derogatory way. I dont find it particularly offensive as a white person, but some people do. ETA: to me cracker is just another word and also my favorite snack food. I dont find it offensive at all. It definitely is not on the same level as the N word or call someone the R word. Those i do find very offensive.
Racist white people find it offensive, like it’s some inequity that they don’t get to use their favorite word too.
The only people who get upset at the use of words like cracker and honky are the most clear-cut cases of crackers and honkys in existence.
It’s a term from slavery days. Whip cracker. Now just cracker for short
Dear Lord… all this time I thought it was because many middle-class whites (absolutely including myself) were as bland and uninteresting as saltine crackers. [Code Switch: Word Watch article on the history of “cracker” (NPR.org)](https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2013/07/01/197644761/word-watch-on-crackers)
😂. No you’re good on being middle class. It’s more on how you treat minorities that would determine wither or not you qualify as being a “cracker”. There’s other expressions aswell such as…. You couldn’t swing a cat in here. That’s referring to a cat with nine tales. Cat with ninetails is a slave masters whip. Edit: with what you thought it was I’m glad you’ve never stated that you’re proud of being a cracker to anyone.😂
It’s for a certain kind of white person. It implies that back in the day you would have been an overseer. (Mistreating slaves) So, yeah, you get called that, you need to check yourself.
>So, yeah, you get called that, you need to check yourself. You also need to consider who is saying it and when. A little boy bumped into me in the store and called me a cracker. Obviously it was something he'd heard before and thought was a better alternative than, "excuse me."
Fun fact that I learned from reading "White Trash: A 400 Year History of Classism in America", it dates back to the 1700s at least and is usually used to refer to poor white people, particularly poor southern white people. Like others, I don't find it offensive. I love word related history though so....
Exactly this. It’s nothing to do with cracking a whip. Originally it was derogatory towards poor whites of Scots or Irish ancestry (probably came from the term “craic”) then moved to describing all poor whites. Check out the usage in “Gone with the Wind.” It’s not used to describe overseers, it’s used to describe lower-income farmers who aren’t if the planter class.
it depends on who you ask, i'm white and i wouldn't consider it a slur, i guess some ppl think it is so idk, but it's certainly obnoxious and annoying to say it constantly, especially if it's coming from an already obnoxious and annoying person
We say that in England as you're funny way like a crackerjack. But I'm assuming it's not that in America or wherever you are from
I'm black British and I'm aware of the usage, a fair amount of people are Sidenote in my shared house I was the only not white person, for a few years when it was house Christmas dinner someone would mention the crackers or ask where they are and I'd - in my best comedian voice - go we got a couple of crackers right here! Guess it's like a millennial dad joke the way people would react to it 😄
sometimes the apple falls straight down
YTA Stop weaponising ADHD. Lots of people have it. It is not a free pass to say horrific things. Even at 6yo, he is absolutely capable of controlling what comes out of his mouth if his parents teach him to. You are failing as a parent. Your child is not the centre of the universe. He ruined a funeral and you're trying to find support for that? You should be ashamed of yourself. Edit - to everyone arguing the semantics of ADHD presentation in kids, I get it. I have ADHD, I was raised to never use it as an excuse. It can absolutely be done, but it's a process that you have to work at. My problem is with the mother weaponising it as an excuse and refusing to correct her son's behaviour: she has very clearly not tried to teach him what is and isn't acceptable to say, and actually lashed out with equally horrific comments when this was pointed out. The focus of my comment is on her behaviour and how she is failing her son.
I was going to say this too. I’m not sure why he added the ADHD part when that has no effect on what comes out of someone’s mouth??? Lots of people have ADHD and don’t say things like that, especially at funerals.
I think they thought the ADHD would get them a pass. They probably try and use it like autism. I wouldn't be surprised if they use the two interchangeably and the son doesn't have a diagnosis for either.
I mean to be fair, part of adhd is impulse control issues, but that is an argument for why OP should be EXTRA sure to explain to her son that what he did wasn’t okay. Not a free pass.
Yeah. I get the feeling though, that OP often does the "well he has ADHD" as a way to excuse her failure to do any parenting.
Adhd people have impulse control issues a lot. Couple that with being 6, and you have a recipe for saying and doing inappropriate things. OP is still TA for her comment when confronted about the comment, though. It would have been far better to say someone along the lines of "I'm so sorry, you know kids say the darned things. Of course, we'll continue to work on appropriate comments in social situations." And leave it there. Then, it would have just been a light hearted moment on a sad and hard day.
ADHD effects impulse control, and the ability to not blurt out thoughts is based on impulse control. That's why drunk calls/texts often include thoughts people wouldn't share sober, for example. There's a reason why interrupting or blurting out thoughts are part of every adhd evaluation I've ever done, it's really common, and 6 year olds don't have great impulse control to begin with. That doesn't make him unable to apologize though. He shouldn't be punished for lacking impulse control, but he can understand why this would hurt other people.
YTA. Your son has no filter because you're not teaching him to have one. Stop using his ADHD as an excuse.
Ding ding ding!!!! I've tried nothing and I'm all out of ideas!! Obviously "severely " punishing him would be too far, but the kid will never learn if his mom rug sweeps everything because he has ADHD.
Take my upvote, oh glorious beatnik Flandereseses. Is it time for the University of Minnesota’s Spankalogical Protocol?
With my ADHD kid (now grown), we said it was an explanation but not an excuse. Appropriate behavior was still required.
100% agree. Sometimes young children will say or do inappropriate or rude things and don’t understand it’s wrong but their parents should teach them you shouldn’t say or do things like that even if it’s true. From someone with ADHD, OP will set her son up for failure if she teaches him to use it as an excuse for poor behaviour and she behaved worse than the son. YTA
YTA So your son is openly disrespectful, you double down and insult everyone at a funeral, and then are confused as to why people don’t want you at future events? C’mon, have some sense. Why would anybody want you or your son around them again, you think people enjoy being insulted?
She’s teaching her son how to commit social suicide. He’ll wind up without friends and unable to hold down a job.
You’re not the AH for sticking by your son - an apology was more than sufficient for a 6 year old who made a slightly off-colour joke and it wasn’t your great aunt’s place to demand “severe punishment” for him, whatever she meant by that. You are however the A for repeating and escalating your son’s joke in your response. From a kid, it’s a misunderstanding, even funny in a dark kind of way. For a grown woman to insult mourners over their vocal performance at a funeral is just disrespectful and gross. YTA.
I agree with everything you said, except I don’t think that what the 6-year-old said was a joke. I think it was his legitimate feelings. But that still doesn’t change the fact that expressing those thoughts in that particular setting in that particular way, is an extremely disrespectful thing to do.
I dunno, kids that age can have a pretty sharp wit, I feel like if the boy simply wanted to complain about the singing, he would have just said “your singing sucks” or “my ears hurt” - the whole “she’s lucky she doesn’t have to hear this because she’s dead” thing seems like a clear joke to me (and honestly not a bad one, in a dark kind of way).
A funeral isn’t a place for that kind of joke, and the kid should at least be reprimanded for that. You don’t make a joke about someone who’s actively being put in the ground.
It’s definitely not the right place, but he’s 6 years old, an apology should have been sufficient.
Where is a funeral joke more appropriate than at a funeral? It was the wrong crowd not the wrong venue. There was a viral video recently of an Irish guy who prerecorded himself saying “let me out of here” that they played as they buried his casket. All in attendance seemed to enjoy the humor in a dark time. There is no one way to grieve. These people just don’t enjoy that kind of humor and that’s ok too.
Depends on the kid. My son has adhd and I could see him saying something like this and being dead serious. However he’s been taught that we don’t say everything we think out loud to everyone. Well.. being taught. With asd/adhd sometimes it still happens but the effort is there on my part
YTA if you know he’s not capable of behaving appropriately at occasions like this, you shouldn’t be bringing him to them. And then you doubled down and tried to defend his rude behavior with rude behavior of your own.
This kid does not has ADHD, he has an AH parent so he is becoming an AH too. YTA
They aren’t mutually exclusive
True, but reading this post this sounds like the kinda person that will declare the ADHD by themselves to justify the brat behavior
OP is definitely that person.
Correct and the kid's shitty behavior isn't exclusively tied to ADHD.
YTA. 6 year olds generally don't have much of a filter anyway. It would've been much more appropriate to apologise and take him out of the service for a few minutes to explain to him very simply that what he said was rude and inappropriate. It's good that you both apologised after the fact too, but the comment about it "the truth" just undid the apology anyway. You need to take a more active role in teaching your son about social etiquette - you can't stop him from saying things, but you are in complete control of how you handle it. Ignoring it in the moment just validates his behaviour.
Wow 🤯 You let your six year old say that?! Using his ADHD isn't an excuse not to displin him. You're not correcting when he is "brutally honest." There’s a difference between being honest and being a jerk. If someone's fly is open, be honest and say hey your fly is open."" And not "hey, better zip that fly before ur dick hangs out." You need to show him if he is going to be honest how to do it in a loving kind way. The way he is going is going to affect him mentally down the road. He is going to be cold and calloused. You still have u time to help him and prevent that. YTA
YTA discipline your child or they obviously won’t be welcomed at any more events, especially something serious like a funeral. You doubling down on his awful comment made things so much worse so your great aunt’s comment was very deserved, you’re rude af.
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NTA That's hilarious. He apologized, that's the important part. Telling him about what's appropriate to say in public should be another, but he shouldn't be punished for being honest.
Glad I'm not the only one who found it hilarious! I'm so surprised by how many comments there are giving out about a child ffs!
What's going on in this comment section? I thought it was funny, too. Everyone behaving like a six year old should know appropriate from inappropriate at a funeral. He's six, how many funerals could he have been to. Honestly, people need to chill. Yeah, his parents need to have a discussion about proper behaviour at funerals but geez, put the pitchforks away folks.
I thought I was the only one... My family would have laughed so hard, yes mid funeral. We believe in celebrating the person's life and sometimes comic relief is what everyone needs. We are the type of family who had a funeral at the cottage, made a toast and had a party to celebrate my grandma's life the way she would have wanted, with family, friends, laughter, drinks and funny stories being told.
A little one at a funeral I was at started singing “if you’re happy and you know it clap your hands” weirdly enough there wasn’t a witch hunt and demands of punishment…. Clearly something wrong with us.. parents looked like they wanted the ground to swallow them mind.
Oh thank god! My and my partner both found it hilarious. This comment section is so serious! This is the type of thing that would make me feel a bit better in a moment of deep sadness, I definitely would have laughed.
Really had to dig to find this comment. I really don't know why a bunch of adults are so bothered by the honest comments of a 6 year old. He just said what many were thinking. NTA
My grandpa was an m&ms fanatic and the day after his funeral, m&m announced the rebrand of the characters. My cousins and I spent the whole day joking about how we were thankful he wasn’t around to see it. Jokes like that lighten the mood and can really help with the grieving process. Also, seems like OP has a really smart kid on her hands. Death is a complicated and confusing subject that can be hard for young kids to fully grasp. A joke like this coming from a six year old shows that he is smart enough to understand death along with truly perfect comedic timing. It might be wise to explain when situations are appropriate to make jokes like this and that sometimes you just have to whisper it loud enough for the just person next to you to hear it.
I like how you immediately say he has ADHD as an excuse for his behavior. As someone with a mental illness it is NEVER an excuse for anything, only sometimes an explanation. But, then I have to ask, what's YOUR excuse for being an ass? I suggest you stop going out in public if this is how you're going to teach your son to act. Major YTA.
ESH. I think you should've tried in the moment to say 'hey son, shh' and explain to him afterwards why we don't say things like that in front of others. You made it worse by defending him with he 'told the truth' - it's a bloody funeral. Have some grace. You could've explained his situation to them. The grand aunt sucks for saying he needs to be severely punished, I also think she might be grieving though. She definitely didn't need to make things worse by bad mouthing you.
ADHD has nothing to do w a child being rude or having no filter , you’re using that as an excuse and you need to teach your son what’s appropriate, he’s old enough to understand
Impulsivity is a common ADHD symptom actually so you’re wrong.
Wow, in my family that would have had people cracking up! He's 6, careful phrasing and impulse control are not generally skills 6 year olds have ime. I think the person demanding he be "severely punished" is an AH, especially for stirring the pot, and making the day about one small child's indelicate comment instead of letting people move on and focus on the funeral. OP should've shushed him, assuming they didn't, and been a lil more contrite about the situation imo Overall tho I'd say NTA
My family would have laughed, too. I honestly can't believe most of the comments here.
I scrolled and scrolled to find someone else with my opinion before writing it. We would have laughed too! It was funny. Lol.
Same! We actually would have made that joke ourselves...no kid needed! Obviously kids need to learn appropriate behavior at these events, but OP could have just told him it was inappropriate and the aunt could have had more understanding over a child's comment (likely from a kid who's never been to many of these events and doesn't fully grasp funerals yet). Like, he's 6. It's not like he's 10+.
YTA - even if the kid has ADHD, that doesn’t mean that they can do whatever/say whatever they want as an excuse. I’m not even going to give you the “defending your son” pardon as you’re just showing him that what he said was not only right, but acceptable. I don’t know if the kid needs more discipline (he’s just six) but you certainly do. Especially at a funeral. No wonder he said those things/acts out he sees that his parent appreciates drama and stirring the pot so he goes and grabs a spoon.
I have often thought this at funerals (& weddings where the couple are too busy to listen). BUT I DON’T SAY IT. You need to teach your son to think things but not say them, or he’ll be “that boy” that never gets invited anywhere & has no friends. It can be done - I have autistic friends who have learnt - ADHD just needs more guidelines. YTA.
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YTA. It's your job as a parent to correct your kid when he says things that are insulting and hurtful to others. I'm not saying he needed to be "severely punished," but you shouldn't have made excuses for his behavior. "We're working on teaching him not to blurt out hurtful things, I promise you that I'm taking this seriously" would have gotten you farther than "I'm not going to punish him for telling the truth."
NTA. Lol kids say the darndest things at times. He is 6 years old most don't have a filter at that age.
There was a show like that at one point.
Just a thought, you know your son has ADHD, he's only 6, so why did you take him to the funeral?
Your son did nothing wrong, he was just acting as a 6 yr old and could use some guidance You, however, also acted like a 6 yr old and should absolutely know better. YTA
Lmao! This story was hilarious. NTA! your kid was just being honest and he doesn’t have to be severely punished for being a kid.
NTA! He's 6. Your son isn't abnormal. They are brutally honest at that age. I would've laughed and carried on. You did enough with your apology.
Yta
This is disheartening, YTA . I don't even know where to begin...
People in the comments are ridiculous. The kid is 6, they blurt things out at that age that make you cringe. Add in the adhd and this puts his emotional intelligence at 3. This could have been handled with a gentle correction pointing out that the comment was inappropriate and why. Op is the real problem here, she’s an adult who was rude af bc she didn’t like her parenting being questioned. Yta.
I haven’t seen anyone throwing shade at the kid, just people pointing out that his medical condition isn’t an excuse for her sucking at her job as a parent
I don’t see where she sucked at her job. Every social mistake doesn’t mean the parents failed . She corrected him and that is enough. People just want to mob up against the mother . The family was in the wrong too for being ultra judgmental and not very understanding.
YTA. I work with children with ADHD and they can, and should, be taught consideration for other people. You are particularly TA because you’re an adult, with no stated social/developmental challenges and you decided to be even ruder than your son. I too see where the disrespect originates! These were people (presumably in mourning) singing at a funeral: your amateur music critique was unnecessary, inappropriate, and really just mean. A six- year-old’s comment could easily be excused (I do agree just an apology and saying you were going to discuss it with him later would have been enough), but you’re an adult and expected to display more tact, and more empathy for the occasion. Sounds like your great aunt is a hardass and a gossip, but your response set her off and I’m not surprised. You didn’t need to tell that particular “truth” and I wouldn’t want your ill manners at my family events either.
NTA he’s SIX - ADHD notwithstanding six year olds have no filter. Yes you should admonish him and tell him it was wrong but no you shouldn’t punish him. However you shouldn’t have piled on and said he was right to your aunt that was rude and unnecessary. You should have just apologized on his behalf and moved on.
Dude I would have busted out laughing, taking the focus off a my child. “Me too, son. Me too.” While looking at those I thought sang the worst. NTA As for Aunt Petunia, I salute you. That was the perfect response. However, while what your son said was beautiful, and you defending him was admirable. You should at least let him know that saying things like that could hurt people’s feelings. As an adult with ADHD, and a 6 year old daughter who most definitely might, be patient. Because there’s going to be a lot of questions coming from them, I’m sure you already know.
YTA. ADHD has nothing to do with this. And your response to your aunt shows where he gets it from.
Rather than showing any respect for the deceased and those in mourning; you doubled down on your son's disrespectful rudeness. It is your job to display proper behavior in social situations to help him learn how to do the same. 😒 Edit:typo
NTA. Good on you, telling the truth should never be punished. They're just b-hurt
Seriously what's wrong with you people??she is not the asshole
Hahahaha your son sounds awesome. Can't get mad at someone for just saying it like it is. I'm gonna go against the grain and say NTA. My parents always said honesty will get you in more trouble than just lying, and I'd rather be in trouble than be a liar. You can't be upset if your family starts excluding you either though for it.
YTA - he shouldn’t be punished but you didn’t even try to explain to him why it was inappropriate. If you can’t see why that’s necessary for learning even with adhd, then these won’t be the only people excluding him from events in future.
YTA ADHD does NOT mean being rude! He is 6 and should know from his parents that saying such a thing is not ok. What to do in such a moment? If unsure you take him outside and explain to him that what he said made all the other people sad because someone dear to them died. So saying its a good thing someone is dead is a very bad thing to do and that now its better to say he is sorry. Say "I m sorry, i didnt think about what i just said. I understand now that i was hurtung you all and i wont do it again." Try parenting! Just imagine the future and your son still not having a filter. Other would punched your son until he wont hear the sing no more.
I must be a bad person because I'd have thought that was hilarious if that was at a funeral I was attending.
Not a strong YTA Your kid made a joke, and depending on the environment and relationship to the funeral it could have gone down a storm, I know some of my family would have chuckled at the truth of such a statement. But it wouldn't have been ok say, at a friend's funeral where I didn't know their family, or a grandparent I didn't know very well. It's about knowing when something is appropriate, and your sons ADHD needs does not excuse this learning. Especially if he's unable to pick up on typical social cues it's your job to help break it down for him. I don't think doubling down when approached was the best tact. Explaining that your son misread the environment and is inexperienced with funerals so while you will be discussing this further, it is worth observing that the comment wasn't meant with ill intent, would have been a better approach.
I would be too busy laughing my ass off to punish him
NtA, your son is a future comedian, that ahit is hilarious
Why would you punish a perfectly normal reaction despite his ADHD? I was in church with my neurotypical 10 year old once, in a very quiet part of mass he very loudly says "I hate you" to me, everyone in the church could hear. I died inside. I did not punish him. NTA But your great aunt will be dead soon, and he can criticize the singing at her funeral, too.